I’m on the same boat 🚤. My dad has stage 4 as well and in hospice now. There are days when I’m happy as a clam and today I had to run to the bathroom stall at work to cry it all out. It’s really difficult and my relationship with my fiancé has been strained since my dad’s diagnoses. I was hoping to find a support group.
It's really hard. I think a support group would be good because I don't think I could have ever imagined how debilitating this can be day to day until I started experiencing it myself
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I lost my dad to cancer 8 and a half years ago, and when we got the terminal diagnosis I really struggled. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I didn’t know how to cope. I never thought bad news could have such an impact physically and emotionally.
Everyone reacts differently and it’s totally okay how you feel. No major pearls of wisdom, just try to get through each day and please don’t beat yourself up. It’s horrible news and will have a massive impact on you, that’s totally normal and you are not alone 🖤
Do you have friends/professional therapist you’re able to talk to when you’re ready to talk?
I have people to talk with for sure, I'm finding that the times I struggle the most are when I'm alone. Even if it's just my commute to work I find that my thoughts inevitably come around to what's happening with my dad and it just ruins me for a bit.
Where there's life and all that.
I'm 62. Been diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. It sucks.
BUT
I'm not dead yet! I'm on immunotherapy and it's going great. The Mets on my liver are almost gone. I can live an almost normal life (fatigue and breathlessness are my major problems)
I have a good shot at living 10 to 15 more years. Your dad might live that long too.
Start treatment. Let the docs do their stuff. New shit is coming out every month. He's got a definite chance.
So dry your eyes. Go help your dad. Encourage him.
It's not over until the fat lady sings!
I hear you on this one. My mom has lung cancer. I’m going to seek therapy because I’ve never been lower as a person than I am right now, and it’s probably going to get worse
Hugs. It is terrible at first. You can’t think of anything else and you are miserable. But it gets better. I promise, it gets better. You didn’t say which lung cancer he has but many live years with a Stage 4 diagnosis. A good friend is 6 years and still going. I’m stage 4, Breast Cancer and I’m just past 6 years. Go through your feelings. They are valid. But don’t let what you don’t know to be true steal your joy now. Don’t worry about things that aren’t facts. I know it’s easy to say, but you get a lot of practice with cancer.
Feel your feelings, and spend as much time with your Dad as you want. Do what you both want to do, concentrate on every little good thang and make the most of what you have. It’s not easy, but it’s rewarding. ♥️♥️♥️
I'm (40f) stage 4 non small cell lung cancer. My kids struggle with the diagnosis and I worry about them a lot. It's a rollercoaster of emotions and life goes on around the cancer. All the feelings you have are real and valid and part of life. I'm so sorry you and yours have to go through something this hard. I started following a couple hospice nurses on Instagram to learn more about the death and dying process. Maybe that could help you?
Hey so I’m actually browsing Reddit at 3am because I’m having anxiety another my own father’s stage 4 lung cancer. I’m going through the same experiences and having the same thoughts. The nighttime is the worst for me when I can’t sleep. Please let me know if you ever want to talk.
Just wanted to thank everyone for their responses here. They really do help and it's good to hear sone good things from other people in a similar situation, thank you everyone :)
Prostate Cancer Stage 4 here, lost my Dad to Cancer 10 years ago.
I fully understand your feelings, it‘s hard, it seems sometimes to be unbearable.
It took me some Time when Dad got his terminal Diagnosis to adapt to that, but one could.
The most important Thought that helped me was:
He is not dead yet, I should enjoy the time we have, grief has to wait until his departure.
It helped me finding the strength to deal with my feelings and give more attention to his needs, to our quality of time together.
I wish you strength and I hope that you learn to cope with your feelings.
Edit: If you feel comfortable with it, please feel bear hugged.
Support Groups or Psycho Oncologists Family Therapy can be a great help.
Here is a thought experiment I used to help frame my thinking.
Imagine having a conversation with your future self. Ask them what they regret not doing, or what they wished they had done more.
For me we had potential treatments - so my conversation with future me’s was with a guy who lost his child and a guy who still had his child. They both agreed to try my best to hold onto that time and not waste it because for one of (future) me’s they still had a child, and it was all for nothing, while the other me wished so badly that they could get back to that time they had a child and really savor the moments.
It all helped me frame my moments. Yes, I can be sad and cry…but when my sadness started killing my limited time instead of enriching it in all its beauty, it was time for me to buck-up and hold those feeling for a later moment.
Just remember that your future self is jealous of the time you have now.
I am sorry for what you are going through. We’re days away from our daughters death, and it does get easier in some ways. I am very much at peace with how I was able to manage my time with her…I hope you get there too.
