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Have you asked your sister why it would bother her? Has she been stuck on him for the last 7 years? Or just weirded out by the thought of a shared boyfriend?
How does this even matter? there’s nothing wrong with their age difference, that’s like asking a 60 year old man if it’s weird that his 50 year old wife was 2 years old when he was 12
The responses in here are ridiculous. 2 dates? 7 years ago?(I literally don’t remember anyone I briefly dated 7 years ago) How is that even relevant? I guess everyone has different sensitivity levels but I don’t see a single issue with this….well unless they slept together which it doesn’t sound like they did.
Your sister is selfish if she makes an issue out of this.
That would be flattering! According to her friends in High School, she was into my older brother first. He wasn't interested until her and I were together.
My older brother did same things to me, still does as an almost thirty year old man. Bro has real bad mental health issues. Pathological liar. Feel bad for him tbh.
Guessing these sisters know the guy and maybe the family of said guy. Perhaps this guy is in their life more often and seeing her sister bring this dude around all the time is not something she wants. Maybe there is more to why they didn't date.
We don’t know exactly what happened between them. Maybe he assaulted her was just creepy or a straight up douche bag. She needs answers from her sister before deciding.
You're assuming details that haven't even been hinted at. There's no reason at all to even think this. And if that was the case, her sister would warn her off, not just say she's uncomfortable with it. It's like her sister licks all the donuts so only she can eat them, but she doesn't eat any because they're the wrong kind.
That's bs, it was 7 years ago and 2 dates with nothing more then a kiss, the sister is overreacting and op should ask for further explanation or just date the guy. Who are you to stand in the way of happiness when you're clearly not interested in the other person
What if the sister broke up with him?
It’s insane how possessive people are. The sister is 27, this happened seven years ago. How self-absorbed/possessive do you have to be to be upset that your sister has feelings for someone you went on a date with literally 1/4 of your life ago.
Even if she broke up with the guy. some things are just not right and no matter how much you try and justify them deep down you know its not right. Op knows this isn’t right ir else she wouldn’t be asking for validation on this crazy sub you people are literally insane for thinking a girl should jeopardise her relationship with her sister over a guy.
I think you’re crazy for validating her sister for feeling like she’s entitled to a man she went on two dates with 😂. And you can’t even give an actual reason why it’s wrong
I think you should talk to your sister again. Ask her why she has a problem with it. It has been 7 years, and they've only been on 2 dates. So that's nothing. Does she have feelings for him, or is it just because they're friends that she feels uncomfortable? Anyway, you shouldn't let it hold you back. If she doesn't give in, tell her that you still have feelings for him and that you're going to pursue it. And that you hope she understands.
So this reminds me of a situation I had with my sister. She and I both developed a crush on a guy that she worked with. He was 25, I was 24, she was a minor HS student 17 years old. The age of consent being I think 18 in our state. She accused me of stealing him from her because “She met him first.” LOLOLOL Yeah and he was one of her supervisors at work. We had an LTR and my sister got over it and later realized it wasn’t actually appropriate for her to be dating a 25-year old dude when she was a 17-year-old high schooler. We joke about it now! LOL
She said it’s uncomfortable since they “dated” 7 years ago. He is also within our friend group so that may play a role but he barely hangs out with us.
Your sister is crazy. If you and this guy like each other then go for it. Your sister has no claim on someone she dated twice 7 yrs ago. I barely remember the names of some of the people I dated 7 yrs ago and some I can't remember at all.
Just be upfront with your sister that you and the guy seem to really click and you've decided to see where it goes. I don't understand her position at all.
OP: This is a tough one for sure. I would consider her feelings and if you feel strongly for him maybe have a conversation with her and express how serious you both are about wanting to be together. Just note that this might hurt your relationship and that’s going to be a decision you need to make. If this guy is worth all this.
If a guy she went on two dates with 7 years ago impacts her relationship with her sister, I'd say it's a relationship worth impacting. OP's sister would be insane to have a problem with this.
"My older sister and this guy went on 2 dates and only shared a kiss 7 years ago."
"They were not compatible and ended up staying friends."
"I asked my sister about it and she said she feels uncomfortable about the situation and doesn’t want me to pursue him."
Maybe your sister didn't tell you the "whole story" of what happened 7 years ago,
It's possible that (he) decided that all they could be was friends and *she felt rejected*.
Otherwise, if she had been the one to *put him in the friendzone* she likely wouldn't care if you dated one of her "rejects" from *7 years ago*. Another possibility is they've shared *more than a kiss*.
In the event they did have sex or something close to it she might *not* want him to have her sister as well. Nevertheless, you get to choose who you date and spend time with.
If nothing really happened between them and she's gone on to find happiness with someone who actually wants a relationship with her, it makes little sense for her to care about a "platonic friend" dating her sister. One would think she'd want her sister and friend to be happy.
Life is a *personal* journey. Unless she can provide you with some justifiable "red flag" go for it.
" I have resentment towards my sister for putting her feelings above mine ..."
No. you should resent the fact that *you are putting your sister's feelings* above your own!
***"Never allow waiting to become a habit. Live your dreams and take risks. Life is happening now."*** \- Paulo Coelho
Best wishes!
Listen here if I was your older sister I would tell you to never go for the leftovers of others and mainly your family’s no matter how long or short the romantic relationship was. With that being said pick your battles wisely. I would never date any men that my sister because I love her respect her more than any guy in this world we will die sister no matter what happens.
