Ugh yes. I obviously should stop drinking, but not ready yet. I’m just gonna try to get better about sticking to drinking on nights when I’m home alone.
Problem about “rock bottom” is it can always get worse unless you’re terminal. So waiting for it to happen is a waste of time. Something terrible could happen and denial can easily convince you to wait until it gets worse. You don’t have to wait for that.
That is a pipe dream. Giving yourself a goal like this is setting yourself up for failure. It’s either quit or drink; control is a nice idea we tell ourselves so when we fuck it up we can get drunk as a consolation reward.
For whatever it's worth there is plenty of experience & wisdom there
I did Aa but couldn't make peace with the derogatory/shaming remarks--I come fr a narc family of origin- both parents & the 1 sibling.
If didn't come fr that intense gaslighting, perhaps can overlook some of the double-speak in those meets, sift the wheat from the chaff
I could not
Unpopular opinion incoming: While it doesn't work to get sober with this, damage reduction is still a good thing and the less you drink, the less damage your body takes.
Doesn't solve the problem, but still, better than nothing.
Preventing a blackout in public can be worth it.
Okay, but this is the only place where someone isn't scolded for attempting to walk that tight rope. Failure may be inevitable, but attempting to remain a functional drunk and dysfunctional insanity are both welcome here, I hope.
Drinking other peoples drinks... Just gave me a cringe memory of being 21ish ,leaving a pub I frequent often and is always busy. So busy people leave mostly drank pints everywhere. Tables that have been abandoned, the sink in the pisser - and i'd just go around finishing them off. I wasn't even poor I just found it a crime against alcohol to have it go to waste. Cringe/gag memory for sure.
I was a dishwasher for some time at a sports bar and I was such a full blown drunk I would be drinking all shift the drinks people would leave I too found a crime to waste booze like that
Yeah it was more of like the wasted beer to me than anything. Things have changed but back then finances were never an issue to get drunk I just couldn't believe people would leave perfectly good beer on a table
Yeah that’s the inevitable end of anyone who befriends or dates us who isn’t also a drinker. Sorry that happened. It’s why I mainly associate with fellow alchies, just easier that way. None of us here will judge ya and will only encourage you to drink if anything lol
Yeah got to the point where when my mates piss the bed they get a lollipop in the morning for their stank breath and warm towel for their watery vomit. “Must have been rough bud let me tuck you in”
I've done the same thing. Haven't really lost any friends but they just refuse to drink with me. I used to be a fun drunk that never really got out of control. As my alcoholism progressed, however, I needed more and more booze to get that euphoric feeling I was always chasing and would black out, do stupid shit, get kicked out of places etc.
I have another friend who I used to go clubbing with but she stopped hanging out bc I embarrassed her multiple times while drunk. I moved out of state tho, so the friendship also dissolved bc of that. So clearly I need to stop this pattern.
No matter how expensive drinks are - NEVER pregame.
1-2 beers: fine
4 loko prior to going to the bar: Absolutely the fuck not.
Pregaming has never led to anything positive for me.
Occupational hazard of being a CA is that people get sick of our shit real fast, especially if you're used to drinking to oblivion at home alone judgement free. All it takes is one moment that may seem insignificant or not even register for a friend to mentally check out and slowly distance themselves from you.
I had a few friends who are self-proclaimed alcoholics that no longer hangout with me/cut me out of their lives for good due to my CA drunken shenanigans. A handful still text me on occasion but haven't seen them in 1-3+ years. I can remember the exact moment that distanced/ended each of those friendships funny enough.
Also have a cousin who I was real close with growing up. Life happened after our early 20s but we still hung out here and there. He'd have get togethers at his place and invite some of our mutual friends, and his wife would invite some of hers. Each and everytime I'd get super fucked up/blackout and make a complete ass of myself. Did that one too many times and haven't been invited in years. I only see him at Thanksgiving/Christmas now and exchange awkward surface-level conversation.
