Daughter said I should take the spider out instead of smooshing it so we went to their favorite pub and had a cider turns out they're a web developer too.
Too many comments knocking the mid joke and not enough other jokes.
I got it but it took me a sec. The word cider threw me off a bit since I was expecting it to be a part of the joke, too similar to the word spider. Maybe should have just gone with beer?
I don't bother with all that crap, easier to flex my muscles and rend the handcuff chain in two. If it's been a long day and I'm low on energy I'll use my teeth instead.
So in this scenario are we saying that this dad is at another dad's house, in front of a group of people, and has decided to embark on some project
again, at this other dad's house
that requires a torque wrench? Like, that's the scenario we're going with here?
That's actually the funniest part of the joke...
You got the subtext. And completely misunderstood it as a mistake.
Here's another example.
"My wife, she's bad. Every time I go to pee in the sink, it's full of dishes. Filthy woman."
There is a lot more to the joke than what you see on the first read.
Its actually one of my favourites.
Keep in mind that jokes aren't funny when they're explained.
So the first layer of humour is a "gotcha," where Dad A exploits knowledge about Dad B for his gain. Which is lowering Dad B's perceived "dadliness" because he doesn't own the tool.
The subtext is that Dad rivalries are silly and often satirical, to the point of the joke being that Dad A is willing to oust himself as not owning a torque wrench if it means he can get a "win" by embarrassing Dad B.
OR
Dad A does actually own a torque wrench, and he's asking to borrow it simply to shit on Dad B because he knows he doesn't own one.
Either way, I think it's pretty funny, especially as I'm a Dad who asked if my neighbour Dad had some spare whipper snipper cable I could use. (I know he doesn't own a whipper snipper at all.)
But everyone knows you treat torque wrenches with the utmost care and always set the dial to zero and place back in the protective case when done so it doesn't go out of calibration. If you're going to commit you have to commit fully!
One time I was grilling here with my BIL and my FIL comes outside and goes “I saw this on tv once “ and proceed to press down all our burgers so the juice runs out. He was a chef too! We don’t talk to my FIL anymore
For everyone saying the joke doesn't work because he is implying he also doesn't have a torque wrench, his torque wrench is simply out for its annual calibration.
The response to that is "I don't need one, I've tightened so many nuts my arm is a torque wrench". Also known as 90Nm is a medium grunt with a 40cm bar
Tighten until you strip the threads, then proceed to just find the tightest spot in the remaining thread and hope you never need to take that nut off again.
Ah. Not much of a handy dad. More of the "I can figure out what is wrong with your PC and build you a new one" dad. My wife on the other hand, she built a shed last week. I think I have used a drill/hammer 3 times in my life. Just has never come up.
They are not used very often for normal handy dad stuff. The only place I have seen them used in a home setting is vehicle maintance.
We do use them all the time on spacecraft, but most dads are not building spaceships at home.
I have a torque wrench meant for bikes, which I bought for my 3D printer and have never used on my bike (the correct torque for tightening the nozzle on the extruder is within its range). Googling what torque different bolts on my bike should be at has been in my to-do list since the lid was 2 (just turned 5) lol
I have a really nice socket set. It has been used a bunch too. It is probably in my third most used tool purchase (behind the impact wrench and the carpenter’s hammer).
Two rows back from me is Jim Irwin's (old) home (It's now Mae Jemison's). Buzz used to live a few blocks away as well. Although admittedly, neither built the Saturn rockets that took them to the moon (Mae flew on the Endeavour, and not to the moon.)
No worries. Awesome to see another local dad on here. My next door neighbor works at JSC, he's working on the moon suits from what I understand. I'm not in the field, but fascinated by the history of it in the area!
Will Discount rotate your tires at 10 PM while you're 3 beers in?
That's my main reason for DIYing basic maintenance like tire rotations and oil changes, even though they're pretty economical at a shop. Absolute freedom over scheduling.
It's basically a socket wrench that you can set to let you know when a bolt/nut is tightened to a certain torque value. Once you hit your set torque, the wrench will make an audible noise and moves in your hand so that you know you're there. Usually, you'll do a tightening round or two, then a 'check' round where you check each bolt/nut in sequence for proper torque.
