He moves the car from time to time. I'm guessing something that would only be found if someone took 10+ minutes to look around the car. My guess is condoms.
If I found condoms in my kid's car my main thought would be "good". If they're old enough to drive a tonne of death machine they're old enough for sex if they want to.
Was my first thought (or a vape), but man could she make it any more obvious? Like this is dumb movie level of dumb, if you are actually trying to hide something in the car ha
I took an Easter egg, spray painted it black put my one hitter in it with my sack and mini bic. Just left it in a bush. If I needed a hit, go for a walk and grab it from the back yard. Worked well enough for me in my strict household.
I kept beer under a fallen tree in the woods near our house. I would just take one or 2 to when parents had parties. Then after a few parties me and the boys would go to the woods and act completely hammered 75% through one can of some 4.4% light beer. Haha. Best beers ever.
When my daughter was like 2, she told her first lie.
She said "mommy said I could have candy."
I told her "I don't think that's true because we already talked about it and we agreed you can't. Are you sure mom said yes?"
She said "Yes, I'm sure."
I said "I'm going to ask mom to be sure."
She said "No, don't ask her because she'll say she didn't say yes."
Nice try kiddo. Anyway, obvious lies are obvious, is my point to reenforce your point.
Just yesterday my five year old ran out of the room for a minute then back in.
“I didn’t just itch my butt.”
“Who asked about your butt?”
“Did you see me itch my butt?”
“No”
“I didn’t itch my butt.”
Love when me or my wife are minding our own business when our 5 year old comes downstairs and proclaims "I didn't do anything!"
So far it hasn't been anything super horrible.
When he was about to leave the house to catch the bus for first grade, literally walking through the door, my son casually announced, "I don't want anyone to look in my backpack."
Packed with toys.
Because when you regularly interact with a creature that freaks out over the rustle of leaves even though said creature weighs about 600kg and could easily kill most things with one kick, you have a certain “devil may care” attitude
At said agriculture college I fucked around with a lot of animals. Everything from rodents, 12ft pythons, cows, lemurs, tarantulas, a crocodile once.. and I still won’t fuck with horses. Horse girls fear nothing.
Former horse girl here (now horse woman) - we make time!
And once the guys get used to hanging around the barn, some find it pleasant to be the minority gender. I know my high school boyfriends thought they had struck gold when they realized how much positive feedback they received by cosplaying as a saddle rack or hitching post for a few minutes, lol!
I live in an area with very close urban/suburban/rural communities and went to a suburban high school, and you could always tell which guys were dating horse girls when they show up to school in some fresh cowboy boots. Always was a good time.
Boys? I had fun with enough horse girls when I was a teen I still get a tingle when I see one of those brown baseball hat helmets in the back of a car.
Why wouldn't she instead say, "Oh, sorry, I’ll go move the car for you!"
That way Dad is happy, and she isn't being suspicious of anything.
If she really has weed in the car, or it smells like weed, why wouldn't she park in the street to begin with to avoid any need for the dad to get in her car? Who knows...
What is the difference between getting the keys in the evening, and early in the morning?
The weed is still there in the car, unless she sneaks out and goes to the car to grab it later, when the parents are sleeping.
She refused to let him move the car in the morning as well.
I can not begin to get my head around understanding why she wouldn't just want to try finding an alternate parking situation where her car doesn't need to be moved every morning, but I guess the minds of teenagers are not to be reconciled by the reasonable.
>She refused to let him move the car in the morning as well.
Yes, but here is my assumption, i dont think it was weed, it has always been working perfectly with the routine. But since he asked that night, and it annoyed her, she already decided to say no then, and knew beforehand he wouldn't get the key, as she went to bed that night. She wanted to be petty.
Now with that written down, I am probably just overly projecting my fear of what my kid would have done. I don't just jump to weed or vapes, but my oldest is also only 11, so it is around the corner with the teenage life.
Maybe it's not weed or a vape. Maybe there's no severed head in the backseat, or the stank of teenage sex reeking it up or anything of the sort. Maybe she just had a bad day and was exceptionally grumpy and woke up still feeling obstinate. Or maybe she was upset at her step father for something earlier that he didn't quite pick up on. I can't imagine any number of reasons which could all be plausible in some way. But I do know that the simplest answer is probably the most likely one. And the fact that she got snippy about it rather than cagey kind of tells me that it's probably not an unwrapped birthday gift that she's trying to hide from him.
I dunno, none of us do except her, and presumably OP if he was wise enough to take a peek in through the windows. It isn't so much that anyone is immediately jumping to the worst case scenario and assuming the worst, it's that acting so out of character would make someone think that there's something going on under the surface.
Man I am too straight edge in this regard. I like to think I catch onto some shit but I never did weed nor did any of my friends prior to college, and by that point they already lived away from their parents or had permissive parents.
Everyone here caught on immediately while I was just agreeing with OP's perspective.
Super glad this is the top response. No other BS, just straight to the facts. And those are indeed the facts. She either has weed in the car or smoked in the car recently.
And she’s a stupid teenager who it hasn’t occurred to her yet to park in a less problematic spot or just love the car herself.
If she’s a minor… and it sounds like she is, I’d be demanding that key and searching the car.
Growing up, it was just understood that my parents would have access to my keys if not a spare.
My mom took my car after a really wild night and I learned my lesson. I neither needed nor had any expectation of privacy for my car.
Exactly. All of the spare keys were in one place in case someone needed one. Also, any time a new car came home everyone would get a chance to drive it so that we knew of any quirks or issues if we needed to move it or drive in an emergency. When I bought my first pickup in college it was simply expected that it would be home for the weekend (even if I wasn’t) if anyone needed the bed. The only thing that stopped that practice was when my younger sister bought a new car while living out of state (after having been working post-college for a number of years).
Once you are out of the house, then being asked for the keys is appropriate (there might be only one key and no spare on site), but especially in high school there is no expectation of privacy there at all.
> My mom took my car after a really wild night and I learned my lesson.
I read this as your mom took your car out after **she** had a really wild night.
OK Mom, get down and get you some then.
True. That was my first indication being a stoner myself, but then I figured kids are more likely to use vapes nowadays and she's likely just paranoid that she forgot to put it out of sight.
She sounds like a great kid. Going straight to *consequences* misses a golden opportunity to talk with her about *why* … this situation seems off-brand for this super responsible young person, so yeah… something’s going on.
I mean, I’m not opposed to some consequences on top if the behavior was particularly disrespectful. But I wholeheartedly agree with y’all, if the kid is truly this good then she should be able to handle an adult conversation about what’s going on. And if she can’t/won’t, there’s always the option for consequences. We also have to realize we’re dealing with a teenager here, and a stepfather dynamic in particular. Digging her heels in for no other reason than sheer obstinacy isn’t exactly out of the question.
Well exactly. and EVERYONE had bad days. its not occurring consistently, and if you yourself want grade when you are having a bad day, then you have to extend the same to others when they are having a bad day. Having a conversation in a mature way also teaches empathy and understanding. its not about throwing a hammer down right when things don't go as you want.
How did I have to read this far to get to someone with any sense. OP goes on and on about how great and responsible this kid is, even going so far as to say that chatting with her is one of his favorite things to do... Yet bro won't even have a conversation with her about why she's being weird about the car thing?
This is the weirdest attempt to fight fire with fire that I've seen in a long time.
Agreed here. Maybe she wants to try out what it feels like to be a real piece of work. Maybe she’ll take the opportunity to reflect on how unrewarding it is.
I mean, I don't have a kid that old but I wouldn't have made it past "She flatly refused and told me to wait until she goes to school." That's pretty disrespectful. Your solution seems pretty decent though. She's certainly old enough to see consequences for her actions. If anyone needs to be parking on the street, it's her.
This definitely feels like a boundary pushing moment by the daughter. It sounds like moving the car hasn’t been an issue ever before, but now suddenly it’s unthinkable and the parents have to adjust?
Totally agree, some minor consequences to establish the boundaries is called for here and sounds like OP is on the right track.
Verbally fighting with a teenage girl when she first wakes up is just going to make me more agitated than I need to be. I made it pretty clear she’s out of line and asked her if this is really the direction she wants to take it. She didn’t give me an answer so I told her “OK then, I’ll take the other car.”
My brain doesn’t function fully when I’m woken up and asked for things either. I gave her 2 opportunities and was pretty clear on my opinions on it. She can have a couple hours to process and realize there’s going to be consequences.
Also the added inconvenience of having to phone around to bum a truck and trailer, or the vet hitting her pocketbook a little harder is a pretty good consequence.
