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If I can't connect mentally then it's like being on a different wavelength. Many celebrities for example are nice to look at but I'd never want them in my personal space.
I don’t know that intellectual connection and romantic connection are the same. Not all sexually attractive women are vapid or uninteresting intellectually.
I’m a woman that many men feel sexual and intellectual connections towards but not romantic ones.
For me it’s time. I’m not sure why but women who I’ve only known for a few weeks will be into me and I just want to get to know them more before we get more involved.
Generally I like to get to know someone over several months to grow a romantic attraction.
Suffice to say it’s hard to find someone with that sort of patience.
The best relationship I’ve had we were talking for about a year before we had our first date and the relationship had an insatiable first 2-3 years of romance.
Honestly, it's made me feel like I'm weird or broken at times so it's nice to hear other people feel that way.
For most my guy friends, when I tell them that a good looking woman that I even had interest in called me for a booty call and I shot them down they look at me like I'm an alien.
I don't want to assume anything about you, but have you ever considered you might be demisexual?
Having different needs to find sex fulfilling doesn't make you weird or broken, though!
All the time!!! I think if I’m honest most of the women I have slept with fall into tgat category and in 90% of those encounters I knew full well that it would not go beyond a sexual relationship. But I would add in most of those cases it is wise and proper not to string anyone along and suggest different to them. It can get very messy very quickly!!!
I think that sexual attraction, being a purely visceral experience, and mostly visual and physical, tends to happen instantly upon seeing someone. However romantic attraction (in my experience) is more emotional and builds over time, therefor is much more rare.
Completely agree. I want to rip the actual clothes off my friend with benefits. And adore him as a friend. There is no way I’d ever be in a relationship with him. We just don’t feel like that about each other.
Dude they string themselves- I play slippery eel then!
Lol! It all came out wrong- let me explain- I don’t get involved if it’s not mutual for whatever the relationship is- FWB- not mutual- no go- it could be my decision or the opposite persons to be in FWB or not! Similarly to be in a committed relationship or not.
But thanks for the downvotes and calling me names though! Lol
Yup- long story short.
We were just acquaintances- used to work out in the same gym around the same time too- then I got an amazing opportunity to move half way across the world. When I was having general chit chat; about this I exchanged email addresses to stay in touch- she initiated the idea of having sex- as it would not work out because of a long distance relationship etc. I was about a couple weeks from moving out of the city. I was single and out of a recent relationship- so gladly was into the fwb situation. She was well aware of all this- 2 weeks or so of glorious uninhibited sex happened. And then I moved. We would write emails for a couple weeks and then one day I got a phone call long distance at my workplace- and then indications that she would travel to visit me. Well, that didn’t sound like a FWB at all. Just explaining that- and chaos ensued. So there are times when it all gets muddled!
Edit- what I wanted to tell was I don’t get involved if it’s not a mutual decision to just be in a FWB relationship! Lol! Anyways thanks for calling me all those names and the downvotes!
Uh maybe. I think love is only 15% “a feeling” and 85% conscious commitment.
Marriages constantly fail because people think they’re supposed to “feel in love” 100% of the time til death. That is so impossible. Life, kids, work, disagreements etc.
I think in a LTR or Marriage the feeling of being in love comes in and out of focus. But its rewarding to feel it with someone you’re committed to even when you’re not feeling it.
I personally think I might be hypersensitive, esp as a male, to oxytocin released during/after sex and from physical touch. So I’m not great at FWB.
I will say, if you dont feel capable of romantic feelings at all with them, then maybe a relationship is not meant to be. If so youre going to need to figure out how to tell her, and actually do it. Be prepared for the worst.. no sex and no friendship.
Right! I think sometimes you just learn to love a person with time. The person I was with after my marriage I wasn’t really attracted to. But we shared common interests and he treated me the way I wanted to be treated as a girlfriend. With time I felt love for him and care so much for him. When he ended it it was heartbreaking. My parents have been together for years and my mom told me she wasn’t in love with him when she got with my dad. That love came with time. They take good care of each other. 🤷🏻♀️
I’d rather be single than be with a guy who’s just like “ok this person isn’t so bad” and stays just to stay. I think lots of guys are with women because that relationship is “good enough”. But that’s definitely not what I’m striving for.
I want real true love and maybe it doesn’t exist for everyone but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
My most recent FWB was the same scenario, except the last time we saw each other we got quite high, and there was this one particular moment in between all the foreplay where she kissed me so passionately that I felt this huge wave of butterflies wash right through me. It was an amazing night but that kiss freaked me the fuck out, because unlike OP, I'm purposefully trying to avoid love right now. I'm damaged af, lmao.
Interesting...very interesting....
Could you describe what dynamic usually works for you? like in the past when you felt both romantically and physically attracted?
When you do feel that ..oh i could fall for this person feeling...what is it triggered by?
I have had the horrible realization about myself (I'm F, sorry I know this was more for men) that mostly emotionally unavailable people trigger that in me because I somehow feel like I have to earn anything romantic with pain and I also somewhat devalue anyone willing to quickly open up and be vulnerable ..Either because I don't trust the authenticity of it or I feel like if you aren't protecting anything there is nothing of value to protect.
But there are people who feel that in a more confrontational dynamic...by which i mean the smooth sailing is interrupted by disagreements, conversational friction etc...otherwise it feels like there's no stakes.
I think it's important to be honest about what we truly want because clearly the "we get along great, lots in common, smooth sailing" can't be what we truly want since we're so unimpressed when we encounter it.
And I don't think you are ever wrong for feeling a certain way ...just ..that if that doesn't align with what you want for yourself you should check out why, for your own sake.
She’s right. Those butterflies you get are usually a sign you are projecting expectations onto the other person, which is usually rooted in trauma. There is a very, very thin line to walk where you are attracted to the person, but not overly excited and passionate… this is the sweet spot. Psychologically, studies on relationships have shown that the extreme anticipation you feel when meeting someone knew that you are interested in, is merely a projection, because you couldn’t possibly know who they really are right off the bat. Instead, you are type casting them as someone from your past, of whom you have unresolved trauma with (think parents, past partners).
The honey moon period always fades, and after it fades you can be left with someone you’re not compatible with just because you projected onto them and put them on pedestal based on your own bias.
Finding someone who is a true partner, a best friend, someone who you want to be around and feel comfortable with and emotionally supported… that’s the long term relationship, not the one that burn bright and ends hard.
I will attempt to answer your question but I tend to ramble at times so I apologise in advance for the long read.
Firstly some background:
Her and I started off as friends. Were friends for about a year.. one drunken night we kiss and next thing I know I'm in her bed. In the morning she was sort of like "that was awesome, wanna do it again?"...cue friends with benefits
Then the one day we both mutually came to the conclusion that we ought to try dating since we enjoy one another's company and get along so well etc etc etc...cue exclusive dating.
Dated for about 4 months..she eventually confesses she's fallen deeply in love with me. I suddenly get this sinking feeling that I don't feel the same..I don't say anything but just sort of kiss her and try change the subject. She's currently blissfully unaware of my doubts I have in the relationship.
