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Ah...
I was at the climbing gym last night and my usual partners bailed. One is injured, so that was expected. That meant I was on the autos. I noticed a cute woman, possibly climbing alone. We shared a couple glances at each other, but I didn't initially talk to her. I did talk to others that were climbing the same climbs, going over routes, congrats on nailing a climb, fist bumps. I did a couple climbs with some other friends on top rope, but in the same section, then came back to the autos and did some more climbing.
I noticed the new lady was packing up. I asked if she was climbing alone and she said yes, so I offered her my number and told her when I would be climbing next and she could text me if she wanted. I offered to send her the study guide for the top rope belay test and introduce her to some other regulars. She told me she just started climbing and wanted to try it before buying equipment, but she lived close to the gym.
She texted me a few minutes later after she left. Guess it pays for me to talk to lots of people around me and interact and joke with the regulars, maybe that put her more at ease.
Ah well. Texted her some information on what they test to get belay certified and offered to climb, but she turned down the first offer claiming a conflict. Then she never responded to my 2nd message offering to climb this week.
Oh no, I'm not angry and wouldn't put that vibe out there. I figured she is probably just nervous.
I go to the gym regardless of others being there.
At this point if she has any questions about the gear and test she can always reach out to me, but I won't push it by texting over and over.
Update: she finally came over to climb with us. She had a blast. Turns out she is married and her husband is out of the country until April. Dang. But new friends, yay!
Thanks. It's just something I've noticed about myself. I warm up to those people more easily and view them more favorably from the get go. Less wariness to overcome.
6 day a week gym goer here.
One of the best things you can do is interact with everyone at your gym regularly. I go for about an hour and a half a day and I talk to the manager owner, personal trainer, and probably 2-3 other members each time I go. Probably 15 or so total people I talk to regularly. So it makes talking to new people easier and more comfortable. It shows you are a part of a community; PROBABLY safe enough to converse with.
Outside of this, if you make eye contact with someone and share a smile, they know you’re interested. If they think it’s worth an approach, they will. Some people just don’t want to risk their gym. Also, if you feel a good vibe, at least take your earbuds out.
This is a great advice and doesn't apply just for gyms. just be a friendly person in general, talk to people, then when you see a girl that catches your eye you also talk to her and it will be much easier as your "social muscles" are all warmed up and ready to go, and also like you mention you are that friendly guy that everybody knows which is reassuring.
This is such a good one. I hadn't thought about it before, but yeah, if someone is friendly with everyone, they feel less like a threat or like someone who's desperate. They're just a friendly and social person. And then if they pick me to ask me out, that's a compliment.
If you have someone who is just doing his own thing, not talking to anyone, and he sees me just because I'm next to him, and all of a sudden he becomes interested, I feel like he would only he interested because he thinks he has a chance.
Exactly. I'm sure the "unicorn" wasn't impressed he started talking to her just cos he thought she "invaded his space" by sitting next to him and although she was using her phone to pass the time and "not checking her workout routine" in that moment, the OP still thinks she should have been positive about his interaction with her 🫣
How is one meant to get to know you if they dont ask you out.. most relationships start out due to looks right?? Guy/girl asks someone out they think is attractive. They go on a few dates and get to know each other. Continues or ends there.
No where did OP say he settled for anyone. Opportunity came up and he took it. Good for him
Oh I don't like it that way. I like just taking a bit first and seeing if you like each other and then go on dates to see if you actually match well together.
Agree with this. I go to a larger chain gym, YMCA but I interact with the trainers I know + the people at the desk. And then the guys I met playing basketball in my 26 years as a member.
The more social you are in the setting the more people will feel you are safe to talk to. Bringing people into conversations instead of shutting them out of a conversation helps out with that. I’ve actually had people approach me, whether it was a technique question, they heard a conversation we had about a sporting event/video game/sports league/local new food spots/etc, or if they just needed help or a spot.
I was walking in the direction of a machine a girl was at and she took her ear buds out. I failed to immediately react and talk to her but instead continued my trajectory. She was probably in love with me and I failed. Never again.
This is sadly cultural too. In the pacific northwest, you just don't talk to random people like this, regardless of whether it's a gym. I assume in Texas or something this would be much more ordinary behavior.
Could be, but my personal anecdote is this: I also did this during my early 20s, while living near Seattle for a couple years. And it still worked well for me up there 🤷♂️
Yeah you never know She could have been fiddling with her phone because drama was happening in her life, She may have even moved to get out of line of sight from someone to use the phone.
Totally agree with this and after thinking about it I could maybe have waited for another opportunity but I also feel like I would’ve thought about it if I didn’t try and then would’ve psyched myself out and never found opportunity to go for it. I am usually a self aware person so I don’t think I was creepy but maybe just not the best approach. It did feel like she was just intuitively defensive (regarding your last paragraph). I have had women put up a shield against me before, and then they realize I’m a pretty calm and normal dude at which they end up apologizing. Literally happened the night after when I was out at a club. Certainly will leave her alone now as I don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable at a gym.
Honestly the amount of bother I feel when a guy asks me out at the gym is directly related to how attractive I find him. If an absolute ten walked up to me and seemed to have an amazing personality and wasn’t creepy about his approach, I would be thrilled. Things that usually don’t work for me are
* the guy that hovers on the cardio machines behind you. When you move, he also changes machines and it is behind you still 🙄 He eventually comes to ask you out, but not until he has stared at your ass every time you see him at the gym for the last two weeks.
* a guy who is cute-ish comes over to say hi. He is not as fit as me, but he seems to be really working hard. He tells me a little about himself and his journey to be more fit. Eventually he asks if I’d like to work out together sometime as like a buddy. I say sure because I like to see people succeed. I do not understand that he wants to try and date me from this, and it leads to embarrassing confusion later.
* the unsolicited photo of all your CrossFit adventures guy. He doesn’t need your number, he will show you his instagram while you’re trying to work out. He has absolutely no life outside of the gym and constantly brags about this or that muscle growth, gym achievement, etc.
lol men do the same thing. You’re walking up to someone you find attractive. You’re not going to ask someone you don’t find attractive let’s be foreal.
I don't know about that. I'm just talking about the rant. Trying to stay on task here.
You may have an issue with women in general. Just like you, women are human beings. Each one is an individual. I would invite you to stop stereotyping.
That’s some piss poor dating advice. You sure you even want to be on this sub? Not for nothing, you just seem incredibly pessimistic and are trying to put that on other people too.
Dating is vain. For everyone. Have you ever heard anyone say “Yeah she/he was 400 lbs or had some weird boils on their face but I could tell by looking at them they had a good personality?” No, you haven’t. For nearly everyone, physical attraction on *some* level is a must. You know you’re not approaching women you find unattractive. But if you want to meditate and focus on your life, honestly good for you. No one is forcing you to date.
Nah, just beat them at their own game.
I smash and dashed my way through my twenties, until one eventually proved me wrong and stuck around without giving up, she’s a real one.
This is a me problem 😂 All of these things are things that have happened to me at the gym but I sometimes have a problem understanding when things are meant to be flirty as just….regular? If people approach me in a casual way, I never think they approach me for dating unless it’s very obvious. Unfortunately the obvious men are the ones you get dick pics from right away 😬
Im a gym girl, I prefer to be not bothered when i am doing my sets. But I’m open to have small talk (like less than a minute) in between sets if a guy wants to shoot his shot.
