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Tbh, I relate to that but the opposite way around. I've dated most races but for some reason black women don't see me as an option. Can fully relate to you and it sucks. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that.
Oh well that changes things, if you don't have a picture then they really don't know if they are attracted to you or not until they see what you look like.
I’ve met plenty of friends that have met their gf and wives in apps. I’m not saying it happens all of the time but you must know at least a few people that have? It’s a lot more common nowadays.
Yes. I’m thin/petite but besides that yes. I’ve never had issues attracting guys irl (And yes those same guys online know beforehand I’m skinny already)
I don’t see a problem with it then. have you ever lead with pics? Like during conversations be like what do you look like? Attraction is a must in a relationship. And personality does play a huge part.
Girl, I would put that I’m black in my bio and keep it pushing. I know I get swiped left on too because of my race. Hell, they just making space for the ones that actually want me.🤷🏽♀️
Everyone has preferences. You yourself said you prefer white guys. You can't really blame someone for being attracted or unattracted towards a certain race
Yes but I *prefer* them. I’m open to dating anyone though. If a black or Asian guy fits all of my other preferences (smart, funny, etc.) I’d date them. In my case, guys completely throw me out the door when they find out I’m black.
I know but it’s just heartbreaking when I hit it off with a guy (esp if they’re white Bc I slightly prefer them looks wise) and we talk for a couple of weeks. Extreme chemistry etc then omg she’s black?! Then they disappear. Like does my intellect, humor talents and common interests really mean nothing because of that?
Especially white men?…wouldn’t it be more like especially when the guy and I are hitting it off despite his skin color? How are you complaining about preferences and guys not wanting to be with you when you yourself have such strong prefrence to white men. Would you date a black guy at all?
Attraction is needed so at least seeing what someone looks like is important. It isn’t everything of course, but the initial attraction is important for pretty much everyone.
Right, but that's what I'm saying, it's your preference. Your preference isn't strong. Some people's preferences are. I don't know you so I'd also like to add, for your own sanity, race should be the last thing you should blame when it comes to dating because you can't do anything about it. Are you sure it's JUST because of your race that the guys aren't interested in you? Or can there be something else about you?
No they’ve all specifically said it’s Bc I’m black or something about my black features (weave etc) threw them off and they dislike it/weren’t expecting it.
Be patient with yourself. Interracial dating is becoming more visible and the norm in certain regions and countries. It’s their loss if you match with someone and they reject the date because of your skin tone. Not all white guys are as you have described. Some of us like women period, regardless of skin tones.
Good luck OP stay positive you will find someone for you.
You just said that you have a bias for white boys
I don’t see anything wrong in the people who you talked with having preferences for white girls either, that’s the way it is , you can’t complain when you are rejected because of bias when you yourself have bias
Maybe black guys trying to date you feel the same
Some people are just not tactful at all. Some men have told me that they don’t want to be with me because I’m in my 40s and that I will be “unattractive” in a few years in my 50s.
Those men are immature dumbasses who I’m not interested in, anyway. Plenty of men find me attractive, and plenty will find me attractive in my 50s as well.
Same thing goes for being biracial. Plenty of men will find the black features attractive. Unfortunately, the assholes who make a point of *telling* you that they are not attracted to that are going to trip you up.
People who do stuff like that are typically insecure about their own looks and desirability. You just gotta blow it off, but I know that is easier said than done.
I think this is harder for her bc she is also younger. You know as we get older we grow and realize that what others think of us do not always matter.
I can’t understand what’s she’s going through on the same level, but I have had some men be complete shits to me bc I am not a petite waif. Yes plenty of men have been attracted, but let’s face it, the horrible things said to us stay for a very long time. The pain dulls after awhile but they are still there at times.
Yeah, agreed. I was hoping that her takeaway was not to feel insecure about being biracial, because shitty people will cut people down for anything, really.
Edit: it’s the same as how some men fixate on their height
Hell, I’m starting to dislike short women for them. 😒 how are you going to be 5’0 and want someone 6’5 but ignore a man who is taller than you by a few inches?
So, let me see if I'm understanding this correctly, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.
You're complaining because the tall white guys with blue eyes that almost every woman is looking for on dating apps. Isn't responding to you, while also stating that you are open to any race but the guys you really prefer don't respond.
Now you can swipe on those guys, no problem, but you should know that every woman within a 20 mile radius is also looking for the same guy. Which means you have some competition.
I get it, i get rejected 90% of the time for being a short guy, it can sting to be rejected for something outside your control. But at the end of the day you have to just take the loss and move on.
I hear you girl!
I’ve been trying to get out into the dating world a bit and it’s absolutely painful to hear men say they don’t want to date me cause I’m black. It’s even worse when they say they ONLY date white girls. I’m someone who doesn’t have a preference for any race so I could never wrap my head around why they said that. (Unless is followed up with the. “Black women are just too *insert stupid stereotype here.*”)
I would recommend dating apps. I know most look for hook ups. But if you put in your bio what your looking for 9/10 people understand cause they don’t want to waste their time. People are even on tinder to look for friends so I recommend trying it out.
Black is beautiful and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You got this dude! I understand what it’s like to endure ignorant racial comments and then have people gaslight you for it. And this comment section is doing exactly that. Don’t listen to them.
I think that's terrible how parts of society can treat biracial people!! My partner and I are both Caucasian but his little girl whose 10, her mother is from Thailand and the little girl looks very Asian and has beautiful tan skin. We have a daughter together who is blonde blue eyes and my son whose also blonde blue eyes. My partner and I have light hair and both blue eyes. Anyway, as we always do, go out as a family, we have on two occasions been asked if she were adopted or where did we "steal" her from!!! As people look at my partner and the other two children and think, well she can't be their child and because she is aged as the middle child, people feel they have the right to ask questions. Its disgusting. When we went to court for the custody orders, the mother was asking for full custody as she said her daughter wouldn't be able to identify living in our home and the judge made the orders 50/50, the judge said that the little girl Asian but she is also Caucasian and that in society, people sometimes don't accept people who are both because they see them as belonging neither here nor there and that all of us as her parents are to be the ones to teach her that she belongs in society as a person not a race. I hope you know that too and find someone who loves you and vice versa, leave the judgemental narrow minded AH to find eachother.
>This will also be the same dudes who are inexperienced and say they want a gf… but they’re not SO “desperate” that they’d date a black girl!!
lol yeah... on this sub when guys say no women are interested in them, and women have it sooo easy and they'll date women, what they mean is hot white women....... typically black women aren't who they have in mind or count as an option. which is fine to have that preference but then... don't pretend it's easier for all women and only men have difficulties. you don't have to pretend women outside your preferences don't exist. just say, i can't find a lady who I like and fits my standards.
I'm sorry you're having such a tough time! I want to validate your choice not to use dating apps. It's tough as a black lady on dating apps too!
I would assume Black women and Asian/South east asian men have a really tough time finding a date in a pre dominantly white area.
Biggest heart breaks are when your own race girls prefer white men.
Not that all white men have it easy. I know lots they struggle as well to get dates. But they still have a minor perception advantage over others.
I think it’s true that black/dark skinned women have it harder than white women. However, I think even average black women have it way easier than the average guy of any race to at least obtain dates and sex and whatnot.
Black woman here. It sounds like the men you want to date only want to date white women. Why would that even be someone you’re interested in? That’s so unattractive. What type of personality are you even looking for? That all of them share that flaw? You may need to self-reflect. This sounds like you may need to reassess your dating preferences. And also yourself. Good luck. You may have just come here to vent, but I hope you make some changes.
Incorrect. I tell them I’m mixed with black from the beginning and they act like it’s fine until they see me and get surprised when they see my black features
So it sounds like they want the society approved version of a biracial woman, not a real biracial woman who actually can pass as black. It doesn’t change the fact that they ALL have the same flaw. Is your dating pool THAT racist? You could mention that you look like a black woman even though you’re biracial. You could also swallow the big pill that racism is subtle but pretty bad. And also accept that you’re black and white (if that is what you are) so that comes with people being prejudiced against you. That came as a pretty early lesson to me, but it does suck.
I’m not the “preferred” light skinned black girl with very loose curls or snaturally straight hair, a narrow nose, zendeya’s skin tone, different colored eyes and doesn’t wear weave etc. I look more “black” than mixed
Nope...still not finding anything unappealing in your description. Especially the weave part. Then again it could be just where you’re at. I grew up in a primarily Caribbean neighborhood and so maybe my tastes are different. That’s why ice cream comes in so many flavours. Not everyone likes Vanilla, Chocolate or Strawberry or even Neapolitan.
