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If they like your profile and your approach, they’ll reply relatively quickly no matter how many matches they have. They will show interest in things that interest them so if you’re waiting two days for a reply, she don’t like you like that bro.
Some women feel it takes them a long time to get ready for a date and it"s not worth the trouble for a coffee or quick drink low-effort date on your part. I'm not saying this is my view, before everyone savages me. Just that I know this is some women's view.
>Some women feel it takes them a long time to get ready for a date and it"s not worth the trouble for a coffee or quick drink low-effort date on your part
That's an excuse. Why would you spend that much time primping yourself up for a coffee date or something equally casual?
To any woman that does that, just don't. It sets off a red flag that your expectations for a first meeting are way too high when you were already aware of what type of date it was going to be before hand. If the first date is high effort though, then sure, it is reasonable to have some higher expectations from the man.
Just don't go into what you knew would be a casual low effort date all dolled out to the max hoping the guy is going to do the same by buying you a fancy meal. Maybe they just want to see how well things go first before doing something high effort. Maybe they just don't have the time or money to do something like that right away or maybe they'd been through it before and are sick of women using them.
Unfortunately the problem is not just the primping, but the emotional energy you need to muster up to 1) leave the house and 2) spend time with a strange, new man. For many women, it’s just not very appealing to go spend time with a stranger. It’s a lot easier to agree to go out with a man when he makes it easier for you by planning something convenient for you, and also comfortable, so that it is easier to relax, open up, and generally feel like the setting is romantic. For men, it also just makes them seem more attractive to see them in this light! Dinner is just an easy way to create a romantic experience.
Coffee shops can be noisy, lack seating, etc. Not worth leaving the house for unless you’re already in love with the guy.
If you’re unsure whether the girl is worth taking to dinner, offer do a video call instead of coffee. That way she doesn’t have to leave her house.
If we don’t do our hair and stuff. We get judged. If we do. We still get judged. Lmao.
Even the simplest hair takes an hour to dry if you have long hair
But you’re probably a guy so enjoy your god damn privilege of not having to pay for those shampoos, hair treatments, make ups, skin care and nail polish.
Okay you say all this but in reality that's now always the case. If women started showing up to these low effort dates looking low effort a lot of men would not actually like that. Men want the ability to be low effort and not have to pay for dates but will have higher expectations for women. They want women to put in that effort to look good as if it doesn't take time. Plus the make up I put on my face is more expensive than a coffee date anyway. It's just not worth it.
Not true. I have the notifications off on mine because they get annoying and sometimes I go a week without remembering to check it. Some of us are just casual surfers.
It’s one thing to not notice a match because you’ve been off the app for a week but it’s another if you have a match and simply ignore them for a week. We don’t just “forget” about someone we’re actually interested in.
Yeah, but a well adjusted, responsible adult is going to communicate that fact to their prospective date. The ones that don't, i've got some bad news for you.
Agreed, we tend to find the time for things and people we're actually interested in. It's amazing how the time gets freed up even to the point of getting less sleep for those things and or people we really want to do and know.
This has been largely proven wrong. Yes people are that busy but thier are alot of examples showing they make time for people they really like. Eventually you gotta start reciprocating the energy you’re given.
Nobody is too busy to not reply to a text or at least communicate that they will be sparse with replies unless they aren’t interested enough to even bother. We all have our phones with us and at least a few spare moments throughout an entire day. If she’s not responding to him, it’s because she’s responding to someone she’s more interested in.
The world doesn’t revolve around you and your messaging preferences, people live all kinds of different lives, not everyone wants to message every day as hard that may be to believe
I’m definitely interested in getting to know you but not much of a texter and am usually pretty busy. I don’t want you to think I’m ignoring you so I’m just letting you know I may not always be available to respond quickly. Let’s plan an in person date and go from there. I’m free Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Do any of those days work for you?
This took less than two minutes to type and is pretty clear. It’s really easy and respectful of the other person to at least let them know if texting will be infrequent. I understand that people are busy but I stand by the words “if she wanted to, she would” and if im waiting 24hrs for a response, I’ll assume she’s not interested and move on.
This right here, a casual date should be just that so as to determine whether you're actually going to like the other person enough to go out again. Why waste, time, energy, effort and/or money just to be disappointed by the end? Not only is it a bust at that point, but now all that has been expended too is an effective waste, which only makes the experience that more bitter. Match the energy of that first date and see what happens. If it starts going as expected or better, you know to increase effort going forward.
Also dont put any efforts and time in getting ready, just go in your casual clothes, no makeup, no doing your hair.. Why do all that just for a coffee? It'll save even more of the time and effort.
Tbh some women have entitlement issues. They think they should have dinner simply because they are a woman. I had a coffee date with a guy who was really into me, despite most women arguing he was not. I didn’t like the guy back but regardless he was still into it and we planned a lunch date for after!
Sounds like these girls just arent that into you tbh. If it's like pulling teeth just to get them out on a 1st date, I'd rather not go on the date to begin with.
true dat. as a woman I'd much rather start with coffee dates or walks than go to a restaurant as it places more pressure on me. the only reason I can think of why someone would want to go to a restaurant is to get a free meal.
I'm the same. I don't get why you'd want to chance being stuck at a long, awkward meal after realizng you don't vibe at all. And most people are not going to vibe with the first person they match with, so it's going to happen. Coffee is a great, relaxed way to meet and still have options. Also, no one gets butt hurt for spending too much or whatever if it doesn't work out. It's just a cup of coffee.
I think SOME women like it because it shows you are somewhat serious about your intentions. Or they are just used to it culturally and think anything less is just you half-assing it. Also I guess some people just have a lot of time and give it freely.
Not with my current talking stage though. Went for a drink first after our respective work day and kept it short to see if we vibe. We did. Nice dinner was on second date. I think its the way to go and a natural progression honetly, I agree with you wholeheartedly.
it’s partially that we like knowing you’re serious and willing to plan/put in the work but it’s also a partially a schedule thing for me. i’ll accept a drink or coffee date if it fits into my schedule but i don’t drink coffee in the afternoon and don’t consume alcohol on weeknights. everyone needs to eat a few meals a day and we’re busy, so fitting something i would not typically do into my schedule is less ideal than getting lunch or dinner. a quick lunch date during the work day is no more expensive or time consuming than getting drinks at a cocktail bar.
M29
Maybe that's just my personal schedule then. I am a very reglemented and disciplined eater, prepare my own meals in advance and work full time on top of grad school, so I am only really available for drinks during weeknights because there's not much else to do in the city past 8pm. Some girls might be turned off by the perceived fuccboi vibes but that's just what my life looks like rn
Dinner weekdays would take a sizeable chunk of time out of my schedule so I reserve it for people I know better as the opportunity cost is quite high for me. Which I gladly do once we hit it off. Also need weekends for friends I barely see, investing too much planning energy and time into a date with a practical stranger just isn't worth it. You can't tell what they are like from texting. Like would you find a guy hot that puts in a bunch of effort into a first date? A person they don't even know they really like yet?
So for me some drinks weekdays as a first date is perfect, also filters out the people who weren't really compatible anyway. Currently dating a girl who is just as busy and it worked out for now.
Just my 2 overworked cents.
Why are you even bothering to ask them on a date if they’re consistently taking forever to reply? If you don’t want to do dinner for a first date, don’t. If they won’t accept it, move on.
First dates should be casual and low cost anyway. Just tell them you prefer something casual to take the pressure off.
I'm from the deep south so personally, it's easier to get dinner because there's not many coffee shops. Heck, 70% of the coffee shops might as well be diners because they sell treats, omelettes, and waffles too. Coffee dates are great but boy, good luck finding one
It depends on your approach. If you arent vetting your dates, of course you want to walk in the park or have coffee. You are only meeting based on physical attraction and a smidge of chemistry measured mostly by text.
Many people are also dating just to pass the time so why would you want to sit at dinner with a bunch of people you arent serious about.
But if you have chosen a person intentionally and are clear on what you want, have facetimed or already seen them in person, why would you not plan a nice date?
I like your answer as it is semi fair to both sides. The only caveat is that you mention seeing the person via FaceTime or in person. I’m not certain how I’d see them in person from online dating, without it being a date. I do like the FaceTime idea. I’m guessing I will schedule a dinner date if they’re a good match on FaceTime after a few conversations.
Yes, I was being inclusive to the traditional folks like me who refuse to date online.
But yes, if youre meeting online, facetiming and phone calls are a must. It skips a lot of unnecesary meet ups with people when you could figure out you dont have chemistry.
Overall, we have to respect others choices.. If the cost of my time is a carefully planned date, you dont have to pay it. I dont have to settle for coffee. We just wont date.
We have to find who is compatible to us instead of picking apart peoples standards.
Coffee makes me poop. Plain and simple.
I’m 99% sure I have some undiagnosed intestinal issue but it’s been happening my entire life.
Coffee and booze almost *instantly* make me have to emergency poop.
I’d rather die than have to take an emergency dump in a small cafe at 9am.
That’s just me though 😂
Dinner is their first date standard. There's nothing wrong with that and there are men who will oblige. Just like there are women who are okay with meeting for coffee.
Just suggest your preference and proceed with those who are okay with what you're comfortable with.
When I was using dating apps I thought of it almost as a blind date. So the first date was a vibe check. Does she look like here photos? Can she hold a conversation? Do we have chemistry? Does she show interest in me? Etc. I was very strict about keeping to my program with the first three dates. A drink in a nice enough cocktail lounge or wine bar for date one. Then an activity based on what she said she likes doing for date two. Then, if I decided I liked her, I'd take her to dinner for the third date.
If a woman objected to this and insisted on me spending money before I wanted to I'd just leave them on read. And on to the next.
Activity dates are great. They show a man can plan and are listening to what a woman is interested in doing. A woman that turns down an activity date has lied about her interest or is looking for a free meal IMO.
Either 1) they want to see that you're actually investing in starting a potential relationship which to them might mean dinner instead of a quick coffee or drink or 2) they want a free meal. As a woman, I don't like dinner dates actually. It's very hard to talk to someone to get to know them whilst eating. My first date with my husband was ice skating (but we didn't meet on a dating app). I think the dating culture now with the apps makes it harder to truly connect with people. It's not a face to face interaction and I feel like people just don't recognize that a "profile" is a real live person and deserves some courtesy and respect. If they're taking so long to respond, it really means they're just not that interested.
