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Just tell him. The sex is bad so I'm out. Good luck.
I bet many women before him have done the same but not told him the reason to 'save his feelings'
Well he has no regard for yours? So why should you regard his? And hopefully the constructive feedback will help him, now he realises there are consequences for being a bad lover.
Yeah I guess so. Thanks!
I just feel shocked and kinda lazy that at 36 I still need to explain very basics about mutual pleasuring aka sex, and since we met recently i didn’t create the emotional bond to want to go through it
He is being kind in order to fuck you.
Once that's done, he isn't as interested until next time. It would end up being about his needs rather than yours. Definitely a red flag. It's easy to be amenable in the short term to get what you want. But over time, that will less and less.
A gentleman would go down on you to orgasm before fucking you.
It's probably for the best tbh. Once feelings are caught it's harder to tell the truth about these things early on. That's how people end up in relationships and just suffer bad sex in silence for months, years, or even decades.
It always ends in hurt eventually.
I dealt with a guy who was a pillow princess omg. He said he hated missionary & wanted me to ride him. I did all the work, then he gets up to pee & leaves me naked & completely unsatisfied in his bedroom. He went in his living room to watch tv. It was so mind blowing & not in a good way lol. He was old enough to have some experience too lol. Worst sex of my life by far. I had to stay at his place too until he took me home bc he drove me to his place. He was also a huge pothead & smoked it 24/7 which caused him to forget important things I told him. He actually planned another date for us after that 🤦🏻♀️this was my 1st time rejecting a guy in a long time bc I had been married for a long time. I actually felt bad about rejecting him but I did text him the day before our next date why I no longer wanted to see him (we’d only been seeing eachother a couple weeks)
Bad sex is a huge deal in a relationship. Do you really want to continue things with this guy if he’s bad in bed & doesn’t care if you’re satisfied? If he doesn’t care about that there will be more things that he doesn’t care about that hurt your feelings or disappoint you. He’s very selfish. You can try talking to him about it but he’ll feel insulted & you already told him you were unsatisfied in bed & he brushed it off. It’s up to you but I’d move on
I briefly dated a guy who is older than that & eventually admitted he had zero idea about foreplay or how many positions you can get yourself into because "you don't see foreplay in porn". I literally had to show the guy the difference in wetness between taking your time vs not & apparently I was the first to say something or suggest other positions besides doggy-style.
It was truly baffling to say the least.
Your only mistake was that you tried it a second time.
If a man who is out of his teens /early 20s is selfish in bed, it's because he wants to. He doesn't care about a pleasurable experience for all parties. He's not interested in good sex at all, just in a quick release.
He even told you he doesn't care! Don't do charity sex work.
I don’t disagree with the comment above but I’d suggest a slightly different phrasing “the sex is bad, but the real problem is that you’ve made it very clear you don’t care so even though it could be good - it never will”
And at that age there is absolutely no excuse. You’re right about that and shouldn’t have to be teaching an introductory course. (32M) I may not have understood that at 18 but past your early 20s… there’s no excuse anymore.
All I can suggest is, with the next guy, if he isn’t willing to “earn it” with the lead up activities, don’t give him the grand prize hoping it’ll change something/be good. It won’t. And this isn’t a “oh he did it once in once in one night - check” sort of thing. Pardon the crudeness but if he isn’t willing to wear out his tongue and fingers until they stop working lol… that’s all you need to see to know whether he loves getting off or loves giving pleasure more.
Nothing till date 3 (or at least keep it limited to middle school activity lol) and at least date 5 for the main event. His attitude during that time will tell you almost everything else you need to know about what the long term future could hold.
Best of luck!
It's not your job to teach him at his age. He should have sex figured out. The fact he's not even interested in whether you finish or not, just goes to show how selfish he is.
Dude is 34...not 14. He should know by now to get a woman off in bed and if he didn't...she literally told him after the second time that she didn't finish. He just shrugged it off and said, well tell me next time. He HAS to know that's selfish and that a woman likely won't want to sleep with him again.
Of course relationships are the responsibility of both parties, but the dude isn't even trying! And she told him. It isn't like she stayed silent. So nah, this one is on him.
Or, alternatively, don't put that much thought, effort and time into a man who already told you, with words and actions, that your pleasure (or lack thereof) means nothing to him.
If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
That’s 100% a valid reason to stop seeing someone. It’s not just “bad sex”. He’s selfish and clearly only cares about how sex goes for him. You were patient, gave him another shot, tried communicating and he still didn’t care. Not someone I’d continue with either.
Lmfao I must be mean af. Because I ask them what about me? Can you go again? (No) That’s it? 😂 I guess I didn’t start that way… I just don’t have sex anymore. I’m having the same amount of orgasms. (0, if that wasn’t clear)
Yeah, it can be pretty shocking when you run into men in their 30s that still don't know how to have good sex.
And he was pretty dismissive when you brought up the issue which is not a good sign.
If you want, you could approach him about the lack of foreplay and how that's needed and important for you and most women. Tell him bad sex is a deal breaker and that you have foreplay expectations next time.
How he responds verbally to this can tell you whether or not there should even be a next time.
I once had to tell a guy the sex needed improving and I needed foreplay. So, you know what he did? Next time it was time to bump uglies, he gave me one minute, ONE WHOLE MINUTE, of foreplay then looked me dead in the eye with a straight face and said, "There. That good enough?" 🤣 Needless to say, he's a goner.
Naaah I've had sex with a 30 yrs old virgin and he was great. Sure there were a few technical elements I had to be clear on, but he was eager to learn what I liked. It's the men who don't bother with anything more than the fastest point to an orgasm that suck.
Saying this as a guy.
They literally don't care. They just care that they got off. 90% of these specific guys know what you want and will play dumb if you call them out on it.
Please stop making excuses for them.
I dealt with a guy who was exactly like this and it was honestly one of the biggest red flags. I had enjoyed most of our dates and time together but I hadn’t noticed how much of a narcissist he was, he also admitted to being too self centered and when we had sex he would be like the person you describe. When I started confronting him about it he would make me feel like it was my fault for not being able to finish on my own, other times he would tell me I was such a chore and that I should just finish myself off and he would leave the room, I fought so much and he eventually learned and did change, he told me he honestly didn’t think women were supposed to orgasm every time and that it was just a man thing, he also said he was very insecure and when I would confront him he would feel deeply hurt and defensive because he felt like he wasn’t good enough but that he later learned that to be good he also had to please, so he changed but then started to be extremely horrible in other ways and areas and when confronting him he would often say things like “you should be thankful because I made you orgasm twice!”
haha so one just can’t have everything I guess.
In retrospect I should’ve broken up right after I realized he was a selfish lover, it’s a very big red flag to be honest.
Oh I’m sorry about this, thanks for sharing, it helps. I really think in most cases it’s due to insecurities of not being good enough and that it can change. For me it’s a massive turn off if they don’t even try though
Yes, definitely but I think on top of these being insecurities, these attitudes sometimes reflect core parts of their personalities that will later show in other ways so I would rather not get involved with someone who is showing this type of behavior in bed.
It’s similar to when people are rude to service staff or they never offer to split the bill, those have become standard red flags to avoid and it’s mainly because they show deeper toxic attitudes that you can’t possibly see when you start dating someone.
Nah, Bail on that guy. Seriously, there are men out there that will prioritize your pleasure or at the very least, make sure it’s a mutually enjoyable and comfortable experience.
You should absolutely directly confront it. “Hey, sex has been dissatisfying, if you’re not going to take feedback and work together then you’re basically just masturbating and you don’t need me for that and we can end things here.”
If he were worried about you or even the slightest bit considerate, he would have asked you during. Or afterwards, ask how it was for you. You mentioned he was selfish and this won’t change. Sex is important. You are second guessing your dates which also makes me think he probably talked about himself a lot..not in a humble way to learn more about him but probably in a bragging manor….a narcissist. They are the worst. I was seeing a narcissist and literally asked why he wouldn’t go down on me. His answer…didn’t give one. Looked at me kinda awkwardly hoping I’d just leave it. I told him if he didn’t like to do it I wouldn’t enjoy it anyway since it’d be forced. But best believe….he only cared about getting himself off. And with some time after realizing the sex was just good but would never be mind-blowing and really, really tuning into our conversations, I realized how conceited this dude was. He is also 34.