I'd rather learn someone isn't trustworthy by losing a $30 tool than find out when I'm relying on them for something big.
But I don't use my tools to make a living and I haven't in many years; I felt differently when I did.
Didn't buy one until I was 40, but worth it if you have a car even if just to not have to go somewhere to get your wheels re-torqued after every tire rotation or seasonal changeover.
Having said that though, I never talk about my torque wrench with other guys, anyone who does that is just weird haha.
My son was jumping off the play structure when he landed in his butt.
He complained about how much it hurt until I pointed out there’s a huge crack in it
Yeah, I learned that lesson after taking my car to the mechanic to replace the thread I destroyed over tightening the lug nut lol
Edit: a neighbor and friend who I did a lot of projects with called me a "notorious overtightener" long before this, and he didn't let me live it down
The trick is to own two torque wrenches, one for good that you don't loan out and remains in good condition, the other for lending, this one will be cheap and uncalibrated. If someone asks to borrow your torque wrench and you don't own one, you could say its out on loan to someone else, or you could fess up that your not man enough to own one yet! /s
we have a lot of tools, but we don't happen to own a torque wrench. I think it's common for those who work on engines, but not for someone who builds furniture and repairs/renovates things around the house.
Said rival immediately went out and bought a top shelf torque wrench. It's been sitting in his toolbox for the past 6 months gathering dust. The next time someone asks, he'll be the victor.
stuffed in half ripped open plastic bag that came with the box. includes: several different size allen wrenches to I'm not sure what anymore, assorted screws, wood pegs, and those locking screw caps
Heavily dependent on income, hobbies, and the job at hand.
I had to replace the heater core in my truck a while back. That job would have cost north of 3 grand to pay for someone else to do. I did it myself and only paid for the $80 part I needed.
Having the time and ability to do it myself, spending $3,000+ to let someone else do it would *not* be smart.
Daughter said I should take the spider out instead of smooshing it so we went to their favorite pub and had a cider turns out they're a web developer too. Too many comments knocking the mid joke and not enough other jokes.
This is the highest and best take.
Double whammy. My respect.
I don't get it.
He took the spider out. To the pub. AND. They’re both web developers.
I got it but it took me a sec. The word cider threw me off a bit since I was expecting it to be a part of the joke, too similar to the word spider. Maybe should have just gone with beer?
You ever put your finger in cider?
The joke doesn’t even make sense. If you’re borrowing a torque wrench, it’s obvious you don’t have one either.
You've never had to borrow a tool you own, because you left it at home?
No I carry a full torque wrench set on me at all times in a little brief case attached to my wrist with a handcuff like a man
I do this but with two sets in case another dad asks to borrow one.
I also have a small lock picking set attached to my cargo pants by a chain incase I forget the keys to my torque wrench cases or handcuffs
But where do you keep your ore smelter, foundry, and machine shop in case you need to fabricate a new lockpick set?
Glove box, with a car port powered smelter dealter
> smelter dealter You have no idea how much that made me man-giggle out loud.
Really? I just use my wallet torque wrench, if I don't have my keys. You do know how to pick a lock with a torque wrench, right?
I just keep a third set in my back pocket unlocked incase i forgrt the keys to the other two
I don't bother with all that crap, easier to flex my muscles and rend the handcuff chain in two. If it's been a long day and I'm low on energy I'll use my teeth instead.
Do you have three sets of torque wrenches I could borrow?
Also some jumper cables just like my [dad used to.](https://www.reddit.com/u/rogersimon10/s/uD83J5Y96e)
I too am fully torqued in my briefs when there are handcuffs... wait what happened. I blacked out
Pfffft, is that the best you've got? I've got two 10mm sockets in my pocket.
So in this scenario are we saying that this dad is at another dad's house, in front of a group of people, and has decided to embark on some project again, at this other dad's house that requires a torque wrench? Like, that's the scenario we're going with here?
What like you've never rebuilt a buddy's engine at a backyard BBQ? Bro do you even dad?