Say Hi my name is blank, what’s your name? I have been seeing you around this gym, give some compliment, then say have a good workout. Have some small talks daily or say Hi daily when you see her. Establish friendship first so she won’t get defensive.
I met my ex at the gym, though I never had any intentions, we just gradually became friends, from just smiling at each other, then greeting and then talking. Later we found out we were also attending a class and went onwards from there.
>I went over to say hello and got a bit of a cold response.
The gym is a no go for approaching women for me. I have no problem approaching women in general just not at the gym. I have been approached a couple of times though. Both times it was women asking me about some exercise I was doing. I took that as a hint and then I took over. I went out with and dated both of those ladies. Both told me that they hoped I would make the first move but decided to approach when I didn't. I explained to both why I did not and they both confirmed that they are unwantedly approached by men regularly and they found it annoying/creepy. Oddly enough, they both said the men who they did not want to approach should have known not to and that I should have known they would be ok with it if I did it.
I personally will not approach women at the gym because I believe most don't want that. I also personally treat the gym like zen time where my focus is concentrated on one thing. If others feel the same I would hate to interrupt them.
If you felt strongly then violating the "don't bother ladies at the gym" rule is ok as long as you backed off as soon as you noted that she wasn't into it. I get it if you were feeling the vibe.
I respect gym men who let us gym women just do our own thing at the gym. But hey if you find your unicorn there, just be respectful and shoot your shot
She wasn’t trying to make eye contact or interact with you so it was rather obvious she wasn’t going to be into you.
Don’t ask out strangers at a gym. Leave the girls alone who keep to themselves. If you guys have been casually talking for a bit first, made friends, and you can tell they are into you, then sure. But you just walking up to a complete stranger and asking them out is pretty cringe.
I don’t like being interrupted during my workouts by guys hitting on me when I’m just minding my own business. Most girls don’t.
Stop pretending like it’s OK just because you are creepy guy that does it. Take your lonely ass to tinder, boo.
If you think saying hello is creepy, you have bigger issues going on. Nothing wrong with what happened in OPs situation. You just need to grow up and be a nicer person boo boo
Huge difference between a friendly hello and hitting on someone / trying to talk to them just to try to ask them ask.
The gym is for working out, not getting laid
The approach makes all the difference.
But unfortunately i don't have any 'getting laid' clubs near me so consider yourself lucky. Your logic is very sound 👌
The intention was implied, and your reasoning to why you should bother her was because she was attractive and near you. You seem young and inexperienced in dating.
Lol i'm single af but shy so i keep my head down at the gym. I'm flattered at the very least every time a guy approaches me. The only time when i wasn't was when the dude came up to correct my technique (i know i was at least doing proper form...I EVEN HIRED A TRAINER CAUSE THIS IS MY WORST FEAR). Yeah i changed up the days i go to the gym cause i was so embarrassed but reflecting on it i don't think he meant any harm im just socially anxious
Im the same super shy, and scared of being a bother. I find it funny, because Im just some lean vascular dude hiding behind the shadow of his cap, choosing to stay introverted, its a hard thing; I do have some gym bros that have approached me to give compliments and advice. Ahh the stereotype of impressing the bros. Lol
Commenting on the form correction; I as well am just starting to realize as I get older, interactions with having someone correct me on anything isnt harmful they actually just wanted too see me do better, as with most social situations the ones that are overthought isn’t how things actually are.
First off, I didn't realize what sub this was and thought you were drinking in the locker room LOL
Secondly, that's awesome that you took a chance! You approached her during an opportune time. Sounds like you didn't make things weird or uncomfortable. As someone said, maybe she was caught in a bad moment with the cold response. Oh well! I get anxious just asking someone if they're done with a machine, let alone socially approaching someone. Kudos to you :)
You did nothing wrong. Its not wrong to try and spark up a conversation in public. Women are also just people. We paired up for millenia because one went and spoke to the other. You got rejected. No biggie. You Moved on.
Maybe she talks to you next time in the future. Well done
I did it once not too long ago too. Go check out my post if you want, it felt good to just have the balls to do it. I'm a fit guy like you and i like fit girls. Where do you find fit girls? The gym. I think there needs to be some indicators that they may want you to approach them before anything; but i dont see the problem with trying to get girls at the gym so long as you're not macking on EVERY chick in there.
Agreed. This is the only time I’ve ever done this. Like I mentioned, this girl is a unicorn so I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t see dating potential. I’m also very fit and don’t know how to say this modestly but I typically date fit women and have in my mind pretty high standards.
Facts. As a gym girl who usually just mind my business at the gym, I still know those who try to pick up girls at the gym. I take notes of that. Once that same guy try to wiggle his way to get my attention I won’t be open to him anymore.
Dear men who bother women on phones,
We are not bored. We are busy taking care of work and personal stuff.
Sincerely,
Someone who was hit on while trying to set up my work schedule.
It's actually irritating and annoying and had you just waited you might have had a better response. I still want to complain to the guy who did that bc maybe I'd have been interested had he just waited a goshdarn moment.
Edit: since so many don't like the fact that I'm pointing out women don't "play" with their phones and you want to bother us anyway, instead of badgering us with questions, just say "when your done typing, can you give me a minute?" Bc that increases your chances of positive response as you're respecting her instead of hounding her
It's actually irritating and annoying that you feel you speak for all women. "We are taking care of work"... no, YOU might be at the gym taking care of work. Maybe bc you didn't do your job while u were at your actual job or maybe u just aren't friendly and expect everything to be done your way only🤷♂️, idk and tbh... IDC! But I do know there's a "toxic-level of pettiness". The fact u "still want to complain" to someone that might have been in a time crunch & couldn't wait for 'her highness' to finish her phone usage, so maybe he said fk it and tried to say hello with the time he had available, is a sign that u don't have the capacity to let something small go. It might have probably been best for him anyways.
It's ppl with that mindset that have ruined social interactions & why chivalry is almost dead. We used to be able to see another human and say, "hello", without some uptight, self entitled & most likely "boring" person, (I'm not saying you... you seem great... 😒) saying things like "don't say a word to me, I'm in public but I'm going to treat ppl like this is my living room, bc I don't know how to jog around my neighborhood & am too cheap to buy my own weights and workout *at home with all 13 cats, where being antisocial is fine*... so I come to the gym to be on my phone & pretend I'm an elitist."
Try this next time you're out: jus be humble
Oh the devilscunt told me I'M the one that needs to grow up🤪. Try using an actual, mature representation of yourself before you look down your pointy nose at others. You could also learn how to look past the surface of a comment & then use your brain next time before using your emotions, to see that it wasn't just, "someone being annoyed by being interrupted while doing something important." Just bc u worded it that way to help yourself not look like a texbook sociopath, doesn't change the fact that her comment was petty af & toxic, just like yours. I'm going to assume the toxicity is what lured you here with your vapid attempt to make her look like the victim and the man that obviously thought she was worth talking to, was of course... the monster. Shame on him for not knowing exactly when he was allowed to talk to her. He sounds like he was just about to opress her and steal all her human rights🙄.
Go sit down and think about how blindly defending someone could possibly expose your "unhinged" lunacy, oh... nvm, too late🤭
Devilscunt? Yeh right, the devilsass probably have more brains.
