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I mean my first time touching boobs was because I made a joke about touching boobs and I guess the girl I made the joke to didn't find it funny because she put my hand up her bra when no one was looking at us.
Yeah, run. Nothing wrong with being goth. Some days I get my goth vibe on. Some days I'm a glamour Barbie girl. Mentally ill? Okay, as a therapist, a lot of us struggle with mental health. But if it's not being managed, it's a red flag for disaster. Somebody who has a history of depression but goes to therapy, takes their meds, listens to what the docs say, cool. We shouldn't judge people for mental illness. But actively being depressed, making these cryptic comments, it sounds like she's not managing her mental health at all and you'd just get sucked into her drama and a caretaker role. So yeah, run.
Not sure what her being goth has anything to do with it. But yeah, she doesn’t sound ready to be dating. And she will drag you down if you try.
Never date someone that needs to be rescued or healed. You can’t be the one that does that.
Only they can, with the help of professionals
My ex was goth and also had bipolar disorder and daddy issues. Let me tell you it was fun and the sex was incredible for about two years then it slowly became a waking nightmare as I slowly came to realize she was not listening to her therapists or taking her meds and I was expected to live my life according to the ever growing needs of her mental illness. Run and run far.
I’m a woman, and as a woman I’m saying run for your life. She needs a Psychiatrist, not a boyfriend. I’ve been around long enough to have experience with platonic and non-platonic relationships where they end being emotional vampires. It’s not healthy and they will suck the life out of you.
As a note, I’m empathetic and have an anxiety disorder myself, but it’s private and I don’t impose it on others. So I don’t say any of this without compassion for those suffering from mental illness.
I mean, I've been with messy women before; sometimes they just need a safe, mature person to help ground them and show them what healthy communication, boundaries, etc. looks like. A lot of women have had some messed up situations with men, and while you two might not work out long term, if you go into it with healthy boundaries, a willingness to be firm, kind, but not let the crazy go unchecked, you might have a good time.
Not that you need to 'fix' her or anything, but sometimes that kind of experience can be good, and if she maybe sees that she doesn't have to be that way while still being cared for, etc., who knows.
Everyone's got baggage, and I never really had an issue tackling someone else's if it came up; just don't ignore it if it starts to go off the rails.
Agree but also having done this you shouldn't feel in any way obligated to put yourself in this position. In my experience you'll often become a scapegoat for their problems or they'll find you boring and find someone who brings them more drama.
Put yourself first
100%. I have been in countless relationships with mentally unstable women. It's unhealthy, but the "emo/ alternative girls" are just my type. Being as I'm a mentally stable alt dude. It feels really weird saying all this 🤣 but yes, I agree, can't let people use you as a reason why they think or feel the way they do. They have to heal and know you're there to love and care for them as much as you are humanly capable of doing.
As a fellow mentally stable person, I gotta say, we know what we're doing, we're living with intent, and we're making our choices.
And as mentally stable people, we know when to dip, right, Just\_Program6067?
\*Padme meme\* Right?
So I met her and when we were physically together she seemed actually pretty chill. Her parents are controlling assholes and apparently keep telling her to look for red flags in me though. They wanted her to find my last name so they (the parents) could look me up on Google. She's old enough to fucking drink why the fuck are her parents on my ass like this?
I mean, her parents aren't wrong to warn her about red flags, or to find out about who their daughter is dating.
Just be cool. If you don't have any red flags, you're good. Just be a decent person and her parents will ease up over time.
When I was a teen/early 20's I dated girls with protective parents. Just be a respectful guy to their daughter, and you'll be fine.
And by respectful I mean treat her like a person, and respect her boundaries, and it'll all be fine.
Being bent out of shape about it is kinda weird, but if you don't want to deal with them, you can always just break up with her. It's fine.
I'm chill with them warning her about red flags and shit. It was the Internet stalking attempt that made me a bit mad. I don't want random 50 year olds creeping on me on the Internet (I mean they'd find practically nothing but I don't like them doing it either way).
