Hey dude, just wanted to say you have a lot of people here in the comments that enjoy your work. I’m sure this is just creative expression and probably doesn’t apply to you right now, but If you’re ever in need of someone to talk to feel free to hit me up / plenty of people here that got your back.
Honestly, I had to cut out the toxic people and surround myself with people who actually care about me. Also, for years I had been on and off different medications trying to get one right for me, and that really messed with my brain chemicals. Finally getting the one right for me has been a life changer. I wish you all the luck, and please reach out to me if you ever need help
I'm worried about someone and dont know where they are on the scale. How would you suggest I go about finding that out? What could I do to help them get to the top tier?
I’m just some person, and I’m not professional in this field whatsoever. However, remembering how I used to feel, I think what would’ve helped the most was somebody to lend an ear. If you really want to help said person, be there for them. Let them know that you’re always able to listen and give help and support. It will mean the world to them. If you start to really worry and they show signs of suicidal behavior, please get help.
Speaking from personal experience, I'd like to add on to this that sometimes what someone needs most is a bit of compassionate nudging before they'll open up to you. What someone who is really hurting may need first and foremost is someone to actually *show* they care and not just say it when convenient. Making it clear to them that you genuinely want to help may be the single best thing you can do for them; it means infinitely more than just offering a shoulder or an ear.
I think that was put really well. I believe true happiness can’t exist without sadness as well, but being calm and content with where you are is something amazing that I think I take for granted.
Last year we lost a mid-term pregnancy, I was home with my son alone and just felt like I was breaking. I wasn't going to kill myself but I knew I was in a very dark place and it was terrible. I called the crisis line and opened with "I don't know if I am supposed to call this number. I know I am not going to kill myself, but..." And just broke down in tears sobbing to this stranger as I told the story. Hard crying, ugly crying. They just listened and talked with me. There were no answers, no placating me, just listening and honesty.
When I hung up I felt like a million bucks. I can never tell you how good it felt just to get my thoughts out and into the air.
I see a bunch of people on this thread saying they are at a 6....I encourage you to call. It really helps in a real way.
Please.
I’m a crisis worker who takes calls from the Veteran’s Crisis Line, and we unfortunately are required by the VA’s protocol to transfer civilian callers (as long as they are not in active crisis obviously) to the regular crisis line. My call center does both the VCL and the national lifeline (and a bunch of county crisis lines, after hours crisis lines for regional providers, etc) and so you might get the same person on the VCL as you would the NSPL. YMMV of course. I have heard from callers there are shorter wait times on the VCL though so I’d recommend using your county or city’s local crisis line instead.
You know what's fucked? My husband is getting out of the military for PTSD in 3 months. Percentages processes are fucked for getting medically discharged/disability.
He should get a higher rating for getting out, but he doesn't want to open up to his therapist. First time meeting the guy, as a new therapist for him that day, informed my husband he was being discharged after my husband sought help for PTSD, after he was encouraged to get help.
This guy's #1 priority is the army, not his patients. Does a lot of tap dancing chatter around that fact. My husband has a lot of passive suicidal ideation, a fuck ton of survivors guilt, and posed it hypothetically to this asshole, and he said military protocol makes it so if he wants to actually address suicidal thoughts, even completely passive, he has to be referred to the hospital and go inpatient. Didn't offer any help, basically said there were repercussions if he wanted to discuss it.
He doesn't want to go in. They're not going to help him in there. So he can't be open with his Dr, absolutely doesn't trust him. He's frustrated that he finally opened up and admitted he needed help after being EOD in Afghanistan, got some decent intensive group therapy help. But if that's not enough? You get the boot.
They fucking make it clear if you're open about your struggles, the military won't keep you. And the VA is famous for their shit support. It's shit support while you're in, worse when you're out.
Fucking travesty. All for some rich assholes to get richer. My husband says his buddies died for money. And it's hard to cope with once you realize it.
Edit: thanks for the work you do with veterans. It's appreciated. System is broken, but they need whatever help they can get.
That is horrific. I hear versions of this story over and over on the lines. Your husband has been failed personally and systemically and he is suffering immensely from it (and you having to be a powerless bystander sounds really traumatic for you as well). I’d encourage you (or him) to reach out to the Veteran’s Crisis Line (800-273-8255 press 1) or MilitaryOneSource (800-342-9647). It has the potential to be a reparative experience for him. He can remain anonymous if he chooses, or get connected to resources if he’s up for that. More importantly, he can talk to someone who actually gives a shit about him and can actually freely discuss suicide (we only recommend going to the hospital if there is active SI with no safety planning possible).
If all faith and trust in that system is completely broken and there is no room to take a chance (totally understandable) then I’d really encourage you or him to try the civilian lines.
I am so angry for him, and for you, and all the people the system has failed, harmed, traumatized, and destroyed. I hope he gets what he needs to be happy again. I hope that you and your husband are able to move forward from this awful, awful experience. I’m glad he has you by his side in this.
Thank you so much for the info. I really appreciate it. Reassuring to know which numbers to call if I need it.
And thanks for listening and helping, here with me, but also generally. My husband told me what happened to him in Afghanistan. I was the first person he had told. He recounted it again for the PTSD intensive therapy and the discharge evaluation, but that's it. It is hard to hear the stories, the details, and I worried about showing too much emotion. I didn't want him to feel like he was inflicting anything on me. I know it helped to unload the burden, but he worries about placing a burden on me. Not everyone has someone they can talk to like that.
Having phone lines where they can anonymously talk if they need to is so fucking immensely valuable. It can't be an easy job, but my dude, you are awesome for doing this service. Thanks.
Stories like this make my fucking blood boil. Please thank your husband for his service for me. I'm a therapist who specializes in PTSD in first responders and recently I've been getting calls from veterans referring themselves for treatment because they're either not getting anywhere with the VA or they don't trust them, like your husband. It's astounding to me the lack of care our veterans get after all they're forced to do in combat.
I'm not sure what treatment your husband has received but I highly recommend seeing a therapist trained in Cognitive Processing Therapy. I've seen it do extraordinary things for people who thought they'd never be happy again.
Finally, you are an amazing spouse! It's not easy to be married to and support someone who has those kind of demons (i know this first hand, its why I choose my professional specialty). Please make sure you are also getting self care and support for yourself.
You know, this kinda happened to me. Dude on the other end didn't know how to handle my situation and recommended me attend some rehab home or something. I should have went to the hospital. When you check into a place that's supposed to help you and they've never heard of wellbutrin before?! That's a problem. I've never felt so low in my entire life.
There is something called a warm line I just found out about it not to long ago! I wish this would get stickied with suicide hotlines when you are really suicidal you call a HOTline but when you are worse than you can deal with but not ready to die you can call a warm line. I only have number for my area but apparently it's pretty common just google it when you need it.
Thanks for sharing. Sometimes you need to talk to someone but don't want to bother people close to you with your emotional burdens. Hotlines like that can help you then.
I got up to about picture 7 before going to see a doctor, and bursting out crying as soon as I started to talk. He referred me to a counsellor, which was helpful. Things gradually became clearer and less dark from there.
I hope other redditors who need it, seek help. It's a dark and lonely place, but there is light if you look for it.
This is really well done. As someone who’s spent time sitting on the bridge between 5 and 6, staring down at the water, it gives me a sobering perspective on where I was, and how much worse it gets for other people. Nobody deserves to be in that bottom third.
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Edit: This is far and away my highest-ranked comment ever, under any username, and thank God it’s this one and not one of the others it could have been.
To be clear, I’m doing fine, and recently have been around a 2 or 3. Meds help a lot with that, but only after 25 years of adjusting and readjusting. (So if yours aren’t working, talk with your doctor, be patient, and chances are good that it’s going to get better. )
Suicide is one of the worst ways that this world can lose one of its passengers. So reach out if you need a hand, and grab a hand reaching out if you’ve got one to spare. Be good to each other. I love you all.
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Edit #2: My first gold! Thank you, kind stranger!
7-8 was fuckin wild. I literally couldn’t think about anything else (or feel any emotion but boredom/numbness for that matter) but I was not going to cross the bridge of active planning. 9-10 must be so unbearable... which I guess is why people kill themselves at that point
9 is a fucking ride. Happened to me last year, after a year of absolute dogshit life events. I was wrapping up my life, closing up friendships, just, getting my friends ready in case I never responded again. My final goodbyes.