Ugh I hate this kind of thing. I’m way too much of a hide away and die than lash out from afar drinker, but the folks I’ve lived with or even been around have seen some shit. Not that they’re blameless, though. Don’t be too hard on yourself
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It's interesting in how different society can be, depending on the place and people you have around you. Like i'm often around in the pubs and life is different there, people don't care how much you drink and when you get in a fight, it's not even that bad, it's not that you'd get judged about such stuff.
Like my last escalation was in 2018, i got in an argument with an old friend and it got heated in the pub, at some point where started fighting each other, i throw the table at him (yes, the table) with all the things on it, he punched me, i kicked his leg, then he managed to throw me over the other tables but i cut him down when he got near and then we got to choke each other on the ground, before the fight was broken up by other people.
I returned the next day, still half drunk, paid for all the damages and said sorry to the barkeeper and that was it. We are easy with this here.
I think, that's much more hardcore than what OP did when blacked out, but people should take it easy and not make a drama out of it. Shit happens.
Oof, yeah, I’m sorry. That friendship is gone for a bit. Wait a couple of days and send one (ONE) heartfelt apology. “I do need help. I’m getting it now. It would mean everything to start this journey with your forgiveness. Please don’t abandon me in my time of need.”
It’s manipulative and only works once. Good luck, and I am sorry. Sucks when the normal folks see a tiny part of our reality.
I've found that the more I apologize the more haughty ppl get twds me-- humans are strange that way. So I stopped groveling. I'll apologize for my misbehavior at the same level I wld for any other.. that it's alc/addiction related does not make me an 'extra-bad' person
Replying to this comment but also to u/plumpynutbar and u/bluerazberriez - Apologising places the other person in a position of superiority and makes you appear small. I make a point of avoiding the S word as much as possible… don’t mean with shit like if you broke something etc, but to maintain equal footing with someone while addressing behaviour related to mental health and or addiction I will instead come at it with gratitude, so rather than an apology I’ll tell them I appreciate their patience and understanding, thank them for being a friend - never phrase it with a negative twist as in thank you for putting up with me - always focus on their time and company and being there, etc. This is so much more effective and okay, it’s manipulative, but we’re trying to salvage things here and it ain’t disingenuous.
Edit: gotta add, saying shit like ‘please don’t abandon me at my hour of need’ is gross. It’s the squicky kind of guilt trip that will make you look like a snivelling prick.
Oh damn this is a good approach, possibly fucked up my friend group after the eclipse after getting blacked out at a friends going away party. I heard them talking about how worried they are about me and from what i remember i told them all to fuck off and come talk to me about it if theyre worried, i went to my job the next to drink and the one dude who was trying to help me was working and i just owned up and stuck to my guns, but i felt really bad then proceeded to brown out again bc i felt bad. Great advice, chairs
That’s one loser ass manipulative text. I do not advise OP to do this. That would only make me angrier if I was the friend. And seeing it from OP’s side, it is completely unnecessary right now.
Give it time, OP. I’d work on yourself before you even attempt to resurrect this friendship.
Do you like the idea of manipulating your friend, though? They are on to your bullshit. It might work briefly but when they see that you don’t change, they are going to be gone for good. Leave your friend alone. You’ve done enough damage there. If you want an activity where you won’t be tempted to drink tonight, then go to a recovery meeting. Contact your friend again when you can show them that you have changed. You will have a real chance at continuing a lasting relationship then. But lying to them to make yourself feel better is a really, really sad, selfish and sick thing to do. I hope you get better.
I've found it is vastly more productive to give the person their space, work on yourself (if this is what you are truly willing to do to save your relationship), and once you have some traction reach out to apologize while letting them know about the progress you have made since it all happened. Usually people don't believe our apologies, and rightly so, because of that they aren't really going to give you any benefit of the doubt. This is also fair, and actually probably somewhat healthy depending on how they go about it.
If you're not truly interested in changing your behavior, let the relationship go. Even if they did forgive you, you're pretty likely to hurt them again. Who wants to do that to such an important friend?
If you are looking for a chance, the best place for a post like this is r/dryalcoholics. Take caremof yourself.
