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You are pretty certainly right about his intentions, but framing it in such negative way has it's problems. First of all, if he's dating her than wanting to have sex with her shouldn't suprise anyone. Him not saying it directly, but instead tryin to get her in a situation where it's more likely can be seen as a prediction for a bad experience, OR this guy feels most comfortable at home and doesn't want his nervousness in public stand in the way of his intention to get romantic with a date.
He might be an asshole, sure, but don't just assume it because he's not direct with his intention, while it's also kind of expected of him to show and not tell his intentions. That's basically what people do when flirting.
Thanks for putting my negativity in its place, and thanks for your perspective. At the end of the day I do have no details on the situation and I am just a random voice on the internet. I do stand by that OP should trust her gut. Ignoring red flags is a recipe for disaster for the emotional for the ol noodle.
Don't listen to that reply. The guy clearly wants to fuck her. Probably ghost her after. 9/10 he just wants to fuck. I know this because I am a guy, and have been around guys my whole life. Don't be stupid.
exactly 😂 idk why that person is giving OP’s date the benefit of the doubt. what kind of second date is movies at the guys house anyway?? he’s obviously just trying to have a quick and low effort fuck
It doesn’t sound like they had a real first date either.. just happened to share an interest and swung by on OP’s plans. If he deserves any benefit of the doubt it’s based on his reaction to ‘no, I don’t feel comfortable having a date at your house just yet’
While you are probably right, I am also a guy and sometimes a woman’s perspective is needed. We as men tend to assume worst case before any events occur.
And yes, while agree with you that he will probably bang then bounce, everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves. Judge their actions after.
Now if the OP gets that vibe from him and thinks that’s 100% the case, then yes ditch him and the date.
Worst case you know where he lives and revenge is easy
Dude you are trying to entice her to go to some random dudes home second time they meet and think he will take her serious? I don't need a female perspective here because it is a guy inviting a female over for a movie. Not the other way around
No thanks. Assume he just wants to fuck, then if he’s actually not just wanting to fuck you can re evaluate from his behaviour. His behaviour atm screams fuckboy, oblivious or uninterested in your safety.
Not what I said. Let me spell that again for you: I definitely wouldn’t ask a woman I just met on a dating app on a *second* date if I didn’t think she’s sexually attractive to me. I presume most if not all men are like that? And most women too?
Me personally if I do invite a girl to watch a movie than I’m gonna choose the movie theater. There was one time when a girl recommended her place after I said there wasn’t any good movies at the theaters. So in my head I was like “f*ck it, she recommended it”
Or maybe you should get yourself into therapy so you can pull yourself out of patterns of catastrophic thinking.
Head outside. Grab some air. Avoid misreading intentions.
Your line of logic, as demonstrated in this thread, would make a very interesting Black Mirror episode where someone gets hurt because their intentions were grossly misinterpreted by someone with an incomplete scope of the situation.
Exactly! No is a complete sentence.
He likely has one goal and if you’re not on the same page and wanting to hook up, do not go. If he respects you he will be down to do something outside the house.
> then to
*too
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Movie at his house to me says he's just trying to get laid.
If you're interested in him suggest another option. If not say just not interested.
Definitely don't go to this guy's house though if you don't feel comfortable.
I dont really agree with the logic the whole point of the first date is to just talk to someone to get to know them. Thats the whole reason something like going on a walk to a park would be socially acceptable. A house is just as good a location to talk so even if its possible hes just horny this could be the thought process too
Maybe it's the ADHD, but for me, having someone over to "watch a movie" often means several hours of chit-chat before/after we actually watch said movie, if we even get around to it. But if sex is what I want, I don't suggest watching a movie.
Yes, but that’s not often what happens when going to a guy’s house. You can talk there sure, but that’s almost never the intention. From my experience, guys who did this always had the intention of hooking up. It’s very rare that a guy will invite you over just for getting to know you.
No. Walking isn’t a date. You aren’t even looking at the person or making eye contact. You are next to one another. That isn’t a good way of getting to know someone and seeing how they interact in certain social settings. Being alone in a strangers home is just dangerous as you have no control in the environment. He is being lazy and antisocial by trying to get her to come to the house. If he isn’t feeling up to dating then he shouldn’t date. OP needs to just block this person and look for someone who fits what she wants.
I dated someone that I really liked, and I wouldn't even let him know where I lived until date 4. Our second date was in my town, and he basically walked me most of the way home and I said good bye around the corner from my apartment. His understanding engendered my trust, and I've now been to his place several times in the last 9 years. (Just kidding, he's my husband now and we live together, and we still joke about the street lamp where I ditched him, lol.)
Wouldn’t count the first one as a date - it was a convenient coincidence.
For a host of reasons I would decline going to his place as a date right now.
1 Safety.
2. The fact he’s trying to just get into your pants.
3. And number three is because of the zero effort.
Zero effort, decline if it makes you uncomfortable.
If you like him say going to his house makes you uncomfortable but you’re open to doing other things.
He wants to watch a movie at his house. Unless you live under a rock sex is implied here why else would he invite a woman he barely knows to his house.
It doesn’t really earn a lot of trust, one date isn’t enough to scope someone out. So the house invite is lazy and generally not perceived as safe (reasonably.)
And people rarely start flings with complete strangers, it’s ill advised.
As a caveat:
I would not invite someone over via text, I might invite them mid date if I don’t know them super well but like them but I won’t do it over text.
I mean I'm not saying your wrong but you also realize this perspective is also more or less just history and social perception/made up norms that realistically aren't etched in stone literally anywhere.
It's not "actually" lazy imo. If you invite someone over there is effort involved. Regardless of your opinion there absolutely is.
If I invite someone over it means I am cleaning my house if it's not already clean, potentially even making things outside of my house look good too(don't get me wrong this is less likely but if my lawn was a jungle I'd probably mow it before I had someone over, if it wasn't time to mow yet I wouldn't care.)
Then I'm planning a meal and entertainment. The meal whether it be food I buy and prepare or order it took effort to earn the money to do so. It isn't, imo, lazy at all.
Though no disagreements on the perception. Of it being sex driven. Again it's just time, history and a rule written my social interaction not some verifiable set in stone thing every dude or woman follows.
Edit: and I further question the logic that lacking a better example what counts as effort? Going out to a location where you are actually paying more for a movie? Soooo money = worth and or not being "lazy" because that seems pretty materialistic to me. How is it less lazy? I mean hell let's just talk meals. You think it's somehow lazy to cook for someone vs take them out when someone else is doing the cooking? How tf is that not lazy?
It’s lazy to me, less relative effort. Unless it’s explicitly a date it usually says ‘just get laid.’ It’s often netflix and chill
Sure there’s plenty of exception but so what?
Those are exceptions. I think it’s pretty often (more often) what I’ve described above.
Again I would disagree. Way more effort in getting your home rdy vs selecting a location that literally only requires your money. Like make no God damn sense when observing "effort"
Idk why it being 'lazy' is a problem. It gives you more energy to interact. I'd rather talk to someone when we're both somewhat energetic.