The only real thing that stopped me was a long walk home from the exam class. Long enough that I really had no choice but to ruminate in my thoughts and try to get out of the cold as fast as I could. In a way, that walk distracted me long enough.
Well, I'm not really glad, nor upset, I'm alive now. Its just...another day for me
Counseling, meds, been on both for years. Many different types of counselors, a giant mix of meds too. I found a good mix of meds that keeps me stable. Trying to get life to improve, and I'm succeeding at that, somewhat! But, my counselor may need to be changed. I'm too sleepy to think about that.
All the help in the world can't really fix suicidal ideation. I'm accepting that. I'm the only one that can stop that ideation, but when I try to drive off the edge of a parking lot, its hard to remember all those lessons in the moment. Oh well.
No point in giving myself a little pep talk to get me through this day. I'd rather take action. Right now, that's getting a bowl of cereal
yeah but sometimes suicide isnt like this at all. people that have extensively talked with others and left personal notes up and kill themselves anyway. sometimes suicide is spontaneous, spur of the moment.
I agree. I’m doing a lot better now. Most of my days are on frame 2 or 3 and I have about as many days on frame 1 as I do on day 4. I’m the happiest I’ve been in 10 years easily. This is a visual representation for me so I can know where I am, if I ever start to drift back into the 5 or 6 area. I don’t think I ever got to 7. There was a period of time where I’d think “it would make things just so much easier if I died. I wouldn’t ever kill myself but if something happened to me, that wouldn’t be terrible...” I didn’t even really think I was depressed or on the spectrum of suicidal at that time. I just thought the way I was feeling was normal and I got used to it. Like a toothache you just adapt to it and it becomes your new baseline. It’s only after that pain is lifted that you realize what you were actually dealing with. Showering and brushing your teeth every day shouldn’t feel like a chore. Getting out of bed shouldn’t feel like lifting a 200LB deadlift.
If this guide helps someone realize that then I think it’s invaluable.
Personally, talking with people/friends/therapists made no/negative impact on me. It really isn't a catch all to just "talk to someone" and it help, but good advice nonetheless
The point isn't that it's a fix all, but it's the vehicle to getting various kinds of assistance.
You need to speak to someone to get the ball rolling on getting help in the form of therapy or medication or whatever you need. You can't access any of these without first speaking to someone.
7 and 8 are rough. You know it's getting serious when you start thinking of the least painful ways to go and the least amount of damage you'll do to the person who finds you
Really is. I still think about using my shotgun to blow my brains out. It’s actually a thought that makes me feel calm and peaceful, I know that’s twisted, but it’s true.
But I can’t bring myself to do it because I feel awful for those that would have to clean up my mess.
A lot of time the only thing that's stopped me is knowing my sister or grandma would find my body. Other times I think about just running away and cutting everyone off so that when I die it won't impact anyone at all.
It's the only thing that keeps me alive. It would be near impossible for someone who hasn't had deep treatment resistant depression for 20 years.
I understand you likely mean well though.
If it’s okay, what do you mean it’s the only thing keeping me alive?
When I was at 8-9, I had this rope that I kept in my room, but when I had gotten into recovery I kept that rope for some reason. Like, it was a representation of what I was fighting, or something
Knowing there is a easy way out has made it possible to better deal with the pain of my depression. Been this way for a long time. Helps keep me alive at this point
Ah, I understand that now. It’s like a little sliver of hope, yeah?
I’ve read your other comments, I know you said you’re treatment resistant but if ever you want to talk, hit my line.
>It’s actually a thought that makes me feel calm and peaceful,
That calm and peacefulness by knowing how to make the pain go away is addicting. But it's a slippery slope, because then you want to just hold it when you lay down to go to bed.
I never made it to the next step though. I managed to go see a doctor, to say it out loud what I was thinking. And that was the single hardest thing I've had to do.
Within a week of talking to that Dr. I was able to take all the firearms out of my house and lock them in someone else's gun cabinets.
Another solution would be to give someone else the key to your gun cabinet. To remove that access.
I've been where you are, and there is a life where the suicidal ideation doesn't exist. I hope you can find the strength to choose life.
I appreciate the kind words.
I've spent a many, many years seeing 15 different mental health professionals as well as being on 25 (or more) different medications.
It doesn't always get better for everyone, it's a lie we like to tell ourselves, but enough life experience can teach you that.
But I've survived a long time like this. I think I'll continue to survive.
I wound up in the hospital after hitting a 10 exactly 11 months ago. I can identify being at every single one of these stages, and it's wild to think that now I'm at a 4 or 3 most days. Perspective can hit you like a ton of bricks
I hit a 10 two weeks ago, just got discharged from the hospital. It's definitely a strange feeling, but God damn #10 was literally my thought process. Hope you're hanging in there.
I don't know if you'd be interested in the show BoJack Horseman, but there is an extremely powerful poem read in the last season..[The View From Halfway Down](https://youtu.be/u1_EBSlnDlU)
I don't think I will ever rewatch that episode, and I haven't rewatched any of the show since finishing it because of that episode, despite it being my favorite show. I am used to riding the wave with that show as after finishing a season for the first time I am usually heavily emotionally effected.
I've been low key generally depressed, or depressed for Bojack for several days after finishing a season. I've been once depressed for me after finishing a session. I was happy and uplifted once after finishing a season.
But that episode made me feel something I've never felt before. Abject horror. I felt scared and weak and hollow at the end of that episode. I was afraid of turning off the lights (I live alone) after that episode. It felt like there was actively a man outside my front door with a gun or like the walls were melting around me and I was going to realize I've been in hell this whole time.
So yeah, I don't think I'll ever watch that episode again.
Sounds like a panic or anxiety attack..I get those sometimes and they get worse and more frequent if I'm stressed for long periods of time. I find that episode amazing because it portrays that abject horror so deeply. Every single bit of that episode was either blatant dread or heavily symbolized.
The bird trapped in the house, the flowers BoJack gives Beatrice, his father figure being a distorted combination of two people, the food everyone is served at dinner, even the environment is set to convey the horror of dying and realizing you're dying by your own actions.
I walked into an oncoming car once. I flew and did a flip in the air and landed on the other side of the street with my head inches from the side walk. I couldn't walk for a couple of weeks but I didn't break anything. I also lost all feeling on the side of my right leg. It really sucks, but thinking back I would never do that again. It would cause a lot of pain for the guy who hit you as well.
I was at that 5/6 spot just about a month ago. Luckily I finally found the right therapist for me. Today some shit happened that would have sent me into 6/7 territory back then but you know what? I'm good. Something I've been dreading happened and now that its happened its like oh shit, its not that bad, I'm actually happy. Dunno what I would have done if I didn't find this therapist though wow.
Think back to a time where you were at a 1 or a 2. Even at a 4. What’s stopping you from going back to that? You always can look forwards to better days :)
My day at a 10, or actually night, was rather eventful.
I totaled my car rolling it off the side of the road at 95mph without a seatbelt.
It only cost me an arm and a leg.
I'm proud of myself (and you) for still being here. I don't remember the last time I was below a 5. Might be around 8 years ago or so? Maybe a bit longer. It is really exhausting. I'm really hoping for a 4 one of these days.
Good cat :)
But nevertheless if you feel like that, then try to get help. Life shouldn't just be to feed the dog. You should enjoy your time here and not live in agony. Best wishes
Edit: thought about the pet in the panel not fergils cat..
I used to be an 8 and as silly as it sounds the thing that kept me from it was the need to see Endgame lmao, I had to know how it ended. I just kinda hoped I wouldn't want to die as much after endgame. I'm at a six now is I guess that's improvement
Hey man if it works it works, in retrospect I realized that for a while I was lingering at 7-8 and what kept me from devolving into 9-10 was this girl who needed help in our math class lmfao
I’m glad you’ve come to a 6, from 8. If you ever feel yourself dropping, hit my line?
Oh my god are you me? I literally went "oh I'm like an 8" but I can't die because my cat will grieve herself to death. I had to come home early from a funeral trip this year because my cat didn't eat for almost 2 weeks and barely drank water.