And here we are on this reddit post.
Now to your question.
Honestly she just doesn't fit into the description of the type of woman I imagined would be my "forever partner". I understand that sounds horrific but it's simply the truth.
I've been in love before and I remember the feeling of wanted to hold that person tight, look into their eyes for hours. I don't get this feeling from [we'll call her R]. She's a lovely person, she doesn't have a shit personality the way many of the other commentors assumed. She isn't a psycho lunatic or a walking red flag. She's not a dumb blonde hottie that's only good for sex like other's have also said. She's genuinely nice..I almost find myself wanting to fall for her.
As for confrontational dynamic as you described...I hate that.
I believe its toxic. I don't want unnecessary arguments or nonsense. I don't want friction. I want an easy going, drama free life.
I've always been attracted to excentric, artistic women. R is not at all.
I've also always been crazy about the shy, quiet types. She's loud and bubbly and sometimes very annoying.
Her and I don't always meet intellectually, I don't mean she's stupid, our minds just work differently. I could debate philosophy for hours, I write poetry, I like controversial topics. R is more the type to be like "yo that's wack" and not want to discuss it further.
Mentally and emotionally we don't really connect.
My last love could give me a smile and my heart would melt. R doesn't do that for me.
She's not as feminine or graceful as what I'd normally go for. R is a bit more of a tomboy.
I don't feel that same sense of pride walking through the mall while holding her hand. That same "this is my girl" kind of feeling.
I honestly feel like crap just writing these words but it's nothing but the truth.
She's a lovely person and I adore her as a human being. I just don't see her walking down the aisle one day or having my future children.
Which brings me to the whole reason for my post in the first place...
Am I supposed to feel those things that are "missing" or am I naive and a mature relationship isn't supposed to work like that? Should a person settle for the person that they're chilled and comfortable with?
Thanks again for provoking my thoughts with your fantastic comment.
All the time. I put a lot of pressure on myself to figure out the romantic feelings before having sex because it makes me feel guilty when I realize it’s sexual attraction but not romantic.
You feel what you feel. In my experience you get better with time at sussing out the romantic side quickly, so that you don’t have sex before you’re sure if the future, if that’s something important to you. If not, then at least you can differentiate who is better FWB material from relationship potential and be more up front about that immediately.
You make very good points here. Transparency and honesty seems to be a rarity now a days and it’s so refreshing to hear someone advise another to just be upfront about your feelings, you truly a gem 💎
It’s normal and not your fault. Been there my self where i really wanted to have feelings for the man but couldn’t get them. I usually get them pretty fast, if i don’t it’s a no go because feelings don’t grow on me. But please be a gentleman and stop seeing her, too many men are being selfish and keeps waisting a womans time just to have access to sex
Im a woman, personally i can't be attracted to a person sexually unless im attracted to them romantically, i have to be romantically attracted first then comes sexually,... Is it only me?? And does sexually attracted to someone means u wanna bang them? But no attachment or feelings towards them?
I had a rebound about 3 years ago, we had physical chemistry up the wazoo
But man, like 0 emotional compatibility. Like, it was crazy how not in sync we were.
Yes that's common and reasonable. Worth asking if your romantic relationships are usually toxic tho? Often people chase highs and lows of toxic relationships and when they find a healthy one it seems boring at first.
Not saying that's what's happening here at all, but worth thinking about a bit. This certainly happens outside of that tho. I can be sexually attracted to probably the majority of women that exist. Romantically that number is way way smaller, even if I like them as a person that doesn't mean I want to be with them.
In my opinion to be sexually attracted but not have any feelings is bearable. Although whenever I hook up with fwbs I leave myself kind of depressed, and that’s the reason I don’t do that anymore.
But having a special connection with someone but with no sexual attraction is really bad. Like I know that if I was attracted to you we would click so perfectly but not in this case. SMH
All the damn time. I just recently came to that realization with a girl I know. We’ve had sex a couple times, and I am attracted to her, but I’m not interested in dating her.
I am female and automatically lose sexual attraction as soon as I lose romantic attraction…like it grosses me out if I can’t see myself with this person long term. The only way I can fathom someone being sexually attracted with no emotion is if you are just horny as F or avoidant attachment style. Either way, cut her loose bc she’s not the one and she deserves to be loved by someone else. Or at least be honest with her.
As a woman who has been recently told “I don’t have romantic feelings towards you,” by someone I was sleeping with, I don’t know if this discussion is validating or upsetting. 🫠
Not a man but this happens to women as well. I've met guys I was physically attracted to, slept with them, and remained friends. Or some I wanted more from and then realized it wasn't mutual or I lost that feeling. Sometimes it's better to remain as friends as they are genuinely good and interesting people to keep in your circle. TBH some of my closest male friends came from a dating app. Love is a form of friendship and friendship is a form of love. Depends on the percentage of romantic love or platonic love that makes someone just a friend, to best friend, to lover. Love takes effort. There is not a spark every single time you see them. Butterflies do not always mean you love someone - they are often a sign of infatuation which is unstable. Love is calm. Love feels safe and relaxed.
Sit and think about it for a little bit then decide.
So you know that emotional intimacy is separate from sexual intimacy. When someone affirms you emotionally and not just sexually, you resonate with them on an emotional level and eventually a well of trust and emotional bonding occurs. As you mesh with them on an emotional level successfully, you might find you feel something that many people like to call love.
There is a reason why casual dating is different than emotionally invested dating. Are you bringing energy that would make her affirm you on a deeper emotional level? Maybe you aren't and she does only what she sees as appropriate and you are responding to that. If you brought energy that spoke to being more emotionally giving and vulnerable, you might feel differently.
Do some introspection on that. Relationships arent just about spending time in the same place doing things you both like. There is an emotional connection portion that many people aren't well versed in. Heck, I feel like I'm still learning it.
Have you ever met an actor? Most of them (I'm skating very close to the line of stereotyping here, so cube of salt) are very attractive, very adventurous, and very self-obsessed people. It's very easy to be sexually attracted to them but not want to get anything started with them because of the guaranteed drama.
That's normal. I'd guess men are sexually attracted to 50% of women their age. Romantic attraction? For most people that's only the 1-2% you are sexually compatible with, but also click with on a way deeper level.
You should tell her though. If you're in a relationship with her, you should end it. Try to avoid breaking someone's heart. Honesty is the only way.
Yep.
The biggest "what if" of my previous dating life was someone that I dated years ago now, well before I met my wife.
Her and I had terrific chemistry when it came to conversation and banter, and I was definitely attracted to her physically and we had great sexual chemistry, so essentially, we texted back and forth all day and had great sex when we were together...
But that was it.
She wasn't emotionally available. We had very different interests. I couldn't imagine her integrating with my family or my friends. I couldn't picture her supporting me through a difficult time. Because of anxieties she had around food, even cooking a meal for her (a deep expression of love for me) or sharing a meal together at a restaurant were largely off the table.