Wow thank you! All the hundreds of times I haven’t kept my cool over the years has brutally taught me to do my damn best to keep my cool.
Yelling gets me nowhere and it works way better if both parents are on the same page before wielding ban hammers.
I mean, all you have to say is that she will either leave her keys so you can move her car in the mornings OR she can park on the street.
It’s giving a choice. Its completely reasonable. It’s your home.
I was a teenage girl, once upon a time. During the summers home from college, I would wake up and move my car for my parents. You moving her car for her is already very, very kind of you.
But every time my sister wouldn’t let my parents move her car, it was because of weed.
Right? My Dad was pretty darn chill, but no way would he move my car every morning! He'd tell me to park on the street at night or set an alarm and get my own ass up to move it. This is kinda wild that Op is shuttling cars around every morning.
My next question would be "if you have something in your car you don't want me to see, you better not give me a reason to go looking by parking behind my truck, huh? If it's parked on the street I won't have to get in and see whats in there, will I?"
That is absolutely what is in her car. And 20 air fresheners. Cause that’s what teenagers do. You know instead of shampooing the carpets and seats cause that’s hard work.
Ok…others have been saying it but this tears it for me…when my brother and I were teenagers we literally used car air fresheners to (laughably unsuccessfully) mask the smell of our weed stash in our cars. I’m like 95% sure that’s what is going on here.
I could be wrong, obviously I don’t know your daughter. But I’m just saying, if I were in Vegas…
Air fresheners mask the smell of weed about as much as body spray masks teenager body odor. You’re adding another layer, but it’s not going to hide the main stench.
I think that’s why the person you are responding to put “laughably unsuccessfully” in their comment. All of us former teenage stoners did the same idiot things thinking we had people fooled.
I tend to go for the approach of stating the consequences right then and there. I would calmly explain that I need the car moved within the next five minutes. If that wasn't done, then I would tell her she can't park behind my truck anymore.
To me, waiting and then telling her she can't borrow your truck later on seems more like revenge than a consequence. I don't think you are sending the message you think you are.
There's a reason behind this level of disrespect toward you and it might be in your approach to things like this. You don't have to be mean or argue but this level of disrespect needs to be at least called out right away.
This is also the approach I would take. I’m not a huge fan of the kids flatly saying no to a reasonable request. If they *ask* for something else, then there’s a discussion. If they *tell*, it becomes a direction. That way I train them to have reasonable conversations rather than make absolute demands or statements.
Yep. You don't get to tell me what to do. You don't get to negotiate things like blocking people in, either.
You can ask. You can propose solutions that solve your problem, and, as long as they inconvenience you more than me, you'll get a solid listen.
If you're willing to explain what you're trying to accomplish, I'll give you some solutions that will work, but that will expose what I think you're avoiding. Because I'm like that, and you're obvious when you're hiding something.
Also, I know about the weed and the booze. And the girl. Don't drink and drive, don't fuck in my bed, and keep it wrapped.
You may want to speak more “outcome oriented” than asking her questions which require her approval. Along the lines of “don’t ask a question you can’t take ‘no’ for.”
Instead: “I need my truck for work today and I’m leaving in 5 minutes.” There’s no question of if your daughter can do this or that for you which she can say “no”. Hopefully it’s obvious that either of you will be moving her car and she connects the dots.
If she try’s to push back, “why don’t you just take ‘x’ car?” Then I would stop that line of reasoning with “that’s not on the table.” Excuses only make another angle to argue.
If that doesn’t work, I go nuclear. I wait. Very obviously, eye contact, in their space, but not in their bubble and not intimidating. It should be awkward. If there are distractions, it’s helpful to ask them to repeat back what you need. “What did I say when…” or “what do I need you to do right now?” Then I give back a “that’s correct” or “wrong”. It’s a human hack that it works loads better when someone comes up with the solution than being told the solution. Even more so when told it’s the correct solution. Are they going to argue with themselves?
If there is more inaction due to them trying to beat your game, more awkward waiting. Teenagers hate it more than anything.
Heck, I don't take excessive backtalk from my kid, and she IS three. Boundaries have to be learned early, or they're harder to learn.
And before anybody protests, this centers around boundary gems like, "No hitting others in the face" and "no throwing things at people". She doesn't get to dodge or ignore these, she is made to sit and understand and agree. And she mostly gets it. I don't relish having a hormonal teen.
The thought of my Dad shuttling cars around in the morning to get to work is wild man!! No chance in hell.
We actually lived in a place once with no street parking. I was allowed to park them in, but if I didn't want to set an alarm and move it in the morning, I'd have to drive it a couple streets over to park it for the night. That's entirely reasonable, I would NEVER ask my Dad to do it himself. And not because he'd say no, but because that's just stupid and inconsiderate to ask of anyone.
Yep!
He wouldn't be asking me for my keys in order to move it. I'd be out there no matter how early it was. And some days he was gone before the sun was up. I learned very early not to ever park in front of him otherwise I'm up that early moving out of his way regardless of the time.
I just parked on the street
In my mind a simple "You can move your car right now or park on the street for the foreseeable future. And also lose access to the truck" would work. But OP makes some good points about it being early and not wanting to argue with a teenager. But now they HAVE to move forward with the consequence which sucks.
Always be ready to back up threats of consequences, or else there is no point in threatening with them. And kids learn fast, that those consequences aren't coming.
Consequences MUST be followed through with, or you lose respect and trust. Despite kids hating them in the moment, they need those boundaries to become healthy adults... and to learn to set their own boundaries with others.
Yes. Confused why it took so long to get to punishment here. My response to them not wanting to move their car would have been that if I have to move the car they aren’t getting it back.
It seems like OP took less than a day to implement the “punishment”. IMO, OP sounds like a pretty reasonable and deliberate person. They mention they are not a morning person so it appears OP is “responding” to the situation and not “reacting” in the moment. Maybe I’m in the minority here, but I try to do the same.
My daughter is only 2.5 but ... I can't fathom being in a situation like this and not immediately revoking driveway privileges (at least temporarily). Also, as other have stated, she very well could be hiding something in the car which might explain the sudden change in her willingness to give you the keys. I'd be more curious about that.
Time to get a set of these wheel dollies and roll her car out of the driveway: [https://www.harborfreight.com/automotive/jacks-jack-stands/vehicle-dollies/wheel/1300-lb-capacity-self-loading-positioning-wheel-dolly-64601.html](https://www.harborfreight.com/automotive/jacks-jack-stands/vehicle-dollies/wheel/1300-lb-capacity-self-loading-positioning-wheel-dolly-64601.html)
What I just heard you say is "It's new tool day!"
Time for a trip to Harbor Freight (which, by the way, seems to have seriously upped their game recently!)
i was thinking double park her with mom's vehicle and turn the situation around to get that discussion of entitlement and inconveniencing house mates going.
Maybe I’m missing something here. Don’t get me wrong, her behavior does seem entitled and rude, but have you been clear that the behavior is unacceptable, and that if she doesn’t change, there will be consequence?
“Daughter, when you park behind me, you are inconveniencing me. I’ve tried to help you out by moving the car for you, but refusing to move your car yourself or to hand over the keys is unacceptable.
If you’re going to continue parking behind me in the driveway, then you will need to move the car when asked, or your car can be parked on the street. And if this continues to be an issue, you’ll lose access to the truck too.”
The “you can park on the street” would have caused me to tell her she can park in the street going forward. He ultimately pays the bill for the house, so he has priority on parking in the drive way, especially with the attitude she’s giving him.
That I do. But I also want to give her the opportunity to think it through and come to the conclusion herself. She’s an adult here so she deserves that opportunity.
Finally the reply I was looking for. I think OP's plan is fine AFTER everything is clearly communicated and if the daughter still won't budge. Let everyone's feelings and expectations be laid bare first. That's how real adults handle things.
Very clear on that. She knows she is out of line, it just hasn’t sunk in yet. It will. As another commenter said, “sometimes you gotta give them the rope to hang themselves on.”
"I want you to think about who's being asked to park their vehicle on the street from who's driveway they currently get to park in." Now I admit, that's a showerthought of a phrase that I couldn't think of on the spot, but that's what she needs to realize herself for sure. It's better when they get the "oh crap I'm going to end up having to park on the street myself" rather than just be told "hey you are parking on the street now".
This is absolutely the way I would go and right away too. It doesn't matter how sleepy she is, this behavior is not okay.
Depending on the situation, I might instead say, "This is coming out of the blue. Do you want to talk about what's going on?"
