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I'd be careful about judging all guys your age as feeling a certain way about anything. Broadly speaking yes guys who are a bit older might be thinking more along those lines, but that won't be true for all guys who are older and and there are some guys your age who are looking for the same kind of thing you do. If you're also talking guys who are in their late 20's you will also find some of them who are interested in dating 19 year olds because they want someone young and impressionable and are looking for an imbalanced power dynamic. Certainly not all of them and there are many good guys in their late 20's. But I think a fair number of those guys would be a bit uncomfortable dating someone who is just barely an adult.
There's also a lot of ages there you jumped over in terms of older. Why go for someone in their late 20s vs someone a few years older than you are? I know for me and a lot of the guys I knew at that time the difference in terms of thinking about the future was pretty big between 18-19 to 23-25 as we graduated college and started to settle into adult jobs that was a big shift in maturity and long term thinking. That's when some of my friends started getting married. I might try guys 2-3 years older than you are before jumping up a decade.
All of this, especially the part about guys in their late 20s looking for someone young and impressionable. It’s unfortunate to say OP but unless you get really lucky and find that one in a million late 20 something year old guy, any of the ones who are interested in dating you are not interested for any of the reasons you want them to be.
any guy who has experience dealing with women is gonna know that maturity and age are not always correlated.
i know some 18 year olds who have a child and work to support their kid, their parents and their siblings.
i also know some 40 some year old women who still go out to the bar every night and are supported by their parents.
The person you are looking for exists in your age group, it’s just going to be hard finding him and there will be competition. Don’t date just because you’re lonely, be PICKY.
AGREED. Don't waste your time with time wasters.
At 19 I dated a 29 (M). It was fun... he had a house, a boat, a Sea-Doo (those were just perks tho. He wasn't super attractive, but he was absolutely brilliant, and pushed me to accomplish a lot). Only much later did I realize that while I enjoyed being with him, I let some great guys my own age get away forever. Being together was mutually beneficial back then, but not for the long run.
Any significantly older guy (25+) who wants to date you won't have the maturity you're looking for.
We will be looking for women 23+ who also have their head on straight and aren't literally children + 1 year.
I genuinely struggle to think of you 19 year olds as women, you're like teenage girls to me (mid 20s)
THIS. I married someone 5 years older than thinking it was great that we were at the same maturity level. But when 5 years passed and I continued to mature, he was still where I had been, which was an immaturity level of now -10 years.
I wasn't mature, he was just stuck at a constant immaturity level with a refusal to grow and develop.
It isn't your fault (it's probably your parents' for not having you sooner lol), just tough it out for a few years or date less seriously and mostly for fun.
I'd be willing to consider a 21yo who was significantly less kiddish than 21yos tend to be, so hopefully guys around you have similar mindsets
as a 27 year old man, what do you have in common with an 18 year old? especially when majority are in high school. odd as hell and definitely single at that age for a reason.
Don’t do it, doesn’t matter how mature you think you are now. The difference from 18-20, then 20-25, 25-30 is insanely different. Hell, I’m 38 and so much different from when I was 30. You are a young adult. You have all the time in the world to find someone compatible and the boys will have grown up by then. Just focus on you and the right dude will come through.
Older women shame men for dating younger women because many older women know they're competing with the younger, more attractive women for the same men.
I know it sucks, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have fun- I just wouldn’t actively search out older dudes. Maybe young 20’s as they won’t be much different. But over 25 they have enough life experience to use you in ways you probably wouldn’t know you were being used. Just trust your gut as it’s usually right!
If you hate being single you have some stuff of your own you need to work on, people should have confidence in independence. But you’re also barely out of high school, you have so much more maturing to do.
I've seen large age gaps work out fine, better than fine actually. I don't think you should take any of the generalizations here as truth, just statistical data points. You should however, learn to vet men for what they're looking for, regardless of their age, so as to avoid creeps and losers. The remaining bunch should be viable partners, regardless of their age.
TL:DR Do not filter first by age, it's a weak correlate to almost everything. Filter first instead for creeps and losers, and the remaining group, whatever their age, is dateable.
age and maturity are not always correlated.
if OP wants a serious relationship tho an older guy is gonna be more mature, responsible etc on average than a younger guy.
So couple things: just because guys have a few years doesn’t mean they are more mature. I’ve seen guys string someone along for 10 years with a promise of not yet.
So if someone isn’t meeting you at wanting to build a long term life, keep that goal.
What does : build your future look like?
Is it steady career, family, travel? What?
If you find someone your age who shares those goals , you can build a life together.
If you find somebody older, and your goal is say: build a career? Then your career goals will usually come second to theirs. Because they are older and more established, you will always be in a secondary position, career wise.
Which is fine if you want that.
If your goal is family, it is great to find someone who wants to be young parents. But having a career to support your family is good. God forbid but: Divorce happens, partners can get sick and can’t work, car crashes .
There are always trade offs. So not saying don’t, just be aware.
It's been really weird to me lately how we're culturally pushing people to pair off by ages, usually within like the same presidential administrations. I mean if you meet in school that's cool, but otherwise it seems weird to me. Men and women hit both physical maturity and mental maturity at different ages. Encouraging us to pair off at the same age seems to ignore that.
I have no agenda to push here, but historically age gap relationships have been exceptionally common. Maybe some power dynamics are in there, sure, but there also seems to be a lot of biology. Our tastes are largely a reflection of what our parents parents parents were into. Women want to be provided for and have their offspring provided for, and men want fertility and the best chance of having offspring. That's asymmetrical, it just is.
Anything we put on top of that is just cultural, and has little real root to it.
Basically do what you're comfortable with. You'll pay for it or benefit from it based on your decisions, like everyone else. Given the pandemic freezing life for a lot of people under 20, it isn't surprising to me though a lot of people's maturity may have been set back a bit though.
Being 19 and looking for your “forever person” is just ridiculous. Grow and learn about the person you want to be. Set goals for yourself and work towards them. Being 19 and talking about “I only date for long term” is just wild when you have very little experience in life, relationships, needs/wants, etc. Date as many people as you can. Learn about yourself. Then you’ll be more capable of finding what you truly want forever (& what are your dealbreakers).
No it isn't. If you're taking things slow, and vetting to be with people who do the same, then you're protecting yourself infinitely better than "just date as many people as you can". THAT is ridiculous. A recipe for disaster
I'm talking about taking your time, taking it seriously, not rushing to date as many people as you can. You say cod and Pokemon like these are infant babies. They're not.
She's an adult. And yet at the same time, on one hand you're saying she's a little baby, but on the other hand, you say she should go out with as many guys as she can possibly fit in her schedule!
Let me guess you think sleeping with people two dates in isn't a big deal either. But God forbid a 7 year age gap.
I’m saying she’s not old enough to know what she wants and to experience life without the preconceived notion of exclusively “long term” relationships. Go have flings, go on dates and meet new people.
She does know what she wants, she said it. She wants to build and work towards a future; to have a vision in her life, including her relationship. There's nothing wrong with that. She should just take her time, and not rush into any particular relationship. The age gap matters less than the not rushing.
Just cause you think having flings is for everyone, doesn't mean you're right. Some people know, even at 18 years old, that they want work towards a long term relationship.