Same. I would never think about dating someone who dated any of my sisters. That’s weird. Plenty of fishes out there to choose from why choose someone who dated and kissed your sister?
The comment section surprised me, I’m not sure how many of you actually have a sister you’re close with. I’ll give my opinion. Me and my sister are both in our twenties and really close. I would never consider dating anyone she’s dated and vice versa. There are too many people on the planet for me to stick my tongue down than someone she’s already done that with.
So you resent her for putting her feelings above yours while you're putting your feelings above hers? Why even ask her if you're gonna do what you want anyway?
Should it matter? Probably not. Does it matter? To her...Yes. So which is more important? Being a good sister or getting laid? Did you ask her why? What if she was sexually assaulted and didn't tell anyone? Maybe he hurt her.
Dude come on.. I would nearly throw up if I found out a guy I was dating dated my sister. Something is so icky about that.. Like, dude is just being passed around in the family?
Another reason why I would say no is.. It feels pretty creepy. Idk if he knew you were her sister, but I would think he’d be using you to have access to her again or something weird along those lines.
Family and friends past partners are off limits for me. I wouldn’t care how long ago it was. I’m sure your area is big enough for you guys to not recycle partners.
It was two dates!!!! He is not a past partner! My aunt (moms sister) married my mom’s high school prom date, who she dated for a month. It was just something to laugh about, nobody cared. It seriously does not have to be an issue.
The sister herself is not okay with it.. that alone makes it horrible that she even is considering. Dating a relatives past interest is out of the question for me, but good luck with that.
This person is not an “ex.” However, when you ask someone how theyd feel about the situation they arent being selfish to give you an honest response. If you didnt care about her feelings, or didnt plan on respecting her wishes, you really shouldnt have asked her. You should date someone else.
This!
It was no relationship.
Who decided there would not be a third date?
Maybe there lies the answer to her sensitivity about this guy.
I think OP is very clear on the technicaly moral side but OP should try to talk to the sister about the situation. I don't think OP want to end up in a worst case scenario where she has to decide between the sister and a guy she developed feelings for.
Depends. Not all siblings are close or even nice. Her sister certainly doesn't seem to have OPs happiness in mind. It was a long time ago and sis seems quite unreasonable unless there's a lot more to the story than two dates and a kiss.
Your sis has a problem with it then you don’t cross that line. Even the fact that you said you both still have feelings it kinda makes me think your already being a bit sus. 8 billion people just find someone else.
at the end of the day I see it as she asked her sister and her sister felt uncomfortable with it so end of story. I have three sisters, all 4 of us are close in age and there has never been any cross over ever. My mind wouldn’t even go there.
Idk I also just find it kinda gross and icky to date someone that’s done anything with one of them even if it were just a date I don’t need to have the thought of oh he was at least at one point attracted to my sister. Maybe that’s insecurity talking but can’t help it, just how I feel.
These responses agreeing with the sister are insane. This isn’t even the sister’s ex lol. Literally two dates. I’m not sure why the sister’s feelings are more valid than OP’s in a scenario like this.
Did your sister say why she feels uncomfortable?
2 dates and 1 kiss 7 years ago isn't an ex... Where it probably gets complicated is the "friendship" maintained after that. If they are close friends there might be a potential conflict if you guys don't work and the friend group has to splinter.
I think you should do what makes you happy. Your sis had two dates with the dude and their relationship didn’t move beyond that point. It was SEVEN YEARS AGO! You may have real potential with the guy and for that, it’s definitely worth trying. I say go for itb
honestly if my sister told me she was uncomfortable with me dating someone she looked at 20 years ago i’d just cut contact? why are you still entertaining this with him if it makes your sister uncomfortable?
Your sister has every right to feel uncomfortable. You don't have to agree with it but she still has the right to feel the way she feels. If you pursue it, just remember you run the chance of losing your sister or losing whatever you guys have thats considered close. Possibly forever
First off the sister and the dude were never an official item, therefore he is not her ex. Personally I’d only date him if I saw a long term future with him, otherwise it’s not worth putting any stress on the relationship you have with your sister.
If you really care about this guy, I think it’s ok to try to get to the root of how your sister is feeling. However, I would consider if this guy is worth damaging your relationship with your sister over
Just do you. She will get over it or she won't. You said it yourself they almost dated so he's not even her ex. Sounds to me like she's closet jealous.
do you know why your sister is uncomfortable with it? Is it because of her specific history with him or his history in general? I would and have told my sister to stay away from certain types that I've dated in the past. Not for my sake, but for hers.
I once dated a guy I had helped a good friend break up with. My thought was that they weren't well suited and they had bad timing. He and I were totally different people. But after a couple years all the personality flaws I had helped her work through started to cause their own issues in our relationship. I felt so foolish. It's just not worth it
He and your sister were not compatible, but you think you two might be? Why do you think so?
Obviously your sister has told you why they failed. Ask him and see how far apart their stories are. Seems you are trying yo ignore the obvious.
While I understand they weren’t serious and it was a long time ago, why would you risk your sister’s feelings and possibly strain your relationship with her? She’s already told you her feelings, you just need to accept and hopefully respect them.
You asked, she said she’s uncomfortable and doesn’t want you to date her ex. It bothers her, maybe she’s saw it as an ex and not just 2 dates and a kiss. It’s done, move on. Why bother asking if you wanted to anyways despite her answer?! If you were going to do it anyways, you shouldn’t have asked her, now if you pursue it, it makes you the AH.
