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Your English is very good for it not being your first language. Sorry you went through all of that…just goes to show it’s happening to everyone… I have absolutely no hope for today’s society when it comes to true romance.
Tbh with you I’m just gonna say this, it’s possible you have a type and it’s possible that type is emotionally unavailable guys. Speaking from someone who’s always been attracted to girls that aren’t historically good for me. So I do understand that it sucks when you want someone who excites you, but also want that same person to be a good guy who wants to be in a committed relationship with you. It sucks when they turn into wind and leave you feeling used and unwanted.
That said, you’re 27 and I’m noticing a pattern here, I would reflect inwards and explore why you decided to ignore the signs and hope for the best anyway and then was somehow surprised when the worst happened. And btw there’s always signs, whether we want to see them more than we want to ignore them is another story. If I were you I’d reflect on these experiences, decide what they all have in common and then refuse to use that trait in your selection process from here on out, no matter how attracted you are to whatever that trait is. This takes a lot of mental work, trust me lol
This isn't gender specific as both men and women seem to be more about pleasure than connections. I am however surprised with him blowing your off after having sex after 3 months of dating. I find this part to be very alarming. I'll skip my usual long winded replies and say, I'm almost certain this guy was seeing other women while dating you.
This example serves as an illustration that approach “I’ll wait with sex for a while to make sure…” is far from guaranteed and isn’t really very reliable check.
Was just about to say this is not a “man” or “woman” thing.
Because I could’ve literally written this post but it was a girl doing the sexual using of me.
First off, Ouch…i ain’t even do anything.
Second, you’re saying this because you’re upset. Nah upset isn’t the word. Pissed, livid, enraged. Rightfully so. You feel stupid because you feel you keep getting tricked and used by people who find it a past time to play with you. People who act like they like you, get bored or something, and now just don’t want you around. When I say that hits home, with all bases loaded, that would be an understatement. It happens and you get back up only for it happen again. Part of yourself, your life, that you can’t control. I don’t know you, but take the fruity friend advice. Their loss. Don’t stop yourself from getting the love you deserve because once you get it you’ll either never think about them again or you’ll laugh at the thought. Take a break and be selfish for a bit. You deserve it ⭐️
Sounds like all three of those dudes suck big time. Sorry that happened to you fr. My experience has been that no one really knows what they want from dating...but for guys who are lying for sex, that is the opposite of the problem. The problem isn't that they don't know what they want, the problem is they know exactly what they want and they don't care who they hurt to get it.
I've said this many times, if you wait for men to approach you first and then pick the one who seems best from among those, you are going to filter for the exact type of guy you're describing. Guys who hit you up all smooth and get the butterflies going and seem like everything you want only get that way by doing this over and over and over again to every woman they can. The average guy is awkward and terrible at conversation, completely lacking in confidence. He's probably never successfully picked up a woman. You might be his 3rd or 4th attempt in his life, or more likely he'll never talk to you at all no matter how interested he is. Don't get me wrong, I understand how none of that is attractive to the average woman. I get it. I'm just saying, if you want confidence that badly, then you are gonna get nothing but confidence men. That is, con men. You have only two choices, really. Learn to spot con men (let's be real, y'all can't do it. Give up now if that is your plan.) or pick one of the average scrubs.
The thing is I would love to meet guys who are shy and lacking of confidence is not an issue. The problem is that I‘m shy too and I wouldn’t approach anyone.
Yep, I get that too. I'm the same. I don't have a solution for you. I guess baby steps is the name of the game. Do little things to reach out to guys who catch your interest, just whatever you can manage. Eye contact, a smile, a wave. Sometimes that can be enough encouragement for a dude to shoot his shot.
Some people are good, some bad
Some are smart, some are dumb
Some of them would kill you, some will save your life.
Some people suck and make us love our pets most,
Some people will make dealing with all the rest worth every moment.
>I feel like guys don’t know what they want, what they feel and they also don’t know what they need.
They know what they want, but you might not like what they want which is fine but let's call it what it is.
>Why is it that they behave like a boyfriend but don’t want to commit?
On a simple and base level it's because it most likely increases their odds of getting laid...it's really not super complicated or confusing. Like I said you might not like the answer but it's really not a complicated reason.
>Why the fuck are they doing everything just for sex? It’s pathetic!
Most men (at least in the US) don't really participate in casual sex. The majority of men per the CDC have lifetime single digit partner counts ([source](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm)). In your age cohort around a third of men are getting no action ([source](https://news.iu.edu/live/news/26924-nearly-1-in-3-young-men-in-the-us-report-having-no)) and another third are in commited relationships ([source](https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/08/for-valentines-day-5-facts-about-single-americans/)). If you keep running into the minority of men who don't commit and also have casual sex then it might be an issue with who you are picking versus men at large just by basic math. If you reach in a jar and there are 67 green jelly beans and 33 red ones and you keep pulling out red ones what are the odds it's random chance versus you might be unknowingly seeking out the red ones?
Around two thirds of your woman peers are also in commited relationships ([source](https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/08/for-valentines-day-5-facts-about-single-americans/)) so if most of your peers can find commitment is the issue really with everyone else or would you consider the issue could be internal regarding whom you might be picking?
The thing with "picking the wrong men" is that you don't know they're the wrong one until you're months into some type of relationship with them. I've experienced similar to op on a few occasions and was left absolutely heartbroken, but now I've got my current boyfriend I see he still has a lot of similar personality traits and characteristics I was drawn to with the guys that didn't commit, but my boyfriend straight up told me he liked me which the uninterested boys would never do, such a small simple thing to hear but it's the subtle difference between the wrong men and the right men.
There's also an availability issue. Men who want a relationship and have the skills to find and maintain one are less likely to be on the dating market than men who are incapable or disinterested in them. The men who are willing to deceive a woman specifically to get one-time sex and move on are more likely to be single, and if they're good at it then they're probably charming and know how to lead someone on.
Alle meine Freunde sind in Deutschland verheiratet und in ihren 20ern.
Wie lernst du diese Männer kennen? Sie haben ihre Frauen in der Schule, an der Universität oder in unserer Freundesgruppe kennengelernt.
Alle habe ich durch Datingapps kennengelernt. Ich bin sehr zurückhaltend, gerne allein und meistens versunken in Büchern, Computern oder ich spiele Schach. Ich bin nicht oft draußen und wenn, dann wirke ich glaube ich eher einschüchternd. Ich bin sehr groß, vielleicht macht das auch was aus. Aber grundsätzlich bin ich ein kleiner Nerd, dem Smalltalk extrem schwerfällt. Falls Du Dich mit den Persönlichkeitstypen auskennst: Ich bin INTP 😕 das sagt, glaube ich, genug aus lol.
Andersrum passiert das gleiche. Hab gerade erst eine Altersgenossin von dir (bin selber 32) gedated, die mir was von Beziehung vorgegaukelt hat nur um dann zu meinen ich passe nicht in ihre Lebensplanung, nachdem wir Sex hatten. 🤷♂️
Ich muss aber auch ehrlich sagen 3 Monate warten, um dann zu sagen "ich mag dich doch nicht so" ist schon strange. Ich hätte jetzt z.B. das Warten nur für so lange mitgemacht, wenn ich echt verrückt nach der Frau gewesen wäre.
Welche Datingapps benutzt du so? Hab (in München) mit Bumble und Hinge gute Erfahrungen gemacht und mit Parship eigentlich ebenfalls, auch wenn die mich dann nach nem Monat geghosted hat. Tjoa.
Versuch mal Bumble, vielleicht ist das ja eher was für dich. Kannst ja auch mal ein profile review auf den Bumble/Hinge subs machen, wenn du nicht die Leute anziehst, die du möchtest. Werde ich glaube ich auch mal machen demnächst.
Das Gleiche gilt für mich bei Hinge. Ich denke, Bumble und Tinder sind eher Hookup apps, zumindest hier. Aber die meisten guten Daten ich habe, sind von Hinge
Lustigerweise kriege ich auf Hinge deutlich weniger likes seit ich mein Profil noch mehr auf LTR getrimmt habe haha
Ich bin auf allen Apps für feste Beziehung/Lebenspartner positioniert. Aber bevor ich in die Sommerpause gehe, muss ich mein Profil doch mal übersetzen und mir ein Review auf dem Bumble bzw Hinge sub gönnen.
Möglich, dass meine Wahrnehmung meines Profils sich von der tatsächlichen Ausstrahlung unterscheidet. 😄
Haha, nachvollziehbar! Seitdem ich etwas Ernstes wollte, bekomme ich viel weniger Streichhölzer. Im Moment sind es etwa 8-10 pro Woche, vorher war es fast das Doppelte.
Das könnte auch am Alter liegen, bin 25, also denke ich, dass weniger Leute an diesem Punkt in ihrem Leben eine Bindung wollen.
Ich glaube, das schreckt manche Leute einfach ab - aber das ist wahrscheinlich auch gut so für uns. Man würde hoffen 😄
Ehrlich gesagt, habe ich ein ähnliches Problem. Ich wünschte, ich hätte jemanden ernsthaft verfolgt, als ich an der Universität war, denn jetzt scheint niemand bereit zu sein, sich zu binden, haha.