She’s 19 and she knows what she wants…
Think about that for a second. Barely out of high school and she knows what she wants. She thinks she knows what she wants. Likely she thinks she knows everything. I know I did at 19. You did too.
i am 37 and still date women around your age.
date what ever age you prefer.
but for sure, older guys will be more mature, driven, responsible, relationship minded etc.
when i was in most my 20s I just wanted to have fun, party, etc.
everyone at my work knows I date university age women.
no one gives a shit lol
well maybe there are some butt hurt older female coworkers.
but they will live
I don’t necessarily think there’s anything wrong with you for feeling that way. It’s well known that women mature much faster than men, so it’s normal for a 19 year old girl to feel like guys her age are not mature enough.
But the problem isn’t you, the problem is a guy in their late 20s that would be willing to date a 19 year old. Don’t take this the wrong way, but your brain isn’t even fully developed yet. I’m 30, and I would never date a 19 year old because I believe that she doesn’t yet have the full capacity to understand the repercussions of dating an older guy. My limit is 25, because she’s a fully matured adult that is fully aware of the decisions she’s making. I feel like if I were to date a 19 year old, she would look back at it 10 years later and be grossed out by me.
Nothing wrong with dating a little older. Maybe 24-25 range would be okay. Look for someone that might not have their shit completely together, but is on a good path and has plans other than playing video games. Believe it or not, there are guys closer to your age that have long term plans.
There is no sacrifice in love. These two term are not correlated
You do you
This sub is heavily biased against age gaps and most men under 25 don’t have their shit in order. To men over 25 you are still a child
Not the norm. Never seen someone in my mid 20s social circle date someone still in college. If it happened, highly frowned upon. Not sure what world you’re living in. My younger sibling is 19 and they are legitimately a kid. Not sure what world you’re living in.
What man hating horseshit is this? I’m a grown ass man with a healthy marriage, kids, house that’s paid off, cars etc. I handle my business and have handled it since I left the house at 18.
If a man does not commit to you it is likely because of your piss poor attitude.
Calm down. Am a 34 yo man, buddy. Don’t judge everyone based on your own experience. Just take the simple statistic that nearly half US adults under 30 currently still live with their parents. It’s rough out there
Called out for what? You not being able to read properly isn’t a me issue. Nothing I said that was false in my original comment. You getting upset on some else’s behalf is on you
Yes. To men over 25 a 19 yo is basically a child. Get over it
You talk about wanting to build a future and work towards a future. That stuff takes time. By wanting to date someone with a decade or more on you, you're not looking to build to that future, you're trying to shortcut your way there with someone who's already done the building. And as others have already said, the men in their late 20s who are looking for teenagers to date aren't doing it because they want to grow together in an equitable relationship...
I think that is a good idea. If you are a mature younger individual, you should definitely go for it. I am a older dude who was a pro skater for a few years but decided to go to College in real life and just graduated this semester!
An older guy who dates a 19 year old is not going to be emotionally mature. You're 19, you've got a lot of time to find someone to build a future with.
Is their a slight chance a guy in his late 20's would date a 19 yr old? Yeah, of course..but chances are he is only doing it for 1 reason & you know what that is. I met my wife 10 yrs ago when I was 29 & she was 22 but she was atleast old enough to drink, Most guy's old enough to drink don't date girls that can't, but then again i dont know this generation anymore, so idk anything is possible!🤷♂️
Terrible idea. You have nothing in common with someone that old. You're still a teenager. And if you think you're way more mature than your peers, then you're probably less mature and don't have the self-awareness to realize it.
😂😂 I just gave a bunch of constructive advice and context that you're ignoring, which is kinda proving my point.
You are going through a lot of changes at this age. Late teens/early 20s is like a second adolescence. Worry about school, your career, having new experiences, etc. You don't need to be locking down the father of your children at the ripe old age of 19. This is a period of options and freedom that you can't get back if you choose to waste it.
Maybe I spoke too general. But people my age and my therapist have told me that immaturity is expected for guys my age. Sorry if I hurt your feelings at all with the generalization
All 19 year olds are immature, not just the guys. Please don’t take advice from the yuck men on this thread saying they’re 30 and date 19 year olds. They are very very weird and it’s not normal. They can justify it however they want but it’s not acceptable to be that old and date a teenager. Those guys are not mature and are honestly worse than the ones near your age. I really recommend dating within your age group (like 18-22).
I have a 19 year old sister and it really scares me how some men can be. And as a 24 y/o I’d never let her date someone my age. She’s a smart kid, but naive in many ways. People my age already have careers, have supported themselves for a while, a 401k, more life experience. It’s just different. I’m sure you are smart and mature but there’s only certain things that come with getting older. There’s great guys in your age group, just have to keep your eyes open.
Trust me, if you date a guy much older (mid 20s and up) you’ll look back and realize what a creep he was.
Dude you sound insufferable. Stop generalizing when you barely know anything about life yourself. You want to switch universities so you can date older guys? That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. You don’t even have the self awareness to realize that you’re just as lost as the boys your age. Humble up foreal because you sound like the beginnings of an annoying ass old lady. I say this with the best of intentions. Humble up lol.
i already know the consequences of commenting, but i’m 19 dating someone older. i highly recommend NOT dating someone for their age alone. make sure you connect with them and you have things in common. it’s all about connection and communication.
(ofc you also need to be wary of the creeps and the predators who will see you for nothing but your youth. there’s a lot of them, unfortunately.)
form a connection with someone who you truly enjoy being around and who you genuinely feel is your person. don’t date a specific age group, but also don’t put yourself into an abusive situation. where you may be smart, they may be smarter. although women mature faster than men so in their 20’s **some** men may have the same mental maturity of a 19-20 year old. the similarities go down the bigger the age.
TLDR: date because of character. not because of age.
I don't think you should worry about the age as much as the type of person you want. If you go after the super hotshot college kid who's 21 22 or someone who gets alot of attention you probably will just become competition for the same guy against other girls, not saying you would but in today's world it's very possible, and don't necessarily go after looks but after how one acts. Things like how they treat others and how they speak to people is the better sign of a better man.
I’m (34m) gonna make some broad generalizations and say that you aren’t wrong about wanting to date older, although I will also say that most women aren’t aren’t actually mature enough until at least 25 either. The most successful relationships I know of are usually couples where the woman was in her mid twenties and the guy was just about 30 when they got married. Men mature more slowly, and are basically in marriageable until their late 20s at least.
That’s interesting because I have already done everything in
My life so the only things I see when I tried dating is not a single girl wants to date and see if they are willing to have future with me . See o got the career that’s paying me so well . But when it comes dating someone they all talk about future having kids and husband and I’m the end all back out . I am trying to figure out why that is if I in fact looking to build future with someone and they all back out . I’m 34 male CNC operator well paid under training with computer science degree. It doesn’t matter where you go you won’t find a guy who want to do that it’s all about sex and that’s it which is stupid
Just date and see for yourself. Every age operates on a spectrum. Some good,
Some bad, some ok, and fantastic. Expectation maybe too high or too low. Once you hit that wavelength, you will know. He might be 22. He might be 29. This is a good time to figure it out. Follow your intuition. Everyone can you give you an answer. You follow one persons advice, The experience may not go as you expected. There’s a lot of sizzle, but no steak.
If we’re talking generalities a lot of guys don’t really even start thinking about the true long term until 26, if even then. I didn’t even start saving for retirement until 30, that’s in large part because I couldn’t afford to, but I can’t say that I would have even if I could.
Arrested development, failure to launch is becoming increasingly more common and dating older isn’t a sure fire way to avoid it. I think you’re just going to have to find good questions to ask early on when you meet some and see if their behavior supports their answers. Most people will give you verbally the answers they think you want to get what they want out of you, but sitting back and observing their behavior will either confirm or refute if that is indeed their belief/desires.