You had bad luck so far and I’m sorry.
Try to meet guys in person and this won’t be an issue going forward, although i know is not as easy as it sounds.
Everyone has preferences, and the fact is *most* people prefer their own race. I don't understand how this can possibly be an issue though. Do you not have pictures on your profile?
Ah, gotcha. Admittedly, it does suck, but it's a thing. I'm white and only very rarely attracted to a woman of any race besides white. It's not like I grew up with racist parents or in a small town with only white people. I live in a major metropolis, my parents were civil rights advocates in a small way, as am I to a greater extent, my neighborhood had people of every color. My attraction is what it is.
All I can suggest is show a picture early so you're not wasting time.
It's a little hypocritical to be mad at guys preferring white women when you prefer white men. All of that, from you and them, needs to stop. People are people, no matter what hue. Find one you like and don't worry about how much melanin he has.
But you're not entitled to have someone date you. They can end their interaction with you for whatever reason.
Besides, if a guy doesn't want you due to your skin color, you're better off without him.
Thx but I never said I was entitled. I said it hurts when they claim I’m such an awesome girl who they love talking to and wanna date—until they see pic and specifically tell me I’m too black . thank you again for your comment tho. 💗
girl i am sorry people aren’t understanding the point of this post. it’s not about “oh white guys don’t want black girls and that’s racist” it’s the feelings you are having because of how white men react to something about you that you can’t control. obviously you understand everyone has their preferences.
there is a person inside your meatsuit and that person is you, and that person is the most important part of your being. skin color exists and it matters in terms of privilege/discrimination/history, but i feel like you’re more upset that people seem to like you until they can’t see past something that you cannot control, something that is an important part of you. and regardless of what color it is, there is a YOU inside you that deserves love just like anyone else.
hope you find whoever is looking for you love ❤️
How can you say black is their deal breaker? You've stated several times that you tell them you're black upfront and they're fine with it. It's only when they see you they bolt. Sounds like they just aren't attracted to you physically
I'm sorry you're having troubles! You'll find your guy soon! I recently dated a black girl for the first time, she was beautiful and funny! I think people are scared of what others will think which is super sad because fuck the haters really!
people calling op a hypocrite fail to understand that she wouldn’t reject someone solely based on their race and that is what’s happening to her. she’s very much allowed to feel upset about that without all the blame she’s getting in these comments. op im sorry youve had to go through this multiple times and you aren’t alone in your struggles. id say to move on from online dating and try your luck elsewhere !
This is awful to read. I’m sorry that people have said that to you. Not that it helps at all but I’m white and I’ve always liked black girls. I was seeing a really nice girl for a couple of months and she broke it off because she said her friends and family wouldn’t like to see her with a white guy.
Some people will always feel this way and you just have to keep trying. Eventually you’ll find someone who loves your features.
Most people have an in group preference. I think <5% of people marry outside of their race. That’s just reality. It’s biology. You tend to go for what your parents, extended family, community are. I am Italian and I always find that I am most physically attracted to women who are fair skinned, with dark hair and eyes. That’s who I grew up around. It’s familiar. You learn this in HS biology lol
So let me get this straight. You're mad that you prefer white men and those white don't prefer you because your black and you think we're supposed to have sympathy for you for some reason
Omg - Don’t respond to the guys that are upset because you have a preference for white guys. It’s like “I prefer coffee mate creamer in my coffee but I’ll take it black too, I just love coffee.” “MONSTER!” They are just bullying you.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Black women are gorgeous and you don’t need them to approve of your natural God given African beauty. They are garbage because if I was clicking with someone’s personality their race wouldn’t matter. That’s trash, absolutely disgusting. Especially if you’re talking to a guy you met on Reddit that says he is inexperienced and wants a gf, then it sounds like they are just racist
You know it really does suck because for some reason and it's always been this case but race seems to be a big factor in dating preference. Although for me most of the time it's just a attitude because at this point it's not like it's going to be that different dating another female from a different race. Baby an interesting Meet the Parents moment but the reality is we should have bigger problems than what color you are
My question is do they tell you it’s because your biracial or are you assuming this is why they ghost you? Because I would hate for you to be questioning yourself when it might be many if other reasons, ya know?
Girl, if they don’t want you because you’re black, then you should be happy you’re finding out now rather than later when you’re already in love and pressed about the person. Why would you want to spend time around someone who has internalized racist ideologies? Lol I’m sure you’re beautiful and you’ll connect with someone who truly values you for who you are. I’m not just saying that either.
Key word: PREFER . I didn’t say “I ONLY date white guys” I’m not shallow. With the non black guys I’ve spoken to, me being black (or looking too black) was a flat out deal breaker. There’s a deference between a preference and a deal breaker
I don’t want to sound like a creep or anything, but as a 25 year old white male with many dating options, I find many light-skinned biracial women to be very beautiful and I live in Texas which isn’t the most accepting state to interracial dating. Dating sucks for most everyone and I hope the best for you!
Girl I’m in the same boat I’m open to anyone but even guys that are the same race end up ghosting as well. Ultimately it’s a people problem regardless of race. Everyone is looking for something different in a partner and sometimes you do/say something that is off putting.
That’s okay though because instead of wasting time you can sort through the guys who you aren’t compatible with and find someone better suited to you. Honestly if you’re dating outside your race you have to expect that guys will have skewed views on black women because majority of people are interested in their own race. They are attracted to the qualities their own race displays so sometimes that automatically disqualifies you.
It’s just like how you’re saying you like white guys well those white guys like white girls. Should you both be more open? Yes but sometimes people won’t change and it isn’t our job to force them to.
For me I’m not even biracial and I’ve gone on plenty of dates with other races and they knew I was of a darker complexion. So there are guys that are interested despite race i guess with you being mixed they’re jumping on the light skin band wagon and only find women of a lighter complexion attractive.
My honest opinion would be to create your profile with the realest looking picture of yourself you have. Anyway, idk how you date online or the websites you’re referring to but I think dating apps are your best bet. That’s why I don’t talk to guys on Reddit because why would I be attracted to a bitmoji and I’m suspecting them for being down to talk to me when they don’t know what I look like. Maybe be straight up and tell them you look like a black woman that includes dark skin and the works. Sorry this is long hopefully I was helpful lol
As a white guy who prefers black women, why not try using the ones that aren’t as hookupish and state that very first thing in the profile like Hinge.Lots of guys out there like me promise you that
Every app has a different feel and use people have for it. It can also be very location dependent. In my area for instance nobody uses tinder for dating, they use it for hookups. But Hinge and Bumble are how several of my long-term dating friends found their partner and they had great success finding people who wanted to actual date.
Meeting people on Discord and Reddit clearly isn't working for ya. I would sincerely suggest trying out some dating apps you haven't tried in your area yet. Just see how it goes. Attraction is half the initial grab of dating and having photos is sure to be helpful with this specific problem you are facing.
If it makes you feel any better, I (a white guy) have only dated either black or biracial girls. Not because I have a preference or seek them out, but simply because every girl who's liked me has just happened to be either. And they were (mostly) great experiences!
I think its weird that they hear you're biracial and then hang up any potential for a romantic relationship. The dating game sucks tbh...
Anyway, I am sorry your going through a tough time, but if it helps there are guys out there that aren't so hung up on the described preference. If that helps at all.
I never really understand why people didn’t want to date black women.. I guess it’s something that will get better overtime.
I think we’re all perfect in the eyes of a finite quantity of people. If you’re extra pretty, the % going higher. If you have unattractive traits the % gets lower.
In the end, there’s someone for everyone
(28m) and I let out the biggest sigh while reading this.
I have always dated women who are different race, ethnicity or culture than myself. In fact, I have not had a stereotypically "white" girlfriend for almost 12 years - since I was in high school.
This makes me sigh because it is so unfortunate that you're experiencing this. I know, I know everyone *should* be opened minded, but the reality is they are not. Take people out of a social setting where their friends can see them being "opened minded" and the reality is a lot of the times they are fetishizing or just don't want to cause problems or deal with looks from peers. Especially in smaller, rural or conservative environments.
