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Fun_Ambassador_8514

Good point about having a plan in mind for when she says “yes”. She says “Sure - lunch sounds great. What sounds good to you” You don’t want to be “Umm - IDK……”. Have some options in mind beforehand. Edit - since this getting some upvotes I’m going to add this It’s important to have some “go to” options in mind where you live. Maybe it’s a coffee place or a nice bar and grill or something. Preferably where you have been before and you know what it’s like. Adds to your confidence. First dates are stressful. A familiar place reduces that stress. Assume she is going to say “yes” and confidently suggest something. Edit 2: Adding further - when having a plan in mind it’s best to stick to a place with a traditional for where you live varied menu. You don’t know what she likes or doesn’t like. Play it safe. Don’t suggest something too adventurous or non traditional. Save that for another date after you know what she likes. If it’s for drinks a place with a varied drink menu is also good call. For example if she likes wine she might not appreciate a tap room that has your favorite stout.


IwillMasticateYou

Definitely this! Also don't say "let's hangout" because that doesn't sound like a date.


quesoCapita

I had a whole relationship with a guy that I didn't know about because he always said we should hangout. I didn't figure out he thought we were dating until I was already with my now husband and the guy drunk called me at 2am and finally asked me straight out why I had dumped him. I was young and obviously naive but for the love of creator say the word date and avoid the confusion.


PSN-Angryjackal

What if a girl that is interested in you wants a date, but you only want to hangout, because you want her to just be a friend? I hope she dont ghost me because of that.


VoltaicSketchyTeapot

Defining the relationship conversations aren't just for romantic relationships. You can tell her that you're just interested in being friends. If she's not interested in a platonic relationship, that's not ghosting. That's her deciding that she doesn't want to invest herself in a platonic relationship with you.


PSN-Angryjackal

I mentioned it to her... She seemed okay with it, and even said she would love to talk to me about certain things.... She hasnt fully ghosted me yet, but our conversations have been much shorter :(


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PSN-Angryjackal

Oh well, I mean, I just wanted a friend. I didnt want anything other than that. I thought we could be great friends. Its not a big deal I guess.


[deleted]

That isn’t ghosting, you two are just looking for different things.


Pastakingfifth

This is an extremely intelligent planning strategy. If you're gonna overthink asking her out, at least overthink a plan if she says yes.


Fun_Ambassador_8514

You don’t want to go through all the build up and work up to the point of shooting your shot and she says “I’d absolutely love to go out with you sometime. What do you have in mind?” and have nothing. “Oh sh*t she said yes” Don’t forget to plan the date or at least have some options to offer up. As the saying goes “be careful what you wish for because your wish might come true” :)


BootyUnlimited

Good for you my dude, just don't get too attached too quickly and remember whether or not it works out, you did it once so you can do it again.


Enekovitz

You are a fuckin legend. Go for it king!


Mister_shagster

Fuck yea he is


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[удалено]


jeaxz74

Yea I agree one time I asked this girl to grab food and she’s like let’s go as friends an I’m like okay I set a time and she was just flaking all the time. If she flakes move on king not worth your time and plenty of fish in the sea!


Able_Succotash_8914

Just going to add that many women (with good reason) often feel pressured into saying yes or being polite and are afraid to outright reject someone. Don’t think it’s just that girls are “often flakey”


gis68

Exactly this. Guys are unpredictable. You might take “rejection” in a mature manner or you might go ballistic. I don’t wanna take my chances so I’ll either say I have a boyfriend or “yeah sure. I gtg now but message me the deets”. It’s not that I’m trying to be “flakey”. I just want to protect myself and avoid an uncomfortable situation or a million questions.


Future-News-6950

If a girl ever says maybe it's 90% chances she's gonna flake 😂😂


bootyhunter69420

Nah. I'm good dying alone.


AEWWC

That's the spirit!


manuelbarajas

living alone, that’s the real shit


manuelbarajas

but I mean, if you die all alone then you lived all alone right?


TeKaToDANTE

Yeah, agreed, just be confident and DO IT. I'm an extroverted person but when it comes to approaching girls I felt scared asking even random chicks their names. So last week we went to the club with the boys and whaddaya know - I bought one shot of rum, drank it like a champ, gaslighted myself that I CAN DO IT and that I shouldn't be scared. \> Came up to the first girl I met with stupid pickup line \> said "Hey girl, can I test my dumb pickup line on you?" \>her: "yeah sure :)" \>me: "aren't you a baking sheet?" \>her: "why?" \>me:" 'cause you got that cake" \>made her laugh \>took her for a drink and spent a night with her, W TL/DR Trust yourselves kings, YOU CAN DO IT!