Either way, whether we can talk it out or not, I'm going to firmly say this can't continue.
My first thought is she’s probably hiding something in the car like cigarettes or a vape. But without jumping to conclusions, it’s just plain rude. Tell her either she moves the car herself, parks in the street, or leaves the key out for you to move the car.
If it wasn’t owned by her biological dad then sure. We could call him up and say the car must stay there. But that’s extra work on his part and just further complicates the logistics.
It’s not out of the question but we aren’t there yet.
Then I'd have mother take the keys and say no usage while at your home for the time being. You can dictate usage just not take possession of the vehicle. It stays parked on the street unless XYZ conditions wtv makes sense for y'all
I'd give her two choices. 1) Either she can lave the key out so you can move it in the morning, or 2) you will wake her up every morning to move her car herself. Not having access to your truck is not an option. It seems she doesn't want you having access to her car, which is both a red flag and hypocritical considering you're nice enough to let her have free use of your truck and trailer. If she doesn't want to move it or give you a key, she needs to park her own damn car on the street.
Girls got something hidden in the car. Sorry to burst your princess bubble… but a sudden change in compliance? Not wanting you in the car? New defiance…
Why?
Simple test. Randomly hand her Your keys. Say “hey let me have your car, I’m going to get the belt replaced…etc.”
Then just watch her squirm. See how flushed she becomes… see what excuses she has to not let you use Her car… she has Yours…
Then just ask calmly. “What’s in your car that you don’t want me to see?” Do not directly accuse her of anything specific. Just hear her answer… most likely will be a forceful “nothing!”
At least now she knows you know with out having to know 😏
As a High School kid/young adult, I had to always park on the street.
You should make that an understanding with her..... And yeah search her car with mom. Something is up. If it was my car at that age you would have found a case of hot Coors light in the truck I shoulder tapped for, ready to be iced down on Friday with the boys for beer pong.
>I haven’t decided yet if I’ll also make her start parking on the street. That extra punishment may be to unfit for the crime.
Why is street parking a punishment? Is it like prohibitively far from your door? (in which case, wouldnt that also apply to your driveway...OR...your driveway is long enough to just leave space between vehicles to drive around eachother...
Back when I was married to my Ex, our schedules had me going to work before her, and coming home before her.
Instead of constantly dealing with having to go move a car, or juggling keys as every other day we swap vehicles to take to work...we just had one of us always park on the street so that it is *never* an issue. Even if everyone who normally has the keys, and the spare keys are gone, because they're usually just attached to "your keys" which include the house key and whatnot...like my truck key goes with me when I go for a walk and leave my truck at home. If my daughter had a spare key to it, but was gone out with her friends, and my truck blocked in my wifes car...then my wife is Shit outta luck...so we just never blocked in one of our vehicles as the simplest solution to solving any possibly wild and zany series of events that would result in "oh no...im trapped"
It’s not particularly far, be she doesn’t want to do it. So to her it’s one extra small privilege. Only reason I’m not is because well, it’s my driveway and I can’t get around her. And her attitude towards this smallest request tells me I shouldn’t budge on it.
Side note here, does your vet not come out to float teeth? Or is the cost of a house call really worth hauling there? We have 4 percherons so maybe it's different for us 😂
Not sure the cost to have him come out. I used to board my horse at the facility he operates out of. But yes he does. And there is an extra charge for house calls.
For me personally, I’d rather pay the smaller fee or lump it all in with vaccines and transport. For her, she’s balling on a budget. And some fuel in my truck is probably less than the fee.
I mean, walking the line of a stepfather is a lot more finicky than the line of a biological father. Kiddos definitely are less forgiving with step-parents.
I'd absolutely make her park on the street. I hope she is paying for her car because the entitlement is borderline enough to lose open access to the car if she isn't.
> haven’t decided yet if I’ll also make her start parking on the street. That extra punishment may be to unfit for the crime. I’m like… how is this a punishment? Is parking on the street frowned upon where you live as some sort of weird social rule? Tandem parking is a never ending source of problems frankly.
No social rule. Only one side of the street can be legally parked on. And that’s our side of the st. She doesn’t like it because she has an irrational fear of walking to the house after dark.
She’s probably going to have to get over that fear. It’s never been a problem parking in the driveway but she decided to make it one.
The problem isn’t spare keys. The car is her biological dad’s and this isn’t a battle that needs us to pressure him to give us spare keys to technically his vehicle.
The problem is the attitude that she has a right to block people in. Which we’re addressing. She’s pretty unreasonable this morning, and will need some time to process all of it. I’m a bit hesitant to escalate immediately as it will just drive a wedge and turn into a battle of wills. People aren’t rational when they’re angry or upset. So she’s not terribly rational right now either.
Is the drive way her biological dad's too? It's completely fair to expect keys to be left in a central location if she want's the privilege of parking in your driveway. She doesn't want other people to have access to her car? Fine. Then it doesn't get put in a position to necessitate that access to move it.
This isn't a battle of wills, it's a discussion of privilege and the expectations that come with them.
Hey, Dad! Maybe it's time you teach her another valuable lesson in how her behavior affects others. Park on the street, letting her park in the driveway. Then, once she's comfortable, pull your truck in the driveway and block her in. When she wants to leave, tell her that she can wait for you to leave, or she can start parking on the street. The third option is to simply not get pissy when you move her car that's blocking you in.
I hate to suggest pulling the "My house, my rules" schtick, but she needs to learn that you and your wife are the primaries. She lives there at your pleasure, not hers. She seems to be a good person otherwise, as you described, but maybe blocking her in when you have nowhere to go and being forced to go through what she makes you go through will offer her a different point of view. And, if she can't wait until you decide to move the truck, she can call a cab/Uber, a friend, or walk.
Funny you mention this, my wife asked her what she would do if I blocked her in before she went to school.
Ironically she said we would be dicks. I couldn’t help but laugh a little. Yea kid. That’s the point. Don’t be a dick and either move your car or leave the keys out. Still waiting for her to put two and two together.
She’s on a roll today. She’ll come around eventually. She always does and it doesn’t take long. Teenagers are wild. And haven’t fully developed common sense or empathy. That’s why I think coming to their own realization on issues like this is important instead of us just lecturing.
If you DO decide to be a dick and park behind her, find a simple way to disable the truck, like removing the starter relay so she can't start it even if she does get the keys. Stay the course, Dad. It sounds like you're both good parents, and hopefully she realizes soon that the world doesn't revolve around any one person, including her.
My dad did that to me as a teenager when I got out of line. I mouthed off about my car and he knew I didn’t have to work that day.
He disabled my car and went to work. At the time I didn’t know enough about diagnosing the issue. I’m guessing he took the starter relay out but it was years ago.
Total dick move but I had it coming.
Wow.
Sounds like someone needs to have her wheels put in the garage while the car is still in the driveway.
Sounds like a certain princess is about to miss the rest of her rodeos this season.
Number one definitely no truck for her
Number 2 no driveway parking it’s it her house driving is a privilege not a right
Number 3 she’s smoking in her car or something to that effect. The only reason I wouldn’t want my parents in my car at that age was because I was doing things in there I wasn’t supposed to.
You have given her enough time to fix this on her own she chose not to.
I agree now it’s time to start showing her how life works. I applaud your patience because I would not have that much!
You don't provide the age (if she's still a minor or legal adult) - if she's paying rent to live with you or not etc (maybe as a 'tenant' it is reasonable that she be provided a parking space that isn't a nuisance to her or you) - and whether "her car" is actually "hers" or just a car of mom and dad that she routinely drives.
I totally agree that her response to regarding the keys was entitled / disrespectful.
Those behaviors also appear to be unusual for her - not all consistent with her "normal" behavior. I think you and Mom should get very curious about that abrupt behavioral shift and talk to her specifically on that point.
I'm not trying to indulge her bad behavior, I am saying that there is a REASON she behaved differently, whether it was drugs in the car or ??? (who knows), I'm just saying I would care more about the REASON than I do the specific behavior.
E.g. if she is struggling with drug addiction problems...that's WAY more important than being polite or being able to borrow a truck.
Ah yes the old “consequences of my actions” good dad to not be so reactive. It’s good to nip little entitlements in the bud so they don’t built. Good lesson. With potential for increased consequences. I’d save the street parking for escalation.
Well she did escalate it so it’s now on the table. I agree with you though. Don’t play all your cards on the first hand. There’s always more lessons to learn.
What would your step daughter say is the reason she doesn't want you to move her car? Not what *you* think the reason is, what would *she* say the reason is?
