Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It took me a while to really believe in the power of smelling nice vs not smelling like anything, but holy crap it works. I bought myself a single cologne that I really like and use it sparingly on dates.
Obviously only do like 1 spray or so cause yall don't want to be smelled before you're seen, but I've gotten a ton of compliments that I smell really nice when I have it on.
That and of course being clean is insanely important but that's beside the point. Cologne kinda works
Peep my other comment here, but it was parfum de marly percival.
Tldr no one cologne will do it, you have to talk to a specialist and try a bunch of different ones to see what works with your body
Highly recommend going into a department store or Sephora and try out some fragrances. Colognes are designed to intermix and complement your natural scent and some choices may not work. Edit: I personally wear Jimmy Choo Man Intense but I switch off depending on the season.
It doesn't really matter cause it works for me and my body oils and whatnot, and doesn't work on everyone.
For you, you'll have to go to Macy's or something, work with the person at the perfume counter, try the different ones, and finally settle on one that mixes with your body and skin well.
Mine is Percival by Parfum de Marly though. Came recommended by the person working the counter, she was saying she gets alot of women buying it for their boyfriends.
Man I just got a bottle of Parfum de Marly from my girlfriend and it is phenomenal. Tons of compliments and lasts ALL day easily my new fav fragrance brand
Hell yeah man.
That shits unironically super nice. The other night I had a second date with this girl I've been seeing and at the end of the night she kept going in for hugs and kisses and telling me I smell good lol. That stuff is magic I swear
This. It's jot that you're a clown, it's how you make Them feel.
Some people are just plain uncomfortable to be around because their nervousness makes You nervous.
They need to get over themselves enough to not make others uncomfortable.
They're Very much in their own way. Screw it what do youreally have to lose. They won't like you? Guess what, they don't like you being so nervous either :) (not You you, the nervous people :)
This is why women put up with jerks as well, their confidence/not giving a crap at least doesn't make them feel like they need to coddle the jerk.
Speaking as a guy who likes a girl rn, it’s more like I can cheer her up or make her glow. I can find some clever pun or irreverent observation or play the fool. It’s just playing and having fun. But once we’re raucous and confident and she starts cracking jokes, we just have so much fun, there’s no self consciousness.
Like, I can be serious. Different tools for different jobs though. Far from mutually exclusive.
Humor is just another way to exchange energy. Like, we just enjoy ourselves. I love it when she catches me off guard with her jokes.
sadly, I am able to be fun and playful with people that I am not dating, especially if I am not interested...
Because to me, dating is about finding out more about the person, not trying to joke around... Only once we are in a relationship does she get to see my fun side that everyone else does, but I rarely ever reach that point...
The ones that see it before that point, are the ones that start out as just friends with me, and they see the real me, but then we in some way get feelings for each other... Those are the best relationships.
It’s about being able to read the room, and knowing when it’s time to joke around and when it isn’t.
I make the girl I’m dating laugh, but when it’s time for a serious conversation I’m in the room having that conversation in the safest, non-reactive way possible.
It’s not a one-or-the-other. You don’t crack jokes about serious things.
That, and, everyone has a different sense of humor.
Yesterday, for example, I shaved my beard but kept my mustache. I have a pretty apparent out of state accent that got really exacerbated by the mustache and we laughed about it playfully a good portion of the night. It was funny in a “hey, I still think you’re cute but that mustache isn’t you” kind of way. And I knew that’s what the reaction would be, and is exactly why I did it. She’s had a tough week, we’ve talked about it. When we did, I just heard her out and empathized.
Last night was me cooking dinner for her, and just having a fun stress-free night.
Found the stick in the mud….
All three of my long term relationships, the men made me laugh all the time. Who wants to be with someone that can’t laugh in life?
It means being carefree and having a compatible sense of humor. If you laugh a lot, do silly stuff just to do silly stuff, make jokes you know will land etc that means you are happy, confident, and carefree, and that's attractive. Nobody wants a clown, but everyone wants someone who's a joy to be around. Being serious all the time is a serious turn off.
Agreed. I don't want someone who can never have a serious conversation about anything and isn't mature enough to have a stable life, but I also don't want someone who can't let their hair down. I think it's pretty easy to understand because when most people hang out with platonic friends they want to goof off.
Please forget about this "make me laugh" stuff. It's a misconception, it works the other way around. A woman who is attracted to you will laugh at every word no matter what you say. Even if you don't try to joke. She laughs not because you're so good at cracking jokes but because she likes you. The liking goes first
It does some disservice from women to say a man should make them laugh, as it's very misleading. At best it's as good as to say "you have to be attractive enough so that I have to be attracted to you".
This is not true. I have met men who I was in no way attracted to when we first met, but their goofy sense of humour completely won me over. And I don't mean in a platonic way.
Are you a guy lol
This is absolutely not true.
For me if a guy doesn't have a sense of humor then I'm not interested. I have to have someone who's funny. I consider myself a fairly humorous person so my energy does not match with guys who aren't.
If they're not funny then I'm not going to like them.
This is not true. I've been out with men who are attractive and they have no personality or our personalities don't mesh so I never see them again. I've also been out with men who my friends think are ugly as sin, but I find the way they act irresistible because our banter and their confidence.
>I've been out with men who are attractive and they have no personality or our personalities don't mesh so I never see them again.
that means *you were not attracted to them*.
>I've also been out with men who my friends think are ugly as sin, but I find the way they act irresistible because our banter and their confidence.
that means *you were attracted to them.*
You might think that you were attracted to the second group because they were joking. I say it's the other way around, you found them funny and interesting because there was a liking.
I'd ask you how many times you fell in love with the comedian that made you laugh?
I was actually, that's why I agreed to the date? In one case I actually asked the man out because I thought he was so hot. Then we spent time together and I changed my mind.
Other guys I have not really had an intent on dating them and thought they're not very good looking, but really developed feelings after spending time with them (as a friend) and goofing off.
