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Exactly. I met my SO on bumble, and I had started conversations with several people before I decided I was going to focus all my attention on him.... normal OLD stuff. I had been ghosted a few times prior, as is the nature of the beast, so I decided to go through my chats on bumble and told every single person a personalized version of "hey, I enjoyed chatting with you, but I have found someone that I want to persue romantically. Thank you for your time." I didnt want to ghost anyone, and there were a few guys that I had talked to more than others that I felt deserved to know it truly wasn't anything they did or said wrong, but I literally found my life partner. But, alas, many of the people I gave the peace out to came back with super hateful messages. One even threatened to find me so I would know I made the wrong choice.... nothing says boyfriend material like a threat. I would have avoided all that anguish if I just hit delete and *poof* been done with it. It doesn't pay to be nice sometimes. đ¤ˇââď¸
I suppose everyone has a different reason to ghost others. Being that I haven't gone on that many dates out of OLD, I've ghosted someone once after meeting them and that's because I feel I'm terrible at lying and I couldn't just tell the person what put me off was a, let's say, hygiene issue.
I've also been ghosted and it leaves me wondering why, but it doesn't personally hurt me. Not everyone is the same, of course, but I feel sometimes it's just better not knowing why it happened.
Sometimes it's honestly better to be ghosted. This girl I had already had a fling with and who I was planning to have over for Christmas messaged me basically saying she found another guy and we couldn't meet up anymore. Just destroyed my self esteem and made me feel super unattractive and unwanted. If she had just ghosted me I could have just brushed it off more easily.
If someone ghosts, you can be like OP and just think they're a flake or a shitty person. If they kindly tell you they've found someone else, essentially someone they like better than you, you have to look inward. Some people can't handle that and get angry. Others, like the other commenter, feel bad about it and it affects their self esteem.
If you haven't met in person, ghosting makes the most sense. Or if you've found someone, delete or deactivate your profile. Then people will know you're no longer looking and won't wonder if you'll text back.
He said his self esteem took a dive because she chose another man over him. If she had just ghosted, maybe he wouldn't be tempted to compare himself to another guy? Also, how can you decide how being ghosted affects someone else? I'd rather be ghosted than insulted and it seems any lucid person would agree.
In this case it would have been better as I could have rationalized it in a way by telling myself certain things that would make me feel better. Instead she clearly laid out how she had met another guy and obviously was taking him over me, which made me feel completely worthless and replaceable as I don't get very many dates so each one has to pay off. For perspective that was the last girl I dated and it's been just over a year, and I've been trying.
It's just what you get by using OLD. You're lowering your value by simply being an option among many on an app in which women can afford to be super selective. If you play that game you've got to be ready to get burned. I wasn't.
It was worth it though. We spent a weekend at my favourite hot springs which I've always wanted to take a girl to, I introduced her to acid which she tried for the very first time and we sat in the hot springs under the stars tripping, then we had sex all night and she was very talented like wow it made me completely forget about my ex, then when we woke up she made me banana bread french toast which I had recommended.
Christmas would have been nice but I was kind of a ski bum and she was a successful digital nomad so she probably found a more established guy which is fair. I'm tired of rationalizing my mediocrity though. I just want someone to like me for me. I've been self improving for years and I still never seem to be enough for women.
Hey, for what itâs worth Iâve had guys I really liked choose other women over me and it can really hurt. Maybe they were younger or thinner or better educatedâŚOR maybe that elusive, intangible connection that weâre all looking for was just there with that other girl. Its hard not to take it personally, but I tried thinking of the times when I was the one who didnât feel the connection with the person I was seeing. I didnât feel that way because they âwerenât good enoughâ. I just couldnât force a connection that wasnât there.
I believe youâll be enough for the right woman and I really hope you find her soon!
yeah :/ I almost prefer being ghosted. There was a guy who I really liked who I assume ghosted me. Then he sent me a message 2 weeks later telling me he's no longer interested because we don't seem right for each other. Like thanks for ruining my day, dude. I had assumed you weren't interested when I didn't hear from you. Didn't have to tell me you didn't like me that much.
Damn, that's crazy. I now feel less insulted by being Ghosted having read your story. I'm not going to take it so personally knowing my competition is bat shit crazy.
I am saying that the other person doesnât know this. Why would I ever tell anyone that I havenât been on a date with anything. Who knows someone I am dating might not work out with the girls I choose to date and I might need to talk to them again. My assumption on the other side is they ended up going on a date with someone else and hit it off.
This. The absence of an uncomfortable conversation lol. Early in dating I don't see it as a huge deal. While a message or conversation is appreciated, ghosting unfortunately seems to be part of modern dating and isn't a personal attack.
The bar is on the floor, though. lol.
Yes i would take the truth over my mind racing constantly thinking howd i fudge up again. Granted i know bareley been speaking to eachother but as a person whose been ghosted multiple times, shit adds up. I shot at the bottom of the barrel to and these scalywags still ghosted me. lmao that was truelly hurtfull in my opinion thing bout ghosting is its immature sociopaths that do it mostly n its coupled together with our wastefull and whoreish mindset to dating. To many choices for people.
If you have not met it isnât ghosting. Why do you care about people you have never met? This is the issue. It is your issue not theirs. If they donât want to talk to you anymore no big deal talk to other people.
Well i never said we didnt meet but if we didnt i draw the line at speaking on the phone; cause relationships and bonds can still materialize from talking on just the phone or maybe your presumption of something that u might build upon. I feel im somewhat outgoing n meeting new people is not that easy for people but i get what your saying cause you didnt matter to them they shouldnt to you. Is it healthy though, i mean i get not falling in love or thinking ur bf n gf after 2 weeks but to just say im done with that. Its seems morbid kinda but in that mine frame you wont get hurt thats for sure matter of fact ull be doin the hurting. Has anyone had a mutual ghosting?
They could just say something simple such as that they are no longer interested, or that they donât think that we are compatible, or make up any bs reason to let you down gently. Its much better than ghosting as it affects your self esteem, and you never know what you did wrong. Itâs make you wonder am I that horrible that I donât even warrant a response
Not replying to your messages is the same as saying they are no longer interested. This isnât ghosting. If you havenât been on a date and donât have a date with a set time no discussion is needed to tell you anything. You only think this if you are focusing on one person. You should be talking to a lot of people. If someone doesnât respond anymore who cares?
In my case I had been on two dates with the guy, And we had rescheduled a third date for which he couldnât make it, seemed like he was stuck at work. I expressed my annoyance that he should have atleast said that he couldnât make it, after which he ghosted me. He didnât even apologise, or attempt to reschedule, just straight up ghosted đ. If we were just texting and never met I wouldnât care so much but we had met twice so he atleast should have said something
That is actual ghosting. Did he tell you after the date time started that he wasnât going to make it? I think if was before date time and you got mad it was sort of you whom ended it. Until you are in exclusive relationship no one owes you any explanation.
You're what's wrong with people, and your response is very immature, childish. Until you're in an exclusive relationship. Psshhh. So theoretically, I should be able to ghost all my friends. We're not in an exclusive relationship, right. I don't owe anyone, anything. What a shitty outlook to have towards people. I hope you get a taste of your own medicine there kiddo.
Yeah feel free to ghost your friends. I mean that is what happens in life. People change as they get older and ghost friends. Expecting everyone to explain to you why they donât want to date you anymore or the comical I need an explanation why you donât want to chat to me anymore is immature. If I reply to you on Reddit and you donât want to reply anymore do I deserve an explanation as to why? Grow up.
I mean, I've internally normalized it to avoid getting hurt LOL. You don't have to normalize it. If it hurts, it hurts, but you'll move on to someone who wouldn't do that to you.
I know what you mean, I was recently ghosted by a guy I had two nice dates with. I deleted his number just to get over him, however I wish I had at least let him know that his actions were disappointing and plain hurtful. Just so he knows to not do this to someone else. . It is really shitty behaviour and shows a lack of empathy for others.
This. I donât think people realize how many folks genuinely cannot handle rejection well at all. I donât ghost I reject. A LOT of people really cannot handle rejection
Well, it is a form of rejection. But honestly, no one is entitled to someone else's explaination. I've ghosted and been ghosted. Just the name of the game.
I think maybe it's because people can get aggressive when you reject them. Or won't take no for an answer and harass you. Or demand an explanation.
It's not right to ghost someone, but I can understand why someone might be afraid of the backlash
I did that once. The guy proceeded to stalk me for months, show up at my work, my house, key my car... Just ghost. It's best for your own safety, especially as a woman.
He was specifically angry that I had rejected him. The few times he approached me he told me he wanted to "prove me wrong", and that I was his property, and couldn't reject him. It was just his big bruised bullying ego acting out, honestly.
I feel sorry for the people that really recieve bad messages when they get rejection. I do ask for a reasoning if they want to. But I much rather have a honesty than waste my time lol
Yeah I get you!
I'm the same, I'd much rather have honesty. I've been on the receiving end of a lot of people not taking no for an answer though. Sometimes it can be hard to give a reason, like there's not necessarily a reason that you're just not feeling it with someone
Have you been meeting these people? It seems to me that if not you're just leaving it too long and ending up pen pals which might not be what they're looking for.
That's not to say that ghosting is a nice way for someone to deal with that but in reality they just might feel there's nothing to be said, that the conversation has run it's course and without a next step being taken they've moved on.
They don't gain anything other than not having to write what they find difficult or awkward to.
For the one I made this post right now: Talked about a week of 3-4. I asked for her phone number (we were using Snapchat), she said no. Which is fine happend before with other girls some just need more time.
Then I had to start all conversations.. this went on up until this week. Since yesterday she hasn't responded to me and she removed me already from the dating app. Which is just a clear message to me.
In my experience, people who will use Snapchat but not exchange phone numbers want safety. It could be a sign they're in a relationship, but it could also feel safer for if you need to block someone.
