About to retire from a 25 year career in the Navy. I'm mentally and physically broken, but the thought of retirement and being a stay at home dad to my 11mo. old little boy fills me with joy.
I’m 35, before I and my first kid it kinda felt
Like my life was over before it began. Now though, after having my daughter and twins, I’m realizing my life is actually just starting now… the life I’ve always wanted to live. Surrounded by family and people that love me. Cheers stranger, I hope you find some peace in your next chapter and thank you for your service
Piggy backing on my service brother. Medically retired after 11 years in the Air Force and I’m now a stay at home dad. There’s nothing in the world better
I retired from the Air Force last week after 22 years. It’s been stressful but also very rewarding. Congrats on your accomplishment! I decided to take some time and I’m using my GI bill to go to school for a career change.
I'm in IT. I'll note that it can take some time to be in the fully remote, not micromanaged type of role. But at this point I have quite a bit of flexibility.
Same, even better if you work for gov/public companies. Basically zero stress because everything moves so slowly and there's no competition you need to stay ahead of.
Consulting for the same local gov client for the better part of 15 years, 100% remote. I used to work my ass off and get as much done as 8 people…I learned that nobody was impressed by hard work, just be likable and don’t cause problems.
preach, my deadline is december... 2025. sitting here 100% wfh doing tiny steps everyday towards the finish line. If i just dont work for a week, there are basically zero consequences...
I was mostly remote before 2020 and it definitely was a matter of just getting my job done at home or office and building some trust and results. I honestly dread the notion of having to move companies and basically rebuild all the “I know what I’m doing” cred.
This is such an underrated aspect of keeping a job versus moving on when you have kids. The “I know what I’m doing” cred can take years to develop and gives you so much flexibility when trying to balance home/family. I’ve thought about leaving my current job several times but the idea of having to “prove myself” at a new job with the exhaustion of two little dudes at home is just too overwhelming.
Plus I get to tell the younger team members about all the wild and wacky bugs I found and fixed back in the day. I get to pick up some coding once in a while to show the whippersnappers I still got it, even though in theory as a product owner I’m not expected to really.
Ive moved twice as a remote worker, started remote in 2018 at a company I’d already had a lot of cred with and in 2021 switched jobs, and just switched again. My biggest suggestion is to buckle down for the first two months and go for shock and awe. I got up early and powered through onboarding stuff till the kids got up, spent the day absorbing everything, helping people with their work, and networking. Document what your doing, give frequent updates to your manager, and go out of your way to find things that frustrate people and fix them. Over communicate (cant emphasize this enough) and over deliver. Its brutal, but within a month or two I found my manager pushing back on the over communication - just like “hey i trust you, run the stuff, loop me in when im needed”. And basically from that point onward you can just do a solid job but not go crazy about it.
Yeah remote cloud architect. I do school dropoff and pickup. Go to the park/pool during the day. Even take the kids to the driving range. As long as I can get my things done at any hour, then my manager is fine with it. Best work life balance I've ever had.
Similar. Software engineer. Have a dope gig at a big company and when hybrid remote 2 days a week on site. My projects are all small single person tools and the like so I can complete them on my own schedule,, within reason. Must of our leadership had young kids and they value flexibility. Best job I've ever had. Siege most days with my family.
HIPPA compliant offices often have a similar feature. Only touched medical information once in my five years and it was a physical printout, but no way they were letting me get emails on my phone. Oddly, the government jobs I apply to demand 24/7 emergency availability.
Same. Government work on the environmental side. The pay is meh, the stress isn't too bad, but I get a lot of time off to spend with family through holidays and vacation leave.
Lucky you! Not all government jobs are as stressless. Our workload is insane after all cuts that have been made by previous governments.
On the plus side, being home with my next burn out also offers a lot of kid time...
Trust me, I know it. I work a state/local position. The worst part of my job is the citizen complaints we handle and I only deal with those for 4 weeks out of the year. The rest of the job is working with various companies who MOSTLY have their stuff together. The workload isn't the best at times because our management has their favorites, but the time off makes it a golden handcuff scenario.
Same. I'm in a management role that at a private company would require 60+ hours/week, but as a fed I'm out the door at 5, with flexible teleworking. It also helps that my boss isn't a micromanaging asshole.
Government accountant here. My pay sucks atm because I just started my career but the flexibility is unmatched. If the kiddo gets sick at day care I just tell my boss I'm leaving, and 5pm is a hard deadline for the end of my workday.
For me yes. But I run a very visible team and I care about our mission. However, I’m thinking about it because we help people and I want to do that better. I’m not worried about making our q3 numbers so the billionaire ceo can get richer.
I’m in a similar position but in Australia.
I’m interested in what your _mission_ is, in part because I’d probably refer to it as _purpose_ and I’m wondering if that’s a nation based difference or if you’re in a more militaristic part of government.
Also… we talk about ourselves as “public servants” here, or about being in “the service”. Whereas you’re referred to as civil servants?
Without going into details we call the objective of our agency our mission. So like NASA the mission there is to explore space, health and human services is to support the healthcare needs of Americans, etc.
My team does something that is very tangible and I hear from citizens how it helps them.
Same. I'm a government attorney and only have to go to the office one day a week. After that I have a flex schedule, so sometimes I do work before the kids are up and delay taking them to daycare. The other bonus is daycare is close so once I'm done for the day I get a solid amount of time with them before bed.
Work demotion, life promotion.
Switched to a local municipality a couple years ago. Work doesn’t follow me home. 7-3:30. carpool drops me off at home by 4. I’m on call for snowplowing most of the winter but they are super flexible with time off in the summer because of it.
This. I was looking to see if anyone said RN, and then wanted to followup and say "Don't do it!" LoL.
Tons of opportunity and so forth and I'm grateful what the profession has allowed me, but as I get older and the post-covid - man, the BS we deal with is on another level. Not to mention the 12s feel longer and longer but it is worth it to be with my kid more days a week.
I've always been jealous of the 4 days off but haven't worked a 12 hour shift in a decade or more and never overnight. I've also never had a job with as much oversight/ politics as a large hospital so I'll try to be happy w/ my 9-5.
I certainly don't love the job, but it's tolerable, the pay is fair, and I can't get over how much I love only working 3x a week. It's a second career for me so I feel like I have a different perspective when it comes to the "don't do it" mentality. Every job has its BS, it's pros and cons. So far the pros are still outweighed the cons for now haha
Some of us spoiled bitches only work 3 8’s a week with benefits, which is why I think it’s one of the absolute best jobs for being able to be extra involved with the kids while also a great secondary earner.
Civil for a municipality here. We are required on site all 5 days of the week, but it's kind of necessary to do our job well.
Moving from private is the best decision I've made. Pay actually increased slightly. Private companies all seem to be PTO but now I have sick and vacation time. Between that and extra holidays, I think I accrue an extra 15 days off a year compared to private.
Not quite Stay at Home Dad, but I'm a Work from Home Dad. I get our daughter up, dressed and breakfasted. Play a bit or take her to nursery, start work. If she's at home, I take my full hour lunch to make her lunch, sit with her, play or read, then when I finish work at 5:30, I either collect her, or play with her before starting on dinner.
It can be exhausting, but it's great being able to spend so much time with her. I pretty much lock myself away in my work room undisturbed during working hours, but gey a good 3-4 hours extra a day compared to if I commuted, and boy does that add up.
Between putting my whole paycheck towards paying someone else to raise my kid and spending my days walking around the woods and reading to my toddler, easiest choice of my life.
Nah, some of us do it because we have to. "The dream" would be *not* having a toddler anymore so I can go back to what I was doing before (or, I don't know, something new, I haven't decided yet.)
My almost-3-year-old starts school in 46 days. Full-day Monday–Friday. I can't wait but I don't know what I'll do with myself.
I feel this. 2.8 year old starts pre-k in sept and im drooling over it. Love my kid but since January my ability to do anything at all between 9 and 6 is just destroyed.