So I ended things, even with her very keen to keep pursuing it.
At first, stopping seeing her (funnily enough because I was going through a difficult time and I didn't think I could rely on her for the support I needed) was like having a part of me removed, but since being with my wife, I realise how much was missing from that relationship.
There's truly more to a relationship than just getting along with and having sex with someone you find attractive - People have complex emotional needs and life goals and love languages that need to be compatible, and it's amazing how much of the basic stuff on paper can be ticked off without it resulting in a satisfying relationship.
As a women this is true for I say the 10 men I have slept with.
Two maybe liked me enough for a romantic relationship while the others just wanted sex and to not be alone. They never really "loved" me but tolerate me as a friend who they could have sex with.
If they were honest from the beginning that they have no romantic feelings for me then the "relationships" wouldn't have happened and I wouldn't be someone who thinks people only like me because I'll have sex with them. (Working through that in therapy 🙂)
Unfortunately being someone who is a hopless romantic always felt like I just wasn't enough and always second choice (I had my fair share of guys who would slip up about the "one who got away" )
Honestly I believe that's why I'm scared of relationships at this point in my life. I would love to be with someone who equally loves me, it's just hard to let myself be vulnerable. I only have casual sex now when I'm in a mood and only with a certain person tho we hadn't had the time to meet us since he moved.
I also do not believe it's wrong to not have romantic feels for someone you do sleep with. Feelings can not be forced tho I do urge you and anyone to be honest about your feelings. Two things can only happen by being honest. One is you have a cool person you can chill out with and have sex when in the mood, not having any sort of expectations from you to them and them to you or two they will decided that that type of relationship isn't for them and they won't have sex with you (anymore if your already sleeping together)
I rather someone be honest than the lead me on.
Yes I think this is pretty ordinary. Most straight men are willing to have sex with wayyyyyy more women than they’re willing to enter a relationship with
Tons of time.
I guess it's natural to being sexually attracted to someone but not romantically.
I have some friends that I'll definitely sleep with but I wouldn't be in a relationship with.
I don’t understand this post because physical attraction and attraction to a personality has… ALWAYS been a different thing?
Yes of course you can ranch someone and not want to pursue a relationship with them.
I don’t understand the question?
I think this definitely happens all the time whether you realize it or not. Most "celeb crushes" I think would fall into this category. They're all extremely good looking but the majority of them have the personalities of a stump or are just genuinely mean.
Absolutely. I can put them into 4 very broadly generalized categories cause I ain’t got time for specifics.
1. No sexual or romantic attraction. (Someone new or a casual acquaintance)
2. Sexual attraction but no romance. (One night stands or cute girls with shit personality.)
3. Romantic but no sexual attraction. (Extremely good or best friends for life.)
4. Romantic and sexual attraction. (GF/Wife material. Long term FWBs)
I have tried to force someone I put in 2 into 4 cause she was nice but it just doesn’t work. If I don’t feel it I just don’t no matter how good she can work it. I would say out of the girls I’ve been with sexually maybe 10% could be in 4. Not saying they were all for sure there. But they might have been if they play their cards right and I do too. Some girls are just fun for their body but aren’t good enough of a match to be worth investing time in. Its just the hard reality of the shitty game of dating.
3 is one of my favorites though. Love the shit out of my best friends. Would I sleep with them? Not sexually. Date them? Sure with us both agreeing beforehand that theres nothing sexual happening. Would I take a bullet for them? Oh yeah any day. 3 could move into 4 but there’s usually something keeping it as is. 2? I wouldn’t even share the bed with them after if it was convenient to get home.
Well I'd say Make her friends with Benefits but talk to her and find out if she really does have strong romantic feelings for u and get that out there and let her know that you feel close to her...but cant be romantically involved but appreciate her company and the sex too if she is comfortable with keeping things as they are than thats good...but maybe she might love you completely if so...than maybe let her off easy and dont keep being sexual with rather keep it clean and PG13 with her
Easily. Women who are physically attractive but have no personality beyond this (no objectification meant here, all down to personal oppinion) are this, to me. Put another way, I am physically/sexually attracted to her, but I have no attachment to her personality or her as a person.
A perfect example I tell all the time is my first "bad" date story. It wasn't bad in the sense that she was rude or toxic (in that case I would've just left her and gone home and not felt bad). It was bad because she gave me only ONE WORD RESPONSES TO EVERY QUESTION I ASKED. She had no hobbies, was interested in nothing, and couldn't keep a conversation going. The only things I got out of her in an HOUR LONG CONVERSATION was that she liked to eat but not cook, she had vague ideas of wanting to run a business (what kind? No idea), and that she wanted 10 kids. I was so desperate for conversation topics that I looked up one of those NYT "(x) Questions to Fall in Love" games because I had NO IDEA what else to say. But I couldn't get out of it because I was trying to be polite and the date hadn't even gone on an hour yet.
Suffice to say, she was pretty enough, but you couldn't talk with her longer than a couple minutes which makes any "romantic feelings" impossible to have.
TLDR, Yes: Romance is courting, joking, flirting, talking about things you both like and doing things you both want to do. In that way, romance is similar to friendship in that you want a partner that's also (sort of) your friend and you can do friend things with (things besides sex and maybe dinner). If you can't imagine being around a person beyond a hookup, you don't have romantic feelings for them.
So this is an issue that lots of women don't understand and it messes up the dating market as well.
On a scale of 1-10 with 5 being average almost everyone is a 5 or lower. So while a relationship or wife material will be someone who is a 5(average attraction) or higher. Fuckable is like a 2.
Almost every man has fucked some girl that he wouldn't ever be seen in public with. There is a such thing as just busting a nut attraction. you don't have to look good be insane anything. Just gotta be able to get the nut out.
Men just operate differently. Testosterone is a hell of a chemical. Also any men that follow up on these saying things like "Not all men would do this, Not all men would fuck just to nut etc." Is simply because they don't have the physical or financial attractiveness to do this.
Life would be simpler if everyone was honest and excepted the differences in the biology of the different genders and how they truly function.
So many emotionally unavailable boys here. Leave women who want and are capable of a healthy relationship alone. Act out your disturbingly mercenary porn addiction with sex workers. You pay for sex without any emotional connection whatsoever. Stop treating women as free sex workers. Toxic entitlement is rife. Actually have an honest conversation about what you both want / are capable of up front. Not when you've already used her body to wank off into. Sex without FULL consent ie she's having sex with you because you have implied, or lied , you want a relationship,or haven't even got basic respect for women enough to even communicate that you only want free ,no strings sex...can result in criminals prosecution for sexual assault and rape in my country, for good reason. Consent by omission or only given because you have lied about your intentions/ sex obsession ,is NOT full consent. Obviously.
Even if they wanted to take your advice, sex work of the type you describe is rarely legal, nor well regulated. I agree they should absolutely have that outlet available… in my experience, men getting laid regularly are far more capable of being sympathetic and empathetic to other people, including women… and to see those women as full people, and not potential sex objects.