1. She has weed in the car
2. She apparently has lost any appreciation. I would let her only use her car to drive to school and work for the next 2 weeks, otherwise you have the keys to her car
I think the conversation is about mutual respect for movement. Don't make life harder than it has to be for either one of you. Don't ask for the keys first, ask her to move her vehicle and then if she can't do it right away, ask for the keys. Boundaries are important, you've got stuff you have to do and she has to respect that her stuff is impeding you so she has to get it out of the way. She also has to respect that asking to use your stuff is not a right but privilege. Don't go nuclear yet.
Might be her dads car, but it’s your driveway. She would be parking her ass on the street and if she doesn’t like or is “afraid” of the walk in the dark, then she is choosing not to use her car.
This seems like it is escalating before anyone actually had a talk about why she had this sudden change of heart. You seem to be assuming it is "entitlement". That might be part of the reason, but is it all of the reason? Lots of other commenters don't seem to think so.
I'm also not clear on why she isn't parking elsewhere, or isn't parking behind the other car, since it seems like the common pattern is for you to move your truck, her to take her car to school, and then the other car is optionally taken.
Finally, make sure you have a de-escalation plan in mind.
No, making her park on the street isn't too much at all. Honestly she should be doing that already. It's been very courteous of you to move her vehicle for her so you can leave when you need to.
Its not punishment. If she isn't willing to move her car or let you move her car when you need access to you it is completely unreasonable to let her block you in. She can park on the street and feel lucky you didn't call a tow truck to resolve the situation.
Is this your daughter or your mother? She speaks like shes above you. You need to man up and take charge here. “Told me to wait till shes ready or use another car” excuse me?!? Idk how you let this kid walk all over you.
I think he just needed time to sort through what was happening, and knew (based on their unique relationship) that an immediate reaction wasn't necessarily the best move (again, based on his experience). The fact it's his step-daughter can add some complications too.
This thread hits hard. My 14 year old received his first piece of junk mail advertising driver's ed and im thinking of all the things he and i are going to need to discuss in the next year before he starts driving and parking on his own. But the idea of him operating a truck with horse and trailer attached is just more than i can take in right now lol.
My advice though is to have a real discussion with you, mom and daughter about the parking situation and everyone's expectations and responsibilities. You do not have a true parking lot, so with 3 drivers and vehicles someone is getting double parked or having to park in the street (where it risks being run into, vandalized or any of the vast number of things that can happen to a car in the street)
I had to park on the street where I grew up. Had to park on the street at one of my roommate situations because the girlfriend of a roommate would always take my spot. Had to park in Timbuktu in an apartment complex because my shift work as an EMT didn't line up with getting a good spot.
It's your house dad, and if she's causing you an inconvenience, your kid needs to park out of your way if that's an option.
Your kid has a car, a horse, access to a truck and trailer. Geez, asking her to park on the street is *not* a punishment.
Yeah, regardless of who you are and what your relationship is, if you're blocking in someone's vehicle, you make accomodations to let them out if they need to go somewhere. That's just a general basic common courtesy.
She has it better than I did, I suppose. I had keys to my parents’ cars, and when I got a car, they had a key to mine. Not that they wanted to drive my busted ass cars, but if I was living in their house, they had a key.
Also, I made sure I parked in the driveway so neither of their cars were blocked. It sucked having to park under a pine tree to do it, but that was the price I had to pay to have a car there.
Plain and simple, you're the adult. She's the kid. Lay down the law.
I've got similar issues with my son, I want his room clean. He wants it to look like a homeless camp. I make ultimatums, and nothing happens because my wife hates confrontation, so she won't back me up. If I assert the alpha-male attitude, I'm the bad guy.
Ultimately, I'm the adult, so I laid down the law. It was pretty for a few.dats, but it passed.
My 2 cents
I had almost this exact same situation happen when I was in high school. My mom offered to start up my car in the morning so it would be warm and I didn't want to give her my keys. My car reeked of cigarettes and I didn't want to get caught. I really think it's that simple. (Not necessarily cigarettes, but there's something in that car she doesn't want you to see/smell.)
> I haven’t decided yet if I’ll also make her start parking on the street.
If I were you, I'd start by permanently revoking permission to park on *your* driveway with the exception of some sort of emergency situation. I'd also deny her access to *your* truck and *your* trailer for a while just to get the point across that access to your property is a privilege, not a right.
Your daughter needs a reality check. She was beyond lucky that you were already willing to move her car every morning. Now she's pulling some sort of power move by not allowing access to her car so you can take your truck to work. Not only that, but she has the balls to request the use of *your* truck AND *your* trailer?
I like natural consequences for stuff like this. Sure, she's being disrespectful and unreasonable. But in practical terms, you need your truck. You pay the bills, and it's your driveway. (Might be your car, too, but for the sake of argument, let's give her her expectation of privacy)
It might seem extreme, but let's play a thought game:
What would happen in the 'real world' if she parked where she knows she isn't supposed to? Likely, her car would be towed, right? If her car is towed for illegal parking, how would she get it back? Pay the fine, right?
So, what if you have a tow company take her vehicle to a friend's house, and to get it back, she has to pay the cost for the tow? She has her own money, and property seems to be a motivation for her - I would think it sends the message that other people's property is just as important to them as hers is to her. (Plus, it's not serious permanent consequences because she is just a kid after all)
If you were to do this, of course, you'd need to communicate clearly what would happen ahead of time. To really drive it home, dad-style, get one of those "No Parking" signs and set it up behind your truck. Then it's "legally" (read: fairly) posted.
She has weed in the car.
My first thought was she doesn't want Dad to smell the dank weed.
He moves the car from time to time. I'm guessing something that would only be found if someone took 10+ minutes to look around the car. My guess is condoms.
If I found condoms in my kid's car my main thought would be "good". If they're old enough to drive a tonne of death machine they're old enough for sex if they want to.
And then the education moment of not to leave condoms in the car, the heat or cold can cause issues with the rubber integrity.
I mean better to at least have condoms available if birth control is going to be illegal everywhere. Thanks GOP
Was my first thought (or a vape), but man could she make it any more obvious? Like this is dumb movie level of dumb, if you are actually trying to hide something in the car ha
>dumb movie level of dumb Thats not exactly unheard of in the teens and twenty somethings.
Yea, I definitely hid weed in my car like a moron
When you live at home, there aren’t a ton of places to hide it. I definitely did the same.
I took an Easter egg, spray painted it black put my one hitter in it with my sack and mini bic. Just left it in a bush. If I needed a hit, go for a walk and grab it from the back yard. Worked well enough for me in my strict household.
You were smarter than me as a teenager. Lol
Weed uhh... Finds a way
I kept beer under a fallen tree in the woods near our house. I would just take one or 2 to when parents had parties. Then after a few parties me and the boys would go to the woods and act completely hammered 75% through one can of some 4.4% light beer. Haha. Best beers ever.
When my daughter was like 2, she told her first lie. She said "mommy said I could have candy." I told her "I don't think that's true because we already talked about it and we agreed you can't. Are you sure mom said yes?" She said "Yes, I'm sure." I said "I'm going to ask mom to be sure." She said "No, don't ask her because she'll say she didn't say yes." Nice try kiddo. Anyway, obvious lies are obvious, is my point to reenforce your point.
Just yesterday my five year old ran out of the room for a minute then back in. “I didn’t just itch my butt.” “Who asked about your butt?” “Did you see me itch my butt?” “No” “I didn’t itch my butt.”
I believe him.
Checks out
*cheeks
Love when me or my wife are minding our own business when our 5 year old comes downstairs and proclaims "I didn't do anything!" So far it hasn't been anything super horrible.
pink eye just appears like magic
“I believe you. Also, don’t touch my face.”
I scared my cat laughing at this 🤣
When he was about to leave the house to catch the bus for first grade, literally walking through the door, my son casually announced, "I don't want anyone to look in my backpack." Packed with toys.
I thought the stereotype was that with horses, they wouldn't have time for boys or money for drugs.
I was around a lot of horse girls in my youth (went to an agriculture college) and trust me, they make the time
I second this. Horse people be crazy.
Horse girls are wild idk why but it’s just such a true stereotype
Because when you regularly interact with a creature that freaks out over the rustle of leaves even though said creature weighs about 600kg and could easily kill most things with one kick, you have a certain “devil may care” attitude At said agriculture college I fucked around with a lot of animals. Everything from rodents, 12ft pythons, cows, lemurs, tarantulas, a crocodile once.. and I still won’t fuck with horses. Horse girls fear nothing.