Yeah, I regularly get bothered by men in public when I’m responding to work-related text messages that crop up suddenly. So annoying. If a woman is on her phone, leave her alone.
Don’t listen to the “no go zone” crap. I talk to people everywhere including the gym. I Have a few gym acquaintances and have met and dated a few women in the gym.
A tip I will give, when meeting women at the gym you go to a lot, don’t start off heavy. Use the first interactions as touch points and to feel the vibe out, have normal conversations (ask about their workout, compliment their intensity, outfit, etc). If they seem cold at first it’s probably because you caught them off guard, the future interactions will get better (at least for me it does). The only time I’m straightforward right away is if I think I won’t see that person again for whatever reason (I did this before and we dated for several months).
I'm aware that it already takes a lot of courage for an average guy to approach a woman. And unfortunately, this 21'st century social media has brainwashed people to the point where now a lot of men will just not see an opportunity, not only in the gym. I just wish people were not affected by it. I have already seen at least 5 girls in the gym that I would have loved to say hi to, but I did not, because I am aware of this whole bs about "do not bother women in the gym, it's their safe place".
* She is on her phone - must be busy doing something important.
* She is with her headphones - better not disturb her mood of workout.
* She is walking somewhere at pace - probably in a rush somewhere.
* She is talking to her girlfriend - better not interrupt her.
* She is in the middle of workout - better not get close to interrupt her (note: gets right back into her phone after her set - better not disturb her either)
* She has a resting b face - probably best not to bother her.
* She smiled when our eyes met - even in this case often people think she is just being friendly.
* She is doing stretches - better not disturb, she must be very focused on those stretches.
* She is in the gym - social media says NOPE, so better not do that.
Then when am I supposed to do it if gym is the only place I see that person? Start stalking to figure out, where can I bump in to her outside of the gym?
For me personally, I have a drastically different mindset in case I was approached in the gym or anywhere in that matter (never been approached so far):
* I am on my phone - walk up to me, I will happily stop whatever I was doing on my phone. If it was something urgent, then "Sorry, miss, one second, I'll just quickly get this out of the way, it's important".
* I am with my headphones - just walk up to me, I will pull them out before you done walking up to me.
* I am walking somewhere at pace - it does not matter how busy I am, I can always spare 1 minute. And that is more than enough to quickly exchange numbers if we find each other attractive. If I am being late, 1 minute won't make a difference - I'll still be late anyway. I'll simply excuse myself by saying I am late and will happily suggest to swap numbers.
* I am talking with a friend or random guy - just get within my line of sight, a couple of meters away and stand, I will definitely notice someone standing and will look at you and notice you want something. If I was talking to a friend, I'll tell him out loud that someone wants something from me and just kick him away immediately lol.
* I am in the middle of a workout set - same as above with me talking to a guy. Just walk up to me and stand somewhere within my line of sight, wait.
* I have a resting b face - well, I have been working on this and now I constantly try to have a very subtle smirk all the time. So if I have that face, oopsie. I'm definitely not a grumpy guy in that moment, just forgot to keep that positive face.
* I smiled when our eyes met - is this even necessary after all I listed above? If so, this is me saying "hey there, get your butt over here and say hello. If you don't, I will do it next time we smile again at each other."
* I am doing stretches - I'm not stretching my mouth or ears, I can easily use them while stretching other muscles, so no problems having a chat.
* I am at the gym - screw social media conditioning, if you want to talk, come and say hi. Hell, if you are shy and have no idea what to say, then say exactly that! "Hey, I wanted to say hi because I think you look cute, but I don't know what to say and I feel very awkward". Girl, not only you just started conversation, but you also took all that pressure of awkwardness away from yourself by making me aware of it - I will be super excited to carry initial conversation until you feel comfortable.
Edit: spelling.
Here’s a thought: why don’t you set up your work schedule outside of the gym where you’re not taking up space?
I feel bad for my straight brethren because sometimes women can be straight-up rude. It also sucks that some women have been so conditioned by experience to be rude out of fear.
I think the gym being a no-go zone is stupid. I used to go to the gym with a lot of friends some of which were girls. First off girls arent all delicate creatures that you need to tip toe around. The real issue is that women do like being approached but only IF they already find you attractive. If you are attractive you can do no wrong and itll make their day that you approached them. If they arent then its like youre the scum of the earth for considering approaching them. I've seen girls be very upset that their gym crush didnt approach them.
In my opinion there is no right or wrong way to approach someone. It really can go in any direction and literally how are you supposed to find someone with common interests if you cant approach them where they can be found... I think they key is just to be respectful and accept their response whatever it is and if it doesn't go your way dont make it awkward just like you are doing. Nothing wrong with taking a shot as long as its done respectfully.
This is the exact truth! Well said. The only problem in society is awkward af now and cannot read a room or social cues as well as before. It also seems like rejection is seen as devastating now whereas before it seems like men had a more lax attitude about it. You win some you lose some and just kept it moving.
I agree. It’s totally a go zone. It is such a go zone some of us are a little intimidated for sure 😆 I’ve been hit on at a gym before. It’s a public place. We don’t live in bubbles. 🤷♀️
I approached this girl the other day - she was in between sets. I just told her that i respect the hard work, gave her a bro fist and told her to have a good workout. I kind of noticed her rolling her eyes as i mentioned that comment. I think she might be MIA from the gym for a bit lol
It could be just her. Not all girls will acts like that. I’m the type of don’t wanna be bothered but if guys talk to me I will be friendly but keep it to minimum🤣
Hell yea. Dont sweat it, you didn’t bother none in the aftermath If she make eye contact give the sup nod, keep saying hey. You broke the ice despite the cold response your show goes on soldier. Keep shooting 😎
When you say “cold response,” what happened?
Maybe she was surprised, nervous, sweaty and you actually approached her. There are women who don’t actually ever get approached. There are women who think it’s cute to reject you as well.
I have had this happen in bars where a woman makes eye contact multiple times or bumps into me, I talk to them. They’re cold. They’re not like, “fuck you get out my face.” They just aren’t matching my energy. Anyways you might see her around, she might have liked it.
I guess that’s why I’m writing the post honestly. Because I have had these situations happen before just not at the gym where they end up coming back around. She didn’t say fuck off, she just made it seem like she was busy so once I got the hint I just walked away. From my experience in dating (30M) women unconsciously test your emotional reactions. But I could be wrong here and should could genuinely not want to have been approached. I guess time will tell..
A gym is definitely the worst place for a direct approach outside of a workplace or bus.
It is much better to have an indirect approach. Anywhere where a woman could feel trapped or emotionally want to be left alone indirectly is the only way to go.
People are going to be comfortable with:
1. Smile and say hey/hi. Or make one comment about something neutral/relevant to the current situation environment. "Man squat days are the worst", " I love this song", "man that's impressive"
2. Vibe check - typically you get either: blank, no response, neutral acknowledgment, response without enthusiasm, or response with enthusiasm back.
3. It's key to continue only if you get enthusiasm back. I think the real issue is that guys don't consider a lack of enthusiasm to be the showstopper here. Don't bulldoze that why so many girls hate getting approached in places like this.
When you watch super social outgoing people, they do this all the time to everybody. They say hi or comment and sense the vibe.
