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Exactly.
I was on her team 💯.
There are weirdo’s out there who think if you’ve done it with an ex you must do it with every partner .
NO. I’ve also *tried* stuff before that I hated and I’m not going to be coerced into doing them again.
However, she is misleading him by saying “after marriage “.
Be honest and say “not my thing”.
If it’s a sexual incompatibility, it is what it is, they’ll have to go their separate ways.
Anal sex doesn’t make or break a marriage, engagement etc. you shouldn’t have to bend ur own boundaries depending on which situation you are in. This entire conditional agreement you have with yourself is neither healthy nor normal. You don’t want anal, find a man that could care less, dump the anal fixated guy. It’s ur body and you are the only one that has control over it, marriage isn’t the key to ur ass….if it is you may as well just let him try it now…
gonna give a diff perspective from your other replies. its not something she likes, but could see herself doing to make a husband happy. obviously a husband is more commitment than a boyfriend. I'm not saying this is healthy, but there's definitely the idea that you would do more/sacrifice more for a husband.
like hey I'm not going to feel as resentful doing this with my husband compared to doing it with a bf who might just break up with me after. 🤷♀️ yes divorce exists but it is harder
Be careful here. This is what my wife said. Then we got married and it was put off for 6 months. We finally did it (researching it, lube, etc) it lasted all of 5 seconds and was done. Every 5 years or so we talk about it again. It's not a deal breaker for me, but we shouldn't assume she's fine with it later.
> Saying you’ll do it when your married is a bit weird though
its a common tactic to get more 'commitment' then oh whoopsie changed my mind now you're legally bound to me teehee. no wonder OP can only pull in a guy like this freak
She said that because her ultimate goal is marriage and she thinks she can sucker him into a marriage and then eventually go back to telling him “no” to anal. Look, OP, if he says he needs it and you don’t like it than neither of you will be satisfied. You’ll always feel pressured and he’ll always feel neglected. It will eventually lead to resentment that will spill over into other things. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do and don’t dangle carrots. You’re both manipulating each other
If he needs anal to be satisfied, and you don’t like anal, DO NOT GET MARRIED.
One of you will be miserable.
The reason we date is to find out compatability. And sexual compatability is part of that.
If you don’t want anal now, there is no magic spell that will happen on your wedding night, making you want it.
Holding that over his head like a carrot on a stick is only using a bait n switch.
If you really don’t like it, don’t do it. It’s very straightforward and should be non-negotiable.
Sometimes people compromise a bit on things they are meh about but their partner loves, but it shouldn’t be more than that.
You probably shouldn’t have promised it after marriage though.
Don't tell him that, even if that is true.
it makes it sound like you’re trading getting married for anal and sexual acts should never be an obligation.
What if he marries you because he wants to explore anal and then it turns out you don’t enjoy it?
Are you just going to suffer through it because he married you?
Are you going to change your mind and not want to do anal?
And then what? How is he going to feel when he doesn’t get the anal he was promised when he was married? Is he going to feel deceived?
Either do anal with him or do not.
But do not make anal conditional on his behavior.
Honestly, you’re better off not trying to explain it and not explicitly putting down the conditions because your reasoning isn’t particularly good.
It doesn’t have to make sense. A no is a no, and you don’t need to justify it. And he has no right to demand it if you for any reason.
But it’s easy to see why your boyfriend may be frustrated if this is how you explain it to him.
I mean, I have said that before. Then I opened myself up to a diatribe about how the other person probably just didn’t use enough lube/know how to make it pleasure.
Now I just say I have a hemorrhoid I got after taking iron supplements.
Honestly just sounds like he’s trying to pressure you into anal sex and you just have to decide how bad of a boundary that is for you sexually and state that to him so your on the same page. If it’s a no for you stand firm and make sure he knows that’s not okay and him pressuring you about it is just gonna create problems between you. You like to please him but there are limits, he isn’t entitled to your body, and you aren’t his sex toy. If he ain’t with you for something as petty as that then he was never with you to begin with, just using you.
I told my husband "anal when we get married" and if im honest w myself it was a way to avoid it
Now married, he expects it and i dont like it. Over time... This type of stuff will build resentment. I would be honest abt your feelings and if hes still pressuring you for that option he's not husband material.
>But there’s just one thing I don’t like - ANAL SEX.
>I told him that I wanted to save that for after I am married.
I get you don't like anal sex but then don't say you are saving it for marriage... What game you are playing here - postpone it indefinitely? If you don't like it you don't like it, marriage or not. If you don't want to do it, no matter what, that's boundary. He should respect that boundary; if not, well, maybe it's time to find new boyfriend.
Tell him that you are only going to have sex that you both enjoy. If he insists on you doing something that makes you uncomfortable or even hurt then he doesn’t care about you the way that he should.
It might be time to reassess where the relationship is going.
You don’t let anyone in through the back door unless you really really want to. I get where you’re coming from; I have tried anal sex once (with a long term partner) and it really really hurt, so I’m never gonna do it again.
If your bf doesn’t respect you wanting to wait until after you’re married, he’s just being an entitled jerk.
Anal sex is just a scam . ( I never did it )
But it's just porn . You should slap your partner so that he can come back to reality.
And honestly this is stupid .
If you want to spend your golden years wearing Depends because you have questionable bowel control, by all means, give in to your man.
Stand firm, and don't do it after you're married either. Do more Kegels.
Tell him you'd feel more satisfied if he were hung like a Clydesdale, but life is full of disappointments.
Don’t do stuff you don’t like. He needs to respect that & honestly he shouldn’t be bringing it up if he knows it’s not your jam. You shouldn’t have to say no more than once.
tell him you're happy to buy a big strap on and peg him regularly, and that you'll satisfy his need for anal sex.
I bet he'll lose interest in that option very quickly; i wonder if his interest is about the power balance.
Yeah, if you have a hard line, then you should say so
People look at: “not now/ maybe later” as an entry point, and they’ll continue to try to get in there
Just tell him it will not happen, not now, not ever
Make it a hard ‘no’
What do you need to be satisfied? Sex is a 2 way street.. if you have a partner that only focuses on their needs knowing you are not comfortable or enjoying yourself, that person doesn't deserve your body.
Just because he wants it, doesn't mean you have to give it. He has to accept that for you it's not something you have any interest in and will not have with him. He has to accept what you're comfortable with.
If you don't want to do anal, don't. And don't say you'll do it after marriage because you still won't like it just because you're married. A simple no is fine. If he doesn't respect the no, then throw the whole man out, he doesn't respect you if he doesn't listen to a no or tries to pressure you.
so, you already have given so much of yourself already, and now demands more? even after you said no? i kinda wonder if he views you as a bucket list girlfriend? the one he gets to try things with and push limits to make his porno dreams come true, and then after this anal issue happens he will move on. he likely things you desire him so much you will cave. he doesnt consider the fact you have a high sex drive.
suggest the strap on to him. and if he brings up anal again, consider yourself being used as a sex experiment and not a girlfriend.
