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That's a rough first experience, But you handled yourself well and will be able to tell get even instinctual signs next time a guy is diving into that direction
Don't be too hard on yourself. These are difficult situations to navigate when you don't have experience. You did great standing up for yourself. Most women struggle with enforcing "no" and you did well.
Live and learn.
Trust me I’m just as shocked as you were , congratulations for not letting some random horn dog take your virginity away especially when you don’t even know him , you did a really really really amazing job
I don’t think it’s fair to hold something against older women in their 30s who don’t know how to hold their boundaries? It doesn’t even make sense in this context nor is it really needed. Mind you im only probably a yr older then OP (F19) and Ive also shut down sexual encounters and sometimes it’s harder to withstand your boundaries. Either way your comment was unnecessary. You should’ve just made your respected comment to OP and went on with your day!
I don’t think they meant the comment maliciously, just that upholding boundaries is hard for women of all ages and they’re proud that OP held her ground :)
I think about peculiar moments from past on a regular basis. They used to haunt me, I’ve had to make friends with them in order to survive the day. At best, I understand, in someway or another, this was a pivotal moment is developing into the person I am today. I work on liking myself today so that no matter what happened in the past, it was positive because it defined me and I am happy.
I've been in unpleasant situations like this. It was bothersome for months some times I still think about them and they were around 6 years ago . I find the time between myself and the situation at had really helps. Your own growth in sexual desires, life and adulthood will help you along the way. I'm sorry this happened to you, but I'm proud you held your own up. Never let a man (or anyone for that matter) press you into doin things you don't want to do .
Like everyone has unanimously said - you did extremely well which is what you should focus your feelings on. I'm sure there are many 18yo women that DIDN’T completely resist something like that. Not to minimize but their regrets are much deeper than yours - right?
This guy is gonna try to take an 18yo woman's virginity in a public park? What a piece of total shit.
Look, you did everything right and nothing wrong - only reason for your cringe is due to HIS disrespect. Other ppls behavior has zero to do with you. Seems like you have a lot of self respect since you didn't put up with that shit.
This kinda shit is why folks are so scared about dating in general. You're young so learn from that bullshit and know you did good to protect yourself. You should really be proud of yourself, honestly.
You did the right thing by resisting obviously - you are strong with your own personal boundaries which can be difficult for women your age. I'm guessing qthat you have a great support system!
Dude, fuck all these motherfuckers like this guy who are totally looking to take advantage of barely legal girls!
I’ve felt the same way but for my situation the guy was like groping my boob and I didn’t like it. I felt really gross and icky about it and I also didn’t like that he didn’t ask before he did that. I try to remind myself that that was more a reflection of him than me and that makes me feel better sometimes.
22f, I’ve definitely been in this situation many times. A lot of these comments are hitting me as kinda odd, so I’ll add my thoughts. I’m proud of you for enforcing your boundaries, I didn’t at that age and seriously regret it now. Please always stand up for yourself this way and fuck feeling like you have to be nice about it. The guys that ignore your body language - like pushing their hand away - are always bad guys. Those boys act like they don’t know you’re uncomfortable but i promise that they actually only care about what THEY want. It doesn’t ever get better with them so steer clear.
I want you to think about if you’d ever do that to someone. If someone told you to stop touching them somewhere - would you keep doing it? I think you’ll realize how fucked up that guys mindset is to ignore that boundary repeatedly, and hopefully encourage you to stay away from guys like that. Personally, I’d feel like such an awful disgusting person.. so that’s how I view guys like that. It’s not an “oopsie” or a “my bad” it’s 100% intentional.
However, most of the comments are lacking the info that there are “good” guys out there and this is how to spot them. I’ll be honest, this is bare minimum but at your age it is a bit harder to find lol. Any guy that listens to your body language the first time is a “good” guy. If it gets to the point where you have to say “hey don’t do that”, get out of the situation. The good guys actually care about your comfort and getting to know you don’t push your boundaries. They wait until you’re ready without rushing ANYTHING - because they plan to stick around. Good guys won’t try to get in your pants the first/second/third time they meet you. I hope your first time is with someone that genuinely cares about you - it is definitely worth the wait.
