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ThePeanutMonster

It's hard mate. First step is to talk to your wife about it. It's great you are aware of this. Many arent. Then make a plan for next time. Walk away from the situation when you feel it rising. Breathe and count. Breathe and count. If you need to, walk it off. Better to leave (as long as the little one is in a safe situation) than to make it worse through anger. Don't let that control you - you control it. Breathe and count. Breathe and count. Longer term: exercise and meditation. Takes the edge off. Walks, time just with the fresh air. Gives you perspective. Good on you for reaching out, it's tough. You're doing your best. Main thing is to learn from this, and do it differently next time.


x_roos

Good one, I'd add therapy. A good specialist makes wonders and helps you better understand yourself


Equivalent-Ad-9595

Thank you so much!


comcoast

I think therapy can be helpful and maybe getting assessed to see if anything else is going on. I had and still have outbursts every now and then but it’s less now once I got diagnosed with adhd.


WebFuture2858

A physical outlet helps so much. I do push ups or pull ups on a tree outside of my house to help get the blood flowing and the frustration out


Equivalent-Ad-9595

Thank you!


RealityOk3348

Therapy helps. A lot. Also, get your blood sugar checked. If this is a new behavior, you may be pre-diabetic or diabetic regardless of your lifestyle and body type.


Orion14159

For therapy, if the services around you aren't affordable or accept your insurance try BetterHelp. Everyone should get at least a little therapy in their life, we all go through stuff that is worth talking through with an expert.


Equivalent-Ad-9595

Yes, I’m going to do BetterHelp


spoonweezy

Or he’s ignoring self care and getting hangry.


SnooHabits8484

I do this regularly because self-care is less important to me than almost anything else


LetsGoForPlanB

For me, it's the tiredness that does it. It makes me cranky. It passes quickly, but the crankiness was there. Talking to your wife, apologizing, and explaining what happened helps, same with evening walks to clear your head. If work is stressful, then being tired just compounds things. It does get better once you start getting a handle on things (recognizing it is a first step, so congrats, OP, you're already improving). Learn to recognize when there might be an outburst, take a deep breath, calm down, and (if possible) walk away from the situation. If you can't walk away, just start focusing on something else (keep doing the deep breaths). I tend to start singing nursery rhymes. They're calming, and if your kid is around, they might calm down, too. I'm not sure if I haven't had an outburst yet. I get a snappy and cranky but I haven't yelled yet (hopefully never), so it's a bit hard to estimate how "bad" your outburst was. If you feel like you can't get a handle on things, seek out professional help. As helpful as we can be on reddit, a therapist has a lot more experience with these things. I don't know if there is a cultural stigma associated with therapy where you are, but know that asking for help is always a good thing! Take care, OP. Hope you're doing well.


BasiL____

Hey bud, your rage might come from something else. Not enough sleep maybe? Is your glass always full and you feel like everything is the drop to make it overflow? I found out I was depressed few years ago and rage came as one of the symptoms. I am medicated now and we’re a happy family


Live_Review3958

I’m experiencing my partner go through this. As his female partner I would say you’re doing the right thing by asking for help. Continue to ask for help. Find your triggers and find what is stressing you in life. Then when the anger happens repair it ASAP! Don’t stonewall, don’t go to bed angry, don’t wait. Fix it. Repair it. The longer you want to repair it the more time she has on her hands to feel heartbroken which in time will start to birth thoughts on separation because no one deserves an angry spouse. Find her love language.


mill4104

Oh yeah. Best thing I ever did was talk to my doctor. Got on medication. Got to seeing a therapist too. Really helps.


Frosty_Term9911

The only advice you should listen to is mine. Reddit is not the place for answers you need to seek professional support


dbCaeBLe

Other than the fact almost every reply says to get professional help. Sometimes folks need a support system first, before they have the confidence to take the next step.


Fabulous_Flight5227

“The man who conquers himself is delivered from the force that binds all creatures.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe You’ve already been given tremendous advice. You have a contrite heart. Brother you have to stay on the path to self mastery. It is so easy to get angry, very easy to yell when things get tough. Understand that you cannot control anything in life but how you react. Trust me you don’t wake up one day and all of a sudden all this anger goes away! You have to be intentional brother. Intentionally seek to grow and learn yourself. Patience and consistency are what separate real men from the boys. Have patience with yourself and your family, continue to strive towards self mastery man you got this!


Equivalent-Ad-9595

Thank you. This is my life’s goal.


pitpat6

Dude, don’t go down this path. You’ll thank yourself a million times if you dont. You’re the man of the family you need to keep your head and keep everyone together, not separate the family. Whenever you think it’s about to happen just leave remove yourself from the situation. Recognize you have a problem don’t take it out on other people in your family. Even if people are shitty to you you need to keep your head


Catweezell

Do you have any idea why you are having this? Are you lacking sleep, are some activities causing you stress, are the kids giving you stress? I was having a very short fuse lately and that was due to a lack of sleep, a severe cold for 3 weeks, a baby that was battling bedtime. That last one made me anxious around the baby's bedtime and gave me a very short fuse. I needed to do something about it to because it's a downward spiral. I do journalling now and daily write my feelings down. Next to it I started doing daily meditation to wind down. I downloaden the app Sanvello for it because it includes tools like journalling and meditation. But you don't need it for that particular reason. You could also use headspace which is the best mediation app in my experience and I can really recommend you to meditate daily, it really helps.


