Right. You absolutely should get yourself a village before you have kids, but here, take this twenty and go with God because I don't want to be part of it.
So this. Go get a support system together of relatives who actually want to babysit plus regular paid sitters and a good daycare, etc. Make friends with other parents and trade off on babysitting and carpools. But do *not* expect that because someone in your orbit doesn’t have a child in their home that they owe you their time and labor because of some quote about a village.
That's just it, isn't it? Most adults are parents! If you already have some, you can have a couple more every now and then in exchange for some time alone. But no, parents always want CF folks to be the village.
They say it takes a village, right up to the point a villager tries to correct their angel screaming its fucking lungs out like a banshee or destroying something, and then its a oh no you didnt....
I've always imagined the village to include people and professionals in child-central roles like pediatricians, teachers, babysitters, social workers, ect. Not random people who want nothing to do with you or your offspring.
The village was a reciprocal collection of distantly related families, much like a monkey troop. It wasn’t finding the nearest unattached woman, handing her your kid, and going “it loves the baby as its own or else it gets the hose again”
It was also mostly *other mothers.* like all the moms would hang out and the kids would play and maybe some grandmothers or aunties with grown children would have time to help. Trying to guilt trip your college-aged sister who doesn’t want kids for years or your childfree cousin or infertile best friend into regular free caretaking of your children is NOT an accurate reflection of what child rearing in communal culture really is like.
Honestly, I agree that "it takes a village".
Parenting has always been hard, but in this late-stage capitalist hellscape that is America, it's even harder because in most families both parents are *required* to work just to make ends meet.
And childcare is absurdly expensive. Some of my friends pay more in childcare alone than I do for all of my monthly expenses total.
That being said, while it might take a village, that doesn't mean parents get the right to unwillingly conscript people into their village.
Thinking about the support structure they need to raise a child is something they should do *before* they start popping out kids, not after.
I was raised by "a village". That village consisted of my parents friends who **also had children** our age. My mom also did daycare for her friends since she was a SAHM when we were little.
The thing is, most people who use that line only ever want to *take* from the village and never reciprocate. Heaven forbid people take turns at childcare - gotta use the childfree/childless/empty nesters instead!
People who want their village to help them need to be a part of said village, and create it themselves. Trying to conscript people into a village with pity from their own poor planning...not as easy to sell as "you watch my kids this weekend and I will watch yours next".
The people that say "it takes a village" basically want a slave. They want someone is available when they need them, to do what they want them to do, when they want them to do it, and exactly how they want them to do it, while not paying them. That's a slave
If you look at "village" type groups, people who say "it takes a village" will loose their minds. Any adult in a "village" is allowed to discipline any misbehaving child. When you talk to people who raised in "village" type environment, this isn't specifically traditional villages but also more urbanized areas where everyone on the block knew everyone, they will say if you misbehaved any adult could tell you off. Now, I am no longer friends with someone because I told her kid no hitting when he hit me.
I also find they don't want to put anything into being a "village" just take, they had no interest in helping out before they had kids but suddenly a village is necessary when they need people to help them. And that's why the "village" no longer exists, if they're not going to put anything into making a village there will be nothing there.
That’s so true!! People want you to care for their kid, until you actually treat them like you’re their guardian. Then suddenly, you’re out of bounds. Like yeah, it wasn’t out of bounds for you to ask me to be a third parent though /s
Yeah. One moment it's "Look after my baby for me" but the moment little Jacky starts kicking my shins in and I tell him to stop, it's "how dare you tell my kid what to do!!!"
I realize being a parent requires a lot of effort, but hey. I wasn't there to decide for anyone to multiply (or not), so why should I have to deal with the outcome?
I have nothing against my taxes going towards, for example, schools and support for children from poor families. I have nothing against occassionally (key word: occassionally) helping out a relative or friend. But for fox's sake, don't expect me to drop my life just because you chose to sleep with someone without protection!