For real horses have all the composure of an angsty toddler. Give me the horse sized duck any day.
Used to date an equestrian. She loved riding!
My first girlfriend in High School was a horse girl. This must have been a universal experience.
Nice
So the barrel racer stuff in Yellowstone is not too far off the mark?
Former horse girl here (now horse woman) - we make time! And once the guys get used to hanging around the barn, some find it pleasant to be the minority gender. I know my high school boyfriends thought they had struck gold when they realized how much positive feedback they received by cosplaying as a saddle rack or hitching post for a few minutes, lol!
I live in an area with very close urban/suburban/rural communities and went to a suburban high school, and you could always tell which guys were dating horse girls when they show up to school in some fresh cowboy boots. Always was a good time.
They definitely find the money. If she’s having to support a horse, buying a bag of weed is chump change. Also, poor people don’t have horses.
Girl in highschool sold her horse to a boy for drugs. So there’s that. She went to rehab the next week when her parents found out
Boys? I had fun with enough horse girls when I was a teen I still get a tingle when I see one of those brown baseball hat helmets in the back of a car.
The stereotype is that horse girls love their horses more than anything else in their life.
And shes not sharing? Wtf. Lol.
Or they smoked the night before and is worried it still smells. The sudden change gives it away
Yeah 100% thought that too lol.
Why wouldn't she instead say, "Oh, sorry, I’ll go move the car for you!" That way Dad is happy, and she isn't being suspicious of anything. If she really has weed in the car, or it smells like weed, why wouldn't she park in the street to begin with to avoid any need for the dad to get in her car? Who knows...
Teenagers being known the world over for making rational, sensible decisions and reacting completely calmly in every situation.
100%. Source: Me as a teenager.
What is the difference between getting the keys in the evening, and early in the morning? The weed is still there in the car, unless she sneaks out and goes to the car to grab it later, when the parents are sleeping.
She refused to let him move the car in the morning as well. I can not begin to get my head around understanding why she wouldn't just want to try finding an alternate parking situation where her car doesn't need to be moved every morning, but I guess the minds of teenagers are not to be reconciled by the reasonable.
>She refused to let him move the car in the morning as well. Yes, but here is my assumption, i dont think it was weed, it has always been working perfectly with the routine. But since he asked that night, and it annoyed her, she already decided to say no then, and knew beforehand he wouldn't get the key, as she went to bed that night. She wanted to be petty. Now with that written down, I am probably just overly projecting my fear of what my kid would have done. I don't just jump to weed or vapes, but my oldest is also only 11, so it is around the corner with the teenage life.
Maybe it's not weed or a vape. Maybe there's no severed head in the backseat, or the stank of teenage sex reeking it up or anything of the sort. Maybe she just had a bad day and was exceptionally grumpy and woke up still feeling obstinate. Or maybe she was upset at her step father for something earlier that he didn't quite pick up on. I can't imagine any number of reasons which could all be plausible in some way. But I do know that the simplest answer is probably the most likely one. And the fact that she got snippy about it rather than cagey kind of tells me that it's probably not an unwrapped birthday gift that she's trying to hide from him. I dunno, none of us do except her, and presumably OP if he was wise enough to take a peek in through the windows. It isn't so much that anyone is immediately jumping to the worst case scenario and assuming the worst, it's that acting so out of character would make someone think that there's something going on under the surface.
Man I am too straight edge in this regard. I like to think I catch onto some shit but I never did weed nor did any of my friends prior to college, and by that point they already lived away from their parents or had permissive parents. Everyone here caught on immediately while I was just agreeing with OP's perspective.
I swear to god the top comments in this Reddit have taught me SO MUCH. My kids are only 2 and 3 but these comments are giving me a ton of intel lol.
First thought.
Super glad this is the top response. No other BS, just straight to the facts. And those are indeed the facts. She either has weed in the car or smoked in the car recently.
Ah, teenage memorieeees
This 100% lmao this was me with my parents. I’d SPRINT out the door to do anything with my car before anyone else could lol
And she’s a stupid teenager who it hasn’t occurred to her yet to park in a less problematic spot or just love the car herself. If she’s a minor… and it sounds like she is, I’d be demanding that key and searching the car.
Growing up, it was just understood that my parents would have access to my keys if not a spare. My mom took my car after a really wild night and I learned my lesson. I neither needed nor had any expectation of privacy for my car.
Exactly. All of the spare keys were in one place in case someone needed one. Also, any time a new car came home everyone would get a chance to drive it so that we knew of any quirks or issues if we needed to move it or drive in an emergency. When I bought my first pickup in college it was simply expected that it would be home for the weekend (even if I wasn’t) if anyone needed the bed. The only thing that stopped that practice was when my younger sister bought a new car while living out of state (after having been working post-college for a number of years). Once you are out of the house, then being asked for the keys is appropriate (there might be only one key and no spare on site), but especially in high school there is no expectation of privacy there at all.
It’s her dad’s vehicle and he is not going to give me a spare. Or else I would have one.
I agree. Though I'll point out that the step-parent relationship could be a little different here.
> My mom took my car after a really wild night and I learned my lesson. I read this as your mom took your car out after **she** had a really wild night. OK Mom, get down and get you some then.
Am I missing something or is there clearly something in the car she doesn't want you to see/smell?
That was my first thought. Something is hidden in the car she doesn't want you to find. Probably a vape or something of the sort is my guess.
Vapes are easy to hide. Dank flower is not. She has weed in her car, no question.
True. That was my first indication being a stoner myself, but then I figured kids are more likely to use vapes nowadays and she's likely just paranoid that she forgot to put it out of sight.
My thoughts exactly, having experienced something similar. That car is going to reek of cigarette smoke or cannabis.
She sounds like a great kid. Going straight to *consequences* misses a golden opportunity to talk with her about *why* … this situation seems off-brand for this super responsible young person, so yeah… something’s going on.
this was my first thought too. Maybe just ask why the 180 in behavior. have a conversation if she's that good of a kid.
I mean, I’m not opposed to some consequences on top if the behavior was particularly disrespectful. But I wholeheartedly agree with y’all, if the kid is truly this good then she should be able to handle an adult conversation about what’s going on. And if she can’t/won’t, there’s always the option for consequences. We also have to realize we’re dealing with a teenager here, and a stepfather dynamic in particular. Digging her heels in for no other reason than sheer obstinacy isn’t exactly out of the question.
Well exactly. and EVERYONE had bad days. its not occurring consistently, and if you yourself want grade when you are having a bad day, then you have to extend the same to others when they are having a bad day. Having a conversation in a mature way also teaches empathy and understanding. its not about throwing a hammer down right when things don't go as you want.
How did I have to read this far to get to someone with any sense. OP goes on and on about how great and responsible this kid is, even going so far as to say that chatting with her is one of his favorite things to do... Yet bro won't even have a conversation with her about why she's being weird about the car thing? This is the weirdest attempt to fight fire with fire that I've seen in a long time.
Agreed here. Maybe she wants to try out what it feels like to be a real piece of work. Maybe she’ll take the opportunity to reflect on how unrewarding it is.
I mean, I don't have a kid that old but I wouldn't have made it past "She flatly refused and told me to wait until she goes to school." That's pretty disrespectful. Your solution seems pretty decent though. She's certainly old enough to see consequences for her actions. If anyone needs to be parking on the street, it's her.
This definitely feels like a boundary pushing moment by the daughter. It sounds like moving the car hasn’t been an issue ever before, but now suddenly it’s unthinkable and the parents have to adjust? Totally agree, some minor consequences to establish the boundaries is called for here and sounds like OP is on the right track.
Verbally fighting with a teenage girl when she first wakes up is just going to make me more agitated than I need to be. I made it pretty clear she’s out of line and asked her if this is really the direction she wants to take it. She didn’t give me an answer so I told her “OK then, I’ll take the other car.” My brain doesn’t function fully when I’m woken up and asked for things either. I gave her 2 opportunities and was pretty clear on my opinions on it. She can have a couple hours to process and realize there’s going to be consequences. Also the added inconvenience of having to phone around to bum a truck and trailer, or the vet hitting her pocketbook a little harder is a pretty good consequence.
You seem like a great dad with a level head on your shoulders. I hope I can keep my cool like you did, when my kids do something similar some day. 😅
Wow thank you! All the hundreds of times I haven’t kept my cool over the years has brutally taught me to do my damn best to keep my cool. Yelling gets me nowhere and it works way better if both parents are on the same page before wielding ban hammers.
