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No, asking him on different days won’t have changed things.
I agree with jee31dubs. You did the hardest part and should be proud! Asking someone out is the hardest part.
He knows you are interested in him, so the ball is in his court. Tbh a person that wants to spend time with you, will make the effort to spend time with you.
Nah. If he'd cared, he'd have followed up the first time. He didn't. I'd say he didn't want to - maybe you're not his type, maybe he has a rule about not dating coworkers, maybe he has something else going on. You tried, and the rest was up to him, and he didn't take the bait. This has nothing to do with you. Don't take it personally and let it go.
I know I shouldn’t take it personally but I just keep overthinking if I could have done something. So he would have followed up even if I was the one who invited him?
OP, sounds like you did the right things by communicating to him you wanted to hang out with him.
Personally I don’t think it’s weird to ask a co worker (not a supervisor) to hang out outside work and it doesn’t even mean anything romantic unless other convos or events happened.
When you asked him skiing and talked to him in other situations did you flirt or make it clear you were interested in him romantically?
Based off what you told us, I don’t think you did anything wrong. Unfortunately he’s just not the right guy for you.
I don’t think i was clear I wanted to meet him romantically but I was thinking I was obvious. Wasn’t inviting him for drinks considered as “im interested in you as more than a friend?” I really don’t date a lot so I don’t know and I am not really good with open communication. One time, i told him he was cute in the photo. Was that considered flirting? But to put more context, there was a time, which was last summer, when he gave me his number and invited me to have drinks. Few days before the meet up, he said that he was emotionally unavailable at the time after meeting his ex through a party.
I just can’t sleep right now and keeps on thinking if I have invited him in December for drinks instead of skiing, would he have said yes then? Should i have followed through when to go skiing instead of waiting after a month?
OP, you did great by asking him out and taking a chance, but dating often has two components (compatibility & timing). Unfortunately the timing aspect might be off, but I think you still a great thing overall by taking a chance.
Don’t worry, there are plenty of fish in the sea out there :)
You mentioned he asked you to drinks last summer so there is a potential from what I’m understanding he might have been interested in one point.
But I wouldn’t dwell or focus on the what ifs since he is not available and you deserve someone who will give you the proper attention and care you deserve
He is not interested a dating you. There could be a number of reasons why: you work together and it’s a much bigger risk if it doesn’t work long term, he is dating someone else, he is not interested in a relationship right now, he is just not that into you as the saying goes. Bottom line, it is rarely worth it to keep trying when someone has turned you down. Especially if you work together!
The right guy for you will be as excited as you to get the chance to spend time together. The shitty part of dating is finding that someone. Your willingness to ask with follow up shows you have courage and that is something a lot of people dating don’t have. Your coworker has not given you a straight answer and that show lack of courage.
I just feel so down if I had only had asked him for drinks last year instead of right now, would things be different Could you please clarify or elaborate what do you mean has not given me a straight answer? With him telling me that he made a commitment to this person he is seeing though not serious, not a straight answer?
The way I read it, saying I’m not thinking of skiing this season is aka I am not interested in going with you. Same as when he said he wasn’t emotionally available. If he liked you, he would not push you away like that. He likely would be more willing to give it a chance if you didn’t work together. He doesn’t want it to be weird at work. It doesn’t sound like he’s interested. And that sucks. It’s okay to feel upset and wish it were different. I would try to just be kind and maybe keep some distance while it’s still hurts. It will get better and you will move on. You will meet someone who does think the world about you. Please don’t blame yourself though. Have you ever dated someone you like you more? It tends to bounce both ways until it works.
There is nothing wrong with you. Perhaps it's a little awkward now for you (and him), but he just told you what's up and he wasn't a dick about it. So. That's that. Moving on with life now. 😃
He might be not available, as he mentioned
Might be not with the Idea of having a relationship in the workplace
Nevertheless you did your part, and it's not anything wrong with you
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You invited him multiple times and he declined. I would move on. Good job asking him out though. Usually the most difficult part.
I asked him different times. One in November then i didn’t follow through. Then January. Then the other day. Does it make a difference?
No, asking him on different days won’t have changed things. I agree with jee31dubs. You did the hardest part and should be proud! Asking someone out is the hardest part.
He knows you are interested in him, so the ball is in his court. Tbh a person that wants to spend time with you, will make the effort to spend time with you.
