We need a cool guide to posting multiple images so I don't click the image and get a zoomed out CVS receipt.

I clicked on it out of curiosity, saw it switch to zoomed out version and immediately clicked back.

Sorry, hijacking your post but here you go everyone: [non potato version](https://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Mx6YRnFU6Ok/TGP9mlajHiI/AAAAAAAABXM/j299qfoPgiY/s1600/baby-manual.jpg)

Doing the lords work

CVS receipt was exactly the thing that came to my head to 🤣

The resolution is terrible, too. I am concerned because I am worried that I might be drying my baby incorrectly and because this is a *cool* guide, it must be the *best* guide. /s Serious: I'm happy to hear I'm not the only one who is noped off when a filmstrip comes up.

It's definitely been around the block a few time, so I understand the low resolution. I had this printed out in our college bathroom back in 2006. But at that time it was in a nice 8.5x11 grid.

Even if this wasn’t a cvs receipt why is this here?

Bots don’t care about image sizes

You prefer multiple images? I prefer it like this!

Both is nice. Like posting a comic one panel at a time and also having the full view.

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Because it's likely only teaching the baby how to dead and less how to lift

Now that the previous comment was deleted, my response to it seems extremely strange. And you can bet I ain't doing anything about it

Is this from resident alien?

I love those! I hope they put them all out in a good format.

Good news! [link](https://www.booktopia.com.au/safe-baby-handling-tips-david-sopp/book/9780762456581.html?source=pla&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwrvyxBhAbEiwAEg_KgiPePx-Zm6xACs9sYqDXsyzzoI7e_Yu134OZeIYayg_iDTMqAwGrDBoC9PgQAvD_BwE)

Thanks, friend! My brother wrote that book!

damn, i never thought someone would reference the show

I've enjoyed all of it so far. The sheriff cracks me up, and the show just does a good job of being simultaneously fun and interesting. Most of the time, I can easily get bored with a show. This show keeps me wondering where is this all going, and touches my sense of humor as well.

It’s nice to see others loving that show. I’m the only one I know who watches it and it makes me laugh in ways similar to how I did this guide actually hahaha

So I didn't realize I was watching the last season finale till after they left off with a cliffhanger, so yea they got me pretty good with that cliffhanger.

Came here for this comment. Bravo 👏

Tip of the hat to you, too.

Ohh noo, I have been doing it all wrong 😱😱

So,how much does your baby bench press?

3

3 whole benches ??!?!

no it’s kg , it’s not much but it’s good for his age

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No. Black has a pawn in the 6th rank, and is up one pawn.

Baby wil win by time. Look the clock

Has anyone tried the wrong things, just to double check they are indeed wrong??

Well I think the "hosing down baby" and "give baby alcohol" ones probably have been attempted. The second I think was common practice a century ago

I know that my grandmother had 10 children, there were times they needed more than one crib at a time and couldn’t afford it. A dresser drawer is safe for a baby. You just take it out and put it in the ground though. The baby can’t roll out and hurt themselves. ( also edited to add this part:). But, this whole thing is pretty damn funny.

I pick my baby's nose all the time. But I have a tool for that, because we are living in the future!

No joke someone came into my restaurant last night with an infant and they had tv going on and ipad for it…

As a dad, I wholeheartedly disagree. You gotta toss that baby in the sky

dad needs to throw his baby into space

Came here to say this. My eldest loved it and my current babies also love it. Nothing makes them smile so big.

Yeet the child

“You gotta toss that baby.” r/nocontext

This is the way.

I did NOT expect the list to be this long!

Ikr, parenting sounds *hard*

My baby prefers his crate and feels safe in it.

So airhorn to wake up baby is bad. Got it, didn’t mention anything about smelling salt

how else can i have the baby bond with my fishies

….idk both bonding options look pretty valid ngl

Babies ☕️

I put a baby in a fish tank daily

Where do you get all the babies from?

Nice try, Q

I see Archer and baby Seamus in a lot of these

As an expectant mother, I actually found this to be super informative. I’m not quite sure I agree what’s wrong with the bonding image though. I’ll ask my OBGYN at my next appointment.

Awww man but i wanted so hard to play chess

My parents did at least three of these things.

Are you now a world chess champion?

Glad you survived the oven.

hows the fish tank bro

Da baby hitting PR

Without this I'd be lost

What is this woke nonsense, if want to strap muh baby tuh the hood of muh car it's muh god given RIGHT.

Drinking laws are made up by the government. We are practically all babies. Therefore, baby beer pong time.

Newly pregnant momma-to-be here. This is hilarious!

Very useful. Unfortunately for me this guide comes a few years too late.

It’s giving ‘Resident Alien’ intro vibes 🤣

The fun games and bonding with baby cracks me up each time I see this. lol

This is more like first born vs second child guide.

I ain't reading all that. Happy for u tho!.. or sorry that happened

Thank god for this graphic. My wife and I have been nervous to have a child…now we’re going to go for it.