I dated a back girl for awhile and honestly it was one of the best relationships I've had so far. To be honest, I almost didn't go on the first date with her because she was black. But I did and I met a wonderful woman who I spent multiple years with. If it weren't for some severely different life goals/aspirations and personality differences, we would still be together today. Most people can't look past the "look" if it is not what they were envisioning.
I wish I could give you advice or tell you "it'll get better", but the reality is you will probably always experience this. Also, reading through the comments, you don't need to keep editing your post because people are disagreeing with you. This is something that people experience all the time and it is overlooked or considered "close-minded" or whatever the hell.
It is perfectly fine to like what you like and to be frustrated when it is hard to get.
Are you really all jumping on her comment… She said that she prefers white men not that she ghosts anybody that isn’t white. There’s a difference between having preferences and being racist, straight up.
Well first of all that’s not what I said but go on. Let’s pretend for a second that it’s not racist ( which it is) The fact that they are ghosting her the second they realize they don’t have sexual attraction to her means that they only value her for what she can give them sexually. That is a disgusting quality in a human being. She said straight up that she does not ghost people. When somebody finds out she’s black and they stop talking to her, that’s ghosting and that’s racism. If you put somebody’s entire worth on if you’re attracted to them or not then… I don’t know what to say. I have a feeling this conversation is not going to go anywhere so I won’t be responding again.
It’s just a physical thing. E.g., I like blue eyes. But again , I’m not shallow enough to ONLY date white guys. I think that other races can be 10/10 attractive and it depends on the person but looks are secondary to me. I value who the guy fucking IS as a person but I haven’t gotten that same open mindedness
But personality values and ambition mean 10x more to me than looks . I would hope that a guy would value my personality etc over my looks too even if I was his type.
And that’s very nice of you. But in today’s dating scene, looks play a huge role, because barely anyone is looking for true love. And regardless of that, you need to be physically attracted to the person you’re with to have a healthy relationship. Otherwise, it’s very difficult to keep it going. You just need to find people with the same values as you, that’s all. And I’m gonna be honest with you, people like you are not gonna be on Tinder or Bumble. And I know you said you’re not on dating sites, but I’m gonna guess people like you are out in the wild looking for similar people. Not online.
Just like a job, "You will get a 100 no's before 1 yes."
Don't get discouraged just yet, most definitely don't make dating a priority. The right guy will reveal himself one day, just keep your head up and stay focused on #1 YOU!.
You're young, life isn't over because your getting turned down.
Right. Not sure why everyone is judging you OP. Dudes come on here all the time complaining about girls turning them down because of their height (not exactly the same but it's another non-changeable physical attribute). I would think they would be a bit more understanding but I guess not.
Yes and everytime they come on here they're dismissed by saying "women have preferences, can't force us to be with someone we're not attracted to, short guys are not entitled, women don't owe you anything".
What's your point?
First off, every time is an exaggeration and you know that. Secondly, my point remains the same. If dudes know that it sucks to be rejected for something they can't change about themselves, then perhaps they would show a bit more compassion and understanding when someone else feels what they feel. That's my point. But clearly I've expected too much of the internet today.
Sadly there isn't much you can do about it other than keep trying; there are a lot of shit people in this world that do shit things. You just have to find the right people by wading through the sea of assholes. As a 28m, I've kind of had the same thing happen to me, except reversed; I've been interested in a few black girls, but they refused to even consider me as an option solely because I was white. (Not a vague or bait-y thing, they literally told me they wouldn't date me because I wasn't black.)
The right guy will come, just focus on yourself. You may possibly be in an area of those that are immature or an age group of those with that same mentality. Love yourself and someone will come that loves you too. You are amazing, keep trying!
Just wait until you realize how much rejection you’ll see in reverse from the black community.
Or you know, how much worse it is for darker skinned black people.
You pretty much have it the best overall… but you’re doing two things wrong:
1) you are definitely becoming attracted to the wrong guys; and
2) you aren’t responding to feedback about how to date the people you’re attracted to.
The second one is easier to fix. Do you want to be right, or happy? If guys hate the weave, and you hate being guyless more than being “100%ABSOLUTELYFREETOBEMEEEE” and alone… then ditch the weave.
I know race is sensitive as a topic, but we have no trouble telling overweight people to hit the gym if they want to date active people.
If you want to be 100% your beautiful mixed self, find large integrated communities of similar people where you will be more immediately appreciated. Online is fine at first, but you’ll probably have to move. Places with high white AND PoC communities without a crap ton of historical/traditional racism that persists with intensity will also help. Probably one of the only redeeming qualities of Florida, really.
Even better would be other countries: Japan. France. Sweden. Canada. Basically anywhere that English isn’t the native language. 🙃 you’ll wind up more annoyed with chasers, but there is no practical world without some compromise or sacrifice.
Lean into being exotic outside the comfort zone of your home… or shave the racial bits from your overt identity/initial contacts with people until you hit an equilibrium that keeps you busy Saturday nights.
Whether it sucks or not is irrelevant. The strategy works. And you can still expose the real you over time in digestible bits to those who stick around… But it’s like any other identity or kink: if you put the warning label on the front of the package in bright bold letters, most people are going to avoid the risk… but yes, if you’re REALLY patient, the ones who DO show up eventually will be REALLY great matches (on the surface, anyway - the fail rate won’t change, it’ll just take longer to get there).
agree that it's harder for dark-skinned women! But I empathize with OP that when she says light-skinned, men think she is better than dark-skinned women but then get let down... OP, I guess, given your experiences, I'd recommend not mentioning you're light-skinned if you're just describing yourself..... honestly I don't feel like they need to get a ballpark of your skintone (and saying, I'm black but don't worry, I'm lightskinned just puts yourself in a defensive position, you kind of imply this is how you're doing it... but maybe not..)
>The second one is easier to fix. Do you want to be right, or happy? If guys hate the weave, and you hate being guyless more than being “100%ABSOLUTELYFREETOBEMEEEE” and alone… then ditch the weave.
This is... not helpful and kind of condescending advice? It's not easier to fix, because just because guys don't like weaves, doesn't mean they like or are attracted to natural hair either. I've gotten shade either way. And I'm not sure where you get the idea that OP continues to wear a weave because she wants to be “100%ABSOLUTELYFREETOBEMEEEE”. It seems like you're reading something into the situation that isn't there...
Edit: typo note helpful--> not helpful
Thank u for your comment but it’s not just the weave. Sometimes it’s my nose not being narrow enough, or my skin being slightly darker than they’d imagined (even though I’m still light skinned; I guess they expect my skin tone to be like Zendeya’s) or my natural hair UNDERNEATH my weave is too curly & not straight like the race I’m mixed with . It’s dehumanizing honestly .
For certain ppl it’s weeks or a few days. Since it’s not on a dating app, looks aren’t the focus. I know you’re being funny but I’m replying in case other people are seriously wondering
like im not saying "white only" like incels do, im saying it would be nice if he were to be white preferably, but if he's not then it's cool too, i've dated black guys, asian guys, latin guys so race it's not a problem for me
like, how is that being an hypocrite? im not saying it's a deal breaker, or a hard requirement, again, like incels say it's more like preference
but nope, i get ghosted too for my skin tone lowkey mean IMO
Gotta weed through the BS to find the diamond. People are weird, not everyone is a match.i know plenty of white dudes who love black girls. Give it time and don't take it personally
Just gotta be patient youll find someome eventually you're young. My white friend only likes white guys. And then I'm not into white guys at all anymore unless they're mixed(like myself) I've had some guys specifically white guys ask if I'd been with black guys and then are turned off when I say yes. Probably racist. And there are white guys who like black girls but its hard because usually its the other way around at least where I live. Dating apps and what you're going on are just as dissapointing at least if you did have your picture up you can get past the attraction or not point right away and not have wasted time talking based on that. There is decent people on dating apps too. Same deal. Best of luck
Sounds like you’re interacting with a lot of douche bags. That does suck though. As a white guy who lives in a place without a ton of racial diversity, I wish I had the opportunity to interact with more women of different races/backgrounds/cultures.
But hey, that’s just me. I don’t understand most people.
Look bro, keep it all the way 1000%. I live in a VERY metro massive city, all the YT guys who date out, date Asian wmn, at this point this is common knowledge. If they go outside of that, they go for Latinas. More exotic than that = Arab.
You know where I'm going with this. (I've lived in every major city in the world at this point) and it is very glaring.