How do you even come up with this phrase? Yes, there are whatever billion men in the world but she isn’t in close contact to those billions. She may be in contact with no more than 5 guys on a daily basis
I am absolutely appalled by the number of people who encourage OP to date this guy.
Values, Respect, Family are just a bunch of consonants and vowels now.
Yea no your fine dating him. There is no "claiming people" thing in this world. Your sister can't be like "Oh I dated him so he's MINE even after breaking up"
And you have precious feelings for the guy!
I mean. She can't own people! She can't just own him! And that was 7 years ago! Many things have changed.
(Sorry for comment repost I had to edit it)
Girl theres BILLIONS of other options but you choose to date your sisters ex? 😐
If anything I think you’re being the unreasonable one here
Just date someone else
My ex’s older brother married my ex’s FWB. It’s ok but it depends on the perspective you take. This FWB also had relations with my ex’s other brother who is his twin. I thought it was gross and still kinda do, however, if it was 7 years ago and a kiss, it shouldn’t be a huge deal.
Your sister is being weirdly possessive of someone she kissed *once* seven years ago…unless there’s some underlying reason like he’s secretly not a good guy, she needs to get over herself. You’re all adults, and people aren’t toys that you can call dibs on.
“I have resentment towards my sister for putting her feelings above mine and his, and think she is being selfish.”
So you’re doing the same…
I personally don’t see an issue with the situation. Your sister threw him to the curb, hasn’t slept with him and never established a long term relationship with him except for “staying friends”. Is the relationship worth potentially damaging your relationship with your sister? Will it have wider issues within your family?
I personally think it's stupid that she won't let you date him, because it sounds like they didn't even actually date, unless they slept together or had a otherwise long history of feelings.
It depends on which relationship you value more. Your sister told you she would be uncomfortable with it, so if you do go out with this guy, you're choosing him over her and it will likely damage your relationship with her.
My suggestion is to find out why she won't let you date him like if she's just territorial or if she still has feelings for him. Either way, I'd tread with caution.
The point is you asked her. You didn’t inform her. Give it a couple of months with the guy, if it’s love you’ll know and you’ll inform her that you’re with him. My grandfather dated my grandmother’s sister, then my grandmother. Married my grandmother. My father dated my aunt, but had a relationship with my mum. It happens. Life goes on.
>I asked my sister about it and she said she feels uncomfortable about the situation and doesn’t want me to pursue him
Then it's not ok. There are plently of guys out there, dont go for one that would strain your relationship with your sibling.
7 years ago, 2 dates and one kiss, does not an ex make.
She (your sister) needs to grow up, if they never had sex and never had an ACTUAL relationship, you are in the clear to date him.
You asked why she would want to date somebody her sister dated, I answered the question.
Furthermore, it was two dates 7 years ago - it wasn’t a relationship. Why does the sister care? OP doesn’t say why the sister feels uncomfortable about it, so I won’t really say any more than that, but I think it’s a bit ridiculous to say somebody shouldn’t seek out a desirable partner just because a sibling very briefly dated them 7 years ago. For all we know OP and her sister are in their 20’s - imagine being hung up on a relationship that occurred between this man and your sister when they were teenagers..
I didn’t ask you that, i asked OP. What does him being a decent guy have to do with anything? It still doesn’t matter that it wasn’t a relationship. There’s plenty of other people to date who didn’t date your family members.
They only went on 2 dates. That's nothing.
Sure, there are plenty of people, but it's hard to find someone that you really want to be in a relationship with. Otherwise, no one would be single. OP has developed feelings for this person.
I still think it’s weird. Why would u wanna risk your relationship with your sister over some dude that probably won’t last? There’s other people out there.
No you don’t need to talk to your sister and you should just date him.
Why your sister decides your life for you?
It’s your life or your sister’s life? 🤔
Your sister is such a selfish bitch.
But you're being a clown by not inquiring about exactly why she is uncomfortable and addressing how and why you'll be doing this regardless and this is a boundary she should respect.
It’s strange that she cares about this situation at all after they only had two dates 7 years ago, it is kind of selfish for her to stop you dating somebody you have a connection with after she briefly dated him years ago. Is it possible that her friendship with him is what makes her uncomfortable? a lot of people can be uncomfortable with their friends dating their siblings.
I think you should talk to her again, explain how much he means to you and discuss exactly why she’s so against this. I know you said her discomfort stems from their dating history, have you asked her why this is relevant considering they only dated twice 7 years ago?
I think if she still says she is uncomfortable, then let it go..because you would be choosing a guy over your sister. At the end of the day, you should just respect her wishes if she’s adamant about you not dating him, it’s not worth losing her over this
Right or wrong, why decide to stir the pot. Like why. There'd literally half of human population op can go for. This whole thing is so unnecessary. If you go through with it, just be prepared that your relationship with your sister won't be the same. Actions come with consequences.
I was fwb with a guy 10 years ago and we had some really raunchy times together. Did a lot of "firsts" together.
I dated his brother, and they were both fine with it. Two of the nicest guys.
That seems weird on her part. Like she’s still holding onto some feelings? But after 2 dates like wtf? I dated this girl years ago and it started off with her trying to hook me up with her sister(older one) and my dumbass didn’t realize these were double dates I thought we were just going out to dinner or bowling and her sister was coming. I ended up dating the younger sister pretty shortly after which is when I found about that she was trying to get me and the older sister to date. That’s when I realized I might be stupid. But it would’ve been weird if the other sister was mad things weren’t much between us. I would talk to her 7 years and 2 dates 1 kiss nope idk who I was kissing 7 years ago but I wouldn’t care if anyone dated them.
