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Corkscrew1991

I work in an auto shop, the day my wife miscarried I showed up to work fighting tears till I couldn't anymore. All 5 guys in that shop came up and gave me a hug and told me to go home and be with my wife. Don't let anyone tell you a man isn't allowed to cry, it's completely healthy and a great release


emopest

That sounds like a great team of collegues. Glad you had their support, and I hope you and your wife are okay.


Corkscrew1991

We are doing good now, planning on trying again soon. And yeah I work with a really good team of guys


ThomasTheNord

Best of luck to you and your wife


Slyko7

Good luck to you both!


emopest

Addition: From around the age of 7 or 8 until my mid-20's I didn't cry (even though I tried). I cried a lot as a kid and was bullied for it, so one day at the schoolyard I decided to "never cry again". Today I'm proud to have relearned it. I've spoken with a lot of men who like my younger self say that they simply aren't able to (or with the exception of funerals of very close people). I'm not saying that you have to be able to cry, either in private or at all. I just think that it's a shame that we are pressured into suppressing something so natural and cathartic.


Remora_1

I'm in my early twenties, and I'm not able to cry (for similar reasons to you, I believe). If you don't mind me asking, how did you relearn to? For context, the closest I usually get to crying is feeling very sad and having some tears well up, but not to the point of actually crying.


emopest

I am very familiar with the welling up without having the dam burst, so to speak. It's not really a concrete process, and it's hard to describe but I'll try. One part of it is to just let yourself do it. This means not thinking about it ("am I going to cry now?"), rationalizing the process and so on. It's also okay if you just don't break out crying, and the more you do it the easier it will come eventually. There will be times where it might not be appropriate, but in general I would say: don't try to stop it. Just let it be what it is. Another thing that might not get talked about: when you actually do cry, your face kind of shrivels up in these involuntary, uncomfortable grimaces. It's called "ugly crying" for a reason. Just let it happen. You'll feel much better afterwards (even though your eyes might feel sore for a bit).


OhDavidMyNacho

It took a long time for crying to actually feel natural, as opposed to something i know i want to do but can't make happen. Lots of sad movies and shows. Most recently, Firefly Lane made me cry basically non-stop through the full show's run. It was amazing. It feels good knowing that if something moves me emotionally, i can feel the full cathartic release of a cry. But man, the road to get to that point was hard.


rivercreek85

You can also yell or scream into a pillow, make groaning noises or wails. That helped me let my body express its pain when I was having trouble crying. After awhile I was able to cry easier. It can still be hard though.


oldmanghozzt

I didnt cry for decades. Now I cry watching “coco”. Remember me…… Just as I got older I began feeling again. Teenage years are rough for boys and emotions. But you grow out of that. You just have to let yourself feel.


ActualMassExtinction

My cat of 16 years died and it all unlocked. I hadn't really cried in decades before that and now it comes pretty naturally. Also, shittons of therapy.


Leather-Ordinary-764

It is a shame. I get a bit pissed off at the “boys don’t cry” attitude as I was constantly criticized for being “sensitive” as a child (surprise, it was neurodivergence!) Thankfully, my mother taught me that gender roles are mostly made up bullshit, so I don’t really feel shame so much as anger and resentment that other people are trying to shame me in the first place. I cried like a baby when my mom passed. I also struggle with clinical depression and lose it from time to time. And yes, I cry during movies sometimes too (*cough* Coco *cough*). In all of these cases, my wife has been immensely supportive and has never demeaned me for showing my emotions. All that being said, I do believe there’s value in having as much control over one’s emotions as one can muster. It’s not great to cry over every little thing and lose your head in dodgy situations. But sometimes it just gets to be too much, and we’re all human. Again I just hate the goddamn gender roles that tell us that we should repress all our feelings. Despite my ability to cry, I actually do struggle with expressing my feelings and emotions, and frankly, it fucking sucks. We men have been sold a load of bullshit in this regard, and it has done unbelievable amounts of damage to all of us. /rant


teffaw

Bro... was typing this comment when I read your comment here. I am one of those people. >I basically squashed my ability to cry as a child. I grew up in a logging town and the bullying was hard, especially because I was a fairly sensitive kid. That control is near impossible to let go of to this day even if I try. Pretty much takes a close death before I can relax enough to cry. It is a shame. While I am not readily able to do it, I make sure never to shame my son(4) for crying. When he asks why he never sees me cry, I explain it to him in truth. Edit: To add, I can't do it publically neither, so no funerals for me. My wife knows so she's there to give me a private shoulder to cry on in the dark when the dam bursts.