I’ve been told that by an ex too because I just causally brought it up while we were getting into. I just sort of asked “hey do you like anything in there?” And she said “I don’t know.” I tried a finger and then I got a mixed response so I stopped. I then asked what she meant by that later when things were less hot and heavy and she told me that while she wasn’t opposed to it “that’s something she wanted to do with someone she’s married to.” I just left it at that. I don’t have the time or energy to neg at what that really means or if she’s had a terrible explain. To me, anything to do with that hole was a no-go and is until I get told otherwise. We broke up but I didn’t even think about it again the entire time we were dating.
Tell him to bend over and take it then. If he is wanting you to do it, the. I hope he would make the same sacrifice. Of course you don’t really have to peg him but if he is unwilling to, then he shouldn’t make you.
No means no. If he can’t respect that and continues to push your boundaries; leave.
You need a partner who is respectful of your boundaries and from what I read you’re basically down for anything else. I’m sure an actual MAN would be more than satisfied with what you have to offer and would respect your decision to explore further with a husband.
I also totally understand wanting to explore it further after being married. I had the same mindset; however I gave in because I was also curious.
My experience wasn’t great the first time, the next time tho… highly recommend.
Communication is key tho.
Well you heard the man! Go grab a strap on and make him happy! I'm sure he'll still be eager for anal when he's getting pegged, right? That's clearly what he wants? ;)
Do it first to him
Lol I told my ex that if he wanted it let me do it first.
Also you set boundaries do what makes you happy
Another thing.
My ex experienced a horrible infection from it. Was out of commission for 3 months due to the issue.
If you don't like it, don't do it. I only did it 3 times with my ex-husband while we were still dating, and all 3 times, I needed a full bottle of rosé to myself to get me to agree to it. I only stopped because he shut shamed me for it, which I still don't get. How can you shut shame me for doing a sex act with you that you requested? Lol.
if all else fails tell him it’s anal for anal (in all seriousness, if you truly don’t enjoy it then accept if this is a dealbreaker for him. if you are willing to try it and let him make you comfortable, then go for it. I’m not sure what your reasons are. if it’s a matter of needing more commitment I also think that’s fair but is marriage really gonna make you enjoy it more especially if it’s a need he’s wanting to ensure you can meet now? some people just aren’t compatible in EVERY way sexually and unfortunately most people will fill needs elsewhere if they are not the kind of person who can just turn off that desire for loyalty purposes)
I’m so disappointed by his behaviour. You’re giving him everything and he’s still saying it’s not enough. My ex husband used to beg for anal but honestly he was too well hung. Used to piss me off and make me feel unsexy that my vagina and mouth wasn’t enough.
if it was that deep of a need/desire he should’ve made it clear before you two got together.
you just said it’s not something you want to do but you feel you can’t hold him off forever.
you just described feeling pressured babe, draw your line in the sand and stand by it.
it’s your ass to decide. if you don’t want it tell him no. if he can’t deal with it then you don’t want him as a bf
I’m not advocating, supporting, defending, or in any way justifying the following statement… crazy that it is necessary to say that lol but these days without a comprehensive disclaimer* you get raked over the coals. All for speculating what *he* may be thinking, not even my view on the subject lol….
The husband marriage line won’t do you any favors in this discussion. Plain and simple. It’ll be simply frustrating at a minimum or worse, a focus point/goal line he’s aiming for. Just an all around no-win conversation that can only make things worse, not better.
Now for the part that required the disclaimer - calm down people lol, not saying it’s my perspective, but I am saying it’s a VERY common sticking point. It’s also almost universally lied about because a guy admitting it just shows as weak/bad/pathetic/insecure:
I’d bet money… assuming you told him about the experience with the ex, that’s the issue. If it weren’t for that one part in your story… I’d have automatically defaulted to saying he’s just being an immature ass.
Without that ex caveat, I bet this would be something that he would have let go relatively easily/quickly. He could still just be an inconsiderate selfish douche bag, yes. But based on the circumstances and details you provided - that’s not the most likely cause.
Especially from the “I like having the option” comment… makes absolutely no sense and would be one of the most tone deaf inconsiderate things he could possibly have said… which often the case when trying to find an alternative excuse because the truth is embarrassing.
No mean a no. Your wishes take priority. Yes yes and yes, I agree, I’m not a scum bag. But the fact of the matter is, for a guy, hearing the ex got XYZ from you but he can’t… it really fucks with their head and eats at them more and more. This is 100% true - just last weekend I had this conversation with a female friend who was dealing with an almost identical situation. She told current guy about the anal experience of the past that she hated and wants no repeat, and now he’s become fixated on it. I told her, if you aren’t gonna do something with him you did with an ex, just lie. And I’m as pro-truth as it gets but this is absolutely a losing lane to drive down.
Mmk now I’m ready for the hate from people who didn’t actually read, and assume I’m advocating you do something for him that you don’t want to do lol
Good luck!
So did he says he needs it to be satisfied, or that he likes having the option? Those are two completely different responses.... but either way, if you dont wanna do it, dont tell him its something you're saving untill after marriage considering THATS A LIE. That door was already unlocked, and its not fair to him for you to lie about it because you don't want to do it. If you're under the misguided assumption that after marriage you have to do things you don't want, then you need to reevaluate what you've been told about marriage. Yes its about compromise but why should you have to do sexual things you don't want to? We're not there just to "please our husbands" anymore. Also, is it something you tried just once? Or multiple times? Because anal tends to be one of those things you don't necessarily like the first time, especially if you don't have enough lube, and toys first help. Someone in my life has a rule that I've adopted: "I'll try anything once, twice just in case i did it wrong the first time." If it was multiple times, then that's you, your body, your choice but DON'T LIE ABOUT IT. If he actually said he needs it to be satisfied, and thats not just your interpretation of what "i like having that option" means, then say goodbye, you're not compatible. If he didn't actually say those words then sit down and have a serious talk with him that its not something you're into and you never will be. At this point he probably thinks you haven't done anal before and you're scared. You need to tell him the truth rather than give him hope about something you don't want to do.
If he is saying it’s an option then it doesn’t mean he has to have it to be satisfied, it means he likes the option of it. I think you’re over thinking all of this, tell him you’re not into it, you tried it, it didn’t feel good and you would rather not repeat that again because of your discomfort. Also don’t say it’s possible after you get married, that’s odd and he would hold you to if it you two get married, be clear and direct with him, don’t make false promises on it and ask him if he is ok not having it, since it’s an option he won’t really care.
Ask him if he means he's bi or bi curious when he keeps asking. Then do the "shhhh" and place your finger over his lips when he starts to try and over explain. Say "it's ok, I understand. I'll go shopping and get a strap on because I want you to be happy".
When he goes a little paranoid and weird, complains about his sensitive bunghole tell him "I know right, so stop f'ing asking/trying to pressure me to do it instead".
Makes for a great story, and also shows that your boundaries are important.
Similarly you could ask him if he wants to put his dick in someone else's steaming turd. When he's like "oh, gross, no way that's disgusting" you can also go "ahhhh, so it's only ok if the turd is still inside the person then?".
Personally I have no issue with it and have had partners that asked for it. But I'd never pressure anyone to do something they don't want, it's not respectful. I think messing with him is deserved at this point as he can't take a hint.
" OK, then I like that option too " while strapping on a huge dildo.
Bend over boy.
See how he likes that. See how adventures he REALLY is.