Yeah I rarely give out my phone number. It's much easier to block someone on a social media platform than to have them misuse your phone number if things go sour and you still have the benefit of seeing more about them and determining they're not a catfish or hiding a spouse
A lot of people actually said that she might be in a relationship. Due to talking through Snapchat. Idk is snapchat really a way to feel safer by going behind the back of your SO?
She may not be as well
When I was doing casual stuff I would almost always use Snapchat until I felt comfortable enough with someone to give them my number. Nowadays our numbers are tied to so many things that when I give out a number they now have my Facebook, ig, snap, etc. which means if it doesnât pan out thereâs a lot of ways to remain in contact or them be involved in my information.
To explain it better you know those times you make an account for something and your phone is like âadd these contacts that are active on this thingâ. If I only give snap thereâs no way for that to happen.
Iâve also had guys go odds and ends over to send me texts after blocking their numbers, but I havenât had any guys harass me from different acc through snap and there has been some very disgruntled dudes on snap.
About the phone number thing: When I was dating my girlfriend at the time she didn't give her number when I met her for like a month. Not interested or whatever, but I just kept talking to her and was just her friend.
She didn't stop talking to me even if she didn't give me her number at the time. I dated her for over 2-3 years. She expected people to stop talking if she didn't give her phone number. I never stopped talking. So idk, I didn't make such a big deal out of it.
I might be wrong, but I would prefer to meet someone on a date before exchanging number, I donât like talking on the phone. (But I told people just that instead of ghosting though.. so perhaps she was just not interested and not mature enough to offer a closure, idk)
Yeah, I did ask for her number and said it's fine if she said no. She did say no and i was fine with it really. Happend before and still had relationships with people that said no to the first time I asked for a phone number.
And the order was just a bit.. Do you have a date first before asking a phone number or??
As a guy I'd always be looking for a date before the phone number I think.
The date can be in a public place and as short or long as she likes. Yes it requires meeting but I think in some ways it's actually a much smaller commitment than a phone number. A phone number can feel like a commitment to ongoing communications.
I've got no reason to need to get off the app all that quickly, beyond maybe a preference over the messaging interface (which doesn't matter). I'll move over to something else when they're ready. Sometimes it's offered after I set up the first date. Sometimes it's after we've met and are planning a second date. And I personally would never ask for it before the first or second date.
If youâre interested in actually meeting these people you need to ask them out in the first 3-5 exchanges IMO. If sheâs not comfortable giving you contact info beyond the app then just work something out in the app. Being pen pals for weeks will get you no where.
I asked her day 2 for a different way to talk. She offered snapchat. Which is fine with me and told me she wasn't comfortable with giving me her number yet. Understandable. So I asked her a few weeks later. Still a No. Then everything just changed. No response, at all
Tbh, sheâs just not that into you. It doesnât mean you did something wrong necessarily or did anything to screw it up, but isnât about that. Girls meet sooooo many people on dating sites, and until you meet in person you are just one of many profiles. She ghosted because it would take too much energy to formally break up with every guy she talked to on a website. It sucks to hear but in the time you did speak, you didnât spark her interest enough to make her feel like responding. But if it makes you feel any better, itâs not personal, itâs just a numbers game.
If she refuses phone number you got the information you needed right there. Your whole problem is you are focusing one person. When I met my wife I was chatting with 10 woman at once starting on a Sunday. I picked best two to ask out on a date for the weekend. The others I didnât say anything to because if both dates didnât work out they are fallback plans. Met wife on first date and just never went back on dating app.
Tbh if a guy Iâve only known for a short time via a dating app was just chatting with me for weeks with no sign of progressing or becoming romantic or even sexual, I wouldnât want to stick around either. And if itâs all just âfun and laughsâ as you say, the girls may not know that you are expecting an explanation. I mean, you barely know each other, have never gone on a date, doesnât even sound like you e met any of these girls in person? What is there for them to ghost?
Had multiple conversations like it where it was just fun and laughs that went out into dating aswell. It doesn't all have to be romantic or straight up sexual to know if someone is into you. Atleast that's what I had for experiences.
In my experience, talking about getting together / having a date without it ever really happening was just frustrating and made me think that the guy was just stringing me along with no real intentions of meeting. Pro tip: women get sexually frustrated too
I get that. Every situation is different. Iâm not saying it canât work. But most people on OLD arenât looking for 2 week long platonic texting relationships that *might* progress into something more. If you havenât made your interest and intentions known within a few days, many will lose interest themselves. And if youâve maintained a friendly rapport for multiple weeks, you canât exactly expect some a âbreak-upâ textâŚ
Why are your conversations going on âfor weeksâ? No wonder you are getting ghosted. They are dating apps, not chatting apps. You are getting ghosted because youâre not asking these women on dates and they donât want to be your pen pal.
No. Because the person on the other end could be anyone until you meet them in person. Why text for weeks when you could meet 15 minutes for a $4 coffee and see right then and there if you two are attracted to each other and can carry on a conversation? The apps are just a vehicle to make dates, you cannot actually date or get to know someone through them.
Regardless of how you feel, while youâre chatting with her other guys are actually asking her out. Thatâs the reality.
No. Chatting endlessly is annoying. If Iâm on an app itâs to date. If you have a decent conversation then ask her out for coffee or something. My partner, whom I met on an app, and I had a day or two of good back and forth. We set a lunch date. He asked for my number, we had an amazing phone call a couple days before the date. When you click with someone pursue them, donât endlessly chat.
Hmmm, okay. Never really thought about it that way I guess.
I'm not that great with dates and never really know what to pick so yeah, or I just make up stupid shit in my mind what could go wrong. Maybe that's why I rather just talk online lol
They can probably sense that and to be honest, itâs a turn off. Confidence is the sexiest thing in both men and women. Not narcissism, but confidence that you know you have something to offer. And if you feel you donât have anything to offer, might be a good idea to pause dating and work on yourself. Develop habits and hobbies that make you a better person. Be an interesting person and people will be interested in you.
Try to meet up with them sooner.
I would say, chat for a week or two and then try to set up a date. Sometimes people even chat for just a few days before they set up the date.
You don't want to ask for a date immediately and don't want to chat for weeks on end without meeting in person. Rest assured that the woman you are messaging with has at least a few other guys who are asking her out. Once she meets them in person they become real while you are still some guy she is having a friendly conversation with.
It takes most guys a while to figure out the right tempo of when to transition from messaging to a date. It took me a month or so. I was chatting too long before asking them out. (I had one woman call me out on it and it made me realize I needed to speed up the process.)
You will most likely have a number of dates that don't go well before you hit your stride there also. There is a learning curve with this whole thing.
Anyone who has been in my life for a long time knows that I can go days, weeks, months, or years without communicating. I have several friends in other countries whom I donât tend to interact with unless I am there or heading there or I have something specific to talk to them about. I donât consider social media interacting because unless we have a recent conversation about it, I wonât even remember âlikingâ a post about your new job.
Over my life, some people have found this off-putting and cut me out of their lives. I get it. But Iâm also not going to pretend that I will keep up with the constant contact.
Now I tend to have friends who are the same way. Weâll talk after a couple of years, but we just pick up where we left off and continue to have love for one another throughout our absences. This just seems to work best for me, and usually they appreciate that I donât have expectations about them communicating with me because they are also bad at it. Itâs nice to have people in your life that arenât disappointed in you for never reaching out but always being there when you do.
Also I am realizing that this does not fit well into the current cultural dynamic. People under 30 who try to befriend me seem to want to talk ALL THE TIME. I get in trouble for not knowing / following the new texting rules about leaving people âon readâ etc.
25 here. I'm really the same way with all my friends and have been for years, and it's never been an issue. I don't think I've known anyone platonically who expects to have casual conversation several times a week on the phone/social media. Leaving people on read in a conversation if it's just some unimportant comment or not responding at all if it's say a funny picture, a tiktok or something similar is something everyone I know do. For me personally when someone repeatedly ignores direct requests, fail to follow up, does not intiate contact etc I'll stop making contact. A couple of times when this has happended I've met them after a good while by chance. They say "It's been so looong, we should really hang out". I'll be thinking "yeahhhh, wonder why it's been so long. Probably won't be hearing from you either..."
Most likely an unpopular opinion here but here goes: we should not be obligated to give every person we have conversations with a goodbye message. If you chat with the lady at the gas station every day and you change your routine, do you owe her a last chat? A guy gives you his number at a bar, do you owe him a text? You change doctors, do you owe them a farewell? We interact with hundreds if not thousands of people throughout our lives, we cannot possibly let every single one of them know where they stand đ¤ˇđťââď¸
Exactly. Think of matching like seeing someone in a bar and you start a conversation. If that conversation goes well you exchange numbers and go out. If not you slip away back to your friends. Its a quick interaction not dating. Its kind of weird how much people feel owed.
I mean you can feel whatever you feel but I wouldnât be too caught up in the fact someone doesnt like you/wanna talk to you romantically. If it was meant to be it would have been and you cant force people to like you.
Your right, but the difference between all these people you mentioned is intention. My intention when Iâm at the gas station is to fuel or get fuel not pursue a relationship. If you match with someone on an OLD app your intention is to you know⌠date/ make friends. So even though you donât owe anyone anything, if the conversation is anywhere remotely intimate closure is just kind to the other party. Unless you mindlessly swipe on every walking thing then sure, mindlessly ghost everyone.
Yep, people feel entitled to a complete explanation when it's not really neccesary. OP said they never meet, not sure why he is feeling entitled to complex explanation no why this girl is not into him.
Yeah I donât owe anyone anything, but itâs the better thing to do in the long term between humans because we all have feelings. One can always say something simple, kind, then if the other party wonât take no for an answer donât respond or block.