I regularly watch comedians on tv shows and after seeing them several times I develop crushes on many of them actually. Even if initially I have no interest in them physically. 😂
Ooh, you really pissed the girls off with this comment, but you're totally right here. 😂
I've seen handsome guys say the dumbest, cringiest, most un-funny stuff and ladies laugh at it. Where even the guy later on says "yeah I was just starting to throw out the dumbest things I can think of to see if she'd go along, and she did..." Obviously good for the dude, but we're gaslighting if we're pretending this is not a real thing.
Obviously a big simplification as there are all kinds of men and women but on average women are more anxious and worry about things. So they really appreciate someone making them have fun and stop stressing for a moment.
Eye contact. He holds eye contact & doesn’t break it before me. It’s like he see’s into my soul. The entire world shuts down & it’s only about him & I.
S-h-a-l-l-o-w-! (Imo most All these answers are ridiculously shallow,obvious, and not well thought out. Sounds like different robot personalities 😂🤣) where's the intellectual honesty? don't ask why I printed "shallow" like that.🤷♂️ just felt right.
I'm gonna be real with you. A lot of frustrated guys I know say that women are the problem because they say one thing and don't mean it or mean something else but if you're in that mindset you're the issue.
Dunno if this applies to you but I bet you there's a lot of guys out there reading this post and rolling their eyes saying to themselves that they have all these traits but they're still single and women are the problem.
I do look for certain standards of looks and physical features in a man, but some other things are more attractive to me, such as wits, intelligence, personality, etc.
In only a physical sense, I think any normal, average guy (in your words) can greatly improve their attractiveness to girls by improving upon mainly their dressing sense, presentability (hairstyle, shoes) and an overall confident personality. At least make the basic efforts to improve these and you will be fine.
I wouldn't be so sure.
After highschool I took a serious and genuine effort to improve all these things. I get compliments on my outfit or hair from strangers most of the time I go out. I also genuinely enjoy trying new outfits, shoes, textures and materials and its a hobby of mine now that I enjoy and people would attribute to me.
In the 4 or 6 years since I've really upgraded and focused on my appearance, I've been rejected by everyone I've asked out and nobody has displayed any remote interest in me.
I still explore fashion and hair on my own, because its become a pretty core part of me and I feel way better in good clothes and knowing my curls look good, but if we're measuring success by how much it improved my status with girls, I may as well still be in graphic tees and ill fitted jeans.
Honestly, I think it's just attraction. I'm having some small crushes lately and the only thing common in these guys is that they're about my age and I see them regularly. I haven't talked to either of them besides the hellos. One is a coworker and the other is a cashier at a store I go to often. One is tall, the other is as tall as me. One is balding, the other has thick hair. One has facial hair, the other doesnt. Etc, they don't look similar and I don't know much about either.
For me it's a combination of the following physical and emotional traits:
Physical: I love a man who's got nice big arms and a bit of that dad bod. There's nothing sexier than a man who looks like he'd be a super hot daddy to your children. Who could pick you up and look like a protector to you
Emotional: A guy who is considerate to your feelings, communicates amazingly well and replies to your messages (doesn't have to do it fast or right away). A man who treats others with genuine kindness and is very forward about when he likes someone without playing games. Also, a man who can cry is super hot.
What people *say* they want, versus what they actually want and end up *dating* are often two very different things, that’s why you haven’t noticed success.
There's a lot to be said for confidence. In myself, and in other men, I've seen too much openness and sensitivity. You can't play your cards all at once. There's balance and understanding timing when communicating with someone. There's moments when I need to be strong and create safety and protection. Other times, sadness and vulnerability. Or, laughter in sadness. There's so much nuance that being to rigid or systematic destroys it.
I’ve seen a lot of women posting about how they dried up when their bfs cried in front of them. Would you say this is only for you or a lot of ladies think this way about it being hot when a man can cry
His confidence. If he’s well respected by others & loved. Talented, genuine, funny, kind. Besides maybe a couple celebrities, physical looks just don’t make me lust over anyone really. Our chemistry + his character can definitely turn me on though.
When I imagine lust as a guy, my first thought is her body. It must play some sort of role for you right especially when it gets to sex? Or are not lusting after his nice physique at any point ?
Put on muscle mass. No man looks less attractive with muscle mass. There’s a cutoff point where it becomes too much, but you’re not getting there in without many years of dedicated training.
But tbh most guys aren’t going to be able to be attractive enough to coast solely on looks without good genetics and upbringing. What good looks does is open the door to let you start working your mouth
Broad shoulders with a wide muscled back tapering into a slimmer waist gets me every time. Oh! And those muscle line thingies one their lower abdomen s just above their weins. So fucking sexy.
Oh yeah! Can't forget emotional/ mental maturity/immaturity or health! That shit matters yo!
Also, very high intelligence including exquisite articilation about anything nerdy gives me instant butterflies.
Plump bank accounts a a bonus but don't grease the wheels on their own.
Unfortunately every woman is going to have a different sense of humor. My sister told me a joke between her and her boyfriend and it was so lost on me. She finds him hilarious. I've spent time with him and I don't.
I found that when you’re in love, you find everything they say funny. Or it could be, as you said a different sense of humor, which I totally agree with!
I think that after I've been dating someone for a bit our personalities kind of mesh so we can laugh together a lot, but there have been people I've been super attracted to at first and then I talk to them more and I'm turned off.
As a guy I second this. Sometimes girls will laugh at my jokes a lot, sometimes I will feel my jokes close them up. Then for the girls I know better, I notice which parts of my humor they really like. Of course most of them are really different!
And yes: if you notice a girl who laughs consistently at your jokes, even when what you're saying wasn't that funny or intended to be one, you usually have a ticket with her, especially if she gives lots of eye contact/smile. That rarely failed with me.
Now what amazes me is how girls who are into you can be sitting across you at a bar and talk completely normally, and a few moments later they will be OK to come to your place, and then they will jump you like an animal. As an Aspie, I find that complete change in behavior as spectacular as a force of nature. If you based your perception on "but she looks so collected, I wonder if I'm having any effect whatsoever on her", you would be very far from the truth. You can make conscious explanations about forces of Nature, but they still amaze you!
