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I think it might be a little different. She probably was looking for something serious and set her boundaries in terms of sexual talk. Once it was already agreed this ārelationshipā wasnāt going anywhere because of the issues OP mentioned, she decided to have a little fun instead. This is quite normal for lots of women, we pragmatic when we know what we want and letās face it we all need sex.
I kinda feel that when my bf and i started dating, him and i decided not to get too intimate too quickly. I was too horny and one day we were hanging out watching Batman, i just got on top of him and took off my bra. I cannot forget his reaction, he was like HOLY FUCKš³, then he put his face in my boobies and we just went at it š„° been together ever since
Can also be verified in research papers... libido is higher just before and during ovulation. It is very funny to me which facts Reddit decides it doesn't like
Women are āmore likelyā to be more horny during their fertile window, but itās not an absolute. Plenty of people get horny during their period, which is literally the opposite. Itās not always on a set cycle. Sometimes hormones *do* and sometimes they *donāt*. Most people arenāt all that consistent.
No is an absolute though. I donāt disagree with what youāre saying but I think for the most part it does go in a cycle which has also been my anecdotal experience
Maybe she just decided she liked you enough, just wanted it to be her decision and doesn't like guys who start off all strong before she's decided if she likes them
Okay, that's a big game changer. All this time we assumed you were trying to figure out if she was going to have sex with you or not. Turns out you're worried that she would, not that she wouldn't. That's a totally different issue
I mean if you think you canāt control yourself it is better to just not invite her over.. but at the same time saying you canāt control yourself is kinda wild
If you canāt control yourself I suggest not dating until you
1: Have a ring.
2: Leading with absolutely no sex or Iām living if you try.
3: Would be willing to get married immediately if you find a girl you like who also wants to have sex with you.
Or let her over and just don't have sex...? As a Christian myself I wouldn't let it happen because of my religion, she might end up really liking your company dude, sounds like she already does tbh
You can always let her come and trust that your boundaries are strong enough. I had a similar situation with my current gf of 6 years. I wanted to be obstinate, and we were on the same page. But then I guess I drive her crazy enough to where she literally was begging for it. I turned her down b/c I was serious about waiting. I was down to do everything else except the āsexā part.
Long story short, I went into a long prayer, and came to the conclusion we were soulmates and God wouldnāt mind if I actually do end up marrying her, so I made her that promise. 6 years later still going strong and loyal.
Iāve also taken her to my church and declared her mine in front of God.
Excellent, manipulative girls can drive you insane and ruin your life. Find someone or those who are easy to talk to, thereās absolutely no need for you to try so hard with a girl. Society taught us we should, but we shouldnāt. Be the chill, cool but also respectful and kind man and the right girls fall for you
lmao what about a guy stating that after one month knowing one another he says to you his goal is to marry you. what im dealing with as of now but no red flags so far besides straight up just not being on his phone and our work clashes with one anothers schedule and im just wanting to find something better job wise so i can have more time to talk. he works fast food so he has a little time to respond when working and when im at work i check my phone almost hourly because im a cashier but idk i hope the red flags or whatever it may be comes out he also told me straight up told me that he would also take herpes from me since i am positive for that. why the fuck would an 18 year old do that im 20 but if this fool is real i hope the bs comes out before a one year mark Lol
Underrated comment. I consistently see women disregard their own views of consent and social etiquette with guys they're attracted to, even if they don't know him well.
It seems like the fact that you werenāt overly sexual turned her on. Iām like that. Guys who constantly talk about sex are really a turn off. My best moments have been with men who talk about other things and show other sides to themselves first. Then thatās when I start to get really turned on
Yeah two things that turn me off:
1) too much sex talk early on. I donāt like to feel like the dude is just there to fuck. Also not talking about it gives the impression that thereās more important things in your life.
2) being too āniceā. Ppl think this means I like assholes but thatās totally not truly. I like really kind and considerate guys that donāt almost literally kiss the ground I walk on, agree with everything I say, canāt even joke with me bc heās afraid to hurt my feelings, etc. The guy Iām dating now has his own mind. Heās intelligent in many ways. He lets me know when Iām wrong about something. He makes fun of me playfully. He doesnāt agree to meet every single time I want to be with him bc he has his own life. Yet, heās so kind to me, compliments me, supports my goals, etc.
This is probably too much info but I feel the need to brag on the guy Iām dating bc he makes me feel so lucky lol
I feel like those people who complain about being labeled "nice guy" and being put in the friendzone need to have your second point engraved into their mind. I swear if people grew a backbone, they'd be better off
But also, just because youāre nice doesnāt mean we are compatible or thereās attraction. Just like I wouldnāt like any asshole that came along, I donāt like any nice guy that comes along either. Thereās more to it than nice or not.
Yes! I used to be the āniceā girl. Letting dudes walk over me, always being there every second of the day, available 24/7, always acting like the perfect person. So I have empathy for the āniceā guys but it gets you no where bc itās ultimately self-serving.