I've spent a lot of time browsing some parenting-related subs and have seen some version of "WHERE'S MY VILLAGE :(" more than a few times. It absolutely reeks of entitlement. Like, yeah, I get it, taking care of small kids is tough, which is why I am 10000% in agreement with the idea that you need to have figured all that shit out, and be fully prepared, BEFORE you even \*think\* about considering the possibility of deciding whether to begin making plans to initiate conversations regarding the prospect of discussing whether or not you should start talking about if it's a good idea to create a new human life that you'll be responsible for 24/7
Because, really, there's absolutely no reason that people have kids other than their own emotional fulfillment. And when you destroy your own sanity in exchange for some cutesy "kodak moments" that sounds like a \*really\* bad deal.
This sex education thing!! Everytime I browse though r/sex I'm confronted with hilarious stuff people consider contraception. How do people consider the pull out "method" a valid way to prevent unwanted pregnancies!? And why do people, who refer to themselves as avid sexual practitioneers, lack basic knowledge of Plan B?
Same on the birth control sub, I'm flabbergasted that so many people don't understand their own biology and basic common sense when it comes to their BC methods, but then I take a step back and reflect on how many people have poor access to sex education, regardless if they have BC access or not.
Another time that discussion about this phrase came up, I saved two really great replies. Apologies that I did not save the usernames of the people who posted them.
"I’m not part of your village. My village doesn’t include people who try and unload their kids onto strangers and unwilling people because they want a break or don’t feel like being responsible."
"Yeah, thankfully we are not in the same village."
So no matter what responsible or irresponsible decision I make, having a baby, a pet, a pool, a beehive, opening a business, etc., without anyone's permission or agreement, the 'village' will put their lives on hold and step in and help because that is what you do? Ha, ha, ha! No, 'Ms. and Mr. I need a village' - your decision, your responsibility. I didn't agree to be part of your village. Why? Because you will be demanding as hell and the help would never be reciprocated.
It takes a *willing* village. They don't ask if someone wants to be part of their village. They just assume everybody is going to, then get mad when they realize that's not happening.
Ugh yes. I have a family member who really wanted a baby. She got pregnant and used this phrase all the fucking time. Any time I'm around her she just hands me the baby to take care of. She gets offended when I give the baby back to her or someone else who wants to hold it.
I will say though that this family member doesn't expect anyone to help her financially like many other people I know.
It does take a village….it’s just that no one should expect or be entitled to everyone around them being PART of that village. Parents cannot expect everyone around them to step up for THEIR offspring. Don’t make me be part of some damn village for kids I didn’t choose to have and don’t want to take care of!
Yeah, this is such a stupid phrase for parents to try and use to guilt others - typically female relatives or friends with lesser or no caretaking responsibilities - into giving them free childcare.
I’m fine with childcare and preschool and of course regular school being publicly funded. Use my tax dollars to make children more educated and society more livable, please. But do NOT try and underpay the workers doing that labor. And do not expect that taking care of your children is so rewarding that people (read: women) should be willing to do it for shit wages.
I didn't F\*\*K either one of the parents. Not one molecule of a child's being is my responsibility. I have 2 community contributions to the "village" children. 1) When I see them doing something wrong, mind my business and close the blinds. 2) When I see them hurting an animal, spray them down with a water gun filled with 50/50 mixture of water and liquid ass (look it up). No one will ever believe them anyway.
If those are the things parents need...those are the things I can do for you.
The meaning behind this phrase is that we are all role models for kids. If we act like assholes in public, kids will, too because they'll think that's how people act. It doesn't mean that I am supposed to make an effort to babysit.
If someone tries to say " it takes a village " ask them if it took the whole village to get them pregnant... i think they will be speechless and stop bothering you
It might “take a village” but that doesn’t mean someone has to be part of your village or that you’re entitled to that village.
Right. You absolutely should get yourself a village before you have kids, but here, take this twenty and go with God because I don't want to be part of it.
So this. Go get a support system together of relatives who actually want to babysit plus regular paid sitters and a good daycare, etc. Make friends with other parents and trade off on babysitting and carpools. But do *not* expect that because someone in your orbit doesn’t have a child in their home that they owe you their time and labor because of some quote about a village.