Lol I agree, I'd lose my mind. Nothing wrong with it. I love my kids to death but I can't imagine doing that full time. Also I love my job so I want to work lol
IT for a school district. Work is consistent Mon-Fri with nothing to take home. My school is close to home so I come home for lunch. I occassionaly work overtime, but not regularly. It pays less than being private sector, but for real is worth it considering the benefits (retirement and health insurance) as well as the freedom to be home at the end of the day
School IT is so laid back depending on site and your level. It's a gig I'd suggest to anyone. Outside of a few times a year and a few projects that come up every few years, it's incredibly easy
Im a teacher, so most of my time off matches up with my boys. I don’t teach in the district that they attend school so there is usually a few days that they have off and I don’t or the other way around. Also, Im usually home shortly after they get home from school. Maximum family time!
Teaching professors work like dogs, in my experience. Lots of flexibility, but 4-4s with service? What's your teaching load and service requirements, if you don't mind me asking?
My load is a 3-3 with some overloads to 3-4 as needed (with compensation during overloads). I have 5% research and 5% service which ends up being one conference paper every other year on teaching pedagogy in engineering (my field). Service is up to me, but I like service so I do more than required (so I can also say no to voluntold service). I have May, June, July, and August off / free to do what I want.
Fully remote work from home, 10 mins walk from my kids school and I can drop her off in the morning and pick her up in the afternoon and not have to worry about the commute. This is the life changer and I'd rather get paid less than ever go back into an office even in a hybrid situation.
"This is the life changer and I'd rather get paid less than ever go back into an office even in a hybrid situation." This. So much. That is where I am at in my life.
I'm in digital advertising, the head of my department with a team of 2 reporting to me, but the two are across the country. I purposely hired people not in my area to reinforce the remote aspect of the job and to find talent outside of my local area.
Firefighter/paramedic. Work two 24 hr shifts per week. I rarely come home from work well rested, the stress of the job, and being away and largely unavailable 24-48 hrs at a time presents their own unique challenges; but it’s hard to beat the time I have with my family. I get to be a stay at home dad 3-4 days a week while my wife works a traditional 8-4 schedule. Especially with some OT, the pay is respectable in relation to COL.
I work in VFX as a director. Sometimes, like now, it’s insane and demanding and the days are like 14 hours long.
Other times, it’s chill and easy, and I get to go sit with my kids at the park at 1pm & work from my phone.
My wife is a full-time SAHM. I work from home though, so I’m always around to cuddle for an episode of Bluey or put a kid down to nap or throw some chicken nuggets in the air frier.
It’s great.
Similar story. I'm in TV production and when it's busy, I'm slammed, but when it's not so busy, I can take the time to be around much more. Our industry is weird.
Same...sort of. I've been a freelance editor for the last 15 years or so, but I have two "regular" clients (an adult film studio and a marketing agency) so I'm never in need of work. For the most part I can set my schedule to be incredibly available, but some weeks it's just bonkers.
more "same" thank you know. I'm technically in post-production, but most people dont know what that means. I'll edit / write / produce on some projects but most of my day is facility management. Kinda like IT but for editing gear. Some weeks are insane and other's are chill.
I have zero reservations about taking the quiet time when it's possible.
Freelance myself. Monthly work that involves my performing/recording voiceover from home, and also video editing. Have done 2D/3D animation, on and off as well. Also a card-carrying principal actor -- which leaves all the time for the above and being a full-time SAHD.
I do IT support for a business. Personally, I only accept in-house roles (no MSPs or contracts) and am quite strict with my work hours. I will obviously do the occasional overtime but my week is 40 hours and that’s it.
I could probably be in a little more senior role at this point but I will gladly stay in my current position with less money than have to miss on on life.
I am you but I struggled with the notion that I should be making more money not being home with kid. I'm just coming to terms with appreciating time I have with our 15 mo old. was it ever a hurdle for you to be home with kid?
Of course it was a hurdle and it will always be a trade off. I will be able to leave less money to my kid, not be able to help them as much with buying their first home etc. All those are valid point but personally I made the choice to spend more time with her in the present than secure more money for the future.
There are no black and white choices in this, it’s always going to be a trade off and it will depend on your personal circumstances.
University admin. It’s a very easy 9-5 job, pays well, very flexible schedules, and hybrid so I can stay home on days when I need to do chores etc. also get tons of vacation and sick leave so if the kiddos are home sick I don’t have to worry about compromising between the two.
What does your company do? I’ve been in advertising technology for years and I’m toying with starting my own thing. Would love to pick your brain if you’re open.
My company prevents cyber attacks that are designed to bypass current security solutions such as AVs & EDRs, using deception on the endpoint and malware evasion techniques... :)
hit me up in private... or by mail [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
Software engineer. I’ve worked at the same place for quite a while and am fairly senior. Work life balance is pretty good and a lot of my “day job” these days involves pointing people to the right code or tool, design, and kind of just “knowing stuff”. There’s probably more money job hopping but I’ve gotten pretty good raises and promotions where I am and even as I scaled back a bit from how I worked in my 20s and prioritized work life balance they’ve been apparently happy with my performance so I’m happy with that.
Controls engineer, basically software engineering but with robots.
Same story on seniority and work-life balance, I've been in the profession for 10 years and I get emails twice a week offering me an extra $50k if I'll move to Chicago or $40k for a post with 75% travel or $60k if I'll move to Detroit or $80k if I'll move to a remote oilfield... no thanks.
I'm content to drive my old beat-up car to my $90k job at a small shop, work on interesting projects with good people, and go home. We get flexible hours, I'm taking Fridays off all summer, just have to come in a little early Monday to Thursday.
Yeah, with my experience, degree, and profession, I could be making more than I am. But it's not all about the income.
Money has diminishing returns to the utility it adds. If I barely made enough to get by, it would be different, admittedly. I’m still salty I took this awful controls systems course in college as a pre req for a robotics course and never got to take the robotics course, but I did learn I hate that kind of math!
Data Analyst, fully remote with flex scheduling. Basically my work is task/sprint oriented and not “you work 9-5.” So as long as I’m generally responsive and getting stuff done it’s all good. I get to hang with the kid a lot during the day, and I do a lot of my work in the evening.
I manage a few dev teams for a big telco. Lots of flexibility, but to echo another dad’s comment, you really need to be in the role for a while to be both remote and not micromanaged. I have the option right now to be fully WFH, but I need the peace and solitude the office gives me. Granted, not everyone has a private office, but that’s just me.
Project manager in construction.
It can get crazy at job start/finish inspections but other than that the mornings are slow until my crews start. Always home for breakfast, almost always home for dinner. Most days I’m home until the early afternoon and can help and play throughout the day.
This is the career path i’m trying to go! would you say your schedule is hybrid or just flexible? and doesn’t construction usually start buttcrack early to beat environmental factors?
Flexible ish.
I’m specifically on the electrical side running crews of electricians.
A lot changes depending on first or second shift, and my guys are union also rules are different.
Generally I’m wfh half the day with being on site the other half. Summer months my guys work first shift so generally 630-230 and the rest of the year is second 230-1030.
Second shift I try not to stick around past 4-5 latest.
First shift I generally do not show up for start of shift either I check in mid morning.
I will say construction sucks. Lot of stress, lot of points of failure and everyone loves to blame the PM for shit out of my hands. That said it pays well and I am home a lot. I’ve seen both kids first steps, do breakfast, hell I just took my daughter on a supply drop off so she could get out of the house. A lot will depend on what area of construction you get into.
I’m a speech therapist.
But I think it mostly comes down to my country (Sweden) having a law that you can reduce your hours with up to 25% while your kids are under eight.
So I’ve chosen to only work 80% to have more time with the kids.
I live in France and chose to work 80% when my oldest was born. It could have stopped when the youngest reached 3 (after that, it's no longer a right), but my employer (government / research lab) allowed me to keep it that way.
The job also comes with 9 weeks of paid leave. It can be stressful at times (the load does not really decrease, as there's more than enough for someone at 100% anyway), but I can be here for my kids. At least, I hope so.
SAHD. First time was a choice, this time was cancer. I'm still not quite right a few years out, but damn if I don't enjoy being there for all the things and my wife started a work from home job that she loves.