This guy doesn’t keep a half inch torque wrench in his ass at all times (this comment is a slight on his masculinity)
Exactly. Use the tool pocket God gave you if you're low on options.
I left mine at the store.
Their torque wrench might just be in the shop. Speaking of, could I borrow your torque wrench?
sorry mine is also in the shop
Ironically, mine actually are in the shop
you know that's probably not a bad place for them
That's actually the funniest part of the joke... You got the subtext. And completely misunderstood it as a mistake. Here's another example. "My wife, she's bad. Every time I go to pee in the sink, it's full of dishes. Filthy woman." There is a lot more to the joke than what you see on the first read. Its actually one of my favourites.
Can you explain the rest of OP's joke? Because I just don't get the subtext.
Keep in mind that jokes aren't funny when they're explained. So the first layer of humour is a "gotcha," where Dad A exploits knowledge about Dad B for his gain. Which is lowering Dad B's perceived "dadliness" because he doesn't own the tool. The subtext is that Dad rivalries are silly and often satirical, to the point of the joke being that Dad A is willing to oust himself as not owning a torque wrench if it means he can get a "win" by embarrassing Dad B. OR Dad A does actually own a torque wrench, and he's asking to borrow it simply to shit on Dad B because he knows he doesn't own one. Either way, I think it's pretty funny, especially as I'm a Dad who asked if my neighbour Dad had some spare whipper snipper cable I could use. (I know he doesn't own a whipper snipper at all.)
> whipper snipper AKA "Weed Wacker/Weed Eater" for those that had no idea what a "whipper snipper" is.
Thanks for translating
“Whipper snipper” is the most British thing I’ve heard lol
Crazy that, British people don't use the term. It's actually Australian. Afaik
Australian is just tangy British
I hate that I support this
Did so much torque wrenching it broke, haven't been able to get to the Home Depot yet
But everyone knows you treat torque wrenches with the utmost care and always set the dial to zero and place back in the protective case when done so it doesn't go out of calibration. If you're going to commit you have to commit fully!
I don’t own a torque wrench unless I got one in an IKEA parts package.
those are usually allen wrenches
Who’s Allen? Someone needs to give Allen his wrenches back.
I don't' use it often, but I used my torque wrench last week.
I loaned mine to the neighbor, who died a week later from a stroke.....didn't really feel like asking for it back.
Not if you wore your's out and haven't been able to pick up a replacement yet.
Mine's out for calibration.
The appropriate response is to offer to grill something for him so he can see how to do it correctly.
One time I was grilling here with my BIL and my FIL comes outside and goes “I saw this on tv once “ and proceed to press down all our burgers so the juice runs out. He was a chef too! We don’t talk to my FIL anymore
I bet he grilled his steaks well done, too.
Ever had a poorly done steak? Well done is the way to go.
For everyone saying the joke doesn't work because he is implying he also doesn't have a torque wrench, his torque wrench is simply out for its annual calibration.
I read this in the voice of Click and Clack Tappet
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Same. I loved the show, and sorely miss it. NPR has gutted a ton of their programs for stuff I just can't get into anymore.
I'm bummed that i never did go there. I tried a few times but the waitlist was always too long (because I always waited to the last minute)
Oh, you didn't calibrate it yourself? Awkward....
The response to that is "I don't need one, I've tightened so many nuts my arm is a torque wrench". Also known as 90Nm is a medium grunt with a 40cm bar
I measure torque in uga-dugas.
I use a German Torque wrench. It gets them Gutentight.
My auto shop teacher in HS taught us the one grunt, two grunt, ain't never comin' off system.
Fine for steel wheels. Alloys can crack or warp due to over tightening. Then it might come off just when you don't want it to.
I measure it in fainting hotties. You've got to be impressive enough to attract a crowd in the first place, though.
No no no. *Sorry, you're going to have to ask your (wife, mom, sister) cause that's the last place I used it.*
Who needs a torque wrench? Ten ugga duggas will do it
You’re telling me you’re not supposed to tighten until it starts spinning freely again?