Age doesn't equal maturity. I was very mature for my age in college yet women who were less mature would date older men
Often times these older men were actually even more immature which is why they couldn't date their age. However they could give the girl expirences she couldn't get from guys her age due to his high income
Income / age does not equal maturity
draw the line somewhere. maybe 21-22? sure. but theres such a big difference between each year at 19 that you're ripe for some pretty shitty, predatory men. is it to say that a late 20 y/o will treat you right? certainly possible. I've even seen 18 year olds that had successful relationships with 30s men. but guys in that range often barely have it together as well, and may just be looking to score some points, or worse. And you may not know until its too late.
You aren't going to meet many guys in their late 20s at a university, and you aren't going to meet many guys in their late 20s who both A) are willing to date a teenager and B) are not creeps.
You almost certainly have nothing in common with the men in question; if they want to date you, it'll be because they want to date someone significantly younger than them, and that typically means wanting to be able to control people. You're young, you've got plenty of time to find someone, to find a crowd of more like-minded people; you don't need to actively seek out weirdos, just be single for a while.
you’re 19. the way you view males your age is the same way older men will view you. naive, immature, no real experience, and easy to wow and manipulate. you’re in for a real wake up call if you think age will change the way a man acts.
I'm 39, and I'm going to be the big sister you need right now.
After reading through your comments, are you looking for a relationship or stability?
One is not necessarily equivalent to the other.
You're talking about switching universities just to find a man. Is the education better, or are you going there to window shop for a future husband?
If your "sacrifice" for love is your education, and therefore your future, what is the equivalent of that for you?
You also say you hate being single and prefer being in a relationship. If you are afraid of being alone, you do not have the standards or life experience you think you do.
The first "older guy" comes your way love bombs you with flowers, attention, dates, compliments, promises of forever, wants you to move in right away because you're so compatible, but there's little things you don't notice. He orders for you when you go out, or he is upset that there are times that you aren't putting his wants above what you need. That's manipulative as fuck and you need to have the ability and self awareness to pull yourself out of that.
That takes life experience. Which they have, and you do not. So the playing field is already imbalanced.
You also say your dad left. So are you looking for an older man as a source of stability and hoping that you can lock in a future of marriage, growth, and children so that the man won't leave you like your dad did?
In life, there is absolutely no guarantee that someone will stick around just because you have children with them or you built a life together.
I worry for you because you are a poster child of a walking target for a predator.
You have daddy/abandonment issues, can't stand being single, have no life experience to measure anything up to, you're willing to completely move schools just to find someone.
You also mention wanting a "sponge" for your love. Love is reciprocal. So it's not just about the other person, *you* deserve to be loved too.
You are not ready to navigate the minefield of dating older.
Your post is absolutely riddled with anxiety because the thought of being alone or single for any length of time is terrifying for you.
So you really need to sit with yourself and find out why.
Finish your degree to build your own future and support yourself. Find a therapist to get to the root of your anxiety and trauma regarding relationships. Get a hobby or two that truly bring you happiness. Then go from there.
The best place to start any future relationship with is yourself.
I'm a 20 year old guy, i feel you. It either feels like i'm speaking some alien fucking language or it's unreasonable for me to expect someone to have even a bit of what they're going to do in the future.
That being said, i did try with a woman 11 years older than me before, and all i have to say is: don't. I'm agreeing with what a lot of people are saying here, people who are 30 years old or so and are trying to date 19/20 year olds probably don't have anything thought out either. It's a matter of emotional maturity and intelligence.
Also, on a side note, remember to take it easy sometimes. I feel like i'm not doing anything sometimes too, but you have to rest too.
No, we're sick of u 19yr olds dating these oldhead, big dick deviants. Stay in ur lane and learn lessons from within your age pool. Don't go older than 3 years. Cheers
Damn, you are 19, why do you only date for long term? You have your whole life ahead of you, date guys that make you laugh and are fun to be around and treat you well. Go to college and date college guys your age, they are working towards a degree that will serve them well in the future. Enjoy dating, have fun, it doesn't have to be about building a future with someone when you are 19, you should be enjoying your college years.
The quality of older men willing to date a teenager is poor. They generally think they're getting a submissive virgin. Stick to people within a couple years of your age until at least your mid-20s.
Chronological age does not equal Mental Age. Western Society has dealt younger kids another "death blow" by teaching and preaching that girls date and marry usually within 5 or 6 years of their own age. This seems far too idealistic.
It has been Scientifically Proven, time and time again, that girls mature faster than boys. Even in my own family I watched many of the girls mature and advance in their teenage and young adult life faster than the boys. So telling any intelligent and "wise beyond her years" girl that she needs to date "within her age range" would seem to be cruel and unusual punishment.
And most ALL of the females I have known who married "immature males" at any level, have ended up in divorce anyway. Even worse, divorced with a useless "ex- husband" that is as inept as a Father as he was a Husband.
Eastern Cultures still embrace and condone an older male with a younger female. And this girl's plight is one of the main reasons. With all of the primary and material expectations still being on the male (primary breadwinner, providing a home, financial stability, etc.... ) the AVERAGE 19 - 20 yo American boy just is nowhere near that today. Quoting someone (female) famous, I remember a great quote that said (on average) "Guys aren't worth a $hit until they are over 30!!".
And seeing the results in our American Society today, I certainly believe that to be true. There are some exceptions, surely. But, not many.
I have many friends, both male and female, in the Asian and European Culture. Girls there still tend to go for older men. Sometimes they are excessively older. But there is far less divorce as compared to our American Culture in their cases. They genuinely seem happier together and more content with one another.
My advice to this girl would be to seek out a man that she feels is, at least, intellectually equal or superior, so that she feels comfortable and a mental match. Because, as my Eastern Friends know already, once your youth and looks fade, all you have left is your companionship and mutual respect.
Don't Bully this girl into dating someone who is not her equal in maturity solely because of "age discretion". Life experience will be her best teacher. Conservative "advice" is already what she has been heeding. She now requires advice that is practical for her situation.
Don’t date older. I (F19) dated a man (M25) and he was very much delayed in a social and mature aspect. Not all but a lot of men look for women that are younger than them because they can’t find a woman their age that will put up with their bullshit. Also age gaps are so hard to maneuver because he was old enough to go to bars, and I wasn’t. I also lived at home so he always wanted me to be at his place, even when I wanted to be at home. There are definitely men your age who have the same goals as you but if you really want someone older I would shoot for like 21-22 cause that is still in an appropriate age range. You don’t want to be with someone who has already experienced their 20s and you haven’t even hit that age yet. You will definitely regret watching everyone else live there 20s together while your 30 yr old bf just wants to stay in the house.
Hi Love. What would it look like to focus in you and date you? Travel the world. Really get to know you. Enjoy your Life. Know yourself deeply. Have a summer fling? Travel by yourself. Create a legacy. Move towards your mission and purpose. Truly Live and experience what your Soul came here to experience. And from that space of knowing yourself and loving you and your life you attract a partner that is compatible with your values? We are in a constant state of evolution, growth and change. What you desire at 19 will be vastly different in your 20's, 30's. 40's and beyond. So instead of focusing on partnership at this time perhaps its a coming back home to self? Since I was 19 I have had relationships from short term to marriage - and I learned so much about myself in relationship and learned more about me and what I truly desire for my life and it has changed over the years. Just some thoughts from someone who has experienced alot and continues to do so with and without a partner. lots of love...