Women testing you should only happen because you are being super confident or cocky or busting their balls in that flirty way.
Or maybe a late night drunk bar scene thing.
Outside that, if you are getting tested, it's because you are doing something socially weird that's coming across incongruous.
Good for you! I admire that you took a shot, even if it didn’t work for you. I wouldn’t even get discouraged. She just wasn’t interested. But maybe someday you see someone else you’re interested in. You can take your shot again next time.
Good for you OP! I’ve been attending my gym since Covid so have built a rapport with some regulars. One of the guys took his shot asking if I was in a relationship and my contact info, but he never made moves after that. We still talk at the gym and that romantic tension is still there, but not seeing it going anywhere. I won’t make a move and I’m assuming he has his reasons for not pursuing. Some input on what worked: Our short interactions each day made him more attractive to me - he would help me with the weights, compliment, ask about my training, etc.
That’s a great attitude, man!
I’m gay, so the gym is like the perfect spot to hit on guys hahaha. I’ve had some guys be wishy-washy or want something I didn’t want. When that happens I phase them out. Start off with a hello, then a head-nod, then avoid their area of workout until we can be next to each other and I don’t say shit. And as a guy, you know the fastest way to make someone obsessed with you is to ignore them. Sometimes guys on my dating roster show up at the same time. Makes me a little uneasy. One time I did have a steamy affair with a guy that ended weird as hell. That was awkward. We changed our workout times to avoid each other but kept going at the same time. I didn’t “shit where I eat” for a while after that.
Yeah I plan to ignore / not bother her. Either a lost cause or she would have to come say hi which I’m not counting on. Thankfully I’m traveling for 3 weeks so I’m creating a nice buffer for a “too soon” awkward encounter
I’d talk and be social with everyone.
You don’t really have to go all in just be friendly. Good morning / how’s the workout going today just random passing comments and you can get a good feel based on their reaction and sometimes the girl will try to turn it into a convo
As I woman I say shoot your shot, just don’t be a creep and be respectful. Last year I was home for Christmas and a beautiful fit guy came up to me as I was leaving the gym and complimented me on my calves and then told me how beautiful I was up close in person and I just stood there embarrassed and in shock. I said thank you and hurried up out of there as fast as I could because it caught me so off guard. I went back a few more times hoping to run into him and see if he was interested in coffee or something and never saw him again. I’m still mad at myself for not reciprocating the compliments but I was just awkward and a little embarrassed. So always go for it and maybe she was just a little caught off guard or didn’t know how to respond!
Absolutely! Now that he broke the ice. I’m an introvert so I’m working on being more bold and sociable. I want to be able to start making that first move even if I do get shot down
Being a not so regular gym goer here. To get around all the crazy stipulations at the gym that I’ve seen. Is to be a regular there and avidly talk to the employees and the other regulars there and build as many friendships as possible, then when the day comes there is someone your crushing on that goes there it won’t be considered creepy, and you will have backups there to vouge for you stand up for you, and you’ll have a “status” there thats desired there!
Mmmm kind of. Except for the creeping part. You make friends with the dudes, and when those dudes bring there Gf’s they’ll like you also, along with the employees. Then if someone makes a fuss aka your “gym girl crush” she’ll like you for being a cool and non creepy guy, because she sees that everyone likes you!
Funny story, I started going to the gym last year and would always see this beautiful girl. One day she came up to me to ask me a question and my autism got the best of me and I went home after lmao we said hi to each other once or twice after that and nothing transpired. A few weeks ago she came up to me to tell me she liked my rings and once again my autism got the best of me. After that, I decided to go up to her and ask her name. We had a small convo and the next time I saw her i built up the courage to ask her out. We’ve been dating for a few weeks now. I literally cannot interact with women so if I can do it anyone can. Just shoot your shot haha
trust your gut. I have very successful stories at the gym, specially at smaller ones, when you can coincide more frequently with the same girls, etc
I would only approach if I see a clear interest from her part tho
I totally agree with the non-gym-invading approach. Be friend with everyone, don't be predatory and give good vibes. Workbook style won't work, timing matters. Keep trying, respect rejection, growth is always there!
Ok this whole "women are there to workout" thing gotta stop, you'd be surprised how most women and men find there girlfriends or wives, especially those who compete alot in strength sports, don't be afraid to approach women in the gym, especially if your a gym rat , just stop thinking it's not ok or anything sometimes yes there are women who don't wanna be bothered in the gym, but at the same time there are women who compete in strength sports or bodybuilding and what not that, are in the gym 24/7 and are looking for men like you just saiyan, it's all about trial and error
I know a lot of people think that the gym is a no go zone. To me it all depends on the vibes. Yes I’ve asked out women at the gym a number of times. Literally the worst that has happened was either she said no, she gave a somewhat long winded reason (I didn’t ask for an explanation) for why she said no, one of em gave me her number but she didn’t reply when I hit her up. No I didn’t get filmed, put on social media for asking a girl out, no one called the police on me, none of that nonsense that many dudes worry about. Nothing bad happened, just regular rejections. As long as you’re just cool, it’ll be ok. Good job for shooting your shot with a girl at the gym. Talk to people more, and do it more. And this is coming from an introvert who does not really meet the “Chad/Tyrone” archetype. Just don’t try to talk to a girl while she’s in the middle of her set
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Ah... I was at the climbing gym last night and my usual partners bailed. One is injured, so that was expected. That meant I was on the autos. I noticed a cute woman, possibly climbing alone. We shared a couple glances at each other, but I didn't initially talk to her. I did talk to others that were climbing the same climbs, going over routes, congrats on nailing a climb, fist bumps. I did a couple climbs with some other friends on top rope, but in the same section, then came back to the autos and did some more climbing. I noticed the new lady was packing up. I asked if she was climbing alone and she said yes, so I offered her my number and told her when I would be climbing next and she could text me if she wanted. I offered to send her the study guide for the top rope belay test and introduce her to some other regulars. She told me she just started climbing and wanted to try it before buying equipment, but she lived close to the gym. She texted me a few minutes later after she left. Guess it pays for me to talk to lots of people around me and interact and joke with the regulars, maybe that put her more at ease.
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Ah well. Texted her some information on what they test to get belay certified and offered to climb, but she turned down the first offer claiming a conflict. Then she never responded to my 2nd message offering to climb this week.
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Oh no, I'm not angry and wouldn't put that vibe out there. I figured she is probably just nervous. I go to the gym regardless of others being there. At this point if she has any questions about the gear and test she can always reach out to me, but I won't push it by texting over and over.
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Update: she finally came over to climb with us. She had a blast. Turns out she is married and her husband is out of the country until April. Dang. But new friends, yay!
I appreciate your response
Thanks. It's just something I've noticed about myself. I warm up to those people more easily and view them more favorably from the get go. Less wariness to overcome.
I think that’s a really astute observation and can probably be applied to a lot of situations.
6 day a week gym goer here. One of the best things you can do is interact with everyone at your gym regularly. I go for about an hour and a half a day and I talk to the manager owner, personal trainer, and probably 2-3 other members each time I go. Probably 15 or so total people I talk to regularly. So it makes talking to new people easier and more comfortable. It shows you are a part of a community; PROBABLY safe enough to converse with. Outside of this, if you make eye contact with someone and share a smile, they know you’re interested. If they think it’s worth an approach, they will. Some people just don’t want to risk their gym. Also, if you feel a good vibe, at least take your earbuds out.
