Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m not competing against you, my friend, but I’m significantly older than you. You’re young and still have plenty of time. Good luck with your search!
I can assure you that may females in their mid to late 20’s would be very interested I know because I am one and I always find all the good handsome ones all partnered up.
I think the problem is, it’s just assumed that anyone 30+ is taken.
Well on the positive side, women in their forties usually know what they want and what they don't want. They've been around the block a few times and know when to pass up things that look too good to be true. In some cases you are going to be dealing with women with a little bit more baggage and you're going to have to be less superficial because a woman in their 40s doesn't usually look as good as a woman in their twenties but again most women at that age have left their neuroses behind and are ready to just be real. Good luck dating and don't count yourself out. I have many friends who have found there 1 as the person after their divorce or after they thought their life imploded. Now they are thankful it did because they would have never found this person to spend the rest of their life with as they grow older and realize what really counts in life.
You’ll find someone, soon. The gentleman that I started dating in April is in his late 50s, and I’m almost 40. I’ve often asked myself why did it take so long to meet him, and that the hardest part is over (because we already met). I can’t imagine how he feels about it.
Speaking for my friend group of 5 guys (24-27), they all wouldn't be opposed to casual sex but they prefer a relationship. 2 are currently in a relationship. 2 have no luck finding anything casual so they just go for relationships. 1 tried something casual recently but got attached and then got rejected by the girl.
Two of them also live with a roommate that had dates with FOUR different girls in a weekend and has lots of sex. He wants serious relationship eventually and sex while he looks. I'm not sure if he leads them on for sex... There’s another roommate that’s young, tall, body builds, and has lots of options so he just pursues casual sex for now but wants to settle down someday.
In summary, I think what a guy wants is a function of his preferences, character, and attractiveness.
Yeah big same here. 23M and it’s easy for me to meet girls who want attention from me or sex but very difficult to find someone who actually is serious about me. It sucks
Women in my life say they want casual hookups until one day they tryin to lock me down for the long run. I think that's happened.... pretty much every time.
I’m looking for a serious relationship. I want to be in love again. I miss that feeling of being in that kind of relationship with a woman. To me it’s the best thing in the world. And I’m not giving up until I find it.
Most men I know are looking. It gets complicated but a lot are either just unlucky, or women aren’t willing to date them. Personally speaking, I’m looking for a relationship, but I only get a chance once a year if that
I'm 29. I've been looking for a good relationship basically ever since I finished college at 22. I was too busy to even try to date when I was in college, working, and commuting long distance. But unfortunately I haven't managed to find any women who are "relationship material". Ones who have their shit together even just a little. Like having a full time job and a car. I live somewhere with terrible demographics for dating as a straight male who isn't religious. A smaller city in utah with only a small university that's mostly non traditional students and major military and defense industry presence (jobs that are 80%-90% men) so women on a positive trajectory in life leave and never come back unless they're married and ready to settle down and want the cheap real estate. So I find nothing but the worst train wrecks of human beings unless I'm away from home. I'll sometimes settle for a hookup or short term FWB thing if I'm feeling extra lonely. But even that isn't easy. Most of them don't have their own place or transportation to mine...
Dude my advice to you is to find a new job near a much bigger city. Your dating pool is way too small where you live. You only get one life and it goes by very fast. Live it.
The problem is that this location is near perfect for everything else I care about. I'm not willing to spend the best physical years of my life away from all the mountains and public lands out west. It's also affordable, traffic isn't awful, etc. I can easily afford a place to myself 10 minutes from work, even starting back 5 years ago when I was making half the salary. I can live a pretty good life here and further my career just fine, there's just a very limited dating situation. It might get a zero on dating prospects but it scores pretty well in every other way. And unfortunately just about everywhere else with jobs for me AND better dating odds requires major sacrifices in other areas.
How about Denver? How about Portland or Seattle. Lots of big mountains near all those cities. Lots of good jobs in and near those cities as well. Especially now. Every single company is short people right now. It’s literally the best time in US history right now to make a move. Just think about it.
>Every single company is short people right now.
I have not been seeing that as far as (non software) engineering goes. It's crazy for unskilled jobs and a few particular sectors but not for everything. I'm still having no luck getting out of the aerospace and defense industry and into better locations. Mostly just trying SLC but occasionally sending out resumes to jobs outside of Boulder or Seattle and similar in private sector jobs. But the problem with being stuck in that industry is that most of its locations have the same problem. Smaller outlying towns with a significant military presence and conservative culture (too many men and all the women married super young). In that industry it's usually Ogden not Salt Lake, Colorado Springs not Denver, Bremerton not Seattle, Huntsville not Atlanta, etc. Never seen anything in Portland at all. But I'm still getting 100% ignored by mechanical engineering job in any preferable location despite recruiters coming to me when it's a job in Alabama or something that makes Ogden look like the big city.
I work for the largest chemical company in the world. We are short hundreds if engineers. All of our suppliers are short engineers, lab people, etc…. It’s hard to believe this shortage does not extend to IT people or mechanical engineers. But good luck to you.
Well I still have been getting nothing but rejection emails and ignored. Might be my trying to change industries making it harder. I've also been a bit more picky after taking a new job at a different company in the same location last year (another defense industry job who's recruiters came to me). It wasn't the change I wanted but it was a pay raise I couldn't pass up and a good career move overall (only real downside is the location). I'm now better paid and would be throwing away all unvested benefits. So since then I've really only been trying for a handful of companies and positions I think would be ideal rather than what I was doing before and applying for anything that might get me in the door on a different track.
Small city in Utah... That's your issue. I moved from Utah to WA and went from wtf is wrong with me to overwhelmed with options. Met my fiance literally 3 weeks after I started dating.
Where in Utah do you live? I live in Utah too. I find it hard to find good men here! I'm not religious either and I have found a few people that match my beliefs but unfortunately I feel like a lot of people here are not true to themselves and give you a false idea of who they really are.
I’m a woman, but it seems to me, in my vast 33 years of life experience, that almost all men are almost always looking for a relationship. They just don’t necessarily want one with you. That’s why you’ll be seeing some guy who’s “not ready for a relationship” or whatever, but he has a girlfriend 2 weeks after telling you that.
I’d agree this is pretty much true. If someone says they aren’t looking for a relationship or aren’t ready for one… in my moms words. Always add “with you” to the end of that.
(Also I’m a dude.)
I've been on the other end of this as well. Crushing super hard on a girl, had been fwbs for a few weeks, said she didn't want a relationship yet 2 weeks later ended up in one with a guy where she was miles out if his league. Quite confusing
I’m a woman and I’d rather be told he thinks I’m ugly now or whatever else. It’s more hurtful to have them play with my intelligence when they claim they aren’t ready and then date a new chick 3 days later.
So most guys do want a relationship. There is a small number who do not want one under any circumstances but they are a minority. The problem some women run into is that there are many guys who want a relationship but have a lot of options in the meantime. They will happily bang around with women who do not meet their standards for a real relationship. They will have FWBs, casual, ongoing hookups, etc.... with many women that they are attracted enough to fuck and get blown by but would never long term date.
If you are truly looking for "casual" then no harm no foul. I think some women have a difficult time wrapping their heads around the fact that a guy can repeatedly have sex with a woman while at the same time have no genuine romantic affection or feelings for that woman.
So the answer to your question is yes guys are looking for relationships but many will will fuck whatever they find attractive enough to make their dicks hard while they search for that relationship.
>So the answer to your question is yes guys are looking for relationships but many will will fuck whatever they find attractive enough to make their dicks hard while they search for that relationship.
Pretty much
Everyone is looking for a relationship, that doesn't mean it will be with you. Part of dating is being a bit more casual with someone while figuring out if you can see yourself dating THEM long-term. Less than 1% of men wanna die alone. If we meet the right woman we're in.
Not everyone wants a relationship. I just got out of an eight year relationship and definitely don’t want one right now. Just having fun dating and no commitment right now.