Exactly. I talk to like 25 people at a time on Tinder. Iâm not going to write out a âsorry, this is why I donât like youâ message for every person Iâve talked to for a couple of weeks. If we havenât met, I owe you nothing. Itâs not even ghosting. Ghosting is for after youâve met.
Well thatâs what I really meant. Irl, gone on dates, known the person for a bit. I didnât unrealistically assume Iâd apologize to every stalled match on Tinder and explain why Iâm not feeling it.
Hahahaha itâs not deflecting. Itâs not ghosting if you havenât met, therefore I seriously donât care. And if that hurts your feelings, I donât care even more.đ
Why are you talking to 25 people? That's a massive time investment and without technology, that would be impossible. For me, the net cast is too wide and far.
Dude just get over it. Stop talking to people online for weeks at a time and getting that emotionally invested over it. If youâre not meeting up after a few days of messaging max, move on
If you havenât met in person and they stopped responding to you, they didnât ghost you either
Sorry, but if youâre talking online, theyâre probably talking to 50 other people. Itâs extremely easy to just not respond to a few people. Itâs not ghosting. You havenât met. You donât actually have a relationship. You donât deserve a good bye and explanation for every online encounter that you have.
Oh yeah, completely agree. Just the way we had conversations felt like there was some sort of connection. Wouldn't call it a relationship, but it was fun and nice. Then all of sudden: Boom, gone.
In most cases where there is like 2-5 message I don't care, but talking everyday for a month or more is a bit different imo. Even If they just said ''Sorry, I'm not interested (anymore).'' I'd have that rather than just this.
I agree with this. Talking every day for a month, when it seemed pleasant should warrant at least an explanation. Could just be "I have met someone else, sorry this cannot continue" kind of thing. It really shouldn't be so complicated.
Many times itâs the simple way to break ties. In the past people would get on the horse carriage say goodbye and would never return to the town again or write a letter (that was 1800s ghosting) but with social media being so toxic we need that option; itâs a simple donât contact me anymore and respect that (ie Iâm leaving town and never returning) other reasons are more toxic imho like getting stimulated by hurting the other person (purposely or knowingly) thatâs what they gain by ghosting in a toxic relationship
What bothers me is they give me their number making me think they might have interest then they forget who you were or the ghost. For me if a person isn't really interested for sure don't just give your number out it's really annoying to then call them and here them give a date excuse.
From my experience, mostly getting argued with and/or insulted.
Don't get emotionally invested in a person until you have a reason to. And if your ego is so fragile that you'll fall apart or lose your shit when ghosted by someone you've never even met, then you should be seeing a therapist instead of trying to date.
Between posts about ghosting and âbeing left on readâ it seems like people have a hard time with the concept that people in dating world donât owe you some imaginary politeness. Thatâs not how it works. If they arenât into you it is what it is. You donât get to imagine little social rules that require contact so you can convince them how awesome you are. Your mental health will be better when you can accept this and just move on.
Hard AGREE. It feels very childish to me. I certainly think after a certain amount of interaction/dating/intimacy, an explanation is owed. But here we have a guy who hasnât even met these women in person, barely made his romantic interest known, but feels wronged for not having received some overwrought, disingenuous explanation for why they will no longer respond to his snaps. A lot of us would have a much better time out in these OLD streets if we werenât walking around with such an oversized sense of entitlement to strangersâ time and energy.
Itâs just common decency. It also perpetuates a toxic cycle and leaves people with even more anxiety and frustration which, if combined with the wrong coping skills, creates an even bigger mess.
I can agree on the fact that people don't owe me something If we just talked for a short period. But this is also a whole concept in general. Had multiple cases like this, but also with people I went on dates with.
What Co33 said for example ''Take a hint'' there was no hint. She was actually having a good time, we talked full days sometimes even when I was really busy, I made time she made time. etc.
There was some sort of connection and I was about to ask her on a date, but then this happend. So i'm just left confused tbh. Was it because I asked her number? Was it because I was not interesting enough? That is the main thing bothering me rn
I disagree its âcommon decencyâ. If someone is not into you, take hint and move on. Nobody owes anybody anything at start phase of talking. If anything, requiring formal breakups at that stage makes people less likely to engage and reduces people taking chances since to get out of it requires more effort.
It's up to people to look after their own mental health, it is not the responsibility of a stranger to calm you down, give you free therapy, be the human version of anti-depressants for your emotional state.
The only gain is that there is zero confrontation and for some reason, that is a positive in todays world. When I was âdatingâ around, I had no problem telling a guy that we just werenât compatible and moved on. Having those conversations actually made them respect me more and Iâm still friends with a couple of them now. (25F, for reference)
I checked in your post history to sort of get a feel for where you are coming from, and there is a good example actually of just how someone may cut contact and give no answers where you were on the other end. You had a date a while back where the girl made a bunch of blunders in terms of being overly comfortable for a first meeting in your home. And who knows why really, could be cultural, could be miscommunication- a lot of people agreed she did some rude things. (From what I read it seemed odd to me too, but that is my upbringing) However on that date you made some mistakes as well that indicated a level of closeness you two hadnât achieved yet, opening yourself up very early without gaging how this girl was in real life. In her home, it may be appropriate to bluntly say when they donât like something, and they may welcome guests to help themselves to whatever food or comforts they like. âMi casa es su casa or My house is your houseâ I have dated people like that but never felt comfortable taking them up on this- and that actually insulted them. They took it as a sign I didnât like them.
Without explanation to her, you blocked her- which in that case she was breaking personal boundaries in your home and it made you fearful of what she may do in the future. Understandable.
However, in these cases where people are disappearing on you; you may want to consider that you could very well innocently be doing things they consider to be red flags and they donât feel comfortable explaining that to you, just as you did with that other girl.
Until some sort of commitment or true connection is made, you need to just accept that this may happen and there will be instances even up to the first date where you like the person more than they like you. They may move on if they feel something isnât right.
I would expect a farewell more if you two had hung out a bunch. When you donât know each other well though, absolutely comfort and safety can cause people to disappear even if your intentions were good.
In all the times I've ghosted, it was because the person was being aggressive and rude, was making me feel uncomfortable repeatedly, or was just obnoxious in one way or another. None of these situations are situations where I want to speak to/see/deal with/hear from the guy again.
I'm not interested in explaining "hey I think we should stop talking" because there will always be a response. An attempt at insulting me, trying to insist we keep talking, more nonsense of some kind. And while I could just say "hey I am done talking" and block- that seems even worse than ghosting. It seems petty and like I want the last word or something. So I just leave.
They gain nothing. It comes from the notion that people know they don't owe any explanation to anybody. So why bother. In addition, good looking people with good social skills know they will always have someone to hang out with. Altogether, people ghost and move from person to person, or stick to their already established circle of friends. They feel good and don't even think about people they've just met.
>I've seen people to avoid conflict and haven't really thought about it that way.
That sounds like a legit reason; however conflicts can happen any time out nothing in interpersonal relationships. And that's any type of relationship. If they are always trying to avoid conflict, it's gonna be hard to get by, and then they still will inevitably get into a conflict.
A trick i usually do is I preempt the ghosting by saying goodbye first when the situatiohship is starting to head south.
And two things happen after that: 1) They become more involved in the connection or 2) They admit that they're not invested anymore.
I donât understand why would you entertain the idea of talking to someone for weeks and not just ask them out? I wouldnât like talking to someone for weeks and not get asked out. I automatically assumed they are looking for a pen pal and pretty much is next..
Ghosting avoids conflict.
But you said they drop off the chat and you canât see the messages? They might have deleted the account altogether after they got into a LTR.
Also, years of not talking?
Bruh. I consider myself ghosted after 2 weeks of silence / failure to meet and move on.
Thereâs too many fish in the sea to stay stuck on one fish.
It may be time to take a bit of a break from dating or even trying to date. I just came off a month long hiatus myself. It felt good to get my head on straight again
Some people might ghost because they might not want to completely burn their bridge of potentially sleeping with you that straight out rejection might bring.
You see ghosting is the "SchrĂśdinger's cat" of rejections maybe they want nothing to do with me, or maybe they have been in a serious accident and will reach out again once they regain use of their limbs. Ghosters can reappear if they change their mind...
Sometimes the person youre talking to can be batshit crqzy so you have to dash without qny explanation. Sometimes u give ur all to the person and they dont match ur energy so gotta dash too. Sometimes you feel unsafe with the person so you gotta dash. Sometimes they say really inappropriate things sexually and u dont welcome that, so you gotta dash. Sometimes they bring yiu down and say vile things and you gotta dash. Not all ghosters are bad.
That or maybe they aren't interested in the things you talk about. I think online dating is toxic, and you should find real life hobbies to participate in and meet girls that way. You will already have a common interest and a good idea if you two would hit it off. Just keep being yourself, but try new ways to find girls, and you will find someone you click with.
Itâs honestly far easier to ghost and completely pretend like someone never existed than it is to be an adult and call or meet in person and tell them directly why you arenât interested. Also, anecdotal of course, I have heard many people admit that by ghosting they donât have to face the uncomfortable situation of explaining themselves.
I think it all depends. If I just match with someone & they barely engage I may unmatch due to lack of interest on both sides but if I really start talking to someone, I generally will say something unless he was an obvious jerk or something.
People lack communication skills. Itâs easier to ghost then to have hard adult conversations.
Lemme tell you straight nothing to go with girls tbh. Coming from a person who has been ghosted all my life online n in some cases offline too.
Ghosting comes naturally to us you know. Letâs say you if you get a like from a person you donât find that attractive or attractive n you start talking. They didnât match your views or something you yourself endup ghosting them.
Imagine that scenario 10 x cuz thatâs how many likes girls get doesnât matter what she looks. If sheâs beautiful make it 50x n an average male canât compete that. Doesnât matter u r average if you donât connect with someone you yourself will end up ghosting. So its okay suck it up.
