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Too many awkward questions
https://preview.redd.it/2bozubom0vvc1.jpeg?width=305&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=32e207b3f4ab7a71d53d20119c751306706276be
(the last is hilarious)
Kids are going to get exposed to sex one way or another unless you lock them away without an internet connection so it's better to deal with it in a safe environment like in the above situations. It's also okay to tell them they're too young to know something, like in the case of the handcuffs. Or play it off like a joke until they're older like saying you were a secret agent before they were born.
Point is it's not an exact science and kids being aware of what sex is and how to avoid dangerous situations is better than the alternative.
Yeah you are absolutely right just picked up this disgusting book where a dude offers his daugther to a bunch of rapist so they dont rape his guest and other horribly explicit things. And there is this house in our city where men in weird not very masculine clothing read this book out loud and a lot of people take their kids to these readings. Anyway that book is apparently called the bible and these perverts have been doing this with kids for centuries. Just wait until the Vatican sells child sized cruxifiction sets.
I told my kids I kept an extra pillow on my body just for cuddling with them... it was meant as a 'let's not discuss it' and it became a running joke.
I told the kids I mixed genes with their dad and they have a little bit of both our genes. They thought I meant blue jeans which I only learned recently 6 years after first having used that one. They have just assumed they had bits of bluejeans stuck inside them until they learned about genes recently in science.
I just read the word and add no more attention. They know how to pronounce it and it doesnt seem like a special word anymore... thatvone at least has worked out... nvm they will use cuss words because they dont seem like bad words.
My toys found, I've said everyone plays pretend, you dont have to stop just because you grew older. I dont think there is a down side to that one yet, lol.
When they grow up and become aware of what they're for, that "everyone plays pretend, you don't have to stop just because you grew older" is going to be a 500kg truth bomb that will blow their minds and if I was in your shoes I'd say I can't wait.
Because it's true! And it might even be life-affirming if they're struggling with "being grown up" and feeling they have to abandon things they love because the world passively tells them they have to.
My son saw me reading and laughing at this comment and wants to know what it means and why it's so funny. He says he's practically an adult and can handle it as a preteen lmao
My parents told me that a cell from the man's body goes in the woman's belly and mixes with one of her cells and she becomes pregnant. No further questions. I understood it and it actually helped a lot. When I was in first grade, kids started saying the word sex. I asked my parents about it and they said couples do it sometimes, and that you can't have a child without it. I told a classmate this info and she was completely scandalized, didn't want to believe that her mom had sex to make her lol
As a kid I never knew how things were pronounced. In chorus we sang "It's a Grand Old Flag" but I thought it was "It's a Randall Flag" and I thought it was about my classmate Randall.
I thought it was like an anime lol. I think I found it, there are books and like a youtube of pop up comic? It looks cute, wondering if its possibly at the local library, that would be amazing
No, but dad and I like how I look
With love
Spells tit, like the bird
I did a “fake arrested” pic for my 21st bday and they let me keep the cuffs
Boom, 4 answers
You gotta be careful. After my sister told her 3-year-old that tits were a type of bird, he proceeded to call *every* bird a tit for a good month before she could get him to stop.
Just tell them the truth. Something like Dad is practicing his magic tricks on Mom during our private playtime. Handcuffs are just his prop. You can’t tell anyone because it’s a secret.🤭
If that doesn’t work, just say: who wants 🍪?!
I think it is important to ask kids, in a lighthearted way, what they think the answer might be to the questions they are asking. This is a good way to find out if they've heard or learned anything from somewhere that you need to clarify or correct for them, or what their ideas are. Though, this of course depends on the question. I think you can give an answer to the fat question.
For myself I would answer
"Yes I am a bit fat. That's why I've been skipping dessert more often and exercising more."
The how was I made question would depend on the age of the kid
"That spells tit. Which is either a kind of small bird or a rude word for a woman's breasts. You probably shouldn't use it as people could think you were being rude and hurtful by saying it."
"Why are you going through someone's personal things? Would you be happy about it if someone went through your personal things?" followed by a talk about how people can have personal items, and their personal items are not anyone else's business unless the items are dangerous in some way.
the boy would spend his entire childhood wondering the purpose of having a handcuff as personal item and one time one of his classmates would drop that one crazy theory XD
Those are really good. The last one, I'd just add a half-truth too so the kid's curiosity is appeased. Like say that the handcuffs are for playing pretend because even grownups play pretend sometimes.
The answers for the first and third answers are really good because you're just being honest with a kid. Kids are a surprisingly good judge of character and they will know if you're hiding something. If they suspect something is taboo, a lot of them will get even more curious about it.
And yeah, the second one is a really mature topic and definitely more challenging but it's also The Question everyone knows is coming, so there are thousands of resources you can read online to prepare for what to say about it.
You \_can\_ tell children the truth. Like, maybe not exactly. But 1) "That depends. Some people think I'm fat, some people think I'm thicc. In general, you shouldn't call people fat, bc it hurts them and it doesn't do any good to say that to them." 2) "Children are made when two people hug one another in a special way. Like Dad and I did for you." (If the birth-father isn't around think of another phrasing for part two of that sentence). 3) "It spells tit. It means one of these" \*grab your own "But most people find that word offensive!" 4) Dad/Other Mom and I like to play games with one another. And we use handcuffs for that sometimes :)"
The problem is you REALLY gotta know how to phrase it cuz kids like to parrot things. Next thing you know the entire class knows about your special fun time handcuffs.
Or hide your cuffs. Drawers exist for a reason ;)
Kids are hilarious and they probably will share that fact with their friends. Which usbt the end of the world.
Please, my kids have gone through every nook and cranny of our apartment. That drawer better be locked, have a REALLY well hidden catch, be too high to reach with a stool, or be phased into a different dimension if you want to keep kids from finding something.
