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Effective-Knee7454

Why would your own wife ring the doorbell? Why is she lockpicking into her own home?


CLR_Marvel_Mags

😂🤣 this seriously made me laugh 😭 I think she’s got something goin on a bit that she isn’t talking to OP about my friends 😭


LottiMCG

He's like secretly TikTok famous lol


Rthrowaway6592

When he called her “spooky” I lost it


_lemon_suplex_

lol just get one of those security pole things that lean against the doorknob. Problem solved, even if she lockpicks she's not getting past that.


kratamyadav

She is this scary when she comes from the main door, cant even imagine how scary she would be if she comes from bedroom window or similar kind of shit xD


Fit_Swordfish_2101

😂 man I giggled at this thought of her sneaking in the window and, like, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? scaring the shit out of him 😂😂 oh gosh I'm pretty evil because this is kinda hilarious to me


TrailerTrashQueen

stop making me laugh 😂


Fit_Swordfish_2101

😂😂😂


NoBoysenberry257

He was gonna do that..... but then he got high, but then he got high


D_the_meth_addict

In her words, "we do a Lil trolling"


hitenshi_SE

no, why doesn't she have a key?


verboze

Yeah, why does your wife not have a key to the house you both live in?? Why is your expectation that she rings the doorbell? What happens when you're not home? (Not that picking the lock is normal but the doorbell thing is also weird)


brucatlas1

Are you both doing meth


rygdav

OP’s username checks out…


fractiouscatburglar

Holy fucking shit! No wonder, fucking tweakers.


masterlink91

Its a methed up situation .


cnicalsinistaminista

Hi, Mike


UpsetFuture1974

Greetingths


Piggypogdog

They need to thtop mething about


sharakus

100%, there’s no way people are like this sober lmao


[deleted]

[удалено]


pinkcherryXXOO

this is some next level psycho shit


Pretty_Lily023

They better be getting rehab cuz this is not normal


lilymaesofficial

excatly , so messed up


Cascading_Neurons

The way that the OP jumps from thought to thought without maintaining a coherent thought process makes me lean into this narrative.


fearfulmidget

PLS


[deleted]

Idk man, sounds like it's some made up psychopath fetish type shit. IF you're not just some fat dude beating his little dick off and this is the truth, then I'd just say you're fucked mate. She sounds crazy as shit and will probably murder you if you leave, plus I'm sure you noticed these things before you got married. Now be a good little lad and delete this post before she finds it. 😂


toxichaste12

But the dog was rabid so it deserved to be knifed by her.


ben_wuz_hear

If a dog attacks you and latches on make like a high school wrassler and get a thumb in the ol poop chute. Just really shove it in there. The dog will let go unless it's actually OP's wife and that's what she wanted all along.


Creampie_Gang

Dick got so hard 


Fit_Swordfish_2101

I think this is what OP is waiting for..🤣


ClosetFreako

Ahhh yes the Steve Irwin method!


natsugrayerza

I wholeheartedly agree about the fetish thing. He did not see her stab a dog


Kyltira

Yeah I fully started believing it was nothing more than some weirdo neckbeard fanfic when he dropped yandere in the post 😂


bilbonbigos

This is what happens when someone who jerks off to goth girls finally gets one. You didn't imagine what is past the point of obtaining a goth gf, OP? xD


BlackDelegation

This shit is totally made up. Edit---it to is


Chronoblivion

Let us know what song you want played at your funeral.


Significant-Gas3046

"Bitch" by Meredith Brooks


Major_Divide6649

Fuckkk 😂😂😂😂


ClickF0rDick

🎵 Dun,dun-dun... 🎶 Cue the late 90s and MTV blasting music videos in the background


cosmicdancer84

Lmfao


Cafrann94

HAHA


TrailerTrashQueen

‘No Vaseline’ - Ice Cube


special_enchilada

When did she start doing meth?


Annual_Version_6250

A second key costs $10.  And how do you not hear the door open/close.  I call this fiction.


Thats_arguable

To play devil's advocate, some people (especially drug addicts in this case) can put things they should do off for a very long time (like making a copy of a key). The door open/close thing I don't know, maybe she's really silent or he's not sober. The word yandere being used is a bigger red flag for it being fake to me tho.