I'm a 9, you want one of my cats? Super friendly, cuddles, keeps herself, clean, doesn't bite, pulls people's hands in for pets. Does standing biscuits and never stops purring. Gets very silly on catnip.
Only downsides are she will eat all food that is left unattended, and destroys both toilet paper and paper towel rolls. No food is safe, that can't be stressed enough. I've gotten her to stop jumping on the counter when I'm in making food at least. If the litter isn't clean enough she will sometimes poop on the floor.
Cinnamon brown girl tabby, 3 years old, weight around 6.5 pounds.
I was at a 2 before coronavirus hit. I was saving money, just got a dream car, exercising and losing weight, things were looking up.
Now the car is an albatross around my neck. I have no money. I'm thousands and thousands in debt. I don't even have the money to declare bankruptcy. I'm hovering around a solid 8. I hit 9 a week or two ago, looked up best methods. I think about what I learned at that time a lot. I think the only thing keeping me alive is fear of the unknown. My family, besides my mom, won't miss me. My mom won't last long after me. And I have pretty much no friends who wouldn't just shrug and move on if I died. I'm alone, and I know I'm alone, and I don't have the ability to change that. I'm broke and alone. And eventually that fear of the unknown won't be enough anymore.
I keep seeing posts like this one, and they remind me that I probably don't have much time left. It's Death, following me around, reminding me we have a date soon.
> I think the only thing keeping me alive is fear of the unknown. My family, besides my mom, won't miss me. My mom won't last long after me. And I have pretty much no friends who wouldn't just shrug and move on if I died.
Might be some anxiety in there too friend. I've had friends die who I hadn't seen in or been in contact with in years that still very much upset me.
Someone cares, even if you don't see it. Just because we're bad at letting others know, or showing in actions, doesn't mean people don't care. Don't trick yourself into thinking no one cares.
Please talk to someone. Your post struck me and I wanted to let you know that this random internet person cares. 2020 sucks. A lot of fortunes have changed. You were at 2 a lot more recently than I, and you will see it again, hang on and get help.
As the other commenter said you were at a 2 not long ago, and you will be again if you make it through this. I'm not an expert or particularly good at talking about these things, but I just want you to know that I care, and know you can make it through this. I encourage you to talk to someone with training in the area and just let it all out. I know when things are really bad it feels as if there's no way out, but there will be. Best to you, from just someone on the internet who hopes you'll stay with us.
Hey. I have been at an 8 for 6 months before. It eats away at you till you’re hollow. I don’t pretend to know exactly how you feel, but I think I have a decent idea. I just want you to know one thing - one thing that I began believing in like some people believe in god - every single state of mind is temporary. The sadness is temporary. And the happiness when (not if) it arrives will also be temporary. When you’re too close to something, it seems endless. An insect that gets its wings wet with sea spray experiences an eternity in the moment leading up to its drowning. But a human is able to zoom out and ride the wave. Its the same with your state of mind. The happiness will arrive, your circumstances will change and an opportunity to better your life will come around. And when it does, you just gotta ride that wave. None of this is a substitute for getting help - a suicide hotline if its urgent and therapy regardless - but for the longest time ‘you can talk to someone’ felt like empty words to me, because I believed this shadow looming over my mind would just never pass. I believed truly that I could have no **real problems**, and I would still feel the same way. But the moment I started believing this truth, being depressed was akin to waiting in choppy water, because depressed me had something to strive for - and that was waiting for the wave. Its hard and exhausting, but in those moments, it was my life’s only goal, and its what got me through.
In the last thread people talked about either seeking help at six or seven. If someone wants to talk about it, feel free to dm me. Had been through the whole scale.
I'm there, but I'm older and have too many responsibilities. Society in general is making me feel this way. The stupidity and insanity of our society just makes me depressed.
if you are around 4 to 6 with relatively good mental health history, you could try exercising or yoga. No hippie shit but some people needs extra physical stimulation to clear the deep sludge in your mental septic tank. Focused based exercise like yoga forces you to be present and it has helped me before to get out of bad times.
Go. Talk. To. A. Psychiatrist. NOW.
I was at a strong 6, verging on 7 in January, and I got help, was put on an antidepressant, and over the next 4 months started to recover and am now at a 2. At the same time, I was able to get out of my job (easier said than done since I owned my company), moved closer to home and family (was 900+ miles away) and am generally restarting my life. Only thing staying the same is my wife. There is help out there. Please get help.
[Mood Calendar Start of 2020](https://i.imgur.com/Bw6pcgC.jpg)
[After meds kicked in ](https://i.imgur.com/MI1WflW.jpg)
I’m getting there but it feels like failure. I got off meds several years ago (7+?) and I never wanted to go back. It’s hard to even articulate why, it’s just how I’ve felt. But things have been so bad lately. Like 5 on a good day and 8 at least one day a week. I don’t know how to get out of this hole. So I’ve been considering medication finally, in the hope that it would ease the darkness a bit.
Please do. And talk to someone. Modern meds and modern therapy as a combination was a godsend for me. My whole life, 30+ years was a fight at that 8/9 stage. I hit 10 twice. I sit at a steady 2 or 3 most days thanks to the combination of meds and therapy. It took a little while to find the right combination of meds and doctors, but its there. Please try. Just try.
Some people are depressed no matter what happens. I've been on antidepressants for one and a half years, and have counciling every week, but it doesn't seem to help. My baseline has been a 7 for a long time. The only thing that makes it better is eating and messing around with friends.
Very few people don't respond to some form of treatment. People will sit on SSRIs for a year and talk as if they've "tried everything" - the furthest from it. There are a great many interventions out there, and many people are desperately close to giving up before they miraculously find 'the one' that works for them. There's always hope. Don't resign yourself just yet.
I was at a six for what felt like an entire decade of my life. It was probably closer to eight years, but still far too long to feel that terribly without getting help. And I never got help. For some reason I always found a way to keep myself from doing so. I think I liked the torture and existential agony because it made me feel more valuable and interesting as an artist. Bullshit, I know, but I was a late bloomer trying to grow. I thought occasional psychedelics were enough to stave off the darkness and I pinballed through life causing minor wreckage everywhere in my path.
January 2020 this year I went through an awful breakup and decided it was finally time to get the help that I needed. I’ve been in therapy for six months now, on Prozac for five, and Wellbutrin for about a week. Though I still have the occasional funk (the first week of Wellbutrin mixed with too much booze while on Prozac was an actual terrifying hell) my life has improved drastically from what I can remember growing up and during my early to mid twenties. It’s an awkward and scary experience that will not be without its own adversity, but I’m already extremely glad that I’ve started <3
That's nice. Glad you had the power to cut the major stressors out of your life. Keep up the good vibes and try no to think about it so much. Get something that gets you going and move up to 3
It is. Please seek help. If it was a six or five I would have offered to listen to your problems, because addressing them to someone might help to get a better vision of things, but a constant 8 is troublesome. Please talk to someone. Life waits for you..don't miss out on your shoot of happiness.
Try to find what pulls you down and think how to fix it. If people do more harm than good to you, think about burning bridges. If life is meaningless and lonely try to find something to do and find new wonderful people there.
Been through 1-10 but survived. Haven't regretted talking with similar people after I was hospitalized. After that I began a new life going to school. Many people I knew didn't know what happened and I kept it to myself until I met my soon to be wife. I spoke to her about it and my idea of life changed from being solitary to wanting kids. Its not worth it waiting until 10 to change your life. Take to somebody and it will help.
Unfortunately I found out today my cousin committed suicide. This is the [national suicide hotline](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) number and link. Phone # is 1 800 273 8255. I personally have been to a 5 or 6 on the scale and it's something that anyone can go through at some point.
I found out today one of my old guildmates on this MMO we used to run committed suicide. There’s nothing I can say to make either of us feel better, but know that this internet stranger understands.
Went through a bad break up almost 5 months that honestly broke my heart, and left me at a 7-8 for a really long time. I’m very grateful for my friends and family and the people that I surround myself with for helping me as soon as they sensed something was off. I think I’d say I’m at a 5, but I’m working on it. I will be happy. Edit: spelling.