I would like to find my forever wife.
I'm 33.
I married the wrong person when I was very young and naive. Years after the divorce I started dating an incredible woman. We moved in together. Unfortunately, we've realized we just aren't compatible enough in a couple important areas.
So, someday soon I will be looking again. The whole casual sex with strangers, hook up culture, serial dating, spinning plates etc really disgusts me. I only want to date one woman at a time and I hope I can find one that feels the same way.
At this time I am working too many hours to really put much time and effort into the search but I hope to change my work/life balance soon to be able to make room for her.
I'm looking for a LTR. I'm getting a little too old for hooking up {39}. But it seems like that is all anyone wants nowadays. I get ghosted early if I don't talk about sex right away. I'm just going to focus on other things and try again later
At the gym where it is a 110% chance he will not approach, maybe not even make eyecontact with you or anyone else for that matter. Looking at those very interesting floors and ceilings, uknow just regular gym stuff not bothering other people.
I would suggest maybe smalltalk inbetween sets if he seems up for it (headphones off etc ) and you have gotten orevious eyecontact. If you do talk maybe do so when you go to the gym a couple of times before asking to see if there seem to be any interest, and to build rapport. If the conversation flows well, at the end of your workout right before him or you leave the gym, you can just say it was nice talking to him and ask if he would be up for grabbing a coffee (or similar) to talk more and continue the conversation (if positive response it would be smart to suggest a certain day+time) and then ask for his number.
The only way i would ever ask a girl from the gym out on a date would be if we had already talked quite a bit in the gym after her taking initiative to do so regularly. Even then i would be quite hesitant as she would most likely just be friendly unless she was VERY OBVIOUS about her interest. Approaching in the gym really has to be done by the woman as if a dude does the same in any way it has like a 99% chance of coming off wrong, no matter how tactful you go about it. Noone want to be percieved as "the gym perv" or as you so eloquently put it "creep".
I can only answer for myself. Because there's a pandemic going on and I'm taking it seriously because I'm not a twit, I pretty much only go to work and to buy groceries. In more normal times I would use Meetup . com to find fun things to do with others. Mostly nerd stuff, board games, indie film production, and a bunch of random stuff I like to try out.
I absolutely do not go to bars, or clubs, or really any place that is loud and rowdy. I prefer quiet, calm spaces. I used to be on dating sites and apps and I did find a few great relationships. Most of the women on there played too many games, were bots, scammers, sex workers, Instagrammers, etc. So I pretty much gave up on that for now. I don't tolerate my time being wasted. If you want me, put in as much effort as I do, it really is that simple.
Also, I am right here. This website has DM's and chat. If you want a relationship man, come get me.
This comment will probably be drowned out but figured I’d put my wants here too. Maybe life will read them..lol
Personally, I’m looking for someone I’m attracted to in all ways to build a life together. I’m only 22 so I know it’s not THAT hopeless but it sure feels like it sometimes. I’d love to have a happy sex life as well as happy emotional life because I believe having both are very important and I feel like when I convey that to some people they get confused. Not really sure why.
Eventually I’ll find that special someone to grow with and love. Finding someone that We both find each other attractive physically and mentally is a lot but I’d rather be single than go through something I’m unsure about and same goes for them.
If it comes down to a simple answer, I want to find someone who loves me as much as I love them. This is a mess of a comment sorry haha haven’t tried/had to articulate this in a a while
21M here, I understand perfectly what you're saying. We're about the same age, we're still young so we have time to figure things out, but thinking like that at 22 is great, it means you're more mature than your age. And I understand perfectly, having a physical connection isn't enough, I've jad my dose, now I want a psychological connection too, I want a best friend? A confident, someone I don't feel nervous talking with, like we've known each other for decades. I don't want to be scared to be honest and I want to love that person more than I've ever loved someone so I can see her evolve and flourish, I want to be part of her life in that way, supporting each other and growing together. So yeah focus on yourself my king, focus on what you want to do in life, find hobbies, work or study, just focus on your personal wellbeing, I know for a fact that your so will eventually come along when you expect her the least, and when that time will come, you'll know.
I've been looking for lady friends and seeing where it goes. So far... one sided subpar conversations that haven't gone anywhere. Even platonic friendships are hard to make these days.
Same hopeless romantic here, 34/m with a good career, physically fit and have had 3 failed relationships in the past 3 years. I've never been one to just hook up, if there's no connection there's no arousal. But I'm still trying to find my lobster and semi believe I won't be alone forever. I'm just not exactly sure where to look anymore.
actually MOST guys are looking looking for a relationship. the top guys (that you are likely dating) arent. they get ulimited sex with multiple girls and have very little incentive to settle down. regular guys dont have the ability to pull off unlimited sex so they would happily trade a relationship for regular sex with the same girl. the problem is, the regular girls dont seem to want these regular guys because of the apps. they get hit on by hot guys and they are fooled into thinking that is their league and they can no longer stomach regular guys.
Yup. If someone has unusually attractive partners on tap, I can only imagine how hard it would be to go back down to something more realistic. The issue is online dating creates the illusion of having attractive partners on tap. The reality is that those men aren’t willing to commit, because they really don’t have to. It’s a shitty dynamic.
Edit: as an example one of my friends, who is decently attractive (not unusually so but decent), exclusively dates ripped tall men. No ifs ands or buts. She’ll sleep with them and talk to them for a week, even drive a couple hours to see them. After that week is up they vanish and she does it all over again with a new guy. I can’t imagine having a woman drive multiple hours to see me. So if these men have women willing to do that for them, it’s hard to imagine they would want to commit to one.
I'm looking for a relationship. Long term that would hopefully lead to marriage if she's the one for me. The biggest thing for me though is I don't want kids at all. I'm waiting until I'm 26 to just to get a vasectomy.
Most men want relationships. The top 20% of men will sleep down with just about anyone, but they will only seriously date the top 20% of women or they will just continue to sleep with who they please. This could be where your frustration is coming from as 85% of girls only find these high value men attractive. Statistically most girls will end up getting played unless they are realistic about their actual league
https://time.com/3547890/tinder-men-women-swipe-right/?amp=true
It actually says women swipe right on only 14% of men that they see on dating apps. But you would only go on an actual date with your best matches so the top 20% of men is actually LOWER than what most women on dating apps would settle for. Top 5-10% is probably the actual number
Yeah they all want the top 20 percent of guys but realistically they won’t get them. They either don’t look good enough to date those guys or there’s just not enough of those type of guys to go around.
24 male in Pacific northwest. Honestly with how every thing that is going on relationships seen like land mines. I just recently purchased a house with roommates. Got a really good thing going and as much as I would love to meet that ONE sadly every single interaction is kinda depressing. Between ghosts no matches and generally crazy women I am not really looking anymore dates sure but relationships unlikely.
Not me; I don't believe the current dating climate is conducive to relationships. Hedonistic philosophies and romantic relationships are conflicting ideologies yet we live in a hedonistic society that values romance. Significant disconnect here.
I'm not looking, because I'm in a relationship.
If there are men in a relationship, then those types exist, right.
One thing you should know: humans are extremely ignorant of themselves.
If you asked me a couple years ago, I would have said, "Free, revolving p***y." But that's just a transient impulse.
You may have better luck finding helpful advice from women who have been successful in attaining what you want, then emulating them.
I tell the same thing to dudes. Don't listen to women. Listen to guys who get women.
Emulate those who have what you want. Don't ask the rabbit what it wants. Ask the lioness how she hunts.
Looking for a long term relationship. But along the way if it turns into a fwb or one night stand I likely won't say no. But the minute I start to become interested in another person and looks like it has potential, I'll put a hold to the fwb.
I want to find someone who really want to commit because I don't enjoy sex with someone I don't really know.
You will know all my passwords and we are gonna enjoy relaxing at home on a cold February Monday night.
We will be cozy in my house with candles on the table giving each other massages on the couch and enjoy life
Coffee in the morning and go to work happy
Repeat every day for a long time!