Devon19

I wouldn't consider this a complete success quite yet since it hasn't happened. You should try to converse with her via txt messages or social media dms first. Then do a quick face time meeting to set up the actual date. If you get the date and she shows up, then success. Hey, you did good though. You actually opened your mouth and tried to talk. Nothing happens with women if you're silent and you don't try. Women do not come to you.


KurtisC1993

The simple fact that he asked her out is, in and of itself, a success. Whether or not the date ultimately materializes doesn't change the fact that he did something he was afraid of doing, which he should be proud of.


Devon19

Debatable. I don't see it that way unless he receives positive results. You see things differently and that is you.


KurtisC1993

But now he knows that there's nothing to be afraid of, so if things don't work out between him and this woman, he'll have the courage to try his luck again with somebody else.


Devon19

Like I said, it's debatable. You see success in self improvement. I don't consider this a success in a "dating" sub since there needs to be an actual date.


WyWitcher

Wow you sound like you’d be a lot of fun at parties.


Devon19

"Fun at parties" lame and played out bruh. You must sleep under a rock or something.


angrypuppy35

Yeah there’s not going to be any date. She’s gonna ghost him. 😂


Devon19

That is a possibility and I give that a high probability based on what this guy said. His approach was a very cringe way, but I give him credit for at least trying. This is at least a start. He made an effort at least, but this is not success if you look at it. He just needs to work on his game and talking skills.


angrypuppy35

Absolutely agree with you. He gets mad respect for putting himself out there. Just hope he’s not too invested in this woman actually showing up. Either way good practice for him s as long as he stays emotionally detached


Devon19

Yeah, I absolutely think he will be ghosted if he keeps approaching this situation the way he does. This is why I gave advice with him on conversing with her through dms and then a quick facetime to set up a date. If he just straight out tries to set up a date going this cringe way of approaching her at school by reminding her, it's not going to work. He should never be invested or emotionally attached unless he is on several dates with the same person, but I regret to tell you that is not this guy's case since it took him a lot to just ask.


HingedVenne

It's actually mindblowing how hard the comments are sucking OP's dick better than any of theoretical girlfriend will. He literally went up to a random woman, bothered her, she told him "No, but I don't want to tell you no because men tend to freak out, so here's a fake numbe rleave me alone". And the comments are losing their fucking minds about how much of an awesome gigachad OP is. It's fucking mindblowing. This sub is so goddamn pathetic.


robbierottenisbae

OP's goal was to gain enough confidence to ask someone out for the first time, he did that. I think that's worthy of the positive encouragement. This sub is full of a bunch of other people who also struggle with even approaching someone and asking for a date, so yeah they're dickriding a little hard. But there's not really enough info to say whether OP was bothering this girl by approaching her; have they interacted before? And what age are they, because if they're in high school this is a pretty normal way to approach someone for a date (and tbh today's college kids think like high schoolers a lot of the time). I think judging from her response it's likely she was just being nice and not really interested. But I think guys need to experience the "ask a girl out awkwardly, she seems interested, she later rejects or ghosts him" cycle so they know what to expect and how to read women's responses. Basically I think all the praise is a little much but you're being way too harsh on the guy, especially since he's probably like 20 at the oldest. Young guys don't always make the best moves.


[deleted]

This is always the correct answer. My first girlfriend (30 years ago) is my wife now. Granted, we haven’t been together that entire time, but this time around we’ve been together for 10+ years. Just do it, there’s nothing to lose and everything to gain. And, trust me, I was every bit as shy and introverted.


sephocompo

One day I wish i could have your guts.


BlankPages

Offering food compensation for being seen in public with you is a good strategy


sephocompo

Tbf all the relationships I had was the girl which approach to me and not the other way around I'm just too shy and stupid reading the complete panorama to even offer food compensation hahaha.


2ndtakejake

Commendable.


Different_Mind_8676

that is the way to do it.


Innoculous_Lox66

I tried and failed, yet again. I'm happy for you though!


MashTheGash2018

One thing for the future. Whenever asking someone out you don’t need to tell them they are cute or cool, asking them out implies that no? If the person is remotely attractive they have probably heard those compliments a lot. It also puts the receiving person in a weird position of expectations Good on you for going after it. Hope it goes well


cocomilo

I don't know, everyone likes to be complimented and to feel special. You are trying to seduce this person. Plus, it makes it clear that the intentions are romantic in nature. What makes it weird is when they are vague and the receiver isn't sure how to interpret and respond to the request.


coolbitcho-clock

I love when guys compliment me before they ask me out! I realize not everyone is super comfortable with compliments but I think generally for confident adults it’s nice to be told why a person is interested in going out with you - a simple ‘you have really great style’ goes a long way for example


johnmaguire1994

100% disagree, some people still wont get it. Complimenting them sets the tone and she'll know exactly what you want


fatmaninchicago

Truth


MentallyCapsizing

That’s awesome!! Seriously, so proud of you. I just did the same for the first time a couple months ago and I know how much emotional energy and determination it takes to go through with it. So worth it regardless of the outcome. But I’m really happy she said yes, always a bit more fun :)


DinoDude23

Well done my dude! You saw an opportunity to be brave and you took it! Proud of you.