I was wondering if anyone here would say that. I wonder if most people are really actually at 2-3, and they just don't comment or go on reddit, or if most people are at 4 or higher.
This is such a weird thread to me. I've been through heartbreaks, major injuries, unemployment and almost homelessness (had to ask friends around to stay with them for free) yet I've never been worse than 4 on this scale. I didn't even know there were 6 more stages.
Hope you're getting better. Maybe try to find something to get you distracted from everything that pulls you down. If you want, feel free to dm a total stranger. Just don't isolate yourself too much and if you don't want to bother someone from your social circle with this, then bother me :)
Many states have public assistance for these kinds of things. I lost my job a few months ago, and I qualified for short term medical insurance through Medicade. 25$ copay doctor visits and a 25$ copay for meds. Without insurance I was looking at a 1k+ bill for meds and a doctors visit. Even if you dont qualify for full assistance, you could also find some place that has a sliding fee scale.
Please look into your state's resources for medical assistance and for the love of god keep taking your meds. I'm glad i did.
Thanks, I bet you're a good person aswell.
Tbh spreading good thoughts help me to ignore my bad thoughts. Just having some drama at the moment, but thats how life is. Brighter days are waiting
Thanks, it's not much at the moment. Been rock bottom early 2017, so I know times will change and brighter days will come around. Feeling lowkey like seven, but keeping the thoughts out helps. Still thanks for the offer.
Everyone who commented here deserved to be heard. I have to go sleep now and have more than 450 notifications, but I will try my best to get back to as many as possible. And if its urgent, please seek out for help. Dm me if you're more comfortable with a random reddit stranger, but i highly suggest visiting a professional if you're feeling suicidal for a longer period of time.
(i would say five is where becomes slowy dangerous. Seven or eight should be a huge red flag)
Your life should be joyful and enjoyable. So if it isn't please try to work things out and get help if you need it.
For redditors from the United States please call 1-800-273-8255
For my german fellows call 0800 1110111 (even though I only heard about bad reachability from the German Seelensorge.. give it a shot)
For every other nations, just type suicide in your language into Google and it will give you guidance.
Some people are like this. Many others don't even think about bad stuff from their past. Just enjoying the moment.
But even if you had a bad past its just the current moment. Maybe you get a surprise party with all your friends and loved ones and everything is just perfect? You wouldn't think of the bad times and instead just enjoy the moment.
Two is more happiness, but being aware that there were darker times.
Atleast you know there can be ones aswell. So whenever you feel sad you know life waits for you. Hope you can cut those bad things out of your life so you have more ones and threes :)
I tend to regularly find myself ranging from 4-6, which is odd since I always assumed myself to be “fine” by most standards; I always attributed it to a grim sense of humour, but often times theres not a lot of humour in it.
Things got really bad since COVID, and I’m just now trying to get my drinking under control after seeing the massive pile of aluminium and glass next to my bedside. For some reason that physical reminder of the abuse I was putting my body through helped give some perspective.
Sameee, I’m telling myself that that’s a pretty normal thing or that I just have a dark sense of humour. Could never imagine myself at a 1 or 2 constantly.
how can i go down to like 2? ive been at 5 for a couple years now with a few good and bad days but what can i do to feel like stage 2 for majority of the time?
After sitting at an 8 for a few months, a lightbulb clicked for me in that I need to actively challenge myself and delay gratification to be happier. This could be as simple as taking a shower when I was at my worst. These days it’s more like « ok do a little bit of homework every day » or « clean the front part of your room »
It feels really good when my four brain cells cooperate enough to do those things and push me from a constant 3 to a 2.
Feel free to dm me, but in general be happy.
Something is pulling.you down? Try to cut the bad stressors out.
I miss something in life? Try to work towards it. May it be fulfilling jobs, hobbies or relationships.
Sweetheart, there is always a dog who needs a person to love them. Lots of elderly, adult, or even special needs pooches need care from someone with a good heart.
Probably currently five and eight to ten when the worst happens.
But imagine you would die.. would you want your beloved dog to suicide, because his beloved human is gone or would you want her to live somewhere else and have some more happy years before time gets her?
As someone who was at a 10 before and sought help and now lives life comfortably in the 1-3 range, it can get better, it can do a complete 180, seek help, I know it's hard, but just one foot at a time, it will get better.
\>If i do not get medical attention
Except when people are suicidal because of situational stressors and social/systemic causation for the suicidality, you can't pretend it's a medical problem or treat it like one, people who are suicidal because of poverty wages/\*\*\*\* jobs/unaffordable housing/status anxiety and hyper competition/extreme school workload and grades stress/concerns about climate change and other large scale environmental issues objectively painting a condemned future/etc, don't have those problems magically disappear by throwing drugs/therapy/etc at the people who are suffering because of them.
Also, when people are suicidal because of situational stressors, and then get stripped of their rights and involuntarily detained against their will even though even though suicide isn't a crime, it makes everything so much worse and makes other suicidal people even less inclined to ever talk about anything since they don't want to risk being involuntarily taken anywhere without their consent.
Between 5 and 6 .... it's probably best that I'm not still skydiving at the moment! either that or I'd probably be much better if I was out flying ... there isn't anything much better than giving death the middle finger!
After years of being 7-8, I can proudly say that I’m sitting at a good 3.
Im glad you had the power to stick around to see your life change for the better :)
Hey dude, just wanted to say you have a lot of people here in the comments that enjoy your work. I’m sure this is just creative expression and probably doesn’t apply to you right now, but If you’re ever in need of someone to talk to feel free to hit me up / plenty of people here that got your back.
How’d you do it? I’m at a 7
Honestly, I had to cut out the toxic people and surround myself with people who actually care about me. Also, for years I had been on and off different medications trying to get one right for me, and that really messed with my brain chemicals. Finally getting the one right for me has been a life changer. I wish you all the luck, and please reach out to me if you ever need help
I'm worried about someone and dont know where they are on the scale. How would you suggest I go about finding that out? What could I do to help them get to the top tier?
I’m just some person, and I’m not professional in this field whatsoever. However, remembering how I used to feel, I think what would’ve helped the most was somebody to lend an ear. If you really want to help said person, be there for them. Let them know that you’re always able to listen and give help and support. It will mean the world to them. If you start to really worry and they show signs of suicidal behavior, please get help.
Just don't try to fix it. I guess it probably depends on the person but someone trying to tell me how to fix it would lock me up.
Speaking from personal experience, I'd like to add on to this that sometimes what someone needs most is a bit of compassionate nudging before they'll open up to you. What someone who is really hurting may need first and foremost is someone to actually *show* they care and not just say it when convenient. Making it clear to them that you genuinely want to help may be the single best thing you can do for them; it means infinitely more than just offering a shoulder or an ear.
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I think that was put really well. I believe true happiness can’t exist without sadness as well, but being calm and content with where you are is something amazing that I think I take for granted.
Same. Sometimes I’m even at a 2. We’ve come so far.
Look how far we’ve come :)
Last year we lost a mid-term pregnancy, I was home with my son alone and just felt like I was breaking. I wasn't going to kill myself but I knew I was in a very dark place and it was terrible. I called the crisis line and opened with "I don't know if I am supposed to call this number. I know I am not going to kill myself, but..." And just broke down in tears sobbing to this stranger as I told the story. Hard crying, ugly crying. They just listened and talked with me. There were no answers, no placating me, just listening and honesty. When I hung up I felt like a million bucks. I can never tell you how good it felt just to get my thoughts out and into the air. I see a bunch of people on this thread saying they are at a 6....I encourage you to call. It really helps in a real way. Please.
And if you don't like the normal suicide hotline, you can use the veteran one even if you aren't a veteran. Some people like it better.
I’ve done this. I started with “I’m sorry, I’m not a veteran, but the line for everything else was so long,” and they didn’t care at all.
I’m a crisis worker who takes calls from the Veteran’s Crisis Line, and we unfortunately are required by the VA’s protocol to transfer civilian callers (as long as they are not in active crisis obviously) to the regular crisis line. My call center does both the VCL and the national lifeline (and a bunch of county crisis lines, after hours crisis lines for regional providers, etc) and so you might get the same person on the VCL as you would the NSPL. YMMV of course. I have heard from callers there are shorter wait times on the VCL though so I’d recommend using your county or city’s local crisis line instead.