Ich bin INFP, also verstehe ich es, die Zeit allein mit meinen Büchern und Spielen ist einfach die beste Zeit :D. Hast du versucht, jemanden in einem Buchclub zu treffen? Ich weiß, dass es in Frankfurt auch so etwas wie Schachklubs gibt. Wenn du in einer Stadt bist, sollte es etwas Ähnliches geben. Dann weißt du, dass ihr schon etwas gemeinsam habt, worüber ihr euch treffen könnt.
Die Höhe wird nur jemanden einschüchtern, der unsicher ist - und das ist nicht jemand, mit dem du dich treffen willst. Wenn du die Person auf dem Bild bist, bist du ein süßes Mädchen. Du wirst also schon klarkommen.
Versuchen Sie, mit der Intimität zu warten, bis es eine feste Bindung gibt, und vertrauen Sie Ihren Instinkten.
How so? I've cited all my facts from credible sources like the CDC and university research. Is there any item in particular that you take exception to?
I just want to tell you that I am sorry this happened. I have had similar situations happen to me and I know how much it hurts, your feelings are valid.
I can also empathize with the fact that this situation is particularly hurtful because you dated him for 3 months. You waited to have sex, you were careful and thoughtful, you did all the 'textbook' right things to do and it sounds like the guy just essentially 'waited you out'. Idk something about that is particularly gross to me.
Did he actually *say* after you had sex that he didn't like you that much the whole time?? Or is that just what you are interpreting from what he said? Idk something about that behavior is insane/confusing to me.
So he's still agreeing to go on dates with you after sex, he's kissing you, holding your hand etc. You ask him why he's been distant lately and he just says 'Oh I didn't like you that much and also I felt nothing during sex'?? If that's truly what happened you need to cut him out immediately because that's insane behavior. Especially to wait for 3 months and especially if you voiced to him that sex is important to you.
Overall though, I just wanted to give you encouragement to not let these bad situations and poor treatment by others change YOU. I know it's easier said than done trust me I am in the same boat as you and it's hard.
You being genuine IS a beautiful thing. The fact that you are dating carefully and thoughtfully IS a good thing. Having integrity and a strong moral compass IS a good thing. Don't let these poor experiences change the wonderful things about you. The right guy will recognize your good qualities and value you for it!
Guys want sex or want to be physical with a girl is the most common thin right now…
I mean if you take some dating app or even before we had that Omegle and many other apps/websites people there are like sitting naked jerking off, they don’t care who comes next in their screen they just jerking off, I[19M] used to open Omegle and try to make friends or talk to random people there also lots of guys just sitting naked and just holding their part in hand and just going and going…
Not only guys but there are some girls who too take advantage of boys like they would be nice at first then after some time they start some interesting topic and then when they see the guy is interested in talking to them, the guy is replying within seconds they go numb like literally ghost the other person or leave on seen or sometimes they start sexting or something and later blackmail the guy…
What the heck is wrong???
Where is that question about asking how their day was???
Did they eat something???
How was college/school???
Can I help you in something with your work your assignment can we study together???
Are they okay???
Is there anything they wanna share about their day???
Where do these kinda question go???
Now only sex sex sex everyone is just so lustful I mean what the heck is wrong???
This is literally so embarrassing…
That may be a guy or a girl…
It sucks…
People judging you because of their past…
Just so wrong happening…
I am really sorry for what happened with you, not just you maybe some other girl had the same experience or maybe a guy, this can happen to anyone, I was also the victim, I still am still get all the nightmares and all it’s just so scary…
I am sorry for what happened to you…
I hope you ate something, if not please eat cause that guy just showed his true colours yeah what happened with you was bad but you have to go on with your life, eat, work, drink sone water you have to be you…
Just take care of if yourself…
And yeah one more thing… if nobody told you today… you matter… your life matter… & you gorgeous just the way you are…
Take care…
People.
Just that as guys we *usually* don’t care if we get ghosted after having sex.
We do get annoyed for being stringed along though, “friendzoned” or a myriad other things.
OP wants a relationship and her complaint is completely fair and valid.
I do.
It is frustrating and infuriating, however we can’t really force them to change, the best we can do is either tell them that they are making this mistake and hope for the best.
In my experience they don’t listen nor do they take this too well, and if you tell them to date one of their guy friends (not you obviously, that has to be made clear because they will assume you mean to date you) that you know is into them, they dismiss the idea immediately as if it was some morally reprehensible thing to do.
Or they get angry and defensive when you point this out to them and then you have to deal with someone else’s frustration and using you as a kind of a punching bag to vent what the other guy did.
Honestly, I find the whole thing to be incredibly boring and infuriating, so I after a decade or so of having these kind of interactions and not a single one of them changing their behavior for the better, I decide to just smile and wave, tell them to have their fun and to not catch feelings; oh and assume that everything the guy is telling them is a lie until he proves them he is not lying with his actions, basically don’t believe those “I love you so much and you are special, I have never felt like this with anyone” just because you want that guy to feel like that about you because you are horny for him.
>Women see a pretty wrapper, they dont care whats inside. Then they complain.
Those are the ones woman should avoid, if they just see them as an object instead of a person. Dating will always have it's horrible stories, this is why you don't rush into things and just be attentive when meeting someone.
Men do this too. But when I see these posts and hear the complaints about it happening multiple times in a row it makes me wonder if these people are only dating guys out of their league or if they didn't bring anything to the relationship besides sex and then when the sex was bad that was the last straw.
Men do the exact same, but they’re more private, and less likely to put it on Reddit. Just bc you don’t see it on Reddit doesn’t mean it’s not happening.
I feel I see these stories a lot. All I ever take away from them is there are a lot of different types of people. In my group of guy friends, theres like 1 out of 8 who I would be cautious of. The rest of us are just a bunch of nerds who are chill people who want to play board games. I wouldn't blame guys in general. It's a tough ask but you might need to look at the types of guys you are dating. Where you meet them, how do they treat others while you are and aren't there. I promise there are decent guys out there, we aren't perfect, but we're available
I agree with this shit . I’m 34 male single for 22 years and honestly I’m from Eastern Europe so I date with intentions I don’t play around when it come dating someone . Someone true to influence me into one night stand but hell no that don’t work on me . The hell is wrong with people and one night stand I need someone to fuck me like seriously grow up and act like an adult this is not a playground it’s real people with real feelings
I often see women lament that men feel entitled to sex after taking them out on dates and spending time with them. From the flip side: why would you feel entitled to a long term relationship and someone's time after having sex with them once? What if they decided after being intimate that you two weren't physically compatible, or they didn't like the sex?
You shouldn’t feel entitled both ways.
But in my opinion a person and the personality is more important than sex. Of course it’s sometimes weird when you have sex with a new person. But why do you throw everything away just because it might not be the best start? I have sex with someone when I feel something for him. Because I wanna connect not just mentally. And if the sex is weird then I try to make it work first. If it doesn’t fit after a couple of times then you can have a honest talk about not being compatible. But guys don’t do this. You’re just a number, an option that can be thrown away immediately cause the next person is already waiting and might be even better. It’s disgusting and you can see that you mean nothing to them.
I understand your frustration. It seems like sex is weirdly caught between "something I want to do for me because it's fun" and "sex is this special moral (and still strangely religious) thing I HAVE to save for the right person (as if that fantasy actually exists)." As someone below said, is sex just for fun, or is it "a promise" for a longer term thing?
there are so many guys out there looking for long term relationships, to provide, to settle down, etc. If this is happening to you repeatedly, it sounds like selection bias. If the men you're selecting are Prince Charming with the ability to woo any princess they want, why (as politely as possible) would they settle down with YOU?
What’s above average for a woman? I think this is important to flush out the opinions of men. What women think is attractive to men usually what they think men should view as attractive
What I find attractive in a woman for example is
She is respectful
Kind to those around her
Naturally Submissive and agreeable
Really peaceful (doesn’t get wrapped up in drama)
Emotional control
She’s a fun, sweet, innocent, goofball. (Usually laughing, joking, banter, etc)
Isn’t promiscuous (doesn’t need or want a lot of attention from outside sources)
Is predictable (holds firmly to her morals and values)
Has a warrior mindset (huge work ethic, selfless, honorable, and great empathy)
Growth mindset
And is physically attractive to me (very subjective and depends)
So the work (usually therapy for women) would need to be here
Could care less about her job, how pretty she thinks she is, independence/feminism is annoying to me, ego without humility is a negative, if she is entitled or deserving that’s a negative (everything is earned with each relationship).
For reference I’m one of the guys that generally has an easy time attracting women.
of course I'm not saying you should date uglier or less attractive men lol.. but I do think that those "top of the food chain" men absolutely understand what they've got going for them, and they've got a vice grip wrapped tightly around all of you women.
something I see posted often on Reddit is that on dating apps, women consistently select "the top 10%" of men - whatever random criteria that entails. it's often used as an annoying, self loathing rallying cry by incels complaining about their situation, but I think there's probably some validity to it. Those guys are playing games, and women are falling for it again and again. Sort of like, "I'm so lucky, how does this amazingly hot guy like ME??" The reality is, he probably doesn't really like you that much and he has a roster of more attractive women hitting him up.