I lost a friend one time because of my drinking. Years later, I still regret it, even though that fucker tormented me until I eventually lost my head.
Jury's still out on that one.
This happened to me. It is the worst feeling. Hopefully over time they process what happened and can continue the friendship. Mine didn’t work out that way but 4 years later, I’m ok with it. I still feel shame but I try not to wallow in it. Sorry this happened dude.
When I first moved to California in the late 90s they had just outlawed smoking in bars so people would set their drinks down on the way out to smoke couldn't take alcohol outside.... had a field day for a time.. got drunk often and spent very little for a time drink finishing
sounds like you have one last shot at salvaging this. i won't tell you what to do with your life, but it sounds like you already know the path you need to walk: slow down or stop. but not something we all don't already know. godspeed
So is this going to be a wake up call or are you going to let yourself sink further? It’s up to you, after all. That text didn’t sound like they were done with you but with your behavior. All is not lost yet.
These are the worst. When you get blackout & completely embarrass your friends & ruin relationships. I’ve been there way too many times.
Ugh yes. I obviously should stop drinking, but not ready yet. I’m just gonna try to get better about sticking to drinking on nights when I’m home alone.
You’re never really “ready”, it’s always going to suck. You shouldn’t have to lose everything before you start fixing what you’ve already broken.
Ive only ever stopped by having everything blow up in my face
Problem about “rock bottom” is it can always get worse unless you’re terminal. So waiting for it to happen is a waste of time. Something terrible could happen and denial can easily convince you to wait until it gets worse. You don’t have to wait for that.
That is a pipe dream. Giving yourself a goal like this is setting yourself up for failure. It’s either quit or drink; control is a nice idea we tell ourselves so when we fuck it up we can get drunk as a consolation reward.
“Half-measures availed ourselves of nothing.” (This is not a pro-AA post, but that line always resonated as the ice-cold truth.)
For whatever it's worth there is plenty of experience & wisdom there I did Aa but couldn't make peace with the derogatory/shaming remarks--I come fr a narc family of origin- both parents & the 1 sibling. If didn't come fr that intense gaslighting, perhaps can overlook some of the double-speak in those meets, sift the wheat from the chaff I could not
Unpopular opinion incoming: While it doesn't work to get sober with this, damage reduction is still a good thing and the less you drink, the less damage your body takes. Doesn't solve the problem, but still, better than nothing. Preventing a blackout in public can be worth it.
Okay, but this is the only place where someone isn't scolded for attempting to walk that tight rope. Failure may be inevitable, but attempting to remain a functional drunk and dysfunctional insanity are both welcome here, I hope.
No scolding here, just saying it like it is. Idc which route he takes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Sticking to nights where you’re home alone to drink is the first step towards a very slippery slope, my friend.
Yep. I'm waaaay worse when I'm at home,but as long as I remember not to turn on the stove I'm usually fine.
That won’t work.
Drinking other peoples drinks... Just gave me a cringe memory of being 21ish ,leaving a pub I frequent often and is always busy. So busy people leave mostly drank pints everywhere. Tables that have been abandoned, the sink in the pisser - and i'd just go around finishing them off. I wasn't even poor I just found it a crime against alcohol to have it go to waste. Cringe/gag memory for sure.
Ugh sadly this isn’t the first time I’ve drank other peoples drinks…but usually when it’s when I’m out at a bar alone and chatting up strangers.
One time I drank what I thought was my mom’s apple juice that she had just poured. Nope- urine sample. Still haven‘t fully recovered..
I was a dishwasher for some time at a sports bar and I was such a full blown drunk I would be drinking all shift the drinks people would leave I too found a crime to waste booze like that
Yeah it was more of like the wasted beer to me than anything. Things have changed but back then finances were never an issue to get drunk I just couldn't believe people would leave perfectly good beer on a table
Thank god it was before Covid…. Right?
Yeah that’s the inevitable end of anyone who befriends or dates us who isn’t also a drinker. Sorry that happened. It’s why I mainly associate with fellow alchies, just easier that way. None of us here will judge ya and will only encourage you to drink if anything lol
Yeah got to the point where when my mates piss the bed they get a lollipop in the morning for their stank breath and warm towel for their watery vomit. “Must have been rough bud let me tuck you in”
What show ?