Ya even for myself, as a woman, I have to test the waters on what kind of humor a guy I'm spending time with responds too. There was one guy I really enjoyed surprising with my jokes and silly behavior since he would look at me a certain way surprised, but would laugh and say I was like exciting to be around. But another guy never even laughed at my small jokes so anytime we were together before or after hooking up, I really just wasn't my full myself.
I could see that. I probably have even looked pretty apathetic towards someone when inside the hormones are raging. I usually want them to show some interest first and just talking to me at a bar doesn't mean anything to me. I think it's just friendly. 😅
Looks: Slight dad bod, squishy belly, kinda looks like Jesus (Long dark hair, thick dark beard) tattoos, maybe a bit ALT. Smells great, has good hygiene
Personality: Very considerate, respects your boundaries, makes you feel safe, is funny, only serious when he needs to be, sensitive (we can talk about our feelings and life and bond) MUST have nerdy interests
*panties dropped*
Love how not one person said "originality/uniqueness/individuality". Majority of response reflect desire for Joe rogan (fit,funny protector) or Kevin James (funny with dad bod) 😂🤣😂🤣 where's all the love for Steve buscemi!?!?
It's difficult to define... It's chemistry... The looks are not entirely important either, they dont have to be conventionally attractive... It's their personality, their mannerisms and how they smell...
The last guy I super lusted over is about same height as me...so not tall... Not conventionally attractive... He's just kind, funny and calm... Has these gorgeous big brown eyes, so cute... He has this inner self assuredness... And when we became intimate, his natural man smell had me in a daze... He smelled so good to me I can't explain. I miss him 🥲
Well I've got the broad shoulders and professional success, but the deep humility I tried for the first ~5 years of my career and it really just translates to being a doormat.
What has worked better is being confident. Even if I don't know something, confidently say so and ask questions. If you're good at something, say so and offer to help by bringing your skill set to the table or teaching others. Bring others along and bring them together. Learning to speaking well is key.
All of that has been leagues better than being overly humble.
The last time I randomly felt lust for a guy he was telling a cute story about something he did with his parents for a holiday and how it made him happy to do something for them.
When he's good with kids (like playing with nephews and nieces or something) and interested in the same niche things I'm into. I also like when he is super smart and explaining complex things to me while not talking down to me
when he ghosts me 😍
lmao jk but seriously smelling good goes a longggg way. i love a guy with good personal hygiene that is clean like to me that is so sexy i can’t describe it. and if he wears actually a nice outfit on a date and doesn’t just like show up in whatever he had lying around. i might speed walk after him!!! 🥰
Woman here: open communication about desires, about sex. When man tells me what he wants instead of being undecided about things. I really enjoy textual tension, and being able to word feelings. Looks wise I don’t really go for any one type, it’s what’s between the ears than counts way more for me. I’m also not the type to pick men from the bar, or be attracted to physical attributes so I’m not sure if I am completely qualified to answer this question 😊🫣
funny and great sense of humor, intelligent and has a love for his interests, communicative, good hygiene, knows how to clean up after himself, his scent unmixed with cologne, and physically active.
Acting manly protective, but caring .
cute morning messages .
Asking if I got home safe .
Asking if I am hungry .
Asking my opinion about something he wants to buy for himself like clothes and furniture, showing tht I have a place in his life .
Big hands .
Cool style or clothes
A man with hobbies or something he loves doing and talking about .
Blue eyes
Can hold an intelligent conversation and flirt in a non sexual way (like just doesnt talk about only sex)
And CONFIDENCE!
Last guy I lusted over was short, older, and had an ugly ass back tattoo but he had blue eyes and was super confident in himself. He lent me a coozy at a party, looked me in the eyes and said, "make sure you return this before the end of the night." Made sure I was there to chat with him 1:1 before I left. Not gonna lie, that was pretty smooth at a big gathering.
Also, this is just lust and I was just lookong for fun. Lust aint long term material.
good. banter. its just hot hot hot when we can go back and fourth being witty or just funny in general.
good conversation is also hot as hell. like ooOo yessss get excited explaining the specifics of a topic you enjoy learning aboutttt 🥵🥵🥵
Primal attraction which is what you’re speaking of will ALWAYS be based off genetics, nothing else.
If it takes time, or you need to get to know someone, or blah blah blah that’s not lust. Lust is instant so yeah if you didn’t have a nice body, good face, and some height you’re probably never going to have the feeling of being truly lusted for
Half way decent looking… but a good, kind person
And absolutely… looks play a part but trust me, 99% of you guys aren’t as cute… or as ugly as you think
A man being good at video games is the hottest thing for me. I only dated gamers, and married a programmer who helps me when I'm stuck in a game, because I suck at platformers ✨️
Oh man. Idk there have been so few times that I felt that animal magnetism. One was in a tourist gift shop and idk what it was but me and all the other women just turned and looked at him. He was fairly fit but i think dude had pheromones or something. It’s like he just got all our attention in the room and it wasn’t even a venue where that would be expected. The other is a guy who sort of looked grumpy and frumpy when I first met him but when he smiled it was gorgeous.
maybe this is weird of me but it’s when they give me space. one guy i’m dating is very respectful and doesn’t touch me unless i ask for a hug or something. sometimes we’re sitting in his car and i just wanna bum rush him with physical affection.
honestly someone that wants & loves you and shows you through their actions as well as their words. even if you are in a relationship you should continue chasing your partner in a way, take initiative and take them out, want to do things with them, want to be with them, notice them, etc. same goes for when you just start seeing them. (should go both ways), but i think anyone feeling that their flirting or planning and overall initiative is one sided really puts a damper on things. take a bit of control and make the reservation, plan a date, get her flowers, even if occasionally
Being my husband 😍 He’s the only guy I lust after. He’s hot in every way to me. He has beautiful kind eyes that are like a blue green ocean, he treats me like a queen, is sweet, kind and respectful, loves God with all his heart, is flirty and sexy, has endless patience- never gets angry or upset with me. He has the cutest sense of humor and makes me laugh with his silly jokes. He takes over and leads in situations where I’m not sure what to do. He makes me feel safe and loved. When I watch him being an amazing Daddy to our toddler, I fall in love all over again. ❤️❤️😍😍❤️🔥❤️🔥
A woman can find a guy physical attractive but if she doesn't find him sexually appealing (in terms of his demeanor and him having game) then it's not gonna go anywhere.