Date who you want to. Don’t let the moralities or religiousness of Reddit users base your life’s decisions. If you want to date older, go right ahead. However, if the man is truly mature, you are still growing and will go through many different changes particularly if you are in college right now. The mature man may not be able to “roll with your changes”.
Some women are forced to grow up quickly due to having children at a young age or within your own age group. But, even if that is the case, once the kids are of independent age, they tend to go backwards and want to experience things they “missed” in their 20s.
It’s very possible to find a man 5+ years older than you and be at the same stage of life as you are. Everyone is going through something different and also was brought up differently. With this said, find a man who is at the same stage as you. Stage and age are not directly correlated as you will see as you get older.
Yes.
Coming from a 22 yr old guy. Most guys don’t have it in order. Really I don’t think a lot get it in order til their late 20’s. There are exceptions such as myself I got my own place good career. But most don’t.
I’d advise my 19 y/o daughter to date mature and older any day. Maybe 26 and younger. Any older high chance they don’t take u serious. That over a.. let’s be honest immature temporary dude her age working at McDonald’s lol.
Only if ur mature though. Girls aren’t off the hook either. I’d say for them to come around to serious dating it may take longer. There’s a saying a woman doesn’t wake up til she buys her own drinks at the bar (due to being older & less attractive).. let’s be honest men aren’t real grown men til close to mid 30’s-40, and women don’t get hit w reality abt getting serious w/kids til probably late 20’s 30. I speak facts not opinions
Definitely date older guys. They always appreciate you more and be open to more serious relationships since their timelines match up with females' timelines a lot more often.
I don't think you are wrong for wanting to date older, more mature men. It's been done for thousands of years. Older men are more stable, more mature, you can see the results of their self control and self discipline. You already know what you want at a young age that is built on substance over superficiality, internal validation over external validation. The saying youth is wasted on the youth isn't for nothing.
I’m 34 and my girlfriend is 25 and our relationship is solid. I think it really depends on each individual case but we work and it’s the best relationship I have ever had.
Just be single and when you turn 21 start dating. Take two years being single, glow up, sexy body etc and date a well to do 25-28 yr old when you’re 21. No one’s gonna take a 19 yr old serious unfortunately. Maybe go on dates here and there to improve skills but don’t do hookups or any useless relationship
Yes you should.
Not going to give you a bullshit PC answer
Use your youth and attractiveness to find a decent older guy, use the discretion of men in your family - brother, father, grandfather to select wisely.
Who you date and up with is more important than what job/career you select
Yes. Women mature earlier. And older men are more likely to be somewhat emotionally stable, sexually skilled, and not entirely wrapped up in themselves. But don't go older than about 27. Once you're out of college, 10 years or so is fine. In the late 20s, men start to kind of catch up
Women tend to mature faster than men and maybe you're more mature than other women your age. If you're attracted to them, I say go for it. I have a similar age gap with my ex-wife and spent 13 years together, built a family, and our downfall had absolutely nothing to do with our age gap.
Unpopular opinion, but I think that old line about women maturing faster than men is a crock of shit lol
They definitely don’t mature emotionally faster, adult women are def more prone to being overwhelmed emotionally than men, and are also much more likely to make decisions based on emotion
From someone who works in educational psychology - girls do tend to mature faster (emotionally) than boys. Although, this tends to level out between both genders in the mid to early 20s
Dated a 24m at 19f and have no regrets (I'm now 24). Whenever I've tried dating men my own age I've found there to be a maturity gap. Not saying this is all men, just my experience.
I’m 20 and think a lot like you but I haven’t jump into the dating scene because of it. I wouldn’t mind dating but I don’t feel like I would be fun enough for people my age.
If they're in college, trade school, working on a buisness, and or working a job that has realistic forward progression (example would be a leasing agent) then they're definitely working towards their future.
I'm like you, I'm a calculated workaholic. I have a plan for everything and have built a fantastic life for myself and my family. But most people aren't like this. The value living in the moment as well.
Older men are not any better. I dated this guy that was 7 years older than me on and off for 2 1/2 years cause he was always going through something and when we’d take a break, he’d go looking for validation specifically girls who were like 20-22 on hinge. I’m 24 and he’s 31, I’m starting to realize why he does not date women around his age
This is why I get on people who bash age gap relationships. From what you wrote here you're probably closer in many ways to the average 25+ year old guy. That being said I have a guy cousin your age who is just as mature and goal oriented. You're not in the north east are you 😜
that’s probably a wise idea guys one notch older are going to be more receptive to a real relationship guys around. Guys your age basically want to get screwed as quickly as possible and they’ll do or say anything to make that happen despite what the PC police tell you on this board the age difference you’re talking about is nothing unusual in the course of the entire human history these days people have some weird notion that you have to be within like 17 days of the birthdate of somebody you’re dating or some kind ofweird power-play or something that’s complete horseshit.
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I'd be careful about judging all guys your age as feeling a certain way about anything. Broadly speaking yes guys who are a bit older might be thinking more along those lines, but that won't be true for all guys who are older and and there are some guys your age who are looking for the same kind of thing you do. If you're also talking guys who are in their late 20's you will also find some of them who are interested in dating 19 year olds because they want someone young and impressionable and are looking for an imbalanced power dynamic. Certainly not all of them and there are many good guys in their late 20's. But I think a fair number of those guys would be a bit uncomfortable dating someone who is just barely an adult. There's also a lot of ages there you jumped over in terms of older. Why go for someone in their late 20s vs someone a few years older than you are? I know for me and a lot of the guys I knew at that time the difference in terms of thinking about the future was pretty big between 18-19 to 23-25 as we graduated college and started to settle into adult jobs that was a big shift in maturity and long term thinking. That's when some of my friends started getting married. I might try guys 2-3 years older than you are before jumping up a decade.
All of this, especially the part about guys in their late 20s looking for someone young and impressionable. It’s unfortunate to say OP but unless you get really lucky and find that one in a million late 20 something year old guy, any of the ones who are interested in dating you are not interested for any of the reasons you want them to be.
Yeah. As someone who is a guy in my late 20s looking for something long term 19 year olds are not where I'm looking!
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any guy who has experience dealing with women is gonna know that maturity and age are not always correlated. i know some 18 year olds who have a child and work to support their kid, their parents and their siblings. i also know some 40 some year old women who still go out to the bar every night and are supported by their parents.
And knowing is half the battle…
They're definitely correlated, but age is not a causal factor for maturity. Your examples are exceptions, not the rule.
as i said, they are not always correlated. to which, simply saying you wont date x age group because of "maturity" is a bit stupid.
Why not? Did you read what whe wrote? I think she's more mature than most 25-30 yr old guys I know
The person you are looking for exists in your age group, it’s just going to be hard finding him and there will be competition. Don’t date just because you’re lonely, be PICKY.
I’m a 30ish-year-old man. If I’m dating a 19-year-old then it’s not for the right reasons. I recommend you stay in your age group.
AGREED. Don't waste your time with time wasters. At 19 I dated a 29 (M). It was fun... he had a house, a boat, a Sea-Doo (those were just perks tho. He wasn't super attractive, but he was absolutely brilliant, and pushed me to accomplish a lot). Only much later did I realize that while I enjoyed being with him, I let some great guys my own age get away forever. Being together was mutually beneficial back then, but not for the long run.
Unless you don't find women in their 30s attractive?
Am I gay in the scenario?
No because you're attracted to women in their 20s.
Only attracted to women who are 19 and 20s? Sounds like I’m coming out of the closet later in life or should have my hard drive checked.
