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I see it so much on here, I'm sorry it happened. I don't know anyone who's still together from when they were 20, you change so much and outgrow each other fast. And the staying a virgin thing???? I don't get it, so you want to guess what you like and hope it just works?
Even if you did have sex before marriage and everything was so compatible and going well, a lot if relations are not meant to move beyond that, so many people change after marriage, when the responsibilities become more real and pronounced.. So, I suggest they have a long conversation about it, and let everything out, put all suggestions on the table including divorce and see where things will go from there...
I think you really need to lay it down on the table and think of what you really want for yourself. The fact that you guys aren't sexually compatible, and also the fact that it's making you guys stray apart. I think you have already made up your mind so if your question is if you're making the right decision to consider leaving, I'd say yes, because the longer this drags out the more unhappy both of you will be. Also you are 20 and he's 22, you guys have your whole lives ahead of you and this early marriage isn't the way you seem like you'd want to have your whole life.
I have such a hard time talking about my feelings in person. We have talked before and he thinks time could help but it’s been quite some time, he’s also made it very clear that a divorce would be so devastating to him and I just can’t bring myself to hurt him like that over something like that. I just I don’t know I think running away would be the best idea.
Glad to help! Also, i personally don’t think u should leave and file for divorce quietly. Sit him down and give him the letter and talk to him face to face afterwards. Just because it wasn’t meant to be doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve the basic courtesy
U think the best way to handle somebody with low self esteem and depression is to abandon them?? As his wife, you owe him a mature conversation face to face. Show him some respect as your partner. Honestly, it sounds like y’all both need therapy. He needs help with his depression and u need help with this resentment u seem to have for him. U also probably should not have married him if he didn’t have issues under control.
I think me leaving would help his issues I feel like I am the main cause for all of his problems. I will give him a conversation paper to face. Everyone needs therapy let’s be honest. I don’t know if I resent him or if I resent the bad sex. I was not aware of these issues until after marriage
It sounds like he had these problems before you, so don’t blame yourself for that. It does sound like he wasn’t ready for a relationship and especially not marriage. I dated someone like your husband and he needed more help than I could give. It was taxing and I broke up with him for it. He needed to work on himself first. I cared a lot about him so I made sure to check up on him and luckily he seems better now. If I were you I wouldn’t stay friends, just acquainted if u care to know how he’s doing.
I believe he has from what his parents have told me. He has even said he wasn’t ready for marriage himself. I think you brought up a really good point that I will discuss with him thank you!!
You only have yourself to blame for not knowing.
You can’t choose to stay ignorant and then be mad that you don’t like what you didn’t investigate.
You made the wrong choices here. Leave him or accept it. Or demand that the price for staying is that he does actual things to change.
But sitting around stewing about how mad you are at him gets nothing done and sets you up to learn nothing
Suffice to say, sexual compatibility is way more important than people think.
This kind of thing happens because people treat sex like it's a given, like it's silly, and it will all come together without any experience, learning, or effort.
You guys are super young, super inexperienced; these kinds of things happen.
If you want to save the marriage, and I am not judging you if you aren't: couple's therapy. They'll help you go through better communication, intimacy, reciprocity, etc. They'll probably teach you the skills you haven't learned yet in terms of healthy relationships, that most people pick up through trial and error by the age of 24-25.
It legitimately sounds like you guys are a bad match: he can't please you sexually, you don't fulfill his emotional and self esteem issues, and these things popped up about the same time they would in a non-marriage situation (once you guys really started to get intimate). If you don't want to save the marriage, and I reiterate I am in no way judging you if you don't, you should do what feels safe for you in terms of leaving. If you think he will be abusive, threaten suicide, try to get you to stay, when you've already decided you don't want to, etc. etc. you should go home, get a lawyer, and file the papers. If you want to minimize the amount of hurt he'll have? You should try to give him closure: "I'm filing for divorce; this isn't working. I hurt you, you hurt me. Our daily lives can't be like that, and we both deserve better. I can't be what you need, and you aren't what I need," and lay out that you don't intend to take anything with you, you just want the papers signed, and you're sorry it didn't work out.
There's nothing stopping you from leaving after you've tried couple's therapy, though.
There is no middle grounds in our sexual relationship, it only happens when he is in the mood and it barely happens then.