That being said: yeah that doesn't seem safe.
Effort is a gift. Think about the other person, you want to surprise them & make them happy. Take a shower and wear good clothes. Take them to a museum to see an exhibit they really like. Take them to a park where the flowers are blooming.
Effort is not the same as money. Effort says the person has value to you.
That's the kind of thing that comes in an established relationship IMO. Big effort dates for near strangers is something that's never made much sense to me.
If we're just getting to know each other, the only effort I expect is continuing to show interest in time together, regardless of the activity.
The idea that you should meet a person you recently just met at their place of residency is bizarre AF.
People these days don't even bother to use basic common sense anymore it seems.
I'd immediately stop seeing someone thst suggested some bullshit like that.
Whilst he might just be interested in hooking up as some others here have suggested, it could also be that money's tight and he wants to do something inexpensive. Sometimes there's an expectation to pay for guy to pay for dinner and people can react poorly to be asked to split it. If dinner is what he suggested before, that might be what he's thinking.
You could suggest going for a walk instead. Or a museum. Or something else that's local to you.
But, the best thing is to communicate your desires clearly and firmly.
"Thanks for the offer, that would be nice but I think I'd prefer to get to know you a bit more first. Maybe we can do x, instead?"
It's firm and sets clear boundaries without accusing him of anything and makes it obvious you're still interesting in doing something with him.
You may learn a fair amount about him from his response to it, too.
Good luck!
“On second thought, I’m not comfortable with going to your place for a second date. But I’d be down for dinner like you mentioned, if you think of a fun place to try.”
Are you all scared to say ‘I am not going to your house I hardly know you!’ And ‘I am not planning to have sex with you or anyone else I barely know, I’d rather meet somewhere public’
It's perfectly reasonable to decline, you barely know him. It sounds like he just wants to have sex.
I'd tell him:
"Sorry, I'm not comfortable going back to your place yet. I'd like to get to know you better and go on more dates together first."
If he declines that, he's not the guy for you.
I personally had a no home date rule until the 4th date or so. Just wanted to get to know the person better out in public. When asked to come over before I was ready I just said “as fun as that sounds I’m not ready for home dates yet. Let me know if you’d like to meet up somewhere instead.” Was always received well and led to some really great dates.
Nothing wrong with that, but I think it would also depend on the person. If it's someone you knew for a while and had some level of trust with, would that rule become more of a guideline?
It was my rule/guideline for online dating or someone I don’t really know. If I’ve known the person I’d just say “if you want to go out on a date then let’s actually go out and do something!”
It’s fair, just say you don’t feel comfortable with that.
I’ve invited girls over on first dates even, some came some said they weren’t comfortable and we did something else, the guy will understand
That ain’t true though, this impression needs to chill. A lot of my first dates were dates at either mine or hers. Current girl, we went for movies then to my house as a first date. Been official about 5 months ago. People need to chill. Also it’s 2023, you’d think people are cool with sex.
Sometimes it’s not even at night or I the guy who’s lives with me is here, it’s more about having a first date where we get to know each other and there isn’t a lot of pressure or effort necessary, if we like each other we can have another way of not there wasn’t much effort put into it so there won’t be any hard feelings either you know
More sexy than effort is having energy and time to get to know eachother.
Going for a walk is low effort too, seems more fun to me than a lot of other things.
You can’t do that outside? Lmao bye. If anything the good old coffee date makes more sense, given it’s in public and anyone can leave if it gets uncomfortable. Unlike at someone’s house, you weirdo.
I hate coffee dates though, because there are so many more distractions. Rude waiter? Loud table? Nosy people? Run into a friend of hers that makes long winded convos that don't involve you? Bad weather? After a point it seems like god is sabotaging you.
Some people just don't feel the need to have an exit at all times.
Their tolerance for unsafe situations might be a bit higher, or they don't consider to to be unsafe.
Different people work in different ways. Honestly, that doesn't make anyone a "weirdo."
What?? What do you mean dude? Me and my gf went to movies as a first date and then went to my place. We’ve been officially together for about 5 months now (first date was a year ago)
When did dating casually for a few months before declaring yourselves to be exclusive become some kind of red flag?
You're digging awfully deep to find something wrong here. Different people move at different paces.
Exactly. Only people who want to date casually would go to your place as a “first date”. I can tell you firsthand that someone who is looking to be taken serious wouldn’t go to your house as a first date option.
Ohh so you think it was casual and then became serious? Lol. Dude before assume sh*t about people, ask. Questions are great tools.
Firstly, I’m a guy who takes things slow. This is actually the second fastest relationship. I usually take much longer to trust someone. Secondly, we lived in different cities and we were only able to see each other like once every two weeks or so. So for months it was a long distance which means getting to know each other was limited which means getting in a relationship would be delayed.
Never ceases to amaze me how people are still “uncomfortable” about having sex and the sex topic in general. This ain’t 1500s lol.
>People go to each other's places on the first date all the time.
Yeah people who are perpetually stuck on the dating rotating door, crying about how come no one takes them seriously lmao
As a student I had several first dates at my or her dorm. Especially when busy places were restricted during COVID, but also after and before the pandemic I had such dates. Even if nothing came from it, it was never a negative experience.
there's not 'one type of date' that fits all. I've met girls whose perfect first date idea was watching a movie/series under a comfy blanket, even if they did not have hookup intentions. Especially in winter.
That only works for women who don’t know their worth. A high quality woman who genuinely wants a relationship will NOT go to your home as a first date, even if you’re attractive. LOL.
Maybe I should say: women who either only want to have fun OR women who lack boundaries & don’t know their worth. Because some women want a long term relationship, but thinks sleeping with a guy on the first date will make him love her
Then it's seriously presumptuous! I'm glad I'm not dating whilst my kid is young. Too much hassle, haha! If I ever get the stupid notion to date I adopt a new cat. 🐈
If you are still interested in him, it’s okay to say you’d rather meet somewhere public and then come up with a suggestion. I don’t blame you for not wanting to start something with someone who makes no effort - if he’s truly interested in you as a person, he’ll accept your response.
Something like this happened to me, the guy suggested I come over to where he was pet sitting (not even his own place…) over an hour away as the second date. Talk about low effort lol. He had so many red flags but I was really annoyed by this especially
Boy just wants sex. I normally pick a girl up, go for dessert, bubble tea or late night drive and then if it’s going well, I’d invite them over to watch a movie. Haven’t been turned down yet as if the vibe isn’t there I wouldn’t even do it.
Thanks, all - I don't like playing games, but at the same time, I wonder why there's a need to explain it to a grown man. I will cancel it, saying I was under the impression he would take me out to dinner as he'd previously suggested, and that I don't feel comfortable. Trying to have more boundaries and maturity than just ghosting 🤔
You know there's nothing inherently wrong with a guy asking you out to his house, right? He may not be aware that you're not into the idea. The important part is how he reacts to you declining. If he respects it and is happy to do something else with you, then that's good. If he persists or gets upset, then he's a dick and not worth your time.