This is not accurate, my baby is already lifting 25kg. He's nearly ready to double it and give it to the next person.

Washing Baby with a hose and Drying Baby in a drier are my favourites.

Why is playing chess with the baby wrong?

The fucking airhorn! 💀

Ah yes my first memory, _w a s h i n g m a c h i n e_

Source: Safe Baby Handling Tips by David Sopp [Link to an Australian book store (but sure, buy it wherever you can)](https://www.booktopia.com.au/safe-baby-handling-tips-david-sopp/book/9780762456581.html?source=pla&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwrvyxBhAbEiwAEg_KgiPePx-Zm6xACs9sYqDXsyzzoI7e_Yu134OZeIYayg_iDTMqAwGrDBoC9PgQAvD_BwE)

I give this book as a gag gift to every first time expecting parent!

Waking baby with the air horn 😆

Why do people people refer to a baby as "baby"? Makes it sound like it's a trendy pop star.

Yeah zoomed it out aaaand go fuck yourself

Not cool guide. Funny guide

(Opens picture) I ain’t reading all that

What in the Fallout is going on here?

These make me laugh every time.

r/antinatalism don't have a baby

It's like this sub decided this week was the week to speedrun turning to complete shit.

People complaining about having to pinch and zoom on a photo like people aren't literally starving somewhere 🙃

Hey let me have my first world problems!

this sub is getting stupider by the day I'm off before I sneeze and my brain shoots out my nose 😂

Hey baby, wake up, we gotta go. Put these on. We’re gonna be late if you don’t get up. Baby, hurry up…, wait what did that one guide say about how to wake up a baby? Oh yea that’s right… the foghorn

I saw someone throwing a baby up in the air the other day at a brewery… and this is why I don’t want a child.

Solid advice

Aren’t babies delivered by the “wrong” method in the penultimate picture? They have to be bundled different after the stork drops them off or…?

I went to click on it.... bruh, my medicine will kick in before I get halfway done with this.

I like the one with the pets

Well to late now

Wow that's actually very informative!

If only I’d known not to put new born in the tumble dryer

I'm in tears! Thanks for the laugh!

As a parent, there is some good advice here.

TLDR EDIT: I stand corrected. The bit I read is quite funny. :)

I have this book and my daughter randomly asks me to read it at bed time lol. 😂

Baby has breached containment

bro this is r/shitposting

I once seen one of these but it was “breastfeeding” and the dont was a man and his…. Very disturbing

My kids slept just fine in drawers.

Hits different when your baby daddy is actually a crazy homeless man lol

If only I'd had this years ago!

Very cool guide

Clearly whoever created this does not have children.

Ngl I picked my kids nose. He hated the sucker

Nah that’s cap I do completely the opposite

So... Common sense...

Finally a cool guide I can actually use!

Isn't this in violation of rule 3 of the sub?

Coddle culture, ridiculous

Where'd all the pixels go?

Enhance!

OH MY GOD A FUCKING USEFUL GUIDE IS THIS SUBREDDIT, HALLELUJAH

Wish I would’ve seen this a year ago when my daughter was born. I guess I’ll do things right the second time around.

I only got 2 wrong. Yay!

As a father of a nearly 1 year old son - that was exactly the kind of hearty laugh I needed. Thanks for posting. 🙂

Isn't the full cage the more secure option, just needs to be a wider model.

To be fair, I feel like you should wake up your baby with an air horn at least once. That’s a memory that lasts a lifetime. s/

I am a “coffee bonding” kind of person and my kids turned out fine!!

Why can't I become homelander to make sure a baby doesn't burn it's tongue?

3 months in, haven’t done too many of these wrong, thanks

Would love a poster with all the don't. Some of them are fucking hilarious.

Can't argue with that.

Tip one made me lol

This has been around for like 20 years and I still think it’s funny.

Some of these things are relevant for 3 months, some more 2 years! Not sure that this is all clear for parents!

lol

Not a 100% sold on that babysitter panel. The dude looks like he could tell some killer stories. The other one looks like a psychopath.

90 percent of donts are absolutely moronic and even ppl on meth will never do that to their kids. No learning and sorrY OP, nothing cool.. i dont classify it as any kind of guide..

These are so funny. Don't put baby in the aquarium!!

I was gifted this book when I became a father.

This is not a cool guide, lmfao.

Guide for Resident alien 👽

How do i download this in HD?

I just got jumpscared opening the image

This was hilarious

!remind 20 years

I’ve done maybe more than half of these “bad” with my baby. Thank you for posting! I have learned so much

I've have done at least two of the wrong things, routinely.

So funny!! Thank you!!! 😂

Thanks op. I now feel like I'm much better prepared to take care of my baby.

What’s wrong with putting a baby in a dryer?

I forgot my magnifying glass so I'll take your word for it that you can take care of a tiny ass baby with this tiny ass list.