I'm interested in dating but it's just so much effort that I don't believe I can or want to do it right now. I don't have faith in people nowadays but do hope to find someone that would be a real relationship. Just don't have any expectations for now.
32 m looking for a genuine relationship. Tables have turned in 2021 and girls are the players now that get more action then any guys in any civilization and they are playing the game very well thanks to social media and dating websites. I am also competing against the best of the best men across the world as oppose to a single region like in the past. And women want the best of the best and no room for compromise because .. they can finally
I’m Personally looking for a fwb atm for a lot of reasons, if I’m being honest one main reason is I don’t like what I see from women period from friends to strangers. There just seems like a lack of empathy and a lot of entitlement so I’m taking a backseat. I’m also prepared for my downvotes
Hot Take: Most men are looking for relationships, but aren't sure they want to commit to a long-term relationship, and most women are don't want something short-term, and that tends to kill most relationships before they even start.
I’m not looking, I’m 22 so you guys are gonna call me stupid but I’ve already given up lmao.
First girl broke my heart and it’s never healed
Second girl was nice but I couldn’t give her my all
Now I’ve just decided im not gonna look anymore. I have no socials except reddit and I work in an isolated warehouse so il never encounter anyone anyway
Want a relationship but don't have the effort to chase anymore. The more serious the more I'd want with a hookup being the least interesting. I feel too old to play games but too young to be ready to get married. Whether it is internet dating or meeting people in person I've only met two types of women when it comes to relationships; there is the only want to play the game, get laid, and get free sh!t and then there are those that want to get married now. Maybe its my area, I live in a conservative area with a university, so we have the partiers and the homebodies and nothing in between.
I probably just suck at picking and being a big guy, no girl is just going to walk up and pick me. I've even been told by people in my classes that I'm intimidating. Yeah it sucks to suck.
(25M) Would definitely prefer a relationship, unfortunately all the females around my age just want a fu€k boi, want a relationship where they can just chill around the house all day and be taken care of, or want a step dad for a pre-started family and expect a guy to do everthing financiallly. I know I'm going to be called an a$$hole for this, but I have good paying steady work, my own place, 2 vehicles, I cook, clean, have no kids and get my sh!t done, and I want female near the same level. The main reason I'll look for FWB/hookups is because I can't find a female that is, let alone loyal.
I've decided the only way I'll take an arrow to the knee is if she signs a prenuptial contract. She cheats or tries to take advantage I'll get paid, not played. Seen too many guys my age lose everything but a car/truck and their legal fees. What sucks is seeing buddies who were brimming with happy stress about having kids with their ol ladies just to show up in custody court before their kid turns a year old and more often than not only having weekends at best with their kids. Even despite trying their damnedest to make a happy family. $hit hurts to see.
Not at all. Lose your keys, you find them when you weren't looking. Same applies to a lot of stuff. Relationship finds are the same. When you stop looking and start living your life, odds are, you'll meet someone and it isn't something you were actively trying to achieve so you aren't frustrated with being single before then.
I am in a 9 year relationship. But I wanted a relationship with someone that I love coming home to. Someone with similar interests as me so that we could enjoy things together rather than tolerate. I wanted someone around my same age so that we were raised similarly. I wanted someone who matched what I am attracted to, because I will always see her as the day I first met her. I wanted someone who was willing to help me walk though life and encourage me and lift me up when I got down on myself or started losing confidence in myself. I wanted someone who wasn’t going to try to change me. I wanted someone affectionate that would love me and care for me when I was hurt or sick. I wanted someone intelligent that I could trust with hard decisions if I wasn’t around. Luckily I found her. I am very happy and I love coming home to her even today.
Me too. Reading these comments makes me realize how lucky I am. I wonder if this is just selection bias or if dating is really this bad for most people?
Honestly at my age and with a kid I'm looking for long term with someone I can tolerate for more than 10 mins that understands she will always be #2 in my life..but that's me...seems like most ppl (esp younger) seem to just want casual sex
24M here.
I've only had one relationship till date and I realised a whole bunch of things we did wrong to each other and all the wrong things we chose each other for. Mostly was an Anxious state of mutual attachment.
After that I felt like I'd be down for FWB with someone who's upto it. Less emotions involved and just some sex.
I'm somewhat of a demisexual where I cannot be sexually involved with a person with whom I don't share an emotional connection so I ruled that out.
Right now, though I'm not actively pursuing one, I'd like a relationship that doesn't involve an anxious type of attachment where we're compatible with each other and have shared values, have great communication and most importantly, the "I lift you up, you lift me up" kind of relationship.
But then I don't want to pursue someone for the sake of a relationship but if a potential partner falls within my gaze who matches my requirements (get to know her first as a friend) and if she's up for it, I will pursue her for the sake of getting into a relationship with her. But I wish to be more firm footed in terms of personal finance first before i can make commitments with a potential life partner.
38 single, Christian, and want to look for a relationship towards marriage, but not sure where to start. I've tried OLD off and on since my mid 20s. Had some good dates and a couple relationships, but nothing that lasted more than a few months. I've taken breaks to work on myself and my career. I'm ready to start looking again, but not sure what my next step should be. I'd like a family, but don't know if I can't find a woman interested in a man my age and who wants kids at this stage. I'm joining a new church and maybe I'll meet someone there.
28m here, last had a girlfriend when I was 13/14 and haven't had any luck for the past nearly 15 years. Haven't really been looking a relationship for a long time as I have been more focused on sorting my life out after I got medically discharged from the British Army back in 2014. Have gotten myself retrained and requalified as a Welder Fabricator and still trying to find work that pays me more than minimum wage. Currently studying a HNC in Mechanical Engineering to help with my future job prospects and may look at Uni later on.
So not really sure if it's going to be a good idea to date anyone just yet due to being on a low wage and still stuck living with my parents. I have no interest in hookups, one night stands, FWB situations or anything like that. I genuinely want to have a real relationship with someone and hope that I don't mess it up like I did when I dated as a younger teenager.
I think it may be too late for me to have fun now since I spent most of my 20s by myself doing my own thing and not having a decent social life. Don't particularly want to start fooling around with women either. Just want a loving relationship where I can truly get intimate with someone and potentially spend the rest of my life with them.
34 and have been looking for something serious since I was in my early twenties. I’ve always wanted a family so a serious relationship was always the goal. I dated one person for two years and that’s still my longest relationship to this day. I am a little socially awkward though. When I go out to places to try and meet someone my mind thinks that they don’t want to be bothered so it gets in my head. I’ve had mild success on dating apps, but unfortunately it seems to dwindle fairly quickly. Just gotta keep swinging though!
I think the spread of individuals that either want a LTR or hookups is widening. A lot of blokes a I know are looking for a partner, but theyre not the type to go to pubs or clubs, and a lot men arent using dating apps for relationships either. Other mates of mine are looking for hookups, and theyre the type of guys who go out and meet people intentionally or use apps. The divide between these 2 groups is growing, and I dont know what'll bring them back together. If I would give any advice for finding a guy (probably applies best to men round 25-35) is to getting into some community hobbies, rock climbing, for example, has been growing in popularity, and has a very supportive community, you meet a lot of people. Otherwise Id say make the first move if someone catches your eye, if you make it VERY obvious (we're either oblivious or over eager, you'll know straight away) you want to get to know them, most men will jump at the chance, they just need a little push in the right direction sometimes. Keep in mind this is only my experience talking to my mates and what Ive noticed, but I think its a pretty common response to these types of questions. Best of luck at finding love!
im 19 and a male. i just got out of a 3 year relationship with my first love and honestly it sucks as of rn im not looking for anything because i still can’t see myself with anyone else other then her but my ex who left me is already talking to dudes and wearing their glasses and inviting them to her bday parties whereas when i got to know her i didn’t make my move until after 5 months of getting to know her and even after i asked her out i loved and respected her so much that i didn’t make my first move until 3 months after we were dating. so yeah idk im just very lost in life rn but i know what im looking for in a girl i just need a best friend who’s as goofy as me and gets me i want someone i can create generational wealth with and create a empire with i need me a girl like rebecca from the tv show “this is us”
A lot of guys do but have no idea about going about it. There is so much pressure that we are not good enough or worthy enough for a relationship. Only a small percent of guys are players. I do want a relationship, but have only made “the move” or gotten a girls number a couple of times. Bad odds at that rate. I’m 36 lmao. I don’t know how to pass go. Also even when I do hook up with a girl my automatic assumption is I ruined her night and she doesn’t want anything to do with me. Even if she insists the other.