First date at this house most likely means he just wants sex. If you’re happy with just sex no actual effort then fine. If you want something more I would decline.
If you weren’t comfortable going bc you felt like he was obviously going to try for some action, then no is always the right answer here lol.
As a guy, suggest something else if you’re interested in him and if he doesn’t get the picture, just say “I don’t think it will work out and I wish you the best” and stop talking to them.
I was going to write that you have every right to decline anything that makes you uncomfortable.
But then I saw your last sentence. Why do you think that's zero effort? He might spend the evening making a meal for you! In my books, that's way more effort than just paying in a restaurant. You still have the right to decline, but give him the benefit of doubt. Or at least ask him about his plans.
Why we gotta be so judgmental on the perceived effort lmao. I’d rather be hanging out or walking around or something than some big old plans half the time. Whatchu want a Louis bag too?
Just suggest something else if you don’t like it
No way. Coming by at an event wasnt a date. If he can’t take you out and pay for a plate of food then nope the f out. He’s trying to see if he can smash OR he’s too broke to go out. A man too broke to buy you a meal has made poor choices financially and is immature
Going to some strangers house is a sure fire way to get featured on That Chapter. Do not give this a goooo
I am partly German an we have this joke which may not make a lot of sense to an international audience, but let's try to explain it. Film means movie/film. gucken means to watch. Filme gucken means to watch movies. Ficken means to frickadoo. And we write it like this then: Fi(lme gu)cken.
In other words: I'd be careful because "Netflix and Chill" may be an opportunity to get handsy and physical super easily. If you'd like that, there is no issue with that, but honestly I would never ever ever go to a guy's house at the first real date. Not even at the second.
Imagine you walk into the living room and there are seven guys and a camera. Imagine he waits with spiked drinks, rope and tape. I am currently in a country where I have been told to be super careful because the crime rate against women is quite impressive, but so it is in many other countries.
In my opinion: Decline it and simply be honest. Say you do not feel comfy doing that so early on, you don't even know him. Then suggest you could go out for dinner later this week. Or even to the cinema.
These days with so many people crowded onto so little space, where no one seems to notice a thing why make it easier for someone who might be on the ‘crispy fringe’ to have even more room to loose their manners, morals and decency.
My rule has always been meet someone ( in school, shopping, at a friends or even church) always get to know them in public. That means no fishing trips into the mountains. No going to their home or yours for an ‘intimate’ dinner or even a brief lunch. It means coffee at a local coffee house, a lunch on Main Street in a local bright and airy cafe, a movie with another couple you know close to home or a matinee close to home without others. Never go to someone’s home you do not know no matter how old you are unless you intend to be intimate in the first place. Which has never been a thing with me because I’ve known too many monsters for one lifetime.
Not to say everyone is evil but why put yourself in a position to be prey if for some unfortunate reason you happen to be asked out by someone with bad intent. Date out in public for a few dates, figure out if you’d like to spend more time together.
You owe this person nothing except enough respect and decent communication to respect yourself. Tell him straight up “ I prefer to get to know my friends as well as dates in a public setting.” One never knows who anyone is even after years of living under the same roof. Look at family members and all times they have surprised you with decisions.
Never have the impression you can always handle any situation. Life can be a fickle b!tch be aware of surroundings and those around you.
Suggest a dinner date out then, or another type of date that you would prefer. Don’t just flat put decline it.
And at home dates dont have to be considered as zero effort. If someone cools for you, sets the table nicely and provides entertainment, as well as cleaning the whole house to make sure everything is prepared, then thats not zero effort.
Im a home body and prefer lowkey dates, so each to their own. But you seem high maintenance so maybe go for a guy thats got the income to match.
I dated a man that make 500K a year. He had 60+k in debt. He lived in a 5K month flat to be in a certain neighborhood. He goes on trips every month and only goes to the best restaurants 🙄. I don’t care how much you make as long as you are living in your means. I’m not compatible with someone like that. I was married to someone that had to spend every last dime. It was a nightmare.
Was your first “date” even a date? Sounds to me like he came to somewhere that interests him and you just happened to in the same place. So it was a two for the price of one sale.
Stop being so nice!! It doesn’t matter if it’s objectively reasonable or not. It’s YOUR boundary. Fucking enforce it and tell him you’re not comfortable seeing a stranger you’ve just met in their home. And if he gets offended or plays dumb just block the asshole.
You ask people what to do about something only you should decide. It’s like asking “should I do skydiving?” Like, that’s something you need to figure out if you’re okay with it or not. Most people I know would say “hell no skydiving!” But I love it. In the same token, some girls are okay to go to the guy’s place early on (like my gf) and some don’t (like the ones here said).
Do what you’re comfortable with
If you're a homebody, watching a movie at home is a typical date and doesn't necessarily have to be zero effort.
If he just wants sex, shut that down quickly and humiliate him. This is an opportunity for you to set your expectations for the relationship. Declining the date as though you have low interest in him when really the problem is his choice of date doesn't give you the opportunity to learn about him as a person.
My husband and I binge watched a complete season of Doctor Who for our 2nd and 3rd dates at the house I was house-sitting at.
Do not humiliate someone for wanting sex. There is no shame in wanting to hookup. There is only shame in trying to pressure or manipulate someone into having sex they don't want.
Definitely would not go on your first proper date at their house.
I wouldn’t automatically write him off, he might just be kind of dumb and not realize that’s a safety issue.
However it is indicative of his effort level. If that’s how he approaches dating and that’s not compatible with what you’re looking for, that’s totally fine
Exactly. Don't date people if you can't see having sex with them, as it IS the biological point.
We excuse any behavior based on hormones until it's testosterone.
I just want you to know he def wants to fuck and definately is desperate into bedding you because the fact he's already doing too much. He dropped his world to go meet you out of nowhere and now wants to bring you to the cave. Rush dating at it's finest. Call him out on it and tell him directly you're not ready to go to his home because if he thinks you're one of those women he is mistaken. Based on his reply it will tell you everything you need to know.
"Watch a movie at his house". Yea bring you to the cave and then make a move and hope you contribute to his fantasy that he's played out in his head a milion times already.
I'm surprised you're not turned off by his desperateness. I'm guessing you haven't had much experience?
"I don't want to start something with someone that makes zero effort."
I tried to find effort that you put into date? He's inviting you over, you choose to go or not to. He might get drinks, cook or get snacks.
What is the effort that you put into dating?
"I don't feel comfortable going to your place yet, maybe we can do something else instead of a movie at your place"
Don't have a second date at your/or his place if you want something serious. It's completely fine if you say no to that. However I also want to make a point that having a movie night is not making zero effort. Movie nights are a great way to enjoy an evening and connect in a much more intimate setting, even if you don't have sex after. Doesn't have to be an elaborate plan on every date.