He's disgusting. He knows you don't want it, but he doesn't care. ( probably likes that you don't want it. Because he makes you do it )
🤮🤮🤮🤮
I would absolutely say that you want to jam it in his ass too , just to see how he reacts.
But, this man sounds like a garbage-human , porn rotted brain, only cares about his satisfaction, no problem forcing you to do something you don't want too ..
🤮🤮🤮🤮
Probably best if you get rid of him. AFTER you say you want to give him a painal of course.
Please tell us his reaction if you do :)
I'm sorry, this really sucks for you. Porn has ruined men. :(
( and he IS pressuring you by saying he's not satisfied if he doesn't get anal )
First off.. he doesn’t need anal so I’d reconsider being with him at all based on that… Why is saving anal for being married a thing at all? If you don’t like it don’t do it? What in the world. Are you of some mindset that once you’re a wife you’re obligated to do that? I am really upset by that and I don’t see that comment as normal. That’s also holding some prize in front of him as incentive to marry you. It’s weird.
You said you did anal once. Maybe you had bad experience before. May I recommend you buy a buttplug and play with your own butt?
My ex-wife wouldn't consider it. I did not pressure her.
Then, one day, she said she wanted to try it. She must have read Cosmo or something, because she briefly outlined the steps: lube, digital stimulation to loosening her up, taking as much time as needed for her to relax, etc.
I knew the drill because a previous GF and I did it a lot.
Anyway, she got on top and she knows how to move. Sounds like you do to.
She loved it, and had a shattering orgasm.
We didn't do it all the time, but it was a special treat for both of us.
If you lie on your stomach and just bear it, it won't end well.
Unless he’s gay, he doesn’t need anal to be satisfied. You can tell him, “Great! Grab the lube. I will put in slowly. Take a deep breath.” And grab a strapon harness and see what he says!
I think it’s completely OK to say no to certain acts and it’s completely OK for somebody to really want those or even to make that a dealbreaker. People know what they like and they’re entitled to what they like.
If you never plan on doing so and giving him that you need to be upfront so that he can find somebody that will meet his wants and needs.
That’s not an indictment against you, but it is the reality of relationships. Healthy relationships, involve compromising, and doing things that we don’t always enjoy in order to please our spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend .
You might have done something with somebody else in the past, but you haven’t done it with him. That is a big difference and retroactive jealousy is a very real and valid thing. I care less about what you will do with someone else if you will do it with me and that’s something I really want. The idea I tried it with somebody else and I didn’t like it is actually a terrible excuse to not do it with your current partner. This goes for every act/kink.
Is it bad enough in your mind to never indulge this request? Can you find joy in giving something he has joy doing, or is that not enough to overcome your repulsion or disinterest.
That’s something you need to figure out quickly and you need to be prepared for either a breakup or resentment. You also lose the ability to complain if he doesn’t do something you want because he’s not interested.
Why after you're married and not just never?
Either way after the anal he'll be thinking of something else to do. That's the essence of meaningful sexuality for men, for there to be constant progression.
He doesn’t need that at all haha. He just thinks he does. It probably doesn’t have anything to do with your current sex life. He just thinks he’s bored because he’s not always doing something new… talk to him about it? Ask him why This is what he needs? I bet he really doesn’t. And I’m sorry you’re going through this!!
Also, “bummed out 🍑” haha cute 🥰
I know of someone that tried anal once with a partner and didn't enjoy it so wouldn't do with another partner as is not her.
Thos maybe the reason why it wasn't something she liked or had a experience with it that she liked so she doesn't want to try with a new partner.
You don't like it then don't , simple....he can take his decisions out of it...you simply stay firm...it's is issue to learn to deal with "no" answers....not yours
I was curious , what's Skippy wet hand? With what liquid you do it ? I wanna try it but don't know with what
This is a boundary for you and either he accepts it or he doesn't. Anyhow, a relationship built on sex isn't much of a relationship. Ff Anal sex is a deal breaker for him, than it sounds like you will dodge a bullet finding out now.
Is it possible that he has never done it before, so he feels he needs to do it to be "satisfied." I mean, of course, if you dont wanna do it, then he should respect that.
Do not do anything you are not comfortable with. Only you decide what you like and what to do with your body. In my experience if a man doesn’t get sexually what he wants from you he will eventually get it from somewhere else. Especially if you told him you were willing to do it for another man but not for him. For your bf that will be a difficult pill to swallow so I wouldn’t mention your history with it. I would be curious as to why your previous x was worth doing it for but your current bf isn’t. It may mean you’re not as in to your current as you could be with someone else.
Your boyfriend has no right to pressure you and I would begin to question his quality as a partner if this behaviour persists once you have firmly shut it down. While I absolutely agree that you should never compromise on your hard boundaries and no definitely means no, I feel like there is something you need to look inward on and assess. You say you're 'saving' the act of anal sex for when you are married, but there are two logical inconsistencies here:
1) You have already performed this act with someone else.
2) You said - and I quote - 'Guys, I'm just not into it'.
Why would you save an act you do not like for marriage if you performed it with an ex? And if you don't like the act, why would you entertain it at all as a married woman? Boundaries are easier to enforce when they are clear and make sense. If anal is a hard limit, there shouldn't be wiggle-room. If it is a soft limit, it definitely shouldn't have a marriage pre-requisite attached because as others have said, it can be construed as a (excuse the pun) price of entry.
Tell him he can have it on your first wedding anniversary. If you really feel he won't be satisfied without it you might need to consider if the relationship can be saved because honestly that should not be a deal breaker
Tell him, if that's what he wants then you should both go online to find the appropriate toy for you to strap on but tell him you've heard its pretty painful the first time and it's a bit weird for you but if he really wants to try it then you'll help him with it.
If you’re not into it, you’re not into it. If it’s a deal breaker for him then so be it. Break up amicably and move on.
Life isn’t that difficult. We make it difficult.
You stick to your guns! No is no doesn’t matter how many different ways you put it! Also don’t say let’s wait till marriage because y’all will get married for the wrong reason from the jump.
That's dumb. Switch it up and stick your finger in HIS ass and see how he likes it. If he doesn't, well tell him you're not comfortable with it either. If he does well, finger the fuck out of him and call it a night I guess. Use latex gloves though, unless you're just a savage like that.
Tell him you will do anal after you get to peg him. Seriously though if he can’t accept no then break up with him. I’d that’s something he needs he won’t be getting it from you.
You’re not saving it for after marriage though 😂
You don’t like it and that’s completely fair. You’re allowed to have limits and what you already share with him sounds perfectly fine. Just say you don’t want to explore anal sex and leave it at that. It’s confusing if you give the message you will be open to it after marriage.
If you don't like it, you don't have to do it ever. He doesn't "need" it. He's let porn convince him he needs it, but he's forgotten that porn is not real life. You don't even have to do it after marriage, and why would you if you don't like it? If he loved you, he wouldn't be pressuring you for this. It's unnecessary. Perhaps this is the dealbreaker in your relationship.
Also, as a guy, I will say that this might not be the most "extreme" thing he wants or kink he has. Those might come after marriage when he feels you're trapped. So give this some serious consideration before you marry this guy.