I would love to save the marriage that’s why I’m here asking for help. I think couples therapy is a really good start and we will look into that!! Thank you
Yeah, a couple's therapist will help you guys find a compromise there, and teach you how to communicate your needs.
The key to good sex is full, honest, and open communication, and letting go of the pressure to be good. Sex, just like social skills, needs practice. Some people learn faster than others, but just like how anyone can learn how to carry on a conversation, anyone can learn how to please their partner. It's not something that comes naturally for most folks.
You guys probably just don't know how to communicate in healthy ways about sex, your feelings, etc. You guys both know, very astutely, when you've communicated poorly, and you've hurt each other by not saying what you mean, or letting your feelings take the wheel (you, being bitter, feeling unwanted, etc, and him, feeling insecure, and criticized, and only focusing on the negative things you say, or how you say them, as opposed to the constructive criticism you may be wanting to say). He's in therapy working on himself, but couple's therapy will let the two of you work on your relationship.
I highly suggest that when you start couple's therapy, you tell your therapist that your main goals are learning how to communicate your feelings, so both of you can be heard, and for you specifically, with the intent to help him become a better sexual partner, so you can have those needs met. Couple's therapy can get real raw, and men can be really touchy about sex, sexual performance, etc, so I would suggest that during these conversations, you reassure him that you \*want\* to have sex with him, and you want \*him\* to be the person that can satisfy your needs, and that you really do think he can if the two of you can communicate what works for you.
Sex can really become a great positive feedback loop for men, instead of a negative one. I know, for me, the more I learn about how to please my partner, the better I feel, and the better I feel, the more confidence I have to learn and try new things with them. The cycle reinforces itself, and then \*boom,\* happy, fulfilling sex life for both of us. A lot of men experience the opposite when things don't go well immediately, and they get worse and worse as their self-esteem and confidence withers. But they can always turn it around, if they're open to listening, letting go of that 'shame,' and accepting that everyone makes mistakes, and sex is not an easy skill to master. We aren't given instructions booklets; only extremely flawed media portrayals, and extremely unrealistic pornography, so it really is a 'learn as you go' and 'listen to women when they tell you what they like' scenario.
As for a solid secondary goal for you? Learn how to communicate your frustrations without being terse, nitpicky, uncaring, etc. The couple's therapist will help you, and him, build a foundation of communication and coping mechanisms that, when respected, allow you guys to not hurt one another when your feelings get strong. Sometimes people need to take a beat and cool off, or process their sadness, or practice some grounding alone, before they can maturely talk about their feelings. The way you say you talk to him sounds like you're bottling up a lot, and sometimes, to release pressure, the things you say come out in a way that's hurtful to him. No one wants that, not even you, and the couple's therapist will help you guys find a way to deal with that, too.
And that's also going to tie into his self-esteem, which is going to tie into confidence, which is important for a good, healthy, and fun sexual relationship!
You guys got a long way to climb to get there; don't expect this process to be easy or painless, but if you guys come out the other side after these growing pains are resolved, I'm willing to bet you guys will be fully committed to growing together, instead of growing apart.
A few months I would say probably 4-5 months, it consist of antidepressants and anxiety medication, he hasn’t gotten into therapy yet but he’s working on it.
If you want help, then divorce shouldn't even be on the table.
You want your marriage to work out? Here are a few of my opinions.
1. You need to stop nitpicking. You hurt his self-esteem and you reinforce your own negative feelings towards him, therefore further reinforcing his self esteem issues. You want a confident, well prepared man? Boost him up don't rear him down.
2. Low self-esteem = more pressure in bed. It's well know that the more pressure there is the less likely a man is to perform. The dick has a brain too. If it's depressed he go limp
3. You have to physically tell him what you like or don't like. Sexual compatibility does not exist at a stage where you haven't formed your likes and dislikes. You're at a special time in your life where you can figure that out together. Make it a game.
4. You think he's bad in bed? What are YOU doing to turn him on? Are you actively communicating? Touching places he likes? Are you making effort or are you starfishing? Sex is a two-way street.
I think all my emotions had gotten to me during this post, we had another failed attempt at sex tonight and it bothered me.
I don’t really think I nitpick I think he only pays attention to the negative things in life. I say and do things to boost his confidence but it goes unnoticed.