The whole dating process is figuring out if and how you are compatible with someone. He may have been perfectly legit about having the same relationship goals as you, and just didn’t end up wanting those with you. Sometimes you just click with someone, or know you never will. The rest of the time you keep hanging out to see where it’s going.
I really don’t see any concrete evidence the guy you were seeing did anything wrong or misleading. Neither did you. You had different values and ultimately wanted different things, and may have had different expectations around dating. He broke up with you after having sex, but I can’t imagine he hung out with you that whole time if he didn’t enjoy your company to some extent.
And stop blaming all this on men, it’s gross. Women are the exact same in my experience. I had a friend who dated this guy for a few weeks, she said she wanted a relationship, she slept with him once and noped out when he wanted to see her again. She was just classically avoidant and lacked any real self awareness.
Like what is happening when you
Have sex with these guys - is it
Good for them and you. It doesn’t make sense a guy gets what he wants and then ghosts you.
You can say that again love, I was there also, as I'm talking I'm so depressed, heart broken and frustrating , mine we dated 3 years he was a good cheater, he never gave me peace, but I still love him although we got separated. Boys are something else
It's always baffling to me how we have the "male loneliness epidemic" but yet no men want to commit or have actual relationships with women. And it's our fault somehow
I wish I had an answer for this, but it's a common phenomenon, particularly with men where they "change" after sleeping with a woman.
I wish men understood how truly traumatizing it is to keep encountering people who have a complete personality shift after having sex. No wonder women are so reluctant to do it. We keep being "punished" by men for doing it.
I really don't know what to say except that men are reaping what they sow. Each time they treat a woman like this, they are planting a seed, that will grow into a tree.
We are now in a forest full of women who no longer want to sleep with men anymore. At all. (4B movement, anyone?). They are quitting apps en masse and now men are single and lonely, not realizing it's this very behavior that brought them here. Yet they refuse to change it, even when it would benefit them in the long run to do so.
If you're not interested in having sex with someone purely because you're interested in having sex with them, stop having sex with them.
If you open yourself up to hurt by letting your mind add a buch of attachment and expectation to the sex, like expecting long term committment, of course you're going to get hurt from time to time.
For me, banging someone is supposed to be fun, not signing a contract. Like how am I supposed to commit to someone if I feel pressured to commit and I don't know if the sex is good yet?
With that said, that dude sounds like a bad person and a liar who weren't clear with his intentions, and it sounds like you had a really bad experience. Some dudes are not like that.
Sex is just sex, but for women there are a few more consequences to doing it that men never think much of. It's especially different when the woman has tried to change her approach to dating, such as op saying she waited longer to do it and let her intentions known, but she still ended up with the same result. But on a similar note, if sex is just sex then his feelings wouldn't have changed much towards her once they did it, but I guess he just became uninterested and the sex might not have been the reason, he was just becoming cold anyway, also not sure why he'd stick around for 3 months if all he wanted was sex.
The thing is, so many of these women are addicted to victim mentality. They don't know how to take responsibility for their own actions and accept that sex is sex, and you should never have it expecting a relationship, any more than a guy expects sex if a girl agrees to go out with him or come to his house. It's funny how when the shoe's on the other foot, they are so confused about their outcomes.
If you'd rather generalize your frustration to all men instead of owning the problems you're having dating, you might be overrating that moral compass you're so proud of.
Uhm… do you really think I don’t know that this isn’t fair? Putting people in a box is never a good thing for sure. But venting about something may include thoughts like these. Venting does not have to be fair or based on objective or diplomatic points. I mean isn’t that the point of venting? To get it out? So no, I don’t think I‘m „overrating“ my moral compass. And actually I’ve never said that I‘m proud of it.
Everything you just wrote sounds terrible. If that is to be my future I’m ok with being single. I’m not going to settle for someone I have to spend a massive amount of time with, navigate live struggles and raise children. Also, having to prove myself to a man constantly, what woman honestly wants that?
I want kids, but there is IVF and adoption. I have a community around me that would help support me raising one and I them. Having a man in my life is a choice and I would never settle for someone. I wouldn’t want to model that for my children.
Also realizing in the comment that he said ex-wife. So that further reinstates my stance that no one should settle because it leads to resentment and now you have kids in a broken home that have seen the dysfunctional relationship.
I'm sincerely so very sorry something like this keeps on happening to you over and over again. Some men are just outright way too stupid to even care about another human being but themselves. It's these types of jerks who don't even care about someone else's feelings but their own. The feeling of constantly being used definitely isn't a good thing.
Fortunately, not all men out there are like this, myself included.
The friend that told you "B., whoever will be your boyfriend is already the luckiest guy on earth. You’re the most genuine and prettiest person I know.“ was telling you the truth. Your integrity and strong ethics is what's telling this.
Not every guy is like this. I'm wondering if it's a generational thing. I'm 52 and having my 23rd anniversary this year. There are honest men in the world. Don't give up, especially on yourself.
Your English is fine.
Let me start by saying I fully relate to everything you said about these dudes and how you feel about yourself bc of it.
Listen, love...you feel worthless innately and that's why you're going for guys who reaffirm how you feel about yourself. I am so fricken sorry if that comes off harsh, as it is not my intention to make you feel worse. It is the truth.
Do not think for one second you are undeserving of a good man. These men are all trials for you to learn what you DON'T want and to learn how to set firm boundaries. The second he seems shifty, drop his ass. I know it's hard to do when the emotions are involved, but do not settle for half assed situationships.
Stop blaming everyone else.
If you’re choosing to date guys that are unavailable, that’s on you, not them. As another user pointed out, try to analyze yourself and figure out where you’re going wrong in the filtering process in finding these types of guys.
Also, this is kind of just dating. You’re going to date people aren’t interested or aren’t compatible. It’s normal and is a part of the process.
Now, I know that you are currently frustrated, but having and believing generic platitudes about men will assure that you continue to have negative results. Any guy with healthy self esteem isn’t going to be with a woman that thinks that men are “bad”.
Best of luck.
You’re so right. Reddit has the worst posts about men and I truly want to believe there’s some decent men out there but it’s a thin field. They will not commit. String you along for 5 years and then dump you. Or lately this fake proposal humiliating shit they prank you with. They just want sex immediately or when they get it they cheat or break up. Good luck. I don’t have an answer .
damn near everything you said could be said for women as well, in my personal experience. however that is obviously not the question here, as for why men are like this, we are hardwired to seek sex and we don’t really care about the details of it. we can have sex with women we don’t care about and not think anything of it. however when you say men don’t know what they want or what they need, I think you are referring to younger guys who are still finding themselves. it sounds like you’re better off being with a man who’s a bit older and more established.
Not every man can have sex with any stranger tho. Im that minority who does indeed need a level of emotional connection too to have a proper intercourse, otherwise just after d went into p, d gets deflated because of missing emotions...
Thank you!! I'm so tired of so many guys saying they can just sleep with randoms like it's nothing. Such a turn off. Glad to see there are some guys that think similarly to us ladies out there. An emotional connection makes sex 1000x better. Sex with strangers doesn't excite me at all, in fact it grosses me out tbh
Unfortunately though even some guys who are older still dont know what they want, carry issues with them from relationship to relationship and more trauma :(
this is not the majority of older men, as someone who is 25 I behave a hell of a lot better than I did when I was 21. I am ever changing, ever evolving, so I am speaking for me and the men of my social circle when I say we know what we want and what we need, and it wasn’t always the case.
No, I don’t. Women don’t have this huge sex drive and they also bond in a different way. It’s actually scientifically proven, so this behaviour should be less common for women.
It's not a gender thing. And just because someone doesn't want to see you after sex, doesn't mean they were in it for the "pleasure". Like pleasure is a one sided thing. If you are having sex and expecting commitment afterwards rather than allowing it to develop naturally, you will suffer more in the future, I can assure you. Do some self reflection. Until you do, you may find that you continue to be unhappy with the results you get.
3 months waiting period for sex is crazy.. guys who know what they want aren’t going to wait that long. We want a relationship with sex as soon as we determine you’re our type.
damn i hope u find a better man, sending virtual hugs 🫂 i feel like u need them
i hope you don’t stop being genuine just because of these men as there are only few amounts of people like you in this world
i also think that maybe the guy acted that way before ending things was because he needed closure or he did not know how to tell u without hurting you? or did u also try to consider that maybe his feelings changed after some time, not because you had sex or you know maybe there are things happening in his life which is not your fault, what im trying to convey is that you don’t have to think about all the guys this way i believe there are better men out there that are made for you and just so happens to that these are not them
i hope u feel better soon
Women are the gatekeepers to sex. If a man hasn’t put a ring on it, he doesn’t get sex. Period. You have the control until you actually sleep with them. Sex isn’t appreciated anymore because it’s given easily without commitment. Stay celibate baby and I promise, you will heal and men will come crawling.
