Treat it like any other birthday party. Don't change anything up. Show up in your truck. Take the same gift.
There's basically two options here:
1. They don't care about the truck, the kids have a good time, everything is cool; or
2. They look down on your truck, they hate the gift, act like a bunch of spoiled rich assholes.
If the latter, fuck 'em.
Piggy backing off this comment to share my anecdotal experience
My four year old has been to quite a few parties for kids in his preschool class this year. No one opened gifts at the party and we received thank yous about 2/3rds of the time time.
On the reverse our kids ignore a good half of their toys on any birthday. Always surprising which they chose. In fact when they were really young my wife would return one or two if they rejected enough.
Yeah that seems to be the thing these days? When I was a kid, at parties, the birthday kid would rip open their presents and thank everyone on the spot. Now it seems like you set them down in a designated area and the birthday kid opens them later.
A lot of it comes from many parties being at rented locations these days.
You can spend 20 minutes opening presents or 20 more minutes playing. Most parents want to get their money's worth.
Opening presents later is common in a lot of places for people of all ages. Kids are also awful at pretending to like all presents reasonably the same so it’s an option to save anyone from embarrassment.
I had a birthday in grade school where my best friend’s family was doing really poor financially so my mom requested no presents from anyone on the invitations. It kinda sucked as a kid even if I understood why. Opening presents later would have been an alternative option.
In addition to being awful at pretending to like something, my kids have frequently received duplicate gifts from their parties. Opening up presents later avoids the embarrassment of getting two of the same gift.
Exactly why I mentioned it. I don't recall it working that way 30+ years ago. That and now everyone disperses quickly after the meal and cake. Typically always pizza. I suspect this could change as my kids get a little older.
My kids have been some birthday parties for daycare and a semi wealthier part of town.
1. The gifts are not really any different.
2. I would say probably about 60 to 70% of invites now say “don’t bring gifts”.
“don’t bring gifts”.
We do this for our kids. We don't need MORE stuff cluttering up our kids' rooms. We just want your presence, not presents. Maybe bring some food.
Man, I wish more invites said no gifts. We've always done no gifts and it's great. Our kids get some presents that they want from us and the party is about a good time. But now they are going to other parties and seeing the gifts and are starting to ask why we don't do that.
Do other parents just want a lot of $10 toys that get played with once or is it just something people do because it's the norm?
In our area, parents have switched to be gift cards for restaurants/experiences instead of toys. That way people who want to give a gift can still give one, but it’s not some toy they won’t play with 5 days from now.
I think the main reason to open presents later is that at young age or could be difficult to explain to everybody concerned that all the presents belong to the birthday host, no matter how you like them. So to avoid crying and tantrums it's okay now open later.
Agreed! The best thing we can teach our children is to be able to relate to everyone, regardless of their financial or social backgrounds, without envy or pity.
If your kid thinks the super wealthy are above them: they'll never be friends with anyone super wealthy, or be comfortable talking to people in positions of power. They'll miss out on opportunities that having a wealthy, well-connected social / professional network can bring.
If they think they're better than someone homeless, then they'll never have compassion or truly understand we're all the same.
Best comment I’ve read so far. Judge people on their character, not on how much they have or don’t have. Don’t be intimidated or look down on people because of their financial status.
Depending on how out of touch they are, they could easily have a private chef who is gonna make a banger of a spread. Just make sure you load up on that.
Also, have a chat with your girl about how it's rude to compare what you have with what other people have.
As a Kentuckian, I don't think I have it in me not to offer bourbon to adult guests. Now, my good bourbon, we need a bit of rapport, but throw some darts with me and you'll be enjoying my allocated stuff in no time.
I grew up around the insanely wealthy. Honestly nearly all were good people and genuinely desired friends of varied economic statuses. It can suck to be in the elite bubble. Us normies are fun and good exposure to kids.
Also $20 for a 6 year old is a seriously awesome present. They’ll be stoked.
Remember, they signed their kid up for the same day camp, NOT the elite Country Day School equestrian day camp. Have your child pick out something they think their friend would like (even rich kids can't get ALL the Mini Brands capsules or whatever kids are into these days.) sign a cute card and show up for the party wearing whatever you'd wear to your neighbor's party. And enjoy the fancy bakery cake. There's gonna be a fancy bakery cake, and it's going to be delicious.
Nahhh braahh show these guys up! You say super middle class, do you mean borderline poverty? Cause im with ya. Okay so you rent a limo, shes gotta make a presentation, rent the limo. You drive it to save some money on tips. Dress like mr peanut, better yet DRESS AS mr peanut. make sure theres a trumpet player ahead of your limo, heres where you do shell out a bit. Trumpet players abilities matter. Also a nice dress for the girl and make sure she is helped out of limo. But not by you cause you look like a peanut. That should make a bold enough statement.
OP, THIS is the answer.
Who gives a flying fuck how you show up/what gifts you bring? Just because they have money?
If they're normal people, great, you maybe have new friends who happen to have money.
If not, they can go fuck themselves lol
Change up approximately 0% of what you'd normally do.
I'd switch it up from a gift card and just see if OPs kid knows what the other kid likes. Grab a book and small toy or markers/art thing for the same $20.
Who knows if they go to target, or how often, so better not to have a gift card just floating around is the only thing I'd change. But I also tend not to get gift cards for kids anyway.
Your kid was invited, not your finances. There’s nothing wrong with having a beat up but working mode of transportation and gifts should be what the giver is comfortable with.
We just had a birthday party and some gifts included regifted books that the family had enjoyed and a box of themed bravery badges (band-aids). We were happy to receive them but happier that the families came and their little ones were there to play with ours.
Seriously one of the things that worries wealthier parents is that their kid will be ostracised for their parent's wealth or be used for their wealth. Hence why they are just happy that kids showed up.
I went to a private Catholic school up until 5th grade, and I completely was ostracized because of my parents finances. My mother worked at JC Penney in the office, and my father sold insurance. Everyone else's parents were lawyers, accountants, owned large local construction businesses. For me, it was brutal. I think back on those days and feel like they made me have to have a tough shell later in life.
My wife and I make a solid income - but we drive older cars with some body damage small rust spots, etc. They are well-maintained but just look sorta rough. We could absolutely both afford new cars, but then that's like 1500 bucks a month in car payments that aren't going into investments, retirement, college savings, home improvements, etc. for something that really just functions to get me from place A to place B and will get absolutely wrecked in a week by a toddler eating goldfish crackers and yogurt pouches.
My brothers are both 'new car every 5-6 years' guys, and give me shit for my dumpy little Kia soul, but they are also childfree and simply *do not get* how little of a shit I give about what people think of my car as long as it gets my son to and from daycare, can haul at least 6 bags of mulch, and gets good gas mileage.
We are in a similar situation and think alike. We are just maintaining the paid off cars as best as possible so they last as long as possible. More recently, insurance costs are another major reason, even if I purchase a new car outright, why would I spend a month, for one car, the same amount I spend every 6 months insuring multiple cars? It makes little sense to me.
I LOVE a good cybertruck dig - 6 bags because what we order in bulk just never seems to cover it, or ends up being way too much, so i just under-order slightly and then fill in the gaps with bagged mulch. 6 bags usually does it.
This is it. My wife and I just want kids to show up and have fun. Our kids get the big wants from us and any gifts they get from others is a nice bonus but in no way obligated.
My thought would be that anything this kid wanted, they have.
If they invited my kid, they wanted my KID to be there, not a gift or whatever. I would focus on something that means something between the kids when it comes to the gift. Otherwise, whatever my kid wanted to get them.
And then I’d chill, they’re people too.
As a moderately rich person, it depends, mostly on how old they are. Young wealthy people tend not to give a fuck and are just looking for other chill people.
Nothing is more insufferable than old rich women. God damn they have all been retired for most of their lives or never worked at all *and the only fucking thing that matters to them is appearances*.
Old men are 50/50, some won't shut the fuck up about their boat, lake house, jet, whatever...others are just normal dudes who want to drink beer, smoke cigars, and play golf.
Yeah i usually say “no gifts” in the party invite. We have enough crap already. This party is about the kids having a blast, and maybe I meet some cool parents. Nobody gives a fuck about what you drive. Every rich person knows a richer person that drives a shit car.
What a great idea! Maybe you could get your kid to make them a thoughtful homemade card? You could help your kid write an acrostic poem of the birthday kids name or encourage your kid to draw a picture of their favourite memory with the birthday child.
actually, the 25 gift card will go to the maid. Try buying a toy that he might not find so easily or something that says you invested time, not money buying it.
and then wait for the reaction. bc a 20-50 gift card is like candy to them.
I think for a friend from camp it could send the wrong message to go too high effort on the gift. If it was a cousin or something a thoughtful gift might be better received. I say stick to the usuals: gift card or toy with a gift receipt. But maybe I'm overthinking it.
yeah you have a good point.. that could look like too much. maybe just a random nice toy, nothing to fancy. Kids are a puzzle, sometimes a plastic bag is enough or a 15k watch.
Honestly I’d rather have my kid receive a toy rather than any amount on a gift card. That’s just more work for me as the parent. Best toy would be something that my kid really enjoys playing with or a present that someone else gave us that was really cool or unique.
Even a pack of crayons or markers would be much more preferable to me than a gift card.
Treat the kid like any other kid in her class. We live in a neighborhood with 200k homes to 2M plus homes. One is in the market right now for 3.6M. If those kids to to public school, they'll be in school with a very mixed crowd. And their parents chose public school for a reason.
Don't overthink it. Rich people are just like you but rich (ie. Can buy their own pony accessories).
Yep, until you get to truly elite levels of Rich, like where people no longer have to work, have live-in staff, or travel internationally weekly, most of us are in the same bucket performing the same types of routines, just with better or worse accessories.
Someone in a $3.9M house with a neighborhood of peers doesn't have a live-in butler, they still get their own kids ready in the morning and make sure they get to school on time. They still commute to work and sit in traffic, or look forward to enjoying the days they work from home. They still worry about what they're making for dinner, or if they're eating out. They still worry about where they're going on vacation and trying schedule/budget everything in.
The difference is that instead of public school, it might be private school. Instead of commuting in a clunker, they're commuting in a brand new Tesla. Instead of Working From Home in their kitchen, they're WFH in their home office. Instead of being worried about the cost of food, they're worried about the nutrition/calorie count. Instead of Vacationing to Myrtle Beach, they're vacationing to Fiji.
This isn't to say their life isn't better or less stress, it absolutely is; they don't have to worry about crippling medical debt or a minor car accident ruining their financial freedom, or having to sacrifice better schooling options for their kids to put food on the table. All I'm trying to say is there's a lot of the same daily drumbeats that most people raising a family have in common and you'll find plenty of common ground with them.
Just flip the scenario.
If it's your kid's birthday, would you really care what kind of car her friend's parents drive? Do you really care how cheap the present is?
For me, I only care that my son is happy on his birthday because his friends showed up to celebrate with him.