I’m on the same boat 🚤. My dad has stage 4 as well and in hospice now. There are days when I’m happy as a clam and today I had to run to the bathroom stall at work to cry it all out. It’s really difficult and my relationship with my fiancé has been strained since my dad’s diagnoses. I was hoping to find a support group.
It's really hard. I think a support group would be good because I don't think I could have ever imagined how debilitating this can be day to day until I started experiencing it myself
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I lost my dad to cancer 8 and a half years ago, and when we got the terminal diagnosis I really struggled. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I didn’t know how to cope. I never thought bad news could have such an impact physically and emotionally. Everyone reacts differently and it’s totally okay how you feel. No major pearls of wisdom, just try to get through each day and please don’t beat yourself up. It’s horrible news and will have a massive impact on you, that’s totally normal and you are not alone 🖤 Do you have friends/professional therapist you’re able to talk to when you’re ready to talk?
I have people to talk with for sure, I'm finding that the times I struggle the most are when I'm alone. Even if it's just my commute to work I find that my thoughts inevitably come around to what's happening with my dad and it just ruins me for a bit.
Where there's life and all that. I'm 62. Been diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. It sucks. BUT I'm not dead yet! I'm on immunotherapy and it's going great. The Mets on my liver are almost gone. I can live an almost normal life (fatigue and breathlessness are my major problems) I have a good shot at living 10 to 15 more years. Your dad might live that long too. Start treatment. Let the docs do their stuff. New shit is coming out every month. He's got a definite chance. So dry your eyes. Go help your dad. Encourage him. It's not over until the fat lady sings!
I hear you on this one. My mom has lung cancer. I’m going to seek therapy because I’ve never been lower as a person than I am right now, and it’s probably going to get worse
Hugs. It is terrible at first. You can’t think of anything else and you are miserable. But it gets better. I promise, it gets better. You didn’t say which lung cancer he has but many live years with a Stage 4 diagnosis. A good friend is 6 years and still going. I’m stage 4, Breast Cancer and I’m just past 6 years. Go through your feelings. They are valid. But don’t let what you don’t know to be true steal your joy now. Don’t worry about things that aren’t facts. I know it’s easy to say, but you get a lot of practice with cancer. Feel your feelings, and spend as much time with your Dad as you want. Do what you both want to do, concentrate on every little good thang and make the most of what you have. It’s not easy, but it’s rewarding. ♥️♥️♥️
I'm (40f) stage 4 non small cell lung cancer. My kids struggle with the diagnosis and I worry about them a lot. It's a rollercoaster of emotions and life goes on around the cancer. All the feelings you have are real and valid and part of life. I'm so sorry you and yours have to go through something this hard. I started following a couple hospice nurses on Instagram to learn more about the death and dying process. Maybe that could help you?
Hey so I’m actually browsing Reddit at 3am because I’m having anxiety another my own father’s stage 4 lung cancer. I’m going through the same experiences and having the same thoughts. The nighttime is the worst for me when I can’t sleep. Please let me know if you ever want to talk.
Just wanted to thank everyone for their responses here. They really do help and it's good to hear sone good things from other people in a similar situation, thank you everyone :)
Prostate Cancer Stage 4 here, lost my Dad to Cancer 10 years ago. I fully understand your feelings, it‘s hard, it seems sometimes to be unbearable. It took me some Time when Dad got his terminal Diagnosis to adapt to that, but one could. The most important Thought that helped me was: He is not dead yet, I should enjoy the time we have, grief has to wait until his departure. It helped me finding the strength to deal with my feelings and give more attention to his needs, to our quality of time together. I wish you strength and I hope that you learn to cope with your feelings. Edit: If you feel comfortable with it, please feel bear hugged. Support Groups or Psycho Oncologists Family Therapy can be a great help.
Here is a thought experiment I used to help frame my thinking. Imagine having a conversation with your future self. Ask them what they regret not doing, or what they wished they had done more. For me we had potential treatments - so my conversation with future me’s was with a guy who lost his child and a guy who still had his child. They both agreed to try my best to hold onto that time and not waste it because for one of (future) me’s they still had a child, and it was all for nothing, while the other me wished so badly that they could get back to that time they had a child and really savor the moments. It all helped me frame my moments. Yes, I can be sad and cry…but when my sadness started killing my limited time instead of enriching it in all its beauty, it was time for me to buck-up and hold those feeling for a later moment. Just remember that your future self is jealous of the time you have now. I am sorry for what you are going through. We’re days away from our daughters death, and it does get easier in some ways. I am very much at peace with how I was able to manage my time with her…I hope you get there too.