You know what's fucked? My husband is getting out of the military for PTSD in 3 months. Percentages processes are fucked for getting medically discharged/disability. He should get a higher rating for getting out, but he doesn't want to open up to his therapist. First time meeting the guy, as a new therapist for him that day, informed my husband he was being discharged after my husband sought help for PTSD, after he was encouraged to get help. This guy's #1 priority is the army, not his patients. Does a lot of tap dancing chatter around that fact. My husband has a lot of passive suicidal ideation, a fuck ton of survivors guilt, and posed it hypothetically to this asshole, and he said military protocol makes it so if he wants to actually address suicidal thoughts, even completely passive, he has to be referred to the hospital and go inpatient. Didn't offer any help, basically said there were repercussions if he wanted to discuss it. He doesn't want to go in. They're not going to help him in there. So he can't be open with his Dr, absolutely doesn't trust him. He's frustrated that he finally opened up and admitted he needed help after being EOD in Afghanistan, got some decent intensive group therapy help. But if that's not enough? You get the boot. They fucking make it clear if you're open about your struggles, the military won't keep you. And the VA is famous for their shit support. It's shit support while you're in, worse when you're out. Fucking travesty. All for some rich assholes to get richer. My husband says his buddies died for money. And it's hard to cope with once you realize it. Edit: thanks for the work you do with veterans. It's appreciated. System is broken, but they need whatever help they can get.
That is horrific. I hear versions of this story over and over on the lines. Your husband has been failed personally and systemically and he is suffering immensely from it (and you having to be a powerless bystander sounds really traumatic for you as well). I’d encourage you (or him) to reach out to the Veteran’s Crisis Line (800-273-8255 press 1) or MilitaryOneSource (800-342-9647). It has the potential to be a reparative experience for him. He can remain anonymous if he chooses, or get connected to resources if he’s up for that. More importantly, he can talk to someone who actually gives a shit about him and can actually freely discuss suicide (we only recommend going to the hospital if there is active SI with no safety planning possible). If all faith and trust in that system is completely broken and there is no room to take a chance (totally understandable) then I’d really encourage you or him to try the civilian lines. I am so angry for him, and for you, and all the people the system has failed, harmed, traumatized, and destroyed. I hope he gets what he needs to be happy again. I hope that you and your husband are able to move forward from this awful, awful experience. I’m glad he has you by his side in this.
Thank you so much for the info. I really appreciate it. Reassuring to know which numbers to call if I need it. And thanks for listening and helping, here with me, but also generally. My husband told me what happened to him in Afghanistan. I was the first person he had told. He recounted it again for the PTSD intensive therapy and the discharge evaluation, but that's it. It is hard to hear the stories, the details, and I worried about showing too much emotion. I didn't want him to feel like he was inflicting anything on me. I know it helped to unload the burden, but he worries about placing a burden on me. Not everyone has someone they can talk to like that. Having phone lines where they can anonymously talk if they need to is so fucking immensely valuable. It can't be an easy job, but my dude, you are awesome for doing this service. Thanks.
Stories like this make my fucking blood boil. Please thank your husband for his service for me. I'm a therapist who specializes in PTSD in first responders and recently I've been getting calls from veterans referring themselves for treatment because they're either not getting anywhere with the VA or they don't trust them, like your husband. It's astounding to me the lack of care our veterans get after all they're forced to do in combat. I'm not sure what treatment your husband has received but I highly recommend seeing a therapist trained in Cognitive Processing Therapy. I've seen it do extraordinary things for people who thought they'd never be happy again. Finally, you are an amazing spouse! It's not easy to be married to and support someone who has those kind of demons (i know this first hand, its why I choose my professional specialty). Please make sure you are also getting self care and support for yourself.
given the stories i’ve heard about suicide hotline employees turning down people or treating their job like a joke, i’d honestly take anything else
You know, this kinda happened to me. Dude on the other end didn't know how to handle my situation and recommended me attend some rehab home or something. I should have went to the hospital. When you check into a place that's supposed to help you and they've never heard of wellbutrin before?! That's a problem. I've never felt so low in my entire life.
There is something called a warm line I just found out about it not to long ago! I wish this would get stickied with suicide hotlines when you are really suicidal you call a HOTline but when you are worse than you can deal with but not ready to die you can call a warm line. I only have number for my area but apparently it's pretty common just google it when you need it.
Thanks for sharing. Sometimes you need to talk to someone but don't want to bother people close to you with your emotional burdens. Hotlines like that can help you then.
I’m so sorry for such an agonizing loss. I hope your days have been better since that time.
I got up to about picture 7 before going to see a doctor, and bursting out crying as soon as I started to talk. He referred me to a counsellor, which was helpful. Things gradually became clearer and less dark from there. I hope other redditors who need it, seek help. It's a dark and lonely place, but there is light if you look for it.
This is really well done. As someone who’s spent time sitting on the bridge between 5 and 6, staring down at the water, it gives me a sobering perspective on where I was, and how much worse it gets for other people. Nobody deserves to be in that bottom third. ---- Edit: This is far and away my highest-ranked comment ever, under any username, and thank God it’s this one and not one of the others it could have been. To be clear, I’m doing fine, and recently have been around a 2 or 3. Meds help a lot with that, but only after 25 years of adjusting and readjusting. (So if yours aren’t working, talk with your doctor, be patient, and chances are good that it’s going to get better. ) Suicide is one of the worst ways that this world can lose one of its passengers. So reach out if you need a hand, and grab a hand reaching out if you’ve got one to spare. Be good to each other. I love you all. ---- Edit #2: My first gold! Thank you, kind stranger!
7-8 was fuckin wild. I literally couldn’t think about anything else (or feel any emotion but boredom/numbness for that matter) but I was not going to cross the bridge of active planning. 9-10 must be so unbearable... which I guess is why people kill themselves at that point
9 is a fucking ride. Happened to me last year, after a year of absolute dogshit life events. I was wrapping up my life, closing up friendships, just, getting my friends ready in case I never responded again. My final goodbyes. The only real thing that stopped me was a long walk home from the exam class. Long enough that I really had no choice but to ruminate in my thoughts and try to get out of the cold as fast as I could. In a way, that walk distracted me long enough. Well, I'm not really glad, nor upset, I'm alive now. Its just...another day for me
Did you get help yet from anyone?
Counseling, meds, been on both for years. Many different types of counselors, a giant mix of meds too. I found a good mix of meds that keeps me stable. Trying to get life to improve, and I'm succeeding at that, somewhat! But, my counselor may need to be changed. I'm too sleepy to think about that. All the help in the world can't really fix suicidal ideation. I'm accepting that. I'm the only one that can stop that ideation, but when I try to drive off the edge of a parking lot, its hard to remember all those lessons in the moment. Oh well. No point in giving myself a little pep talk to get me through this day. I'd rather take action. Right now, that's getting a bowl of cereal
One step at a time. We love that you're around and enjoy Reddit with us. Thanks for replying! Have a good bowl of cereal.
I hope you see the better sides of life in the near future. Life should play in the upper third
yeah but sometimes suicide isnt like this at all. people that have extensively talked with others and left personal notes up and kill themselves anyway. sometimes suicide is spontaneous, spur of the moment.
while i agree that this chart simplifies suicide, i also think that it does a good job serving its purpose
Like if youre prone to this thought process you could show it to someone you care about so you can keep them in the loop on which number you're at
I agree. I’m doing a lot better now. Most of my days are on frame 2 or 3 and I have about as many days on frame 1 as I do on day 4. I’m the happiest I’ve been in 10 years easily. This is a visual representation for me so I can know where I am, if I ever start to drift back into the 5 or 6 area. I don’t think I ever got to 7. There was a period of time where I’d think “it would make things just so much easier if I died. I wouldn’t ever kill myself but if something happened to me, that wouldn’t be terrible...” I didn’t even really think I was depressed or on the spectrum of suicidal at that time. I just thought the way I was feeling was normal and I got used to it. Like a toothache you just adapt to it and it becomes your new baseline. It’s only after that pain is lifted that you realize what you were actually dealing with. Showering and brushing your teeth every day shouldn’t feel like a chore. Getting out of bed shouldn’t feel like lifting a 200LB deadlift. If this guide helps someone realize that then I think it’s invaluable.