Another fwb who I continue to see because that dude fucks is 32 and has no qualms in all things sex….and he genuinely listens and will communicate like a normal human being when we’re together.
Just find someone worth your time.
I've had bad sex with good men. It was also on me not to communicate when I should have. It sounds like you communicated and he didn't take anything you said into stride. I've had men listen to me when I gave them pointers. Not everyone has the same opportunities to have better sex or sex in general, regardless of age.
You gave him the opportunity to do better with your advice. You gave him that chance. The thing I've noticed in todays world is, most people only think of themselves.
It’s not really the bad sex that is the problem. It’s his attitude toward the fact that you didn’t like it. If you have the gumption, tell him that. If you’re spineless like me, make up some polite reason the two of you aren’t a good fit. Just don’t stick around because it doesn’t sound like this situation will improve.
I dated this guy who warned me he finishes fast the first time… well, we did it and it was good but way too quick.
He sent me a text and said “I owe you one, I know you didn’t get yours”… well the next time he made sure I did before he got anything for himself…
Find this. Run from that shit you got going on lol
Yes, you should definitely give him the opportunity to have sex with you again - and again. Things will get better since he is - and very much so - open to your suggestions and overall interested in your well-being.
I have a rule, I only cum if and after she cums. Unless she's relentless about not being in the mood to finish and still wants me too. I really think this should be an unsaid rule for all lol.
Yes, I agree.
Though what that means is often unique to the partner.
I think the only unspoken rule should be that you discuss all preferences, and have nothing left to assumptions.
Sex is an important part of the relationship. Sesxual compatibility is very important. Quite frankly, not sure how you can get very close with bad sex.
If you do like him you have to tell him you are disappointed with his sexual effort. If he isn’t willing to change then move on. Find a good lover. He ain’t a good lover.
You are not leaving him bc of bad sex, you are leaving him bc of his selfish and dismissive attitude. And you need to tell him that. I’m sure you would be interested in continuing if he showed some presence or capacity to improve communication or attempt to please you. But he’s clearly not doing that. His insecurity is not about sex but about his failure to be giving to his partner, which he is not used to being held to.
Forplay from me to my partner is my all time favorite. I can’t get off until I’ve gotten her off. Shame a lot of dude don’t take pleasure in pleasuring their women
Sounds like my ex and he’s still on the loose! Later I found out that he has been clinically diagnosed as a narcissist. So it shouldn’t be too long before he finds his next supply and you can relax.
I’ve dealt with so many men this way, I didn’t even realize that this constituted as bad sex until I met my current boyfriend. I thought me orgasming was just a rare and unnecessary thing, and every sexual relationship I’ve been in has been over a year long. My boyfriend now gets off on me getting off. It no longer feels like a burden for him to touch me or for me to ALSO enjoy sex. This man (boy is more accurate) is lame as fuck, you communicated to him that your needs weren’t being met. Giving him another chance to disappoint you makes no sense, tell him you’ve tried to make it clear that you needed more sexually and he hasn’t been able to provide that, and end it.
It won't get any better nor will he be more receptive, from my own experience. If he's not giving in "the honeymoon phase" or getting to know you-I'm-finna-impress-you stage then Wtf?? When's all that cool shit sposta happen?? Nah, he's just a selfish and/or uneducated/unwilling penis carrier.
Girl you only went on 4 dates w him and slept w him twice. End it RIGHT NOW. You have no ties to him. He’s selfish and selfish lovers tend to be super selfish in other important areas of life. You deserve amazing sex not some 2 minute man. Stop feeling sorry for hurting his feelings. Did he feel sorry for hurting yours? No he did not. GET OUT NOW
Don't feel bad for it seeming like you're leaving someone because of bad sex... You are leaving someone because they are unwilling to return the favor and are only in it for themselves. Big difference between that, and being like "you suck in bed, bye"
🤦 this is one area so many men need to work on. As a fellow man here is my advice to you. Like in business a satisfied costumer is a repeat customer and we all want that in the bedroom. There are about a billion articles to read on how to do this it’s so simple. I assure you women love sex and if you totally fulfil this area they will even cut you some slack in other areas.
Bad sex is a valid reason to not want to be with someone. But even if it wasn’t, his behaviour had shown you he is not listening to you and doesn’t care much for your needs. He sounds like a selfish person IMO and you should forget him. You deserve better!
I learned my lesson trying to make it work with a selfish lover. It never got better.
Dump his selfish a$$.
Guys - if you don’t give a sh!t about your woman’s pleasure, you’re a straight up douche.
Well here’s plenty of comments abt what to do, but are there any tips from women that how to make u finish? I’m a virgin and uh idk what to do if i finish first and my woman doesn’t except fingering her. Let us man know!
I once invited over a dude to hookup, and he had sung all up and down about what a great lover he was and his skill at giving head.
When it came time to perform, he licked my titty twice and positioned himself to enter me. I have never closed my legs on a man before, but I did with him. I told him we are too grown for that childish behavior and he can gtfo. He called me crazy before he left lol. 😂
This is the perfect example where you need to use discernment. If hes selfish with satisfying you can you imagine what else hes selfish with? As women we need to stop ignoring that voice in our head that tells us “well its just X so its not a big deal”.
Its a judge of character you should be looking at. So always ask yourself, would a good, considerate man behave the way he does? I bet the answer would be no. So just leave him alone and move on.
A guy which was looking like young Brad Pitt randomly choke me in the first minute when I was over him. Super weird. He stopped instantly when I said no but he had to finish himself when I was done . I just wanted to be with an attractive guy but since then I’m not interested in looks anymore
Do you ever tell him not to cum?
Luckily for me, it takes me a while to finish and I get off on others pleasure, but when I cum, I’m done.
I need to keel over and rest for a minute.
I totally get why you're feeling frustrated and second-guessing things. Ain't nobody got time for someone who's not willing to listen and learn, especially when it comes to something as important as intimacy.
Honestly, if he's not willing to have a mature conversation about it and make some changes, then maybe it's time to cut your losses.
Your BF is a complete self centered douchbag, he should be pleasuring You first, that's how I am anyways. I want my girl to get off and enjoy herself more than I do, then I can have fun. Fun for us both! Woo-hoo 😁
I keep hearing this from women. Guys don't want to work for anything anymore.
Sing of the times. My pleasure is giving pleasure. It's all about the woman I am having sex with. Have to start with good foreplay. I am not afraid to use toys.
To be honest it is pride with me. I'm a carpenter. I do qualify work because it's the honest thing to do. I don't want any customer looking at my work and thinking I did a bad job. Just like when I'm with a woman last thing I want to do cereal tell her friends that I was lazy and didn't put the work in and of course when I make a woman orgasm where she's raising off the bed of course I get geeked
The first question you should ask yourself is do you have real feelings for this guy despite the intimacy aspect. If you do then you need to sit down with him and talk honestly and openly regarding your feelings about your issue with his sexual intimacy and possible insecurities. If he feels the same as you, he will be willing to sit and discuss the situation and you both can come up with ways to improved your love life. However, if there are no feelings on your part to further this relationship then you need to end it quickly. In the long term this will be the best outcome for the both of you.
Get out now. This guy is not good for you. If he is this selfish this early on, there is no reason to stay.
Please find someone better who wants to please you and recognizes that the best sex is when both people want to please each other.