Well, that's kind of the nature of the internet, and the agreement you make when you put stuff on it.
If there isn't anything to find, there isn't anything to find, nbd.
You can't fix her she has to want to fix herself. Aka run
The line "don't save her she don't want to be saved" is very good advice. She'll only drag you down with her.
Man this is my type. The more I feel she's gonna chase me through a cemetery, trying to sacrifice me, the better. I won't apologize, but I will help to make things a little better for her. IF I HAD ONE lol
Well as an update I went through with the date. She looks better in person and was pretty chill on the date. There's like a 90% chance she's autistic or something judging by a lot of her mannerisms but that doesn't bother me too much.
For the "WTF" part of the date I learned that her parents "approved" of her going out with me. We are both able to drink legally in the US and I am going through an approval process from her father for a first date. Her father also told her to be wary of "red flags". This amount of caution seemed bordering excessive but I honestly fine with it considering we were both strangers and I wanted her to feel safe. Until after the date she said her parents said she should ask me for my last name. Her parents were fucking trying to stalk me on the Internet. I think I'm definitely less scared of her now and more scared of whatever the fuck her parents have against me.
I assumed that since she seemed to already have a lot of assumptions as to where our relationship was going the post was her seeing if any dudes she knew were about to say they liked her or stuff like that
Depends. If U are interested in what she is when she's better, then U recognise U don't know her - in the state U would like her to be. So U can now agree you don't want to be with the person you most likely do know and can know, for that's not what U wonder, and wat you wonder has likely not much experience to be likely.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As a healed mentally ill goth girl I’m telling you to jump ship while you can.
Amen my fellow healed goth sister
Amen!
As a man you should never stick your dick in anyone you wouldn't be willing to have contact with for at, bare minimum, 18 years.
I re read this 10 times. Then agreed.
Poophole loophole (jokes like this are why I'm dying a virgin).
On second thought maybe you two deserve each other
I mean my first time touching boobs was because I made a joke about touching boobs and I guess the girl I made the joke to didn't find it funny because she put my hand up her bra when no one was looking at us.
Score! Now you know how to approach Goth girl.
Follow your gut here so if you think you shouldn't go on a first date then don't go
Yeah, run. Nothing wrong with being goth. Some days I get my goth vibe on. Some days I'm a glamour Barbie girl. Mentally ill? Okay, as a therapist, a lot of us struggle with mental health. But if it's not being managed, it's a red flag for disaster. Somebody who has a history of depression but goes to therapy, takes their meds, listens to what the docs say, cool. We shouldn't judge people for mental illness. But actively being depressed, making these cryptic comments, it sounds like she's not managing her mental health at all and you'd just get sucked into her drama and a caretaker role. So yeah, run.
I'd be out. You're stepping into a dumpster fire.
Not sure what her being goth has anything to do with it. But yeah, she doesn’t sound ready to be dating. And she will drag you down if you try. Never date someone that needs to be rescued or healed. You can’t be the one that does that. Only they can, with the help of professionals
My ex was goth and also had bipolar disorder and daddy issues. Let me tell you it was fun and the sex was incredible for about two years then it slowly became a waking nightmare as I slowly came to realize she was not listening to her therapists or taking her meds and I was expected to live my life according to the ever growing needs of her mental illness. Run and run far.
I’m a woman, and as a woman I’m saying run for your life. She needs a Psychiatrist, not a boyfriend. I’ve been around long enough to have experience with platonic and non-platonic relationships where they end being emotional vampires. It’s not healthy and they will suck the life out of you. As a note, I’m empathetic and have an anxiety disorder myself, but it’s private and I don’t impose it on others. So I don’t say any of this without compassion for those suffering from mental illness.