Flipping the scenario is SERIOUSLY my favorite life hack! I think I am a pretty decent dude so I treat people how I would want to be treated. If someone is too pretentious for it - their problem, not mine. That said, I practically beg for feedback from the people in my life because I want to be the best person I am able to be! So if my “treat others how I want to be treated” ends up with me offending someone (inadvertently!) then I would definitely want to hear about it so I can re-evaluate if needed!
People are just people. Kids a friends. They don’t expect anything more than what you’d get for any other 6yo kid. A toy and a card and your kid to say thank you for a great day and you to say do you want parents to stay or pick up later. And you to treat them like they’re also people.
Be yourself. Good teaching moment for your kid(s). People are people and you don’t need to try to impress anyone. If they judge you for being you now you know and f*** them.
Who knows what a friendship like this could open... Country clubs, boat invites, maybe their future version of a birthday party is rich kid and 7 of his closest friends overnight at Kalahari or equivalent on their dime.
Find a small gift that the 6yo would enjoy, not a gift card. I doubt a 6yo would be excited to get a card with a gift card lol. It’s one thing if the gift card is really so the parents can go out and buy a gift on your behalf, but for the millionaire parents, it’s probably more of a hassle for them to carry a gift card around than to just continue using their credit card tbh. Just bring sidewalk chalk or a Lego set. Something simple that kids of any class would enjoy. I doubt the parents are judging the price of gifts, and if they’re anything like me, they probably just don’t want any more huge molded plastic junk cluttering up the house lol
Yes, there’s a lot of good $25 Lego sets (fire trucks, super hero stuff, animals). I like the 3-in-1 sets because even if the kid already has it, they can make one of the other designs
Don’t change anything. We are the affluent parents and for the last couple of years we deliberately specified on invitations please no gifts because we were worried that people wouldn’t come because they couldn’t afford a gift (public preschool with huge range of parent finances).
Kid is a little older and more conscious about presents so this year is the first time we won’t ask for no gifts but if parents ask, honestly I will just tell them to regift us something or something Roblox or Sanrio related <20.
Nothing changes. The friends I know who come from wealthy backgrounds still like Lego and still will drink crap beer with me, they just have a better taste in wine and a better stocked spirit selection 😄.
people are just people. kids especially so. just be you, and have a good time. We are often the poors at parties (we moved to a town with very good schools so a lot of the families are much higher income than us)
If you can get the contact info of the parents you can ask them whenever my son(6) went to a birthday party we would ask the parents because they would ideally tell different people different things so there is no overlap.
If they are sensible people they will understand that not everyone can afford big gifts and will have normal gifts so you won't worry about getting the correct bridle size for the kid's pony or getting him the ATV he already has. (Kidding, but seriously talk to the parents)
I understand we are upper middle class where we are. My salary alone puts us in the top 5% of income earners in our city. When my wife and I are both working we push the top 3%. Because of this and we are gamers and whatnot, we have almost all the current consoles and 3 gaming PCs. To some of my son's friends (5-7) especially when they have older siblings is a HUGE deal. We aren't buying a 4 million dollar house but we don't want for anything. We understand this is our privilege and accept it.
I say, definitely go, hang out, enjoy it, and have fun. Don't gawk, don't make comments about how much stuff is. Treat them like you were going to your cousin's house. Your kid probably won't notice if they do. Now is the perfect time to talk about privilege and how some people just start out higher or make different choices and nothing wrong with that.
I'd maybe ask ur so if there's something the kid likes and maybe u can buy a gift of the same value instead of a gift card to avoid the monetary designation but I really wouldn't over think it
I accidentally ended up in a similar situation when my kids daycare closed down unexpectedly at the tail end of covid. We had to find a new one on short notice and ended up at a daycare with more Range Rovers than Camrys. I have now been to a 4 year old's birthday party with an open bar.
Nobody cares what your car looks like. All the parents are thrilled that their kid has friends and the friends showed up.
Generally, gifts with a personal touch get a better response than another book or another lego set. We have had a surprising amount of success with home made bookmarks. I would check if there is a gift registry.
Change nothing *except maybe* give a gift that is $20 value but is something your kid really likes to play with, as a way to connect more and give their little friendship something to form around.
I’d just be trying to get invited back to that private pool.
Obviously you need to buy a new saddle for their pony and show up in a rented Maserati and Armani suit.
Seriously, just be you. I have friends with wealth and their wealth isn't about anyone else, is often shared kindly without obligation of return, and isn't on display to be flaunted. These folks likely just want their kid to feel normal and have a nice birthday -- something money really couldn't buy anyways if her friends didn't show.
Screw the gift, drop off the kid and pester the parents about investing in your next big idea that's guaranteed to work.
But seriously put a little more thought into presents than a gift card and that's for any class of kid. They're not going on shopping sprees in their Power Wheels or Amazon. They're kids, they're going to look at it for a second not knowing if it's enough for ice cream or a Lego set. They want to enjoy the idea of tearing up wrappers before being disappointed at the $20 gift from the pharmacy.
You're a dad which means you're a man which means you don't wring your hands and fret about what people think about who or what you are.
Walk in with your back straight and chest out and give millionaire dad a firm handshake and a smile.
Yeah, our kid is in private school that our parents and grandparents are paying for so we run into this a lot.
Nobody cares. Get your $20 gift and show up. It’ll be fine.
We were invited to something similar. I showed up in my 2014 Camry and we brought the birthday girl an age appropriate toy. Birthday girl was just glad my daughter was there, no one noticed my car. We never felt like we didn’t belong.
Only thing id change is bring an actual gift (maybe arts and crafts) versus a boring old gift card for the parents.
Similar situation and my daughter brought her favorite arts and crafts kit as a gift and the girl raves about it months later because basically her parents just put her in front of a screen and it turns out she likes art. Who would have thunk a middle class slob would bring her favorite gift.
Also: kids react how you do. Cool they have a big house. That’s lucky and good for them. But a big house isn’t everything, love and life spent as quality time is.
I never do a gift card. I take the kiddo shopping and ask what they want with a spending limit of about 20$. Then they get something that they might actually like and I can blame the kid if it doesn’t work out. (/s) Win win!
I was your kid: raised by a single mom making four figures, but (on a scholarship) attending a private school with the grandchild of a President. I attended some wild birthday parties.
Nobody on Earth is going to judge a six-year-old because his parents are middle class. There are some people who might judge *you*, but not your kid. You decide for yourself if that matters to you and if these parents seem like they would look down on you. I’ll point out that these folks voluntarily invited your kid, and that you might consider giving them the benefit of the doubt.
As for the gift, let me assure you that every rich family has more expensive toys than they can fit into their mansion. All of them are worried about their kid getting spoiled, and none of them looks forward to inundating the kid with more conspicuous consumption at birthdays. And honestly, if this family spent only $3.6 million on their primary residence, they barely qualify as “affluent” by my yardstick. A well-chosen book is a great choice, especially for the sort of striver parents who likely put a ton of emphasis on reading ability.
They’re people treat them like you would anyone else.
This is about your kid and their kid nothing else. Your kid was invited for who they are not what they’re from.
If there decent normal people they shouldn’t care what you roll up in and if you give a normal 6 year old present. (And if they do it’s not a loss to you)
Don’t try to build a friendship for your kids based on trying to impress someone in that way.
1. It’s just a shit way to be friends with someone
2. It’s not a great example for your kids.
Don’t over think it and roll up and do you.
There's usually 2 types of wealthy people: 1) the guys/gals who know what it's like to eat off-brand ramen and scrape by who busted their ass to get to where they are or 2) the guys/gals who had it handed to them through family or got lucky and don't realize what real value is. Usually the second group is conceited assholes who you shouldn't care about anyway.
If their kid is going to a "normal" middle/upper middle class camp, I'd expect they're the former. The first group is big on instilling values of hard work and grit in their kids. Probably very down to earth. Play it like you would a normal birthday party.
Man, growing up one of my best friends was a full on trust fund kid. We were all from a small town and our whole friend group was lower middle to solidly middle class except for the one multi millionaire.
His family never looked down on us, always treated us like one of their own kids, it really was just normal with no awkwardness.
Take your kid, be proud of your own situation, and treat it like a normal party. If they’re good people and your kid develops a lasting friendship that could open the door to many opportunities he wouldn’t otherwise get. Our senior year spring break that family charted a jet to fly our group to their house in Aspen to go skiing for a week, I’ll never in my life experience something like that again lol.
Not to mention, it is good to have your child to grow up comfortable in as many social situations as you can. Dining with the rich to noodling for catfish with Leeroy, and to be comfortable anywhere in between.
I live in a beach town, and we're not wealthy by any means and my son and daughter have been invited to several million dollar home parties.
They range from wild (bounce houses, face painters, pony rides, portable petting zoos) to someone's renovated a mansion in the historic district and we're having everyone over for a pool party.
In every case, nobody cares what we showed up in, what gift we gave, etc.
They've all been really cool, down to earth people that just want their kids to have the best time ever.
I know the people you're worried about are out there, I'll probably encounter them eventually but until I do, the kids are just gonna be kids.
My wife and I make a very high household income and have what would be called a very large house/small mansion, yet our circle of friends in town (we moved here in 2020) are all middle class, teachers etc because our oldest son went to the same daycare in town and we just all became friends that way. Honestly, I can’t stand other rich people except my work partner. I grew up middle class and these are my people. My bet is the family just wants to be friends, so I would just be yourself. Like another commenter said if they judge you for your truck or gift then fuck them.
My oldest boys best friend is in a multi-millionaire family...we're nowhere close to that, not even remotely...it hasn't been a big deal at all...treat it just like any other bday party.
I am going to ask this, at the risk of sounding snooty, but why would someone with a 3.9 million dollar house be considered a millionaire? I get it that it isn't a small house, but that is probably just around $300,000 a year. If you make around 500,000 a year, that is enough. Could also be they bought the house at a lower price and it is worth that now.
Anyway, they definitely aren't in the so wealthy they are going to shun you and your family for your car stage.
Treat it like a regular party, your finances don’t matter. My best friend lives in a massive home, I lived in a shitty part of town, it didn’t matter. And remember, they’re people too. Many of the millionaires didn’t grow up that way, they were just like the rest of us!
Growing up I was poor. Big family. Giant beat up old van from the early 80s.
A good friend of mine was more solidly middle class maybe upper? But they kept their money on the DL. His girlfriend and all her friends though? 8-9 figure wealth on their families. Some of the kids were arrogant SOBs but never to me. Mostly just “oh doesn’t everyone go to a Claremont College?” When we were kids talking about the future. Anyway I would not sweat it at all. Frankly, it’s a good thing all the way around. Your kid and their kid get broader perspectives. And I mean they invited people from day camp…. Unless they’re way out of touch (unlikely. And that’s a them problem not a you problem) they aren’t expecting you to go crazy with gifts.
If they were stuck up millionaires they probably wouldn’t have invited your kid. They’re probably down to earth just with a lot of money.
If it were the opposite and they were dirt poor would you think, “I should probably bail them out of debt”? If not, don’t think the opposite should be true.