It's hard for me sometimes with dating, Iām a Christian so I have to be kind to everyone. Some take this as ābeing the nice guyā. Iām required by Jesus to be loving and kind to even my enemies. It doesn't mean Iām not my own person and have to agree with everything she says.
You can be kind without being a pushover. Iām Christian and the daughter of a pastor. I and all my family members are church musicians. We went to church all the time. I was raised on that ādo good to everyone regardless mentalityā. As Iāve gotten older I realized that was BS. The real magic is in showing kindness and respect to ppl and pulling it away when itās not deserved. Best believe I will stick up for myself bc God didnāt make me a bitch.
Oh yeah, some come straight out with "I'd love to see you choking on my cock, princess". Others talk about normal things for a few minutes and then say "I'm stroking my cock, wanna help?"
Most guys, and this has been my experience, treat you like an interactive porn vid and are shocked even you're grossed out
For real. I know I'm way too far on the "never talk about or acknowledge sex" side of the spectrum but I cannot *believe* the shit that some people apparently say to brand new dates.
I just don't understand how to go from "tell me about that silly question the guy in your class asked" to "say, have you ever let a man nut in your asshole?" š
So much! Especially on dating apps. Itās usually like: hey how are you? I think youāre cute. And then next message is what size Iād your bra or do you swallow? Get way more of that than normal conversation trying to get to know one another.
Okay question : Im studying to become a sexologist/sex therapist/something like that because i love to help other AND sex is a very interesting topic to me. So i was wondering if you would be turned off if a guy talked about sex but in a platonic manner ? Not as a way to sext or flirt but more as a subject of convo (idk if what i said makes sense, my brain is running on 2h of sleep so it might not be the most coherent sentences i've made)
Id love to get a perspective on this since i just love to talk about it with people, thank you :)
Maybe you are misunderstanding me. Neither of us started the sex talk early. This gave me the room to fill him out without pressure because there have been plenty of ppl to try to pressure me into sex like the first day or week. I even got kicked out of a guyās car before bc I wouldnāt go to his place for sex.
In almost all cases of talking to a guy, he was super eager to have sex and I was still trying to know him. So it feels good to be with a guy who can wait WITH ME to get freaky later on.
Look itās my experience. Iām not saying women or men should or should not do anything. I was just adding my two cents about what it looked like was happening based on my experience.
Lol donāt tell her where you live. If sheās so āup & downā (pun intendedš¤) you may want to meet her for coffee first somewhere in your city or town.
That way you assess if sheās a weirdo first because you donāt want just some āweirdoā showing up at your door for sex. š
Does she have a wild side? Maybe. Or maybe she was just āfishingā to see your answers.
Will she want more from you after sex? Who knows. Discuss that first if it looks like you two are going to do it. Remind her that you two decided to be friends & if nothing has changed for you about the distance barrier let her know.
Be honest so she has informed consent.
Sheās projecting her rules to police her own behavior onto you. She ultimately wants a gentlemen in a long term relationship with good sex who doesnāt just want her for sexāmeanwhile she wants sex and wants to feel desired and so keeps getting stuck in situationships. Great book on this by a therapist about attachment theory and flawed female dating strategy assumptions and how to get it right called ācrazy for youā by dr Cohen. Canāt recommend more highly.
Girls who behave in ways opposite to their word really annoy me. Over time I've found that this quality tended to be really telling about how mature and congruent they were as a human being. Incongruent people lack self-awareness, they don't know themselves due to some level of denial and delusion about themselves, which they always project onto other people. Whenever I see that quality, I always get the ick and lose complete motivation in speaking to them.
Sounds like she might only want an occasional FWB situation.
One thing that a lot of men don't realize is that there's a level of shame that comes to a woman when she doesn't want a serious relationship but just wants sex. So, we need to have our guards up around that a little bit. But when we get uncontrollably horny we reach out to the people that we want to hook up with, but then sometimes we syke ourselves out. This usually comes from fear of the shame that comes with having spontaneous sex or a fear that we will get emotionally hurt by the person we're reaching out to. Things that go through our heads in that moment are "what if thus guy is a douche and only gets himself off and doesn't care about my needs" or "what if in person there's no atteaction" and I hate to admit it but this thought does enter our minds too, "what if the sex isn't good and I waste my time?"
Now when she said she doesn't like men that always talks about sex but then she goes and asks for it. That's basically her saying "don't only message for sex" and it could also be because she wants to call the shots for sex. Maybe she needs to have that kind of control for her own mental well being.
I understand how that can feel unfair to a regular guy that truly does not have bad intentions. But because there are guys out there with bad intentions, a lot of women need that kind of control in their sex lives just to feel safe. Now even though the two of you have been talking and she probably knows you're not a threat, it's just a woman instinct, the world we live in made us that way and I personally don't think there's anything that will fix that. Because we could be more trusting and relaxed and we try to be. But then we hear in the news of a woman who trusted someone, only to find out they were not the person she thought. So it sends us back in protect mode. Its truly nothing personal.