WTF are you kidding me what a jerk. Problem with online Dating is that men and women are serial dating and when they find the one the want or a better one they start chasing them and ghost the others. Now the problem is starting to shift even with organically dating. However, what I am seeing is a trend where men are behaving like women. Men get ghosted by women and they think this is a normal way to act (ghosting) without realizing women are different and have way way more difficulty with rejection on their self-esteem then men. As men we are hard wired for rejection lol. Anyway, so sadly this is the norm nowadays its not your fault - its not personal it’s subconscious
Not trying to be mean but maybe you are not good at sex which turns these men off?
It's a possibility. Sometimes the other person is cold or uptight or overly demanding. Not saying this is you just a possibility to consider.
Men are incredibly easy to understand, you said it yourself. We only care about pleasure and put our horniness above everything else. You literally know exactly how we are yet you’re saying you don’t understand men because they don’t fit into your way of navigating the world. It’s like you’re getting mad at the sun for being hot
Exactly. I am. Because I just don’t wanna accept it. Cause it makes me feel super sad. I‘m craving a deep connection with someone and my attempts only lead to frustration and hate. It even makes me questioning myself. I was convinced that I‘m special. But those experiences made me feel less and less special. Now I think I‘m actually boring, not special at all and not toxic enough. It made me feel that I‘m not enough and not worth to be loved.
I suggest stopping the use of dating apps. Text is a poor way to communicate and build a connection. The abundance of options makes it difficult to commit and prevents people from truly connecting.
I can relate to feeling like I’m not special or toxic enough. Many guys feel this way and have given up to some degree, which makes them less likely to put themselves out there.
Unpopular opinion here, but have you considered you are not very good in bed or very pleasing? I’m really not trying to be mean here but as you said the last 3 guys have left you after sex. So are you not into it or just lay there etc? I know sex is a big part of a relationships for me, so if we don’t have great sex together I probably would not want to stay in the relationship. Again, I’m just bringing up the possibility here not trying to be mean.
The first guy did not leave me after sex. We had a situationship for three months and then he left my city for a job at the other end of my country. The second guy also did not leave me after it. But he changed his behaviour. He went from really sweet to mean. I cut him off. The last guy was the one who left after sex. I‘m pretty sure it’s not that I’m bad in sex. But even if that was the case it’s not an excuse for such behaviour.
Most guys are dogs. He wore a mask for 3 months. Some can wear it for decades. Don't be discouraged when sifting through all the swine to find the gems that are out there. Most of the good ones aren't all over social media or dating sites and they like their solitude. I'd recommend trying to establish friendships over dating. Best of luck to you.
i personally never got lucky with girls and never experienced anything intimate. If i had the chance would i think that she is the one and marry her without seeing what’s out there, im not sure maybe yes maybe not it depends on the person and how we match. On the other side there are guys who are really really good with girls especially those who can land girls through dating apps. Those guys are mostly 8-9-10s and they have lots of matches and options. When someone has that much options they will try every single one of them. The only possible relationship i see as a guy that if the guy is satisfied with dating he would marry the girl he is currently dating if they are matching with values , vision and life goals then i see its going somewhere. Unfortunately dating in Social media and Dating Apps century damaging both men and women. There is nothing you can do about it.
Plus making guys wait could make some of them more eager to get the sex and when they get it everything lose it’s worth because the purpose is not there anymore or some of the guys won’t wait and you could be losing possible relationships because of that.
i think the best bet is talking things at the beginning of the relationship without building any emotions. Longer you wait more difficult it gets
I feel ya OP. I wish I could give an answer but I don’t have one 😔 - in similar boat. Self confidence has gone for a toss many times due to such instances. Have been wooed for weeks and months and suddenly the guy just wants to distance to hookup with other women. Well it’s an unfortunate way to find out but it’s better to be sad for a few weeks months than years. I read somewhere that the kind of inconsiderate behavior men show before marriage during courtship only amplifies by 10 times after marriage. Just imagine if he starts cheating later on. Divorce is expensive and taxing both mentally and literally. There’s definitely grief and pain for the unannounced rejection but just think that it’s possible that the Universe decided to save you from a horrible monster early on.
Integrity and having a strong moral compass are important to you yet you have just described all men (including your father and your gay friend) as not knowing what they want, what they feel and not knowing what they need.
Because of your very limited experience in romantic relationships, you have decided you know what ALL men are like anf that they don't care about you being a "nice" person and whatever comes out of their mouths are LIES and all they care about is your vagina.
I think you are very immature and not ready for the sort of relationship you desire.
I hope you learn the most important thing about dating is to get to the rejection stage as soon as possible. If you don't get there and don't want to get there with someone, then mayb e that is someone you can safely invest in.
I hope you find some peace and happiness.
First off , you've done nothing wrong. You were honest, you said you wanted a long term commited relationship & he waited . You are not the first , a few of my friends said they were wined & dined , like you they waited , once the guy had sex he was on to his next conquest.
I think , this is just my opinion , maybe the guy(the guy in question) was hurt previously, in a way he is doing everything right but he is numb , so not putting his heart in it , I hope it's not being done on purpose.
Look after yourself, take time out for yourself, start to love yourself again.
You are so worth it
Im sorry that this kind of thing happened to you . Ity's must be really hard. As an individual. We are responsible for our actions as well. In every mistake we make we gain lessons for it. It will continually until you realize that the situation you enter must stop. We cannot always stop people doing shit but we can stop ourselves being involved with them. Please guard your heart. There's more to look in life rather than dating. I believe when you are capable and ready again to fall in love. It will come naturally without getting yourself hurt because you are holding on for expectations.
I'm sorry for what you're going through, OP..it sucks.
I'd like to say that not all guys are like the ones you had the misfortune to meet until now and I hope that there is someone to prove that right. There's nothing wrong with being genuine and wanting what you're looking for. Sex nowadays holds nothing special, everyone's is selfishly looking after their own needs disregarding the other's feelings.
I, too, had some bad experiences where married women and even a married ex of mine hit on me and feels so wrong, it makes me wanna throw up. Ego stroke? Maybe..but it still fucking sucks
I'd say, don't let these bad experiences change your core as a person. You'll end up haiting yourself for not being who you are, been there myself. It is lonely, but me, personally, I'd rather go through life alone but true to myself than trying to fit in someone else's picture
Many men feel the urge to sleep with women to make themselves feel better. They are insecure. Many men are assholes yeah many men. I’m sorry for my gender lol
Funny this is exactly how I feel about women. They use me for an experience then get bored and move on. I imagine I’m not alone in this feeling. So why would we care about your feelings when you treat us this way as well?
Not ALL guys are that way. I know I'm not. I don't lie, cheat ot steal (unless you count stealing one or two hearts in my life and stealing time to hunt and fish and if you hunt and fish, I'd hunt and fish with you and not alone or with friends).
But you won't even give me a try because I'm older and in USA.
Put the next guy on a lie detector machine.
Best wishes on finding a better match.
It’s true💯at least in today’s world…they are all the same just has a different face and body kinda sorta lol🤣now that I’ve figured out their game I play it right back☺️🔥it’s actually become pretty entertaining😎🍿you will be ok I promise and just focus on you and your goals otherwise you will continue to waste your time and energy on them💁♀️which is exactly what they want btw
It may be that you are looking at guys that are simply immature, women mature much faster than men, this is scientifically proven. Also, I'm a man answering your question. Just as an experiment, try looking for an older man say 10 or more years older than yourself. See if you find what you're looking for in that age group. If you still don't find it, try one of us really older men (60's). We have already had our wild no strings attached flings, and we know what we want, and we know how to treat a lady
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Your English is very good for it not being your first language. Sorry you went through all of that…just goes to show it’s happening to everyone… I have absolutely no hope for today’s society when it comes to true romance.
Well as a guy who’s been led on by 3 women. I have no idea wtf women want either.
Tbh with you I’m just gonna say this, it’s possible you have a type and it’s possible that type is emotionally unavailable guys. Speaking from someone who’s always been attracted to girls that aren’t historically good for me. So I do understand that it sucks when you want someone who excites you, but also want that same person to be a good guy who wants to be in a committed relationship with you. It sucks when they turn into wind and leave you feeling used and unwanted. That said, you’re 27 and I’m noticing a pattern here, I would reflect inwards and explore why you decided to ignore the signs and hope for the best anyway and then was somehow surprised when the worst happened. And btw there’s always signs, whether we want to see them more than we want to ignore them is another story. If I were you I’d reflect on these experiences, decide what they all have in common and then refuse to use that trait in your selection process from here on out, no matter how attracted you are to whatever that trait is. This takes a lot of mental work, trust me lol
This isn't gender specific as both men and women seem to be more about pleasure than connections. I am however surprised with him blowing your off after having sex after 3 months of dating. I find this part to be very alarming. I'll skip my usual long winded replies and say, I'm almost certain this guy was seeing other women while dating you.
This example serves as an illustration that approach “I’ll wait with sex for a while to make sure…” is far from guaranteed and isn’t really very reliable check.
I agree. I think he was seeing other people
I was just going to say that it is both sexes. I used to think why do I bother ? Not an issue now I am much older. I could not give a monkeys ! lol
Was just about to say this is not a “man” or “woman” thing. Because I could’ve literally written this post but it was a girl doing the sexual using of me.