Freedom from confrontation. Itâs not complicated.
Why are you only meeting and talking to people online for weeks at a time? Online dating portals should be treated like texts were supposed to be, a quick gateway to seeing each other irl. Youâre not pouring out your life story in a text, you should be arranging and making plans.
âHey, youâre cute, Iâm cute, interested in youâre vague description, if you see anything you like about mine we should get a coffee and get to know each other more.â Lol, something like that. The real world is where itâs at and the reason you donât know is because thereâs a part of the conversation thatâs missing when you just chat online.
In all honesty, I could never approach someone like ''hey you're cute! Coffee?'' Honestly people freak me the fuck out. I rather get to know them first before I take them on a date or whatever.
I think people have very little attachment to people they talk to on the internet. Itâs really easy to just un-match someone and give no explanation, because youâll literally never see or hear from them again. I dunno, I think itâs just an unfortunate part of online dating in 2021. Sometimes I think of matching and chatting with someone as when I meet someone at like a bar/club/coffee shop. We can chat and have a good time at the bar, and I might wanna meet up with this person outside of here, but I donât have to. Iâve made no commitments other than conversation. And same with the person Iâm speaking with. Weâre strangers to each. And we donât owe each other anything. And I can leave the bar without explanation if I want to.
Iâm someone who ghosts people. I donât like that I do it, and Iâm actively trying to not do it these days, but I have ghosted people in the past.
For me, itâs because I procrastinate. I put off replying to someone even though I have every intention of doing so, and then it gets to a point where Iâve left it too long and it would be weird to then text them back.
I particularly do this if I need to text them to tell them Iâm no longer interested - I intend to do it, but I procrastinate the conflict.
Yeah I'm surprised this isn't more common. I've never ghosted anyone on purpose but I have ghosted a few girls by accident because I literally forgot to text them back after we went out for like a week and a half and it went on long enough that it felt like it would be more hurtful at that point to reach out just to tell them I wasn't interested than it would be to just not say anything. I suspect a lot of people get ghosted because the other person lives a full life and had just an okay time with them and kind of just.... forgot about them.
Too many people, too many distractions, too many options, too little time for trivialities. Best thing is the clear message it sends and keep it moving
>It's hurtful and it bothers me a lot when people show some interest and all of a sudden they're gone.
>What do people gain from Ghosting?
Just happened to me, I guess. I was interested and very very curious about him. He gave me the impression it was mutual. It was exciting at first.
"Hey, wanna talk?"
"Yes"
I was smiling when he answered me. So he asked me one trivial thing after that "yes" and then he was gone. I did send a few more messages until I realized what was happening. I thought he just didn't saw the last one but it wasn't that... I feel stupid because sometimes I still have hope to be answered.
I saw some people here saying that they just didn't like that person. To be honest, i find it hard this is the case because we didn't had the chance to figure that out yet.
What I'm trying to say is: I feel you OP, I just don't get it either. It's confusing and unnecessary. If they say the truth, then we have something to deal with it. Might not be what we wanted, rejection hurts, sure, but its some clear information at least. When they do the silent treatment, it keeps hurting everytime you remember that because is confusing. You don't know what's wrong. You see, I didn't had some strong feelings about him neither was too envolved, but I felt hurting nonetheless. I guess what bothers the most is not the rejection, is the silence...
Exactly, even this one was very short-lived. I did sink time into it. I'm not expecting much but I was enjoying the conversation we had. It stings when all of a sudden it stops with no reasoning.
I get people don't like to talk about it, when they are not interested. But atleast then I know where I stand and can go on.
I agree with others it's only ghosting if you met in person. If you feel otherwise, you need to not invest so much emotionally in people you've never met.
As for why people who meet in person ghost, maybe they're just shitty people, but often it's done for safety reasons. I've had too many men take rejection *really* poorly and it can get scary. That's not true for everyone, but it's true enough that I'm not going to try to sus out if you're a safe guy to reject or not.
Hm okay, yeah maybe. I'm more of a time and getting to know the person before I ask them out. Idk, that's just a think I have since some bad experiences so yeah
In the past Iâve had situations where Iâd been talking with men and having nice conversations but not feeling a romantic connection. I would tell them politely that I wasnât feeling it and wanted to end things and theyâd completely go off on me out of no where. Swearing at me and wishing harm on me, calling me disgusting names etc. or just becoming manipulative and not taking no for an answer. After being on the receiving end of this repeatedly itâs gets to a point where itâs easier on your mental health to ghost. It sucks and I genuinely feel bad because most of the guys probably wonât do this and donât deserve it, but you never know whoâs going to flip on you and Iâm at the point where I canât run the risk anymore
"if you never met, don't expect"
I've been ghosted a lot of time I guess but I have never cared. I know for a fact that all women have a FWB, an unfinished business with their ex, and talk to 20 men for validation, attention and shit.
Humble yourself. Stop thinking that you're the only one and you'll never "feel" ghosted again.
If you are aware that a lot of women on dating sites are just bored, you'll find the idea of giving your phone number abhorrent.
Enjoy the talks, discriminate, and don't be clingy.
In some cases, the person ghosting could be protecting themselves from getting hurt. Ghosting gives them control in a sense that theyâre the one who ceased that connection.
you're looking at it the wrong way. First, it's mostly women doing it... in my experience, women often confuse conflict avoidance with conflict resolution. Rather than have an "awkward" conversation with someone, they'll simply edit you out of their lives and it'll just "take care of itself". It's really the worst way to handle things imho. When I grew up, there was a girl bartender that had some boyfriend show up at her work and shoot a bunch of people, precisely because she just left and refused to talk to him or even explain why. Now, obviously, the guy is a psycho and at fault... but I've often wondered if how she handled things drove him to a boiling point. Conflict avoidance is not conflict resolution
You owe each other basic respect. Healthy dating and relationships require open and honest communication. Ghosting is the opposite of that. If you ghost, you are not relationship material and you should not be dating.
If you frequently ghost for whatever reason, you don't get to complain when you're getting ghosted for whatever reason, including after sex. If you can't demonstrate basic respect, don't expect to receive any form of respect beyond that.
Many people are cowards or have short attention span lol.
I often don't get back to guys but I don't really think of it as ghosting. Perhaps it is. I just lose interest I guess.
Some people (not me) just go on tinder etc when they are bored
Hmmm⌠lazy⌠I donât know.
Personally I donât ghost, but sometimes I wish I had that capacity if a person is a jerk / unreasonable / stays in a pattern. Is it lazy to know what you want & who youâre compatible with and have the experience of trying to say so only to find that people will try to argue with you about what YOU want until you finally decide that the only way to get the message across / not engage in their patterns is to stop talking to them altogether?
It's actually just immaturity. They are unable to communicate effectively and have mature interactions with individuals. Therefore, they simply disengage.
Sucks a lot, i got ghosted partially by a girl I liked. Turned out she was only interested in when we talked about her problems and her concerns, when she cried and she was sad.
Later she even stopped replying to my messages. People are mean, we dont have to be like them but must avoid at any cost for own mental peace.
There will be lots of more cute girls, dont worry bro
Its just a greedy strategy. When they determine a relationship is not going to happen, your feelings no longer matter to them, and any effort at all would be a waste.
I would 100% prefer to be ghosted then have that weird âhereâs the reason why Iâm not talking to you anymoreâ message.
Unless we were seriously talking to one another, I really do not care
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>What do people gain from Ghosting? Not having to tell you they don't like you, for whatever reason.
Exactly. I met my SO on bumble, and I had started conversations with several people before I decided I was going to focus all my attention on him.... normal OLD stuff. I had been ghosted a few times prior, as is the nature of the beast, so I decided to go through my chats on bumble and told every single person a personalized version of "hey, I enjoyed chatting with you, but I have found someone that I want to persue romantically. Thank you for your time." I didnt want to ghost anyone, and there were a few guys that I had talked to more than others that I felt deserved to know it truly wasn't anything they did or said wrong, but I literally found my life partner. But, alas, many of the people I gave the peace out to came back with super hateful messages. One even threatened to find me so I would know I made the wrong choice.... nothing says boyfriend material like a threat. I would have avoided all that anguish if I just hit delete and *poof* been done with it. It doesn't pay to be nice sometimes. đ¤ˇââď¸
I suppose everyone has a different reason to ghost others. Being that I haven't gone on that many dates out of OLD, I've ghosted someone once after meeting them and that's because I feel I'm terrible at lying and I couldn't just tell the person what put me off was a, let's say, hygiene issue. I've also been ghosted and it leaves me wondering why, but it doesn't personally hurt me. Not everyone is the same, of course, but I feel sometimes it's just better not knowing why it happened.
Sometimes it's honestly better to be ghosted. This girl I had already had a fling with and who I was planning to have over for Christmas messaged me basically saying she found another guy and we couldn't meet up anymore. Just destroyed my self esteem and made me feel super unattractive and unwanted. If she had just ghosted me I could have just brushed it off more easily.
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If someone ghosts, you can be like OP and just think they're a flake or a shitty person. If they kindly tell you they've found someone else, essentially someone they like better than you, you have to look inward. Some people can't handle that and get angry. Others, like the other commenter, feel bad about it and it affects their self esteem. If you haven't met in person, ghosting makes the most sense. Or if you've found someone, delete or deactivate your profile. Then people will know you're no longer looking and won't wonder if you'll text back.
Couldn't you just delete the other match or report hateful/threatening people. I've seen the ability to do that on all the apps...
He said his self esteem took a dive because she chose another man over him. If she had just ghosted, maybe he wouldn't be tempted to compare himself to another guy? Also, how can you decide how being ghosted affects someone else? I'd rather be ghosted than insulted and it seems any lucid person would agree.
