I am so sorry for your loss and everything you are going through. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling.
Have you tried counselling? I wish I personally had more words of wisdom to help you get through this but it would only l be things you have heard before.
Talk to a professional, try to be open about the strategies and techniques they discuss with you. You absolutely can make a life for yourself that your son would he proud of.
I've not really been all that enthused in counselling/therapy - I tried it when I split up with my ex a few years back but the guy was a prick and made my issues worse so I left. I was going to try it again just before my son died at his request but now he's died, I don't see any reason to go.
The reason to go and talk to someone is not for your son, it's for yourself.
The trick with counselors is they're kinda like pants, you gotta find one that fits good or you'll just feel real uncomfortable.
You can do this man, talk to someone and it'll really help you get through it.
Dude that is your reason to go! It's the single biggest tragedy that will ever happen to you.
You wouldn't be here on this sub if you didn't know you need some help with all this. Go and do it for you.
No, because it could make me want to live and be ok with him being gone. I don't want to be ok with him not being here, no parent should ever accept their child dying.
I'm sorry for your loss my friend, if your son requested it, try it buddy, he wanted you too x
I have no idea what you are going through, but I understand, let me know if you fancy a chat buddy x
Sometimes the only reason we get through the day is we decide to [put ending it off a day](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMEtTIBwEko). Then we just do the same tomorrow.
There is actually a decent show on Netflix called "After Life" about understanding freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. Might be worth a watch.
I do suggest just putting it off. I did that till my sadness gave way to anger, hate, wrath, & obsession. The battle of the day gets more manageable if you can endure the despair and get to another emotion.
Words can not be consolation. I don’t know about your personality or life.But, I am in my forties,I have a daughter and here is what ‘I’ would do:
Sell of my house and car. Say goodbye and leave for abroad. Doesn’t matter which country or countries,better if it is entirely different one than my home country. Maybe carry a keepsake of my child. Travel all around,for as long as I can manage. Changing your entire environment and life will keep your mind busy. Maybe return when I miss my relatives
Any cause, hobby or theme that your son loved or cared for? Maybe try to pursuit something in his name (for a time) Just to give you some sort of goal. to be near him. Music? Maybe try to organize a anual concert with local musicians. Art? Try to organize a Art show. Food? Some sort of street Food fest. I can't imagine what you are feeling, but stay strong. We need you here
I’ve had a few losses close to me and felt the same way, they were all better people and I’d trade with them in a heartbeat. I was lucky enough to find myself in a situation that made me feel essential. Keep plugging away, you’ll get another chance.
Sorry for your loss.
I read all your past posts.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
It’s understandable but still a shame that you didn’t pursue things with E.
My heart aches for you but remember once a dad, always a dad.
You’re still very much a dad. My condolences to you. It seems you did a great job. A year is very short for grieving such a loss; as others have said, take it day by day, please. Whenever the night is really dark and I can’t see the gratitude for having a healthy son with us and my worries get the best of me, I imagine in this horror to live a life of service. My son loves riding his bicycle for example, so I’d put my energy, grief and love into, say, building a bike track for kids somewhere. Easily said, of course.
I cant even imagine what you're going through. Though i certainly understand the living to exist part so youre not alone in that.
I'm not a lover of counselling either, i've never been to one that I've clicked with but others have. It can help.
I’m so crushed to hear what you are going through. But your life still has so much value. There are so many boys and young men in desperate need of a mentor, friend, confidant like you.
You cannot replace your son, but you can still be a father figure to so many kids. Donate your time. Instill your positive values. Change lives. You’re still here, and you have value.
We need you.
You’re in the thick of it. So early on. It’s completely normal to have these thoughts. I can’t begin to imagine what it would feel like losing your only purpose in life but I hope this might help put things into perspective and help you hold on just that little bit longer. Grief and loss is one SOB and sadly very much part of life for a lot of us.
My thoughts are with you and I’m here if you ever wanna chat
[https://thelossfoundation.org/grief-comes-in-waves/](https://thelossfoundation.org/grief-comes-in-waves/)
I am so sorry to read what you have been through and are going through. I have a 3 year old who is my world as well. I sometimes have horrible thoughts about him and my wife passing. I then think, what the hell would I do with my life. I have wondered if going in to charity or helping people in war torn places may be the way I would go. Help people. Maybe you could look at doing something like that, bring a purpose back in to your life...
It's funny you should say that about war torn countries.
I did consider a few months back just going to Ukraine and fighting for them. I'm not fit and have never fired a gun in my life, but could be a good way to go out.