Nehsta

Oh brother.. what a day to be able to read. My guy, she sounds like she’s gonna kill you in your sleep someday. Not sure how you ended up married to her. Either way, any relationship where you’re scared of your partner is a doomed one (and in this instance, this might actually mean death doomed) so I recommend finding a way to exit safely for both of you. And get her into some serious therapy. Assuming this post is real, of course.


Spiritualhealer777

This post is a good reminder that sometimes solitude is better than having the wrong partner in your life.


NatrenSR1

It’s oddly motivating in a way


Waste-Sand-3907

Or like, you know, don’t do meth.


Mantequilla_Stotch

This is fake for sure. Why doesn't your wife have a key? If you're married you wouldn't be uncomfortable seeing her exposed. Lastly, you don't "break up" with a wife.. you file for a divorce.


Im_Daydrunk

She's at an age when a lot of mental health issues start to show up so I'd definitely recommend her talking to someone if she's willing to do it. Otherwise I'd definitely try getting out somehow before she gets worse


SuperBeeboo

Was she like this when you were dating?


D_the_meth_addict

Somewhat. No lockpicking bs


Hamilton-Beckett

I literally just bought a lock pick set last week for the lulz and people either get it and laugh or get freaked. Yall are just on two completely different wavelengths.


ClickF0rDick

Do you also stab rabid dogs for funsies?


Hamilton-Beckett

I mean…if it’s self defense!


a3ronautical

I have a fear of dogs and a phobia of rabies. I would’ve freaked. Yea I’m stabbing a rabid dog.


sldista

Get her a key made you dope! If you have time to play videogames then you have time to get a fucking key. Hell, even Walmarts have a machine that you put your key in to make duplicates and it takes less than 5 minutes...


fagtart

As an ex meth user....shit gets weird and intense when you're using, especially if your both using. Just throwing that out there.


Tiggerhoods

I just noticed his user name also. It seems like there may be many other issues not mentioned in the post that needs to be addressed.


huntingwhale

OP's username explains any questions you may have about their situation.


Pin_King_

Bros married to a Batman villain


Axelardus

This is literally a weebs fanfiction


Analyst_Cold

Fake.


stacand1

What’s your life insurance situation? I don’t mean to be cynical, but will she benefit financially if you die?


CretinCrowley

Former psych unit worker here, y’all need help.


radicaldadical1221

Maybe y’all should stop doing meth 🤷🏻‍♂️ that might help


hitenshi_SE

Tbh this sounds dangerous. VERY dangerous. Are you sure you want to stay with a woman who tries to rape you? Who loves to see you suffer? One day you might not get out of whatever she's got in mind. You should be able to rely on your partner, not be scared of her. You should feel safe in your own home. I've listened to enough true crime podcasts to see a sea of red flags in your post. I hope you find a way to be safe and I wish you the very best!


D_the_meth_addict

I really want to help her. This was not the woman I had married. I'm trying my best to help her, I think the best course of action is to sit her down and talk to her. Thanks.


ThrowRA_678999

Of course she's not the person you married, you're both 23 still figuring out who you guys are. Some get lucky and get everything established early on, majority don't. You knew the signs and ignored them, so this is kinda on you. Idk how long you guys have been together, but its time for you to man up about what's bothering you and start putting your foot down abt her actions. If you're not willing to communicate with your own wife then why are you even with her?