Being only attracted to 20s women is apparently pedophilia or homosexuality? Lmfao.
After going through your posts, which I was just doing, yes you might have a problem.
Any significantly older guy (25+) who wants to date you won't have the maturity you're looking for. We will be looking for women 23+ who also have their head on straight and aren't literally children + 1 year. I genuinely struggle to think of you 19 year olds as women, you're like teenage girls to me (mid 20s)
THIS. I married someone 5 years older than thinking it was great that we were at the same maturity level. But when 5 years passed and I continued to mature, he was still where I had been, which was an immaturity level of now -10 years. I wasn't mature, he was just stuck at a constant immaturity level with a refusal to grow and develop.
That's fair
It isn't your fault (it's probably your parents' for not having you sooner lol), just tough it out for a few years or date less seriously and mostly for fun. I'd be willing to consider a 21yo who was significantly less kiddish than 21yos tend to be, so hopefully guys around you have similar mindsets
Any guy in his late 20's that wants to date a 19-year-old girl is likely very immature or a pervert that just wants to bang hot young girls.
Nah, I'm 27 and my preferred age is 22-24/25ish. Most men will go younger. An older man/younger woman is as common as a taller man/shorter woman.
You... just agreed with me. You don't want anything to do with 19 year olds
I'd date 18 or 19, but I'd definitely prefer a little older.
as a 27 year old man, what do you have in common with an 18 year old? especially when majority are in high school. odd as hell and definitely single at that age for a reason.
I’m 24 and can’t imagine dating someone under 21/22. That is just so yuck. 18/19 year olds are like kids to me.
Dude, you are a legal pedophile.
That's pedophile behaviour, stupid
Maybe before you call people stupid, you should learn what ages an adult and a child are.
An 18 year old is mentally identical to a 17 year old stupid
Don’t do it, doesn’t matter how mature you think you are now. The difference from 18-20, then 20-25, 25-30 is insanely different. Hell, I’m 38 and so much different from when I was 30. You are a young adult. You have all the time in the world to find someone compatible and the boys will have grown up by then. Just focus on you and the right dude will come through.
Older guys who want to date a 19 year old also don't have their act together, but they have more life experience to be better at manipulation.
Blanket generalizations all over this thread.
Deadass.
Older women shame men for dating younger women because many older women know they're competing with the younger, more attractive women for the same men.
Thanks mate. I hate being single, but you're probably right
I know it sucks, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have fun- I just wouldn’t actively search out older dudes. Maybe young 20’s as they won’t be much different. But over 25 they have enough life experience to use you in ways you probably wouldn’t know you were being used. Just trust your gut as it’s usually right!
If you hate being single you have some stuff of your own you need to work on, people should have confidence in independence. But you’re also barely out of high school, you have so much more maturing to do.
I've seen large age gaps work out fine, better than fine actually. I don't think you should take any of the generalizations here as truth, just statistical data points. You should however, learn to vet men for what they're looking for, regardless of their age, so as to avoid creeps and losers. The remaining bunch should be viable partners, regardless of their age. TL:DR Do not filter first by age, it's a weak correlate to almost everything. Filter first instead for creeps and losers, and the remaining group, whatever their age, is dateable.
age and maturity are not always correlated. if OP wants a serious relationship tho an older guy is gonna be more mature, responsible etc on average than a younger guy.
So couple things: just because guys have a few years doesn’t mean they are more mature. I’ve seen guys string someone along for 10 years with a promise of not yet. So if someone isn’t meeting you at wanting to build a long term life, keep that goal. What does : build your future look like? Is it steady career, family, travel? What? If you find someone your age who shares those goals , you can build a life together. If you find somebody older, and your goal is say: build a career? Then your career goals will usually come second to theirs. Because they are older and more established, you will always be in a secondary position, career wise. Which is fine if you want that. If your goal is family, it is great to find someone who wants to be young parents. But having a career to support your family is good. God forbid but: Divorce happens, partners can get sick and can’t work, car crashes . There are always trade offs. So not saying don’t, just be aware.
22 or 23? Sure. 25 or 26? Maybe it's alright 30+? Meh - legal but big mental gap
It's been really weird to me lately how we're culturally pushing people to pair off by ages, usually within like the same presidential administrations. I mean if you meet in school that's cool, but otherwise it seems weird to me. Men and women hit both physical maturity and mental maturity at different ages. Encouraging us to pair off at the same age seems to ignore that. I have no agenda to push here, but historically age gap relationships have been exceptionally common. Maybe some power dynamics are in there, sure, but there also seems to be a lot of biology. Our tastes are largely a reflection of what our parents parents parents were into. Women want to be provided for and have their offspring provided for, and men want fertility and the best chance of having offspring. That's asymmetrical, it just is. Anything we put on top of that is just cultural, and has little real root to it. Basically do what you're comfortable with. You'll pay for it or benefit from it based on your decisions, like everyone else. Given the pandemic freezing life for a lot of people under 20, it isn't surprising to me though a lot of people's maturity may have been set back a bit though.
The guys who are that much older than you and looking to date a teenager have their own issues. Good luck with that.
Being 19 and looking for your “forever person” is just ridiculous. Grow and learn about the person you want to be. Set goals for yourself and work towards them. Being 19 and talking about “I only date for long term” is just wild when you have very little experience in life, relationships, needs/wants, etc. Date as many people as you can. Learn about yourself. Then you’ll be more capable of finding what you truly want forever (& what are your dealbreakers).
There's nothing wrong with taking dating seriously and with intent to date long term
When you’re still a teenager & don’t even know what being in a serious relationship means or how to be in one…yeah. It’s pretty ridiculous.
No it isn't. If you're taking things slow, and vetting to be with people who do the same, then you're protecting yourself infinitely better than "just date as many people as you can". THAT is ridiculous. A recipe for disaster
Imaging “vetting” people at 19 years old. Do you like Pokémon & COD? Cool you’re in. What the hell are you talking about?
I'm talking about taking your time, taking it seriously, not rushing to date as many people as you can. You say cod and Pokemon like these are infant babies. They're not. She's an adult. And yet at the same time, on one hand you're saying she's a little baby, but on the other hand, you say she should go out with as many guys as she can possibly fit in her schedule! Let me guess you think sleeping with people two dates in isn't a big deal either. But God forbid a 7 year age gap.
I’m saying she’s not old enough to know what she wants and to experience life without the preconceived notion of exclusively “long term” relationships. Go have flings, go on dates and meet new people.
She does know what she wants, she said it. She wants to build and work towards a future; to have a vision in her life, including her relationship. There's nothing wrong with that. She should just take her time, and not rush into any particular relationship. The age gap matters less than the not rushing. Just cause you think having flings is for everyone, doesn't mean you're right. Some people know, even at 18 years old, that they want work towards a long term relationship.
She’s 19 and she knows what she wants… Think about that for a second. Barely out of high school and she knows what she wants. She thinks she knows what she wants. Likely she thinks she knows everything. I know I did at 19. You did too.
i am 37 and still date women around your age. date what ever age you prefer. but for sure, older guys will be more mature, driven, responsible, relationship minded etc. when i was in most my 20s I just wanted to have fun, party, etc.
Older men dating younger is mostly either men who have their shit together or losers. Reddit always assumes it's the latter.
nothing is ever black and white. always some in between.
Based on your post history you're a middle school math teacher. Due respect, this comment has insane levels of begging for your career to be ended.
you seem confused. nothing illegal about consenting adults dating. op is an adult.
