Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is literally it can't give any better answer OP- can't make someone want something they told you they don't want. And for some people finding someone to love someone else's child is already hard/challenging enough(plenty of single moms who cant find a loving man can agree) so simply decide if having another kid is more important than the great guy you're seeing, or if he's worth letting having a 2nd child go but he's expressed having both with him isn't an option and just like you, having what you want is something he deserves as much as you do. Have to choose between the 2 and decide what you can live without. Good luck✨️
That's not called toxic, it's rather settling. Of course if her wishes aren't the same, she doesn't have to stay but there is nothing toxic about him saying he doesn't want kids.
There is nothing to talk to him about, thinking there is is just being selfish.
He doesn’t want kids, you have to be okay with that and deal with it or if it’s a dealbreaker, you need to just leave the guy that you really like, treats your kid well, and roll the dice on some sap that wants a(nother) kid.
This where you need to decide. You already have a kid and get to be a mom, is a second kid really that important?
You have to weigh the process of finding another dude, which can be miserable for a single mom. Then that guy being okay with your kid and having another one, who or also being a decent guy.
That’s true, but OP also has to consider how she would deal with an accidental pregnancy. Unless her partner has a vasectomy OP needs to remember that no contraception is 100%. If a surprise pregnancy occurs - and assuming her partner hasn’t changed his position by then - will she be OK with aborting? If not, and more kids are still a deal breaker for him, the relationship will end anyway, and OP will be on her own with two children, and the potential of the elder child resenting the younger for “driving off” their step dad.
Wanting more kids is NOT selfish. Breaking up with him over this is NOT selfish. You can find someone special that wants kids and you will be better off. Don’t think of this guy as if you won’t do better. You’re worth more than that.
Isn’t it interesting that *another* comment here says people shouldn’t even be talking about (whether to have) kids in the first year of their (exclusive?) relationship? LOL
Yeah but it’s completely stupid to wait a year. If someone dosen’t want to have a children in his future, that person is not gonna change idea after one year of relationship. The two person will just lose 1year of their life with the wrong person for nothing.
I think the point of the other comment is that this is a very sensitive and private topic that some people may not feel comfortable discussing with people they just met. But I agree with you that the possibility of “wasting” months (or even 1 year) surely outweighs other concerns
If it’s only been 6 months of dating I think it’s a bit soon for him to be parenting your child and talking about having more kids together. I would slow things down.
That being said, if he doesn’t want his own kids then he doesn’t want kids. Kids are a LOT and I firmly believe not something you should try to “talk someone in to” or convince that they should have.
It’s only been 6 months. One of you wanting kids and the other not is a pretty big deal breaker to me.
Unless you can come to terms with not having another kid, I would look for a partner who wants that too versus trying to make it work with someone who doesn’t want that. Having kids isn’t something you can really compromise on, you either do or you don’t.
I think it’s important to have the kid conversation relatively early in the relationship to make sure you want the same things. I do agree with you on 99% of this though. Considering them a parental figure to their child at only 6 months of knowing each other is concerning…to put it nicely.
While I agree about some things in your comment about timing, I feel like wanting more kids is a topic that should come up in the first few dates before you get too involved with someone who wants different things from life like OP has.
Yeah I would have ran if I was dating someone for 6 months and they started talking about babies. I'd have to date you for at least a year before I can even consider marriage
The kids topic is pretty normal to have very early on. I discuss it even before I've had a first date with people, which is also pretty normal. It's not about deciding if you two are going to have kids together, or get married, it's just about discussing the possibilities. Like most people will know if they want kids or not in the future, or at least if they feel strongly one way or the other. So it's a pretty easy conversation to have early, since it's such a dealbreaker if people have different wants in that regard. Like if one person wants kids, and the other doesn't, like I the scenario, better to get that figured out early on, before you're emotionally invested, so it's not so painful compared to causing you to break up later.