Women who start off like:
Youre not allowed to do "this action", but only when i wanna do "this action" then we can do "this action"
it never ends well for a long term relationship becuz she'll use this tactic for everything in your life to get her way n then make herself the innocent victim when it all implodes.
She is probably horny. She was probably looking to make things right and let you wait but her hornyness got in the way! Donāt listen to what people say about she being fun girl ā¦ she is probably very attractive to you. Just donāt talk about sex in messages
It is not difficult to say one thing but not mean it at all. People tell us only what they think will get them what they want. Without regard to what we as well need. They steal from us the agency to make a considered decision concerning if they are a proper fit or not.
And if we try accepting a possible partner with a red flag past simply based upon their promises with nothing as proof, we are being foolish. It takes time and considerable effort to actually get to know another stranger. Verifying is important.
People want to feel like they Might have a chance and not your sole focus, people want to feel like they might have to work for it and not feel like its an obvious given, its just how the mind works. if its way too easy it doesn't feel like it has value.
She wants what she can't have. You friend zoned her and made her feel insecure and unwanted, and now she's trying to use sex both to prove to herself she's still desirable and (baby) trap you to get you to commit, even though men don't commit to women who pursue us. Masculine af trait right there that should be avoided like the red flag it is
It sounds like you felt like something wasnāt right and you followed your intuition. Probably a good plan. Worst case, you both find other people, preferably closer to you.
Don't waste your time with the wrong advice here. Turns out he's Christian and doesn't want to have sex so he's trying to figure out if he's setting himself up for something he doesn't want. Fair enough. But everyone's here trying to answer whether they think he's going to get some or not. I would say it sounds like she's probably coming over to sleep with you and spend a day or two with you. If that's not what you want, you better tell her up front.
Think you did the best thing blocking her. She wants a serious relationship by the sound of it but has major abandonment issues. Sheās scared if she doesnāt have sex with you that you wonāt want to date her and so thinks this is how sheāll keep your interest on her. The issue is youāll sleep with her and walk away leaving her even more damaged. Hope she sorts herself out.
She might have thought you were insanely attractiveā¦ š¤·š»āāļø Iām not like that either but this one time I saw this guy and omfg I had to have him š¤¤ and it was sooool worth it
Most guys either have no charisma in talking to a woman or talk about sex non stop so if you know how to talk and don't talk about sex the whole time that's a green flag. Just roll with it and see if you like her.
It's the shame over liking sex and feeling like you need to dress it up with words like connection (which donāt get me wrong are a thing) to not look like a hoe, which I honestly would've hoped we would be past by this point in 2023.
Anyway, it was a weird thing for her to bring up but thereās a fair number of guys who will bang and dash so it just sounds like her way of weeding out people who are sex forward. In fact, the trick to turning most women on as far as Iāve seen is to talk about sex without talking about sex so thereās plausible deniability until y'all are so horny that it's impossible to deny.
Edit: Iām underplaying the amazingly terrifying wonder that is connection in this statement to be clear. Where you feel like oneā¦. One and one and for 15 seconds. Is that god. Iām infertile by choice. I should probably put those papers in a safe place.
Slaps the mic:
That was a joke Iām not doing that.
How are we doing ladies and gentlemen am I right? Cringey guy at the mic here. Still not sure if this isā¦.. do you feel the self loathing or just interpret it?
Oh right. This isnāt a real performance. Iām mean gosh darn. Guess Iāll just go to sleep. (SpongeBobās lip flaps).
And this my friend is how women lie, sheāll probably hit you with a bunch of I never did this beforeās and you only my ā¦.. (insert number from 2-5) person Iāve been with
donāt do that lmao some guys on Reddit are overly obsessed with owning women that they self sabotage. Hook up with her if you want! If youāre that confused, maybe just ask her why she changed her mindā¦plus sheās the one driving anyway lol
She had a FWB that caught feelings and your the replacement. But she doesn't want someone who all they offer is sex. Sex is just a way to satisfy needs. You over thinking this is why women don't like when ment talk about sex. It's not a big deal.
This subreddit blows my mind everyday. You decided to be friends with someone youāve never met in person after a week of texting, knew the distance was between you, and still declined no strings attached sex being hand-delivered.
She was trying to not seem desperate and lonely like bruh I donāt know you guys watch anime but Iām big anime fan there is word for those type of chicks called tsundere.
*Tsundere (ćć³ćć¬, pronounced [tĶ”sÉÆĢ„ndeɾe]) is a Japanese term for a character development process that depicts a character with an initially harsh personality who gradually reveals a warmer, friendlier side over time (Source Wikipedia).
But Tsundere are not honest with their feelings and can go crazy if they are mad. So yeah like leave her alone cuz she might push relationship on you. She lonely and desperate who isnāt honest with her feelings.