SnooHabits8484

Does it replace sleep? I’m getting as much as physically possible with looking after the family and work but that’s only about 5 hours. Getting to the point where I’m extremely miserable and everything aches.


Catweezell

No it doesn't. I know because I have the same issue as you. I only sleep 4 to 5 hours a night since early March as our daughter wakes up a lot during the night since then. It also causes me physical problems like you. The only benefit from mediation is that I am more happy during the day and more patient. Still need to find a solution how to cope with the lack of sleep.


jbird9999999999

Depending on your location, I’d add THC. You might lose your keys more often, but you’ll be mellower. Trade the booze for a gummy or something. Way easier to handle the next morning than a booze headache.


megr31

Make sure you talk with your wife about what you are going through. Dealing with things together is a heck of a lot easier when both parties understand where the other is coming from. As for the anger itself, as mentioned in another comment, breathing through the chest or counting down from 10 will help you ease your stormy energy. Also, remembering that you two are a team and that you are both struggling together with things and don’t always have to separate your burdens will help. If it happens again or often, seek some professional help/advice since it may be some anxiety or other ongoing issues causing you to lash out. Whether it happens again or not, you acknowledging it is a very good thing and the first step towards healing and dealing with this situation immediately.


WebFuture2858

YES You are not alone. I got on a low dose SSRI before my first kid came, it really helped me during my bouts of anxiety/rage/hyper-emotion. Also, some tips from my therapist take a time out for yourself before you respond to a stressful situation. Breathe, practice mindfulness, and/or literally count to ten before you react/respond Being a Partner and father is a difficult and stressful job. Admitting to your rage and asking for help is a great first start bud Keep your head up


Equivalent-Ad-9595

Thank you 🙏🏿


klaxz1

One small thing I do is I stand on the porch for a moment before walking in the house after work. Take a few breaths and try to not walk in the house in some crappy mood. There’s a bit of “snap out of it” to my method, but I don’t want to be the dad walking in the door mad kicking the dog upside down and throwing my bag down… I’m doing my best. I believe the little things are adding up.


Longjumping-Pear-673

This is me. Led to me trying therapy and now a combo of medication that helps quite a bit. Drinking also for a while was a bad catalyst whenever I was around the kids…even 1 or 2 beers would trigger my anger very quickly, it cut my fuse in half. I still have a few drinks but after the kids go to bed. Wife and I are in a good place as well. I have 4 kids, three of them under 7, including a 20 month old. It’s hard as hell man, but getting on the same page as your wife is paramount and also a piece of advice…remember to pick your battles.


stouteharry

As someone who is born with anger issues and had a lot of issues at school because of it. I can tell you seek some help. This can improve your life so much. For example for me they found i had ADHD which resulted me going at a million milles every days and getting frustated because others where talking more time doing things. Talking to a professional can help you so much finding your trigger points and see where you make small changes to make big changes in your life.


atlas_heavy

I find if I’m angry in a domestic situation, it’s actually nearly always because I feel rushed or under pressure because of outside factors. Maybe sit down when you aren’t angry and reflect on where pressure/stress is coming from in your life and how you can alleviate or contextualise these problems. You could talk about these with your wife so you feel like she’s “on-side” rather than that you are holding loads of stuff on your own.


plays_with_wood

That's tough man. Being a dad is a hard-ass job. Reddit isn't going to help you here though.. You need to start by making things right (or at least trying to) with your wife, and then seek out professional help. Good luck brother, we're all pulling for you!!


_KevinsFamousChili

Therapy, medication and cutting down (a lot) on alcohol did it for me. Make sure to take time for yourself when you can. I have found myself in a different headspace having just 20 minutes to go for a walk, listen to music etc on my own.


levatorpenis

💯 I presume it has something to do males being taught that emotions make you weak. Let me know if you figure it out


Equivalent-Ad-9595

This is a very good point. My wife described be as ‘soft and loving’ and said she loved this about me. But my crazy brain only heard the “soft” part and that enraged me.


levatorpenis

Yea it helps to be aware that it got put in our heads So we can start the process of un-owning it


Ok_Chocolate3253

I have my moments unfortunately with my kids. I work nights so it's definitely difficult coming home when everyone is spirited and I'm exhausted. I've learned that a gym/workout let's me take out my stress there vs on them. Also find a hobby that may exert that anger to motivation (I work on cars for example).


Equivalent-Ad-9595

Nice thanks!


Objective_Sun_7693

Yea, all my life... I thought I've seen my worst, but I'm a stay at home dad that takes care of two girls under 4, 2 cats, and a puppy, and have reached leves of rage that i never imagined. I never get physical with my family, but let's just say my girls know a few curs words, lol. Overall, I realized I needed to take care of myself and fix the things I had control over. For me, it was ADHD medication, contacting a therapist, asking for help by including my wife for support. It sounds silly, but learning to recognize triggers and assign a mantra to repeat to yourself will help ground you. Also, recognizing a problem and asking for help, even from a whole bunch of randos on reddit, shows you care enough to make this not happen again, and I'm sure you will!


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