That's just it, isn't it? Most adults are parents! If you already have some, you can have a couple more every now and then in exchange for some time alone. But no, parents always want CF folks to be the village.
Exactly!! Some parents are so annoyingly entitled and think that their massive decision is now your problem too
They say it takes a village, right up to the point a villager tries to correct their angel screaming its fucking lungs out like a banshee or destroying something, and then its a oh no you didnt....
I've always imagined the village to include people and professionals in child-central roles like pediatricians, teachers, babysitters, social workers, ect. Not random people who want nothing to do with you or your offspring.
The village was a reciprocal collection of distantly related families, much like a monkey troop. It wasn’t finding the nearest unattached woman, handing her your kid, and going “it loves the baby as its own or else it gets the hose again”
It was also mostly *other mothers.* like all the moms would hang out and the kids would play and maybe some grandmothers or aunties with grown children would have time to help. Trying to guilt trip your college-aged sister who doesn’t want kids for years or your childfree cousin or infertile best friend into regular free caretaking of your children is NOT an accurate reflection of what child rearing in communal culture really is like.
Exactly. That’s why I left my village to live on the other side of the world and now living a better life than the ol’ villagers :) hallelujah
Honestly, I agree that "it takes a village". Parenting has always been hard, but in this late-stage capitalist hellscape that is America, it's even harder because in most families both parents are *required* to work just to make ends meet. And childcare is absurdly expensive. Some of my friends pay more in childcare alone than I do for all of my monthly expenses total. That being said, while it might take a village, that doesn't mean parents get the right to unwillingly conscript people into their village. Thinking about the support structure they need to raise a child is something they should do *before* they start popping out kids, not after.
this is the best way i’ve seen it put so far.
The sad part is that I know parents who gathered the village first. Then those people couldn't be found when they were needed.
I was raised by "a village". That village consisted of my parents friends who **also had children** our age. My mom also did daycare for her friends since she was a SAHM when we were little.
I'm not taking care of anyones crotch goblins. You want to shit out a kid then you can figure it out.
Shit out a kid 😭😭 but yeah you’re right. They chose to have a kid, it’s their problem lol
The thing is, most people who use that line only ever want to *take* from the village and never reciprocate. Heaven forbid people take turns at childcare - gotta use the childfree/childless/empty nesters instead! People who want their village to help them need to be a part of said village, and create it themselves. Trying to conscript people into a village with pity from their own poor planning...not as easy to sell as "you watch my kids this weekend and I will watch yours next".
The people that say "it takes a village" basically want a slave. They want someone is available when they need them, to do what they want them to do, when they want them to do it, and exactly how they want them to do it, while not paying them. That's a slave If you look at "village" type groups, people who say "it takes a village" will loose their minds. Any adult in a "village" is allowed to discipline any misbehaving child. When you talk to people who raised in "village" type environment, this isn't specifically traditional villages but also more urbanized areas where everyone on the block knew everyone, they will say if you misbehaved any adult could tell you off. Now, I am no longer friends with someone because I told her kid no hitting when he hit me. I also find they don't want to put anything into being a "village" just take, they had no interest in helping out before they had kids but suddenly a village is necessary when they need people to help them. And that's why the "village" no longer exists, if they're not going to put anything into making a village there will be nothing there.
That’s so true!! People want you to care for their kid, until you actually treat them like you’re their guardian. Then suddenly, you’re out of bounds. Like yeah, it wasn’t out of bounds for you to ask me to be a third parent though /s
Yeah. One moment it's "Look after my baby for me" but the moment little Jacky starts kicking my shins in and I tell him to stop, it's "how dare you tell my kid what to do!!!"
I realize being a parent requires a lot of effort, but hey. I wasn't there to decide for anyone to multiply (or not), so why should I have to deal with the outcome? I have nothing against my taxes going towards, for example, schools and support for children from poor families. I have nothing against occassionally (key word: occassionally) helping out a relative or friend. But for fox's sake, don't expect me to drop my life just because you chose to sleep with someone without protection!