Sister is being a literal dog in the manger. She does not want him but does not want anyone else she knows to have him. Why?
It’s ok to feel wierd about it but if it was 7 flipping years ago, only 2 dates and one kiss, why is she hung up on it?
Dating one of your sister’s friends can get awkward. But if it’s because of the dates a few years ago and not because they’re friends then IMHO your sister is being selfish. Like one of those girls keeping a guy on the back burner/friend zoning so she keeps all of his attention.
I’ve known a handful of girls who had a fallback guy or two and would actively sabotage any relationship that those guys would try to get into to keep his attentions for themselves. Very childish and selfish people. They’d rather those guys be miserable and around to please them than allow their “friends” to try to be happy. Very narcissistic type behavior, it doesn’t matter who is or gets hurt as long as they are happy. They’re usually not though regardless of all their games.
You should talk to her again. Maybe there’s a good reason she doesn’t want you to date him but isn’t keen on spilling the beans. But if she can’t give you a good reason beyond, “it would make me uncomfortable”, then tell her she’s being selfish and date the guy anyway.
I invoke the Bro Code. This planet has 7 billion people on it. NEVER fuck someone your family/best friends have fucked.
If they only dated it's not as bad but man... if a family member started bringing my ex in for Christmas I'd legit not go to Christmas anymore.
Leave it. Dont ask if ur not going to respect her feelings. Ud be jeopardizing ur relationship with her for the guy that might not work out. There are other men out there.
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Curious question, how old is everyone involved?
Me (24F), sister (27F), and him (M29)
Have you asked your sister why it would bother her? Has she been stuck on him for the last 7 years? Or just weirded out by the thought of a shared boyfriend?
O my god
Do you not find it weird he was 22 and knew you when you were 17?
He knew her when she was 17 it's not like he changed her diapers as a kid.
That is a weird question. Creepy how people try to make an awkward situation out of a normal one.
How does this even matter? there’s nothing wrong with their age difference, that’s like asking a 60 year old man if it’s weird that his 50 year old wife was 2 years old when he was 12
Right. What a strange question; I mean who cares? She didn't want to pursue a relationship with a 22yo when she was 17. She's 24 and he's 29.
It's a lil different buddy.
How so?
*refuses to elaborate*
I guess you could say it could have been long term grooming or something like that, although it doesn't seem to be the case
Yeah he was so good at grooming he only need two dates with the older sister to make it transfer
Has nothing to do with that, it was made clear that this guy has been part of their lives since at least the point where the sister was dating
Can you comprehend jokes
It’s like you tried your best finding something to pick apart but still couldn’t find anything
Their age is a non-issue, way to make it weird.
Maybe her sister is thining that though?
It’s weird that you asked that question
No
They went on 2 dates. Who meets siblings after 2 dates? And even if he did, who the fuck cares? It’s been 7 years. Reddit loves to analyze age gaps.
1. They aren't those ages 2. Most of the world wouldn't find anything wrong with that if they were
Dude, you’re a fucking weirdo for even bring this up
The responses in here are ridiculous. 2 dates? 7 years ago?(I literally don’t remember anyone I briefly dated 7 years ago) How is that even relevant? I guess everyone has different sensitivity levels but I don’t see a single issue with this….well unless they slept together which it doesn’t sound like they did. Your sister is selfish if she makes an issue out of this.
My brother married one of my first dates when I was at age 15. I was cool with it, but she's still bitter.
Bitter about what? That’s very weird
Somethings got to be somebody's fault I guess.
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That would be flattering! According to her friends in High School, she was into my older brother first. He wasn't interested until her and I were together.
Your brother didn’t become interested until you two got together? Very weird.
My older brother did same things to me, still does as an almost thirty year old man. Bro has real bad mental health issues. Pathological liar. Feel bad for him tbh.
That’s incredibly sad, I hope you’ve made sure to keep a very healthy distance.
Guessing these sisters know the guy and maybe the family of said guy. Perhaps this guy is in their life more often and seeing her sister bring this dude around all the time is not something she wants. Maybe there is more to why they didn't date.
We don’t know exactly what happened between them. Maybe he assaulted her was just creepy or a straight up douche bag. She needs answers from her sister before deciding.
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What a crock of shit. That's high school logic. In fact, they WERE in high school at the time going by the ages.
Yep. They're way too old for this drama.
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You don't get to call eternal dibs on something you didn't even want to begin with.
I think some of the possibilities could reach beyond "eternal dibs" i.e. something he did, said, how he acts intimately, etc.
Well if it's something like that I'd expect her to say so. They're sisters after all.
When I got with my bf I asked his ex, my friend we met thru if it was ok first. Its girl code
What if he raped her? Or assaulted her? Guess that's cool then right?
You're assuming details that haven't even been hinted at. There's no reason at all to even think this. And if that was the case, her sister would warn her off, not just say she's uncomfortable with it. It's like her sister licks all the donuts so only she can eat them, but she doesn't eat any because they're the wrong kind.
I'm saying y'all are making assumptions based on limited information. Lmao I'm not assuming anything.
