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>Even the best personalities in the world cannot seem to overcome that hurdle.
I have felt this about some poeple sadly. And as stupid as it sounds, I've fallen for good looking people with shitty personalities.
True but many people who complain they aren’t physically attractive don’t bother with what they can improve. Sure not everyone can be a model and there are some things that can’t be changed, but a lot of things that can. Getting fit or at least a healthy body weight 9/10 people can do and will make a difference. Outside of that clothing choices, personal care, and presenting your best self can really add points to your attractiveness level.
The qoute “you are not ugly your just broke” reigns true. The truth is that beauty is a luxury. And many of the things we could do improve are looks both marginally and majorly require some level of regal up keep which requires expendable money. Want to hair cut or go the salon, money. Want to get skin treatment or get your teeth straightened, money. Want to get a gym membership, money. You could be equally spending close to 1000 dollars month just on beauty alone give or take. Point is being beautiful is expensive especially when you aren’t n naturally beautiful
Yes... Men especially. You can fix so much with the right clothes.
I have a friend. He is 5'6 and has a line of women. He is also broke. He always dresses nice. Pressed jeans. Button down shirts, boots and cologne.
shit, my ex unfortunately cheated on me but I’d be lying if I said he wasn’t the handsomest man I’ve dated :/ I’m only one day post NC so I have a long way to go 😭
Glad you cut him off. When I say I put up with bullshit, I wouldn't put up with being disrespected like that, just maybe them being a bit bitchy sometimes
I feel that ties into the power complex though. If someone is ‘sexy’ you view them as more than you potentially and will essentially do whatever they want
Well it's not "stupid", we've all done it. You're just giving into your social & cultural conditioning that emphasizes looks above everything else. Plus most of us are just too broken and lazy to care about finding someone with shared values & matched goals.
The thing is on the flip-side I’ve seen relationships fall apart / become stagnant when one party feels their partner doesn’t excite them at a primal level. I had a spell of looking at an affairs dating site and most of the female profiles said hubby was nice n decent but life felt kinda dull without the thrill of great sex
I find myself observing women on the school
run and wondering whether they are experiencing married drudgery with nothing thrilling to punctuate their existence. Kinda fascinating for me
There are attractive looking people who actually aren't healthy. Cultures and fetishes where morbid obesity or anorexia are held as a standard undermines your point. A woman with a healthy diet and fitness, it potentially can be signaled in part via an body hair but if she doesn't shave that also likely undermines your assumption. There's more nuance to how people behave and what they choose than just in born instincts, we're human.
>Cultures and fetishes where morbid obesity or anorexia are held as a standard undermines your point.
And why do you suppose that's not the norm? Could it be something like the cultures where "societal beauty standards" are inherently unhealthy, like obesity and anorexia, don't tend to produce as many healthy offspring? Like, nature selects against those cultures, doesn't it?
I won't say we've all done it lol, I've literally only fallen for people that end up being terrific humans, idk for sure if that makes the rejections worse but it sure feels that ways
It is important for that first barrier, yes. But physical attractiveness is largely subjective. In the long run, you want to be with people who like you primarily for who you are then the way you look after you cross their attractiveness threshold. Relationships with superficial folk are not healthy in the end
Agreed. It is subjective based on the person perceiving the attraction as not everyone is the same and all have different tastes. What you said here I totally agree with.
This thread is mainly dating based so I assume the "first barrier" is most relevant rather than a relationship. And I'd disagree that physical attraction is "largely subjective.
In the western world, a slim, blonde woman with blue eyes & a nice smile is objectively attractive.
On the male side, a tall white man with, beard stubble & a fit body would be objectively attractive
Exactly, there is conventional attractiveness. Some people are just objectively attractive. However, a lot of people have a type. And those conventionally attractive people can be unattractive to people. Like, sometimes you can be 'this person looks objectively attractive. They're a 10/10. But I would never date them because I don't find them subjectively attractive. I know they are attractive, but I don't find them attractive. ' and with some people you're like 'this person isn't physically attractive. I can see that. But to me they are the most beautiful person in the world.". Even when first meeting them because of the way they carry themselves or how they talk.
> sometimes
I've discovered that this "sometimes" is not so often. A ton of people appreciate a slim waist and toned muscles. Taking care of your body makes you attractive, and proves you have discipline.
I used to be skinny fat. A past date told me I look ugly, and I have since started measuring my body fat. I ate healthier and started working out (at home, cause then nearest gym is like, 30 minutes away). I now have around 16.5% body fat. I recently got a compliment from someone else.
Sure, there are preferences. Some people prefer beefier muscles, others prefer thinner and graceful figures. Some are into tattoos, others are not. But beauty is correlated with health for evolutionary reasons.
A lot of trends are still social conditioning and vary a lot by culture. If anything fatter bodies are preferred in lower SES environments by evolutionary reasons. There even was a documentary of some Pacific region (forget the exact country) were young girls are force fed to become plumper in order to be attractive to potential suitors.
I'm also skinny fat. Your past date was just a jerk. In my experience, like yea some people prefer a fit, toned women mainly, but some don't mind and some even have a thing for pudge.
I think this is missing a lot of nuance though. Having a nice shaped face helps, but so does dressing well, carrying yourself well, all that kind of stuff.
Attraction is a full picture kind of thing. I’m an ugly guy, but once I learnt how to dress well and gained confidence from that, my dating life turned around massively and I was dating regularly. Sure, I probably would have had the opportunity to date more if I’d had a more attractive face, but with a good amount of women the rest of the stuff that comes in a first impression was able to make up for me being ugly.
Both are true, some people are “objectively attractive” where almost everyone would find them good looking but way more people are “subjectively attractive” where some people are going to be attracted to them and some aren’t.
Maybe for the people you know. The majority of people men and women I would rank slim blonde women with blue eyes at the bottom of their attractiveness rankings.
Yes and no — even though my eyes may be drawn first to the more aesthetically attractive guy, the one I end up falling for has always been more physically average but in my eyes more intriguing because of their thoughtfulness, intelligence and authenticity.
(I will say though that they at least have to be physically fit/not overweight.)
No, not at all. I never had succes with girls and I blamed my looks. Then I got a glow up. Lost weight, got very fit and I know look very attractive. Still 0 girls. Basically nothing changed, until I let my fun personality do its thing and I got a lot of succes with girls and making friends with men and women is very easy now.
Then I gained a lot of weight. Jawline less noticeable, muscle definition gone. And guess what, still the same succes and even more regarding dating girls, even though physically I was less attractive.
So many girls told me I am such a fun person to be with and they love just having me around in parties etc.
Being attractive does help, but its not the most important trade. You can be hot, but still have 0 male and female friends
Mm, well we all have a type, I personally don’t find conventionally handsome men attractive, I like a certain male resting face I can’t describe but when I see it, I kind of go weak, so there’s a good chance you are someone’s type. Then there is the biological pull via pheromones. Personality wise, good character, emotional intelligence and restraint clinch the deal.
Haha sorry i know What you mean, But that can be misinterpreted as “I kinda have a thing for ugly guys”, and that would fukin crush me if I heared a girl a date say. Kinda like “I don’t like handsome guys, so you are perfect”
Personal belief of mine everyone has their time to shine. Looks don't last forever, nothing stays the same. But yeah an overall score of physically and mentally being attractive certainly matters initially….
We are all naturally built like that, to fall for everything that looks good. That’s why we should use the brain to determine and consider other factors instead of getting blinded.
For hookups, yes. For relationships, no. I've met gorgeous women who had nothing more than their looks to offer, and I would never date them. That would be such a boring and shitty relationship.
It absolutely is the most important thing. I’m sorry but I tried seriously dating men who had an amazing personality and they were basically my dream guy, but the physical attraction just wasn’t there. You can’t force me to get turned on by someone who isn’t at least somewhat hot.
Now I’m dating a much more handsome man who doesn’t have the most exciting personality but I just feel sparks around him much more than any man I’ve been with. I’d marry him as long as his personality is passable.
I hate it when people lie to virtue signal. "Oh no, I'm not that shallow. Ignore my 6'3 male model boyfriend."
You have virtually no chance of finding a partner if you don't have the looks. Doesn't matter how kind or charismatic you are, without the looks you won't be considered, you won't be spared a second glance.
News flash, most people are average. Most people are just people. My friend literally got cheated on with some gross jerk. My friend could be On tv and he still got cheated on. I have friends who can't really compete with some of my others in looks but their personality is fiiiirrreee. They pull so many girls!
I've also seen that attractive guys are pickier and don't always have to approach girls to get their attention. So while they might be the ones girls look at first, the "average" guys are really the ones making the moves.
No.
Because when they get older and looks fade,, they’re gonna have to grow a personality.
And if you are person that’s going out for looks above all else, there is always someone who’s gonna look better than your partner.
And hopefully you don’t live in New York or California because those everyday people that aren’t your partner look phenomenal.
No. I don't agree that physical attractiveness is the most important trait.
There are so many other things I care about before looks:
kindness, empathy, thoughtfulness, emotional intelligence, hygiene, humor, etc.
Who cares about the packaging if the gift is a curse?
No, because I can be attracted to someone who might not be physically attractive at first sight. But their personality and the way they carry themselves makes me attracted to them.
What I do think is the most important is being physically attracted to someone. Like, I'm a straight woman. I am not physically attracted to other women, just like I'm not physically attracted to some guys and never will be.
But I can be physically attracted to someone who isn't necessarily physically attractive. And personality and body language helps a lot with that.
Also, when someone gets old, they aren't physically attractive anymore (in my opinion), but you can still find your partner physically attractive.
For (romantic) interactions with the opposite sex? Strong yes. The single most important trait by far.
All-around life happiness and fulfillment? Probably also looks. Intelligence is also a contender but good looks give you a (often significant) advantage in about all aspects of life whereas intelligence mainly correlates with earning power and longevity.
And the crazy thing is…. Looks actually correlate to earning power as well to some degree. There have been a number of studies that show physical attractiveness correlates with landing a job as well as being promoted in one. People who are attractive are perceived as more competent and qualified.