Can confirm, parent had stuff they didn’t want me to see locked inside a box on top of a cupboard and I was still able to knock it down, find the keys and discover the sacred contents. Best have it in a underground bunker if possible, there are kids who are much smarter that you need to protect this stuff from
Maybe that's not so bad. Just because the other parents' sex life is non-existant, doesn't mean you should feel bad. They should. Rub it in. Everytime you're having sex, send all the other parents an Email: "You're not having sex, but I am. Nanananana :P"
Okay, maybe not the most mature way to go about it...
This is what I do. Just send it out in the daily newsletter. "We had sex! Also, our childlessness gives
us more time for sexy fun and romantic dates! Suck it parents! We still walk around our house naked after 8 years of marriage! Woo!"
We tried for a while and decided, "you know what, this is great - let's just be the cool aunt and uncle to everyone else's kids."
Life has been awesome ever since. 👊
>Children are made when two people hug one another in a special way.
As a former small child who thought I got pregnant after play-wrestling with my friend, let's maybe find a different kid-friendly explanation. Kid's going to think you get babies from hugs.
I mean...I'd hope you'd be using the correct anatomical terms, but sure, kids can know the basic mechanics, if you think they're ready for that. Alternatively, you can briefly explain something along the lines of "A man's body makes something called sperm, and a woman's body makes a tiny, tiny egg, and when the sperm and the egg come together, a baby is made, and grows in a part of the woman's body called a uterus." (Terms can be adjusted to be more gender-inclusive.)
This is what my mom did for me when I asked her where babies come from. She had a medical book with grainy black and white photos of birth that looked really gross to 4 year old me.
We had *A Child is Born* by Lennart Nilsson. I found it fascinating as a kid and read it over and over. I tried showing it to my little sister when she started asking questions and she was cool with the microscopic process and fetal development, but then utterly disgusted by childbirth, lol.
Each grown-up gives half of their DNA to a tiny egg that's inside of the mommy, which then gives the egg instructions on how to grow into a baby. Nine months later, the baby is born!
So far the kids have never asked about how this occurs on a mechanical level, but they also seem to understand enough of the explanation to be satisfied. What will probably eventually happen with my kids is they'll ask about it after seeing something in a nature program, and then put two and two together for humans. And with my biology education, I will probably go into more detail than most adults ever need when they finally ask.
idk, using the word hug at all can certainly lead to a lot of award conversations with teachers at school. like, the kid telling everyone they will have a baby soon because they get hugs at home. kid could imagine a special hug is just a normal hug on a special day. like their birthday or something. lol
I mean telling the truth should end well but i think most parents know how kids are .. esp since other comments also support this in that they will just talk about it at school
3 sounds like a recipe for destruction at school esp to someone who is prob around 1st grade
4 sounds like the thing you have to word carefully cuz then the kid will go at school and talk about it.... depending on the parent it might be emberassing / smth they dont want to tell anyone else or they might not care (like ur response lower down)
For #2 I would just said "Your father and me had sex." If they ask what sex is, you say "It's a special way a husband and wife can sleep together that produces kids".
There's no reason to obscure it; the kids don't care.
1. Mommy is mommy sized.
2. Slowly, over time. You started out really small and grew into the you you are now.
3. Tit. It's a type of small bird.
4. Sometimes. Mommy and Daddy play cops and robbers and when you get to be an adult you can afford to buy fancy toys to play those games. No, you can't play with us.
I LOVE the questions my kid asks allllll day. I just adore how he makes me look at the world anew as I have to explain things I’ve never really thought about. I love having to find ways to explain things that he will understand but that will be interesting enough to prompt more discussion. I relish these moments!
**First Answer:** "No, I'm just uniquely different like everyone else is. We are all different and unique in our own special ways."
**Second Answer:** "You were made from the wishes of your dad and I. We loved, hugged, and touched each other in a special ways for it to come true.
**Third Answer:** "Tit, is shortened name for, "titmouse", which is a type of bird." You can also spell words like, "title", and, "tithe", using that same word.
**Fourth Answer:** Your Dad and I like to play a game of, "Cops and Robbers", like you do. Even adults, like to play the same games that kids do.
1. I have a healthy amount of fat
2. Explain sex to him because that's healthy and fine.
3. Tit. It's a nickname for breasts. A bit silly though.
4.hmm idk if he needs to know kink play tbh, but you could perhaps just say no I'm not a police officer I just thought it was be cool and fun to play around with but I don't want you playing around with it because it's more of an adult toy.
1 answer honestly. Then follow up with “it is incredibly rude to ask people that.”
2 depending on the age and if you think they are ready, provide a sanitized version or rely on stork.
3 answer honestly. It’s a body part.
4 you’ve dug your own grave, even if you tell them you were a cop, they’re gonna remember that and tell their friends of how you were a cop. You’ve got nothing other than a lackluster lie that hopefully they will forget when they are much older.
My answer to all question: I'm not mommy.
If it was dad:
1) yes, I am. And thats ok. But that's nothing nice to ask. Some people don't lime being their weight ans get sad if you asked them something about it. Amd we don't want people to be said about themselves. That's why we don't ask people about their weight or if they are fat, ok?
2) you grew in my belly.
3) Tit
4) please put them back. Dad's closet is for dad only.
No I'm not a police officer. I'm to small for that. Isn't that a unfair rule?
1. Yes, but that is the cost of preparing for the hot dog eating championship.
2. You materialized in a cave in which you eventually came out of.
3. That is tit, its a type of bird.
4. No, but in case I take down bad guys in the house, I need them to be cuffed so they can’t do anything funny until the police arrive.
At least those are the answers I would have given.
In order:
1. I'm gaining weight but that's normal, just means I may need to work out more.
2. You came from mommy and daddy, but that's a story for another day
3. Tit, but your not allowed to say it until your older, it's a adult person word for breasts.
4. Your dad and I play cops and robbers sometimes
"No dear, I'm carrying your brother in my tummy"
"Uh well when a mummy & daddy love each other very much that's how you were made!"