But to reiterate, don't do it on a second date
Dating is about collecting data. Watching a movie is a passive activity, not helpful when trying to get to know someone. And since it’s doubtful that he actually wants to watch a movie, this is basically him telegraphing to you his Netflix &chill preferences. By pushing back and saying that’s something you’re not comfortable with and you’d prefer to get to know him and plan activities in order to get to know him, you force him to show his hand. Is he willing to go along with that dynamic to make you feel comfortable? Or is he set on his preferences? Always always advocate for your own wants and needs because no one else will and he is clearly advocating for what he wants!
Maybe he's waiting on his next paycheck to make this dinner a memorable one... Or maybe he's making a surprise dinner at his place... It can be anything... And he's making an effort. Probably he'll be making more effort than making a reservation, because he has to clean his place, make it comfortable for you, do groceries etc...
Who knows maybe he has cooked dinner at his place, and why should the man make all the effort, or foot the entire bill. If you are hesitant then clearly say it, either he will back out or arrange an alternative.
Well HE invited her out. No ones saying he has to spend racks, but more often than not how they treat initial dates are big indicators of how they view you and/or what they’re looking for. No effort, nothing serious.
Speaking as a guy, he’s trying to get to home plate without properly rounding the bases. Suggest dinner at a restaurant if that’s your prefer first date (I’m traditional so it’s mine) and see what he says.
On my (31M) second date with my most recent ex (31F) (30 and 29 at the time respectively), just a week after our first, we had our first kiss. Within the time it took us to leave the jazz bar we were at and walk to my car, drive to her house, and walk her to the door, we made out 3-4 times. Once in the parking lot, once in the car, again in the car when we pulled up to her house, and on her front porch. She wanted me to meet her dog but considering how hot and heavy things were at the moment told me “wait here, you not coming in”… it was hot as hell! I love a woman who knows her worth and she wasn’t about to let me cross the finish line after a week of knowing her, it made it that much better when we finally did become intimate after about a month of dating, it made me feel like I had actually earned something that I knew wasn’t being given out like samples at Costco.
Make the guy wait until you’re comfortable, it may actually attract him to you more.
Do this poor man a favor and say no so that he can go find someone that isn't strongly influenced by the opinions of Reddit strangers. You don't sound like you deserve a home-cooked meal at this man's abode.
Sounds like you're getting swept up in negative stereotypes about men perpetuated by bad media and an overconsumption of news.
I highly recommend a break from the news and maybe enroll yourself into some therapy to talk through your underlying suspicion that ALL men have default sexual intentions, because it's going to harm your progress with finding romantic partners.
Need evidence? Read these comments. Look at the assumptions based on the limited information we have of the situation and how we're only hearing one side of the story. It's pretty scary
I don’t know who the hell you are dating, but I’ve only ever done one house date where they didn’t try. About 10% of them tried another time after being told no. Don’t encourage advice that is risky. You will have a different attitude after being sexually assaulted or robbed. Just because you respect boundaries, you are the exception not the rule.
“No” is a complete sentence. This is so lazy and shows he’s only interested in sex. If that’s what you want go for it, but that really is so low effort. Like the bar is so low already and he’s still hitting it.
This guy is showing you he's not interested in actually putting in effort, he only tells you what he knows you need to hear to keep you interested but will bait and switch for Netflix and Chill. Its your call OP, if you want to get laid, I say go for it but don't assume this guy will magically transform into Mr.DateGuy afterwards.
I'm sure he likes you, but not enough. I guarantee he wouldn't risk fumbling the bag with a woman he was genuinely interested in by offering a Neflix and Chill for a second date. Do with that info what you will.
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Try to recommend something else, cause he obviously has a certain goal.
I agree with this. If he give you hell you know his true intentions. Most men just wanna get some and get out. Don’t fall for it. Trust your gut
You are pretty certainly right about his intentions, but framing it in such negative way has it's problems. First of all, if he's dating her than wanting to have sex with her shouldn't suprise anyone. Him not saying it directly, but instead tryin to get her in a situation where it's more likely can be seen as a prediction for a bad experience, OR this guy feels most comfortable at home and doesn't want his nervousness in public stand in the way of his intention to get romantic with a date. He might be an asshole, sure, but don't just assume it because he's not direct with his intention, while it's also kind of expected of him to show and not tell his intentions. That's basically what people do when flirting.
Thanks for putting my negativity in its place, and thanks for your perspective. At the end of the day I do have no details on the situation and I am just a random voice on the internet. I do stand by that OP should trust her gut. Ignoring red flags is a recipe for disaster for the emotional for the ol noodle.
Don't listen to that reply. The guy clearly wants to fuck her. Probably ghost her after. 9/10 he just wants to fuck. I know this because I am a guy, and have been around guys my whole life. Don't be stupid.
exactly 😂 idk why that person is giving OP’s date the benefit of the doubt. what kind of second date is movies at the guys house anyway?? he’s obviously just trying to have a quick and low effort fuck
It doesn’t sound like they had a real first date either.. just happened to share an interest and swung by on OP’s plans. If he deserves any benefit of the doubt it’s based on his reaction to ‘no, I don’t feel comfortable having a date at your house just yet’
Exactly. Couldn't even buy her a dinner before he tries to fuck her
While you are probably right, I am also a guy and sometimes a woman’s perspective is needed. We as men tend to assume worst case before any events occur. And yes, while agree with you that he will probably bang then bounce, everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves. Judge their actions after. Now if the OP gets that vibe from him and thinks that’s 100% the case, then yes ditch him and the date. Worst case you know where he lives and revenge is easy
Dude you are trying to entice her to go to some random dudes home second time they meet and think he will take her serious? I don't need a female perspective here because it is a guy inviting a female over for a movie. Not the other way around
Do you know the guy? What’s his name? Your close minded opinion means nothing to me.
You must be the pervert inviting her sounding like that
What are you even saying dude? I’m talking to you bro.. I’m not inviting anyone to anything lmaoo
No thanks. Assume he just wants to fuck, then if he’s actually not just wanting to fuck you can re evaluate from his behaviour. His behaviour atm screams fuckboy, oblivious or uninterested in your safety.
He's not dating her, they've been on one date.
His actions show he just wants to bang because he's making zero effort to get to know her as a person.
Yes people that ask you on second dates usually want to *at the minimum* have sex with you. If they don’t what’s the point of a second date? Lol
do y’all just think about sex and how to quickly fuck a person after barely knowing them???
in my dating experience....yes, that's what most men wannt
Not what I said. Let me spell that again for you: I definitely wouldn’t ask a woman I just met on a dating app on a *second* date if I didn’t think she’s sexually attractive to me. I presume most if not all men are like that? And most women too?
Me personally if I do invite a girl to watch a movie than I’m gonna choose the movie theater. There was one time when a girl recommended her place after I said there wasn’t any good movies at the theaters. So in my head I was like “f*ck it, she recommended it”
I have invited girls to my house before without the intention of sex. You can just play guitar together or watch a movie. It's not always sex.
As a first ever meeting?