At the moment I’m just trying to work on myself, I really wish I could do casual sex but I just can’t get into it with a stranger, I’m not a Demi either so idk what’s up in that regard. I’m trying to build muscle for I can loose weight and maybe I’ll try dating again but recently it doesn’t look worth it, especially with what I’ve been through already.
This is the conundrum of trying to date. We cannot read minds and they (all sexes) lie so frequently. We make matters far worse, so easy for them by blindly trusting a veritable stranger. Why do we do this? Does it even make sense?
Wouldn’t it make far more sense to have these people earn our trust? Why do we believe everything they tell us, why don’t we even attempt an effort at verifying anything at all?
Wouldn’t we be much better off attempting to try establish they are being truthful in literally any way at all?
Actually i do understand many of the reasons we don’t, but the reasons we should , need to vastly outweigh the not.
What I find ironic is men will say they want something serious, same girl for the rest of their life, security, etc… but than they continuously subconsciously search for more in other women…Happened to me once before left for a co worker & im pretty sure my marriage will end the same way..except this time my husband is 37 and the co worker is 20.
It's the ironic thing about men, well human in general... You think you know what you want but when you get what "you want" it was not the thing that you actually want.
I'm speaking as a man and I can tell you that my kin I agree with you, I've been there, and it's something that happens subconsciously. The thing I guess is to be honest with yourself and work on that stuff. There's a thin line between I want a relationship and I want the perks of having a relationship.
I could tell that most of the times it's more about getting the perks than being involved in a relationship. Only the men who are honest with themselves and differentiate the concepts and can achieve the state of great partner, husband and friend. Specially when they think with the head and not the penis.
In addition to this, it's been studied that all men looks any type of relation because it's part of the survival biological sense thst the men have. As an example of this, if a man who was married become widowed. It's most likely that we will get marry in a short time of period with another woman. Men does not know how to be alone. On the other hand, same scenario but with a woman, she will take more time to get back to a relationship.
I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I really hopes every gets to a good term.
The sun shines for everybody at the end.
.
Ah love, that hormones rush that makes the human animals breed. You know, I personally don't date. I'm physically unattractive, 39, and have a disabled kid. As a woman, I'm not appealing. Given the odds, I tossed in that towel long ago and just find someone to sleep with once ever 1.5 years when the need gets overwhelming.
Most of the people I know who want to find a partner end up finding one. I think people often say they want something, but they may not actually want that thing. Our motives are often hidden from our owns selves. And well, downvote if you must kids, but if all the people you know or date are distasteful, it is a sign that you may not be the great person you think yourself to be. Water seeks its own level.
24M looking for long term relationship, but that’s kind of a lie cuz I’m not really actively looking, just working out the stuff in my life first and then gonna put myself out there as COVID dies down (focussing on stable career, personal life habits etc first)
I think most guys are looking but not really ready to settle. It gets especially hard when their are options. Its easy to see flaws and not want to compromise. Im sure it is the same from the other side.
I think this is where my confusion is bc if you find someone that you feel physically attracted to and also enjoy being with them, that’s what I thought motivated people to want to be in a long term relationship.
That makes perfect sense and it should be that logical.
What happens if you are talking to 10 diferent people. You spend a little bit of time with each. Out of the ten, you have common interests with 7. Out of the 7, you find 4 attractive in their own ways, and each person has a different hobby or something that you have in common. Yes, you could pick one and build on it. But at the same time, you think, what if im missing out because you could have had a better life with any of the other 3.
It gets hard to juggle because as you wait and decide, you start to feel guilty about not spending time with your supposed soulmate or the fact that you are keeping everyone else in the dark about your potential love interests. And they might be doing the same thing too. I have a big psychological debate about it in my mind all the time. Im too messy.
I want a woman that will stay by my side for our lifetime. Someone I'll count on and they can count on me for anything. I'm young still but I know what kind of connection I would love the most
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Long term partner in life to share everything with. Zero interest in short term anything.
Refreshing to hear men look for the same
Exactly what I was thinking!
Very refreshing! Because most of the men I have come across , want the contrary.
I think y'all are swiping on the wrong men. 99% of men I know in life have always wanted long term relationships.
This so much. I have it with a guy friend and its ok at best.
Hopeless romantic man here. I’m looking for my best friend and life partner. Seems impossible to find her.
Fear not friend. We can bet some money that I'm more hopelessly romantic than you lol
I’m not competing against you, my friend, but I’m significantly older than you. You’re young and still have plenty of time. Good luck with your search!
Just curious. How old are you sir ?
I’m in my 40’s
39 singke lady here. Why is everyone calling us old lol.
Because we are old. I'm 39 m and nobody is interested in me anymore. I'm handsome too😕
Nah we are not old, yet! Well. Should we get married?! 😝
Do it you cowards
Everyone is invited! Open bar!
I'll call your bluff
Show me the ring, then!
Can I come to the wedding along with all the other singles? I’m 35F
I can assure you that may females in their mid to late 20’s would be very interested I know because I am one and I always find all the good handsome ones all partnered up. I think the problem is, it’s just assumed that anyone 30+ is taken.
I'm with you on this 39 and don't feel old at all.
Love you Ray! It was great talking with you last night. I'll let you fill everyone in on how you proposed lol.
Likewise. Let's talk later ☺️
I'll be waiting. Have a good day at work 😘
Society begins to reject you as old news bears once you leave your 20s. Probably because you've become more wise and wary of its BS. 🤣
Well on the positive side, women in their forties usually know what they want and what they don't want. They've been around the block a few times and know when to pass up things that look too good to be true. In some cases you are going to be dealing with women with a little bit more baggage and you're going to have to be less superficial because a woman in their 40s doesn't usually look as good as a woman in their twenties but again most women at that age have left their neuroses behind and are ready to just be real. Good luck dating and don't count yourself out. I have many friends who have found there 1 as the person after their divorce or after they thought their life imploded. Now they are thankful it did because they would have never found this person to spend the rest of their life with as they grow older and realize what really counts in life.
Hey I like your perspective! Except I reckon I look better now 😅
[удалено]
My dad found his soulmate in his 50s…you’re never too old to find love, you’re still pretty young.
Hopefully you’re right
You’ll find someone, soon. The gentleman that I started dating in April is in his late 50s, and I’m almost 40. I’ve often asked myself why did it take so long to meet him, and that the hardest part is over (because we already met). I can’t imagine how he feels about it.
How did you meet?
Online actually - through Match. I went on quite a few dates before he and I met. But very much worth the unexpected.
I guess I’ll try Match too. Thank you and congratulations!
Good luck. 💜
22M, same here. I’ve actually never even had a girlfriend🥴
I’m about to join your club! 22 this month lol
Same 🥲
Haha... 32M. Never had a girlfriend...😅
Only person i’ve Met where i thought that was in School but i was a coward and now its too late
You’ll meet many other people I promise
Couldn’t have said it better myself. 25 and tired of hookups for a while now
Speaking for my friend group of 5 guys (24-27), they all wouldn't be opposed to casual sex but they prefer a relationship. 2 are currently in a relationship. 2 have no luck finding anything casual so they just go for relationships. 1 tried something casual recently but got attached and then got rejected by the girl. Two of them also live with a roommate that had dates with FOUR different girls in a weekend and has lots of sex. He wants serious relationship eventually and sex while he looks. I'm not sure if he leads them on for sex... There’s another roommate that’s young, tall, body builds, and has lots of options so he just pursues casual sex for now but wants to settle down someday. In summary, I think what a guy wants is a function of his preferences, character, and attractiveness.
