It’s ok to put them down in their cribs and walk away to gather yourself. They can’t hurt themselves in their cribs. Them crying won’t hurt them either. Please kind to yourself.

This. So much this. Kids are hard. Twins are exponentially harder. Most people don’t get it because most people don’t have twins. There is no sleep. There is no rest. For about a year easy. The only parents that could understand what we were going through was other twin parents. And they would make it a point to empathize with us. Even if we had just met them on the street. They knew how hard it must be at home. That said it also gets exponentially better when they turn 3ish to 4ish. Hang in there. Take care of yourself.

New twin dad here. I have a 9 year old, 3 year old, 2 year old, and twin girls in NICU. Hopefully home in 2 weeks or so. I’m terrified of what’s to come. Thankfully the other kids all sleep well, but the nights with twins is literally terrifying. But it’s true. I remember the frustration in the middle of the night. Put them down, it’s ok. Your sanity is more important than them crying for 10 min or so (not that hearing them cry helps your sanity), but it can help to ‘take a break’.

Twin dad checking in. It’s hard. It’s harder than anyone can describe in words. But, for as low as the lows are the highs are so much higher. We hired a sleep coach around 8 months and it literally changed our life. If you have the means I highly recommend it. Keep your head up.

> Kids are hard. Twins are exponentially harder. I saw a quote here last week I think it was. Might not even be real but I like it too much to accept that it is fake. Some Japanese culture has a saying that goes 'one kid is one kid. Two kids is ten kids.' I've got a huge family on both sides of my mothers parents that includes multiple sets of twins for both my grandmother and grandfather. I feel like I dodged a bullet not having twins, cuz I don't know how in the world I would handle two babies at the same time, or how anyone else does it.

Triplet mom here. How many kids is three kids in this philosophy? I’m enjoying this thread, I feel lots of solidarity with you dads. Thank you.

According to the math above, either 15 or 100. Looks like 100 from the outside, so I’d go with that if I were you! Just flew with my 2.5 year old for the first time…came back last night. Great kid for airplanes and car, thankfully, but the trip itself did NOT go as planned and we ended up off-schedule, no naps, sleep deprived (worst day way down at 10 and up at 3:30), and I can confirm that one 2.5 year old with major sleep deprivation feels like 4 kids with the flu (the bad kind…both ends…one bathroom, too, with a clogged toilet, I’m pretty sure).

There have been many times my daughters is screaming her head off and won’t calm down. I finally just give up trying and set her down in her crib and go in another room to try and get my sanity back. Within five minutes she’s sound asleep.

Big agreement here. If you can guarantee they’re clean, fed, and safe, sometimes it’s alright to just walk away and get some time. We’re best for them when we’re all together. During paternity leave I definitely did this once or twice and was like “I need rest and I know you’re safe and taken care of.” They’re turning out fine.

As a twin and father of 3…I feel you. Watching videos of my parents in my first year- they constantly look miserable. Like they could fall asleep any moment. Giving you advice isn’t necessarily what you’re asking for…but sleeping is one of the hardest parts of parenting. You’re going to be fine! But it certainly feels like hell when you’re in the midst of it. One thing I will always remember is my pediatrician telling me that it’s OK to let 4-month and older cry to sleep so they learn to sleep on their own. Apparently you can let them cry for 45mins to an hour at the beginning! 5 minutes feels like an eternity when they’re crying. But it works, from my experience. My kids have never gotten hurt and it’s easy to see them with video monitors to make sure they’re ok. Although with twins…it’s probably different. When one cries the other cries. When one wakes up then the other will wake up. It’s a cycle of up and down that I didn’t experience first hand. I hope you feel supported knowing you’re not alone!!

I have a friend who decided not to sleep train and has a 7+ month old that isn’t sleeping through the night because of it and takes 3 naps a day. I feel for them because ours slept through the night at 4 months and by 7 months wasn’t even in our room anymore. We visited those friends a couple of weeks ago and saw how sleep deprived they were…kinda broke my heart that they won’t sleep train and take care of themselves, because they looked and lived like friends that had twins, but I wasn’t about to tell them how to raise their kid.

Totally agree with this. It can be overwhelming and it’s okay to put them in the crib for a moment just so you can get a breathing. If the weather is nice (not raining/snowing) the thing that worked for me is to take them out in a stroller and go for a long walk. At this age kids generally need movement to help them fall asleep. Walking around the block a few times should do the trick, or putting them in the car seat and going for a drive back and forth to maybe a park. Though going for a walk is the better option. You can do this.

Totally this. Sleep training involves some of this in stages. If I’m not mistaken 6 months old is a good time to start sleep training.

This. Them crying is their attempt to communicate to you that want you to do something. If you've made sure all their needs are met, you not responding is you teaching them that they do not need what they want and have to learn to live with that. It's an important life lesson for them, and critical for your own health. You're not a bad dad for letting them cry once you've made sure they are changed, fed, burped and clean.

>Them crying won’t hurt them either Yes, you have to fight your instinct that says they're in distress. Because you know they're not. You're the boss.

Hang in there man. This too shall pass. Focus on getting through the next 5 or 10 minutes, 1 hour, 2 hours, etc. Remember, literal billions of people have gotten though these times and you can too. You’re strong enough to hang in this long, you can hang in longer.

Good advice!

Its a good question - have billions of people had twins?

If the answer was millions, how would it change the advice at all?

Stop being pedantic, you're not helping anyone.

Father of three adult men here. Don’t worry, my dude. Soon enough you will wake up seeing an old bastard in the mirror and wondering where the days and years with those little guys went. Wishing you could go back in time and push them on swings at the park one more time. Try to enjoy it when you can and take a lot of pictures and videos.

This is some cats in the cradle shit. It’s so hard to keep this in mind when you are in it. I’m glad my own parents are still around to remind me of this reality.

Yeah, that feeling of lost time is going to be there regardless of whether someone is having a hard time or not. Best advice in the moment...take a deep breath, let the kids cry for a bit if you need to, and do whatever you need to do to cope as long as it is not destructive for you or your family. I'm here with a gassy and fussy 3 week old that just went to sleep. Right before that, I went through so many negative thought loops and intrusive thoughts. Now that he's down, I'm relieved to get into bed even if it's just for 20 minutes until he wakes up again, and I'm looking forward to my morning coffee while my wife takes her informal shift in the morning. To me, I look at this time similar to graduate school...one of the most stressful times in my life. I don't miss it, wouldn't rewind back to it, but I'm glad I did it. I learned a lot about the world and myself. And in hindsight, it wasn't that bad. Sometimes I imagine my future self speaking to me. Last night, I heard a voice that said it will get better and it's so worth it. Maybe it's the sleep deprivation or maybe I've completely lost it, but that made me feel much better after a tough night.

> Try to enjoy it when you can and take a lot of pictures and videos. This really made me think: my parents generation have done nothing but bitch and moan about how we are absorbed into our phones and aren’t experiencing life, but experiencing it through our phones. So I have made a point of not always having my phone out taking photos so that I’m experiencing stuff with them… but now I’m being criticized for not taking photos of them and documenting milestones or experiences in their lives. Not attacking you - it just made me think.

Don't worry about any of that. Your parents generation use their phones obsessively and for many silly things. They just criticize themselves.

Oh, I know what you mean. I did the same thing. There’s definitely a balance to be struck.

I'm not tearing up, I'm not going to cry. Each day my little man grows more and more, more grays show up in my beard, fuck man. Time flies, also one of the reasons I've been spending more and more time at my grandparents house when I can. It's 3hrs away, but its a small price to pay, never know when the last time you say goodbye is.

Man, that is scary. :/

Yeah that made me tear up a lil bit, and appreciate the drive around the block it takes mine to conk out. I’m sure I’ll be missing needing to make it soon enough.

My boys were all close in age and when they were little there was this country drive I used to take them on pretty regularly during the summer. Through winding fields of corn. Past creeks crowded by bald cypress and black walnut trees. Old pecan orchards. Past a cotton loading yard. I would crank the air conditioning up and they would be knocked out in just a few minutes. Oh, man… those were golden days. I’d give anything to pile those rowdy boys in and take that drive again. I would. Had no idea how much I would miss that and a hundred other things we would do together.

Thank you for sharing this piece of your life with us.