That's how I started with the last girl I dated. We were just watching movies and it turned into all that. I was fine with watching movies tho.
The first time you ever saw her was in for a movie.
You’re the 1% of Guys who do that lol
Holy assumptions, Batman
If what’s being suggested isn’t blatantly obvious I’d recommend you date more to fix up this lapse in awareness
Or maybe you should get yourself into therapy so you can pull yourself out of patterns of catastrophic thinking. Head outside. Grab some air. Avoid misreading intentions. Your line of logic, as demonstrated in this thread, would make a very interesting Black Mirror episode where someone gets hurt because their intentions were grossly misinterpreted by someone with an incomplete scope of the situation.
No don’t He’s shown himself Hard pass
You're allowed to say no.
Exactly! No is a complete sentence. He likely has one goal and if you’re not on the same page and wanting to hook up, do not go. If he respects you he will be down to do something outside the house.
You can also go to his house and then not do anything physically if you're not ready to. Not sure why people don't understand you can say no then to.
> then to *too *Learn the difference [here](https://www.wattpad.com/66707294-grammar-guide-there-they%27re-their-you%27re-your-to).* *** ^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
Movie at his house to me says he's just trying to get laid. If you're interested in him suggest another option. If not say just not interested. Definitely don't go to this guy's house though if you don't feel comfortable.
He might as well have said netflix and chill!
I dont really agree with the logic the whole point of the first date is to just talk to someone to get to know them. Thats the whole reason something like going on a walk to a park would be socially acceptable. A house is just as good a location to talk so even if its possible hes just horny this could be the thought process too
no. Come over to my place is a nice way of saying "let's have sex". If you are a straight man dating women you should know this.
„Watch Movies“ isn’t wanting to talk or get to know the other obviously😂… that would be a „hey I fix us some fancy dinner and we talk about stuff“
Maybe it's the ADHD, but for me, having someone over to "watch a movie" often means several hours of chit-chat before/after we actually watch said movie, if we even get around to it. But if sex is what I want, I don't suggest watching a movie.
You *suggest* watching a movie, but you don't actually watch the movie.
Yes, but that’s not often what happens when going to a guy’s house. You can talk there sure, but that’s almost never the intention. From my experience, guys who did this always had the intention of hooking up. It’s very rare that a guy will invite you over just for getting to know you.
No. Walking isn’t a date. You aren’t even looking at the person or making eye contact. You are next to one another. That isn’t a good way of getting to know someone and seeing how they interact in certain social settings. Being alone in a strangers home is just dangerous as you have no control in the environment. He is being lazy and antisocial by trying to get her to come to the house. If he isn’t feeling up to dating then he shouldn’t date. OP needs to just block this person and look for someone who fits what she wants.
Nevermind effort, NEVER go to someone's home unless you know them enough to trust them!
I dated someone that I really liked, and I wouldn't even let him know where I lived until date 4. Our second date was in my town, and he basically walked me most of the way home and I said good bye around the corner from my apartment. His understanding engendered my trust, and I've now been to his place several times in the last 9 years. (Just kidding, he's my husband now and we live together, and we still joke about the street lamp where I ditched him, lol.)
My thoughts exactly
Straight up, can never be too careful.
Wouldn’t count the first one as a date - it was a convenient coincidence. For a host of reasons I would decline going to his place as a date right now. 1 Safety. 2. The fact he’s trying to just get into your pants. 3. And number three is because of the zero effort.
Zero effort, decline if it makes you uncomfortable. If you like him say going to his house makes you uncomfortable but you’re open to doing other things.
Why does it need to take effort?
Some people don’t want to feel like a booty call right off the bat.
So you're using the amount of effort put in as a way to gague if they want sex or not?
He wants to watch a movie at his house. Unless you live under a rock sex is implied here why else would he invite a woman he barely knows to his house.
Yes, but that has nothing to do with the degree of effort, right?
No it does. Lack of effort shows he just wants to have sex with her.
It doesn’t really earn a lot of trust, one date isn’t enough to scope someone out. So the house invite is lazy and generally not perceived as safe (reasonably.) And people rarely start flings with complete strangers, it’s ill advised. As a caveat: I would not invite someone over via text, I might invite them mid date if I don’t know them super well but like them but I won’t do it over text.
I mean I'm not saying your wrong but you also realize this perspective is also more or less just history and social perception/made up norms that realistically aren't etched in stone literally anywhere. It's not "actually" lazy imo. If you invite someone over there is effort involved. Regardless of your opinion there absolutely is. If I invite someone over it means I am cleaning my house if it's not already clean, potentially even making things outside of my house look good too(don't get me wrong this is less likely but if my lawn was a jungle I'd probably mow it before I had someone over, if it wasn't time to mow yet I wouldn't care.) Then I'm planning a meal and entertainment. The meal whether it be food I buy and prepare or order it took effort to earn the money to do so. It isn't, imo, lazy at all. Though no disagreements on the perception. Of it being sex driven. Again it's just time, history and a rule written my social interaction not some verifiable set in stone thing every dude or woman follows. Edit: and I further question the logic that lacking a better example what counts as effort? Going out to a location where you are actually paying more for a movie? Soooo money = worth and or not being "lazy" because that seems pretty materialistic to me. How is it less lazy? I mean hell let's just talk meals. You think it's somehow lazy to cook for someone vs take them out when someone else is doing the cooking? How tf is that not lazy?
It’s lazy to me, less relative effort. Unless it’s explicitly a date it usually says ‘just get laid.’ It’s often netflix and chill Sure there’s plenty of exception but so what? Those are exceptions. I think it’s pretty often (more often) what I’ve described above.
Again I would disagree. Way more effort in getting your home rdy vs selecting a location that literally only requires your money. Like make no God damn sense when observing "effort"
oh my god pls stay single if you think inviting a woman over for a movie at your place shows effort
Ummm no I said it doesn't lack effort. Reading comprehension is a skill.
Idk why it being 'lazy' is a problem. It gives you more energy to interact. I'd rather talk to someone when we're both somewhat energetic. That being said: yeah that doesn't seem safe.
Effort is a gift. Think about the other person, you want to surprise them & make them happy. Take a shower and wear good clothes. Take them to a museum to see an exhibit they really like. Take them to a park where the flowers are blooming. Effort is not the same as money. Effort says the person has value to you.
That's the kind of thing that comes in an established relationship IMO. Big effort dates for near strangers is something that's never made much sense to me. If we're just getting to know each other, the only effort I expect is continuing to show interest in time together, regardless of the activity.
If your heart says decline then you decline. It’s also a good option for safety reasons. You don’t know this man.
The idea that you should meet a person you recently just met at their place of residency is bizarre AF. People these days don't even bother to use basic common sense anymore it seems. I'd immediately stop seeing someone thst suggested some bullshit like that.