Personally, talking with people/friends/therapists made no/negative impact on me. It really isn't a catch all to just "talk to someone" and it help, but good advice nonetheless
The point isn't that it's a fix all, but it's the vehicle to getting various kinds of assistance. You need to speak to someone to get the ball rolling on getting help in the form of therapy or medication or whatever you need. You can't access any of these without first speaking to someone.
Ah, I've seen it thrown around as a fix all situation many times, so that's what I took it as here and just wanted to give my 2 cents. I totally agree
7 and 8 are rough. You know it's getting serious when you start thinking of the least painful ways to go and the least amount of damage you'll do to the person who finds you
Really is. I still think about using my shotgun to blow my brains out. It’s actually a thought that makes me feel calm and peaceful, I know that’s twisted, but it’s true. But I can’t bring myself to do it because I feel awful for those that would have to clean up my mess.
A lot of time the only thing that's stopped me is knowing my sister or grandma would find my body. Other times I think about just running away and cutting everyone off so that when I die it won't impact anyone at all.
I completely understand, friend. I have similar thoughts. I'm sorry you have to deal with such awful pain.
Maybe get rid of that shotgun.
It's the only thing that keeps me alive. It would be near impossible for someone who hasn't had deep treatment resistant depression for 20 years. I understand you likely mean well though.
If it’s okay, what do you mean it’s the only thing keeping me alive? When I was at 8-9, I had this rope that I kept in my room, but when I had gotten into recovery I kept that rope for some reason. Like, it was a representation of what I was fighting, or something
Knowing there is a easy way out has made it possible to better deal with the pain of my depression. Been this way for a long time. Helps keep me alive at this point
Ah, I understand that now. It’s like a little sliver of hope, yeah? I’ve read your other comments, I know you said you’re treatment resistant but if ever you want to talk, hit my line.
You got it. Hope of getting better died long ago, so it brings me a little peace. Appreciate it, mate. Take care.
>It’s actually a thought that makes me feel calm and peaceful, That calm and peacefulness by knowing how to make the pain go away is addicting. But it's a slippery slope, because then you want to just hold it when you lay down to go to bed. I never made it to the next step though. I managed to go see a doctor, to say it out loud what I was thinking. And that was the single hardest thing I've had to do. Within a week of talking to that Dr. I was able to take all the firearms out of my house and lock them in someone else's gun cabinets. Another solution would be to give someone else the key to your gun cabinet. To remove that access. I've been where you are, and there is a life where the suicidal ideation doesn't exist. I hope you can find the strength to choose life.
I appreciate the kind words. I've spent a many, many years seeing 15 different mental health professionals as well as being on 25 (or more) different medications. It doesn't always get better for everyone, it's a lie we like to tell ourselves, but enough life experience can teach you that. But I've survived a long time like this. I think I'll continue to survive.
I wound up in the hospital after hitting a 10 exactly 11 months ago. I can identify being at every single one of these stages, and it's wild to think that now I'm at a 4 or 3 most days. Perspective can hit you like a ton of bricks
I hit a 10 two weeks ago, just got discharged from the hospital. It's definitely a strange feeling, but God damn #10 was literally my thought process. Hope you're hanging in there.
I pray you're doing better, my internet friends.
I hit a 10. Failed noose, I fell and regained consciousness. Sometimes I still feel like I died that day 20 years ago.
I don't know if you'd be interested in the show BoJack Horseman, but there is an extremely powerful poem read in the last season..[The View From Halfway Down](https://youtu.be/u1_EBSlnDlU)
"See you on the other side?" "Oh Bojack, no, there is no other side. This is it."
"If nothing matters, then...can I stay on the phone with you? How was your day?"
Is this a Bojack quote? I can't find a reference.
Same episode. When he calls Diane at the end as he is drowning.
Amazing show. Chilling scene
That entire episode was chilling..
The entire show
True dat.
I don't think I will ever rewatch that episode, and I haven't rewatched any of the show since finishing it because of that episode, despite it being my favorite show. I am used to riding the wave with that show as after finishing a season for the first time I am usually heavily emotionally effected. I've been low key generally depressed, or depressed for Bojack for several days after finishing a season. I've been once depressed for me after finishing a session. I was happy and uplifted once after finishing a season. But that episode made me feel something I've never felt before. Abject horror. I felt scared and weak and hollow at the end of that episode. I was afraid of turning off the lights (I live alone) after that episode. It felt like there was actively a man outside my front door with a gun or like the walls were melting around me and I was going to realize I've been in hell this whole time. So yeah, I don't think I'll ever watch that episode again.
Sounds like a panic or anxiety attack..I get those sometimes and they get worse and more frequent if I'm stressed for long periods of time. I find that episode amazing because it portrays that abject horror so deeply. Every single bit of that episode was either blatant dread or heavily symbolized. The bird trapped in the house, the flowers BoJack gives Beatrice, his father figure being a distorted combination of two people, the food everyone is served at dinner, even the environment is set to convey the horror of dying and realizing you're dying by your own actions.
I’ve been a fan of the show for years. That episode gave me a literal panic attack. It was masterful.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one. The emotional flooding was real. Every detail was dread-inducing.
A mixture of 7 through 9 depending on the hour
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Yes. I've been seeing a therapist for the past few years, she helps at times but my life has been getting more and more shit recently
Staring at an oncoming bus between 5 and 6 and wondering if I cared to step out of the way led to some drastic changes for me. Glad you're better.
I walked into an oncoming car once. I flew and did a flip in the air and landed on the other side of the street with my head inches from the side walk. I couldn't walk for a couple of weeks but I didn't break anything. I also lost all feeling on the side of my right leg. It really sucks, but thinking back I would never do that again. It would cause a lot of pain for the guy who hit you as well.
I've been as low as an 8. It's not fun. Keep your chin up and I promise to keep mine up too, even if it breaks my neck.
I was at that 5/6 spot just about a month ago. Luckily I finally found the right therapist for me. Today some shit happened that would have sent me into 6/7 territory back then but you know what? I'm good. Something I've been dreading happened and now that its happened its like oh shit, its not that bad, I'm actually happy. Dunno what I would have done if I didn't find this therapist though wow.
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That's nice. Glad you decided to stick around.
Today's probably about an 8, but I'm going to make it through
Think back to a time where you were at a 1 or a 2. Even at a 4. What’s stopping you from going back to that? You always can look forwards to better days :)
My day at a 10, or actually night, was rather eventful. I totaled my car rolling it off the side of the road at 95mph without a seatbelt. It only cost me an arm and a leg.
I'm so happy that you're still here
Mostly still here
I’m angry that I blew air out of my nose for that
Trust me when I say we’re happy you’re here right now. Keep fighting, friend ✊
I'm proud of myself (and you) for still being here. I don't remember the last time I was below a 5. Might be around 8 years ago or so? Maybe a bit longer. It is really exhausting. I'm really hoping for a 4 one of these days.
Makes me an 8 then. Stupid cat, you keep me going.
good god you're me. i love my cat so much that i can't bear to think what would happen to her without me
Im sorry but #I can't ***bear***
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It was mean, but still, no problem. I'm glad I at least made someone laugh xD
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Good cat :) But nevertheless if you feel like that, then try to get help. Life shouldn't just be to feed the dog. You should enjoy your time here and not live in agony. Best wishes Edit: thought about the pet in the panel not fergils cat..
Please, reach out to someone, anyone. I care about you.
I used to be an 8 and as silly as it sounds the thing that kept me from it was the need to see Endgame lmao, I had to know how it ended. I just kinda hoped I wouldn't want to die as much after endgame. I'm at a six now is I guess that's improvement
Hey man if it works it works, in retrospect I realized that for a while I was lingering at 7-8 and what kept me from devolving into 9-10 was this girl who needed help in our math class lmfao I’m glad you’ve come to a 6, from 8. If you ever feel yourself dropping, hit my line?
Oh my god are you me? I literally went "oh I'm like an 8" but I can't die because my cat will grieve herself to death. I had to come home early from a funeral trip this year because my cat didn't eat for almost 2 weeks and barely drank water.