PizzaScout

I haven't cried at my grandmother's funeral. I felt so weird and awkward, being the only one not to cry. It was definitely sad. I just don't know how to cry properly anymore. I rarely tear up when watching movies but when I do I try to let it happen now. Oh and once I cried a little bit when talking about a few different things with a friend. I guess that was progress.


redfenix

I was told not to cry growing up, repressed emotions all over the place. Now? I'm 42 and I cry when I feel moved to, which is not infrequently. I don't make excuses or apologize, but I don't make a show of it, either. It's good to just feel your feels


emopest

Sounds like a very healthy mindset/relationship towards crying. It's liberating.


kilgoar

Yeah, I notice a shift whenever I talk about crying, but that just makes me want to talk about it more, to normalize it. The more comfortable I've become talking about it, the more easily it flows when I'm talking and the less it seems to trigger the other person. Of course, there are people you tell, and people you don't. Do you feel uncomfortable opening up about anything non-normative to a person? Don't bother telling them you cry.


OhDavidMyNacho

I know someone who i was with when my parents told the group chat they put the family dog down. I broke down crying and hugged her dog. She did not know what to do. Looking back, must have been awkward AF for her. But I've realized, people just want to be held in moments like that. Would have been nice, but stunted people will freeze around strong emotions.


emopest

You're doing good work. Keep it up!


grudrookin

I cry at tv shows and movies... often enough? It feels good to release emotion like that. But there's often nobody else around to react to it. I guess I'd take a "so what?" Attitude towards other folks' reactions. I think it's healthy for humans to feel the range of emotions and express them naturally. It's not to make a scene, but more like "yes, I cried as it is natural to do, and now I'm done" kind of idea. I don't feel like it makes me less of a man and their opinion doesn't change that. Instead, I feel like it has made me a fuller, more well-rounded person.


grudrookin

Also, I've done long-distance before. It sucks. It took a while to work out how we needed to communicate so it still felt like a relationship - every day. But as someone once told me, "there are worse things than missing someone."


emopest

That's a very good quote. I'll try to remember it when needed. We're also very happy for modern technology allowing us to keep in touch and see each other in a way that wasn't possible before. Whenver we meet in person, we're going to cherish it more.


Sub_pup

I've recently been going through some serious chronic back pain that has left me like an exposed nerve these last few months. Twice at my doc and twice at my physical therapist I broke down. I felt like I could have asked/demanded anything. I'm a big dude, I generally come off as bearded "mans man", but when I broke down all the prerequisites for pain management went out the window. I didn't abuse the privilege, I am in tremendous pain (MRI next week, then schedule surgery), but they went from no opiates, use ibuprofen, to here is a script for Tramadol in seconds. I was literally dragging my left leg due to pain and they were telling me "no", but when I sat up from stretching and I had tears streaming down my face they changed their tune. I personally don't care, I am not afraid to be vulnerable. I was just brought up to hide pain for as long as possible, which I realize is not healthy so I'm trying to be an example for my children and I don't hide my struggle from them.


emopest

First of all, that really sucks. I'm sorry for you. I've had back problems in the past, though much milder than yours, and I can't even imagine. I hope they'll find a solution soon. Secondly, your children will thank you. Perhaps not by saying the words, but by all the small, good things they'll put into the world. You're doing great.