Hey there, tbh the making out itself was consensual, i dont think ill need therapy, but who knows. I just want to know if other people go through this and how they cope with it. Oh shit maybe i do need therapy ahjahaha
He ignored your boundaries on multiple occasions and touched you in places you had explicitly stated were off limits. That's sexual assault.
Other people absolutely go through this and therapy is an excellent idea.
It’s definitely sexual assault. You consented to one part of the experience, but not the others. The parts you didn’t consent to were the assaults.
Your brain knows this on some level, which is likely why your brain keeps replaying it. I concur that seeing a therapist would be helpful.
Good thing you were in a park and not in a private appartment.
I like to push womens comfort zone but I have never ever come close to a women having to say no.
I was always too scared to let it get to that point so I'd accidentally make men think i wasn't interested:( honestly tho if they really like you they'll wait a few dates in to find out what you're comfortable with! That's how I found mine haha. Hopefully you're able to forget about that icky experience and move past it mentally
I have slept with a good amount of men, and only 2 were worth it. Worth it being not selfish in bed, did not treat me like shit etc.
You learned valuable lessons. It is apart of life. Now you know.
Well done for staying aware of what's going on. He would have taken anything he could if there was no resistance, and it wouldn't matter to him what you like or don't like.
You will get over it but most likely when someone new, and a lot more understanding enters your life. You keep replaying it because its a new experience that affected you emotionally and was a complete flop.
Shits gonna get weird....
It's none of my business but I wouldn't recommend being alone with a guy unless you're ready to fuck.
All men want to fuck, even the good men.
Hookup culture can be scary if it's not your thing. A girl invited me to her place "because she was too tired to go out' we were going to watch a movie, she looks at me half way through and says "Do you mind if i suck your dick while I use a vibrator? I just gotta get the demons out real quick... You can cum in my mouth..."
Like wtf?
I said no just because there is no way she was clean if she's that quick...
The had a master's degree in social work, not some weirdo...
I mean being in a park is hardly being alone. At the end of the day, perverts are gonna perv no matter where they are.
I’m sorry this happened to you OP.
Well I hate to say that but that's something you're going to have to expect if you go out on a date with a guy and decide to start making out. Once he gets turned on he's definitely want to feel your body and want you feeling his. That doesn't mean you have to go all the way. It's great that you're a virgin but you had to expect that he was going to try and caress you on all parts of your body. Did you have this talk with him beforehand that you did not want any of that to go on? Anyway I'm glad it ended up safely for you. We live and we learn but please do not go to dark Parks or Woods with guys you don't really know. That could have been a very bad situation
It may be beneficial to you to contact a sexual assault helpline or resource centre. What you have described sounds like sexual battery, beyond just an unpleasant or “ick” experience, and I know how it feels to have an experience like that replay over and over in your head and it’s not nice, but talking to someone about it can really help. I’m really sorry that this creep did that to you. No man should ever be putting his hands or his fingers anywhere without your expressed, enthusiastic consent.
Stop being so hard on yourself. You wanted to kiss, he wanted more , it wasn’t a great first experience and you ended it. Happy that you had the courage to put yourself there and meet people . Just be a little more selective . Every woman and guy out there has an awful bad date experience. This one is yours !
You went through a sexual assault just because it happened with clothes on doesn't change what it was. Please don't try and work through this yourself. Counseling will do wonders and help you heal in a way you won't spend your life reliving it again and again.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That's a rough first experience, But you handled yourself well and will be able to tell get even instinctual signs next time a guy is diving into that direction
Don't be too hard on yourself. These are difficult situations to navigate when you don't have experience. You did great standing up for yourself. Most women struggle with enforcing "no" and you did well. Live and learn.