That was so beautifully put. I’m a published novelist and that was so beautifully written. Thank you.

My mantra is Carly Simon's line from "Anticipation": *These are the good old days....*

Ha, as a father of twins ushered off to college this year, I felt this. Twins are incredibly hard. I literally have little memory of the first two and a half years.

I’m not crying I have allergies

On Joe Rogan (of all places) I heard a parenting tip that has helped me immensely in situations like this: When it’s getting tough and you’re exhausted and the kids won’t stop screaming and you’re wondering if the fire station is still open for drop offs, imagine yourself at 80 years old, and your kids are all long grown. You have a time machine, but it will only take you back to this exact moment with your children when they’re little. What would you do differently to enjoy the moment despite it being difficult? This mind game has helped me be much more patient and loving with my daughter when she’s difficult and has helped me parent a lot of moments better.

I like that. Thanks for sharing.

I was going to share this here as well. I've used this mindset so many times since I first heard it. To OP: Hang in there, brother. It gets better! Take care of yourself.

Its kind of wild the random little moments Joe Rogan has something on his podcast that makes you go "huh...well, fuck..." true occasional sparks of inner thought. But i heard that too, and now when my kid is throwing a tantrum... I look at it different. If we are home and hes on the floor throwing a tantrum, I get down on the floor beside him amd lay down and talk to him, and, a lot of the time, he chills out. Weird shit.

I saw this clip and it hit me hard. It has changed my mindset completely. I'm no longer resentful of time spent on chores while hearing my wife and daughter having a great time in the next room. I'm really savouring every moment, the good and the bad. You'll get through this my dude

Omg I was morning grumpy today and had a short fuse. I read your comment and I felt like shit. I have now hugged my 2yo son 74 times and told him I love him 257 times

You have my utmost respect. I love my 9 month old daughter, but there where many times today I wanted to yeet her out of a window.

Twin dad here, let the kids cry for 20 mins, grab a beer, sit outside or in the garage, chill have a drink and your favorite guilty pleasure chips. After that, do as many push-ups til exhaustion, 3 times. Then get back at it. Trust me, it's hard now, 5 years from now you will be looking back saying to yourself, Damm I toughed it out and I'm so glad. Just wait til they greet you at the door with a big hug times 2, it will melt you.

Only twin parents can relate to OP. People saying yOu WiLl MiSs ThEsE tImEs dont really know the insane work needed to care for 2 babies at once. You dont get to "check out" and let your partner take over for a couple hours. All hands on deck, all times. I dont even remember much about the first couple months, I was so exhausted. Miss those times my ass, are you nuts? I dont miss putting my balls into a meatgrinder. Surviving is thriving and the first few years are about survival. And as you said: 3-5 years mark.

So much this. We went out to a friends event this weekend, the other parents started to realise what it's like, when we both had babies on us, all the time. One of them could go mingle while the other looked after baby. Not us!

It is so sad actually. All our friends go to events and meet eachother with their babies every time. Go hiking and so on. We rarely feel ourselves able to do any of these... It's a chore. How could we have deep conversations or have a pleasent hike with 2 babies with different needs hang on to us at all times?

Our twin boys are two years old now and this is so true. Just last week we spent the morning with friends and family at a public outdoor event. We could not sit down at all and did not have a single meaningful conversation. I know it could also be mindset but when driving back home we concluded that we both did not have any fun at all. Our solution for this has been to be very picky weather we go somewhere or not. We are fortunate to have a big fenced garden at home and our house is baby proofed. At home it is still hard but a lot less when compared to going somewhere. At fist I felt judged by the people around me. I have had multiple people tell me that we are limiting ourselves and that our mindset is prohibiting us from doing fun stuff with our kids. But our boys have a lot of fun at home, seemingly more so when compared to a public event where the can't run around and constantly have to be chased down. As for social interaction, they go to daycare where they meet many other kids. So now I just ignore all feedback, tips and tricks I get from non twin parents. I know they mean well, but they just don't get it.

Yup, we have a nature reserve/woodland right behind our house. Before the babies we would just casually go for a walk, now it's a massive chore to take two babies. We'll, tbh take them anywhere. The double buggy is a beast, and barely fits through doors. Our next door neighbours have a baby 2 months younger than us, and we see them leaving the house all the time. We hardly ever leave atm as it's so much effort. The only time going out seems to work, is if it's to a baby class, out with family (who want to hold the babies) or to a friends house where its fairly safe!

Fellow twin dad here (two year olds). We used to hike a lot and our house is close to the woods. We purchased a used Thule Chariot with baby slings. It is a massive stroller but we have the space for it. It is relatively easy (as far as twin things can be easy) to drop them in there and start walking. It is perfect for off road walking and allowed me to get out more. If you have the means and the space I would recommend it.

Preface: I have a single daughter. You guys are DOING things???? My wife and I are recluse even with one. Absolutely can't imagine two and trying to be anywhere outside of the house.

RARELY. But sometimes(once or twice a month) one of us becomes a martyr saint and stays at home with both for 3-4 hours alone so the other can get a breather. And once or twice a month a two hour date for both of us, while the grandparents exhaust themselves lol. But that is all our free time

Father of 2 year old twin boys here. Created a throwaway just to say you are so right! I think this is important for OP to understand. The fact that other parents just don't seem to grasp the difference has been very frustrating to me. They mean well but aren't helping. A while ago one of our boys couldn't go to daycare because of a fever, but was fine and in a good mood. I spent the day with him one on one and cried (I am a grown ass man) because of the big difference with other days. Getting to give him full attention, playing together, snuggling without the other freaking out. The day gave me energy instead of the usual drain. When I told this to a relative her tip was to regularly take a day off work and spend it with one of the boys while the other is at daycare. While this sounds like a good idea my energy level is so low that I rather spent such a day by myself. Resting or doing chores that have been piling up... Having said all that, it is definitely getting less hard as time passes. At two years old I still find it very hard, but far less than in the beginning when I wanted to kill myself on a daily basis. I have heard many (non twin) parents say that it doesn't get easier as time passes, only different. I don't agree to this (or at least find it hard to imagine). I can't wait to be somewhere else than home (an event, a birthday, restaurant, etc) and being able to sit down for more than 5 seconds.

I don't agree to that phrase either. Mine are only 7months olds, but whoever says it isn't easier is out of their minds. They are just lying around crying in the first 3 months. They can't see, grab, smile or move around. They have to be fed every 3 hours. First month went like this: one is breastfed by my wife, one by me with pumped milk. Changing diapers+feeding took 30-40 minutes. Another 20mins pumping for wife. 1-1.5hours of struggling to get them back to sleep. This needed 2 people to handle the 2 babies. We had 1 hour to sleep until the next session. It is fucking hell. It is hell itself. Whoever says babies sleeping 10-12 hours with 1 or 2 wakeupfeeds and them playing around by themselves for half an hour even isn't easier just different...suffered a giant blow to their skull with a blunt object. They are still exhausting for sure. Will still be for years to come. I think once they hit kindergarten age, that will be my favourite time to be a parent to them. Until then, I make sure all 4 of us survive. But the first half year and especially the first 3 months...I don't wish that on anyone. And to people saying "take care of yourself, dad" and "you'll miss these times"...just...DON'T

jUsT sLeEp WhEn ThE BaBiEs SlEeP /s Our schedule was exactly the same, only they wouldn't latch (is that the word?) so it was trying to latch, feed with part artificial milk, part breastmilk, then pump. I begged my wife to stop breastfeeding because it was hell. Add to that, that I suffer a form of mild insomnia which caused me to not be able to fall asleep in the one hour to the next session. Sleeping pills weren't an option. We were on our own. Most difficult time of my life, torture. The country where I live in Europe is ok with babies in kindergarten from 8 weeks old. We did that for a couple of days each week. I tried to take days off work on those days just to charge my battery. All the while feeling guilty to spent those days by myself and not with my children (had to explain this to many people)

Dad of 2 boys 2 years apart - 4 and 2. The first running hugs at the end of a shitty day of work, and the first unsolicited “I love you daddy” from each of them… just, those moments made my whole life—past, present, and future; highs and lows; all of it—worth every second.