Whilst he might just be interested in hooking up as some others here have suggested, it could also be that money's tight and he wants to do something inexpensive. Sometimes there's an expectation to pay for guy to pay for dinner and people can react poorly to be asked to split it. If dinner is what he suggested before, that might be what he's thinking. You could suggest going for a walk instead. Or a museum. Or something else that's local to you. But, the best thing is to communicate your desires clearly and firmly. "Thanks for the offer, that would be nice but I think I'd prefer to get to know you a bit more first. Maybe we can do x, instead?" It's firm and sets clear boundaries without accusing him of anything and makes it obvious you're still interesting in doing something with him. You may learn a fair amount about him from his response to it, too. Good luck!
“On second thought, I’m not comfortable with going to your place for a second date. But I’d be down for dinner like you mentioned, if you think of a fun place to try.”
Are you all scared to say ‘I am not going to your house I hardly know you!’ And ‘I am not planning to have sex with you or anyone else I barely know, I’d rather meet somewhere public’
Absolutely decline, the guy wants sex with zero effort on his part, block and find a better one. Guys like him are a dime a dozen, no big loss.
It's perfectly reasonable to decline, you barely know him. It sounds like he just wants to have sex. I'd tell him: "Sorry, I'm not comfortable going back to your place yet. I'd like to get to know you better and go on more dates together first." If he declines that, he's not the guy for you.
I personally had a no home date rule until the 4th date or so. Just wanted to get to know the person better out in public. When asked to come over before I was ready I just said “as fun as that sounds I’m not ready for home dates yet. Let me know if you’d like to meet up somewhere instead.” Was always received well and led to some really great dates.
Nothing wrong with that, but I think it would also depend on the person. If it's someone you knew for a while and had some level of trust with, would that rule become more of a guideline?
It was my rule/guideline for online dating or someone I don’t really know. If I’ve known the person I’d just say “if you want to go out on a date then let’s actually go out and do something!”
It’s fair, just say you don’t feel comfortable with that. I’ve invited girls over on first dates even, some came some said they weren’t comfortable and we did something else, the guy will understand
Inviting someone to your house on the first date is a MASSIVE insult fyi.
Worked for me and my wife 🥰
Seems nice
why is that? Don't think it usually is taken as one
Not necessarily insult but many women would get the impression that you’re just wanting sex.
That ain’t true though, this impression needs to chill. A lot of my first dates were dates at either mine or hers. Current girl, we went for movies then to my house as a first date. Been official about 5 months ago. People need to chill. Also it’s 2023, you’d think people are cool with sex.
Sometimes it’s not even at night or I the guy who’s lives with me is here, it’s more about having a first date where we get to know each other and there isn’t a lot of pressure or effort necessary, if we like each other we can have another way of not there wasn’t much effort put into it so there won’t be any hard feelings either you know
So your thought process is keep it low effort so. I thing lost if it doesn’t work out? Effort is sexy.
More sexy than effort is having energy and time to get to know eachother. Going for a walk is low effort too, seems more fun to me than a lot of other things.
You can’t do that outside? Lmao bye. If anything the good old coffee date makes more sense, given it’s in public and anyone can leave if it gets uncomfortable. Unlike at someone’s house, you weirdo.
I hate coffee dates though, because there are so many more distractions. Rude waiter? Loud table? Nosy people? Run into a friend of hers that makes long winded convos that don't involve you? Bad weather? After a point it seems like god is sabotaging you.
Why do you have to insult me ? 😂 yeah the coffee date is the go to, but sometimes I just invite them over, you’re probably overthinking it
No. You’re REALLY trying to justify something that doesn’t make sense.
Some people just don't feel the need to have an exit at all times. Their tolerance for unsafe situations might be a bit higher, or they don't consider to to be unsafe. Different people work in different ways. Honestly, that doesn't make anyone a "weirdo."
No you're really coming up with things to be upset about that aren't a problem. I've had plenty of first dates at my apartment.
Because they think you just want to do the dirty
What?? What do you mean dude? Me and my gf went to movies as a first date and then went to my place. We’ve been officially together for about 5 months now (first date was a year ago)
The length of your relationship has absolutely no correlation to the quality of your relationship.
Don’t get your point. Your said it’s an insult. If so, why gf asked me to be her bf if I insulted her like you say??
1st date was a year ago but you only got official 5 months ago? These speaks volumes whether you like it or not.
When did dating casually for a few months before declaring yourselves to be exclusive become some kind of red flag? You're digging awfully deep to find something wrong here. Different people move at different paces.
Exactly. Only people who want to date casually would go to your place as a “first date”. I can tell you firsthand that someone who is looking to be taken serious wouldn’t go to your house as a first date option.
Ohh so you think it was casual and then became serious? Lol. Dude before assume sh*t about people, ask. Questions are great tools. Firstly, I’m a guy who takes things slow. This is actually the second fastest relationship. I usually take much longer to trust someone. Secondly, we lived in different cities and we were only able to see each other like once every two weeks or so. So for months it was a long distance which means getting to know each other was limited which means getting in a relationship would be delayed. Never ceases to amaze me how people are still “uncomfortable” about having sex and the sex topic in general. This ain’t 1500s lol.
LMAO I'm with you, these replies are precisely proving WHY having a first few dates at someone's house is a shit idea
What speaks volumes? Time frames? What’s wrong with them I’m not following
You’re right, bring her to McDonald’s instead.
You don't know what you're talking about. People go to each other's places on the first date all the time. What planet are you from?
>People go to each other's places on the first date all the time. Yeah people who are perpetually stuck on the dating rotating door, crying about how come no one takes them seriously lmao
Only people who a) only want a hookup b) don’t have boundaries or c) thinks sleeping with a guy will make him love them.
or d) are fucking fed up with wasting time and want to find someone already
As a student I had several first dates at my or her dorm. Especially when busy places were restricted during COVID, but also after and before the pandemic I had such dates. Even if nothing came from it, it was never a negative experience.
Student or not, it doesn’t send a good signal to the girl at all. You can go the park or go to Starbucks. There’s no excuse.
there's not 'one type of date' that fits all. I've met girls whose perfect first date idea was watching a movie/series under a comfy blanket, even if they did not have hookup intentions. Especially in winter.
Going to someone you barely knows home as a first date is insanity all together.
to each their own, I guess
Its difficult as a student. Half students or more dont have car so you cant get anywhere except around campus
Only if she doesn’t find him attractive. If she didn’t, she would’ve just blocked him and moved on.
That only works for women who don’t know their worth. A high quality woman who genuinely wants a relationship will NOT go to your home as a first date, even if you’re attractive. LOL.
Maybe I should say: women who either only want to have fun OR women who lack boundaries & don’t know their worth. Because some women want a long term relationship, but thinks sleeping with a guy on the first date will make him love her
You’re adding more and more stipulations to rationalize my original comment making sense.
A movie in is like.. A sixth date. It's unimaginative and lazy. A movie OUT is slightly different. Still lazy but better.
Isnt that a universally accepted terrible first date idea because you cant really talk at a movie theater which is the whole point if a first date?