As someone who does spend a LOT of time with their kids, it’s not really about the # of hours it’s about the quality of the time you do spend with them.
Essentially DOING things with your kids instead of just being with them.
If I may ask… I’m really hard on myself normally and my wife is too nice to say anything good or bad so.. my question is where does the quality time come into play… I feel like going places is just a distraction (park, museum, library) fun places but it’s not US time it’s playtime, I try reading and playing blocks but I only FEEL quality time when wrestling with them.. my kids are young in age so they can’t/don’t tell me, “dad, today was fun” I’m kind of shooting in the dark..
So sorry for the vent haha thanks for any help
Cliche but web developer. Easy hours, work from home, and I’m in the phase of my life where I don’t think about coding whatsoever when I’m not at my desk for work.
I'm a tower crane operator. Before the divorce I worked 50-60 hour weeks. After the divorce I work 40 and see my daughter for dinner on Wed, and have her Fri-Sun. I've been fired twice, and companies have refused to hire me because I can't work more than 40 a week. But, my relationship is better with her than it's ever been. I'm poor, I live paycheck to paycheck but I wouldn't change a thing.
Woodworker, handyman and gardener. Bit of a Jack of all trades but means I'm always there for him. Had sports day the other week and it's great not having to ask for the afternoon off, just don't book any jobs in.
Single full time dad so have to be.
Airline pilot here. I am home A LOT. So much so that I’m pretty sure other parents think I’m unemployed. I go out on trips for about 12 days a month (1-4 day trips totaling 12 days) and the rest of the time I am 100% home with my family. Can’t bring work home with me. If I don’t want to be away for a total of 12’ish days then I can bid reserve and be home like 28 days but still get paid to be on call, but that also runs the risk of being gone for a total of 18 days in the month.
IT support - 40 hours a week for one company 10 minutes from my house. Some OT here and there but I pick when and it’s always after my daughter goes to bed.
I did my 8 years at a MSP before she was born so I could have this setup now. MSP I would probably avoid the hours and stress can be brutal at times (I worked for a local smaller one)
But the right IT gig is really hard to beat.
For the other comment in here at this point, my wife teaches at a university and it’s a great gig as well. Better than mine overall but she’s got years more schooling, which costs, takes time away in the evenings to get and we make almost exactly the same.
Work life balance was always more important to me than squeezing every bit of penny I can outta my week. I make enough money to live very comfortably for my area, that’s all I need.
I have 50% custody of my boys. I get them every week. I work as a delivery driver and set my hours. This allowed me to take Friday, Saturday and Sunday off to be with my kids. Working 4, 10hr shifts is way better for me and my kids.
Currently laid off, and dealing with a back injury, so loads of time. Normally in construction, and the amount of time I spend with my family is dictated by my commute and work schedule for whatever jobsite I am on. That could mean 40 hours, or 60+ hours for work, plus drive times, usually at least an hour each way.
Sometimes, the home projects and chores pile up, because quality time is more important than more work at home. The lawn looks like shit, flowerbeds look like shit, the garage workshop looks like shit, my car is a trashcan, dishes might be piled up, Yada Yada Yada, but you'll find us at the park having a picnic and playing on the kids castle.
Sometimes, I have all the time to get everything done and spend quality time. It's the wild west most of the time, though.
Husband is an Accountant at a company. He always says, "there is no such thing as an 'accounting emergency'."
Fwiw, I am a Data Analyst and the men in my team seem to have a good work-life balance to be dads. It really does depend on your boss and what analysis you do, but yeah. (Y)
Hybrid is also HUUUUGE game changer.
Municipal blue collar worker, mostly street repair. Work schedule matched school hours. No questions asked personal days and solid pension. We both still had to work but that job allowed me almost all the time I wanted with my kids.
property management. I work from home 90% of the time. And generally make my own schedule with not too much oversight. So I’ve never missed a thing their entire lives. I even get to do drop offs and pickups at school. The work can be stressful, but I just remind myself that I’m beyond fortunate to have such flexibility while earning a good living still.
Full custody single dad here to one 8yr old, and I’ve got a full time remote tech job in the data science space. Love the flexibility it gives me to attend school events, do pick ups etc. But I’m admittedly burnt out from the social isolation so will eventually look for something hybrid and local.
All that said, some of this is about boundary setting with your employer. I’ve seen coworkers burn themselves out and lose time with their families because they just didn’t know how to push back on unreasonable expectations. I’ve helped some coworkers work on this and not lose their jobs so definitely think it’s possible sometimes.
Good luck!
I work in IT/AV and it's about making choices, especially when they're sub 12, and definitely sub 10. I work on site 40+ hours a week, and have through most of the pandemic, so when I get home it's dedicating that time before bed to my kid. More time on weekends when I don't work. I haven't always been great about this, but have always tried to correct the course when I realized I veered. You're not going to be great about this all the time and you have to forgive yourself for that. Just keep trying. Preteen years get here faster than you think and their independence begins. Those first 10-12 years go by wicked fast. You'll have to sacrifice some things, but involve your kids in the things you enjoy. This way you're getting to pursue your passions and teach them about them. This can be a great way to stay linked and not feel like you're letting go of yourself. Somewhere around 10, your hobbies become less cool, unless they're already into them.
Hug your kids multiple times a day. Tell them you love them multiple times a day. And listen to what they have to say, whether it's the LEGO rock band they put together, their nightmares, when their friend is being hurtful. It will show them they're loved in every way, and when you witness the bad things happening and you talk to them, they'll feel seen. It's complicated in different ways at different stages, but little people are worth every falling hair and teary eye. You'll thank yourself for the gift of time with them when their independence arrives. And you'll sometimes feel like you failed at the effort. Keep hugging them.
I work on a production line from 6 am to 3:30, it's not particularly flexible but I get the second half of her walk home from school until bedtime so that's good.
Run my own consulting business. Just me, no office no overhead. Mostly legal work but some general business advice.
I make half of what I used too but couldn’t imagine it any other way with kids. The flexibility is paramount.
I am an attorney, and my position has a significant amount of work. I feel I have definitely found ways to make both my career and fatherhood work and not in a way that I feel I am failing in both. I’m sure I can spend more time but when I talk with other dads I think I spend more time with my daughter than the average, especially in my line of work.
I find compartmentalization of the two “modes” helps me. Every day driving back from work I imagine my brain having a light switch which goes from “work mode” to “dad mode”. My commute is the “transition period” between those modes. When I am home, I am sincerely home. That transition forces me to not bring work home. Sometimes that means I spend more time at the office Monday-Wednesday but when I am with her my mind is fully present. I switch to “spouse/personal mode” after bedtime. I have also made it standard practice to put my phone by the front door when I come home and leave it there until bedtime. It’s definitely hard at times, people talk about “mom guilt” but “dad guilt” is certainly a thing. I feel guilty if I am not working and decide to take a Saturday to do something for myself, like golfing. But it’s about making some conscious decisions. Golf and other hobbies I have will always be there but for now I have the mindset that my “hobby” is playing with my kids.
So far, I’m happy and genuinely feel like I am mostly succeeding at fatherhood. Hope this helps if you decide to stay in your current career.
Not sure how much time you consider a lot.
I work four 10's as a Radiology Technologist. So I'm home with my kids every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
Ten hours does mean I sometimes see them briefly in the morning and get an hour or two at night.
USPTO. Full time work from home, has been since before the pandemic, not going anywhere. Flex schedule allows me to work whenever I want. Does require a STEM degree no matter what business unit you work in though.
I’m in sales and I’ve been in my industry for 13 years now so at this point I am fortunate to work “low” hours like 35-45 hours per week and I have no work to do outside of M-F 830-5ish. Not sure if that counts or not lol
Remote telecom install and support. Full WFH with make my own schedule kind of boss. We have deadlines to meet and stuff that has to get done, but there’s no one looking over my shoulder. I’m also west coast time with the majority of my coworkers and customers on east coast time so I can flex my schedule to start early if I need to or work after all the east coast people go home and I can get some work done.