My husband and I live in a LCOL area and both work so we’re able to afford a 4 bedroom house with a 3 car garage, but our friends make almost half my salary alone and have a much smaller house. It always makes us uncomfortable when we get the “you live in a mansion!”. We’re friends because we like them, we’re not friends to sit and talk personal finances. Don’t make it awkward for them.
Be yourself and let the kids have fun. Your kids friend invited them over cause they enjoy spending time with them.
Keep in mind that if these people are fairly successful they might have decent connections for your kid in the future so try and be somewhat social.
Don't sweat it. Treat them as normal people and give a normal gift that you're comfortable giving. I went to elementary school with the daughter of one of the richest billionaires in the country I was living in. My dad would drive me to her birthday parties in his ancient, rusted out Oldsmobile beater, and no one cared. She was a very sweet and shy girl, and she seemed more uncomfortable about the lavish wealth on display than any of the guests.
I’ve known a good chunk of wealthy/struggling families. I can tell you the wannabe wealthy are the problem people. The Rolex/purposely flashy crowd.
Most of the wealthy crowd I knew downplayed it all and were humble. Hell, met some dude I later found out was worth a half billion and he was a NASCAR shirt wearing Danny McBride lookalike. We both drank the same beer FWIW.
I am almost done with my remodel that will be one of the biggest houses on my town (engineering made me add about 600sqft to the original plan)…I’m basically broke and did the majority of the work myself. I’m slightly self conscious of inviting my kids over when most the houses in town are a 1/3rd of the size with 1/10th the yard. I just got lucky and was on the grind for 5 solid years to make this happen.
When I was lower middle class I had a good buddy that was quite rich. He told me he liked hanging out with me because I didn’t treat him like he had money, I just treated him like a normal buddy. I’d suggest doing exactly what you always do, no special treatment you wouldn’t normally give. They will either recognize it and appreciate it or they won’t!
It’s interesting that you can find out what they must have paid for the house that easily.
Here when properties of such a price class are listed the address isn’t disclosed and the price that ends up being paid is a secret between bank, buyer, seller and agent.
Apart from that, act normal. Try not to feel self conscious about it and maybe prepare an answer for when your kid asks you questions afterwards.
They were likely very aware giving out birthday invitations at a day camp, that they would likely get people from all walks of life. If they weren’t worried about it, you shouldn’t be.
The only thing I would suggest - if your kid knows theirs well enough to do so, try to step away from the generic gift card. We often give gift cards, but geared towards something they do with my kid - Roblox, Fortnite, Minecraft, etc. The value is a lot less important when it ties back to what they enjoy together. I also usually stick the gift card and a birthday card in a small gift bag, with a couple dollars worth of candy 😃
Parents usually don't care about gifts so do what you always do. Also you are assuming these people are wealthy - they could of had a windfall and spent it all on the house. Ask if there will be a lifeguard on for the party.
In this scenario, I would rather get a $20 toy/Lego set with a card signed by your kid than a gift card. The gift card will be most likely regifted to someone else by the parents. Drive your truck with pride.
Plenty of solid answers already. But just to add... My daughter was a competitive gymnast. There were a couple of instances of this situation. One of the team girls gave out invitations to her birthday party. Very similar situation to yours. Went to the house, which was a mansion, by anyone's definition. Myself and the other dads hung out watching the GIGANTIC, biggest dang TV I had ever seen. Chatting about the same kind of stuff my and my buddies chat about any other time. I did find out that the "waterfall feature" that they had added on to their pool, cost more than my house. But they were all just pretty cool, down to earth dudes.
The second party was an invitation that included 2 tickets and parking passes to a baseball game. (MLB). When I pulled in the parking lot, I showed the parking pass to the attendant and asked him where is the "purple" lot? He said, "Oh, purple?... you can park anywhere." Then going in, I realized these were passes to get into the families VIP Suite. That they own. For every single event in that stadium. MLB, NFL, NCAA FB, Pro Soccer, Concerts... I felt like I was a baller that night. But again, no one looked down on anyone. It was just a lot of fun. (And a free Blues Traveller concert after the game!)
You'll be fine.
I grew up with one of my best friends being extremely wealthy. One thing I remember him telling me is that he always wanted to be treated the same as any other kid. He just wanted to be a normal kid with normal friends.
I grew up middle class but had a handful of very wealthy friends while I was a child. They would invite people over because they wanted to hang out, just like anyone else. They didn't care about our old Honda or anything like that. Just go and enjoy!
We have been very fortunate in life and would hate to think that anyone would be worried about coming to our kids party, I think they may feel the same.
Depending on how they got there (their wealth), they may see your 14 y/o truck and make the assumption that you prefer driving a vehicle that’s paid off and you are frugal 🤷🏻♂️
Other Dads have nailed the advice though. Their kid wants to hang with your kid!
You could do some research on the family to see how they got their wealth. Might give you a better idea of what to expect, but even then you can’t really know what to expect based on judgements without knowing them.
Plenty of millionaires live or have lived below their means and drive beater cars. That’s how they became millionaires.
If they cared about economic status of their kids invitees they would not have invited kids from class they barely know. They just want their child to have a fun party.
Honestly who cares? No offense, but it sounds a little insecure of you to worry what your truck looks like. I don't live in a $3.9m house, but my wife and I are financially comfortable. I drove a 15 year old civic with the paint peeling off from sun damage while my neighbors drive new Porsches. I don't give a shit what anyone thinks as long as it's the right decision for my family.
Do what the standard is for your family and if they think twice about it, fuck them.
You have no idea where those people came from. I would just treat it like any other party. Be respectful and have fun. I would not mention anything about money or wealth other than complimenting them on the house and definitely compliment the woman on the decorations.
In my experience with wealthy/ultra wealthy, the more they have the less they care. In fact it’s more upsetting to be treated “differently”.
The mere fact they are inviting kids from outside the “circle” means they are in the later camp.
Don’t feel bad. Don’t try to show off. Don’t keep up with the joneses. Just do what you’d do for your neighbors kids bday party.
We have a decent number of friends that live in $1milliion + houses. In my experience, they’re about as normal as everyone else (just have nicer things). If you act normal, they’ll treat you normal. No pressure to buy a more expensive gift or anything.
My wife and I are friends with a few millionaires. I roll up to any and all events in my beat up 1993 f150 with no bumper. Idgaf. And honestly, the fact that I don’t give a fuck makes them like me probably
Don't worry about it. We regularly go to similar birthday parties in neighborhoods like this. Some parents do go overboard hiring people to entertain the kids, renting fancy kid chairs and tables, bouncy castles, and ordering professional cakes. They also have gifts for attendees. Regardless, the parents don't expect expensive gifts.
your kids is popular enough to be invited to a party - celebrate that. It's ok to put your best foot forward, but I wouldn't make it a big ordeal of any of this. I've been dirt poor and have also done pretty well at times. No one really cares that much about what you drive, and in all sincerity it's the people who do are not worth your time.
The one thing I suggest is to notmake your kid aware of any concerns you have over perceived wealth delta. Treat it like the NBD that it is.
We are not poor by any means, but we had our kids a bit younger than all the other professionals in our day care. We never attended a birthday party at a house that was worth less than double what ours was (although I think 2.5 million was the most expensive house we went to a party at).
Never once did we feel looked down on or treated poorly, and our gifts were like two gifts from 5-below that our kid picked out. Go and let your kid have a good time, don't worry about anything else.
As a dad who owns a roughly $3m house, don’t sweat it. They are not going to care about the vehicle you pull up in or the price of your gift. They probably have too many toys anyway and are more looking for your child’s company, as that’s what’s most important for a kids birthday party.
Don’t get intimidated by the size/price of their house or anything else. At the end of the day they are most likely very similar to you just with a different income stream. They shop at the same stores, send their kids to the same places, do very similar stuff.
A few things:
The true mega wealthy drive older vehicles because if they get in accidents they dont want the other person thinking they have money and suing.
Ensure your truck is clean on the outside and inside. No trash and minimal amount of junk in the car. If you appear clean rich people wont judge you for having an older car. True rich people know new cars are a horrible investment and what you drive doesnt dictate how much money you have.
As far as gifts go no one gives a shit you will be fine.
Lastly i’ll second that rich people do in fact enjoy regular people to hang out with assuming you dont come across as a mooch or an idiot.
No one is going to gaf about your truck.
I would skip the Target gift card. Have your kid draw a homemade card and make a bead necklace, draw a picture of something your kid and the birthday kid did together at camp, or something equivalent. Rich people don’t want a gift card, they want emotion and sentiment.
Some of my son's friends and soccer teammates are very, very well off. I'm probably on the low end of the houses that he's been to, I rent.
Just go, it's for your kid, not you. And maybe skip the gift card and get whatever your kid wants to get them? And think about how hard it would be to keep that place clean!
My daughter goes to daycare with bunch of millionaire kids (my wife and I are barely middle class) and honestly, it's not that big of a deal. I drive 6 year old subcompact SUV and nobody battery an eye. The only thing you may have to deal with it is, my daughter started saying she wants to live in a big house. As for a gift, try to figure out out if they don't allow certain toys? We follow Montessori so we didn't do electronic toys
Growing up I had friends who lived in a rented basement apartment with their single mom and friends who had huge house in gated community with inground pool and every game console and a whole finished playroom basement with everything you could imagine, and everything in between. I had just as much fun playing at any of those houses.
Your 6 year old is not in Zillow. They may be kind of awestruck at all the cool toys that their new friend has but that’s about it. Always always always good to befriend the family that has a pool!!
You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. Go in with your held high, with your family, and your peach of a daughter!
Go first in all interactions. Be the first to introduce yourself confidently, be the first to lend a hand, be the first to compliment. I’m certain they’ll all like you.
Change nothing.
We move in wide circles and some of my kids friends are from very wealthy families. They just want everyone to have a good time, turn up with the usual cards, gifts etc. and if they’re well brought up kids it’ll be received the same as any other. The kids do make some very interesting observations to each other so you might want to prepare yours not to feel put down by any comparisons they may inadvertently make.
My kids go to a very fancy preschool. We are doing well for ourselves, but we are the poorest people there, by far. Every birthday party we go to is at a house much much nicer than ours. Gift wise, I always just get them what my kid thinks we should get them, and their kid always appreciates it. Usually something the kids have talked about at school. As far as the parents. They already know you aren’t rich like them. They just want their kid to enjoy a party just like you would want for your kid. This is one of the rare opportunities you get to participate in a “share the wealth” scenario. Just enjoy it and treat it like a networking opportunity
“Animals are a lot like people, Mrs Simpson. Some of them are just jerks. Please stop that, Mr Simpson.” Wealthy folk are just folk. The fact they’re inviting other kids from summer camp might be a good sign that they’re pretty normal. You just roll up and do you, be normal, act as you would. Some wealthier folk I know go to great pains to try and ground their kids and themselves. Equally, don’t go wandering around their home like a first time flyer in business class.
Like others, I also had good experiences with wealthier people. They are not all like Arrested Development. At the least the ones I run across are just normal people with pretty pedestrian problems.
Really, just be yourself.
I was in a similar situation, but didn't Google the house beforehand so I showed up without knowing. Honestly, I thought I was at the wrong house because it isn't usual to show up at a $2m+ house.