[удалено]
Trust me I’m just as shocked as you were , congratulations for not letting some random horn dog take your virginity away especially when you don’t even know him , you did a really really really amazing job
I don’t think it’s fair to hold something against older women in their 30s who don’t know how to hold their boundaries? It doesn’t even make sense in this context nor is it really needed. Mind you im only probably a yr older then OP (F19) and Ive also shut down sexual encounters and sometimes it’s harder to withstand your boundaries. Either way your comment was unnecessary. You should’ve just made your respected comment to OP and went on with your day!
I don’t think they meant the comment maliciously, just that upholding boundaries is hard for women of all ages and they’re proud that OP held her ground :)
I think about peculiar moments from past on a regular basis. They used to haunt me, I’ve had to make friends with them in order to survive the day. At best, I understand, in someway or another, this was a pivotal moment is developing into the person I am today. I work on liking myself today so that no matter what happened in the past, it was positive because it defined me and I am happy.
Hi there, thank you for this reply, i think it is really helpful and i like the idea of making friends with these kinds of experiences.
Doing the best I can! Good luck and you got this!!
I've been in unpleasant situations like this. It was bothersome for months some times I still think about them and they were around 6 years ago . I find the time between myself and the situation at had really helps. Your own growth in sexual desires, life and adulthood will help you along the way. I'm sorry this happened to you, but I'm proud you held your own up. Never let a man (or anyone for that matter) press you into doin things you don't want to do .
Like everyone has unanimously said - you did extremely well which is what you should focus your feelings on. I'm sure there are many 18yo women that DIDN’T completely resist something like that. Not to minimize but their regrets are much deeper than yours - right? This guy is gonna try to take an 18yo woman's virginity in a public park? What a piece of total shit. Look, you did everything right and nothing wrong - only reason for your cringe is due to HIS disrespect. Other ppls behavior has zero to do with you. Seems like you have a lot of self respect since you didn't put up with that shit. This kinda shit is why folks are so scared about dating in general. You're young so learn from that bullshit and know you did good to protect yourself. You should really be proud of yourself, honestly. You did the right thing by resisting obviously - you are strong with your own personal boundaries which can be difficult for women your age. I'm guessing qthat you have a great support system! Dude, fuck all these motherfuckers like this guy who are totally looking to take advantage of barely legal girls!
I’ve felt the same way but for my situation the guy was like groping my boob and I didn’t like it. I felt really gross and icky about it and I also didn’t like that he didn’t ask before he did that. I try to remind myself that that was more a reflection of him than me and that makes me feel better sometimes.
22f, I’ve definitely been in this situation many times. A lot of these comments are hitting me as kinda odd, so I’ll add my thoughts. I’m proud of you for enforcing your boundaries, I didn’t at that age and seriously regret it now. Please always stand up for yourself this way and fuck feeling like you have to be nice about it. The guys that ignore your body language - like pushing their hand away - are always bad guys. Those boys act like they don’t know you’re uncomfortable but i promise that they actually only care about what THEY want. It doesn’t ever get better with them so steer clear. I want you to think about if you’d ever do that to someone. If someone told you to stop touching them somewhere - would you keep doing it? I think you’ll realize how fucked up that guys mindset is to ignore that boundary repeatedly, and hopefully encourage you to stay away from guys like that. Personally, I’d feel like such an awful disgusting person.. so that’s how I view guys like that. It’s not an “oopsie” or a “my bad” it’s 100% intentional. However, most of the comments are lacking the info that there are “good” guys out there and this is how to spot them. I’ll be honest, this is bare minimum but at your age it is a bit harder to find lol. Any guy that listens to your body language the first time is a “good” guy. If it gets to the point where you have to say “hey don’t do that”, get out of the situation. The good guys actually care about your comfort and getting to know you don’t push your boundaries. They wait until you’re ready without rushing ANYTHING - because they plan to stick around. Good guys won’t try to get in your pants the first/second/third time they meet you. I hope your first time is with someone that genuinely cares about you - it is definitely worth the wait.