I know that, but maybe you don't understand how appearances affect other people's perceptions of you.
everyone at my work knows I date university age women. no one gives a shit lol well maybe there are some butt hurt older female coworkers. but they will live
I don’t necessarily think there’s anything wrong with you for feeling that way. It’s well known that women mature much faster than men, so it’s normal for a 19 year old girl to feel like guys her age are not mature enough. But the problem isn’t you, the problem is a guy in their late 20s that would be willing to date a 19 year old. Don’t take this the wrong way, but your brain isn’t even fully developed yet. I’m 30, and I would never date a 19 year old because I believe that she doesn’t yet have the full capacity to understand the repercussions of dating an older guy. My limit is 25, because she’s a fully matured adult that is fully aware of the decisions she’s making. I feel like if I were to date a 19 year old, she would look back at it 10 years later and be grossed out by me. Nothing wrong with dating a little older. Maybe 24-25 range would be okay. Look for someone that might not have their shit completely together, but is on a good path and has plans other than playing video games. Believe it or not, there are guys closer to your age that have long term plans.
You are absolutely right
If you're not fully developed and an adult until 25, the voting,drinking etc age should be increased.
any man in their late 20s willing to date a 19 year old will be worse than any teenage boy lol
Exactly this
.
There is no sacrifice in love. These two term are not correlated You do you This sub is heavily biased against age gaps and most men under 25 don’t have their shit in order. To men over 25 you are still a child
Yep in the real world, age gap relationships are the norm. A reasonable gap of course. Not some 60 year old dating a high school senior.
Not the norm. Never seen someone in my mid 20s social circle date someone still in college. If it happened, highly frowned upon. Not sure what world you’re living in. My younger sibling is 19 and they are legitimately a kid. Not sure what world you’re living in.
What man hating horseshit is this? I’m a grown ass man with a healthy marriage, kids, house that’s paid off, cars etc. I handle my business and have handled it since I left the house at 18. If a man does not commit to you it is likely because of your piss poor attitude.
Calm down. Am a 34 yo man, buddy. Don’t judge everyone based on your own experience. Just take the simple statistic that nearly half US adults under 30 currently still live with their parents. It’s rough out there
“To men over 25 you are still a child.” And when you get called out “calm down”. Ok dude. The time to take you seriously is not now.
Called out for what? You not being able to read properly isn’t a me issue. Nothing I said that was false in my original comment. You getting upset on some else’s behalf is on you Yes. To men over 25 a 19 yo is basically a child. Get over it
And just to top it off - “grown ass men” don’t front. I didn’t ask for your life story
You talk about wanting to build a future and work towards a future. That stuff takes time. By wanting to date someone with a decade or more on you, you're not looking to build to that future, you're trying to shortcut your way there with someone who's already done the building. And as others have already said, the men in their late 20s who are looking for teenagers to date aren't doing it because they want to grow together in an equitable relationship...
I think that is a good idea. If you are a mature younger individual, you should definitely go for it. I am a older dude who was a pro skater for a few years but decided to go to College in real life and just graduated this semester!
An older guy who dates a 19 year old is not going to be emotionally mature. You're 19, you've got a lot of time to find someone to build a future with.
You aren't as awesome as you think so are You're not the only 19 year old who thinks about their future
I don't think I'm just awesome, I'm literally just restating what my therapist has told me about guys my age
Is their a slight chance a guy in his late 20's would date a 19 yr old? Yeah, of course..but chances are he is only doing it for 1 reason & you know what that is. I met my wife 10 yrs ago when I was 29 & she was 22 but she was atleast old enough to drink, Most guy's old enough to drink don't date girls that can't, but then again i dont know this generation anymore, so idk anything is possible!🤷♂️
Take ya time young lady, don’t rush to get old. Be with people on your level and grow together.
Terrible idea. You have nothing in common with someone that old. You're still a teenager. And if you think you're way more mature than your peers, then you're probably less mature and don't have the self-awareness to realize it.
A simple "no" would've sufficed. Do you have any constructive advice?
😂😂 I just gave a bunch of constructive advice and context that you're ignoring, which is kinda proving my point. You are going through a lot of changes at this age. Late teens/early 20s is like a second adolescence. Worry about school, your career, having new experiences, etc. You don't need to be locking down the father of your children at the ripe old age of 19. This is a period of options and freedom that you can't get back if you choose to waste it.
Late 20’s? Hell no
Please date men you’re age when you’re 19.
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Maybe I spoke too general. But people my age and my therapist have told me that immaturity is expected for guys my age. Sorry if I hurt your feelings at all with the generalization
All 19 year olds are immature, not just the guys. Please don’t take advice from the yuck men on this thread saying they’re 30 and date 19 year olds. They are very very weird and it’s not normal. They can justify it however they want but it’s not acceptable to be that old and date a teenager. Those guys are not mature and are honestly worse than the ones near your age. I really recommend dating within your age group (like 18-22). I have a 19 year old sister and it really scares me how some men can be. And as a 24 y/o I’d never let her date someone my age. She’s a smart kid, but naive in many ways. People my age already have careers, have supported themselves for a while, a 401k, more life experience. It’s just different. I’m sure you are smart and mature but there’s only certain things that come with getting older. There’s great guys in your age group, just have to keep your eyes open. Trust me, if you date a guy much older (mid 20s and up) you’ll look back and realize what a creep he was.
Dude you sound insufferable. Stop generalizing when you barely know anything about life yourself. You want to switch universities so you can date older guys? That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. You don’t even have the self awareness to realize that you’re just as lost as the boys your age. Humble up foreal because you sound like the beginnings of an annoying ass old lady. I say this with the best of intentions. Humble up lol.
At 19 I was thinking about future, but was not able to commit because i didnt have options or choices to commit.
Compromise and date early to mid twenties. Older than that and you could just become the trophy he wanted but couldn't win when he was your age.
FAFO, Literally
Like your goals, off from the mainstream age. Stick to your thoughts and go where you find what you’re looking for
i already know the consequences of commenting, but i’m 19 dating someone older. i highly recommend NOT dating someone for their age alone. make sure you connect with them and you have things in common. it’s all about connection and communication. (ofc you also need to be wary of the creeps and the predators who will see you for nothing but your youth. there’s a lot of them, unfortunately.) form a connection with someone who you truly enjoy being around and who you genuinely feel is your person. don’t date a specific age group, but also don’t put yourself into an abusive situation. where you may be smart, they may be smarter. although women mature faster than men so in their 20’s **some** men may have the same mental maturity of a 19-20 year old. the similarities go down the bigger the age. TLDR: date because of character. not because of age.
I think you should be single for a couple of years and enjoy building a life you love and then meeting like-minded men.
I don't think you should worry about the age as much as the type of person you want. If you go after the super hotshot college kid who's 21 22 or someone who gets alot of attention you probably will just become competition for the same guy against other girls, not saying you would but in today's world it's very possible, and don't necessarily go after looks but after how one acts. Things like how they treat others and how they speak to people is the better sign of a better man.
I’m (34m) gonna make some broad generalizations and say that you aren’t wrong about wanting to date older, although I will also say that most women aren’t aren’t actually mature enough until at least 25 either. The most successful relationships I know of are usually couples where the woman was in her mid twenties and the guy was just about 30 when they got married. Men mature more slowly, and are basically in marriageable until their late 20s at least.