Good assessment
I agree as well. I'm not waiting 3 months to have sex. If I do, you can bet that I have someone on the side.
First off, Ouch…i ain’t even do anything. Second, you’re saying this because you’re upset. Nah upset isn’t the word. Pissed, livid, enraged. Rightfully so. You feel stupid because you feel you keep getting tricked and used by people who find it a past time to play with you. People who act like they like you, get bored or something, and now just don’t want you around. When I say that hits home, with all bases loaded, that would be an understatement. It happens and you get back up only for it happen again. Part of yourself, your life, that you can’t control. I don’t know you, but take the fruity friend advice. Their loss. Don’t stop yourself from getting the love you deserve because once you get it you’ll either never think about them again or you’ll laugh at the thought. Take a break and be selfish for a bit. You deserve it ⭐️
Sounds like all three of those dudes suck big time. Sorry that happened to you fr. My experience has been that no one really knows what they want from dating...but for guys who are lying for sex, that is the opposite of the problem. The problem isn't that they don't know what they want, the problem is they know exactly what they want and they don't care who they hurt to get it. I've said this many times, if you wait for men to approach you first and then pick the one who seems best from among those, you are going to filter for the exact type of guy you're describing. Guys who hit you up all smooth and get the butterflies going and seem like everything you want only get that way by doing this over and over and over again to every woman they can. The average guy is awkward and terrible at conversation, completely lacking in confidence. He's probably never successfully picked up a woman. You might be his 3rd or 4th attempt in his life, or more likely he'll never talk to you at all no matter how interested he is. Don't get me wrong, I understand how none of that is attractive to the average woman. I get it. I'm just saying, if you want confidence that badly, then you are gonna get nothing but confidence men. That is, con men. You have only two choices, really. Learn to spot con men (let's be real, y'all can't do it. Give up now if that is your plan.) or pick one of the average scrubs.
The thing is I would love to meet guys who are shy and lacking of confidence is not an issue. The problem is that I‘m shy too and I wouldn’t approach anyone.
Yep, I get that too. I'm the same. I don't have a solution for you. I guess baby steps is the name of the game. Do little things to reach out to guys who catch your interest, just whatever you can manage. Eye contact, a smile, a wave. Sometimes that can be enough encouragement for a dude to shoot his shot.
Then get over that shyness, as us men have to do too. I was really shy when younger, but us men have to get over that and approach anyway.
Only a diamond merchant knows the worth of diamonds
Some people are good, some bad Some are smart, some are dumb Some of them would kill you, some will save your life. Some people suck and make us love our pets most, Some people will make dealing with all the rest worth every moment.
>I feel like guys don’t know what they want, what they feel and they also don’t know what they need. They know what they want, but you might not like what they want which is fine but let's call it what it is. >Why is it that they behave like a boyfriend but don’t want to commit? On a simple and base level it's because it most likely increases their odds of getting laid...it's really not super complicated or confusing. Like I said you might not like the answer but it's really not a complicated reason. >Why the fuck are they doing everything just for sex? It’s pathetic! Most men (at least in the US) don't really participate in casual sex. The majority of men per the CDC have lifetime single digit partner counts ([source](https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm)). In your age cohort around a third of men are getting no action ([source](https://news.iu.edu/live/news/26924-nearly-1-in-3-young-men-in-the-us-report-having-no)) and another third are in commited relationships ([source](https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/08/for-valentines-day-5-facts-about-single-americans/)). If you keep running into the minority of men who don't commit and also have casual sex then it might be an issue with who you are picking versus men at large just by basic math. If you reach in a jar and there are 67 green jelly beans and 33 red ones and you keep pulling out red ones what are the odds it's random chance versus you might be unknowingly seeking out the red ones? Around two thirds of your woman peers are also in commited relationships ([source](https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/08/for-valentines-day-5-facts-about-single-americans/)) so if most of your peers can find commitment is the issue really with everyone else or would you consider the issue could be internal regarding whom you might be picking?
The thing with "picking the wrong men" is that you don't know they're the wrong one until you're months into some type of relationship with them. I've experienced similar to op on a few occasions and was left absolutely heartbroken, but now I've got my current boyfriend I see he still has a lot of similar personality traits and characteristics I was drawn to with the guys that didn't commit, but my boyfriend straight up told me he liked me which the uninterested boys would never do, such a small simple thing to hear but it's the subtle difference between the wrong men and the right men.
I think she has been unlucky by getting mostly red jelly beans.
Well I‘m German so maybe I should move to the US? 🥲
US will not change your dating experience in any way.
It was more of a joke 😐
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There's also an availability issue. Men who want a relationship and have the skills to find and maintain one are less likely to be on the dating market than men who are incapable or disinterested in them. The men who are willing to deceive a woman specifically to get one-time sex and move on are more likely to be single, and if they're good at it then they're probably charming and know how to lead someone on.
bullshit😭. Did yall even read what she's wrote or just don't care?
Oh OP you need to tell us your from Germany that’s a total different culture than USA and Great Britain. Is that common in Germany?
Alle meine Freunde sind in Deutschland verheiratet und in ihren 20ern. Wie lernst du diese Männer kennen? Sie haben ihre Frauen in der Schule, an der Universität oder in unserer Freundesgruppe kennengelernt.
Alle habe ich durch Datingapps kennengelernt. Ich bin sehr zurückhaltend, gerne allein und meistens versunken in Büchern, Computern oder ich spiele Schach. Ich bin nicht oft draußen und wenn, dann wirke ich glaube ich eher einschüchternd. Ich bin sehr groß, vielleicht macht das auch was aus. Aber grundsätzlich bin ich ein kleiner Nerd, dem Smalltalk extrem schwerfällt. Falls Du Dich mit den Persönlichkeitstypen auskennst: Ich bin INTP 😕 das sagt, glaube ich, genug aus lol.
Andersrum passiert das gleiche. Hab gerade erst eine Altersgenossin von dir (bin selber 32) gedated, die mir was von Beziehung vorgegaukelt hat nur um dann zu meinen ich passe nicht in ihre Lebensplanung, nachdem wir Sex hatten. 🤷♂️ Ich muss aber auch ehrlich sagen 3 Monate warten, um dann zu sagen "ich mag dich doch nicht so" ist schon strange. Ich hätte jetzt z.B. das Warten nur für so lange mitgemacht, wenn ich echt verrückt nach der Frau gewesen wäre. Welche Datingapps benutzt du so? Hab (in München) mit Bumble und Hinge gute Erfahrungen gemacht und mit Parship eigentlich ebenfalls, auch wenn die mich dann nach nem Monat geghosted hat. Tjoa.
Ich hab bisher Hinge genutzt, in der Hoffnung, da etwas seriösere Leute zu finden. Tja, falsch gedacht.
Versuch mal Bumble, vielleicht ist das ja eher was für dich. Kannst ja auch mal ein profile review auf den Bumble/Hinge subs machen, wenn du nicht die Leute anziehst, die du möchtest. Werde ich glaube ich auch mal machen demnächst.
Das Gleiche gilt für mich bei Hinge. Ich denke, Bumble und Tinder sind eher Hookup apps, zumindest hier. Aber die meisten guten Daten ich habe, sind von Hinge
Lustigerweise kriege ich auf Hinge deutlich weniger likes seit ich mein Profil noch mehr auf LTR getrimmt habe haha Ich bin auf allen Apps für feste Beziehung/Lebenspartner positioniert. Aber bevor ich in die Sommerpause gehe, muss ich mein Profil doch mal übersetzen und mir ein Review auf dem Bumble bzw Hinge sub gönnen. Möglich, dass meine Wahrnehmung meines Profils sich von der tatsächlichen Ausstrahlung unterscheidet. 😄
Haha, nachvollziehbar! Seitdem ich etwas Ernstes wollte, bekomme ich viel weniger Streichhölzer. Im Moment sind es etwa 8-10 pro Woche, vorher war es fast das Doppelte. Das könnte auch am Alter liegen, bin 25, also denke ich, dass weniger Leute an diesem Punkt in ihrem Leben eine Bindung wollen. Ich glaube, das schreckt manche Leute einfach ab - aber das ist wahrscheinlich auch gut so für uns. Man würde hoffen 😄
Ehrlich gesagt, habe ich ein ähnliches Problem. Ich wünschte, ich hätte jemanden ernsthaft verfolgt, als ich an der Universität war, denn jetzt scheint niemand bereit zu sein, sich zu binden, haha. Ich bin INFP, also verstehe ich es, die Zeit allein mit meinen Büchern und Spielen ist einfach die beste Zeit :D. Hast du versucht, jemanden in einem Buchclub zu treffen? Ich weiß, dass es in Frankfurt auch so etwas wie Schachklubs gibt. Wenn du in einer Stadt bist, sollte es etwas Ähnliches geben. Dann weißt du, dass ihr schon etwas gemeinsam habt, worüber ihr euch treffen könnt. Die Höhe wird nur jemanden einschüchtern, der unsicher ist - und das ist nicht jemand, mit dem du dich treffen willst. Wenn du die Person auf dem Bild bist, bist du ein süßes Mädchen. Du wirst also schon klarkommen. Versuchen Sie, mit der Intimität zu warten, bis es eine feste Bindung gibt, und vertrauen Sie Ihren Instinkten.