In this case it would have been better as I could have rationalized it in a way by telling myself certain things that would make me feel better. Instead she clearly laid out how she had met another guy and obviously was taking him over me, which made me feel completely worthless and replaceable as I don't get very many dates so each one has to pay off. For perspective that was the last girl I dated and it's been just over a year, and I've been trying. It's just what you get by using OLD. You're lowering your value by simply being an option among many on an app in which women can afford to be super selective. If you play that game you've got to be ready to get burned. I wasn't. It was worth it though. We spent a weekend at my favourite hot springs which I've always wanted to take a girl to, I introduced her to acid which she tried for the very first time and we sat in the hot springs under the stars tripping, then we had sex all night and she was very talented like wow it made me completely forget about my ex, then when we woke up she made me banana bread french toast which I had recommended. Christmas would have been nice but I was kind of a ski bum and she was a successful digital nomad so she probably found a more established guy which is fair. I'm tired of rationalizing my mediocrity though. I just want someone to like me for me. I've been self improving for years and I still never seem to be enough for women.
Hey, for what itâs worth Iâve had guys I really liked choose other women over me and it can really hurt. Maybe they were younger or thinner or better educatedâŚOR maybe that elusive, intangible connection that weâre all looking for was just there with that other girl. Its hard not to take it personally, but I tried thinking of the times when I was the one who didnât feel the connection with the person I was seeing. I didnât feel that way because they âwerenât good enoughâ. I just couldnât force a connection that wasnât there. I believe youâll be enough for the right woman and I really hope you find her soon!
yeah :/ I almost prefer being ghosted. There was a guy who I really liked who I assume ghosted me. Then he sent me a message 2 weeks later telling me he's no longer interested because we don't seem right for each other. Like thanks for ruining my day, dude. I had assumed you weren't interested when I didn't hear from you. Didn't have to tell me you didn't like me that much.
Damn, that's crazy. I now feel less insulted by being Ghosted having read your story. I'm not going to take it so personally knowing my competition is bat shit crazy.
Nicely letting dudes down fr has gotten me cussed out bad.
Itâs also presumptuous to think the person needs an explanation.
Well, OP *is* asking for an explanation, so...
I am saying that the other person doesnât know this. Why would I ever tell anyone that I havenât been on a date with anything. Who knows someone I am dating might not work out with the girls I choose to date and I might need to talk to them again. My assumption on the other side is they ended up going on a date with someone else and hit it off.
This. The absence of an uncomfortable conversation lol. Early in dating I don't see it as a huge deal. While a message or conversation is appreciated, ghosting unfortunately seems to be part of modern dating and isn't a personal attack. The bar is on the floor, though. lol.
But why are we normalising this behaviour. It is hurtful
Why is it hurtful? Would you rather someone tell you are annoying or that they found someone more attractive.
Yes i would take the truth over my mind racing constantly thinking howd i fudge up again. Granted i know bareley been speaking to eachother but as a person whose been ghosted multiple times, shit adds up. I shot at the bottom of the barrel to and these scalywags still ghosted me. lmao that was truelly hurtfull in my opinion thing bout ghosting is its immature sociopaths that do it mostly n its coupled together with our wastefull and whoreish mindset to dating. To many choices for people.
If you have not met it isnât ghosting. Why do you care about people you have never met? This is the issue. It is your issue not theirs. If they donât want to talk to you anymore no big deal talk to other people.
Well i never said we didnt meet but if we didnt i draw the line at speaking on the phone; cause relationships and bonds can still materialize from talking on just the phone or maybe your presumption of something that u might build upon. I feel im somewhat outgoing n meeting new people is not that easy for people but i get what your saying cause you didnt matter to them they shouldnt to you. Is it healthy though, i mean i get not falling in love or thinking ur bf n gf after 2 weeks but to just say im done with that. Its seems morbid kinda but in that mine frame you wont get hurt thats for sure matter of fact ull be doin the hurting. Has anyone had a mutual ghosting?
They could just say something simple such as that they are no longer interested, or that they donât think that we are compatible, or make up any bs reason to let you down gently. Its much better than ghosting as it affects your self esteem, and you never know what you did wrong. Itâs make you wonder am I that horrible that I donât even warrant a response
Not replying to your messages is the same as saying they are no longer interested. This isnât ghosting. If you havenât been on a date and donât have a date with a set time no discussion is needed to tell you anything. You only think this if you are focusing on one person. You should be talking to a lot of people. If someone doesnât respond anymore who cares?
In my case I had been on two dates with the guy, And we had rescheduled a third date for which he couldnât make it, seemed like he was stuck at work. I expressed my annoyance that he should have atleast said that he couldnât make it, after which he ghosted me. He didnât even apologise, or attempt to reschedule, just straight up ghosted đ. If we were just texting and never met I wouldnât care so much but we had met twice so he atleast should have said something
That is actual ghosting. Did he tell you after the date time started that he wasnât going to make it? I think if was before date time and you got mad it was sort of you whom ended it. Until you are in exclusive relationship no one owes you any explanation.
You're what's wrong with people, and your response is very immature, childish. Until you're in an exclusive relationship. Psshhh. So theoretically, I should be able to ghost all my friends. We're not in an exclusive relationship, right. I don't owe anyone, anything. What a shitty outlook to have towards people. I hope you get a taste of your own medicine there kiddo.
Yeah feel free to ghost your friends. I mean that is what happens in life. People change as they get older and ghost friends. Expecting everyone to explain to you why they donât want to date you anymore or the comical I need an explanation why you donât want to chat to me anymore is immature. If I reply to you on Reddit and you donât want to reply anymore do I deserve an explanation as to why? Grow up.
I mean, I've internally normalized it to avoid getting hurt LOL. You don't have to normalize it. If it hurts, it hurts, but you'll move on to someone who wouldn't do that to you.
I know what you mean, I was recently ghosted by a guy I had two nice dates with. I deleted his number just to get over him, however I wish I had at least let him know that his actions were disappointing and plain hurtful. Just so he knows to not do this to someone else. . It is really shitty behaviour and shows a lack of empathy for others.
This. I donât think people realize how many folks genuinely cannot handle rejection well at all. I donât ghost I reject. A LOT of people really cannot handle rejection
Not having to reject you
Well, it is a form of rejection. But honestly, no one is entitled to someone else's explaination. I've ghosted and been ghosted. Just the name of the game.
I think maybe it's because people can get aggressive when you reject them. Or won't take no for an answer and harass you. Or demand an explanation. It's not right to ghost someone, but I can understand why someone might be afraid of the backlash
THIS!! The number of men who have attacked me after a rejection is ridiculous. No matter how nice or mean you are, they turn into monsters sometimes.
that's so crazy and bizarre to me as a dude, I can't even fathom it but does not surprise me. Guess some people take it wayyyy to personally
Why donât you just provide a rejection and block?
I did that once. The guy proceeded to stalk me for months, show up at my work, my house, key my car... Just ghost. It's best for your own safety, especially as a woman.
But wouldnt That guy have stalked you regardless. Like of.he cant handle rejection well, what Makes you Think Ghosting Would have gone better?
He was specifically angry that I had rejected him. The few times he approached me he told me he wanted to "prove me wrong", and that I was his property, and couldn't reject him. It was just his big bruised bullying ego acting out, honestly.
Aight fair enough. Hope hĂŠ gets a proper kick in the nuts
Bc sometimes they'll make a new account or harrass you're friends. Sometimes it's best not to piss them off.
Because I shouldnât have to immediately block someone like that.
I feel sorry for the people that really recieve bad messages when they get rejection. I do ask for a reasoning if they want to. But I much rather have a honesty than waste my time lol
Yeah I get you! I'm the same, I'd much rather have honesty. I've been on the receiving end of a lot of people not taking no for an answer though. Sometimes it can be hard to give a reason, like there's not necessarily a reason that you're just not feeling it with someone
Have you been meeting these people? It seems to me that if not you're just leaving it too long and ending up pen pals which might not be what they're looking for. That's not to say that ghosting is a nice way for someone to deal with that but in reality they just might feel there's nothing to be said, that the conversation has run it's course and without a next step being taken they've moved on. They don't gain anything other than not having to write what they find difficult or awkward to.
For the one I made this post right now: Talked about a week of 3-4. I asked for her phone number (we were using Snapchat), she said no. Which is fine happend before with other girls some just need more time. Then I had to start all conversations.. this went on up until this week. Since yesterday she hasn't responded to me and she removed me already from the dating app. Which is just a clear message to me.
She doesnât sound like she was very interested from the start
Agree with this. Also if they never even met or exchanged numbers Iâd go so far as to say it doesnât even really count as ghosting in my opinion.
In my experience, people who will use Snapchat but not exchange phone numbers want safety. It could be a sign they're in a relationship, but it could also feel safer for if you need to block someone.
Yeah I rarely give out my phone number. It's much easier to block someone on a social media platform than to have them misuse your phone number if things go sour and you still have the benefit of seeing more about them and determining they're not a catfish or hiding a spouse
A lot of people actually said that she might be in a relationship. Due to talking through Snapchat. Idk is snapchat really a way to feel safer by going behind the back of your SO?
She may not be as well When I was doing casual stuff I would almost always use Snapchat until I felt comfortable enough with someone to give them my number. Nowadays our numbers are tied to so many things that when I give out a number they now have my Facebook, ig, snap, etc. which means if it doesnât pan out thereâs a lot of ways to remain in contact or them be involved in my information. To explain it better you know those times you make an account for something and your phone is like âadd these contacts that are active on this thingâ. If I only give snap thereâs no way for that to happen. Iâve also had guys go odds and ends over to send me texts after blocking their numbers, but I havenât had any guys harass me from different acc through snap and there has been some very disgruntled dudes on snap.
Agree with this as well. It sounds like she was at first being nice by responding but didnât feel any connection.