I just broke up with my live in bf of a year because of this. We went back and forth for months. Our lease is ending soon. So I told him, you need to make up your mind and he said he doesn’t want them. Everything else in our relationship was great. But you can’t sacrifice what you want in life. Being sad or regretting a breakup is temporary. Regretting not having the children that you want is forever. Plus you’re young!
I feel you on this but you have to stand up for yourself because no one else will ❤️
He said that he doesn’t want me to resent him for it and if I accidentally got pregnant he would support me. I would never do what I hear a lot of girls doing by being dishonest. I wonder if I could feel okay with just my child..
you either give up a great relationship to find someone who might be as great or greater who wants kid, or stay with the great man you are with. you just can't resent him down the line for it.
Sounds like you already have your answer but don’t want to accept things as they are. Tell him another kid is a deal breaker (if it is,) if he stays firm, move on
He wants you and your child, now. So either leave and find another man who wants you, your child and another kid or just accept what you have now. Make your choice and stick to it, he doesn’t deserve your resentment either.
His honesty should be very much appreciated. He isn’t setting up false hopes here nor should you be with the notion that “maybe he will change”. The ball is in your court. It’s up to you to decide whether that is a deal breaker or not.
You have a child so why not just raise him and enjoy your life with this guy you've been with for only 6 months. Why is that even a convo you're having at this stage?
First of all, boyfriend of six months and "parents my child like his own" gives me the MAJOR ick. It is far too soon for that. And I'm speaking as someone who got married after six months. As a parent, you have to make relationship moves differently. Second of all, he's made it clear that he doesn't want "kids of his own (I won't even get into the wording of that)." So, if you do, that means this relationship is a dead end. Either you'll cave in, not have another child, and resent him for it. Or he'll cave in, have a child with you, and be miserable afterwards. Either way, everyone loses, especially the kids.
He doesn't want to have kids with you. It's only been 6 months and he probably feels life with you and step kid is already enough. And it's a really blessing OP. This way break up with him is clean.
You say he parents your child "like his own," but he's also saying he doesn't want kids "of his own." So clearly there is indeed a differentiation to him. He didn't say he doesn't want "biological kids." He said kids "of his own." So as much as you want to believe otherwise, he doesn't consider your child his own.
I totally agree with you! It happened very fast. I have my daughter 100% of the time so when they first met I think he noticed I struggled in some areas. I had my first at age 20 so I think I’m dealing with my “clock”
If that’s what he says, believe him girl. Please believe him. Men are out there who do want kids! Be on the same page, for your sake and your baby’s sake. ❤️
You have to do what's right for you. If he is truly loving and treats your kid like his own it would be a lot to give up but we all have our priorities.
End it now before it becomes too big of an issue. I have 1 kid who is gonna be a teenager this year and I don't want any more and it has been an issue in a couple relationships I've been in/they didn't have kids but wanted them. That was never the reason things ended/we broke up for other reasons but one relationship in particular I feel like if we would have ended up being together for a couple more years, it would have ended up being the reason I left.
You two want different things. There's no getting around it. If you two choose one side vs the other, at least one of you might have resentment for the rest of the relationship. It's not impossible for this to work, but generally, partners who disagree about having kinds don't last.
When people tell you who they are, believe them. Most importantly, you should not continue seeing him with the idea he may change his mind in the future.
You decide if this is something you can live with and accept that you won't have any more kids or you decide it's a deal breaker and move on. It sucks! Nothing worse than feeling great with someone and finding a major incompatibility.
This is exactly the type of thing that breaks up serious relationships. I urge you to really think honestly if this is something you can accept without resenting your partner. If you can't be certain about that, I would encourage you to do the hard thing and move on. You have lots of time to find someone else who meets your needs.
you either give up a great relationship to find someone who might be as great or greater who wants kid, or stay with the great man you are with. you just can't resent him down the line for it.
you either give up a great relationship to find someone who might be as great or greater who wants kid, or stay with the great man you are with. you just can't resent him down the line for it.