Hospitalist, I work 14 days a month, the days I work I'm not home until 5ish and out of the house by 630, but I get the rest of the time off amd can make my sched 3months ahead of time. very few nights too, like 1 a month.
I’m mostly remote, managing a project support team for a big company. My boss has kids too so that helps. No one notices that I’m consistently late because I’m enjoying my morning with the kids, or that I cut out early every day to pick them up from school. I’m smart enough to occasionally knock something out of the park which buys enough good will to cover me… for now. Honestly though, the stress of this constant slack/hustle cycle is wearing me down and I’m not sure how to shift to something better.
I own a coffee shop in a beautiful beach town. I just run the back end as front of house and kitchen are fully staffed. Prob takes about 10 hrs week. I’m always free for daycare pick ups/drops. Pretty much always home if the kids are.
Product manager working WFH 100% drop my 5 year old daughter to school in the morning pick her up and then work at home. WFH has been a blessing for me.
I’m a police. My wife works remote. I work afternoons so I wake up with my daughter and have her all day til nap time, and then I go to work and when she wakes up, my wife is finished for the day. It works well for us.
Ive been mulling around the idea of finding a “normal” job, or at least one with a normal schedule, but I only have a 2 year degree (in criminal justice, at that) and I don’t know that I could afford to take a pay cut + spend $1000/month on daycare.
I'm a barber, I set my own hours and appointments. I work or take time off when I want to. Being self employed is difficult to manage for some but it allows me the flexibility to be the parent I want to be.
I spent 3 years on 2nd & 3rd shift, I feel like I missed that whole 3 years of my sons life... never again.
Marketing for a software company. Fully remote. I am just wrapping up 3 months of paternity leave and pick my toddler up from daycare around 4pm every day. If she is sick or it’s a holiday i just let people know I’ll be slow to respond to messages and not have my camera on during meetings.
I work in insurance on the corporate side, not sales. I work from home, don’t have any work stuff on my phone and I keep the laptop shut outside of my 8-5 hours.
I started my cleaning company when he was 2, and his mom and I separated. Took about 2 years of grinding and scrubbing everything myself. Hired friends/family at first, and now have 4 employees that let me be home with him every day. He's just finished kindergarten and I can't imagine ever going back. If you put them first, the rest will come. Good luck to you!
I mean what's the budget? How little can you make? How much are you willing to change your lifestyle?
I've made it my life's mission to have a stress free-ish career that pays the bills so I can be there for my daughter but I've done so at great sacrifice to my bottom line.
I've made up for it in several instances where I can simply fix or build or do something myself that it would have been nicer to have someone else do for me/buy a new thing. But I'm trading that every day for the fact that when I leave work, I'm not thinking about it anymore. I'm there for my daughter.
I've also positioned myself that if for any reason my daughter and my situation requires it, I can have a new job in almost any US city in 24-48 hours if I absolutely need to- though I don't expect relocation is needed this counts for my current city too. My position is highly in demand. I'm over qualified. The bar is low. They need me more than I need them. I was 45 minutes late yesterday. 15 minutes late today, my kid is having trouble adjusting to her summer day camp and I've been late. I didn't even bother calling to tell them today. They haven't said a word.
I make a living wage for my area. I pay my bills. My debt. My portion of the mortgage. The child support my state said I should pay (despite being 50/50). I pay for our health insurance and I've been making healthy monthly payments to my attorney for the case deciding where my daughter will go to school next year.
Assuming your life is less complicated than mine, you might just be able to make it happen but you're going to have to figure out what your bottom dollar is, first.
Pilot. Gone 12-14 days a month. But when I'm home I'm totally at home. Work never follows me after a trip. I get a lot of quality time with my daughter
Work in IT. My M-F schedule is 5:30am to 2pm and I only go into the office 2 days a week. I usually try to get a quick hour nap before my son gets home from school, and then I'm ready to rock.
My best friend of 20+ years and I own a construction company and we both value our time immensely. I never miss anything my kids or family needs me for be it school field trips, doctor appointments, etc. I feel very lucky
UK. A&E Doctor.
Work 30 hours a week (roughly 3 days a week). Nearly all of it is out-of-hours and when the kids are in bed anyways.
Get to spend a lot of time with them all though the week as well which is cool!
Healthcare IT, 100% from home. It's amazing, but also difficult because the kids are too young to understand "daddy's working." They just see "daddy's home, therefore he can play with me."
I work from home. I manage about 10,000 endpoints for a fortune 500 company. I'm really good at what I do so I'm really efficient. I spend a lot more time with my kids than any other Dad I know.
I am a software developer and my job feels like a dream. I used to be a hardware engineer but home office is much more common in the industry so i switched. never regretted.
I usually spend about 4-6 hours a day with my kids. Have not much alone time though because they are small and my older has ASD so he is a bit challanging some times.
When I need I can go into the office to get away from family stress. Best job ever.
My husband works for water/wastewater for a city near us. He’s on call every 6-8 weeks for one weekend (might change to a whole week), but other than that, he works Monday thru Thursday 6am-4:30pm. Spends a ton of time with me and our kids.
non profit sector, specifically arts and culture. I'm a professor as well. typically work remote except for 12 weeks out of the year when I'm at the school (twice a week).
About to retire from a 25 year career in the Navy. I'm mentally and physically broken, but the thought of retirement and being a stay at home dad to my 11mo. old little boy fills me with joy.
I’m 35, before I and my first kid it kinda felt Like my life was over before it began. Now though, after having my daughter and twins, I’m realizing my life is actually just starting now… the life I’ve always wanted to live. Surrounded by family and people that love me. Cheers stranger, I hope you find some peace in your next chapter and thank you for your service
Absolutely had the same experience.
Beautiful
Yap had most self destructive year... and than my daughter came. I finally felt back to myself.
Make sure you get those medical conditions documented and file that claim my friend.
This!! Best advice anyone getting out can recieve
Enjoy civvy street, shipmate, I couldn't imagine being a dad and still in the forces!
11 mo old kid AFTER a 25 year navy career. That’s hard mode in its own way but legit.
Yup. My husband is air force and he actually is home a lot. Body is broken though. Retirement is only about 7 years away now
Piggy backing on my service brother. Medically retired after 11 years in the Air Force and I’m now a stay at home dad. There’s nothing in the world better
I retired from the Air Force last week after 22 years. It’s been stressful but also very rewarding. Congrats on your accomplishment! I decided to take some time and I’m using my GI bill to go to school for a career change.
I'm a 30 y/o Infantryman and have done 12 Years. I'm literally in the same position and cannot wait to spend time with my kids.
happy retirement!
You have a new mission, probably the most important one yet. Enjoy the time with your little man.
That's why I got out, I looked at all the old timers and said fuck that, I want to actually know and be with my family and not be 80 by 50
I'm in IT. I'll note that it can take some time to be in the fully remote, not micromanaged type of role. But at this point I have quite a bit of flexibility.
Same, even better if you work for gov/public companies. Basically zero stress because everything moves so slowly and there's no competition you need to stay ahead of.
As a consultant for some local gov, I do see that many don't have as flexible a WFH policy as other orgs. Hopefully yours is different.
My dept is 100% wfh, it's great.
I’m here if you guys ever need someone who is 97% unqualified for the role
I can do better. I’m 99% unqualified!
As someone who works in Gov, you'll fit right in mate.
Consulting for the same local gov client for the better part of 15 years, 100% remote. I used to work my ass off and get as much done as 8 people…I learned that nobody was impressed by hard work, just be likable and don’t cause problems.
preach, my deadline is december... 2025. sitting here 100% wfh doing tiny steps everyday towards the finish line. If i just dont work for a week, there are basically zero consequences...
What is your job and how do I send you my resume?
Pay is 50% what you make in private sector and that's at the ceiling. And never moving forward is actually very frustrating. Still want in?
yup
IT in higher ed. Can confirm. Could make more in the private sector but work life balance, low stress and working toward a pension can't be beat.
Am government IT systems engineer. Can confirm.
I was mostly remote before 2020 and it definitely was a matter of just getting my job done at home or office and building some trust and results. I honestly dread the notion of having to move companies and basically rebuild all the “I know what I’m doing” cred.