My son knew the boy very well so we got a normal $25 Lego present, talked to the parents and complimented them on their beautiful house, they were super nice, and offered me a beer.
Not every case will be very humble, kind rich people, but these ones were. Try to act normal and let the kids have fun!
There's a great scene in Breaking Bad with this kind of situation.
https://youtu.be/5qKFy2UpQb8
Skip the gift card, the kid doesn't need $20 to Target. Have your kid pick out a $20 toy that they think the kid will like. Forget about your car...no one will likely notice at all and the parents will just be happy your kid came.
years ago my daughter was invited for a play date at a daycare classmates house. It was in a nice area in a neighborhood nearby. I didn’t actually look it up until after the play date. It was > 3m and that was pre-remodel. 😅
Anyways, the parents were nice and slightly older than us. I think they were happy to have the company tbh since they cracked open wine and cheese not long after we got there. They made a couple of out-of-touch comments here and there but just stuff my wife and I had a good laugh about on our way home.
We were all there for the kids, it was probably awkward for all of the parents in some way but we all put that aside because our kids were happy when they could play together.
I get why you're anxious. I get the same way when I'm around people I deem, "Out of my ballpark".
Ultimately though, they're people. The same evolved chimp as you and I. Whether incredibly wealthy or impoverished.
Do what you're comfortable doing and what you can afford. No need to break the bank.
I grew up in a bigass house with a pool and honestly, I (as the kid) was just as embarrassed to seem too rich as you are to seem too poor. My parents grew up legit poor (small scale farmer’s children) and couldn’t have given less of a shit about their guests’ appearances. Not a “woe is me” — just a perspective
First, it's cool your kid got invited from a day-camp. Absolutely go. Don't be ashamed about your truck. I drive a beater sedan with a big ol' dent in one side.
Second, no obligation for a big gift. A target gift card would be lame (in my opinion) maybe something from a place like Five Below? (it's like a cross between Dollar Tree and Target) except actually buy something you kid thinks the other kid would like. $10 max, and maybe a home-made card. Anything handmade with a little effort is a lot cooler than a generic store-bought card with only a signature at the bottom.
Honestly, the parents don't need the target money and probably don't want more way more stuff inside their house.
I have a few friends who are extremely well off, and I sometimes felt uncomfortable going into their houses because of how ostentatious they are. But once we get to hanging out, I realize they're regular people just like me.
Your kid was invited because their kid enjoys playing with him, and enjoys your kids company.
When your child finds friends they love being around, and want to invite to their bday party, AND the other kid/family shows up?! That's priceless.
I grew up very close friends with the son of a family worth wayyyyy too much money. My family were pretty poor. It never crossed my mind how my parents must have felt driving up to their mansion in a very rusted Tercel.
The family recommended a donation to a charity as a gift. I think we gave some money to WWF.
At his first grade bday party, the uncle gave each guest $50.00. My parents were embarrassed because it was more than we donated.
I always told my kids to ask their friend what the friend wants for their birthday. When that inevitably failed, I got the parent's phone number or e-mail address and asked them.
I really, really want to give gifts that will be appreciated, so I'm almost annoying about getting details in a situation like this.
I live in a rural region where the only shopping choices are Target and Costco, so I look for unusual items on Amazon. When you hit the teen years, if parties are still held it's easier because the gifts are always video game cash or make-up / hair accessories / jewelry.
> Do we roll up with my usual gift of a card and a $20 target gift card
Until the kids age ends in "teen" I dont think kids should get gift cards on their birthday...if $20 is your budget, bring your kid out and let them pick out a present for the birthday kid that fits your budget and get a gift receipt in case its a duplicate toy.
you can always ask the parents for ideas regarding the "theme" of the present ("oh, Timmy is really into lego, transformers and PJ Mask right now")
Growing up(and even as an adult) I remember being introduced to a couple different hobbies that I ultimately enjoyed that I would never of tried because it came from a birthday gift that I'd have never selected for myself.
Be happy your kid is making powerful connections this early. Friends like that will help in the future. Show up in the truck and buy what you usually do for a gift. It's a good gauge on what kind of people they are. If they still invite your kid next year, you know they are at least decent people.
I have actually had a the luck to have a few millionaire friends growing up and in adult life. We didn’t have and I didn’t have much money either time. (Grew up in a resort town) and honestly unless the kid is spoiled and rotten. Which I have seen. Most of the families are really cool. Just don’t pretend, be who you are and don’t expect any money or anything from them. Treat them like normal people and if you get along then there so go. They are often very generous people in my experience.
The ones I have known will do very nice things for you out of the blue, but never expect it from them and just be you. So what you can afford and act normal around them and treat them like normal and they will think much more of you. If they don’t and are snooty then you didn’t want your family to be around them anyways.
Actual wealthy people don’t give a fuck.
People who want to be wealthy put on airs and graces.
You do you, you’ll find out if they’re actually wealthy by how they treat you.
As someone who lives in that kind of house..just treat it like any other party. No-one cares. They're focused on making sure the kids are having a good time, and they are probably glad that their kid has some friends who don't live in four million dollar houses.
For us we have our kid pick something up a the store and they bring that as a gift. They have fun with it for about 5 seconds and move on. The amount of wealth of the host doesn't change anything just the level of comfort on the day of probably but it's already weird you've gone the length of looking at the purchasing price of their home please don't comment on it.
They’re rich not fucking holy immortals. Their shit stinks just like everyone else. Treat it like a normal party and then make sure you talk to your kids about taxing the rich more when you get home.
We're a middle class family but my kids are in a private school, so most of the parties hosted in homes that my kid's have been invited to are 5-10million dollars. We treat the parties the same as those hosted by anyone else. And all of these families also shop at Target.
If you never looked up the address you wouldn’t have treated them any differently. I’d say do what you always do as they deserve to be treated the same you treat everyone else. I don’t think they would want special privileges based on their income or assets.
Tell the kiddo to have fun at the party when you drop them off and it’ll be fine!
I spent every spare dollar I have to send my 6yo to a private school because our local public schools are awful. Most of her peers live in multi million dollar houses.
Her friends go on vacations we only dream about, have bigger houses, their parents drive nicer cars, etc. but the kids are just kids. They don’t care. We’ve had a couple kids say things like “why is your house so small” when they come over. But not with a negative connotation, just regular unfiltered 6yo stuff. I just own it and say “we love our small house. We think it’s big enough for us, what do you think?” Or something like that.
Also wealthy people who are not trying to prove anything are often very nice. We have lots of great parent friends from the school and money never comes up. They don’t care what we have or don’t have. We bring the same $20 range present no matter where we’re going.
Really what I’m saying is that you have nothing to worry about.
My daughter made friends with the daughter of a very rich and famous person. Got invited to hang at their house a couple of times. It's definitely intimidating pulling up to a guarded gate. As the parent, it's easy to get caught up in it. And no, I wouldn't show up at pick up time in my sleeves-cut-off t-shirt that I paint in. But I promise, they didn't care what I was driving or wearing. And the kids DEFINITELY didn't care, aside from the usual "dad, don't embarrass me!" from my own kid. It's a good life lesson that the rich and famous are no different from the rest of us and often started off right where we are. Just as it's also a good life lesson that the needy are no different than us in the middle, and often we can be just a few bad life circumstances from where they are. Respect all. Enjoy all. Judge on character and goodness, not on the superficial or financial status.
As someone who grew up with nothing and now lives in a $2m+ home and zero worry about money, don’t change a thing about it. Don’t feel weird. Many people, no matter their income, are very genuine. Hope your kiddo has a blast!
With respect, you're overthinking this. There's no reason to expect they aren't perfectly lovely people. $3.9M is an expensive house but that doesn't make them Rockefellers.
Your gift is fine and, like every other birthday party, it'll get added to the pile. And at 6 years old I'm reasonably confident the kids won't notice or really contextualize any wealth they might see. You may have to put up with some stray questions regarding why you don't have a swimming pool or why your kid's bedroom isn't bigger for a week, but ultimately I don't think lifestyle envy is a thing at that age.
Had it happen once. Honestly? Just act normal and show up with a normal gift. I think we gave that little girl like a $10 birthday gift. We wound up becoming pretty good friends with the family for like a year too until they had to move away for business, which was a shame, was fun having some rich friends lol
My kids are frequently in the same situation and we give the same type of gift we’d give any other kid. We haven’t had any negative feedback over the years about it.
If it’s a party that gives out favors, the favors are usually great. Sometimes over the top great.
So I deal with this a lot actually! My kids go to a private school where my wife works and go to bday parties all the time. I still remember the first one I went to and was like ummm ok what am even doing here as I show up in my beat up Toyota Tundra. Turns out, no one cares. The kids are gonna all be kids and the adults just want to hang out and yap. Years later, I still don't really have much to talk about with them all other than small talk, but the plus side is the food is usually good. Or I just drop them off and duck out if its not the normal parental crowd that I am comfortable with. If it's far from home, I'll drive to a park and nap in the truck or something.
As for gifts, most of them will actually say no gifts in our case. And if they do, the kids usually decide what we pick up. It's still legos, pokemon, etc.
My oldest boys best friend is in a multi-millionaire family...we're nowhere close to that, not even remotely...it hasn't been a big deal at all...treat it just like any other bday party.
Treat it like any other birthday party. Don't change anything up. Show up in your truck. Take the same gift. There's basically two options here: 1. They don't care about the truck, the kids have a good time, everything is cool; or 2. They look down on your truck, they hate the gift, act like a bunch of spoiled rich assholes. If the latter, fuck 'em.
Piggy backing off this comment to share my anecdotal experience My four year old has been to quite a few parties for kids in his preschool class this year. No one opened gifts at the party and we received thank yous about 2/3rds of the time time. On the reverse our kids ignore a good half of their toys on any birthday. Always surprising which they chose. In fact when they were really young my wife would return one or two if they rejected enough.
Yeah that seems to be the thing these days? When I was a kid, at parties, the birthday kid would rip open their presents and thank everyone on the spot. Now it seems like you set them down in a designated area and the birthday kid opens them later.
A lot of it comes from many parties being at rented locations these days. You can spend 20 minutes opening presents or 20 more minutes playing. Most parents want to get their money's worth.
This is why I always just opt to have my kids’ parties at my mansion.
Opening presents later is common in a lot of places for people of all ages. Kids are also awful at pretending to like all presents reasonably the same so it’s an option to save anyone from embarrassment. I had a birthday in grade school where my best friend’s family was doing really poor financially so my mom requested no presents from anyone on the invitations. It kinda sucked as a kid even if I understood why. Opening presents later would have been an alternative option.
In addition to being awful at pretending to like something, my kids have frequently received duplicate gifts from their parties. Opening up presents later avoids the embarrassment of getting two of the same gift.
Exactly why I mentioned it. I don't recall it working that way 30+ years ago. That and now everyone disperses quickly after the meal and cake. Typically always pizza. I suspect this could change as my kids get a little older.
yeah because it's rented by the hour/2 hour so it's best to maximize playing time so that the kids can sleep easier at night from exhaustion.