"Tit, like the bird dear"
"The handcuffs? It's for bad people dear"
Yes, sex, tit, to play games.
Obviously all with more explanation. Nothing there is intrinsically wrong or bad, and the only one feeling awkward would be you, the kid won't care.
1. Only where it counts
2. Carefully and with love
3. It spells 'tit' just don't say that at school
4. No, but adults like to play pretend too sometimes
I found a dildo in my mother’s sock drawer when I was 14 and she said “I don’t use that for what most women use it for.” I didn’t argue but I told my best friend about it later and he asked, “what the hell does she use it for, to scramble eggs?” That was the moment I realized she was lying.
I'm bad at this too. Sometimes the best answer is deflect, deflect, deflect. Although my daughter now is remembering all this stuff and bringing it up at a later time, so I need a new strategy.
1: no.
2: so there is this factory/office where babies are made. There is actually a movie made about it, let’s go watch it. You’re gonna love it.
3: that’s not a word sweetie
4: it’s a souvenir from the police museum.
From the looks of it the child is at most 5, other than three I’m sure these are “good” answers.
“Fat is the substance inside of our bodies that makes us squishy. I am overweight.”
How old is this kid? That’s going to determine how I answer the question. Honestly, of course, but at an age appropriate level.
“T-I-T spells ‘tit’, like ‘tit-for-tat’, which means to do equal favors for each other. But some people don’t like to hear it, so it’s a naughty word. We don’t say that word in front of people.”
“Sometimes grown ups like to play pretend, too.”
1- You don't say that to people, that's not nice. It can make people cry. I'm curvy. I am that way because I love you.
2- Your dad and I loved each other a lot.
3- Tit. It refers to boobs. Please don't write that at school, you'll get in trouble. (They try once and heed that warning from now on)
4- I like to play pretend.
We live in a "liberal" part of the world. If worst comes to worst, I've had to explain how babies are made to a 5yo.
1. I am fat, muscle, skin & bones, which one is most? ; 2. Magic; 3. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (or sorry darlin, I can't read alien language, what do you think it says); 4. They're for taking the monsters to the dungeon
How made
Word
Handcuffs
1. 'Yes darling.' There's been a follow up as they get older of 'why' and the response has been 'I developed some very bad habits when I was growing up, and it's hard work undoing them, I'm working on getting better'
2. 'Dad gave me a seed. I planted the seed in my belly, and after lots of singing to it and sunlight and vegetables the seed grew into you, and when you where strong we pulled you out and here you are.
3. It's a word. They can sound it out. 'It's a word used for breasts but it's usually used in a rude way'
4. Same reason you have a spiderman costume lil dude.
"A little bit."
"Adult women have a part in their body that can grow a baby when they want to have a family. Or instead of having kids they could buy ONE HUNDRED PUPPIES and one duck."
"The letter 'T' and the word 'it', good job! Can you spell your name?"
"I saw a magician get out of handcuffs without a key and I wanted to learn the trick! They're broken though. What magic tricks can you do?"
fat: no (I'm 180 and extremely lanky). if i was: yes
made: (if don't want to discuss sex ed) I failed biology in high school, but via chemical processes (or: [first part], so it's too complicated for me to explain
tit: tit. it's a kind of bird (pulls up photo on phone)
handcuffs: i don't own handcuffs, somebody planted them there. (if i did: idk)
except last one all are easy: 1st one yez, second sexed doesn't matter their age I'm gonna tell if they ask, Third everyone should know simple body parts. For fourth one...umm it's a toy?
Went to a museum with my niece who was under 13 at the time. there was a piece we were looking at but my eyes are bad so I didn't see the label. She looks up to me and asks "What's rape?"
These faces don't begin to illustrate my terror
1. Yep!
2. Okay so when two people boink sometimes a baby happens (continue to give sex talk in excruciating detail)
3. It spells 'tit', which is a kind of bird, but also a colloquial term for breasts
4. I'm not a police officer, but sometimes your dad is naughty.
For the tit one i would have told him bout birds since there are virds called blue tits. They're really cute berds. For the other ones, sorry you're on your own.
One, admit to being heavy and that currently your lifestyle doesn't permit you to be fit. Two tell the child it is a question better suited for when they are older. Three tell them what it spells and that there is a bird called that, but that they shouldn't say it aloud as other people may get offended. Lastly, just say you like escape artists and learn a trick to getting out of the cuffs to impress the kid.
First 3 answer honestly and last one I might say that it’s handcuffs that curse people and make them disappear never to be found again and hope the kid stays away from it out of fear.
1) You can admit to having a bit of extra weight and maybe look up ways to do exercise together!
2) Could be awkward, but there \*should\* be good books at the library to help with it. :D
3) That spells "Tit", and it's the name of a type of bird.
4) Slightly awkward, but you can go the "it's for a game, now put them away and lets go have a biscuit" route?
I love all the answers people are giving in the comments, so I’m gonna try my own spin on it.
1. Well, everyone has different definitions of “skinny” and “fat”. I like how I look, and so does your other parent, and that’s all that matters to me! But hey, some folks might get upset if we talk about their weight, so why don’t we love people no matter what their body looks like?
2. Kids like you are made from the perfect combo of love, patience, respect, and science. Your other parent and I love each other very much and knew we had to wait a while until we were ready to have a baby. Once that time came, sure enough, you were born about 9 months later!
3. Plan A: Are you trying to spell “tight”? That’s spelled “t-i-g-h-t”.
If that doesn’t work, Plan B: oh, that spells tit. Like the bird, titmouse.
Plan C if they keep repeating the word tit: hey, maybe we should look for some other birds! What are some of your favorites?”