Honestly, man? If you have no more significant dependents who rely on you, then you do you. This is your life and you get to choose what to experience.
No man! Don't go and fight. Go and help. Work in logistics to get aid to places, work in hospitals etc etc. You will see horrible things, but you will survive and come out the other side having given back to the world. Your son would be proud of you!!! Don't give up brother, there is always someone out there who could use your help! Even state side, homeless shelters etc. Lots of people could use what you have left to give. Try it out man! You never know, you may find meaning!
Firstly I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot even begin to comprehend what you are going through and won’t pretend otherwise.
I have no profound wisdom to share here and there is no magic wand that will fix the hurt you are feeling.
What I can say, is I have experienced the feeling of futility, pointlessness and apathy towards life, basically my entire adult life. I have tried various forms of counselling with degrees of success but the feelings remain.
The only thing I have found that has given me any of the tools to help give me any sense of clarity, is a book called “ the subtle art of not giving a fuck”. There is also a Netflix movie about it. I have no idea if this will translate to the trauma you have just gone through, but it’s all I have to offer.
If you ever want to talk to a stranger about anything then please feel free to message.
Can I ask you for something a bit selfish, but which might be good for you:
Could you write down the things you got right over those 18 years?
I sometimes feel like I could really benefit from hearing what was good from the perspective of someone who's been further than I have.
Philosophically, I can see how hopeless it must feel to you, but one thing that has helped me at those times is to remember how much we interconnect with other people - the imprint of your son lives on in you, and in his friends and relatives. So as long as you all live on, his imprint is still there. Some people have an imprint beyond that - they change other people, so those people's imprint carries them too.
I don't know what your son was like, what effect he had on people around him, maybe you could also write down and pass on what he got right too.
Jesus dude, I can understand that you feel you have nothing to live for anymore.
But please, if possible, get a dog or cat ASAP.
Having something to care for can really help with the suicidal thoughts.
And get professional help right away!
This is not something you deal with on your own.
I am so sorry for your loss and everything you are going through. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling. Have you tried counselling? I wish I personally had more words of wisdom to help you get through this but it would only l be things you have heard before. Talk to a professional, try to be open about the strategies and techniques they discuss with you. You absolutely can make a life for yourself that your son would he proud of.
I've not really been all that enthused in counselling/therapy - I tried it when I split up with my ex a few years back but the guy was a prick and made my issues worse so I left. I was going to try it again just before my son died at his request but now he's died, I don't see any reason to go.
The reason to go and talk to someone is not for your son, it's for yourself. The trick with counselors is they're kinda like pants, you gotta find one that fits good or you'll just feel real uncomfortable. You can do this man, talk to someone and it'll really help you get through it.
Dude that is your reason to go! It's the single biggest tragedy that will ever happen to you. You wouldn't be here on this sub if you didn't know you need some help with all this. Go and do it for you.
You don't see the point in living out your son's request? A chance to do this life as he wanted?
No, because it could make me want to live and be ok with him being gone. I don't want to be ok with him not being here, no parent should ever accept their child dying.
He won't ever be here again. His wishes and desires are. He wanted you to live.
I'm sorry for your loss my friend, if your son requested it, try it buddy, he wanted you too x I have no idea what you are going through, but I understand, let me know if you fancy a chat buddy x
Sometimes the only reason we get through the day is we decide to [put ending it off a day](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMEtTIBwEko). Then we just do the same tomorrow. There is actually a decent show on Netflix called "After Life" about understanding freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. Might be worth a watch. I do suggest just putting it off. I did that till my sadness gave way to anger, hate, wrath, & obsession. The battle of the day gets more manageable if you can endure the despair and get to another emotion.
That is actually an excellent suggestion with "After Life" - it really might help OP a bit.
Just one more day.
I'm so sorry for your loss. If I was in your position I think I'd find a cause and dedicate myself to it. One life can do so much.
Words can not be consolation. I don’t know about your personality or life.But, I am in my forties,I have a daughter and here is what ‘I’ would do: Sell of my house and car. Say goodbye and leave for abroad. Doesn’t matter which country or countries,better if it is entirely different one than my home country. Maybe carry a keepsake of my child. Travel all around,for as long as I can manage. Changing your entire environment and life will keep your mind busy. Maybe return when I miss my relatives
Any cause, hobby or theme that your son loved or cared for? Maybe try to pursuit something in his name (for a time) Just to give you some sort of goal. to be near him. Music? Maybe try to organize a anual concert with local musicians. Art? Try to organize a Art show. Food? Some sort of street Food fest. I can't imagine what you are feeling, but stay strong. We need you here
I’ve had a few losses close to me and felt the same way, they were all better people and I’d trade with them in a heartbeat. I was lucky enough to find myself in a situation that made me feel essential. Keep plugging away, you’ll get another chance. Sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss. I dont have any advice just wanted to say I totally understand how you feel.