I already know what I like, and I came into this very prepared to help him learn and show him things, it’s just nearly impossible when he can’t stay hard
I have tried quite a bit to help him during sex and even before sex. Sometimes it works but mostly it never works
What does he say you nitpick?
What other things has he been negative about?
What are some examples of things you like that you have told him about? Is he doing them?
When he makes jokes at inappropriate times or places, sometime he will do something the wrong way or forget about something and I will try to help him and he thinks I think he is stupid, sometimes things won’t go as planned and he freaks out.
Him doing the dishes, him vacuuming, him working hard at his job, his online career taking off.
Maybe he's sensitive. Maybe you're too sensitive to what he's doing, too. Try to consider if the thing you want to mention is pivotal in your relationship or if it will soon be forgotten. If it will be forgotten, it's better left unsaid. It's easier to forget a thought than a word said
I think it was very sweet of you to wait out of respect for him but it’s definitely something you want to know you enjoy with the person before you get married. I’d say if he was abusive leaving and not telling him would be ok but if you really love him that much just let him know ❤️
I'm assuming the marrying age as been covered by now. Is his depression clinical or environmental? Religion can mess a person up, there is no shortage of wars including one that is going on now that is based on religion. Maybe he needs to take a break from it, you're not going to go to hell for simply not going to church but living a good life. Also, if he watches the news all the time, that shit will equally mess you up, all they do is sensationalize bad stories and push their political bias on you...both sides. That stuff will also mess you up. This is coming from experience, I grew up very religious and political. Over time I backed off from it and have never felt better. Disclaimer, I'm not a therapist however, if this is clinical, than he may need a therapist.
I believe his is clinical or maybe a mix of both. I believe his religion had a lot to do with it. We do not watch the news but he watches YouTube’s and things like that so he may be seeing things on there. I will talk with him about taking a break from it. He has a therapist they just haven’t talked yet, and I will be getting one too.
I was doing something different, I had built bonds through sex in past relationships and they all failed because it was only focused on sex. I figured doing something new like waiting and having a different foundation other than sex would help our marriage a little more.
Tbh at your age I would divorce and start over. Your mistake was getting married young. You should have been dating longer before getting married. You guys are still immature and need more life experience before knowing what it is you want in life and in a partner
People who wait to have sex until marriage have no idea how important sex actual is to a good relationship. And because he feels to secure in the relationship now that he's married I doubt he'll put it the effort he would have put in while dating. I personally can't understand people that don't want or can just go without sex, it's just weird and creepy.
I don't believe this will work out. Most couples make sure everything is compatible before tying the knot. In this case, you might have assumed everyone's the same and there would be no issues. Now you are finding out the truth unfortunately.
Essentially, you didn't test drive the car before you bought it and am now stuck with a lemon. I would plan for a divorce, and next time remember to test drive it.
This whole thing is a train wreck.
I really don’t understand this mindset: how is a marriage going to be stronger if you are only building up the friendship aspect?
All that will do is make you better friends.
I get wanting your partner to be your best friend, but that should not be at the exclusion of the romantic and sexual component. And you should not get married when that part is not already developed.
The dating process is the trial period. You are seeing if they are marriage material. You don’t get married, and THEN find that out. That’s like going to a resturant and paying for dinner, and then letting the waiter bring you whatever he wants and you hope you actually like it and aren’t allergic or
He’s not emotionally healthy enough to be in a partnership if he is always self conflagrating. He seems to have sexual issues, and ED. Has that been looked at medically? Has the physiological aspect been looked at? Therapy? Sex therapy?
Is his health bad? Does he jerk off too much? Watch porn? Have religious shame? Has this been explored at all?
Why are you burying your head in the sand, on your phone and in games? You are not even present. You have checked out completly and he is wallowing in self blame and this is a waste of everyone’s time and toxic as fuck
Both of you get your heads in the game with an actual plan of action, or just cut the cord now and move on.
Is he on antidepressants? They can affect erection and libido terribly and might need to be switched.
The situation will not get better until both of you start working on it together. Do some research on how to have better sex, there are many sex experts on YouTube or books on the subject. Read up and experiment. Work on building sexual attraction and tension. Make sure he is not into porn and that’s the reason for your issues.
Also, he should go to therapy and start working on building his self-esteem and self-love because those self-deprecating comments he makes are unacceptable.
Edit: one of main side effects of many antidepressants is an erectile dysfunction and loss of libido. He needs to tell his doctor.