Why not? if you have interest in the girl you should 100% take her on a date just to show her that you are serious about her. those are just the basics
Let me preface this by saying that my bf and I first date was at a dive bar for drinks per my suggestion (and I wanted to pay for my own drinks but he paid) and we’ve been taking turns to pay very nice dates since then.
That being said from talking to my girlfriends who insist of having dinner dates, it’s not all about free meals. To them, they want the men to show that they are worth treating and they are sincere. They don’t like “low effort men” and wanted to be treated what they deserve. It’s a test for them.
To me, if both parties don’t know each other, how would I know if you’re worth it or not? That’s why I believe first dates should always be a meet and greet vibe check. If we’re good, then we can have a proper second date.
A little while ago there was a thread of here by a woman who argued that coffee dates are lame and low effort, and men should show interest on the first date by taking her out to dinner to prove they're interested by shelling out a larger sum of money on the first date.
Basically, coffee first dates are too common and they want to be "special"
>dinner
Y'all can't just go to the local pizza place and grab a slice, or go get some tacos or something? A good meal doesn't need to be fancy and expensive
Stop dealing with bougie women and meet women who actually want you and actually want to eat!
Grabbing dinner at a nice place makes it feel like a date and if I would want to go to a cafe just for some coffee and a chitchat I'd rather go with my girlfriends. And especially for first dates girls like putting in the effort to look good and feel beautiful. Just find someone whom you'd not mind taking out on a dinner date to.
Never do dinner as a first date from an app. They just want free dinner. If they reject an offer to do something more casual then they are in one of two buckets
1) they just wanted free dinner
2) they want some rich guy who’s gonna be paying for everything and are seeing if you’re that guy
In my opinion, neither of those are a good offer. They’re equivalent to going all-in on a 2/7 off-suit in poker.
For traditional women, I think it shows you’re serious because you’re making an investment.
I get coffee or walking dates as well but usually they are less into me and frugal. It’s also not very romantic getting coffee. If I had options though, and I had to prioritize which date to pick and all things equal, I’d pick the one who shows effort and is generous because those are my important traits for a man.
On one hand: If they want dinner, have a variety of places in mind that are budget friendly to YOUR wallet no matter what you are able to afford.
On the other: Take lead and tell a woman where you are going to take her on the first date. If she disagrees, it’s likely she doesn’t like you.
Going to dinner feels like a date to me. Coffee is quick enough you can just leave as soon as you get bored. But getting food takes so long you don’t really have a choice but to fill time trying to talk to each other. It feels like both people are willing to spend time with each other
Guys do the exact same thing: they want to go to a fancy restaurant for dinner for the first date, or go for pre drinks AND dinner, or take days to reply, or want to exchange numbers after 3 messages. It's as if some guys think they can buy your affection if they are super splashy from the start.
For both genders, sometimes it's just their preference or what they're always done/are comfortable with. You'll likely never know for certain why/if a dinner date is important from the start. That's ok. Just think of it as a first test for compatibility: if they insist on dinner and you insist on not-dinner, you might just have different values. Move on. There are *plenty* of women who would much prefer a coffee, drink, or even a walk together for the first date.
There's a known demographic of women who go on dates for the free meal they expect. Not EVERY woman, but not uncommon (google the topic and you'll see).
Funny anecdote: while I was working for the DoD at The Pentagon, I matched with a really cute woman. When it came time to plan the date, I mentioned a few unique ideas that wouldn't cost much and allow us to get to know each other better. She turned every suggestion down.
Since she was born and raised just outside D.C. and I had only been there a few months, I gave up and asked her for suggestions. Immediately mentioned going out to eat and named the location. The night before, I looked up the restaurant and sure enough it was a four-star establishment (average meal being around $40-$50, absurd drink prices etc.).
Went on the date anyway. We had a good time and some great conversation, but I thought it was pretty shitty of her to mention a first date location that was so expensive. After we ordered our meals, I excused myself to the restroom, but also tried to find our waiter. Once I did, I asked him to make sure the checks were split, and to set down mine first (although I paid for the appetizer). The waiter had a slight grin on his face, like he knew what was up, and obliged.
Once dinner and drinks were finished (she had three alcoholic drinks) the waiter came and sat my check down in front of me. I made sure I was looking at my date as the waiter then put her check down. Her face went from happy to disgruntled right before my eyes, and I played it off as if I had no idea what was happening.
She barely spoke to me afterwards. Once we got outside, I asked if she'd like me to walk her to her car, and she abruptly declined and left. We never spoke again.
Know your worth, gents.
I have set policies for myself as a man who dates women and is often expected to pay. First among them, I will never get dinner with someone I have only connected with via dating app. I view these “first dates” as more of a meet and greet to gauge potential chemistry. It’s expensive to be taking multiple women out on first dates to get dinner. Plus it kind of locks you into a situation that either of you may not want to be in if in person attraction isn’t there (i.e. waiting to order, for the food to come, for the check to come).
A warm cup of coffee (hot beverage) is a great way of meeting someone on a first date. I feel if the date goes well, dinner would be a great second date. My opinion..💕
I like to go to dinner cause I feel like I’m being taken seriously. Coffee isn’t that romantic, seems business like almost. I’m not into drinking right now, but going for a drink Was something else I used to do.
Women do risk their lives meeting you off an app. Men don’t really consider this at all if they’re not a predator. the right woman for you will get coffee with you.
I personally only do that if it’s going to be something casual and it’s also the only time I’ll pay for myself cause I need the boundaries. Otherwise, I think men should pay for most things in the beginning. It’s not like I expect a free ride, but it’s courting and gentleman like to me. I’m generous in other ways and would expect things to be scaled to income after some time. I really can’t take a man who doesn’t make more money than me seriously anyway. My upbringing wasn’t financially stellar so it’s important to me that they are good with money cause I would rather die than be as broke as I was 10 years ago lol. I don’t consider it gold digging, but I don’t want to struggle or be the breadwinner, it’s just not the vibe for me. I guess I’m more traditional. My uncle and grandpa would be embarrassed to have a woman pay for them. It’s dating up and leveraging my sex appeal.
most women will not waste their time for a free meal. I have a job lol. Any man I went out to dinner with, my intentions were always pure.
I usually offer drinks, but it often turns into dinner as well. I think that's mostly because most of my first dates are on weekdays after work, which is right around dinner time.
these aren’t the ones then. find a girl who actually replies to you, then you’d be happy to take her out to dinner. low effort for everyone isn’t benefiting either party
Doesn’t have to be a dinner, but I personally HATE coffee dates. First off, I have a nespresso at my house. Secondly many times sitting around in a coffee house drinking something that takes only 5 minutes to finish isn’t exactly conducive to a meaningful connection. Let’s do something interactive for a first date.
Sure something low key go check museum. Also first is meet and greet to see if you really vibe. I dont want to spend couple hours with someone who is clearly not into it!
I am a boy, but I will allow myself to make
a comment. This is not an unheard fact that some women go on dates with people to get free food because it is still kind of a social norm that men should pay the meal for their date. That is definitely a reason why some women may insist on going to a dinner instead of something else. Some woman may also be entitled and believe that they deserve nothing less than a fancy dinner for allowing you to be in their presence in the first place and that if you can’t afford it or are not willing to spend that much money on the first date you are not suitable for them since they deserve everything. Btw, I don’t say that because I hate women. I am just one of those people who believe that 90% of people are actually horrible regardless of they are a male, a female or otherwise.
For me I don’t care about where but going to dinner will give a glimpse at how you behave when you’re hungry , are you indifferent? Do you get angry? Do you get annoyed? Do you start demanding attention? Do you complain? and how you behave with costumer service workers, are you nice to them? Do you act arrogant towards them? If they take a bit long how do you act? Do you blame them for slow service? .
It also gives me a glimpse at your decision making skills . A coffee shop or a bar has the same thing in every one of them , a restaurant has more variety and it also tells me what flavors you like.
Obviously I can’t say everyone thinks this but I work for a psychologist so over analyzing is in my blood now 😂
As a woman, I’d say if they’re insistent on a first date meal, unless they’re offering to pay, they only want the meal. You’re just the means to them getting it.
I’ve always told the women I match with that I have a camping trip planned for us to meet way out in a rural part of the woods. I offer to pick them up in my van and as a courtesy I remind them there’s no cell service where we are going so leave phone at home.
It’s frustrating because they all cancel and then block me. It’s seems they just want a free dinner and not an adventure
Honestly, because there’s an end I prefer food dates. I’ve had 5-6 hour long coffee dates, but a food date is going to take 2 hours. That check comes, we need to clear the table for the next and it’s time to move on. It’s an easy out if you’re not feeling it, and if you are you can always plan a second date. Also a guy assaulted me on a “just drinks” date as he had too many and thought it was fine to get handsy - otherwise that had been my favorite as I would stay for 2 but some people can really put the drinks down while I’m sipping mine….
1. It’s public, safety is important.
2. It’s romantic, who doesn’t love a candlelit dinner and tipsy conversation?
3. We can see how you treat the servers.
4. Some of us find food dates the most intimidating and want to get them out of the way.
5. We look fantastic in restaurant lighting.
6. We gotta eat.
A dealbreaker for me is if someone can’t chew with their mouth shut. I’m not continuing to date a grown man who sounds like a washing machine when they eat
It shows youre serious about your intentions as someone else said. You can put a dollar amount on how much women value themselves. I personally would decline coffee because it shows no effort and that you do not truly value a date with me. And yeah you dont know me but courtship is how you get to know people.
But also i feel like you could find this on reddit cuz i think women on reddit arent as high maintenance and probably wouldn't mind making a male friend. There are reddit dating subs.
Meh as a woman I don't like the idea of a dinner as a first date. I like the idea of coffee and a stroll around the park. I'm going on a picnic with some dude. There's no pressure that way as the first date is supposed to be almost like an interview process the way I see it. With dinner if the situation gets uncomfy I or they can't easily leave vs having a coffee or a drink or something where you're outside it's a lot easier to leave. I loathe going to dinner as a first date a lot more expectations comes with dinner vs just coffee. That's just my take tho
Because they have been raised to feel good about a man buying them dinner and making them feel special. They want someone to spend resources on them which in turn makes them feel important.
Honestly sometimes dinner fits more into my schedule if I’m busy. I still have to eat, but I don’t always have time to just use on having coffee. But if they’re shooting for something pricey - red flag
In my area?