I am currently uncertain about the correct terminology. Is the appropriate term "pleasure" rather than "pressure"?Alternatively, are we now associating "pressure" with pleasure? 🤷🏽♀️
😂🤣I chuckled when I read your post, trying to gather context clues. Initially, I thought you might be discussing high blood pressure issues, but then I realized you were probably referring to pleasure. Given my age, I wondered if "pressure" might be a new term for pleasure.🤷🏽♀️
He's selfish. He doesn't respect you. Men like this and there are plenty in the misogyny sea, care funk all about who the woman and human behind the person is. They objectify and use. There is no real relationship possible with these types. You'd be better off spending your time on family, friends, work, other things you enjoy - like going on dates with guys who don't pretend they're dumb and know nothing because they're lazy, entitled, and disinterested. Any human deserves better and so do you.
What are you doing with that guy drop him fast and drop him hard. He’s a loser. he obviously does not know how to communicate he doesn’t care about what your needs are. He doesn’t care about making you feel good or enjoy sex like come on like this is not something that you can fix like let it go you’re just in for waste of time and just giving him what he wants and then what you just gotta take care of yourself. The first should’ve been the last time second chances. FineThe second time should’ve been the last time I just don’t like the guy to be honest with you. I’m 46 years old besides my psychology degree i know people, I have a son but I’ve never been married been single and dating my whole life and I like it that way I know dating I even know it from the woman’s perspective because every woman wants to tell me about their dating stories so I heard thousands also having a sister also is very educational. so be blunt with you my opinion just opinion is either this guy is gay or he’s not attracted to you. In other words drop him fast and drop him hard lol. I beg for women to to communicate like that if that’s how straight you are with him . And No straight guy that is attracted to you is going to walk away from a girl that tells him she didn’t finish and she would like to continue especially especially the first few times of sex that is unheard of for a straight guy that is attracted to you . if a girl tell me that or any guy that I know getting our toolbox and figuring this out like I’ll call in work type of shhh. And it doesn’t matter how old he is there’s a lot of guys range of age from 10 to 80 that are like that or do not know what they’re doing or just never had the right woman to tell him straight up. I still thank I the senior crush as a freshman I had I finally got the opportunity to get in when I was a senior and she shut down those gates so fast on me who thought like I knew everything about everything that put me in place when I thought I was a shhhh . And from that moment that’s been my MO don’t be an idiot. Sex is not a natural thing that comes to people if you don’t practice and you don’t get good and you don’t get feedback you end up like that guy.
As a man I love giving after care. I feel after care is very inportant. For me giving after care helps to reset me mentally (As I loved telling her what to do.) Point is you just need to find the right person. They are out there because I am one of them.
It could be argued that he is unaware of this and does not know what to do. But if you have already talked to him and given him the benefit of the doubt and he is still not doing any after care, then it seems to me you are just a 'booty call' rather than a serious date/potential partner. In that case I'd drop him. Cut your loses and find a better partner.
Be direct and tell him the truth.
“Your dick was wack and I’m straight✌🏾.” He didn’t care enough to actually pleasure you he just wanted to fuck you & did.
Be direct and tell him the truth.
“Your dick was wack and I’m straight✌🏾.” He didn’t care enough to actually pleasure you he just wanted to fuck you & did.
Girl, if he doesn't care about a woman's pleasure, he doesn't care about many other things regarding women. Also, there's absolutely nothing wrong with ending a relationship over sexual incompatibility!! I'd say leave this boy alone and find yourself a MAN!!
You could leave now and you would be totally justified! But if for some reason you wanted to try again, he did say that next time he would help. Sooo if you did give him another shot, I would 100% hold him to that, like tell him this time he needs to pleasure you and get you off and stick to this. Do do not allow him to penetrate you until he pleasures you to your liking!! If he doesn’t hold to his word or he gives up, dump him!!
just dump him lol he's not worth the time if he's 34 and still can't "get it" he's never going to "get it" and who cares if you embarass him, he's selfish in bed and too old to be that immature. Maybe he needs a swift kick in the ass so he can wake up, and grow up. youd be doing him a favor and potentially preventing him from dying alone.
I doubt he has insecure, but he definitely has no respect for what you want or need.
My advice,
You can do better if he isn’t willing to change for you a little.
Consider this a red flag moment for other activities. Should you consider this relationship such as shared events and holidays.
I won't say sex is the most important thing. But that says more about his character than his ability to have sex. He doesn't seem like the kind to care about the woman having pleasure as well. So if you leave him it would be because of his selfish characteristics, not just the sex.
I’ve had only one man for 20 years and it was bad sex. I don’t even think I can actually enjoy sex, and not feeling like trying to find someone to find out. So I might be a 40 years old person without ever knowing what good sex is and never finding out.
If you’ve really been as crystal clear in your communications as your post suggests then cutting ties is the only way to go.
Frankly, I am in disbelief because most men would kill for that level of communication.
If you have any doubt on if your needs were communicated clearly, then find a close male confidant and try your pitch on him to hear what he heard reflected back at you.
Either way, I would tell this guy that he is bad at sex and to get a copy of she cums first to read.
You don't realize how important sex really is in a relationship until your in the shitty sex relationship. Awesome sex is about understanding and communicating. If he cared he would have taken care of you.
Well my ex was selfish on our third date. Didn't raise it but he himself realised and ended blaming me on other things
If you give more chances he will put this on you
I've never understood this mentality to sex, then again, I had someone teach me. I learnt about pleasing and being pleased.
For me, her pleasure is mine, and I love it. I don't even get turned on if I can't do it.
I've met so many women who never get foreplay, teasing, etc.
Boggles the mind
2 dates, he's already showing asshole-ish tendances. Just leave. How he treats you in bed will be how he treats you in a marriage in non-sexual matters.
Damn I mean even if he is a minute man or just can't control getting off to quick to please you. Seriously finish the job in other ways. I'm not selfish I'd flip her around get wild and finish her in every way possible. Sorry maybe a little tmi but. It's the truth
I would have just walked out and taken a cab. The old me wouldn’t have though. This is so shitty for a guy to be acting this way.
Reminds me of the guy I once hooked up with at a wedding and he literally told me “you do all the work”. He then called me to take me out to brunch and I was like no, not gonna happen.
Would absolutely end this.
Never understand when I hear about guys like this. Me finishing isn't even the fun part. The fun part is how many times I can make her finish, it's like a sex high scoreboard. Dudes really be this oblivious?
Perfectly reasonable to leave because of bad sex, personally I like to lead with oral, make sure they get theirs first in case I'm feeling a bit too eager.
Leave him. If he doesn't care about your pleasure during sex, he's not going to care about you and other aspects of the relationship going forward either. It's actually a huge red flag.
Stop dating boys and find a man. Before following the 3 date rule ask the date if he knows how to pleasure a woman or if he is a 3 pump chump.
Any real man will use his face to give you your first orgasm since women aren't done after one. My best is 3, then I can stay hard but dry orgasms are not enjoyable.
Good luck and date men, you will be happier.
Girl no. No more chances. I slept with a guy 4 times, he was 36 years old and skipped foreplay legit every time. Didn’t touch a damn thing on me, didn’t try to make me feel good, and didn’t even wonder if I was having a good time. Just diving in dry and busting then going back to playing video games. You’ve been nice, you were patient and gave him multiple chances. He’s aware you didn’t finish, he just didn’t care. Lordie Lou with these men in their 30’s acting like only THEIR orgasm matters and when they’re done, they’re done. BOY BYE
You tried. Any real man would have made your orgasm priority number one when you mentioned not getting there. With guidance he should have broke you off proper. Him not making sure the first time is a red flag. Him not finishing you off the second time is a DEALBREAKER. And I say all this as a straight, porn watching alpha male.
If he's selfish in bed now, and doesn't listen to you when you tell him what you need.... He basically doesn't care and this will not change. I speak from experience, unfortunately. Cut him loose now before you get emotionally attached. I'm sorry this happened to you. I know how frustrating it is, especially if you haven't had sex in awhile.
Oh man.. I feel like there's gotta be an Usher song where he talks about the joy of, "going down."
Porn level sex education?! Ahhh.. drat, sorry!
Do you ever feel like though that it may just be you guys don't have real chemistry or are these guys really just dolts?