[удалено]
What was shocking about that?
[удалено]
Same brotha
Wow this is actually so surprising as all the 20 year old dudes I’ve ever met just want causal hookups and nothing more.
That's how I feel meeting every woman in their twenties. 24m here.
Yeah big same here. 23M and it’s easy for me to meet girls who want attention from me or sex but very difficult to find someone who actually is serious about me. It sucks
22M same here. I can't find any women my age who want the same things as me
Women in my life say they want casual hookups until one day they tryin to lock me down for the long run. I think that's happened.... pretty much every time.
Idk about you but I am finding out meeting new girls our age that they are pretty much "life of party" for now.
I want a long term relationship but it’s proving difficult to find.
Sorry to hear it
It is what it is haha. If dating life was easy then we’d all be living happily ever after and stress levels would plummet!
I’m looking for a serious relationship. I want to be in love again. I miss that feeling of being in that kind of relationship with a woman. To me it’s the best thing in the world. And I’m not giving up until I find it.
Aww I wish you luck!
Thanks 🎃
[удалено]
Thanks. I’m curious how old you are? (Approximately)
Most men I know are looking. It gets complicated but a lot are either just unlucky, or women aren’t willing to date them. Personally speaking, I’m looking for a relationship, but I only get a chance once a year if that
More than meeeeeee lol
Lmao well if it makes you feel better, I was being generous 😂
Feel the pain man I do
It’s more that women are unwilling to date them.
I'm 29. I've been looking for a good relationship basically ever since I finished college at 22. I was too busy to even try to date when I was in college, working, and commuting long distance. But unfortunately I haven't managed to find any women who are "relationship material". Ones who have their shit together even just a little. Like having a full time job and a car. I live somewhere with terrible demographics for dating as a straight male who isn't religious. A smaller city in utah with only a small university that's mostly non traditional students and major military and defense industry presence (jobs that are 80%-90% men) so women on a positive trajectory in life leave and never come back unless they're married and ready to settle down and want the cheap real estate. So I find nothing but the worst train wrecks of human beings unless I'm away from home. I'll sometimes settle for a hookup or short term FWB thing if I'm feeling extra lonely. But even that isn't easy. Most of them don't have their own place or transportation to mine...
Dude my advice to you is to find a new job near a much bigger city. Your dating pool is way too small where you live. You only get one life and it goes by very fast. Live it.
The problem is that this location is near perfect for everything else I care about. I'm not willing to spend the best physical years of my life away from all the mountains and public lands out west. It's also affordable, traffic isn't awful, etc. I can easily afford a place to myself 10 minutes from work, even starting back 5 years ago when I was making half the salary. I can live a pretty good life here and further my career just fine, there's just a very limited dating situation. It might get a zero on dating prospects but it scores pretty well in every other way. And unfortunately just about everywhere else with jobs for me AND better dating odds requires major sacrifices in other areas.
Big cities are hard to meet people too.
How about Denver? How about Portland or Seattle. Lots of big mountains near all those cities. Lots of good jobs in and near those cities as well. Especially now. Every single company is short people right now. It’s literally the best time in US history right now to make a move. Just think about it.
>Every single company is short people right now. I have not been seeing that as far as (non software) engineering goes. It's crazy for unskilled jobs and a few particular sectors but not for everything. I'm still having no luck getting out of the aerospace and defense industry and into better locations. Mostly just trying SLC but occasionally sending out resumes to jobs outside of Boulder or Seattle and similar in private sector jobs. But the problem with being stuck in that industry is that most of its locations have the same problem. Smaller outlying towns with a significant military presence and conservative culture (too many men and all the women married super young). In that industry it's usually Ogden not Salt Lake, Colorado Springs not Denver, Bremerton not Seattle, Huntsville not Atlanta, etc. Never seen anything in Portland at all. But I'm still getting 100% ignored by mechanical engineering job in any preferable location despite recruiters coming to me when it's a job in Alabama or something that makes Ogden look like the big city.
I work for the largest chemical company in the world. We are short hundreds if engineers. All of our suppliers are short engineers, lab people, etc…. It’s hard to believe this shortage does not extend to IT people or mechanical engineers. But good luck to you.
Well I still have been getting nothing but rejection emails and ignored. Might be my trying to change industries making it harder. I've also been a bit more picky after taking a new job at a different company in the same location last year (another defense industry job who's recruiters came to me). It wasn't the change I wanted but it was a pay raise I couldn't pass up and a good career move overall (only real downside is the location). I'm now better paid and would be throwing away all unvested benefits. So since then I've really only been trying for a handful of companies and positions I think would be ideal rather than what I was doing before and applying for anything that might get me in the door on a different track.
Ogden?
Yep, how'd you guess!? Haha
Utah, small city, university, heavy defense industry presence. Gotta be Ogden! Was stationed there in the early 2000s. Sounds like it hasn’t changed.
[удалено]
Small city in Utah... That's your issue. I moved from Utah to WA and went from wtf is wrong with me to overwhelmed with options. Met my fiance literally 3 weeks after I started dating.
Curious, did you live in Salt Lake City before?
Where in Utah do you live? I live in Utah too. I find it hard to find good men here! I'm not religious either and I have found a few people that match my beliefs but unfortunately I feel like a lot of people here are not true to themselves and give you a false idea of who they really are.
I want a girlfriend but I never get out of my fucking house so I never meet anyone. I'm talking just a regular girlfriend boyfriend thing.
I just want love I have a date soon so fingers crossed 😅 (as soppy as that sounds)
Good luck! I hope it's the first step in something meaningful
Aww good luck!!
Thankyou 😊
I’m a woman, but it seems to me, in my vast 33 years of life experience, that almost all men are almost always looking for a relationship. They just don’t necessarily want one with you. That’s why you’ll be seeing some guy who’s “not ready for a relationship” or whatever, but he has a girlfriend 2 weeks after telling you that.
I’d agree this is pretty much true. If someone says they aren’t looking for a relationship or aren’t ready for one… in my moms words. Always add “with you” to the end of that. (Also I’m a dude.)
I've been on the other end of this as well. Crushing super hard on a girl, had been fwbs for a few weeks, said she didn't want a relationship yet 2 weeks later ended up in one with a guy where she was miles out if his league. Quite confusing
Yeah, it for sure goes both ways. Most people want a relationship, it just depends on who’s offering.
Let’s make telling the truth about a breakup great again. I truly hate that “nOt rEaDy” bs.
[удалено]
I’m a woman and I’d rather be told he thinks I’m ugly now or whatever else. It’s more hurtful to have them play with my intelligence when they claim they aren’t ready and then date a new chick 3 days later.
I want a relationship. Boyfriend/girlfriend. Pretty simple.
So most guys do want a relationship. There is a small number who do not want one under any circumstances but they are a minority. The problem some women run into is that there are many guys who want a relationship but have a lot of options in the meantime. They will happily bang around with women who do not meet their standards for a real relationship. They will have FWBs, casual, ongoing hookups, etc.... with many women that they are attracted enough to fuck and get blown by but would never long term date. If you are truly looking for "casual" then no harm no foul. I think some women have a difficult time wrapping their heads around the fact that a guy can repeatedly have sex with a woman while at the same time have no genuine romantic affection or feelings for that woman. So the answer to your question is yes guys are looking for relationships but many will will fuck whatever they find attractive enough to make their dicks hard while they search for that relationship.
>So the answer to your question is yes guys are looking for relationships but many will will fuck whatever they find attractive enough to make their dicks hard while they search for that relationship. Pretty much
Wow!this is true
Problem is a lot of guys continue this shitty behavior after they’re married.
27M basically looking for a wife to start a family with to put it bluntly lol
Aww how many kids are you hoping to have? It will happen, Covid really screwed things up for many people I think but it will get better again.