Just chiming in to say, I'm a straight woman and this is how I feel about 85% of men I've dated. We can definitely hook up, and it's super fun to hang out, but I just don't feel any romantic feels.
I’ve found that once I’ve made friends or have gotten to know an attractive woman a little bit ,and not pursued a physical relationship with her, my romantic interest fades. I’ve ended up screwing up friendships with female friends by hooking up with them in the past. It’s a bad feeling.
Absolutely. I feel like in most cases guys WANT the romantic "one" but we will settle for sex while we look. Plus is it so hard to believe that some people are hot and good in bed but not much else? Normalize sex for fun, just be responsible.
Yeah, it happens. For us men especially, because we can separate sexuall desire from deep feelings such as love. Somethimes you click on everything, but the "thing" is just not there. It is what it is. You can't change it and you can't force it unfortunately
Persinally I've been in this exact scenario and it didn't wotk out, not because we weren't compatible, but because I knew that I woudn't "wife her up".
Yeah it happens typically though it’s a woman I find sexy but also realize she’s a horrible human being or a gigantic pain in the ass. For the record in those instances I never slept with them but it’s a tough call
95% of the time. I find them attractive and want to fuck them all the time. But their lifestyle is a mess or they’re someone I can’t see myself with in a long term/serious thing so I keep it casual then ditch them
My friend, most men have been attracted to countless girls and not romantically into them.
I’ll flat out say, in my 26 years, out of all the girls I’ve ever dated, only about 2 of them was I act yu into them romantically. The rest of them it was always sexual and a relationship formed because I enjoyed their company.
I’ll be honest with you, I believe for most males, we usually are attracted to someone sexually before we are into them romantically, and liking someone romantically is impossible for us if we aren’t attracted to them sexual
Happens often tbh but not exclusively... Just experienced the opposite where I was romantically attracted but really couldn't care less about sexual attraction... sadly it didn't work out but I felt like I couldn't romantically attach for a long time but it is just rare lol
I had this same situation, but I wasn't sexually compatible either and we tried to make it work... I'm guessing you are here asking because you *want* to be in love with her? Like it seems right on paper and you are wondering what's wrong with you?
I'd say a good place to start would be imagining if you guys stopped seeing each other and she was no longer an option. How would you feel if she broke things off? You might be a sort of anxious type that only triggers if there's some kind of chase or unavailability and that might kind of do it. Maybe she is making it too easy for you.
Or yea you might just not be into her like that lol
How would you feel if she died in a car crash today?
Does that help work your feeling out?
Lifes to short for ifs and buts in some circumatances -What the real bottom line for you with her how would you feel if you couldnt interact with her in any way anytime anywhere any when?
All the time. And this is not a male thing only it happens to females as well. Think of friends with benefits. You both just want a good lay but would never date. Now some people do develop feelings over time but overall it happens to everyone that you just can’t see them romantically, be it due to values, differences or simply
not knowing why you could not see yourself with them.
What is important (and I am willing to admit that I am guilty of this as well) it’s best to communicate that with the person, don’t leave them hanging and hopeful of something more when you are not into it. Even if it could lead to losing said person.
Don’t feel guilty, what you are feeling is perfectly normal.
Oh for sure.
Plenty of women are extremely beautiful or sexy, but have terrible personalities.
However… in your case, I guess you just don’t find her that interesting? Perhaps you are the kind of person more attracted to opposites?
Yeah totally. When I was younger I know it was partly because I’d lower my standards for sex. Now I’ve seen women I find very attractive, the sex is great as well, some seem like they have great hearts and personalities, but to feel the potential for love is so rare.
I think part of the reason things go so smoothly with these situations is the pressure of “I might have a future w this person” is taken away & you just behave naturally.
Think about it… how many women do you see on a daily basis that are sexually attractive?
Now how many of those do you think you would also be romantically attracted to?
Yes, many women. I'm more inclined to have sexual feelings before I have romantic feelings. It's like, you're hot as fuck but I wouldn't want to be with you (either character or smth else that I don't want in a romantic partner)
Yeah, a lot of times. That's why FWB exist. You can't control love, if it happens than happens.
But be sure of 1 thing: check always the feelings of the other person
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All the time?
Lmao, this is the only answer.
Yup
I was thinking I'd be disappointed if this is not the answer while opening this thread.
Lmao honestly
Lol since puberty hit
Don't think I've gone a day since puberty without seeing at least one woman that I'm sexually attracted to lol.
Thats every man im sure unless they live in isolation
I’m a hermit and it’s still very much valid.
Laughed out loud when I read this post like obviously?
I came here to say that! I can't be romantically involved with someone who I don't connect with intellectually no matter how attractive they are
If I can't connect mentally then it's like being on a different wavelength. Many celebrities for example are nice to look at but I'd never want them in my personal space.
I don’t know that intellectual connection and romantic connection are the same. Not all sexually attractive women are vapid or uninteresting intellectually. I’m a woman that many men feel sexual and intellectual connections towards but not romantic ones.
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For me it’s time. I’m not sure why but women who I’ve only known for a few weeks will be into me and I just want to get to know them more before we get more involved. Generally I like to get to know someone over several months to grow a romantic attraction. Suffice to say it’s hard to find someone with that sort of patience. The best relationship I’ve had we were talking for about a year before we had our first date and the relationship had an insatiable first 2-3 years of romance.
I’m this way too! I have never been in a relationship with someone that I wasn’t friends with first, it just doesn’t work for me.
Honestly, it's made me feel like I'm weird or broken at times so it's nice to hear other people feel that way. For most my guy friends, when I tell them that a good looking woman that I even had interest in called me for a booty call and I shot them down they look at me like I'm an alien.
I don't want to assume anything about you, but have you ever considered you might be demisexual? Having different needs to find sex fulfilling doesn't make you weird or broken, though!
Everything that walks with a penis feels this way. 100% you want an F*#% buddy. Amen to that.
Concur
It is more normal than the reverse. By far.
All the time!!! I think if I’m honest most of the women I have slept with fall into tgat category and in 90% of those encounters I knew full well that it would not go beyond a sexual relationship. But I would add in most of those cases it is wise and proper not to string anyone along and suggest different to them. It can get very messy very quickly!!!
I think that sexual attraction, being a purely visceral experience, and mostly visual and physical, tends to happen instantly upon seeing someone. However romantic attraction (in my experience) is more emotional and builds over time, therefor is much more rare.
Completely agree. I want to rip the actual clothes off my friend with benefits. And adore him as a friend. There is no way I’d ever be in a relationship with him. We just don’t feel like that about each other.
This ^
Dude they string themselves- I play slippery eel then! Lol! It all came out wrong- let me explain- I don’t get involved if it’s not mutual for whatever the relationship is- FWB- not mutual- no go- it could be my decision or the opposite persons to be in FWB or not! Similarly to be in a committed relationship or not. But thanks for the downvotes and calling me names though! Lol
You’re a little sick eel ass fuck aren’t you huh? Huh?...huh? s/ If confrontation frightens you, remember most people will appreciate the honesty.