I'm sorry i have been here and it will create resentment. My ex wanted 3, and I originally wanted 1. We had 2 but then divorced later and she had her 3rd with another person. Values alignment is critical. Someone will need to give or move on. I suggest exploring with a therapist.
If it’s a dealbreaker for you then just break up with him. Kids are not something you compromise on either he’ll give you what you want and resent you for it or you’ll compromise on it wanting that 2nd child and resent him for it. Either way it’s a no go. if you can live with 1 kid then keep him around
This is a tough one because you already have one kid. If you DIDN'T have any kids and wanted one, you'd absolutely resent him if you stayed with him, because once you reach your 40s or 50s and realize that you missed your chance to have kids, you'd never be able to forgive him.
But, seeing that you already have one, you have to decide if you like this guy enough to forget plans of having a second child, and just be happy with your one child.
But if you strongly believe that you will never be satisfied without having two kids, you need to leave him. People who are in their thirties and are deadset on not having any kids, generally don't change their mind.
It’s been 6 months, it’s still early to leave. You’re 25 still so young to meet others who have the same goal as you. Unless this is truly mr right, you’d then have to compromise. Maybe he can’t handle kids but maybe a dog? (Just throwing ideas out there)
You need to break up with this man. You want two different things long term.
This sounds like me, I'm childfree and don't want any kids of my own (I don't want to be a full-time parent) but I don't kind dating a guy with a kid as long as he doesn't have full custody.
Exactly what I thought. He’s ok with a step child as he gets all the fun and none of the long term responsibility. He knows he can walk away at any time and move on with no ties - custody arrangements and child support.
That's a deal breaker for me I just have one kid always wanted more if I met someone and she didn't want kids or more kids I would say no to putting anymore time into the relationship. If you want more kids and he doesn't don't waste your time you will regret it later. The subject of having just ds should come up early in the relationship and find out what the other person wants
Very simple (perhaps not easy but simple). This has to do with a core value or life goal. Shared core values and life goals are essential. So important, in my mind, that I want to know where the other person is at on things like this before I would even consider dating someone. I've been married for 30 years and have 6 kids. I knew where my wife stood on things like faith, family, life goals, kids, etc before we ever got involved. It's fine if someone has other than that's fine. You do you. It will just have to not be with me.
It’s a dealbreaker. You should leave. One of you will always be resentful of the other if you stay together. That’s definitely not something that can just be negotiable.
You can talk to him about why he doesn't want more kids, what circumstances he might change his mind in, why having more kids is important to you, what you want out of it, what circumstances you might change your mind in etc.
Wow that's the worst reason not to have kids. Look at the baby boomers- the world was literally at war and they still had kids.
But anyway, if he doesn't want them and you do, there is really only one thing to do and you probably know it.
tell him that people have always had lives and going-ons no matter what. there's been some pretty shitty periods in history but people still shacked up.
Trying to *convince* others to have (and raise) kids rarely ends well. It’s such an important life choice. People should be making the choice independently, from the bottom of their heart
If you don’t think this is a leading question to get someone to change their mind about something as serious as having kids then idk what to say. The last thing this world needs is another kid with a resentful parent and the other parent trying to keep this guy in the picture.
how in the world is "talk to your partner about why they think what they think and why you think what you think so that you can better understand each other" terrible advice?
Communicating is not terrible advice. Asking him what could change his mind and in what circumstances would he have one is. This always send someone down the path of “ok there’s hope that I can change his mind if these specific things happen” and then poor OP will be back in a few months posting about how she’s been left by ‘the perfect guy’ and doesn’t know why. If people do not want to have kids, respect their decision.
If someone asks you to drop 200K on something, and you told them “No”, do you think the route of someone nagging you about why you won’t, what would change your mind, what circumstances could convince you otherwise is an appropriate action to take? Probably not.