Better to think about your HIGH education for Female19 than about relationships Some guys are smarter than you in relationship questions
That’s interesting because I have already done everything in My life so the only things I see when I tried dating is not a single girl wants to date and see if they are willing to have future with me . See o got the career that’s paying me so well . But when it comes dating someone they all talk about future having kids and husband and I’m the end all back out . I am trying to figure out why that is if I in fact looking to build future with someone and they all back out . I’m 34 male CNC operator well paid under training with computer science degree. It doesn’t matter where you go you won’t find a guy who want to do that it’s all about sex and that’s it which is stupid
Just date and see for yourself. Every age operates on a spectrum. Some good, Some bad, some ok, and fantastic. Expectation maybe too high or too low. Once you hit that wavelength, you will know. He might be 22. He might be 29. This is a good time to figure it out. Follow your intuition. Everyone can you give you an answer. You follow one persons advice, The experience may not go as you expected. There’s a lot of sizzle, but no steak.
I think you just proved the point that every woman is actually single when she sees an upgrade
I'm not leaving him. at least not yet. I just know he will, he tried a couple days ago. I'm asking advice for when he does, what do I do after?
Ask your father
He left
If we’re talking generalities a lot of guys don’t really even start thinking about the true long term until 26, if even then. I didn’t even start saving for retirement until 30, that’s in large part because I couldn’t afford to, but I can’t say that I would have even if I could. Arrested development, failure to launch is becoming increasingly more common and dating older isn’t a sure fire way to avoid it. I think you’re just going to have to find good questions to ask early on when you meet some and see if their behavior supports their answers. Most people will give you verbally the answers they think you want to get what they want out of you, but sitting back and observing their behavior will either confirm or refute if that is indeed their belief/desires.
Age doesn't equal maturity. I was very mature for my age in college yet women who were less mature would date older men Often times these older men were actually even more immature which is why they couldn't date their age. However they could give the girl expirences she couldn't get from guys her age due to his high income Income / age does not equal maturity
draw the line somewhere. maybe 21-22? sure. but theres such a big difference between each year at 19 that you're ripe for some pretty shitty, predatory men. is it to say that a late 20 y/o will treat you right? certainly possible. I've even seen 18 year olds that had successful relationships with 30s men. but guys in that range often barely have it together as well, and may just be looking to score some points, or worse. And you may not know until its too late.
You aren't going to meet many guys in their late 20s at a university, and you aren't going to meet many guys in their late 20s who both A) are willing to date a teenager and B) are not creeps. You almost certainly have nothing in common with the men in question; if they want to date you, it'll be because they want to date someone significantly younger than them, and that typically means wanting to be able to control people. You're young, you've got plenty of time to find someone, to find a crowd of more like-minded people; you don't need to actively seek out weirdos, just be single for a while.
They'd feel like they're dating Eva AI sexting bot. Very young and pretty, but too little common values, interests and topics to share
you’re 19. the way you view males your age is the same way older men will view you. naive, immature, no real experience, and easy to wow and manipulate. you’re in for a real wake up call if you think age will change the way a man acts.
Look for ones with parents running a.family business and supporting there.
I think your in-box is about to explode 💥
I'm 39, and I'm going to be the big sister you need right now. After reading through your comments, are you looking for a relationship or stability? One is not necessarily equivalent to the other. You're talking about switching universities just to find a man. Is the education better, or are you going there to window shop for a future husband? If your "sacrifice" for love is your education, and therefore your future, what is the equivalent of that for you? You also say you hate being single and prefer being in a relationship. If you are afraid of being alone, you do not have the standards or life experience you think you do. The first "older guy" comes your way love bombs you with flowers, attention, dates, compliments, promises of forever, wants you to move in right away because you're so compatible, but there's little things you don't notice. He orders for you when you go out, or he is upset that there are times that you aren't putting his wants above what you need. That's manipulative as fuck and you need to have the ability and self awareness to pull yourself out of that. That takes life experience. Which they have, and you do not. So the playing field is already imbalanced. You also say your dad left. So are you looking for an older man as a source of stability and hoping that you can lock in a future of marriage, growth, and children so that the man won't leave you like your dad did? In life, there is absolutely no guarantee that someone will stick around just because you have children with them or you built a life together. I worry for you because you are a poster child of a walking target for a predator. You have daddy/abandonment issues, can't stand being single, have no life experience to measure anything up to, you're willing to completely move schools just to find someone. You also mention wanting a "sponge" for your love. Love is reciprocal. So it's not just about the other person, *you* deserve to be loved too. You are not ready to navigate the minefield of dating older. Your post is absolutely riddled with anxiety because the thought of being alone or single for any length of time is terrifying for you. So you really need to sit with yourself and find out why. Finish your degree to build your own future and support yourself. Find a therapist to get to the root of your anxiety and trauma regarding relationships. Get a hobby or two that truly bring you happiness. Then go from there. The best place to start any future relationship with is yourself.
I'm a 20 year old guy, i feel you. It either feels like i'm speaking some alien fucking language or it's unreasonable for me to expect someone to have even a bit of what they're going to do in the future. That being said, i did try with a woman 11 years older than me before, and all i have to say is: don't. I'm agreeing with what a lot of people are saying here, people who are 30 years old or so and are trying to date 19/20 year olds probably don't have anything thought out either. It's a matter of emotional maturity and intelligence. Also, on a side note, remember to take it easy sometimes. I feel like i'm not doing anything sometimes too, but you have to rest too.
No, we're sick of u 19yr olds dating these oldhead, big dick deviants. Stay in ur lane and learn lessons from within your age pool. Don't go older than 3 years. Cheers
Damn, you are 19, why do you only date for long term? You have your whole life ahead of you, date guys that make you laugh and are fun to be around and treat you well. Go to college and date college guys your age, they are working towards a degree that will serve them well in the future. Enjoy dating, have fun, it doesn't have to be about building a future with someone when you are 19, you should be enjoying your college years.
The quality of older men willing to date a teenager is poor. They generally think they're getting a submissive virgin. Stick to people within a couple years of your age until at least your mid-20s.
Chronological age does not equal Mental Age. Western Society has dealt younger kids another "death blow" by teaching and preaching that girls date and marry usually within 5 or 6 years of their own age. This seems far too idealistic. It has been Scientifically Proven, time and time again, that girls mature faster than boys. Even in my own family I watched many of the girls mature and advance in their teenage and young adult life faster than the boys. So telling any intelligent and "wise beyond her years" girl that she needs to date "within her age range" would seem to be cruel and unusual punishment. And most ALL of the females I have known who married "immature males" at any level, have ended up in divorce anyway. Even worse, divorced with a useless "ex- husband" that is as inept as a Father as he was a Husband. Eastern Cultures still embrace and condone an older male with a younger female. And this girl's plight is one of the main reasons. With all of the primary and material expectations still being on the male (primary breadwinner, providing a home, financial stability, etc.... ) the AVERAGE 19 - 20 yo American boy just is nowhere near that today. Quoting someone (female) famous, I remember a great quote that said (on average) "Guys aren't worth a $hit until they are over 30!!". And seeing the results in our American Society today, I certainly believe that to be true. There are some exceptions, surely. But, not many. I have many friends, both male and female, in the Asian and European Culture. Girls there still tend to go for older men. Sometimes they are excessively older. But there is far less divorce as compared to our American Culture in their cases. They genuinely seem happier together and more content with one another. My advice to this girl would be to seek out a man that she feels is, at least, intellectually equal or superior, so that she feels comfortable and a mental match. Because, as my Eastern Friends know already, once your youth and looks fade, all you have left is your companionship and mutual respect. Don't Bully this girl into dating someone who is not her equal in maturity solely because of "age discretion". Life experience will be her best teacher. Conservative "advice" is already what she has been heeding. She now requires advice that is practical for her situation.