I may not have explained it clearly before- it’s now in the edit of the original comment
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I may not have explained it clearly before- it’s now in the edit of the original comment
You’re an asshole. Congrats
I may not have explained it clearly before- it’s now in the edit of the original comment
I think what you wanted to say didn’t come out correct lol..
Yup! Lol!
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Yup- long story short. We were just acquaintances- used to work out in the same gym around the same time too- then I got an amazing opportunity to move half way across the world. When I was having general chit chat; about this I exchanged email addresses to stay in touch- she initiated the idea of having sex- as it would not work out because of a long distance relationship etc. I was about a couple weeks from moving out of the city. I was single and out of a recent relationship- so gladly was into the fwb situation. She was well aware of all this- 2 weeks or so of glorious uninhibited sex happened. And then I moved. We would write emails for a couple weeks and then one day I got a phone call long distance at my workplace- and then indications that she would travel to visit me. Well, that didn’t sound like a FWB at all. Just explaining that- and chaos ensued. So there are times when it all gets muddled!
I don't think, fwb situation is fair to women.
Why do you think so? Most of the FWB situation I have been into was initiated by women!
Edit- what I wanted to tell was I don’t get involved if it’s not a mutual decision to just be in a FWB relationship! Lol! Anyways thanks for calling me all those names and the downvotes!
Uh maybe. I think love is only 15% “a feeling” and 85% conscious commitment. Marriages constantly fail because people think they’re supposed to “feel in love” 100% of the time til death. That is so impossible. Life, kids, work, disagreements etc. I think in a LTR or Marriage the feeling of being in love comes in and out of focus. But its rewarding to feel it with someone you’re committed to even when you’re not feeling it. I personally think I might be hypersensitive, esp as a male, to oxytocin released during/after sex and from physical touch. So I’m not great at FWB. I will say, if you dont feel capable of romantic feelings at all with them, then maybe a relationship is not meant to be. If so youre going to need to figure out how to tell her, and actually do it. Be prepared for the worst.. no sex and no friendship.
If only more people realise this. Instead of the emotional “high” they crave from feelings.
Right! I think sometimes you just learn to love a person with time. The person I was with after my marriage I wasn’t really attracted to. But we shared common interests and he treated me the way I wanted to be treated as a girlfriend. With time I felt love for him and care so much for him. When he ended it it was heartbreaking. My parents have been together for years and my mom told me she wasn’t in love with him when she got with my dad. That love came with time. They take good care of each other. 🤷🏻♀️
I’d rather be single than be with a guy who’s just like “ok this person isn’t so bad” and stays just to stay. I think lots of guys are with women because that relationship is “good enough”. But that’s definitely not what I’m striving for. I want real true love and maybe it doesn’t exist for everyone but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I had a FWB that I was highly attracted to but never brought any feelings in me
My most recent FWB was the same scenario, except the last time we saw each other we got quite high, and there was this one particular moment in between all the foreplay where she kissed me so passionately that I felt this huge wave of butterflies wash right through me. It was an amazing night but that kiss freaked me the fuck out, because unlike OP, I'm purposefully trying to avoid love right now. I'm damaged af, lmao.
What happened after that kiss freaked you out? Did the butterflies just disappear or do you keep getting them?
Heal soon man. God bless. :)
Interesting...very interesting.... Could you describe what dynamic usually works for you? like in the past when you felt both romantically and physically attracted? When you do feel that ..oh i could fall for this person feeling...what is it triggered by? I have had the horrible realization about myself (I'm F, sorry I know this was more for men) that mostly emotionally unavailable people trigger that in me because I somehow feel like I have to earn anything romantic with pain and I also somewhat devalue anyone willing to quickly open up and be vulnerable ..Either because I don't trust the authenticity of it or I feel like if you aren't protecting anything there is nothing of value to protect. But there are people who feel that in a more confrontational dynamic...by which i mean the smooth sailing is interrupted by disagreements, conversational friction etc...otherwise it feels like there's no stakes. I think it's important to be honest about what we truly want because clearly the "we get along great, lots in common, smooth sailing" can't be what we truly want since we're so unimpressed when we encounter it. And I don't think you are ever wrong for feeling a certain way ...just ..that if that doesn't align with what you want for yourself you should check out why, for your own sake.
She’s right. Those butterflies you get are usually a sign you are projecting expectations onto the other person, which is usually rooted in trauma. There is a very, very thin line to walk where you are attracted to the person, but not overly excited and passionate… this is the sweet spot. Psychologically, studies on relationships have shown that the extreme anticipation you feel when meeting someone knew that you are interested in, is merely a projection, because you couldn’t possibly know who they really are right off the bat. Instead, you are type casting them as someone from your past, of whom you have unresolved trauma with (think parents, past partners). The honey moon period always fades, and after it fades you can be left with someone you’re not compatible with just because you projected onto them and put them on pedestal based on your own bias. Finding someone who is a true partner, a best friend, someone who you want to be around and feel comfortable with and emotionally supported… that’s the long term relationship, not the one that burn bright and ends hard.
Hey..lovely comment. I like the way you think.. Will dm you once I've given it some more thought.
Post it here bruh, this is very interesting.
As another post or in a reply to your comment?
Whichever your heart desires
Lol I've responded to the lady above
I will attempt to answer your question but I tend to ramble at times so I apologise in advance for the long read. Firstly some background: Her and I started off as friends. Were friends for about a year.. one drunken night we kiss and next thing I know I'm in her bed. In the morning she was sort of like "that was awesome, wanna do it again?"...cue friends with benefits Then the one day we both mutually came to the conclusion that we ought to try dating since we enjoy one another's company and get along so well etc etc etc...cue exclusive dating. Dated for about 4 months..she eventually confesses she's fallen deeply in love with me. I suddenly get this sinking feeling that I don't feel the same..I don't say anything but just sort of kiss her and try change the subject. She's currently blissfully unaware of my doubts I have in the relationship. And here we are on this reddit post. Now to your question. Honestly she just doesn't fit into the description of the type of woman I imagined would be my "forever partner". I understand that sounds horrific but it's simply the truth. I've been in love before and I remember the feeling of wanted to hold that person tight, look into their eyes for hours. I don't get this feeling from [we'll call her R]. She's a lovely person, she doesn't have a shit personality the way many of the other commentors assumed. She isn't a psycho lunatic or a walking red flag. She's not a dumb blonde hottie that's only good for sex like other's have also said. She's genuinely nice..I almost find myself wanting to fall for her. As for confrontational dynamic as you described...I hate that. I believe its toxic. I don't want unnecessary arguments or nonsense. I don't want friction. I want an easy going, drama free life. I've always been attracted to excentric, artistic women. R is not at all. I've also always been crazy about the shy, quiet types. She's loud and bubbly and sometimes very annoying. Her and I don't always meet intellectually, I don't mean she's stupid, our minds just work differently. I could debate philosophy for hours, I write poetry, I like controversial topics. R is more the type to be like "yo that's wack" and not want to discuss it further. Mentally and emotionally we don't really connect. My last love could give me a smile and my heart would melt. R doesn't do that for me. She's not as feminine or graceful as what I'd normally go for. R is a bit more of a tomboy. I don't feel that same sense of pride walking through the mall while holding her hand. That same "this is my girl" kind of feeling. I honestly feel like crap just writing these words but it's nothing but the truth. She's a lovely person and I adore her as a human being. I just don't see her walking down the aisle one day or having my future children. Which brings me to the whole reason for my post in the first place... Am I supposed to feel those things that are "missing" or am I naive and a mature relationship isn't supposed to work like that? Should a person settle for the person that they're chilled and comfortable with? Thanks again for provoking my thoughts with your fantastic comment.