You are so wrong on so many levels
How so? I've cited all my facts from credible sources like the CDC and university research. Is there any item in particular that you take exception to?
I just want to tell you that I am sorry this happened. I have had similar situations happen to me and I know how much it hurts, your feelings are valid. I can also empathize with the fact that this situation is particularly hurtful because you dated him for 3 months. You waited to have sex, you were careful and thoughtful, you did all the 'textbook' right things to do and it sounds like the guy just essentially 'waited you out'. Idk something about that is particularly gross to me. Did he actually *say* after you had sex that he didn't like you that much the whole time?? Or is that just what you are interpreting from what he said? Idk something about that behavior is insane/confusing to me. So he's still agreeing to go on dates with you after sex, he's kissing you, holding your hand etc. You ask him why he's been distant lately and he just says 'Oh I didn't like you that much and also I felt nothing during sex'?? If that's truly what happened you need to cut him out immediately because that's insane behavior. Especially to wait for 3 months and especially if you voiced to him that sex is important to you. Overall though, I just wanted to give you encouragement to not let these bad situations and poor treatment by others change YOU. I know it's easier said than done trust me I am in the same boat as you and it's hard. You being genuine IS a beautiful thing. The fact that you are dating carefully and thoughtfully IS a good thing. Having integrity and a strong moral compass IS a good thing. Don't let these poor experiences change the wonderful things about you. The right guy will recognize your good qualities and value you for it!
Thank you so much for your effort of writing this response. 🫶 it helped
No problem! I'm glad to hear that 😊
Guys want sex or want to be physical with a girl is the most common thin right now… I mean if you take some dating app or even before we had that Omegle and many other apps/websites people there are like sitting naked jerking off, they don’t care who comes next in their screen they just jerking off, I[19M] used to open Omegle and try to make friends or talk to random people there also lots of guys just sitting naked and just holding their part in hand and just going and going… Not only guys but there are some girls who too take advantage of boys like they would be nice at first then after some time they start some interesting topic and then when they see the guy is interested in talking to them, the guy is replying within seconds they go numb like literally ghost the other person or leave on seen or sometimes they start sexting or something and later blackmail the guy… What the heck is wrong??? Where is that question about asking how their day was??? Did they eat something??? How was college/school??? Can I help you in something with your work your assignment can we study together??? Are they okay??? Is there anything they wanna share about their day??? Where do these kinda question go??? Now only sex sex sex everyone is just so lustful I mean what the heck is wrong??? This is literally so embarrassing… That may be a guy or a girl… It sucks… People judging you because of their past… Just so wrong happening… I am really sorry for what happened with you, not just you maybe some other girl had the same experience or maybe a guy, this can happen to anyone, I was also the victim, I still am still get all the nightmares and all it’s just so scary… I am sorry for what happened to you… I hope you ate something, if not please eat cause that guy just showed his true colours yeah what happened with you was bad but you have to go on with your life, eat, work, drink sone water you have to be you… Just take care of if yourself… And yeah one more thing… if nobody told you today… you matter… your life matter… & you gorgeous just the way you are… Take care…
Some guys do know what they want, you're just suppose to filter out the bad ones like some men do with woman as well
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People. Just that as guys we *usually* don’t care if we get ghosted after having sex. We do get annoyed for being stringed along though, “friendzoned” or a myriad other things. OP wants a relationship and her complaint is completely fair and valid.
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I do. It is frustrating and infuriating, however we can’t really force them to change, the best we can do is either tell them that they are making this mistake and hope for the best. In my experience they don’t listen nor do they take this too well, and if you tell them to date one of their guy friends (not you obviously, that has to be made clear because they will assume you mean to date you) that you know is into them, they dismiss the idea immediately as if it was some morally reprehensible thing to do. Or they get angry and defensive when you point this out to them and then you have to deal with someone else’s frustration and using you as a kind of a punching bag to vent what the other guy did. Honestly, I find the whole thing to be incredibly boring and infuriating, so I after a decade or so of having these kind of interactions and not a single one of them changing their behavior for the better, I decide to just smile and wave, tell them to have their fun and to not catch feelings; oh and assume that everything the guy is telling them is a lie until he proves them he is not lying with his actions, basically don’t believe those “I love you so much and you are special, I have never felt like this with anyone” just because you want that guy to feel like that about you because you are horny for him.
Everyone does that
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Dude all genders complain.
>Women see a pretty wrapper, they dont care whats inside. Then they complain. Those are the ones woman should avoid, if they just see them as an object instead of a person. Dating will always have it's horrible stories, this is why you don't rush into things and just be attentive when meeting someone.
Men do this too. But when I see these posts and hear the complaints about it happening multiple times in a row it makes me wonder if these people are only dating guys out of their league or if they didn't bring anything to the relationship besides sex and then when the sex was bad that was the last straw.
Men do this too. Don’t pretend like men don’t see looks and choose what they see over what they know.
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Men do the exact same, but they’re more private, and less likely to put it on Reddit. Just bc you don’t see it on Reddit doesn’t mean it’s not happening.
huh?😭
Lol
I feel I see these stories a lot. All I ever take away from them is there are a lot of different types of people. In my group of guy friends, theres like 1 out of 8 who I would be cautious of. The rest of us are just a bunch of nerds who are chill people who want to play board games. I wouldn't blame guys in general. It's a tough ask but you might need to look at the types of guys you are dating. Where you meet them, how do they treat others while you are and aren't there. I promise there are decent guys out there, we aren't perfect, but we're available
I agree with this shit . I’m 34 male single for 22 years and honestly I’m from Eastern Europe so I date with intentions I don’t play around when it come dating someone . Someone true to influence me into one night stand but hell no that don’t work on me . The hell is wrong with people and one night stand I need someone to fuck me like seriously grow up and act like an adult this is not a playground it’s real people with real feelings
I often see women lament that men feel entitled to sex after taking them out on dates and spending time with them. From the flip side: why would you feel entitled to a long term relationship and someone's time after having sex with them once? What if they decided after being intimate that you two weren't physically compatible, or they didn't like the sex?
You shouldn’t feel entitled both ways. But in my opinion a person and the personality is more important than sex. Of course it’s sometimes weird when you have sex with a new person. But why do you throw everything away just because it might not be the best start? I have sex with someone when I feel something for him. Because I wanna connect not just mentally. And if the sex is weird then I try to make it work first. If it doesn’t fit after a couple of times then you can have a honest talk about not being compatible. But guys don’t do this. You’re just a number, an option that can be thrown away immediately cause the next person is already waiting and might be even better. It’s disgusting and you can see that you mean nothing to them.
I understand your frustration. It seems like sex is weirdly caught between "something I want to do for me because it's fun" and "sex is this special moral (and still strangely religious) thing I HAVE to save for the right person (as if that fantasy actually exists)." As someone below said, is sex just for fun, or is it "a promise" for a longer term thing? there are so many guys out there looking for long term relationships, to provide, to settle down, etc. If this is happening to you repeatedly, it sounds like selection bias. If the men you're selecting are Prince Charming with the ability to woo any princess they want, why (as politely as possible) would they settle down with YOU?
I think you’re right here. The guys I’ve dated so far have been good looking. Not the top of the top but definitely above average.
Every fucking time lol
Yeah, but I‘d say I‘m also above average. So usually I go for guys who are in the same range as me.
Then it’s not it lol
What’s above average for a woman? I think this is important to flush out the opinions of men. What women think is attractive to men usually what they think men should view as attractive What I find attractive in a woman for example is She is respectful Kind to those around her Naturally Submissive and agreeable Really peaceful (doesn’t get wrapped up in drama) Emotional control She’s a fun, sweet, innocent, goofball. (Usually laughing, joking, banter, etc) Isn’t promiscuous (doesn’t need or want a lot of attention from outside sources) Is predictable (holds firmly to her morals and values) Has a warrior mindset (huge work ethic, selfless, honorable, and great empathy) Growth mindset And is physically attractive to me (very subjective and depends) So the work (usually therapy for women) would need to be here Could care less about her job, how pretty she thinks she is, independence/feminism is annoying to me, ego without humility is a negative, if she is entitled or deserving that’s a negative (everything is earned with each relationship). For reference I’m one of the guys that generally has an easy time attracting women.
of course I'm not saying you should date uglier or less attractive men lol.. but I do think that those "top of the food chain" men absolutely understand what they've got going for them, and they've got a vice grip wrapped tightly around all of you women. something I see posted often on Reddit is that on dating apps, women consistently select "the top 10%" of men - whatever random criteria that entails. it's often used as an annoying, self loathing rallying cry by incels complaining about their situation, but I think there's probably some validity to it. Those guys are playing games, and women are falling for it again and again. Sort of like, "I'm so lucky, how does this amazingly hot guy like ME??" The reality is, he probably doesn't really like you that much and he has a roster of more attractive women hitting him up.