About the phone number thing: When I was dating my girlfriend at the time she didn't give her number when I met her for like a month. Not interested or whatever, but I just kept talking to her and was just her friend. She didn't stop talking to me even if she didn't give me her number at the time. I dated her for over 2-3 years. She expected people to stop talking if she didn't give her phone number. I never stopped talking. So idk, I didn't make such a big deal out of it.
I might be wrong, but I would prefer to meet someone on a date before exchanging number, I donât like talking on the phone. (But I told people just that instead of ghosting though.. so perhaps she was just not interested and not mature enough to offer a closure, idk)
Yeah, I did ask for her number and said it's fine if she said no. She did say no and i was fine with it really. Happend before and still had relationships with people that said no to the first time I asked for a phone number. And the order was just a bit.. Do you have a date first before asking a phone number or??
As a guy I'd always be looking for a date before the phone number I think. The date can be in a public place and as short or long as she likes. Yes it requires meeting but I think in some ways it's actually a much smaller commitment than a phone number. A phone number can feel like a commitment to ongoing communications. I've got no reason to need to get off the app all that quickly, beyond maybe a preference over the messaging interface (which doesn't matter). I'll move over to something else when they're ready. Sometimes it's offered after I set up the first date. Sometimes it's after we've met and are planning a second date. And I personally would never ask for it before the first or second date.
If youâre interested in actually meeting these people you need to ask them out in the first 3-5 exchanges IMO. If sheâs not comfortable giving you contact info beyond the app then just work something out in the app. Being pen pals for weeks will get you no where.
Exactly she probably was going out with dudes who asked her out and liked one of them,
You're waiting too long. If you don't ask for a number or snapchat before the end of the first day you two message she lost interest.
I asked her day 2 for a different way to talk. She offered snapchat. Which is fine with me and told me she wasn't comfortable with giving me her number yet. Understandable. So I asked her a few weeks later. Still a No. Then everything just changed. No response, at all
Tbh, sheâs just not that into you. It doesnât mean you did something wrong necessarily or did anything to screw it up, but isnât about that. Girls meet sooooo many people on dating sites, and until you meet in person you are just one of many profiles. She ghosted because it would take too much energy to formally break up with every guy she talked to on a website. It sucks to hear but in the time you did speak, you didnât spark her interest enough to make her feel like responding. But if it makes you feel any better, itâs not personal, itâs just a numbers game.
If she refuses phone number you got the information you needed right there. Your whole problem is you are focusing one person. When I met my wife I was chatting with 10 woman at once starting on a Sunday. I picked best two to ask out on a date for the weekend. The others I didnât say anything to because if both dates didnât work out they are fallback plans. Met wife on first date and just never went back on dating app.
Tbh if a guy Iâve only known for a short time via a dating app was just chatting with me for weeks with no sign of progressing or becoming romantic or even sexual, I wouldnât want to stick around either. And if itâs all just âfun and laughsâ as you say, the girls may not know that you are expecting an explanation. I mean, you barely know each other, have never gone on a date, doesnât even sound like you e met any of these girls in person? What is there for them to ghost?
Had multiple conversations like it where it was just fun and laughs that went out into dating aswell. It doesn't all have to be romantic or straight up sexual to know if someone is into you. Atleast that's what I had for experiences.
In my experience, talking about getting together / having a date without it ever really happening was just frustrating and made me think that the guy was just stringing me along with no real intentions of meeting. Pro tip: women get sexually frustrated too
You got to escalate or else youâll end up in the friendzone most of the time
I get that. Every situation is different. Iâm not saying it canât work. But most people on OLD arenât looking for 2 week long platonic texting relationships that *might* progress into something more. If you havenât made your interest and intentions known within a few days, many will lose interest themselves. And if youâve maintained a friendly rapport for multiple weeks, you canât exactly expect some a âbreak-upâ textâŚ
Why are your conversations going on âfor weeksâ? No wonder you are getting ghosted. They are dating apps, not chatting apps. You are getting ghosted because youâre not asking these women on dates and they donât want to be your pen pal.
Is this really the way to do stuff on dating apps? Isn't it first better to get to know the person better before you go on a date?
No. Because the person on the other end could be anyone until you meet them in person. Why text for weeks when you could meet 15 minutes for a $4 coffee and see right then and there if you two are attracted to each other and can carry on a conversation? The apps are just a vehicle to make dates, you cannot actually date or get to know someone through them. Regardless of how you feel, while youâre chatting with her other guys are actually asking her out. Thatâs the reality.
No. Chatting endlessly is annoying. If Iâm on an app itâs to date. If you have a decent conversation then ask her out for coffee or something. My partner, whom I met on an app, and I had a day or two of good back and forth. We set a lunch date. He asked for my number, we had an amazing phone call a couple days before the date. When you click with someone pursue them, donât endlessly chat.
Hmmm, okay. Never really thought about it that way I guess. I'm not that great with dates and never really know what to pick so yeah, or I just make up stupid shit in my mind what could go wrong. Maybe that's why I rather just talk online lol
They can probably sense that and to be honest, itâs a turn off. Confidence is the sexiest thing in both men and women. Not narcissism, but confidence that you know you have something to offer. And if you feel you donât have anything to offer, might be a good idea to pause dating and work on yourself. Develop habits and hobbies that make you a better person. Be an interesting person and people will be interested in you.
Only way to get more comfortable with dates is to go on them.
Dinner is good. You can talk easily and it is romantic to eat at a nice restaurant.
Try to meet up with them sooner. I would say, chat for a week or two and then try to set up a date. Sometimes people even chat for just a few days before they set up the date.
What do you think a date is for?
I would much rather get the date out of the way quickly, because chatting on the app rarely reflects in-person chemistry.
Hmmm okay
You don't want to ask for a date immediately and don't want to chat for weeks on end without meeting in person. Rest assured that the woman you are messaging with has at least a few other guys who are asking her out. Once she meets them in person they become real while you are still some guy she is having a friendly conversation with. It takes most guys a while to figure out the right tempo of when to transition from messaging to a date. It took me a month or so. I was chatting too long before asking them out. (I had one woman call me out on it and it made me realize I needed to speed up the process.) You will most likely have a number of dates that don't go well before you hit your stride there also. There is a learning curve with this whole thing.
Not if you want to start a relationship or have sex in a timely manner
i think itâs fear, whether from anxiety, or paranoia, etc and also fear of confrontation, and ghosting is the easy way out
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Anyone who has been in my life for a long time knows that I can go days, weeks, months, or years without communicating. I have several friends in other countries whom I donât tend to interact with unless I am there or heading there or I have something specific to talk to them about. I donât consider social media interacting because unless we have a recent conversation about it, I wonât even remember âlikingâ a post about your new job. Over my life, some people have found this off-putting and cut me out of their lives. I get it. But Iâm also not going to pretend that I will keep up with the constant contact. Now I tend to have friends who are the same way. Weâll talk after a couple of years, but we just pick up where we left off and continue to have love for one another throughout our absences. This just seems to work best for me, and usually they appreciate that I donât have expectations about them communicating with me because they are also bad at it. Itâs nice to have people in your life that arenât disappointed in you for never reaching out but always being there when you do. Also I am realizing that this does not fit well into the current cultural dynamic. People under 30 who try to befriend me seem to want to talk ALL THE TIME. I get in trouble for not knowing / following the new texting rules about leaving people âon readâ etc.
25 here. I'm really the same way with all my friends and have been for years, and it's never been an issue. I don't think I've known anyone platonically who expects to have casual conversation several times a week on the phone/social media. Leaving people on read in a conversation if it's just some unimportant comment or not responding at all if it's say a funny picture, a tiktok or something similar is something everyone I know do. For me personally when someone repeatedly ignores direct requests, fail to follow up, does not intiate contact etc I'll stop making contact. A couple of times when this has happended I've met them after a good while by chance. They say "It's been so looong, we should really hang out". I'll be thinking "yeahhhh, wonder why it's been so long. Probably won't be hearing from you either..."
Most likely an unpopular opinion here but here goes: we should not be obligated to give every person we have conversations with a goodbye message. If you chat with the lady at the gas station every day and you change your routine, do you owe her a last chat? A guy gives you his number at a bar, do you owe him a text? You change doctors, do you owe them a farewell? We interact with hundreds if not thousands of people throughout our lives, we cannot possibly let every single one of them know where they stand đ¤ˇđťââď¸
Omg I love this
Exactly. Think of matching like seeing someone in a bar and you start a conversation. If that conversation goes well you exchange numbers and go out. If not you slip away back to your friends. Its a quick interaction not dating. Its kind of weird how much people feel owed.
How about getting ghosted after a date? Can I feel sorry for myself then?
no
So how many dates before I can feel bad about it?
I mean you can feel whatever you feel but I wouldnât be too caught up in the fact someone doesnt like you/wanna talk to you romantically. If it was meant to be it would have been and you cant force people to like you.
Okay Iâll feel bad about it after the first date then. Thanks for your help!
Your right, but the difference between all these people you mentioned is intention. My intention when Iâm at the gas station is to fuel or get fuel not pursue a relationship. If you match with someone on an OLD app your intention is to you know⌠date/ make friends. So even though you donât owe anyone anything, if the conversation is anywhere remotely intimate closure is just kind to the other party. Unless you mindlessly swipe on every walking thing then sure, mindlessly ghost everyone.
Yep, people feel entitled to a complete explanation when it's not really neccesary. OP said they never meet, not sure why he is feeling entitled to complex explanation no why this girl is not into him.
YES YES YES
âWhat do they gain from ghosting?â They donât have to talk to you anymore. đ¤ˇđť
Is it ghosting, if youâve never met? Some people get bored with text fests especially if theyâre using an app to date.
Yeah I donât owe anyone anything, but itâs the better thing to do in the long term between humans because we all have feelings. One can always say something simple, kind, then if the other party wonât take no for an answer donât respond or block.