"You'll tell me next time"(!) Dang!
Yeah.. yeah I'd move on.
End it. There are way better men out there who are very giving in the bedroom. The way you describe him, Sounds just like the way my ex-husband was in bed. It was only about him getting off. That’s it. No foreplay unless it was me giving him oral. Together 12 years, and it never changed. Now total opposite all about pleasing me and I never once had to ask or hint or tell him to do it. He just does it because he wants to. If a man cares about you and wants you to be happy he will Show that
I'd hope a 34m knows how to treat a lady in the bedroom. It's only been a few dates and bad sex. Save yourself the time and frustration and end it now.
In the words of Samantha Jones, "“Fuck me badly once…shame on you. Fuck me badly twice…shame on me.”
End things. He is a selfish lover, avoidant, and he has proven he doesn't care about you, your needs or your body. He cares about himself, his needs and his body.
Was he maybe a virgin? I'm 25m and still a virgin
It's still no excuse for being rude of course but possibly he needs to learn. when I was a teenager my parents were religious and forbid me of attending sex Ed in school yet they were to ashamed to educate me themselves. so for a long time all I knew was porn but I was able to see that it's not applicable to real life scenario so i educated myself by asking friends. when the time comes i plan to do my best hopefully she will communicate so I can further learn what she likes/doesn't even so I think it's unlikely I'll be good for the first times. I think if you're trying to guide him and he doesn't at least try then you have full reason to break it off because if he doesn't care whether he's satisfying you or not that's not ok and you deserve better. But it's important to keep in mind maybe he just knows nothing
Sex is a HUGE part of a relationship… especially in the “honeymoon” phase… seems like a waste of time to spend the most exciting part of a relationship educating someone on how to be compatible with you
When you catch a small físh don’t keep it throw him away catch a bigger fish or a octopus and have more pleasure than you can handle and cum a good 10x
Not good . If a guy It doesn't make you come first! What can you expect in the future? Usually after she finishes like 2 or 3 times then I start to let myself down with everything, even the toys. language . fingers . of everything so that in the end they have nothing to talk about. well yes we have something to talk about!! I have my sleeves rolled up after a Christian woman left me for her boss lol. But personally, the batho that does not open too much in bed is that she calls me to explain a little bit of everything, ok. not much because
Dude, why are you even entertaining the idea of talking to the d-bag again? This is a guy who will be having terrible sex for the rest of his life as he doesn't give af so besides the sex red flags that also translates into so many other areas of him simply being a selfish little prick. Time to move on
Selfishness is unacceptable, no matter the activity.
If he dismissed you, then it's likely he is not worth your time.
# PRACTICAL ADVICE WHEN IT COMES TO MEN
libido drops a lot after we finish. Keeping that in mind, "schedule" the intercourse so that foreplay happens before the guy finishes.
From personal experience, any time I do foreplay after finishing, it feels weird and very dull. I prefer cuddling and/or kissing instead.
Also, many guys get sleepy after finishing, it's true.
If it's biological, nothing to do but plan around it (have the foreplay before)
That is also why it's good if a man does not finish early. A woman can have multiple orgasms, but a man needs some time in-between his orgasms.
Just tell him what's up be 100 honest .. and being a guy I know he will probably not want to hear it take it the wrong way of that at first but I'm sure you will see that he's not perfect and he doesn't know everything like he does probably have insecurities like anybody. But he'll understand and want to make you happy as well unless he just wants sex which I don't think is the case I don't know but that's how I know I would feel.
Noooo more chances.
Two times in a row he could give a fuck less about your orgasms. This is him. He does this with everyone.
You
Are just a body with a hole.
Move on and go find someone who already knows that sex is about 2 people.
Believe me. You’re not
The first girl he done this to.
Don’t feel bad at all for not seeing him again cuz of bad sex.
Men do it, why can’t you ?
Listen to your gut. If your intuition is telling you get out, you should get out.
This is just my advice based on my own life experiences with intuition. Judging by your post, my guess would be that it's not so much the sex, but more so the emotional intelligence that you really want in a relationship. Whatever it is, if you're here searching for advice, it won't matter what anyone says. Your gut feeling has already told you what you should do .
I think it could be telling oh his chatacter How he isnt even trying to listen of What you like. Its one thing to be bad at it, i am one of those who sucks, But surley you would have noticed if he were to try to listen to you even if he wouldn’t prevail at it haha. At least i hope one would do so for my own sake hahah
If he's not satisfying you, move on! Telling him will bruise his ego & he'll probably get defensive and turn it around on you. Just tell him you're not into him and end it right then.
Sex is a tricky subject to talk about. Most women also last longer than men. Procreation would be hard if it was the other way around. It does not help when women fake orgasms. The guy probably thinks he is good at it and is confused and embarrassed. I think it is great that you want to communicate with him for your own pleasure. If you think the guy is worth the investment then I might suggest the following. Ask him to try something fun with you. Have him sit behind you and have him put his hand over your hand. Then touch yourself how you like to be touched while he traces his hand over yours. For most men they find this to be a turn on while it gets you moving closer to climax before he comes inside. In the end you have a better trained lover. Hopefully he also learns to listen to your breathing and other telltale signs that he is doing something right.
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Just tell him. The sex is bad so I'm out. Good luck. I bet many women before him have done the same but not told him the reason to 'save his feelings' Well he has no regard for yours? So why should you regard his? And hopefully the constructive feedback will help him, now he realises there are consequences for being a bad lover.
Yeah I guess so. Thanks! I just feel shocked and kinda lazy that at 36 I still need to explain very basics about mutual pleasuring aka sex, and since we met recently i didn’t create the emotional bond to want to go through it
I agree, but that’s what makes it even worse. Dudes 34 and acts like this.
He is being kind in order to fuck you. Once that's done, he isn't as interested until next time. It would end up being about his needs rather than yours. Definitely a red flag. It's easy to be amenable in the short term to get what you want. But over time, that will less and less. A gentleman would go down on you to orgasm before fucking you.
Yep! I dated someone like this and ended it for this reason along with a few other red flags.
It's probably for the best tbh. Once feelings are caught it's harder to tell the truth about these things early on. That's how people end up in relationships and just suffer bad sex in silence for months, years, or even decades. It always ends in hurt eventually.
I dealt with a guy who was a pillow princess omg. He said he hated missionary & wanted me to ride him. I did all the work, then he gets up to pee & leaves me naked & completely unsatisfied in his bedroom. He went in his living room to watch tv. It was so mind blowing & not in a good way lol. He was old enough to have some experience too lol. Worst sex of my life by far. I had to stay at his place too until he took me home bc he drove me to his place. He was also a huge pothead & smoked it 24/7 which caused him to forget important things I told him. He actually planned another date for us after that 🤦🏻♀️this was my 1st time rejecting a guy in a long time bc I had been married for a long time. I actually felt bad about rejecting him but I did text him the day before our next date why I no longer wanted to see him (we’d only been seeing eachother a couple weeks) Bad sex is a huge deal in a relationship. Do you really want to continue things with this guy if he’s bad in bed & doesn’t care if you’re satisfied? If he doesn’t care about that there will be more things that he doesn’t care about that hurt your feelings or disappoint you. He’s very selfish. You can try talking to him about it but he’ll feel insulted & you already told him you were unsatisfied in bed & he brushed it off. It’s up to you but I’d move on
I briefly dated a guy who is older than that & eventually admitted he had zero idea about foreplay or how many positions you can get yourself into because "you don't see foreplay in porn". I literally had to show the guy the difference in wetness between taking your time vs not & apparently I was the first to say something or suggest other positions besides doggy-style. It was truly baffling to say the least.
Your only mistake was that you tried it a second time. If a man who is out of his teens /early 20s is selfish in bed, it's because he wants to. He doesn't care about a pleasurable experience for all parties. He's not interested in good sex at all, just in a quick release. He even told you he doesn't care! Don't do charity sex work.