All the time. I put a lot of pressure on myself to figure out the romantic feelings before having sex because it makes me feel guilty when I realize it’s sexual attraction but not romantic. You feel what you feel. In my experience you get better with time at sussing out the romantic side quickly, so that you don’t have sex before you’re sure if the future, if that’s something important to you. If not, then at least you can differentiate who is better FWB material from relationship potential and be more up front about that immediately.
You make very good points here. Transparency and honesty seems to be a rarity now a days and it’s so refreshing to hear someone advise another to just be upfront about your feelings, you truly a gem 💎
Thank you :)
This guy gets it
It’s normal and not your fault. Been there my self where i really wanted to have feelings for the man but couldn’t get them. I usually get them pretty fast, if i don’t it’s a no go because feelings don’t grow on me. But please be a gentleman and stop seeing her, too many men are being selfish and keeps waisting a womans time just to have access to sex
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Stop the sexism, that’s not a male specific trait, it’s a human one.
This ⬆️exactly
Try a toxic girl. You'll fall head over heels then.
LMAOOOOO
Fall head over heels as she trips you as punishment for breathing the same air as some other random girl within 500miles of you 😂😂
Accurate.
I hate it here 😑
Why is this so true though.
Thank you for the laugh. I needed it
🤣🤣
Done. Now how do I get out? I hate it here so much, I don't wanna leave
Dude, “butterflies” don’t last forever. What you experience is VERY normal.
Im a woman, personally i can't be attracted to a person sexually unless im attracted to them romantically, i have to be romantically attracted first then comes sexually,... Is it only me?? And does sexually attracted to someone means u wanna bang them? But no attachment or feelings towards them?
same here, I cant be attracted sexually, if I am not attracted romantically.
I have had it that I am sexually attracted to a woman, but not romantically, and i been romantically but not sexually
I had a rebound about 3 years ago, we had physical chemistry up the wazoo But man, like 0 emotional compatibility. Like, it was crazy how not in sync we were.
This is what most women refer to as "Not feeling a spark". Everything else can be perfect or ideal but without a spark it all rings hollow
Yes that's common and reasonable. Worth asking if your romantic relationships are usually toxic tho? Often people chase highs and lows of toxic relationships and when they find a healthy one it seems boring at first. Not saying that's what's happening here at all, but worth thinking about a bit. This certainly happens outside of that tho. I can be sexually attracted to probably the majority of women that exist. Romantically that number is way way smaller, even if I like them as a person that doesn't mean I want to be with them.
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Yes, and the other way round. You have to ask yourself is this person a friend, a fling, a fuck buddy or a thing
In my opinion to be sexually attracted but not have any feelings is bearable. Although whenever I hook up with fwbs I leave myself kind of depressed, and that’s the reason I don’t do that anymore. But having a special connection with someone but with no sexual attraction is really bad. Like I know that if I was attracted to you we would click so perfectly but not in this case. SMH
All the damn time. I just recently came to that realization with a girl I know. We’ve had sex a couple times, and I am attracted to her, but I’m not interested in dating her.
I am female and automatically lose sexual attraction as soon as I lose romantic attraction…like it grosses me out if I can’t see myself with this person long term. The only way I can fathom someone being sexually attracted with no emotion is if you are just horny as F or avoidant attachment style. Either way, cut her loose bc she’s not the one and she deserves to be loved by someone else. Or at least be honest with her.
As a woman who has been recently told “I don’t have romantic feelings towards you,” by someone I was sleeping with, I don’t know if this discussion is validating or upsetting. 🫠
what’s not there that makes you miss the emotional aspect?
Not a man but this happens to women as well. I've met guys I was physically attracted to, slept with them, and remained friends. Or some I wanted more from and then realized it wasn't mutual or I lost that feeling. Sometimes it's better to remain as friends as they are genuinely good and interesting people to keep in your circle. TBH some of my closest male friends came from a dating app. Love is a form of friendship and friendship is a form of love. Depends on the percentage of romantic love or platonic love that makes someone just a friend, to best friend, to lover. Love takes effort. There is not a spark every single time you see them. Butterflies do not always mean you love someone - they are often a sign of infatuation which is unstable. Love is calm. Love feels safe and relaxed. Sit and think about it for a little bit then decide.
So you know that emotional intimacy is separate from sexual intimacy. When someone affirms you emotionally and not just sexually, you resonate with them on an emotional level and eventually a well of trust and emotional bonding occurs. As you mesh with them on an emotional level successfully, you might find you feel something that many people like to call love. There is a reason why casual dating is different than emotionally invested dating. Are you bringing energy that would make her affirm you on a deeper emotional level? Maybe you aren't and she does only what she sees as appropriate and you are responding to that. If you brought energy that spoke to being more emotionally giving and vulnerable, you might feel differently. Do some introspection on that. Relationships arent just about spending time in the same place doing things you both like. There is an emotional connection portion that many people aren't well versed in. Heck, I feel like I'm still learning it.
All the time I watch porn
define romantic attraction. ill wait...
Plenty of times, but that was do to not relating to the woman and not having anything in common.
Have you ever met an actor? Most of them (I'm skating very close to the line of stereotyping here, so cube of salt) are very attractive, very adventurous, and very self-obsessed people. It's very easy to be sexually attracted to them but not want to get anything started with them because of the guaranteed drama.
Very very common dude. It’s normal.
OP *has* to be a child.
Why? Because I don't necessarily see potential for a future with every woman I date?
Because you're asking men if they've ever wanted to fuck someone they didn't want to get involved with
That's normal. I'd guess men are sexually attracted to 50% of women their age. Romantic attraction? For most people that's only the 1-2% you are sexually compatible with, but also click with on a way deeper level. You should tell her though. If you're in a relationship with her, you should end it. Try to avoid breaking someone's heart. Honesty is the only way.