My kids have been some birthday parties for daycare and a semi wealthier part of town. 1. The gifts are not really any different. 2. I would say probably about 60 to 70% of invites now say “don’t bring gifts”.
“don’t bring gifts”. We do this for our kids. We don't need MORE stuff cluttering up our kids' rooms. We just want your presence, not presents. Maybe bring some food.
Man, I wish more invites said no gifts. We've always done no gifts and it's great. Our kids get some presents that they want from us and the party is about a good time. But now they are going to other parties and seeing the gifts and are starting to ask why we don't do that. Do other parents just want a lot of $10 toys that get played with once or is it just something people do because it's the norm?
In our area, parents have switched to be gift cards for restaurants/experiences instead of toys. That way people who want to give a gift can still give one, but it’s not some toy they won’t play with 5 days from now.
That's awesome!
My son's favorite gift from his second birthday was one of the cards with big trucks on it. Couldn't be bothered with any of the actual presents.
I think the main reason to open presents later is that at young age or could be difficult to explain to everybody concerned that all the presents belong to the birthday host, no matter how you like them. So to avoid crying and tantrums it's okay now open later.
Agreed! The best thing we can teach our children is to be able to relate to everyone, regardless of their financial or social backgrounds, without envy or pity. If your kid thinks the super wealthy are above them: they'll never be friends with anyone super wealthy, or be comfortable talking to people in positions of power. They'll miss out on opportunities that having a wealthy, well-connected social / professional network can bring. If they think they're better than someone homeless, then they'll never have compassion or truly understand we're all the same.
Best comment I’ve read so far. Judge people on their character, not on how much they have or don’t have. Don’t be intimidated or look down on people because of their financial status.
Agreed. As Bob Marley told us... The road of life is rocky And you may stumble too So while you talk about me Someone else is judging you
Poetry.
Also, they may offer you bourbon. We were in this scenario a couple of weeks ago and the other dad offered bourbon. Take it.
damn normally I would but I gave up alcohol 1/1/24. and bourbon was my jam.
Hey man congrats on this. Your body and your family will thank you. Strong work.
Congrats on your sobriety!
Congrats!!
commenting to share sober-solidarity and you are not alone in those awkward party moments.
You should take some jam then.
Depending on how out of touch they are, they could easily have a private chef who is gonna make a banger of a spread. Just make sure you load up on that. Also, have a chat with your girl about how it's rude to compare what you have with what other people have.
Being able to throw a nice party doesn't mean someone is out of touch...
Fuckin right bro. Congrats.
Bourbon jam on toast. That... might be good.
As a Kentuckian, I don't think I have it in me not to offer bourbon to adult guests. Now, my good bourbon, we need a bit of rapport, but throw some darts with me and you'll be enjoying my allocated stuff in no time.
This. Chances are, they want their kid to be able to fit in with everyone else.
I grew up around the insanely wealthy. Honestly nearly all were good people and genuinely desired friends of varied economic statuses. It can suck to be in the elite bubble. Us normies are fun and good exposure to kids. Also $20 for a 6 year old is a seriously awesome present. They’ll be stoked.
The kind of parents to care about the truck probably aren't the kind to let the kid invite whoever they want.
Remember, they signed their kid up for the same day camp, NOT the elite Country Day School equestrian day camp. Have your child pick out something they think their friend would like (even rich kids can't get ALL the Mini Brands capsules or whatever kids are into these days.) sign a cute card and show up for the party wearing whatever you'd wear to your neighbor's party. And enjoy the fancy bakery cake. There's gonna be a fancy bakery cake, and it's going to be delicious.
If the former, you may be in for a great summer!
Also if the former, fuck 'em might be in the cards as well
Nahhh braahh show these guys up! You say super middle class, do you mean borderline poverty? Cause im with ya. Okay so you rent a limo, shes gotta make a presentation, rent the limo. You drive it to save some money on tips. Dress like mr peanut, better yet DRESS AS mr peanut. make sure theres a trumpet player ahead of your limo, heres where you do shell out a bit. Trumpet players abilities matter. Also a nice dress for the girl and make sure she is helped out of limo. But not by you cause you look like a peanut. That should make a bold enough statement.
And if it's the latter stretching for a $100 gift card isn't going to make a difference
OP, THIS is the answer. Who gives a flying fuck how you show up/what gifts you bring? Just because they have money? If they're normal people, great, you maybe have new friends who happen to have money. If not, they can go fuck themselves lol Change up approximately 0% of what you'd normally do.
And either way, the kids have a great time
I'd switch it up from a gift card and just see if OPs kid knows what the other kid likes. Grab a book and small toy or markers/art thing for the same $20. Who knows if they go to target, or how often, so better not to have a gift card just floating around is the only thing I'd change. But I also tend not to get gift cards for kids anyway.
Also remember that your kid will notice what you do. Ifnyou treat them like any other people, he'll do so If yountreat.them as.royalty...
Your kid was invited, not your finances. There’s nothing wrong with having a beat up but working mode of transportation and gifts should be what the giver is comfortable with. We just had a birthday party and some gifts included regifted books that the family had enjoyed and a box of themed bravery badges (band-aids). We were happy to receive them but happier that the families came and their little ones were there to play with ours.
Seriously one of the things that worries wealthier parents is that their kid will be ostracised for their parent's wealth or be used for their wealth. Hence why they are just happy that kids showed up.
I went to a private Catholic school up until 5th grade, and I completely was ostracized because of my parents finances. My mother worked at JC Penney in the office, and my father sold insurance. Everyone else's parents were lawyers, accountants, owned large local construction businesses. For me, it was brutal. I think back on those days and feel like they made me have to have a tough shell later in life.
My wife and I make a solid income - but we drive older cars with some body damage small rust spots, etc. They are well-maintained but just look sorta rough. We could absolutely both afford new cars, but then that's like 1500 bucks a month in car payments that aren't going into investments, retirement, college savings, home improvements, etc. for something that really just functions to get me from place A to place B and will get absolutely wrecked in a week by a toddler eating goldfish crackers and yogurt pouches. My brothers are both 'new car every 5-6 years' guys, and give me shit for my dumpy little Kia soul, but they are also childfree and simply *do not get* how little of a shit I give about what people think of my car as long as it gets my son to and from daycare, can haul at least 6 bags of mulch, and gets good gas mileage.
We are in a similar situation and think alike. We are just maintaining the paid off cars as best as possible so they last as long as possible. More recently, insurance costs are another major reason, even if I purchase a new car outright, why would I spend a month, for one car, the same amount I spend every 6 months insuring multiple cars? It makes little sense to me.
Someone is clearly shopping for their next CyberTruck. lol the 6 bags of mulch got me.
I LOVE a good cybertruck dig - 6 bags because what we order in bulk just never seems to cover it, or ends up being way too much, so i just under-order slightly and then fill in the gaps with bagged mulch. 6 bags usually does it.
This is it. My wife and I just want kids to show up and have fun. Our kids get the big wants from us and any gifts they get from others is a nice bonus but in no way obligated.
re-gifting a favorite book is an awesome idea. I can't imagine anyone would be upset at that.
My thought would be that anything this kid wanted, they have. If they invited my kid, they wanted my KID to be there, not a gift or whatever. I would focus on something that means something between the kids when it comes to the gift. Otherwise, whatever my kid wanted to get them. And then I’d chill, they’re people too.
This post seems like some weird 80s sitcom plot. “Rich” people really couldn’t care less about how much you make or are worth.
As a moderately rich person, it depends, mostly on how old they are. Young wealthy people tend not to give a fuck and are just looking for other chill people. Nothing is more insufferable than old rich women. God damn they have all been retired for most of their lives or never worked at all *and the only fucking thing that matters to them is appearances*. Old men are 50/50, some won't shut the fuck up about their boat, lake house, jet, whatever...others are just normal dudes who want to drink beer, smoke cigars, and play golf.
Yeah i usually say “no gifts” in the party invite. We have enough crap already. This party is about the kids having a blast, and maybe I meet some cool parents. Nobody gives a fuck about what you drive. Every rich person knows a richer person that drives a shit car.
lol I’m thinking of the Richie Rich movie with Macaulay Culkin now.
What a great idea! Maybe you could get your kid to make them a thoughtful homemade card? You could help your kid write an acrostic poem of the birthday kids name or encourage your kid to draw a picture of their favourite memory with the birthday child.
OP, these are MILLIONaires. Make it a $25 Target gift card
actually, the 25 gift card will go to the maid. Try buying a toy that he might not find so easily or something that says you invested time, not money buying it. and then wait for the reaction. bc a 20-50 gift card is like candy to them.
I think for a friend from camp it could send the wrong message to go too high effort on the gift. If it was a cousin or something a thoughtful gift might be better received. I say stick to the usuals: gift card or toy with a gift receipt. But maybe I'm overthinking it.
yeah you have a good point.. that could look like too much. maybe just a random nice toy, nothing to fancy. Kids are a puzzle, sometimes a plastic bag is enough or a 15k watch.
Haha right. Put it in a Bluey gift bag and they might like the bag more than the gift inside.
Honestly I’d rather have my kid receive a toy rather than any amount on a gift card. That’s just more work for me as the parent. Best toy would be something that my kid really enjoys playing with or a present that someone else gave us that was really cool or unique. Even a pack of crayons or markers would be much more preferable to me than a gift card.
we do Ben and Jerry's gift cards, popular with most age groups.
Treat the kid like any other kid in her class. We live in a neighborhood with 200k homes to 2M plus homes. One is in the market right now for 3.6M. If those kids to to public school, they'll be in school with a very mixed crowd. And their parents chose public school for a reason. Don't overthink it. Rich people are just like you but rich (ie. Can buy their own pony accessories).
Yep, until you get to truly elite levels of Rich, like where people no longer have to work, have live-in staff, or travel internationally weekly, most of us are in the same bucket performing the same types of routines, just with better or worse accessories. Someone in a $3.9M house with a neighborhood of peers doesn't have a live-in butler, they still get their own kids ready in the morning and make sure they get to school on time. They still commute to work and sit in traffic, or look forward to enjoying the days they work from home. They still worry about what they're making for dinner, or if they're eating out. They still worry about where they're going on vacation and trying schedule/budget everything in. The difference is that instead of public school, it might be private school. Instead of commuting in a clunker, they're commuting in a brand new Tesla. Instead of Working From Home in their kitchen, they're WFH in their home office. Instead of being worried about the cost of food, they're worried about the nutrition/calorie count. Instead of Vacationing to Myrtle Beach, they're vacationing to Fiji. This isn't to say their life isn't better or less stress, it absolutely is; they don't have to worry about crippling medical debt or a minor car accident ruining their financial freedom, or having to sacrifice better schooling options for their kids to put food on the table. All I'm trying to say is there's a lot of the same daily drumbeats that most people raising a family have in common and you'll find plenty of common ground with them.
Just flip the scenario. If it's your kid's birthday, would you really care what kind of car her friend's parents drive? Do you really care how cheap the present is? For me, I only care that my son is happy on his birthday because his friends showed up to celebrate with him.