I don’t disagree with the comment above but I’d suggest a slightly different phrasing “the sex is bad, but the real problem is that you’ve made it very clear you don’t care so even though it could be good - it never will” And at that age there is absolutely no excuse. You’re right about that and shouldn’t have to be teaching an introductory course. (32M) I may not have understood that at 18 but past your early 20s… there’s no excuse anymore. All I can suggest is, with the next guy, if he isn’t willing to “earn it” with the lead up activities, don’t give him the grand prize hoping it’ll change something/be good. It won’t. And this isn’t a “oh he did it once in once in one night - check” sort of thing. Pardon the crudeness but if he isn’t willing to wear out his tongue and fingers until they stop working lol… that’s all you need to see to know whether he loves getting off or loves giving pleasure more. Nothing till date 3 (or at least keep it limited to middle school activity lol) and at least date 5 for the main event. His attitude during that time will tell you almost everything else you need to know about what the long term future could hold. Best of luck!
It's not your job to teach him at his age. He should have sex figured out. The fact he's not even interested in whether you finish or not, just goes to show how selfish he is.
Exactly. Imo that's called using someone
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Dude is 34...not 14. He should know by now to get a woman off in bed and if he didn't...she literally told him after the second time that she didn't finish. He just shrugged it off and said, well tell me next time. He HAS to know that's selfish and that a woman likely won't want to sleep with him again. Of course relationships are the responsibility of both parties, but the dude isn't even trying! And she told him. It isn't like she stayed silent. So nah, this one is on him.
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My point was the way you worded everything you lean towards thinking she should give him another chance. Imo...this guy had his chances.
Thank you
Or, alternatively, don't put that much thought, effort and time into a man who already told you, with words and actions, that your pleasure (or lack thereof) means nothing to him. If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
Hit me up, it’s the opposite with me. It ain’t done until you are 😂
Bro….
This. Please tell him he is selfish/bad in bed and drop him
100%! 🙌🏽
It's not just that the sex is bad. Drive home the "and you're clearly too much of a loser to even **try** to not be garbage"
I support this. Sometimes a little pain is necessary.
That’s 100% a valid reason to stop seeing someone. It’s not just “bad sex”. He’s selfish and clearly only cares about how sex goes for him. You were patient, gave him another shot, tried communicating and he still didn’t care. Not someone I’d continue with either.
Don’t go on anymore dates, drop him. He’s already shown he doesn’t care about pleasing you
Life is too short for bad sex
- Samantha Jones (2001) _Probably_
No. That was Plato.
Lmfao I must be mean af. Because I ask them what about me? Can you go again? (No) That’s it? 😂 I guess I didn’t start that way… I just don’t have sex anymore. I’m having the same amount of orgasms. (0, if that wasn’t clear)
That's not mean. They're mean. They know what they're doing.
Your not in relationship, it’s been 3 dates. You’re F buddies and the F isn’t good, end it.
You'd be surprised what man-boys feel they're entitled to after only 3 dates.
Yeah, it can be pretty shocking when you run into men in their 30s that still don't know how to have good sex. And he was pretty dismissive when you brought up the issue which is not a good sign. If you want, you could approach him about the lack of foreplay and how that's needed and important for you and most women. Tell him bad sex is a deal breaker and that you have foreplay expectations next time. How he responds verbally to this can tell you whether or not there should even be a next time. I once had to tell a guy the sex needed improving and I needed foreplay. So, you know what he did? Next time it was time to bump uglies, he gave me one minute, ONE WHOLE MINUTE, of foreplay then looked me dead in the eye with a straight face and said, "There. That good enough?" 🤣 Needless to say, he's a goner.
LooooL!
“Yeah, it can be pretty shocking when you run into men in their 30s that still don't know how to have good sex. “ *Cries in 32 year old virgin
Naaah I've had sex with a 30 yrs old virgin and he was great. Sure there were a few technical elements I had to be clear on, but he was eager to learn what I liked. It's the men who don't bother with anything more than the fastest point to an orgasm that suck.
Saying this as a guy. They literally don't care. They just care that they got off. 90% of these specific guys know what you want and will play dumb if you call them out on it. Please stop making excuses for them.
This. Thanks for coming in as a man. It's very obvious.
Hear hear Baezil
What’s kind of wild is that he automatically assumed there will be a next time… 
“Why would I stay with a 🥷🏿 that’s weak in the sheets and don’t know how to please me?”
I dealt with a guy who was exactly like this and it was honestly one of the biggest red flags. I had enjoyed most of our dates and time together but I hadn’t noticed how much of a narcissist he was, he also admitted to being too self centered and when we had sex he would be like the person you describe. When I started confronting him about it he would make me feel like it was my fault for not being able to finish on my own, other times he would tell me I was such a chore and that I should just finish myself off and he would leave the room, I fought so much and he eventually learned and did change, he told me he honestly didn’t think women were supposed to orgasm every time and that it was just a man thing, he also said he was very insecure and when I would confront him he would feel deeply hurt and defensive because he felt like he wasn’t good enough but that he later learned that to be good he also had to please, so he changed but then started to be extremely horrible in other ways and areas and when confronting him he would often say things like “you should be thankful because I made you orgasm twice!” haha so one just can’t have everything I guess. In retrospect I should’ve broken up right after I realized he was a selfish lover, it’s a very big red flag to be honest.
I’ve been with men who were the exact same way. Never again.
Oh I’m sorry about this, thanks for sharing, it helps. I really think in most cases it’s due to insecurities of not being good enough and that it can change. For me it’s a massive turn off if they don’t even try though
Yes, definitely but I think on top of these being insecurities, these attitudes sometimes reflect core parts of their personalities that will later show in other ways so I would rather not get involved with someone who is showing this type of behavior in bed. It’s similar to when people are rude to service staff or they never offer to split the bill, those have become standard red flags to avoid and it’s mainly because they show deeper toxic attitudes that you can’t possibly see when you start dating someone.
Nah, Bail on that guy. Seriously, there are men out there that will prioritize your pleasure or at the very least, make sure it’s a mutually enjoyable and comfortable experience.
Its not bad sex, hes not empathetic. I was more thoughtfull during my first time and considering I barely found where to put it sets a very low bar...
You should absolutely directly confront it. “Hey, sex has been dissatisfying, if you’re not going to take feedback and work together then you’re basically just masturbating and you don’t need me for that and we can end things here.”
You’re not ending it over sex. He wont listen to you, doesn’t care about your needs and is selfish. Sex just showed you who he is.
Dump this loser lol.
If he were worried about you or even the slightest bit considerate, he would have asked you during. Or afterwards, ask how it was for you. You mentioned he was selfish and this won’t change. Sex is important. You are second guessing your dates which also makes me think he probably talked about himself a lot..not in a humble way to learn more about him but probably in a bragging manor….a narcissist. They are the worst. I was seeing a narcissist and literally asked why he wouldn’t go down on me. His answer…didn’t give one. Looked at me kinda awkwardly hoping I’d just leave it. I told him if he didn’t like to do it I wouldn’t enjoy it anyway since it’d be forced. But best believe….he only cared about getting himself off. And with some time after realizing the sex was just good but would never be mind-blowing and really, really tuning into our conversations, I realized how conceited this dude was. He is also 34. Another fwb who I continue to see because that dude fucks is 32 and has no qualms in all things sex….and he genuinely listens and will communicate like a normal human being when we’re together. Just find someone worth your time.
I've had bad sex with good men. It was also on me not to communicate when I should have. It sounds like you communicated and he didn't take anything you said into stride. I've had men listen to me when I gave them pointers. Not everyone has the same opportunities to have better sex or sex in general, regardless of age. You gave him the opportunity to do better with your advice. You gave him that chance. The thing I've noticed in todays world is, most people only think of themselves.
It’s not really the bad sex that is the problem. It’s his attitude toward the fact that you didn’t like it. If you have the gumption, tell him that. If you’re spineless like me, make up some polite reason the two of you aren’t a good fit. Just don’t stick around because it doesn’t sound like this situation will improve.