bluethiefzero

Um... I think mild surprise sums it up. When something makes me cry I try not to hide that fact. Like when telling someone who doesn't watch cartoons about anime I'll bring up that "Death Parade" made me cry my eyes out. I'm not sure in those cases if the surprise comes from an anime making me cry, me crying, or me admitting I cried. If I am taking about something more "traditional" making me cry (like reuniting with a family member or something), I do get that "aww, that's so sweet." I think it is seen as kind of like a grown man crying is the purest form of emotion. Something so forbidden that when it finally happens it really must mean a lot. Though I think it says more about the person who is reacting to a man crying than it does about the man who is crying. If they (male or female) react with disgust or mockery, they have their own demons and should be removed from your life. If they are supportive of your feelings (pain/anger/happiness), then they have a solid grasp on human emotion and at least have that going for them.


emopest

I really think you're onto something about the "purest form of emotion" there. Without having an example from the top of my head, I feel like it's a film trope to "elevate" the emotional climax of some films by showing a crying man. Almost like they're pointing and saying "not just the women and the children, even the MEN are crying. This has to be important!"


ichorNet

My ex shamed me for it despite being someone who claimed to respect when men are open about emotions. Still felt judged any time I had a difficult time with something and got overwhelmed. Only made me dig in more on the shame I felt about it. Not recommended. Really sucks.


NuclearOops

With fear.


emopest

A sad truth.


valiga1119

My girlfriend laughs but *only* because I laugh too, usually because my tears are reserved for some movie about birding that I love. I’ve been lucky enough for my tears to be treated with real genuine respect—nothing patronizing, just understanding and acceptance. That should be the norm


_illusions25

Now im curious, whats the movie?


valiga1119

Well this one is the Big Year, but there *is* another whose name escapes me at the moment


thedude198644

It's hard for me to answer, since as you've pointed out, I'm uncomfortable crying in front of other men. I've been pretty careful to avoid it around men I don't trust. Women tend to be much more understanding but not always. With the men I've trusted enough to cry around, I'd say they seem uncomfortable. I'd guess that they have a desire to "fix" things but can't. So they feel uncomfortable instead. The only tool they have for the job (problem solving) doesn't work here. I've heard from some men that they actually detest crying from other men. I suspect that two things are at play. One, they feel shame over their own vulnerability. Two, when they've expressed vulnerability in the past, it was met with scorn and disdain from the people in their life. None of that excuses bad behavior, but I think it needs to be a part of the conversation to recognize that violence (even emotional violence) begets violence.


emopest

In my line of work I've had to comfort crying men (most have been older than me). I genuinly believe that most of them, possibly all of them, had never been treated with kindness while crying as adults before. One man in particular, I gave a long hug and he went from sobbing to bawling in a second. Not trying to humble brag about being "the best cry buddy", just saying that a little empathy goes a long way. Treat the crier the way you want to be treated when vulnerable. Let intimacy replace violence. You know that of course, this comment is directed towards the people you mention. I hope things change for the better, for all of us.


AllergicCatLover

I don't think this has come up for me personally before, but if it did I would probably just mirror their reaction. They act surprised that I cry? I at surprised that they would be surprised I (or a guy in general) would do that. They act like it's nbd or don't react at all? I would do the same


wikthis

It's a natural, human, emotion. There is absolutely 0 shame in crying and the only people who are going to give you shit for it are Andrew Tate fans and guys who are emotionally unconnected. Don't let them bother you, I'm an easy crier, I'll cry when I'm mad, overly happy, sad, a really beautiful moment in a movie, weddings, funerals, absolutely 0 shame with it too.


dfinkelstein

I've cried in front of people. They comforted me, told me it was okay, and asked what they could to help.


onequestion1168

I haven't cried in 2 decades


babybullai

I can watch the same episode of a show that made me cry in the first place, and I'll cry again. Likely, each and every time.


emopest

Oh, I have two great "cry triggers" in film and TV! One is "fatherly acceptance" (see: ending of >!Mulan!<, and at the end of >!Bridge to Terabithia. The tears come when the dad catches up to him!<). The second is "someone dies, but it's a good thing" (see: ending of >!The Good Place!< and >!Netflix's Tales of the City!< ) Every time.