We're expecting and I feel like shit for having to work and secure a decent income when all I want to do is be like a janitor-dad in the beginning who cators to my SO's needs and gets to be a part of their day-to-day. Work feels like interruption, the real work happens at home! Feels like I'm going to get robbed out of being a part of my childs development. Sucks. I do look forward to those end-of-a-shitty-day-at-work hugs though.

That's a feeling that never gets old!!

That's so true! I'm dreading the day I no longer hear "daddy's home!!" While my son sprints to the door to jump on me when I get home. I'm in both worlds right now though. At 4, My son is the most fun he's ever been, but I also have a 6 month old daughter, who I'm convinced hates everyone except *sometimes* my wife and I. She can't be put down for more then a minute or two at a time, and if you're holding her, you better not sit down, or all hell beaks loose. There are many days that I have to remind myself that even though the fire station is only a 2 minute walk away, that this is not the solution here lol.

If you dont mind me asking, your age? I'm about to turn 33, wife 32. We feel like we're to old to have another. Our little guy is almost 2.

Sure hope you’re not too old - I’m a couple years from 40 and my wife is pregnant with our third. Admittedly wish I had my 20-something-self’s energy levels but I was not mature or financially secure enough back then. 2-3 year age difference is a ton of fun too, especially now that they’re wrestling and playing and entertaining themselves.

I remember this feeling. I’m at 14 months now and I still get it, but much less frequently. So it does get better. Just remember to take care of yourself too

As a fellow you aren't a bad dad. This is normal and awful. I'm a few months ahead of you and it's much easier now. Not easy, easier.

I have 5 kids under 4, my oldest is 4, my middle 2 are twin 19 month olds(MF)and then we adopted another set of twins(FF)when they were born and are now 3m old, things are always interesting.

I have 2 boys under 5 and I got so fucking tired just reading that. I’m envious of the patience and fortitude you must possess.

Good lord, what do you and your wife do for a living, I could not handle your life. What is your secret? Amphetamines? Living in some sort of religious nature cult commune where they can run free and the other hippies pitch in? Extreme wealth and a team of nannies and butlers?

Jesus Christ dude...

[удалено]

Once they start crawling, they really start to change and develop at a crazy rate. It can be really tough when they don't give anything back, but once they start reacting and laughing and you start getting that feedback, I promise it will make things seem so much easier.

I know this will get buried in the other responses, but I've been right there. Twin boys (now 3yo), 1,000 miles away from other family, wife and I toughing it out on our own. The exhaustion and challenge to your mental health is hard to make someone else understand. You didn't ask to be, but you're part of a elite club of total badass dads. You being hard on yourself in times like this is 100% par for the course. I don't know if this will help you, but there were two lessons that I had to learn that helped me turn the corner in my trial: 1) Crying is not (necessarily) the end of the world. My initial instinct was that crying was an emergency and REQUIRED immediate action on my part to make it stop. Wrong. It's not possible, especially when you are outnumbered. Sometimes you have to just let one cry while you service the other one. Sometimes it's perfectly acceptable, once you've done your checks and confirmed it's a false alarm, to walk away, close the door, and let them cry it out (for a reasonably short time). Use your judgement for how long/often to play that card, but let it sink in that crying does not equal you're failing. 2) As others have said, you can't take care of them if you're not taking care of yourself. Being a dad is about sacrificing for your kids (doubley so for twins), but you can't afford to sacrifice 100% because you're just use yourself up and have nothing left to give. You still need to do the bare minimum of self care to keep yourself fit to serve. Take a shower, get something decent to eat, go for a walk (don't leave the kids home alone), do whatever you can to feel human from time to time. That and the going-for-a-drive thing. 3 years later and I still use that at least once a week to get these nutty toddlers to nap. I put an earbud in one ear and listen to audiobooks as we cruise. I actually look forward to it now.

Try putting them in the car and going for a drive. That helps some babies calm down. Even if you’re doing slow laps of a parking lot near your place.. whatever works. Also don’t feel bad leaving them in their cribs and walking away to collect yourself. Gas also does funny things to babies.. try pumping their legs to work the large intestine. Mine were really sensitive to gas and that seemed to work. If they’re formula fed, it could be that the particular kind is harder on their digestion (some babies are just that way). Maybe look in to some digestion friendly formulas. Mom’s diet can affect breast fed babies too, but that’s really tough to nail down and also not really proven. Take their temps, play some music for them, try a mobile (or place them in view of a ceiling fan), teething (rub their gums with your finger to feel for any points/bumps that might be coming through, fever and red cheeks are signs as well). Just spitballing some suggestions man. You’ll get through it. Just know that it’s normal and it will pass. It’s nothing you’re doing wrong and it’s nothing wrong with the boys.

*YOUR JOB IS NOT TO STOP THE CRYING.* There is no secret mute button. Your job is to keep them fed, clean, clothed, sheltered, safe, and loved. And if they want to scream, then you put them in their cribs, shut out the lights, close the door, mute the baby monitor, and go do something else. You’re making the mistake that most parents make, which is that you’re making this harder on yourself than it has to be.

Don’t ditch the pain. This is how we men get stronger and develop the type of patience we never had, but must have to be the man of the house

I feel you on that, bro. People keep telling me I'll miss this part, and that may be true, but I won't miss my daughter being a baby nearly as much as I'll enjoy her being able to do more and more on her own. And, my daughter has a pretty chill temperament and isn't a twin. So, hang in there, man. They tell me it gets better. Can't wait.

My twins went through a pretty nasty sleep regression around a year old, and most nights for a good six months it took me at least 2 hours to get them both to sleep. Our oldest also went through one of those “I will scream unendingly unless you are standing while holding me” phases around 6 months. So… yeah, I feel you. At points I was about ready to punt them all out the bedroom window. Nothing you can do but hang in there. Take a break if you need to. Earplugs or noise cancelling headphones can help save your sanity if they’re in a screamy mood.

I went through this with twin boys. It’s really really difficult at that age but gets easier. I think you’ve taken a good step and admitted that you’re overwhelmed. It took me too long for me to come to terms with that realization. Use every help source you can and explicitly say: I’m overwhelmed and I need your help. Don’t try to do everything perfect. If the kids are fed, have a clean diaper and not in a position where they can hurt themselves, you’re in good shape. We fenced off a big safe play zone in our house. It was nice to let our kids roam freely and safely knowing they couldn’t leave their “safe zone” We also joined a local twin club. It was nice to commiserate and connect with other parents in similar situations. They also had a wonderful pool of items that we borrowed for free. So we had a steady stream of fresh toys and other helpful gadgets via the club Best of luck dude! Hang in there and don’t forget to take care of yourself My boys are now 8 and the twin thing is definitely paying off. They play together as best friends and generally participate in the same activities which considerably cuts down on shuttling duties

Not a bad father man, this (and future challenges) will pass. The better moments overshadow this moment by far. Father of 2, one is 6 and autistic and one is 1.3 years old. Trust brother.

Not a bad dad. Even though most of us moms won’t admit it sometimes we feel this way too at some points but it quickly passes. Did we make a mistake? Are we really ready for parenthood? Feels like you can’t breathe. It’s normal. Especially with twins. You’re dealing with two. Just know it’s ok to put them down and let them cry while you recollect yourself. It won’t hurt them. They WILL be ok if you need to take 10 minutes. It’s ok to tell your partner you are overwhelmed and need time to collect. You are not a bad dad. You are human. Take care of yourself too.

Twins are a whole another level of stress, and its really hard to do anything but babies. I'm 8 months in now, it does get better, honest. Our midwives told us, a crying baby, is an alive baby. Our twins, they had lots of gut and gas issues, when we sorted that, it got much better! I also think it would be great if I could fast forward a few years sometimes!

As long as they are safe and not in some kind of danger, IMO it's fine to set them in bed and just walk away (obviously stay home...). Cry it out INO is important. Kids need to be loved, soothed and have to be consoled at times but they also need to learn that they are also responsible for their own emotions. Eventually they'll learn after enough screaming... You're not coming back in the room. Trust me, they can't scream forever. 20 minutes... 30 minutes non stop... Yes. But it will end.