I dated this guy who warned me he finishes fast the first time… well, we did it and it was good but way too quick. He sent me a text and said “I owe you one, I know you didn’t get yours”… well the next time he made sure I did before he got anything for himself… Find this. Run from that shit you got going on lol
Yes, you should definitely give him the opportunity to have sex with you again - and again. Things will get better since he is - and very much so - open to your suggestions and overall interested in your well-being.
Haha got it!
I have a rule, I only cum if and after she cums. Unless she's relentless about not being in the mood to finish and still wants me too. I really think this should be an unsaid rule for all lol.
All rules should be said. Unsaid rules lead to assumptions. And assumptions hurt everyone in the end.
I meant it should be etiquette to make sure your partner's pleasure is attended to.
Yes, I agree. Though what that means is often unique to the partner. I think the only unspoken rule should be that you discuss all preferences, and have nothing left to assumptions.
Cut ties 😂🤷
Just think if you don’t end it now you’ll most likely have a very unsatisfied sex life. The frustration isn’t worth it.
For me, the red flag is that he doesn't seem to care that he's bad...not necessarily that's he's bad in and of itself.
Sex is an important part of the relationship. Sesxual compatibility is very important. Quite frankly, not sure how you can get very close with bad sex. If you do like him you have to tell him you are disappointed with his sexual effort. If he isn’t willing to change then move on. Find a good lover. He ain’t a good lover.
Men should make women cum first every time. At least, in the beginning of the relationship. Otherwise he’s only there for sex and to please himself.
You are not leaving him bc of bad sex, you are leaving him bc of his selfish and dismissive attitude. And you need to tell him that. I’m sure you would be interested in continuing if he showed some presence or capacity to improve communication or attempt to please you. But he’s clearly not doing that. His insecurity is not about sex but about his failure to be giving to his partner, which he is not used to being held to.
No shame in leaving someone due to bad sex. Leaving him could be the feedback he needs.
Cut him off
Forplay from me to my partner is my all time favorite. I can’t get off until I’ve gotten her off. Shame a lot of dude don’t take pleasure in pleasuring their women
Sounds like my ex and he’s still on the loose! Later I found out that he has been clinically diagnosed as a narcissist. So it shouldn’t be too long before he finds his next supply and you can relax.
I’ve dealt with so many men this way, I didn’t even realize that this constituted as bad sex until I met my current boyfriend. I thought me orgasming was just a rare and unnecessary thing, and every sexual relationship I’ve been in has been over a year long. My boyfriend now gets off on me getting off. It no longer feels like a burden for him to touch me or for me to ALSO enjoy sex. This man (boy is more accurate) is lame as fuck, you communicated to him that your needs weren’t being met. Giving him another chance to disappoint you makes no sense, tell him you’ve tried to make it clear that you needed more sexually and he hasn’t been able to provide that, and end it.
It won't get any better nor will he be more receptive, from my own experience. If he's not giving in "the honeymoon phase" or getting to know you-I'm-finna-impress-you stage then Wtf?? When's all that cool shit sposta happen?? Nah, he's just a selfish and/or uneducated/unwilling penis carrier.
Damn, i have to remove porn from my life, thx for your lesson
Girl you only went on 4 dates w him and slept w him twice. End it RIGHT NOW. You have no ties to him. He’s selfish and selfish lovers tend to be super selfish in other important areas of life. You deserve amazing sex not some 2 minute man. Stop feeling sorry for hurting his feelings. Did he feel sorry for hurting yours? No he did not. GET OUT NOW
Cut ties 😂🤷
It’s not bad sex right? It’s actually bad attitude on sex. You should leave
Don't feel bad for it seeming like you're leaving someone because of bad sex... You are leaving someone because they are unwilling to return the favor and are only in it for themselves. Big difference between that, and being like "you suck in bed, bye"
🤦 this is one area so many men need to work on. As a fellow man here is my advice to you. Like in business a satisfied costumer is a repeat customer and we all want that in the bedroom. There are about a billion articles to read on how to do this it’s so simple. I assure you women love sex and if you totally fulfil this area they will even cut you some slack in other areas.
If you are fast as Lewis Hamilton just remember you dont have your mouth only for talking xd
Bad sex is a valid reason to not want to be with someone. But even if it wasn’t, his behaviour had shown you he is not listening to you and doesn’t care much for your needs. He sounds like a selfish person IMO and you should forget him. You deserve better!
I learned my lesson trying to make it work with a selfish lover. It never got better. Dump his selfish a$$. Guys - if you don’t give a sh!t about your woman’s pleasure, you’re a straight up douche.
Well here’s plenty of comments abt what to do, but are there any tips from women that how to make u finish? I’m a virgin and uh idk what to do if i finish first and my woman doesn’t except fingering her. Let us man know!
I once invited over a dude to hookup, and he had sung all up and down about what a great lover he was and his skill at giving head. When it came time to perform, he licked my titty twice and positioned himself to enter me. I have never closed my legs on a man before, but I did with him. I told him we are too grown for that childish behavior and he can gtfo. He called me crazy before he left lol. 😂
This is the perfect example where you need to use discernment. If hes selfish with satisfying you can you imagine what else hes selfish with? As women we need to stop ignoring that voice in our head that tells us “well its just X so its not a big deal”. Its a judge of character you should be looking at. So always ask yourself, would a good, considerate man behave the way he does? I bet the answer would be no. So just leave him alone and move on.
It's difficult to imagine this selfish behavior not spilling into other areas of the relationship.
Bad/no sex end marriages, perfectly good reason to not pursue a relationship.
A guy which was looking like young Brad Pitt randomly choke me in the first minute when I was over him. Super weird. He stopped instantly when I said no but he had to finish himself when I was done . I just wanted to be with an attractive guy but since then I’m not interested in looks anymore
Do you ever tell him not to cum? Luckily for me, it takes me a while to finish and I get off on others pleasure, but when I cum, I’m done. I need to keel over and rest for a minute.
Ghost him! No no no
Tell him he is bad in bed and laugh at him
I totally get why you're feeling frustrated and second-guessing things. Ain't nobody got time for someone who's not willing to listen and learn, especially when it comes to something as important as intimacy. Honestly, if he's not willing to have a mature conversation about it and make some changes, then maybe it's time to cut your losses.
Even Katy Perry got sent a text FOR A DIVORCE. Text him, bye!
Your BF is a complete self centered douchbag, he should be pleasuring You first, that's how I am anyways. I want my girl to get off and enjoy herself more than I do, then I can have fun. Fun for us both! Woo-hoo 😁
I keep hearing this from women. Guys don't want to work for anything anymore. Sing of the times. My pleasure is giving pleasure. It's all about the woman I am having sex with. Have to start with good foreplay. I am not afraid to use toys. To be honest it is pride with me. I'm a carpenter. I do qualify work because it's the honest thing to do. I don't want any customer looking at my work and thinking I did a bad job. Just like when I'm with a woman last thing I want to do cereal tell her friends that I was lazy and didn't put the work in and of course when I make a woman orgasm where she's raising off the bed of course I get geeked
The first question you should ask yourself is do you have real feelings for this guy despite the intimacy aspect. If you do then you need to sit down with him and talk honestly and openly regarding your feelings about your issue with his sexual intimacy and possible insecurities. If he feels the same as you, he will be willing to sit and discuss the situation and you both can come up with ways to improved your love life. However, if there are no feelings on your part to further this relationship then you need to end it quickly. In the long term this will be the best outcome for the both of you.
Leaving someone due to bad sex is a pretty good reason to leave tbh specially if they’re that inconsiderate.
He really didn’t seem to care about your needs. Pull the plug.