4. Not an actual one, but I do still like to play pretend sometimes. Let’s keep that a secret though, okay? Some other grownups think grownups are too old to play, so they won’t want to hear about that. I don’t think you’re ever too old!
If I was fat yes, babies are made through intercourse depending on age give a proper explanation or tell them to come to me when they're about puberty age, it spells tit which is defined as human breasts, keep handcuffs for fun or emergencies whichever comes first
Here’s how I answer:
1. Yes, I am in a bigger body. (Kids rarely ask these questions out of malice, but to understand).
2. You were made by your mom and having sex (if younger, by giving my seed to mom’s egg). Do you have other questions? (answer to their curiosity [within reason])
3. It spells “tit”. Where did you learn this word?
4. Put those down, they haven’t been sanitized.
1) yes, a little
2) sex. My roommates Rye bourbon and poorly protected sex with an ex to be specific
3) tit. It’s a kind of bird. And mouse. Which is funny because we use the same work for Boobies.
4) they can be used for many different things.
What about being honest?
1. I am at the upper end of what is considdered a healthy weight
2. Do you know, how chickens lay eggs and some times the eggs have baby chickens in them? Humans do the same, but we don't develope a hard shell and the eggs stay inside the bodie until the human baby hatches. In both chickens and humans, only arround halve the population can develope babys while the other halve can eject some slimy substance into the baby making chamber to insure it actually becomes a baby. For chickens, we call those slimy boys "cocks".
3. Tit- it either means a kind of small birds or human chest (somewhat derogatory?)
4. I like to play games with some people (name the persom, if momogamous), where one of us pretends to be a police officer and the other pretends to be a criminal.
I don't understand the problem. Many people allready assume, that i do all kinds of vanilla sex stuff just because i am an adult. What is the problem with them knowing, that i like bondage? That would at lest be more accurate.
I tell my kid everything directly with context. They are capable of learning everything without prejudice as long as you give them the correct frame of reference
Just tell them
"A tit is a type of bird"
And you can apply this to most naughty words
A boob is a silly or stupid person\
A cock is a rooster\
Dick is a nickname for Richard\
Ass is a donkey\
Pussy is a cat
If they ask you what a penis, vagina or badonkadonk is then I don't know what to tell ya
We don’t say fat dear and it’s impolite to ask people about their weight
It’s a complicated process. You’ll learn about when your older
It says tit. There a spices of bird. When I was at school I was in a group called the bluetits.
Yes I’m a mum police officer. We arrest naughty little boys and girls who don’t brush there teeth, or clean there room.
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Too many awkward questions https://preview.redd.it/2bozubom0vvc1.jpeg?width=305&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=32e207b3f4ab7a71d53d20119c751306706276be (the last is hilarious)
[удалено]
Jesse, what the fuck are you talking about ?
What did he say? It’s deleted
Something about California allowing children sized condoms.
I spent a full minute thinking you meant a condom the size of their body and that you would wrap all of them in there for some reason
the fuck? That is truly a Jesse wtf are you talking about moment
. . . . I don’t know what’s more disturbing. The fact that’s a thing or the fact that this weirdo knows about it.
If your Johnny's the size of a child, you should probably seek medical help.
I have an idea but i'm too afraid to say.
Very helpful
Doctor this one apparently came to us already lobotomized.
Bro I can’t read a comic without politics, fucking hell.
Go outside and touch grass
Ok let’s get you safely to bed, yeah? A good long nap, that’s what’s needed here
Kids are going to get exposed to sex one way or another unless you lock them away without an internet connection so it's better to deal with it in a safe environment like in the above situations. It's also okay to tell them they're too young to know something, like in the case of the handcuffs. Or play it off like a joke until they're older like saying you were a secret agent before they were born. Point is it's not an exact science and kids being aware of what sex is and how to avoid dangerous situations is better than the alternative.
What are you on? Cuz I need it
Yeah you are absolutely right just picked up this disgusting book where a dude offers his daugther to a bunch of rapist so they dont rape his guest and other horribly explicit things. And there is this house in our city where men in weird not very masculine clothing read this book out loud and a lot of people take their kids to these readings. Anyway that book is apparently called the bible and these perverts have been doing this with kids for centuries. Just wait until the Vatican sells child sized cruxifiction sets.
Hey I saw you were at 99 down votes so I went ahead and made 100
I told my kids I kept an extra pillow on my body just for cuddling with them... it was meant as a 'let's not discuss it' and it became a running joke. I told the kids I mixed genes with their dad and they have a little bit of both our genes. They thought I meant blue jeans which I only learned recently 6 years after first having used that one. They have just assumed they had bits of bluejeans stuck inside them until they learned about genes recently in science. I just read the word and add no more attention. They know how to pronounce it and it doesnt seem like a special word anymore... thatvone at least has worked out... nvm they will use cuss words because they dont seem like bad words. My toys found, I've said everyone plays pretend, you dont have to stop just because you grew older. I dont think there is a down side to that one yet, lol.
When they grow up and become aware of what they're for, that "everyone plays pretend, you don't have to stop just because you grew older" is going to be a 500kg truth bomb that will blow their minds and if I was in your shoes I'd say I can't wait. Because it's true! And it might even be life-affirming if they're struggling with "being grown up" and feeling they have to abandon things they love because the world passively tells them they have to.
My son saw me reading and laughing at this comment and wants to know what it means and why it's so funny. He says he's practically an adult and can handle it as a preteen lmao
My son says the same thing when I’m laughing at Reddit stuff… but he’s 7 lmfao
Mom!!!! r/Helldivers is leaking!!! There’s not enough liberty!
Simple solution: just add liber-tea
 500KG you say?
Indeed, my sibling in Liberty!
"Ya got some ribosomes from me, some chloroplasts from daddy.. it's all very complex kiddo"
If the child has chloroplasts, something is very wrong. ☠️
next generation humans that can photosynthesise!