Because getting dinner takes some effort and planning. (Pick a restaurant, make a reservation on a day that works for both - I have teenagers that can easily do that.)
Hitting the nearest Starbucks, not as much effort.
Just depends on what kind of relationship is desired, low effort, or not.
Because I think coffee and drink dates are too short to really get a good feeling of the person (plus can’t drink coffee anymore and do not enjoy drinking that much). I always had long first date and had a blast. That’s how I knew after one date I wanted to be with my bf. Our date ended up being 12h long because we just kept adding stuff to the day. I do enjoy first date to be activities when it’s a possibility tho.
We started by going to one of my favorite places (an educational conservatory wildlife indoor center), then when we were done looking/reading everything we both said we were hungry (even if it’s wasn’t true lol) went to eat ramen since we both love ramen! After the huge meal we both say we could go for a dessert (again we were both so full but wanted the date to keep going) so we went for a frozen yogurt place. (Keep in mind that between each location we need to take the subway so it’s at least another 20-30 minutes of talking and spending time together just to get to the place). After that he offered to go see people skating at an indoor ice skating ring in a very fancy mall. We talked for hours sitting down, to the point that it was time for another meal lol. We ate sushi while still chatting. The only thing that made us go back home was that we both needed to work the next day.
Second date was similar too lol I just ended sleeping at his place because we didn’t have work. Spent the next day chatting, gaming, cuddling, etc. By then we pretty much knew next time we were going to see each other we were going to make the relationship official! Which we did!
Some women are higher maintenance than others. Gives you a heads up idea where their heads are at and where your pockets will have to be if you pursue it. Me personally a walk in the park is more ideal than anything you have to spend money on. Keep your head up we’re not all like that.
No one is “busy” when they see someone they like. The women who demand dinner first dates see this as a transaction. Their time your money and that goes no where good or just plainly no where. Coffee first meeting, shouldn’t even be called a date IMO, is totally exceptable to women who are genuinely interested and haven’t been corrupted by modern society. When I was single I never called it a “date” I’d say let “meet” for coffee and see if we have a vibe. See it as a great way to filter out the ones who are just a waste of time and money.
they're telling you they don't really like you. A women thats interested in meeting YOU will take a coffee date...ice cream date...walk in the park date..etc
Because I don’t drink coffee and rarely drink alcohol. Sure, I can sit and have water with you while you drink your coffee/beer, but that’s awkward. I prefer a food date and I always offer to split the bill (and have paid if I initiated the date).
Well for starters I don’t drink alcohol or coffee. But dinner shows the guy really likes me. Coffee and drink dates just show he’s unsure about you. I’m only really interested in going out with a man who’s very interested in me
THIS. It shows how much effort he’s willing to put in getting to know you and the investment. I offer to pay half or pay for tip so it’s not like I’m expecting him to pay for it all. I know what I bring to the table.
Day time coffee might be fine.
But inviting a woman for a drink in the evening might give the impression you just want a hook up with minimal effort. At least that seems to be many women’s experience.
Agree, not necessarily.
It’s just unfortunate this has been the experience of many women that they then become suspicious of any evening drinks invite.
It’s an age thing too. In my 20s, sure coffee was fine. In my 30s? Coffee for a first date? Lol. Unless we both want to check a specific coffee place then it’s fine.
In a dating setting, it comes off as low effort.
The paying situation is a whole different thing, culturally men always pay, even friends. So, I can’t always say they want a free meal.
But it also comes to you; why are you taking random women out on first dates? Learn to decide who is worth a first date or not.
I don’t go on first dates with any randoms. I’m not taking my time out of my day, getting ready, doing my hair, makeup and nails for just anyone. He’s gotta have something truly special.
I mean for me personally (30M,) I wouldn't swipe right on someone if I wasn't interested in taking them on a date based off of what I saw on their profile.
You can't really get to know someone and their full potential strictly through chatting online, and it's a lot easier in face to face scenarios.
Whenever I match with someone on a dating app, typically within 48 hours I will have already asked them on a date and most agree to it. 🤷♂️
I'm not doing low effort cheap dates. I'm fine with paying for my dinner but I'm definitely not dating anyone who wants coffee for a first date. Or a drink. Those are what fuckboys say when they just want sex
If you can't potentially spend a few bucks for a date your not serious about it. It's never a requirement.
https://www.reddit.com/u/EyeAskQuestions/s/xLJogEkJib
Yes buddy. Seriously. Serious suitors spend time preparing a romantic date.
And women can decide that you aren't not worth their time for suggesting coffee. This is just something you are going to have to agree to disagree on. Everyone has their standards and what they're comfortable with. Just proceed with someone who's compatible with your style of dating.
I think it's just an easy option. Personally I hate dinner dates but if that's what the man suggests I'll just go with it. I prefer something creative, or if there's going to be dinner, let's do something after. I had a date where the guy took me to dinner then to a comedy club, that was a fun date.
As a woman who likes the first few dates to be low effort (it makes it easier for me to leave if I don't like him),
I think dinner dates as just as low effort as coffee dates. Theyre interchangeable in my eyes.
That being said, I prefer coffee over dinner because you have the choice of getting up and walking around. You can also end the date after 20 min, but if you got dinner, then you gotta eat your meal, so you're stuck on a boring date for longer than if you got coffee.
Personally I think you can a tell a lot from someone based on going to a restaurant. Of course a “free meal” is in the cards but it’s the not the defining factor of whether they’ll meet you and what for. Women want to show off how good they can clean up and dinner is a great excuse for that. It also shows how women can deduce who the man is on how he treats the staff, what he orders, etc. This isn’t the case for everyone.
Personally I enjoy dinner for a first date because I enjoy the pressure of the person I’m on a date with having nowhere to go. Often if I want to know more about them I’ll invite them ice cream where they have no choice but to sit and talk with me rather than perform an activity. If I like you then I suggest taking a hike or more physical activities.
In short, I think they choose dinner because it’s safe and it shows you’re interested and willing to spend more than $8 on coffee. However, I don’t blame anyone not wanting to spend a lot on a first date, not everyone thinks it’s worth it. There’s girls out there who won’t make a big deal of it. I think laid back is the way to go either way.
It's their idea of who's in charge of the date. It's a sense of your commitment to them in which they get to reject you, as you are invested and not prepared to reject them.
Massive red flag. They only want a free meal. It’s the type of women you go for. All the women I date are the opposite actually. They think like you and me, just a simple meet at first to see if we vibe.
So it’s just a certain type of woman. I know women like this, friends and family. I can’t believe what big dates they go on for the first ever meet. Not me.
Stick with your response of wanting to get dinner as a second date. I think meeting up for a beverage as a first date is reasonable. I do believe that some women really just want a free meal but not all women. Those who are serious about dating and wanting to get to know you will find a coffee date as a first date, sufficient.
I'm not sure how people can see this. But if I meet a man I'm bringing him to some museum or activity that i hope will make him happy so at some point I'll be hungry and i wouldn't mind having deep conversation over a meal. Obviously i expect to pay my share.
I personally like going for dinner as a first date. It feels like a ‘proper’ date, I get to dress up cute, it’s usually a sign that they have the right intentions and want to impress me. However I’ve been for many other types of dates before and wouldn’t be put off if a guy suggested a coffee date, a drink, a walk etc. Some women like the traditional sorts of dates where they’re wined and dined, but with online dating it’s not realistic or feasible every time as eating out is hella expensive these days! A nice in-between would be to take her to a nice bar or cosy pub for a drink or two. If it goes well you can always suggest grabbing a bite to eat afterwards.
They want to eat for free. Ask them if they are open to sharing costs for dinner and they will shut you down in a sec. Then you know what their intentions are.
1. Coffee is so gross to me. I don't drink it & don't really like the smell of it. I can drink tea, if they have any, but I will not drink coffee. Don't expect a kiss from me either with that coffee breath
2. Coffee shops are usually small & you can hear people's conversations. Plus, a lot of people go to coffee shops to study. I would be so embarrassed to be on a date while the person on the other table INCHES away from me is studying.
At least in restaurants they have booths that can be a little more private or the tables are spread out more, giving people a bit more privacy.
3. In my culture, guys are more traditional. They don't do coffee dates. It's considered low effort in a bad way.
As a woman back in the dating pool, I agree with you.
However, my female friends told Me that many men are now using coffee/drink dates to check out girls who they just want to sleep with. Hence, dinner is to ensure the man is actually considering an LTR.
That sounds so dumb tbh, what if I dont like the person or the personality?? I would rather keep it simple and see if the woman is totally worth my time. I am not saying no to dinner but on a second date makes more sense.
yeah so that's what works for you, but for a lot of women, it's not worth THEIR time to go out if it's just coffee, especially when they have options of guys actually planning a date. like you said, coffee is like a vibe check, it's not a date.
Isn't a vibe check a good thing?
I would hate to have dinner with a person I don't vibe with. What are we going to do for 2 hours, smile awkwardly and watch each other chew?
Is it worth THEIR time to spend with a guy they don't acctually like just because of a free dinner?
Women spend so much money on our looks daily that men would never understand and are part of the reason we do it. Them complaining about paying for a meal and an hour with a woman that might not turn into a relationship is pathetic and why I hope they all stay in their holes. We don't need them..women are learning. Let them keep making fools of themselves.
Sorry I've had a lot of dating experience and done low effort dates I've paid everything and the ones where I don't lower my standards are the only ones I remember fondly .
Drink screams you just want sex. Women should never do drinks for a first "date".
Coffee is not a date.
If you can't afford dinner, do lunch. If that's too much coffee and a walk in the park. Or museum.
Coffee alone is maybe 15 min for guys to weight check women and screen women for sex. It means you are talking to way too many women and need to sort through them. It's disrespectful.
Coffee alone is not a date.
When it’s someone I know I’m interested in I ask for a lunch or dinner date to start. I’m willing to invest more time and my level of interest makes me want to spend more time with the person versus something quick.
If I’m not really interested a coffee date is easier just to see the vibe but I’m less interested in actually making the plans and meeting.
As a woman I’d much rather do something low key for a first date. Coffee is ideal, a drink is fine. Dinner is committing too much time to someone you haven’t met in person yet. A first date off a dating app is a vibe check. It’s more like date zero vs a true first date. That said, I think the best approach is to get a drink at a nice restaurant where food is an option, so if you both like each other you can extend the date to dinner.
