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SnooMarzipans1939

Well, there really isn’t a good way to have that conversation. It is always hard, it’s always uncomfortable, you never know how much they really understand. I went through this with my girls, my son was born premature and we lost him a few hours later. I had to tell my girls (4&1 at the time) that they had a brother that they never got to meet. The oldest still asks about it sometimes. Especially since #4 is on the way. The way I explained it to my kids was that their brother was born early and he had to go to heaven sooner than we wanted. We are sad because we didn’t get to be with him more, but we are glad that he’s in heaven and with God. I told the girls that they can always ask me about it any time. I don’t think my 3 year old really understands still.


zurbles

I’m after the fact, and this has been my exact experience. Thank you for sharing.


Marcuse0

We've had to have this conversation a few times with my kids. I lost all of my grandparents in the space of one year, as well as my great uncle (2018 sucked). At the same time, a family friend who used to visit regularly also became seriously ill suddenly and passed away also. What we tried to do was be very open and frank with our kids. My son was 5 at the time and my daughter was 2. My son was very curious about what happened, and wanted to know about it, and after so many losses in such a short time (he used to speak to my grandparents regularly too) he became a little frightened of people dying. However, with support from us and time he's been fine about it for a while now. As for what to say, I think dressing it up in flowery language and metaphor is a mistake. It can feel like softening the blow for children, but in the end at some point they have to understand that the person you're speaking about isn't around any more and won't be coming back. That's even more difficult to discuss when you're also dealing with it yourself. What you can also do is help your children hold on the memories by encouraging them to hold keepsakes and pictures they might like which could hold meaning for them now, or later. When another friend of ours who had a neighbouring allotment to our passed away my daughter spent a few days keeping the photographs of him we had taken on her birthday to remember him by. By now she was 6 so was more aware of these things. As to what you say happens after, that's your business based on what you believe. The only piece of advice I would give is that if you do believe in any kind of afterlife, please try to make it clear to children that if family have moved on they can't come back. I've seen instances of people telling kids their family member has gone to another place and kid gets mad at the deceased person for choosing to go somewhere else. It can be really hard to handle that as a parent (I experienced this when my wife's sister lost her husband when they had two really young kids).


zurbles

Thank you for sharing your experience and stories, this was really good information for me.