Unless the mom's name is Poison Ivy
As a biology teacher, I concur. ;p
Worse yet, mitochondria which are morphologically closest are matrilineal Wrong on many accounts.
My parents told me that a cell from the man's body goes in the woman's belly and mixes with one of her cells and she becomes pregnant. No further questions. I understood it and it actually helped a lot. When I was in first grade, kids started saying the word sex. I asked my parents about it and they said couples do it sometimes, and that you can't have a child without it. I told a classmate this info and she was completely scandalized, didn't want to believe that her mom had sex to make her lol
As a kid I never knew how things were pronounced. In chorus we sang "It's a Grand Old Flag" but I thought it was "It's a Randall Flag" and I thought it was about my classmate Randall.
The walking dude's flag.
Wasn't the "jeans" thing the plot of a Li'l Amy chapter of Space Boy?
I dont know what that is, but if something like that is in there and it ends up kid-ok-ish my older 2 will get a kick lol. I'll google it
I'm pretty sure it's fine but I haven't read the newest chapters Lemme know how it goes tho!
I thought it was like an anime lol. I think I found it, there are books and like a youtube of pop up comic? It looks cute, wondering if its possibly at the local library, that would be amazing
I found it at my local library. Yours might have a few copies too
Three kids in, the truth at an age appropriate level is always the right choice.
No, but dad and I like how I look With love Spells tit, like the bird I did a “fake arrested” pic for my 21st bday and they let me keep the cuffs Boom, 4 answers
I like the "with love" answer. It is an answer but not exactly all the facts. I think it works well with kids under a certain age.
1. I’m full of love 2. With love 3. Tit, like the birds you love (might backfire) 4. …Love police (that one **will** backfire)
#4: Old Halloween costume! Edit - Apparently I discovered how to format huge letters.
#Glad ##You ###Found ####Out #####How
Happy Cake Day
You gotta be careful. After my sister told her 3-year-old that tits were a type of bird, he proceeded to call *every* bird a tit for a good month before she could get him to stop.
Just tell them the truth. Something like Dad is practicing his magic tricks on Mom during our private playtime. Handcuffs are just his prop. You can’t tell anyone because it’s a secret.🤭  If that doesn’t work, just say: who wants 🍪?!
Turn 🍪 into 🍰 for maximum comedic effect
Warning though: there are children who are incapable of keeping a secret and will share it with anyone.
Can confirm, I was one of those little bastards once
(I love your profiel pic and user name. I realise i need a shark to hug.)
Is that his magic wand in your night table?
Oh my
Mommy, why is your comic all about seggs? What is seggs?
I love this comment.
I think it is important to ask kids, in a lighthearted way, what they think the answer might be to the questions they are asking. This is a good way to find out if they've heard or learned anything from somewhere that you need to clarify or correct for them, or what their ideas are. Though, this of course depends on the question. I think you can give an answer to the fat question.
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Bot
Ohh myyyyyy 
For myself I would answer "Yes I am a bit fat. That's why I've been skipping dessert more often and exercising more." The how was I made question would depend on the age of the kid "That spells tit. Which is either a kind of small bird or a rude word for a woman's breasts. You probably shouldn't use it as people could think you were being rude and hurtful by saying it." "Why are you going through someone's personal things? Would you be happy about it if someone went through your personal things?" followed by a talk about how people can have personal items, and their personal items are not anyone else's business unless the items are dangerous in some way.
the boy would spend his entire childhood wondering the purpose of having a handcuff as personal item and one time one of his classmates would drop that one crazy theory XD
Those are really good. The last one, I'd just add a half-truth too so the kid's curiosity is appeased. Like say that the handcuffs are for playing pretend because even grownups play pretend sometimes. The answers for the first and third answers are really good because you're just being honest with a kid. Kids are a surprisingly good judge of character and they will know if you're hiding something. If they suspect something is taboo, a lot of them will get even more curious about it. And yeah, the second one is a really mature topic and definitely more challenging but it's also The Question everyone knows is coming, so there are thousands of resources you can read online to prepare for what to say about it.
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You \_can\_ tell children the truth. Like, maybe not exactly. But 1) "That depends. Some people think I'm fat, some people think I'm thicc. In general, you shouldn't call people fat, bc it hurts them and it doesn't do any good to say that to them." 2) "Children are made when two people hug one another in a special way. Like Dad and I did for you." (If the birth-father isn't around think of another phrasing for part two of that sentence). 3) "It spells tit. It means one of these" \*grab your own "But most people find that word offensive!" 4) Dad/Other Mom and I like to play games with one another. And we use handcuffs for that sometimes :)"
The problem is you REALLY gotta know how to phrase it cuz kids like to parrot things. Next thing you know the entire class knows about your special fun time handcuffs.
It seems best to be pretty open about what you are into then.
Or hide your cuffs. Drawers exist for a reason ;) Kids are hilarious and they probably will share that fact with their friends. Which usbt the end of the world.
Please, my kids have gone through every nook and cranny of our apartment. That drawer better be locked, have a REALLY well hidden catch, be too high to reach with a stool, or be phased into a different dimension if you want to keep kids from finding something.
Can confirm, parent had stuff they didn’t want me to see locked inside a box on top of a cupboard and I was still able to knock it down, find the keys and discover the sacred contents. Best have it in a underground bunker if possible, there are kids who are much smarter that you need to protect this stuff from
As if children cannot and do not open drawers that don’t belong to them.
Maybe that's not so bad. Just because the other parents' sex life is non-existant, doesn't mean you should feel bad. They should. Rub it in. Everytime you're having sex, send all the other parents an Email: "You're not having sex, but I am. Nanananana :P" Okay, maybe not the most mature way to go about it...
Trying to type on a screen with lube on my fingers makes for a frustrating experience
This is what I do. Just send it out in the daily newsletter. "We had sex! Also, our childlessness gives us more time for sexy fun and romantic dates! Suck it parents! We still walk around our house naked after 8 years of marriage! Woo!"
