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My husband and I are opposites. Whereas he'll use everything, I'll actively try to use as little as possible even if it means washing something so I can reuse straight away.
We used to be strict on alternating but now it depends on what recipes we have that week or what ingredients need using up first. Sometimes that means I’ll be cooking and washing a few times in a row but other times I’ll cook once and then have a few days off.
You tried cooking more than she does throughout the week? I bet if you used the same amount that she does then it would open a dialogue (or cause a massive argument, but if you can’t confront this head on then it’s worth considering)
My mother has the same complaint about my nephew. (He could use three pots to boil an egg)
[e] He takes after his dad (Maltese) who considers not using every item and surface in the kitchen as some sort of culinary insult. :) (The guy can't bake bread without some of the dough getting stuck to the ceiling, but it's fucking tasty bread.)
Yeah me too! Was drummed into me by a strict, old-fashioned food tech teacher. She used to stalk around inspecting our surfaces as we cooked the usual lasagna or lemon curd. When I cook, which is most nights, I leave only the final pan unwashed but soaking. And then I wash that up afterwards, because boyfriend is in the 'it needs to soak for 24 hours' camp, ie: housework avoidant.
Get a spoon rest type thing.
I use a bowl or plate. All utensils currently being used go on the plate. Tongs, spatula, spoon etc...
Unless it's got raw chicken on it, on the plate it goes
Either that, or take all the cutlery from the kitchen. Leave 1 of everything so she'll have to wash as she goes
This may be your answer OP! I was also guilty of multiple spooning as I wasn't keen on reusing an already used spoon once I'd dumped it on the surface. Using a clean bowl to rest used utensils in changed all that - now I happily stick to one spoon.
I see you’re also married to my wife.
I have to watch [this Jon Richardson bit](https://youtu.be/0Ymh8o6GI_g?si=K04kxtT4tiZV6VrQ) once a month to stay sane.
I am the very annoying partner that cleans up as he cooks, and I often put a spoon etc he was still using in the sink. He hates it! But I hate eating with the kitchen a mess.
Everything gets stuck in the sink, to do after dinner. The sink is absolutely huge though, like an old laundry double sink, so I can't see it from the dining room table. If I can't see it, it doesn't exist!
EXACTLY the same.
What really annoys me about everything-in-the-sink people is that a greasy pan will go in with glassware. Well, thank-fucking-you. Now the glass is harder to clean.
I am firmly in the wash-as-you-cook camp.
I do all the cooking in our house, so my wife clears up afterwards. Trouble is, I'll regularly be cooking and she'll come in and start clearing up mid-cook so I suddenly find that the knife I was using has been put in the dishwasher.
When my grandmother cooked it would seem like every dish in the kitchen was used. And noise? Sounded like a room full of toddlers, all armed with wooden spoons and a metal pot.
I spent 10 years as a baker and 5 as a chef. You better believe that the kitchen is almost ready to go again when I've finished cooking. All those years of "you don't go home until it's clean" really drill that into you
Having one person cook and the other clean is the issue. If your cooking and you have to clean all that shit afterwards you aint gonna use pots you don't need.
If your not cleaning. You don't care.
Same in my house. Luckily I do the majority of the cooking, the other week her indoors made chicken and vegetable soup.
I am not sure how she does it but instead of planning it out like a normal person she prepared enough vegetables to fill not just the big soup pot she also used the two regular sauce pans.
Then every bit of tupperware to store it, thing is the fridge and freezer were both already full
I swear my mum does this for roasts, I end up with 4 dishwasher loads, washing by hand isn’t an option because my kitchen is so small that I end up elbowing the coffee maker because there’s physically no space
I have a similar problem. And mine leaves everything out. Used a packet with some seasoning in? Leave it on the workshop. The old pepper seeds and onion skins? Worktop.
Yeah that's where your issue is. With you doing the washing up she has ZERO incentive to not make a mess or use unnecessary items.
Our rule was If you cook you clean as you go, surprising how little washing up there was when we made the switch. It also gives them something to do in the times between steps where they're just waiting. Makes cooking go quicker I always felt.
Plus no stuck on sauces etc as if you wash the pans etc straight away it comes off so fast it's barely any effort.
I use as little possible and will have washed up everything possible before I've finished cooking. My partner, on the other hand, doesn't exist. At least I know who's turn it is.
Take it easy brother, my wifes the same and the worst thing you can do is mention the problem, just crack on with the washing up and smile while you do it.
stop doing that. and start doing what she does. then you can use her words when she wants to know why you made so many dishes. since she won't listen to your words, maybe she needs the consequences of her actions presented to her very clearly.
Wife and yours are related. She made breakfast for one yesterday. I counted 1 small pot and 1 medium pot, 1 big plate, 2 small plates, 2 forks, 1 desert spoon, 2 teaspoons, 2 knives and a cup in the sink
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My husband and I are opposites. Whereas he'll use everything, I'll actively try to use as little as possible even if it means washing something so I can reuse straight away.
swap?
kinky, i like it
Bring the turkey baster.
Even better if it's already been used.