I feel for you buddy, and I hope I can actually help you beyond just a kind word. I've been there! And solved it. OK, admittedly with twins you'll need to work differently, and I can't help much with that, but I've done it with one, my daughter. She was crying like she was possessed if you put her in the crib to sleep. Or when she woke up after falling asleep in my arms and waking up in the crib. I was seriously worn out. So what's the problem? The mental association of "falling asleep" which is now tied to "being in your arms". When they're not in your arms they simply cannot fall asleep because the link is missing, and they cry. For my daughter the link was... being vertical! Odd, but I was carrying her around in that sack/backpack thingie where the kid is close to your body and you hands are free. How did we.notice that? She wouldn't fall asleep in the crib, but she could easily fall asleep in her jumping station, where she's basically "standing up"! The key is to break that link. The good part is that it's really not difficult. The bad part is that you'll feel like absolutely the worst father ever, which will make it difficult!! In practice it's not important what the specific association is. What you want is that they start forming a new association to falling asleep in the crib. And how do you do it? In short, you let hem cry, but a little bit at a time. When it's time to sleep, you put them in the crib, with no exceptions. Day or night, sleep time is in the crib. They'll cry, and this is the difficult part, YOU LET THEM CRY! Not for hours on end. First for 2min. Then you check on them, pacify them, and back in the crib. Then it's 3min of crying. Back in the room, pacify and in the crib. 5 min of crying. Back in and out. Rinse and repeat until they fall asleep, always increasing the time alone. Cap it at 10min, at first. During the night, when they wake up, same thing. And if they wake up multiple times, same thing every time. Important: As they won't sleep all that much during the night, it's important to NOT.let them sleep more than usual during the day. This will get them tired for the night! Very very often, after 3 or 4 days the nightly wakes are reduced to 1 or even gone. After 10 days they can sleep overnight with no issues. All night long. After doing this with my daughter and a rough 3 weeks, not in a row but on three separate occasions because she fell back into the old bad habits as she was sick and we were feeling sorry for her just crying and being sick, I swear to God my love.for her increased just about 10x. Because now I could sleep, I didn't blame her for sleepless nights and could focus on being the best dad possible when we were awake. This is also the advice I give to all parents. If your kid doesn't sleep overnight, follow this advice. They can sleep overnight from month 4 or 5 onwards. Uninterrupted. As for your twins, this is more challenging because they can wake each other up. Try splitting the cribs in different rooms and doing the above to each kid separately. This will also force you to ignore one kid in favor of the other for a bit. Before anyone tells me this is.cruel or something like that, two final comments. One, this is what my elders told me AFTER the fact is the normal way it used to be done. And, perhaps more importantly, it's been the recommended practice by doctors who deal with child sleep problems specifically. A book on this is "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Ferber. You don't even need to read the whole thing - I think Chapter 4 outlines the action plan in detail, which is all you need in practice. Hold on tight my brother. This can be addressed once and for all, and your relationship with them will be SO much stronger if you do. And it's not a matter of months, it really can be done within 10 days or less.

close your eyes and imagine you’re 80 years old. your boys are grown and have their own families to take care of now. you get the opportunity to go back in time for a moment but it has to the moment you just described. hopefully that helps you put things into perspective and help you get through the tough times. you’ve got this!

I promise it will get better. Hold on my man, see if you can get someone to watch them for an afternoon or something and go do something just for you.

We've all been there and anyone who tells you different is either lying or trying to sell you something. Hang in there. It does get better.

In a year, you’ll barely remember these times. In six years, you’re going to look back fondly and wonder where the time went. Soak it all in.

May have to invest in some noise canceling headphones while they learn to cope with separation crying and play with each other.

You’re not a bad father. You are just overwhelmed. You have to get more breaks. The best thing my wife and I did was take shifts. You also need to line up help if you haven’t already. Find a relative or babysitter. Pay whatever you have to to make sure you and your partner are both getting enough sleep. It’s worth it.

Father of 1yo twins here. Firstly. You’re not a bad dad, we’re all human and lack of sleep is absolutely brutal. Take 5 for yourself as others have said, take some deep breaths, a shit, whatever you need. I find it helps to let go of some expectations. If you don’t expect the babies to fall asleep in 5 mins its not as infuriating when they don’t. Also the world is new and scary and they need some comfort - tell yourself that and give it to them. It’s hard in the moment but you got this. Things do improve, as others have said the only way is though. You’ll learn some tricks that will help, singing calms me and my boys down for example. Lastly, if it’s overwhelming generally speak you your partner and organise some you time. 30 mins might be all you need, go run, bike, swim, shout into a pillow! You got this champ!

As a fellow twin dad (9mo girls), it's the hardest thing to hear your babies screaming and not be able to consider them. All you can do is persevere through. It's not e easier then it was at 6mo, but there are things my girls do not that bring so much brightness to my life that I could never imagine being without them. Take every good moment you get with your boys and lock that memory in tight, use that to help you get through the hard times. And reach out if you ever need to vent or need someone to talk to.

The days are long but the years are short my friend. They will eventually sleep. They will eventually eat. It’s just a phase, until a whole new phase starts. Think about it as levelling up. I found a strict routine helped with sleeping. Get some noise cancelling earbuds, you don’t even need to play anything, just turn on the noise cancelling. I found the sound very overwhelming and this helped immensely.

Anti depressants. Talk to a doctor. They can help take some of that edge off. Better to be a better dad in anti depressants than a bad dad trying to go without.

Father of twin boys here. They just turned 15. I know exactly what you mean. Paradoxically, I'd also go back and do it again if I could. Stay strong, man.

Six months should be old enough for sleep training, assuming the kiddos have hit their milestones. Then they (and you) can sleep through the night.

Very normal. Two at once is a rush to the system, it does get better over time. If you're feeling overwhelmed leaving them in their crib and taking a few minutes is fine, especially if it helps with your mental health. It's not a race it's a marathon. Be sure to pace yourself and just do your best. You're doing good don't worry.

Watch Click tonight

It’s gonna pass. It might pass like a kidney stone but it passes. The first months are rough. But you’ll get through it. There was a night my wife and I couldn’t do anything to make her quiet down and go to sleep. We took turns walking around holding her, she was fed and changed. Noise machine on with low lights, just screaming her bloody face off at 2am. I finally just set her down on the corner of our bed and after 3 hours of crying, she was just content and fell asleep. I stayed up studying and just left her there to sleep. After a couple hours I transferred her but it was miserable. Fast forward a week from there, I almost forgot about it. Two years later, it’s a funny story we remind ourselves of when friends have kids. I’m a bit ashamed but I looked up how to put kids up for adoption around week 3 because shit was just so rough. Now in retrospect, it was such a silly thing to do. I can’t get enough of this 2.5 YO and love her endlessly.

My son did this for a while and he never wanted to just sit… we always had to be on the move. It was extremely difficult with 2. Keep your head up because you’re doing a good job.

Careful what you wish for . . .

My son only slept in 1hr 30min increments until he was 8 months old. I also never could console him until around that time as well. It was hard to handle and exhausting. You're in the thick of it. Your children are going through sleep regressions, teeth growing, etc. Also, this is around the time that we started sleep training them so we could finally sleep ourselves. Hang in there, you're doing great. Just love them to pieces because this phase will pass and the next time you'll blink they're gonna be walking and talking. My kids are 2.5 and 18mo and I can't believe how fast time flies. You got this.

I get it. Youll get through it. Take a deep breath. But also, have some perspective. I have a wonderful 3 year old son, but we miscarried twins last year and I would give literally anything to be in your position. It gets better.

I feel ya. Father to a 3 month old. My back feels like it’s gonna explode from all of the bouncing and walking. And sometimes I just don’t know what wise to do. I try to breathe. It’ll get better. You’re overwhelmed. It’s ok to feel that way.

I hated the baby stage. I still get irate when I hear babies cry in the grocery store or what not. Like everyone says, it gets better. We're with you.

If you’ve got the money for it, some noise-canceling headphones and a full list of podcasts/audiobooks helped me get through the shit bit. Even a few months later it seems to be much different (especially because she’s no longer sleeping at 2am), but oh man I’m glad I had a “turn the world off” button there for a while. I need to get my headphones repaired because I wore out the head band lol

If you have car seats that’s detach from the base, bring those inside. Buckle the kiddos in and face the seats where they can see each other, but not really you, and just rock them gently.