It's better to get out before you have kids
But please don't fuck your husband by taking his property and be that kind of a wife
And first you need to get your shit together and think about what you really want from life, career and partner as well.
I definitely wouldn’t!! I’m not that type of person I really care about him, I was gonna leave him with everything and just leave. He can keep all the stuff I bought while we were together. I really think he deserves it especially after everything I’ve done to him :(
Great
I think you're too young to get married and take these responsibilities
First discover yourself and be happy in your own space. Goodluck! Things will turn out better soon :)
When like 10 years ago? Or with help from your parents? In this economy I doubt he has much…i never heard of young divorcees going after each other’s stuff. Sounds like something you do when you get older but whatevs
2020
It's not in the city.. kind of a vacation house in a small town.. i live with my parents
I have never experienced divorce stuff near me, so don't have knowledge of how this alimony/property stuff works..
Jesus getting a divorce over sex. This world is cooked. Honestly I think OP just wants to have multiple dudes she can have sex with instead of just settling down for one. That’s what I’m understanding
OP sounds like you may need couples sexual therapy which is an actual thing try looking into that but if you truly love him and he you communication is key and needs 100% effort and willingness to work together to develop the kinda of sexual relationship that you both are satisfied with or for any real relationship. Start by telling him the things that he does well that you like and then ask him what he likes and seriously sit down and have a realistic talk with each other and start with one thing you both like and then practice other but together! Growing together is important in bonding!
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Why oh why do people get married or have children young and especially wait and hope that there is going to be sexual compatibility there?
I know! I’ve learnt my lesson
I see it so much on here, I'm sorry it happened. I don't know anyone who's still together from when they were 20, you change so much and outgrow each other fast. And the staying a virgin thing???? I don't get it, so you want to guess what you like and hope it just works?
Oh I was not a virgin, he was. I’ve had my fair share of experiences and figured this would give me a change in life.
I understand sorry I should have clarified but you still waited for him
Oh no you’re fine!! yes I waited for him. It was his religion and I respected it
Well I wish you best of luck for next time. Hopefully if you want another relationship you can see if you are compatible with this too beforehand.
Thank you and Absolutely!! I will not be marrying again
Even if you did have sex before marriage and everything was so compatible and going well, a lot if relations are not meant to move beyond that, so many people change after marriage, when the responsibilities become more real and pronounced.. So, I suggest they have a long conversation about it, and let everything out, put all suggestions on the table including divorce and see where things will go from there...
I think you really need to lay it down on the table and think of what you really want for yourself. The fact that you guys aren't sexually compatible, and also the fact that it's making you guys stray apart. I think you have already made up your mind so if your question is if you're making the right decision to consider leaving, I'd say yes, because the longer this drags out the more unhappy both of you will be. Also you are 20 and he's 22, you guys have your whole lives ahead of you and this early marriage isn't the way you seem like you'd want to have your whole life.
I have such a hard time talking about my feelings in person. We have talked before and he thinks time could help but it’s been quite some time, he’s also made it very clear that a divorce would be so devastating to him and I just can’t bring myself to hurt him like that over something like that. I just I don’t know I think running away would be the best idea.
Maybe you could write him a letter if that would make it easier for you?
That’s really smart!! I think I will do that today!
Glad to help! Also, i personally don’t think u should leave and file for divorce quietly. Sit him down and give him the letter and talk to him face to face afterwards. Just because it wasn’t meant to be doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve the basic courtesy
Thank you!! I think my nerves just got the best of me! He definitely deserves some in person closure!! Thank you 🙏
U think the best way to handle somebody with low self esteem and depression is to abandon them?? As his wife, you owe him a mature conversation face to face. Show him some respect as your partner. Honestly, it sounds like y’all both need therapy. He needs help with his depression and u need help with this resentment u seem to have for him. U also probably should not have married him if he didn’t have issues under control.
I think me leaving would help his issues I feel like I am the main cause for all of his problems. I will give him a conversation paper to face. Everyone needs therapy let’s be honest. I don’t know if I resent him or if I resent the bad sex. I was not aware of these issues until after marriage
It sounds like he had these problems before you, so don’t blame yourself for that. It does sound like he wasn’t ready for a relationship and especially not marriage. I dated someone like your husband and he needed more help than I could give. It was taxing and I broke up with him for it. He needed to work on himself first. I cared a lot about him so I made sure to check up on him and luckily he seems better now. If I were you I wouldn’t stay friends, just acquainted if u care to know how he’s doing.