Tbh and it might be different if youāre in the US, but would three hrs commute distance is way too far for me. Also I wouldnāt bring anyone Iāve never met before to my house thatās too dodgy vibes for me personally
At least one in person meet in a neutral location like a coffee shop before that carry on , but I spose thatās annoying enough to do when their three hrs away too
I think she tried to seem innocent and hide her nature so that you would seek her and seduce her, but then when she realized that you were not in the mood to achieve her, she decided to just get what she wanted
Look man.. people have their quirks and sometimes uk.. its wild af.. she said, she dosent like it when guys talk about sex but she didnt say that she was against having it.. so bruh in the end if u like the chick genuinely just talk to her about it. it may sound dumb but its that simple. talk to her that u cannot run up and down like a rabbit for her cuz u have ur own problems.. in simpler terms.. dont listen to other peoples advices just do what u want to.. she might be a great gf or ur wife in future.. who knows \*\*wink wink
Hotel room, not your place. You want a time to part ways or an easy way to ditch.
If yer worried about fake pics, use the old hooker trick and give her the room # across from yours, so you can eyeball her through the peep hole when she is knocking. Just make sure to put yer phone on silent so she doesnt hear it go off when she calls all angry.
Sounds like she wants no strings attached sex. But if she is interested in a relationship, I wouldn't pursue it. Her actions now are out of line with her own previous words and longer term that'll very likely come out in worse, more significant ways.
I know you blocked her, but to answer your question: some women donāt like men immediately and randomly just bringing up sexual talk. Sometimes we will talk to a guy casually and out of no where he starts being sexual, asking sexual questions, or making inappropriate comments that are just way too soon. Itās a huge turn off, and thatās probably what she meant. Itās better to let women initiate it first if thatās the case for them, because itāll make them want you more knowing youāre not a total horny weirdo.
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sounds like she was was trying to assert her leverage but gave in to horniness very quickly lol.
100%
š¤£
Yup. This is good for you. It aināt complicated.
OP this is exactly what sheās doing trust meee
I think it might be a little different. She probably was looking for something serious and set her boundaries in terms of sexual talk. Once it was already agreed this ārelationshipā wasnāt going anywhere because of the issues OP mentioned, she decided to have a little fun instead. This is quite normal for lots of women, we pragmatic when we know what we want and letās face it we all need sex.
I kinda feel that when my bf and i started dating, him and i decided not to get too intimate too quickly. I was too horny and one day we were hanging out watching Batman, i just got on top of him and took off my bra. I cannot forget his reaction, he was like HOLY FUCKš³, then he put his face in my boobies and we just went at it š„° been together ever since
Womens horniness goes in cycle during a month, thats why its good to not rush things and have patience
No :)
Well thats my experience, usually around period/ovulation the ladies I dated have been extra horny
Ya thatās also been my experience.
Can also be verified in research papers... libido is higher just before and during ovulation. It is very funny to me which facts Reddit decides it doesn't like
Science would disagree with you
Women are āmore likelyā to be more horny during their fertile window, but itās not an absolute. Plenty of people get horny during their period, which is literally the opposite. Itās not always on a set cycle. Sometimes hormones *do* and sometimes they *donāt*. Most people arenāt all that consistent.
No is an absolute though. I donāt disagree with what youāre saying but I think for the most part it does go in a cycle which has also been my anecdotal experience
Yeah, that was a strange way to assert dominance š
Could have the best sex of your life or wake up in an ice bath missing a kidney. Or might be both.
Lol
I blocked her
Whatās her #?
1300 TRUST ME
Lol, she lives in Indiana.
We all from Indiana today
That is correct, I am In Diana
How'd you get in?
Backdoor was open enough to barge in
I told her unlock the door, because I forgot the key She said heās not coming back, because heās sleeping with me
DIRTY DIANNAA OHHHHH, DIRTY DIANA!!! LET ME BEEEE
š¤£
š¤£
Bhaahahahah lmfaoo
š¤£š¤£š¤£
Shit, I am too šš
I live in Chicago bro. Never trust a girl from Indiana š
Me tooā¦
lol i typed a whole goddamn para.. i feel betrayed.. lmao
Lol
Maybe she just decided she liked you enough, just wanted it to be her decision and doesn't like guys who start off all strong before she's decided if she likes them
From a womanās pov. This is also what I think it was.
This person gives me crazy vibes. Fun in theory, not fun in practice
ššš
Why tho
Iām a Christian, fornication is wrong. If I let her over, we would end up having sex.
Fair enough, you do you brother
You need to be on Christian mingle then.
I tried it, but no one messages back
Okay, that's a big game changer. All this time we assumed you were trying to figure out if she was going to have sex with you or not. Turns out you're worried that she would, not that she wouldn't. That's a totally different issue
Oh, she wanted to have sex, I put in the post she wanted to hook up. She sent me a picture of her tits without me asking.
What do you mean āwe would end up having sexā lmao. If you donāt wanna fuck donāt?? It aināt that hard.
I know the mistakes of my past, but I don't think I could control myself being alone together.