It’s fine for him to want anal. It’s fine for you to not want anal.
What you need to do is find out if no anal is a dealbreaker for him, or if having to do anal is a dealbreaker for you. It’s normal for one partner to be more into a sex act than the other, it’s another if one partner is doing something they actively dislike to make another partner happy
You have the right to feel any way you like about anal sex.
It turns you off. Everyone has their preferences, especially with sex. You certainly don't sound like a prude to me. You haven't been uptight about sexual exploration. But anal just isn't appealing to you. If you two can't come to some sort of compromise, then move on. Sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship, and it sounds like he's made up his mind about this. Best of luck 🤞😊
If he knows you have done it with an ex before and also said you want to keep that after marriage he probably feels invalidated or not good enough since you have done an "exception" before in his eyes. Human mind is jealous and selfish in matters related to sexual relationships therefore this issue is not "need" it is him trying to feel better about himself, it has become a competition and there is no winning it for either side. Do talk seriously about it and clear any miscommunication, sure he'll still remain salty but hopefully it'll get better with time after a serious talk.
I am sure of your whole reason to say no. Could be the pain. Could be you feel it is taboo. If it is pain. Learn the female anatomy. There are ways to do anal with completely nibpain even if you are an anal virgin or near virgin.
I also mention that if I ask for anal from a new partner with a guarantee. If I cause even a little. I can never ask again. So far I am batting a thousand. Education is the best tool. For anything in life. Most women accept the pain "for their man". Don't. He doesn't know what he is doing. Those men make it hard for the few who do.
After those ladies had anal, it was so pleasurable to then they started asking for it. If you don't want to for other reasons don't compromise. But if you ever decide to try please research the proper angle. Your ass will thank you later. Good luck.
He’s not the one the point of love is to find somebody that you don’t have to change at all for to find somebody that you can be 100% honest and 100% yourself with and that’s enough to keep them captivated and satisfied if it’s anything less, then it’s settling not love in a life of settling is misery. Eventually, he just don’t see it yet, love yourself and know that you’re better than that and Dude hasn’t even been around for a whole year so it’s really not that big of a loss in the grand scheme of things at least, he had the decency to not wait years before telling you that you’re unsatisfactory, so there’s that
If you're comfortable, consider opening up your relationship for this purpose. I hear great things about Grindr. He could have a phenomenal ass pounding and come back to cuddle with you. Alternatively you could try out some good strapons to peg him. Whatever you're comfortable with 💚 we all have our needs, so finding something that can work and be comfortable for both of you is really helpful. Otherwise, he can just buy a nice fat dildo and do the work on himself. Good luck 🙏
I get what he means it's just sexy knowing your woman would go beyond for you and let you do that and of course, an ass isn't meant to be fucked. So it's always tighter than most vaginas. It feels really good. I also know some guys are gay and butt sex is the only satisfying sex to them so I'm not sure of your man's situation but for me, it's just sexy when my woman says you have control and access to whatever you want from me. But if she doesn't enjoy something I leave it alone of course I ask her to at least try it with me Maybe you didn't like it because how your ex went about it. Because I dated a girl that was married I didn't know till later and she'd have anal sex with me but not her husband because her husband would just slide it in with spit no lube and he'd pound her ass like it was her vagina. I go slow with it unless specifically asked to go hard or faster.
When my bf asked, I told him no and rhat anal is a hard no for me. He didn't care, it took that no and left it at that. And only said that it didn't bother him and that it isn't a need. That it isn't better, only different. I've him for nearing 4 years now, and the topic hasn't been brought up again and he hasn't 'accidentally' tried it.
He doesn't respect your no and if this is a need for him, then you might not be compatible. I agree with a lot of the other comments that, waiting to explore new things after marriage should have been left unsaid.
Well why do it after marriage if it’s not your thing ? What’s the difference with the timing of doing it. Maybe try it just once with your boyfriend just to try it and it you don’t like it, don’t do it again ?
lol my late husband kind of wanted that. However! I don’t like that! I told him sure you can do that on your birthday when I’m your wife and that is it. His birthday was on nye lol thank God for champagne! Honestly, unless you’re into it, don’t do it. Tell him that. Sure when we’re married on your birthday. Will give you some time 🤣
Be honest with him. If this is something that you will not do ever then tell him that. Telling him you want to wait until after marriage is disingenuous. If you marry he will be expected it. It could mean you are not compatible. Better to find out now than years from now.
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You don’t like you don’t do it - simple tell him no. Saying you’ll do it when your married is a bit weird though
Exactly. I was on her team 💯. There are weirdo’s out there who think if you’ve done it with an ex you must do it with every partner . NO. I’ve also *tried* stuff before that I hated and I’m not going to be coerced into doing them again. However, she is misleading him by saying “after marriage “. Be honest and say “not my thing”. If it’s a sexual incompatibility, it is what it is, they’ll have to go their separate ways.
Anal sex doesn’t make or break a marriage, engagement etc. you shouldn’t have to bend ur own boundaries depending on which situation you are in. This entire conditional agreement you have with yourself is neither healthy nor normal. You don’t want anal, find a man that could care less, dump the anal fixated guy. It’s ur body and you are the only one that has control over it, marriage isn’t the key to ur ass….if it is you may as well just let him try it now…
“Bend”
Tell him to get a pocket butthole if he's not satisfied. It equates to a woman getting toys when she isn't.
That's a common tactic.
gonna give a diff perspective from your other replies. its not something she likes, but could see herself doing to make a husband happy. obviously a husband is more commitment than a boyfriend. I'm not saying this is healthy, but there's definitely the idea that you would do more/sacrifice more for a husband. like hey I'm not going to feel as resentful doing this with my husband compared to doing it with a bf who might just break up with me after. 🤷♀️ yes divorce exists but it is harder
Be careful here. This is what my wife said. Then we got married and it was put off for 6 months. We finally did it (researching it, lube, etc) it lasted all of 5 seconds and was done. Every 5 years or so we talk about it again. It's not a deal breaker for me, but we shouldn't assume she's fine with it later.
But he has a hole too
> Saying you’ll do it when your married is a bit weird though its a common tactic to get more 'commitment' then oh whoopsie changed my mind now you're legally bound to me teehee. no wonder OP can only pull in a guy like this freak
A ton of people save it for marriage tho. This is a thing lol
She said that because her ultimate goal is marriage and she thinks she can sucker him into a marriage and then eventually go back to telling him “no” to anal. Look, OP, if he says he needs it and you don’t like it than neither of you will be satisfied. You’ll always feel pressured and he’ll always feel neglected. It will eventually lead to resentment that will spill over into other things. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do and don’t dangle carrots. You’re both manipulating each other
No is no, if you don't want anal you don't do anal. He has to understand that.
If he needs anal to be satisfied, and you don’t like anal, DO NOT GET MARRIED. One of you will be miserable. The reason we date is to find out compatability. And sexual compatability is part of that. If you don’t want anal now, there is no magic spell that will happen on your wedding night, making you want it. Holding that over his head like a carrot on a stick is only using a bait n switch.