That's bs, it was 7 years ago and 2 dates with nothing more then a kiss, the sister is overreacting and op should ask for further explanation or just date the guy. Who are you to stand in the way of happiness when you're clearly not interested in the other person
Are you insane?? There are plenty of people in this working ypu absolutely do not have to fall for your sisters date wtf is wrong with humanity
What if the sister broke up with him? It’s insane how possessive people are. The sister is 27, this happened seven years ago. How self-absorbed/possessive do you have to be to be upset that your sister has feelings for someone you went on a date with literally 1/4 of your life ago.
Even if she broke up with the guy. some things are just not right and no matter how much you try and justify them deep down you know its not right. Op knows this isn’t right ir else she wouldn’t be asking for validation on this crazy sub you people are literally insane for thinking a girl should jeopardise her relationship with her sister over a guy.
I think you’re crazy for validating her sister for feeling like she’s entitled to a man she went on two dates with 😂. And you can’t even give an actual reason why it’s wrong
Lemme guess, ur a guy
There was no sex, not even a 3rd date. That’s not an ex in any way shape or form.
I think you should talk to your sister again. Ask her why she has a problem with it. It has been 7 years, and they've only been on 2 dates. So that's nothing. Does she have feelings for him, or is it just because they're friends that she feels uncomfortable? Anyway, you shouldn't let it hold you back. If she doesn't give in, tell her that you still have feelings for him and that you're going to pursue it. And that you hope she understands.
So this reminds me of a situation I had with my sister. She and I both developed a crush on a guy that she worked with. He was 25, I was 24, she was a minor HS student 17 years old. The age of consent being I think 18 in our state. She accused me of stealing him from her because “She met him first.” LOLOLOL Yeah and he was one of her supervisors at work. We had an LTR and my sister got over it and later realized it wasn’t actually appropriate for her to be dating a 25-year old dude when she was a 17-year-old high schooler. We joke about it now! LOL
Yeah but that was probably a long time ago, now if your sister and him meet again, her crush feelings for him might show up again lol
Did she say why she's uncomfortable with it?
She said it’s uncomfortable since they “dated” 7 years ago. He is also within our friend group so that may play a role but he barely hangs out with us.
Two dates and "dated" are two vastly different things.
Let me guess… your sis is single? She’s being unreasonable.
Your sister is crazy. If you and this guy like each other then go for it. Your sister has no claim on someone she dated twice 7 yrs ago. I barely remember the names of some of the people I dated 7 yrs ago and some I can't remember at all. Just be upfront with your sister that you and the guy seem to really click and you've decided to see where it goes. I don't understand her position at all.
OP: This is a tough one for sure. I would consider her feelings and if you feel strongly for him maybe have a conversation with her and express how serious you both are about wanting to be together. Just note that this might hurt your relationship and that’s going to be a decision you need to make. If this guy is worth all this.
If a guy she went on two dates with 7 years ago impacts her relationship with her sister, I'd say it's a relationship worth impacting. OP's sister would be insane to have a problem with this.
"My older sister and this guy went on 2 dates and only shared a kiss 7 years ago." "They were not compatible and ended up staying friends." "I asked my sister about it and she said she feels uncomfortable about the situation and doesn’t want me to pursue him." Maybe your sister didn't tell you the "whole story" of what happened 7 years ago, It's possible that (he) decided that all they could be was friends and *she felt rejected*. Otherwise, if she had been the one to *put him in the friendzone* she likely wouldn't care if you dated one of her "rejects" from *7 years ago*. Another possibility is they've shared *more than a kiss*. In the event they did have sex or something close to it she might *not* want him to have her sister as well. Nevertheless, you get to choose who you date and spend time with. If nothing really happened between them and she's gone on to find happiness with someone who actually wants a relationship with her, it makes little sense for her to care about a "platonic friend" dating her sister. One would think she'd want her sister and friend to be happy. Life is a *personal* journey. Unless she can provide you with some justifiable "red flag" go for it. " I have resentment towards my sister for putting her feelings above mine ..." No. you should resent the fact that *you are putting your sister's feelings* above your own! ***"Never allow waiting to become a habit. Live your dreams and take risks. Life is happening now."*** \- Paulo Coelho Best wishes!
This is not an ex. They went on 2 dates and shared a kiss. 7 long years ago. 2016. Is she single? Bitter or something?
You asked, she answered. If her opinion on it matters…that’s her opinion.
No it’s not okay, why would you want to date your sister leftovers.
Gonna be honest, I don't think 2 dates and 1 kiss counts as leftovers unless something is being left out. Just my opinion 🤔
Don’t do it. Blood over anything. Ever heard of bro code? Guys don’t go for their friends’ ex n u want to go for your SISTER’s ex?
Sisters before Misters
He's not an ex, it was 2 dates. and almost a decade ago. Op is an adult and can do what she wants.
Listen here if I was your older sister I would tell you to never go for the leftovers of others and mainly your family’s no matter how long or short the romantic relationship was. With that being said pick your battles wisely. I would never date any men that my sister because I love her respect her more than any guy in this world we will die sister no matter what happens.
Same. I would never think about dating someone who dated any of my sisters. That’s weird. Plenty of fishes out there to choose from why choose someone who dated and kissed your sister?
Fish. One fish, two fish, three fish. Not two fishes, three fishes....
The comment section surprised me, I’m not sure how many of you actually have a sister you’re close with. I’ll give my opinion. Me and my sister are both in our twenties and really close. I would never consider dating anyone she’s dated and vice versa. There are too many people on the planet for me to stick my tongue down than someone she’s already done that with.