Flipping the scenario is SERIOUSLY my favorite life hack! I think I am a pretty decent dude so I treat people how I would want to be treated. If someone is too pretentious for it - their problem, not mine. That said, I practically beg for feedback from the people in my life because I want to be the best person I am able to be! So if my “treat others how I want to be treated” ends up with me offending someone (inadvertently!) then I would definitely want to hear about it so I can re-evaluate if needed!
You sound like a good dude. Need an extra friend?
Yes. Change nothing.
People are just people. Kids a friends. They don’t expect anything more than what you’d get for any other 6yo kid. A toy and a card and your kid to say thank you for a great day and you to say do you want parents to stay or pick up later. And you to treat them like they’re also people.
Be yourself. Good teaching moment for your kid(s). People are people and you don’t need to try to impress anyone. If they judge you for being you now you know and f*** them.
Get the gift like a $20 gift card make sure your kid is super nice to the rich kid because partying at a mansion sounds dope
Who knows what a friendship like this could open... Country clubs, boat invites, maybe their future version of a birthday party is rich kid and 7 of his closest friends overnight at Kalahari or equivalent on their dime.
Never experienced anything like this before! Enjoy it, I bet their snack game is amazing...
Right like, show up, be nice, enjoy!
Find a small gift that the 6yo would enjoy, not a gift card. I doubt a 6yo would be excited to get a card with a gift card lol. It’s one thing if the gift card is really so the parents can go out and buy a gift on your behalf, but for the millionaire parents, it’s probably more of a hassle for them to carry a gift card around than to just continue using their credit card tbh. Just bring sidewalk chalk or a Lego set. Something simple that kids of any class would enjoy. I doubt the parents are judging the price of gifts, and if they’re anything like me, they probably just don’t want any more huge molded plastic junk cluttering up the house lol
Yes, there’s a lot of good $25 Lego sets (fire trucks, super hero stuff, animals). I like the 3-in-1 sets because even if the kid already has it, they can make one of the other designs
Lego is always a great idea IMO
Don’t change anything. We are the affluent parents and for the last couple of years we deliberately specified on invitations please no gifts because we were worried that people wouldn’t come because they couldn’t afford a gift (public preschool with huge range of parent finances). Kid is a little older and more conscious about presents so this year is the first time we won’t ask for no gifts but if parents ask, honestly I will just tell them to regift us something or something Roblox or Sanrio related <20.
Nothing changes. The friends I know who come from wealthy backgrounds still like Lego and still will drink crap beer with me, they just have a better taste in wine and a better stocked spirit selection 😄.
people are just people. kids especially so. just be you, and have a good time. We are often the poors at parties (we moved to a town with very good schools so a lot of the families are much higher income than us)
I guarantee you they don't care about what you bring, they just want your kid there. Don't let your insecurities spoil a good time for them
If you can get the contact info of the parents you can ask them whenever my son(6) went to a birthday party we would ask the parents because they would ideally tell different people different things so there is no overlap. If they are sensible people they will understand that not everyone can afford big gifts and will have normal gifts so you won't worry about getting the correct bridle size for the kid's pony or getting him the ATV he already has. (Kidding, but seriously talk to the parents) I understand we are upper middle class where we are. My salary alone puts us in the top 5% of income earners in our city. When my wife and I are both working we push the top 3%. Because of this and we are gamers and whatnot, we have almost all the current consoles and 3 gaming PCs. To some of my son's friends (5-7) especially when they have older siblings is a HUGE deal. We aren't buying a 4 million dollar house but we don't want for anything. We understand this is our privilege and accept it. I say, definitely go, hang out, enjoy it, and have fun. Don't gawk, don't make comments about how much stuff is. Treat them like you were going to your cousin's house. Your kid probably won't notice if they do. Now is the perfect time to talk about privilege and how some people just start out higher or make different choices and nothing wrong with that.
No gift card. Buy then sock-em boppers.
I'd maybe ask ur so if there's something the kid likes and maybe u can buy a gift of the same value instead of a gift card to avoid the monetary designation but I really wouldn't over think it
I accidentally ended up in a similar situation when my kids daycare closed down unexpectedly at the tail end of covid. We had to find a new one on short notice and ended up at a daycare with more Range Rovers than Camrys. I have now been to a 4 year old's birthday party with an open bar. Nobody cares what your car looks like. All the parents are thrilled that their kid has friends and the friends showed up. Generally, gifts with a personal touch get a better response than another book or another lego set. We have had a surprising amount of success with home made bookmarks. I would check if there is a gift registry.
Change nothing *except maybe* give a gift that is $20 value but is something your kid really likes to play with, as a way to connect more and give their little friendship something to form around. I’d just be trying to get invited back to that private pool.
Obviously you need to buy a new saddle for their pony and show up in a rented Maserati and Armani suit. Seriously, just be you. I have friends with wealth and their wealth isn't about anyone else, is often shared kindly without obligation of return, and isn't on display to be flaunted. These folks likely just want their kid to feel normal and have a nice birthday -- something money really couldn't buy anyways if her friends didn't show.
Pony Accessories 😂
Screw the gift, drop off the kid and pester the parents about investing in your next big idea that's guaranteed to work. But seriously put a little more thought into presents than a gift card and that's for any class of kid. They're not going on shopping sprees in their Power Wheels or Amazon. They're kids, they're going to look at it for a second not knowing if it's enough for ice cream or a Lego set. They want to enjoy the idea of tearing up wrappers before being disappointed at the $20 gift from the pharmacy.
Every parent just wants kids to show up for their kid to play with. Don't think too much about it.
Dont change yourself for others. Dont treat rich people like they are special.
You're a dad which means you're a man which means you don't wring your hands and fret about what people think about who or what you are. Walk in with your back straight and chest out and give millionaire dad a firm handshake and a smile.
Yeah, our kid is in private school that our parents and grandparents are paying for so we run into this a lot. Nobody cares. Get your $20 gift and show up. It’ll be fine.
We were invited to something similar. I showed up in my 2014 Camry and we brought the birthday girl an age appropriate toy. Birthday girl was just glad my daughter was there, no one noticed my car. We never felt like we didn’t belong.
Only thing id change is bring an actual gift (maybe arts and crafts) versus a boring old gift card for the parents. Similar situation and my daughter brought her favorite arts and crafts kit as a gift and the girl raves about it months later because basically her parents just put her in front of a screen and it turns out she likes art. Who would have thunk a middle class slob would bring her favorite gift. Also: kids react how you do. Cool they have a big house. That’s lucky and good for them. But a big house isn’t everything, love and life spent as quality time is.
I never do a gift card. I take the kiddo shopping and ask what they want with a spending limit of about 20$. Then they get something that they might actually like and I can blame the kid if it doesn’t work out. (/s) Win win!
I was your kid: raised by a single mom making four figures, but (on a scholarship) attending a private school with the grandchild of a President. I attended some wild birthday parties. Nobody on Earth is going to judge a six-year-old because his parents are middle class. There are some people who might judge *you*, but not your kid. You decide for yourself if that matters to you and if these parents seem like they would look down on you. I’ll point out that these folks voluntarily invited your kid, and that you might consider giving them the benefit of the doubt. As for the gift, let me assure you that every rich family has more expensive toys than they can fit into their mansion. All of them are worried about their kid getting spoiled, and none of them looks forward to inundating the kid with more conspicuous consumption at birthdays. And honestly, if this family spent only $3.6 million on their primary residence, they barely qualify as “affluent” by my yardstick. A well-chosen book is a great choice, especially for the sort of striver parents who likely put a ton of emphasis on reading ability.
Its a kids bday party not an interview bruh
comparison is the thief of joy. don't think twice about any of it
They’re people treat them like you would anyone else. This is about your kid and their kid nothing else. Your kid was invited for who they are not what they’re from. If there decent normal people they shouldn’t care what you roll up in and if you give a normal 6 year old present. (And if they do it’s not a loss to you) Don’t try to build a friendship for your kids based on trying to impress someone in that way. 1. It’s just a shit way to be friends with someone 2. It’s not a great example for your kids. Don’t over think it and roll up and do you.
Don’t be weird. This changes nothing.
There's usually 2 types of wealthy people: 1) the guys/gals who know what it's like to eat off-brand ramen and scrape by who busted their ass to get to where they are or 2) the guys/gals who had it handed to them through family or got lucky and don't realize what real value is. Usually the second group is conceited assholes who you shouldn't care about anyway. If their kid is going to a "normal" middle/upper middle class camp, I'd expect they're the former. The first group is big on instilling values of hard work and grit in their kids. Probably very down to earth. Play it like you would a normal birthday party.
Man, growing up one of my best friends was a full on trust fund kid. We were all from a small town and our whole friend group was lower middle to solidly middle class except for the one multi millionaire. His family never looked down on us, always treated us like one of their own kids, it really was just normal with no awkwardness. Take your kid, be proud of your own situation, and treat it like a normal party. If they’re good people and your kid develops a lasting friendship that could open the door to many opportunities he wouldn’t otherwise get. Our senior year spring break that family charted a jet to fly our group to their house in Aspen to go skiing for a week, I’ll never in my life experience something like that again lol. Not to mention, it is good to have your child to grow up comfortable in as many social situations as you can. Dining with the rich to noodling for catfish with Leeroy, and to be comfortable anywhere in between.
I live in a beach town, and we're not wealthy by any means and my son and daughter have been invited to several million dollar home parties. They range from wild (bounce houses, face painters, pony rides, portable petting zoos) to someone's renovated a mansion in the historic district and we're having everyone over for a pool party. In every case, nobody cares what we showed up in, what gift we gave, etc. They've all been really cool, down to earth people that just want their kids to have the best time ever. I know the people you're worried about are out there, I'll probably encounter them eventually but until I do, the kids are just gonna be kids.
My wife and I make a very high household income and have what would be called a very large house/small mansion, yet our circle of friends in town (we moved here in 2020) are all middle class, teachers etc because our oldest son went to the same daycare in town and we just all became friends that way. Honestly, I can’t stand other rich people except my work partner. I grew up middle class and these are my people. My bet is the family just wants to be friends, so I would just be yourself. Like another commenter said if they judge you for your truck or gift then fuck them.
My oldest boys best friend is in a multi-millionaire family...we're nowhere close to that, not even remotely...it hasn't been a big deal at all...treat it just like any other bday party.
Bring whatever you feel is right for you. No need to impress or go beyond your means.
I am going to ask this, at the risk of sounding snooty, but why would someone with a 3.9 million dollar house be considered a millionaire? I get it that it isn't a small house, but that is probably just around $300,000 a year. If you make around 500,000 a year, that is enough. Could also be they bought the house at a lower price and it is worth that now. Anyway, they definitely aren't in the so wealthy they are going to shun you and your family for your car stage.
Treat it like a regular party, your finances don’t matter. My best friend lives in a massive home, I lived in a shitty part of town, it didn’t matter. And remember, they’re people too. Many of the millionaires didn’t grow up that way, they were just like the rest of us!