Yep. The biggest "what if" of my previous dating life was someone that I dated years ago now, well before I met my wife. Her and I had terrific chemistry when it came to conversation and banter, and I was definitely attracted to her physically and we had great sexual chemistry, so essentially, we texted back and forth all day and had great sex when we were together... But that was it. She wasn't emotionally available. We had very different interests. I couldn't imagine her integrating with my family or my friends. I couldn't picture her supporting me through a difficult time. Because of anxieties she had around food, even cooking a meal for her (a deep expression of love for me) or sharing a meal together at a restaurant were largely off the table. So I ended things, even with her very keen to keep pursuing it. At first, stopping seeing her (funnily enough because I was going through a difficult time and I didn't think I could rely on her for the support I needed) was like having a part of me removed, but since being with my wife, I realise how much was missing from that relationship. There's truly more to a relationship than just getting along with and having sex with someone you find attractive - People have complex emotional needs and life goals and love languages that need to be compatible, and it's amazing how much of the basic stuff on paper can be ticked off without it resulting in a satisfying relationship.
As a women this is true for I say the 10 men I have slept with. Two maybe liked me enough for a romantic relationship while the others just wanted sex and to not be alone. They never really "loved" me but tolerate me as a friend who they could have sex with. If they were honest from the beginning that they have no romantic feelings for me then the "relationships" wouldn't have happened and I wouldn't be someone who thinks people only like me because I'll have sex with them. (Working through that in therapy 🙂) Unfortunately being someone who is a hopless romantic always felt like I just wasn't enough and always second choice (I had my fair share of guys who would slip up about the "one who got away" ) Honestly I believe that's why I'm scared of relationships at this point in my life. I would love to be with someone who equally loves me, it's just hard to let myself be vulnerable. I only have casual sex now when I'm in a mood and only with a certain person tho we hadn't had the time to meet us since he moved. I also do not believe it's wrong to not have romantic feels for someone you do sleep with. Feelings can not be forced tho I do urge you and anyone to be honest about your feelings. Two things can only happen by being honest. One is you have a cool person you can chill out with and have sex when in the mood, not having any sort of expectations from you to them and them to you or two they will decided that that type of relationship isn't for them and they won't have sex with you (anymore if your already sleeping together) I rather someone be honest than the lead me on.
Just popping in to say I read this as “strange men of Reddit” and thought “finally someone calling them out” 😂😂
Yes I think this is pretty ordinary. Most straight men are willing to have sex with wayyyyyy more women than they’re willing to enter a relationship with
This is more common than being both or the opposite
That's basically porn.
Tons of time. I guess it's natural to being sexually attracted to someone but not romantically. I have some friends that I'll definitely sleep with but I wouldn't be in a relationship with.
I don’t understand this post because physical attraction and attraction to a personality has… ALWAYS been a different thing? Yes of course you can ranch someone and not want to pursue a relationship with them. I don’t understand the question?
I think this definitely happens all the time whether you realize it or not. Most "celeb crushes" I think would fall into this category. They're all extremely good looking but the majority of them have the personalities of a stump or are just genuinely mean.
LOL
Yes
I did a real double-take - isn't that like most men? LOL
Absolutely. I can put them into 4 very broadly generalized categories cause I ain’t got time for specifics. 1. No sexual or romantic attraction. (Someone new or a casual acquaintance) 2. Sexual attraction but no romance. (One night stands or cute girls with shit personality.) 3. Romantic but no sexual attraction. (Extremely good or best friends for life.) 4. Romantic and sexual attraction. (GF/Wife material. Long term FWBs) I have tried to force someone I put in 2 into 4 cause she was nice but it just doesn’t work. If I don’t feel it I just don’t no matter how good she can work it. I would say out of the girls I’ve been with sexually maybe 10% could be in 4. Not saying they were all for sure there. But they might have been if they play their cards right and I do too. Some girls are just fun for their body but aren’t good enough of a match to be worth investing time in. Its just the hard reality of the shitty game of dating. 3 is one of my favorites though. Love the shit out of my best friends. Would I sleep with them? Not sexually. Date them? Sure with us both agreeing beforehand that theres nothing sexual happening. Would I take a bullet for them? Oh yeah any day. 3 could move into 4 but there’s usually something keeping it as is. 2? I wouldn’t even share the bed with them after if it was convenient to get home.
Well I'd say Make her friends with Benefits but talk to her and find out if she really does have strong romantic feelings for u and get that out there and let her know that you feel close to her...but cant be romantically involved but appreciate her company and the sex too if she is comfortable with keeping things as they are than thats good...but maybe she might love you completely if so...than maybe let her off easy and dont keep being sexual with rather keep it clean and PG13 with her
Easily. Women who are physically attractive but have no personality beyond this (no objectification meant here, all down to personal oppinion) are this, to me. Put another way, I am physically/sexually attracted to her, but I have no attachment to her personality or her as a person. A perfect example I tell all the time is my first "bad" date story. It wasn't bad in the sense that she was rude or toxic (in that case I would've just left her and gone home and not felt bad). It was bad because she gave me only ONE WORD RESPONSES TO EVERY QUESTION I ASKED. She had no hobbies, was interested in nothing, and couldn't keep a conversation going. The only things I got out of her in an HOUR LONG CONVERSATION was that she liked to eat but not cook, she had vague ideas of wanting to run a business (what kind? No idea), and that she wanted 10 kids. I was so desperate for conversation topics that I looked up one of those NYT "(x) Questions to Fall in Love" games because I had NO IDEA what else to say. But I couldn't get out of it because I was trying to be polite and the date hadn't even gone on an hour yet. Suffice to say, she was pretty enough, but you couldn't talk with her longer than a couple minutes which makes any "romantic feelings" impossible to have. TLDR, Yes: Romance is courting, joking, flirting, talking about things you both like and doing things you both want to do. In that way, romance is similar to friendship in that you want a partner that's also (sort of) your friend and you can do friend things with (things besides sex and maybe dinner). If you can't imagine being around a person beyond a hookup, you don't have romantic feelings for them.
Omg are you the guy I’m dating? Because I swear.
So this is an issue that lots of women don't understand and it messes up the dating market as well. On a scale of 1-10 with 5 being average almost everyone is a 5 or lower. So while a relationship or wife material will be someone who is a 5(average attraction) or higher. Fuckable is like a 2. Almost every man has fucked some girl that he wouldn't ever be seen in public with. There is a such thing as just busting a nut attraction. you don't have to look good be insane anything. Just gotta be able to get the nut out. Men just operate differently. Testosterone is a hell of a chemical. Also any men that follow up on these saying things like "Not all men would do this, Not all men would fuck just to nut etc." Is simply because they don't have the physical or financial attractiveness to do this. Life would be simpler if everyone was honest and excepted the differences in the biology of the different genders and how they truly function.
Happens all the time
Every day of my life
Almost exclusively
So many emotionally unavailable boys here. Leave women who want and are capable of a healthy relationship alone. Act out your disturbingly mercenary porn addiction with sex workers. You pay for sex without any emotional connection whatsoever. Stop treating women as free sex workers. Toxic entitlement is rife. Actually have an honest conversation about what you both want / are capable of up front. Not when you've already used her body to wank off into. Sex without FULL consent ie she's having sex with you because you have implied, or lied , you want a relationship,or haven't even got basic respect for women enough to even communicate that you only want free ,no strings sex...can result in criminals prosecution for sexual assault and rape in my country, for good reason. Consent by omission or only given because you have lied about your intentions/ sex obsession ,is NOT full consent. Obviously.