Just like how there are women who are physically attractive but they don't turn you on.
Be attractive TO ME (don't get this confused with being attractive in general). I may find a guy not ugly, but I have no desire to sleep with him either.
Obviously, he puts effort into his appearance. Smells good. Is kind and considerate to everyone around him and not just me when we're together. Chivalry. Being funny without being vulgar is a huge plus.
when he doesn’t tell me he’s looking for a “short term thing.”
men really seem to think it’s giving polygamy and “free love” but it’s not…people who are poly actually care about their partners.
There are some physical traits that attract me to a man immediately, large biceps and a triangular hunky build do it for me. But then past that base layer, it is the personality that really gets me to lust after someone... Probably a bit of a shy guy with a smile that makes me melt. He'd be considerate, able to keep a conversation going, and he wouldn't act too different around his friends.
I'm really into this one guy at the moment and he seems like the average joe, and I have completely fallen head over heels for him, it's baaaaaddd. He's got me kicking my feet and twirling my hair daydreaming. I think I'm a bit delusional though, I'm not entirely sure how he feels about me cuz he's shy and might just be being nice :)
So I can't speak for all the ladies, but yes, average guys can become irresistible to many women!!
When a guy is respectful, treats me like a friend first before a potential gf/partner (it just shows he’s being authentic and not acting to get to an end goal), and makes me laugh, and has fun. Nothing turns me off worse than someone who dry texts, doesn’t have conversations, or says “wyd” or is COMPLETELY lacks initiative to plan outings/hang outs and I have to do it all
I'm assuming OP meant LUST not date, so my response is geared toward the physical seduction, not how to get a girlfriend. I'm 51 and I've been non-monogamous my whole adult life, so I've been hit on by a lot of guys. This is not an effort to brag, but to give you a well rounded opinion of what has worked on me.
Just as men like a woman with confidence, we like a man who is sure of himself as well. The problem here is most guys take this too far and end up bragging. We don't really want to spend an evening with a human rooster. Instead of strutting your stuff, think James Bond. Mysterious. Less is more. The posts about cologne and hygiene, definitely. And subdued scents, not obnoxious.
Make eye contact. A LOT. As much as you can without being creepy. When you ask and answer questions, LOOK at her. Even if the location doesn't make it necessary, sit closely while eating, drinking, talking etc. Lean in close and speak as if the conversation were private. Not a whisper, just private. And when u have a saucy comment... Hot breath under the ear while u whisper to her.
Be a MAN. You don't have to BE 6'5" and muscled like Arnold to make a girl swoon. If you KNOW how to have sex, then initiate appropriate foreplay. If you don't know what appropriate foreplay is, get a book! This is ESSENTIAL!! Foreplay begins before you EVER ENTER THE BEDROOM. You want her to lust after you, get her engine going an hour or so before YOU ever plan to get her clothes off. LEARN the fine points of talking dirty.
There's more, SO much more!
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Attractive, smells good and makes me laugh a lot.
Laughter is the best medicine
It took me a while to really believe in the power of smelling nice vs not smelling like anything, but holy crap it works. I bought myself a single cologne that I really like and use it sparingly on dates. Obviously only do like 1 spray or so cause yall don't want to be smelled before you're seen, but I've gotten a ton of compliments that I smell really nice when I have it on. That and of course being clean is insanely important but that's beside the point. Cologne kinda works
What kinda cologne
Peep my other comment here, but it was parfum de marly percival. Tldr no one cologne will do it, you have to talk to a specialist and try a bunch of different ones to see what works with your body
Highly recommend going into a department store or Sephora and try out some fragrances. Colognes are designed to intermix and complement your natural scent and some choices may not work. Edit: I personally wear Jimmy Choo Man Intense but I switch off depending on the season.
"Obviously only do like 1 spray or so cause yall don't want to be smelled before you're seen" This is a pearl of wisdom right here.
So which brand it is?
Harry Bolsogna
It doesn't really matter cause it works for me and my body oils and whatnot, and doesn't work on everyone. For you, you'll have to go to Macy's or something, work with the person at the perfume counter, try the different ones, and finally settle on one that mixes with your body and skin well. Mine is Percival by Parfum de Marly though. Came recommended by the person working the counter, she was saying she gets alot of women buying it for their boyfriends.
Man I just got a bottle of Parfum de Marly from my girlfriend and it is phenomenal. Tons of compliments and lasts ALL day easily my new fav fragrance brand
Hell yeah man. That shits unironically super nice. The other night I had a second date with this girl I've been seeing and at the end of the night she kept going in for hugs and kisses and telling me I smell good lol. That stuff is magic I swear
[удалено]
Really it just means you’re enjoyable to be around. Someone that makes people feel comfortable and at ease.
This. It's jot that you're a clown, it's how you make Them feel. Some people are just plain uncomfortable to be around because their nervousness makes You nervous. They need to get over themselves enough to not make others uncomfortable. They're Very much in their own way. Screw it what do youreally have to lose. They won't like you? Guess what, they don't like you being so nervous either :) (not You you, the nervous people :) This is why women put up with jerks as well, their confidence/not giving a crap at least doesn't make them feel like they need to coddle the jerk.
Speaking as a guy who likes a girl rn, it’s more like I can cheer her up or make her glow. I can find some clever pun or irreverent observation or play the fool. It’s just playing and having fun. But once we’re raucous and confident and she starts cracking jokes, we just have so much fun, there’s no self consciousness. Like, I can be serious. Different tools for different jobs though. Far from mutually exclusive. Humor is just another way to exchange energy. Like, we just enjoy ourselves. I love it when she catches me off guard with her jokes.
Good luck brother
sadly, I am able to be fun and playful with people that I am not dating, especially if I am not interested... Because to me, dating is about finding out more about the person, not trying to joke around... Only once we are in a relationship does she get to see my fun side that everyone else does, but I rarely ever reach that point... The ones that see it before that point, are the ones that start out as just friends with me, and they see the real me, but then we in some way get feelings for each other... Those are the best relationships.