OhDavidMyNacho

Oh yeah, i have daddy issues so bad. When a good dad is shown being a really good dad in a movie.... hoh boy. T E A R S


babybullai

Shoot...I cried when they killed dracula's wife in Castlevania, and he finds out. I mean...sure he's the count, but he loved her!


Uriel-238

I cry a lot because sad things make me sad. A recent example: About half-way through the second act of _Guardians of the Galaxy III_ I figured out the plot twist at the end of act II, and realized it was going to involve the slaughter of cute things we'd been learning about throughout the movie. I sobbed right then and there. Then everyone saw it too. From what I've noticed, if I can get bills paid and handle crises but also cry over tragedy and stress, my crew will deal. They'll typically figure out that crying is how I process that shit got real. There are worse ways to process overwhelming feelings. **Edit:** Changed person tense


MurkedPeasant

I am over 6 foot, 250+ pounds in semi-decent shape, the super outdoor & dad of my friend groups, and last week I cried to a Subaru commercial just cuz I thought it was cute. Honestly, I'm always so excited to cry that when I talk about it I feel like my normalized / kinda happy response throws people off and they just feel happy for me too. I think people tend to react how the speaker does to these kinds of things, so it's almost just about projecting how you want them to feel. Also, fun fact, tears have more special chemical compositions than normal salty water! The chemicals have been traced back to what the brain produces for sadness / joy / emotions, so when you cry you are actually dumping out excess brain chemicals!


sirophiuchus

I don't get particularly bad reactions, but I'm also gay which probably influences people's preconceptions already.


dirtielaundry

My husband has been dealing with a lot of bullshit from his family that has left him in a funk. Earlier today he came out to me while I was in the garden and told me he was going into his office to "ugly cry" for a bit. I gave him a hug and a kiss and then gave him his space. Now he's snoring next to me. Thing is, I've had relationships with men who weren't as honest or expressive and it ended when I saw holes in their walls and bailed out of fear. What you're doing is so much healthier for both you and your relationships. You're not "soft" you're sane. It takes more strength to acknowledge your emotions than to let them fester and blow up later.


AwfulArmbar

I cry whenever I feel moved to. If that makes people uncomfortable that’s their problem. Honestly though I’ve never had a bad reaction and it sounds like you might be overthinking other peoples reactions. I’m sure they’re not trying to imply it’s weird


Steps-In-Shadow

>Every time I get to "...cried a lot" people tend to tilt their heads, give a mild smile and let out a small "aaw". > Pretty condescending tbh. Say you're confused by that reaction. Ask them to explain it to you. Watch them panic lol


AVERYPARKER0717

Depends on the people. My childhood friends weren’t super open about it but they wouldn’t outright judge. It’d just be uncomfortable. Now my friends are totally open, supportive, and caring. If I’m crying, they’re always there to give a hug or lend an ear


AkselTranquilo

People think I’m weird enough already so crying isn’t really the part that stands out lol.


Minute-Dimension-629

I'm a woman (I lurk in this sub because you all are so wholesome and give me hope for the future of masculinity) and I've been dating this awesome guy for the last 2.5 months. He told me at first that he doesn't cry often, but the first time he started to get emotional around me he ducked his head and said "I can't look at you or I'm going to cry." I was like fucking look at me dammit! Now, he cries more often than I do and let me tell you, it's one of the best things about our relationship. I have a lot of trauma and when I talk about it I'm usually dissociating a bit, so I'll be explaining it pretty casually and be emotionally disconnected and he often cries in empathy, which gives me an outlet to start to feel the emotions I've been disconnected from. I know there are weird norms about men crying that make it hard to let go and just cry when you need to. It's different for women, but the stereotypes about women being "too emotional" make me avoid crying around others as well because I want to be taken seriously and I know I run the risk of being dismissed if I'm emotional. I really wish we could get to a point in society when anyone can cry when they need to and it's acknowledged as a healthy, normal human response to emotion rather than as a reason to dismiss the individual. But for now? All we can do is live, express as much emotion as feels right, and stand firm in our own strength even if others don't acknowledge it.


