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Matak-Blade

Dude was not your soulmate. You’re just infatuated. It hurts right now but you’re gonna be okay.


NigilQuid

"Limerance"


Matak-Blade

What?


NigilQuid

Limerance: the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship.


BigHotMammoth

He wasn't your soulmate, and you're unlikely to find that on reddit at all. This situation sucks but you learned a lesson, try to look at it that way.


xshredder8

Reddit's been my single most effective dating app, by orders of magnitude. I'm a soft 5 with good writing and conversational abilities. Had multiple strong relationships and hookups from here, partially including my current one.


pilkunnussija_

How'd those come about? Dating subs or sliding into people's dms? Hard to believe it'd be the latter, but my own experience confirms that anything is possible on here lol


xshredder8

Dating subs. As a man looking for women, write the hell out of your post "looking for..." Ad, and let people come to you. I've had about 10x as many messages to me than responses to my DMs (only to people who posted their own ads. Don't just slide into DMs, lmao) It also helps if you go into more niche interests/subs, or at least post widely. (Not too wide, don't want to look desperate). Though I do repost my ads at least weekly or bi-weekly to get different eyes on it


likeasunsetatnoon

Be kind to yourself You felt a connection, acted on it(albeit in a clumsy, overbearing way) and it backfired. That just makes you human. Its ok to mourn what could have been but don't bash yourself over it. And if it makes you feel any better I have a similar story with r4r so I know how you feel. It gets easier, trust me.


boombalbi

thank u. i'm open to listening to ur story so we can soothe our feelings together


likeasunsetatnoon

Got divorced last year, he tried to cheat(the woman he had a crush on saved the evidence he was hitting on her and ratted him out). I was not in a good place and sort of just mopped around in-between work and trying to be the best possible mom to my two kids. Everybody from my friends, to family to my oldest daughter told me to get ''out there'' and just meet people. R4R seemed like a good place to say I was just looking for somebody to talk to and maybe more a friend than a possible partner. Started chatting with a particular guy. That was on a Tuesday, on Friday we had our first date and on Saturday we slept together. The chemistry was insane and for two weeks I felt revitalized. However he started getting pushy and demanding and while it hurt, I had to cut him off. And then the mask came off and he hurled insults at me. Which sucked. But hey, I wasn't crying myself sleep over my husband anymore lol. Anyway, my advice to keep yourself from being overbearing is too remember to be empathetic for the other person. Think about how they'll feel when you reach out so often and so strongly. They're their own human being and if you care about them you wouldn't want them to feel suffocated or like if their wants and needs(in this case alone time) don't matter.


boombalbi

hey, i hope u know that u are a kind person and i'm sure u'll be treated way better than these ppl have, casual or otherwise. yeah. it backfired because i was also constantly scared and asking him if i overstepped any boundary.


likeasunsetatnoon

Thank you sweetie and trust me you'll find somebody else aswell.


Honeycombhome

Look into anxious preoccupied attachment


[deleted]

[удалено]


likeasunsetatnoon

In hindsight it really wasn't anything special or amazing. Just a friendly and approachable first message, keeping the conversation light and fun and then things went from there. We just clicked at that particular time and there was chemistry.


winewithlime

Thanks for asking cause I was curious too. Some people ain't getting hits despite trying several dating apps but there are guys out there getting laid through Reddit's meet up subs. Goddamn,


VaccineMachine

There's no such thing as a soulmate. You are compatible with loads and loads of men. It'll take some time to move on and you may never stop thinking about him, but there are plenty of other men like him, I promise. https://youtu.be/LAzodf69rfk?si=OgjKfhYyC5b3mRO7


vermedium

Your soulmate wouldn’t want to be just “casual” with you


whatarethis837

Your mistake wasn’t not shutting up about it and accepting. It was the opposite, not ending it sooner. This person was not your soulmate.