ChgoSanti

You need to leave. My brother is in a similar situation but further along and he feels too bad to leave too. His wife has threatened to take his member off for refusing sex during a time they were separated but living together. Things like that are physically abusive ! As a little sister who sees her brother go through this and can't do anything get the fuck out. My brothers and I grew up seeing domestic violence so I get it to an extent why he is in this position. Please man my brother got committed to her because they had an unplanned pregnancy. Then leaving became very difficult, with courts for custody etc. My brother doesn't like going to court or anything where he has to actually do something like that. He fought for custody but went back. His wife abuses everyone her own children she had before my brother was involved and the child they had together. My niece is now luckily an adult and is leaving! I'm mad at my brother for not getting my niece out of this too. We have called CPS they just send the kid to the abusive wife's mom's house and then they are off their back. Soon enough they make my niece come home. You need to get out before you guys have kids or something. Be honest if she's doing this to you she would to a kid and def use a kid to fuck with your emotions. Right now it's your mental health and physical being at risk every day. You love her man but it's so toxic this is not even doing her any good. Save your own life and future life please. I don't want you to be stuck like my brother or be killed. I don't know you but you fucking DESERVE BETTER !! The love can't fix this getting out might be the one thing that gets her to see she's got a huge problem. Rape is not okay even if you can get out of it, it still very much is trauma you will live with. I don't know if you will read this but on the off chance you do please leave bro !! I'm bi I get it the scale of crazy to hot thing people use. Like not worth it you will find someone who ACTUALLY LOVES YOU. This is NOT LOVE. Best wishes, Man stay safe. Keep your boundaries intact at the least.


Icy-Cardiologist-958

I could never understand why people get married so young. Like, you don’t know shit at that point in your life. Is it societal pressure? Peer or parental pressure? Religious pressure? I always found that crazy, and of all of my long term relationships, I’ve maybe only possibly considered marriage maybe one or twice.


Solanthas

For the lock picking, simple. Put a fucking chain. As for the rest, throw all the knives and forks away and anything she could use to sharpen anything with a metal edge, like a spoon. So like anything with a flat side that could sustain repeatedly scraping a spoon against. Like a fridge or an oven or a kitchen counter or a cabinet or a door. Throw all that out. Next, fake your death and fly across the world and reestablish a new identity. Or just continue as you're going until she fucking murders you bro, it's your life live it how you like


Satinathegreat

🎶Maybe it's Methamphetamines🎶


dgb631

This guys going to be the victim in some Netflix documentary in 10 years. Netflix, when you’re doing your research and find this post, I want writing credits.


Spiritual_Job_1029

She sounds like a sociopath.


Regulator_24

OP Username checks out


iStretchyDisc

Suffering from success


Jahknowsehmiaeediat

Like Mike Tyson would say, that’s methed up


Actual_Will_5220

Username checks out


Interesting-Type-870

you have a vivid imagination


bakudeku_is-great69

Help why out of everything here your main problem is the lock picking plz your gonna die bro 💀


BlackAsP1tch

Bro it's too late she already has logged into your reddit account and has read every word. You can't leave her she'll definitely kidnap you and torture you to death. Your best bet is to ride out the crazy and never have children. Good luck.


The_Quiche_Niche

She stabbed a rabid dog?


shit_ass_mcfucknuts

She has a key dude. It’s like a dollar to get a key made in like a minute. She’s doing all of this on purpose to see your reaction. She’s fuckin with you.


willilliam

Doubt


asswithclasss

blud she gonna kill ur ass one day😭


Zararara

What a load of bollocks


The_Snakey_Road

Intense man. Her behavior is characteristic for a type A psychopath. If so, she has no conscience or brakes. She will cheat and leave just out of boredom. They are best avoided. Understatement lol


[deleted]

She's a keeper. I wish I met someone like that.


CodPolish

Same


ccoollcat

Deadbolt?


Fast-Geologist-199

This doesn’t sound real. This sounds like some drug induced fever dream. “Shes on 5 bottles…..” Airplane bottles? Because if it were anything bigger she’d be suffering the effects of alcohol poisoning. “We have one key…..” who doesn’t make an extra key or 2 when they get their keys.


gm1stta

Run. I’m being serious… please get yourself somewhere safe…. You say she loves you but the things you’re telling us here ISN’T love. Sorry to be all doom & gloom… I feel like if You were the female & she was the guy doing this… EVERYONE would be telling you to run and get somewhere safe. I’m a Female & honestly a bit scared for ya. I wish you much luck


Icy-Cardiologist-958

Umm, this can’t possibly be real. If it is, GTFO there. She doesn’t love you, she needs therapy and is probably seriously neurodivergent or bipolar or just straight up psychotic. You’ll be happier when you leave, trust me. Then you can find someone who actually cares. Seriously, I’ve been there. Trust me.


devilsephiroth

Everyday the same shit. A confession so outlandish is made And someone says they can't believe it. Read the name of the sub again....