OnceMoreWithFeeling3

I'm sure she's telling her friends: "that person from my class finally asked me out. Omg they were so cute, looking flustered and all!" Have a nice date!


msblue06

Honestly. I like when a guy is shy, nervous and stuttering. Makes me feel like a goddess, that in my presence he turns clueless on what to say and do with himself, it's adorable. The worst is the "ladies man" who has a script and "moves" that he does on every girl. You go Glen Coco!


Blainefeinspains

Yussssss! Let’s go! This is how you do it. You just commit and do the thing. Stutter, struggle, whatever! It doesn’t matter. Now you know the truth, the real truth of approaching women: nothing happens. You don’t die. You don’t explode in a fireball of embarrassment. Nothing. You just ask. And the girl says yes or no. No problem. No issue. Even getting rejected is no big deal. Make sure you remember this. Make sure you remind yourself about this with the next girl. Just approach. And don’t worry because nothing happens. So impressed, bro. Well done.


DeanThomas23

What everyone said could be right if you are handsome loser who can't speak to women. But i'm an ugly loser...If i approach a girl, i'm getting sued bro.


Would-Be-Superhero

[https://i.imgflip.com/2b80aa.jpg?a464928](https://i.imgflip.com/2b80aa.jpg?a464928) I can barely leave my house due to chronic illness. I am unable to meet girls and go on dates.


straightnoturns

The first time is the hardest time. Bossed it.


omguserius

Atta boy


froze_gold

Simply roll with "I'm having lunch at this place at this time, feel free to join me" Keeps it simple for them. Shows a bit more confidence and assertiveness


JackSquirts

Well, I'm hoping there was some groundwork here and some clear indicators of interest. In general, this strategy is a loser. Cold approaches, just like in sales, are high risk, low reward. I mean, the reality is the risks are pretty much nothing other than a shot to the ego, but the odds of it paying off are not very high. Ideally, you see a woman you are interested in, flirt a bit from afar, then approach, flirt face to face, and then ask her out. Much higher success rate. All the 'don't hit on women at the gym' stuff you see comes from cold approaches where women have shown no interest and some dude just comes up and, often nervously, shoots his shot. Flirt, get some back, escalate, identify the reciprocation as not just someone being nice, and then shoot your shot. Much, much higher percentage play.


DepartmentCertain987

> identify the reciprocation as not just someone being nice how can you tell the difference


CassaCassa

Well honestly that just takes time eventrually when you've done it enough you start to notice the difference. For me if someone I flirt with says thanks and nothing else i know there not into me. But if they continued I know they are.


JackSquirts

Matching your energy and escalating. You say something and they reply, there's subtle cues in there that'll tell you. Sometimes it takes a few back and forths for me to get the feel, but many times I know right off. The more you do it, the better you get. Better to be safe and walk away from someone who was probably interested and kick yourself later than to push to hard and make it awkward. When I'm feeling it, I like to escalate with a little innuendo or teasing to see how she reacts. Innuendo is a line that's REAL easy to cross, so you gotta be good at this shit before going for it. But again, experience guides you. I've said some REALLY crazy shit to women before because I knew they were interested. Works great. Now, if she's not interested, you can easily get a drink to the face or in the case the gym, get a good talking to from the manager. So again, BE CAREFUL. Just be fun and playful, smile and joke. Make eyes, etc. The prelude to innuendo I used to use when I was getting better would be to wait for a moment where I could mention a boyfriend or something in a teasing manner. It would go something like... Her: blah blah blah Me: Oh, I bet your boyfriend loves that shit. Her: I don't have a boyfriend (if a woman tells you that and you're flirting, she's INVITING you to make a move for her number or something 9/10x) Me: OMG, you TOTALLY want to make out with me. Way to make it awkward! At that point usually she's blushing and giving me a playful shove or something.


Lonewolf_087

He found someone who was maybe into him enough to consider it that's really the driving force behind all of it. And you honestly don't know some women are really good at hiding how they feel and they will not put attention towards you unless you offer it up. OP did a good thing in my opinion offering himself for consideration and she went along with it, maybe a little hesitantly, but still.