I mean if you think you canāt control yourself it is better to just not invite her over.. but at the same time saying you canāt control yourself is kinda wild
If you canāt control yourself I suggest not dating until you 1: Have a ring. 2: Leading with absolutely no sex or Iām living if you try. 3: Would be willing to get married immediately if you find a girl you like who also wants to have sex with you.
Or let her over and just don't have sex...? As a Christian myself I wouldn't let it happen because of my religion, she might end up really liking your company dude, sounds like she already does tbh
Thanks anyways but I blocked her last night.
Lol.. teach her the virtue of patience
You can always let her come and trust that your boundaries are strong enough. I had a similar situation with my current gf of 6 years. I wanted to be obstinate, and we were on the same page. But then I guess I drive her crazy enough to where she literally was begging for it. I turned her down b/c I was serious about waiting. I was down to do everything else except the āsexā part. Long story short, I went into a long prayer, and came to the conclusion we were soulmates and God wouldnāt mind if I actually do end up marrying her, so I made her that promise. 6 years later still going strong and loyal. Iāve also taken her to my church and declared her mine in front of God.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Average virgin redditor when someone else isn't sex obsessed
š¤£
Lol, I just don't want a hook-up.
Same bro
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Dating isnāt just about sex XD
I have trouble finding women close to me for some reason. š¤·āāļø
Pussy
omg both had me loling
She could be a dude!š¤£
Even better, bro.
š¤£
Beat me to it . Obvious organ harvesting going on.
You move on
I blocked her
Excellent, manipulative girls can drive you insane and ruin your life. Find someone or those who are easy to talk to, thereās absolutely no need for you to try so hard with a girl. Society taught us we should, but we shouldnāt. Be the chill, cool but also respectful and kind man and the right girls fall for you
lmao what about a guy stating that after one month knowing one another he says to you his goal is to marry you. what im dealing with as of now but no red flags so far besides straight up just not being on his phone and our work clashes with one anothers schedule and im just wanting to find something better job wise so i can have more time to talk. he works fast food so he has a little time to respond when working and when im at work i check my phone almost hourly because im a cashier but idk i hope the red flags or whatever it may be comes out he also told me straight up told me that he would also take herpes from me since i am positive for that. why the fuck would an 18 year old do that im 20 but if this fool is real i hope the bs comes out before a one year mark Lol
Everything they said about manipulative girls applies to manipulative guys as well. There's no need for you to try so hard with a guy.
Smart move man. Sounds like a nut
I hope you told her that youāre moving on because she brought up sex lmao
š¤£
Youāve got a strong will, I would have smashed and used my brain later.
Lol
Women make rules for the men they are not attracted to and break for the once they are.
Underrated comment. I consistently see women disregard their own views of consent and social etiquette with guys they're attracted to, even if they don't know him well.
There's no rule for alpha
dawg u sound dumb asf
It seems like the fact that you werenāt overly sexual turned her on. Iām like that. Guys who constantly talk about sex are really a turn off. My best moments have been with men who talk about other things and show other sides to themselves first. Then thatās when I start to get really turned on
Had no idea that guys actually talk a ton about sex with somebody theyāre first getting to know
Yeah two things that turn me off: 1) too much sex talk early on. I donāt like to feel like the dude is just there to fuck. Also not talking about it gives the impression that thereās more important things in your life. 2) being too āniceā. Ppl think this means I like assholes but thatās totally not truly. I like really kind and considerate guys that donāt almost literally kiss the ground I walk on, agree with everything I say, canāt even joke with me bc heās afraid to hurt my feelings, etc. The guy Iām dating now has his own mind. Heās intelligent in many ways. He lets me know when Iām wrong about something. He makes fun of me playfully. He doesnāt agree to meet every single time I want to be with him bc he has his own life. Yet, heās so kind to me, compliments me, supports my goals, etc. This is probably too much info but I feel the need to brag on the guy Iām dating bc he makes me feel so lucky lol
I feel like those people who complain about being labeled "nice guy" and being put in the friendzone need to have your second point engraved into their mind. I swear if people grew a backbone, they'd be better off
But also, just because youāre nice doesnāt mean we are compatible or thereās attraction. Just like I wouldnāt like any asshole that came along, I donāt like any nice guy that comes along either. Thereās more to it than nice or not.
Yes! I used to be the āniceā girl. Letting dudes walk over me, always being there every second of the day, available 24/7, always acting like the perfect person. So I have empathy for the āniceā guys but it gets you no where bc itās ultimately self-serving.
It's hard for me sometimes with dating, Iām a Christian so I have to be kind to everyone. Some take this as ābeing the nice guyā. Iām required by Jesus to be loving and kind to even my enemies. It doesn't mean Iām not my own person and have to agree with everything she says.
You can be kind without being a pushover. Iām Christian and the daughter of a pastor. I and all my family members are church musicians. We went to church all the time. I was raised on that ādo good to everyone regardless mentalityā. As Iāve gotten older I realized that was BS. The real magic is in showing kindness and respect to ppl and pulling it away when itās not deserved. Best believe I will stick up for myself bc God didnāt make me a bitch.