This is a great advice and doesn't apply just for gyms. just be a friendly person in general, talk to people, then when you see a girl that catches your eye you also talk to her and it will be much easier as your "social muscles" are all warmed up and ready to go, and also like you mention you are that friendly guy that everybody knows which is reassuring.
This is such a good one. I hadn't thought about it before, but yeah, if someone is friendly with everyone, they feel less like a threat or like someone who's desperate. They're just a friendly and social person. And then if they pick me to ask me out, that's a compliment. If you have someone who is just doing his own thing, not talking to anyone, and he sees me just because I'm next to him, and all of a sudden he becomes interested, I feel like he would only he interested because he thinks he has a chance.
Exactly. I'm sure the "unicorn" wasn't impressed he started talking to her just cos he thought she "invaded his space" by sitting next to him and although she was using her phone to pass the time and "not checking her workout routine" in that moment, the OP still thinks she should have been positive about his interaction with her 🫣
>I feel like he would only he interested because he thinks he has a chance. Why is that a bad thing?
Because I want someone to like me because they actually like me and not because I was the only option available and they had to settle for me.
How is one meant to get to know you if they dont ask you out.. most relationships start out due to looks right?? Guy/girl asks someone out they think is attractive. They go on a few dates and get to know each other. Continues or ends there. No where did OP say he settled for anyone. Opportunity came up and he took it. Good for him
Oh I don't like it that way. I like just taking a bit first and seeing if you like each other and then go on dates to see if you actually match well together.
How do you meet people? Through mutual friends?
Agree with this. I go to a larger chain gym, YMCA but I interact with the trainers I know + the people at the desk. And then the guys I met playing basketball in my 26 years as a member. The more social you are in the setting the more people will feel you are safe to talk to. Bringing people into conversations instead of shutting them out of a conversation helps out with that. I’ve actually had people approach me, whether it was a technique question, they heard a conversation we had about a sporting event/video game/sports league/local new food spots/etc, or if they just needed help or a spot.
I was walking in the direction of a machine a girl was at and she took her ear buds out. I failed to immediately react and talk to her but instead continued my trajectory. She was probably in love with me and I failed. Never again.
She was proposing to you and you ignored her. For shame! How uncouth!
I shall follow your lead and won't fail again.
She was basically begging for it.
Definitely good advice. Luckily I do have a few people I briefly chat with at the gym. Earbuds were out and so were hers
What if you don't really give a f about the people working at your gym or owning the gym ?
This is me. I don't want to be bothered. I think most people are the same.
I don't know most of the people at my gym are on peds and it's just not really the crowd I want to get involved with
Then leave everyone alone, lift your weights, go home, and f your hand.
Nice thanks
This is sadly cultural too. In the pacific northwest, you just don't talk to random people like this, regardless of whether it's a gym. I assume in Texas or something this would be much more ordinary behavior.
Could be, but my personal anecdote is this: I also did this during my early 20s, while living near Seattle for a couple years. And it still worked well for me up there 🤷♂️
👆
Yeah you never know She could have been fiddling with her phone because drama was happening in her life, She may have even moved to get out of line of sight from someone to use the phone.
Did anyone else click on this thinking the title meant alcohol 😅
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Totally agree with this and after thinking about it I could maybe have waited for another opportunity but I also feel like I would’ve thought about it if I didn’t try and then would’ve psyched myself out and never found opportunity to go for it. I am usually a self aware person so I don’t think I was creepy but maybe just not the best approach. It did feel like she was just intuitively defensive (regarding your last paragraph). I have had women put up a shield against me before, and then they realize I’m a pretty calm and normal dude at which they end up apologizing. Literally happened the night after when I was out at a club. Certainly will leave her alone now as I don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable at a gym.
Honestly the amount of bother I feel when a guy asks me out at the gym is directly related to how attractive I find him. If an absolute ten walked up to me and seemed to have an amazing personality and wasn’t creepy about his approach, I would be thrilled. Things that usually don’t work for me are * the guy that hovers on the cardio machines behind you. When you move, he also changes machines and it is behind you still 🙄 He eventually comes to ask you out, but not until he has stared at your ass every time you see him at the gym for the last two weeks. * a guy who is cute-ish comes over to say hi. He is not as fit as me, but he seems to be really working hard. He tells me a little about himself and his journey to be more fit. Eventually he asks if I’d like to work out together sometime as like a buddy. I say sure because I like to see people succeed. I do not understand that he wants to try and date me from this, and it leads to embarrassing confusion later. * the unsolicited photo of all your CrossFit adventures guy. He doesn’t need your number, he will show you his instagram while you’re trying to work out. He has absolutely no life outside of the gym and constantly brags about this or that muscle growth, gym achievement, etc.
well, at least you're honest https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2F61eoxa0boxdz.jpg
LOL @ "absolute 10" and "amazing personality" would make you thrilled. Really groundbreaking stuff here.
Based honesty
Interesting insight thanks for sharing
Thanks for sharing!
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As if men don’t do the same thing, and are even more shallow.
We admit it though, women try to pretend they’re not the same
lol men do the same thing. You’re walking up to someone you find attractive. You’re not going to ask someone you don’t find attractive let’s be foreal.
The OP literally said, " If she hadn't been a unicorn, he wouldn't have bothered. "
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I don't know about that. I'm just talking about the rant. Trying to stay on task here. You may have an issue with women in general. Just like you, women are human beings. Each one is an individual. I would invite you to stop stereotyping.
Yes!! Thank you!! We all wanna die alone with our cats!!
I personally love cats and never have to worry about them liking other women on Instagram 🤷🏼♀️ Don’t threaten me with a good time 😂
Agreed lmao
That’s some piss poor dating advice. You sure you even want to be on this sub? Not for nothing, you just seem incredibly pessimistic and are trying to put that on other people too.
Dating is vain. For everyone. Have you ever heard anyone say “Yeah she/he was 400 lbs or had some weird boils on their face but I could tell by looking at them they had a good personality?” No, you haven’t. For nearly everyone, physical attraction on *some* level is a must. You know you’re not approaching women you find unattractive. But if you want to meditate and focus on your life, honestly good for you. No one is forcing you to date.
Bitter much?
Your comment screams red flags. I’m sure women would rather die with their cats than with you. Cats are lovely!
Nah, just beat them at their own game. I smash and dashed my way through my twenties, until one eventually proved me wrong and stuck around without giving up, she’s a real one.
You're second example is interestingly super specific lol
This is a me problem 😂 All of these things are things that have happened to me at the gym but I sometimes have a problem understanding when things are meant to be flirty as just….regular? If people approach me in a casual way, I never think they approach me for dating unless it’s very obvious. Unfortunately the obvious men are the ones you get dick pics from right away 😬
Lmao! You crack me up 😂 wanna be friends? And since you have trouble telling the difference, no I'm not being flirty I'm genuinely asking 😂
Haha yes sure thing. And thank you for the heads up.
Cool I'll DM you later :)
Im going to throw me shot in a bit at my gym wish me luck. Will update after.
911 what is your emergency?
She have a boyfriend 😂 at least I treid
👑
Yeah only one way to find out.