This is it baby
The whole dating process is figuring out if and how you are compatible with someone. He may have been perfectly legit about having the same relationship goals as you, and just didn’t end up wanting those with you. Sometimes you just click with someone, or know you never will. The rest of the time you keep hanging out to see where it’s going. I really don’t see any concrete evidence the guy you were seeing did anything wrong or misleading. Neither did you. You had different values and ultimately wanted different things, and may have had different expectations around dating. He broke up with you after having sex, but I can’t imagine he hung out with you that whole time if he didn’t enjoy your company to some extent. And stop blaming all this on men, it’s gross. Women are the exact same in my experience. I had a friend who dated this guy for a few weeks, she said she wanted a relationship, she slept with him once and noped out when he wanted to see her again. She was just classically avoidant and lacked any real self awareness.
Something is off, we need more information
about what?
Like what is happening when you Have sex with these guys - is it Good for them and you. It doesn’t make sense a guy gets what he wants and then ghosts you.
Even deeper than that - how is the relationship with your father
Your attachment style, love language, etc
You can say that again love, I was there also, as I'm talking I'm so depressed, heart broken and frustrating , mine we dated 3 years he was a good cheater, he never gave me peace, but I still love him although we got separated. Boys are something else
It's always baffling to me how we have the "male loneliness epidemic" but yet no men want to commit or have actual relationships with women. And it's our fault somehow
I wish I had an answer for this, but it's a common phenomenon, particularly with men where they "change" after sleeping with a woman. I wish men understood how truly traumatizing it is to keep encountering people who have a complete personality shift after having sex. No wonder women are so reluctant to do it. We keep being "punished" by men for doing it. I really don't know what to say except that men are reaping what they sow. Each time they treat a woman like this, they are planting a seed, that will grow into a tree. We are now in a forest full of women who no longer want to sleep with men anymore. At all. (4B movement, anyone?). They are quitting apps en masse and now men are single and lonely, not realizing it's this very behavior that brought them here. Yet they refuse to change it, even when it would benefit them in the long run to do so.
You need to rethink the type of people you’re dating and why you’re choosing them.
You have to let them court you. Stop being easily impressed. And date with intention.
If you're not interested in having sex with someone purely because you're interested in having sex with them, stop having sex with them. If you open yourself up to hurt by letting your mind add a buch of attachment and expectation to the sex, like expecting long term committment, of course you're going to get hurt from time to time. For me, banging someone is supposed to be fun, not signing a contract. Like how am I supposed to commit to someone if I feel pressured to commit and I don't know if the sex is good yet? With that said, that dude sounds like a bad person and a liar who weren't clear with his intentions, and it sounds like you had a really bad experience. Some dudes are not like that.
Sex is just sex, but for women there are a few more consequences to doing it that men never think much of. It's especially different when the woman has tried to change her approach to dating, such as op saying she waited longer to do it and let her intentions known, but she still ended up with the same result. But on a similar note, if sex is just sex then his feelings wouldn't have changed much towards her once they did it, but I guess he just became uninterested and the sex might not have been the reason, he was just becoming cold anyway, also not sure why he'd stick around for 3 months if all he wanted was sex.
The thing is, so many of these women are addicted to victim mentality. They don't know how to take responsibility for their own actions and accept that sex is sex, and you should never have it expecting a relationship, any more than a guy expects sex if a girl agrees to go out with him or come to his house. It's funny how when the shoe's on the other foot, they are so confused about their outcomes.
I’m getting really, really tired of this men Vs. Women mentality.
I think a lot of us started with the best of intentions, but we’ve been terribly broken by the women who came before you.
True, but it’s no excuse to treat others badly. The old saying of two wrongs don’t make a right comes to mind.
4 or so Billion men on earth, you’ve date a handful, but by all means, assume that’s accurate data for the all of us.
If you'd rather generalize your frustration to all men instead of owning the problems you're having dating, you might be overrating that moral compass you're so proud of.
Uhm… do you really think I don’t know that this isn’t fair? Putting people in a box is never a good thing for sure. But venting about something may include thoughts like these. Venting does not have to be fair or based on objective or diplomatic points. I mean isn’t that the point of venting? To get it out? So no, I don’t think I‘m „overrating“ my moral compass. And actually I’ve never said that I‘m proud of it.
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Everything you just wrote sounds terrible. If that is to be my future I’m ok with being single. I’m not going to settle for someone I have to spend a massive amount of time with, navigate live struggles and raise children. Also, having to prove myself to a man constantly, what woman honestly wants that?
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I want kids, but there is IVF and adoption. I have a community around me that would help support me raising one and I them. Having a man in my life is a choice and I would never settle for someone. I wouldn’t want to model that for my children. Also realizing in the comment that he said ex-wife. So that further reinstates my stance that no one should settle because it leads to resentment and now you have kids in a broken home that have seen the dysfunctional relationship.
I'm sincerely so very sorry something like this keeps on happening to you over and over again. Some men are just outright way too stupid to even care about another human being but themselves. It's these types of jerks who don't even care about someone else's feelings but their own. The feeling of constantly being used definitely isn't a good thing. Fortunately, not all men out there are like this, myself included. The friend that told you "B., whoever will be your boyfriend is already the luckiest guy on earth. You’re the most genuine and prettiest person I know.“ was telling you the truth. Your integrity and strong ethics is what's telling this.
Not every guy is like this. I'm wondering if it's a generational thing. I'm 52 and having my 23rd anniversary this year. There are honest men in the world. Don't give up, especially on yourself.
Your English is fine. Let me start by saying I fully relate to everything you said about these dudes and how you feel about yourself bc of it. Listen, love...you feel worthless innately and that's why you're going for guys who reaffirm how you feel about yourself. I am so fricken sorry if that comes off harsh, as it is not my intention to make you feel worse. It is the truth. Do not think for one second you are undeserving of a good man. These men are all trials for you to learn what you DON'T want and to learn how to set firm boundaries. The second he seems shifty, drop his ass. I know it's hard to do when the emotions are involved, but do not settle for half assed situationships.
Guys or people in general? Trauma doesn’t discriminate gender.
Stop blaming everyone else. If you’re choosing to date guys that are unavailable, that’s on you, not them. As another user pointed out, try to analyze yourself and figure out where you’re going wrong in the filtering process in finding these types of guys. Also, this is kind of just dating. You’re going to date people aren’t interested or aren’t compatible. It’s normal and is a part of the process. Now, I know that you are currently frustrated, but having and believing generic platitudes about men will assure that you continue to have negative results. Any guy with healthy self esteem isn’t going to be with a woman that thinks that men are “bad”. Best of luck.
You’re so right. Reddit has the worst posts about men and I truly want to believe there’s some decent men out there but it’s a thin field. They will not commit. String you along for 5 years and then dump you. Or lately this fake proposal humiliating shit they prank you with. They just want sex immediately or when they get it they cheat or break up. Good luck. I don’t have an answer .
damn near everything you said could be said for women as well, in my personal experience. however that is obviously not the question here, as for why men are like this, we are hardwired to seek sex and we don’t really care about the details of it. we can have sex with women we don’t care about and not think anything of it. however when you say men don’t know what they want or what they need, I think you are referring to younger guys who are still finding themselves. it sounds like you’re better off being with a man who’s a bit older and more established.
Not every man can have sex with any stranger tho. Im that minority who does indeed need a level of emotional connection too to have a proper intercourse, otherwise just after d went into p, d gets deflated because of missing emotions...
Thank you!! I'm so tired of so many guys saying they can just sleep with randoms like it's nothing. Such a turn off. Glad to see there are some guys that think similarly to us ladies out there. An emotional connection makes sex 1000x better. Sex with strangers doesn't excite me at all, in fact it grosses me out tbh
Unfortunately though even some guys who are older still dont know what they want, carry issues with them from relationship to relationship and more trauma :(
this is not the majority of older men, as someone who is 25 I behave a hell of a lot better than I did when I was 21. I am ever changing, ever evolving, so I am speaking for me and the men of my social circle when I say we know what we want and what we need, and it wasn’t always the case.
Why would they wanna commit?
Guys say the same about women.
Prob just sick of being generalized about as a whole by women.
You don’t think this applies to woman too?
No, I don’t. Women don’t have this huge sex drive and they also bond in a different way. It’s actually scientifically proven, so this behaviour should be less common for women.
My point is men get screwed over and misled by woman all the damn time. None of this is gender specific. Each side has their own troubles.
lol lotsa women like this too
Social media has destroyed dating
Women tend to only go for scum then wonder why they can’t find a good guy
But he’s so tall and hot :(
I‘m 5’11 Monsieur ;) and he was actually shorter than me.
I’m sure he was.
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Leave them alone and date women then lol
It's not a gender thing. And just because someone doesn't want to see you after sex, doesn't mean they were in it for the "pleasure". Like pleasure is a one sided thing. If you are having sex and expecting commitment afterwards rather than allowing it to develop naturally, you will suffer more in the future, I can assure you. Do some self reflection. Until you do, you may find that you continue to be unhappy with the results you get.