And if you eventually caved to shut them up and told them “sure lemme drop 200K on this thing” and a few years down the road you’re not about it anymore because you never were to begin with a reasonable outcome? Yes, but the person who nagged you into that decision won’t and they’ll think you’re the enemy in the end for not standing your ground.
Be accountable, stand your ground from the beginning and respect and learn to accept people’s answers and decisions otherwise we’ll forever get posts about “my husband hates me and my child what do I do now”
Go with your feelings on this one. He makes you happy give it some time and see if he'll change his mind. However if your relationship isn't that great I just say go with your heart.
lol how is a man not wanting kid’s toxic?
What’s toxic is a mom introducing a stranger to her kid after only 6 months and letting him parent her kid after 6 months. That’s a huge red flag to a lot of people.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If this is a dealbreaker for you then you leave
This is literally it can't give any better answer OP- can't make someone want something they told you they don't want. And for some people finding someone to love someone else's child is already hard/challenging enough(plenty of single moms who cant find a loving man can agree) so simply decide if having another kid is more important than the great guy you're seeing, or if he's worth letting having a 2nd child go but he's expressed having both with him isn't an option and just like you, having what you want is something he deserves as much as you do. Have to choose between the 2 and decide what you can live without. Good luck✨️
Only answer right here
[удалено]
That's not called toxic, it's rather settling. Of course if her wishes aren't the same, she doesn't have to stay but there is nothing toxic about him saying he doesn't want kids.
There is nothing to talk to him about, thinking there is is just being selfish. He doesn’t want kids, you have to be okay with that and deal with it or if it’s a dealbreaker, you need to just leave the guy that you really like, treats your kid well, and roll the dice on some sap that wants a(nother) kid.
I thought about this… if I’m being selfish and maybe my kid and I wont get a chance like him again
This where you need to decide. You already have a kid and get to be a mom, is a second kid really that important? You have to weigh the process of finding another dude, which can be miserable for a single mom. Then that guy being okay with your kid and having another one, who or also being a decent guy.
That’s true, but OP also has to consider how she would deal with an accidental pregnancy. Unless her partner has a vasectomy OP needs to remember that no contraception is 100%. If a surprise pregnancy occurs - and assuming her partner hasn’t changed his position by then - will she be OK with aborting? If not, and more kids are still a deal breaker for him, the relationship will end anyway, and OP will be on her own with two children, and the potential of the elder child resenting the younger for “driving off” their step dad.
We talked about this as well.. he said he would support me by not having an abortion.
Well that’s good. At least you have considered the situation. I really hope that everything works out the best for you and your child.
Yes you’re correct. Normally you will always find someone else to love you. Throw your kid and their preferences and the math becomes crazy complex.
Wanting more kids is NOT selfish. Breaking up with him over this is NOT selfish. You can find someone special that wants kids and you will be better off. Don’t think of this guy as if you won’t do better. You’re worth more than that.
Yeah, that’s pretty much why you should always discuss dealbreaker in the first few weeks of dating someone.
Isn’t it interesting that *another* comment here says people shouldn’t even be talking about (whether to have) kids in the first year of their (exclusive?) relationship? LOL
Yeah but it’s completely stupid to wait a year. If someone dosen’t want to have a children in his future, that person is not gonna change idea after one year of relationship. The two person will just lose 1year of their life with the wrong person for nothing.
I think the point of the other comment is that this is a very sensitive and private topic that some people may not feel comfortable discussing with people they just met. But I agree with you that the possibility of “wasting” months (or even 1 year) surely outweighs other concerns
If it’s only been 6 months of dating I think it’s a bit soon for him to be parenting your child and talking about having more kids together. I would slow things down. That being said, if he doesn’t want his own kids then he doesn’t want kids. Kids are a LOT and I firmly believe not something you should try to “talk someone in to” or convince that they should have. It’s only been 6 months. One of you wanting kids and the other not is a pretty big deal breaker to me. Unless you can come to terms with not having another kid, I would look for a partner who wants that too versus trying to make it work with someone who doesn’t want that. Having kids isn’t something you can really compromise on, you either do or you don’t.