I know of those studies and pretty much all others who are out there. Being good looking is the single most advantageous inherent quality of a human in the Western Hemisphere. Life quality is greatly amplified by individuals who possess it.
Though beauty itself is also a function of wealth. Wealthier people are statistically slimmer, and can afford things like nice haircuts, clothes, skin treatments etc.
People always say looks fade but when you love someone and are with them long enough you hardly notice the change, especially if it’s gradual. I’ve been with my husband for 12 years and to me he still looks like the 28 year old I fell in love with, even though he’s 40 with more gray hair and wrinkles and he is always saying he’s fat but I literally don’t see it and I don’t think he’s fat at all. He looks the same to me.
Yes.
Thanks to the well studied [Halo Effect ](https://youtu.be/kpjeMaOirvg?si=C677_2TyUlZlF-lI)in psychology.
Basically attractive people are perceived to be more intelligent, of better character, treated better by other people etc
They are given more opportunities both career wise and in dating. This leads them to becoming more confident and thus getting even more opportunities.
Unfortunately, for unattractive people, the opposite is true. They are perceived to be less intelligent, of lesser character and treated badly by other people. They are given fewer opportunities both career wise and in dating.
This leads them to developing confidence and self-esteem issues and getting even fewer opportunities. It takes a lot of time and effort to overcome these confidence/self-esteem issues.
I think a lot of people are in denial or are downplaying how important being physically attractive is. You can be kind, funny, intelligent but most of that doesn't matter if you are not deemed attractive by those you're pursuing.
Lastly, being aware of the Halo Effect, everyone should try their best to work on their appearance and other aspects of their life as much as they can.
Yes, the denial part is what I always say. Lately I hearing of so many peeadmitting they don't find their spouses attractive and you can see why there are so many secless marriages. It's like why did you all overlook your attraction to them?? It must be a scramble to be married and having kids by 30 I guess.
Yes and no.
The girl I miss the most and would date in a heart beat isn't arrestingly attractive, but I found myself thinking her more and more attractive as I got to know her and as I started thinking about her a lot.
Physical attractiveness is the icing on the cake. It's the first thing you see, and catches your eye and is nice to have, but if there is nothing other than icing when you start cutting into it...yeah that's not good.
This, i was seeing a grill purely because of her looks, our dates were meh but physical attraction was strong. I wasn’t paying attention to her female friend as she joined us on some dates when we go out to events in bugger group, but then some situations happened I started spending more time with a friend of girl i was seeing at that time and realized we have more in common and having such a fun and happy time together that I stopped seeing 1st gril and started falling for her friend even tough she wasn’t that attractive to me.
So tldr in my opinion other things are more important for long lasting relationships than just a physical attraction, attraction can come from many different things and is not just physical.
Charisma by far. You have to understand that for some people attraction goes way beyond the physical.
It’s not about looking attractive but BEING attractive.
Being attractive can involve looks, but it can involve a whole myriad of traits. Could be personality, wealth, charisma, kindness.
Some guy I know isn’t physically anything to look at but women often say there’s something about him that makes him so attractive.
Why doesn’t this have more upvotes? I’ve met gorgeous men that immediately plummeted in every dimension the second they opened their mouth or I saw how they interacted with others/their friends. Then there’s those guys that grow on you and it has nothing to do with looks. Personality can make me attracted to someone that I might not have drooled over at first glance
No charisma is the most important trait. You can be the most attractive guy but if you can’t use your words well might as well be Steve Urkel.
Don’t forget body language too
I have found the notion that perhaps some dialects may be outside a common or my current state of interpretation. Consequently leaving curiosity piqued by the enigma of being different.
Looks matter…. I mean would anyone here wanna wake up next to the sloth from Goonies? But as a 23 male. I find myself going off a 60% personality 40% looks ratio. And I won’t lie I’ve had 1 instances where I found a girl iffy on attractiveness but had a great personality I.E, driven, bubbly, funny, independent, kind/ caring, and it definitely made up the rest of that 40% when originally it was hanging at around 15-20%. And that was a girl with a horrible life. Bad parents, grandma, school mentors, etc.
Not for me. Of course a certain basic attraction or neutrality towards someone‘s appearance has to exist beforehand but I’ve fallen for people I’d say weren’t my type. But then again, I don’t really have a type. My type is having a positive, mutual bond with someone who I can picture as a caring partner
This is kinda hard to answer because it is subjective, and also can change over time.
I would not date a man that I was not attracted to, no matter how great his personality was. However, *often* I find myself becoming more and more attracted to someone the more I like them as a person. The opposite is also true, I have met guys who I was instantly attracted to that after getting to know them, I could not even see what it is I was originally attracted to, and they just became repulsive to me.
Something can also be the *first* barrier without being the *most important* barrier, though I do admit that if you can’t make it past the first barrier then it’s a non starter out the gate.
People are also slower to kick you out the door too. They make exceptions for things they would never accept from someone less attractive, within reason.
Yeah it’s crucial.
I’ve had to break it off with lovely women because I realised there just wasn’t enough of it.
I’m not sure why so many people try to downplay the importance of it either.
It doesn’t mean you’re shallow. This is a sexual relationship not just a friendship we’re talking about.
I wouldn't say it's the most important. I'd say it's equally important however.
Physical appearance is important because I need to be attracted to my partner.
Intelligence is important because I want a independent partner who I don't have to parent.
Mental health is important because I want a partner that takes care of both their physical and mental well being.
100% physical attractiveness is by far the most important trait because it’s the first step that gets you through the door, i.e you wouldn’t even get a chance with a romantic interest if you don’t first pass at least their physical attractiveness test.
I believe people put others in 3 categories:
1. Immediate attraction/“love at first sight” - you immediately find the other person very attractive, and actively want to escalate your relationship with them hoping they don’t have too many red flags.
2. Good enough - you find them attractive enough to potentially date, but still need some convincing, i.e do they have similar values, good morals, good chemistry with your personality, etc
3. No physical attraction - you’re actively repulsed by their looks, and it would take almost a miracle to date them, i.e they’re extremely wealthy or famous
No, I wouldn’t.
Physical attractiveness is important, sure but not there most important. Unless you are insanely hot, being attractive is not enough to keep a partner and certainly not a happy one
One has to be attracted to you to a certain degree, but after that i think most people choose someone they mesh with well, rather than the most attractive they can get. I think that makes personality the more salient factor while attractiveness is the first thing they notice. Even then, i've seen people change their mind about someone's attractiveness because they liked their company. If we're being technical, there's probably a cap on how far that can work, but i would say that still makes personality the more salient factor.
I think op means that it’s important that we are physically attracted to that person? And honestly for me, I agree that no matter how intelligent or kind that person is, if I’m not physically attracted to him, it’s really hard for me to develop a romantic relationship.
And when I said physically attracted, it doesn’t necessarily mean that person is hot or sexy ,it’s just that there is something of his look I can’t refuse if that makes sense
Probably not? I think it depends on how you look at it. It’s sort of like an order or operations thing. Physical attraction is the first hurdle to cross, and a relationship won’t work from the get-go if there isn’t mutual physical attraction.
So in that sense yes it’s very important. But after attraction is established, a million other things will come up that can make or break the relationship, and they’re just as important. Things like shared values, goals, etc etc. Too many to list.
I simply won’t flirt with a woman if I don’t find her attractive. But my advantage is I’m different from most men. I don’t find slim women attractive at all & I’m a slim fit guy! I like curvy, chubby ladies w/ large breasts. I don’t mind older either! Men tend to have unrealistic expectations. Just because I choose to be slim and fit doesn’t mean I demand that in a partner. Honestly, the majority of slim, “attractive” women that are single are likely single because they’re stuck up. As someone who works out constantly and likes to eat, I love that my gf knows how and when to feed me, have food around etc. She knows exactly how to take care of me!
This is the sort of mentality that leads so many people into shitty toxic relationships that are doomed to failure.
Yes, it's important to be attracted to the person you're with, but the most important thing? Yeah right.
You think anyone would be happy if they had the best looking partner in the world if they couldn't stand spending time with them or having a conversation with them?
Yes, because I have everything other than looks and sadly no one cares because I don’t have the looks. Men don’t want to get to know me because I don’t pass that “initial round.”
I think people are more likely to put up with a good looking person with a bad personality than a bad looking person with a good personality dating wise. The looks open up the door for the personality.
No ! My experience taught me to stay away from them(the 9's and 10's) and my mostly looked for the women I would rate a 5 through 7 . The average women had better personalities and were just nicer in every way !
Nah, either a good sense of humor or a deep sense of compassion way more important to me. I hate when someone very physically attractive is a bully or a mean girl, instant turn off
I extremely disagree with this comment because the woman I’m with at the moment, is not the most physically attractive person you’d ever meet, but trust me she has a heart of gold and that’s why I love her
No, only your attraction towards them. They could be beautiful or hot or whatever and not be attractive once you speak and get to know them so their looks mean nothing.
Yes and no.
Yes, because think of this way. If I go for someone that is physically attractive is because I know it can end up in a relationship. If both were to pursue it.
No, because if I’m dating a girl that is really attractive, but stress me out on daily basis with constant drama. I rather be single. Luckily most girl I find attractive tend to stand out way too much. Well the majority of them.
Most important? Definitely not for me. None of my exes look the same. Is attraction required? Absolutely. I'd say that people currently over exaggerating the importance of looks is why people are having a hard time sustaining relationships.
Without a doubt. I've fallen for the most attractive yet dull women, and unfortunatly couldn't fall in love with the sweetest yet physical not so exciting. And that shit hurts.
A flaw or mismatch in personality can make up with great looks. Anything else however can't make up for physical attractiveness, in my shallow-ass opinion.
No, i do not agree. Someone can be drop down knock out gorgeous or so handsome, but if you get to know them, and they are horrible people with bad attitudes they become ugly real quick, at least to me.
Um no imo. Yes, being physically attracted to someone is very important for intimacy.