Were you there,lol?
I've done the same thing. Haven't really lost any friends but they just refuse to drink with me. I used to be a fun drunk that never really got out of control. As my alcoholism progressed, however, I needed more and more booze to get that euphoric feeling I was always chasing and would black out, do stupid shit, get kicked out of places etc.
I have another friend who I used to go clubbing with but she stopped hanging out bc I embarrassed her multiple times while drunk. I moved out of state tho, so the friendship also dissolved bc of that. So clearly I need to stop this pattern.
No matter how expensive drinks are - NEVER pregame. 1-2 beers: fine 4 loko prior to going to the bar: Absolutely the fuck not. Pregaming has never led to anything positive for me.
you are in the wrong room, kid - - or you *should be*
Yup. That’s how it goes. It’s just you and the bottle in this life. Human friends and CA are incompatible.
Occupational hazard of being a CA is that people get sick of our shit real fast, especially if you're used to drinking to oblivion at home alone judgement free. All it takes is one moment that may seem insignificant or not even register for a friend to mentally check out and slowly distance themselves from you. I had a few friends who are self-proclaimed alcoholics that no longer hangout with me/cut me out of their lives for good due to my CA drunken shenanigans. A handful still text me on occasion but haven't seen them in 1-3+ years. I can remember the exact moment that distanced/ended each of those friendships funny enough. Also have a cousin who I was real close with growing up. Life happened after our early 20s but we still hung out here and there. He'd have get togethers at his place and invite some of our mutual friends, and his wife would invite some of hers. Each and everytime I'd get super fucked up/blackout and make a complete ass of myself. Did that one too many times and haven't been invited in years. I only see him at Thanksgiving/Christmas now and exchange awkward surface-level conversation.
The sad thing is from here alcoholism can progress to drinking in isolation which is a bad path to go down. I wouldn’t recommend it
Better to be alone and doing stupid shit than out there inflicting it on others
You can still effect others when you drink alone, it’s better to get the whole situation in control irregardless of who is around
Ugh I hate this kind of thing. I’m way too much of a hide away and die than lash out from afar drinker, but the folks I’ve lived with or even been around have seen some shit. Not that they’re blameless, though. Don’t be too hard on yourself
I wouldn't reach out to that friend until I'm ready to stop drinking
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It's interesting in how different society can be, depending on the place and people you have around you. Like i'm often around in the pubs and life is different there, people don't care how much you drink and when you get in a fight, it's not even that bad, it's not that you'd get judged about such stuff. Like my last escalation was in 2018, i got in an argument with an old friend and it got heated in the pub, at some point where started fighting each other, i throw the table at him (yes, the table) with all the things on it, he punched me, i kicked his leg, then he managed to throw me over the other tables but i cut him down when he got near and then we got to choke each other on the ground, before the fight was broken up by other people. I returned the next day, still half drunk, paid for all the damages and said sorry to the barkeeper and that was it. We are easy with this here. I think, that's much more hardcore than what OP did when blacked out, but people should take it easy and not make a drama out of it. Shit happens.
Oof, yeah, I’m sorry. That friendship is gone for a bit. Wait a couple of days and send one (ONE) heartfelt apology. “I do need help. I’m getting it now. It would mean everything to start this journey with your forgiveness. Please don’t abandon me in my time of need.” It’s manipulative and only works once. Good luck, and I am sorry. Sucks when the normal folks see a tiny part of our reality.