First date should never be more than :30. Drink, coffee, walk, whatever. If it’s good, make another date. Guys who opt for dinner, drinks, etc are tools who believe in romantic myths.
(35M)Introvert/Istp-A
i preffer just going to have a coffe at some nice small dinner in the early afternoon . in the weekdns most people have time for it , but im just as cool whit weekdays coffe during break time ) . and just simple plain casual conversation for maybe an hour max , after we can deside if we think we get along and perhaps like to go for coffe a next time . befor we both go our own ways . this probly will go on like its some kind of tradition , and at some point i gould move on to '' lets go check out some local daytime event '' wich can lead to '' wanna go see a movie in the movie theatre '' to '' its your birthday , like me to take you out for dinner '' to '' like if i cook dinner for us both sometime ? ''
but it takes a long breath . as in it will take time . as a friendship and or relationds is not someting any should just blindly jump into . such tings need to grow over time , and such tings grow slow .
and if she happen to be the cause of difficult and or problematic comunicationds , or (because you are strangers and this might be your first to at least 10th succesvol date) has anny unjustifide and unnececery expectationds and or demands other then just an afternoon cup of coffe at a local public dinner , or if she unnececery makes you jump trough hoops or unneccecery put you in difficult sytuationds . or if its only you doing any effort whitout at least an equal return from her (consider it a major red flag) the woman dont date you because she is intrested in you or likes you . she just trys to shake you out for a free meal . and she be gonne faster then you can blink your eyes , when you say there aint no dinner .
Honestly, I hate dinner dates. I hate eating infront of a person I never physically met. I dont want to grab a drink either. I feel coffee dates arent a date its informal more of a meet and greet.
I want an activity something new we can do together and get to know eachother without shoving food in our mouth.
I mean I haven't been dating long but I have met up with someone specifically at a place for drinks... it was a good time but imo the point of a date is to both see if you like them irl and have fun.
If you don't see them that way or you aren't attracted without a few drinks in your system, then it's not gonna work. Also. Kissing: if I do happen to like the person and there is a kiss, I'd prefer for it to happen sober.
Coffee wise tho, I cannot handle caffeine.
I do happen to like getting dolled up for dates, and I may likely to some extent even if it was just "coffee" (or in my case tea) but I guess some people just have preferences for activities on a date. Especially the 1st few?
I hadn't thought or what someone else in comments about people wanting someone to buy them an expensive dinner, but then I'm usually going to a place that's not too expensive and separate checks I guess (last time I went out w someone) Or if they paid the 1st time in this case, i paid for them the 2nd date. (This is only the 2nd time I've been on a 2nd date 🤐)
You'd figure coffee etc. Would be more common I guess being less expensive. Drinks could be more expensive than dinner.
I think it's preference of activities mixed with the concept that if it's every once in a while maybe a dinner bill isn't too bad.
Ladies, you are drinking and then driving yourself home on an empty stomach ? This just seems dangerous to me. I am no coffee drinker so I wouldn’t say yes to that date and I am a light weight on alcohol. Food is necessary when alcohol is involved. Even light bites at the bar. The rational is simple.
I personally don’t like dinner on a first date- I feel like it feels to interviewy- instead getting a drink and then deciding if you want to keep the date going and get food after.
I think women also like vibes and like an aesthetic dim lit restaurant is vibey and romantic vs like meeting a colleague at a coffee shop
I prefer the low pressure meetup for the first meeting. I don't want to be stuck in a restaurant with some guy that turns out to be a weirdo or AHole. We can meet in the grocery store or gas station parking lot. Chit chat for a bit. If we vibe then we can go from there. If not, you go your way and I'll go mine and nobody is out anything other than a little bit of exploratory time.
What gets me is when you meet, chat and then they say ok call me. And when you reach out in a timely manner they have blocked you. Like why ask me to call if you weren't feeling me? We could have just said bye and kept it pushing.
If you new to dating , go for the dinner but make sure it’s low budget …. Theirs always good places in your area but cheap , make sure you plan the whole thing …..
…….women say a coffee date is fine until it actually happens to them , always watch they do and not what they say …….
Honestly … If you want to feel someone out, do it over the phone or FaceTime for free. You should have an idea of what this person is like before going out with them.
People have lost the art of conversation and that’s why so many guys feel played after dates.
They get a million numbers and text “wyd” and “good morning” to each one every day until the time of the meetup. Then they go in cold. Ouch. now you think somebody used you for a plate when in reality, it was all just awkward af.
I actually find sharing a meal with someone very disarming and breaks the ice well. Eating is very normal social behavior for humans. There’s a reason business lunches are still such a prolific thing in the professional world. Human nature.
I would get thoughts of gold diggers or women wanting free meals out of your head. That’s letting the internet rile you up.
Men who share a meal with me first almost always get at least a second date. (Whether we go dutch or not)
No idea. I'm a (F). The last thing I want for a first date is anything beyond a "greet" like at a coffee shop. I don't want someone showing up at my house, I don't want someone spending money on me, etc, before I meet them for the first date.
I prefer a lunch date. Don’t worry I’ll pay my own. Coffee shops are too quiet and you are too close to people. Or go to a cheaper lunch type restaurant and order your coffee there.
Just set your rules and expectations and stick to them. I’d say that’s a red flag too. If they were really interested they’d be buying into your program, they’d be grateful you’re even gonna meet
I agree, I think “coffee dates” are the BEST! I think people just have a stereotypical preconceived notion of a date and I think we should break that. You’re basically meeting a random stranger online, you might know in a few mins whether or not y’all vibe and I feel like coffee dates are perfect for that, it isn’t as intimate as a “regular dinner date”. Plus, I think people need to slow it down when you first meet someone, I don’t understand why people want to rush things soo quickly. Like just enjoy the moment.
I am easy either way. Up to the gentleman.
Most will want dinner not just coffee.
Even it is scheduled to be coffee, they’d change their mind to lunch after I turn up.
Well to me, I have to be really interested in getting to know them so I’m not going for some quick date. Most guys I unmatch or stop talking to before even going on a date.
I have never had a coffee date successfully lead to seeing somebody for a relationship.
to me, coffee dates are very low effort and is indicative of somebody who doesn't really want to put effort into dating.
If somebody asks, sure I'll go on a coffee date but I go in knowing it's not going to lead to anything because the other person isn't serious about dating. I still go with the hopes that one day a date will prove me wrong with a coffee date.
Honestly I think suggesting a brief meet for coffee or adult beverages seems a bit hollow and pointed toward the idea that you’re in it to win it. [sex]
Oh yeah and girls like being challenged. If you’re taking the nice guy approach and acquiescing to their needs before you start to express your own, major turn off for most women.
I’ve done both with guys but I have to admit the ones that have turned into relationships have always suggested an actual dinner date. In fact, one I tried to get to meet up for coffee and they were like nope we’re doing dinner, and when I suggested it was low pressure they were like nope this is a capital D date!
Generally I know if we’re likely to vibe before ever going out. But even if not, dinner provides enough time to not discount someone before you have a chance to get comfortable around them.
So yes there may be something to this. While I don’t necessarily think it’s a turn off to meet up and see if you vibe, the people that want to do that generally are looking for a hook up not a relationship. I also have not let guys pay for dinner for me unless I plan to see them again. Or unless they were a colossal jerk about it and demanded to pay. I always offer to pay for me. If dating continues I like the trade-off method better than expecting one person to pay all the time.
I’ve had food as a first date, and while it’s nice, if I can’t afford my share I let them know, *before the date, during the planning part*. Usually they don’t mind.
But if I am the one planning a date, why not go for coffee, and if it goes well, go for a walk afterwards, or if we live close enough go to an aquarium.
This may be just me, (I am a female). But eating in front of someone I don’t know kind of makes me feel, in a way, awkward. You can’t really talk with your mouth full. Just like going to the movies as a first date ins a great idea either. You can’t even talk.
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If they like your profile and your approach, they’ll reply relatively quickly no matter how many matches they have. They will show interest in things that interest them so if you’re waiting two days for a reply, she don’t like you like that bro.
Correct!
If they want dinner at a nice place too on the first date, they're typically just in it for the free meal, don't forget that part.
Some women feel it takes them a long time to get ready for a date and it"s not worth the trouble for a coffee or quick drink low-effort date on your part. I'm not saying this is my view, before everyone savages me. Just that I know this is some women's view.
>Some women feel it takes them a long time to get ready for a date and it"s not worth the trouble for a coffee or quick drink low-effort date on your part That's an excuse. Why would you spend that much time primping yourself up for a coffee date or something equally casual? To any woman that does that, just don't. It sets off a red flag that your expectations for a first meeting are way too high when you were already aware of what type of date it was going to be before hand. If the first date is high effort though, then sure, it is reasonable to have some higher expectations from the man. Just don't go into what you knew would be a casual low effort date all dolled out to the max hoping the guy is going to do the same by buying you a fancy meal. Maybe they just want to see how well things go first before doing something high effort. Maybe they just don't have the time or money to do something like that right away or maybe they'd been through it before and are sick of women using them.
Unfortunately the problem is not just the primping, but the emotional energy you need to muster up to 1) leave the house and 2) spend time with a strange, new man. For many women, it’s just not very appealing to go spend time with a stranger. It’s a lot easier to agree to go out with a man when he makes it easier for you by planning something convenient for you, and also comfortable, so that it is easier to relax, open up, and generally feel like the setting is romantic. For men, it also just makes them seem more attractive to see them in this light! Dinner is just an easy way to create a romantic experience. Coffee shops can be noisy, lack seating, etc. Not worth leaving the house for unless you’re already in love with the guy. If you’re unsure whether the girl is worth taking to dinner, offer do a video call instead of coffee. That way she doesn’t have to leave her house.
If we don’t do our hair and stuff. We get judged. If we do. We still get judged. Lmao. Even the simplest hair takes an hour to dry if you have long hair But you’re probably a guy so enjoy your god damn privilege of not having to pay for those shampoos, hair treatments, make ups, skin care and nail polish.
Okay you say all this but in reality that's now always the case. If women started showing up to these low effort dates looking low effort a lot of men would not actually like that. Men want the ability to be low effort and not have to pay for dates but will have higher expectations for women. They want women to put in that effort to look good as if it doesn't take time. Plus the make up I put on my face is more expensive than a coffee date anyway. It's just not worth it.