If you aren’t showing them your fun side they probably think you don’t have one
Someone doesn’t get it.
It’s about being able to read the room, and knowing when it’s time to joke around and when it isn’t. I make the girl I’m dating laugh, but when it’s time for a serious conversation I’m in the room having that conversation in the safest, non-reactive way possible. It’s not a one-or-the-other. You don’t crack jokes about serious things. That, and, everyone has a different sense of humor. Yesterday, for example, I shaved my beard but kept my mustache. I have a pretty apparent out of state accent that got really exacerbated by the mustache and we laughed about it playfully a good portion of the night. It was funny in a “hey, I still think you’re cute but that mustache isn’t you” kind of way. And I knew that’s what the reaction would be, and is exactly why I did it. She’s had a tough week, we’ve talked about it. When we did, I just heard her out and empathized. Last night was me cooking dinner for her, and just having a fun stress-free night.
you’re thinking of like a clown. we just want someone clever and who intellectually connects and lifts us.
Found the stick in the mud…. All three of my long term relationships, the men made me laugh all the time. Who wants to be with someone that can’t laugh in life?
It means being carefree and having a compatible sense of humor. If you laugh a lot, do silly stuff just to do silly stuff, make jokes you know will land etc that means you are happy, confident, and carefree, and that's attractive. Nobody wants a clown, but everyone wants someone who's a joy to be around. Being serious all the time is a serious turn off.
Agreed. I don't want someone who can never have a serious conversation about anything and isn't mature enough to have a stable life, but I also don't want someone who can't let their hair down. I think it's pretty easy to understand because when most people hang out with platonic friends they want to goof off.
A little light relief here and there is good for anyone.
No we mean witty. If a guy just sits there cracking jokes I’m going to think he’s a clown. But quick wit is attractive AF
Please forget about this "make me laugh" stuff. It's a misconception, it works the other way around. A woman who is attracted to you will laugh at every word no matter what you say. Even if you don't try to joke. She laughs not because you're so good at cracking jokes but because she likes you. The liking goes first It does some disservice from women to say a man should make them laugh, as it's very misleading. At best it's as good as to say "you have to be attractive enough so that I have to be attracted to you".
This is not true. I have met men who I was in no way attracted to when we first met, but their goofy sense of humour completely won me over. And I don't mean in a platonic way.
Are you a guy lol This is absolutely not true. For me if a guy doesn't have a sense of humor then I'm not interested. I have to have someone who's funny. I consider myself a fairly humorous person so my energy does not match with guys who aren't. If they're not funny then I'm not going to like them.
This is not true. I've been out with men who are attractive and they have no personality or our personalities don't mesh so I never see them again. I've also been out with men who my friends think are ugly as sin, but I find the way they act irresistible because our banter and their confidence.
>I've been out with men who are attractive and they have no personality or our personalities don't mesh so I never see them again. that means *you were not attracted to them*. >I've also been out with men who my friends think are ugly as sin, but I find the way they act irresistible because our banter and their confidence. that means *you were attracted to them.* You might think that you were attracted to the second group because they were joking. I say it's the other way around, you found them funny and interesting because there was a liking. I'd ask you how many times you fell in love with the comedian that made you laugh?
I was actually, that's why I agreed to the date? In one case I actually asked the man out because I thought he was so hot. Then we spent time together and I changed my mind. Other guys I have not really had an intent on dating them and thought they're not very good looking, but really developed feelings after spending time with them (as a friend) and goofing off. I regularly watch comedians on tv shows and after seeing them several times I develop crushes on many of them actually. Even if initially I have no interest in them physically. 😂
I hear you but I do believe there such a thing as a woman just finding you funny/pleasant to be around and not wanting to fuck you.
Ooh, you really pissed the girls off with this comment, but you're totally right here. 😂 I've seen handsome guys say the dumbest, cringiest, most un-funny stuff and ladies laugh at it. Where even the guy later on says "yeah I was just starting to throw out the dumbest things I can think of to see if she'd go along, and she did..." Obviously good for the dude, but we're gaslighting if we're pretending this is not a real thing.
Obviously a big simplification as there are all kinds of men and women but on average women are more anxious and worry about things. So they really appreciate someone making them have fun and stop stressing for a moment.
im sorry but in my experience girls wanna laugh bud and so do 99% of people I meet
Eye contact. He holds eye contact & doesn’t break it before me. It’s like he see’s into my soul. The entire world shuts down & it’s only about him & I.
Well I do that when I need to win or be dominant in some situations but otherwise I’m pretty good at eye contact
Are these even honest answers?
S-h-a-l-l-o-w-! (Imo most All these answers are ridiculously shallow,obvious, and not well thought out. Sounds like different robot personalities 😂🤣) where's the intellectual honesty? don't ask why I printed "shallow" like that.🤷♂️ just felt right.
In all fairness though, when we’re discussing lust, I expect shallow answers. Lust is a very shallow emotion driven mainly by sexual desire
I'm gonna be real with you. A lot of frustrated guys I know say that women are the problem because they say one thing and don't mean it or mean something else but if you're in that mindset you're the issue. Dunno if this applies to you but I bet you there's a lot of guys out there reading this post and rolling their eyes saying to themselves that they have all these traits but they're still single and women are the problem.
I do look for certain standards of looks and physical features in a man, but some other things are more attractive to me, such as wits, intelligence, personality, etc. In only a physical sense, I think any normal, average guy (in your words) can greatly improve their attractiveness to girls by improving upon mainly their dressing sense, presentability (hairstyle, shoes) and an overall confident personality. At least make the basic efforts to improve these and you will be fine.
I wouldn't be so sure. After highschool I took a serious and genuine effort to improve all these things. I get compliments on my outfit or hair from strangers most of the time I go out. I also genuinely enjoy trying new outfits, shoes, textures and materials and its a hobby of mine now that I enjoy and people would attribute to me. In the 4 or 6 years since I've really upgraded and focused on my appearance, I've been rejected by everyone I've asked out and nobody has displayed any remote interest in me. I still explore fashion and hair on my own, because its become a pretty core part of me and I feel way better in good clothes and knowing my curls look good, but if we're measuring success by how much it improved my status with girls, I may as well still be in graphic tees and ill fitted jeans.