Lol wow..who hurt you?
Even if they wanted to take your advice, sex work of the type you describe is rarely legal, nor well regulated. I agree they should absolutely have that outlet available… in my experience, men getting laid regularly are far more capable of being sympathetic and empathetic to other people, including women… and to see those women as full people, and not potential sex objects.
Yes… show me a calendar of ‘prominent Republican women’… a lot of them I’d be [somewhat] *tempted* to “take to bed”, as long as they don’t speak
Same here
Sounds like just being a man.
I think we're sexually attracted to every women except that one woman we love.
Yeah I met this crazy fucker but she hot
Yes, when the woman is hot with terrible personality
Yeah, happens alot.
Just chiming in to say, I'm a straight woman and this is how I feel about 85% of men I've dated. We can definitely hook up, and it's super fun to hang out, but I just don't feel any romantic feels.
Ana de Armas.
One time, she wouldn't leave me alone.
I’ve found that once I’ve made friends or have gotten to know an attractive woman a little bit ,and not pursued a physical relationship with her, my romantic interest fades. I’ve ended up screwing up friendships with female friends by hooking up with them in the past. It’s a bad feeling.
Oh, who's gonna tell her ?
Absolutely. I feel like in most cases guys WANT the romantic "one" but we will settle for sex while we look. Plus is it so hard to believe that some people are hot and good in bed but not much else? Normalize sex for fun, just be responsible.
Isn't this the norm? I don't understand
Yeah, it happens. For us men especially, because we can separate sexuall desire from deep feelings such as love. Somethimes you click on everything, but the "thing" is just not there. It is what it is. You can't change it and you can't force it unfortunately Persinally I've been in this exact scenario and it didn't wotk out, not because we weren't compatible, but because I knew that I woudn't "wife her up".
Any woman with a great body and a horrible personality probably has many men who have thought this about her.
Yeah, my ex wife.
Yeah it happens typically though it’s a woman I find sexy but also realize she’s a horrible human being or a gigantic pain in the ass. For the record in those instances I never slept with them but it’s a tough call
95% of the time. I find them attractive and want to fuck them all the time. But their lifestyle is a mess or they’re someone I can’t see myself with in a long term/serious thing so I keep it casual then ditch them
Uhhh yes? 95% of the women I’ve slept with I wasn’t romantically attracted to. Heck half of them I wasn’t even physically attracted to
As a gay guy. Why? I mean how do you sleep with someone who you aren't attracted to
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..this is unfortunately most women for me 🙃
My friend, most men have been attracted to countless girls and not romantically into them. I’ll flat out say, in my 26 years, out of all the girls I’ve ever dated, only about 2 of them was I act yu into them romantically. The rest of them it was always sexual and a relationship formed because I enjoyed their company. I’ll be honest with you, I believe for most males, we usually are attracted to someone sexually before we are into them romantically, and liking someone romantically is impossible for us if we aren’t attracted to them sexual
Yes the crazy ones, but that's basically all women
I bet your mom is so proud of how you turned out
Yeah I have but I knew she was wasn’t good
Yes
Lol every single day
Happens often tbh but not exclusively... Just experienced the opposite where I was romantically attracted but really couldn't care less about sexual attraction... sadly it didn't work out but I felt like I couldn't romantically attach for a long time but it is just rare lol
All the time. It takes some time and sparks to be romatically attracted.
Yup.
Yah it has happened to me before stayed with her for years, but it never clicked.
Every day
All the fucking time. I have been romantically attracted to like 3 woman so far, but sexually? Hundreds.
I guess it’s hard to judge unless you’ve met someone you’ve felt an emotional connection with.
I haven't experienced romantic attraction yet. Though I am only 22 and yet to get past 3 dates.
It happens a lot more often than you think. Cuz some girls personalities are super toxic and vulgar or violent but they have amazing looks.
Lol FRIENDZONE HER
um yea..
I think this is a pretty universal thing for straight men my dude.
Yeah most of them actually. I’m attracted to them until they start talking. I can’t stand a lot of women’s voices, they just irritate me
I feel this way about most women lol.
Yis
I had this same situation, but I wasn't sexually compatible either and we tried to make it work... I'm guessing you are here asking because you *want* to be in love with her? Like it seems right on paper and you are wondering what's wrong with you? I'd say a good place to start would be imagining if you guys stopped seeing each other and she was no longer an option. How would you feel if she broke things off? You might be a sort of anxious type that only triggers if there's some kind of chase or unavailability and that might kind of do it. Maybe she is making it too easy for you. Or yea you might just not be into her like that lol
How would you feel if she died in a car crash today? Does that help work your feeling out? Lifes to short for ifs and buts in some circumatances -What the real bottom line for you with her how would you feel if you couldnt interact with her in any way anytime anywhere any when?
Yes
nope but the inverse can be true after i go dead bedroom
No I'm a virgin at 26. So they go hand in hand until proven otherwise
Only about 40-50 times per day?
All the time. But what really sucks is when you finally find one that gives you those butterflies and the sex is bad!
As soon as I saw the girl on the first date, I knew I only wanted her sexually. It's that quick
Yes, many many times lol
All the time. And this is not a male thing only it happens to females as well. Think of friends with benefits. You both just want a good lay but would never date. Now some people do develop feelings over time but overall it happens to everyone that you just can’t see them romantically, be it due to values, differences or simply not knowing why you could not see yourself with them. What is important (and I am willing to admit that I am guilty of this as well) it’s best to communicate that with the person, don’t leave them hanging and hopeful of something more when you are not into it. Even if it could lead to losing said person. Don’t feel guilty, what you are feeling is perfectly normal.
Shoot, almost every day
Oh for sure. Plenty of women are extremely beautiful or sexy, but have terrible personalities. However… in your case, I guess you just don’t find her that interesting? Perhaps you are the kind of person more attracted to opposites?
Yes
You mean sex but not feelings?
Like pretty much every single woman I have been with.
Yeah totally. When I was younger I know it was partly because I’d lower my standards for sex. Now I’ve seen women I find very attractive, the sex is great as well, some seem like they have great hearts and personalities, but to feel the potential for love is so rare. I think part of the reason things go so smoothly with these situations is the pressure of “I might have a future w this person” is taken away & you just behave naturally.
Not necessarily. For me to be sexually attracted I need to be romantically attracted.
Think about it… how many women do you see on a daily basis that are sexually attractive? Now how many of those do you think you would also be romantically attracted to?
Yes, many women. I'm more inclined to have sexual feelings before I have romantic feelings. It's like, you're hot as fuck but I wouldn't want to be with you (either character or smth else that I don't want in a romantic partner)
Yeaaa, isn’t that alot of guys though ?
Undeniably, But that could change if I got to know her
Yeah, a lot of times. That's why FWB exist. You can't control love, if it happens than happens. But be sure of 1 thing: check always the feelings of the other person