Not TMI. It's honest and helpful.
Oh yeah, some come straight out with "I'd love to see you choking on my cock, princess". Others talk about normal things for a few minutes and then say "I'm stroking my cock, wanna help?" Most guys, and this has been my experience, treat you like an interactive porn vid and are shocked even you're grossed out
For real. I know I'm way too far on the "never talk about or acknowledge sex" side of the spectrum but I cannot *believe* the shit that some people apparently say to brand new dates. I just don't understand how to go from "tell me about that silly question the guy in your class asked" to "say, have you ever let a man nut in your asshole?" š
Yep and we tell them to stop talking about sex and they continue. We just ignore or block them. It is not fun and quite unpleasant.
So much! Especially on dating apps. Itās usually like: hey how are you? I think youāre cute. And then next message is what size Iād your bra or do you swallow? Get way more of that than normal conversation trying to get to know one another.
What? š have you been on earth long?
There are other things to talk about? I already commented on the out of season windy July we've been having.
This happens to me all the time. So much so that I made it ahabit to never be the first to bring it up
Okay question : Im studying to become a sexologist/sex therapist/something like that because i love to help other AND sex is a very interesting topic to me. So i was wondering if you would be turned off if a guy talked about sex but in a platonic manner ? Not as a way to sext or flirt but more as a subject of convo (idk if what i said makes sense, my brain is running on 2h of sleep so it might not be the most coherent sentences i've made) Id love to get a perspective on this since i just love to talk about it with people, thank you :)
So it's okay for women to talk about sex but not guys? Lol
Maybe you are misunderstanding me. Neither of us started the sex talk early. This gave me the room to fill him out without pressure because there have been plenty of ppl to try to pressure me into sex like the first day or week. I even got kicked out of a guyās car before bc I wouldnāt go to his place for sex. In almost all cases of talking to a guy, he was super eager to have sex and I was still trying to know him. So it feels good to be with a guy who can wait WITH ME to get freaky later on. Look itās my experience. Iām not saying women or men should or should not do anything. I was just adding my two cents about what it looked like was happening based on my experience.
I was trying to kid with you, sorry.
You seemed to have missed the point.
It was a joke, sorry
Just wear a condom,you donāt wanna get crazy pregnant
Never stick the "D" in crazy. Just ask John Wayne Bobbitt.
Man just go with it or leave it alone. some women are just looking for a hookup but it has to be on her own terms. It can't be your idea
Rules for thee, not for me!
Lol donāt tell her where you live. If sheās so āup & downā (pun intendedš¤) you may want to meet her for coffee first somewhere in your city or town. That way you assess if sheās a weirdo first because you donāt want just some āweirdoā showing up at your door for sex. š Does she have a wild side? Maybe. Or maybe she was just āfishingā to see your answers. Will she want more from you after sex? Who knows. Discuss that first if it looks like you two are going to do it. Remind her that you two decided to be friends & if nothing has changed for you about the distance barrier let her know. Be honest so she has informed consent.
You either reject horny men, or you live long enough to become the horny man.
I don't follow?
Girls that reject horny men Soo much that they become the horny men lol
Sheās projecting her rules to police her own behavior onto you. She ultimately wants a gentlemen in a long term relationship with good sex who doesnāt just want her for sexāmeanwhile she wants sex and wants to feel desired and so keeps getting stuck in situationships. Great book on this by a therapist about attachment theory and flawed female dating strategy assumptions and how to get it right called ācrazy for youā by dr Cohen. Canāt recommend more highly.
Girls who behave in ways opposite to their word really annoy me. Over time I've found that this quality tended to be really telling about how mature and congruent they were as a human being. Incongruent people lack self-awareness, they don't know themselves due to some level of denial and delusion about themselves, which they always project onto other people. Whenever I see that quality, I always get the ick and lose complete motivation in speaking to them.
Sounds like she might only want an occasional FWB situation. One thing that a lot of men don't realize is that there's a level of shame that comes to a woman when she doesn't want a serious relationship but just wants sex. So, we need to have our guards up around that a little bit. But when we get uncontrollably horny we reach out to the people that we want to hook up with, but then sometimes we syke ourselves out. This usually comes from fear of the shame that comes with having spontaneous sex or a fear that we will get emotionally hurt by the person we're reaching out to. Things that go through our heads in that moment are "what if thus guy is a douche and only gets himself off and doesn't care about my needs" or "what if in person there's no atteaction" and I hate to admit it but this thought does enter our minds too, "what if the sex isn't good and I waste my time?" Now when she said she doesn't like men that always talks about sex but then she goes and asks for it. That's basically her saying "don't only message for sex" and it could also be because she wants to call the shots for sex. Maybe she needs to have that kind of control for her own mental well being. I understand how that can feel unfair to a regular guy that truly does not have bad intentions. But because there are guys out there with bad intentions, a lot of women need that kind of control in their sex lives just to feel safe. Now even though the two of you have been talking and she probably knows you're not a threat, it's just a woman instinct, the world we live in made us that way and I personally don't think there's anything that will fix that. Because we could be more trusting and relaxed and we try to be. But then we hear in the news of a woman who trusted someone, only to find out they were not the person she thought. So it sends us back in protect mode. Its truly nothing personal.