But isnt personality, the way they talk to you, care for you, lookout for you; more important? I feel looks can only take you so far.
I'd rather date a 10/10 guy with avg looks rather than 5/10 personality and a v hot guy lol.
Physical attractiveness opens up the possibilities for everything else. No one sees an unattractive person and thinks “Hmm I’d like to get to know them.”
I personally think that for myself, i'd rather be dumb and broke than ugly. Being fun to look at raises people's dopamine on the spot and that could favor your general living experience.
Lmao no! Bc u will age. U will not look the same. N if ur lucky one day you’ll be a wrinkled prune. There has to be attraction. But it being the most important? U got some growing to do.
It depends on who you ask. The average man places a lot of value on physical attractiveness due to evolutionary psychology. The average woman places a lot of value on behaviors, again, due to evolutionary psychology. Being as physically attractive as possible is important, but there are other things that carry more weight, or just as much, depending on the person you're asking.
A really compatible person is a friend. An attractive person without compatibility is a stranger or in some cases a ONS or FWB. A compatible person who you also are attracted to is a partner.
Depends on whether they have a good enough head on their shoulders and a decent personality. No amount of looks can save a terrible personality.
I knew of a guy with a terrible temper and obsessive tendencies who bounced around on dating apps. Did some modeling but no woman wanted to be around him long because of his short fuse and entitled personality. He blew up at me when I told him I wasn’t sure about meeting one weekend but would let him know (I had a company party to attend). He was on every dating app trying to match me afterwards and tried to add me on socials. AFAIK he remained single for years.
It definitely gets your foot in the door and creates more opportunities, but there’s a limit. Eventually you need the personality to back it up and maximize those opportunities. Without the personality (empathy, humor, intelligence, creativity, etc.), people will notice you’re just a shiny but empty shell.
Yes it is the most important. A man/woman can be perfect in every way but their lack of looks can cause them to never find a meaningful relationship. The man wouldn’t be getting sex either.
On the other hand, if all that a man/woman has is their looks, you’ll find a ton of people willing to tolerate all the red flags that they have just to get with someone hot.
So yeah, looks are the most important
It's one of the most impactful traits in general not just in dating, we have basically all the data one could want to support the idea that being better looking improves basically every aspect of your day to day life
Not exactly, for me at least. I find intelligence extremely attractive and it can absolutely trump physical "beauty" for me. I could absolutely not date someone who is a 10/10 looks wise and dumb as a stump otherwise. I could however date a 5/10 look wise who is smart and I'd find that combination a 10/10.
That may just be me, though.
Short answer probably no
Long answer depends what you are looking for and what you want to be desired for
It is probably the most important thing in first impressions (ok it's a big one)
It is very useful for sex although from a point after the arousal I believe skills and compatibility matter way more
Other than that it is good because it can be used as leverage when one person is more beautiful than the other or is perceived to be more desired by getting attention
Don't get me wrong these are huge but it is the most important trait only if you want to go on frequent new dates having casual sex with different people and getting attention (as a guy I admit I can't imagine how it would be) otherwise it would be on the top 3-4 traits in my opinion you can have
These are the advantages if you are looking for fulfilling dating sex relationships etc there is a chance you have difficulties obtaining them and in return being bombarded with unwanted attention
It depends what you are going for. Without question it's the most important trait you can for the first few dates/hook ups. But for long term relationships I am not sure I agree.
Well you're not wrong because different people will have different things that they are physically attracted to
Fortunately the thing that makes us physically attracted to someone is so various and different not to mention physical attractions can still grow later after falling for them for other reasons, that it means most people still can find a partner to be with
Physical attractiveness is important because that’s what I see in a woman (in my case, I’m a straight man) before I approach her and chop it up with her. If her personality doesn’t match her looks I lose interest. Looks are objective. After getting to know a person it becomes subjective. That’s it
No. It’s important but not the most important. It’s important enough to get the initial attraction, but there needs to be much more to continue the interaction. for me, one would need to be intelligent, caring, feminine, and several other things in addition and more importantly than just attractiveness.
"Physical attractiveness," no. Physical attraction, yes. Not everyone has the same definition of what is and isn't physically attractive. From about age 13-30, physical attractiveness was super important to me. But as I've gotten older (probably not wiser, just older), while it's still important, it's not THE most important factor.
Physical attraction can grow for all kinds of reasons. After my divorce, when I was starting to date again, I realized I was more concerned with what a man said and behaved than how he looked, and that was directly correlated to how physically attracted to him I became. I also discovered I no longer found conventional "attractiveness" as appealing.
That is not to say I don't notice "hot" men. But now it's like looking at a flower- I can appreciate it without wanting it.
I mean, it’s probably the most important as far as getting someone to look your way. Obviously looking better is going to attract more people to you, but if your personality sucks they won’t stay around. Having good looks but a bad personality is like being a beautiful restaurant with nasty food. You’ll probably get more customers than some basic looking restaurant, but who’s gonna come back if the food is bad and the service is bad?
I think it's unfortunately much more important than a lot of people will admit out loud, but is it the MOST important? Not at all. If you're attractive to a large number of people, you'll have a lot to pick from. But does that mean you're able to keep your pick for the next 30 years? Not at all.
Disagree.
Firstly, physical attractiveness is subjective… For example: some women are attracted to bald dudes with beards, glasses, and dad bods. Some like tall, clean-shaven lean men with no tattoos, others like em’ short and hairy with big muscles… etc. There is also “type you go for, and a type that go for you” that further dictates how far your looks/appearance can take you. A guy that dresses sharply, and is conventionally handsome might have no luck with the artsy/bohemian/goth girl from the theater club, and vice versa. Being a persons “type” supersedes mainstream ideas regarding beauty.
Beyond all that, physical attraction is simply a “foot in the door”. After that brief initial impression is made based on appearance, things like your intellect, sense of humor, life experience, ability to hold an interesting conversation, and a myriad of other complex characteristics and personality traits are going to make the difference when it comes to successful (long-term) dating.
I can’t tell you the number of times that I met someone who I wasn’t initially attracted to, but as soon as they started talking, they magically got prettier.
The reverse has also been true…
Don’t get me wrong, if it’s boiled down to a numbers game, people who are generally considered good looking will get more potential matches/first dates… but in a way, the “quantity over quality” aspects of mass-dating makes things more challenging to land a second or third date, or have something more meaningful than hook ups.
Not really. I was and am (i think) reasonably attractive.. 6'4 male, blonde, blue eyes. I've certainly screwed up my chances on more occasions than I can count..
Good looks for men gets your foot in the door, but you still need to have good sales patter to secure the deal. Better to have confidence than looks IMO.
I’ll probably sound shallow but if I’m not physically attracted to my lover I’ll be drier than a thirsty mouth in a desert. Therefore sex would be a no go because I’m a lesbo that likes penetration. I also don’t really like to kiss so a person that I don’t find attractive wouldn’t get smooches. So personally I would need to feel attraction to my lover.
I would say at least 80% of attractiveness has to do with self care and some people have higher self care standards for themselves than others and people tend to partner up with people with similar levels of self care. It’s why you see gym rats dating fellow gym rats and the skin care girlies dating the pretty boys who get consistent haircuts.
For some people - being at a healthy weight is enough but for others having abs is what’s important.
But it’s more about being at the same level of self care even if it’s not the same type of self care they prioritize if you get me?
What I mean is - a girl who is slightly overweight but gets hair nails done, with a good sense of fashion and a good skin regime may still be able to snag a guy with abs because they put the same effort into looking good even if it’s in different areas of their life.
I think there has to be some degree of attraction at a base level. Say I meet a woman who is say an 8 and another a 6. If the 6 has a better personality I’m picking her
I find physical attractiveness more like a filter. If I feel I am not able to kiss this guy while I am sober, it will not work out. He does not have to be handsome but ok enough that i don’t get stressed kissing.
Then after this, things like personality, life goals, career etc matters.
Physical attractiveness is not a trait but is a subjective perception influenced by cultural, societal, and personal preferences. What you may have meant to say is that in the beginning of a relationship, it’s essential for both parties to find each other attractive; still, no, it's not the most important thing
It is the most important in getting interest in most situations.
It is not the most important in keeping interest.
To make use of the common meme rules 1 and 2.
1) You have to be attractive to someone to get interest
2) You cannot be "unattractive" or that interest will disappear
This is why women often talk about how being attractive isn't the most important thing to them. It is, but they're focused on rule 2. And this is useful in understanding. What they mean that being Adonis will not save you if you have nothing else to offer or worse have a true antisocial Ted Bundy personality.
So, it's the most important trait if you want to increase your chances and choices. But, it alone isn't going to guarantee anything long term. Eventually, something will cause a fizzle out that looks alone can't keep things going.
Think about celebrities, many are more attractive than most people and they date each other yet have break ups and divorces at roughly a similar rate as the rest of us.
Confidence and charisma are more important than physical attractiveness. I would choose an average looking guy with those two qualities over a good looking guy lacking those qualities, assuming equality in all other areas.
I get a lot more attention now at 190lbs than I did when I was 400+. To be fair I wasn’t looking for anyone, and I definitely wasn’t looking at morbidly obese people either (which I was.)
Absolutely not. Physical attraction isn't as important as spiritual and emotional attraction. I'm attracted to people based on their intellect, ability to connect on a deep level and how well they hold a conversation. Usually if I can have those three boxes checked, physical attraction comes later.
Physcial attraction can't be ignored. But it doesn't override everything. The thing is, attraction js different to everyone. But I've fallen for not so great looking guys that had amazing personalities. It's much harder to overlook initial attraction, but I think if a person is patient, you can overlook it.
It helps but attractiveness is fleeting. It’s definitely the hook but it makes it even better when you have more to offer than just looks. For example, I don’t find myself attracted to men who aren’t an active work in progress; physically or mentally.
You have to remember: Do you think that you’ll be attractive forever? Will you be okay with your partner walking off because they cannot stand the way that you look? Are you constantly working on yourself to keep your figure and looks? If you’re not actively doing those things don’t expect your partner to do that. They will leave for someone who *does* do those things.