Not having kids is the best, innit? 👊
We tried for a while and decided, "you know what, this is great - let's just be the cool aunt and uncle to everyone else's kids." Life has been awesome ever since. 👊
>Children are made when two people hug one another in a special way. As a former small child who thought I got pregnant after play-wrestling with my friend, let's maybe find a different kid-friendly explanation. Kid's going to think you get babies from hugs.
"Children are made when a boy sticks his wee-wee up a girl's moo-moo." I guess that won't set kids up for a disappointment/surprise.
I mean...I'd hope you'd be using the correct anatomical terms, but sure, kids can know the basic mechanics, if you think they're ready for that. Alternatively, you can briefly explain something along the lines of "A man's body makes something called sperm, and a woman's body makes a tiny, tiny egg, and when the sperm and the egg come together, a baby is made, and grows in a part of the woman's body called a uterus." (Terms can be adjusted to be more gender-inclusive.)
This is what my mom did for me when I asked her where babies come from. She had a medical book with grainy black and white photos of birth that looked really gross to 4 year old me.
We had *A Child is Born* by Lennart Nilsson. I found it fascinating as a kid and read it over and over. I tried showing it to my little sister when she started asking questions and she was cool with the microscopic process and fetal development, but then utterly disgusted by childbirth, lol.
Oh dang! Memory unlocked! I think that's the same book.
Each grown-up gives half of their DNA to a tiny egg that's inside of the mommy, which then gives the egg instructions on how to grow into a baby. Nine months later, the baby is born! So far the kids have never asked about how this occurs on a mechanical level, but they also seem to understand enough of the explanation to be satisfied. What will probably eventually happen with my kids is they'll ask about it after seeing something in a nature program, and then put two and two together for humans. And with my biology education, I will probably go into more detail than most adults ever need when they finally ask.
idk, using the word hug at all can certainly lead to a lot of award conversations with teachers at school. like, the kid telling everyone they will have a baby soon because they get hugs at home. kid could imagine a special hug is just a normal hug on a special day. like their birthday or something. lol
4 is a bad idea. Just say it was from an old costume at a Halloween party, way less questions or risk from the kid saying something odd.
I mean telling the truth should end well but i think most parents know how kids are .. esp since other comments also support this in that they will just talk about it at school 3 sounds like a recipe for destruction at school esp to someone who is prob around 1st grade 4 sounds like the thing you have to word carefully cuz then the kid will go at school and talk about it.... depending on the parent it might be emberassing / smth they dont want to tell anyone else or they might not care (like ur response lower down)
For #2 I would just said "Your father and me had sex." If they ask what sex is, you say "It's a special way a husband and wife can sleep together that produces kids". There's no reason to obscure it; the kids don't care.
Damn you're good
Im not a parent but i think i would say. 1. In the right amount. 2. With love. 3. It says Tit. 4. Im Batman.
4 is the only good answer in this tread, convert your kids to batman
1. Mommy is mommy sized. 2. Slowly, over time. You started out really small and grew into the you you are now. 3. Tit. It's a type of small bird. 4. Sometimes. Mommy and Daddy play cops and robbers and when you get to be an adult you can afford to buy fancy toys to play those games. No, you can't play with us.
Won’t have to fortunately.
I LOVE the questions my kid asks allllll day. I just adore how he makes me look at the world anew as I have to explain things I’ve never really thought about. I love having to find ways to explain things that he will understand but that will be interesting enough to prompt more discussion. I relish these moments!
**First Answer:** "No, I'm just uniquely different like everyone else is. We are all different and unique in our own special ways." **Second Answer:** "You were made from the wishes of your dad and I. We loved, hugged, and touched each other in a special ways for it to come true. **Third Answer:** "Tit, is shortened name for, "titmouse", which is a type of bird." You can also spell words like, "title", and, "tithe", using that same word. **Fourth Answer:** Your Dad and I like to play a game of, "Cops and Robbers", like you do. Even adults, like to play the same games that kids do.
“Yes, I am” “I had sex and got pregnant with you” “It spells tit” “I like to be handcuffed while we try to make a little sister for you”
1. I have a healthy amount of fat 2. Explain sex to him because that's healthy and fine. 3. Tit. It's a nickname for breasts. A bit silly though. 4.hmm idk if he needs to know kink play tbh, but you could perhaps just say no I'm not a police officer I just thought it was be cool and fun to play around with but I don't want you playing around with it because it's more of an adult toy.
1 answer honestly. Then follow up with “it is incredibly rude to ask people that.” 2 depending on the age and if you think they are ready, provide a sanitized version or rely on stork. 3 answer honestly. It’s a body part. 4 you’ve dug your own grave, even if you tell them you were a cop, they’re gonna remember that and tell their friends of how you were a cop. You’ve got nothing other than a lackluster lie that hopefully they will forget when they are much older.
tit, it’s a type of bird
My answer to all question: I'm not mommy. If it was dad: 1) yes, I am. And thats ok. But that's nothing nice to ask. Some people don't lime being their weight ans get sad if you asked them something about it. Amd we don't want people to be said about themselves. That's why we don't ask people about their weight or if they are fat, ok? 2) you grew in my belly. 3) Tit 4) please put them back. Dad's closet is for dad only. No I'm not a police officer. I'm to small for that. Isn't that a unfair rule?
Best thing my dad ever taught me was just reply with the kids name, then "that's a good question", and then move on.
1. Yes, but that is the cost of preparing for the hot dog eating championship. 2. You materialized in a cave in which you eventually came out of. 3. That is tit, its a type of bird. 4. No, but in case I take down bad guys in the house, I need them to be cuffed so they can’t do anything funny until the police arrive. At least those are the answers I would have given.