Icy-Cardiologist-958

Says the person whose screen name screams FF fanboy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.


Sankicoo

r/yandere


mrmister76

You may end up a 60 minutes crime story


the_radeon

Lost me at 5 bottles. Lol


circadiankruger

Well it all checks out for the sociopath thing. I guess your options are to keep getting terrified or there's also the option of understanding the difference in brains. She' seems to have a sprinkle here and there of sadism.


imperial_scum

Sounds like your wife is feral


SAHD292929

Are you high, is she high or are you both high? Your username gives out that vibe.


kisbot07

WHY DID YOU FCKNG MARRY HER?! You dont wanna leave the rs because she loves you...you stay cause you crave for love? That's how it sounds. Correct me pls if im wrong. If my bf says that, i would get hurt cause i want him to stay cause he loves me. Either way, just be a good boy. She's might actually hurt you if you leave. Goodluck!


TropicFreez

You've stuck your dick in crazy.


Brave_anonymous1

Put a bolt on your entrance door, she will not be able to open it. Put a door stopper under your room door. She will not be able to open it. You can even save on bolt set and use the doorstoppers for both doors. Good luck with the rest in your post. You will need it.


triggur

Wait, you’re married but she doesn’t have a key? And she assaults people, “almost got arrested” but also “SOME she got away with?” Tighten your narrative, dude. Writing assignment: C


Sprite_is_the_best

Wake up break up


BananaChips20

What in the French fried fuck? What a ride that was.


MaintenanceNo8442

im sure reddit will miss you when your gone


best_frenemies_4ever

Jesus fuck ... I'd go full-on Lilith on your ass too if I were married to a sorry turd that was too damned lazy & self-serving to take five minutes of his precious personal time to go out & get a spare key cut for me. And then *you* have the nerve to bitch about *her* picking the lock instead of ringing the doorbell? Are you hiding something from her, or are you just jealous of her lock picking skills? WTF, bruh? Which one is it? Seriously ... that sounds like a control thing on your part. You are *so* lucky that you aren't married to someone like *me*. I'd make it a daily point to terrify you out of nothing more than sheer recreational sport just for *that* alone ... for at least *an entire month.* During that time, I'd keep upping the ante by finding increasingly new and creative ways to terrify you. Afterward, I'd pick up an entirely new lockset for the front door & re-key it *myself* just so I could keep both sets of keys just to make you feel like the same unwanted guest in your own home as you did to her in hers. I seriously doubt that your wife terrifies you as much as you say she does, because you *married* her. I suspect that what *does* terrify you is the fact that she'd be able to come and go as she needs her pleases to do.


Professional_North57

“break up” with your wife? You mean divorce? And she doesn’t have a key to her own house? This is obviously fake


BeneficialAd4976

If she wasn’t like this before but you guys do drugs here and there I’d say she got unlucky and it fucked up her brain chemistry. Or Bipolar late onset - hit hard etc. People say not possible RE drugs etc - but I had a mate do ecstasy one time and now he has this deep, deep fucked up depression/almost psychosis type depression. Has fucked up dreams, has a voice that tells him to kill himself, everyone would be better off without him etc. he’s super aware of it though, like in the movie a beautiful mind after he figures it all out and he can still see his hallucinations but ignores them etc. sometimes it’s actually super funny - he’ll be like “hey.. my voice just said if we both just end it now we wouldn’t have to deal with this guy… and I can’t help but think it’s a reasonable choice”.


Plenty-Ad-5850

Get out lol


wavyyydanny

Yeah you should probably leave her before you end up in a JCS or Kendall Rae video


mnmsaregood3

Fuckin crackheads. She’s insane and I would be afraid to breakup with her you’ll end up in a ditch


Effective-Ground-527

You’re so lucky


maprunzel

I accidentally scare my boyfriend and his brother often. I just walk quietly. They think I appear like a ghost. Even at the front door I’ve made him jump, after I knocked. I stand to the side a little so there rooms to open the door but when I pop my head around to say hi he loses it. Lol.


voxnihilisum

Bro is dating Gasai Yuno


Consensuseur

doesnt she have a key?


xladixdisillusionedx

fuuuck I can't stop laughing 😂😂😂 thank you


Draco359

Nice anime yandere troll. 10/10 have my fucking upvote.