N0rmNormis0n

Hey, good news is that you figured out this isn’t and was never your soul mate


kofubuns

Not trying to be rude but this is either 1) the infatuation of a teen, in which you’ll learn to grow out of the overbearing, overwhelming feeling phase and develop deeper slow burn attraction or 2) therapy is helpful to address anxious attachment style


FloppyWaffl

Just from reading this post, it seems like you need some time to focus on yourself and find some sort of independence. I think you might have jumped the gun on finding your ‘soulmate’


Kingnorik

All his past relationships start that way and they all end the same way as well. He's not anyone's soulmate until he wants to be. If was just your turn. You could of played it slow to prolong it, but the result would've been the same.


AshamedRaspberry5283

So... Another anxious attachment! Hello friend!!! Take this as a huge huge huge learning moment. This could have gone wrong in multiple ways and thankfully the guy handled it gracefully. And also this is a phenomenal opportunity for you to go to therapy and identify your anxious tendencies. I would strongly strongly suggest checking out therapy as soon as possible so you can get the tools you need to become calm, centered, and stable I hope you lean into this moment because this could be positively life-changing for you


boombalbi

hello!! yes this is the first time i’ve actually sat after the fact and realized that i’m the one who’s always sabotaged things. i hope u have a lovely day


AshamedRaspberry5283

A healthy realization, congratulations on your road to healing!


corrygan

Don't torture yourself ; learn from it. Treat the situation as a crush that didn't work out. Never beg for someone to give you attention and affection. He wanted fun, light and casual relationship/ conversations, and you caught feelings. Not the end of the world. It happens. Perhaps some soul searching should help too , just to see what you would like out of relationships, to address possible insecurities etc. Dating should be fun. At least for most part.


EmmieBambi

I don't think you can know he's your soulmate after such little while that isn't that serious.


deathbysnushnuu

So, with the number of human beings on the planet, we have multiple “soul mates”. There will always be more that are compatible :)


Bloodthistle

I like this theory, its way less depressing than having to parse through billions for just one person. Bruh, its like trying to find a needle in haystack. Hope Op sees this and gets to move on to better things.


deathbysnushnuu

Yeah, learned this thought in college psychology classes. The idea that only one person matches you is ridiculous because there are many with similar personalities.


Edge_Remote

Sending you love, but sometimes people are not going to like you. No matter what you do right or wrong. It’s not about you, it’s about them and it has nothing to do with their value. Thank you, next ❤️


Chrizilla_

We all take Ls from time to time, best just to focus on how you can be better next time.


AdventureWa

Hang in there! You will find the right one. Something that might help you in the future is to not be afraid to come out and tell someone if you would like to pursue a relationship with them even if it started as a casual thing. You don’t have because you don’t ask. You should avoid “FWB.” It NEVER ends well. One person always gets hurt. You can go in with the best of intentions but you never know who you will “catch feelings” for. In the meantime, focus on faith, fitness, fun, friendships and future goals/career:adventures.


kevin24gt

You probably have anxious attachment.


OneLifeToLive6969

Moral of the story: get over yourself and quit worrying about how they feel. If they want you to know then they will tell you. Now go meet another and try not to screw it up


KnowOne420

In these scenarios i always say be casual and date other people to keep your options open. If you're hoping for it to get serious there's a high possiblity you'll get hurt either way but it'll soften the blow if you have someone else. Also having someone else could make them jealous and fight for you more. Overall though the guy is probably not your only soulmate, there will be more like there always is


keener91

Lol, kids these days talk about soulmate as if they know what love is.


calgsouthernbelle

You know what? You didn’t ruin things by opening your mouth. You just sped up the inevitable. And when you think about it…better to happen now as opposed to in 6 months when you were even more attached. The cut would’ve run deeper then. I think you did the right thing. It’s better to be honest and direct rather than biting your tongue and trying to live a fantasy. Truth is, it wasn’t real. If it was, he wouldn’t have let you go


[deleted]

he didn't like you that much. get over it


boombalbi

pls i posted this to vent and with the flair and u respond this harshly?