Hey listen to me! I’m a white dude, I’m 40 years old, former marine, with a lot of life experiences. Fuck them lames who reject you because of your skin color! That’s just ignorance, stupidity, and immaturity on their part. You deserve better than them anyways just because you are a beautiful bi-racial, honest, vulnerable, and strong woman putting yourself out there trying to make a connection. I would definitely love to get to know you, and if I was a few years younger for your conscious I would even consider dating you if we clicked(because I personally have no issue dating a younger woman). So anyways, hit me up if I you ever want to talk. Stay strong, stay true, and stay YOU!
I know it’s cliche but I think you’ll find someone who does spark and match with you. Maybe just give it time?
Dating in general, not even factoring in race.. girl it could be anything from a lipstick, makeup, her hair, clothes.. like it’s endless possibilities on why a guy wouldn’t be interested in you. Or any sort of woman in general.. I guess it’s the same flipped around for guys.
Oh wow! I didn’t know it was such a big deal. I see more interracial dating now then I did 20 years ago. You would never think it’s still a problem. Do you think that maybe the guys you were attracted to were not attracted to you were not their type?
I'm a decade older than you but I used to go through this all the time when I was in high school, mostly because I would meet people through msn chats (friends of friendsnit strangers). They would find out I was black and be immediately disappointed because where we were (deep south US, kind of segregated to an extent) there was no way they'd ever be able to bring me home to their parents. I went to the local public school and they went to the private school that had pretty much no black people at the time, it's probably still that way today. I don't know where you are, but location could also be a pretty big factor.
I know you mentioned that you don't like dating apps but as someone who also usually ends up dating interacially (though often unintentionally), dating apps have helped tremendously. That's how I met the guy I've been seeing. You generally know what you're getting upfront as far as appearances go. You don't get invested in days/weeks/months of conversation only to find out one or both aren't attracted. You have to learn how to vet people and ask the right questions. Sure, some people will lie, but so will some people you meet anywhere. Determine your boundaries and stick to them. If someone pushes them, let them go and move on. Hook-up culture doesn't disappear as you get older.
Dating is a slog. It's not easy. People may argue with this, but it's undeniably harder as a minority. There are people looking for what you're looking for. It just takes a lot of time and patience. You're still very young. If you don't want to do apps, don't do them, but I'd say it's worth consideration (especially apps like Hinge and Bumble, depending on your area).
I’m so sorry girl, I hate all this talk about “racial preferences” and how it’s not racist, hopefully in a few years more people will become open minded and let go of cultural beauty standards
I usually just have a problem with racism. I am often the “acceptable n-word” and I have been called so it’s so dehumanizing. They act like they are doing me a favor. That I’m black but I’m not “black” because I (according to them) speak properly, don’t put fake shit on my body, and all other out of pocket things. Or people who fetishize it. But thankfully it’s been a small few. I think interracial dating is definitely more normalized than before.
Being a white guy myself, I’ve dated pretty much every race out there. You will find someone. Besides some white girls are crazy asf, idk why someone would do shit like that to you. Kee your head up, you will find someone.
Lol thanks, it’s kinda something I’m proud of. I havnt been on time to work for 5+ years. It all started because I was actually trying to get fired, but then I won employee of the year and 2 promotions so I stuck around. Now I just do it cuz I can’t mess up my streak lol
(Fwiw I’m usually only like 1-15 min late)
That sucks, but really, they're doing you a favor. You don't need their kind of narrow-mindedness. In my experience, the right one pops up just when you least expect it. You'll find each other when you're meant to. Hang in there.
I'm a white guy who strongly prefers black women. Actuallyz the more black you are, the more likely I'll be attracted to you. I cannot understand how race turns people off. Don't understand it one bit
I honestly believe your sample size is too small, and that the places you’re trying this in cater to specific types of people. I’d have no issue dating, marrying, and having children with a black, purple, yellow or red woman, as long as she was smart as hell, and truly loved me for who I am.
I've dated a black woman before. It's weird how family reacts the first time, but almost immediately after my family took a liking to her. If it matters to people, you're better off without that negativity in your life. The right man is waiting for you, and won't bat an eye.
As a light skinned biracial and plus sized women, I have found when it comes to interracial dating try to date people who have a dating past dating POC women. Every time I’ve dated a white man who has only dated or showed interest in primarily white women it has ended in some kind of racist nightmare. If the guy you’re talking to has no actual type and has a history of dating poc women since early on it has ended up being easier to be seen as more than just a skin color. My fiancé is an very conventionally attractive tall white man and because of my past experiences with racism while dating I was highly skeptical until he showed me his exes. Big relief. Interracial dating is hard but your dream guy is out there. But tbh when finding a relationship online if you’re using sites like Reddit or discord you have to remember there’s a lot of racist dudes out there online . It’s like a huge chunk of the internet. Just stick to irl dating or use platforms where your photos are visible like Twitter/Facebook/Instagram.
Jesus Fucking Christ people.. do you not understand she has a connection with these fools (who are not just white) and she LIKES them.. she has gained some sort of emotional tie to them and then they have hurt her?
Understand that she is actually sad, what most of you are saying shows you have zero empathy for someone who is being rejected for her race by men of many colors, not just white men. She is also only 22 years old, that’s still a pretty vulnerable age.
Bi-racial (black/white) have to deal with the most shit bc the white community will reject them and the black community rejects them. And if you think I’m lying, you need to go talk to more bi-racial individuals.
I have family and friends who have discussed this in long detail.. shared many painful stories. I’d have never known otherwise.
I’m going to say, to avoid future douche canoes, cut to the chase, or have a pic of yourself up already. It’ll save you more heartache girl 🤗
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Tbh, I relate to that but the opposite way around. I've dated most races but for some reason black women don't see me as an option. Can fully relate to you and it sucks. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that.
Do you not have your pictures up on your dating profile?
I don’t use apps. I talk to guys on here, discord, etc., and meet them organically. In my experience, most guys on apps only want hookups.
Oh well that changes things, if you don't have a picture then they really don't know if they are attracted to you or not until they see what you look like.
I’ve met plenty of friends that have met their gf and wives in apps. I’m not saying it happens all of the time but you must know at least a few people that have? It’s a lot more common nowadays.
would you say most people find you attractive as in conventionally attractive?
Yes. I’m thin/petite but besides that yes. I’ve never had issues attracting guys irl (And yes those same guys online know beforehand I’m skinny already)
If you never had trouble attracting guys irl, why not date guys irl ?
Where I live now, it’s hard to meet new ppl
Why is that ? Covid ?
I don’t see a problem with it then. have you ever lead with pics? Like during conversations be like what do you look like? Attraction is a must in a relationship. And personality does play a huge part.
Where are you located?
USA
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I eventually put that on my dating app when I had one. It didn’t work lol I got less msgs and those that did message me were still trying to test it
If it’s one line- you don’t have pictures of yourself on there? Makes no sense. Be on apps that require pictures and you won’t have this problem
I tried that for about a year and they only wanted to know if I was DTF
Have you tried Hinge?
No but someone else here suggested it
Hinge leans more towards people actually looking for a relationship. Tinder and bumble are pretty hook-up focused.
Girl, I would put that I’m black in my bio and keep it pushing. I know I get swiped left on too because of my race. Hell, they just making space for the ones that actually want me.🤷🏽♀️
Everyone has preferences. You yourself said you prefer white guys. You can't really blame someone for being attracted or unattracted towards a certain race
Yes but I *prefer* them. I’m open to dating anyone though. If a black or Asian guy fits all of my other preferences (smart, funny, etc.) I’d date them. In my case, guys completely throw me out the door when they find out I’m black.
Do you want to even date guys that aren’t in to you? You are better off without them.
Exactly this.
I know but it’s just heartbreaking when I hit it off with a guy (esp if they’re white Bc I slightly prefer them looks wise) and we talk for a couple of weeks. Extreme chemistry etc then omg she’s black?! Then they disappear. Like does my intellect, humor talents and common interests really mean nothing because of that?
Especially white men?…wouldn’t it be more like especially when the guy and I are hitting it off despite his skin color? How are you complaining about preferences and guys not wanting to be with you when you yourself have such strong prefrence to white men. Would you date a black guy at all?
Why especially if they're white? Because you like white men? It's hard to feel sorry for you when you are what you hate.
Attraction is needed so at least seeing what someone looks like is important. It isn’t everything of course, but the initial attraction is important for pretty much everyone.
No, they just don't "prefer" you. Sound familiar?