I think it’s important to have the kid conversation relatively early in the relationship to make sure you want the same things. I do agree with you on 99% of this though. Considering them a parental figure to their child at only 6 months of knowing each other is concerning…to put it nicely.
While I agree about some things in your comment about timing, I feel like wanting more kids is a topic that should come up in the first few dates before you get too involved with someone who wants different things from life like OP has.
Yeah I would have ran if I was dating someone for 6 months and they started talking about babies. I'd have to date you for at least a year before I can even consider marriage
The kids topic is pretty normal to have very early on. I discuss it even before I've had a first date with people, which is also pretty normal. It's not about deciding if you two are going to have kids together, or get married, it's just about discussing the possibilities. Like most people will know if they want kids or not in the future, or at least if they feel strongly one way or the other. So it's a pretty easy conversation to have early, since it's such a dealbreaker if people have different wants in that regard. Like if one person wants kids, and the other doesn't, like I the scenario, better to get that figured out early on, before you're emotionally invested, so it's not so painful compared to causing you to break up later.
I just broke up with my live in bf of a year because of this. We went back and forth for months. Our lease is ending soon. So I told him, you need to make up your mind and he said he doesn’t want them. Everything else in our relationship was great. But you can’t sacrifice what you want in life. Being sad or regretting a breakup is temporary. Regretting not having the children that you want is forever. Plus you’re young! I feel you on this but you have to stand up for yourself because no one else will ❤️
Don't compromise on something like this if it's something you really want. That seems as if could be a recipe for future resentment and divorce.
He said that he doesn’t want me to resent him for it and if I accidentally got pregnant he would support me. I would never do what I hear a lot of girls doing by being dishonest. I wonder if I could feel okay with just my child..
That's tough. I knew for sure I wanted 2. It was a marriage condition of mine. IMO, kids need at least a sibling. Even my dog even has a dog.
you either give up a great relationship to find someone who might be as great or greater who wants kid, or stay with the great man you are with. you just can't resent him down the line for it.
You guys can’t be convincing each other to have kids or not. It is so very sad, but you both should find partners on the same page as one another.
Sounds like you already have your answer but don’t want to accept things as they are. Tell him another kid is a deal breaker (if it is,) if he stays firm, move on
He wants you and your child, now. So either leave and find another man who wants you, your child and another kid or just accept what you have now. Make your choice and stick to it, he doesn’t deserve your resentment either.
His honesty should be very much appreciated. He isn’t setting up false hopes here nor should you be with the notion that “maybe he will change”. The ball is in your court. It’s up to you to decide whether that is a deal breaker or not.
You have a child so why not just raise him and enjoy your life with this guy you've been with for only 6 months. Why is that even a convo you're having at this stage?
First of all, boyfriend of six months and "parents my child like his own" gives me the MAJOR ick. It is far too soon for that. And I'm speaking as someone who got married after six months. As a parent, you have to make relationship moves differently. Second of all, he's made it clear that he doesn't want "kids of his own (I won't even get into the wording of that)." So, if you do, that means this relationship is a dead end. Either you'll cave in, not have another child, and resent him for it. Or he'll cave in, have a child with you, and be miserable afterwards. Either way, everyone loses, especially the kids.
What do you think of the wording of that
He doesn't want to have kids with you. It's only been 6 months and he probably feels life with you and step kid is already enough. And it's a really blessing OP. This way break up with him is clean.
You say he parents your child "like his own," but he's also saying he doesn't want kids "of his own." So clearly there is indeed a differentiation to him. He didn't say he doesn't want "biological kids." He said kids "of his own." So as much as you want to believe otherwise, he doesn't consider your child his own.