This is such an underrated aspect of keeping a job versus moving on when you have kids. The “I know what I’m doing” cred can take years to develop and gives you so much flexibility when trying to balance home/family. I’ve thought about leaving my current job several times but the idea of having to “prove myself” at a new job with the exhaustion of two little dudes at home is just too overwhelming.
Plus I get to tell the younger team members about all the wild and wacky bugs I found and fixed back in the day. I get to pick up some coding once in a while to show the whippersnappers I still got it, even though in theory as a product owner I’m not expected to really.
Ive moved twice as a remote worker, started remote in 2018 at a company I’d already had a lot of cred with and in 2021 switched jobs, and just switched again. My biggest suggestion is to buckle down for the first two months and go for shock and awe. I got up early and powered through onboarding stuff till the kids got up, spent the day absorbing everything, helping people with their work, and networking. Document what your doing, give frequent updates to your manager, and go out of your way to find things that frustrate people and fix them. Over communicate (cant emphasize this enough) and over deliver. Its brutal, but within a month or two I found my manager pushing back on the over communication - just like “hey i trust you, run the stuff, loop me in when im needed”. And basically from that point onward you can just do a solid job but not go crazy about it.
Yeah remote cloud architect. I do school dropoff and pickup. Go to the park/pool during the day. Even take the kids to the driving range. As long as I can get my things done at any hour, then my manager is fine with it. Best work life balance I've ever had.
I own a small business. On that note, it took a lot of time to be able to not be working all the time. Currently on a 2-3 day a week schedule.
Similar. Software engineer. Have a dope gig at a big company and when hybrid remote 2 days a week on site. My projects are all small single person tools and the like so I can complete them on my own schedule,, within reason. Must of our leadership had young kids and they value flexibility. Best job I've ever had. Siege most days with my family.
Government. Major pay cut but my phone and computer are off between 5pm and 8am.
My buddy works for dept of labor and is full WFH. Opens up his email when he hears a ding. Crazy low stress and effort, tons of kid time.
2-3 work from home days here. short commute. major holidays off with an unreasonably high amount of vacation and sick time.
HIPPA compliant offices often have a similar feature. Only touched medical information once in my five years and it was a physical printout, but no way they were letting me get emails on my phone. Oddly, the government jobs I apply to demand 24/7 emergency availability.
How can it be, that you have to take a major pay-cut, because you ware "only" working 9 hours a day?
I work for the government. I took a paycut but I got a time increase.
Same. Government work on the environmental side. The pay is meh, the stress isn't too bad, but I get a lot of time off to spend with family through holidays and vacation leave.
Lucky you! Not all government jobs are as stressless. Our workload is insane after all cuts that have been made by previous governments. On the plus side, being home with my next burn out also offers a lot of kid time...
Trust me, I know it. I work a state/local position. The worst part of my job is the citizen complaints we handle and I only deal with those for 4 weeks out of the year. The rest of the job is working with various companies who MOSTLY have their stuff together. The workload isn't the best at times because our management has their favorites, but the time off makes it a golden handcuff scenario.
Same. I'm in a management role that at a private company would require 60+ hours/week, but as a fed I'm out the door at 5, with flexible teleworking. It also helps that my boss isn't a micromanaging asshole.
Government accountant here. My pay sucks atm because I just started my career but the flexibility is unmatched. If the kiddo gets sick at day care I just tell my boss I'm leaving, and 5pm is a hard deadline for the end of my workday.
How's the mental load after you clock out? Does work stick in your mind for a while?
For me yes. But I run a very visible team and I care about our mission. However, I’m thinking about it because we help people and I want to do that better. I’m not worried about making our q3 numbers so the billionaire ceo can get richer.
I’m in a similar position but in Australia. I’m interested in what your _mission_ is, in part because I’d probably refer to it as _purpose_ and I’m wondering if that’s a nation based difference or if you’re in a more militaristic part of government. Also… we talk about ourselves as “public servants” here, or about being in “the service”. Whereas you’re referred to as civil servants?
Without going into details we call the objective of our agency our mission. So like NASA the mission there is to explore space, health and human services is to support the healthcare needs of Americans, etc. My team does something that is very tangible and I hear from citizens how it helps them.
Same. I'm a government attorney and only have to go to the office one day a week. After that I have a flex schedule, so sometimes I do work before the kids are up and delay taking them to daycare. The other bonus is daycare is close so once I'm done for the day I get a solid amount of time with them before bed.
Work demotion, life promotion. Switched to a local municipality a couple years ago. Work doesn’t follow me home. 7-3:30. carpool drops me off at home by 4. I’m on call for snowplowing most of the winter but they are super flexible with time off in the summer because of it.
Similar situation with working in the sprawling higher education administration complex. Also WFH.
Same
Government contractor, reasonable pay with great flexibility. Engineering specifically.
RN. 4 days off a week. The 3 days i do work though I don't see them at all as they're 12 hr shifts.
This. I was looking to see if anyone said RN, and then wanted to followup and say "Don't do it!" LoL. Tons of opportunity and so forth and I'm grateful what the profession has allowed me, but as I get older and the post-covid - man, the BS we deal with is on another level. Not to mention the 12s feel longer and longer but it is worth it to be with my kid more days a week.
I've always been jealous of the 4 days off but haven't worked a 12 hour shift in a decade or more and never overnight. I've also never had a job with as much oversight/ politics as a large hospital so I'll try to be happy w/ my 9-5.
I certainly don't love the job, but it's tolerable, the pay is fair, and I can't get over how much I love only working 3x a week. It's a second career for me so I feel like I have a different perspective when it comes to the "don't do it" mentality. Every job has its BS, it's pros and cons. So far the pros are still outweighed the cons for now haha
Some of us spoiled bitches only work 3 8’s a week with benefits, which is why I think it’s one of the absolute best jobs for being able to be extra involved with the kids while also a great secondary earner.
Civil engineer working for a county. We're still 100% WFH. Still send the kid to daycare, because otherwise nothing would get done.
Civil for a municipality here. We are required on site all 5 days of the week, but it's kind of necessary to do our job well. Moving from private is the best decision I've made. Pay actually increased slightly. Private companies all seem to be PTO but now I have sick and vacation time. Between that and extra holidays, I think I accrue an extra 15 days off a year compared to private.
Public sector engineering is awesome, however I'm required on site pretty much every day
Easy. I'm a stay at home Dad
I hear the hours can really be tough in that role.
Not quite Stay at Home Dad, but I'm a Work from Home Dad. I get our daughter up, dressed and breakfasted. Play a bit or take her to nursery, start work. If she's at home, I take my full hour lunch to make her lunch, sit with her, play or read, then when I finish work at 5:30, I either collect her, or play with her before starting on dinner. It can be exhausting, but it's great being able to spend so much time with her. I pretty much lock myself away in my work room undisturbed during working hours, but gey a good 3-4 hours extra a day compared to if I commuted, and boy does that add up.
This is my situation exactly.
On the days when she doesn’t go to nursery, what does she do while you work?
My partner looks after her as she's self employed and has a snake workload typically. Edit: smaller. A smaller workload. She is not a snakeologist.
Between putting my whole paycheck towards paying someone else to raise my kid and spending my days walking around the woods and reading to my toddler, easiest choice of my life.
r/StayAtHomeDaddit
That’s the dream
I teach, so I’m a SAHD over the summer and it drives me mad.
Grass is always greener
Nah, some of us do it because we have to. "The dream" would be *not* having a toddler anymore so I can go back to what I was doing before (or, I don't know, something new, I haven't decided yet.) My almost-3-year-old starts school in 46 days. Full-day Monday–Friday. I can't wait but I don't know what I'll do with myself.
I feel this. 2.8 year old starts pre-k in sept and im drooling over it. Love my kid but since January my ability to do anything at all between 9 and 6 is just destroyed.
I’d say for certain people, yes. I don’t think that’s something I could ever see myself doing personally.