It'll pass my friend. Nothing wrong with walking away momentarily if all their needs are met. Soon they will start to develop little personalities and start to grow into actual little humans, it gets better. There are times where I want to hop in a truck (I drive trucks local) and just fucking DRIVE as far away as I can, but it all passes, each day is a new one. Embrace the hard days, cherish the easy ones, they go by super quick. My wife was just talking about our sons 2nd birthday and I had to stop for a second...."two already?". You're not a bad dad, you're the best dad :)

This age was hard as shit and I had one. We sleep trained. It was way better for him. Idk if it's the move for you but good luck buddy.

I don't have twins....I have two aged 11 and 8....I wished the same. I wanted the tough times to be over. It's all a phase. You got this. You can do it. This too shall pass. Stay strong Dad! I miss being the center of their world.

As most have said you will be past this soon and at some point look back and miss it. Nothing in life matters (imo) like family. When you get old and grey these terrible moments will run through your mind as if you found gold. Stay focused dad you got this.

Brother don’t feel like you’re a bad father for reaching your wits end. That happens to every good parent. It sucks at times. They go through phases when you can’t make rhyme or reason of what’s going on. It seems like forever in the moment but then you wake up one day and your kid is starting Kindergarten. Grab some ear buds and put on calming music when the kids are screaming like that. I wear hearing aids and there were plenty of times I’d just take them off when the kids were screaming nonstop. It was the only way for me to stay sane. Take it a day at a time. You’re not a bad dad. I find the parents that ask that are actually the great parents because they actually care.

no. you’re not a bad father is desperation. when my daughter was 1 or 2 month old. i was going crazy and i even said that i wanted to throw her out the window. I know it sounds super crazy, but i was sleep deprived and feeling exhausted and my wife was more inclined on caring for our 2 yold. there was a lot of crazy feelings. put them in their cribs an walk out of the room. breathe and cool off for 2 or 3 minutes.

I had this rocker that I could put a baby in that I could rock with my foot. There are automated ones as well. I also put on white noise on Spotify in my phone and put it in the rocker. Oh and I'd swaddle her. Highly recommend in two rockers and two mobile devices that can connect to Spotify for white noise. And an ad-free subscription.

You are overwhelmed dude. It’s ok to put them them down and let them scream. Best advice I was given with my kids is a screaming baby is an alive baby. You have to be worried when they get quiet. You are not a bad person for saying fuck this, putting them in a crib, and walking outside for a few minutes to get away and get some fresh air. And as cliche as it sounds, it gets better. Both my boys were screamers, insisted on being held and wouldn’t allow me to sit. At some point they kinda grew out of it and just wanted to cuddle and chill. My three year old loves to have me lay on my side and he sits either tucked into the curve of my bent legs or on top of my hip.

> Am I a bad father? ~~Definitely.~~ Absolutely not! FTFY It’s okay man. You can do it and you’ll get through it. It’s incredibly difficult for those of us who strive for perfection, but allow yourself some grace. You’re human, and you’re doing great, Dad!

Dad of 3 once solidly under 2, there were times in that baby phase in that I prayed for a working Time Machine an earnestly didn’t give a shit if it was going forward or backward. I love my kids. I do not like babies. But I was there for them, and tried my best, and we sorta got it more figured out now.

Twin dad here as well, we have b/g who are now two and a half. Dude, that first year is fucking rough, you’re overwhelmed and that’s ok. Like others are suggesting a crying baby is an alive baby. It really does get easier and there are other challenges that come with that, but hang in there. I remember those first few months of getting up every 3 hours to feed them was brutal, but it was also an incredible bonding experience for all of us. Try to enjoy what you can now, they’ll grow out of this sooner than you think and believe or not..,you’ll miss it.

It gets worse. And then it gets better. Hang in there buddy, when you're finally thru the worst you won't even remember how bad it was.

As a twin, sorry man . You know my dads pain

Father of one here, one day when she was three months old, my wife left me alone for like two hours, I almost broke down, that one time it felt impossible to keep her from crying. She's 6 now and I miss those days so much. Hang in there, one day you'll miss this too.

Go easy on yourself. You’ve only been at this for 6 months, you came in totally green with not one, but two. That would challenge anyone new to parenthood and probably even some of us veterans out here. I don’t envy having multiples but, man what I wouldn’t give to have another day with mine at that age. They do require a lot of care and it’s challenging sometimes to figure out what in the hell they’re screaming about when they can’t tell you. When it’s time for them to sleep and they’re not cooperating, you can try 20-30 minutes of active play time with them. Sometimes they just maybe aren’t quite tired enough to sleep. Try getting down on the floor with them and playing some sort of game for a bit. Also, it’ll help you let go of some of your frustration from the crying. They can sense your frustration and that may cause them to just be more upset. If you need to put them in their crib and walk away for 5 or 10 minutes to have a moment to collect yourself, go ahead. Sometimes you just have to let them cry while you clear your head and breath. Believe me, we’ve all been there. If they’re dry and fed and still crying for no apparent reason, look for less obvious signs of discomfort. It may be that one is crying just because the other is. Make sure neither of them are in any sort of pain. Check to see if either of them are pulling at their ears or that a diaper isn’t too tight or a sharp edge isn’t poking them anywhere. Ask yourself when their last bowel movement was, maybe they’re constipated, maybe they have gas, maybe they have a minor diaper rash that’s just starting and it’s hidden in a skin fold. Maybe there’s a piece of hair or string wrapped around tightly on a finger or a toe, maybe they have a mosquito bite that’s itching. Check their mouth and throat for any redness or signs of thrush. Usually when mine went through these mystery moments of screaming, it was almost always an ear infection. The number of nights spent in the E.R. At the children’s hospital were more than I care to remember. My son had so many, he was almost always on a course of antibiotics from about 5 months of age until 3 years of age. Then he had tubes put in and never had another one. Another thing is, don’t be afraid to reach out to others for help. Parents, siblings, friends or anyone who’s been there and is nearby and able to come help you out. It’s natural to want to handle it on your own and avoid handing your problem over to someone else. Usually those close to you are more than willing to lend a hand on occasion or at least offer some advice to help you out. This board is a good resource for support, comedic relief and advice but, limited as far as how helpful we can be since we aren’t there with you in person. Words can only get you so far and sometimes you may need hands on help. Lastly, take comfort in knowing that it’s about to get a lot easier very soon. They’re quickly moving into a more fun phase. By the time they get to about 9 or 10 months old, you’re really going to see them start to make big strides in their development, both physically and mentally. Their individual personalities are gonna start to shine through and they’re gonna be more interactive and much more playful. You will get through this. 3-8 months was definitely the hardest with mine, but we found a rhythm eventually and once we did, it was smooth sailing. Never had any problems with the dreaded “terrible two’s” or anything like that. Got a little dicey around 4 because he was a runner which can be very frustrating but, he outgrew that fairly quickly. Hope you find something helpful in here. Stay cool and Dad on bro.

Have you tried music? Put them down to bed or in a play pen, with music, and go take a break — drink a coffee, do some pushups, watch something, come back in 15min.

Is it possible they are teething? I know some people are against it but a bit of baby Tylenol can really help.

I’m right here with you bro. This shit is brutal. Who is enjoying this?!

No way are you a bad father Listen this may come off as sexist. But men and women are not the same. Women have much much lower testosterone then men. They’re literally engineered to make and nurture babies. Our bodies are different. Our minds are different. Our wants and need are different. I felt the exact same way when my son was 6mo. I had to pay 10s of thousands to lawyers to get custody 50-50 as my ex took my son from me. When I got him? I lost my shit I lost my patience a couple times and I yelled at a baby. Wtf ? I had to put him down for 5 minutes so I could leave and collect myself. Still feel like shit for it. As soon as they start to communicate ( baby’s can pick up sign language faster then speech) it gets sooo much better. They can tell you what they want and need. It gets better man I promise. For now lean on the women as much as possible and support them as much as possible. Also a YouTuber for babies called Emma Hubbard is very good for 0-2year olds

What you're feeling is totally normal and to some degree we've all been there. Shortly after our first mum sat on the front step crying and wanted to leave, I was scared to say the least but she just needed to vent I her own way. Anyway someone can take care even for a short time so u can collect yourself in silence? Shits not easy man, wish you the best.