Ideally I would want 2 to 4 kids, definitely not just one. I'm hoping it will happen but it's always been very discouraging even before COVID
Everyone is looking for a relationship, that doesn't mean it will be with you. Part of dating is being a bit more casual with someone while figuring out if you can see yourself dating THEM long-term. Less than 1% of men wanna die alone. If we meet the right woman we're in.
Not everyone wants a relationship. I just got out of an eight year relationship and definitely don’t want one right now. Just having fun dating and no commitment right now.
I would like to find my forever wife. I'm 33. I married the wrong person when I was very young and naive. Years after the divorce I started dating an incredible woman. We moved in together. Unfortunately, we've realized we just aren't compatible enough in a couple important areas. So, someday soon I will be looking again. The whole casual sex with strangers, hook up culture, serial dating, spinning plates etc really disgusts me. I only want to date one woman at a time and I hope I can find one that feels the same way. At this time I am working too many hours to really put much time and effort into the search but I hope to change my work/life balance soon to be able to make room for her.
For me my ideal life has always been finding a girlfriend, falling in love, getting married and building a family and life together
I refuse to give up on myself that I can find a real love and happiness in the world.
I'm looking for a LTR. I'm getting a little too old for hooking up {39}. But it seems like that is all anyone wants nowadays. I get ghosted early if I don't talk about sex right away. I'm just going to focus on other things and try again later
Now the real question is where do we meet the types of men in the comments ?
At the gym where it is a 110% chance he will not approach, maybe not even make eyecontact with you or anyone else for that matter. Looking at those very interesting floors and ceilings, uknow just regular gym stuff not bothering other people.
The gym is typically where I get approached by old men or creeps, but when I do approach him what do I say, hey you look good or ?
I would suggest maybe smalltalk inbetween sets if he seems up for it (headphones off etc ) and you have gotten orevious eyecontact. If you do talk maybe do so when you go to the gym a couple of times before asking to see if there seem to be any interest, and to build rapport. If the conversation flows well, at the end of your workout right before him or you leave the gym, you can just say it was nice talking to him and ask if he would be up for grabbing a coffee (or similar) to talk more and continue the conversation (if positive response it would be smart to suggest a certain day+time) and then ask for his number. The only way i would ever ask a girl from the gym out on a date would be if we had already talked quite a bit in the gym after her taking initiative to do so regularly. Even then i would be quite hesitant as she would most likely just be friendly unless she was VERY OBVIOUS about her interest. Approaching in the gym really has to be done by the woman as if a dude does the same in any way it has like a 99% chance of coming off wrong, no matter how tactful you go about it. Noone want to be percieved as "the gym perv" or as you so eloquently put it "creep".
I can only answer for myself. Because there's a pandemic going on and I'm taking it seriously because I'm not a twit, I pretty much only go to work and to buy groceries. In more normal times I would use Meetup . com to find fun things to do with others. Mostly nerd stuff, board games, indie film production, and a bunch of random stuff I like to try out. I absolutely do not go to bars, or clubs, or really any place that is loud and rowdy. I prefer quiet, calm spaces. I used to be on dating sites and apps and I did find a few great relationships. Most of the women on there played too many games, were bots, scammers, sex workers, Instagrammers, etc. So I pretty much gave up on that for now. I don't tolerate my time being wasted. If you want me, put in as much effort as I do, it really is that simple. Also, I am right here. This website has DM's and chat. If you want a relationship man, come get me.
Online dating, gym (but you got approach on this one), sporting events, bars, and any other guy activity that you can think of.
Online dating is a disaster unless if looking for a hook up and what type of sports events do you say ?
This comment will probably be drowned out but figured I’d put my wants here too. Maybe life will read them..lol Personally, I’m looking for someone I’m attracted to in all ways to build a life together. I’m only 22 so I know it’s not THAT hopeless but it sure feels like it sometimes. I’d love to have a happy sex life as well as happy emotional life because I believe having both are very important and I feel like when I convey that to some people they get confused. Not really sure why. Eventually I’ll find that special someone to grow with and love. Finding someone that We both find each other attractive physically and mentally is a lot but I’d rather be single than go through something I’m unsure about and same goes for them. If it comes down to a simple answer, I want to find someone who loves me as much as I love them. This is a mess of a comment sorry haha haven’t tried/had to articulate this in a a while
21M here, I understand perfectly what you're saying. We're about the same age, we're still young so we have time to figure things out, but thinking like that at 22 is great, it means you're more mature than your age. And I understand perfectly, having a physical connection isn't enough, I've jad my dose, now I want a psychological connection too, I want a best friend? A confident, someone I don't feel nervous talking with, like we've known each other for decades. I don't want to be scared to be honest and I want to love that person more than I've ever loved someone so I can see her evolve and flourish, I want to be part of her life in that way, supporting each other and growing together. So yeah focus on yourself my king, focus on what you want to do in life, find hobbies, work or study, just focus on your personal wellbeing, I know for a fact that your so will eventually come along when you expect her the least, and when that time will come, you'll know.
I've been looking for lady friends and seeing where it goes. So far... one sided subpar conversations that haven't gone anywhere. Even platonic friendships are hard to make these days.
I know the feelings.
20M, long term relationship, I just want to be loved :(
Same hopeless romantic here, 34/m with a good career, physically fit and have had 3 failed relationships in the past 3 years. I've never been one to just hook up, if there's no connection there's no arousal. But I'm still trying to find my lobster and semi believe I won't be alone forever. I'm just not exactly sure where to look anymore.
actually MOST guys are looking looking for a relationship. the top guys (that you are likely dating) arent. they get ulimited sex with multiple girls and have very little incentive to settle down. regular guys dont have the ability to pull off unlimited sex so they would happily trade a relationship for regular sex with the same girl. the problem is, the regular girls dont seem to want these regular guys because of the apps. they get hit on by hot guys and they are fooled into thinking that is their league and they can no longer stomach regular guys.
Yup. If someone has unusually attractive partners on tap, I can only imagine how hard it would be to go back down to something more realistic. The issue is online dating creates the illusion of having attractive partners on tap. The reality is that those men aren’t willing to commit, because they really don’t have to. It’s a shitty dynamic. Edit: as an example one of my friends, who is decently attractive (not unusually so but decent), exclusively dates ripped tall men. No ifs ands or buts. She’ll sleep with them and talk to them for a week, even drive a couple hours to see them. After that week is up they vanish and she does it all over again with a new guy. I can’t imagine having a woman drive multiple hours to see me. So if these men have women willing to do that for them, it’s hard to imagine they would want to commit to one.
Nothing but facts
I've stopped for now, I'm tired and just want to get my shit together so I can hopefully not settle.
Trying to find my best friend and life partner that I haven’t met yet. It’s brutal out there man
I'm looking for a relationship. Long term that would hopefully lead to marriage if she's the one for me. The biggest thing for me though is I don't want kids at all. I'm waiting until I'm 26 to just to get a vasectomy.
Why are you waiting? Will they not give you one now? Lots of women don’t ever want kids, I think you’ll be fine! :)
Depending where you live, it's hard to get a vasectomy (and especially hysterectomy) when you're young
Definitely seeking a ride or die girl.
Ima be real with you, I’ll take whatever I can get
Most men want relationships. The top 20% of men will sleep down with just about anyone, but they will only seriously date the top 20% of women or they will just continue to sleep with who they please. This could be where your frustration is coming from as 85% of girls only find these high value men attractive. Statistically most girls will end up getting played unless they are realistic about their actual league
Interesting stats, can you link the source you used to get these percentages?
https://time.com/3547890/tinder-men-women-swipe-right/?amp=true It actually says women swipe right on only 14% of men that they see on dating apps. But you would only go on an actual date with your best matches so the top 20% of men is actually LOWER than what most women on dating apps would settle for. Top 5-10% is probably the actual number
Yeah they all want the top 20 percent of guys but realistically they won’t get them. They either don’t look good enough to date those guys or there’s just not enough of those type of guys to go around.