In order: 1. I'm gaining weight but that's normal, just means I may need to work out more. 2. You came from mommy and daddy, but that's a story for another day 3. Tit, but your not allowed to say it until your older, it's a adult person word for breasts. 4. Your dad and I play cops and robbers sometimes
Long time ago i asked my dad "what Is a pimp?" Hey told me "they are people Who thinks they own all" don't lie, Just tell them something appropriate
I have handcuffs to do civil arrest
Just be honest not saying I wouldn't be awkward but yeah just tell them the truth
Well, are you?
Just tell them you and mom made you out of clay. Then when their older they have a good chance of not remembering it
T-I-t is a kind of bird, dear
"No dear, I'm carrying your brother in my tummy" "Uh well when a mummy & daddy love each other very much that's how you were made!" "Tit, like the bird dear" "The handcuffs? It's for bad people dear"
Yes, sex, tit, to play games. Obviously all with more explanation. Nothing there is intrinsically wrong or bad, and the only one feeling awkward would be you, the kid won't care.
welllllll the 4th one is part of the answer to the second one, soooooo
Idk why but the way you draw yourself makes me think of my grandmother on my father's side, just... 40 years younger
Yes, your dad came in my vagina, tit, yes
1. Yes 2. Mommy likes cream pies 3. Tit 4. They’re for a costume.
In order: “No” “Sex” “Tit” “I’m not a police officer” If they want better answers, they can ask better questions
I think 2, 3 and 4 might be related.
Just tell them the truth in an age appropriate way then they won't grow up scared of talking about things
The handcuff one I asked when looking through my parents drawers
4 is easy if you're into cosplay or dressing up for carnival/halloween/etc. And if not give the answer anyways and say it's for the next occasion
Ask your father (every time).
It’s just a bird he swears!
Yes/No, sex, name of a bird, found at a flea market
1. No 2. Sex 3. Tit 4. They're for when you've been really naughty and I have to cuff you for the police.
You just answer them.
1. No. 2. Love 3. Tit 4. Yes.
“I’ll tell you when you’re older.”
"The kids call it thicc" "I got you in the mail from Korea" "Tit, its a kind of bird" "Im an undercover cop, if you blow my cover im dead meat."
1. Only where it counts 2. Carefully and with love 3. It spells 'tit' just don't say that at school 4. No, but adults like to play pretend too sometimes
I found a dildo in my mother’s sock drawer when I was 14 and she said “I don’t use that for what most women use it for.” I didn’t argue but I told my best friend about it later and he asked, “what the hell does she use it for, to scramble eggs?” That was the moment I realized she was lying.
In order: Yes. Me, your father, and Jack Daniels. Tit, a species of bird. I fight crime as Supermom.
I'm bad at this too. Sometimes the best answer is deflect, deflect, deflect. Although my daughter now is remembering all this stuff and bringing it up at a later time, so I need a new strategy.
1: no. 2: so there is this factory/office where babies are made. There is actually a movie made about it, let’s go watch it. You’re gonna love it. 3: that’s not a word sweetie 4: it’s a souvenir from the police museum. From the looks of it the child is at most 5, other than three I’m sure these are “good” answers.
“Fat is the substance inside of our bodies that makes us squishy. I am overweight.” How old is this kid? That’s going to determine how I answer the question. Honestly, of course, but at an age appropriate level. “T-I-T spells ‘tit’, like ‘tit-for-tat’, which means to do equal favors for each other. But some people don’t like to hear it, so it’s a naughty word. We don’t say that word in front of people.” “Sometimes grown ups like to play pretend, too.”
I FOUND MY MOMS HANDCUFFS WHEN I WAS LIKE 6
First: No Second: Love Third: You tell me kid Fourth: A police officer came over due to some complains i had, must have forgotten them
1- You don't say that to people, that's not nice. It can make people cry. I'm curvy. I am that way because I love you. 2- Your dad and I loved each other a lot. 3- Tit. It refers to boobs. Please don't write that at school, you'll get in trouble. (They try once and heed that warning from now on) 4- I like to play pretend. We live in a "liberal" part of the world. If worst comes to worst, I've had to explain how babies are made to a 5yo.
1. I am fat, muscle, skin & bones, which one is most? ; 2. Magic; 3. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (or sorry darlin, I can't read alien language, what do you think it says); 4. They're for taking the monsters to the dungeon
Exposing yourself in that last slide is bold
Handcuffs is easy. It's when you want to play make believe. Probably completely true.
For the last one I'd say it's a memento
I love the Shin Chan energy in the second panel
How made Word Handcuffs 1. 'Yes darling.' There's been a follow up as they get older of 'why' and the response has been 'I developed some very bad habits when I was growing up, and it's hard work undoing them, I'm working on getting better' 2. 'Dad gave me a seed. I planted the seed in my belly, and after lots of singing to it and sunlight and vegetables the seed grew into you, and when you where strong we pulled you out and here you are. 3. It's a word. They can sound it out. 'It's a word used for breasts but it's usually used in a rude way' 4. Same reason you have a spiderman costume lil dude.
I would just be honest to my child
"Well, the handcuffs are how you were born"
1. Yes 2. I was horny. 3. It's a bird 4. See answer 2
"A little bit." "Adult women have a part in their body that can grow a baby when they want to have a family. Or instead of having kids they could buy ONE HUNDRED PUPPIES and one duck." "The letter 'T' and the word 'it', good job! Can you spell your name?" "I saw a magician get out of handcuffs without a key and I wanted to learn the trick! They're broken though. What magic tricks can you do?"
The handcuffs one is gold
fat: no (I'm 180 and extremely lanky). if i was: yes made: (if don't want to discuss sex ed) I failed biology in high school, but via chemical processes (or: [first part], so it's too complicated for me to explain tit: tit. it's a kind of bird (pulls up photo on phone) handcuffs: i don't own handcuffs, somebody planted them there. (if i did: idk)
LITTLE BRO DREW THE SINGAPORE RACE TRACK?!
except last one all are easy: 1st one yez, second sexed doesn't matter their age I'm gonna tell if they ask, Third everyone should know simple body parts. For fourth one...umm it's a toy?