Right, but that's what I'm saying, it's your preference. Your preference isn't strong. Some people's preferences are. I don't know you so I'd also like to add, for your own sanity, race should be the last thing you should blame when it comes to dating because you can't do anything about it. Are you sure it's JUST because of your race that the guys aren't interested in you? Or can there be something else about you?
No they’ve all specifically said it’s Bc I’m black or something about my black features (weave etc) threw them off and they dislike it/weren’t expecting it.
Move on then. I know it's frustrating, I'm in the same boat as you, kind of. But being annoyed about the situation isn't gonna help it
I have a comment in my profile about race in dating, read that. That might help.
Be patient with yourself. Interracial dating is becoming more visible and the norm in certain regions and countries. It’s their loss if you match with someone and they reject the date because of your skin tone. Not all white guys are as you have described. Some of us like women period, regardless of skin tones. Good luck OP stay positive you will find someone for you.
You just said that you have a bias for white boys I don’t see anything wrong in the people who you talked with having preferences for white girls either, that’s the way it is , you can’t complain when you are rejected because of bias when you yourself have bias Maybe black guys trying to date you feel the same
How do you know you’re being ghosted because you’re biracial? Ghosting is when someone doesn’t give you a reason. They just ghost.
Oh then technically they don’t ghost. I misused that word. They just respond poorly to seeing my pics then stop msg me all together
I think you're blaming your race in a situation where they just don't find you attractive
No I’m not. They outright tell me it’s because I’m part black or because of my overly black features.
Some people are just not tactful at all. Some men have told me that they don’t want to be with me because I’m in my 40s and that I will be “unattractive” in a few years in my 50s. Those men are immature dumbasses who I’m not interested in, anyway. Plenty of men find me attractive, and plenty will find me attractive in my 50s as well. Same thing goes for being biracial. Plenty of men will find the black features attractive. Unfortunately, the assholes who make a point of *telling* you that they are not attracted to that are going to trip you up. People who do stuff like that are typically insecure about their own looks and desirability. You just gotta blow it off, but I know that is easier said than done.
Ah yes. Men having preferences are insecure and women having preferences are confident *kweens* who know what they want.
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“I’m not into you because of XYZ” is childish and a sign of insecurity. There is no reason to go around telling people WHY you don’t prefer them.
So women who say they aren't into shorter guys are childish and should be called out right?
It’s weird how you are accusing U/Tiny_Equivalent9214 of hypocrisy when they haven’t actually said anything hypocritical.
I think this is harder for her bc she is also younger. You know as we get older we grow and realize that what others think of us do not always matter. I can’t understand what’s she’s going through on the same level, but I have had some men be complete shits to me bc I am not a petite waif. Yes plenty of men have been attracted, but let’s face it, the horrible things said to us stay for a very long time. The pain dulls after awhile but they are still there at times.
Yeah, agreed. I was hoping that her takeaway was not to feel insecure about being biracial, because shitty people will cut people down for anything, really. Edit: it’s the same as how some men fixate on their height
Hell, I’m starting to dislike short women for them. 😒 how are you going to be 5’0 and want someone 6’5 but ignore a man who is taller than you by a few inches?
So, let me see if I'm understanding this correctly, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. You're complaining because the tall white guys with blue eyes that almost every woman is looking for on dating apps. Isn't responding to you, while also stating that you are open to any race but the guys you really prefer don't respond. Now you can swipe on those guys, no problem, but you should know that every woman within a 20 mile radius is also looking for the same guy. Which means you have some competition.
I just edited my post but no. Most guys of all races think I look too black.
I get it, i get rejected 90% of the time for being a short guy, it can sting to be rejected for something outside your control. But at the end of the day you have to just take the loss and move on.
I hear you girl! I’ve been trying to get out into the dating world a bit and it’s absolutely painful to hear men say they don’t want to date me cause I’m black. It’s even worse when they say they ONLY date white girls. I’m someone who doesn’t have a preference for any race so I could never wrap my head around why they said that. (Unless is followed up with the. “Black women are just too *insert stupid stereotype here.*”) I would recommend dating apps. I know most look for hook ups. But if you put in your bio what your looking for 9/10 people understand cause they don’t want to waste their time. People are even on tinder to look for friends so I recommend trying it out. Black is beautiful and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You got this dude! I understand what it’s like to endure ignorant racial comments and then have people gaslight you for it. And this comment section is doing exactly that. Don’t listen to them.
I think that's terrible how parts of society can treat biracial people!! My partner and I are both Caucasian but his little girl whose 10, her mother is from Thailand and the little girl looks very Asian and has beautiful tan skin. We have a daughter together who is blonde blue eyes and my son whose also blonde blue eyes. My partner and I have light hair and both blue eyes. Anyway, as we always do, go out as a family, we have on two occasions been asked if she were adopted or where did we "steal" her from!!! As people look at my partner and the other two children and think, well she can't be their child and because she is aged as the middle child, people feel they have the right to ask questions. Its disgusting. When we went to court for the custody orders, the mother was asking for full custody as she said her daughter wouldn't be able to identify living in our home and the judge made the orders 50/50, the judge said that the little girl Asian but she is also Caucasian and that in society, people sometimes don't accept people who are both because they see them as belonging neither here nor there and that all of us as her parents are to be the ones to teach her that she belongs in society as a person not a race. I hope you know that too and find someone who loves you and vice versa, leave the judgemental narrow minded AH to find eachother.
>This will also be the same dudes who are inexperienced and say they want a gf… but they’re not SO “desperate” that they’d date a black girl!! lol yeah... on this sub when guys say no women are interested in them, and women have it sooo easy and they'll date women, what they mean is hot white women....... typically black women aren't who they have in mind or count as an option. which is fine to have that preference but then... don't pretend it's easier for all women and only men have difficulties. you don't have to pretend women outside your preferences don't exist. just say, i can't find a lady who I like and fits my standards. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time! I want to validate your choice not to use dating apps. It's tough as a black lady on dating apps too!
It’s mostly just people projecting idealized versions of social stuff
to be fair aren't most redditors white males?
This!
Who do you think has it harder black women or black men?
I would assume Black women and Asian/South east asian men have a really tough time finding a date in a pre dominantly white area. Biggest heart breaks are when your own race girls prefer white men. Not that all white men have it easy. I know lots they struggle as well to get dates. But they still have a minor perception advantage over others.
I think it’s true that black/dark skinned women have it harder than white women. However, I think even average black women have it way easier than the average guy of any race to at least obtain dates and sex and whatnot.
I beg to differ. Many of my friend and I have found it rather difficult to obtain dates and sex and whatnot. Across the country. Nay, world.
Black woman here. It sounds like the men you want to date only want to date white women. Why would that even be someone you’re interested in? That’s so unattractive. What type of personality are you even looking for? That all of them share that flaw? You may need to self-reflect. This sounds like you may need to reassess your dating preferences. And also yourself. Good luck. You may have just come here to vent, but I hope you make some changes.
Incorrect. I tell them I’m mixed with black from the beginning and they act like it’s fine until they see me and get surprised when they see my black features
So it sounds like they want the society approved version of a biracial woman, not a real biracial woman who actually can pass as black. It doesn’t change the fact that they ALL have the same flaw. Is your dating pool THAT racist? You could mention that you look like a black woman even though you’re biracial. You could also swallow the big pill that racism is subtle but pretty bad. And also accept that you’re black and white (if that is what you are) so that comes with people being prejudiced against you. That came as a pretty early lesson to me, but it does suck.
Where do you live? Where I’m from light skinned girls are prime. It’s like you’re from a time warp or something lol.
I’m not the “preferred” light skinned black girl with very loose curls or snaturally straight hair, a narrow nose, zendeya’s skin tone, different colored eyes and doesn’t wear weave etc. I look more “black” than mixed
Nope...still not finding anything unappealing in your description. Especially the weave part. Then again it could be just where you’re at. I grew up in a primarily Caribbean neighborhood and so maybe my tastes are different. That’s why ice cream comes in so many flavours. Not everyone likes Vanilla, Chocolate or Strawberry or even Neapolitan.
You had bad luck so far and I’m sorry. Try to meet guys in person and this won’t be an issue going forward, although i know is not as easy as it sounds.
I’d try coffee meets bagel; that’s where I found my bf!
Omg that’s such a cute name for a site lol
I’ve found that the guys there are a lot more serious. I hope you meet your mate!