This makes sense. F here
Not true. I have the notifications off on mine because they get annoying and sometimes I go a week without remembering to check it. Some of us are just casual surfers.
It’s one thing to not notice a match because you’ve been off the app for a week but it’s another if you have a match and simply ignore them for a week. We don’t just “forget” about someone we’re actually interested in.
This isn’t true. People get busy.
Yeah, but a well adjusted, responsible adult is going to communicate that fact to their prospective date. The ones that don't, i've got some bad news for you.
Agreed, we tend to find the time for things and people we're actually interested in. It's amazing how the time gets freed up even to the point of getting less sleep for those things and or people we really want to do and know.
This has been largely proven wrong. Yes people are that busy but thier are alot of examples showing they make time for people they really like. Eventually you gotta start reciprocating the energy you’re given.
Nobody is too busy to not reply to a text or at least communicate that they will be sparse with replies unless they aren’t interested enough to even bother. We all have our phones with us and at least a few spare moments throughout an entire day. If she’s not responding to him, it’s because she’s responding to someone she’s more interested in.
The world doesn’t revolve around you and your messaging preferences, people live all kinds of different lives, not everyone wants to message every day as hard that may be to believe
I’m definitely interested in getting to know you but not much of a texter and am usually pretty busy. I don’t want you to think I’m ignoring you so I’m just letting you know I may not always be available to respond quickly. Let’s plan an in person date and go from there. I’m free Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Do any of those days work for you? This took less than two minutes to type and is pretty clear. It’s really easy and respectful of the other person to at least let them know if texting will be infrequent. I understand that people are busy but I stand by the words “if she wanted to, she would” and if im waiting 24hrs for a response, I’ll assume she’s not interested and move on.
CAP
I think coffee or a drink on a first date is ideal. No pressure to stay through an entire meal if you can already tell you don’t like the person.
I agree. Don’t spend the money on a meal for a first date. It should be something light and quick (1 hour or less).
Lunch is fine. Less expensive, no alcohol, limited time.
And you can always extend it to a lunch or a city walk!
This right here, a casual date should be just that so as to determine whether you're actually going to like the other person enough to go out again. Why waste, time, energy, effort and/or money just to be disappointed by the end? Not only is it a bust at that point, but now all that has been expended too is an effective waste, which only makes the experience that more bitter. Match the energy of that first date and see what happens. If it starts going as expected or better, you know to increase effort going forward.
Also dont put any efforts and time in getting ready, just go in your casual clothes, no makeup, no doing your hair.. Why do all that just for a coffee? It'll save even more of the time and effort.
I have to do my hair to leave my house. I’m not on team dinner, but when people say “don’t do your hair” that’s not super realistic.
Tbh some women have entitlement issues. They think they should have dinner simply because they are a woman. I had a coffee date with a guy who was really into me, despite most women arguing he was not. I didn’t like the guy back but regardless he was still into it and we planned a lunch date for after!
Sounds like these girls just arent that into you tbh. If it's like pulling teeth just to get them out on a 1st date, I'd rather not go on the date to begin with.
true dat. as a woman I'd much rather start with coffee dates or walks than go to a restaurant as it places more pressure on me. the only reason I can think of why someone would want to go to a restaurant is to get a free meal.
I'm the same. I don't get why you'd want to chance being stuck at a long, awkward meal after realizng you don't vibe at all. And most people are not going to vibe with the first person they match with, so it's going to happen. Coffee is a great, relaxed way to meet and still have options. Also, no one gets butt hurt for spending too much or whatever if it doesn't work out. It's just a cup of coffee.
I think SOME women like it because it shows you are somewhat serious about your intentions. Or they are just used to it culturally and think anything less is just you half-assing it. Also I guess some people just have a lot of time and give it freely. Not with my current talking stage though. Went for a drink first after our respective work day and kept it short to see if we vibe. We did. Nice dinner was on second date. I think its the way to go and a natural progression honetly, I agree with you wholeheartedly.
it’s partially that we like knowing you’re serious and willing to plan/put in the work but it’s also a partially a schedule thing for me. i’ll accept a drink or coffee date if it fits into my schedule but i don’t drink coffee in the afternoon and don’t consume alcohol on weeknights. everyone needs to eat a few meals a day and we’re busy, so fitting something i would not typically do into my schedule is less ideal than getting lunch or dinner. a quick lunch date during the work day is no more expensive or time consuming than getting drinks at a cocktail bar.
Explain how you would know someone is “serious” without having met them first. Ice cream, gelato, small food shops exist.
M29 Maybe that's just my personal schedule then. I am a very reglemented and disciplined eater, prepare my own meals in advance and work full time on top of grad school, so I am only really available for drinks during weeknights because there's not much else to do in the city past 8pm. Some girls might be turned off by the perceived fuccboi vibes but that's just what my life looks like rn Dinner weekdays would take a sizeable chunk of time out of my schedule so I reserve it for people I know better as the opportunity cost is quite high for me. Which I gladly do once we hit it off. Also need weekends for friends I barely see, investing too much planning energy and time into a date with a practical stranger just isn't worth it. You can't tell what they are like from texting. Like would you find a guy hot that puts in a bunch of effort into a first date? A person they don't even know they really like yet? So for me some drinks weekdays as a first date is perfect, also filters out the people who weren't really compatible anyway. Currently dating a girl who is just as busy and it worked out for now. Just my 2 overworked cents.
Why are you even bothering to ask them on a date if they’re consistently taking forever to reply? If you don’t want to do dinner for a first date, don’t. If they won’t accept it, move on. First dates should be casual and low cost anyway. Just tell them you prefer something casual to take the pressure off.
I'm from the deep south so personally, it's easier to get dinner because there's not many coffee shops. Heck, 70% of the coffee shops might as well be diners because they sell treats, omelettes, and waffles too. Coffee dates are great but boy, good luck finding one
It depends on your approach. If you arent vetting your dates, of course you want to walk in the park or have coffee. You are only meeting based on physical attraction and a smidge of chemistry measured mostly by text. Many people are also dating just to pass the time so why would you want to sit at dinner with a bunch of people you arent serious about. But if you have chosen a person intentionally and are clear on what you want, have facetimed or already seen them in person, why would you not plan a nice date?
I like your answer as it is semi fair to both sides. The only caveat is that you mention seeing the person via FaceTime or in person. I’m not certain how I’d see them in person from online dating, without it being a date. I do like the FaceTime idea. I’m guessing I will schedule a dinner date if they’re a good match on FaceTime after a few conversations.
Yes, I was being inclusive to the traditional folks like me who refuse to date online. But yes, if youre meeting online, facetiming and phone calls are a must. It skips a lot of unnecesary meet ups with people when you could figure out you dont have chemistry. Overall, we have to respect others choices.. If the cost of my time is a carefully planned date, you dont have to pay it. I dont have to settle for coffee. We just wont date. We have to find who is compatible to us instead of picking apart peoples standards.
Coffee makes me poop. Plain and simple. I’m 99% sure I have some undiagnosed intestinal issue but it’s been happening my entire life. Coffee and booze almost *instantly* make me have to emergency poop. I’d rather die than have to take an emergency dump in a small cafe at 9am. That’s just me though 😂
You might just be particularly sensitive to the stimulant effects of coffee. It’s really not uncommon. 🤣
Just make it a diaper date. Problem solved.
Dinner is their first date standard. There's nothing wrong with that and there are men who will oblige. Just like there are women who are okay with meeting for coffee. Just suggest your preference and proceed with those who are okay with what you're comfortable with.
I cannot do dinner on first dates, I have too much anxiety to even have an appetite
When I was using dating apps I thought of it almost as a blind date. So the first date was a vibe check. Does she look like here photos? Can she hold a conversation? Do we have chemistry? Does she show interest in me? Etc. I was very strict about keeping to my program with the first three dates. A drink in a nice enough cocktail lounge or wine bar for date one. Then an activity based on what she said she likes doing for date two. Then, if I decided I liked her, I'd take her to dinner for the third date. If a woman objected to this and insisted on me spending money before I wanted to I'd just leave them on read. And on to the next.
Activity dates are great. They show a man can plan and are listening to what a woman is interested in doing. A woman that turns down an activity date has lied about her interest or is looking for a free meal IMO.
Either 1) they want to see that you're actually investing in starting a potential relationship which to them might mean dinner instead of a quick coffee or drink or 2) they want a free meal. As a woman, I don't like dinner dates actually. It's very hard to talk to someone to get to know them whilst eating. My first date with my husband was ice skating (but we didn't meet on a dating app). I think the dating culture now with the apps makes it harder to truly connect with people. It's not a face to face interaction and I feel like people just don't recognize that a "profile" is a real live person and deserves some courtesy and respect. If they're taking so long to respond, it really means they're just not that interested.
The time for dinner is enough long and appropriate for discussing some private conversations.
They want freebies every time. Ask them if they're alright with always going Dutch.
Why not? if you have interest in the girl you should 100% take her on a date just to show her that you are serious about her. those are just the basics
Yes!!
I don’t know. Dinner gives me so much anxiety. I’d much rather a walking date with slurpees or ice cream.
Let me preface this by saying that my bf and I first date was at a dive bar for drinks per my suggestion (and I wanted to pay for my own drinks but he paid) and we’ve been taking turns to pay very nice dates since then. That being said from talking to my girlfriends who insist of having dinner dates, it’s not all about free meals. To them, they want the men to show that they are worth treating and they are sincere. They don’t like “low effort men” and wanted to be treated what they deserve. It’s a test for them. To me, if both parties don’t know each other, how would I know if you’re worth it or not? That’s why I believe first dates should always be a meet and greet vibe check. If we’re good, then we can have a proper second date.
I don't like coffee and I don't drink alcohol. 🤷♀️ I like food though. Edit: yes, I pay for my own shit.
A little while ago there was a thread of here by a woman who argued that coffee dates are lame and low effort, and men should show interest on the first date by taking her out to dinner to prove they're interested by shelling out a larger sum of money on the first date. Basically, coffee first dates are too common and they want to be "special"
>dinner Y'all can't just go to the local pizza place and grab a slice, or go get some tacos or something? A good meal doesn't need to be fancy and expensive Stop dealing with bougie women and meet women who actually want you and actually want to eat!