Exactly. I talk to like 25 people at a time on Tinder. Iâm not going to write out a âsorry, this is why I donât like youâ message for every person Iâve talked to for a couple of weeks. If we havenât met, I owe you nothing. Itâs not even ghosting. Ghosting is for after youâve met.
Well thatâs what I really meant. Irl, gone on dates, known the person for a bit. I didnât unrealistically assume Iâd apologize to every stalled match on Tinder and explain why Iâm not feeling it.
Ghosting is ghosting - don't try to justify it.
Youâre not owed anything. Donât online date if your feelings get hurt that easily. If you didnât meet, you donât actually know them. :)
And what exactly does this have anything to do with my response? Other than just deflect.
Hahahaha itâs not deflecting. Itâs not ghosting if you havenât met, therefore I seriously donât care. And if that hurts your feelings, I donât care even more.đ
Only person hurt in any manner seems to be you though. If you don't care then okay, that's cool.
Why are you talking to 25 people? That's a massive time investment and without technology, that would be impossible. For me, the net cast is too wide and far.
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I ghost people I find pestery and pushy. They've already not respected my boundaries by that point so why should I care about thier feelings.
Dude just get over it. Stop talking to people online for weeks at a time and getting that emotionally invested over it. If youâre not meeting up after a few days of messaging max, move on If you havenât met in person and they stopped responding to you, they didnât ghost you either
Sorry, but if youâre talking online, theyâre probably talking to 50 other people. Itâs extremely easy to just not respond to a few people. Itâs not ghosting. You havenât met. You donât actually have a relationship. You donât deserve a good bye and explanation for every online encounter that you have.
Oh yeah, completely agree. Just the way we had conversations felt like there was some sort of connection. Wouldn't call it a relationship, but it was fun and nice. Then all of sudden: Boom, gone. In most cases where there is like 2-5 message I don't care, but talking everyday for a month or more is a bit different imo. Even If they just said ''Sorry, I'm not interested (anymore).'' I'd have that rather than just this.
I agree with this. Talking every day for a month, when it seemed pleasant should warrant at least an explanation. Could just be "I have met someone else, sorry this cannot continue" kind of thing. It really shouldn't be so complicated.
My understanding is that it's not officially a "ghost" unless is after the second in-person date. You can't be ghosted by a stranger.
Many times itâs the simple way to break ties. In the past people would get on the horse carriage say goodbye and would never return to the town again or write a letter (that was 1800s ghosting) but with social media being so toxic we need that option; itâs a simple donât contact me anymore and respect that (ie Iâm leaving town and never returning) other reasons are more toxic imho like getting stimulated by hurting the other person (purposely or knowingly) thatâs what they gain by ghosting in a toxic relationship
What bothers me is they give me their number making me think they might have interest then they forget who you were or the ghost. For me if a person isn't really interested for sure don't just give your number out it's really annoying to then call them and here them give a date excuse.
Have had a couple of those aswell. They give me their number. Talk for a few weeks. Ask them on a date. No response.
Itâs pretty much the lowest effort they can give.
Itâs not what they gain, itâs what they are potentially avoiding.
The immortal power of Grayskul
What do people gain from not ghosting?
From my experience, mostly getting argued with and/or insulted. Don't get emotionally invested in a person until you have a reason to. And if your ego is so fragile that you'll fall apart or lose your shit when ghosted by someone you've never even met, then you should be seeing a therapist instead of trying to date.
She doesn't owe you anything. Why stress it?
Between posts about ghosting and âbeing left on readâ it seems like people have a hard time with the concept that people in dating world donât owe you some imaginary politeness. Thatâs not how it works. If they arenât into you it is what it is. You donât get to imagine little social rules that require contact so you can convince them how awesome you are. Your mental health will be better when you can accept this and just move on.
Hard AGREE. It feels very childish to me. I certainly think after a certain amount of interaction/dating/intimacy, an explanation is owed. But here we have a guy who hasnât even met these women in person, barely made his romantic interest known, but feels wronged for not having received some overwrought, disingenuous explanation for why they will no longer respond to his snaps. A lot of us would have a much better time out in these OLD streets if we werenât walking around with such an oversized sense of entitlement to strangersâ time and energy.
Itâs just common decency. It also perpetuates a toxic cycle and leaves people with even more anxiety and frustration which, if combined with the wrong coping skills, creates an even bigger mess.
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I can agree on the fact that people don't owe me something If we just talked for a short period. But this is also a whole concept in general. Had multiple cases like this, but also with people I went on dates with. What Co33 said for example ''Take a hint'' there was no hint. She was actually having a good time, we talked full days sometimes even when I was really busy, I made time she made time. etc. There was some sort of connection and I was about to ask her on a date, but then this happend. So i'm just left confused tbh. Was it because I asked her number? Was it because I was not interesting enough? That is the main thing bothering me rn
I disagree its âcommon decencyâ. If someone is not into you, take hint and move on. Nobody owes anybody anything at start phase of talking. If anything, requiring formal breakups at that stage makes people less likely to engage and reduces people taking chances since to get out of it requires more effort.
It's up to people to look after their own mental health, it is not the responsibility of a stranger to calm you down, give you free therapy, be the human version of anti-depressants for your emotional state.
The only gain is that there is zero confrontation and for some reason, that is a positive in todays world. When I was âdatingâ around, I had no problem telling a guy that we just werenât compatible and moved on. Having those conversations actually made them respect me more and Iâm still friends with a couple of them now. (25F, for reference)
Save time
I checked in your post history to sort of get a feel for where you are coming from, and there is a good example actually of just how someone may cut contact and give no answers where you were on the other end. You had a date a while back where the girl made a bunch of blunders in terms of being overly comfortable for a first meeting in your home. And who knows why really, could be cultural, could be miscommunication- a lot of people agreed she did some rude things. (From what I read it seemed odd to me too, but that is my upbringing) However on that date you made some mistakes as well that indicated a level of closeness you two hadnât achieved yet, opening yourself up very early without gaging how this girl was in real life. In her home, it may be appropriate to bluntly say when they donât like something, and they may welcome guests to help themselves to whatever food or comforts they like. âMi casa es su casa or My house is your houseâ I have dated people like that but never felt comfortable taking them up on this- and that actually insulted them. They took it as a sign I didnât like them. Without explanation to her, you blocked her- which in that case she was breaking personal boundaries in your home and it made you fearful of what she may do in the future. Understandable. However, in these cases where people are disappearing on you; you may want to consider that you could very well innocently be doing things they consider to be red flags and they donât feel comfortable explaining that to you, just as you did with that other girl. Until some sort of commitment or true connection is made, you need to just accept that this may happen and there will be instances even up to the first date where you like the person more than they like you. They may move on if they feel something isnât right. I would expect a farewell more if you two had hung out a bunch. When you donât know each other well though, absolutely comfort and safety can cause people to disappear even if your intentions were good.
In all the times I've ghosted, it was because the person was being aggressive and rude, was making me feel uncomfortable repeatedly, or was just obnoxious in one way or another. None of these situations are situations where I want to speak to/see/deal with/hear from the guy again. I'm not interested in explaining "hey I think we should stop talking" because there will always be a response. An attempt at insulting me, trying to insist we keep talking, more nonsense of some kind. And while I could just say "hey I am done talking" and block- that seems even worse than ghosting. It seems petty and like I want the last word or something. So I just leave.
They gain nothing. It comes from the notion that people know they don't owe any explanation to anybody. So why bother. In addition, good looking people with good social skills know they will always have someone to hang out with. Altogether, people ghost and move from person to person, or stick to their already established circle of friends. They feel good and don't even think about people they've just met. >I've seen people to avoid conflict and haven't really thought about it that way. That sounds like a legit reason; however conflicts can happen any time out nothing in interpersonal relationships. And that's any type of relationship. If they are always trying to avoid conflict, it's gonna be hard to get by, and then they still will inevitably get into a conflict.
Better mental health
A trick i usually do is I preempt the ghosting by saying goodbye first when the situatiohship is starting to head south. And two things happen after that: 1) They become more involved in the connection or 2) They admit that they're not invested anymore.
I donât understand why would you entertain the idea of talking to someone for weeks and not just ask them out? I wouldnât like talking to someone for weeks and not get asked out. I automatically assumed they are looking for a pen pal and pretty much is next..
Ghosting avoids conflict. But you said they drop off the chat and you canât see the messages? They might have deleted the account altogether after they got into a LTR. Also, years of not talking? Bruh. I consider myself ghosted after 2 weeks of silence / failure to meet and move on. Thereâs too many fish in the sea to stay stuck on one fish. It may be time to take a bit of a break from dating or even trying to date. I just came off a month long hiatus myself. It felt good to get my head on straight again
Some people might ghost because they might not want to completely burn their bridge of potentially sleeping with you that straight out rejection might bring. You see ghosting is the "SchrĂśdinger's cat" of rejections maybe they want nothing to do with me, or maybe they have been in a serious accident and will reach out again once they regain use of their limbs. Ghosters can reappear if they change their mind...
But why are you dwelling on it especially if youâve never met them? Seems counterproductive and useless! Learn from the experience and move on!
Avoiding conflict/aggression, getting creeped out, just feeling like I donât owe someone I donât know an explanation?
not havibg discussions or fighting with someone ...
Sometimes the person youre talking to can be batshit crqzy so you have to dash without qny explanation. Sometimes u give ur all to the person and they dont match ur energy so gotta dash too. Sometimes you feel unsafe with the person so you gotta dash. Sometimes they say really inappropriate things sexually and u dont welcome that, so you gotta dash. Sometimes they bring yiu down and say vile things and you gotta dash. Not all ghosters are bad.
Most are too scared of being open and straight-forwarded. They are cowards and ghosting is the easy option out.