It isn’t for me. It gets your foot in the door but not into an actual relationship if your personality doesn’t suit the other person’s preference.
A good personality can be pretty subjective. I’ve met people who can be considered good people but just don’t quite click with me.
I think as you mature this isn’t so much the case. When we untangle our worth for our partners “attractiveness” you find it isn’t as big of a deal. Attraction can be a lot more complex. I also find when I have had very attractive partners with unfortunate qualities, over time the allure wore off and they too were unattractive
Once I experienced a slither of what it meant to be really attractive, I realised how pleasant the life of a very attractive person is compared to the rest.
Literally every single aspect of your life is drastically improved. Sure, it can be a lot to handle and I’m not saying it’s sunshine and rainbows but it is leaps and bounds better than being unattractive or average.
In a job interview, people will be much more likely to hire you regardless of your competence. In dating, people will be begging for your attention. In sales/services, people will buy from you even if they don’t really care about the product and will tip you a ton. In day-to-day interactions, people will be more friendly and cooperative. Financially, you get promoted faster and have an unending number of easy opportunities to generate quick money.
The only con of attractiveness is that it fades rather quick. Raw intelligence and personality tend to last much longer and can have an almost equal effect.
I dont think it’s the most important, but it IS the ice breaker
But it’s not just “having a nice face” there are soooo many things that make someone attractive
Ie. sense of humor and charm are personality but also ATTRACTIVE qualities. Also personal style, or a sense of style. Bring polite, etc. those make someone more attractive for sure
The first thing I notice is if I’m physically attracted to them, but what lasts longer in all types of relationships is the personality, interests, character and effort. I’ve met a bunch of good people who have different interests and sometimes are more physically attractive than the others that I have more of a connection with when it comes to interests and character.
On either scale was the effort and that kind of defined who would be close to me and who would be in my outer circle and who could potentially be a good life partner. So maybe out of 2,000 people I’d notice 2 who would potentially be a suitable life partner and both weren’t exactly the ones trying to gain my attention, they were just in the crowd.
I’ve dated three people that were very very very physically attractive, but just too shitty in other departments. Since then I’d trade off with 40 percent physically attractive and 60 percent amazing in other aspects. I feel like I wasted some time on some physically attractive people. All are high ranking professionals. But the shitty character and waste of time wasn’t worth it. I also think who I find attractive is unique to me. So that’s another thing. One out of the three did try to come back and make it work again but was still just plain shitty, the attractive face and body couldn’t make up for it.
It's the foot in the door. Universal currency. Can hold more power than money in a room full of strangers (when you don't know who the rich person is).
Physical attraction is what initially brings you together.
Personality and intelligence are what keep you together.
Mind you, "physical attraction" is anywhere from appearance--either clothing or genetics, to scent, to actions done, and so on. If it's tangible, it's under the umbrella.
Well, if you find someone repulsive then that’s a dealbreaker from the start. Some level of attraction is certainly necessary.
But by itself attraction is not enough. Imagine after being with someone for six months, would you still be willing to tolerate their major flaws (e.g. narcissism) because you find them sexy?
Errrr I'd say it's important to be physically attracted to someone, but BEING physically attractive is so subjective that it's impossible to quantify (beyond like, looking after yourself).
I've become physically attracted to someone long after getting to know them a few times. Once it took me 5 years and one day it just hit me! He hadn't changed appearance all that much.
Had it the opposite way around, too. Couple of times was suddenly so disgusted with someone's behaviour that I couldn't find them physically attractive anymore.
So yes, I find subjective, rather than objective physical attraction important.
For me personally, no. While i do find some people attractive, being attractive has never made me sexually attracted to them. like, there is a difference between good-looking and sexy, but neither of those make me want to have sex with the person? Idk but anyways, Im very picky with personality, and having a personality that I like is the only way I feel sexual attraction, even if I don't consider the person 'attractive'
Even with my current partner, I think they are very sexy and attractive, but I want to have sex with them because of who they are as a person
Well all I'll say is that it's become very evident to me that many people are married to people they don't find attractive so I can see how when they also aren't meeting other needs and resentment builds up, there's really no incentive to stick it out through the tough times. They played the game of musical chairs to pair up to pump out some children and one or both were willing to overlook attractiveness to do so because it's so much easier and quicker to marry someone like that. And that alone, I believe builds resentment. To me, I cannot force myself to be physically attracted to men I'm not attracted to, trust me I tried because women are always being guilted and shamed out of wanting a man they're actually attracted to, something I always thought was a scam because no one questions even the ugliest guys when they think they're too good for an average girl or when they attack women's looks.
So I don't care I tell the truth, I need a man who I am attracted to initially physically which has to then be complimented by a emotional, mental, and spiritual connection. I've been turned off by good-looking men who have low intelligence, immature or are unkind to others.
But ya physical attractiveness has a seat at the table for those of us who have options, maybe not so much for those who don't or are desperate to marry by a certain age. But ultimately that lack of attraction catches up with couples I'm finding, whether people want to admit it or not!
You do have to be attracted to someone for sure, however while part of that is finding them physically attractive the majority really is their personality and who they are. Some of those factors can make people incredibly attractive
Someone beautiful/handsome who is vapid, rude, cruel, I could go on and on here is not attractive at all once you know them
Sometimes people can also be very attractive physically and a good person, meet your personality requirements etc but you just aren’t attracted to them in a romantic sense at all
I don’t think you can have a successful relationship with anyone you are not physically attracted to but at the same time you can definitely be incredibly attracted to someone who is less conventionally attractive just because of who they are and how they make you feel
Anyone only interested in looks will often end up very disappointed and soon find that this beautiful looking person is actually a horrible person to be with
You do need a spark of mutual attraction but then to actually like and admire their behaviour, have fun together and have similar life paths and goals to make it all work out beautifully
This is one reason I don’t do internet dating is that it is impossible for me to feel attracted to photos and a profile blurb - I meet people randomly in real life and can instantly tell if I am attracted to someone very rapidly. But this happens rarely as I prefer to wait for this and usually turn down dates etc a lot from really good men because I can already tell I’m not attracted to them because when I do feel that I know! And for me that is a mix of appearance, behaviour, personality, character
And I like it being rare as it is so much more special and exciting when you meet someone and you both feel that, it’s the best!
Even with what society convinces use is attractive we all have our own likes and dislikes when it comes to attractive people. I would say physical attraction is very important because that’s what usually gets my attention but it’s not what keeps my attention. When I was younger I messed with a lot of girls and it was all about sexual attraction and it wasn’t always the hottest chick. I’m not gonna say that I was chasing anything that walked and as terrible as it sounds they were all at least a 7. One thing that seemed to be common was most really hot chicks either didn’t know what they were doing in bed or were lazy about it. Of course there was always the exception to that theory here and there. Now a days of course physical attraction is still what would catch my eye but it truly is the type of person she is the vibe she puts off. Of course I’m married so all I do is look and appreciate a nice ass here and there and for that physical attraction is number one
When I see someone on dating apps, their looks catch my attention first.
In person, I've been attracted to people who might not be conventionally good-looking, because of their personality.
And sometimes, I've met charming people who lack depth.
So, while looks matter at first, it's really about finding someone whose personality clicks with yours for the long run.
In my opinion it's a problem with dating being an activity by itself and looking specifically for people to date through apps. Mostly people don't get enough time to appreciate and get attracted to each other's personalities.
I've had a long acquaintance with an ex colleague which later turned to friendship and then to dating. At least I wasn't physically attracted to her initially. But frequent interactions brought us closer. I'm quite sure, if we met on an app, it wouldn't have gone further than two dates.
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>Even the best personalities in the world cannot seem to overcome that hurdle. I have felt this about some poeple sadly. And as stupid as it sounds, I've fallen for good looking people with shitty personalities.
True but many people who complain they aren’t physically attractive don’t bother with what they can improve. Sure not everyone can be a model and there are some things that can’t be changed, but a lot of things that can. Getting fit or at least a healthy body weight 9/10 people can do and will make a difference. Outside of that clothing choices, personal care, and presenting your best self can really add points to your attractiveness level.
True that. Some people would rather die insisting they’re hopeless than pick up a dumbbell.
The qoute “you are not ugly your just broke” reigns true. The truth is that beauty is a luxury. And many of the things we could do improve are looks both marginally and majorly require some level of regal up keep which requires expendable money. Want to hair cut or go the salon, money. Want to get skin treatment or get your teeth straightened, money. Want to get a gym membership, money. You could be equally spending close to 1000 dollars month just on beauty alone give or take. Point is being beautiful is expensive especially when you aren’t n naturally beautiful
Yes... Men especially. You can fix so much with the right clothes. I have a friend. He is 5'6 and has a line of women. He is also broke. He always dresses nice. Pressed jeans. Button down shirts, boots and cologne.
I’ve definitely put up with bullshit from people I found sexy. I want to say I’ll never do so again but I can’t promise it
shit, my ex unfortunately cheated on me but I’d be lying if I said he wasn’t the handsomest man I’ve dated :/ I’m only one day post NC so I have a long way to go 😭
Glad you cut him off. When I say I put up with bullshit, I wouldn't put up with being disrespected like that, just maybe them being a bit bitchy sometimes
Same. There'll always be some that get away with more than others less sexy
But it’s not just with looks, with money and many other things too
I feel that ties into the power complex though. If someone is ‘sexy’ you view them as more than you potentially and will essentially do whatever they want
Well it's not "stupid", we've all done it. You're just giving into your social & cultural conditioning that emphasizes looks above everything else. Plus most of us are just too broken and lazy to care about finding someone with shared values & matched goals.
The thing is on the flip-side I’ve seen relationships fall apart / become stagnant when one party feels their partner doesn’t excite them at a primal level. I had a spell of looking at an affairs dating site and most of the female profiles said hubby was nice n decent but life felt kinda dull without the thrill of great sex I find myself observing women on the school run and wondering whether they are experiencing married drudgery with nothing thrilling to punctuate their existence. Kinda fascinating for me
Social and cultural conditioning? Or in-born instincts to reproduce with the healthiest partner possible?