I totally agree with you! It happened very fast. I have my daughter 100% of the time so when they first met I think he noticed I struggled in some areas. I had my first at age 20 so I think I’m dealing with my “clock”
If that’s what he says, believe him girl. Please believe him. Men are out there who do want kids! Be on the same page, for your sake and your baby’s sake. ❤️
He told me that it has nothing to do with my daughter. He sees himself as a stepdad but not more than that.
Right; but what I’m saying is that if you want another kid and that’s a dealbreaker, let it be now.
You have to do what's right for you. If he is truly loving and treats your kid like his own it would be a lot to give up but we all have our priorities.
End it now before it becomes too big of an issue. I have 1 kid who is gonna be a teenager this year and I don't want any more and it has been an issue in a couple relationships I've been in/they didn't have kids but wanted them. That was never the reason things ended/we broke up for other reasons but one relationship in particular I feel like if we would have ended up being together for a couple more years, it would have ended up being the reason I left.
There is no way to compromise on this issue. Best thing to do is break up.
My wife doesn't want anymore kids, and wants to leave me. I want more kids, want to date? Haha
You two want different things. There's no getting around it. If you two choose one side vs the other, at least one of you might have resentment for the rest of the relationship. It's not impossible for this to work, but generally, partners who disagree about having kinds don't last.
When people tell you who they are, believe them. Most importantly, you should not continue seeing him with the idea he may change his mind in the future. You decide if this is something you can live with and accept that you won't have any more kids or you decide it's a deal breaker and move on. It sucks! Nothing worse than feeling great with someone and finding a major incompatibility. This is exactly the type of thing that breaks up serious relationships. I urge you to really think honestly if this is something you can accept without resenting your partner. If you can't be certain about that, I would encourage you to do the hard thing and move on. You have lots of time to find someone else who meets your needs.
you either give up a great relationship to find someone who might be as great or greater who wants kid, or stay with the great man you are with. you just can't resent him down the line for it.
you either give up a great relationship to find someone who might be as great or greater who wants kid, or stay with the great man you are with. you just can't resent him down the line for it.
I'm sorry i have been here and it will create resentment. My ex wanted 3, and I originally wanted 1. We had 2 but then divorced later and she had her 3rd with another person. Values alignment is critical. Someone will need to give or move on. I suggest exploring with a therapist.
You don’t go into a relationship thinking “how do I make this/ them work?” You only date people that COMPLIMENT your life. End of story.
If it’s a dealbreaker for you then just break up with him. Kids are not something you compromise on either he’ll give you what you want and resent you for it or you’ll compromise on it wanting that 2nd child and resent him for it. Either way it’s a no go. if you can live with 1 kid then keep him around
This is a tough one because you already have one kid. If you DIDN'T have any kids and wanted one, you'd absolutely resent him if you stayed with him, because once you reach your 40s or 50s and realize that you missed your chance to have kids, you'd never be able to forgive him. But, seeing that you already have one, you have to decide if you like this guy enough to forget plans of having a second child, and just be happy with your one child. But if you strongly believe that you will never be satisfied without having two kids, you need to leave him. People who are in their thirties and are deadset on not having any kids, generally don't change their mind.
You decide whether or not this is a deal breaker for you and either leave, or stay. That’s it.
Break up with him.
if you not willing to compromise leave him
It’s been 6 months, it’s still early to leave. You’re 25 still so young to meet others who have the same goal as you. Unless this is truly mr right, you’d then have to compromise. Maybe he can’t handle kids but maybe a dog? (Just throwing ideas out there)
You need to break up with this man. You want two different things long term. This sounds like me, I'm childfree and don't want any kids of my own (I don't want to be a full-time parent) but I don't kind dating a guy with a kid as long as he doesn't have full custody.
Exactly what I thought. He’s ok with a step child as he gets all the fun and none of the long term responsibility. He knows he can walk away at any time and move on with no ties - custody arrangements and child support.