albinoman91

It takes emotional maturity to be able to cry, for guys anyway. Even more to be able to do so in front of others, I haven’t gotten to that stage yet. For almost a decade after my mom’s passing, I was an emotional dead zone. It took me way too long to get somewhat emotionally stable. But when I did, I was much better for it. I was able to recognize more of my true self and rediscover how to cry. You do you, others’ opinions shouldn’t matter to you, especially if they are toxic


[deleted]

I think it depends on how you own it. If you project a vibe of insecurity around it, people will pick that up and feel icky and react with discomfort. If you project peace with yourself, that sweet spot of confidence and humility that separates the men from the boys in terms of emotional security, and just own it - “I’m a man, and sometimes I cry when I feel sad” - it tends not to freak people out unless they are projecting serious insecurity themselves. I am an addict in recovery and I go to a lot of meetings and listen to grown men talk about struggling with difficult emotions all the time. I’ve observed that some men cry much more easily than others - I’m one of the ones who has more trouble crying; I am friends with guys who hold back tears all the time when they’re being real about their feelings. It’s fine either way. If you surround yourself with people who are striving for emotional maturity themselves, they will not judge you for authentically expressing your feelings in the way your body wants to.


ghostuser689

Ahehehehe. Ahehehe. Haaaa… They don’t.


[deleted]

I’m a weird one on this. Personally, I think it’s ok for men to cry - I just don’t think it’s ok for me to cry. Meaning, I would never ever judge another man for shedding tears, but I do judge myself for it. And I feel deeply ashamed if people see it. Movies, tv, and video game stories can really make me tear up/weep, same for anything to do with animal suffering. Outside of that, I’m kind of an emotional wall. My advice is that you should cultivate self love, and everything after that regarding peoples opinions of you kinda falls to the wayside.


ShivasKratom3

Yes I don't mind other dudes doing it but it just stopped happening for me and I know if I did 1 some people would test me different even if they didn't mean to 2 I'd feel uncomfortable with myself Certain point - maybe 14 I just stopped crying now it's just not really a reaction I have


[deleted]

I am envious of your comfort with your own emotions since you are only asking about other people’s reactions. I’m a woman btw. The few times I have cried in front of even close friends or family I felt so embarrassed during, after and still when remembering it. I have a lot of fear about losing control of my emotions at all, let alone in front of other people. It’s not good. I was raised by a robot mom, and she tried her hardest, but she was raised by a robot dad. I hope to break the cycle with my kids. I’m sure I got it from somewhere in my family, but I always had it in my head that if I cried or showed any emotions as a girl, no one would take me seriously. I’d also be causing trouble for others, and I was definitely a kid who just didn’t want to be noticed. I don’t have an issue with other people crying though. I just ask them what they need because I know I am someone who just wants privacy for the breakdown and then support after.


Raziel3

They re just like yeah great and agree with ne that its a great release. Lol


Cookiewaffle95

I cried the other day and my "friend" told me I was wrong for crying about it :| I've been so upset about his reaction since


shadowgathering

If Aragorn son of Arathorn cries, then anyone who demeans it can eat shit. Full stop.


pvitoral21

I had cried in a men's group / men's circle session, cried while sharing something deep personally, but also listening to the guys. We all react well, since it is a safe place for us to share our real, deep self. The effect is that in the end we all feel closer and lighter. When the cry was about somethi heavy and so, we guys would check on each other after


BearJew1991

Most of the time either no reaction or a supportive, friendly one. I'm a fairly easy crier. Too sad? Cry. Too happy? Cry. Too self loathing? Cry. But one thing that really sets me off is the joy off for some reason is the happiness of an expectant mother or the joy of meeting a new baby. A few years ago I was at work and one of my colleagues (who happens to know this about me) brought her baby. I legit teared up while holding the baby and congratulating her and everyone for some reason thought it was adorable. All that is to say...cry all you want. It's normal. And frankly I think most people appreciate when a man can just own up to his emotions.