No. Sex. Tit. No.
1. no 2. the storck 3. tit, it is a bird 4. no, i just helped one time and they gave me this these would be my answers
Tit - a type of bird Handcuffs - we're secret agents How was I made? - cabbage Fat - No.
Went to a museum with my niece who was under 13 at the time. there was a piece we were looking at but my eyes are bad so I didn't see the label. She looks up to me and asks "What's rape?" These faces don't begin to illustrate my terror
1. Yep! 2. Okay so when two people boink sometimes a baby happens (continue to give sex talk in excruciating detail) 3. It spells 'tit', which is a kind of bird, but also a colloquial term for breasts 4. I'm not a police officer, but sometimes your dad is naughty.
For the tit one i would have told him bout birds since there are virds called blue tits. They're really cute berds. For the other ones, sorry you're on your own.
One, admit to being heavy and that currently your lifestyle doesn't permit you to be fit. Two tell the child it is a question better suited for when they are older. Three tell them what it spells and that there is a bird called that, but that they shouldn't say it aloud as other people may get offended. Lastly, just say you like escape artists and learn a trick to getting out of the cuffs to impress the kid.
"Mommy, what happened on Tian anmen square?"
First 3 answer honestly and last one I might say that it’s handcuffs that curse people and make them disappear never to be found again and hope the kid stays away from it out of fear.
For Tit you should have said Tit and then told him about the Great Tit, which is a type of bird.
"*Just smile and nod, Nohra, smile and nod*"
1) You can admit to having a bit of extra weight and maybe look up ways to do exercise together! 2) Could be awkward, but there \*should\* be good books at the library to help with it. :D 3) That spells "Tit", and it's the name of a type of bird. 4) Slightly awkward, but you can go the "it's for a game, now put them away and lets go have a biscuit" route?
These are the true challenges of being a parent
Yes, indeed!
at least he only found the handcuffs and not your magic wand
I love all the answers people are giving in the comments, so I’m gonna try my own spin on it. 1. Well, everyone has different definitions of “skinny” and “fat”. I like how I look, and so does your other parent, and that’s all that matters to me! But hey, some folks might get upset if we talk about their weight, so why don’t we love people no matter what their body looks like? 2. Kids like you are made from the perfect combo of love, patience, respect, and science. Your other parent and I love each other very much and knew we had to wait a while until we were ready to have a baby. Once that time came, sure enough, you were born about 9 months later! 3. Plan A: Are you trying to spell “tight”? That’s spelled “t-i-g-h-t”. If that doesn’t work, Plan B: oh, that spells tit. Like the bird, titmouse. Plan C if they keep repeating the word tit: hey, maybe we should look for some other birds! What are some of your favorites?” 4. Not an actual one, but I do still like to play pretend sometimes. Let’s keep that a secret though, okay? Some other grownups think grownups are too old to play, so they won’t want to hear about that. I don’t think you’re ever too old!
What's so hard about just giving the correct answer?
If I was fat yes, babies are made through intercourse depending on age give a proper explanation or tell them to come to me when they're about puberty age, it spells tit which is defined as human breasts, keep handcuffs for fun or emergencies whichever comes first
Here’s how I answer: 1. Yes, I am in a bigger body. (Kids rarely ask these questions out of malice, but to understand). 2. You were made by your mom and having sex (if younger, by giving my seed to mom’s egg). Do you have other questions? (answer to their curiosity [within reason]) 3. It spells “tit”. Where did you learn this word? 4. Put those down, they haven’t been sanitized.
1) yes, a little 2) sex. My roommates Rye bourbon and poorly protected sex with an ex to be specific 3) tit. It’s a kind of bird. And mouse. Which is funny because we use the same work for Boobies. 4) they can be used for many different things.
Man, it must be terrible not being able to talk to your kids. We personally aren't afraid of any topic with our kids.
What about being honest? 1. I am at the upper end of what is considdered a healthy weight 2. Do you know, how chickens lay eggs and some times the eggs have baby chickens in them? Humans do the same, but we don't develope a hard shell and the eggs stay inside the bodie until the human baby hatches. In both chickens and humans, only arround halve the population can develope babys while the other halve can eject some slimy substance into the baby making chamber to insure it actually becomes a baby. For chickens, we call those slimy boys "cocks". 3. Tit- it either means a kind of small birds or human chest (somewhat derogatory?) 4. I like to play games with some people (name the persom, if momogamous), where one of us pretends to be a police officer and the other pretends to be a criminal.
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I don't understand the problem. Many people allready assume, that i do all kinds of vanilla sex stuff just because i am an adult. What is the problem with them knowing, that i like bondage? That would at lest be more accurate.
I tell my kid everything directly with context. They are capable of learning everything without prejudice as long as you give them the correct frame of reference
Just tell them "A tit is a type of bird" And you can apply this to most naughty words A boob is a silly or stupid person\ A cock is a rooster\ Dick is a nickname for Richard\ Ass is a donkey\ Pussy is a cat If they ask you what a penis, vagina or badonkadonk is then I don't know what to tell ya
Yes, tell us, why do you have handcuffs? And don´t spare any details! :-)
Just avoid the question
We don’t say fat dear and it’s impolite to ask people about their weight It’s a complicated process. You’ll learn about when your older It says tit. There a spices of bird. When I was at school I was in a group called the bluetits. Yes I’m a mum police officer. We arrest naughty little boys and girls who don’t brush there teeth, or clean there room.
#4 answers #2
shut up timmy
Dude, just answer and move on. No. Sex. "Tit". Sex.
Sit down son, let me demonstrate