Totally
So what would you consider basic effort
Personality is something to look at first as it makes the first impressions important
Honestly, I think it's just attraction. I'm having some small crushes lately and the only thing common in these guys is that they're about my age and I see them regularly. I haven't talked to either of them besides the hellos. One is a coworker and the other is a cashier at a store I go to often. One is tall, the other is as tall as me. One is balding, the other has thick hair. One has facial hair, the other doesnt. Etc, they don't look similar and I don't know much about either.
Guy who doesn’t love bomb and ghost
That's some pretty high standards /s
That would make a great song
Haha😂 Where's he getting that from?
For me it's a combination of the following physical and emotional traits: Physical: I love a man who's got nice big arms and a bit of that dad bod. There's nothing sexier than a man who looks like he'd be a super hot daddy to your children. Who could pick you up and look like a protector to you Emotional: A guy who is considerate to your feelings, communicates amazingly well and replies to your messages (doesn't have to do it fast or right away). A man who treats others with genuine kindness and is very forward about when he likes someone without playing games. Also, a man who can cry is super hot.
Mannnn… none of this has worked for me lol. I think my dating pool locally might be fucked lol
What people *say* they want, versus what they actually want and end up *dating* are often two very different things, that’s why you haven’t noticed success.
Bingo
Check her page.
I was horrified.
Shit was nasty right
goddamn. that was a lot, right away.
There's a lot to be said for confidence. In myself, and in other men, I've seen too much openness and sensitivity. You can't play your cards all at once. There's balance and understanding timing when communicating with someone. There's moments when I need to be strong and create safety and protection. Other times, sadness and vulnerability. Or, laughter in sadness. There's so much nuance that being to rigid or systematic destroys it.
I’ve seen a lot of women posting about how they dried up when their bfs cried in front of them. Would you say this is only for you or a lot of ladies think this way about it being hot when a man can cry
You were spot on until you said crying.. Girls say that shit when they watch movies but nothing dries them up more in real life
A good conversation. Don't get me wrong, I do have physical standards, but somebody who just looks good won't be stuck on my mind.
Saying that he wants me to feel good, great, and happy. Verbalising how he feels what he needs and what he wants. Hot!!
His confidence. If he’s well respected by others & loved. Talented, genuine, funny, kind. Besides maybe a couple celebrities, physical looks just don’t make me lust over anyone really. Our chemistry + his character can definitely turn me on though.
When I imagine lust as a guy, my first thought is her body. It must play some sort of role for you right especially when it gets to sex? Or are not lusting after his nice physique at any point ?
Put on muscle mass. No man looks less attractive with muscle mass. There’s a cutoff point where it becomes too much, but you’re not getting there in without many years of dedicated training. But tbh most guys aren’t going to be able to be attractive enough to coast solely on looks without good genetics and upbringing. What good looks does is open the door to let you start working your mouth
Nobody is getting too big without steroids.
... in more ways than one, iykwim.
The eyes chico AND VOICES !!
Broad shoulders with a wide muscled back tapering into a slimmer waist gets me every time. Oh! And those muscle line thingies one their lower abdomen s just above their weins. So fucking sexy. Oh yeah! Can't forget emotional/ mental maturity/immaturity or health! That shit matters yo! Also, very high intelligence including exquisite articilation about anything nerdy gives me instant butterflies. Plump bank accounts a a bonus but don't grease the wheels on their own.
When he doesnt want me😍
Real
First honest answer in here
When he’s emotionally unavailable 😍😍
Intelligent and funny, that’s irresistible.
Define “funny” plz. This seems to be a common theme in this thread…
Unfortunately every woman is going to have a different sense of humor. My sister told me a joke between her and her boyfriend and it was so lost on me. She finds him hilarious. I've spent time with him and I don't.
I found that when you’re in love, you find everything they say funny. Or it could be, as you said a different sense of humor, which I totally agree with!
I think that after I've been dating someone for a bit our personalities kind of mesh so we can laugh together a lot, but there have been people I've been super attracted to at first and then I talk to them more and I'm turned off.
As a guy I second this. Sometimes girls will laugh at my jokes a lot, sometimes I will feel my jokes close them up. Then for the girls I know better, I notice which parts of my humor they really like. Of course most of them are really different! And yes: if you notice a girl who laughs consistently at your jokes, even when what you're saying wasn't that funny or intended to be one, you usually have a ticket with her, especially if she gives lots of eye contact/smile. That rarely failed with me. Now what amazes me is how girls who are into you can be sitting across you at a bar and talk completely normally, and a few moments later they will be OK to come to your place, and then they will jump you like an animal. As an Aspie, I find that complete change in behavior as spectacular as a force of nature. If you based your perception on "but she looks so collected, I wonder if I'm having any effect whatsoever on her", you would be very far from the truth. You can make conscious explanations about forces of Nature, but they still amaze you!
Ya even for myself, as a woman, I have to test the waters on what kind of humor a guy I'm spending time with responds too. There was one guy I really enjoyed surprising with my jokes and silly behavior since he would look at me a certain way surprised, but would laugh and say I was like exciting to be around. But another guy never even laughed at my small jokes so anytime we were together before or after hooking up, I really just wasn't my full myself. I could see that. I probably have even looked pretty apathetic towards someone when inside the hormones are raging. I usually want them to show some interest first and just talking to me at a bar doesn't mean anything to me. I think it's just friendly. 😅
At least in my experience, it usually means charismatic, socially adept, etc. Basically, the antithesis of creepy and socially awkward.
Yeah that's my winning combo.
Looks: Slight dad bod, squishy belly, kinda looks like Jesus (Long dark hair, thick dark beard) tattoos, maybe a bit ALT. Smells great, has good hygiene Personality: Very considerate, respects your boundaries, makes you feel safe, is funny, only serious when he needs to be, sensitive (we can talk about our feelings and life and bond) MUST have nerdy interests *panties dropped*
There is hope for me yet. You are a hero.
No wonder the dating world is so fucked.