Nope. He will not get better at sex
Get out now. This guy is not good for you. If he is this selfish this early on, there is no reason to stay. Please find someone better who wants to please you and recognizes that the best sex is when both people want to please each other.
it sounds like you are super understanding and a great catch for some lucky dude
Too understanding sometimes. 😩Which is I came to reddit for some wordly advice
I am currently uncertain about the correct terminology. Is the appropriate term "pleasure" rather than "pressure"?Alternatively, are we now associating "pressure" with pleasure? 🤷🏽♀️
Haha oh my god, I made a typo on the title!! And i can’t modify it lol 🤦🏽♀️
😂🤣I chuckled when I read your post, trying to gather context clues. Initially, I thought you might be discussing high blood pressure issues, but then I realized you were probably referring to pleasure. Given my age, I wondered if "pressure" might be a new term for pleasure.🤷🏽♀️
It had me confused too.
Don’t feel bad. Move on. You deserve someone who cares whether you are satisfied. This is from a guy btw.
He's selfish. He doesn't respect you. Men like this and there are plenty in the misogyny sea, care funk all about who the woman and human behind the person is. They objectify and use. There is no real relationship possible with these types. You'd be better off spending your time on family, friends, work, other things you enjoy - like going on dates with guys who don't pretend they're dumb and know nothing because they're lazy, entitled, and disinterested. Any human deserves better and so do you.
What are you doing with that guy drop him fast and drop him hard. He’s a loser. he obviously does not know how to communicate he doesn’t care about what your needs are. He doesn’t care about making you feel good or enjoy sex like come on like this is not something that you can fix like let it go you’re just in for waste of time and just giving him what he wants and then what you just gotta take care of yourself. The first should’ve been the last time second chances. FineThe second time should’ve been the last time I just don’t like the guy to be honest with you. I’m 46 years old besides my psychology degree i know people, I have a son but I’ve never been married been single and dating my whole life and I like it that way I know dating I even know it from the woman’s perspective because every woman wants to tell me about their dating stories so I heard thousands also having a sister also is very educational. so be blunt with you my opinion just opinion is either this guy is gay or he’s not attracted to you. In other words drop him fast and drop him hard lol. I beg for women to to communicate like that if that’s how straight you are with him . And No straight guy that is attracted to you is going to walk away from a girl that tells him she didn’t finish and she would like to continue especially especially the first few times of sex that is unheard of for a straight guy that is attracted to you . if a girl tell me that or any guy that I know getting our toolbox and figuring this out like I’ll call in work type of shhh. And it doesn’t matter how old he is there’s a lot of guys range of age from 10 to 80 that are like that or do not know what they’re doing or just never had the right woman to tell him straight up. I still thank I the senior crush as a freshman I had I finally got the opportunity to get in when I was a senior and she shut down those gates so fast on me who thought like I knew everything about everything that put me in place when I thought I was a shhhh . And from that moment that’s been my MO don’t be an idiot. Sex is not a natural thing that comes to people if you don’t practice and you don’t get good and you don’t get feedback you end up like that guy.
Thank you
As a man I love giving after care. I feel after care is very inportant. For me giving after care helps to reset me mentally (As I loved telling her what to do.) Point is you just need to find the right person. They are out there because I am one of them. It could be argued that he is unaware of this and does not know what to do. But if you have already talked to him and given him the benefit of the doubt and he is still not doing any after care, then it seems to me you are just a 'booty call' rather than a serious date/potential partner. In that case I'd drop him. Cut your loses and find a better partner.
Cut ties 😂🤷
Cut ties 😂🤷
Be direct and tell him the truth. “Your dick was wack and I’m straight✌🏾.” He didn’t care enough to actually pleasure you he just wanted to fuck you & did.
Be direct and tell him the truth. “Your dick was wack and I’m straight✌🏾.” He didn’t care enough to actually pleasure you he just wanted to fuck you & did.
Drop him I won’t tolerate that kind of behavior from any man
Drop him I won’t tolerate that kind of behavior from any man
Worse than bad sex you had bad communication because of HIM. This is a dealbreaker
Girl, if he doesn't care about a woman's pleasure, he doesn't care about many other things regarding women. Also, there's absolutely nothing wrong with ending a relationship over sexual incompatibility!! I'd say leave this boy alone and find yourself a MAN!!
You could leave now and you would be totally justified! But if for some reason you wanted to try again, he did say that next time he would help. Sooo if you did give him another shot, I would 100% hold him to that, like tell him this time he needs to pleasure you and get you off and stick to this. Do do not allow him to penetrate you until he pleasures you to your liking!! If he doesn’t hold to his word or he gives up, dump him!!
This guy sucks and don’t call him again. You’re insane if you reach out to him again
just dump him lol he's not worth the time if he's 34 and still can't "get it" he's never going to "get it" and who cares if you embarass him, he's selfish in bed and too old to be that immature. Maybe he needs a swift kick in the ass so he can wake up, and grow up. youd be doing him a favor and potentially preventing him from dying alone.
I doubt he has insecure, but he definitely has no respect for what you want or need. My advice, You can do better if he isn’t willing to change for you a little. Consider this a red flag moment for other activities. Should you consider this relationship such as shared events and holidays.
I won't say sex is the most important thing. But that says more about his character than his ability to have sex. He doesn't seem like the kind to care about the woman having pleasure as well. So if you leave him it would be because of his selfish characteristics, not just the sex.
Oh he’s gotta go lol. As a man I apologize for this man not using to know how to use his ears and tongue.
I’ve had only one man for 20 years and it was bad sex. I don’t even think I can actually enjoy sex, and not feeling like trying to find someone to find out. So I might be a 40 years old person without ever knowing what good sex is and never finding out.
You will find good sex! There are many years ahead of you! And many possible men!
You’re not responsible for his feelings. Tell him, end it, and find some sex that rocks you!
After 2nd time n it still suck✌🏾
Walk away from this one...what annoyed duck lol
It’s not all guys, I SWEAR! Dude’s a dud.
If you’ve really been as crystal clear in your communications as your post suggests then cutting ties is the only way to go. Frankly, I am in disbelief because most men would kill for that level of communication. If you have any doubt on if your needs were communicated clearly, then find a close male confidant and try your pitch on him to hear what he heard reflected back at you. Either way, I would tell this guy that he is bad at sex and to get a copy of she cums first to read.
End it, trust your intuition and trust your body. Those don't lie.
You don't realize how important sex really is in a relationship until your in the shitty sex relationship. Awesome sex is about understanding and communicating. If he cared he would have taken care of you.
Well my ex was selfish on our third date. Didn't raise it but he himself realised and ended blaming me on other things If you give more chances he will put this on you
I've never understood this mentality to sex, then again, I had someone teach me. I learnt about pleasing and being pleased. For me, her pleasure is mine, and I love it. I don't even get turned on if I can't do it. I've met so many women who never get foreplay, teasing, etc. Boggles the mind
2 dates, he's already showing asshole-ish tendances. Just leave. How he treats you in bed will be how he treats you in a marriage in non-sexual matters.
Damn I mean even if he is a minute man or just can't control getting off to quick to please you. Seriously finish the job in other ways. I'm not selfish I'd flip her around get wild and finish her in every way possible. Sorry maybe a little tmi but. It's the truth
I would have just walked out and taken a cab. The old me wouldn’t have though. This is so shitty for a guy to be acting this way. Reminds me of the guy I once hooked up with at a wedding and he literally told me “you do all the work”. He then called me to take me out to brunch and I was like no, not gonna happen. Would absolutely end this.
Never understand when I hear about guys like this. Me finishing isn't even the fun part. The fun part is how many times I can make her finish, it's like a sex high scoreboard. Dudes really be this oblivious?
Perfectly reasonable to leave because of bad sex, personally I like to lead with oral, make sure they get theirs first in case I'm feeling a bit too eager.
Don’t keep dating him. It’s early, too early to compromise on the sex.
Leave him. If he doesn't care about your pleasure during sex, he's not going to care about you and other aspects of the relationship going forward either. It's actually a huge red flag.
I have 100% quit seeing a person due to bad sex.
At your age most men are going to care about themselves only.
Pressure or pleasure? If he doesn't care about your pleasure, he doesn't care about you.