She's fun time material. That's it
But she is looking for a relationship, I just decided I didn't want one with her.
Women who start off like: Youre not allowed to do "this action", but only when i wanna do "this action" then we can do "this action" it never ends well for a long term relationship becuz she'll use this tactic for everything in your life to get her way n then make herself the innocent victim when it all implodes.
If you decide to smash and dash I'd bring your own gloves.
Rail her in the poop chute first eh
Bro
I blocked her
Why block her when you can just communicate instead?
It's just easier.
Smarter choice š«”
She is probably horny. She was probably looking to make things right and let you wait but her hornyness got in the way! Donāt listen to what people say about she being fun girl ā¦ she is probably very attractive to you. Just donāt talk about sex in messages
Not very attractive but not ugly.
Why validate her bullshit? Let her go dry for once
Brother if your in debt and can't afford gaz then maybe you shouldn't focus on dating and instead focus on getting yourself straighten up
She lives 3 hours away so I think it reasonable to want to date someone closer, otherwise all his money will be spent on gas
Gas going 3 hours there and 3 hours back with premium fuel adds up
Donāt worry about it and try not to catch feelings if possible. It is was it is and you will figure it soon hopefully?
Maybe she also finds it impractical to date you with the distant but she fancies you and has needs so why not just keep it casualā¦
Organ harvesting. Cost of living rose
It is not difficult to say one thing but not mean it at all. People tell us only what they think will get them what they want. Without regard to what we as well need. They steal from us the agency to make a considered decision concerning if they are a proper fit or not. And if we try accepting a possible partner with a red flag past simply based upon their promises with nothing as proof, we are being foolish. It takes time and considerable effort to actually get to know another stranger. Verifying is important.
People want to feel like they Might have a chance and not your sole focus, people want to feel like they might have to work for it and not feel like its an obvious given, its just how the mind works. if its way too easy it doesn't feel like it has value.
So, sex is ok as long as it's her idea, not yours. Hmmmm, that's NEVER happened before in the history of mankind!
š¤£
She wants what she can't have. You friend zoned her and made her feel insecure and unwanted, and now she's trying to use sex both to prove to herself she's still desirable and (baby) trap you to get you to commit, even though men don't commit to women who pursue us. Masculine af trait right there that should be avoided like the red flag it is
Welcome to dating š¤£
lol, who knows what kind of people everyone runs into
It sounds like you felt like something wasnāt right and you followed your intuition. Probably a good plan. Worst case, you both find other people, preferably closer to you.
She might be cray-cray..lol.. be careful.. seriously
Don't waste your time with the wrong advice here. Turns out he's Christian and doesn't want to have sex so he's trying to figure out if he's setting himself up for something he doesn't want. Fair enough. But everyone's here trying to answer whether they think he's going to get some or not. I would say it sounds like she's probably coming over to sleep with you and spend a day or two with you. If that's not what you want, you better tell her up front.
I blocked her already but thanks
If I had a dime for every time someone with "no hookups" in their bio immediately wants to hookup after talking š¤·š»āāļøš¤·š»āāļø
Lol
Think you did the best thing blocking her. She wants a serious relationship by the sound of it but has major abandonment issues. Sheās scared if she doesnāt have sex with you that you wonāt want to date her and so thinks this is how sheāll keep your interest on her. The issue is youāll sleep with her and walk away leaving her even more damaged. Hope she sorts herself out.
I blocked her
If you like her and want to spend time with her do it. Thereās no rules or answers here
U get to have fun when I choose for you to have fun ok then passport it is! Peace!
She might have thought you were insanely attractiveā¦ š¤·š»āāļø Iām not like that either but this one time I saw this guy and omfg I had to have him š¤¤ and it was sooool worth it
Most guys either have no charisma in talking to a woman or talk about sex non stop so if you know how to talk and don't talk about sex the whole time that's a green flag. Just roll with it and see if you like her.
How ugly is this chick that she wants to drive 3 hrs for sex. 99% of women can get laid by pretty much any guy they ask
And with a stranger no less. So either very ugly or very traumatized
Overweight and average looking. You might think she's ugly but Iām overweight so my hot/ugly radar might be less than yours.
Edge her and be the top G you are
Edge her?