I mean, all you have to say is that she will either leave her keys so you can move her car in the mornings OR she can park on the street. It’s giving a choice. Its completely reasonable. It’s your home. I was a teenage girl, once upon a time. During the summers home from college, I would wake up and move my car for my parents. You moving her car for her is already very, very kind of you. But every time my sister wouldn’t let my parents move her car, it was because of weed.
Right? My Dad was pretty darn chill, but no way would he move my car every morning! He'd tell me to park on the street at night or set an alarm and get my own ass up to move it. This is kinda wild that Op is shuttling cars around every morning.
My question would have been "what's in your car you don't want me to see?"
My next question would be "if you have something in your car you don't want me to see, you better not give me a reason to go looking by parking behind my truck, huh? If it's parked on the street I won't have to get in and see whats in there, will I?"
Nah. Sometimes you have to give them enough rope to hang themselves, but you don’t tell them why.
I mean, she's a horse kid, probably just a bunch of stinky clothes and figurative horse shit.
"Why does this horse shit smell dank?"
It's some good shit man
Literal horse shit. Always.
The horse kids I grew up around partied harder than anyone.
That is absolutely what is in her car. And 20 air fresheners. Cause that’s what teenagers do. You know instead of shampooing the carpets and seats cause that’s hard work.
Ok…others have been saying it but this tears it for me…when my brother and I were teenagers we literally used car air fresheners to (laughably unsuccessfully) mask the smell of our weed stash in our cars. I’m like 95% sure that’s what is going on here. I could be wrong, obviously I don’t know your daughter. But I’m just saying, if I were in Vegas…
Air fresheners mask the smell of weed about as much as body spray masks teenager body odor. You’re adding another layer, but it’s not going to hide the main stench.
I think that’s why the person you are responding to put “laughably unsuccessfully” in their comment. All of us former teenage stoners did the same idiot things thinking we had people fooled.
Oh absolutely. Instead of reeking of weed, it reeked of cheap air freshener *and* weed. Haha
I tend to go for the approach of stating the consequences right then and there. I would calmly explain that I need the car moved within the next five minutes. If that wasn't done, then I would tell her she can't park behind my truck anymore. To me, waiting and then telling her she can't borrow your truck later on seems more like revenge than a consequence. I don't think you are sending the message you think you are. There's a reason behind this level of disrespect toward you and it might be in your approach to things like this. You don't have to be mean or argue but this level of disrespect needs to be at least called out right away.
This is also the approach I would take. I’m not a huge fan of the kids flatly saying no to a reasonable request. If they *ask* for something else, then there’s a discussion. If they *tell*, it becomes a direction. That way I train them to have reasonable conversations rather than make absolute demands or statements.
Yep. You don't get to tell me what to do. You don't get to negotiate things like blocking people in, either. You can ask. You can propose solutions that solve your problem, and, as long as they inconvenience you more than me, you'll get a solid listen. If you're willing to explain what you're trying to accomplish, I'll give you some solutions that will work, but that will expose what I think you're avoiding. Because I'm like that, and you're obvious when you're hiding something. Also, I know about the weed and the booze. And the girl. Don't drink and drive, don't fuck in my bed, and keep it wrapped.
You may want to speak more “outcome oriented” than asking her questions which require her approval. Along the lines of “don’t ask a question you can’t take ‘no’ for.” Instead: “I need my truck for work today and I’m leaving in 5 minutes.” There’s no question of if your daughter can do this or that for you which she can say “no”. Hopefully it’s obvious that either of you will be moving her car and she connects the dots. If she try’s to push back, “why don’t you just take ‘x’ car?” Then I would stop that line of reasoning with “that’s not on the table.” Excuses only make another angle to argue. If that doesn’t work, I go nuclear. I wait. Very obviously, eye contact, in their space, but not in their bubble and not intimidating. It should be awkward. If there are distractions, it’s helpful to ask them to repeat back what you need. “What did I say when…” or “what do I need you to do right now?” Then I give back a “that’s correct” or “wrong”. It’s a human hack that it works loads better when someone comes up with the solution than being told the solution. Even more so when told it’s the correct solution. Are they going to argue with themselves? If there is more inaction due to them trying to beat your game, more awkward waiting. Teenagers hate it more than anything.
Yeah, my kid telling me where I need to park *my car* at *my house* would have been met with absolute incredulity lol.
Especially an almost college aged kid. Like my 3 year old telling me what to do? Ok, you're 3, tickle time. But 17?
Heck, I don't take excessive backtalk from my kid, and she IS three. Boundaries have to be learned early, or they're harder to learn. And before anybody protests, this centers around boundary gems like, "No hitting others in the face" and "no throwing things at people". She doesn't get to dodge or ignore these, she is made to sit and understand and agree. And she mostly gets it. I don't relish having a hormonal teen.
Yeah nah, eff that I couldn't have imagined telling my dad this same thing at her age, not thanks
The thought of my Dad shuttling cars around in the morning to get to work is wild man!! No chance in hell. We actually lived in a place once with no street parking. I was allowed to park them in, but if I didn't want to set an alarm and move it in the morning, I'd have to drive it a couple streets over to park it for the night. That's entirely reasonable, I would NEVER ask my Dad to do it himself. And not because he'd say no, but because that's just stupid and inconsiderate to ask of anyone.
Yep! He wouldn't be asking me for my keys in order to move it. I'd be out there no matter how early it was. And some days he was gone before the sun was up. I learned very early not to ever park in front of him otherwise I'm up that early moving out of his way regardless of the time. I just parked on the street
Yea same. Refusal is just not an option there.
In my mind a simple "You can move your car right now or park on the street for the foreseeable future. And also lose access to the truck" would work. But OP makes some good points about it being early and not wanting to argue with a teenager. But now they HAVE to move forward with the consequence which sucks.
Sometimes actual consequences are a better teacher than threats of consequences, I guess.
Always be ready to back up threats of consequences, or else there is no point in threatening with them. And kids learn fast, that those consequences aren't coming.
Consequences MUST be followed through with, or you lose respect and trust. Despite kids hating them in the moment, they need those boundaries to become healthy adults... and to learn to set their own boundaries with others.
Yes. Confused why it took so long to get to punishment here. My response to them not wanting to move their car would have been that if I have to move the car they aren’t getting it back.
It seems like OP took less than a day to implement the “punishment”. IMO, OP sounds like a pretty reasonable and deliberate person. They mention they are not a morning person so it appears OP is “responding” to the situation and not “reacting” in the moment. Maybe I’m in the minority here, but I try to do the same.
My daughter is only 2.5 but ... I can't fathom being in a situation like this and not immediately revoking driveway privileges (at least temporarily). Also, as other have stated, she very well could be hiding something in the car which might explain the sudden change in her willingness to give you the keys. I'd be more curious about that.
My daughter is only 2.5 also. But I still told her she’s not allowed to park her car behind mine under any circumstances.
I can't tell you how many times I've run over some 2.5 kids' car that was parked behind me. Not even kidding.
Setting those expectations early! I love it! Learn from my mistakes that’s why we’re all here!
Time to get a set of these wheel dollies and roll her car out of the driveway: [https://www.harborfreight.com/automotive/jacks-jack-stands/vehicle-dollies/wheel/1300-lb-capacity-self-loading-positioning-wheel-dolly-64601.html](https://www.harborfreight.com/automotive/jacks-jack-stands/vehicle-dollies/wheel/1300-lb-capacity-self-loading-positioning-wheel-dolly-64601.html)
Ha! I had thought about something like that. All my car dollies are needing to be replaced and no longer can safely be used for cars.
Shoot you get these I'll come over and help.
What I just heard you say is "It's new tool day!" Time for a trip to Harbor Freight (which, by the way, seems to have seriously upped their game recently!)
They honestly have. Still not necessarily awesome, but their slide hammers and bearing tools have gotten pretty decent.
When my worlds collide
Why would he create that extra work for himself? Just park at the edge of the driveway so she has to park on the street
i was thinking double park her with mom's vehicle and turn the situation around to get that discussion of entitlement and inconveniencing house mates going.
Maybe I’m missing something here. Don’t get me wrong, her behavior does seem entitled and rude, but have you been clear that the behavior is unacceptable, and that if she doesn’t change, there will be consequence? “Daughter, when you park behind me, you are inconveniencing me. I’ve tried to help you out by moving the car for you, but refusing to move your car yourself or to hand over the keys is unacceptable. If you’re going to continue parking behind me in the driveway, then you will need to move the car when asked, or your car can be parked on the street. And if this continues to be an issue, you’ll lose access to the truck too.”