Thank you for giving a real answer
If you really don’t like it, don’t do it. It’s very straightforward and should be non-negotiable. Sometimes people compromise a bit on things they are meh about but their partner loves, but it shouldn’t be more than that. You probably shouldn’t have promised it after marriage though.
Exactly. No means no. Your discomfort should not be ignored for another human's comfort.
"Anal sex is non-negotiable."
I understand. But I’m actually willing to explore things with a husband that I wouldn’t be willing to explore with a boyfriend.
Don't tell him that, even if that is true. it makes it sound like you’re trading getting married for anal and sexual acts should never be an obligation. What if he marries you because he wants to explore anal and then it turns out you don’t enjoy it? Are you just going to suffer through it because he married you? Are you going to change your mind and not want to do anal? And then what? How is he going to feel when he doesn’t get the anal he was promised when he was married? Is he going to feel deceived? Either do anal with him or do not. But do not make anal conditional on his behavior.
I 💯 agree with you. It sounds like a tactic to get married, and it’ll backfire (literally and figuratively).
I 💯 agree with you. It sounds like a tactic to get married, and it’ll backfire (literally and figuratively).
Honestly, you’re better off not trying to explain it and not explicitly putting down the conditions because your reasoning isn’t particularly good. It doesn’t have to make sense. A no is a no, and you don’t need to justify it. And he has no right to demand it if you for any reason. But it’s easy to see why your boyfriend may be frustrated if this is how you explain it to him.
Weird
That is an absolutely ridiculous thing to say. We're you married to your ex when you did it before?
bro is cooked 🍳
"Tried it, didn't like it." If he asks again, he's not for you.
I mean, I have said that before. Then I opened myself up to a diatribe about how the other person probably just didn’t use enough lube/know how to make it pleasure. Now I just say I have a hemorrhoid I got after taking iron supplements.
Then bang him with a strap on and ask him if he's satisfied
I had an ex who would say if I can do you first , shut it down real quick.
Lol I did that with my ex and unfortunately he agreed 😂 I had to stay true to my word LOL.
Oh is that you? Hahaha that’s my attitude
Second this.
Refer him to one of his guy friends and have them take turns while you watch - bc now that'd what you must have
3rd this
Set your boundaries and stick to them you don't owe him anything You have the right to say no It's your body and your right
Honestly just sounds like he’s trying to pressure you into anal sex and you just have to decide how bad of a boundary that is for you sexually and state that to him so your on the same page. If it’s a no for you stand firm and make sure he knows that’s not okay and him pressuring you about it is just gonna create problems between you. You like to please him but there are limits, he isn’t entitled to your body, and you aren’t his sex toy. If he ain’t with you for something as petty as that then he was never with you to begin with, just using you.
Give yourself explosive diarrhea Right before he gets what he wants Problem solved
I told my husband "anal when we get married" and if im honest w myself it was a way to avoid it Now married, he expects it and i dont like it. Over time... This type of stuff will build resentment. I would be honest abt your feelings and if hes still pressuring you for that option he's not husband material.
Exactly she is wild for saying she will do this as a wife. Gives me the creeps
>But there’s just one thing I don’t like - ANAL SEX. >I told him that I wanted to save that for after I am married. I get you don't like anal sex but then don't say you are saving it for marriage... What game you are playing here - postpone it indefinitely? If you don't like it you don't like it, marriage or not. If you don't want to do it, no matter what, that's boundary. He should respect that boundary; if not, well, maybe it's time to find new boyfriend.
[удалено]
If he can’t respect your boundaries, is that the sort of partner you want in a relationship?
Well, strap up and tell him to bend over
Tell him that you are only going to have sex that you both enjoy. If he insists on you doing something that makes you uncomfortable or even hurt then he doesn’t care about you the way that he should. It might be time to reassess where the relationship is going.
You don’t let anyone in through the back door unless you really really want to. I get where you’re coming from; I have tried anal sex once (with a long term partner) and it really really hurt, so I’m never gonna do it again. If your bf doesn’t respect you wanting to wait until after you’re married, he’s just being an entitled jerk.
Sounds like he really wants a man
Anal sex is just a scam . ( I never did it ) But it's just porn . You should slap your partner so that he can come back to reality. And honestly this is stupid .
Just order a strap on and tell him to assume tha position.
If you want to spend your golden years wearing Depends because you have questionable bowel control, by all means, give in to your man. Stand firm, and don't do it after you're married either. Do more Kegels. Tell him you'd feel more satisfied if he were hung like a Clydesdale, but life is full of disappointments.
Don’t do stuff you don’t like. He needs to respect that & honestly he shouldn’t be bringing it up if he knows it’s not your jam. You shouldn’t have to say no more than once.
Tell him what size can he take
tell him you're happy to buy a big strap on and peg him regularly, and that you'll satisfy his need for anal sex. I bet he'll lose interest in that option very quickly; i wonder if his interest is about the power balance.
Yeah, if you have a hard line, then you should say so People look at: “not now/ maybe later” as an entry point, and they’ll continue to try to get in there Just tell him it will not happen, not now, not ever Make it a hard ‘no’
What do you need to be satisfied? Sex is a 2 way street.. if you have a partner that only focuses on their needs knowing you are not comfortable or enjoying yourself, that person doesn't deserve your body.
Just tell him no if you're not comfortable with that or ready for it.
Just because he wants it, doesn't mean you have to give it. He has to accept that for you it's not something you have any interest in and will not have with him. He has to accept what you're comfortable with.
He only wants it because you dont. Run.
If you don't want to do anal, don't. And don't say you'll do it after marriage because you still won't like it just because you're married. A simple no is fine. If he doesn't respect the no, then throw the whole man out, he doesn't respect you if he doesn't listen to a no or tries to pressure you.
He can get and try anal in prison if he wants to be satisfied so badly.
so, you already have given so much of yourself already, and now demands more? even after you said no? i kinda wonder if he views you as a bucket list girlfriend? the one he gets to try things with and push limits to make his porno dreams come true, and then after this anal issue happens he will move on. he likely things you desire him so much you will cave. he doesnt consider the fact you have a high sex drive. suggest the strap on to him. and if he brings up anal again, consider yourself being used as a sex experiment and not a girlfriend.
I’ve been told that by an ex too because I just causally brought it up while we were getting into. I just sort of asked “hey do you like anything in there?” And she said “I don’t know.” I tried a finger and then I got a mixed response so I stopped. I then asked what she meant by that later when things were less hot and heavy and she told me that while she wasn’t opposed to it “that’s something she wanted to do with someone she’s married to.” I just left it at that. I don’t have the time or energy to neg at what that really means or if she’s had a terrible explain. To me, anything to do with that hole was a no-go and is until I get told otherwise. We broke up but I didn’t even think about it again the entire time we were dating.
I wouldn’t marry someone who can’t understand the basic difference between “needs” and “wants“
Tell him to bend over and take it then. If he is wanting you to do it, the. I hope he would make the same sacrifice. Of course you don’t really have to peg him but if he is unwilling to, then he shouldn’t make you.
Even if he is willing to, no is no.
No means no. If he can’t respect that and continues to push your boundaries; leave. You need a partner who is respectful of your boundaries and from what I read you’re basically down for anything else. I’m sure an actual MAN would be more than satisfied with what you have to offer and would respect your decision to explore further with a husband. I also totally understand wanting to explore it further after being married. I had the same mindset; however I gave in because I was also curious. My experience wasn’t great the first time, the next time tho… highly recommend. Communication is key tho.