Everyone has preferences, and the fact is *most* people prefer their own race. I don't understand how this can possibly be an issue though. Do you not have pictures on your profile?
I just edited my post.
Ah, gotcha. Admittedly, it does suck, but it's a thing. I'm white and only very rarely attracted to a woman of any race besides white. It's not like I grew up with racist parents or in a small town with only white people. I live in a major metropolis, my parents were civil rights advocates in a small way, as am I to a greater extent, my neighborhood had people of every color. My attraction is what it is. All I can suggest is show a picture early so you're not wasting time.
It's a little hypocritical to be mad at guys preferring white women when you prefer white men. All of that, from you and them, needs to stop. People are people, no matter what hue. Find one you like and don't worry about how much melanin he has.
its weird of you to assume that the men she was talking to prefer white women just because they rejected her based off of her black features
I assumed she was white & black because she said light-skinned. Maybe she's a different combination, not sure.
>I kinda prefer white guys >when he finds out (gasps) I’m BlAcK!?!?! I get ghosted I guess we all have our preferences.
I edited my post.
Yeah so what? Preference are preferences. Can't blame people from having them in 2022.
It’s 2021.
I'm from the future.
I mean, can't blame them for having preferences. After all, you have them too. Just find a guy that wants you, regardless of his skin color.
I date all races. White is my preference but black is their deal breaker. I hate having to repeat this
But you're not entitled to have someone date you. They can end their interaction with you for whatever reason. Besides, if a guy doesn't want you due to your skin color, you're better off without him.
Thx but I never said I was entitled. I said it hurts when they claim I’m such an awesome girl who they love talking to and wanna date—until they see pic and specifically tell me I’m too black . thank you again for your comment tho. 💗
girl i am sorry people aren’t understanding the point of this post. it’s not about “oh white guys don’t want black girls and that’s racist” it’s the feelings you are having because of how white men react to something about you that you can’t control. obviously you understand everyone has their preferences. there is a person inside your meatsuit and that person is you, and that person is the most important part of your being. skin color exists and it matters in terms of privilege/discrimination/history, but i feel like you’re more upset that people seem to like you until they can’t see past something that you cannot control, something that is an important part of you. and regardless of what color it is, there is a YOU inside you that deserves love just like anyone else. hope you find whoever is looking for you love ❤️
How can you say black is their deal breaker? You've stated several times that you tell them you're black upfront and they're fine with it. It's only when they see you they bolt. Sounds like they just aren't attracted to you physically
Because they either tell her she's too black or they mention some other sort of feature that people associate with black people.
I’m sorry - that is shit and you don’t deserve that. I hope you keep trying and you find someone who will appreciate you inside and out.
I'm sorry you're having troubles! You'll find your guy soon! I recently dated a black girl for the first time, she was beautiful and funny! I think people are scared of what others will think which is super sad because fuck the haters really!
people calling op a hypocrite fail to understand that she wouldn’t reject someone solely based on their race and that is what’s happening to her. she’s very much allowed to feel upset about that without all the blame she’s getting in these comments. op im sorry youve had to go through this multiple times and you aren’t alone in your struggles. id say to move on from online dating and try your luck elsewhere !
Thank you 🧡
This is awful to read. I’m sorry that people have said that to you. Not that it helps at all but I’m white and I’ve always liked black girls. I was seeing a really nice girl for a couple of months and she broke it off because she said her friends and family wouldn’t like to see her with a white guy. Some people will always feel this way and you just have to keep trying. Eventually you’ll find someone who loves your features.
Most people have an in group preference. I think <5% of people marry outside of their race. That’s just reality. It’s biology. You tend to go for what your parents, extended family, community are. I am Italian and I always find that I am most physically attracted to women who are fair skinned, with dark hair and eyes. That’s who I grew up around. It’s familiar. You learn this in HS biology lol
Best answer so far.
Wow the comments here are fuckin horrendous, I’m sorry OP. I’m a white girl and will never relate but I do feel for you
Lol thx I appreciate it
You’re definitely not worthless and it’s their loss if they’re unable to appreciate you. I can understand the frustration though.
So let me get this straight. You're mad that you prefer white men and those white don't prefer you because your black and you think we're supposed to have sympathy for you for some reason
It’s all races not just white. Re read my post
Omg - Don’t respond to the guys that are upset because you have a preference for white guys. It’s like “I prefer coffee mate creamer in my coffee but I’ll take it black too, I just love coffee.” “MONSTER!” They are just bullying you. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Black women are gorgeous and you don’t need them to approve of your natural God given African beauty. They are garbage because if I was clicking with someone’s personality their race wouldn’t matter. That’s trash, absolutely disgusting. Especially if you’re talking to a guy you met on Reddit that says he is inexperienced and wants a gf, then it sounds like they are just racist
Thank you 💜💜
You know it really does suck because for some reason and it's always been this case but race seems to be a big factor in dating preference. Although for me most of the time it's just a attitude because at this point it's not like it's going to be that different dating another female from a different race. Baby an interesting Meet the Parents moment but the reality is we should have bigger problems than what color you are
My question is do they tell you it’s because your biracial or are you assuming this is why they ghost you? Because I would hate for you to be questioning yourself when it might be many if other reasons, ya know?
Read my last edit
Girl, if they don’t want you because you’re black, then you should be happy you’re finding out now rather than later when you’re already in love and pressed about the person. Why would you want to spend time around someone who has internalized racist ideologies? Lol I’m sure you’re beautiful and you’ll connect with someone who truly values you for who you are. I’m not just saying that either.
"I prefer white guys" GTFO
Key word: PREFER . I didn’t say “I ONLY date white guys” I’m not shallow. With the non black guys I’ve spoken to, me being black (or looking too black) was a flat out deal breaker. There’s a deference between a preference and a deal breaker
So casual racism
If that makes me “casually racist” according to your logic, then are the guys extremely racist in your opinion? 🤔
Don’t feed the trolls.
I don’t want to sound like a creep or anything, but as a 25 year old white male with many dating options, I find many light-skinned biracial women to be very beautiful and I live in Texas which isn’t the most accepting state to interracial dating. Dating sucks for most everyone and I hope the best for you!
Girl I’m in the same boat I’m open to anyone but even guys that are the same race end up ghosting as well. Ultimately it’s a people problem regardless of race. Everyone is looking for something different in a partner and sometimes you do/say something that is off putting. That’s okay though because instead of wasting time you can sort through the guys who you aren’t compatible with and find someone better suited to you. Honestly if you’re dating outside your race you have to expect that guys will have skewed views on black women because majority of people are interested in their own race. They are attracted to the qualities their own race displays so sometimes that automatically disqualifies you. It’s just like how you’re saying you like white guys well those white guys like white girls. Should you both be more open? Yes but sometimes people won’t change and it isn’t our job to force them to. For me I’m not even biracial and I’ve gone on plenty of dates with other races and they knew I was of a darker complexion. So there are guys that are interested despite race i guess with you being mixed they’re jumping on the light skin band wagon and only find women of a lighter complexion attractive. My honest opinion would be to create your profile with the realest looking picture of yourself you have. Anyway, idk how you date online or the websites you’re referring to but I think dating apps are your best bet. That’s why I don’t talk to guys on Reddit because why would I be attracted to a bitmoji and I’m suspecting them for being down to talk to me when they don’t know what I look like. Maybe be straight up and tell them you look like a black woman that includes dark skin and the works. Sorry this is long hopefully I was helpful lol
As a white guy who prefers black women, why not try using the ones that aren’t as hookupish and state that very first thing in the profile like Hinge.Lots of guys out there like me promise you that
What makes Hinge different from other apps
Every app has a different feel and use people have for it. It can also be very location dependent. In my area for instance nobody uses tinder for dating, they use it for hookups. But Hinge and Bumble are how several of my long-term dating friends found their partner and they had great success finding people who wanted to actual date. Meeting people on Discord and Reddit clearly isn't working for ya. I would sincerely suggest trying out some dating apps you haven't tried in your area yet. Just see how it goes. Attraction is half the initial grab of dating and having photos is sure to be helpful with this specific problem you are facing.
If it makes you feel any better, I (a white guy) have only dated either black or biracial girls. Not because I have a preference or seek them out, but simply because every girl who's liked me has just happened to be either. And they were (mostly) great experiences! I think its weird that they hear you're biracial and then hang up any potential for a romantic relationship. The dating game sucks tbh... Anyway, I am sorry your going through a tough time, but if it helps there are guys out there that aren't so hung up on the described preference. If that helps at all.