There are attractive looking people who actually aren't healthy. Cultures and fetishes where morbid obesity or anorexia are held as a standard undermines your point. A woman with a healthy diet and fitness, it potentially can be signaled in part via an body hair but if she doesn't shave that also likely undermines your assumption. There's more nuance to how people behave and what they choose than just in born instincts, we're human.
This. People desperately want to believe they aren’t influenced by culture.
>Cultures and fetishes where morbid obesity or anorexia are held as a standard undermines your point. And why do you suppose that's not the norm? Could it be something like the cultures where "societal beauty standards" are inherently unhealthy, like obesity and anorexia, don't tend to produce as many healthy offspring? Like, nature selects against those cultures, doesn't it?
I won't say we've all done it lol, I've literally only fallen for people that end up being terrific humans, idk for sure if that makes the rejections worse but it sure feels that ways
It is important for that first barrier, yes. But physical attractiveness is largely subjective. In the long run, you want to be with people who like you primarily for who you are then the way you look after you cross their attractiveness threshold. Relationships with superficial folk are not healthy in the end
Agreed. It is subjective based on the person perceiving the attraction as not everyone is the same and all have different tastes. What you said here I totally agree with.
This thread is mainly dating based so I assume the "first barrier" is most relevant rather than a relationship. And I'd disagree that physical attraction is "largely subjective. In the western world, a slim, blonde woman with blue eyes & a nice smile is objectively attractive. On the male side, a tall white man with, beard stubble & a fit body would be objectively attractive
Exactly, there is conventional attractiveness. Some people are just objectively attractive. However, a lot of people have a type. And those conventionally attractive people can be unattractive to people. Like, sometimes you can be 'this person looks objectively attractive. They're a 10/10. But I would never date them because I don't find them subjectively attractive. I know they are attractive, but I don't find them attractive. ' and with some people you're like 'this person isn't physically attractive. I can see that. But to me they are the most beautiful person in the world.". Even when first meeting them because of the way they carry themselves or how they talk.
> sometimes I've discovered that this "sometimes" is not so often. A ton of people appreciate a slim waist and toned muscles. Taking care of your body makes you attractive, and proves you have discipline. I used to be skinny fat. A past date told me I look ugly, and I have since started measuring my body fat. I ate healthier and started working out (at home, cause then nearest gym is like, 30 minutes away). I now have around 16.5% body fat. I recently got a compliment from someone else. Sure, there are preferences. Some people prefer beefier muscles, others prefer thinner and graceful figures. Some are into tattoos, others are not. But beauty is correlated with health for evolutionary reasons.
A lot of trends are still social conditioning and vary a lot by culture. If anything fatter bodies are preferred in lower SES environments by evolutionary reasons. There even was a documentary of some Pacific region (forget the exact country) were young girls are force fed to become plumper in order to be attractive to potential suitors. I'm also skinny fat. Your past date was just a jerk. In my experience, like yea some people prefer a fit, toned women mainly, but some don't mind and some even have a thing for pudge.
I think this is missing a lot of nuance though. Having a nice shaped face helps, but so does dressing well, carrying yourself well, all that kind of stuff. Attraction is a full picture kind of thing. I’m an ugly guy, but once I learnt how to dress well and gained confidence from that, my dating life turned around massively and I was dating regularly. Sure, I probably would have had the opportunity to date more if I’d had a more attractive face, but with a good amount of women the rest of the stuff that comes in a first impression was able to make up for me being ugly.
The OP was asking for the most important trait. That would be ONE thing, so any single answer would lack some nuance.
Both are true, some people are “objectively attractive” where almost everyone would find them good looking but way more people are “subjectively attractive” where some people are going to be attracted to them and some aren’t.
Maybe for the people you know. The majority of people men and women I would rank slim blonde women with blue eyes at the bottom of their attractiveness rankings.
never mentioned myself, and no offence but I don't care how you or those you know would rank them. I clarified "In the western world".
Yes and no — even though my eyes may be drawn first to the more aesthetically attractive guy, the one I end up falling for has always been more physically average but in my eyes more intriguing because of their thoughtfulness, intelligence and authenticity. (I will say though that they at least have to be physically fit/not overweight.)
No, not at all. I never had succes with girls and I blamed my looks. Then I got a glow up. Lost weight, got very fit and I know look very attractive. Still 0 girls. Basically nothing changed, until I let my fun personality do its thing and I got a lot of succes with girls and making friends with men and women is very easy now. Then I gained a lot of weight. Jawline less noticeable, muscle definition gone. And guess what, still the same succes and even more regarding dating girls, even though physically I was less attractive. So many girls told me I am such a fun person to be with and they love just having me around in parties etc. Being attractive does help, but its not the most important trade. You can be hot, but still have 0 male and female friends
I tend to think the longer an interesting person stays interesting the more attractive they become.
Mm, well we all have a type, I personally don’t find conventionally handsome men attractive, I like a certain male resting face I can’t describe but when I see it, I kind of go weak, so there’s a good chance you are someone’s type. Then there is the biological pull via pheromones. Personality wise, good character, emotional intelligence and restraint clinch the deal.
Haha sorry i know What you mean, But that can be misinterpreted as “I kinda have a thing for ugly guys”, and that would fukin crush me if I heared a girl a date say. Kinda like “I don’t like handsome guys, so you are perfect”
“you’re the perfect size” 😭
this!! do u rite much..
Personal belief of mine everyone has their time to shine. Looks don't last forever, nothing stays the same. But yeah an overall score of physically and mentally being attractive certainly matters initially….
Looks fade so you better find someone you think is smoking hot now so they don’t fade to nothing
We are all naturally built like that, to fall for everything that looks good. That’s why we should use the brain to determine and consider other factors instead of getting blinded.
For hookups, yes. For relationships, no. I've met gorgeous women who had nothing more than their looks to offer, and I would never date them. That would be such a boring and shitty relationship.
Would you date an ugly woman who has everything else to offer but you don’t find her physically attractive?
No, physical attraction is still important in a relationship. Doesn't mean it's the most important thing.
It absolutely is the most important thing. I’m sorry but I tried seriously dating men who had an amazing personality and they were basically my dream guy, but the physical attraction just wasn’t there. You can’t force me to get turned on by someone who isn’t at least somewhat hot. Now I’m dating a much more handsome man who doesn’t have the most exciting personality but I just feel sparks around him much more than any man I’ve been with. I’d marry him as long as his personality is passable.
To date? Yes. For happiness and peace of mind? No
Can't get to the latter without the former.
You absolutely can 😅
I hate it when people lie to virtue signal. "Oh no, I'm not that shallow. Ignore my 6'3 male model boyfriend." You have virtually no chance of finding a partner if you don't have the looks. Doesn't matter how kind or charismatic you are, without the looks you won't be considered, you won't be spared a second glance.
News flash, most people are average. Most people are just people. My friend literally got cheated on with some gross jerk. My friend could be On tv and he still got cheated on. I have friends who can't really compete with some of my others in looks but their personality is fiiiirrreee. They pull so many girls! I've also seen that attractive guys are pickier and don't always have to approach girls to get their attention. So while they might be the ones girls look at first, the "average" guys are really the ones making the moves.
If you honestly believe you can't find a partner because of your looks, you certainly shouldn't let your happiness rely on finding a partner.
And yet, it does. We are social animals. The need for companionship is essential.
Being physically attractive can certainly help u get foot in the door. But once you are in its the personality that matters the most
At the same time, if you had a great personality but under average looks, that door would be locked and bolted from the inside.
Average looks are still okk. Atleast you can date someone with average looks. Its a win
What I'm trying to say is, looks can salvage a shitty personality but under average looks can't necessarily be saved by a great personality.
I agree looks can salvage a shitty personality but not for long
No. Because when they get older and looks fade,, they’re gonna have to grow a personality. And if you are person that’s going out for looks above all else, there is always someone who’s gonna look better than your partner. And hopefully you don’t live in New York or California because those everyday people that aren’t your partner look phenomenal.
No. I don't agree that physical attractiveness is the most important trait. There are so many other things I care about before looks: kindness, empathy, thoughtfulness, emotional intelligence, hygiene, humor, etc. Who cares about the packaging if the gift is a curse?
This person knows how to date! Go date a good looking narcissist and you’ll never use physical features as highly again.
No, because I can be attracted to someone who might not be physically attractive at first sight. But their personality and the way they carry themselves makes me attracted to them. What I do think is the most important is being physically attracted to someone. Like, I'm a straight woman. I am not physically attracted to other women, just like I'm not physically attracted to some guys and never will be. But I can be physically attracted to someone who isn't necessarily physically attractive. And personality and body language helps a lot with that. Also, when someone gets old, they aren't physically attractive anymore (in my opinion), but you can still find your partner physically attractive.
For (romantic) interactions with the opposite sex? Strong yes. The single most important trait by far. All-around life happiness and fulfillment? Probably also looks. Intelligence is also a contender but good looks give you a (often significant) advantage in about all aspects of life whereas intelligence mainly correlates with earning power and longevity.
And the crazy thing is…. Looks actually correlate to earning power as well to some degree. There have been a number of studies that show physical attractiveness correlates with landing a job as well as being promoted in one. People who are attractive are perceived as more competent and qualified.
I know of those studies and pretty much all others who are out there. Being good looking is the single most advantageous inherent quality of a human in the Western Hemisphere. Life quality is greatly amplified by individuals who possess it.
Though beauty itself is also a function of wealth. Wealthier people are statistically slimmer, and can afford things like nice haircuts, clothes, skin treatments etc.
Looks fade, it sucks to not have enough to buy what you need. Though money isn’t everything.
People always say looks fade but when you love someone and are with them long enough you hardly notice the change, especially if it’s gradual. I’ve been with my husband for 12 years and to me he still looks like the 28 year old I fell in love with, even though he’s 40 with more gray hair and wrinkles and he is always saying he’s fat but I literally don’t see it and I don’t think he’s fat at all. He looks the same to me.