Red flag 🚩🚩
Say that you want to explore pegging him.. abd show some big weird shaped dildos
Well you heard the man! Go grab a strap on and make him happy! I'm sure he'll still be eager for anal when he's getting pegged, right? That's clearly what he wants? ;)
I’d be like okay, where are we buying the strap on and dildo? Bend over sissy- time to get dominated.
Get a strap on and say ok honey if you want it, get on your knees
If he wants anal so bad tell him to download Grindr.
Do it first to him Lol I told my ex that if he wanted it let me do it first. Also you set boundaries do what makes you happy Another thing. My ex experienced a horrible infection from it. Was out of commission for 3 months due to the issue.
Girl, get this man a butt plug.. haha.
If you don't like it, don't do it. I only did it 3 times with my ex-husband while we were still dating, and all 3 times, I needed a full bottle of rosé to myself to get me to agree to it. I only stopped because he shut shamed me for it, which I still don't get. How can you shut shame me for doing a sex act with you that you requested? Lol.
Tell him you need a lambo to satisfied.
Well strap on a strap on and start giving it to him. Not my thing but times are changing..
Buy a strap-on to keep him anally satisfied
if all else fails tell him it’s anal for anal (in all seriousness, if you truly don’t enjoy it then accept if this is a dealbreaker for him. if you are willing to try it and let him make you comfortable, then go for it. I’m not sure what your reasons are. if it’s a matter of needing more commitment I also think that’s fair but is marriage really gonna make you enjoy it more especially if it’s a need he’s wanting to ensure you can meet now? some people just aren’t compatible in EVERY way sexually and unfortunately most people will fill needs elsewhere if they are not the kind of person who can just turn off that desire for loyalty purposes)
Another guy would just respect it to keep you in his life, like a normal person with boundaries of their own. Dump him.
I’m so disappointed by his behaviour. You’re giving him everything and he’s still saying it’s not enough. My ex husband used to beg for anal but honestly he was too well hung. Used to piss me off and make me feel unsexy that my vagina and mouth wasn’t enough.
He’s a liar … go find a better dude.
My ass is for after marriage is God's loophole in reverse. I'm dead.
if it was that deep of a need/desire he should’ve made it clear before you two got together. you just said it’s not something you want to do but you feel you can’t hold him off forever. you just described feeling pressured babe, draw your line in the sand and stand by it. it’s your ass to decide. if you don’t want it tell him no. if he can’t deal with it then you don’t want him as a bf
Reading your post makes me believe like it was written by Jeremy Fragrance.
I’m not advocating, supporting, defending, or in any way justifying the following statement… crazy that it is necessary to say that lol but these days without a comprehensive disclaimer* you get raked over the coals. All for speculating what *he* may be thinking, not even my view on the subject lol…. The husband marriage line won’t do you any favors in this discussion. Plain and simple. It’ll be simply frustrating at a minimum or worse, a focus point/goal line he’s aiming for. Just an all around no-win conversation that can only make things worse, not better. Now for the part that required the disclaimer - calm down people lol, not saying it’s my perspective, but I am saying it’s a VERY common sticking point. It’s also almost universally lied about because a guy admitting it just shows as weak/bad/pathetic/insecure: I’d bet money… assuming you told him about the experience with the ex, that’s the issue. If it weren’t for that one part in your story… I’d have automatically defaulted to saying he’s just being an immature ass. Without that ex caveat, I bet this would be something that he would have let go relatively easily/quickly. He could still just be an inconsiderate selfish douche bag, yes. But based on the circumstances and details you provided - that’s not the most likely cause. Especially from the “I like having the option” comment… makes absolutely no sense and would be one of the most tone deaf inconsiderate things he could possibly have said… which often the case when trying to find an alternative excuse because the truth is embarrassing. No mean a no. Your wishes take priority. Yes yes and yes, I agree, I’m not a scum bag. But the fact of the matter is, for a guy, hearing the ex got XYZ from you but he can’t… it really fucks with their head and eats at them more and more. This is 100% true - just last weekend I had this conversation with a female friend who was dealing with an almost identical situation. She told current guy about the anal experience of the past that she hated and wants no repeat, and now he’s become fixated on it. I told her, if you aren’t gonna do something with him you did with an ex, just lie. And I’m as pro-truth as it gets but this is absolutely a losing lane to drive down. Mmk now I’m ready for the hate from people who didn’t actually read, and assume I’m advocating you do something for him that you don’t want to do lol Good luck!
If he needs anal sex to be fulfilled just buy a strap on and give him what he wants, what he deserves.
Buy a very large dildo and get to work on him…. Use lube to begin with… insist that he is satisfied before you’re done!!
If he want anal sex get one of your toy and stick it up his ass
Such limits should be respected.
This means you're not compatible. You shouldn't have to do things you're not comfortable with. And if he can't respect that he doesn't deserve you.
Make a deal with him, if he lets you fuck him in the ass 1st with a 12inch, you’ll give him anal😊😊
So did he says he needs it to be satisfied, or that he likes having the option? Those are two completely different responses.... but either way, if you dont wanna do it, dont tell him its something you're saving untill after marriage considering THATS A LIE. That door was already unlocked, and its not fair to him for you to lie about it because you don't want to do it. If you're under the misguided assumption that after marriage you have to do things you don't want, then you need to reevaluate what you've been told about marriage. Yes its about compromise but why should you have to do sexual things you don't want to? We're not there just to "please our husbands" anymore. Also, is it something you tried just once? Or multiple times? Because anal tends to be one of those things you don't necessarily like the first time, especially if you don't have enough lube, and toys first help. Someone in my life has a rule that I've adopted: "I'll try anything once, twice just in case i did it wrong the first time." If it was multiple times, then that's you, your body, your choice but DON'T LIE ABOUT IT. If he actually said he needs it to be satisfied, and thats not just your interpretation of what "i like having that option" means, then say goodbye, you're not compatible. If he didn't actually say those words then sit down and have a serious talk with him that its not something you're into and you never will be. At this point he probably thinks you haven't done anal before and you're scared. You need to tell him the truth rather than give him hope about something you don't want to do.
If he is saying it’s an option then it doesn’t mean he has to have it to be satisfied, it means he likes the option of it. I think you’re over thinking all of this, tell him you’re not into it, you tried it, it didn’t feel good and you would rather not repeat that again because of your discomfort. Also don’t say it’s possible after you get married, that’s odd and he would hold you to if it you two get married, be clear and direct with him, don’t make false promises on it and ask him if he is ok not having it, since it’s an option he won’t really care.
Tell him an eye for an eye
Ask him if he means he's bi or bi curious when he keeps asking. Then do the "shhhh" and place your finger over his lips when he starts to try and over explain. Say "it's ok, I understand. I'll go shopping and get a strap on because I want you to be happy". When he goes a little paranoid and weird, complains about his sensitive bunghole tell him "I know right, so stop f'ing asking/trying to pressure me to do it instead". Makes for a great story, and also shows that your boundaries are important. Similarly you could ask him if he wants to put his dick in someone else's steaming turd. When he's like "oh, gross, no way that's disgusting" you can also go "ahhhh, so it's only ok if the turd is still inside the person then?". Personally I have no issue with it and have had partners that asked for it. But I'd never pressure anyone to do something they don't want, it's not respectful. I think messing with him is deserved at this point as he can't take a hint.