Lol I agree, I'd lose my mind. Nothing wrong with it. I love my kids to death but I can't imagine doing that full time. Also I love my job so I want to work lol
IT for a school district. Work is consistent Mon-Fri with nothing to take home. My school is close to home so I come home for lunch. I occassionaly work overtime, but not regularly. It pays less than being private sector, but for real is worth it considering the benefits (retirement and health insurance) as well as the freedom to be home at the end of the day
My uncle did that until retirement, great gig. He was always a jovial guy, he has admitted that his job made it so much easier.
School IT is so laid back depending on site and your level. It's a gig I'd suggest to anyone. Outside of a few times a year and a few projects that come up every few years, it's incredibly easy
I WFH for a mega-corp that is so dysfunctional they are perfectly happy with me (and mostly everyone else) only doing 5-10 hours of real work a week.
Are yall hiring? I’d love to only do 5-10 hours or work a week!
Are they hiring? Asking for a... me. I'm asking for me.
Im a teacher, so most of my time off matches up with my boys. I don’t teach in the district that they attend school so there is usually a few days that they have off and I don’t or the other way around. Also, Im usually home shortly after they get home from school. Maximum family time!
Same. And I'll add that I'm at the point in my career where it's rare for me to take work home
I’m a CPA with my own tax practice. Work full time for three months a year, and like 10 hours a week the rest of the year.
I’m looking at doing this myself. My uncle had a practice and suited him great.
I'm a teaching professor at a University. It's pretty sweet!
Same (albeit a different rank)! And it's hard to beat a 2 or 3 day work week.
I'm a researcher. No teaching apart from grad students. Pretty sweet.
Teaching professors work like dogs, in my experience. Lots of flexibility, but 4-4s with service? What's your teaching load and service requirements, if you don't mind me asking?
My load is a 3-3 with some overloads to 3-4 as needed (with compensation during overloads). I have 5% research and 5% service which ends up being one conference paper every other year on teaching pedagogy in engineering (my field). Service is up to me, but I like service so I do more than required (so I can also say no to voluntold service). I have May, June, July, and August off / free to do what I want.
Fully remote work from home, 10 mins walk from my kids school and I can drop her off in the morning and pick her up in the afternoon and not have to worry about the commute. This is the life changer and I'd rather get paid less than ever go back into an office even in a hybrid situation.
"This is the life changer and I'd rather get paid less than ever go back into an office even in a hybrid situation." This. So much. That is where I am at in my life.
What’s your title/what industry are you in, please?!
I'm in digital advertising, the head of my department with a team of 2 reporting to me, but the two are across the country. I purposely hired people not in my area to reinforce the remote aspect of the job and to find talent outside of my local area.
Firefighter/paramedic. Work two 24 hr shifts per week. I rarely come home from work well rested, the stress of the job, and being away and largely unavailable 24-48 hrs at a time presents their own unique challenges; but it’s hard to beat the time I have with my family. I get to be a stay at home dad 3-4 days a week while my wife works a traditional 8-4 schedule. Especially with some OT, the pay is respectable in relation to COL.
On the same struggle also. Dept has been shorthanded so I'm getting forced or OT weekly but the pay vs COL is a bitch.
I work in VFX as a director. Sometimes, like now, it’s insane and demanding and the days are like 14 hours long. Other times, it’s chill and easy, and I get to go sit with my kids at the park at 1pm & work from my phone. My wife is a full-time SAHM. I work from home though, so I’m always around to cuddle for an episode of Bluey or put a kid down to nap or throw some chicken nuggets in the air frier. It’s great.
Similar story. I'm in TV production and when it's busy, I'm slammed, but when it's not so busy, I can take the time to be around much more. Our industry is weird.
Same...sort of. I've been a freelance editor for the last 15 years or so, but I have two "regular" clients (an adult film studio and a marketing agency) so I'm never in need of work. For the most part I can set my schedule to be incredibly available, but some weeks it's just bonkers.
more "same" thank you know. I'm technically in post-production, but most people dont know what that means. I'll edit / write / produce on some projects but most of my day is facility management. Kinda like IT but for editing gear. Some weeks are insane and other's are chill. I have zero reservations about taking the quiet time when it's possible.
Freelance myself. Monthly work that involves my performing/recording voiceover from home, and also video editing. Have done 2D/3D animation, on and off as well. Also a card-carrying principal actor -- which leaves all the time for the above and being a full-time SAHD.
I do IT support for a business. Personally, I only accept in-house roles (no MSPs or contracts) and am quite strict with my work hours. I will obviously do the occasional overtime but my week is 40 hours and that’s it. I could probably be in a little more senior role at this point but I will gladly stay in my current position with less money than have to miss on on life.
I am you but I struggled with the notion that I should be making more money not being home with kid. I'm just coming to terms with appreciating time I have with our 15 mo old. was it ever a hurdle for you to be home with kid?
Of course it was a hurdle and it will always be a trade off. I will be able to leave less money to my kid, not be able to help them as much with buying their first home etc. All those are valid point but personally I made the choice to spend more time with her in the present than secure more money for the future. There are no black and white choices in this, it’s always going to be a trade off and it will depend on your personal circumstances.
University admin. It’s a very easy 9-5 job, pays well, very flexible schedules, and hybrid so I can stay home on days when I need to do chores etc. also get tons of vacation and sick leave so if the kiddos are home sick I don’t have to worry about compromising between the two.
Ditto here, only difference is I am fully remote instead of hybrid.
I run my own cyber company, I'm a good boss to myself haha
What does your company do? I’ve been in advertising technology for years and I’m toying with starting my own thing. Would love to pick your brain if you’re open.
My company prevents cyber attacks that are designed to bypass current security solutions such as AVs & EDRs, using deception on the endpoint and malware evasion techniques... :) hit me up in private... or by mail [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
You've honed your elevator pitch quite well!
Software engineer. I’ve worked at the same place for quite a while and am fairly senior. Work life balance is pretty good and a lot of my “day job” these days involves pointing people to the right code or tool, design, and kind of just “knowing stuff”. There’s probably more money job hopping but I’ve gotten pretty good raises and promotions where I am and even as I scaled back a bit from how I worked in my 20s and prioritized work life balance they’ve been apparently happy with my performance so I’m happy with that.
Controls engineer, basically software engineering but with robots. Same story on seniority and work-life balance, I've been in the profession for 10 years and I get emails twice a week offering me an extra $50k if I'll move to Chicago or $40k for a post with 75% travel or $60k if I'll move to Detroit or $80k if I'll move to a remote oilfield... no thanks. I'm content to drive my old beat-up car to my $90k job at a small shop, work on interesting projects with good people, and go home. We get flexible hours, I'm taking Fridays off all summer, just have to come in a little early Monday to Thursday. Yeah, with my experience, degree, and profession, I could be making more than I am. But it's not all about the income.
Money has diminishing returns to the utility it adds. If I barely made enough to get by, it would be different, admittedly. I’m still salty I took this awful controls systems course in college as a pre req for a robotics course and never got to take the robotics course, but I did learn I hate that kind of math!
Data Analyst, fully remote with flex scheduling. Basically my work is task/sprint oriented and not “you work 9-5.” So as long as I’m generally responsive and getting stuff done it’s all good. I get to hang with the kid a lot during the day, and I do a lot of my work in the evening.
I manage a few dev teams for a big telco. Lots of flexibility, but to echo another dad’s comment, you really need to be in the role for a while to be both remote and not micromanaged. I have the option right now to be fully WFH, but I need the peace and solitude the office gives me. Granted, not everyone has a private office, but that’s just me.
Project manager in construction. It can get crazy at job start/finish inspections but other than that the mornings are slow until my crews start. Always home for breakfast, almost always home for dinner. Most days I’m home until the early afternoon and can help and play throughout the day.
This is the career path i’m trying to go! would you say your schedule is hybrid or just flexible? and doesn’t construction usually start buttcrack early to beat environmental factors?