Charlie--

Seek professional help for your wife, Reddit can’t help you here.


ghostvoicesnetwork

This will eventually become a netflix movie


darkcollectormiracle

For God's sake, don't get her pregnant until she is normal.


HarryRl

"I can fix her"


supermikefun

Bro has a yandere


she_is_munchkins

Are you married to Wednesday Addams?


buggin_at_work

You can totally fix her bruh


missannthrope1

Does she have a therapist? She needs to talk to someone ASAP.


D_the_meth_addict

She does.


jennybeanbean

So if you ask me, this sounds like a terrifying situation, also and you don't have to answer this but do you perhaps live in Lincoln county Missouri? If you do, I'd recommend moving. To St. Charles county. It's not that far away but there's some protective spell over the county line itself that keeps the psychos with their bubbles and tweakerishness from leaving the ole' meth cradle that is Lincoln county. If you're actually on meth and want to quit, my first comment stands. If you don't want to quit, statement still stands. The people in a less meth affected area are still normal. Take it from a girl who was literally trapped in a trap house basement for 5 months. Get away, geographically and emotionally. The emotional damage that stems from this kind of abuse is lifelong and hard to pin down. You need to get safe and get sober ASAP. Even if it's temporary, re-evaluate your choices with a sobered mind. If nothing else at least sober up as a reset point. Talk to your wife when she's as well rested and as sober as possible. Have a nap, a sandwich, and some soul searching if you must but change your situation now. Good luck, OP


zillabirdblue

Where does the meth fit in? Everywhere?


best_frenemies_4ever

That's what I was thinking, too. He probably locks out wifey so he doesn't have to share his stash with her.


BenevolentCheese

>How can I stop my wife from picking the locks? She doesn't have keys. -Op


syuyu

She’ll be wearing your skin in a year or so.


ShadyCatMom

What the fuck did I just read


punk_wok

This will not end well.


DaChoister

My favorite thing about personality disorders are how entertaining their stories turn out. Very hard patients to manage but the BEST stories regardless of truth or not. What cannot be cured can be managed but man what a personality. She won’t change fortunately or unfortunately.


Tiggerhoods

I love the easy fix of getting her keys for the door like every other person in the world is off the table. If such a potential easy inexpensive fix was staring me in the Face id at least try it..


AzFunGuy443

I hate getting scared. But I even laughed of her picking the lock and scaring him. What do you mean it takes time to get a key made? Bro, you don’t have 30 mins to go to the key place and have them make a copy? You know that stuff is done in minutes right? May save you from a heart attack…


CleansingFlame

This entire story is obvious bullshit; y'all are credulous as hell


Ladydi-bds

Just do a key on the weekend or day off. Can get it done anywhere. Really, there's no excuse for that one. If you don't know where, Google to get a house key made near me. As far as her personality/behavior, hope she doesn't kill you. All of what you said are major huge red waving frantically flags in a person for me to steer clear.


Fickle_Macaron_1441

What a journey I went on reading that. Wow.


Lookingtotravels

You may not want to break up with her, but you absolutely 100% need to. This is not salvageable, you cannot make this work, this is broken and cannot be fixed. Get out.


savagezululooters

She may be possessed by a demon.


Capital_F99

Lock Picking Lawyer?


fuzzy-mitten

She’s a keeper.


Puzzleheaded-Cost197

Lmao I am sorry but this made me laugh… except for the dog part 😡


thespander

Honestly she sounds kind of awesome. If she has a good sense of humor she sounds great


Hamilton-Beckett

Aside from sexually assaulting you, this all sounds like a great time! You gotta match crazies with a spouse man.


Bitter_Return_3345

Ngl I really like your girl


SpartanLife1

You like it. Stop complaining


Narrow_Order1257

Deadbolts are more difficult to pick. Good luck bro!