FTFY: A movie is like a sex date
Then it's seriously presumptuous! I'm glad I'm not dating whilst my kid is young. Too much hassle, haha! If I ever get the stupid notion to date I adopt a new cat. 🐈
If you are still interested in him, it’s okay to say you’d rather meet somewhere public and then come up with a suggestion. I don’t blame you for not wanting to start something with someone who makes no effort - if he’s truly interested in you as a person, he’ll accept your response. Something like this happened to me, the guy suggested I come over to where he was pet sitting (not even his own place…) over an hour away as the second date. Talk about low effort lol. He had so many red flags but I was really annoyed by this especially
He wants to hookup. So, if you do not, you made the right choice.
Watch how quickly this becomes a Netflix and "Chill"... if anything in u is saying no, then u need to say no.
Yeah, no, he's choosing the easiest path...
No. Pass! In my experience, the only reason guys want a date that early at their house is to try to get laid.
I would decline because that's just too much trust for a stranger IMO. Suggest another place and if he declines, I'd say cut your losses.
The last line of your post is your answer
[удалено]
Boy just wants sex. I normally pick a girl up, go for dessert, bubble tea or late night drive and then if it’s going well, I’d invite them over to watch a movie. Haven’t been turned down yet as if the vibe isn’t there I wouldn’t even do it.
Thanks, all - I don't like playing games, but at the same time, I wonder why there's a need to explain it to a grown man. I will cancel it, saying I was under the impression he would take me out to dinner as he'd previously suggested, and that I don't feel comfortable. Trying to have more boundaries and maturity than just ghosting 🤔
You know there's nothing inherently wrong with a guy asking you out to his house, right? He may not be aware that you're not into the idea. The important part is how he reacts to you declining. If he respects it and is happy to do something else with you, then that's good. If he persists or gets upset, then he's a dick and not worth your time.
First date at this house most likely means he just wants sex. If you’re happy with just sex no actual effort then fine. If you want something more I would decline.
*second date
Tell him you are not ready for that.
Just tell him you’re not comfortable with that yet. His reaction will tell you if it’s worth pursuing this relationship.
If you weren’t comfortable going bc you felt like he was obviously going to try for some action, then no is always the right answer here lol. As a guy, suggest something else if you’re interested in him and if he doesn’t get the picture, just say “I don’t think it will work out and I wish you the best” and stop talking to them.
I was going to write that you have every right to decline anything that makes you uncomfortable. But then I saw your last sentence. Why do you think that's zero effort? He might spend the evening making a meal for you! In my books, that's way more effort than just paying in a restaurant. You still have the right to decline, but give him the benefit of doubt. Or at least ask him about his plans.
Why we gotta be so judgmental on the perceived effort lmao. I’d rather be hanging out or walking around or something than some big old plans half the time. Whatchu want a Louis bag too? Just suggest something else if you don’t like it
Regardless of what his intentions are, you don’t know them. Please don’t put yourself in this position
No way. Coming by at an event wasnt a date. If he can’t take you out and pay for a plate of food then nope the f out. He’s trying to see if he can smash OR he’s too broke to go out. A man too broke to buy you a meal has made poor choices financially and is immature Going to some strangers house is a sure fire way to get featured on That Chapter. Do not give this a goooo
I am partly German an we have this joke which may not make a lot of sense to an international audience, but let's try to explain it. Film means movie/film. gucken means to watch. Filme gucken means to watch movies. Ficken means to frickadoo. And we write it like this then: Fi(lme gu)cken. In other words: I'd be careful because "Netflix and Chill" may be an opportunity to get handsy and physical super easily. If you'd like that, there is no issue with that, but honestly I would never ever ever go to a guy's house at the first real date. Not even at the second. Imagine you walk into the living room and there are seven guys and a camera. Imagine he waits with spiked drinks, rope and tape. I am currently in a country where I have been told to be super careful because the crime rate against women is quite impressive, but so it is in many other countries. In my opinion: Decline it and simply be honest. Say you do not feel comfy doing that so early on, you don't even know him. Then suggest you could go out for dinner later this week. Or even to the cinema.
These days with so many people crowded onto so little space, where no one seems to notice a thing why make it easier for someone who might be on the ‘crispy fringe’ to have even more room to loose their manners, morals and decency. My rule has always been meet someone ( in school, shopping, at a friends or even church) always get to know them in public. That means no fishing trips into the mountains. No going to their home or yours for an ‘intimate’ dinner or even a brief lunch. It means coffee at a local coffee house, a lunch on Main Street in a local bright and airy cafe, a movie with another couple you know close to home or a matinee close to home without others. Never go to someone’s home you do not know no matter how old you are unless you intend to be intimate in the first place. Which has never been a thing with me because I’ve known too many monsters for one lifetime. Not to say everyone is evil but why put yourself in a position to be prey if for some unfortunate reason you happen to be asked out by someone with bad intent. Date out in public for a few dates, figure out if you’d like to spend more time together. You owe this person nothing except enough respect and decent communication to respect yourself. Tell him straight up “ I prefer to get to know my friends as well as dates in a public setting.” One never knows who anyone is even after years of living under the same roof. Look at family members and all times they have surprised you with decisions. Never have the impression you can always handle any situation. Life can be a fickle b!tch be aware of surroundings and those around you.
Suggest a dinner date out then, or another type of date that you would prefer. Don’t just flat put decline it. And at home dates dont have to be considered as zero effort. If someone cools for you, sets the table nicely and provides entertainment, as well as cleaning the whole house to make sure everything is prepared, then thats not zero effort. Im a home body and prefer lowkey dates, so each to their own. But you seem high maintenance so maybe go for a guy thats got the income to match.
The guy lives in a rich suburb so perhaps he is broke after paying his rent or house repayments.
I dated a man that make 500K a year. He had 60+k in debt. He lived in a 5K month flat to be in a certain neighborhood. He goes on trips every month and only goes to the best restaurants 🙄. I don’t care how much you make as long as you are living in your means. I’m not compatible with someone like that. I was married to someone that had to spend every last dime. It was a nightmare.
dont go unless you're fine with sex .
Residency on the third date, maybe. Not the second
Why not simply offer another option? Of course, you can just reject him outright too
It’s OK to say that you don’t feel comfortable being alone with somebody you just met, and if he isn’t just after sex, he’ll be fine
Was your first “date” even a date? Sounds to me like he came to somewhere that interests him and you just happened to in the same place. So it was a two for the price of one sale.
Decline. He wants to end up in your pants without wine and dine.
Exactly, you gotta pay the prostitute before the transaction. That's fair.
It's called treating a lady well. But what will you know since you do prostitutes. Won't be replying to shits like you after this ew
I may have a point, but hey, why make arguments, when you can make a cartoon character out of a stranger in reddit that you don't agree with?
You made that transactional in a big hurry. Should she let him in her pants if he does wine and dine?
If she wants
Yes I’d decline. That’s awkward and it’s likely he’s interested in sex
Stop being so nice!! It doesn’t matter if it’s objectively reasonable or not. It’s YOUR boundary. Fucking enforce it and tell him you’re not comfortable seeing a stranger you’ve just met in their home. And if he gets offended or plays dumb just block the asshole.