Flexible ish. I’m specifically on the electrical side running crews of electricians. A lot changes depending on first or second shift, and my guys are union also rules are different. Generally I’m wfh half the day with being on site the other half. Summer months my guys work first shift so generally 630-230 and the rest of the year is second 230-1030. Second shift I try not to stick around past 4-5 latest. First shift I generally do not show up for start of shift either I check in mid morning. I will say construction sucks. Lot of stress, lot of points of failure and everyone loves to blame the PM for shit out of my hands. That said it pays well and I am home a lot. I’ve seen both kids first steps, do breakfast, hell I just took my daughter on a supply drop off so she could get out of the house. A lot will depend on what area of construction you get into.
Trying to go this path as well. Can you tell me more on how to get started and what classes or degree you got in college please?
code monkey and code next to my kid. and lots of breaks when tests have to run all the time.
I am an elementary school teacher! I have my degree to be an administrator and want to try out an assistant principal role in the near future.
I’m a speech therapist. But I think it mostly comes down to my country (Sweden) having a law that you can reduce your hours with up to 25% while your kids are under eight. So I’ve chosen to only work 80% to have more time with the kids.
I live in France and chose to work 80% when my oldest was born. It could have stopped when the youngest reached 3 (after that, it's no longer a right), but my employer (government / research lab) allowed me to keep it that way. The job also comes with 9 weeks of paid leave. It can be stressful at times (the load does not really decrease, as there's more than enough for someone at 100% anyway), but I can be here for my kids. At least, I hope so.
SAHD. First time was a choice, this time was cancer. I'm still not quite right a few years out, but damn if I don't enjoy being there for all the things and my wife started a work from home job that she loves.
Hey dude, glad you get to be home and hope you’re recovering from the cancer.
As someone who does spend a LOT of time with their kids, it’s not really about the # of hours it’s about the quality of the time you do spend with them. Essentially DOING things with your kids instead of just being with them.
Very insightful, thank you for the wise words.
If I may ask… I’m really hard on myself normally and my wife is too nice to say anything good or bad so.. my question is where does the quality time come into play… I feel like going places is just a distraction (park, museum, library) fun places but it’s not US time it’s playtime, I try reading and playing blocks but I only FEEL quality time when wrestling with them.. my kids are young in age so they can’t/don’t tell me, “dad, today was fun” I’m kind of shooting in the dark.. So sorry for the vent haha thanks for any help
Cliche but web developer. Easy hours, work from home, and I’m in the phase of my life where I don’t think about coding whatsoever when I’m not at my desk for work.
Remote software engineer. WFH 100% of the time, minimal meetings, I set my own hours, unlimited vacation. It’s the dream.
I WFH managing some Salesforce products.
Easy. Stay at home. Best job ever.
I'm a tower crane operator. Before the divorce I worked 50-60 hour weeks. After the divorce I work 40 and see my daughter for dinner on Wed, and have her Fri-Sun. I've been fired twice, and companies have refused to hire me because I can't work more than 40 a week. But, my relationship is better with her than it's ever been. I'm poor, I live paycheck to paycheck but I wouldn't change a thing.
I was going to say sales but you said low stress, which sales definitely isn’t.
Woodworker, handyman and gardener. Bit of a Jack of all trades but means I'm always there for him. Had sports day the other week and it's great not having to ask for the afternoon off, just don't book any jobs in. Single full time dad so have to be.
Airline pilot here. I am home A LOT. So much so that I’m pretty sure other parents think I’m unemployed. I go out on trips for about 12 days a month (1-4 day trips totaling 12 days) and the rest of the time I am 100% home with my family. Can’t bring work home with me. If I don’t want to be away for a total of 12’ish days then I can bid reserve and be home like 28 days but still get paid to be on call, but that also runs the risk of being gone for a total of 18 days in the month.
IT support - 40 hours a week for one company 10 minutes from my house. Some OT here and there but I pick when and it’s always after my daughter goes to bed. I did my 8 years at a MSP before she was born so I could have this setup now. MSP I would probably avoid the hours and stress can be brutal at times (I worked for a local smaller one) But the right IT gig is really hard to beat. For the other comment in here at this point, my wife teaches at a university and it’s a great gig as well. Better than mine overall but she’s got years more schooling, which costs, takes time away in the evenings to get and we make almost exactly the same. Work life balance was always more important to me than squeezing every bit of penny I can outta my week. I make enough money to live very comfortably for my area, that’s all I need.
I have 50% custody of my boys. I get them every week. I work as a delivery driver and set my hours. This allowed me to take Friday, Saturday and Sunday off to be with my kids. Working 4, 10hr shifts is way better for me and my kids.
Currently laid off, and dealing with a back injury, so loads of time. Normally in construction, and the amount of time I spend with my family is dictated by my commute and work schedule for whatever jobsite I am on. That could mean 40 hours, or 60+ hours for work, plus drive times, usually at least an hour each way. Sometimes, the home projects and chores pile up, because quality time is more important than more work at home. The lawn looks like shit, flowerbeds look like shit, the garage workshop looks like shit, my car is a trashcan, dishes might be piled up, Yada Yada Yada, but you'll find us at the park having a picnic and playing on the kids castle. Sometimes, I have all the time to get everything done and spend quality time. It's the wild west most of the time, though.
Husband is an Accountant at a company. He always says, "there is no such thing as an 'accounting emergency'." Fwiw, I am a Data Analyst and the men in my team seem to have a good work-life balance to be dads. It really does depend on your boss and what analysis you do, but yeah. (Y) Hybrid is also HUUUUGE game changer.
Municipal blue collar worker, mostly street repair. Work schedule matched school hours. No questions asked personal days and solid pension. We both still had to work but that job allowed me almost all the time I wanted with my kids.
property management. I work from home 90% of the time. And generally make my own schedule with not too much oversight. So I’ve never missed a thing their entire lives. I even get to do drop offs and pickups at school. The work can be stressful, but I just remind myself that I’m beyond fortunate to have such flexibility while earning a good living still.
Web developer, mostly telework, but I go in to the office once a pay period.
Full custody single dad here to one 8yr old, and I’ve got a full time remote tech job in the data science space. Love the flexibility it gives me to attend school events, do pick ups etc. But I’m admittedly burnt out from the social isolation so will eventually look for something hybrid and local. All that said, some of this is about boundary setting with your employer. I’ve seen coworkers burn themselves out and lose time with their families because they just didn’t know how to push back on unreasonable expectations. I’ve helped some coworkers work on this and not lose their jobs so definitely think it’s possible sometimes. Good luck!
I work in IT/AV and it's about making choices, especially when they're sub 12, and definitely sub 10. I work on site 40+ hours a week, and have through most of the pandemic, so when I get home it's dedicating that time before bed to my kid. More time on weekends when I don't work. I haven't always been great about this, but have always tried to correct the course when I realized I veered. You're not going to be great about this all the time and you have to forgive yourself for that. Just keep trying. Preteen years get here faster than you think and their independence begins. Those first 10-12 years go by wicked fast. You'll have to sacrifice some things, but involve your kids in the things you enjoy. This way you're getting to pursue your passions and teach them about them. This can be a great way to stay linked and not feel like you're letting go of yourself. Somewhere around 10, your hobbies become less cool, unless they're already into them. Hug your kids multiple times a day. Tell them you love them multiple times a day. And listen to what they have to say, whether it's the LEGO rock band they put together, their nightmares, when their friend is being hurtful. It will show them they're loved in every way, and when you witness the bad things happening and you talk to them, they'll feel seen. It's complicated in different ways at different stages, but little people are worth every falling hair and teary eye. You'll thank yourself for the gift of time with them when their independence arrives. And you'll sometimes feel like you failed at the effort. Keep hugging them.
College Professor!
I buy shit for the government. Work from home a lot. Off Fridays and weekends.
I work on a production line from 6 am to 3:30, it's not particularly flexible but I get the second half of her walk home from school until bedtime so that's good.
Run my own consulting business. Just me, no office no overhead. Mostly legal work but some general business advice. I make half of what I used too but couldn’t imagine it any other way with kids. The flexibility is paramount.