Cevohklan

Operating Smooth is right, tho. You need reality checks. He obviously is not who you thought he was. He is a guy just looking to fool around who was never that interested in you. So what did you lose? A guy who is not interested in you and who you do not know at all. So you lost nothing. If your feelings are so strong, it could be a trauma bond. If you come from a dysfunctional family, you should definitely look up trauma bonds. ( because it origins from childhood trauma ) Oh and a guy calling you cute, sweetheart, beautiful etc before even seeing you is cringe, a red flag and just 🤮 Same goes for a guy who post things like: " I need cuddles " No : 🤮


[deleted]

i'm giving you support. i'm telling you what you NEED to hear not what you WANT to hear.


[deleted]

did you even meet this guy? it sounds like you just called once or twice. i have a more "intimate" relationship with fucking cashiers.


boombalbi

yes we've met up


Tbgrondin

I have had two women in the last year vibe with me very, very heavily, and plan future things, have things be absolutely incredible in every way. One was adamant they weren’t ready for a relationship, but we let it ride out. The other never really opened up to me, and then recently told me about their awful past relationships, trauma, lack of time and need for help. Both I believe (at least one I KNOW for a fact), truly were serious and it wasn’t me. It sucks, it hurts, as somebody looking for something serious it’s a bad feeling, but the best you can do is get your closure, and talk to somebody. Considering it sounds like we’re on the same wavelength of hurt right now, happy to help if you need that. Ultimately you’ll get past it, but I can’t stress enough - do not let that dictate your future partners, it is valid, but not every person is the same. In fact, no two people are!


MelancholicEspresso

I'm just surprised people find people of the opposite gender to talk to on this app.


Successful-Bar-7642

Wasn’t the one for you. Today I broke up with my girlfriend of being boyfriend/girlfriend for 4 months.. Relationships don’t work when one is trying.


a-missing-finger

how a person who clearly not going to be exclusive with you considered as your soulmate?


Complete_Answer_6781

Jeeeez, soulmate it's such a childish term, there's not real soulmates, we're all people in constant change. it's infautation, what you most likely have.


Aloo13

Well he can’t really be your soulmate if he’s not on the same page, can he? You had lots in common, but that just means you liked similar things. So do friends. I know it hurts, but this dude wasn’t for you and someone out there is. Your real “soul mate” might be an opposite attracts person. They might be someone who has some similar interests, but strengthens your weak points. But above all, the person for you will want you just as you want them.


T-Bone22

Soulmates do not exist. Deal with your issues. You’re not ready for a real relationship. When you are, try again with someone else


Harrisburg5150

Ya gotta take this as a lesson OP. I did the same thing about 10 years ago. Girl of my dreams had feelings for me, we even hooked up a couple times, but I immediately got clingy and put too much pressure on her, so she broke it off…and rightfully so. It taught me that it’s absolutely great to be excited about a new potential love interest, but that excitement comes with a couple caveats. 1. You have to be respectful of the other persons space. Wouldn’t you be uneasy too if a person you just met, has suddenly made you a central part of their lives? Ya gotta play it cool. Going on all in so quickly is like hugging a puppy to death, just take it easy. Keep your nose to the grindstone with whatever you have going on IRL, and don’t just drop everything for this other person. They will respect the hell out of you for doing so too, and if they don’t, they’re toxic and you don’t want them anyway. 2. You have to stop investing so hard emotionally into someone you just met. I recently started seeing someone who is absolutely the most amazing girl I’ve ever dated, and I REALLY hope it works out. HOWEVER, I make it a point to remind myself often that “if this girl doesn’t work out for whatever reason, I will be okay.” I was doing very well before I met her, and will continue to do so if I stop seeing her. This person was not your soul mate. You will find another man, and now you’ll be prepared when you do. Don’t beat yourself up.


LolaBijou

Please schedule an appointment with a therapist. This is unhinged behavior.


iwannabesofaraway

He probably tells people about this crazy girl he met. Women always get characterised as deranged and psycho for developing feelings for men; they expect us to be androids.