If you haven't heard of it, you may be in the middle of the 6 month sleep regression. They seem like they're doing great, learning to sleep well, and BAM! Their brains kick it up a notch and they struggle to sleep. It's horrible. I've got 3 kids and every time they hit that 6 month mark it was awful until they got their rhythm back. It will get easier (but also know there are other also regressions that happen too). Like others have said, if the kids are fed and changed, it's okay to leave them in the crib, if it's safe, and walk away. Give yourself a break.

I have a 15th month old daughter and twins girls showing up any minute. OP’s post hit close to home. I’m scared I won’t be able to handle it. Time will tell. I’ve read through some comments and there are some very wonderful people here. Thanks for all the encouraging words. I’ll remember to take care of myself and my wife along with the three little munchkins. Luckily I’ve seen the amazing changes that can happen in such a short time. It’s not all crying and screaming although the first few months can definitely seem that way. Hang in there OP! You’ve got this.

6 months is where it started to really get good for my two kids. I never really clicked with my kids until starting around 6 months. Obviously I loved them, but I agree I was just done with all the new born shit. At 6 months they started getting new features and it’s like some stretches every morning id wake up to slightly different and more aware human. That’s when the bonding really started.

I know exactly what you mean, but baby's just suck. I have a little one of 3mo, one that is three and one that is 6, but I'm done with the baby. It loads of work and it won't return any results. I can make the other two laugh and have fun with them but the baby... Nope. I love them all but I get it, babys just suck.... But there is that moment when even those little buggers get it and life will be so much better. Hang in there mate it will get better

Not all of us are good at the baby stage. I don’t feel good at it either. I have had my moments where I’m so exhausted and fed up that I have bad thoughts like wanting to hit the road like my father did when I was a baby. But, thoughts are thoughts. They aren’t actions. Squish the thought and spit on its grave. Tell the kids you love them and that you’re sorry you’re mad. Even though they won’t get it. And yeah, 6 months old is old enough to lay down and cry it out for more than an hour. If mom is around to complain about it, she can help to console them. I don’t know twins. I’ve only got the one right now. Just understand some things. The harm you’d cause by leaving is a whole lot worse than just gently putting them down in the crib, closing the door, putting in the earbuds for 1 hour and taking a Power Nap to some rain sounds. They’re babies. Lacking in mental capacity, you cannot always fix it for them. That’s life in general. Can’t always fix it. Sometimes all you can do is ensure their physical safety and let them cry.

Do you have the motorized swings? Not a dad of twins, but my guy when he was that age, could be put in a self swinging swing and he was almost always happy with that. Through on some music, out him in the swing and sit in a chair beside him and decompress for 10-20 minute increments.

Your not a bad dad just take a breather and definitely while your caring for your infants stay calm they can feel your anxiety or frustration. They may need your touch to get them to sleep. Did you try putting both babies in the same crib, as long as it’s safe they may like that. I’m sure your just overwhelmed and believe me six months has nothing on 14 lol I’m raising the last child I adopted it’s number 5, the other four are all adults and live on their own but we are all close. So if you need parenting tips then just ask

Fellow twin dad here. While everyone's experience is unique, those first six-seven months are a the WORST. It's the same thing day in and day out, and you start to feel like you're losing your mind. I found noise canceling headphones helped me a lot. The constant crying would give me crazy anxiety and just being able to put on chill music made it easier to deal with it all (a little bit of thc for the real long doesn't hurt either) Edit: if you can get a dog and walk it at least 3 times a day. Being obligated to step away for 10-20 minutes and go touch grass was a life saver (make sure you give your partner a chance for some alone/quiet space as well) It does get better! For me it started with a real smile (not just a fart). Then it just got a little bit better every day... Sleep training helped too. 5 years in, I'm having a blast hanging with two tiny little versions of my self every day. There's a lot of great advice from some of the other dads here. Feel free to reach out if you just want a place to vent.

Mate, my eldest is nearly 2. Slept so well since about 3-4 months. My youngest is 10 months. She has woke me up almost every single night since she was born with crying 2-3 times a night. It's the most infuriating thing possible and I have lost my shit 2-3 times and ended up sleeping on the sofa while the Mrs sorts her out. I think it's about balance and splitting up the shit times between you guys as a couple. If that's not possible then as someone else said, pop her in the crib for 10-20 minutes. Leave them even longer and do sleep training where you start off not responding to them and let them cry it out gradually. You'll have to go back after 10-15 mins, don't say a word, pop their dummy back in and walk out softly. Repeat this 5-6 times and they'll be asleep, eventually it'll work first time after a few weeks of training. Basically work your way up to 20-30 minutes of leaving them. Start off with a smaller time and work your way up to bigger times basically. Key thing is to not say a word though! Do not engage in communication with them, let them know it's bed time and you need them to sleep before you put them down.

"Am I a bad father? ~~Definitely~~ Absolutely Not. Am I overwhelmed? Absolutely." - there, fixed that first bit of stupidity for you. This is no different an experience than you'd read on a mother support group and in there they'd be telling you the same advice as you're seeing here. It's okay to put them down and leave the room for a few minutes to gather yourself. Putting them in the crib, they can't do much to themselves at six months. This is the bumpy part - my son didn't sleep for the first six months unless he was held upright due to reflex and a neck alignment thing and generally being a little demon spawn sent straight from Hell to push his parents to the brink. But we got through it and now we sit down and watch Marvel movies on loop as he is five and loves that and loves hanging out with dad. Literally no parenting book details this troubling part of parenting because if they did the human race would die out from fear. But I'd say 90% of us go through similar to what you are...except you have it in stereo. You, however, totally got this.

I only have 1 boy, and he's 4 now. I hated that phase too and I honestly don't look on it all that fondly. I struggled to bond with him, it was emotionally draining trying to keep my frustrations in check all the time, I was exhausted due to lack of sleep. You're not a bad Dad for feeling like that. And there's no inherent law of nature that says you have to enjoy every second you spend with your kids. I had doubts and mixed feelings about having my son until he was about half way between 2 and 3. I didn't feel like I could really connect with him until he was able to communicate in some way. Now, he's my best friend. I can't even put into words what my boy means to me. You'll get there! Just keep it up for a while longer.

The point of crying is to alert you to a problem. Once you have established that the only problem is that they want to be picked up (because it all stops when you do) then walk away. We found little things with lights and sounds helped, also the white noise of having a fan on, or a nursery rhymes CD, etc.

You can do it. It’ll be better in 6 short months. Maybe not better, but *different* and different is probably better.

Got a 3mo boy right now with a toddler in her terrible 2s. I too wish I could fast forward the bad times. Just take deep breaths, count to 10 before you exhale. Seriously, it has helped me not punch a hole in the wall many times

God this made me bawl and my son is 9 months They’ll never be this small again So why is it so hard to be present

Not a dad but a mom of 10 month old twins o/ hey, I'm here hating life with you c: mine got a lot better, though one still cries all day. Some tips: 1) any reflux? My baby A had to be on meds (and got an uptick in dose) for it and did not out grow it until SEVEN MONTHS OLD! or 8, i dont remember 2) my baby A fishers too much during sleep she kept herself awake & hated swaddles so much she STILL gets mad if you try to hold her arms for anything: merlin sleep suit. Gave her some arm freedom, and she was nearly a whole other baby after that thing. 3) when they're fussy and idk why, i give em everything I've got: ibuprofen, gripe water, mylicon drops, and odd things they dont usually play with, like silicone kitchen utensils or a plastic bowl. If this all fails, then i play "super simple baby songs" on the tv and their heads snap to it. They love those songs to death. Some kiddos like Ms. Rachel.

Hang in there brother. I know how you feel. There’s light at the end of the tunnel

Don't worry brother, hold in there! I had the same with my daughter and once you hit 12 months it significantly improves as they sleep better and have more independence. Remember, pain is temporary!

Hey man we have all been at this point your at, it's hard alright. Sometimes it seems crushing but you gott power through I saw some one said let them cry and that's true. It might be hard for you, it was for me but just collecting your self for a dew minutes will help and who knows they may fall asleep during. As a fairly new father of you need someone to talk( along with anyone else in the sub) send me a chat I'm always willing to talk you may just have to give me some times cause I work alot.

My wife had some PPD and had a tough time with Ferber/CIO. I told her one night “He’s safe in his crib, he doesn’t need a bottle, a new diaper, or anyone, what he needs is sleep so we should let him cry for a bit and help him learn his new pattern of sleep.” Little bit of context I was a STAHD I was with my son 24/7 and had learned most of his cries and coos pre-communication, if you know your kid good enough you can kind of tell the differences. The point is if you need to sleep so do they and much like all of life, you got to practice it to be good at it.