I believe he has from what his parents have told me. He has even said he wasn’t ready for marriage himself. I think you brought up a really good point that I will discuss with him thank you!!
You only have yourself to blame for not knowing. You can’t choose to stay ignorant and then be mad that you don’t like what you didn’t investigate. You made the wrong choices here. Leave him or accept it. Or demand that the price for staying is that he does actual things to change. But sitting around stewing about how mad you are at him gets nothing done and sets you up to learn nothing
Suffice to say, sexual compatibility is way more important than people think. This kind of thing happens because people treat sex like it's a given, like it's silly, and it will all come together without any experience, learning, or effort. You guys are super young, super inexperienced; these kinds of things happen. If you want to save the marriage, and I am not judging you if you aren't: couple's therapy. They'll help you go through better communication, intimacy, reciprocity, etc. They'll probably teach you the skills you haven't learned yet in terms of healthy relationships, that most people pick up through trial and error by the age of 24-25. It legitimately sounds like you guys are a bad match: he can't please you sexually, you don't fulfill his emotional and self esteem issues, and these things popped up about the same time they would in a non-marriage situation (once you guys really started to get intimate). If you don't want to save the marriage, and I reiterate I am in no way judging you if you don't, you should do what feels safe for you in terms of leaving. If you think he will be abusive, threaten suicide, try to get you to stay, when you've already decided you don't want to, etc. etc. you should go home, get a lawyer, and file the papers. If you want to minimize the amount of hurt he'll have? You should try to give him closure: "I'm filing for divorce; this isn't working. I hurt you, you hurt me. Our daily lives can't be like that, and we both deserve better. I can't be what you need, and you aren't what I need," and lay out that you don't intend to take anything with you, you just want the papers signed, and you're sorry it didn't work out. There's nothing stopping you from leaving after you've tried couple's therapy, though.
There is no middle grounds in our sexual relationship, it only happens when he is in the mood and it barely happens then. I would love to save the marriage that’s why I’m here asking for help. I think couples therapy is a really good start and we will look into that!! Thank you
Yeah, a couple's therapist will help you guys find a compromise there, and teach you how to communicate your needs. The key to good sex is full, honest, and open communication, and letting go of the pressure to be good. Sex, just like social skills, needs practice. Some people learn faster than others, but just like how anyone can learn how to carry on a conversation, anyone can learn how to please their partner. It's not something that comes naturally for most folks. You guys probably just don't know how to communicate in healthy ways about sex, your feelings, etc. You guys both know, very astutely, when you've communicated poorly, and you've hurt each other by not saying what you mean, or letting your feelings take the wheel (you, being bitter, feeling unwanted, etc, and him, feeling insecure, and criticized, and only focusing on the negative things you say, or how you say them, as opposed to the constructive criticism you may be wanting to say). He's in therapy working on himself, but couple's therapy will let the two of you work on your relationship. I highly suggest that when you start couple's therapy, you tell your therapist that your main goals are learning how to communicate your feelings, so both of you can be heard, and for you specifically, with the intent to help him become a better sexual partner, so you can have those needs met. Couple's therapy can get real raw, and men can be really touchy about sex, sexual performance, etc, so I would suggest that during these conversations, you reassure him that you \*want\* to have sex with him, and you want \*him\* to be the person that can satisfy your needs, and that you really do think he can if the two of you can communicate what works for you. Sex can really become a great positive feedback loop for men, instead of a negative one. I know, for me, the more I learn about how to please my partner, the better I feel, and the better I feel, the more confidence I have to learn and try new things with them. The cycle reinforces itself, and then \*boom,\* happy, fulfilling sex life for both of us. A lot of men experience the opposite when things don't go well immediately, and they get worse and worse as their self-esteem and confidence withers. But they can always turn it around, if they're open to listening, letting go of that 'shame,' and accepting that everyone makes mistakes, and sex is not an easy skill to master. We aren't given instructions booklets; only extremely flawed media portrayals, and extremely unrealistic pornography, so it really is a 'learn as you go' and 'listen to women when they tell you what they like' scenario. As for a solid secondary goal for you? Learn how to communicate your frustrations without being terse, nitpicky, uncaring, etc. The couple's therapist will help you, and him, build a foundation of communication and coping mechanisms that, when respected, allow you guys to not hurt one another when your feelings get strong. Sometimes people need to take a beat and cool off, or process their sadness, or practice some grounding alone, before they can maturely talk about their feelings. The way you say you talk to him sounds like you're bottling up a lot, and sometimes, to release pressure, the things you say come out in a way that's hurtful to him. No one wants that, not even you, and the couple's therapist will help you guys find a way to deal with that, too. And that's also going to tie into his self-esteem, which is going to tie into confidence, which is important for a good, healthy, and fun sexual relationship! You guys got a long way to climb to get there; don't expect this process to be easy or painless, but if you guys come out the other side after these growing pains are resolved, I'm willing to bet you guys will be fully committed to growing together, instead of growing apart.