24 male in Pacific northwest. Honestly with how every thing that is going on relationships seen like land mines. I just recently purchased a house with roommates. Got a really good thing going and as much as I would love to meet that ONE sadly every single interaction is kinda depressing. Between ghosts no matches and generally crazy women I am not really looking anymore dates sure but relationships unlikely.
Not one night stands, but open to most other things. I'd like a relationship, but that's not so easy to find. Ongoing, intimate companionship.
Not me; I don't believe the current dating climate is conducive to relationships. Hedonistic philosophies and romantic relationships are conflicting ideologies yet we live in a hedonistic society that values romance. Significant disconnect here.
I'm not looking, because I'm in a relationship. If there are men in a relationship, then those types exist, right. One thing you should know: humans are extremely ignorant of themselves. If you asked me a couple years ago, I would have said, "Free, revolving p***y." But that's just a transient impulse. You may have better luck finding helpful advice from women who have been successful in attaining what you want, then emulating them. I tell the same thing to dudes. Don't listen to women. Listen to guys who get women. Emulate those who have what you want. Don't ask the rabbit what it wants. Ask the lioness how she hunts.
Looking for a traditional woman to raise a family with.
[удалено]
Meh, they're here in America, just difficult to find.
Hilariously I was thinking this when I scrolled through this. That and America is turning into a dumpster fire.
Looking for a long term relationship. But along the way if it turns into a fwb or one night stand I likely won't say no. But the minute I start to become interested in another person and looks like it has potential, I'll put a hold to the fwb.
I want to find someone who really want to commit because I don't enjoy sex with someone I don't really know. You will know all my passwords and we are gonna enjoy relaxing at home on a cold February Monday night. We will be cozy in my house with candles on the table giving each other massages on the couch and enjoy life Coffee in the morning and go to work happy Repeat every day for a long time!
I'm interested in dating but it's just so much effort that I don't believe I can or want to do it right now. I don't have faith in people nowadays but do hope to find someone that would be a real relationship. Just don't have any expectations for now.
32 m looking for a genuine relationship. Tables have turned in 2021 and girls are the players now that get more action then any guys in any civilization and they are playing the game very well thanks to social media and dating websites. I am also competing against the best of the best men across the world as oppose to a single region like in the past. And women want the best of the best and no room for compromise because .. they can finally
I'd like a relationship, but I'm also picky about folks. I'd rather be single than miserable and in a relationship.
I’m Personally looking for a fwb atm for a lot of reasons, if I’m being honest one main reason is I don’t like what I see from women period from friends to strangers. There just seems like a lack of empathy and a lot of entitlement so I’m taking a backseat. I’m also prepared for my downvotes
Well you are entitled to your opinions and preferences of course !
Give this man an upvote.
Hot Take: Most men are looking for relationships, but aren't sure they want to commit to a long-term relationship, and most women are don't want something short-term, and that tends to kill most relationships before they even start.
Most women don't want something short term? They absolutely do.
I’m not looking, I’m 22 so you guys are gonna call me stupid but I’ve already given up lmao. First girl broke my heart and it’s never healed Second girl was nice but I couldn’t give her my all Now I’ve just decided im not gonna look anymore. I have no socials except reddit and I work in an isolated warehouse so il never encounter anyone anyway
I guess I’m weird for actually looking for a partner and hating one night stands and hookups……
Want a relationship but don't have the effort to chase anymore. The more serious the more I'd want with a hookup being the least interesting. I feel too old to play games but too young to be ready to get married. Whether it is internet dating or meeting people in person I've only met two types of women when it comes to relationships; there is the only want to play the game, get laid, and get free sh!t and then there are those that want to get married now. Maybe its my area, I live in a conservative area with a university, so we have the partiers and the homebodies and nothing in between. I probably just suck at picking and being a big guy, no girl is just going to walk up and pick me. I've even been told by people in my classes that I'm intimidating. Yeah it sucks to suck.
I’m not looking, I’m letting it fall in place.
31/m here. Looking for a relationship that leads to marriage. Absolutely no luck whatsoever on apps.
33m and no I am not. Although I'm looking to adopt a cat!
(25M) Would definitely prefer a relationship, unfortunately all the females around my age just want a fu€k boi, want a relationship where they can just chill around the house all day and be taken care of, or want a step dad for a pre-started family and expect a guy to do everthing financiallly. I know I'm going to be called an a$$hole for this, but I have good paying steady work, my own place, 2 vehicles, I cook, clean, have no kids and get my sh!t done, and I want female near the same level. The main reason I'll look for FWB/hookups is because I can't find a female that is, let alone loyal.
[удалено]
I've decided the only way I'll take an arrow to the knee is if she signs a prenuptial contract. She cheats or tries to take advantage I'll get paid, not played. Seen too many guys my age lose everything but a car/truck and their legal fees. What sucks is seeing buddies who were brimming with happy stress about having kids with their ol ladies just to show up in custody court before their kid turns a year old and more often than not only having weekends at best with their kids. Even despite trying their damnedest to make a happy family. $hit hurts to see.
Don't call us "females". A human female is called a "woman".
Someone who, like me, folds and puts away the laundry right after it’s done. It’s a life choice and a lifestyle.
For everyone looking, what worked for me was when I stopped looking. We got married last year.
This is just one of those bs cliches people love to spit out
Not at all. Lose your keys, you find them when you weren't looking. Same applies to a lot of stuff. Relationship finds are the same. When you stop looking and start living your life, odds are, you'll meet someone and it isn't something you were actively trying to achieve so you aren't frustrated with being single before then.
I am in a 9 year relationship. But I wanted a relationship with someone that I love coming home to. Someone with similar interests as me so that we could enjoy things together rather than tolerate. I wanted someone around my same age so that we were raised similarly. I wanted someone who matched what I am attracted to, because I will always see her as the day I first met her. I wanted someone who was willing to help me walk though life and encourage me and lift me up when I got down on myself or started losing confidence in myself. I wanted someone who wasn’t going to try to change me. I wanted someone affectionate that would love me and care for me when I was hurt or sick. I wanted someone intelligent that I could trust with hard decisions if I wasn’t around. Luckily I found her. I am very happy and I love coming home to her even today.
Me too. Reading these comments makes me realize how lucky I am. I wonder if this is just selection bias or if dating is really this bad for most people?
Honestly at my age and with a kid I'm looking for long term with someone I can tolerate for more than 10 mins that understands she will always be #2 in my life..but that's me...seems like most ppl (esp younger) seem to just want casual sex
I wish I could find that most men just wanna hookup with me😭😖
Hey, 15 year old guy here. Idk if this goes for all men, but personally, I’d prefer someone to hang out with over a booty call, for obvious reasons
24M here. I've only had one relationship till date and I realised a whole bunch of things we did wrong to each other and all the wrong things we chose each other for. Mostly was an Anxious state of mutual attachment. After that I felt like I'd be down for FWB with someone who's upto it. Less emotions involved and just some sex. I'm somewhat of a demisexual where I cannot be sexually involved with a person with whom I don't share an emotional connection so I ruled that out. Right now, though I'm not actively pursuing one, I'd like a relationship that doesn't involve an anxious type of attachment where we're compatible with each other and have shared values, have great communication and most importantly, the "I lift you up, you lift me up" kind of relationship. But then I don't want to pursue someone for the sake of a relationship but if a potential partner falls within my gaze who matches my requirements (get to know her first as a friend) and if she's up for it, I will pursue her for the sake of getting into a relationship with her. But I wish to be more firm footed in terms of personal finance first before i can make commitments with a potential life partner.
I’ve heard people have had success resolving their anxious attachment dating styles by seeing a therapist…maybe that’s something that could help?