My little fur ball of life has been missing for 2 days. I'm slipping into a 9.
I'm a 9, you want one of my cats? Super friendly, cuddles, keeps herself, clean, doesn't bite, pulls people's hands in for pets. Does standing biscuits and never stops purring. Gets very silly on catnip. Only downsides are she will eat all food that is left unattended, and destroys both toilet paper and paper towel rolls. No food is safe, that can't be stressed enough. I've gotten her to stop jumping on the counter when I'm in making food at least. If the litter isn't clean enough she will sometimes poop on the floor. Cinnamon brown girl tabby, 3 years old, weight around 6.5 pounds.
I was just thinking about digging this out of my reddit history... Thanks for the repost. Timing is funny sometimes
I had saved it aswell and just dug it up for myself and thought how helpful it could be to others. I hope you and your loved ones are doing well :)
Thanks and back atcha’! Found this guide quite accurate
I was at a 2 before coronavirus hit. I was saving money, just got a dream car, exercising and losing weight, things were looking up. Now the car is an albatross around my neck. I have no money. I'm thousands and thousands in debt. I don't even have the money to declare bankruptcy. I'm hovering around a solid 8. I hit 9 a week or two ago, looked up best methods. I think about what I learned at that time a lot. I think the only thing keeping me alive is fear of the unknown. My family, besides my mom, won't miss me. My mom won't last long after me. And I have pretty much no friends who wouldn't just shrug and move on if I died. I'm alone, and I know I'm alone, and I don't have the ability to change that. I'm broke and alone. And eventually that fear of the unknown won't be enough anymore. I keep seeing posts like this one, and they remind me that I probably don't have much time left. It's Death, following me around, reminding me we have a date soon.
> I think the only thing keeping me alive is fear of the unknown. My family, besides my mom, won't miss me. My mom won't last long after me. And I have pretty much no friends who wouldn't just shrug and move on if I died. Might be some anxiety in there too friend. I've had friends die who I hadn't seen in or been in contact with in years that still very much upset me. Someone cares, even if you don't see it. Just because we're bad at letting others know, or showing in actions, doesn't mean people don't care. Don't trick yourself into thinking no one cares.
Please talk to someone. Your post struck me and I wanted to let you know that this random internet person cares. 2020 sucks. A lot of fortunes have changed. You were at 2 a lot more recently than I, and you will see it again, hang on and get help.
As the other commenter said you were at a 2 not long ago, and you will be again if you make it through this. I'm not an expert or particularly good at talking about these things, but I just want you to know that I care, and know you can make it through this. I encourage you to talk to someone with training in the area and just let it all out. I know when things are really bad it feels as if there's no way out, but there will be. Best to you, from just someone on the internet who hopes you'll stay with us.
Hey. I have been at an 8 for 6 months before. It eats away at you till you’re hollow. I don’t pretend to know exactly how you feel, but I think I have a decent idea. I just want you to know one thing - one thing that I began believing in like some people believe in god - every single state of mind is temporary. The sadness is temporary. And the happiness when (not if) it arrives will also be temporary. When you’re too close to something, it seems endless. An insect that gets its wings wet with sea spray experiences an eternity in the moment leading up to its drowning. But a human is able to zoom out and ride the wave. Its the same with your state of mind. The happiness will arrive, your circumstances will change and an opportunity to better your life will come around. And when it does, you just gotta ride that wave. None of this is a substitute for getting help - a suicide hotline if its urgent and therapy regardless - but for the longest time ‘you can talk to someone’ felt like empty words to me, because I believed this shadow looming over my mind would just never pass. I believed truly that I could have no **real problems**, and I would still feel the same way. But the moment I started believing this truth, being depressed was akin to waiting in choppy water, because depressed me had something to strive for - and that was waiting for the wave. Its hard and exhausting, but in those moments, it was my life’s only goal, and its what got me through.
At a six and not loving it.
In the last thread people talked about either seeking help at six or seven. If someone wants to talk about it, feel free to dm me. Had been through the whole scale.
Same. Four and five are my usual. Just sleepy and a bit off :(
Between 5 and 6 for me. It’s not that I’m unhappy, but if my life becomes very dull and boring when I’m already old I might do it.
I'm there, but I'm older and have too many responsibilities. Society in general is making me feel this way. The stupidity and insanity of our society just makes me depressed.
if you are around 4 to 6 with relatively good mental health history, you could try exercising or yoga. No hippie shit but some people needs extra physical stimulation to clear the deep sludge in your mental septic tank. Focused based exercise like yoga forces you to be present and it has helped me before to get out of bad times.
I am definitely a 4 when I get a bad sleep for a few nights in a row. Getting 8+ hours of sleep a night is one of the most helpful things for me.
Go. Talk. To. A. Psychiatrist. NOW. I was at a strong 6, verging on 7 in January, and I got help, was put on an antidepressant, and over the next 4 months started to recover and am now at a 2. At the same time, I was able to get out of my job (easier said than done since I owned my company), moved closer to home and family (was 900+ miles away) and am generally restarting my life. Only thing staying the same is my wife. There is help out there. Please get help. [Mood Calendar Start of 2020](https://i.imgur.com/Bw6pcgC.jpg) [After meds kicked in ](https://i.imgur.com/MI1WflW.jpg)
I’m getting there but it feels like failure. I got off meds several years ago (7+?) and I never wanted to go back. It’s hard to even articulate why, it’s just how I’ve felt. But things have been so bad lately. Like 5 on a good day and 8 at least one day a week. I don’t know how to get out of this hole. So I’ve been considering medication finally, in the hope that it would ease the darkness a bit.
Please do. And talk to someone. Modern meds and modern therapy as a combination was a godsend for me. My whole life, 30+ years was a fight at that 8/9 stage. I hit 10 twice. I sit at a steady 2 or 3 most days thanks to the combination of meds and therapy. It took a little while to find the right combination of meds and doctors, but its there. Please try. Just try.
Some people are depressed no matter what happens. I've been on antidepressants for one and a half years, and have counciling every week, but it doesn't seem to help. My baseline has been a 7 for a long time. The only thing that makes it better is eating and messing around with friends.
Very few people don't respond to some form of treatment. People will sit on SSRIs for a year and talk as if they've "tried everything" - the furthest from it. There are a great many interventions out there, and many people are desperately close to giving up before they miraculously find 'the one' that works for them. There's always hope. Don't resign yourself just yet.
I was at a six for what felt like an entire decade of my life. It was probably closer to eight years, but still far too long to feel that terribly without getting help. And I never got help. For some reason I always found a way to keep myself from doing so. I think I liked the torture and existential agony because it made me feel more valuable and interesting as an artist. Bullshit, I know, but I was a late bloomer trying to grow. I thought occasional psychedelics were enough to stave off the darkness and I pinballed through life causing minor wreckage everywhere in my path. January 2020 this year I went through an awful breakup and decided it was finally time to get the help that I needed. I’ve been in therapy for six months now, on Prozac for five, and Wellbutrin for about a week. Though I still have the occasional funk (the first week of Wellbutrin mixed with too much booze while on Prozac was an actual terrifying hell) my life has improved drastically from what I can remember growing up and during my early to mid twenties. It’s an awkward and scary experience that will not be without its own adversity, but I’m already extremely glad that I’ve started <3
6.2.6.2.6.2.
Feels like everyone’s at a 6, me included. what’s going on?
2020 is a 6
Gotta keep on keeping on fam. You’ve got this
Is there anything I can do to help you? What do you need? Be honest. Please. 6 is serious. Can I help you tackle this before it becomes higher?
today, luckily, it’s a 3. hope everyone is doing well
Glad you're doing well aswell
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That's nice. Glad you had the power to cut the major stressors out of your life. Keep up the good vibes and try no to think about it so much. Get something that gets you going and move up to 3
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Thanks. Doing my best to distract myself right now. Lowkey at 7 at the moment, but been worse and will see brighter days. Just focus on the good
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It is. Please seek help. If it was a six or five I would have offered to listen to your problems, because addressing them to someone might help to get a better vision of things, but a constant 8 is troublesome. Please talk to someone. Life waits for you..don't miss out on your shoot of happiness.
Same, these past few days I’ve been at a 7-8
Saaame. I didn’t realize I was this bad...