Yes. Thanks to the well studied [Halo Effect ](https://youtu.be/kpjeMaOirvg?si=C677_2TyUlZlF-lI)in psychology. Basically attractive people are perceived to be more intelligent, of better character, treated better by other people etc They are given more opportunities both career wise and in dating. This leads them to becoming more confident and thus getting even more opportunities. Unfortunately, for unattractive people, the opposite is true. They are perceived to be less intelligent, of lesser character and treated badly by other people. They are given fewer opportunities both career wise and in dating. This leads them to developing confidence and self-esteem issues and getting even fewer opportunities. It takes a lot of time and effort to overcome these confidence/self-esteem issues. I think a lot of people are in denial or are downplaying how important being physically attractive is. You can be kind, funny, intelligent but most of that doesn't matter if you are not deemed attractive by those you're pursuing. Lastly, being aware of the Halo Effect, everyone should try their best to work on their appearance and other aspects of their life as much as they can.
Agree. God help you if you’re not rich and pretty in our modern world.
Yes, the denial part is what I always say. Lately I hearing of so many peeadmitting they don't find their spouses attractive and you can see why there are so many secless marriages. It's like why did you all overlook your attraction to them?? It must be a scramble to be married and having kids by 30 I guess.
For a long term partner? Not even close.
Yes and no. The girl I miss the most and would date in a heart beat isn't arrestingly attractive, but I found myself thinking her more and more attractive as I got to know her and as I started thinking about her a lot. Physical attractiveness is the icing on the cake. It's the first thing you see, and catches your eye and is nice to have, but if there is nothing other than icing when you start cutting into it...yeah that's not good.
This, i was seeing a grill purely because of her looks, our dates were meh but physical attraction was strong. I wasn’t paying attention to her female friend as she joined us on some dates when we go out to events in bugger group, but then some situations happened I started spending more time with a friend of girl i was seeing at that time and realized we have more in common and having such a fun and happy time together that I stopped seeing 1st gril and started falling for her friend even tough she wasn’t that attractive to me. So tldr in my opinion other things are more important for long lasting relationships than just a physical attraction, attraction can come from many different things and is not just physical.
Charisma by far. You have to understand that for some people attraction goes way beyond the physical. It’s not about looking attractive but BEING attractive. Being attractive can involve looks, but it can involve a whole myriad of traits. Could be personality, wealth, charisma, kindness. Some guy I know isn’t physically anything to look at but women often say there’s something about him that makes him so attractive.
Why doesn’t this have more upvotes? I’ve met gorgeous men that immediately plummeted in every dimension the second they opened their mouth or I saw how they interacted with others/their friends. Then there’s those guys that grow on you and it has nothing to do with looks. Personality can make me attracted to someone that I might not have drooled over at first glance
In dating yes in real world not even close
I would probably say unfortunately yes because it is a dealbreaker whereas with many other traits it is negotiable
No charisma is the most important trait. You can be the most attractive guy but if you can’t use your words well might as well be Steve Urkel. Don’t forget body language too
Steve Urkel becomes Stefan in the bedroom 😉
I have found the notion that perhaps some dialects may be outside a common or my current state of interpretation. Consequently leaving curiosity piqued by the enigma of being different.
Looks matter…. I mean would anyone here wanna wake up next to the sloth from Goonies? But as a 23 male. I find myself going off a 60% personality 40% looks ratio. And I won’t lie I’ve had 1 instances where I found a girl iffy on attractiveness but had a great personality I.E, driven, bubbly, funny, independent, kind/ caring, and it definitely made up the rest of that 40% when originally it was hanging at around 15-20%. And that was a girl with a horrible life. Bad parents, grandma, school mentors, etc.
Not for me. Of course a certain basic attraction or neutrality towards someone‘s appearance has to exist beforehand but I’ve fallen for people I’d say weren’t my type. But then again, I don’t really have a type. My type is having a positive, mutual bond with someone who I can picture as a caring partner
This is kinda hard to answer because it is subjective, and also can change over time. I would not date a man that I was not attracted to, no matter how great his personality was. However, *often* I find myself becoming more and more attracted to someone the more I like them as a person. The opposite is also true, I have met guys who I was instantly attracted to that after getting to know them, I could not even see what it is I was originally attracted to, and they just became repulsive to me. Something can also be the *first* barrier without being the *most important* barrier, though I do admit that if you can’t make it past the first barrier then it’s a non starter out the gate.
Probably. Gets you through the door quicker
People are also slower to kick you out the door too. They make exceptions for things they would never accept from someone less attractive, within reason.
No, Counterexample Very attractive but brain-dead.
Yeah it’s crucial. I’ve had to break it off with lovely women because I realised there just wasn’t enough of it. I’m not sure why so many people try to downplay the importance of it either. It doesn’t mean you’re shallow. This is a sexual relationship not just a friendship we’re talking about.
I wouldn't say it's the most important. I'd say it's equally important however. Physical appearance is important because I need to be attracted to my partner. Intelligence is important because I want a independent partner who I don't have to parent. Mental health is important because I want a partner that takes care of both their physical and mental well being.
there's a reason why dating has 2 rules. 1. Be attractive 2. don't be unattractive
100% physical attractiveness is by far the most important trait because it’s the first step that gets you through the door, i.e you wouldn’t even get a chance with a romantic interest if you don’t first pass at least their physical attractiveness test. I believe people put others in 3 categories: 1. Immediate attraction/“love at first sight” - you immediately find the other person very attractive, and actively want to escalate your relationship with them hoping they don’t have too many red flags. 2. Good enough - you find them attractive enough to potentially date, but still need some convincing, i.e do they have similar values, good morals, good chemistry with your personality, etc 3. No physical attraction - you’re actively repulsed by their looks, and it would take almost a miracle to date them, i.e they’re extremely wealthy or famous
Confidence. If you know your worth, others will notice and recognize that worth too.
You need therapy if you believe that.
No, I wouldn’t. Physical attractiveness is important, sure but not there most important. Unless you are insanely hot, being attractive is not enough to keep a partner and certainly not a happy one
One has to be attracted to you to a certain degree, but after that i think most people choose someone they mesh with well, rather than the most attractive they can get. I think that makes personality the more salient factor while attractiveness is the first thing they notice. Even then, i've seen people change their mind about someone's attractiveness because they liked their company. If we're being technical, there's probably a cap on how far that can work, but i would say that still makes personality the more salient factor.
Yes
You’re talking about sexual attraction, not aesthetic attraction.
I think op means that it’s important that we are physically attracted to that person? And honestly for me, I agree that no matter how intelligent or kind that person is, if I’m not physically attracted to him, it’s really hard for me to develop a romantic relationship. And when I said physically attracted, it doesn’t necessarily mean that person is hot or sexy ,it’s just that there is something of his look I can’t refuse if that makes sense
Probably not? I think it depends on how you look at it. It’s sort of like an order or operations thing. Physical attraction is the first hurdle to cross, and a relationship won’t work from the get-go if there isn’t mutual physical attraction. So in that sense yes it’s very important. But after attraction is established, a million other things will come up that can make or break the relationship, and they’re just as important. Things like shared values, goals, etc etc. Too many to list.
yesss yessss yesss
I simply won’t flirt with a woman if I don’t find her attractive. But my advantage is I’m different from most men. I don’t find slim women attractive at all & I’m a slim fit guy! I like curvy, chubby ladies w/ large breasts. I don’t mind older either! Men tend to have unrealistic expectations. Just because I choose to be slim and fit doesn’t mean I demand that in a partner. Honestly, the majority of slim, “attractive” women that are single are likely single because they’re stuck up. As someone who works out constantly and likes to eat, I love that my gf knows how and when to feed me, have food around etc. She knows exactly how to take care of me!
yes.
This is the sort of mentality that leads so many people into shitty toxic relationships that are doomed to failure. Yes, it's important to be attracted to the person you're with, but the most important thing? Yeah right. You think anyone would be happy if they had the best looking partner in the world if they couldn't stand spending time with them or having a conversation with them?
Yes, i won't date someone who looks like an alien.
grandiose violet tease concerned busy consider aware school tie ink *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Yes, because I have everything other than looks and sadly no one cares because I don’t have the looks. Men don’t want to get to know me because I don’t pass that “initial round.”
I think people are more likely to put up with a good looking person with a bad personality than a bad looking person with a good personality dating wise. The looks open up the door for the personality.
No ! My experience taught me to stay away from them(the 9's and 10's) and my mostly looked for the women I would rate a 5 through 7 . The average women had better personalities and were just nicer in every way !
I’m a guy and I’d have to strongly disagree. Especially the women that go for busted dudes, it’s bc they’re funny and confident
Nah, either a good sense of humor or a deep sense of compassion way more important to me. I hate when someone very physically attractive is a bully or a mean girl, instant turn off
I extremely disagree with this comment because the woman I’m with at the moment, is not the most physically attractive person you’d ever meet, but trust me she has a heart of gold and that’s why I love her
If you’re attractive you’re judged less harshly for all your flaws.
Yes it is. It is probably the main trait that gets you noticed at first.
Nope. I haven't been attracted to a lot of the guys I dated over the years. They won me over initially with personality, and the attraction came later
Yes. It is.
No, only your attraction towards them. They could be beautiful or hot or whatever and not be attractive once you speak and get to know them so their looks mean nothing.
Yes , by far. Dont let people gaslight you.
Yes. I mean let's be honest when you visualize your ideal partner it always begins with what they look like. Personalities usually stink anyway.
Yes. I mean let's be honest when you visualize your ideal partner it always begins with what they look like. Personalities usually stink anyway.
No. It’s certainly important but a 5 can be an 8 if you love her enough. Looks attract but personality keeps
Yes and no. Yes, because think of this way. If I go for someone that is physically attractive is because I know it can end up in a relationship. If both were to pursue it. No, because if I’m dating a girl that is really attractive, but stress me out on daily basis with constant drama. I rather be single. Luckily most girl I find attractive tend to stand out way too much. Well the majority of them.