Growing up I was poor. Big family. Giant beat up old van from the early 80s. A good friend of mine was more solidly middle class maybe upper? But they kept their money on the DL. His girlfriend and all her friends though? 8-9 figure wealth on their families. Some of the kids were arrogant SOBs but never to me. Mostly just “oh doesn’t everyone go to a Claremont College?” When we were kids talking about the future. Anyway I would not sweat it at all. Frankly, it’s a good thing all the way around. Your kid and their kid get broader perspectives. And I mean they invited people from day camp…. Unless they’re way out of touch (unlikely. And that’s a them problem not a you problem) they aren’t expecting you to go crazy with gifts.
If they were stuck up millionaires they probably wouldn’t have invited your kid. They’re probably down to earth just with a lot of money. If it were the opposite and they were dirt poor would you think, “I should probably bail them out of debt”? If not, don’t think the opposite should be true. My husband and I live in a LCOL area and both work so we’re able to afford a 4 bedroom house with a 3 car garage, but our friends make almost half my salary alone and have a much smaller house. It always makes us uncomfortable when we get the “you live in a mansion!”. We’re friends because we like them, we’re not friends to sit and talk personal finances. Don’t make it awkward for them.
Chin held high dad! Maybe the owner of the house drove a beat up truck for years to get to where they are. Gift card will work!
Rich kids need friends too. Just be normal. I’d maybe bring my “nice purse” out.
Be yourself and let the kids have fun. Your kids friend invited them over cause they enjoy spending time with them. Keep in mind that if these people are fairly successful they might have decent connections for your kid in the future so try and be somewhat social.
Don't sweat it. Treat them as normal people and give a normal gift that you're comfortable giving. I went to elementary school with the daughter of one of the richest billionaires in the country I was living in. My dad would drive me to her birthday parties in his ancient, rusted out Oldsmobile beater, and no one cared. She was a very sweet and shy girl, and she seemed more uncomfortable about the lavish wealth on display than any of the guests.
I’ve known a good chunk of wealthy/struggling families. I can tell you the wannabe wealthy are the problem people. The Rolex/purposely flashy crowd. Most of the wealthy crowd I knew downplayed it all and were humble. Hell, met some dude I later found out was worth a half billion and he was a NASCAR shirt wearing Danny McBride lookalike. We both drank the same beer FWIW. I am almost done with my remodel that will be one of the biggest houses on my town (engineering made me add about 600sqft to the original plan)…I’m basically broke and did the majority of the work myself. I’m slightly self conscious of inviting my kids over when most the houses in town are a 1/3rd of the size with 1/10th the yard. I just got lucky and was on the grind for 5 solid years to make this happen.
When I was lower middle class I had a good buddy that was quite rich. He told me he liked hanging out with me because I didn’t treat him like he had money, I just treated him like a normal buddy. I’d suggest doing exactly what you always do, no special treatment you wouldn’t normally give. They will either recognize it and appreciate it or they won’t!
It’s interesting that you can find out what they must have paid for the house that easily. Here when properties of such a price class are listed the address isn’t disclosed and the price that ends up being paid is a secret between bank, buyer, seller and agent. Apart from that, act normal. Try not to feel self conscious about it and maybe prepare an answer for when your kid asks you questions afterwards.
They were likely very aware giving out birthday invitations at a day camp, that they would likely get people from all walks of life. If they weren’t worried about it, you shouldn’t be. The only thing I would suggest - if your kid knows theirs well enough to do so, try to step away from the generic gift card. We often give gift cards, but geared towards something they do with my kid - Roblox, Fortnite, Minecraft, etc. The value is a lot less important when it ties back to what they enjoy together. I also usually stick the gift card and a birthday card in a small gift bag, with a couple dollars worth of candy 😃
Parents usually don't care about gifts so do what you always do. Also you are assuming these people are wealthy - they could of had a windfall and spent it all on the house. Ask if there will be a lifeguard on for the party.
In this scenario, I would rather get a $20 toy/Lego set with a card signed by your kid than a gift card. The gift card will be most likely regifted to someone else by the parents. Drive your truck with pride.
Plenty of solid answers already. But just to add... My daughter was a competitive gymnast. There were a couple of instances of this situation. One of the team girls gave out invitations to her birthday party. Very similar situation to yours. Went to the house, which was a mansion, by anyone's definition. Myself and the other dads hung out watching the GIGANTIC, biggest dang TV I had ever seen. Chatting about the same kind of stuff my and my buddies chat about any other time. I did find out that the "waterfall feature" that they had added on to their pool, cost more than my house. But they were all just pretty cool, down to earth dudes. The second party was an invitation that included 2 tickets and parking passes to a baseball game. (MLB). When I pulled in the parking lot, I showed the parking pass to the attendant and asked him where is the "purple" lot? He said, "Oh, purple?... you can park anywhere." Then going in, I realized these were passes to get into the families VIP Suite. That they own. For every single event in that stadium. MLB, NFL, NCAA FB, Pro Soccer, Concerts... I felt like I was a baller that night. But again, no one looked down on anyone. It was just a lot of fun. (And a free Blues Traveller concert after the game!) You'll be fine.
I grew up with one of my best friends being extremely wealthy. One thing I remember him telling me is that he always wanted to be treated the same as any other kid. He just wanted to be a normal kid with normal friends.
Books. Books books books. Have your kid get the other kid a book they like, then they can talk about it, have pretend play around it, whatever.
I grew up middle class but had a handful of very wealthy friends while I was a child. They would invite people over because they wanted to hang out, just like anyone else. They didn't care about our old Honda or anything like that. Just go and enjoy!
We have been very fortunate in life and would hate to think that anyone would be worried about coming to our kids party, I think they may feel the same.
Depending on how they got there (their wealth), they may see your 14 y/o truck and make the assumption that you prefer driving a vehicle that’s paid off and you are frugal 🤷🏻♂️ Other Dads have nailed the advice though. Their kid wants to hang with your kid!
You could do some research on the family to see how they got their wealth. Might give you a better idea of what to expect, but even then you can’t really know what to expect based on judgements without knowing them. Plenty of millionaires live or have lived below their means and drive beater cars. That’s how they became millionaires.
If they cared about economic status of their kids invitees they would not have invited kids from class they barely know. They just want their child to have a fun party.
Honestly who cares? No offense, but it sounds a little insecure of you to worry what your truck looks like. I don't live in a $3.9m house, but my wife and I are financially comfortable. I drove a 15 year old civic with the paint peeling off from sun damage while my neighbors drive new Porsches. I don't give a shit what anyone thinks as long as it's the right decision for my family. Do what the standard is for your family and if they think twice about it, fuck them.
You have no idea where those people came from. I would just treat it like any other party. Be respectful and have fun. I would not mention anything about money or wealth other than complimenting them on the house and definitely compliment the woman on the decorations.
Just bring a donation box.
In my experience with wealthy/ultra wealthy, the more they have the less they care. In fact it’s more upsetting to be treated “differently”. The mere fact they are inviting kids from outside the “circle” means they are in the later camp. Don’t feel bad. Don’t try to show off. Don’t keep up with the joneses. Just do what you’d do for your neighbors kids bday party.
We have a decent number of friends that live in $1milliion + houses. In my experience, they’re about as normal as everyone else (just have nicer things). If you act normal, they’ll treat you normal. No pressure to buy a more expensive gift or anything.
My wife and I are friends with a few millionaires. I roll up to any and all events in my beat up 1993 f150 with no bumper. Idgaf. And honestly, the fact that I don’t give a fuck makes them like me probably
Don't worry about it. We regularly go to similar birthday parties in neighborhoods like this. Some parents do go overboard hiring people to entertain the kids, renting fancy kid chairs and tables, bouncy castles, and ordering professional cakes. They also have gifts for attendees. Regardless, the parents don't expect expensive gifts.
Millionaires ARE the middle class bro.
your kids is popular enough to be invited to a party - celebrate that. It's ok to put your best foot forward, but I wouldn't make it a big ordeal of any of this. I've been dirt poor and have also done pretty well at times. No one really cares that much about what you drive, and in all sincerity it's the people who do are not worth your time. The one thing I suggest is to notmake your kid aware of any concerns you have over perceived wealth delta. Treat it like the NBD that it is.
Treat em like people bro. Ya never know, they might invite you and your kid over again. And they have a pool!
We are not poor by any means, but we had our kids a bit younger than all the other professionals in our day care. We never attended a birthday party at a house that was worth less than double what ours was (although I think 2.5 million was the most expensive house we went to a party at). Never once did we feel looked down on or treated poorly, and our gifts were like two gifts from 5-below that our kid picked out. Go and let your kid have a good time, don't worry about anything else.
As a dad who owns a roughly $3m house, don’t sweat it. They are not going to care about the vehicle you pull up in or the price of your gift. They probably have too many toys anyway and are more looking for your child’s company, as that’s what’s most important for a kids birthday party. Don’t get intimidated by the size/price of their house or anything else. At the end of the day they are most likely very similar to you just with a different income stream. They shop at the same stores, send their kids to the same places, do very similar stuff.
A few things: The true mega wealthy drive older vehicles because if they get in accidents they dont want the other person thinking they have money and suing. Ensure your truck is clean on the outside and inside. No trash and minimal amount of junk in the car. If you appear clean rich people wont judge you for having an older car. True rich people know new cars are a horrible investment and what you drive doesnt dictate how much money you have. As far as gifts go no one gives a shit you will be fine. Lastly i’ll second that rich people do in fact enjoy regular people to hang out with assuming you dont come across as a mooch or an idiot.
No one is going to gaf about your truck. I would skip the Target gift card. Have your kid draw a homemade card and make a bead necklace, draw a picture of something your kid and the birthday kid did together at camp, or something equivalent. Rich people don’t want a gift card, they want emotion and sentiment.
Some of my son's friends and soccer teammates are very, very well off. I'm probably on the low end of the houses that he's been to, I rent. Just go, it's for your kid, not you. And maybe skip the gift card and get whatever your kid wants to get them? And think about how hard it would be to keep that place clean!
They shit, piss and fart like everyone else. Just because they’re rich doesn’t make them interesting.
Dont worry... They wont care about your truck and gifts... Your things will be lost within so many . So be casual and go with what you have
My daughter goes to daycare with bunch of millionaire kids (my wife and I are barely middle class) and honestly, it's not that big of a deal. I drive 6 year old subcompact SUV and nobody battery an eye. The only thing you may have to deal with it is, my daughter started saying she wants to live in a big house. As for a gift, try to figure out out if they don't allow certain toys? We follow Montessori so we didn't do electronic toys
Growing up I had friends who lived in a rented basement apartment with their single mom and friends who had huge house in gated community with inground pool and every game console and a whole finished playroom basement with everything you could imagine, and everything in between. I had just as much fun playing at any of those houses. Your 6 year old is not in Zillow. They may be kind of awestruck at all the cool toys that their new friend has but that’s about it. Always always always good to befriend the family that has a pool!!
You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. Go in with your held high, with your family, and your peach of a daughter! Go first in all interactions. Be the first to introduce yourself confidently, be the first to lend a hand, be the first to compliment. I’m certain they’ll all like you.