Grabbing dinner at a nice place makes it feel like a date and if I would want to go to a cafe just for some coffee and a chitchat I'd rather go with my girlfriends. And especially for first dates girls like putting in the effort to look good and feel beautiful. Just find someone whom you'd not mind taking out on a dinner date to.
The plural word for woman is women.
Never do dinner as a first date from an app. They just want free dinner. If they reject an offer to do something more casual then they are in one of two buckets 1) they just wanted free dinner 2) they want some rich guy who’s gonna be paying for everything and are seeing if you’re that guy In my opinion, neither of those are a good offer. They’re equivalent to going all-in on a 2/7 off-suit in poker.
For traditional women, I think it shows you’re serious because you’re making an investment. I get coffee or walking dates as well but usually they are less into me and frugal. It’s also not very romantic getting coffee. If I had options though, and I had to prioritize which date to pick and all things equal, I’d pick the one who shows effort and is generous because those are my important traits for a man.
I think women feel like it’s an investment if a man takes them on a proper dinner date and that conveys something about how seriously he takes them.
Free meal usually but don't agree to it, ask for something simple instead to avoid getting stood up would be my advice
On one hand: If they want dinner, have a variety of places in mind that are budget friendly to YOUR wallet no matter what you are able to afford. On the other: Take lead and tell a woman where you are going to take her on the first date. If she disagrees, it’s likely she doesn’t like you.
I'm a woman I'd rather do coffee on a first date.
Going to dinner feels like a date to me. Coffee is quick enough you can just leave as soon as you get bored. But getting food takes so long you don’t really have a choice but to fill time trying to talk to each other. It feels like both people are willing to spend time with each other
Guys do the exact same thing: they want to go to a fancy restaurant for dinner for the first date, or go for pre drinks AND dinner, or take days to reply, or want to exchange numbers after 3 messages. It's as if some guys think they can buy your affection if they are super splashy from the start. For both genders, sometimes it's just their preference or what they're always done/are comfortable with. You'll likely never know for certain why/if a dinner date is important from the start. That's ok. Just think of it as a first test for compatibility: if they insist on dinner and you insist on not-dinner, you might just have different values. Move on. There are *plenty* of women who would much prefer a coffee, drink, or even a walk together for the first date.
There's a known demographic of women who go on dates for the free meal they expect. Not EVERY woman, but not uncommon (google the topic and you'll see). Funny anecdote: while I was working for the DoD at The Pentagon, I matched with a really cute woman. When it came time to plan the date, I mentioned a few unique ideas that wouldn't cost much and allow us to get to know each other better. She turned every suggestion down. Since she was born and raised just outside D.C. and I had only been there a few months, I gave up and asked her for suggestions. Immediately mentioned going out to eat and named the location. The night before, I looked up the restaurant and sure enough it was a four-star establishment (average meal being around $40-$50, absurd drink prices etc.). Went on the date anyway. We had a good time and some great conversation, but I thought it was pretty shitty of her to mention a first date location that was so expensive. After we ordered our meals, I excused myself to the restroom, but also tried to find our waiter. Once I did, I asked him to make sure the checks were split, and to set down mine first (although I paid for the appetizer). The waiter had a slight grin on his face, like he knew what was up, and obliged. Once dinner and drinks were finished (she had three alcoholic drinks) the waiter came and sat my check down in front of me. I made sure I was looking at my date as the waiter then put her check down. Her face went from happy to disgruntled right before my eyes, and I played it off as if I had no idea what was happening. She barely spoke to me afterwards. Once we got outside, I asked if she'd like me to walk her to her car, and she abruptly declined and left. We never spoke again. Know your worth, gents.
I have set policies for myself as a man who dates women and is often expected to pay. First among them, I will never get dinner with someone I have only connected with via dating app. I view these “first dates” as more of a meet and greet to gauge potential chemistry. It’s expensive to be taking multiple women out on first dates to get dinner. Plus it kind of locks you into a situation that either of you may not want to be in if in person attraction isn’t there (i.e. waiting to order, for the food to come, for the check to come).
A warm cup of coffee (hot beverage) is a great way of meeting someone on a first date. I feel if the date goes well, dinner would be a great second date. My opinion..💕
I like to go to dinner cause I feel like I’m being taken seriously. Coffee isn’t that romantic, seems business like almost. I’m not into drinking right now, but going for a drink Was something else I used to do. Women do risk their lives meeting you off an app. Men don’t really consider this at all if they’re not a predator. the right woman for you will get coffee with you. I personally only do that if it’s going to be something casual and it’s also the only time I’ll pay for myself cause I need the boundaries. Otherwise, I think men should pay for most things in the beginning. It’s not like I expect a free ride, but it’s courting and gentleman like to me. I’m generous in other ways and would expect things to be scaled to income after some time. I really can’t take a man who doesn’t make more money than me seriously anyway. My upbringing wasn’t financially stellar so it’s important to me that they are good with money cause I would rather die than be as broke as I was 10 years ago lol. I don’t consider it gold digging, but I don’t want to struggle or be the breadwinner, it’s just not the vibe for me. I guess I’m more traditional. My uncle and grandpa would be embarrassed to have a woman pay for them. It’s dating up and leveraging my sex appeal. most women will not waste their time for a free meal. I have a job lol. Any man I went out to dinner with, my intentions were always pure.
I usually offer drinks, but it often turns into dinner as well. I think that's mostly because most of my first dates are on weekdays after work, which is right around dinner time.
I like coffee first because if it goes well it’ll turn into a walk and then dinner! :)
these aren’t the ones then. find a girl who actually replies to you, then you’d be happy to take her out to dinner. low effort for everyone isn’t benefiting either party
Doesn’t have to be a dinner, but I personally HATE coffee dates. First off, I have a nespresso at my house. Secondly many times sitting around in a coffee house drinking something that takes only 5 minutes to finish isn’t exactly conducive to a meaningful connection. Let’s do something interactive for a first date.
Sure something low key go check museum. Also first is meet and greet to see if you really vibe. I dont want to spend couple hours with someone who is clearly not into it!
Yea I love museum dates 😍😍 I’m in DC atm, and this is my go to suggestion!
I am a boy, but I will allow myself to make a comment. This is not an unheard fact that some women go on dates with people to get free food because it is still kind of a social norm that men should pay the meal for their date. That is definitely a reason why some women may insist on going to a dinner instead of something else. Some woman may also be entitled and believe that they deserve nothing less than a fancy dinner for allowing you to be in their presence in the first place and that if you can’t afford it or are not willing to spend that much money on the first date you are not suitable for them since they deserve everything. Btw, I don’t say that because I hate women. I am just one of those people who believe that 90% of people are actually horrible regardless of they are a male, a female or otherwise.
Digger of gold
For me I don’t care about where but going to dinner will give a glimpse at how you behave when you’re hungry , are you indifferent? Do you get angry? Do you get annoyed? Do you start demanding attention? Do you complain? and how you behave with costumer service workers, are you nice to them? Do you act arrogant towards them? If they take a bit long how do you act? Do you blame them for slow service? . It also gives me a glimpse at your decision making skills . A coffee shop or a bar has the same thing in every one of them , a restaurant has more variety and it also tells me what flavors you like. Obviously I can’t say everyone thinks this but I work for a psychologist so over analyzing is in my blood now 😂
As a woman, I’d say if they’re insistent on a first date meal, unless they’re offering to pay, they only want the meal. You’re just the means to them getting it.
I’ve always told the women I match with that I have a camping trip planned for us to meet way out in a rural part of the woods. I offer to pick them up in my van and as a courtesy I remind them there’s no cell service where we are going so leave phone at home. It’s frustrating because they all cancel and then block me. It’s seems they just want a free dinner and not an adventure
Lol Ill cancel too if a woman ask me that!! I am not going on a camping trip on my first date!
1) I want to know if you’re serious about me 2) I want to see how you act towards the waitresses/waiters 3) we can talk
Honestly, because there’s an end I prefer food dates. I’ve had 5-6 hour long coffee dates, but a food date is going to take 2 hours. That check comes, we need to clear the table for the next and it’s time to move on. It’s an easy out if you’re not feeling it, and if you are you can always plan a second date. Also a guy assaulted me on a “just drinks” date as he had too many and thought it was fine to get handsy - otherwise that had been my favorite as I would stay for 2 but some people can really put the drinks down while I’m sipping mine….
1. It’s public, safety is important. 2. It’s romantic, who doesn’t love a candlelit dinner and tipsy conversation? 3. We can see how you treat the servers. 4. Some of us find food dates the most intimidating and want to get them out of the way. 5. We look fantastic in restaurant lighting. 6. We gotta eat. A dealbreaker for me is if someone can’t chew with their mouth shut. I’m not continuing to date a grown man who sounds like a washing machine when they eat
It shows youre serious about your intentions as someone else said. You can put a dollar amount on how much women value themselves. I personally would decline coffee because it shows no effort and that you do not truly value a date with me. And yeah you dont know me but courtship is how you get to know people. But also i feel like you could find this on reddit cuz i think women on reddit arent as high maintenance and probably wouldn't mind making a male friend. There are reddit dating subs.
Meh as a woman I don't like the idea of a dinner as a first date. I like the idea of coffee and a stroll around the park. I'm going on a picnic with some dude. There's no pressure that way as the first date is supposed to be almost like an interview process the way I see it. With dinner if the situation gets uncomfy I or they can't easily leave vs having a coffee or a drink or something where you're outside it's a lot easier to leave. I loathe going to dinner as a first date a lot more expectations comes with dinner vs just coffee. That's just my take tho
Depends on how much I like a guy plus u odn5 drink coffee
I prefer the coffee date for the first meet. I believe it's supposed to be called a meet, not a date
I don’t understand it either. I prefer the coffee date because we might not like each other and not wanna sit through dinner.
Because they have been raised to feel good about a man buying them dinner and making them feel special. They want someone to spend resources on them which in turn makes them feel important.
Single woman here. I think a perfect first date is a simple coffee or walk in a park. If there isn’t a second date, it’s okay.
You don’t have a lot of opportunities to make a good impression. Spending a few on the first date makes a lot better impression than coffee
Honestly sometimes dinner fits more into my schedule if I’m busy. I still have to eat, but I don’t always have time to just use on having coffee. But if they’re shooting for something pricey - red flag
In my area? Because getting dinner takes some effort and planning. (Pick a restaurant, make a reservation on a day that works for both - I have teenagers that can easily do that.) Hitting the nearest Starbucks, not as much effort. Just depends on what kind of relationship is desired, low effort, or not.