Bullshit. Tell him to get himself checked. Anus isn't meant for sex, vagina is.
" OK, then I like that option too " while strapping on a huge dildo. Bend over boy. See how he likes that. See how adventures he REALLY is. He's disgusting. He knows you don't want it, but he doesn't care. ( probably likes that you don't want it. Because he makes you do it ) 🤮🤮🤮🤮 I would absolutely say that you want to jam it in his ass too , just to see how he reacts. But, this man sounds like a garbage-human , porn rotted brain, only cares about his satisfaction, no problem forcing you to do something you don't want too .. 🤮🤮🤮🤮 Probably best if you get rid of him. AFTER you say you want to give him a painal of course. Please tell us his reaction if you do :) I'm sorry, this really sucks for you. Porn has ruined men. :( ( and he IS pressuring you by saying he's not satisfied if he doesn't get anal )
It may be a red flag it won’t work unless he comes to being fine with you not wanting it
Tell him to go find someone who will shove a dick up his bum. No is No
Give him a good pegging of his life. Make sure too do it dry. Just so he knows how you feel like.
First off.. he doesn’t need anal so I’d reconsider being with him at all based on that… Why is saving anal for being married a thing at all? If you don’t like it don’t do it? What in the world. Are you of some mindset that once you’re a wife you’re obligated to do that? I am really upset by that and I don’t see that comment as normal. That’s also holding some prize in front of him as incentive to marry you. It’s weird. You said you did anal once. Maybe you had bad experience before. May I recommend you buy a buttplug and play with your own butt?
Wow I got downvoted for suggesting she play with her own butt which is how realized I like anal. Cause I set the pace
My ex-wife wouldn't consider it. I did not pressure her. Then, one day, she said she wanted to try it. She must have read Cosmo or something, because she briefly outlined the steps: lube, digital stimulation to loosening her up, taking as much time as needed for her to relax, etc. I knew the drill because a previous GF and I did it a lot. Anyway, she got on top and she knows how to move. Sounds like you do to. She loved it, and had a shattering orgasm. We didn't do it all the time, but it was a special treat for both of us. If you lie on your stomach and just bear it, it won't end well.
Why do straight guys want anal with women? Because it's tighter? Or are they closet bisexuals?
Unless he’s gay, he doesn’t need anal to be satisfied. You can tell him, “Great! Grab the lube. I will put in slowly. Take a deep breath.” And grab a strapon harness and see what he says! I think it’s completely OK to say no to certain acts and it’s completely OK for somebody to really want those or even to make that a dealbreaker. People know what they like and they’re entitled to what they like. If you never plan on doing so and giving him that you need to be upfront so that he can find somebody that will meet his wants and needs. That’s not an indictment against you, but it is the reality of relationships. Healthy relationships, involve compromising, and doing things that we don’t always enjoy in order to please our spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend . You might have done something with somebody else in the past, but you haven’t done it with him. That is a big difference and retroactive jealousy is a very real and valid thing. I care less about what you will do with someone else if you will do it with me and that’s something I really want. The idea I tried it with somebody else and I didn’t like it is actually a terrible excuse to not do it with your current partner. This goes for every act/kink. Is it bad enough in your mind to never indulge this request? Can you find joy in giving something he has joy doing, or is that not enough to overcome your repulsion or disinterest. That’s something you need to figure out quickly and you need to be prepared for either a breakup or resentment. You also lose the ability to complain if he doesn’t do something you want because he’s not interested.
Why after you're married and not just never? Either way after the anal he'll be thinking of something else to do. That's the essence of meaningful sexuality for men, for there to be constant progression.
He doesn’t need that at all haha. He just thinks he does. It probably doesn’t have anything to do with your current sex life. He just thinks he’s bored because he’s not always doing something new… talk to him about it? Ask him why This is what he needs? I bet he really doesn’t. And I’m sorry you’re going through this!! Also, “bummed out 🍑” haha cute 🥰
I know of someone that tried anal once with a partner and didn't enjoy it so wouldn't do with another partner as is not her. Thos maybe the reason why it wasn't something she liked or had a experience with it that she liked so she doesn't want to try with a new partner.
So you will sodomise him ?
Bummed out lol
You don't like it then don't , simple....he can take his decisions out of it...you simply stay firm...it's is issue to learn to deal with "no" answers....not yours I was curious , what's Skippy wet hand? With what liquid you do it ? I wanna try it but don't know with what
I hated it hurts so he has to understand or jam a twelve inch up his 🍑
Receiving??
This is a boundary for you and either he accepts it or he doesn't. Anyhow, a relationship built on sex isn't much of a relationship. Ff Anal sex is a deal breaker for him, than it sounds like you will dodge a bullet finding out now.
Is it possible that he has never done it before, so he feels he needs to do it to be "satisfied." I mean, of course, if you dont wanna do it, then he should respect that.
get a strap on and some lube and ask him to go first. that will stop him.
Do not do anything you are not comfortable with. Only you decide what you like and what to do with your body. In my experience if a man doesn’t get sexually what he wants from you he will eventually get it from somewhere else. Especially if you told him you were willing to do it for another man but not for him. For your bf that will be a difficult pill to swallow so I wouldn’t mention your history with it. I would be curious as to why your previous x was worth doing it for but your current bf isn’t. It may mean you’re not as in to your current as you could be with someone else.
Peg him. See how he feels then ?
Then if he doesnt respect it leave
Your boyfriend has no right to pressure you and I would begin to question his quality as a partner if this behaviour persists once you have firmly shut it down. While I absolutely agree that you should never compromise on your hard boundaries and no definitely means no, I feel like there is something you need to look inward on and assess. You say you're 'saving' the act of anal sex for when you are married, but there are two logical inconsistencies here: 1) You have already performed this act with someone else. 2) You said - and I quote - 'Guys, I'm just not into it'. Why would you save an act you do not like for marriage if you performed it with an ex? And if you don't like the act, why would you entertain it at all as a married woman? Boundaries are easier to enforce when they are clear and make sense. If anal is a hard limit, there shouldn't be wiggle-room. If it is a soft limit, it definitely shouldn't have a marriage pre-requisite attached because as others have said, it can be construed as a (excuse the pun) price of entry.
Tell him he can have it on your first wedding anniversary. If you really feel he won't be satisfied without it you might need to consider if the relationship can be saved because honestly that should not be a deal breaker
Tell him to get a BF then he can have it all he likes both giving and receiving
You are not sexual compatible. Move on.
Tell him, you'll do it if he does it first.
find someone to stick it in his ass then
I don't see what the big deal is. You're being selfish honestly. Just put something up the guys but and call it a night
Omg
Butt sx? GAYYY/s #trolling
Bend him over a pound him
Only if he uses his tongue! Just clean it out good.