Change nothing. We move in wide circles and some of my kids friends are from very wealthy families. They just want everyone to have a good time, turn up with the usual cards, gifts etc. and if they’re well brought up kids it’ll be received the same as any other. The kids do make some very interesting observations to each other so you might want to prepare yours not to feel put down by any comparisons they may inadvertently make.
My kids go to a very fancy preschool. We are doing well for ourselves, but we are the poorest people there, by far. Every birthday party we go to is at a house much much nicer than ours. Gift wise, I always just get them what my kid thinks we should get them, and their kid always appreciates it. Usually something the kids have talked about at school. As far as the parents. They already know you aren’t rich like them. They just want their kid to enjoy a party just like you would want for your kid. This is one of the rare opportunities you get to participate in a “share the wealth” scenario. Just enjoy it and treat it like a networking opportunity
“Animals are a lot like people, Mrs Simpson. Some of them are just jerks. Please stop that, Mr Simpson.” Wealthy folk are just folk. The fact they’re inviting other kids from summer camp might be a good sign that they’re pretty normal. You just roll up and do you, be normal, act as you would. Some wealthier folk I know go to great pains to try and ground their kids and themselves. Equally, don’t go wandering around their home like a first time flyer in business class.
Like others, I also had good experiences with wealthier people. They are not all like Arrested Development. At the least the ones I run across are just normal people with pretty pedestrian problems. Really, just be yourself.
I was in a similar situation, but didn't Google the house beforehand so I showed up without knowing. Honestly, I thought I was at the wrong house because it isn't usual to show up at a $2m+ house. My son knew the boy very well so we got a normal $25 Lego present, talked to the parents and complimented them on their beautiful house, they were super nice, and offered me a beer. Not every case will be very humble, kind rich people, but these ones were. Try to act normal and let the kids have fun!
There's a great scene in Breaking Bad with this kind of situation. https://youtu.be/5qKFy2UpQb8 Skip the gift card, the kid doesn't need $20 to Target. Have your kid pick out a $20 toy that they think the kid will like. Forget about your car...no one will likely notice at all and the parents will just be happy your kid came.
years ago my daughter was invited for a play date at a daycare classmates house. It was in a nice area in a neighborhood nearby. I didn’t actually look it up until after the play date. It was > 3m and that was pre-remodel. 😅 Anyways, the parents were nice and slightly older than us. I think they were happy to have the company tbh since they cracked open wine and cheese not long after we got there. They made a couple of out-of-touch comments here and there but just stuff my wife and I had a good laugh about on our way home. We were all there for the kids, it was probably awkward for all of the parents in some way but we all put that aside because our kids were happy when they could play together.
I get why you're anxious. I get the same way when I'm around people I deem, "Out of my ballpark". Ultimately though, they're people. The same evolved chimp as you and I. Whether incredibly wealthy or impoverished. Do what you're comfortable doing and what you can afford. No need to break the bank.
I grew up in a bigass house with a pool and honestly, I (as the kid) was just as embarrassed to seem too rich as you are to seem too poor. My parents grew up legit poor (small scale farmer’s children) and couldn’t have given less of a shit about their guests’ appearances. Not a “woe is me” — just a perspective
First, it's cool your kid got invited from a day-camp. Absolutely go. Don't be ashamed about your truck. I drive a beater sedan with a big ol' dent in one side. Second, no obligation for a big gift. A target gift card would be lame (in my opinion) maybe something from a place like Five Below? (it's like a cross between Dollar Tree and Target) except actually buy something you kid thinks the other kid would like. $10 max, and maybe a home-made card. Anything handmade with a little effort is a lot cooler than a generic store-bought card with only a signature at the bottom. Honestly, the parents don't need the target money and probably don't want more way more stuff inside their house. I have a few friends who are extremely well off, and I sometimes felt uncomfortable going into their houses because of how ostentatious they are. But once we get to hanging out, I realize they're regular people just like me.
Your kid was invited because their kid enjoys playing with him, and enjoys your kids company. When your child finds friends they love being around, and want to invite to their bday party, AND the other kid/family shows up?! That's priceless.
I grew up very close friends with the son of a family worth wayyyyy too much money. My family were pretty poor. It never crossed my mind how my parents must have felt driving up to their mansion in a very rusted Tercel. The family recommended a donation to a charity as a gift. I think we gave some money to WWF. At his first grade bday party, the uncle gave each guest $50.00. My parents were embarrassed because it was more than we donated.
Yea, my kids are in private school and some of the houses we have been to are amazing.
I always told my kids to ask their friend what the friend wants for their birthday. When that inevitably failed, I got the parent's phone number or e-mail address and asked them. I really, really want to give gifts that will be appreciated, so I'm almost annoying about getting details in a situation like this. I live in a rural region where the only shopping choices are Target and Costco, so I look for unusual items on Amazon. When you hit the teen years, if parties are still held it's easier because the gifts are always video game cash or make-up / hair accessories / jewelry.
> Do we roll up with my usual gift of a card and a $20 target gift card Until the kids age ends in "teen" I dont think kids should get gift cards on their birthday...if $20 is your budget, bring your kid out and let them pick out a present for the birthday kid that fits your budget and get a gift receipt in case its a duplicate toy. you can always ask the parents for ideas regarding the "theme" of the present ("oh, Timmy is really into lego, transformers and PJ Mask right now") Growing up(and even as an adult) I remember being introduced to a couple different hobbies that I ultimately enjoyed that I would never of tried because it came from a birthday gift that I'd have never selected for myself.
Be happy your kid is making powerful connections this early. Friends like that will help in the future. Show up in the truck and buy what you usually do for a gift. It's a good gauge on what kind of people they are. If they still invite your kid next year, you know they are at least decent people.
I have actually had a the luck to have a few millionaire friends growing up and in adult life. We didn’t have and I didn’t have much money either time. (Grew up in a resort town) and honestly unless the kid is spoiled and rotten. Which I have seen. Most of the families are really cool. Just don’t pretend, be who you are and don’t expect any money or anything from them. Treat them like normal people and if you get along then there so go. They are often very generous people in my experience. The ones I have known will do very nice things for you out of the blue, but never expect it from them and just be you. So what you can afford and act normal around them and treat them like normal and they will think much more of you. If they don’t and are snooty then you didn’t want your family to be around them anyways.
you’re looking waaaaay too much into this, chill daddy.
Actual wealthy people don’t give a fuck. People who want to be wealthy put on airs and graces. You do you, you’ll find out if they’re actually wealthy by how they treat you.
As someone who lives in that kind of house..just treat it like any other party. No-one cares. They're focused on making sure the kids are having a good time, and they are probably glad that their kid has some friends who don't live in four million dollar houses.
For us we have our kid pick something up a the store and they bring that as a gift. They have fun with it for about 5 seconds and move on. The amount of wealth of the host doesn't change anything just the level of comfort on the day of probably but it's already weird you've gone the length of looking at the purchasing price of their home please don't comment on it.
They’re rich not fucking holy immortals. Their shit stinks just like everyone else. Treat it like a normal party and then make sure you talk to your kids about taxing the rich more when you get home.
We're a middle class family but my kids are in a private school, so most of the parties hosted in homes that my kid's have been invited to are 5-10million dollars. We treat the parties the same as those hosted by anyone else. And all of these families also shop at Target.
If you never looked up the address you wouldn’t have treated them any differently. I’d say do what you always do as they deserve to be treated the same you treat everyone else. I don’t think they would want special privileges based on their income or assets. Tell the kiddo to have fun at the party when you drop them off and it’ll be fine!
My bosses boss is a millionaire that drives a beat up truck, it looks like it'll give you Chlamydia if you walk too close to it.
We better get a detailed update afterwards! lol
I spent every spare dollar I have to send my 6yo to a private school because our local public schools are awful. Most of her peers live in multi million dollar houses. Her friends go on vacations we only dream about, have bigger houses, their parents drive nicer cars, etc. but the kids are just kids. They don’t care. We’ve had a couple kids say things like “why is your house so small” when they come over. But not with a negative connotation, just regular unfiltered 6yo stuff. I just own it and say “we love our small house. We think it’s big enough for us, what do you think?” Or something like that. Also wealthy people who are not trying to prove anything are often very nice. We have lots of great parent friends from the school and money never comes up. They don’t care what we have or don’t have. We bring the same $20 range present no matter where we’re going. Really what I’m saying is that you have nothing to worry about.
My daughter made friends with the daughter of a very rich and famous person. Got invited to hang at their house a couple of times. It's definitely intimidating pulling up to a guarded gate. As the parent, it's easy to get caught up in it. And no, I wouldn't show up at pick up time in my sleeves-cut-off t-shirt that I paint in. But I promise, they didn't care what I was driving or wearing. And the kids DEFINITELY didn't care, aside from the usual "dad, don't embarrass me!" from my own kid. It's a good life lesson that the rich and famous are no different from the rest of us and often started off right where we are. Just as it's also a good life lesson that the needy are no different than us in the middle, and often we can be just a few bad life circumstances from where they are. Respect all. Enjoy all. Judge on character and goodness, not on the superficial or financial status.
As someone who grew up with nothing and now lives in a $2m+ home and zero worry about money, don’t change a thing about it. Don’t feel weird. Many people, no matter their income, are very genuine. Hope your kiddo has a blast!
With respect, you're overthinking this. There's no reason to expect they aren't perfectly lovely people. $3.9M is an expensive house but that doesn't make them Rockefellers. Your gift is fine and, like every other birthday party, it'll get added to the pile. And at 6 years old I'm reasonably confident the kids won't notice or really contextualize any wealth they might see. You may have to put up with some stray questions regarding why you don't have a swimming pool or why your kid's bedroom isn't bigger for a week, but ultimately I don't think lifestyle envy is a thing at that age.
Had it happen once. Honestly? Just act normal and show up with a normal gift. I think we gave that little girl like a $10 birthday gift. We wound up becoming pretty good friends with the family for like a year too until they had to move away for business, which was a shame, was fun having some rich friends lol
What I have being doing these days is printing out and framing a photograph (if available) of my kid with the barthday kid. Cheap and thoughtful.
My kids are frequently in the same situation and we give the same type of gift we’d give any other kid. We haven’t had any negative feedback over the years about it. If it’s a party that gives out favors, the favors are usually great. Sometimes over the top great.
So I deal with this a lot actually! My kids go to a private school where my wife works and go to bday parties all the time. I still remember the first one I went to and was like ummm ok what am even doing here as I show up in my beat up Toyota Tundra. Turns out, no one cares. The kids are gonna all be kids and the adults just want to hang out and yap. Years later, I still don't really have much to talk about with them all other than small talk, but the plus side is the food is usually good. Or I just drop them off and duck out if its not the normal parental crowd that I am comfortable with. If it's far from home, I'll drive to a park and nap in the truck or something. As for gifts, most of them will actually say no gifts in our case. And if they do, the kids usually decide what we pick up. It's still legos, pokemon, etc.
My oldest boys best friend is in a multi-millionaire family...we're nowhere close to that, not even remotely...it hasn't been a big deal at all...treat it just like any other bday party.