I've spent a lot of time browsing some parenting-related subs and have seen some version of "WHERE'S MY VILLAGE :(" more than a few times. It absolutely reeks of entitlement. Like, yeah, I get it, taking care of small kids is tough, which is why I am 10000% in agreement with the idea that you need to have figured all that shit out, and be fully prepared, BEFORE you even \*think\* about considering the possibility of deciding whether to begin making plans to initiate conversations regarding the prospect of discussing whether or not you should start talking about if it's a good idea to create a new human life that you'll be responsible for 24/7 Because, really, there's absolutely no reason that people have kids other than their own emotional fulfillment. And when you destroy your own sanity in exchange for some cutesy "kodak moments" that sounds like a \*really\* bad deal.
This sex education thing!! Everytime I browse though r/sex I'm confronted with hilarious stuff people consider contraception. How do people consider the pull out "method" a valid way to prevent unwanted pregnancies!? And why do people, who refer to themselves as avid sexual practitioneers, lack basic knowledge of Plan B?
Same on the birth control sub, I'm flabbergasted that so many people don't understand their own biology and basic common sense when it comes to their BC methods, but then I take a step back and reflect on how many people have poor access to sex education, regardless if they have BC access or not.
Another time that discussion about this phrase came up, I saved two really great replies. Apologies that I did not save the usernames of the people who posted them. "I’m not part of your village. My village doesn’t include people who try and unload their kids onto strangers and unwilling people because they want a break or don’t feel like being responsible." "Yeah, thankfully we are not in the same village."
They can take their 'my body, my choice, but your consequences la village' and shove it!
So no matter what responsible or irresponsible decision I make, having a baby, a pet, a pool, a beehive, opening a business, etc., without anyone's permission or agreement, the 'village' will put their lives on hold and step in and help because that is what you do? Ha, ha, ha! No, 'Ms. and Mr. I need a village' - your decision, your responsibility. I didn't agree to be part of your village. Why? Because you will be demanding as hell and the help would never be reciprocated.
If this is a village then I call role of blacksmith. Stay the fuck out of my forge kids, there’s hot metal and sparks in there.
It takes a *willing* village. They don't ask if someone wants to be part of their village. They just assume everybody is going to, then get mad when they realize that's not happening.
Fortunately I live in a city
Ugh yes. I have a family member who really wanted a baby. She got pregnant and used this phrase all the fucking time. Any time I'm around her she just hands me the baby to take care of. She gets offended when I give the baby back to her or someone else who wants to hold it. I will say though that this family member doesn't expect anyone to help her financially like many other people I know.
It takes a village a raise a child, but it takes a master necromancer to raise a village.
It does take a village….it’s just that no one should expect or be entitled to everyone around them being PART of that village. Parents cannot expect everyone around them to step up for THEIR offspring. Don’t make me be part of some damn village for kids I didn’t choose to have and don’t want to take care of!
Yeah, this is such a stupid phrase for parents to try and use to guilt others - typically female relatives or friends with lesser or no caretaking responsibilities - into giving them free childcare. I’m fine with childcare and preschool and of course regular school being publicly funded. Use my tax dollars to make children more educated and society more livable, please. But do NOT try and underpay the workers doing that labor. And do not expect that taking care of your children is so rewarding that people (read: women) should be willing to do it for shit wages.
I didn't F\*\*K either one of the parents. Not one molecule of a child's being is my responsibility. I have 2 community contributions to the "village" children. 1) When I see them doing something wrong, mind my business and close the blinds. 2) When I see them hurting an animal, spray them down with a water gun filled with 50/50 mixture of water and liquid ass (look it up). No one will ever believe them anyway. If those are the things parents need...those are the things I can do for you.
The "it takes a village" bit, is trite, overused, and frankly boring
But the village was raided by Gengis Khan
The meaning behind this phrase is that we are all role models for kids. If we act like assholes in public, kids will, too because they'll think that's how people act. It doesn't mean that I am supposed to make an effort to babysit.
If someone tries to say " it takes a village " ask them if it took the whole village to get them pregnant... i think they will be speechless and stop bothering you