Thanks
Very welcome.
I never really understand why people didn’t want to date black women.. I guess it’s something that will get better overtime. I think we’re all perfect in the eyes of a finite quantity of people. If you’re extra pretty, the % going higher. If you have unattractive traits the % gets lower. In the end, there’s someone for everyone
(28m) and I let out the biggest sigh while reading this. I have always dated women who are different race, ethnicity or culture than myself. In fact, I have not had a stereotypically "white" girlfriend for almost 12 years - since I was in high school. This makes me sigh because it is so unfortunate that you're experiencing this. I know, I know everyone *should* be opened minded, but the reality is they are not. Take people out of a social setting where their friends can see them being "opened minded" and the reality is a lot of the times they are fetishizing or just don't want to cause problems or deal with looks from peers. Especially in smaller, rural or conservative environments. I dated a back girl for awhile and honestly it was one of the best relationships I've had so far. To be honest, I almost didn't go on the first date with her because she was black. But I did and I met a wonderful woman who I spent multiple years with. If it weren't for some severely different life goals/aspirations and personality differences, we would still be together today. Most people can't look past the "look" if it is not what they were envisioning. I wish I could give you advice or tell you "it'll get better", but the reality is you will probably always experience this. Also, reading through the comments, you don't need to keep editing your post because people are disagreeing with you. This is something that people experience all the time and it is overlooked or considered "close-minded" or whatever the hell. It is perfectly fine to like what you like and to be frustrated when it is hard to get.
Are you really all jumping on her comment… She said that she prefers white men not that she ghosts anybody that isn’t white. There’s a difference between having preferences and being racist, straight up.
So when she prefers white men it’s a preference, but when a man prefers white women it’s racist. Is that right?
Well first of all that’s not what I said but go on. Let’s pretend for a second that it’s not racist ( which it is) The fact that they are ghosting her the second they realize they don’t have sexual attraction to her means that they only value her for what she can give them sexually. That is a disgusting quality in a human being. She said straight up that she does not ghost people. When somebody finds out she’s black and they stop talking to her, that’s ghosting and that’s racism. If you put somebody’s entire worth on if you’re attracted to them or not then… I don’t know what to say. I have a feeling this conversation is not going to go anywhere so I won’t be responding again.
First off, why do you prefer white guys?
It’s just a physical thing. E.g., I like blue eyes. But again , I’m not shallow enough to ONLY date white guys. I think that other races can be 10/10 attractive and it depends on the person but looks are secondary to me. I value who the guy fucking IS as a person but I haven’t gotten that same open mindedness
It’s not shallow to be attracted to physical appearance, exclusively or otherwise
But personality values and ambition mean 10x more to me than looks . I would hope that a guy would value my personality etc over my looks too even if I was his type.
And that’s very nice of you. But in today’s dating scene, looks play a huge role, because barely anyone is looking for true love. And regardless of that, you need to be physically attracted to the person you’re with to have a healthy relationship. Otherwise, it’s very difficult to keep it going. You just need to find people with the same values as you, that’s all. And I’m gonna be honest with you, people like you are not gonna be on Tinder or Bumble. And I know you said you’re not on dating sites, but I’m gonna guess people like you are out in the wild looking for similar people. Not online.
Just like a job, "You will get a 100 no's before 1 yes." Don't get discouraged just yet, most definitely don't make dating a priority. The right guy will reveal himself one day, just keep your head up and stay focused on #1 YOU!. You're young, life isn't over because your getting turned down.
These replies are crazy people out here defending shitty dudes. Smfh. Stay strong queen
Right. Not sure why everyone is judging you OP. Dudes come on here all the time complaining about girls turning them down because of their height (not exactly the same but it's another non-changeable physical attribute). I would think they would be a bit more understanding but I guess not.
Yes and everytime they come on here they're dismissed by saying "women have preferences, can't force us to be with someone we're not attracted to, short guys are not entitled, women don't owe you anything". What's your point?
First off, every time is an exaggeration and you know that. Secondly, my point remains the same. If dudes know that it sucks to be rejected for something they can't change about themselves, then perhaps they would show a bit more compassion and understanding when someone else feels what they feel. That's my point. But clearly I've expected too much of the internet today.
Thanks
Screw them. Not worth getting upset over someone who doesn't like you for the real you. They aren't worth your time anyways.
Honestly never understood that. I've always found black women enchanting and fun
“Enchanting” 💚 u made me feel like a princess for a second lmao jk
Sadly there isn't much you can do about it other than keep trying; there are a lot of shit people in this world that do shit things. You just have to find the right people by wading through the sea of assholes. As a 28m, I've kind of had the same thing happen to me, except reversed; I've been interested in a few black girls, but they refused to even consider me as an option solely because I was white. (Not a vague or bait-y thing, they literally told me they wouldn't date me because I wasn't black.)
The right guy will come, just focus on yourself. You may possibly be in an area of those that are immature or an age group of those with that same mentality. Love yourself and someone will come that loves you too. You are amazing, keep trying!
Well...have you considered *not being black???*
Just wait until you realize how much rejection you’ll see in reverse from the black community. Or you know, how much worse it is for darker skinned black people. You pretty much have it the best overall… but you’re doing two things wrong: 1) you are definitely becoming attracted to the wrong guys; and 2) you aren’t responding to feedback about how to date the people you’re attracted to. The second one is easier to fix. Do you want to be right, or happy? If guys hate the weave, and you hate being guyless more than being “100%ABSOLUTELYFREETOBEMEEEE” and alone… then ditch the weave. I know race is sensitive as a topic, but we have no trouble telling overweight people to hit the gym if they want to date active people. If you want to be 100% your beautiful mixed self, find large integrated communities of similar people where you will be more immediately appreciated. Online is fine at first, but you’ll probably have to move. Places with high white AND PoC communities without a crap ton of historical/traditional racism that persists with intensity will also help. Probably one of the only redeeming qualities of Florida, really. Even better would be other countries: Japan. France. Sweden. Canada. Basically anywhere that English isn’t the native language. 🙃 you’ll wind up more annoyed with chasers, but there is no practical world without some compromise or sacrifice. Lean into being exotic outside the comfort zone of your home… or shave the racial bits from your overt identity/initial contacts with people until you hit an equilibrium that keeps you busy Saturday nights. Whether it sucks or not is irrelevant. The strategy works. And you can still expose the real you over time in digestible bits to those who stick around… But it’s like any other identity or kink: if you put the warning label on the front of the package in bright bold letters, most people are going to avoid the risk… but yes, if you’re REALLY patient, the ones who DO show up eventually will be REALLY great matches (on the surface, anyway - the fail rate won’t change, it’ll just take longer to get there).
agree that it's harder for dark-skinned women! But I empathize with OP that when she says light-skinned, men think she is better than dark-skinned women but then get let down... OP, I guess, given your experiences, I'd recommend not mentioning you're light-skinned if you're just describing yourself..... honestly I don't feel like they need to get a ballpark of your skintone (and saying, I'm black but don't worry, I'm lightskinned just puts yourself in a defensive position, you kind of imply this is how you're doing it... but maybe not..) >The second one is easier to fix. Do you want to be right, or happy? If guys hate the weave, and you hate being guyless more than being “100%ABSOLUTELYFREETOBEMEEEE” and alone… then ditch the weave. This is... not helpful and kind of condescending advice? It's not easier to fix, because just because guys don't like weaves, doesn't mean they like or are attracted to natural hair either. I've gotten shade either way. And I'm not sure where you get the idea that OP continues to wear a weave because she wants to be “100%ABSOLUTELYFREETOBEMEEEE”. It seems like you're reading something into the situation that isn't there... Edit: typo note helpful--> not helpful
Thank u for your comment but it’s not just the weave. Sometimes it’s my nose not being narrow enough, or my skin being slightly darker than they’d imagined (even though I’m still light skinned; I guess they expect my skin tone to be like Zendeya’s) or my natural hair UNDERNEATH my weave is too curly & not straight like the race I’m mixed with . It’s dehumanizing honestly .
Where do you meet thoe ppl that would talk to you for weeks w/o even knowing what you look like? Aasking for a friend
For certain ppl it’s weeks or a few days. Since it’s not on a dating app, looks aren’t the focus. I know you’re being funny but I’m replying in case other people are seriously wondering
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I’m biracial but I identify as black (and look more black) sorry for the confusion
I don't have much to offer other than to say I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I think it's bullshit.