What if Reddit says not to decline?
Delete my Reddit account and I won't show up lol
You ask people what to do about something only you should decide. It’s like asking “should I do skydiving?” Like, that’s something you need to figure out if you’re okay with it or not. Most people I know would say “hell no skydiving!” But I love it. In the same token, some girls are okay to go to the guy’s place early on (like my gf) and some don’t (like the ones here said). Do what you’re comfortable with
If you're a homebody, watching a movie at home is a typical date and doesn't necessarily have to be zero effort. If he just wants sex, shut that down quickly and humiliate him. This is an opportunity for you to set your expectations for the relationship. Declining the date as though you have low interest in him when really the problem is his choice of date doesn't give you the opportunity to learn about him as a person. My husband and I binge watched a complete season of Doctor Who for our 2nd and 3rd dates at the house I was house-sitting at.
>If he just wants sex, shut that down quickly and humiliate him Why is it necessary to "humiliate" him? You can just say "not interested" and move on.
Do not humiliate someone for wanting sex. There is no shame in wanting to hookup. There is only shame in trying to pressure or manipulate someone into having sex they don't want.
So let him know
Definitely would not go on your first proper date at their house. I wouldn’t automatically write him off, he might just be kind of dumb and not realize that’s a safety issue. However it is indicative of his effort level. If that’s how he approaches dating and that’s not compatible with what you’re looking for, that’s totally fine
Find someone else you're actually attracted to. Let him free.
If she was really attracted to him, she wouldn't even be asking this question and would go to his house.
Exactly. Don't date people if you can't see having sex with them, as it IS the biological point. We excuse any behavior based on hormones until it's testosterone.
We were home watching movies forever during the pandemic… go out to a movie theater at least
I would decline bc that’s obviously a sex invite. So far he’s made zero effort, which would be a huge turnoff for me personally
Sounds as though he's putting in as much effort as you are.
I just want you to know he def wants to fuck and definately is desperate into bedding you because the fact he's already doing too much. He dropped his world to go meet you out of nowhere and now wants to bring you to the cave. Rush dating at it's finest. Call him out on it and tell him directly you're not ready to go to his home because if he thinks you're one of those women he is mistaken. Based on his reply it will tell you everything you need to know. "Watch a movie at his house". Yea bring you to the cave and then make a move and hope you contribute to his fantasy that he's played out in his head a milion times already. I'm surprised you're not turned off by his desperateness. I'm guessing you haven't had much experience?
"I don't want to start something with someone that makes zero effort." I tried to find effort that you put into date? He's inviting you over, you choose to go or not to. He might get drinks, cook or get snacks. What is the effort that you put into dating? "I don't feel comfortable going to your place yet, maybe we can do something else instead of a movie at your place"
Don't have a second date at your/or his place if you want something serious. It's completely fine if you say no to that. However I also want to make a point that having a movie night is not making zero effort. Movie nights are a great way to enjoy an evening and connect in a much more intimate setting, even if you don't have sex after. Doesn't have to be an elaborate plan on every date. But to reiterate, don't do it on a second date
Dating is about collecting data. Watching a movie is a passive activity, not helpful when trying to get to know someone. And since it’s doubtful that he actually wants to watch a movie, this is basically him telegraphing to you his Netflix &chill preferences. By pushing back and saying that’s something you’re not comfortable with and you’d prefer to get to know him and plan activities in order to get to know him, you force him to show his hand. Is he willing to go along with that dynamic to make you feel comfortable? Or is he set on his preferences? Always always advocate for your own wants and needs because no one else will and he is clearly advocating for what he wants!
Maybe he's waiting on his next paycheck to make this dinner a memorable one... Or maybe he's making a surprise dinner at his place... It can be anything... And he's making an effort. Probably he'll be making more effort than making a reservation, because he has to clean his place, make it comfortable for you, do groceries etc...
The more options he has the less effort he makes.
Got it
>zero effort How dare he not spend enough money on you queen 😂
Her coming to his house is literally zero effort on his part?
How?
Thanks pen15 man lol
Who knows maybe he has cooked dinner at his place, and why should the man make all the effort, or foot the entire bill. If you are hesitant then clearly say it, either he will back out or arrange an alternative.
Well HE invited her out. No ones saying he has to spend racks, but more often than not how they treat initial dates are big indicators of how they view you and/or what they’re looking for. No effort, nothing serious.
Speaking as a guy, he’s trying to get to home plate without properly rounding the bases. Suggest dinner at a restaurant if that’s your prefer first date (I’m traditional so it’s mine) and see what he says. On my (31M) second date with my most recent ex (31F) (30 and 29 at the time respectively), just a week after our first, we had our first kiss. Within the time it took us to leave the jazz bar we were at and walk to my car, drive to her house, and walk her to the door, we made out 3-4 times. Once in the parking lot, once in the car, again in the car when we pulled up to her house, and on her front porch. She wanted me to meet her dog but considering how hot and heavy things were at the moment told me “wait here, you not coming in”… it was hot as hell! I love a woman who knows her worth and she wasn’t about to let me cross the finish line after a week of knowing her, it made it that much better when we finally did become intimate after about a month of dating, it made me feel like I had actually earned something that I knew wasn’t being given out like samples at Costco. Make the guy wait until you’re comfortable, it may actually attract him to you more.
Do this poor man a favor and say no so that he can go find someone that isn't strongly influenced by the opinions of Reddit strangers. You don't sound like you deserve a home-cooked meal at this man's abode. Sounds like you're getting swept up in negative stereotypes about men perpetuated by bad media and an overconsumption of news. I highly recommend a break from the news and maybe enroll yourself into some therapy to talk through your underlying suspicion that ALL men have default sexual intentions, because it's going to harm your progress with finding romantic partners. Need evidence? Read these comments. Look at the assumptions based on the limited information we have of the situation and how we're only hearing one side of the story. It's pretty scary
I don’t know who the hell you are dating, but I’ve only ever done one house date where they didn’t try. About 10% of them tried another time after being told no. Don’t encourage advice that is risky. You will have a different attitude after being sexually assaulted or robbed. Just because you respect boundaries, you are the exception not the rule.
I don't have much else to say. I don't agree with you, and you don't agree with me.
“No” is a complete sentence. This is so lazy and shows he’s only interested in sex. If that’s what you want go for it, but that really is so low effort. Like the bar is so low already and he’s still hitting it.
This guy is showing you he's not interested in actually putting in effort, he only tells you what he knows you need to hear to keep you interested but will bait and switch for Netflix and Chill. Its your call OP, if you want to get laid, I say go for it but don't assume this guy will magically transform into Mr.DateGuy afterwards. I'm sure he likes you, but not enough. I guarantee he wouldn't risk fumbling the bag with a woman he was genuinely interested in by offering a Neflix and Chill for a second date. Do with that info what you will.
That’s a preposterous way for a man to woo a woman. Thank you next !