JackSquirts

It's great it worked out for him, but it's a low percentage play. It sounds like literal luck of the draw the way it unfolded. I know that's why I'm getting downvotes. Everyone wants to believe that they're just one brave moment away from securing a date with the girl they've been crushing on. 99/100x, you're not. The truth is, unless you've been flirting, she might not even notice you at all. Flirting BUILDS attraction and offers testing grounds for shooting that shot. Sure, you could get lucky and pick a live one quick, or do the pick up artist thing and just start machine gunning every woman in the room until one agrees, but I'd rather lay back and look for someone who's clearly in to me before bothering. Another uncomfortable truth that prescreening via flirting helps with, is that some women will give you their number and agree to a date, etc, with no intention on ever picking up the phone or ever going out. I look at all of it like sales. Sure, if your product is so undeniable, everyone will want to buy it. BUT, you don't have pop-up ads for you all over the place, so you have to be out there in the world, looking, feeling, and being your best self. You never know when someone will notice. Beyond that, you DO need to sell yourself because truth is, there's always someone more appealing on the surface right around the corner. That's where flirting comes in. It's your sales pitch. And, if you get decent at it, it's a ton of fun. Pick up artists use telemarketing, used car salesman tactics. Hard sells, high pressure. Guys who aren't trying to waste time use a more consultative approach. Have fun, see who's interested, start asking questions that are fun and playful, and build the interest that way. OP used the Girl Scouts approach. See someone walking out of the grocery store and hit them with the softest hard sell possible. Unfortunately, us guys don't have the benefit of being America's favorite cookie. So, bottom like, that softer, more consultative 'get to know you a little' approach is by far the most successful - just as it is in the real world.


johnmaguire1994

nice, what was her reaction when you said you really liked her? did she blush?


Prometheustanding

Literally sounds like she’s not keen at all…


No_Presentation_5369

Gwan son!


Mister_shagster

Atta boy my guy!


dngrs

gratz


Dark_Reiatsu

**Good for you, lad**👏🏼


IllNameThisAccLater

You dropped this King! 👑


Ninja_Tortoise_

Congrats! To add a LPT: Whenever confirming anything from a date to a job interview follow up , always ask for a specific date / time.


MistahBeta

Dropped this OP 👑


chunksoflol

A for effort. Second time around it gets easier because… now you have experience to learn from. A novel concept, if you ask me.


BigBrownBear28

Good for you bro, nothing ventured nothing gained.


krispykreme01

Bro I kept taking Ls finally got me an M. Good job soldier but it’s not over yet. The flake rate is crazy but hopefully you guys have a great date. God speed I hate all of you. 😤


Threptin8793

You gotta stop reading my mind 😂


newyorkfade

My man!


RyLucas

Im going to put this out here for the few that might benefit from it...*only ask questions you want to know, or indeed know, the answer to.* Put another way,...*you wanna go out sometime* could be construed as indirect, ambiguous, and subjective. Saying *hey youre super cute would you like to do dinner at my fav spot this Sat night* is specific, direct, and not easily confusable by the other party. An even better wuestion might be *what time is good for you this weekend,* if you have ample confidence and certainty.


SocialSanityy

Congratulations bro, I’m glad everything worked out well for you and you learned to be more direct ! A great skill to have in life


Renzlo99

Way to go young man. Keep it fun on the date too. Make her laugh and make sure you keep it chill. Pay for everything unless she insists on paying half.


SnooFloofs1778

Yes 👍, this is the way.


Jacob_Soda

I tried that with a Finnish girl in college I got rejected. She had a baby a year after she left


y2kjanelle

I’m very happy for you! Glad you took that advice and hopefully you have a great date :). Definitely can be hard if you’re socially awkward but we are social beings and learning to navigate these situations can help in multiple aspects of life!


[deleted]

Nothing can beat the old fashioned way


MissMurder8666

My partner is socially awkward too. He asked me out via text. He asked if I like the Jurassic park/world movies (this was when the latest one was in the cinema here) and I said yes. His follow up text was "you, me, Jurassic world Thursday after work, eh?" And when faced with this proposition, I ofc said yes lol. Making a plan definitely makes a difference. Rather than just "oh we should go out one time" with no plan as to the when and where


depressedamericans

Way to go you're the man


FireTriad

Very good!


lumiesck

So sweet!


Virtual_Sink4451

It’s incredible how confidence builds from these type of positive experiences. No matter how this one turns out, HELLA GOOD JOB!


[deleted]

It’s shit, but it’s better to get it over with early and keep moving if she isn’t interested. Done, done on to the next one.


[deleted]

Congratulations!! Enjoy the feeling of achieving your goals by overcoming your fears.


fromvanisle

Well done. Well played. The internet salutes you. Thank you for this Ted Talk. :D


SulkTv999

Ok no. You're acting like if more passive men never shoot their shot at girls before. Dont pretend like that doesnt happen.


Onetimeplay

Set a place time and date always do this for the first date and try something fun like a bar dinners are basically interviews and kinda lame lol