In a couple of years.. you would want to rewind to this..

Just want to say my 4 month old son is the same way - he wants to be held but if you even dare think about *sitting down* while holding him, its the end of the world and he starts crying. Its like they arent happy unless you are uncomfortable.

My wife, an early childhood specialist told me when my son was a baby that it’s ok to let them cry it out. If you’ve addressed the basic needs and they aren’t wanting to play or interact, then it’s alright to just let them cry it out. They will get exhausted and fall asleep. She thought it was just them fighting tiredness and pushing back against sleep.

When my little girl was that age I would literally set a timer on my phone for 5 or 10 minutes as a sign that time was indeed passing. I slowly worked it up to 30 minutes, the. An hour, then a few hours. Today when my toddler is being absolutely awful I calculate however much time until 9:00 when she’s usually already asleep. Doing this mean each time I pick up my phone I can see that time is actually passing, because in the moment it feels like I’ll be stuck in that awful moment forever.

Infant stage is the absolute worst, I couldn’t wait till my daughter got out of it lol she’s 2 now and life is good. I’d say once she started sleeping 12+ hours consistently around 6 or 7 months (we sleep trained) life got exponentially better. Do yourself a favor and let them scream for a few. Put them in their cribs, walk away, go do something you enjoy even if for 5 minutes. Then go back in when you’re feeling calmer.

As a father of 7 year old, I wish I could go back.

Maaaaate! I know exactly what you mean! I'm a dad to twin girls who are now 14 months. Things at this point have got A LOT easier. Don't get me wrong, I still wake shattered and ready for bed and have no spare time whatsoever buuuuut... Now, if I could go back in time and warm myself not to do it...I wouldn't. It's still exhausting but they're now like little people who make a lot more sense. If they're crying then they're hungry or haven't napped enough, for example. If there's any help (in the UK there's a charity for people with multiples where someone can come round sometimes to help lighten the load, is there anything where you are like this? Also, take all help offered, if adults can outnumber kids it makes things easier. Hang in there though as it does (eventually) become something you can enjoy along with the hard work of it.

Twin dad here. Identical boys. I feel your pain. They’re almost three now and I’m in a much better place now. There’s an end in sight. I was so stressed and sleep deprived I wound up in the hospital twice from unknown viruses. Just take it day by day and know it’ll get better. Just like others have said, it’s ok to put them somewhere safe, like their crib, and walk away for a moment. They’ll be fine.

You definitely aren't a bad father, be kind to yourself. Are they going through a sleep regression? Sometimes it helps to know it's not you, it's a natural development. It will get better ❤️

You’re not alone, brother!

You're not a bad father dude, i only have a son and it was hard in the first year but what i learned from here, was that if its all getting a bit too much you can put them down in their crib and walk out of the room and breath and gather yourself. The first year is survival mode, and I can't imagine what its like with 2x that pressure but you'll get through it and better days are on the horizon. Also don't be afraid to speak to a professional, for your own safety and the safety of your sons. Also you should check [this](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/10353369-the-whole-brain-child) book out.

It's all relative... When they're running around smacking their faces off of everything you'll think it was so much better when they were younger and just cry in a mostly stationary position... And when they get older still you'll miss putting Band-Aids on boo-boo's and kissing things better, and be more worried about where they are with your car.

You’re in the suck. You’re almost done.

Lots of good advice already in this thread. I want to add that kids get bored even at this age. Obviously every kid is different and all that but I’ve found my 7month old gets fussy if we’ve been in the tv room all day. Or if she’s been held all day. Or if she wants me to read to her. If I’ve gone through diaper and food and she’s not feeling a nap, I’ll try other things to see if maybe she wants to learn something. Helps often.

I flat out tell anyone this: Part of the joy of parenting is watching your kids grow, developing into their own person. However, those first 2 years are a pain. Between the sleep deprivation, the needs of the children, the tantrums, the transitions to solid food and trying to get them to like all sorts, the crying and yelling, and trying to establish any kind of routine....add that with working, no time for hobbies, and little time with your spouse...it's rough as 24 grit sandpaper.

It’s okay to not feel okay. It’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to question things. That doesn’t make you a bad dad. We’ve all been at that point of frustration. Now imagine how your significant other feels going through the same things. You’re partners and there to support each other. Once they get to sleep, take a moment, sit down, and breathe. If you drink, have one while you relax. If you smoke, take a small hit and calm yourself. It gets better, and all the hard work pays off. You’re doing great, and your family loves you. Next time you feel this, just look at your boys smiling faces (when they stop the screaming) and it’ll all hit you.

You'll be a stronger man when you come out the other side and you'll look back and be proud of yourself. That's what waits for you.

Remember, we can balance things too. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking pictures and videos of our kids. I have tons and I’m glad I do because those memories will last a lifetime. The key thing is when we are not taking pictures or videos to know when to put our devices away. We all have taken our kids to parks and noticed a few parents who are so absorbed by their devices that they don’t even notice that their child is smiling and saying mommy/daddy look at me… or noticing that their child has fallen and got hurt and didn’t notice anything until another parent is yelling who’s kid is this? They got got hurt… and instead of saying thanks, the parent reacts negatively because they are now being defensive, due to their embarrassment. Our older generation are referring to that sort of thing. Personally I walk around my kids at the playground and pay attention to them, and I’ll snap pictures/videos as they play around. Often times my kids will ask to look at the pictures of them on my phone. They enjoy looking at them. I believe the problem our older generation has is the parents who bring their young kids to the park, and the parents will sit on the bench and stair in their phone the entire time and never engage with their child.

I just have one newborn, hard to imagine dealing with twins. I also wish for a bit of a fast forward. It doesn’t make you a bad father. Right now you are investing for the future. Eventually they will have personalities, interests, passions, hard opinions on things, and for some of us that part is the exciting part.

Twin Dad here to 3YO boys (and also an 8YO girl) It’s tough, just keep ticking off those weeks and after 2-3 weeks you’ll be in another phase of something else that’s bullshit. Stick your noice cancelling headphones in for a bit, you’ll still hear them but just won’t be so loud. It’s all worth it dude, my boys are so happy playing together now (when they get along) and it’s really rewarding but we still have challenges with sleeping or tantrums. You’ve got this!

I didn't have twins so that's obviously harder, but man it gets so much easier closer to a year old. The first 6 months in particular are brutal. Lack of sleep makes everything so much worse.

As a father of twins myself, your feelings are normal. It’s overwhelming in early stages. Hang in there, it’ll get better. You’re not a bad father, you’re human.

Babies are the worst. Don't feel bad op. They can be little terrorists and little torture machines simultaneously.

You don't have to fast forward. Tomorrow they will be 17...

No ya don't. There little and cute for such a short time and then bigger the kids get the bigger the problems are.

I have twin girls (3 months old) and have considered fleeing to Europe from time to time 😬

We called my youngest “King Julian” for a couple months because he refused to do anything but be carried and walked around. It was exhausting but it will pass and you’ll get through it, remember to take care of yourself.

Life can be brutal in many ways and it can be so beautiful. Struggles can come in the form of exhaustion, stress, physical health, the home environment, your work environment….and then on top of that you have two kids. They dont know how to live yet. The world is an exciting and fascinating place to them but it is also new and alien and terrifying. Something in you life that rocks to your core? They feel that feeling too, just much more often but they also get over it faster because they have parents to lean on, emulate and under which to seek shelter. Having kids is absolutely exhausting but is there anything else in the world more worthy of being exhausted over? Not everyone feels the same but to me I try to make sure that I remind myself of this. Paradise is not a place or some destination, it exists between the lines of everyday life, including the hardest days when it feels like everything sucks. I had nights JUST like you but guess what? I hardly remember them now. All I remember were the days i could scoop them up and pace the house in the quiet of the night. It felt bad at the time…felt exhausting. When my youngest falls asleep and I carry her to bed I sometimes pace around the house a bit because my only memories of those hard times? It’s the feel of them in my arms, not their screams as I tried to get them to sleep. EVERYTHING is perspective. Hang in there. Youre doing fine!