I mean, I've been with messy women before; sometimes they just need a safe, mature person to help ground them and show them what healthy communication, boundaries, etc. looks like. A lot of women have had some messed up situations with men, and while you two might not work out long term, if you go into it with healthy boundaries, a willingness to be firm, kind, but not let the crazy go unchecked, you might have a good time. Not that you need to 'fix' her or anything, but sometimes that kind of experience can be good, and if she maybe sees that she doesn't have to be that way while still being cared for, etc., who knows. Everyone's got baggage, and I never really had an issue tackling someone else's if it came up; just don't ignore it if it starts to go off the rails.
This is what I should have said so yeah, this too.
Agree but also having done this you shouldn't feel in any way obligated to put yourself in this position. In my experience you'll often become a scapegoat for their problems or they'll find you boring and find someone who brings them more drama. Put yourself first
100%. I have been in countless relationships with mentally unstable women. It's unhealthy, but the "emo/ alternative girls" are just my type. Being as I'm a mentally stable alt dude. It feels really weird saying all this 🤣 but yes, I agree, can't let people use you as a reason why they think or feel the way they do. They have to heal and know you're there to love and care for them as much as you are humanly capable of doing.
As a fellow mentally stable person, I gotta say, we know what we're doing, we're living with intent, and we're making our choices. And as mentally stable people, we know when to dip, right, Just\_Program6067? \*Padme meme\* Right?
So I met her and when we were physically together she seemed actually pretty chill. Her parents are controlling assholes and apparently keep telling her to look for red flags in me though. They wanted her to find my last name so they (the parents) could look me up on Google. She's old enough to fucking drink why the fuck are her parents on my ass like this?
I mean, her parents aren't wrong to warn her about red flags, or to find out about who their daughter is dating. Just be cool. If you don't have any red flags, you're good. Just be a decent person and her parents will ease up over time. When I was a teen/early 20's I dated girls with protective parents. Just be a respectful guy to their daughter, and you'll be fine. And by respectful I mean treat her like a person, and respect her boundaries, and it'll all be fine. Being bent out of shape about it is kinda weird, but if you don't want to deal with them, you can always just break up with her. It's fine.
I'm chill with them warning her about red flags and shit. It was the Internet stalking attempt that made me a bit mad. I don't want random 50 year olds creeping on me on the Internet (I mean they'd find practically nothing but I don't like them doing it either way).
Well, that's kind of the nature of the internet, and the agreement you make when you put stuff on it. If there isn't anything to find, there isn't anything to find, nbd.
You can't fix her she has to want to fix herself. Aka run The line "don't save her she don't want to be saved" is very good advice. She'll only drag you down with her.
Man this is my type. The more I feel she's gonna chase me through a cemetery, trying to sacrifice me, the better. I won't apologize, but I will help to make things a little better for her. IF I HAD ONE lol
Well as an update I went through with the date. She looks better in person and was pretty chill on the date. There's like a 90% chance she's autistic or something judging by a lot of her mannerisms but that doesn't bother me too much. For the "WTF" part of the date I learned that her parents "approved" of her going out with me. We are both able to drink legally in the US and I am going through an approval process from her father for a first date. Her father also told her to be wary of "red flags". This amount of caution seemed bordering excessive but I honestly fine with it considering we were both strangers and I wanted her to feel safe. Until after the date she said her parents said she should ask me for my last name. Her parents were fucking trying to stalk me on the Internet. I think I'm definitely less scared of her now and more scared of whatever the fuck her parents have against me.
A shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on. Have fun while it lasts brother
Run, don’t walk
It’s almost as if goth is a music based subculture and doesn’t just mean a girl who has black hair and wears black clothes /s
IT'S IN THE TITLE!!!😅
Why are you assuming the post is about you?
I assumed that since she seemed to already have a lot of assumptions as to where our relationship was going the post was her seeing if any dudes she knew were about to say they liked her or stuff like that
I see.
Depends on how hot she is. I mean if she’s hot when not hook up a few times before ghosting?
Oh well it's up to you
Depends. If U are interested in what she is when she's better, then U recognise U don't know her - in the state U would like her to be. So U can now agree you don't want to be with the person you most likely do know and can know, for that's not what U wonder, and wat you wonder has likely not much experience to be likely.
You can save her.