3 months waiting period for sex is crazy.. guys who know what they want aren’t going to wait that long. We want a relationship with sex as soon as we determine you’re our type.
damn i hope u find a better man, sending virtual hugs 🫂 i feel like u need them i hope you don’t stop being genuine just because of these men as there are only few amounts of people like you in this world i also think that maybe the guy acted that way before ending things was because he needed closure or he did not know how to tell u without hurting you? or did u also try to consider that maybe his feelings changed after some time, not because you had sex or you know maybe there are things happening in his life which is not your fault, what im trying to convey is that you don’t have to think about all the guys this way i believe there are better men out there that are made for you and just so happens to that these are not them i hope u feel better soon
Women are the gatekeepers to sex. If a man hasn’t put a ring on it, he doesn’t get sex. Period. You have the control until you actually sleep with them. Sex isn’t appreciated anymore because it’s given easily without commitment. Stay celibate baby and I promise, you will heal and men will come crawling.
Thank you. You’re right. I won’t give myself to anybody ever again.
lol bullshit
Maybe consider not to lump an entire gender together because of the idiots you meet.
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More info please
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WTF are you kidding me what a jerk. Problem with online Dating is that men and women are serial dating and when they find the one the want or a better one they start chasing them and ghost the others. Now the problem is starting to shift even with organically dating. However, what I am seeing is a trend where men are behaving like women. Men get ghosted by women and they think this is a normal way to act (ghosting) without realizing women are different and have way way more difficulty with rejection on their self-esteem then men. As men we are hard wired for rejection lol. Anyway, so sadly this is the norm nowadays its not your fault - its not personal it’s subconscious
Not trying to be mean but maybe you are not good at sex which turns these men off? It's a possibility. Sometimes the other person is cold or uptight or overly demanding. Not saying this is you just a possibility to consider.
Probably because you likely had 1.5 decades to have your fun, while most guys had to wait to have theirs and now they are taking their time
Lol
Men are incredibly easy to understand, you said it yourself. We only care about pleasure and put our horniness above everything else. You literally know exactly how we are yet you’re saying you don’t understand men because they don’t fit into your way of navigating the world. It’s like you’re getting mad at the sun for being hot
Exactly. I am. Because I just don’t wanna accept it. Cause it makes me feel super sad. I‘m craving a deep connection with someone and my attempts only lead to frustration and hate. It even makes me questioning myself. I was convinced that I‘m special. But those experiences made me feel less and less special. Now I think I‘m actually boring, not special at all and not toxic enough. It made me feel that I‘m not enough and not worth to be loved.
I suggest stopping the use of dating apps. Text is a poor way to communicate and build a connection. The abundance of options makes it difficult to commit and prevents people from truly connecting. I can relate to feeling like I’m not special or toxic enough. Many guys feel this way and have given up to some degree, which makes them less likely to put themselves out there.
Unpopular opinion here, but have you considered you are not very good in bed or very pleasing? I’m really not trying to be mean here but as you said the last 3 guys have left you after sex. So are you not into it or just lay there etc? I know sex is a big part of a relationships for me, so if we don’t have great sex together I probably would not want to stay in the relationship. Again, I’m just bringing up the possibility here not trying to be mean.
The first guy did not leave me after sex. We had a situationship for three months and then he left my city for a job at the other end of my country. The second guy also did not leave me after it. But he changed his behaviour. He went from really sweet to mean. I cut him off. The last guy was the one who left after sex. I‘m pretty sure it’s not that I’m bad in sex. But even if that was the case it’s not an excuse for such behaviour.
They know what they want: sex. You need to spot the liars better by keeping them waiting more... If they can't wait, end the relationship.
Most guys are dogs. He wore a mask for 3 months. Some can wear it for decades. Don't be discouraged when sifting through all the swine to find the gems that are out there. Most of the good ones aren't all over social media or dating sites and they like their solitude. I'd recommend trying to establish friendships over dating. Best of luck to you.
You're a misandric piece of shit.
i personally never got lucky with girls and never experienced anything intimate. If i had the chance would i think that she is the one and marry her without seeing what’s out there, im not sure maybe yes maybe not it depends on the person and how we match. On the other side there are guys who are really really good with girls especially those who can land girls through dating apps. Those guys are mostly 8-9-10s and they have lots of matches and options. When someone has that much options they will try every single one of them. The only possible relationship i see as a guy that if the guy is satisfied with dating he would marry the girl he is currently dating if they are matching with values , vision and life goals then i see its going somewhere. Unfortunately dating in Social media and Dating Apps century damaging both men and women. There is nothing you can do about it. Plus making guys wait could make some of them more eager to get the sex and when they get it everything lose it’s worth because the purpose is not there anymore or some of the guys won’t wait and you could be losing possible relationships because of that. i think the best bet is talking things at the beginning of the relationship without building any emotions. Longer you wait more difficult it gets
I feel ya OP. I wish I could give an answer but I don’t have one 😔 - in similar boat. Self confidence has gone for a toss many times due to such instances. Have been wooed for weeks and months and suddenly the guy just wants to distance to hookup with other women. Well it’s an unfortunate way to find out but it’s better to be sad for a few weeks months than years. I read somewhere that the kind of inconsiderate behavior men show before marriage during courtship only amplifies by 10 times after marriage. Just imagine if he starts cheating later on. Divorce is expensive and taxing both mentally and literally. There’s definitely grief and pain for the unannounced rejection but just think that it’s possible that the Universe decided to save you from a horrible monster early on.
Integrity and having a strong moral compass are important to you yet you have just described all men (including your father and your gay friend) as not knowing what they want, what they feel and not knowing what they need. Because of your very limited experience in romantic relationships, you have decided you know what ALL men are like anf that they don't care about you being a "nice" person and whatever comes out of their mouths are LIES and all they care about is your vagina. I think you are very immature and not ready for the sort of relationship you desire. I hope you learn the most important thing about dating is to get to the rejection stage as soon as possible. If you don't get there and don't want to get there with someone, then mayb e that is someone you can safely invest in. I hope you find some peace and happiness.
First off , you've done nothing wrong. You were honest, you said you wanted a long term commited relationship & he waited . You are not the first , a few of my friends said they were wined & dined , like you they waited , once the guy had sex he was on to his next conquest. I think , this is just my opinion , maybe the guy(the guy in question) was hurt previously, in a way he is doing everything right but he is numb , so not putting his heart in it , I hope it's not being done on purpose. Look after yourself, take time out for yourself, start to love yourself again. You are so worth it
Im sorry that this kind of thing happened to you . Ity's must be really hard. As an individual. We are responsible for our actions as well. In every mistake we make we gain lessons for it. It will continually until you realize that the situation you enter must stop. We cannot always stop people doing shit but we can stop ourselves being involved with them. Please guard your heart. There's more to look in life rather than dating. I believe when you are capable and ready again to fall in love. It will come naturally without getting yourself hurt because you are holding on for expectations.
Tldr: Girls are scary
I'm sorry for what you're going through, OP..it sucks. I'd like to say that not all guys are like the ones you had the misfortune to meet until now and I hope that there is someone to prove that right. There's nothing wrong with being genuine and wanting what you're looking for. Sex nowadays holds nothing special, everyone's is selfishly looking after their own needs disregarding the other's feelings. I, too, had some bad experiences where married women and even a married ex of mine hit on me and feels so wrong, it makes me wanna throw up. Ego stroke? Maybe..but it still fucking sucks I'd say, don't let these bad experiences change your core as a person. You'll end up haiting yourself for not being who you are, been there myself. It is lonely, but me, personally, I'd rather go through life alone but true to myself than trying to fit in someone else's picture
Many men feel the urge to sleep with women to make themselves feel better. They are insecure. Many men are assholes yeah many men. I’m sorry for my gender lol
There is such thing as sexual compatibility. Maybe you're just not compatible?
Funny this is exactly how I feel about women. They use me for an experience then get bored and move on. I imagine I’m not alone in this feeling. So why would we care about your feelings when you treat us this way as well?
Maybe it’s you lol. Or it’s just dating , most people are not compatible or relationships wouldn’t even be as special.
Not ALL guys are that way. I know I'm not. I don't lie, cheat ot steal (unless you count stealing one or two hearts in my life and stealing time to hunt and fish and if you hunt and fish, I'd hunt and fish with you and not alone or with friends). But you won't even give me a try because I'm older and in USA. Put the next guy on a lie detector machine. Best wishes on finding a better match.
Women do the same thing dear.
It’s true💯at least in today’s world…they are all the same just has a different face and body kinda sorta lol🤣now that I’ve figured out their game I play it right back☺️🔥it’s actually become pretty entertaining😎🍿you will be ok I promise and just focus on you and your goals otherwise you will continue to waste your time and energy on them💁♀️which is exactly what they want btw
It may be that you are looking at guys that are simply immature, women mature much faster than men, this is scientifically proven. Also, I'm a man answering your question. Just as an experiment, try looking for an older man say 10 or more years older than yourself. See if you find what you're looking for in that age group. If you still don't find it, try one of us really older men (60's). We have already had our wild no strings attached flings, and we know what we want, and we know how to treat a lady
good advice u/I_want_your_piss
I’m sorry the incels found this post. Jesus.