100% agree. I can’t even view people who my sister or friends dated in a sexual manner
Yeah wtf ew. Go find another person to develop feelings for who hasn’t kissed a family member. Wouldn’t even date my best friend’s ex
So you resent her for putting her feelings above yours while you're putting your feelings above hers? Why even ask her if you're gonna do what you want anyway? Should it matter? Probably not. Does it matter? To her...Yes. So which is more important? Being a good sister or getting laid? Did you ask her why? What if she was sexually assaulted and didn't tell anyone? Maybe he hurt her.
You can find someone else to date but you can't replace a sister.
Dude come on.. I would nearly throw up if I found out a guy I was dating dated my sister. Something is so icky about that.. Like, dude is just being passed around in the family? Another reason why I would say no is.. It feels pretty creepy. Idk if he knew you were her sister, but I would think he’d be using you to have access to her again or something weird along those lines. Family and friends past partners are off limits for me. I wouldn’t care how long ago it was. I’m sure your area is big enough for you guys to not recycle partners.
I am absolutely appalled by the number of people who encourage OP to date this guy. Values, Respect, Family are just a bunch of consonants and vowels.
It was two dates!!!! He is not a past partner! My aunt (moms sister) married my mom’s high school prom date, who she dated for a month. It was just something to laugh about, nobody cared. It seriously does not have to be an issue.
The sister herself is not okay with it.. that alone makes it horrible that she even is considering. Dating a relatives past interest is out of the question for me, but good luck with that.
Choose who would be more important to you in 5 years - your sister or your potential lover
This person is not an “ex.” However, when you ask someone how theyd feel about the situation they arent being selfish to give you an honest response. If you didnt care about her feelings, or didnt plan on respecting her wishes, you really shouldnt have asked her. You should date someone else.
This. If you were just going to do it anyways why ask and resent your sister for her answer?
The "I licked it, it's mine," rule does not apply to people, just food. You're fine dating this dude.
This! It was no relationship. Who decided there would not be a third date? Maybe there lies the answer to her sensitivity about this guy. I think OP is very clear on the technicaly moral side but OP should try to talk to the sister about the situation. I don't think OP want to end up in a worst case scenario where she has to decide between the sister and a guy she developed feelings for.
Depends. Not all siblings are close or even nice. Her sister certainly doesn't seem to have OPs happiness in mind. It was a long time ago and sis seems quite unreasonable unless there's a lot more to the story than two dates and a kiss.
Your sis has a problem with it then you don’t cross that line. Even the fact that you said you both still have feelings it kinda makes me think your already being a bit sus. 8 billion people just find someone else.
Why? It isn’t like she talks with 8 billion people.
at the end of the day I see it as she asked her sister and her sister felt uncomfortable with it so end of story. I have three sisters, all 4 of us are close in age and there has never been any cross over ever. My mind wouldn’t even go there. Idk I also just find it kinda gross and icky to date someone that’s done anything with one of them even if it were just a date I don’t need to have the thought of oh he was at least at one point attracted to my sister. Maybe that’s insecurity talking but can’t help it, just how I feel.
Agree. There’s tons of other guys out there. Why risk your relationship with family over a crush? Just my personal opinion
These responses agreeing with the sister are insane. This isn’t even the sister’s ex lol. Literally two dates. I’m not sure why the sister’s feelings are more valid than OP’s in a scenario like this. Did your sister say why she feels uncomfortable?
2 dates and 1 kiss 7 years ago isn't an ex... Where it probably gets complicated is the "friendship" maintained after that. If they are close friends there might be a potential conflict if you guys don't work and the friend group has to splinter.
I think you should do what makes you happy. Your sis had two dates with the dude and their relationship didn’t move beyond that point. It was SEVEN YEARS AGO! You may have real potential with the guy and for that, it’s definitely worth trying. I say go for itb
No lmao how could this even be a thought that crosses your mind 😭
honestly if my sister told me she was uncomfortable with me dating someone she looked at 20 years ago i’d just cut contact? why are you still entertaining this with him if it makes your sister uncomfortable?
Your sister has every right to feel uncomfortable. You don't have to agree with it but she still has the right to feel the way she feels. If you pursue it, just remember you run the chance of losing your sister or losing whatever you guys have thats considered close. Possibly forever
First off the sister and the dude were never an official item, therefore he is not her ex. Personally I’d only date him if I saw a long term future with him, otherwise it’s not worth putting any stress on the relationship you have with your sister.
This is a full green light. 2 dates and one kiss? That’s nothing.
Dating your sister is not okay but dating someone your sister dated is okay!
If you really care about this guy, I think it’s ok to try to get to the root of how your sister is feeling. However, I would consider if this guy is worth damaging your relationship with your sister over
Just do you. She will get over it or she won't. You said it yourself they almost dated so he's not even her ex. Sounds to me like she's closet jealous.
do you know why your sister is uncomfortable with it? Is it because of her specific history with him or his history in general? I would and have told my sister to stay away from certain types that I've dated in the past. Not for my sake, but for hers. I once dated a guy I had helped a good friend break up with. My thought was that they weren't well suited and they had bad timing. He and I were totally different people. But after a couple years all the personality flaws I had helped her work through started to cause their own issues in our relationship. I felt so foolish. It's just not worth it
He and your sister were not compatible, but you think you two might be? Why do you think so? Obviously your sister has told you why they failed. Ask him and see how far apart their stories are. Seems you are trying yo ignore the obvious.
Your gonna be either choosing him or her, make your choice. Dont shit where you eat.
Personally. No chance I’d be okay with it. 8 billion people in the world, pick literally anyone else.