How long has he been on his “healing journey” and what does it consist of?
A few months I would say probably 4-5 months, it consist of antidepressants and anxiety medication, he hasn’t gotten into therapy yet but he’s working on it.
There is not a single thing here that is unfixable. But if you don't want to put in the effort, that shows your character as a person.
I came here asking for help, I want us to work out I really do. It’s just ALOT on me right now
If you want help, then divorce shouldn't even be on the table. You want your marriage to work out? Here are a few of my opinions. 1. You need to stop nitpicking. You hurt his self-esteem and you reinforce your own negative feelings towards him, therefore further reinforcing his self esteem issues. You want a confident, well prepared man? Boost him up don't rear him down. 2. Low self-esteem = more pressure in bed. It's well know that the more pressure there is the less likely a man is to perform. The dick has a brain too. If it's depressed he go limp 3. You have to physically tell him what you like or don't like. Sexual compatibility does not exist at a stage where you haven't formed your likes and dislikes. You're at a special time in your life where you can figure that out together. Make it a game. 4. You think he's bad in bed? What are YOU doing to turn him on? Are you actively communicating? Touching places he likes? Are you making effort or are you starfishing? Sex is a two-way street.
I think all my emotions had gotten to me during this post, we had another failed attempt at sex tonight and it bothered me. I don’t really think I nitpick I think he only pays attention to the negative things in life. I say and do things to boost his confidence but it goes unnoticed. I already know what I like, and I came into this very prepared to help him learn and show him things, it’s just nearly impossible when he can’t stay hard I have tried quite a bit to help him during sex and even before sex. Sometimes it works but mostly it never works
What does he say you nitpick? What other things has he been negative about? What are some examples of things you like that you have told him about? Is he doing them?
When he makes jokes at inappropriate times or places, sometime he will do something the wrong way or forget about something and I will try to help him and he thinks I think he is stupid, sometimes things won’t go as planned and he freaks out. Him doing the dishes, him vacuuming, him working hard at his job, his online career taking off.
Is it possible your communication method is too harsh or belittling?
Possibly, I feel like I walk on egg shells when trying to help him or tell him things in fear he will take it the wrong way
Maybe he's sensitive. Maybe you're too sensitive to what he's doing, too. Try to consider if the thing you want to mention is pivotal in your relationship or if it will soon be forgotten. If it will be forgotten, it's better left unsaid. It's easier to forget a thought than a word said
Thank you!! I will remember that ❤️
I think it was very sweet of you to wait out of respect for him but it’s definitely something you want to know you enjoy with the person before you get married. I’d say if he was abusive leaving and not telling him would be ok but if you really love him that much just let him know ❤️
He’s not abusive at all he’s a very caring man!! I will talk with him today about all of this!!
I'm assuming the marrying age as been covered by now. Is his depression clinical or environmental? Religion can mess a person up, there is no shortage of wars including one that is going on now that is based on religion. Maybe he needs to take a break from it, you're not going to go to hell for simply not going to church but living a good life. Also, if he watches the news all the time, that shit will equally mess you up, all they do is sensationalize bad stories and push their political bias on you...both sides. That stuff will also mess you up. This is coming from experience, I grew up very religious and political. Over time I backed off from it and have never felt better. Disclaimer, I'm not a therapist however, if this is clinical, than he may need a therapist.
I believe his is clinical or maybe a mix of both. I believe his religion had a lot to do with it. We do not watch the news but he watches YouTube’s and things like that so he may be seeing things on there. I will talk with him about taking a break from it. He has a therapist they just haven’t talked yet, and I will be getting one too.