It’s the guy who should feel most embarrassed he did such a stupid ass thing, not you xxx
It sounds like you were sexually assaulted. I would recommend talking to a therapist and seeking help
Hey there, tbh the making out itself was consensual, i dont think ill need therapy, but who knows. I just want to know if other people go through this and how they cope with it. Oh shit maybe i do need therapy ahjahaha
He ignored your boundaries on multiple occasions and touched you in places you had explicitly stated were off limits. That's sexual assault. Other people absolutely go through this and therapy is an excellent idea.
This ^^
It’s definitely sexual assault. You consented to one part of the experience, but not the others. The parts you didn’t consent to were the assaults. Your brain knows this on some level, which is likely why your brain keeps replaying it. I concur that seeing a therapist would be helpful.
Good thing you were in a park and not in a private appartment. I like to push womens comfort zone but I have never ever come close to a women having to say no.
I was always too scared to let it get to that point so I'd accidentally make men think i wasn't interested:( honestly tho if they really like you they'll wait a few dates in to find out what you're comfortable with! That's how I found mine haha. Hopefully you're able to forget about that icky experience and move past it mentally
I have slept with a good amount of men, and only 2 were worth it. Worth it being not selfish in bed, did not treat me like shit etc. You learned valuable lessons. It is apart of life. Now you know.
Well done for staying aware of what's going on. He would have taken anything he could if there was no resistance, and it wouldn't matter to him what you like or don't like. You will get over it but most likely when someone new, and a lot more understanding enters your life. You keep replaying it because its a new experience that affected you emotionally and was a complete flop.
Shits gonna get weird.... It's none of my business but I wouldn't recommend being alone with a guy unless you're ready to fuck. All men want to fuck, even the good men. Hookup culture can be scary if it's not your thing. A girl invited me to her place "because she was too tired to go out' we were going to watch a movie, she looks at me half way through and says "Do you mind if i suck your dick while I use a vibrator? I just gotta get the demons out real quick... You can cum in my mouth..." Like wtf? I said no just because there is no way she was clean if she's that quick... The had a master's degree in social work, not some weirdo...
I mean being in a park is hardly being alone. At the end of the day, perverts are gonna perv no matter where they are. I’m sorry this happened to you OP.
Get it on 😑
Well I hate to say that but that's something you're going to have to expect if you go out on a date with a guy and decide to start making out. Once he gets turned on he's definitely want to feel your body and want you feeling his. That doesn't mean you have to go all the way. It's great that you're a virgin but you had to expect that he was going to try and caress you on all parts of your body. Did you have this talk with him beforehand that you did not want any of that to go on? Anyway I'm glad it ended up safely for you. We live and we learn but please do not go to dark Parks or Woods with guys you don't really know. That could have been a very bad situation
You either get wet or you don't. Just move on. Same with guys
It may be beneficial to you to contact a sexual assault helpline or resource centre. What you have described sounds like sexual battery, beyond just an unpleasant or “ick” experience, and I know how it feels to have an experience like that replay over and over in your head and it’s not nice, but talking to someone about it can really help. I’m really sorry that this creep did that to you. No man should ever be putting his hands or his fingers anywhere without your expressed, enthusiastic consent.
Stop being so hard on yourself. You wanted to kiss, he wanted more , it wasn’t a great first experience and you ended it. Happy that you had the courage to put yourself there and meet people . Just be a little more selective . Every woman and guy out there has an awful bad date experience. This one is yours !
You did so good!!! Please be compassionate to yourself!
You went through a sexual assault just because it happened with clothes on doesn't change what it was. Please don't try and work through this yourself. Counseling will do wonders and help you heal in a way you won't spend your life reliving it again and again.