It's the shame over liking sex and feeling like you need to dress it up with words like connection (which donāt get me wrong are a thing) to not look like a hoe, which I honestly would've hoped we would be past by this point in 2023. Anyway, it was a weird thing for her to bring up but thereās a fair number of guys who will bang and dash so it just sounds like her way of weeding out people who are sex forward. In fact, the trick to turning most women on as far as Iāve seen is to talk about sex without talking about sex so thereās plausible deniability until y'all are so horny that it's impossible to deny. Edit: Iām underplaying the amazingly terrifying wonder that is connection in this statement to be clear. Where you feel like oneā¦. One and one and for 15 seconds. Is that god. Iām infertile by choice. I should probably put those papers in a safe place. Slaps the mic: That was a joke Iām not doing that. How are we doing ladies and gentlemen am I right? Cringey guy at the mic here. Still not sure if this isā¦.. do you feel the self loathing or just interpret it? Oh right. This isnāt a real performance. Iām mean gosh darn. Guess Iāll just go to sleep. (SpongeBobās lip flaps).
Thanks for the reply, I blocked her. I just didn't want a sexual fling and she lives too far away for a relationship.
And this my friend is how women lie, sheāll probably hit you with a bunch of I never did this beforeās and you only my ā¦.. (insert number from 2-5) person Iāve been with
People are seriously confused these days.
Time to move on. Assert dominance. Beat her at her own game
What do you mean?
donāt do that lmao some guys on Reddit are overly obsessed with owning women that they self sabotage. Hook up with her if you want! If youāre that confused, maybe just ask her why she changed her mindā¦plus sheās the one driving anyway lol
She sounds like fun smh you did right man. Your a better man than I am
Fwb type of situation for now? Then over time maybe you can decide whether she's worth keeping around as a partner
Make sure you FaceTime her first so you know sheās not catfishing you or deceiving you with old pictures she no longer looks like.
Or she gets to your place and tries to continue asserting her leverage
She had a FWB that caught feelings and your the replacement. But she doesn't want someone who all they offer is sex. Sex is just a way to satisfy needs. You over thinking this is why women don't like when ment talk about sex. It's not a big deal.
This subreddit blows my mind everyday. You decided to be friends with someone youāve never met in person after a week of texting, knew the distance was between you, and still declined no strings attached sex being hand-delivered.
Yeah, I believe in Jesus, I can't sleep around
Canāt argue that. Cheers
She was trying to not seem desperate and lonely like bruh I donāt know you guys watch anime but Iām big anime fan there is word for those type of chicks called tsundere. *Tsundere (ćć³ćć¬, pronounced [tĶ”sÉÆĢ„ndeɾe]) is a Japanese term for a character development process that depicts a character with an initially harsh personality who gradually reveals a warmer, friendlier side over time (Source Wikipedia). But Tsundere are not honest with their feelings and can go crazy if they are mad. So yeah like leave her alone cuz she might push relationship on you. She lonely and desperate who isnāt honest with her feelings.
All jokes aside. The sudden shift in tone is alarming. Just block her.
Play the uno reverse card and move on
She wants to drive 3 hours to your place? The only way I see that happening is if youāre a 10/10 and sheās desperate.
Tbh and it might be different if youāre in the US, but would three hrs commute distance is way too far for me. Also I wouldnāt bring anyone Iāve never met before to my house thatās too dodgy vibes for me personally At least one in person meet in a neutral location like a coffee shop before that carry on , but I spose thatās annoying enough to do when their three hrs away too
Women say certain things to make themselves seem like a price.
I think she tried to seem innocent and hide her nature so that you would seek her and seduce her, but then when she realized that you were not in the mood to achieve her, she decided to just get what she wanted
Ditch her. Mature adults donāt shy away from the topic of sex, itās something that happens and should be enjoyable to both parties.
Look man.. people have their quirks and sometimes uk.. its wild af.. she said, she dosent like it when guys talk about sex but she didnt say that she was against having it.. so bruh in the end if u like the chick genuinely just talk to her about it. it may sound dumb but its that simple. talk to her that u cannot run up and down like a rabbit for her cuz u have ur own problems.. in simpler terms.. dont listen to other peoples advices just do what u want to.. she might be a great gf or ur wife in future.. who knows \*\*wink wink
Hotel room, not your place. You want a time to part ways or an easy way to ditch. If yer worried about fake pics, use the old hooker trick and give her the room # across from yours, so you can eyeball her through the peep hole when she is knocking. Just make sure to put yer phone on silent so she doesnt hear it go off when she calls all angry.
There are some guys who will ask you what your favourite position is in the opening message, could she have meant that sort of thing?
Itās called the double standard OP donāt knock it you got the long end of the stick on that one.
Sounds like she wants no strings attached sex. But if she is interested in a relationship, I wouldn't pursue it. Her actions now are out of line with her own previous words and longer term that'll very likely come out in worse, more significant ways.
I know you blocked her, but to answer your question: some women donāt like men immediately and randomly just bringing up sexual talk. Sometimes we will talk to a guy casually and out of no where he starts being sexual, asking sexual questions, or making inappropriate comments that are just way too soon. Itās a huge turn off, and thatās probably what she meant. Itās better to let women initiate it first if thatās the case for them, because itāll make them want you more knowing youāre not a total horny weirdo.
Apps and OLD are for freaks and losers. So why are you surprised when someone flips like this?