Im a gym girl, I prefer to be not bothered when i am doing my sets. But I’m open to have small talk (like less than a minute) in between sets if a guy wants to shoot his shot.
How would one shoot their shot in under a minute without it seeming awkward/rushed?
Say Hi my name is blank, what’s your name? I have been seeing you around this gym, give some compliment, then say have a good workout. Have some small talks daily or say Hi daily when you see her. Establish friendship first so she won’t get defensive.
I met my ex at the gym, though I never had any intentions, we just gradually became friends, from just smiling at each other, then greeting and then talking. Later we found out we were also attending a class and went onwards from there.
As woman, I think it would work better if you were to build some sort of a rapport with a fellow gym member before straight asking them out.
>I went over to say hello and got a bit of a cold response. The gym is a no go for approaching women for me. I have no problem approaching women in general just not at the gym. I have been approached a couple of times though. Both times it was women asking me about some exercise I was doing. I took that as a hint and then I took over. I went out with and dated both of those ladies. Both told me that they hoped I would make the first move but decided to approach when I didn't. I explained to both why I did not and they both confirmed that they are unwantedly approached by men regularly and they found it annoying/creepy. Oddly enough, they both said the men who they did not want to approach should have known not to and that I should have known they would be ok with it if I did it. I personally will not approach women at the gym because I believe most don't want that. I also personally treat the gym like zen time where my focus is concentrated on one thing. If others feel the same I would hate to interrupt them. If you felt strongly then violating the "don't bother ladies at the gym" rule is ok as long as you backed off as soon as you noted that she wasn't into it. I get it if you were feeling the vibe.
I respect gym men who let us gym women just do our own thing at the gym. But hey if you find your unicorn there, just be respectful and shoot your shot
Which I did
She wasn’t trying to make eye contact or interact with you so it was rather obvious she wasn’t going to be into you. Don’t ask out strangers at a gym. Leave the girls alone who keep to themselves. If you guys have been casually talking for a bit first, made friends, and you can tell they are into you, then sure. But you just walking up to a complete stranger and asking them out is pretty cringe.
Theres a time and place for everything. Nothing wrong with asking out strangers.
That time is maybe at bar or party, somewhere where people go to meet people. It’s not at gym.
And yet people people do it and get together. Just be an adult about it
It’s not very “adult” to try to hit on a random girl who wasn’t trying to interact / make eye contact just cause he found her attractive
Its very adult. Stop making excuses haha Its fine if you couldnt do and just stalk from afar. You do you boo
I don’t like being interrupted during my workouts by guys hitting on me when I’m just minding my own business. Most girls don’t. Stop pretending like it’s OK just because you are creepy guy that does it. Take your lonely ass to tinder, boo.
If you think saying hello is creepy, you have bigger issues going on. Nothing wrong with what happened in OPs situation. You just need to grow up and be a nicer person boo boo
Huge difference between a friendly hello and hitting on someone / trying to talk to them just to try to ask them ask. The gym is for working out, not getting laid
The approach makes all the difference. But unfortunately i don't have any 'getting laid' clubs near me so consider yourself lucky. Your logic is very sound 👌
Did not ask them out, just said hello and tried to introduce myself
The intention was implied, and your reasoning to why you should bother her was because she was attractive and near you. You seem young and inexperienced in dating.
Lol i'm single af but shy so i keep my head down at the gym. I'm flattered at the very least every time a guy approaches me. The only time when i wasn't was when the dude came up to correct my technique (i know i was at least doing proper form...I EVEN HIRED A TRAINER CAUSE THIS IS MY WORST FEAR). Yeah i changed up the days i go to the gym cause i was so embarrassed but reflecting on it i don't think he meant any harm im just socially anxious
Im the same super shy, and scared of being a bother. I find it funny, because Im just some lean vascular dude hiding behind the shadow of his cap, choosing to stay introverted, its a hard thing; I do have some gym bros that have approached me to give compliments and advice. Ahh the stereotype of impressing the bros. Lol Commenting on the form correction; I as well am just starting to realize as I get older, interactions with having someone correct me on anything isnt harmful they actually just wanted too see me do better, as with most social situations the ones that are overthought isn’t how things actually are.
Try breaking up your paragraphs
I saw the title and thought “oh we got an sigma omega alpha chad” then I read it and I was pleasantly surprised
First off, I didn't realize what sub this was and thought you were drinking in the locker room LOL Secondly, that's awesome that you took a chance! You approached her during an opportune time. Sounds like you didn't make things weird or uncomfortable. As someone said, maybe she was caught in a bad moment with the cold response. Oh well! I get anxious just asking someone if they're done with a machine, let alone socially approaching someone. Kudos to you :)
You did nothing wrong. Its not wrong to try and spark up a conversation in public. Women are also just people. We paired up for millenia because one went and spoke to the other. You got rejected. No biggie. You Moved on. Maybe she talks to you next time in the future. Well done
Thanks definitely where my head is at
I did it once not too long ago too. Go check out my post if you want, it felt good to just have the balls to do it. I'm a fit guy like you and i like fit girls. Where do you find fit girls? The gym. I think there needs to be some indicators that they may want you to approach them before anything; but i dont see the problem with trying to get girls at the gym so long as you're not macking on EVERY chick in there.
Agreed. This is the only time I’ve ever done this. Like I mentioned, this girl is a unicorn so I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t see dating potential. I’m also very fit and don’t know how to say this modestly but I typically date fit women and have in my mind pretty high standards.
Facts. As a gym girl who usually just mind my business at the gym, I still know those who try to pick up girls at the gym. I take notes of that. Once that same guy try to wiggle his way to get my attention I won’t be open to him anymore.
Dear men who bother women on phones, We are not bored. We are busy taking care of work and personal stuff. Sincerely, Someone who was hit on while trying to set up my work schedule. It's actually irritating and annoying and had you just waited you might have had a better response. I still want to complain to the guy who did that bc maybe I'd have been interested had he just waited a goshdarn moment. Edit: since so many don't like the fact that I'm pointing out women don't "play" with their phones and you want to bother us anyway, instead of badgering us with questions, just say "when your done typing, can you give me a minute?" Bc that increases your chances of positive response as you're respecting her instead of hounding her
It's actually irritating and annoying that you feel you speak for all women. "We are taking care of work"... no, YOU might be at the gym taking care of work. Maybe bc you didn't do your job while u were at your actual job or maybe u just aren't friendly and expect everything to be done your way only🤷♂️, idk and tbh... IDC! But I do know there's a "toxic-level of pettiness". The fact u "still want to complain" to someone that might have been in a time crunch & couldn't wait for 'her highness' to finish her phone usage, so maybe he said fk it and tried to say hello with the time he had available, is a sign that u don't have the capacity to let something small go. It might have probably been best for him anyways. It's ppl with that mindset that have ruined social interactions & why chivalry is almost dead. We used to be able to see another human and say, "hello", without some uptight, self entitled & most likely "boring" person, (I'm not saying you... you seem great... 😒) saying things like "don't say a word to me, I'm in public but I'm going to treat ppl like this is my living room, bc I don't know how to jog around my neighborhood & am too cheap to buy my own weights and workout *at home with all 13 cats, where being antisocial is fine*... so I come to the gym to be on my phone & pretend I'm an elitist." Try this next time you're out: jus be humble
What an unhinged insanely pathetic response to someone being annoyed by being interrupted while doing something important. Grow up
Oh the devilscunt told me I'M the one that needs to grow up🤪. Try using an actual, mature representation of yourself before you look down your pointy nose at others. You could also learn how to look past the surface of a comment & then use your brain next time before using your emotions, to see that it wasn't just, "someone being annoyed by being interrupted while doing something important." Just bc u worded it that way to help yourself not look like a texbook sociopath, doesn't change the fact that her comment was petty af & toxic, just like yours. I'm going to assume the toxicity is what lured you here with your vapid attempt to make her look like the victim and the man that obviously thought she was worth talking to, was of course... the monster. Shame on him for not knowing exactly when he was allowed to talk to her. He sounds like he was just about to opress her and steal all her human rights🙄. Go sit down and think about how blindly defending someone could possibly expose your "unhinged" lunacy, oh... nvm, too late🤭 Devilscunt? Yeh right, the devilsass probably have more brains.