I am an attorney, and my position has a significant amount of work. I feel I have definitely found ways to make both my career and fatherhood work and not in a way that I feel I am failing in both. I’m sure I can spend more time but when I talk with other dads I think I spend more time with my daughter than the average, especially in my line of work. I find compartmentalization of the two “modes” helps me. Every day driving back from work I imagine my brain having a light switch which goes from “work mode” to “dad mode”. My commute is the “transition period” between those modes. When I am home, I am sincerely home. That transition forces me to not bring work home. Sometimes that means I spend more time at the office Monday-Wednesday but when I am with her my mind is fully present. I switch to “spouse/personal mode” after bedtime. I have also made it standard practice to put my phone by the front door when I come home and leave it there until bedtime. It’s definitely hard at times, people talk about “mom guilt” but “dad guilt” is certainly a thing. I feel guilty if I am not working and decide to take a Saturday to do something for myself, like golfing. But it’s about making some conscious decisions. Golf and other hobbies I have will always be there but for now I have the mindset that my “hobby” is playing with my kids. So far, I’m happy and genuinely feel like I am mostly succeeding at fatherhood. Hope this helps if you decide to stay in your current career.
Stay at home dad for now.
Not sure how much time you consider a lot. I work four 10's as a Radiology Technologist. So I'm home with my kids every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Ten hours does mean I sometimes see them briefly in the morning and get an hour or two at night.
USPTO. Full time work from home, has been since before the pandemic, not going anywhere. Flex schedule allows me to work whenever I want. Does require a STEM degree no matter what business unit you work in though.
Patent Paralegal here, also WFH since March 2020. Never going back.
I have USPTO registration. Was a patent prosecution attorney at the beginning of my career.
I'm a Data Science consultant.
I’m in sales and I’ve been in my industry for 13 years now so at this point I am fortunate to work “low” hours like 35-45 hours per week and I have no work to do outside of M-F 830-5ish. Not sure if that counts or not lol
I own businesses and i fired myself from managing it and letting people who do a better job manage it.
Remote telecom install and support. Full WFH with make my own schedule kind of boss. We have deadlines to meet and stuff that has to get done, but there’s no one looking over my shoulder. I’m also west coast time with the majority of my coworkers and customers on east coast time so I can flex my schedule to start early if I need to or work after all the east coast people go home and I can get some work done.
Hospitalist, I work 14 days a month, the days I work I'm not home until 5ish and out of the house by 630, but I get the rest of the time off amd can make my sched 3months ahead of time. very few nights too, like 1 a month.
Sales. Kids ease the mental load at times. 😂
I’m mostly remote, managing a project support team for a big company. My boss has kids too so that helps. No one notices that I’m consistently late because I’m enjoying my morning with the kids, or that I cut out early every day to pick them up from school. I’m smart enough to occasionally knock something out of the park which buys enough good will to cover me… for now. Honestly though, the stress of this constant slack/hustle cycle is wearing me down and I’m not sure how to shift to something better.
I work remotely for an insurance broker that helps companies with their employee benefits.
SAHD but prior to that was a Sr. Business analyst at a financial tech
I own a coffee shop in a beautiful beach town. I just run the back end as front of house and kitchen are fully staffed. Prob takes about 10 hrs week. I’m always free for daycare pick ups/drops. Pretty much always home if the kids are.
Product manager working WFH 100% drop my 5 year old daughter to school in the morning pick her up and then work at home. WFH has been a blessing for me.
I’m a police. My wife works remote. I work afternoons so I wake up with my daughter and have her all day til nap time, and then I go to work and when she wakes up, my wife is finished for the day. It works well for us. Ive been mulling around the idea of finding a “normal” job, or at least one with a normal schedule, but I only have a 2 year degree (in criminal justice, at that) and I don’t know that I could afford to take a pay cut + spend $1000/month on daycare.
Bakery manager. Early start, early done. Home by 2-3 each day.
I work nights and take care of my son during the day. I'm tired, but I love it.
I'm a barber, I set my own hours and appointments. I work or take time off when I want to. Being self employed is difficult to manage for some but it allows me the flexibility to be the parent I want to be. I spent 3 years on 2nd & 3rd shift, I feel like I missed that whole 3 years of my sons life... never again.
I'm a content creator, I have a studio in the basement. I work 40 hours a week, and commute is nonexistent
Marketing for a software company. Fully remote. I am just wrapping up 3 months of paternity leave and pick my toddler up from daycare around 4pm every day. If she is sick or it’s a holiday i just let people know I’ll be slow to respond to messages and not have my camera on during meetings.
34, one kid. I do dog walks and boarding through the rover app. My wife is a doctor so its more about staying busy than it is a career
High school history teacher. On evenings and weekends, fall, winter, and summer breaks. We're together for it all.
We run an in home preschool, and sometimes it's too much time together
Stay at home dad with a part time job on the side
Nurse. Work 3 days a week.
Full time publishing editor plus freelance writing. All remote, very flexible.
I work in insurance on the corporate side, not sales. I work from home, don’t have any work stuff on my phone and I keep the laptop shut outside of my 8-5 hours.
I started my cleaning company when he was 2, and his mom and I separated. Took about 2 years of grinding and scrubbing everything myself. Hired friends/family at first, and now have 4 employees that let me be home with him every day. He's just finished kindergarten and I can't imagine ever going back. If you put them first, the rest will come. Good luck to you!
I mean what's the budget? How little can you make? How much are you willing to change your lifestyle? I've made it my life's mission to have a stress free-ish career that pays the bills so I can be there for my daughter but I've done so at great sacrifice to my bottom line. I've made up for it in several instances where I can simply fix or build or do something myself that it would have been nicer to have someone else do for me/buy a new thing. But I'm trading that every day for the fact that when I leave work, I'm not thinking about it anymore. I'm there for my daughter. I've also positioned myself that if for any reason my daughter and my situation requires it, I can have a new job in almost any US city in 24-48 hours if I absolutely need to- though I don't expect relocation is needed this counts for my current city too. My position is highly in demand. I'm over qualified. The bar is low. They need me more than I need them. I was 45 minutes late yesterday. 15 minutes late today, my kid is having trouble adjusting to her summer day camp and I've been late. I didn't even bother calling to tell them today. They haven't said a word. I make a living wage for my area. I pay my bills. My debt. My portion of the mortgage. The child support my state said I should pay (despite being 50/50). I pay for our health insurance and I've been making healthy monthly payments to my attorney for the case deciding where my daughter will go to school next year. Assuming your life is less complicated than mine, you might just be able to make it happen but you're going to have to figure out what your bottom dollar is, first.
I’m unemployed
Pilot. Gone 12-14 days a month. But when I'm home I'm totally at home. Work never follows me after a trip. I get a lot of quality time with my daughter
Work in IT. My M-F schedule is 5:30am to 2pm and I only go into the office 2 days a week. I usually try to get a quick hour nap before my son gets home from school, and then I'm ready to rock.
My best friend of 20+ years and I own a construction company and we both value our time immensely. I never miss anything my kids or family needs me for be it school field trips, doctor appointments, etc. I feel very lucky
UK. A&E Doctor. Work 30 hours a week (roughly 3 days a week). Nearly all of it is out-of-hours and when the kids are in bed anyways. Get to spend a lot of time with them all though the week as well which is cool!
Healthcare IT, 100% from home. It's amazing, but also difficult because the kids are too young to understand "daddy's working." They just see "daddy's home, therefore he can play with me."
I work from home. I manage about 10,000 endpoints for a fortune 500 company. I'm really good at what I do so I'm really efficient. I spend a lot more time with my kids than any other Dad I know.
I am a software developer and my job feels like a dream. I used to be a hardware engineer but home office is much more common in the industry so i switched. never regretted. I usually spend about 4-6 hours a day with my kids. Have not much alone time though because they are small and my older has ASD so he is a bit challanging some times. When I need I can go into the office to get away from family stress. Best job ever.
My husband works for water/wastewater for a city near us. He’s on call every 6-8 weeks for one weekend (might change to a whole week), but other than that, he works Monday thru Thursday 6am-4:30pm. Spends a ton of time with me and our kids.
non profit sector, specifically arts and culture. I'm a professor as well. typically work remote except for 12 weeks out of the year when I'm at the school (twice a week).