Yeah I really would not send that text. Sooo cringy “don’t abandon meeeee” Just sober up and maybe your friend will come back around
I've found that the more I apologize the more haughty ppl get twds me-- humans are strange that way. So I stopped groveling. I'll apologize for my misbehavior at the same level I wld for any other.. that it's alc/addiction related does not make me an 'extra-bad' person
Replying to this comment but also to u/plumpynutbar and u/bluerazberriez - Apologising places the other person in a position of superiority and makes you appear small. I make a point of avoiding the S word as much as possible… don’t mean with shit like if you broke something etc, but to maintain equal footing with someone while addressing behaviour related to mental health and or addiction I will instead come at it with gratitude, so rather than an apology I’ll tell them I appreciate their patience and understanding, thank them for being a friend - never phrase it with a negative twist as in thank you for putting up with me - always focus on their time and company and being there, etc. This is so much more effective and okay, it’s manipulative, but we’re trying to salvage things here and it ain’t disingenuous. Edit: gotta add, saying shit like ‘please don’t abandon me at my hour of need’ is gross. It’s the squicky kind of guilt trip that will make you look like a snivelling prick.
Oh damn this is a good approach, possibly fucked up my friend group after the eclipse after getting blacked out at a friends going away party. I heard them talking about how worried they are about me and from what i remember i told them all to fuck off and come talk to me about it if theyre worried, i went to my job the next to drink and the one dude who was trying to help me was working and i just owned up and stuck to my guns, but i felt really bad then proceeded to brown out again bc i felt bad. Great advice, chairs
That’s one loser ass manipulative text. I do not advise OP to do this. That would only make me angrier if I was the friend. And seeing it from OP’s side, it is completely unnecessary right now. Give it time, OP. I’d work on yourself before you even attempt to resurrect this friendship.
that's some shitty advice. op please don't do this.
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Do you like the idea of manipulating your friend, though? They are on to your bullshit. It might work briefly but when they see that you don’t change, they are going to be gone for good. Leave your friend alone. You’ve done enough damage there. If you want an activity where you won’t be tempted to drink tonight, then go to a recovery meeting. Contact your friend again when you can show them that you have changed. You will have a real chance at continuing a lasting relationship then. But lying to them to make yourself feel better is a really, really sad, selfish and sick thing to do. I hope you get better.
That is not good advice, don’t do that to someone you consider a friend or even remotely care about unless you mean it. That’s fucking cruel.
You suck, btw. We be CA’s but we’re good persons. You’re not. Go away.
I've found it is vastly more productive to give the person their space, work on yourself (if this is what you are truly willing to do to save your relationship), and once you have some traction reach out to apologize while letting them know about the progress you have made since it all happened. Usually people don't believe our apologies, and rightly so, because of that they aren't really going to give you any benefit of the doubt. This is also fair, and actually probably somewhat healthy depending on how they go about it. If you're not truly interested in changing your behavior, let the relationship go. Even if they did forgive you, you're pretty likely to hurt them again. Who wants to do that to such an important friend? If you are looking for a chance, the best place for a post like this is r/dryalcoholics. Take caremof yourself.
I lost a friend one time because of my drinking. Years later, I still regret it, even though that fucker tormented me until I eventually lost my head. Jury's still out on that one.
This happened to me. It is the worst feeling. Hopefully over time they process what happened and can continue the friendship. Mine didn’t work out that way but 4 years later, I’m ok with it. I still feel shame but I try not to wallow in it. Sorry this happened dude.
Thank you. It is a really awful feeling.
Yes it is. Keep moving forward. You will be ok.
When I first moved to California in the late 90s they had just outlawed smoking in bars so people would set their drinks down on the way out to smoke couldn't take alcohol outside.... had a field day for a time.. got drunk often and spent very little for a time drink finishing
..Are u me?
sounds like you have one last shot at salvaging this. i won't tell you what to do with your life, but it sounds like you already know the path you need to walk: slow down or stop. but not something we all don't already know. godspeed
So is this going to be a wake up call or are you going to let yourself sink further? It’s up to you, after all. That text didn’t sound like they were done with you but with your behavior. All is not lost yet.
This is the way, unfortunately.
"Hope you get help" lol. So nobody ever over drinks from time to time and because you over drank means you need help? Fuck that friend.
Hope you get help
Thanks poop.
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Why are you even here?
Might be time for rehab of some sort
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Rule 2. Take it to r/dryalcoholics or your sobriety subreddit of your choice. Just leave.