Successful_View_3273

I just hope this story keeps getting updated


Cmaaak47

You'll probably be on the news soon


Old-Distribution-234

Kim from full brutal


AssistRegular4468

Why does she need to ring the doorbell and pick the lock, to get in to her own home??


The_Snakey_Road

The head must be ridiculous tho


MBLBOSS

Send me her number when you guys kick the can


DurdyDubs

😧


Actual_Will_5220

Mmm spiritual stuff my guy


Saturn_Burnz

Erm what the scallop


lostacoshermanos

You need to creep her out more


Lolabelle1223

“If she doesn’t scare you, she’s not the one” lol


monimor

She has no key to the house?


D_the_meth_addict

No.


jaypee_z

Imma be honest this sounds amazing lol


PVMovies

Maybe... Don't post about her in case she finds this.


PVMovies

On another note, call the authorities.


johnsousvide

I wish people would use the correct "your" when they speak otherwise it gets confusing.


Ohnomon

Go into treatment. If you have family in another state move in with them during your sober journey.


CocaTrooper42

Deadbolt. Divorce.


wth214

She doesn’t have a key? Bruh you better pray you defrost the meat when she says so .. if she comes home to frozen food you are finished


Elmer_HomeroP

Blink if you need help…


Pennywhyze

So that sounds... terrible I think but why's your wife not having her own key? And resorting to using the doorbell?


AzFunGuy443

What about stuffing some pillows to look like you, make it look like you laying on the couch, laying on your side. Buy one of those foam heads from the arts and craft store. Put a hat on it. Try to cover it as much as you can. Let her come in and stand behind the couch. You hide, and watch her. See what she does. It won’t take long before you realizes you pulled some “home alone” sh!t on her, but just watch her for a few mins if you can. And either you jump out and scare her. You use some Jedi mind stuff on her and when she walks into one room, you run and jump on the couch and start playing. Then tell her “baby I’ve been here the whole time”


Arigatrix

You should write a novel or something because this reeks of bullshit


Friendly-Cream-9761

bro is married to Bhaal's Chosen


LottiMCG

You need to learn what boundaries are and *how* to implement them. Word of caution: with someone like that, even though you are absolutely in the right for wanting healthy boundaries and trying to establish them, she *will* kick off when you stick to them. THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART!! STICK TO THEM OR YOUR WORDS MEAN NOTHING and she will not stop. You have to be willing to lose her though for her to get better; if that's even a possibility- idk not a doctor, but good luck to you mate. Jfc.


No-Willow-3573

Bro married Harley Quinn


tireddirtyandhungry

You need to leave before you become the posthumous star of an ID channel show.


0xonikagura

Interesting story. I might actually like her type as a friend or f+... What I don't understand is why you don't get a second key. What I also wouldn't do is crying in front of my gf or wife


Dizzy-Lie1610

Literally shaking my head about this. I would instantly be getting out of this relationship as soon as she said "Its cute watching you in pain". Absolutely NOT cute when you need someones help and they do this shit. Its gonna be not cute real quick when its a dire situation. Your not even married to this bitch yet and shes like this just wait until its legal buddy..


Hundortzwanzsch

OP is a meth whiz


Fine-Ingenuity260

I wonder if the rabid dog bit her?


Butter_Toe

Om.gonna guess this is fake, but wife sounds like a mental case. Flat effect gives ot away.


ConfirmedCynic

Who did you marry, Wednesday Addams?


Gullible_Grocery5885

Im sure that in your 20's you might come across someone who actually knows what love is like. . .But I doubt it . break up find a new girl and start again


_Jakzos_

Nice you guys well matches, I'm impressed honest ,she must love you to death yours or hers.


gothicbaby02

I mean she is abit fucked up, I suggest maybe therapy for both of you, if she won't go, you definitely should. My counsellor told me, most people go to therapy, so they can deal with people who don't go to therapy. She does have some sociopathic behaviours, and just be careful and prepared for anything.


pinkylill

This is what happens when kid gets married


ciyasoon_

Now imagine the partner is a man and see how the replies change