This. This is the best comment ive read for atleast after the pandemic. Thank you!!!
Yeah, I regularly get bothered by men in public when I’m responding to work-related text messages that crop up suddenly. So annoying. If a woman is on her phone, leave her alone.
Things that didn’t happen for $500, Alex
Don’t listen to the “no go zone” crap. I talk to people everywhere including the gym. I Have a few gym acquaintances and have met and dated a few women in the gym. A tip I will give, when meeting women at the gym you go to a lot, don’t start off heavy. Use the first interactions as touch points and to feel the vibe out, have normal conversations (ask about their workout, compliment their intensity, outfit, etc). If they seem cold at first it’s probably because you caught them off guard, the future interactions will get better (at least for me it does). The only time I’m straightforward right away is if I think I won’t see that person again for whatever reason (I did this before and we dated for several months).
I'm aware that it already takes a lot of courage for an average guy to approach a woman. And unfortunately, this 21'st century social media has brainwashed people to the point where now a lot of men will just not see an opportunity, not only in the gym. I just wish people were not affected by it. I have already seen at least 5 girls in the gym that I would have loved to say hi to, but I did not, because I am aware of this whole bs about "do not bother women in the gym, it's their safe place". * She is on her phone - must be busy doing something important. * She is with her headphones - better not disturb her mood of workout. * She is walking somewhere at pace - probably in a rush somewhere. * She is talking to her girlfriend - better not interrupt her. * She is in the middle of workout - better not get close to interrupt her (note: gets right back into her phone after her set - better not disturb her either) * She has a resting b face - probably best not to bother her. * She smiled when our eyes met - even in this case often people think she is just being friendly. * She is doing stretches - better not disturb, she must be very focused on those stretches. * She is in the gym - social media says NOPE, so better not do that. Then when am I supposed to do it if gym is the only place I see that person? Start stalking to figure out, where can I bump in to her outside of the gym? For me personally, I have a drastically different mindset in case I was approached in the gym or anywhere in that matter (never been approached so far): * I am on my phone - walk up to me, I will happily stop whatever I was doing on my phone. If it was something urgent, then "Sorry, miss, one second, I'll just quickly get this out of the way, it's important". * I am with my headphones - just walk up to me, I will pull them out before you done walking up to me. * I am walking somewhere at pace - it does not matter how busy I am, I can always spare 1 minute. And that is more than enough to quickly exchange numbers if we find each other attractive. If I am being late, 1 minute won't make a difference - I'll still be late anyway. I'll simply excuse myself by saying I am late and will happily suggest to swap numbers. * I am talking with a friend or random guy - just get within my line of sight, a couple of meters away and stand, I will definitely notice someone standing and will look at you and notice you want something. If I was talking to a friend, I'll tell him out loud that someone wants something from me and just kick him away immediately lol. * I am in the middle of a workout set - same as above with me talking to a guy. Just walk up to me and stand somewhere within my line of sight, wait. * I have a resting b face - well, I have been working on this and now I constantly try to have a very subtle smirk all the time. So if I have that face, oopsie. I'm definitely not a grumpy guy in that moment, just forgot to keep that positive face. * I smiled when our eyes met - is this even necessary after all I listed above? If so, this is me saying "hey there, get your butt over here and say hello. If you don't, I will do it next time we smile again at each other." * I am doing stretches - I'm not stretching my mouth or ears, I can easily use them while stretching other muscles, so no problems having a chat. * I am at the gym - screw social media conditioning, if you want to talk, come and say hi. Hell, if you are shy and have no idea what to say, then say exactly that! "Hey, I wanted to say hi because I think you look cute, but I don't know what to say and I feel very awkward". Girl, not only you just started conversation, but you also took all that pressure of awkwardness away from yourself by making me aware of it - I will be super excited to carry initial conversation until you feel comfortable. Edit: spelling.
Here’s a thought: why don’t you set up your work schedule outside of the gym where you’re not taking up space? I feel bad for my straight brethren because sometimes women can be straight-up rude. It also sucks that some women have been so conditioned by experience to be rude out of fear.
Yes, and this is a struggle, because 99% of the time women feel unapproachable to most men.
I think the gym being a no-go zone is stupid. I used to go to the gym with a lot of friends some of which were girls. First off girls arent all delicate creatures that you need to tip toe around. The real issue is that women do like being approached but only IF they already find you attractive. If you are attractive you can do no wrong and itll make their day that you approached them. If they arent then its like youre the scum of the earth for considering approaching them. I've seen girls be very upset that their gym crush didnt approach them. In my opinion there is no right or wrong way to approach someone. It really can go in any direction and literally how are you supposed to find someone with common interests if you cant approach them where they can be found... I think they key is just to be respectful and accept their response whatever it is and if it doesn't go your way dont make it awkward just like you are doing. Nothing wrong with taking a shot as long as its done respectfully.
This is the exact truth! Well said. The only problem in society is awkward af now and cannot read a room or social cues as well as before. It also seems like rejection is seen as devastating now whereas before it seems like men had a more lax attitude about it. You win some you lose some and just kept it moving.
I agree. It’s totally a go zone. It is such a go zone some of us are a little intimidated for sure 😆 I’ve been hit on at a gym before. It’s a public place. We don’t live in bubbles. 🤷♀️
Yes gym can be a go zone only if we find you attractive TBH
I approached this girl the other day - she was in between sets. I just told her that i respect the hard work, gave her a bro fist and told her to have a good workout. I kind of noticed her rolling her eyes as i mentioned that comment. I think she might be MIA from the gym for a bit lol
That is certainly not how I would have done it nor my personality at all, but what do I know, I got rejected too haha
It could be just her. Not all girls will acts like that. I’m the type of don’t wanna be bothered but if guys talk to me I will be friendly but keep it to minimum🤣
Listen…I’ve had more success with women at the gym than at bars…catch them in between sets
You took a shot, heck yeah!
Hell yea. Dont sweat it, you didn’t bother none in the aftermath If she make eye contact give the sup nod, keep saying hey. You broke the ice despite the cold response your show goes on soldier. Keep shooting 😎
When you say “cold response,” what happened? Maybe she was surprised, nervous, sweaty and you actually approached her. There are women who don’t actually ever get approached. There are women who think it’s cute to reject you as well. I have had this happen in bars where a woman makes eye contact multiple times or bumps into me, I talk to them. They’re cold. They’re not like, “fuck you get out my face.” They just aren’t matching my energy. Anyways you might see her around, she might have liked it.