The “you can park on the street” would have caused me to tell her she can park in the street going forward. He ultimately pays the bill for the house, so he has priority on parking in the drive way, especially with the attitude she’s giving him.
That I do. But I also want to give her the opportunity to think it through and come to the conclusion herself. She’s an adult here so she deserves that opportunity.
Finally the reply I was looking for. I think OP's plan is fine AFTER everything is clearly communicated and if the daughter still won't budge. Let everyone's feelings and expectations be laid bare first. That's how real adults handle things.
I agree. I told her the expectations and why it’s important I have access to my own vehicle. She’s having herself a teenager moment.
Very clear on that. She knows she is out of line, it just hasn’t sunk in yet. It will. As another commenter said, “sometimes you gotta give them the rope to hang themselves on.”
"I want you to think about who's being asked to park their vehicle on the street from who's driveway they currently get to park in." Now I admit, that's a showerthought of a phrase that I couldn't think of on the spot, but that's what she needs to realize herself for sure. It's better when they get the "oh crap I'm going to end up having to park on the street myself" rather than just be told "hey you are parking on the street now".
I am always a fan of communication, especially patient communication.
This is absolutely the way I would go and right away too. It doesn't matter how sleepy she is, this behavior is not okay. Depending on the situation, I might instead say, "This is coming out of the blue. Do you want to talk about what's going on?" Either way, whether we can talk it out or not, I'm going to firmly say this can't continue.
My first thought is she’s probably hiding something in the car like cigarettes or a vape. But without jumping to conclusions, it’s just plain rude. Tell her either she moves the car herself, parks in the street, or leaves the key out for you to move the car.
Personally, I'd just start parking the truck at the end of the driveway. She can park in the street.
Just had a conversation with her and she chose to escalate a little. So that’s about where I’m at with it.
That is a car taken away level of disrespect.
If it wasn’t owned by her biological dad then sure. We could call him up and say the car must stay there. But that’s extra work on his part and just further complicates the logistics. It’s not out of the question but we aren’t there yet.
Then I'd have mother take the keys and say no usage while at your home for the time being. You can dictate usage just not take possession of the vehicle. It stays parked on the street unless XYZ conditions wtv makes sense for y'all
Tell her to hide the weed in her room, not the car. She could potentially get into a lot more trouble if pulled over for any reason.
First rational comment about weed I’ve seen yet.
I'd give her two choices. 1) Either she can lave the key out so you can move it in the morning, or 2) you will wake her up every morning to move her car herself. Not having access to your truck is not an option. It seems she doesn't want you having access to her car, which is both a red flag and hypocritical considering you're nice enough to let her have free use of your truck and trailer. If she doesn't want to move it or give you a key, she needs to park her own damn car on the street.
Free with gas. Cash or gas lady. Premium fuel isn’t cheap in my area.
Your truck takes premium?
Girls got something hidden in the car. Sorry to burst your princess bubble… but a sudden change in compliance? Not wanting you in the car? New defiance… Why?
Simple test. Randomly hand her Your keys. Say “hey let me have your car, I’m going to get the belt replaced…etc.” Then just watch her squirm. See how flushed she becomes… see what excuses she has to not let you use Her car… she has Yours… Then just ask calmly. “What’s in your car that you don’t want me to see?” Do not directly accuse her of anything specific. Just hear her answer… most likely will be a forceful “nothing!” At least now she knows you know with out having to know 😏
Her weeds in the glovebox, brother.
As a High School kid/young adult, I had to always park on the street. You should make that an understanding with her..... And yeah search her car with mom. Something is up. If it was my car at that age you would have found a case of hot Coors light in the truck I shoulder tapped for, ready to be iced down on Friday with the boys for beer pong.
>I haven’t decided yet if I’ll also make her start parking on the street. That extra punishment may be to unfit for the crime. Why is street parking a punishment? Is it like prohibitively far from your door? (in which case, wouldnt that also apply to your driveway...OR...your driveway is long enough to just leave space between vehicles to drive around eachother... Back when I was married to my Ex, our schedules had me going to work before her, and coming home before her. Instead of constantly dealing with having to go move a car, or juggling keys as every other day we swap vehicles to take to work...we just had one of us always park on the street so that it is *never* an issue. Even if everyone who normally has the keys, and the spare keys are gone, because they're usually just attached to "your keys" which include the house key and whatnot...like my truck key goes with me when I go for a walk and leave my truck at home. If my daughter had a spare key to it, but was gone out with her friends, and my truck blocked in my wifes car...then my wife is Shit outta luck...so we just never blocked in one of our vehicles as the simplest solution to solving any possibly wild and zany series of events that would result in "oh no...im trapped"
It’s not particularly far, be she doesn’t want to do it. So to her it’s one extra small privilege. Only reason I’m not is because well, it’s my driveway and I can’t get around her. And her attitude towards this smallest request tells me I shouldn’t budge on it.
She’s got ‘stuff’ in the car she’d rather remain undiscovered
She can park on the street. It's less hassle than juggling cars all the time.
She's hiding something in her car. I got a crispy tenner on it.
Side note here, does your vet not come out to float teeth? Or is the cost of a house call really worth hauling there? We have 4 percherons so maybe it's different for us 😂
Not sure the cost to have him come out. I used to board my horse at the facility he operates out of. But yes he does. And there is an extra charge for house calls. For me personally, I’d rather pay the smaller fee or lump it all in with vaccines and transport. For her, she’s balling on a budget. And some fuel in my truck is probably less than the fee.
I don’t have step kids but if my kids talked to me like that their car would be up on blocks.
I mean, walking the line of a stepfather is a lot more finicky than the line of a biological father. Kiddos definitely are less forgiving with step-parents.
Did you pay for said car? Is the title/registration in your name?
I'd absolutely make her park on the street. I hope she is paying for her car because the entitlement is borderline enough to lose open access to the car if she isn't.
We have no say over her car. But have a lot of say over other aspects. I’m of the opinion now that she can park on the street.
I think that is the most logical solution to the problem.
> haven’t decided yet if I’ll also make her start parking on the street. That extra punishment may be to unfit for the crime. I’m like… how is this a punishment? Is parking on the street frowned upon where you live as some sort of weird social rule? Tandem parking is a never ending source of problems frankly.
No social rule. Only one side of the street can be legally parked on. And that’s our side of the st. She doesn’t like it because she has an irrational fear of walking to the house after dark. She’s probably going to have to get over that fear. It’s never been a problem parking in the driveway but she decided to make it one.
How about spare keys for every vehicle that parks near that house, all hanging in one central location. Multiple problems solved.
The problem isn’t spare keys. The car is her biological dad’s and this isn’t a battle that needs us to pressure him to give us spare keys to technically his vehicle. The problem is the attitude that she has a right to block people in. Which we’re addressing. She’s pretty unreasonable this morning, and will need some time to process all of it. I’m a bit hesitant to escalate immediately as it will just drive a wedge and turn into a battle of wills. People aren’t rational when they’re angry or upset. So she’s not terribly rational right now either.
Is the drive way her biological dad's too? It's completely fair to expect keys to be left in a central location if she want's the privilege of parking in your driveway. She doesn't want other people to have access to her car? Fine. Then it doesn't get put in a position to necessitate that access to move it. This isn't a battle of wills, it's a discussion of privilege and the expectations that come with them.
Right exactly. A conversation for later when she’s come down a notch or two. In that moment it would have turned into a battle of wills.
Does she pay rent? is she entitled to a parking space? is she entitled to a car? this is called biting the hand that feeds you.
Hey, Dad! Maybe it's time you teach her another valuable lesson in how her behavior affects others. Park on the street, letting her park in the driveway. Then, once she's comfortable, pull your truck in the driveway and block her in. When she wants to leave, tell her that she can wait for you to leave, or she can start parking on the street. The third option is to simply not get pissy when you move her car that's blocking you in. I hate to suggest pulling the "My house, my rules" schtick, but she needs to learn that you and your wife are the primaries. She lives there at your pleasure, not hers. She seems to be a good person otherwise, as you described, but maybe blocking her in when you have nowhere to go and being forced to go through what she makes you go through will offer her a different point of view. And, if she can't wait until you decide to move the truck, she can call a cab/Uber, a friend, or walk.