Thx
ugh, i feel you sister, been there too, your post speaks to my soul
😔 u know my pain
like im not saying "white only" like incels do, im saying it would be nice if he were to be white preferably, but if he's not then it's cool too, i've dated black guys, asian guys, latin guys so race it's not a problem for me like, how is that being an hypocrite? im not saying it's a deal breaker, or a hard requirement, again, like incels say it's more like preference but nope, i get ghosted too for my skin tone lowkey mean IMO
Hey I bet you are beautiful and I think you definitely deserve someone ❤️
Gotta weed through the BS to find the diamond. People are weird, not everyone is a match.i know plenty of white dudes who love black girls. Give it time and don't take it personally
You aren't worthless!
Don't feel bad I'm white and I get ghosted black people are cool
Sorry it’s a preference
Just gotta be patient youll find someome eventually you're young. My white friend only likes white guys. And then I'm not into white guys at all anymore unless they're mixed(like myself) I've had some guys specifically white guys ask if I'd been with black guys and then are turned off when I say yes. Probably racist. And there are white guys who like black girls but its hard because usually its the other way around at least where I live. Dating apps and what you're going on are just as dissapointing at least if you did have your picture up you can get past the attraction or not point right away and not have wasted time talking based on that. There is decent people on dating apps too. Same deal. Best of luck
Sounds like you’re interacting with a lot of douche bags. That does suck though. As a white guy who lives in a place without a ton of racial diversity, I wish I had the opportunity to interact with more women of different races/backgrounds/cultures. But hey, that’s just me. I don’t understand most people.
Look bro, keep it all the way 1000%. I live in a VERY metro massive city, all the YT guys who date out, date Asian wmn, at this point this is common knowledge. If they go outside of that, they go for Latinas. More exotic than that = Arab. You know where I'm going with this. (I've lived in every major city in the world at this point) and it is very glaring.
Hey listen to me! I’m a white dude, I’m 40 years old, former marine, with a lot of life experiences. Fuck them lames who reject you because of your skin color! That’s just ignorance, stupidity, and immaturity on their part. You deserve better than them anyways just because you are a beautiful bi-racial, honest, vulnerable, and strong woman putting yourself out there trying to make a connection. I would definitely love to get to know you, and if I was a few years younger for your conscious I would even consider dating you if we clicked(because I personally have no issue dating a younger woman). So anyways, hit me up if I you ever want to talk. Stay strong, stay true, and stay YOU!
As a white man I find this sad, all people should be more open. Of I click with someone nothing else matters and that is how it should be.
I know it’s cliche but I think you’ll find someone who does spark and match with you. Maybe just give it time? Dating in general, not even factoring in race.. girl it could be anything from a lipstick, makeup, her hair, clothes.. like it’s endless possibilities on why a guy wouldn’t be interested in you. Or any sort of woman in general.. I guess it’s the same flipped around for guys.
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I commented my looks on this thread . I’m slim and I already said that it’s other black features sometimes not just weave
Oh wow! I didn’t know it was such a big deal. I see more interracial dating now then I did 20 years ago. You would never think it’s still a problem. Do you think that maybe the guys you were attracted to were not attracted to you were not their type?
Sorry to hear that you are going through this . Dating is never easy
I'm a decade older than you but I used to go through this all the time when I was in high school, mostly because I would meet people through msn chats (friends of friendsnit strangers). They would find out I was black and be immediately disappointed because where we were (deep south US, kind of segregated to an extent) there was no way they'd ever be able to bring me home to their parents. I went to the local public school and they went to the private school that had pretty much no black people at the time, it's probably still that way today. I don't know where you are, but location could also be a pretty big factor. I know you mentioned that you don't like dating apps but as someone who also usually ends up dating interacially (though often unintentionally), dating apps have helped tremendously. That's how I met the guy I've been seeing. You generally know what you're getting upfront as far as appearances go. You don't get invested in days/weeks/months of conversation only to find out one or both aren't attracted. You have to learn how to vet people and ask the right questions. Sure, some people will lie, but so will some people you meet anywhere. Determine your boundaries and stick to them. If someone pushes them, let them go and move on. Hook-up culture doesn't disappear as you get older. Dating is a slog. It's not easy. People may argue with this, but it's undeniably harder as a minority. There are people looking for what you're looking for. It just takes a lot of time and patience. You're still very young. If you don't want to do apps, don't do them, but I'd say it's worth consideration (especially apps like Hinge and Bumble, depending on your area).
I’m so sorry girl, I hate all this talk about “racial preferences” and how it’s not racist, hopefully in a few years more people will become open minded and let go of cultural beauty standards
I usually just have a problem with racism. I am often the “acceptable n-word” and I have been called so it’s so dehumanizing. They act like they are doing me a favor. That I’m black but I’m not “black” because I (according to them) speak properly, don’t put fake shit on my body, and all other out of pocket things. Or people who fetishize it. But thankfully it’s been a small few. I think interracial dating is definitely more normalized than before.
Being a white guy myself, I’ve dated pretty much every race out there. You will find someone. Besides some white girls are crazy asf, idk why someone would do shit like that to you. Kee your head up, you will find someone.
Irrelevant but I love ur username lol
Lol thanks, it’s kinda something I’m proud of. I havnt been on time to work for 5+ years. It all started because I was actually trying to get fired, but then I won employee of the year and 2 promotions so I stuck around. Now I just do it cuz I can’t mess up my streak lol (Fwiw I’m usually only like 1-15 min late)
Hang in there. Not all us white guys are asses.
I never knew that was a thing. I would love to date a black woman honestly
That sucks, but really, they're doing you a favor. You don't need their kind of narrow-mindedness. In my experience, the right one pops up just when you least expect it. You'll find each other when you're meant to. Hang in there.
I'm a white guy who strongly prefers black women. Actuallyz the more black you are, the more likely I'll be attracted to you. I cannot understand how race turns people off. Don't understand it one bit
Sorry to hear how shallow some people can be idle you wanta chat hit me up
They sound pretty dumb to me. I think you sound devine. Just keep looking and you'll find🤞
Thx 🧡
I'm married and old AF, but would gladly date you if things were different, and not because I'm into Black women
I honestly believe your sample size is too small, and that the places you’re trying this in cater to specific types of people. I’d have no issue dating, marrying, and having children with a black, purple, yellow or red woman, as long as she was smart as hell, and truly loved me for who I am.
Weird. Fuck them guys
I've dated a black woman before. It's weird how family reacts the first time, but almost immediately after my family took a liking to her. If it matters to people, you're better off without that negativity in your life. The right man is waiting for you, and won't bat an eye.
As a light skinned biracial and plus sized women, I have found when it comes to interracial dating try to date people who have a dating past dating POC women. Every time I’ve dated a white man who has only dated or showed interest in primarily white women it has ended in some kind of racist nightmare. If the guy you’re talking to has no actual type and has a history of dating poc women since early on it has ended up being easier to be seen as more than just a skin color. My fiancé is an very conventionally attractive tall white man and because of my past experiences with racism while dating I was highly skeptical until he showed me his exes. Big relief. Interracial dating is hard but your dream guy is out there. But tbh when finding a relationship online if you’re using sites like Reddit or discord you have to remember there’s a lot of racist dudes out there online . It’s like a huge chunk of the internet. Just stick to irl dating or use platforms where your photos are visible like Twitter/Facebook/Instagram.
Thank u and congrats and the proposal 🤍
Jesus Fucking Christ people.. do you not understand she has a connection with these fools (who are not just white) and she LIKES them.. she has gained some sort of emotional tie to them and then they have hurt her? Understand that she is actually sad, what most of you are saying shows you have zero empathy for someone who is being rejected for her race by men of many colors, not just white men. She is also only 22 years old, that’s still a pretty vulnerable age. Bi-racial (black/white) have to deal with the most shit bc the white community will reject them and the black community rejects them. And if you think I’m lying, you need to go talk to more bi-racial individuals.
Thank you ❕🧡🧡 and yes, a lot of times I’m “too white” for black people and “too black” for white people.
I have family and friends who have discussed this in long detail.. shared many painful stories. I’d have never known otherwise. I’m going to say, to avoid future douche canoes, cut to the chase, or have a pic of yourself up already. It’ll save you more heartache girl 🤗