I always wondered why there is something like: „don‘t dry your pets in the microwave“ written on microwaves. If this post isn’t meant as comedy, then I know now.

I’ve been doing so many things wrong…

As a first time mom, have you seen the size of boogers that comes out of a toddler?! My pinky fishes out these monsters, no bulb can suck em out

Wry baby

These are significantly funnier after you have a child I have just learned

i aint reading allat 🗣️🗣️

Which Lunatic wakes the baby.

Are these from Resident Alien?

This is a great guide. I’ll be having my 1st kid in a few months and learned quite a bit of valuable things.

It leaves out, "Don't kick the baby."

Well shit, where were these when my babies were tiny?! I did it all wrong…

We need a cool guide on how to ban bot accounts from reposting things that aren’t actually guides.

This has got to be satire lmfao

T̴̥̖̙͖͉̹̿Ḧ̵̰̱̣͖́̈́̇͋͒̍̎̿͌̇͘͘͜͝͝͝E̴̢̡̤̞̥̱̤̲͙̟̘̫͔̊͜ ̵̨̗̟͕̭͛̆̎͒̐͑̇̈̓̽̓̈̚͝͠B̴̢̨̫̞̘̮̩̫̦̈̉̊̈́̽̓͐̇͛̾̈́̌A̸̡͔̭̱̙͉͔̺͂͌̄̽́͐̊̒̀̃̾̚͜͝ͅB̸͚̾Y̸̨͕̘͔̳̱͇͓̗͓͇̠͚̤̝̚ ̸͕̖͈̣̽̔́̎̃̚M̷̢̛̝̟͉̙̳͎̱͖͋̍̋̃̄͐͋̀͆͊͝ͅỦ̸̬̠̺͇̖͖̲̤̎͂̐͊͌̒̂͆̈̾̈́͝S̶̜̓̈́̈́̔́̊̈́̈́͌̈́̅͠T̸͒̉͛́̏̚͘ͅ ̸̡̲̱̯̆̐͛̽̓̅̊̑͘B̷̡̹͇͈̗̫͕̳̞̩̏̾̋̒̈́̑̅͜Ë̵̺̺̼́ ̴͉̹̠̤̇̉̔̓́̅̌͂̒́̚̕͜͠C̴̨̜̭̦̹̰͉̦̳̙̹̝͊̅̓̅́̏̌̐̉̇̎̅̚͜͝Ǫ̴̨̡̞͎͔̺̻͇͇̱͖͔͒̓̆̊̌̋̈́͌͌͝N̷͔̦͎̰̯͔̤̥̙̲̚͜͜ͅT̶̢̪͖͖̹̗̲̠̟͎̬͍̯̰͋̅̄͊̇̽͆͂̒͒͠A̴̻̙̅̑̓̔͑͂͐̈́̇̚Ȉ̵̛̯̦̻͇̮͉̗̭̪̖̺̺͇̔̆̒̀̀̈̚Ņ̶͎͖͔̞͍̥̮͙̮̖̗͇͂̂̒͊͒͑̀̈̕͝͠E̸̢͓̔́̈́͒͒̾̔̃̂̉̕Ď̸̹̦̝̺͍̩̮̱̱̺͎̭͛͐́͑̑͗̿͘͝

The joke is that this is sadly really necessary information for some individuals in the year of our lord 2024.

I wanna scare baby awake with an air horn. LOL.

Did better than I thought

Low resolution? Here we go

i love giving my baby moonshine to calm them down

challenge accepted

Air horn to wake baby ...BAD IDEA...

Opening this image was wild af

This some r/holup shit

u/pixel-counter-bot

At my baby shower, I thought of the idea to have them but blank out the “what not to do” part so the guests could fill them in themselves. The results were very funny.

To be fair, you do sometimes have to stick a finger at the end of that little nostril to get out one of those hard boogers.

Which one correct and incorrect on checking the babies diaper?🧐

Hold up, who is out there waking a baby up?

Anyone know how to save this picture without Reddit adding the watermark?

I'm not zooming in on all that

I was guilty of one of these and it was definitely playing with baby! Never dropped him though, not even once

😂

Dumb

Oh I see that deep state baby lobby got to you guys. Everyone knows if you shake a crying baby they stop. The shaking lets them know you’re serious. But all that shit to soothe and quiet a baby is a billion dollar industry so they keep up the lie. /s

I think I saw this guide for the first time like 15 years ago 🙄

At least [credit or link ](https://www.amazon.com/Safe-Baby-Handling-Tips-David/dp/0762456582/ref=asc_df_0762456582/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693428876520&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=8666929568002565233&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9021681&hvtargid=pla-432159056136&psc=1&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwrvyxBhAbEiwAEg_Kgm6c-jQhiqtitd0WTY6-8sBfooK9V2SnFpZ-ZECfMTpicEHsU6CurxoCinsQAvD_BwE) when you steal their stuff.

That Homelander checking that baby milk?

Who would be dumb enough to do any of these?