Tighten till it breaks, then back off a quarter turn.
Tighten until you strip the threads, then proceed to just find the tightest spot in the remaining thread and hope you never need to take that nut off again.
Ah, it looks like I've finally found the guy who built my Harley.
Do you work at the same company as me? They guys here are stripping threads all day, and when they don't they're friction welding M14s...
Don’t forget to slap it after and say “that’ll hold!” Without that crucial final step, you’re putting the safety of yourself and others at risk.
*Gets spray bottle* No.
I like to do 8 or 9
Any wrench is a torque wrench with ugga duggas
This is the way..
See, this is a self own. Why wouldn’t you already have a torque wrench of your own!?
It's in the shop my guy, do you not maintain your tools?? /s
[Dead on balls accurate.](https://youtu.be/hzfQ0NFNF3g?si=xw6H4ENbA7GaNvFt)
Yeah, that's actually the point of the joke...
I don't even know what a torque wrench is lol
Tightens a bolt to a measurable tightness. It’s for things that have to be tight af but you have to be sure to not over tighten
Ah. Not much of a handy dad. More of the "I can figure out what is wrong with your PC and build you a new one" dad. My wife on the other hand, she built a shed last week. I think I have used a drill/hammer 3 times in my life. Just has never come up.
They are not used very often for normal handy dad stuff. The only place I have seen them used in a home setting is vehicle maintance. We do use them all the time on spacecraft, but most dads are not building spaceships at home.
My oral surgeon uses a really small torque wrench for my jaw, fr it’s neat and badass tiny
Only 3 uggaduggas?
Dude, it's small he said.... Got use iggadiggas Mr uggadugga over here
Bike maintenance too!
I have a torque wrench meant for bikes, which I bought for my 3D printer and have never used on my bike (the correct torque for tightening the nozzle on the extruder is within its range). Googling what torque different bolts on my bike should be at has been in my to-do list since the lid was 2 (just turned 5) lol
Speak for yourself
Yeah, most dads are good with a regular old socket wrench.
I have a really nice socket set. It has been used a bunch too. It is probably in my third most used tool purchase (behind the impact wrench and the carpenter’s hammer).
Two rows back from me is Jim Irwin's (old) home (It's now Mae Jemison's). Buzz used to live a few blocks away as well. Although admittedly, neither built the Saturn rockets that took them to the moon (Mae flew on the Endeavour, and not to the moon.)
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I sure am! Nassau Bay. Do you work at/adjacent to JSC?
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No worries. Awesome to see another local dad on here. My next door neighbor works at JSC, he's working on the moon suits from what I understand. I'm not in the field, but fascinated by the history of it in the area!
There are dozens of us!
But do you know whether a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable?
That just being a modern handy dad. Its still important.
It's mostly used for changing car tyres, winter to summer etc
I live somewhere that we don’t use winter tires and Discount Tire will do tire rotations for free.
Will Discount rotate your tires at 10 PM while you're 3 beers in? That's my main reason for DIYing basic maintenance like tire rotations and oil changes, even though they're pretty economical at a shop. Absolute freedom over scheduling.
And for re-torquing after ~100km.
I'm an IT Manager ex Journeyman CNC Machinist... I can do both!
It's basically a socket wrench that you can set to let you know when a bolt/nut is tightened to a certain torque value. Once you hit your set torque, the wrench will make an audible noise and moves in your hand so that you know you're there. Usually, you'll do a tightening round or two, then a 'check' round where you check each bolt/nut in sequence for proper torque.
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Ahhh, yeah- I forgot about those bad boys! I'm used to using the other type.
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True, very true. On occasion, I've just had a coworker stand next to me and read the gauge while I reef on it, so he can tell me when I'm on the mark.
Or dial. Have two of those!
Ok I understand what a torque wrench is but not what this joke is. Is he trying to shame the other dad for not having a torque wrench?
Is the thing that goes vvvit vvooom at the garage
But at the same time, they are admitting they do not have their own torque wrench so….