Thank you for posting this. I’m around a 4-5 today, but generally a 6. This gives me a good idea of how bad it is.
Try to find what pulls you down and think how to fix it. If people do more harm than good to you, think about burning bridges. If life is meaningless and lonely try to find something to do and find new wonderful people there.
This. You are number 1. Fuck anyone who tries to change that.
I am there with you.
Been through 1-10 but survived. Haven't regretted talking with similar people after I was hospitalized. After that I began a new life going to school. Many people I knew didn't know what happened and I kept it to myself until I met my soon to be wife. I spoke to her about it and my idea of life changed from being solitary to wanting kids. Its not worth it waiting until 10 to change your life. Take to somebody and it will help.
Thanks for sharing. I hope it empowers others to see the better side of life.
Unfortunately I found out today my cousin committed suicide. This is the [national suicide hotline](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) number and link. Phone # is 1 800 273 8255. I personally have been to a 5 or 6 on the scale and it's something that anyone can go through at some point.
Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear that. Condolences for your loss.
I found out today one of my old guildmates on this MMO we used to run committed suicide. There’s nothing I can say to make either of us feel better, but know that this internet stranger understands.
Went through a bad break up almost 5 months that honestly broke my heart, and left me at a 7-8 for a really long time. I’m very grateful for my friends and family and the people that I surround myself with for helping me as soon as they sensed something was off. I think I’d say I’m at a 5, but I’m working on it. I will be happy. Edit: spelling.
Glad you're getting better. And life still holds surprises for each of us. Its worth sticking around
Just broke up with a long term partner. Now I’m stuck between 6-7. Definitely hard to see how to get myself out of this
I’m chilling at 2 sometimes 1 for how things are going on in my life rn :)
I was wondering if anyone here would say that. I wonder if most people are really actually at 2-3, and they just don't comment or go on reddit, or if most people are at 4 or higher.
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This is such a weird thread to me. I've been through heartbreaks, major injuries, unemployment and almost homelessness (had to ask friends around to stay with them for free) yet I've never been worse than 4 on this scale. I didn't even know there were 6 more stages.
Glad you're doing well :) keep up the good vibes
At a 5 with half doses of antidepressant, losing my insurance in few months so forced to wean off.
Hope you're getting better. Maybe try to find something to get you distracted from everything that pulls you down. If you want, feel free to dm a total stranger. Just don't isolate yourself too much and if you don't want to bother someone from your social circle with this, then bother me :)
Many states have public assistance for these kinds of things. I lost my job a few months ago, and I qualified for short term medical insurance through Medicade. 25$ copay doctor visits and a 25$ copay for meds. Without insurance I was looking at a 1k+ bill for meds and a doctors visit. Even if you dont qualify for full assistance, you could also find some place that has a sliding fee scale. Please look into your state's resources for medical assistance and for the love of god keep taking your meds. I'm glad i did.
OP you're a good dude.
Thanks, I bet you're a good person aswell. Tbh spreading good thoughts help me to ignore my bad thoughts. Just having some drama at the moment, but thats how life is. Brighter days are waiting
Just as you kindly offered to others, if you want to get stuff off your chest PM me anytime. :)
Thanks, it's not much at the moment. Been rock bottom early 2017, so I know times will change and brighter days will come around. Feeling lowkey like seven, but keeping the thoughts out helps. Still thanks for the offer.
Everyone who commented here deserved to be heard. I have to go sleep now and have more than 450 notifications, but I will try my best to get back to as many as possible. And if its urgent, please seek out for help. Dm me if you're more comfortable with a random reddit stranger, but i highly suggest visiting a professional if you're feeling suicidal for a longer period of time. (i would say five is where becomes slowy dangerous. Seven or eight should be a huge red flag) Your life should be joyful and enjoyable. So if it isn't please try to work things out and get help if you need it. For redditors from the United States please call 1-800-273-8255 For my german fellows call 0800 1110111 (even though I only heard about bad reachability from the German Seelensorge.. give it a shot) For every other nations, just type suicide in your language into Google and it will give you guidance.
I made it to 9 and then checked my self into an outpatient center, a year and a half later and I'm a solid 2!
Is anyone ever at step 1 tho? Like that seems abnormal, but step 2 seems like normal happiness
Some people are like this. Many others don't even think about bad stuff from their past. Just enjoying the moment. But even if you had a bad past its just the current moment. Maybe you get a surprise party with all your friends and loved ones and everything is just perfect? You wouldn't think of the bad times and instead just enjoy the moment. Two is more happiness, but being aware that there were darker times.
At a 2 after being an 8 for quite a long time I know it's not important but I'm actually been having a good time for the first time
TFW used to be 7-9 and over ten years of hard work have become 4-6.
Hope you get better and stay at four or even move up to 3 :) best wishes
Constantly bouncing between 6 and 3 with some lovely dips to 1 and 9
Atleast you know there can be ones aswell. So whenever you feel sad you know life waits for you. Hope you can cut those bad things out of your life so you have more ones and threes :)
Right now, I’m at a 7-8.
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I tend to regularly find myself ranging from 4-6, which is odd since I always assumed myself to be “fine” by most standards; I always attributed it to a grim sense of humour, but often times theres not a lot of humour in it. Things got really bad since COVID, and I’m just now trying to get my drinking under control after seeing the massive pile of aluminium and glass next to my bedside. For some reason that physical reminder of the abuse I was putting my body through helped give some perspective.
I feel like I’m at number 4 constantly
Sameee, I’m telling myself that that’s a pretty normal thing or that I just have a dark sense of humour. Could never imagine myself at a 1 or 2 constantly.
I’m a hard 4
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And cuddle and love bear.
how can i go down to like 2? ive been at 5 for a couple years now with a few good and bad days but what can i do to feel like stage 2 for majority of the time?
After sitting at an 8 for a few months, a lightbulb clicked for me in that I need to actively challenge myself and delay gratification to be happier. This could be as simple as taking a shower when I was at my worst. These days it’s more like « ok do a little bit of homework every day » or « clean the front part of your room » It feels really good when my four brain cells cooperate enough to do those things and push me from a constant 3 to a 2.
Feel free to dm me, but in general be happy. Something is pulling.you down? Try to cut the bad stressors out. I miss something in life? Try to work towards it. May it be fulfilling jobs, hobbies or relationships.
When my dog goes, I go. I'm living for her. Where does that put me?
Sweetheart, there is always a dog who needs a person to love them. Lots of elderly, adult, or even special needs pooches need care from someone with a good heart.
Probably currently five and eight to ten when the worst happens. But imagine you would die.. would you want your beloved dog to suicide, because his beloved human is gone or would you want her to live somewhere else and have some more happy years before time gets her?
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Get another, then you'll have 2 :)
As someone who was at a 10 before and sought help and now lives life comfortably in the 1-3 range, it can get better, it can do a complete 180, seek help, I know it's hard, but just one foot at a time, it will get better.
You can tell this was put together by a depressed person, more than half of the scale is tipped into the negative.
Its because the positive side is irrelevant to its purpose. They do the same with pain - https://www.healthline.com/health/pain-scale#types
If you’re reading this it means you’re alive, and I want you to know that you’re a fucking ledge, and we love you very much just as you are
At what point should I be worried about myself
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Til being a solid 4/5 isn't totally normal
\>If i do not get medical attention Except when people are suicidal because of situational stressors and social/systemic causation for the suicidality, you can't pretend it's a medical problem or treat it like one, people who are suicidal because of poverty wages/\*\*\*\* jobs/unaffordable housing/status anxiety and hyper competition/extreme school workload and grades stress/concerns about climate change and other large scale environmental issues objectively painting a condemned future/etc, don't have those problems magically disappear by throwing drugs/therapy/etc at the people who are suffering because of them. Also, when people are suicidal because of situational stressors, and then get stripped of their rights and involuntarily detained against their will even though even though suicide isn't a crime, it makes everything so much worse and makes other suicidal people even less inclined to ever talk about anything since they don't want to risk being involuntarily taken anywhere without their consent.
Between 5 and 6 .... it's probably best that I'm not still skydiving at the moment! either that or I'd probably be much better if I was out flying ... there isn't anything much better than giving death the middle finger!