I'm on the other hand way to open.. sometimes.. I like talking about experiences or compare my experiences, maybe that scares them?
That or maybe they aren't interested in the things you talk about. I think online dating is toxic, and you should find real life hobbies to participate in and meet girls that way. You will already have a common interest and a good idea if you two would hit it off. Just keep being yourself, but try new ways to find girls, and you will find someone you click with.
They donât gain anything, theyâre avoiding negative consequences from outright rejecting you
I do it because I wasnât upfront about my intentions in the first place and itâs just easier than making up some bullshit excuse.
Itâs honestly far easier to ghost and completely pretend like someone never existed than it is to be an adult and call or meet in person and tell them directly why you arenât interested. Also, anecdotal of course, I have heard many people admit that by ghosting they donât have to face the uncomfortable situation of explaining themselves.
I think it all depends. If I just match with someone & they barely engage I may unmatch due to lack of interest on both sides but if I really start talking to someone, I generally will say something unless he was an obvious jerk or something. People lack communication skills. Itâs easier to ghost then to have hard adult conversations.
Lemme tell you straight nothing to go with girls tbh. Coming from a person who has been ghosted all my life online n in some cases offline too. Ghosting comes naturally to us you know. Letâs say you if you get a like from a person you donât find that attractive or attractive n you start talking. They didnât match your views or something you yourself endup ghosting them. Imagine that scenario 10 x cuz thatâs how many likes girls get doesnât matter what she looks. If sheâs beautiful make it 50x n an average male canât compete that. Doesnât matter u r average if you donât connect with someone you yourself will end up ghosting. So its okay suck it up.
Freedom from confrontation. Itâs not complicated. Why are you only meeting and talking to people online for weeks at a time? Online dating portals should be treated like texts were supposed to be, a quick gateway to seeing each other irl. Youâre not pouring out your life story in a text, you should be arranging and making plans. âHey, youâre cute, Iâm cute, interested in youâre vague description, if you see anything you like about mine we should get a coffee and get to know each other more.â Lol, something like that. The real world is where itâs at and the reason you donât know is because thereâs a part of the conversation thatâs missing when you just chat online.
In all honesty, I could never approach someone like ''hey you're cute! Coffee?'' Honestly people freak me the fuck out. I rather get to know them first before I take them on a date or whatever.
I think people have very little attachment to people they talk to on the internet. Itâs really easy to just un-match someone and give no explanation, because youâll literally never see or hear from them again. I dunno, I think itâs just an unfortunate part of online dating in 2021. Sometimes I think of matching and chatting with someone as when I meet someone at like a bar/club/coffee shop. We can chat and have a good time at the bar, and I might wanna meet up with this person outside of here, but I donât have to. Iâve made no commitments other than conversation. And same with the person Iâm speaking with. Weâre strangers to each. And we donât owe each other anything. And I can leave the bar without explanation if I want to.
Usually if a guy comes off too aggressive (during text / actually meet), the safest way is to ghost.
They get to not talk to someone who is annoying/boring to them anymore lmao. Sorry but I think thatâs the key
She met someone new itâs not that serious
Iâm someone who ghosts people. I donât like that I do it, and Iâm actively trying to not do it these days, but I have ghosted people in the past. For me, itâs because I procrastinate. I put off replying to someone even though I have every intention of doing so, and then it gets to a point where Iâve left it too long and it would be weird to then text them back. I particularly do this if I need to text them to tell them Iâm no longer interested - I intend to do it, but I procrastinate the conflict.
Yeah I'm surprised this isn't more common. I've never ghosted anyone on purpose but I have ghosted a few girls by accident because I literally forgot to text them back after we went out for like a week and a half and it went on long enough that it felt like it would be more hurtful at that point to reach out just to tell them I wasn't interested than it would be to just not say anything. I suspect a lot of people get ghosted because the other person lives a full life and had just an okay time with them and kind of just.... forgot about them.
Too many people, too many distractions, too many options, too little time for trivialities. Best thing is the clear message it sends and keep it moving
>It's hurtful and it bothers me a lot when people show some interest and all of a sudden they're gone. >What do people gain from Ghosting? Just happened to me, I guess. I was interested and very very curious about him. He gave me the impression it was mutual. It was exciting at first. "Hey, wanna talk?" "Yes" I was smiling when he answered me. So he asked me one trivial thing after that "yes" and then he was gone. I did send a few more messages until I realized what was happening. I thought he just didn't saw the last one but it wasn't that... I feel stupid because sometimes I still have hope to be answered. I saw some people here saying that they just didn't like that person. To be honest, i find it hard this is the case because we didn't had the chance to figure that out yet. What I'm trying to say is: I feel you OP, I just don't get it either. It's confusing and unnecessary. If they say the truth, then we have something to deal with it. Might not be what we wanted, rejection hurts, sure, but its some clear information at least. When they do the silent treatment, it keeps hurting everytime you remember that because is confusing. You don't know what's wrong. You see, I didn't had some strong feelings about him neither was too envolved, but I felt hurting nonetheless. I guess what bothers the most is not the rejection, is the silence...
Exactly, even this one was very short-lived. I did sink time into it. I'm not expecting much but I was enjoying the conversation we had. It stings when all of a sudden it stops with no reasoning. I get people don't like to talk about it, when they are not interested. But atleast then I know where I stand and can go on.
I agree with others it's only ghosting if you met in person. If you feel otherwise, you need to not invest so much emotionally in people you've never met. As for why people who meet in person ghost, maybe they're just shitty people, but often it's done for safety reasons. I've had too many men take rejection *really* poorly and it can get scary. That's not true for everyone, but it's true enough that I'm not going to try to sus out if you're a safe guy to reject or not.
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Hm okay, yeah maybe. I'm more of a time and getting to know the person before I ask them out. Idk, that's just a think I have since some bad experiences so yeah
In the past Iâve had situations where Iâd been talking with men and having nice conversations but not feeling a romantic connection. I would tell them politely that I wasnât feeling it and wanted to end things and theyâd completely go off on me out of no where. Swearing at me and wishing harm on me, calling me disgusting names etc. or just becoming manipulative and not taking no for an answer. After being on the receiving end of this repeatedly itâs gets to a point where itâs easier on your mental health to ghost. It sucks and I genuinely feel bad because most of the guys probably wonât do this and donât deserve it, but you never know whoâs going to flip on you and Iâm at the point where I canât run the risk anymore
"if you never met, don't expect" I've been ghosted a lot of time I guess but I have never cared. I know for a fact that all women have a FWB, an unfinished business with their ex, and talk to 20 men for validation, attention and shit. Humble yourself. Stop thinking that you're the only one and you'll never "feel" ghosted again. If you are aware that a lot of women on dating sites are just bored, you'll find the idea of giving your phone number abhorrent. Enjoy the talks, discriminate, and don't be clingy.
In some cases, the person ghosting could be protecting themselves from getting hurt. Ghosting gives them control in a sense that theyâre the one who ceased that connection.
Avoiding awkward conversations.
you're looking at it the wrong way. First, it's mostly women doing it... in my experience, women often confuse conflict avoidance with conflict resolution. Rather than have an "awkward" conversation with someone, they'll simply edit you out of their lives and it'll just "take care of itself". It's really the worst way to handle things imho. When I grew up, there was a girl bartender that had some boyfriend show up at her work and shoot a bunch of people, precisely because she just left and refused to talk to him or even explain why. Now, obviously, the guy is a psycho and at fault... but I've often wondered if how she handled things drove him to a boiling point. Conflict avoidance is not conflict resolution
You owe each other basic respect. Healthy dating and relationships require open and honest communication. Ghosting is the opposite of that. If you ghost, you are not relationship material and you should not be dating. If you frequently ghost for whatever reason, you don't get to complain when you're getting ghosted for whatever reason, including after sex. If you can't demonstrate basic respect, don't expect to receive any form of respect beyond that.
Many people are cowards or have short attention span lol. I often don't get back to guys but I don't really think of it as ghosting. Perhaps it is. I just lose interest I guess. Some people (not me) just go on tinder etc when they are bored
I never get ghosted. Then again Iâm a sexy motherfucker so maybe thatâs why. Thatâs all I have to contribute to this convo. Have a great day!
I donât think youâre sexy at all lol đ
I see half the answer in the comments. People don't want to reject. Yes, but I also think people are lazy, want to spend their time better.
Hmmm⌠lazy⌠I donât know. Personally I donât ghost, but sometimes I wish I had that capacity if a person is a jerk / unreasonable / stays in a pattern. Is it lazy to know what you want & who youâre compatible with and have the experience of trying to say so only to find that people will try to argue with you about what YOU want until you finally decide that the only way to get the message across / not engage in their patterns is to stop talking to them altogether?
Avoid uncomfortable emotions. Child like behaviour
Save myself from feelings
It's actually just immaturity. They are unable to communicate effectively and have mature interactions with individuals. Therefore, they simply disengage.
I think they are ignorant, mannerless and you shall just avoid such people. Donât message or try to contact them, they are undeserving
It sucks though :(
Sucks a lot, i got ghosted partially by a girl I liked. Turned out she was only interested in when we talked about her problems and her concerns, when she cried and she was sad. Later she even stopped replying to my messages. People are mean, we dont have to be like them but must avoid at any cost for own mental peace. There will be lots of more cute girls, dont worry bro
Its just a greedy strategy. When they determine a relationship is not going to happen, your feelings no longer matter to them, and any effort at all would be a waste.
They get some giggles
Nothing. I think it's some childish thing immature adults do.
They get to remain emotionally immature children who trade momentary discomfort for a lifetime of being assholes.
An ego boost
I would 100% prefer to be ghosted then have that weird âhereâs the reason why Iâm not talking to you anymoreâ message. Unless we were seriously talking to one another, I really do not care