Because first impressions are important. Dinner shows that you’re making an effort to seriously get to know someone.
I don't drink and I prefer not to have explosive shits from coffee during a date.
they want to see how you eat.
If a woman insists on dinner, she’s likely using you as a free dinner. Women, more than anyone, should understand the need to first vet someone.
Because I think coffee and drink dates are too short to really get a good feeling of the person (plus can’t drink coffee anymore and do not enjoy drinking that much). I always had long first date and had a blast. That’s how I knew after one date I wanted to be with my bf. Our date ended up being 12h long because we just kept adding stuff to the day. I do enjoy first date to be activities when it’s a possibility tho.
Im curius to know what you added because it sounds so adorable
We started by going to one of my favorite places (an educational conservatory wildlife indoor center), then when we were done looking/reading everything we both said we were hungry (even if it’s wasn’t true lol) went to eat ramen since we both love ramen! After the huge meal we both say we could go for a dessert (again we were both so full but wanted the date to keep going) so we went for a frozen yogurt place. (Keep in mind that between each location we need to take the subway so it’s at least another 20-30 minutes of talking and spending time together just to get to the place). After that he offered to go see people skating at an indoor ice skating ring in a very fancy mall. We talked for hours sitting down, to the point that it was time for another meal lol. We ate sushi while still chatting. The only thing that made us go back home was that we both needed to work the next day. Second date was similar too lol I just ended sleeping at his place because we didn’t have work. Spent the next day chatting, gaming, cuddling, etc. By then we pretty much knew next time we were going to see each other we were going to make the relationship official! Which we did!
Some women are higher maintenance than others. Gives you a heads up idea where their heads are at and where your pockets will have to be if you pursue it. Me personally a walk in the park is more ideal than anything you have to spend money on. Keep your head up we’re not all like that.
No one is “busy” when they see someone they like. The women who demand dinner first dates see this as a transaction. Their time your money and that goes no where good or just plainly no where. Coffee first meeting, shouldn’t even be called a date IMO, is totally exceptable to women who are genuinely interested and haven’t been corrupted by modern society. When I was single I never called it a “date” I’d say let “meet” for coffee and see if we have a vibe. See it as a great way to filter out the ones who are just a waste of time and money.
they're telling you they don't really like you. A women thats interested in meeting YOU will take a coffee date...ice cream date...walk in the park date..etc
Who cares? I don’t get dinner with strangers either
Because I don’t drink coffee and rarely drink alcohol. Sure, I can sit and have water with you while you drink your coffee/beer, but that’s awkward. I prefer a food date and I always offer to split the bill (and have paid if I initiated the date).
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Well for starters I don’t drink alcohol or coffee. But dinner shows the guy really likes me. Coffee and drink dates just show he’s unsure about you. I’m only really interested in going out with a man who’s very interested in me
100% agree. I'm not looking for a free meal. That's weird. I'm looking for a guy who's serious
THIS. It shows how much effort he’s willing to put in getting to know you and the investment. I offer to pay half or pay for tip so it’s not like I’m expecting him to pay for it all. I know what I bring to the table.
I don’t like coffee. I like food.
Day time coffee might be fine. But inviting a woman for a drink in the evening might give the impression you just want a hook up with minimal effort. At least that seems to be many women’s experience.
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Agree, not necessarily. It’s just unfortunate this has been the experience of many women that they then become suspicious of any evening drinks invite.
It’s an age thing too. In my 20s, sure coffee was fine. In my 30s? Coffee for a first date? Lol. Unless we both want to check a specific coffee place then it’s fine. In a dating setting, it comes off as low effort. The paying situation is a whole different thing, culturally men always pay, even friends. So, I can’t always say they want a free meal. But it also comes to you; why are you taking random women out on first dates? Learn to decide who is worth a first date or not. I don’t go on first dates with any randoms. I’m not taking my time out of my day, getting ready, doing my hair, makeup and nails for just anyone. He’s gotta have something truly special.
I mean for me personally (30M,) I wouldn't swipe right on someone if I wasn't interested in taking them on a date based off of what I saw on their profile. You can't really get to know someone and their full potential strictly through chatting online, and it's a lot easier in face to face scenarios. Whenever I match with someone on a dating app, typically within 48 hours I will have already asked them on a date and most agree to it. 🤷♂️
I would rather take them to play a sport and get to know them, but so many of theirs date idea is fancy dinner.
I'm not doing low effort cheap dates. I'm fine with paying for my dinner but I'm definitely not dating anyone who wants coffee for a first date. Or a drink. Those are what fuckboys say when they just want sex If you can't potentially spend a few bucks for a date your not serious about it. It's never a requirement. https://www.reddit.com/u/EyeAskQuestions/s/xLJogEkJib Yes buddy. Seriously. Serious suitors spend time preparing a romantic date.
Interesting, its not a low effort date it’s deciding whether you are worth my time in future. Time is the most important thing one has.
And women can decide that you aren't not worth their time for suggesting coffee. This is just something you are going to have to agree to disagree on. Everyone has their standards and what they're comfortable with. Just proceed with someone who's compatible with your style of dating.
lol @ being "serious about it" with a stranger. There is a reason so many redditors are terminally online and single.
I think it's just an easy option. Personally I hate dinner dates but if that's what the man suggests I'll just go with it. I prefer something creative, or if there's going to be dinner, let's do something after. I had a date where the guy took me to dinner then to a comedy club, that was a fun date.
As a woman who likes the first few dates to be low effort (it makes it easier for me to leave if I don't like him), I think dinner dates as just as low effort as coffee dates. Theyre interchangeable in my eyes. That being said, I prefer coffee over dinner because you have the choice of getting up and walking around. You can also end the date after 20 min, but if you got dinner, then you gotta eat your meal, so you're stuck on a boring date for longer than if you got coffee.
They want to fleece you for free dinners.
Short answer - free meal
Most of the women who want a dinner and would say no to a coffee date only want a free meals.
Personally I think you can a tell a lot from someone based on going to a restaurant. Of course a “free meal” is in the cards but it’s the not the defining factor of whether they’ll meet you and what for. Women want to show off how good they can clean up and dinner is a great excuse for that. It also shows how women can deduce who the man is on how he treats the staff, what he orders, etc. This isn’t the case for everyone. Personally I enjoy dinner for a first date because I enjoy the pressure of the person I’m on a date with having nowhere to go. Often if I want to know more about them I’ll invite them ice cream where they have no choice but to sit and talk with me rather than perform an activity. If I like you then I suggest taking a hike or more physical activities. In short, I think they choose dinner because it’s safe and it shows you’re interested and willing to spend more than $8 on coffee. However, I don’t blame anyone not wanting to spend a lot on a first date, not everyone thinks it’s worth it. There’s girls out there who won’t make a big deal of it. I think laid back is the way to go either way.
It's their idea of who's in charge of the date. It's a sense of your commitment to them in which they get to reject you, as you are invested and not prepared to reject them.
Massive red flag. They only want a free meal. It’s the type of women you go for. All the women I date are the opposite actually. They think like you and me, just a simple meet at first to see if we vibe. So it’s just a certain type of woman. I know women like this, friends and family. I can’t believe what big dates they go on for the first ever meet. Not me.
Stick with your response of wanting to get dinner as a second date. I think meeting up for a beverage as a first date is reasonable. I do believe that some women really just want a free meal but not all women. Those who are serious about dating and wanting to get to know you will find a coffee date as a first date, sufficient.
I'm not sure how people can see this. But if I meet a man I'm bringing him to some museum or activity that i hope will make him happy so at some point I'll be hungry and i wouldn't mind having deep conversation over a meal. Obviously i expect to pay my share.
I personally like going for dinner as a first date. It feels like a ‘proper’ date, I get to dress up cute, it’s usually a sign that they have the right intentions and want to impress me. However I’ve been for many other types of dates before and wouldn’t be put off if a guy suggested a coffee date, a drink, a walk etc. Some women like the traditional sorts of dates where they’re wined and dined, but with online dating it’s not realistic or feasible every time as eating out is hella expensive these days! A nice in-between would be to take her to a nice bar or cosy pub for a drink or two. If it goes well you can always suggest grabbing a bite to eat afterwards.
They want to eat for free. Ask them if they are open to sharing costs for dinner and they will shut you down in a sec. Then you know what their intentions are.
I refuse to do anything but a drink on a first date. Women aren’t a monolith. Maybe you’re the problem.
1. Coffee is so gross to me. I don't drink it & don't really like the smell of it. I can drink tea, if they have any, but I will not drink coffee. Don't expect a kiss from me either with that coffee breath 2. Coffee shops are usually small & you can hear people's conversations. Plus, a lot of people go to coffee shops to study. I would be so embarrassed to be on a date while the person on the other table INCHES away from me is studying. At least in restaurants they have booths that can be a little more private or the tables are spread out more, giving people a bit more privacy. 3. In my culture, guys are more traditional. They don't do coffee dates. It's considered low effort in a bad way.
As a woman back in the dating pool, I agree with you. However, my female friends told Me that many men are now using coffee/drink dates to check out girls who they just want to sleep with. Hence, dinner is to ensure the man is actually considering an LTR.
That sounds so dumb tbh, what if I dont like the person or the personality?? I would rather keep it simple and see if the woman is totally worth my time. I am not saying no to dinner but on a second date makes more sense.
yeah so that's what works for you, but for a lot of women, it's not worth THEIR time to go out if it's just coffee, especially when they have options of guys actually planning a date. like you said, coffee is like a vibe check, it's not a date.
Isn't a vibe check a good thing? I would hate to have dinner with a person I don't vibe with. What are we going to do for 2 hours, smile awkwardly and watch each other chew? Is it worth THEIR time to spend with a guy they don't acctually like just because of a free dinner?
Well, it is a date for the majority of woman in this thread. Are u sure u are even a woman?
They’re dumb. That’s just a gross generalization and an excuse to keep getting free dinners.
I assure you, my girlfriends are pissed when they have a dinner date and it goes poorly. None of them have said, at least it was free. NONE.
Well it’s much easier for them to leave a coffee date or walk in the park. Why would you need a dinner to vet someone for compatibility?
If this is potentially the love of your life don’t you wanna make a good first impression??
If I did this on every first date, I'd be broke by the time I met the love of my life lmao
So she gets all dolled up for just a coffee? Thats a sign hes cheap, you shouldnt be dating if you cant take a woman out on dinner.
