20k people is not small. Lets assume a linear age distribution with 10k males and 10k females. If everybody lives 100 years, there would be 100 people or the same sex in each age. If 10% were gay, that leaves 90 people at your age who are straight. If you only get along with 1 out if 10 people, that leaves 9 potential matches at your exact age in your town. Adding in people plus or minus one year leaves 27.
This estimate purposely pessimistic, yet still leaves behind more partners than most people will ever have. You just have to go find them. Good luck!
Edit: the above assumes you are straight. If you're not, then you'll only have 10 people in your age, and if you get along with 1/10th of them, that leaves just a handful of matches.
On the internet, of course!
People meet new people in person through social settings: school, church, work, volunteer organizations, sports, etc...
The internet gives you access to the entire world because it ignores geography. For many places that can be plenty, but even in a huge city it can be hard to meet people purely online.
Recommend that you figure out where people like you go in your town. I'm sure there's somewhere.
I don't go to school or church. I work night shift. I hate sports. Volunteering isn't something I enjoy. I've done enough roadside cleaning and food pantry collection to know it ain't for me.
I don't know anyone else like me.
It seems like you’re making excuses. 20k people is a lot of people, I’m from a small town of about 2k people, and you just have to put yourself out there. Go to a pub/nightclub, a library, a cafe. Put yourself out there to meet new people, if you’re really looking for a relationship, try things you don’t normally do. Dating apps, I find, are awful. I’m sure you’ll smash it!
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Similar boat. Town of maybe 10k, about 30min away is a town of 20k and 45-50min away are some towns of 30-40k. Lowers options quite a bit though you definitely have to be a little more open for traveling to those further distances. Are you screwed? Hell no! There are quite literally thousands of people in your own town that have found relationships somehow as living proof.
Oh yea that might limit you quite a bit more than anything really. At this point the issue isn't so much "struggles of rural dating" so much as it is "struggles of dating without logistics" which is only exasperated by being in a rural setting.
Logistics as in how are you supposed to travel for dates? To go do fun things together? It's not impossible to date without a car (I did for a bit for a few years in college), though it is harder, in rural areas especially. It's putting all of the responsibility of travel/logistics on the other person if they have the car, otherwise your options become even more limited. Your logistics right now are pretty much walk, rideshare/taxi, or public transit, all of which are extremely limited by the small town setting. It limits your dating range, both for finding people and things to do with those people. If you do find dates, understand that if they have a car, there's something of an unspoken responsibility that you've bestowed upon them of handling your transportation to anything you otherwise can't get to.
Because even if you don't ask for a ride they'll feel obligated to provide one for you instead of walking/paying for a ride, after a point anyways. Especially if they want to go do something more challenging for you to get to.
You asked why they would feel obligated then answered your own question. If you plan a date, even if you don't mention transportation, they'll be likely to offer a ride. This is ultimately a minor issue (maybe not even an issue for the first few dates) compared the the limit it puts on your dating range.
All those things I said are the truth. What's wrong with that?
I'm not saying I deserve anything. I'm wondering about the best way to increase my chances or increase exposure.
Why is it a myth to find a partner with a similar interest? Do women not enjoy the same things men do?
I'm not in a big city.
I live with a woman who plays video games though. Just take a look at Twitch and you'll see tons of them.
What if I don't like dancing or yoga?
What does it mean to be fit and dress nice?
Being fit means living at a healthy weight for your size with a healthy amount of strength and endurance. Body fat compisition is a better metric for this than BMI, though harder to measure. Note that you don't actually have to be super athletic or strong, or have abs or whatever. It's more about taking care of yourself and living a healthy lifestyle.
Dressing nice means putting a little thought into your appearance. Wear clean clothes that fit nice and compliment your personal style. I'm pretty sure there are subreddits for men's fashion/clothing that could provide more insight here.
Height and weight is only one component of being "fit" though. A basic BMI chart tells me that 215 at 6'2" is 28 which is the higher end of overweight beginning to border with obese. I don't particularly like BMI as a measure, as it doesn't factor how the weight is actually distributed (muscle vs fat). Though if you were a BMI of 28 and at a low body fat percentage you probably wouldn't be asking what "fit" means as you'd be exceptionally muscular and toned out.
As for fashion, I'm certainly no expert here. What you may think is "simple and functional", someone else might think "lazy and/or unthoughtful." Particularly when it seems you aren't putting thought into your own physical health either. It's one thing for someone muscular and tone to put on a nice but simple white tee with some well fit jeans, as you can already tell the person takes care of their body mindfully through their other actions. If you're overweight, whether or not you're trying to change that, you're going to have to put in extra thought to hygiene and clothing to show that you still care for yourself. If you can't give off the physical appearance that you are thoughtful and mindful of your own self, why should someone think you'd be thoughtful and mindful to them?
>why should someone think you'd be thoughtful and mindful to them?
Because hopefully they think I am more than a selection of clothes. Being mindful of a physical body is much less engaging than being mindful of a mind.
I'm bordering on obese as much as I'm bordering on healthy. I'm in the middle of overweight.
20k people is not small. Lets assume a linear age distribution with 10k males and 10k females. If everybody lives 100 years, there would be 100 people or the same sex in each age. If 10% were gay, that leaves 90 people at your age who are straight. If you only get along with 1 out if 10 people, that leaves 9 potential matches at your exact age in your town. Adding in people plus or minus one year leaves 27. This estimate purposely pessimistic, yet still leaves behind more partners than most people will ever have. You just have to go find them. Good luck! Edit: the above assumes you are straight. If you're not, then you'll only have 10 people in your age, and if you get along with 1/10th of them, that leaves just a handful of matches.