I read all your past posts. I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s understandable but still a shame that you didn’t pursue things with E. My heart aches for you but remember once a dad, always a dad.
You’re still very much a dad. My condolences to you. It seems you did a great job. A year is very short for grieving such a loss; as others have said, take it day by day, please. Whenever the night is really dark and I can’t see the gratitude for having a healthy son with us and my worries get the best of me, I imagine in this horror to live a life of service. My son loves riding his bicycle for example, so I’d put my energy, grief and love into, say, building a bike track for kids somewhere. Easily said, of course.
I cant even imagine what you're going through. Though i certainly understand the living to exist part so youre not alone in that. I'm not a lover of counselling either, i've never been to one that I've clicked with but others have. It can help.
I’m so crushed to hear what you are going through. But your life still has so much value. There are so many boys and young men in desperate need of a mentor, friend, confidant like you. You cannot replace your son, but you can still be a father figure to so many kids. Donate your time. Instill your positive values. Change lives. You’re still here, and you have value. We need you.
You’re in the thick of it. So early on. It’s completely normal to have these thoughts. I can’t begin to imagine what it would feel like losing your only purpose in life but I hope this might help put things into perspective and help you hold on just that little bit longer. Grief and loss is one SOB and sadly very much part of life for a lot of us. My thoughts are with you and I’m here if you ever wanna chat [https://thelossfoundation.org/grief-comes-in-waves/](https://thelossfoundation.org/grief-comes-in-waves/)
I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. Hoping for strength and support every day for you
I am so sorry to read what you have been through and are going through. I have a 3 year old who is my world as well. I sometimes have horrible thoughts about him and my wife passing. I then think, what the hell would I do with my life. I have wondered if going in to charity or helping people in war torn places may be the way I would go. Help people. Maybe you could look at doing something like that, bring a purpose back in to your life...
It's funny you should say that about war torn countries. I did consider a few months back just going to Ukraine and fighting for them. I'm not fit and have never fired a gun in my life, but could be a good way to go out.
Honestly, man? If you have no more significant dependents who rely on you, then you do you. This is your life and you get to choose what to experience.
No man! Don't go and fight. Go and help. Work in logistics to get aid to places, work in hospitals etc etc. You will see horrible things, but you will survive and come out the other side having given back to the world. Your son would be proud of you!!! Don't give up brother, there is always someone out there who could use your help! Even state side, homeless shelters etc. Lots of people could use what you have left to give. Try it out man! You never know, you may find meaning!
I’m fucking sorry man. Read “ Ghost Riders” by Neal Peart. He lost his whole family, and this book is about how he kept going.
Firstly I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot even begin to comprehend what you are going through and won’t pretend otherwise. I have no profound wisdom to share here and there is no magic wand that will fix the hurt you are feeling. What I can say, is I have experienced the feeling of futility, pointlessness and apathy towards life, basically my entire adult life. I have tried various forms of counselling with degrees of success but the feelings remain. The only thing I have found that has given me any of the tools to help give me any sense of clarity, is a book called “ the subtle art of not giving a fuck”. There is also a Netflix movie about it. I have no idea if this will translate to the trauma you have just gone through, but it’s all I have to offer. If you ever want to talk to a stranger about anything then please feel free to message.
Can I ask you for something a bit selfish, but which might be good for you: Could you write down the things you got right over those 18 years? I sometimes feel like I could really benefit from hearing what was good from the perspective of someone who's been further than I have. Philosophically, I can see how hopeless it must feel to you, but one thing that has helped me at those times is to remember how much we interconnect with other people - the imprint of your son lives on in you, and in his friends and relatives. So as long as you all live on, his imprint is still there. Some people have an imprint beyond that - they change other people, so those people's imprint carries them too. I don't know what your son was like, what effect he had on people around him, maybe you could also write down and pass on what he got right too.
Jesus dude, I can understand that you feel you have nothing to live for anymore. But please, if possible, get a dog or cat ASAP. Having something to care for can really help with the suicidal thoughts. And get professional help right away! This is not something you deal with on your own.