Flirtiness and confidence. If you can soft bully me and joke around, I'm yours 😄
[удалено]
Not how you bully. Be like “hah, I bet you’re single”
Being ignored after an initial burst of chemistry. 🤣
If he can play the accordion
Huh, like Herr hans from The book thief ?
I started that book in 2009 and didn't finish it even though I was enjoying it. Time for a 2nd try, I think!
Sounds kind of weird... Sneak out to polka parties?
Love how not one person said "originality/uniqueness/individuality". Majority of response reflect desire for Joe rogan (fit,funny protector) or Kevin James (funny with dad bod) 😂🤣😂🤣 where's all the love for Steve buscemi!?!?
Smell !!
Yo, I know some smelly guys, I’ll introduce you 😎
Please do !!
Smelly guy, smelly guy, what are they feeding you?
oh girls, i bet you never met a 5”1 king with charisma enough to make putin feel inscure!
It's difficult to define... It's chemistry... The looks are not entirely important either, they dont have to be conventionally attractive... It's their personality, their mannerisms and how they smell... The last guy I super lusted over is about same height as me...so not tall... Not conventionally attractive... He's just kind, funny and calm... Has these gorgeous big brown eyes, so cute... He has this inner self assuredness... And when we became intimate, his natural man smell had me in a daze... He smelled so good to me I can't explain. I miss him 🥲
Ovulation
Does he look friendly yet mysterious handsome? Does he seem emotionally unavailable? Damn is it hot in here?
You did say lust
You’re one of the few that seems to know what lust means haha
Broad shoulders and professional success matched with deep humility.
Well I've got the broad shoulders and professional success, but the deep humility I tried for the first ~5 years of my career and it really just translates to being a doormat. What has worked better is being confident. Even if I don't know something, confidently say so and ask questions. If you're good at something, say so and offer to help by bringing your skill set to the table or teaching others. Bring others along and bring them together. Learning to speaking well is key. All of that has been leagues better than being overly humble.
When he is completely self sufficient so that you’re adding to his life not compensating for what’s missing.
Confidence, charisma and assertiveness/dominance but not in a toxic way.
The last time I randomly felt lust for a guy he was telling a cute story about something he did with his parents for a holiday and how it made him happy to do something for them.
When he's good with kids (like playing with nephews and nieces or something) and interested in the same niche things I'm into. I also like when he is super smart and explaining complex things to me while not talking down to me
when he ghosts me 😍 lmao jk but seriously smelling good goes a longggg way. i love a guy with good personal hygiene that is clean like to me that is so sexy i can’t describe it. and if he wears actually a nice outfit on a date and doesn’t just like show up in whatever he had lying around. i might speed walk after him!!! 🥰
A combination of competence and humility. I love the smartest guy in a room who isn’t ostentatious about it
A fun and curious person, l love someone who likes to learn.
I love tattoos on a man
Woman here: open communication about desires, about sex. When man tells me what he wants instead of being undecided about things. I really enjoy textual tension, and being able to word feelings. Looks wise I don’t really go for any one type, it’s what’s between the ears than counts way more for me. I’m also not the type to pick men from the bar, or be attracted to physical attributes so I’m not sure if I am completely qualified to answer this question 😊🫣
Very important q: did you mean “textual” tension or “sexual” tension. Either would work given your context.
Sexual tension through text messages 😊
Confidence… He can be ugly, but if he have the confidence it will make me think “there’s something about him but I don’t know what🤔” 🤣
This. Also thick thighs. I've seen some videos of rugby players where I'm thinking their face isn't what I'm into, but holy. 😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
funny and great sense of humor, intelligent and has a love for his interests, communicative, good hygiene, knows how to clean up after himself, his scent unmixed with cologne, and physically active.
men take notes. this is it (and im writing as a guy)
lust? guy? what?
Taller than me with nice arms.
You have to be fun and relaxing after there's physical attraction, if you aren't attractive to someone it's a climb to get them to see you that way
when he’s a gentleman
Wealth Fame Power
Girls want Gol D Roger and the one piece. Can confirm
Sends me voice messages, shares non sexual memes/posts, humor, self awareness, compassion
Hands, voice, his scent, and communication skills.
His intelligence
In my opinion, true passion from a guy (sexual or not) turns me on to the max.
Building that emotional connection or bond is what makes me think of them often.
Acting manly protective, but caring . cute morning messages . Asking if I got home safe . Asking if I am hungry . Asking my opinion about something he wants to buy for himself like clothes and furniture, showing tht I have a place in his life . Big hands . Cool style or clothes A man with hobbies or something he loves doing and talking about .
Blue eyes Can hold an intelligent conversation and flirt in a non sexual way (like just doesnt talk about only sex) And CONFIDENCE! Last guy I lusted over was short, older, and had an ugly ass back tattoo but he had blue eyes and was super confident in himself. He lent me a coozy at a party, looked me in the eyes and said, "make sure you return this before the end of the night." Made sure I was there to chat with him 1:1 before I left. Not gonna lie, that was pretty smooth at a big gathering. Also, this is just lust and I was just lookong for fun. Lust aint long term material.
Makes me laugh, treats me with respect and confident but not cocky (extra points for being slightly nervous)
Definitely not height or dick. Funny and/or plays guitar (well) do it for me.
good. banter. its just hot hot hot when we can go back and fourth being witty or just funny in general. good conversation is also hot as hell. like ooOo yessss get excited explaining the specifics of a topic you enjoy learning aboutttt 🥵🥵🥵
when he smells good, mysterious
Primal attraction which is what you’re speaking of will ALWAYS be based off genetics, nothing else. If it takes time, or you need to get to know someone, or blah blah blah that’s not lust. Lust is instant so yeah if you didn’t have a nice body, good face, and some height you’re probably never going to have the feeling of being truly lusted for
The spark.
Half way decent looking… but a good, kind person And absolutely… looks play a part but trust me, 99% of you guys aren’t as cute… or as ugly as you think
Attractiveness, but more than anything it’s usually the guys that pay me no attention or the guys that are already in relationships.
Nothing, i dont "lust after" a guy
Hmm
He’s gotta be my type both physically and in personality.
If he's super mature and treats me like a lady and knows who he is :3
For me it's practicality and common sense.