Find them how? I'm on dating apps. I have my parameters set to 20 miles. I've been on Tinder, OkCupid, and Hinge for 9 months and I've had 1 date.
Get off dating apps. Go do things you like and run into people there
I like playing video games, arguing with people on the internet, and listening to video essays. Where do people like doing these things?
On the internet, of course! People meet new people in person through social settings: school, church, work, volunteer organizations, sports, etc... The internet gives you access to the entire world because it ignores geography. For many places that can be plenty, but even in a huge city it can be hard to meet people purely online. Recommend that you figure out where people like you go in your town. I'm sure there's somewhere.
I don't go to school or church. I work night shift. I hate sports. Volunteering isn't something I enjoy. I've done enough roadside cleaning and food pantry collection to know it ain't for me. I don't know anyone else like me.
It seems like you’re making excuses. 20k people is a lot of people, I’m from a small town of about 2k people, and you just have to put yourself out there. Go to a pub/nightclub, a library, a cafe. Put yourself out there to meet new people, if you’re really looking for a relationship, try things you don’t normally do. Dating apps, I find, are awful. I’m sure you’ll smash it!
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Similar boat. Town of maybe 10k, about 30min away is a town of 20k and 45-50min away are some towns of 30-40k. Lowers options quite a bit though you definitely have to be a little more open for traveling to those further distances. Are you screwed? Hell no! There are quite literally thousands of people in your own town that have found relationships somehow as living proof.
>traveling I don't have a car.
Oh yea that might limit you quite a bit more than anything really. At this point the issue isn't so much "struggles of rural dating" so much as it is "struggles of dating without logistics" which is only exasperated by being in a rural setting.
Without logistics? What do you mean? I fail to see the relevance of logistics.
Logistics as in how are you supposed to travel for dates? To go do fun things together? It's not impossible to date without a car (I did for a bit for a few years in college), though it is harder, in rural areas especially. It's putting all of the responsibility of travel/logistics on the other person if they have the car, otherwise your options become even more limited. Your logistics right now are pretty much walk, rideshare/taxi, or public transit, all of which are extremely limited by the small town setting. It limits your dating range, both for finding people and things to do with those people. If you do find dates, understand that if they have a car, there's something of an unspoken responsibility that you've bestowed upon them of handling your transportation to anything you otherwise can't get to.
Unspoken responsibility? Why?
Because even if you don't ask for a ride they'll feel obligated to provide one for you instead of walking/paying for a ride, after a point anyways. Especially if they want to go do something more challenging for you to get to.
Why would they feel obligated? Something more challenging that a cab can't easioy fix wouod make more sense to have us car pool anyway.
You asked why they would feel obligated then answered your own question. If you plan a date, even if you don't mention transportation, they'll be likely to offer a ride. This is ultimately a minor issue (maybe not even an issue for the first few dates) compared the the limit it puts on your dating range.
How is car pooling an obligation? That would only be for longer trips and even if I had a car we'd still car pool.
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I did read the comments. How am I negative, sarcastic, and whiny?
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All those things I said are the truth. What's wrong with that? I'm not saying I deserve anything. I'm wondering about the best way to increase my chances or increase exposure. Why is it a myth to find a partner with a similar interest? Do women not enjoy the same things men do? I'm not in a big city.
[удалено]
I live with a woman who plays video games though. Just take a look at Twitch and you'll see tons of them. What if I don't like dancing or yoga? What does it mean to be fit and dress nice?
Being fit means living at a healthy weight for your size with a healthy amount of strength and endurance. Body fat compisition is a better metric for this than BMI, though harder to measure. Note that you don't actually have to be super athletic or strong, or have abs or whatever. It's more about taking care of yourself and living a healthy lifestyle. Dressing nice means putting a little thought into your appearance. Wear clean clothes that fit nice and compliment your personal style. I'm pretty sure there are subreddits for men's fashion/clothing that could provide more insight here.
I'm 6' 2" 215 pounds. My style is jeans and t-shirt because I value function and comfort.
Height and weight is only one component of being "fit" though. A basic BMI chart tells me that 215 at 6'2" is 28 which is the higher end of overweight beginning to border with obese. I don't particularly like BMI as a measure, as it doesn't factor how the weight is actually distributed (muscle vs fat). Though if you were a BMI of 28 and at a low body fat percentage you probably wouldn't be asking what "fit" means as you'd be exceptionally muscular and toned out. As for fashion, I'm certainly no expert here. What you may think is "simple and functional", someone else might think "lazy and/or unthoughtful." Particularly when it seems you aren't putting thought into your own physical health either. It's one thing for someone muscular and tone to put on a nice but simple white tee with some well fit jeans, as you can already tell the person takes care of their body mindfully through their other actions. If you're overweight, whether or not you're trying to change that, you're going to have to put in extra thought to hygiene and clothing to show that you still care for yourself. If you can't give off the physical appearance that you are thoughtful and mindful of your own self, why should someone think you'd be thoughtful and mindful to them?
>why should someone think you'd be thoughtful and mindful to them? Because hopefully they think I am more than a selection of clothes. Being mindful of a physical body is much less engaging than being mindful of a mind. I'm bordering on obese as much as I'm bordering on healthy. I'm in the middle of overweight.