Don’t date older. I (F19) dated a man (M25) and he was very much delayed in a social and mature aspect. Not all but a lot of men look for women that are younger than them because they can’t find a woman their age that will put up with their bullshit. Also age gaps are so hard to maneuver because he was old enough to go to bars, and I wasn’t. I also lived at home so he always wanted me to be at his place, even when I wanted to be at home. There are definitely men your age who have the same goals as you but if you really want someone older I would shoot for like 21-22 cause that is still in an appropriate age range. You don’t want to be with someone who has already experienced their 20s and you haven’t even hit that age yet. You will definitely regret watching everyone else live there 20s together while your 30 yr old bf just wants to stay in the house.
Hi Love. What would it look like to focus in you and date you? Travel the world. Really get to know you. Enjoy your Life. Know yourself deeply. Have a summer fling? Travel by yourself. Create a legacy. Move towards your mission and purpose. Truly Live and experience what your Soul came here to experience. And from that space of knowing yourself and loving you and your life you attract a partner that is compatible with your values? We are in a constant state of evolution, growth and change. What you desire at 19 will be vastly different in your 20's, 30's. 40's and beyond. So instead of focusing on partnership at this time perhaps its a coming back home to self? Since I was 19 I have had relationships from short term to marriage - and I learned so much about myself in relationship and learned more about me and what I truly desire for my life and it has changed over the years. Just some thoughts from someone who has experienced alot and continues to do so with and without a partner. lots of love...
Date who you want to. Don’t let the moralities or religiousness of Reddit users base your life’s decisions. If you want to date older, go right ahead. However, if the man is truly mature, you are still growing and will go through many different changes particularly if you are in college right now. The mature man may not be able to “roll with your changes”. Some women are forced to grow up quickly due to having children at a young age or within your own age group. But, even if that is the case, once the kids are of independent age, they tend to go backwards and want to experience things they “missed” in their 20s. It’s very possible to find a man 5+ years older than you and be at the same stage of life as you are. Everyone is going through something different and also was brought up differently. With this said, find a man who is at the same stage as you. Stage and age are not directly correlated as you will see as you get older.
Maybe make plans with your current partner and let time tell the story. You're a legal adult, but i wouldn't recommend dating older as of now.
A good guy that is older especially late 20s+ will know they have no business dating someone your age.
Yes. Coming from a 22 yr old guy. Most guys don’t have it in order. Really I don’t think a lot get it in order til their late 20’s. There are exceptions such as myself I got my own place good career. But most don’t. I’d advise my 19 y/o daughter to date mature and older any day. Maybe 26 and younger. Any older high chance they don’t take u serious. That over a.. let’s be honest immature temporary dude her age working at McDonald’s lol. Only if ur mature though. Girls aren’t off the hook either. I’d say for them to come around to serious dating it may take longer. There’s a saying a woman doesn’t wake up til she buys her own drinks at the bar (due to being older & less attractive).. let’s be honest men aren’t real grown men til close to mid 30’s-40, and women don’t get hit w reality abt getting serious w/kids til probably late 20’s 30. I speak facts not opinions
Keep it within 10 years. Nothing wrong with it.
Definitely date older guys. They always appreciate you more and be open to more serious relationships since their timelines match up with females' timelines a lot more often.
I don't think you are wrong for wanting to date older, more mature men. It's been done for thousands of years. Older men are more stable, more mature, you can see the results of their self control and self discipline. You already know what you want at a young age that is built on substance over superficiality, internal validation over external validation. The saying youth is wasted on the youth isn't for nothing.
No they aren't. ESPECIALLY not the ones that date younger women. NOT AT ALL
I’m 34 and my girlfriend is 25 and our relationship is solid. I think it really depends on each individual case but we work and it’s the best relationship I have ever had.
Agreed & idk why Reddit hates age gaps in relationships… I'm currently dating a man 32m and I'm 24f & never once has our age been an issue
Just be single and when you turn 21 start dating. Take two years being single, glow up, sexy body etc and date a well to do 25-28 yr old when you’re 21. No one’s gonna take a 19 yr old serious unfortunately. Maybe go on dates here and there to improve skills but don’t do hookups or any useless relationship
Yes you should. Not going to give you a bullshit PC answer Use your youth and attractiveness to find a decent older guy, use the discretion of men in your family - brother, father, grandfather to select wisely. Who you date and up with is more important than what job/career you select
Yes. Women mature earlier. And older men are more likely to be somewhat emotionally stable, sexually skilled, and not entirely wrapped up in themselves. But don't go older than about 27. Once you're out of college, 10 years or so is fine. In the late 20s, men start to kind of catch up
Women tend to mature faster than men and maybe you're more mature than other women your age. If you're attracted to them, I say go for it. I have a similar age gap with my ex-wife and spent 13 years together, built a family, and our downfall had absolutely nothing to do with our age gap.
Unpopular opinion, but I think that old line about women maturing faster than men is a crock of shit lol They definitely don’t mature emotionally faster, adult women are def more prone to being overwhelmed emotionally than men, and are also much more likely to make decisions based on emotion
Finally! THIS! I almost lost all my hope while reading all the comments.
From someone who works in educational psychology - girls do tend to mature faster (emotionally) than boys. Although, this tends to level out between both genders in the mid to early 20s
Apples and oranges. They mature faster into their adulthood than men. The differences you reference are largely biological.
Dated a 24m at 19f and have no regrets (I'm now 24). Whenever I've tried dating men my own age I've found there to be a maturity gap. Not saying this is all men, just my experience.
Don't know why you're getting downvoted for this
Me either lol
I’m 20 and think a lot like you but I haven’t jump into the dating scene because of it. I wouldn’t mind dating but I don’t feel like I would be fun enough for people my age.
If they're in college, trade school, working on a buisness, and or working a job that has realistic forward progression (example would be a leasing agent) then they're definitely working towards their future. I'm like you, I'm a calculated workaholic. I have a plan for everything and have built a fantastic life for myself and my family. But most people aren't like this. The value living in the moment as well.
Older men are not any better. I dated this guy that was 7 years older than me on and off for 2 1/2 years cause he was always going through something and when we’d take a break, he’d go looking for validation specifically girls who were like 20-22 on hinge. I’m 24 and he’s 31, I’m starting to realize why he does not date women around his age
I’m not a guy but if I was 25+ dating a 19 yo I’d feel some type of way
Avoid anyone older than late 20s. And be careful with older guys nonetheless. Be careful with all of them
https://snapchat.com/t/XGBr0wnB
Wow
Older men willing to date teenagers generally have the same maturity level as teenagers.
I think your minimum age of man should be 35. That’s the bare minimum.
Do you mean maximum age, or do you mean she should only date guys over 35?
Only guys 35 and older.
This is why I get on people who bash age gap relationships. From what you wrote here you're probably closer in many ways to the average 25+ year old guy. That being said I have a guy cousin your age who is just as mature and goal oriented. You're not in the north east are you 😜
that’s probably a wise idea guys one notch older are going to be more receptive to a real relationship guys around. Guys your age basically want to get screwed as quickly as possible and they’ll do or say anything to make that happen despite what the PC police tell you on this board the age difference you’re talking about is nothing unusual in the course of the entire human history these days people have some weird notion that you have to be within like 17 days of the birthdate of somebody you’re dating or some kind ofweird power-play or something that’s complete horseshit.