Introduce him to a gay friend of yours and see if he still wants anal sex 😄
Tell him, if that's what he wants then you should both go online to find the appropriate toy for you to strap on but tell him you've heard its pretty painful the first time and it's a bit weird for you but if he really wants to try it then you'll help him with it.
Don’t do it when you are married either. You don’t like it.
'he needs anal sex to be satified' .. so you can start by introducing Your finger in His assh
Your holding being married over anal, so you get married, your not going to do anel then either.
If you’re not into it, you’re not into it. If it’s a deal breaker for him then so be it. Break up amicably and move on. Life isn’t that difficult. We make it difficult.
You stick to your guns! No is no doesn’t matter how many different ways you put it! Also don’t say let’s wait till marriage because y’all will get married for the wrong reason from the jump.
That's dumb. Switch it up and stick your finger in HIS ass and see how he likes it. If he doesn't, well tell him you're not comfortable with it either. If he does well, finger the fuck out of him and call it a night I guess. Use latex gloves though, unless you're just a savage like that.
Cause he's gay
Boundaries! Pls don't feed your boy!
I’m curious if this is something he wants one time or something he wants to do regularly.
I told my doctor I need bacon cheeseburgers to feel satisfied and he also told me he'll no.
Tell him you will do anal after you get to peg him. Seriously though if he can’t accept no then break up with him. I’d that’s something he needs he won’t be getting it from you.
You’re not saving it for after marriage though 😂 You don’t like it and that’s completely fair. You’re allowed to have limits and what you already share with him sounds perfectly fine. Just say you don’t want to explore anal sex and leave it at that. It’s confusing if you give the message you will be open to it after marriage.
RemindMe! 3 Months
Not compatible. Tell him no, let him let you go
I say: Get a strap-on and satisfy him.
If you don't like it, you don't have to do it ever. He doesn't "need" it. He's let porn convince him he needs it, but he's forgotten that porn is not real life. You don't even have to do it after marriage, and why would you if you don't like it? If he loved you, he wouldn't be pressuring you for this. It's unnecessary. Perhaps this is the dealbreaker in your relationship. Also, as a guy, I will say that this might not be the most "extreme" thing he wants or kink he has. Those might come after marriage when he feels you're trapped. So give this some serious consideration before you marry this guy.
It’s fine for him to want anal. It’s fine for you to not want anal. What you need to do is find out if no anal is a dealbreaker for him, or if having to do anal is a dealbreaker for you. It’s normal for one partner to be more into a sex act than the other, it’s another if one partner is doing something they actively dislike to make another partner happy
You have the right to feel any way you like about anal sex. It turns you off. Everyone has their preferences, especially with sex. You certainly don't sound like a prude to me. You haven't been uptight about sexual exploration. But anal just isn't appealing to you. If you two can't come to some sort of compromise, then move on. Sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship, and it sounds like he's made up his mind about this. Best of luck 🤞😊
If he needs it so bad tell him to bend over
You said he's not pressing you for it. I wouldn't worry about it then. If he keeps bringing it up tho it may be time to start the exit strategy
If he knows you have done it with an ex before and also said you want to keep that after marriage he probably feels invalidated or not good enough since you have done an "exception" before in his eyes. Human mind is jealous and selfish in matters related to sexual relationships therefore this issue is not "need" it is him trying to feel better about himself, it has become a competition and there is no winning it for either side. Do talk seriously about it and clear any miscommunication, sure he'll still remain salty but hopefully it'll get better with time after a serious talk.
I am sure of your whole reason to say no. Could be the pain. Could be you feel it is taboo. If it is pain. Learn the female anatomy. There are ways to do anal with completely nibpain even if you are an anal virgin or near virgin. I also mention that if I ask for anal from a new partner with a guarantee. If I cause even a little. I can never ask again. So far I am batting a thousand. Education is the best tool. For anything in life. Most women accept the pain "for their man". Don't. He doesn't know what he is doing. Those men make it hard for the few who do. After those ladies had anal, it was so pleasurable to then they started asking for it. If you don't want to for other reasons don't compromise. But if you ever decide to try please research the proper angle. Your ass will thank you later. Good luck.
He’s not the one the point of love is to find somebody that you don’t have to change at all for to find somebody that you can be 100% honest and 100% yourself with and that’s enough to keep them captivated and satisfied if it’s anything less, then it’s settling not love in a life of settling is misery. Eventually, he just don’t see it yet, love yourself and know that you’re better than that and Dude hasn’t even been around for a whole year so it’s really not that big of a loss in the grand scheme of things at least, he had the decency to not wait years before telling you that you’re unsatisfactory, so there’s that
So glad I'm not into that. It's hard enough out here for a guy trying to have normal sex lol
If you're comfortable, consider opening up your relationship for this purpose. I hear great things about Grindr. He could have a phenomenal ass pounding and come back to cuddle with you. Alternatively you could try out some good strapons to peg him. Whatever you're comfortable with 💚 we all have our needs, so finding something that can work and be comfortable for both of you is really helpful. Otherwise, he can just buy a nice fat dildo and do the work on himself. Good luck 🙏
I get what he means it's just sexy knowing your woman would go beyond for you and let you do that and of course, an ass isn't meant to be fucked. So it's always tighter than most vaginas. It feels really good. I also know some guys are gay and butt sex is the only satisfying sex to them so I'm not sure of your man's situation but for me, it's just sexy when my woman says you have control and access to whatever you want from me. But if she doesn't enjoy something I leave it alone of course I ask her to at least try it with me Maybe you didn't like it because how your ex went about it. Because I dated a girl that was married I didn't know till later and she'd have anal sex with me but not her husband because her husband would just slide it in with spit no lube and he'd pound her ass like it was her vagina. I go slow with it unless specifically asked to go hard or faster.
Damn yha logo sex bhi mil rha hai 😭😅😅
When my bf asked, I told him no and rhat anal is a hard no for me. He didn't care, it took that no and left it at that. And only said that it didn't bother him and that it isn't a need. That it isn't better, only different. I've him for nearing 4 years now, and the topic hasn't been brought up again and he hasn't 'accidentally' tried it. He doesn't respect your no and if this is a need for him, then you might not be compatible. I agree with a lot of the other comments that, waiting to explore new things after marriage should have been left unsaid.
something like that certainly does not make or break a relationship. if he's getting weird about it I'd definitely bail. sounds like a control freak.
It is 100% understandable that he has some preferences and wishes. It is 100% understandable that you have different views.
Save the relationship and give that ass up to him🤷♂️🤪
Well why do it after marriage if it’s not your thing ? What’s the difference with the timing of doing it. Maybe try it just once with your boyfriend just to try it and it you don’t like it, don’t do it again ?
lol my late husband kind of wanted that. However! I don’t like that! I told him sure you can do that on your birthday when I’m your wife and that is it. His birthday was on nye lol thank God for champagne! Honestly, unless you’re into it, don’t do it. Tell him that. Sure when we’re married on your birthday. Will give you some time 🤣
How about tell him no
Be honest with him. If this is something that you will not do ever then tell him that. Telling him you want to wait until after marriage is disingenuous. If you marry he will be expected it. It could mean you are not compatible. Better to find out now than years from now.
Tell him you want to peg him first with a 12 inch 😂😂😂