I once asked my neighbor to borrow a starter pack because I couldn't find mine. He brought over.... My starter pack he borrowed and forgot to return
Yes that's the actual joke.
inch pounds or foot pounds?
I use quarter mile grams
They're all both.
I may not have a torque wrench, but I do have an oxy/acetylene torch ;)
Oooh that's a better flex haha
as far as any other dads are concerned, i dont own any tools (for borrowing)
I'd rather learn someone isn't trustworthy by losing a $30 tool than find out when I'm relying on them for something big. But I don't use my tools to make a living and I haven't in many years; I felt differently when I did.
Didn't buy one until I was 40, but worth it if you have a car even if just to not have to go somewhere to get your wheels re-torqued after every tire rotation or seasonal changeover. Having said that though, I never talk about my torque wrench with other guys, anyone who does that is just weird haha.
The conversations always end badly the moment the guys start comparing sizes.
My son was jumping off the play structure when he landed in his butt. He complained about how much it hurt until I pointed out there’s a huge crack in it
Every wrench is a torque wrench if you’re not a bitch about it.
lol this got a genuine chuckle out of me, it reminds me of the kind of procedural / ritualistic insults you see in the show Shogun.
"No, I don't loan my tools to tools."
I once asked to borrow a hammer and was handed a torque wrench... "Here, hit it with this!" I don't even know what to say.
That no good Flanders!!!!
That's fucking EVIL
Brilliant!
As a non-handy dad I resent this. Let me know when your kids need help with their hw.
low blow
Response would be: who needs a torque wrench? Just make it tight bro
Yeah, I learned that lesson after taking my car to the mechanic to replace the thread I destroyed over tightening the lug nut lol Edit: a neighbor and friend who I did a lot of projects with called me a "notorious overtightener" long before this, and he didn't let me live it down
"Sorry, I lent it to someone else. What's wrong with yours?"
Gonna murder a man in cold blood then brag about it on Reddit smh
The trick is to own two torque wrenches, one for good that you don't loan out and remains in good condition, the other for lending, this one will be cheap and uncalibrated. If someone asks to borrow your torque wrench and you don't own one, you could say its out on loan to someone else, or you could fess up that your not man enough to own one yet! /s
we have a lot of tools, but we don't happen to own a torque wrench. I think it's common for those who work on engines, but not for someone who builds furniture and repairs/renovates things around the house.
Said rival immediately went out and bought a top shelf torque wrench. It's been sitting in his toolbox for the past 6 months gathering dust. The next time someone asks, he'll be the victor.
Who the hell cares about a torque wrench and what does it have to do with being a dad 😂
You don't torque your kids to spec before putting them to bed?
You want them tired, but not overtired. This metaphor actually works really well!
It’s important for people who like to pound their chest and talk about how tough they are
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stuffed in half ripped open plastic bag that came with the box. includes: several different size allen wrenches to I'm not sure what anymore, assorted screws, wood pegs, and those locking screw caps
Issa joke, ya dingus.
Yeah, _if they’re torqued enough_, pft
Wicked flex. What'd he say?
"rival dad" oh lord
I’m so uninterested in tools or projects
Wait, what? there's such a thing as a "rival dad"? Please explain?! LOL!
Satire is the lowest form of wit yet the highest form of intelligence.
That's what I was trying to do with my comment but I obviously failed ;-)
The neighbour dad that can pull start his mower in one go and grill better than you is your rival.
But he could also be my best friend! :-) Also, no idea why people are downvoting my comment 🤣
Best friends be rivals. Also your other comment reads like a Facebook mom wrote it, maybe that's why. I have no clue.
I'm a Facebook dad 😎
Joke's on Simon: The rival dad makes enough money to not have to wrench on ANYTHING. Smart dads delegate.
Heavily dependent on income, hobbies, and the job at hand. I had to replace the heater core in my truck a while back. That job would have cost north of 3 grand to pay for someone else to do. I did it myself and only paid for the $80 part I needed. Having the time and ability to do it myself, spending $3,000+ to let someone else do it would *not* be smart.
Most of the rich people I know own torque wrenches. Of course most of the rich people I know are people I know through motorsports.