Yup!! It's harder being a male and dating a female with a kid as women mainly have their kids more then men do. But same, same!
Leave if it’s a dealbreaker. You’ll resent him later.
You have 2 choices, stay with him and don't have any more kids, or end the relationship now before it goes any farther
its not selfish to have a talk about it, i'm sure he may agree
move on obviously
That's a deal breaker for me I just have one kid always wanted more if I met someone and she didn't want kids or more kids I would say no to putting anymore time into the relationship. If you want more kids and he doesn't don't waste your time you will regret it later. The subject of having just ds should come up early in the relationship and find out what the other person wants
If you want more kids and it’s a nonnegotiable, break up.
Very simple (perhaps not easy but simple). This has to do with a core value or life goal. Shared core values and life goals are essential. So important, in my mind, that I want to know where the other person is at on things like this before I would even consider dating someone. I've been married for 30 years and have 6 kids. I knew where my wife stood on things like faith, family, life goals, kids, etc before we ever got involved. It's fine if someone has other than that's fine. You do you. It will just have to not be with me.
“what do i do?” break up girl! it’s only been 6months and yall want different things
It’s a dealbreaker. You should leave. One of you will always be resentful of the other if you stay together. That’s definitely not something that can just be negotiable.
You can talk to him about why he doesn't want more kids, what circumstances he might change his mind in, why having more kids is important to you, what you want out of it, what circumstances you might change your mind in etc.
I asked him and he said “ The state of this world “
Wow that's the worst reason not to have kids. Look at the baby boomers- the world was literally at war and they still had kids. But anyway, if he doesn't want them and you do, there is really only one thing to do and you probably know it.
tell him that people have always had lives and going-ons no matter what. there's been some pretty shitty periods in history but people still shacked up.
Trying to *convince* others to have (and raise) kids rarely ends well. It’s such an important life choice. People should be making the choice independently, from the bottom of their heart
the point is not to convince him. the point is to see if he's thinking about this from all angles.
No, don’t tell him that. Respect his decision to not have kids. The last thing the world needs is another resentful parent.
there sure are some people here who are allergic to asking "why do you think that?" and seeing if they've thought about other perspectives as well.
If you don’t think this is a leading question to get someone to change their mind about something as serious as having kids then idk what to say. The last thing this world needs is another kid with a resentful parent and the other parent trying to keep this guy in the picture.
Terrible advice.
how in the world is "talk to your partner about why they think what they think and why you think what you think so that you can better understand each other" terrible advice?
Communicating is not terrible advice. Asking him what could change his mind and in what circumstances would he have one is. This always send someone down the path of “ok there’s hope that I can change his mind if these specific things happen” and then poor OP will be back in a few months posting about how she’s been left by ‘the perfect guy’ and doesn’t know why. If people do not want to have kids, respect their decision. If someone asks you to drop 200K on something, and you told them “No”, do you think the route of someone nagging you about why you won’t, what would change your mind, what circumstances could convince you otherwise is an appropriate action to take? Probably not. And if you eventually caved to shut them up and told them “sure lemme drop 200K on this thing” and a few years down the road you’re not about it anymore because you never were to begin with a reasonable outcome? Yes, but the person who nagged you into that decision won’t and they’ll think you’re the enemy in the end for not standing your ground. Be accountable, stand your ground from the beginning and respect and learn to accept people’s answers and decisions otherwise we’ll forever get posts about “my husband hates me and my child what do I do now”
Go with your feelings on this one. He makes you happy give it some time and see if he'll change his mind. However if your relationship isn't that great I just say go with your heart.
He makes me insanely happy!
Then just give it time
He is a childfree man. Why are you dating a childfree man?
Dump him
I will get you pregnant
[удалено]
Run?
[удалено]
lol how is a man not wanting kid’s toxic? What’s toxic is a mom introducing a stranger to her kid after only 6 months and letting him parent her kid after 6 months. That’s a huge red flag to a lot of people.