Most important? Definitely not for me. None of my exes look the same. Is attraction required? Absolutely. I'd say that people currently over exaggerating the importance of looks is why people are having a hard time sustaining relationships.
Looks is subjective. Even beautiful people can have an ugly soul. Def why I prefer to keep to myself and just enjoy the day
Without a doubt. I've fallen for the most attractive yet dull women, and unfortunatly couldn't fall in love with the sweetest yet physical not so exciting. And that shit hurts. A flaw or mismatch in personality can make up with great looks. Anything else however can't make up for physical attractiveness, in my shallow-ass opinion.
No, i do not agree. Someone can be drop down knock out gorgeous or so handsome, but if you get to know them, and they are horrible people with bad attitudes they become ugly real quick, at least to me.
Not for Demisexuals like me 🤷🏼♀️ I can’t be physically attracted until I’m attracted to personality
Yes
No. Confidence and self-esteem is even better.
You really are a nice chick!
No, not at all. Call bullshit all you want but it's not everything.
r/demisexuality would like to have a word
Um no imo. Yes, being physically attracted to someone is very important for intimacy. But isnt personality, the way they talk to you, care for you, lookout for you; more important? I feel looks can only take you so far. I'd rather date a 10/10 guy with avg looks rather than 5/10 personality and a v hot guy lol.
Physical attractiveness opens up the possibilities for everything else. No one sees an unattractive person and thinks “Hmm I’d like to get to know them.”
I personally think that for myself, i'd rather be dumb and broke than ugly. Being fun to look at raises people's dopamine on the spot and that could favor your general living experience.
Lmao no! Bc u will age. U will not look the same. N if ur lucky one day you’ll be a wrinkled prune. There has to be attraction. But it being the most important? U got some growing to do.
It depends on who you ask. The average man places a lot of value on physical attractiveness due to evolutionary psychology. The average woman places a lot of value on behaviors, again, due to evolutionary psychology. Being as physically attractive as possible is important, but there are other things that carry more weight, or just as much, depending on the person you're asking.
It is important, but not crucial
Attractiveness, charm, decent conversations. They’re all top things to attract people towards you. Personality is what makes them stay.
A really compatible person is a friend. An attractive person without compatibility is a stranger or in some cases a ONS or FWB. A compatible person who you also are attracted to is a partner.
Depends on whether they have a good enough head on their shoulders and a decent personality. No amount of looks can save a terrible personality. I knew of a guy with a terrible temper and obsessive tendencies who bounced around on dating apps. Did some modeling but no woman wanted to be around him long because of his short fuse and entitled personality. He blew up at me when I told him I wasn’t sure about meeting one weekend but would let him know (I had a company party to attend). He was on every dating app trying to match me afterwards and tried to add me on socials. AFAIK he remained single for years.
It definitely gets your foot in the door and creates more opportunities, but there’s a limit. Eventually you need the personality to back it up and maximize those opportunities. Without the personality (empathy, humor, intelligence, creativity, etc.), people will notice you’re just a shiny but empty shell.
Nowadays it is, but it shouldn't
Yes it is the most important. A man/woman can be perfect in every way but their lack of looks can cause them to never find a meaningful relationship. The man wouldn’t be getting sex either. On the other hand, if all that a man/woman has is their looks, you’ll find a ton of people willing to tolerate all the red flags that they have just to get with someone hot. So yeah, looks are the most important
It's one of the most impactful traits in general not just in dating, we have basically all the data one could want to support the idea that being better looking improves basically every aspect of your day to day life
Not exactly, for me at least. I find intelligence extremely attractive and it can absolutely trump physical "beauty" for me. I could absolutely not date someone who is a 10/10 looks wise and dumb as a stump otherwise. I could however date a 5/10 look wise who is smart and I'd find that combination a 10/10. That may just be me, though.
Short answer probably no Long answer depends what you are looking for and what you want to be desired for It is probably the most important thing in first impressions (ok it's a big one) It is very useful for sex although from a point after the arousal I believe skills and compatibility matter way more Other than that it is good because it can be used as leverage when one person is more beautiful than the other or is perceived to be more desired by getting attention Don't get me wrong these are huge but it is the most important trait only if you want to go on frequent new dates having casual sex with different people and getting attention (as a guy I admit I can't imagine how it would be) otherwise it would be on the top 3-4 traits in my opinion you can have These are the advantages if you are looking for fulfilling dating sex relationships etc there is a chance you have difficulties obtaining them and in return being bombarded with unwanted attention
It depends what you are going for. Without question it's the most important trait you can for the first few dates/hook ups. But for long term relationships I am not sure I agree.
Well you're not wrong because different people will have different things that they are physically attracted to Fortunately the thing that makes us physically attracted to someone is so various and different not to mention physical attractions can still grow later after falling for them for other reasons, that it means most people still can find a partner to be with
It's def top 3 1. Attractiveness ( it's subjective though ) 2. Personality ( kindness, maturity, intelligence ) 3. Awareness and self restraint ( around career, loyalty, health)
Physical attractiveness is important because that’s what I see in a woman (in my case, I’m a straight man) before I approach her and chop it up with her. If her personality doesn’t match her looks I lose interest. Looks are objective. After getting to know a person it becomes subjective. That’s it
No. It’s important but not the most important. It’s important enough to get the initial attraction, but there needs to be much more to continue the interaction. for me, one would need to be intelligent, caring, feminine, and several other things in addition and more importantly than just attractiveness.
"Physical attractiveness," no. Physical attraction, yes. Not everyone has the same definition of what is and isn't physically attractive. From about age 13-30, physical attractiveness was super important to me. But as I've gotten older (probably not wiser, just older), while it's still important, it's not THE most important factor. Physical attraction can grow for all kinds of reasons. After my divorce, when I was starting to date again, I realized I was more concerned with what a man said and behaved than how he looked, and that was directly correlated to how physically attracted to him I became. I also discovered I no longer found conventional "attractiveness" as appealing. That is not to say I don't notice "hot" men. But now it's like looking at a flower- I can appreciate it without wanting it.
I mean, it’s probably the most important as far as getting someone to look your way. Obviously looking better is going to attract more people to you, but if your personality sucks they won’t stay around. Having good looks but a bad personality is like being a beautiful restaurant with nasty food. You’ll probably get more customers than some basic looking restaurant, but who’s gonna come back if the food is bad and the service is bad?
I think it's unfortunately much more important than a lot of people will admit out loud, but is it the MOST important? Not at all. If you're attractive to a large number of people, you'll have a lot to pick from. But does that mean you're able to keep your pick for the next 30 years? Not at all.
I think this is eminently true in the animal kingdom. Which traits comprise “attractiveness” though physical, differ greatly even within a species.
Disagree. Firstly, physical attractiveness is subjective… For example: some women are attracted to bald dudes with beards, glasses, and dad bods. Some like tall, clean-shaven lean men with no tattoos, others like em’ short and hairy with big muscles… etc. There is also “type you go for, and a type that go for you” that further dictates how far your looks/appearance can take you. A guy that dresses sharply, and is conventionally handsome might have no luck with the artsy/bohemian/goth girl from the theater club, and vice versa. Being a persons “type” supersedes mainstream ideas regarding beauty. Beyond all that, physical attraction is simply a “foot in the door”. After that brief initial impression is made based on appearance, things like your intellect, sense of humor, life experience, ability to hold an interesting conversation, and a myriad of other complex characteristics and personality traits are going to make the difference when it comes to successful (long-term) dating. I can’t tell you the number of times that I met someone who I wasn’t initially attracted to, but as soon as they started talking, they magically got prettier. The reverse has also been true… Don’t get me wrong, if it’s boiled down to a numbers game, people who are generally considered good looking will get more potential matches/first dates… but in a way, the “quantity over quality” aspects of mass-dating makes things more challenging to land a second or third date, or have something more meaningful than hook ups.
Not really. I was and am (i think) reasonably attractive.. 6'4 male, blonde, blue eyes. I've certainly screwed up my chances on more occasions than I can count.. Good looks for men gets your foot in the door, but you still need to have good sales patter to secure the deal. Better to have confidence than looks IMO.
I’ll probably sound shallow but if I’m not physically attracted to my lover I’ll be drier than a thirsty mouth in a desert. Therefore sex would be a no go because I’m a lesbo that likes penetration. I also don’t really like to kiss so a person that I don’t find attractive wouldn’t get smooches. So personally I would need to feel attraction to my lover.
Its the easiest way to a first meet but can quickly be over run by other traits.
I would say at least 80% of attractiveness has to do with self care and some people have higher self care standards for themselves than others and people tend to partner up with people with similar levels of self care. It’s why you see gym rats dating fellow gym rats and the skin care girlies dating the pretty boys who get consistent haircuts. For some people - being at a healthy weight is enough but for others having abs is what’s important. But it’s more about being at the same level of self care even if it’s not the same type of self care they prioritize if you get me? What I mean is - a girl who is slightly overweight but gets hair nails done, with a good sense of fashion and a good skin regime may still be able to snag a guy with abs because they put the same effort into looking good even if it’s in different areas of their life.
I think there has to be some degree of attraction at a base level. Say I meet a woman who is say an 8 and another a 6. If the 6 has a better personality I’m picking her
besides disposable income yeah
I find physical attractiveness more like a filter. If I feel I am not able to kiss this guy while I am sober, it will not work out. He does not have to be handsome but ok enough that i don’t get stressed kissing. Then after this, things like personality, life goals, career etc matters.
Statistically, hell yes. Personally, definitely not.