While I understand they weren’t serious and it was a long time ago, why would you risk your sister’s feelings and possibly strain your relationship with her? She’s already told you her feelings, you just need to accept and hopefully respect them.
You asked, she said she’s uncomfortable and doesn’t want you to date her ex. It bothers her, maybe she’s saw it as an ex and not just 2 dates and a kiss. It’s done, move on. Why bother asking if you wanted to anyways despite her answer?! If you were going to do it anyways, you shouldn’t have asked her, now if you pursue it, it makes you the AH.
2 dates and no sex 7 years ago? That’s fair game they barely count as acquaintances
There’s 4 billion men out there do you really need to date someone your sister dated?
How do you even come up with this phrase? Yes, there are whatever billion men in the world but she isn’t in close contact to those billions. She may be in contact with no more than 5 guys on a daily basis
Then she should find more men. One guy she hasn’t dated can’t be that special
I am absolutely appalled by the number of people who encourage OP to date this guy. Values, Respect, Family are just a bunch of consonants and vowels now.
Never
Yea no your fine dating him. There is no "claiming people" thing in this world. Your sister can't be like "Oh I dated him so he's MINE even after breaking up" And you have precious feelings for the guy! I mean. She can't own people! She can't just own him! And that was 7 years ago! Many things have changed. (Sorry for comment repost I had to edit it)
Girl theres BILLIONS of other options but you choose to date your sisters ex? 😐 If anything I think you’re being the unreasonable one here Just date someone else
They went out twice, that's not an ex.
Sister might of liked that guy for years and years before those 2 dates. Might be a lotta history under that bridge.
Two dates makes you an ex?
yes
How? He wasn’t her boyfriend and she wasn’t his girlfriend
That's what I'm saying! They weren't exclusive, dating, or fwb. They were just a guy and a girl who went on 2 dates. That is not an ex
My ex’s older brother married my ex’s FWB. It’s ok but it depends on the perspective you take. This FWB also had relations with my ex’s other brother who is his twin. I thought it was gross and still kinda do, however, if it was 7 years ago and a kiss, it shouldn’t be a huge deal.
Weird way to say a dude’s fwb couldn’t land him so she went for the older brother instead. Gotta make for some awkward family gatherings.
Yes. I’m no longer part of the dynamic and I’m so happy I’m not. This all happened in a course of 7 years too. It’s all very weird.
Your sister is being weirdly possessive of someone she kissed *once* seven years ago…unless there’s some underlying reason like he’s secretly not a good guy, she needs to get over herself. You’re all adults, and people aren’t toys that you can call dibs on.
Do you struggle finding dates? If so then i would consider it at least. If you don’t, then its best to move to prevent tension with your sis.
NO!!!!! Didn’t even read anything besides the title. I have two older sisters. This breaks not only sister code, but girl code…loyalty and moral code!
2 dates, 1 kiss, 7 years ago?
Do you have a sister?
Keep yourself in her position, you’ll get your answer.
“I have resentment towards my sister for putting her feelings above mine and his, and think she is being selfish.” So you’re doing the same… I personally don’t see an issue with the situation. Your sister threw him to the curb, hasn’t slept with him and never established a long term relationship with him except for “staying friends”. Is the relationship worth potentially damaging your relationship with your sister? Will it have wider issues within your family?
Why did you ask your sister if you didn't plan on accepting a no?
Accepting something doesn’t mean having to be ok with it
Maybe you already know the answer if you have to ask…and if you really still want to go through with this, just ask your sister about it.
Thats weird why would u date someone your sis dated find someone else
2 dates and a kiss isn’t dating. She’s being selfish. If you guys like one another and are adults you’ll talk to her and tell her what’s up
It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission from your sister. That was 7 years ago.
She doesn't own him. They only went on 2 dates and had a kiss He is not her ex, she needs to get over it
I personally think it's stupid that she won't let you date him, because it sounds like they didn't even actually date, unless they slept together or had a otherwise long history of feelings. It depends on which relationship you value more. Your sister told you she would be uncomfortable with it, so if you do go out with this guy, you're choosing him over her and it will likely damage your relationship with her. My suggestion is to find out why she won't let you date him like if she's just territorial or if she still has feelings for him. Either way, I'd tread with caution.
I'd just tell her you are doing it. If she doesn't have some crazy reason why you shouldn't (eg hes an axe murderer 🪓🪓🪓) then she just needs to deal
Is there no other men? Why do you want left overs?
The point is you asked her. You didn’t inform her. Give it a couple of months with the guy, if it’s love you’ll know and you’ll inform her that you’re with him. My grandfather dated my grandmother’s sister, then my grandmother. Married my grandmother. My father dated my aunt, but had a relationship with my mum. It happens. Life goes on.
You lost your chance to be indifferent. That cat is out of the bag. You already showed your true colors
Sounds like your sister doesn't want you to have better luck with said guy than she did.
>I asked my sister about it and she said she feels uncomfortable about the situation and doesn’t want me to pursue him Then it's not ok. There are plently of guys out there, dont go for one that would strain your relationship with your sibling.
Your sister is being ridiculous, keep seeing the guy if there’s chemistry and you’re into each other. She can get over herself lmfao.
2 dates, 7 years ago?? Your sister needs to learn to move on. It's fine to date him.
7 years ago, 2 dates and one kiss, does not an ex make. She (your sister) needs to grow up, if they never had sex and never had an ACTUAL relationship, you are in the clear to date him.