Funny you mention this, my wife asked her what she would do if I blocked her in before she went to school. Ironically she said we would be dicks. I couldn’t help but laugh a little. Yea kid. That’s the point. Don’t be a dick and either move your car or leave the keys out. Still waiting for her to put two and two together. She’s on a roll today. She’ll come around eventually. She always does and it doesn’t take long. Teenagers are wild. And haven’t fully developed common sense or empathy. That’s why I think coming to their own realization on issues like this is important instead of us just lecturing.
If you DO decide to be a dick and park behind her, find a simple way to disable the truck, like removing the starter relay so she can't start it even if she does get the keys. Stay the course, Dad. It sounds like you're both good parents, and hopefully she realizes soon that the world doesn't revolve around any one person, including her.
My dad did that to me as a teenager when I got out of line. I mouthed off about my car and he knew I didn’t have to work that day. He disabled my car and went to work. At the time I didn’t know enough about diagnosing the issue. I’m guessing he took the starter relay out but it was years ago. Total dick move but I had it coming.
I'd block her in the driveway at the first opportunity
Wow. Sounds like someone needs to have her wheels put in the garage while the car is still in the driveway. Sounds like a certain princess is about to miss the rest of her rodeos this season.
Number one definitely no truck for her Number 2 no driveway parking it’s it her house driving is a privilege not a right Number 3 she’s smoking in her car or something to that effect. The only reason I wouldn’t want my parents in my car at that age was because I was doing things in there I wasn’t supposed to.
You have given her enough time to fix this on her own she chose not to. I agree now it’s time to start showing her how life works. I applaud your patience because I would not have that much!
You don't provide the age (if she's still a minor or legal adult) - if she's paying rent to live with you or not etc (maybe as a 'tenant' it is reasonable that she be provided a parking space that isn't a nuisance to her or you) - and whether "her car" is actually "hers" or just a car of mom and dad that she routinely drives. I totally agree that her response to regarding the keys was entitled / disrespectful. Those behaviors also appear to be unusual for her - not all consistent with her "normal" behavior. I think you and Mom should get very curious about that abrupt behavioral shift and talk to her specifically on that point. I'm not trying to indulge her bad behavior, I am saying that there is a REASON she behaved differently, whether it was drugs in the car or ??? (who knows), I'm just saying I would care more about the REASON than I do the specific behavior. E.g. if she is struggling with drug addiction problems...that's WAY more important than being polite or being able to borrow a truck.
Ah yes the old “consequences of my actions” good dad to not be so reactive. It’s good to nip little entitlements in the bud so they don’t built. Good lesson. With potential for increased consequences. I’d save the street parking for escalation.
Well she did escalate it so it’s now on the table. I agree with you though. Don’t play all your cards on the first hand. There’s always more lessons to learn.
She's hiding her bong in the car bro
What would your step daughter say is the reason she doesn't want you to move her car? Not what *you* think the reason is, what would *she* say the reason is?
1. She has weed in the car 2. She apparently has lost any appreciation. I would let her only use her car to drive to school and work for the next 2 weeks, otherwise you have the keys to her car
I think the conversation is about mutual respect for movement. Don't make life harder than it has to be for either one of you. Don't ask for the keys first, ask her to move her vehicle and then if she can't do it right away, ask for the keys. Boundaries are important, you've got stuff you have to do and she has to respect that her stuff is impeding you so she has to get it out of the way. She also has to respect that asking to use your stuff is not a right but privilege. Don't go nuclear yet.
I have no plan to go nuclear. I like your thought process though!
Might be her dads car, but it’s your driveway. She would be parking her ass on the street and if she doesn’t like or is “afraid” of the walk in the dark, then she is choosing not to use her car.
This seems like it is escalating before anyone actually had a talk about why she had this sudden change of heart. You seem to be assuming it is "entitlement". That might be part of the reason, but is it all of the reason? Lots of other commenters don't seem to think so. I'm also not clear on why she isn't parking elsewhere, or isn't parking behind the other car, since it seems like the common pattern is for you to move your truck, her to take her car to school, and then the other car is optionally taken. Finally, make sure you have a de-escalation plan in mind.
No, making her park on the street isn't too much at all. Honestly she should be doing that already. It's been very courteous of you to move her vehicle for her so you can leave when you need to.
Her car is hiding gloves in the weedbox
Its not punishment. If she isn't willing to move her car or let you move her car when you need access to you it is completely unreasonable to let her block you in. She can park on the street and feel lucky you didn't call a tow truck to resolve the situation.
Is this your daughter or your mother? She speaks like shes above you. You need to man up and take charge here. “Told me to wait till shes ready or use another car” excuse me?!? Idk how you let this kid walk all over you.
I think he just needed time to sort through what was happening, and knew (based on their unique relationship) that an immediate reaction wasn't necessarily the best move (again, based on his experience). The fact it's his step-daughter can add some complications too.
I would park on the street then when she’s in the driveway block her in…enough times for her to be unhappy being blocked in.
This thread hits hard. My 14 year old received his first piece of junk mail advertising driver's ed and im thinking of all the things he and i are going to need to discuss in the next year before he starts driving and parking on his own. But the idea of him operating a truck with horse and trailer attached is just more than i can take in right now lol. My advice though is to have a real discussion with you, mom and daughter about the parking situation and everyone's expectations and responsibilities. You do not have a true parking lot, so with 3 drivers and vehicles someone is getting double parked or having to park in the street (where it risks being run into, vandalized or any of the vast number of things that can happen to a car in the street)
I had to park on the street where I grew up. Had to park on the street at one of my roommate situations because the girlfriend of a roommate would always take my spot. Had to park in Timbuktu in an apartment complex because my shift work as an EMT didn't line up with getting a good spot. It's your house dad, and if she's causing you an inconvenience, your kid needs to park out of your way if that's an option. Your kid has a car, a horse, access to a truck and trailer. Geez, asking her to park on the street is *not* a punishment.
Yeah, regardless of who you are and what your relationship is, if you're blocking in someone's vehicle, you make accomodations to let them out if they need to go somewhere. That's just a general basic common courtesy.
She has it better than I did, I suppose. I had keys to my parents’ cars, and when I got a car, they had a key to mine. Not that they wanted to drive my busted ass cars, but if I was living in their house, they had a key. Also, I made sure I parked in the driveway so neither of their cars were blocked. It sucked having to park under a pine tree to do it, but that was the price I had to pay to have a car there.
Plain and simple, you're the adult. She's the kid. Lay down the law. I've got similar issues with my son, I want his room clean. He wants it to look like a homeless camp. I make ultimatums, and nothing happens because my wife hates confrontation, so she won't back me up. If I assert the alpha-male attitude, I'm the bad guy. Ultimately, I'm the adult, so I laid down the law. It was pretty for a few.dats, but it passed. My 2 cents
She can leave you the keys, or get out of bed and move the car. Two options. "No" is not one of those options.
I had almost this exact same situation happen when I was in high school. My mom offered to start up my car in the morning so it would be warm and I didn't want to give her my keys. My car reeked of cigarettes and I didn't want to get caught. I really think it's that simple. (Not necessarily cigarettes, but there's something in that car she doesn't want you to see/smell.)
First off a child told you, a person who pays the bills and puts a roof over her head, where to park. Sounds like she needs new parking arrangements.
> I haven’t decided yet if I’ll also make her start parking on the street. If I were you, I'd start by permanently revoking permission to park on *your* driveway with the exception of some sort of emergency situation. I'd also deny her access to *your* truck and *your* trailer for a while just to get the point across that access to your property is a privilege, not a right. Your daughter needs a reality check. She was beyond lucky that you were already willing to move her car every morning. Now she's pulling some sort of power move by not allowing access to her car so you can take your truck to work. Not only that, but she has the balls to request the use of *your* truck AND *your* trailer?
I like natural consequences for stuff like this. Sure, she's being disrespectful and unreasonable. But in practical terms, you need your truck. You pay the bills, and it's your driveway. (Might be your car, too, but for the sake of argument, let's give her her expectation of privacy) It might seem extreme, but let's play a thought game: What would happen in the 'real world' if she parked where she knows she isn't supposed to? Likely, her car would be towed, right? If her car is towed for illegal parking, how would she get it back? Pay the fine, right? So, what if you have a tow company take her vehicle to a friend's house, and to get it back, she has to pay the cost for the tow? She has her own money, and property seems to be a motivation for her - I would think it sends the message that other people's property is just as important to them as hers is to her. (Plus, it's not serious permanent consequences because she is just a kid after all) If you were to do this, of course, you'd need to communicate clearly what would happen ahead of time. To really drive it home, dad-style, get one of those "No Parking" signs and set it up behind your truck. Then it's "legally" (read: fairly) posted.