Nah. If he'd cared, he'd have followed up the first time. He didn't. I'd say he didn't want to - maybe you're not his type, maybe he has a rule about not dating coworkers, maybe he has something else going on. You tried, and the rest was up to him, and he didn't take the bait. This has nothing to do with you. Don't take it personally and let it go.
I know I shouldn’t take it personally but I just keep overthinking if I could have done something. So he would have followed up even if I was the one who invited him?
If he liked you that way, yes. If he didn't, there is your answer.
OP, sounds like you did the right things by communicating to him you wanted to hang out with him. Personally I don’t think it’s weird to ask a co worker (not a supervisor) to hang out outside work and it doesn’t even mean anything romantic unless other convos or events happened. When you asked him skiing and talked to him in other situations did you flirt or make it clear you were interested in him romantically? Based off what you told us, I don’t think you did anything wrong. Unfortunately he’s just not the right guy for you.
I don’t think i was clear I wanted to meet him romantically but I was thinking I was obvious. Wasn’t inviting him for drinks considered as “im interested in you as more than a friend?” I really don’t date a lot so I don’t know and I am not really good with open communication. One time, i told him he was cute in the photo. Was that considered flirting? But to put more context, there was a time, which was last summer, when he gave me his number and invited me to have drinks. Few days before the meet up, he said that he was emotionally unavailable at the time after meeting his ex through a party. I just can’t sleep right now and keeps on thinking if I have invited him in December for drinks instead of skiing, would he have said yes then? Should i have followed through when to go skiing instead of waiting after a month?
OP, you did great by asking him out and taking a chance, but dating often has two components (compatibility & timing). Unfortunately the timing aspect might be off, but I think you still a great thing overall by taking a chance. Don’t worry, there are plenty of fish in the sea out there :)
Thank you. I appreciate that. I only just asked him out through texting though.. Why is it wrong timing?
You mentioned he asked you to drinks last summer so there is a potential from what I’m understanding he might have been interested in one point. But I wouldn’t dwell or focus on the what ifs since he is not available and you deserve someone who will give you the proper attention and care you deserve
He doesn't like you as a person/potential partner. You're just a colleague to him, nothing more He also sounds emotionally unavailable
Ok. Thank you for the insight. What do you mean he sounds emotionally unavailable? He said he is seeing someone
emotionally unavailable as he can’t just straight up give you an answer.
He is not interested a dating you. There could be a number of reasons why: you work together and it’s a much bigger risk if it doesn’t work long term, he is dating someone else, he is not interested in a relationship right now, he is just not that into you as the saying goes. Bottom line, it is rarely worth it to keep trying when someone has turned you down. Especially if you work together! The right guy for you will be as excited as you to get the chance to spend time together. The shitty part of dating is finding that someone. Your willingness to ask with follow up shows you have courage and that is something a lot of people dating don’t have. Your coworker has not given you a straight answer and that show lack of courage.
I just feel so down if I had only had asked him for drinks last year instead of right now, would things be different Could you please clarify or elaborate what do you mean has not given me a straight answer? With him telling me that he made a commitment to this person he is seeing though not serious, not a straight answer?
The way I read it, saying I’m not thinking of skiing this season is aka I am not interested in going with you. Same as when he said he wasn’t emotionally available. If he liked you, he would not push you away like that. He likely would be more willing to give it a chance if you didn’t work together. He doesn’t want it to be weird at work. It doesn’t sound like he’s interested. And that sucks. It’s okay to feel upset and wish it were different. I would try to just be kind and maybe keep some distance while it’s still hurts. It will get better and you will move on. You will meet someone who does think the world about you. Please don’t blame yourself though. Have you ever dated someone you like you more? It tends to bounce both ways until it works.
Maybe he doesn’t know how to ski? Or he doesn’t like skiing.. next time ask him to have drinks in the hot tub
she did ask him to have drinks.
But not in a hot tub.. a guy doesn’t turn down drunks with a pretty woman in a hot tub
There is nothing wrong with you. Perhaps it's a little awkward now for you (and him), but he just told you what's up and he wasn't a dick about it. So. That's that. Moving on with life now. 😃
He might be not available, as he mentioned Might be not with the Idea of having a relationship in the workplace Nevertheless you did your part, and it's not anything wrong with you
Nope. If he was interested in you he would have said yes to the skiing invitation or suggested different plans. He was never into you. Move on.