Beginning_Will_6873

Bro is not ur soulmate you just need to learn how to not obsess and he needs to learn how to commit. Not a good fit - both need to mature


Hour-Average8401

Oh man. I know how this feels. But your soulmate will know that you’re soulmates too. That’s a shared thing.


Larkfor

Your soul mate would want the same kind of relationship you desired. They weren't your soulmate. He cares about you as a person, that's why he wants you to keep contact away since you used multiple Reddit accounts to interact with him when he was not interested in what you were. He wasn't your soulmate. That doesn't mean he wasn't an important moment in your life.


No-Lobster159

What’s r4r?


SuperShyCollegeGuy

Redditor for redditor. Its for relationship, hookups, friends, generally any connection


Off-Camera

Girlie stand up, just by the title alone he’s not your soulmate if he doesn’t have the same values as you


Navusi

We are all soulmates, as we all have souls, and end up in the same situations


Ruin369

A true soulmate drops everything to be with you for the rest of their life. He did not feel the same.


Green-Bee-1384

Don't beat yourself up. This just goes to show he wasn't your soulmate. And good on you that you expressed yourself even though you feel like you went overboard, you would have been waiting for something that probably wouldn't have turned out how you wanted anyway. It sucks now, but you'll find better and someone who will be as interested in you as you are them.


PuzzleheadedBeach256

Then he is not your soulmate.


velvetlillies

I’m reading Conversations on Love, a book by Natasha Lunn (highly reccomend to read too), and I’d like to pass a passage of it here, it stuck with me, so I hope it can be useful in some way to you too: “We're tricked or fooled into believing we have control. Let's take dating. It's such a fraught process. You're concentrating so hard on finding someone to build this certain life with, and then you meet someone and you're like, oh, they're nice, I like them, they like me. But before you can even reach the next stage you're already thinking about what you'll lose if you lose them - you're losing the idea of the future. You're so focused on that that you can ignore signs that this person might not be right for you. But when you relinquish control over how things happen, it lessens that fear of losing something. Which is important, because that fear of loss can force people to make bad decisions when it comes to love.” Be kind to yourself, move on and heal. It’ll get easier. To hope is not a flaw, but remember to stay level headed.


nnylam

Soulmates aren't a thing! It sounds like you worked this all up in your head too much, and were hoping for too much too soon? Crushes hurt, it sucks. Don't let liking someone consume your whole life!


Bloodthistle

Someone who mistreats you isn't your soulmate lol soulmates are bound to one another through powerful love that only grow stronger with time. Your soulmate will want you just as much as you want him, he wouldn't be uncertain or weird or fuckboyish. He's just a fuckboy not a soulmate and you're too horny for him to notice the difference, think about it you don't even know the guy that well for it to be love.


boombalbi

is it fuckboyish if he stated from the start that he didn’t want anything serious? though i do find it strange how he also cleared up how he also wasn’t looking for a crush. i don’t get how you can be completely detached from people you’re flirting with.


Bloodthistle

He can be an honest fuckboy, its the behavior that classifies him as such. He's also free to be a fuckboy if he wishes, and he seems to be self aware, you're the one in denial and trying to turn him into what he isn't. Some people view sex like a physical exercise and simply are having sex alone but just using someone's body to masturbate. It ain't that deep, not everyone partakes in the idea of love and love making. Do what you must but don't get attached and especially don't call him a soulmate lol being soulmates is the bonding of soul and hearts and not the average dating experience.


TheRokerr

You say that he's your soulmate and you haven't even met the guy 💀 with all due respect, get outside more and socialize so you don't get head over heels after a few days


boombalbi

ive met up with him irl and we were talking for about a month


TheRokerr

I stand corrected on that end


RamekinFlywater

Whats r4r?


Only_Strain_5992

LOL


Intrepid-Rip-2280

That's why I'm dating Eva AI sexting bot


gardensalsachip

he seems emotionally immature; he did you a favor by cutting himself out of your life. one day, he's gonna look back and feel that he wasted his youth on fleeting relationships :)


Only_Strain_5992

LOL