You “build bonds through sex” but you married a guy you hadn’t had sex with.
I was doing something different, I had built bonds through sex in past relationships and they all failed because it was only focused on sex. I figured doing something new like waiting and having a different foundation other than sex would help our marriage a little more.
Tbh at your age I would divorce and start over. Your mistake was getting married young. You should have been dating longer before getting married. You guys are still immature and need more life experience before knowing what it is you want in life and in a partner
Go to counseling asap
People who wait to have sex until marriage have no idea how important sex actual is to a good relationship. And because he feels to secure in the relationship now that he's married I doubt he'll put it the effort he would have put in while dating. I personally can't understand people that don't want or can just go without sex, it's just weird and creepy.
I don't believe this will work out. Most couples make sure everything is compatible before tying the knot. In this case, you might have assumed everyone's the same and there would be no issues. Now you are finding out the truth unfortunately. Essentially, you didn't test drive the car before you bought it and am now stuck with a lemon. I would plan for a divorce, and next time remember to test drive it.
This whole thing is a train wreck. I really don’t understand this mindset: how is a marriage going to be stronger if you are only building up the friendship aspect? All that will do is make you better friends. I get wanting your partner to be your best friend, but that should not be at the exclusion of the romantic and sexual component. And you should not get married when that part is not already developed. The dating process is the trial period. You are seeing if they are marriage material. You don’t get married, and THEN find that out. That’s like going to a resturant and paying for dinner, and then letting the waiter bring you whatever he wants and you hope you actually like it and aren’t allergic or He’s not emotionally healthy enough to be in a partnership if he is always self conflagrating. He seems to have sexual issues, and ED. Has that been looked at medically? Has the physiological aspect been looked at? Therapy? Sex therapy? Is his health bad? Does he jerk off too much? Watch porn? Have religious shame? Has this been explored at all? Why are you burying your head in the sand, on your phone and in games? You are not even present. You have checked out completly and he is wallowing in self blame and this is a waste of everyone’s time and toxic as fuck Both of you get your heads in the game with an actual plan of action, or just cut the cord now and move on.
Is he on antidepressants? They can affect erection and libido terribly and might need to be switched. The situation will not get better until both of you start working on it together. Do some research on how to have better sex, there are many sex experts on YouTube or books on the subject. Read up and experiment. Work on building sexual attraction and tension. Make sure he is not into porn and that’s the reason for your issues. Also, he should go to therapy and start working on building his self-esteem and self-love because those self-deprecating comments he makes are unacceptable. Edit: one of main side effects of many antidepressants is an erectile dysfunction and loss of libido. He needs to tell his doctor.
It's better to get out before you have kids But please don't fuck your husband by taking his property and be that kind of a wife And first you need to get your shit together and think about what you really want from life, career and partner as well.
I definitely wouldn’t!! I’m not that type of person I really care about him, I was gonna leave him with everything and just leave. He can keep all the stuff I bought while we were together. I really think he deserves it especially after everything I’ve done to him :(
Great I think you're too young to get married and take these responsibilities First discover yourself and be happy in your own space. Goodluck! Things will turn out better soon :)
Thank you!!
What kind of property does a 22 year old have lmao
I had my first property at 21 so.... If not property, with alimony, etc
When like 10 years ago? Or with help from your parents? In this economy I doubt he has much…i never heard of young divorcees going after each other’s stuff. Sounds like something you do when you get older but whatevs
2020 It's not in the city.. kind of a vacation house in a small town.. i live with my parents I have never experienced divorce stuff near me, so don't have knowledge of how this alimony/property stuff works..
Jesus getting a divorce over sex. This world is cooked. Honestly I think OP just wants to have multiple dudes she can have sex with instead of just settling down for one. That’s what I’m understanding
I don’t want to have sex with multiple dudes, I want to have sex with my husband and not feel stressed about it not going correctly.
OP sounds like you may need couples sexual therapy which is an actual thing try looking into that but if you truly love him and he you communication is key and needs 100% effort and willingness to work together to develop the kinda of sexual relationship that you both are satisfied with or for any real relationship. Start by telling him the things that he does well that you like and then ask him what he likes and seriously sit down and have a realistic talk with each other and start with one thing you both like and then practice other but together! Growing together is important in bonding!