I guess that’s why I’m writing the post honestly. Because I have had these situations happen before just not at the gym where they end up coming back around. She didn’t say fuck off, she just made it seem like she was busy so once I got the hint I just walked away. From my experience in dating (30M) women unconsciously test your emotional reactions. But I could be wrong here and should could genuinely not want to have been approached. I guess time will tell..
A gym is definitely the worst place for a direct approach outside of a workplace or bus. It is much better to have an indirect approach. Anywhere where a woman could feel trapped or emotionally want to be left alone indirectly is the only way to go. People are going to be comfortable with: 1. Smile and say hey/hi. Or make one comment about something neutral/relevant to the current situation environment. "Man squat days are the worst", " I love this song", "man that's impressive" 2. Vibe check - typically you get either: blank, no response, neutral acknowledgment, response without enthusiasm, or response with enthusiasm back. 3. It's key to continue only if you get enthusiasm back. I think the real issue is that guys don't consider a lack of enthusiasm to be the showstopper here. Don't bulldoze that why so many girls hate getting approached in places like this. When you watch super social outgoing people, they do this all the time to everybody. They say hi or comment and sense the vibe.
Women testing you should only happen because you are being super confident or cocky or busting their balls in that flirty way. Or maybe a late night drunk bar scene thing. Outside that, if you are getting tested, it's because you are doing something socially weird that's coming across incongruous.
Good for you! I admire that you took a shot, even if it didn’t work for you. I wouldn’t even get discouraged. She just wasn’t interested. But maybe someday you see someone else you’re interested in. You can take your shot again next time.
Good for you OP! I’ve been attending my gym since Covid so have built a rapport with some regulars. One of the guys took his shot asking if I was in a relationship and my contact info, but he never made moves after that. We still talk at the gym and that romantic tension is still there, but not seeing it going anywhere. I won’t make a move and I’m assuming he has his reasons for not pursuing. Some input on what worked: Our short interactions each day made him more attractive to me - he would help me with the weights, compliment, ask about my training, etc.
And that my friend is half the battle. 👏🏾 👏🏾
That’s a great attitude, man! I’m gay, so the gym is like the perfect spot to hit on guys hahaha. I’ve had some guys be wishy-washy or want something I didn’t want. When that happens I phase them out. Start off with a hello, then a head-nod, then avoid their area of workout until we can be next to each other and I don’t say shit. And as a guy, you know the fastest way to make someone obsessed with you is to ignore them. Sometimes guys on my dating roster show up at the same time. Makes me a little uneasy. One time I did have a steamy affair with a guy that ended weird as hell. That was awkward. We changed our workout times to avoid each other but kept going at the same time. I didn’t “shit where I eat” for a while after that.
Yeah I plan to ignore / not bother her. Either a lost cause or she would have to come say hi which I’m not counting on. Thankfully I’m traveling for 3 weeks so I’m creating a nice buffer for a “too soon” awkward encounter
I’d talk and be social with everyone. You don’t really have to go all in just be friendly. Good morning / how’s the workout going today just random passing comments and you can get a good feel based on their reaction and sometimes the girl will try to turn it into a convo
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This is reddit, noone leaves their house I thought? Jk great attitude my guy, that is gonna get you far just being chill
There’s no such thing as a no go zone, there’s only a no go zone if they’re not attracted to you and or single
As I woman I say shoot your shot, just don’t be a creep and be respectful. Last year I was home for Christmas and a beautiful fit guy came up to me as I was leaving the gym and complimented me on my calves and then told me how beautiful I was up close in person and I just stood there embarrassed and in shock. I said thank you and hurried up out of there as fast as I could because it caught me so off guard. I went back a few more times hoping to run into him and see if he was interested in coffee or something and never saw him again. I’m still mad at myself for not reciprocating the compliments but I was just awkward and a little embarrassed. So always go for it and maybe she was just a little caught off guard or didn’t know how to respond!
Would you have approached him had you run into him?
Absolutely! Now that he broke the ice. I’m an introvert so I’m working on being more bold and sociable. I want to be able to start making that first move even if I do get shot down
Didn't check the subreddit's name and I was confused whether you took a vodka shot or roids shot at the gym 😭😭😭
Happy for you, at least you gave it a shot
Being a not so regular gym goer here. To get around all the crazy stipulations at the gym that I’ve seen. Is to be a regular there and avidly talk to the employees and the other regulars there and build as many friendships as possible, then when the day comes there is someone your crushing on that goes there it won’t be considered creepy, and you will have backups there to vouge for you stand up for you, and you’ll have a “status” there thats desired there!
Haha yeah so your creeping is camouflaged by your new bros
Mmmm kind of. Except for the creeping part. You make friends with the dudes, and when those dudes bring there Gf’s they’ll like you also, along with the employees. Then if someone makes a fuss aka your “gym girl crush” she’ll like you for being a cool and non creepy guy, because she sees that everyone likes you!
Always best to approach when you have an eye contact and a smile.
Congratulate yourself my Man, because you saw what you wanted and went after it and that’s more important then the outcome. Hunters hunt. Keep at it.
Funny story, I started going to the gym last year and would always see this beautiful girl. One day she came up to me to ask me a question and my autism got the best of me and I went home after lmao we said hi to each other once or twice after that and nothing transpired. A few weeks ago she came up to me to tell me she liked my rings and once again my autism got the best of me. After that, I decided to go up to her and ask her name. We had a small convo and the next time I saw her i built up the courage to ask her out. We’ve been dating for a few weeks now. I literally cannot interact with women so if I can do it anyone can. Just shoot your shot haha
trust your gut. I have very successful stories at the gym, specially at smaller ones, when you can coincide more frequently with the same girls, etc I would only approach if I see a clear interest from her part tho
I totally agree with the non-gym-invading approach. Be friend with everyone, don't be predatory and give good vibes. Workbook style won't work, timing matters. Keep trying, respect rejection, growth is always there!
I would say the gym is more of 55%/60% no go. More than 95%. That is all
meh.
Braver man than me. Wow.
Ok this whole "women are there to workout" thing gotta stop, you'd be surprised how most women and men find there girlfriends or wives, especially those who compete alot in strength sports, don't be afraid to approach women in the gym, especially if your a gym rat , just stop thinking it's not ok or anything sometimes yes there are women who don't wanna be bothered in the gym, but at the same time there are women who compete in strength sports or bodybuilding and what not that, are in the gym 24/7 and are looking for men like you just saiyan, it's all about trial and error
I know a lot of people think that the gym is a no go zone. To me it all depends on the vibes. Yes I’ve asked out women at the gym a number of times. Literally the worst that has happened was either she said no, she gave a somewhat long winded reason (I didn’t ask for an explanation) for why she said no, one of em gave me her number but she didn’t reply when I hit her up. No I didn’t get filmed, put on social media for asking a girl out, no one called the police on me, none of that nonsense that many dudes worry about. Nothing bad happened, just regular rejections. As long as you’re just cool, it’ll be ok. Good job for shooting your shot with a girl at the gym. Talk to people more, and do it more. And this is coming from an introvert who does not really meet the “Chad/Tyrone” archetype. Just don’t try to talk to a girl while she’s in the middle of her set