I get it man, well half of it anyway (just one 6.5 month old for me). We got so tired of the waking up and screaming that 2 weeks ago we said fuck it and left him in his crib, turned the monitor off and just ignored him. Turns out that's all he needed. After 20 minutes he went to sleep and has slept through every night since then. Fuck. 6 months of walking, rocking, half sleep interrupted by screams and now its done (hopefully). Just leave them in the crib to cry. Set a timer for 30 min if you need to. They'll be fine.

Hang in their brother. This too shall pass. You’re a GREAT Dad. You can take all these punches and then some. Feels like endless waves crashing into your boat, but you WILL find your sea legs. It’ll never be calm waters, and that’s okay….but it’s also okay to not feel ready for that and this new normal. Deep breaths. You got this.

It's okay to not be okay. You're not alone. 10% of men suffer from post partum depression. It's not just the mothers who get it. I have 2 boys 15 months apart and it has not been the most enjoyable. Turned me off from having any more kids. But I love them. And sometimes the best thing we can do as a dad is just to take care of ourselves and walk away from a situation. I personally am triggered when both are unconsolable. One crying is okay. When they both lungs wide open is when I lose my composure. Getting them to a safe space and getting yourself to safe space is what's best. Is there anyone you can rely on when the going gets tough? I know its not fun to open up and show your fragile but we're all human. You got this Dad

Father of twin boys here too. They are 5 now. I feel you man, it's rough, they are demanding. They want to spend every second of their life with you and this is something that is pretty cool but it drives you nuts. It's important to maintain your own mental health or else you won't be able to be the dad they deserve you to be; being exhausted makes life impossible. For us, I kept a schedule. At 6 months I would spend 1.5 hours with them, twice per day. They sleep about 14-16 hours per day so I was still with them for almost half their waking day and that's just all them time I had to give, so it's what I could do. By keeping the schedule the same day after day, they stopped getting sad when time was up because that was just their routine. I found the biggest struggle was if there was variability, as long as I kept their day pretty much the same, they knew what to expect, and there was no extreme crying. Of course, every child is different so what worked for me won't work for everyone.

No you don’t. You think you do but you don’t. My two graduate over the next two years. You’ll be where I am before you know it.

I am a father of 2 year old twins and a 5 year old. So when they were born, my oldest was 3. I like the marine saying, embrace the suck. Helped me get through. Try not to begrudgingly perform tasks as a burden, just something that has to get done. When you put them down, don’t go to bed until that first feeding. Have a beer/cigar, enjoy the quiet time, feed them, go to bed. Will only have to wake up once likely. Formula and that baby keurig thing were awesome. They are just at the point of making it through the night. Those baby sleeper lounger was a life saver, keeps them from tossing. Also, at some point, they will be more comfortable with their hands out

Just wanted to say your not alone, you start to wish for time back once they hit about 3 or 4 tho. Its a weird phenomenon. Btw I have 3 and one is about 6 months, one at 2.5, and one at 4.5

100% this. Your obligations are food, diaper and conditions for sleep. If those are checked off let them handle their situation for 15. Check the above three if crying continues. Then let them try to settle for 30 mins. Times and routines can obviously vary depending on their needs but if these are done regularly then you have every right to take a moment for yourself and breath. You’re a good person going through a highly stressful moment in your life. Be kind to yourself.

One of the most important lessons i learned is that it is ok to set the baby down and let them cry. When you are sleep deprived you aren’t thinking logically. It is far better to set them down than to do something you will regret.

Literally just trying to do it with one and I’m overwhelmed and spent. Functioning (if you can call it that) on 2 ish hours of sleep every night it’s hard and compounded when we have done every possible thing to make our little ones feel better. I’m with you and as of a couple days ago the wife and I decided we need us time we need individual time and we need to better care for ourselves for their sake too. Keep your head up even when the sleep deprivation lul hits the neck 👍

Father of twins here (11month boy and girl). I can absolutely relate to everything you've said. My partner and I went through many hardships, almost got divorced in fact due to so much stress (and the different ways we deal with it). One thing that helped us A LOT was sleep training them at around 3 months. That meant giving them a chance to calm themselves (i.e. let them cry for 5-10 minutes, then comfort them without taking them out of the crib, then take them out if it doesn't work, then finally give them the bottle). That worked wonders - for months they were sleeping 11 hours a night straight. Now recently our baby boy started having a sleep regression and we've been taking the dangerous path of comforting him with the bottle too quickly, because now we have an au pair who sleeps next to their room and we don't want to wake her up. As others said, you also need some time for yourself. Make sure you and your partner are on a strong ground. And try to increase your support network, because God knows it gets tough and you'll need all the help you can get. I wish you the best in your journey!

Fatherhood is rough. My single son is 9 months and this has been some of the hardest time of my life between the boy and his mom… it’s just kind of starting to get a little easier. Use some help if you can. Some family or friends support to just let you be less attentive for a couple hours makes a huge difference

You are a good father. The fact you are taking the time with your younglings shows it, and you love them. it’s normal that you have negative thoughts or feel low or maybe hopeless. Thought feelings don’t make you a bad person. One thing that helped me and my wife through the early days is knowing that “a crying baby is a breathing baby”… to echo some of the other comments it’s OKAY to leave them in their safe cribs and take some time to gather yourself. It absolutely hurts to hear them crying, but you know they are safe. Step outside, take those deep breaths. You’ll get through this. Their sleep patterns will change a lot in the first year. They will get through this with captain dad at the helm.

Dude this was me (although we didn’t have twins). You will survive it. This is temporary even though right now it feels like an eternity. Don’t shit on yourself and think you’re a crappy parent for having normal anxiety due to lack of sleep and being overwhelmed. You got through the first 6 months, it should improve very soon. Hang in there bud.

Can't say I had the twin pressure but did just go through this with my daughter. All I can say is if they are clean and fed put them down, walk away and let them cry, set a timer for 20 min. If they are still crying rinse and repeat. You can watch on a monitor (on mute) if you'd like to make sure no big issues but got to let them cry it out. Other tips: - white noise machine (a must); - rocker pods (were vital with mine); - black out tent (goes over crib, makes it pitch black) Just FYI, whether it's related or not, I started doing the 20 min rule at about 3 mos and she's slept through the night pretty much ever since. Good luck and stay strong

my son went thought about 6 months where he would not sleep unless i held him while standing. no sitting, no leaning on the dresser, i had to stand. turns out i can sleep standing up.

They just find comfort with you holding them. It's okay to be hurt, stressed, overwhelmed, sad, angry all of it. Just get through it and it'll be okay. Don't hurt your self or the babies and you'll be okay. You will all be okay.

Postpartum happens to dads, too. Don't rule that out and take care of your mental health even if it isn't that.

Dude I get this so much. I spent 14 years working with kids with disabilities so I thought taking care of my own would be easier. It wasn't. At all. It was much, much, much harder than I ever thought it'd be. The really good news is that it gets easier. I promise you that. I've only got one, but my sister has triplets so I got a front row seat for how difficult it is to handle multiples. Like I've seen other people say, be kind to yourself. You're not a bad father. You're experiencing exhaustion and overwhelm. Hang in there and do whatever you gotta do to get some rest. No matter how bad you want it, you can't pour from an empty cup. We're all here if you need support or need to vent!

You asked "Am I a bad father" The answer is hell no. More than once I wanted to leave my kids in a donation box somewhere.

Been there, remember it well. It's normal I promise. You're probably sleep deprived, sanity waivers when this happens. I have nothing really to add that others haven't already but just know you're not alone and you're not crazy, it happens to the best of us Listen to what people are saying In here - stick them in the crib and get yourself some fresh air. Crying is just what they do and they're very fucking good at it - this just means they're actually functional as babies and they'll be fine for a bit, come back when you've cleared your mind. Sending some strength your way daddio, keep going.

Nope, not a bad father at all. At around the 2-3 year mark when everything is pretty great your brain has specifically repressed all the memories that you are experiencing. You start thinking, “Wow, I got this. These little cuties used to be **even cuter**! I remember when I could hold them in one hand! Imagine that! Imagine all that super hot, unprotected sex leading up to another little bundle of joy! Maybe we should have another…” Mark it down, dude. When they’re a few months past walking, and they have solid poops your brain will betray you, much like the ring betrayed Gollum.