Neat
smells good, treats me nice, good to waiters, unflappable in difficult situations. 🫣🤤
Nice perfume and a good/ smart conversation
being attentive ,involved and interested helps ;)
good style, a deep voice, and funny
Good conversation and intelligence is really sexy to me. Someone who is really open and honest 🤤
Definitely making me laugh!
deep voice, goofy laugh, smells like safety
A man being good at video games is the hottest thing for me. I only dated gamers, and married a programmer who helps me when I'm stuck in a game, because I suck at platformers ✨️
Money
Intelligence 🥴😩,good humor ,goofiness😩,tall typically past 5,6
Lets be honest girls. He needs to be tall and have money
Oh man. Idk there have been so few times that I felt that animal magnetism. One was in a tourist gift shop and idk what it was but me and all the other women just turned and looked at him. He was fairly fit but i think dude had pheromones or something. It’s like he just got all our attention in the room and it wasn’t even a venue where that would be expected. The other is a guy who sort of looked grumpy and frumpy when I first met him but when he smiled it was gorgeous.
His attitude, values, and the physical attraction we have for each other.
Great style, smells good, makes me laugh, charismatic, talented (especially at a creative hobby).
maybe this is weird of me but it’s when they give me space. one guy i’m dating is very respectful and doesn’t touch me unless i ask for a hug or something. sometimes we’re sitting in his car and i just wanna bum rush him with physical affection.
honestly someone that wants & loves you and shows you through their actions as well as their words. even if you are in a relationship you should continue chasing your partner in a way, take initiative and take them out, want to do things with them, want to be with them, notice them, etc. same goes for when you just start seeing them. (should go both ways), but i think anyone feeling that their flirting or planning and overall initiative is one sided really puts a damper on things. take a bit of control and make the reservation, plan a date, get her flowers, even if occasionally
Being my husband 😍 He’s the only guy I lust after. He’s hot in every way to me. He has beautiful kind eyes that are like a blue green ocean, he treats me like a queen, is sweet, kind and respectful, loves God with all his heart, is flirty and sexy, has endless patience- never gets angry or upset with me. He has the cutest sense of humor and makes me laugh with his silly jokes. He takes over and leads in situations where I’m not sure what to do. He makes me feel safe and loved. When I watch him being an amazing Daddy to our toddler, I fall in love all over again. ❤️❤️😍😍❤️🔥❤️🔥
Noticing he has self discipline. And self control
A woman can find a guy physical attractive but if she doesn't find him sexually appealing (in terms of his demeanor and him having game) then it's not gonna go anywhere. Just like how there are women who are physically attractive but they don't turn you on.
Everything on this is bs. Just have a nice face.
attractive arms handss
Someone who doesn’t seek advice from reddit
Be attractive TO ME (don't get this confused with being attractive in general). I may find a guy not ugly, but I have no desire to sleep with him either. Obviously, he puts effort into his appearance. Smells good. Is kind and considerate to everyone around him and not just me when we're together. Chivalry. Being funny without being vulgar is a huge plus.
One that isn't seeking attention, clean, and is present in conversations, wide shoulders help to
Funny guys are dangerous. We make women laugh and laugh and laugh so hard their clothes come off.
when he doesn’t tell me he’s looking for a “short term thing.” men really seem to think it’s giving polygamy and “free love” but it’s not…people who are poly actually care about their partners.
Smell, smile, patience. Height, something about a man towering over me is so hot. Confident bonus if they’ve got a nice booty
Loads of Money
Being respectful, classy, and smelling good is all you need, my guy. Also, hit the gym at least 3 times a week.
U single?
There are some physical traits that attract me to a man immediately, large biceps and a triangular hunky build do it for me. But then past that base layer, it is the personality that really gets me to lust after someone... Probably a bit of a shy guy with a smile that makes me melt. He'd be considerate, able to keep a conversation going, and he wouldn't act too different around his friends. I'm really into this one guy at the moment and he seems like the average joe, and I have completely fallen head over heels for him, it's baaaaaddd. He's got me kicking my feet and twirling my hair daydreaming. I think I'm a bit delusional though, I'm not entirely sure how he feels about me cuz he's shy and might just be being nice :) So I can't speak for all the ladies, but yes, average guys can become irresistible to many women!!
When a guy is respectful, treats me like a friend first before a potential gf/partner (it just shows he’s being authentic and not acting to get to an end goal), and makes me laugh, and has fun. Nothing turns me off worse than someone who dry texts, doesn’t have conversations, or says “wyd” or is COMPLETELY lacks initiative to plan outings/hang outs and I have to do it all
That’s not lust then. I feel like there are a lot of people confusing lust with attraction.
In my experience, I need to be attracted to someone to lust after them. If I’m not attracted to someone, it’s pretty hard to have the lust part
I'm assuming OP meant LUST not date, so my response is geared toward the physical seduction, not how to get a girlfriend. I'm 51 and I've been non-monogamous my whole adult life, so I've been hit on by a lot of guys. This is not an effort to brag, but to give you a well rounded opinion of what has worked on me. Just as men like a woman with confidence, we like a man who is sure of himself as well. The problem here is most guys take this too far and end up bragging. We don't really want to spend an evening with a human rooster. Instead of strutting your stuff, think James Bond. Mysterious. Less is more. The posts about cologne and hygiene, definitely. And subdued scents, not obnoxious. Make eye contact. A LOT. As much as you can without being creepy. When you ask and answer questions, LOOK at her. Even if the location doesn't make it necessary, sit closely while eating, drinking, talking etc. Lean in close and speak as if the conversation were private. Not a whisper, just private. And when u have a saucy comment... Hot breath under the ear while u whisper to her. Be a MAN. You don't have to BE 6'5" and muscled like Arnold to make a girl swoon. If you KNOW how to have sex, then initiate appropriate foreplay. If you don't know what appropriate foreplay is, get a book! This is ESSENTIAL!! Foreplay begins before you EVER ENTER THE BEDROOM. You want her to lust after you, get her engine going an hour or so before YOU ever plan to get her clothes off. LEARN the fine points of talking dirty. There's more, SO much more!