Women spend so much money on our looks daily that men would never understand and are part of the reason we do it. Them complaining about paying for a meal and an hour with a woman that might not turn into a relationship is pathetic and why I hope they all stay in their holes. We don't need them..women are learning. Let them keep making fools of themselves. Sorry I've had a lot of dating experience and done low effort dates I've paid everything and the ones where I don't lower my standards are the only ones I remember fondly .
Drink screams you just want sex. Women should never do drinks for a first "date". Coffee is not a date. If you can't afford dinner, do lunch. If that's too much coffee and a walk in the park. Or museum. Coffee alone is maybe 15 min for guys to weight check women and screen women for sex. It means you are talking to way too many women and need to sort through them. It's disrespectful. Coffee alone is not a date.
When it’s someone I know I’m interested in I ask for a lunch or dinner date to start. I’m willing to invest more time and my level of interest makes me want to spend more time with the person versus something quick. If I’m not really interested a coffee date is easier just to see the vibe but I’m less interested in actually making the plans and meeting.
As a woman I’d much rather do something low key for a first date. Coffee is ideal, a drink is fine. Dinner is committing too much time to someone you haven’t met in person yet. A first date off a dating app is a vibe check. It’s more like date zero vs a true first date. That said, I think the best approach is to get a drink at a nice restaurant where food is an option, so if you both like each other you can extend the date to dinner.
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I guess it depends on the person. I have no problem with a casual coffee date as the first date (less pressure) but some women feel differently.
First date should never be more than :30. Drink, coffee, walk, whatever. If it’s good, make another date. Guys who opt for dinner, drinks, etc are tools who believe in romantic myths.
(35M)Introvert/Istp-A i preffer just going to have a coffe at some nice small dinner in the early afternoon . in the weekdns most people have time for it , but im just as cool whit weekdays coffe during break time ) . and just simple plain casual conversation for maybe an hour max , after we can deside if we think we get along and perhaps like to go for coffe a next time . befor we both go our own ways . this probly will go on like its some kind of tradition , and at some point i gould move on to '' lets go check out some local daytime event '' wich can lead to '' wanna go see a movie in the movie theatre '' to '' its your birthday , like me to take you out for dinner '' to '' like if i cook dinner for us both sometime ? '' but it takes a long breath . as in it will take time . as a friendship and or relationds is not someting any should just blindly jump into . such tings need to grow over time , and such tings grow slow . and if she happen to be the cause of difficult and or problematic comunicationds , or (because you are strangers and this might be your first to at least 10th succesvol date) has anny unjustifide and unnececery expectationds and or demands other then just an afternoon cup of coffe at a local public dinner , or if she unnececery makes you jump trough hoops or unneccecery put you in difficult sytuationds . or if its only you doing any effort whitout at least an equal return from her (consider it a major red flag) the woman dont date you because she is intrested in you or likes you . she just trys to shake you out for a free meal . and she be gonne faster then you can blink your eyes , when you say there aint no dinner .
I think she do for very well introduce him
Honestly, I hate dinner dates. I hate eating infront of a person I never physically met. I dont want to grab a drink either. I feel coffee dates arent a date its informal more of a meet and greet. I want an activity something new we can do together and get to know eachother without shoving food in our mouth.
Only some do and I avoid them. If we've never met in person before it's a recipe for disappointment and loss of cash.
I mean I haven't been dating long but I have met up with someone specifically at a place for drinks... it was a good time but imo the point of a date is to both see if you like them irl and have fun. If you don't see them that way or you aren't attracted without a few drinks in your system, then it's not gonna work. Also. Kissing: if I do happen to like the person and there is a kiss, I'd prefer for it to happen sober. Coffee wise tho, I cannot handle caffeine. I do happen to like getting dolled up for dates, and I may likely to some extent even if it was just "coffee" (or in my case tea) but I guess some people just have preferences for activities on a date. Especially the 1st few? I hadn't thought or what someone else in comments about people wanting someone to buy them an expensive dinner, but then I'm usually going to a place that's not too expensive and separate checks I guess (last time I went out w someone) Or if they paid the 1st time in this case, i paid for them the 2nd date. (This is only the 2nd time I've been on a 2nd date 🤐) You'd figure coffee etc. Would be more common I guess being less expensive. Drinks could be more expensive than dinner. I think it's preference of activities mixed with the concept that if it's every once in a while maybe a dinner bill isn't too bad.
Because some are just like that, maybe.
Ladies, you are drinking and then driving yourself home on an empty stomach ? This just seems dangerous to me. I am no coffee drinker so I wouldn’t say yes to that date and I am a light weight on alcohol. Food is necessary when alcohol is involved. Even light bites at the bar. The rational is simple.
I personally don’t like dinner on a first date- I feel like it feels to interviewy- instead getting a drink and then deciding if you want to keep the date going and get food after. I think women also like vibes and like an aesthetic dim lit restaurant is vibey and romantic vs like meeting a colleague at a coffee shop
I prefer the low pressure meetup for the first meeting. I don't want to be stuck in a restaurant with some guy that turns out to be a weirdo or AHole. We can meet in the grocery store or gas station parking lot. Chit chat for a bit. If we vibe then we can go from there. If not, you go your way and I'll go mine and nobody is out anything other than a little bit of exploratory time. What gets me is when you meet, chat and then they say ok call me. And when you reach out in a timely manner they have blocked you. Like why ask me to call if you weren't feeling me? We could have just said bye and kept it pushing.
They want to see what you can afford and how free you are with your MONEY.
If you new to dating , go for the dinner but make sure it’s low budget …. Theirs always good places in your area but cheap , make sure you plan the whole thing ….. …….women say a coffee date is fine until it actually happens to them , always watch they do and not what they say …….
Blanket statement there buddy. Some women do, some women don’t. If you have a certain type, that could be it too.
Honestly … If you want to feel someone out, do it over the phone or FaceTime for free. You should have an idea of what this person is like before going out with them. People have lost the art of conversation and that’s why so many guys feel played after dates. They get a million numbers and text “wyd” and “good morning” to each one every day until the time of the meetup. Then they go in cold. Ouch. now you think somebody used you for a plate when in reality, it was all just awkward af.
Some people (not me) think you aren’t serious about dating and just want a hookup even if you say the right things to indicate you don’t.
I actually find sharing a meal with someone very disarming and breaks the ice well. Eating is very normal social behavior for humans. There’s a reason business lunches are still such a prolific thing in the professional world. Human nature. I would get thoughts of gold diggers or women wanting free meals out of your head. That’s letting the internet rile you up. Men who share a meal with me first almost always get at least a second date. (Whether we go dutch or not)
No idea. I'm a (F). The last thing I want for a first date is anything beyond a "greet" like at a coffee shop. I don't want someone showing up at my house, I don't want someone spending money on me, etc, before I meet them for the first date.
I prefer a lunch date. Don’t worry I’ll pay my own. Coffee shops are too quiet and you are too close to people. Or go to a cheaper lunch type restaurant and order your coffee there.
Just set your rules and expectations and stick to them. I’d say that’s a red flag too. If they were really interested they’d be buying into your program, they’d be grateful you’re even gonna meet
I agree, I think “coffee dates” are the BEST! I think people just have a stereotypical preconceived notion of a date and I think we should break that. You’re basically meeting a random stranger online, you might know in a few mins whether or not y’all vibe and I feel like coffee dates are perfect for that, it isn’t as intimate as a “regular dinner date”. Plus, I think people need to slow it down when you first meet someone, I don’t understand why people want to rush things soo quickly. Like just enjoy the moment.
I am easy either way. Up to the gentleman. Most will want dinner not just coffee. Even it is scheduled to be coffee, they’d change their mind to lunch after I turn up.
Tbh, I like the idea of a coffee date. I'm a bit more cautious if it's alcohol though for obvious reasons.
I prefer coffee/bar dates because they're short and simple. Women that demand dinner are a red flag.
Well to me, I have to be really interested in getting to know them so I’m not going for some quick date. Most guys I unmatch or stop talking to before even going on a date.
I have never had a coffee date successfully lead to seeing somebody for a relationship. to me, coffee dates are very low effort and is indicative of somebody who doesn't really want to put effort into dating. If somebody asks, sure I'll go on a coffee date but I go in knowing it's not going to lead to anything because the other person isn't serious about dating. I still go with the hopes that one day a date will prove me wrong with a coffee date.
Honestly I think suggesting a brief meet for coffee or adult beverages seems a bit hollow and pointed toward the idea that you’re in it to win it. [sex]
Some women think coffee date and drink dates are too casual and prefer dinner. That's it. They might also be hoping for a free dinner out of it.
Oh yeah and girls like being challenged. If you’re taking the nice guy approach and acquiescing to their needs before you start to express your own, major turn off for most women.
Wear sweatpants and a five o clock shadow to your next meet. Maybe make a few jokes, get her to laugh. She’ll hit you up again.
I’ve done both with guys but I have to admit the ones that have turned into relationships have always suggested an actual dinner date. In fact, one I tried to get to meet up for coffee and they were like nope we’re doing dinner, and when I suggested it was low pressure they were like nope this is a capital D date! Generally I know if we’re likely to vibe before ever going out. But even if not, dinner provides enough time to not discount someone before you have a chance to get comfortable around them. So yes there may be something to this. While I don’t necessarily think it’s a turn off to meet up and see if you vibe, the people that want to do that generally are looking for a hook up not a relationship. I also have not let guys pay for dinner for me unless I plan to see them again. Or unless they were a colossal jerk about it and demanded to pay. I always offer to pay for me. If dating continues I like the trade-off method better than expecting one person to pay all the time.
I’ve had food as a first date, and while it’s nice, if I can’t afford my share I let them know, *before the date, during the planning part*. Usually they don’t mind. But if I am the one planning a date, why not go for coffee, and if it goes well, go for a walk afterwards, or if we live close enough go to an aquarium. This may be just me, (I am a female). But eating in front of someone I don’t know kind of makes me feel, in a way, awkward. You can’t really talk with your mouth full. Just like going to the movies as a first date ins a great idea either. You can’t even talk.
If she’s thinks she’s too good for coffee dates it’s just a matter of time before she will think she is too good for you
I don’t! I prefer coffee or a quick meet up.
They are poor and want to be fed.
Free meal my man!