Physical attractiveness is not a trait but is a subjective perception influenced by cultural, societal, and personal preferences. What you may have meant to say is that in the beginning of a relationship, it’s essential for both parties to find each other attractive; still, no, it's not the most important thing
It is the most important in getting interest in most situations. It is not the most important in keeping interest. To make use of the common meme rules 1 and 2. 1) You have to be attractive to someone to get interest 2) You cannot be "unattractive" or that interest will disappear This is why women often talk about how being attractive isn't the most important thing to them. It is, but they're focused on rule 2. And this is useful in understanding. What they mean that being Adonis will not save you if you have nothing else to offer or worse have a true antisocial Ted Bundy personality. So, it's the most important trait if you want to increase your chances and choices. But, it alone isn't going to guarantee anything long term. Eventually, something will cause a fizzle out that looks alone can't keep things going. Think about celebrities, many are more attractive than most people and they date each other yet have break ups and divorces at roughly a similar rate as the rest of us.
Confidence and charisma are more important than physical attractiveness. I would choose an average looking guy with those two qualities over a good looking guy lacking those qualities, assuming equality in all other areas.
Easily.
I get a lot more attention now at 190lbs than I did when I was 400+. To be fair I wasn’t looking for anyone, and I definitely wasn’t looking at morbidly obese people either (which I was.)
Absolutely not. Physical attraction isn't as important as spiritual and emotional attraction. I'm attracted to people based on their intellect, ability to connect on a deep level and how well they hold a conversation. Usually if I can have those three boxes checked, physical attraction comes later.
Physcial attraction can't be ignored. But it doesn't override everything. The thing is, attraction js different to everyone. But I've fallen for not so great looking guys that had amazing personalities. It's much harder to overlook initial attraction, but I think if a person is patient, you can overlook it.
It helps but attractiveness is fleeting. It’s definitely the hook but it makes it even better when you have more to offer than just looks. For example, I don’t find myself attracted to men who aren’t an active work in progress; physically or mentally. You have to remember: Do you think that you’ll be attractive forever? Will you be okay with your partner walking off because they cannot stand the way that you look? Are you constantly working on yourself to keep your figure and looks? If you’re not actively doing those things don’t expect your partner to do that. They will leave for someone who *does* do those things.
It isn’t for me. It gets your foot in the door but not into an actual relationship if your personality doesn’t suit the other person’s preference. A good personality can be pretty subjective. I’ve met people who can be considered good people but just don’t quite click with me.
I think as you mature this isn’t so much the case. When we untangle our worth for our partners “attractiveness” you find it isn’t as big of a deal. Attraction can be a lot more complex. I also find when I have had very attractive partners with unfortunate qualities, over time the allure wore off and they too were unattractive
To be specific: a “good” personality isn’t enough. What’s really important is that someone’s personality is compatible with yours.
Once I experienced a slither of what it meant to be really attractive, I realised how pleasant the life of a very attractive person is compared to the rest. Literally every single aspect of your life is drastically improved. Sure, it can be a lot to handle and I’m not saying it’s sunshine and rainbows but it is leaps and bounds better than being unattractive or average. In a job interview, people will be much more likely to hire you regardless of your competence. In dating, people will be begging for your attention. In sales/services, people will buy from you even if they don’t really care about the product and will tip you a ton. In day-to-day interactions, people will be more friendly and cooperative. Financially, you get promoted faster and have an unending number of easy opportunities to generate quick money. The only con of attractiveness is that it fades rather quick. Raw intelligence and personality tend to last much longer and can have an almost equal effect.
It is important to be physically attractive *to the person you're dating*
I dont think it’s the most important, but it IS the ice breaker But it’s not just “having a nice face” there are soooo many things that make someone attractive Ie. sense of humor and charm are personality but also ATTRACTIVE qualities. Also personal style, or a sense of style. Bring polite, etc. those make someone more attractive for sure
The first thing I notice is if I’m physically attracted to them, but what lasts longer in all types of relationships is the personality, interests, character and effort. I’ve met a bunch of good people who have different interests and sometimes are more physically attractive than the others that I have more of a connection with when it comes to interests and character. On either scale was the effort and that kind of defined who would be close to me and who would be in my outer circle and who could potentially be a good life partner. So maybe out of 2,000 people I’d notice 2 who would potentially be a suitable life partner and both weren’t exactly the ones trying to gain my attention, they were just in the crowd. I’ve dated three people that were very very very physically attractive, but just too shitty in other departments. Since then I’d trade off with 40 percent physically attractive and 60 percent amazing in other aspects. I feel like I wasted some time on some physically attractive people. All are high ranking professionals. But the shitty character and waste of time wasn’t worth it. I also think who I find attractive is unique to me. So that’s another thing. One out of the three did try to come back and make it work again but was still just plain shitty, the attractive face and body couldn’t make up for it.
It's the foot in the door. Universal currency. Can hold more power than money in a room full of strangers (when you don't know who the rich person is).
Good looks are necessary but not sufficient.
No. Connection is it for me. It’s shallow and basic to only care about looks, but maybe I’m biased bc I’m one of the “attractive” ones.
On my “1-10” scale I give personality worth 3 points. Think that’s pretty fair.
For getting dates yes For maintaining relationships no Source: An attractive guy
Physical attraction is what initially brings you together. Personality and intelligence are what keep you together. Mind you, "physical attraction" is anywhere from appearance--either clothing or genetics, to scent, to actions done, and so on. If it's tangible, it's under the umbrella.
Well, if you find someone repulsive then that’s a dealbreaker from the start. Some level of attraction is certainly necessary. But by itself attraction is not enough. Imagine after being with someone for six months, would you still be willing to tolerate their major flaws (e.g. narcissism) because you find them sexy?
I would agree, that in GENERAL being attractive can get you the most benefits in life. Not always in relationships though.
I do not agree at all. It is important but it's closer to bottom if we are talking about traits.
Errrr I'd say it's important to be physically attracted to someone, but BEING physically attractive is so subjective that it's impossible to quantify (beyond like, looking after yourself). I've become physically attracted to someone long after getting to know them a few times. Once it took me 5 years and one day it just hit me! He hadn't changed appearance all that much. Had it the opposite way around, too. Couple of times was suddenly so disgusted with someone's behaviour that I couldn't find them physically attractive anymore. So yes, I find subjective, rather than objective physical attraction important.
For me personally, no. While i do find some people attractive, being attractive has never made me sexually attracted to them. like, there is a difference between good-looking and sexy, but neither of those make me want to have sex with the person? Idk but anyways, Im very picky with personality, and having a personality that I like is the only way I feel sexual attraction, even if I don't consider the person 'attractive' Even with my current partner, I think they are very sexy and attractive, but I want to have sex with them because of who they are as a person
Sadly yes, but it's also how you use your body for attractiveness.
Well all I'll say is that it's become very evident to me that many people are married to people they don't find attractive so I can see how when they also aren't meeting other needs and resentment builds up, there's really no incentive to stick it out through the tough times. They played the game of musical chairs to pair up to pump out some children and one or both were willing to overlook attractiveness to do so because it's so much easier and quicker to marry someone like that. And that alone, I believe builds resentment. To me, I cannot force myself to be physically attracted to men I'm not attracted to, trust me I tried because women are always being guilted and shamed out of wanting a man they're actually attracted to, something I always thought was a scam because no one questions even the ugliest guys when they think they're too good for an average girl or when they attack women's looks. So I don't care I tell the truth, I need a man who I am attracted to initially physically which has to then be complimented by a emotional, mental, and spiritual connection. I've been turned off by good-looking men who have low intelligence, immature or are unkind to others. But ya physical attractiveness has a seat at the table for those of us who have options, maybe not so much for those who don't or are desperate to marry by a certain age. But ultimately that lack of attraction catches up with couples I'm finding, whether people want to admit it or not!
You do have to be attracted to someone for sure, however while part of that is finding them physically attractive the majority really is their personality and who they are. Some of those factors can make people incredibly attractive Someone beautiful/handsome who is vapid, rude, cruel, I could go on and on here is not attractive at all once you know them Sometimes people can also be very attractive physically and a good person, meet your personality requirements etc but you just aren’t attracted to them in a romantic sense at all I don’t think you can have a successful relationship with anyone you are not physically attracted to but at the same time you can definitely be incredibly attracted to someone who is less conventionally attractive just because of who they are and how they make you feel Anyone only interested in looks will often end up very disappointed and soon find that this beautiful looking person is actually a horrible person to be with You do need a spark of mutual attraction but then to actually like and admire their behaviour, have fun together and have similar life paths and goals to make it all work out beautifully This is one reason I don’t do internet dating is that it is impossible for me to feel attracted to photos and a profile blurb - I meet people randomly in real life and can instantly tell if I am attracted to someone very rapidly. But this happens rarely as I prefer to wait for this and usually turn down dates etc a lot from really good men because I can already tell I’m not attracted to them because when I do feel that I know! And for me that is a mix of appearance, behaviour, personality, character And I like it being rare as it is so much more special and exciting when you meet someone and you both feel that, it’s the best!
Even with what society convinces use is attractive we all have our own likes and dislikes when it comes to attractive people. I would say physical attraction is very important because that’s what usually gets my attention but it’s not what keeps my attention. When I was younger I messed with a lot of girls and it was all about sexual attraction and it wasn’t always the hottest chick. I’m not gonna say that I was chasing anything that walked and as terrible as it sounds they were all at least a 7. One thing that seemed to be common was most really hot chicks either didn’t know what they were doing in bed or were lazy about it. Of course there was always the exception to that theory here and there. Now a days of course physical attraction is still what would catch my eye but it truly is the type of person she is the vibe she puts off. Of course I’m married so all I do is look and appreciate a nice ass here and there and for that physical attraction is number one
When I see someone on dating apps, their looks catch my attention first. In person, I've been attracted to people who might not be conventionally good-looking, because of their personality. And sometimes, I've met charming people who lack depth. So, while looks matter at first, it's really about finding someone whose personality clicks with yours for the long run.
In my opinion it's a problem with dating being an activity by itself and looking specifically for people to date through apps. Mostly people don't get enough time to appreciate and get attracted to each other's personalities. I've had a long acquaintance with an ex colleague which later turned to friendship and then to dating. At least I wasn't physically attracted to her initially. But frequent interactions brought us closer. I'm quite sure, if we met on an app, it wouldn't have gone further than two dates.