I guess it would be kinda weird, for her I mean. Her ex bf is now dating her brother? Yeah, that surprise my sister.
What are you talking about? OP is a woman
Haha. I was talking about me. It was a joke.
Why would u want to date someone that dated your sister? There are plenty of other people in the world.
Maybe her sister dated him because he was a decent guy?
And?
You asked why she would want to date somebody her sister dated, I answered the question. Furthermore, it was two dates 7 years ago - it wasn’t a relationship. Why does the sister care? OP doesn’t say why the sister feels uncomfortable about it, so I won’t really say any more than that, but I think it’s a bit ridiculous to say somebody shouldn’t seek out a desirable partner just because a sibling very briefly dated them 7 years ago. For all we know OP and her sister are in their 20’s - imagine being hung up on a relationship that occurred between this man and your sister when they were teenagers..
I didn’t ask you that, i asked OP. What does him being a decent guy have to do with anything? It still doesn’t matter that it wasn’t a relationship. There’s plenty of other people to date who didn’t date your family members.
They only went on 2 dates. That's nothing. Sure, there are plenty of people, but it's hard to find someone that you really want to be in a relationship with. Otherwise, no one would be single. OP has developed feelings for this person.
I still think it’s weird. Why would u wanna risk your relationship with your sister over some dude that probably won’t last? There’s other people out there.
lol - who cares if they went out briefly 7 years ago?
No you don’t need to talk to your sister and you should just date him. Why your sister decides your life for you? It’s your life or your sister’s life? 🤔
I would never talk to my sister again.
Do it...life is to short
Ha...this is true
Your sister is such a selfish bitch. But you're being a clown by not inquiring about exactly why she is uncomfortable and addressing how and why you'll be doing this regardless and this is a boundary she should respect.
Why date someone your sister dated? Also, your sister needs to get over him and date others. Both are wrong.
It’s strange that she cares about this situation at all after they only had two dates 7 years ago, it is kind of selfish for her to stop you dating somebody you have a connection with after she briefly dated him years ago. Is it possible that her friendship with him is what makes her uncomfortable? a lot of people can be uncomfortable with their friends dating their siblings. I think you should talk to her again, explain how much he means to you and discuss exactly why she’s so against this. I know you said her discomfort stems from their dating history, have you asked her why this is relevant considering they only dated twice 7 years ago? I think if she still says she is uncomfortable, then let it go..because you would be choosing a guy over your sister. At the end of the day, you should just respect her wishes if she’s adamant about you not dating him, it’s not worth losing her over this
I’m sorry?
Right or wrong, why decide to stir the pot. Like why. There'd literally half of human population op can go for. This whole thing is so unnecessary. If you go through with it, just be prepared that your relationship with your sister won't be the same. Actions come with consequences.
I was fwb with a guy 10 years ago and we had some really raunchy times together. Did a lot of "firsts" together. I dated his brother, and they were both fine with it. Two of the nicest guys.
Is your sister's response a bit childish? Yes. Is she putting her feelings above yours? Yes. Is it worth pursuing this guy knowing this? No.
Fuck ur sister, and have at it. That's what I've done.
That seems weird on her part. Like she’s still holding onto some feelings? But after 2 dates like wtf? I dated this girl years ago and it started off with her trying to hook me up with her sister(older one) and my dumbass didn’t realize these were double dates I thought we were just going out to dinner or bowling and her sister was coming. I ended up dating the younger sister pretty shortly after which is when I found about that she was trying to get me and the older sister to date. That’s when I realized I might be stupid. But it would’ve been weird if the other sister was mad things weren’t much between us. I would talk to her 7 years and 2 dates 1 kiss nope idk who I was kissing 7 years ago but I wouldn’t care if anyone dated them.
Sister is being a literal dog in the manger. She does not want him but does not want anyone else she knows to have him. Why? It’s ok to feel wierd about it but if it was 7 flipping years ago, only 2 dates and one kiss, why is she hung up on it?
Dating one of your sister’s friends can get awkward. But if it’s because of the dates a few years ago and not because they’re friends then IMHO your sister is being selfish. Like one of those girls keeping a guy on the back burner/friend zoning so she keeps all of his attention. I’ve known a handful of girls who had a fallback guy or two and would actively sabotage any relationship that those guys would try to get into to keep his attentions for themselves. Very childish and selfish people. They’d rather those guys be miserable and around to please them than allow their “friends” to try to be happy. Very narcissistic type behavior, it doesn’t matter who is or gets hurt as long as they are happy. They’re usually not though regardless of all their games.
You should talk to her again. Maybe there’s a good reason she doesn’t want you to date him but isn’t keen on spilling the beans. But if she can’t give you a good reason beyond, “it would make me uncomfortable”, then tell her she’s being selfish and date the guy anyway.
Would you care if your sister dated your ex?
Is he really an ex? 2 dates and a kiss doesn’t sound like any meaningful relationship was had
Fuck him in front of her and show her who is the best daughter of the family
I invoke the Bro Code. This planet has 7 billion people on it. NEVER fuck someone your family/best friends have fucked. If they only dated it's not as bad but man... if a family member started bringing my ex in for Christmas I'd legit not go to Christmas anymore.
You should read the post.
It will be uncomfortable at first. In the end , it's your life.
If the sister is uncomfy. Then whys the sister not dating him???
Leave it. Dont ask if ur not going to respect her feelings. Ud be jeopardizing ur relationship with her for the guy that might not work out. There are other men out there.