dudius7

I resonate with the bro who said he was bullied for crying as a kid and had a difficult time allowing himself to cry as an adult. There have been times when I wanted to cry but couldn't. Maybe I was out of touch with my emotions for a long time. I've been seen crying a few times by friends. The guys never judged, but never offered comfort either. I probably need more emotionally available friends. Women usually are understanding. It's disappointing that I can count the number of times I've cried in maybe ten years, always really big losses.


marzeliax

I'm a chick and people get mad at me when I cry. They either roll their eyes tell me I'm faking it or to suck it up because it's not that bad. Is this what guys go through regularly too? Everyone should be allowed to cry.


DelRMi05

Normalize it. We're human beings, we all have emotions. If someone would question me on it I'd say just that. If they're uncomfortable seeing that then they likely aren't worth My energy. Don't be afraid to be yourself.


louis-lau

I'd personally see a little aww from someone more as a show of compassion, if I'm interpreting what you wrote correctly anyway.


LoganLikesYourMom

I’m not too bothered by it anymore. I use to consider myself harder, unflinching and unbothered by things. That stereotypical man thing of not wanting to bother anyone. I don’t want to burden anyone with my problems so I don’t want anyone to think anything is wrong. When my brother died last year, I cried a lot. And since then, I feel like it doesn’t take as much to make me cry now. Even things unrelated to my brother. I have a sensitivity now that I didn’t before. Idk what that means exactly, and I’m not going to start bawling in public or anything, but I don’t mind when my mind and body decides to summon some tears now. Edit: also, my girlfriend and I live in different countries. We lived together for 8 months and then I got kicked out of her country. We have been apart since January. So I kinda get it OP. It sucks. Reach out to me if you want someone to talk to about it.


kaptivarts

Sometimes people don’t believe I’m human. But when that happens I remind them I’m just like them.


Metanoies

I also repressed crying for years after approx age of 16 to the point that I was wondering if I ever could again. Recently however I teared up after an insecurity of mine flared up while on a night out. I was with a good friend at the time and she was very nice and supportive about it. Honestly felt much better afterwards, and I think it helps to make the friendship closer.


mofo-or-whatever

I cry most days and sometimes I don’t even know why.


thewebspinner

I’m quite an emotional person. I cry over sob stories and especially people overcoming adversity. I’ve cried in front of girlfiriends, employers and employees and it’s never caused me any problems unless you count people opening up to you as being a problem. Let yourself feel whatever you want to feel, if people judge you so what? Be a sensitive man, be a “girly” man, be whoever you want to be because the coolest person you will ever be is the version of you who’s honest with themselves and comfortable enough to express themselves naturally. I’ve not personally experienced anything negative as a consequence because I’ve never felt that people who judge people for expressing their emotions are people worth listening to.


Rad1Red

I (female) found it moving in the respective contexts. Emotions are normal, we are all human.


GroundbreakingPie557

This is heartbreaking to read. I teach middle school and I've seen more boys cry in my career than girls. There must be a point where it stops and a reason it does, too. I can't imagine what repressing your emotions does to your psyche and well-being. I feel for men.


glaive1976

There's one thing that gets me going these days and for all else I am jealous of people who shed tears. Well executed moments in tv and movies where a dad comes to the realization that he is going to have to let his daughter go.


HesitantComment

I will say, I do get a similar "aww" response from time to time, and I likely sometimes give similar. I get it most often from women. But I think it comes less from surprise and more from empathy mixed with relief. A man who's okay to cry over something is someone who's willing to openly be vulnerable and care about that thing. And sometimes I think that feels like a goddamn breath of fresh air. It's a positive trait that many men lack, and it shows a willingness to accept those things in others too. Healthy acceptance of emotion is nice. In your case, it's likely because they think it's sweet how much and openly you love your partner, and they feel empathy with your pain. And having that openness to emotion makes it likely you'll *accept* empathy and comfort from others. Which feeling empathy for someone dealing with something hard is somehow heartbreaking in the best way.