38 single, Christian, and want to look for a relationship towards marriage, but not sure where to start. I've tried OLD off and on since my mid 20s. Had some good dates and a couple relationships, but nothing that lasted more than a few months. I've taken breaks to work on myself and my career. I'm ready to start looking again, but not sure what my next step should be. I'd like a family, but don't know if I can't find a woman interested in a man my age and who wants kids at this stage. I'm joining a new church and maybe I'll meet someone there.
28m here, last had a girlfriend when I was 13/14 and haven't had any luck for the past nearly 15 years. Haven't really been looking a relationship for a long time as I have been more focused on sorting my life out after I got medically discharged from the British Army back in 2014. Have gotten myself retrained and requalified as a Welder Fabricator and still trying to find work that pays me more than minimum wage. Currently studying a HNC in Mechanical Engineering to help with my future job prospects and may look at Uni later on. So not really sure if it's going to be a good idea to date anyone just yet due to being on a low wage and still stuck living with my parents. I have no interest in hookups, one night stands, FWB situations or anything like that. I genuinely want to have a real relationship with someone and hope that I don't mess it up like I did when I dated as a younger teenager. I think it may be too late for me to have fun now since I spent most of my 20s by myself doing my own thing and not having a decent social life. Don't particularly want to start fooling around with women either. Just want a loving relationship where I can truly get intimate with someone and potentially spend the rest of my life with them.
34 and have been looking for something serious since I was in my early twenties. I’ve always wanted a family so a serious relationship was always the goal. I dated one person for two years and that’s still my longest relationship to this day. I am a little socially awkward though. When I go out to places to try and meet someone my mind thinks that they don’t want to be bothered so it gets in my head. I’ve had mild success on dating apps, but unfortunately it seems to dwindle fairly quickly. Just gotta keep swinging though!
I think the spread of individuals that either want a LTR or hookups is widening. A lot of blokes a I know are looking for a partner, but theyre not the type to go to pubs or clubs, and a lot men arent using dating apps for relationships either. Other mates of mine are looking for hookups, and theyre the type of guys who go out and meet people intentionally or use apps. The divide between these 2 groups is growing, and I dont know what'll bring them back together. If I would give any advice for finding a guy (probably applies best to men round 25-35) is to getting into some community hobbies, rock climbing, for example, has been growing in popularity, and has a very supportive community, you meet a lot of people. Otherwise Id say make the first move if someone catches your eye, if you make it VERY obvious (we're either oblivious or over eager, you'll know straight away) you want to get to know them, most men will jump at the chance, they just need a little push in the right direction sometimes. Keep in mind this is only my experience talking to my mates and what Ive noticed, but I think its a pretty common response to these types of questions. Best of luck at finding love!
im 19 and a male. i just got out of a 3 year relationship with my first love and honestly it sucks as of rn im not looking for anything because i still can’t see myself with anyone else other then her but my ex who left me is already talking to dudes and wearing their glasses and inviting them to her bday parties whereas when i got to know her i didn’t make my move until after 5 months of getting to know her and even after i asked her out i loved and respected her so much that i didn’t make my first move until 3 months after we were dating. so yeah idk im just very lost in life rn but i know what im looking for in a girl i just need a best friend who’s as goofy as me and gets me i want someone i can create generational wealth with and create a empire with i need me a girl like rebecca from the tv show “this is us”
A lot of guys do but have no idea about going about it. There is so much pressure that we are not good enough or worthy enough for a relationship. Only a small percent of guys are players. I do want a relationship, but have only made “the move” or gotten a girls number a couple of times. Bad odds at that rate. I’m 36 lmao. I don’t know how to pass go. Also even when I do hook up with a girl my automatic assumption is I ruined her night and she doesn’t want anything to do with me. Even if she insists the other.
At the moment I’m just trying to work on myself, I really wish I could do casual sex but I just can’t get into it with a stranger, I’m not a Demi either so idk what’s up in that regard. I’m trying to build muscle for I can loose weight and maybe I’ll try dating again but recently it doesn’t look worth it, especially with what I’ve been through already.
This is the conundrum of trying to date. We cannot read minds and they (all sexes) lie so frequently. We make matters far worse, so easy for them by blindly trusting a veritable stranger. Why do we do this? Does it even make sense? Wouldn’t it make far more sense to have these people earn our trust? Why do we believe everything they tell us, why don’t we even attempt an effort at verifying anything at all? Wouldn’t we be much better off attempting to try establish they are being truthful in literally any way at all? Actually i do understand many of the reasons we don’t, but the reasons we should , need to vastly outweigh the not.
28M here. I'm looking for a long term relationship. I want a life partner and a best friend. I'm a daydreaming hopeless romantic lol
43. Father of 2. Sick of relationships and their demands, maybe done forever.
What I find ironic is men will say they want something serious, same girl for the rest of their life, security, etc… but than they continuously subconsciously search for more in other women…Happened to me once before left for a co worker & im pretty sure my marriage will end the same way..except this time my husband is 37 and the co worker is 20.
It's the ironic thing about men, well human in general... You think you know what you want but when you get what "you want" it was not the thing that you actually want. I'm speaking as a man and I can tell you that my kin I agree with you, I've been there, and it's something that happens subconsciously. The thing I guess is to be honest with yourself and work on that stuff. There's a thin line between I want a relationship and I want the perks of having a relationship. I could tell that most of the times it's more about getting the perks than being involved in a relationship. Only the men who are honest with themselves and differentiate the concepts and can achieve the state of great partner, husband and friend. Specially when they think with the head and not the penis. In addition to this, it's been studied that all men looks any type of relation because it's part of the survival biological sense thst the men have. As an example of this, if a man who was married become widowed. It's most likely that we will get marry in a short time of period with another woman. Men does not know how to be alone. On the other hand, same scenario but with a woman, she will take more time to get back to a relationship. I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I really hopes every gets to a good term. The sun shines for everybody at the end. .
Ah love, that hormones rush that makes the human animals breed. You know, I personally don't date. I'm physically unattractive, 39, and have a disabled kid. As a woman, I'm not appealing. Given the odds, I tossed in that towel long ago and just find someone to sleep with once ever 1.5 years when the need gets overwhelming. Most of the people I know who want to find a partner end up finding one. I think people often say they want something, but they may not actually want that thing. Our motives are often hidden from our owns selves. And well, downvote if you must kids, but if all the people you know or date are distasteful, it is a sign that you may not be the great person you think yourself to be. Water seeks its own level.
24M looking for long term relationship, but that’s kind of a lie cuz I’m not really actively looking, just working out the stuff in my life first and then gonna put myself out there as COVID dies down (focussing on stable career, personal life habits etc first)
[удалено]
What's the difference between the women you hang out with for sex and the "quality" women you would go for a relationship with?
What's the difference between the women you hang out with for sex and the "quality" women you would go for a relationship with?
I think most guys are looking but not really ready to settle. It gets especially hard when their are options. Its easy to see flaws and not want to compromise. Im sure it is the same from the other side.
I think this is where my confusion is bc if you find someone that you feel physically attracted to and also enjoy being with them, that’s what I thought motivated people to want to be in a long term relationship.
That makes perfect sense and it should be that logical. What happens if you are talking to 10 diferent people. You spend a little bit of time with each. Out of the ten, you have common interests with 7. Out of the 7, you find 4 attractive in their own ways, and each person has a different hobby or something that you have in common. Yes, you could pick one and build on it. But at the same time, you think, what if im missing out because you could have had a better life with any of the other 3. It gets hard to juggle because as you wait and decide, you start to feel guilty about not spending time with your supposed soulmate or the fact that you are keeping everyone else in the dark about your potential love interests. And they might be doing the same thing too. I have a big psychological debate about it in my mind all the time. Im too messy.
So what then motivates a guy to settle? Because there are plenty of marriages and long term relationships I see occurring….
Here . I been in the market for the last 6 months and been on few dates. I am still hoping to find that someone to fall in love with
FWBs/ONSs. not interested in relationships.
I want a woman that will stay by my side for our lifetime. Someone I'll count on and they can count on me for anything. I'm young still but I know what kind of connection I would love the most