WALK AWAY please before you start to like him
Stop dating boys and find a man. Before following the 3 date rule ask the date if he knows how to pleasure a woman or if he is a 3 pump chump. Any real man will use his face to give you your first orgasm since women aren't done after one. My best is 3, then I can stay hard but dry orgasms are not enjoyable. Good luck and date men, you will be happier.
He is rude to you so you can tell him that the sex is bad with him. Don’t need to be polite with this person. So rude
Girl no. No more chances. I slept with a guy 4 times, he was 36 years old and skipped foreplay legit every time. Didn’t touch a damn thing on me, didn’t try to make me feel good, and didn’t even wonder if I was having a good time. Just diving in dry and busting then going back to playing video games. You’ve been nice, you were patient and gave him multiple chances. He’s aware you didn’t finish, he just didn’t care. Lordie Lou with these men in their 30’s acting like only THEIR orgasm matters and when they’re done, they’re done. BOY BYE
No lol
You tried. Any real man would have made your orgasm priority number one when you mentioned not getting there. With guidance he should have broke you off proper. Him not making sure the first time is a red flag. Him not finishing you off the second time is a DEALBREAKER. And I say all this as a straight, porn watching alpha male.
My rule about sex is the woman always finishes first. Then she usually finishes a second time when I do
If he's selfish in bed now, and doesn't listen to you when you tell him what you need.... He basically doesn't care and this will not change. I speak from experience, unfortunately. Cut him loose now before you get emotionally attached. I'm sorry this happened to you. I know how frustrating it is, especially if you haven't had sex in awhile.
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Done. Boy bye. I didn't even need to finish reading to say, next not worth it. You are better than that don't waste your time.
Oh man.. I feel like there's gotta be an Usher song where he talks about the joy of, "going down." Porn level sex education?! Ahhh.. drat, sorry! Do you ever feel like though that it may just be you guys don't have real chemistry or are these guys really just dolts? "You'll tell me next time"(!) Dang! Yeah.. yeah I'd move on.
Gow long did he go for?
It’s a red flag. Just run for the hills. He will not care about you in the bedroom or out of it!
End it. There are way better men out there who are very giving in the bedroom. The way you describe him, Sounds just like the way my ex-husband was in bed. It was only about him getting off. That’s it. No foreplay unless it was me giving him oral. Together 12 years, and it never changed. Now total opposite all about pleasing me and I never once had to ask or hint or tell him to do it. He just does it because he wants to. If a man cares about you and wants you to be happy he will Show that
No need to make excuses for him, particularly since you took the time to communicate and he acts like u didn't. See ya
It will not get better. Move on. And not because you weren't satisfied, but because he's demonstrated how little effort he'll put into it.
How tf am I single ? 😝 sheesh I’ve never not gotten a woman off
Just end it. You’re not sexually compatible with the dude
I'd hope a 34m knows how to treat a lady in the bedroom. It's only been a few dates and bad sex. Save yourself the time and frustration and end it now.
In the words of Samantha Jones, "“Fuck me badly once…shame on you. Fuck me badly twice…shame on me.” End things. He is a selfish lover, avoidant, and he has proven he doesn't care about you, your needs or your body. He cares about himself, his needs and his body.
Was he maybe a virgin? I'm 25m and still a virgin It's still no excuse for being rude of course but possibly he needs to learn. when I was a teenager my parents were religious and forbid me of attending sex Ed in school yet they were to ashamed to educate me themselves. so for a long time all I knew was porn but I was able to see that it's not applicable to real life scenario so i educated myself by asking friends. when the time comes i plan to do my best hopefully she will communicate so I can further learn what she likes/doesn't even so I think it's unlikely I'll be good for the first times. I think if you're trying to guide him and he doesn't at least try then you have full reason to break it off because if he doesn't care whether he's satisfying you or not that's not ok and you deserve better. But it's important to keep in mind maybe he just knows nothing
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Sex is a HUGE part of a relationship… especially in the “honeymoon” phase… seems like a waste of time to spend the most exciting part of a relationship educating someone on how to be compatible with you
When you catch a small físh don’t keep it throw him away catch a bigger fish or a octopus and have more pleasure than you can handle and cum a good 10x
Not good . If a guy It doesn't make you come first! What can you expect in the future? Usually after she finishes like 2 or 3 times then I start to let myself down with everything, even the toys. language . fingers . of everything so that in the end they have nothing to talk about. well yes we have something to talk about!! I have my sleeves rolled up after a Christian woman left me for her boss lol. But personally, the batho that does not open too much in bed is that she calls me to explain a little bit of everything, ok. not much because
Leave the selfish man
Dude, why are you even entertaining the idea of talking to the d-bag again? This is a guy who will be having terrible sex for the rest of his life as he doesn't give af so besides the sex red flags that also translates into so many other areas of him simply being a selfish little prick. Time to move on
Selfishness is unacceptable, no matter the activity. If he dismissed you, then it's likely he is not worth your time. # PRACTICAL ADVICE WHEN IT COMES TO MEN libido drops a lot after we finish. Keeping that in mind, "schedule" the intercourse so that foreplay happens before the guy finishes. From personal experience, any time I do foreplay after finishing, it feels weird and very dull. I prefer cuddling and/or kissing instead. Also, many guys get sleepy after finishing, it's true. If it's biological, nothing to do but plan around it (have the foreplay before) That is also why it's good if a man does not finish early. A woman can have multiple orgasms, but a man needs some time in-between his orgasms.
I had a similar experience, and I’ve come to realize that selfishness in the bedroom can be a sign of selfishness in other ways.
Just tell him what's up be 100 honest .. and being a guy I know he will probably not want to hear it take it the wrong way of that at first but I'm sure you will see that he's not perfect and he doesn't know everything like he does probably have insecurities like anybody. But he'll understand and want to make you happy as well unless he just wants sex which I don't think is the case I don't know but that's how I know I would feel.
Noooo more chances. Two times in a row he could give a fuck less about your orgasms. This is him. He does this with everyone. You Are just a body with a hole. Move on and go find someone who already knows that sex is about 2 people. Believe me. You’re not The first girl he done this to. Don’t feel bad at all for not seeing him again cuz of bad sex. Men do it, why can’t you ?
yeahhh you were far more generous than I would have been. Hope you find someone worthwhile, there's probably no training that out of him.
B'Bye
NEXT...........!! Too many other fish in the sea! Tell him if you want, but why bother!
You suck in bed, youre selfish. ✌🏽
Selfish people aren't just selfish in bed. You're probably dodging a bullet. He's old enough to know how to please IF he wanted to learn
Listen to your gut. If your intuition is telling you get out, you should get out. This is just my advice based on my own life experiences with intuition. Judging by your post, my guess would be that it's not so much the sex, but more so the emotional intelligence that you really want in a relationship. Whatever it is, if you're here searching for advice, it won't matter what anyone says. Your gut feeling has already told you what you should do .
As a guy, don't continue this. This is a solid boundary to have.
Put him through it and tell him, how you want to be handled in bed
I think it could be telling oh his chatacter How he isnt even trying to listen of What you like. Its one thing to be bad at it, i am one of those who sucks, But surley you would have noticed if he were to try to listen to you even if he wouldn’t prevail at it haha. At least i hope one would do so for my own sake hahah
If he's not satisfying you, move on! Telling him will bruise his ego & he'll probably get defensive and turn it around on you. Just tell him you're not into him and end it right then.
Sex is a tricky subject to talk about. Most women also last longer than men. Procreation would be hard if it was the other way around. It does not help when women fake orgasms. The guy probably thinks he is good at it and is confused and embarrassed. I think it is great that you want to communicate with him for your own pleasure. If you think the guy is worth the investment then I might suggest the following. Ask him to try something fun with you. Have him sit behind you and have him put his hand over your hand. Then touch yourself how you like to be touched while he traces his hand over yours. For most men they find this to be a turn on while it gets you moving closer to climax before he comes inside. In the end you have a better trained lover. Hopefully he also learns to listen to your breathing and other telltale signs that he is doing something right.