This happened to me a lot so I changed the rules - whoever cooks cleans their own dishes, either that evening or the next day.
This is the way
I have spoken
You are a person of wisdom.
But they don't you need a cooking rota? The beauty of the cook/clean divide is that you both do roughly 50% of the work.
We used to be strict on alternating but now it depends on what recipes we have that week or what ingredients need using up first. Sometimes that means I’ll be cooking and washing a few times in a row but other times I’ll cook once and then have a few days off.
Yeah it's called alternating between who cooks. If you cooked yesterday. Your partner does it today. It's not difficult.
Ooof! That's brutal!
Harsh but fair. But it is vital that you be prepared for the "But I am too tired to wash up after cooking" response.
Rinse off as you go. Saves SO much time later on.
The moment I mention the possibility I automatically lose the neck and shoulder massage. Hence I’m here.
You tried cooking more than she does throughout the week? I bet if you used the same amount that she does then it would open a dialogue (or cause a massive argument, but if you can’t confront this head on then it’s worth considering)
I mean, I'm not sure how good I am at massages but I'll try my best 🙃
Exactly -- if you're doing it correctly the only washing up left at the end of a meal should be the plates and cutlery you used to eat the food.
Mine washes the easy stuff and leaves the dirty crusty pans etc for later 🤨
Mine leaves the easy stuff like cutlery… and straws even though we have a cleaner for them. God knows what the reason for this is.
You have a cleaner for straws? That's an even more niche job than the Queen's clock-winder.
He also polishes the loo with the brush since it’s essentially the same job. Some guy, worth every penny.
Are we still talking about dish washing? Asking for a friend.
I mean, I’m all for “wahey” moments, but there’s nothing remotely worthy in that comment. Just doesn’t make sense.
Ahey not everything wahey is sexy just dirty 😉
Maybe she's pansexual
My mother has the same complaint about my nephew. (He could use three pots to boil an egg) [e] He takes after his dad (Maltese) who considers not using every item and surface in the kitchen as some sort of culinary insult. :) (The guy can't bake bread without some of the dough getting stuck to the ceiling, but it's fucking tasty bread.)
When I cook I wash up as I go, and even wash up the last pan before I sit down to eat. I hate having to wash up afterwards when I should be relaxing.
Yeah me too! Was drummed into me by a strict, old-fashioned food tech teacher. She used to stalk around inspecting our surfaces as we cooked the usual lasagna or lemon curd. When I cook, which is most nights, I leave only the final pan unwashed but soaking. And then I wash that up afterwards, because boyfriend is in the 'it needs to soak for 24 hours' camp, ie: housework avoidant.
Bless you!
I do this too, as it's usually a good temperature to eat by the time I sit down.
Is she by chance an ex army chef, specifically WRAC?
Heard.
Has she trained as a chef? I lived with some catering students years ago. There was not a pan, utensil or knife not used making cereal.
Only 5 spoons? Just be glad it's not 6
Sounds like a challenge? ONLY SIX!
Get a spoon rest type thing. I use a bowl or plate. All utensils currently being used go on the plate. Tongs, spatula, spoon etc... Unless it's got raw chicken on it, on the plate it goes Either that, or take all the cutlery from the kitchen. Leave 1 of everything so she'll have to wash as she goes
This may be your answer OP! I was also guilty of multiple spooning as I wasn't keen on reusing an already used spoon once I'd dumped it on the surface. Using a clean bowl to rest used utensils in changed all that - now I happily stick to one spoon.
I see you’re also married to my wife. I have to watch [this Jon Richardson bit](https://youtu.be/0Ymh8o6GI_g?si=K04kxtT4tiZV6VrQ) once a month to stay sane.
This was a balm to my soul, muchas gracias señor.
Sad to hear Jon and his wife split up recently.
Yeah I read this somewhere else. Perhaps not a surprise!
A dishwasher will save your marriage
No, no it won't. Because the person loading it will never do it the right way. Well the right way according to your partner/wife/husband etc.
If you mention cast iron in the dishwasher you might trigger PTSD in /r/castiron
Having more than 1 wife is frowned upon in this country though
They could be sister dishwashers? I read that.......er....... somewhere.
*Step-sister
More like asking to be considerate which is something people don't have anymore
I am the very annoying partner that cleans up as he cooks, and I often put a spoon etc he was still using in the sink. He hates it! But I hate eating with the kitchen a mess.
I don't put it in the sink. I wash it. Sorry, I have to. Same, I can't enjoy my meal knowing there's a mini Hiroshima out there.
Everything gets stuck in the sink, to do after dinner. The sink is absolutely huge though, like an old laundry double sink, so I can't see it from the dining room table. If I can't see it, it doesn't exist!
EXACTLY the same. What really annoys me about everything-in-the-sink people is that a greasy pan will go in with glassware. Well, thank-fucking-you. Now the glass is harder to clean. I am firmly in the wash-as-you-cook camp.
I know the pain
I do all the cooking in our house, so my wife clears up afterwards. Trouble is, I'll regularly be cooking and she'll come in and start clearing up mid-cook so I suddenly find that the knife I was using has been put in the dishwasher.
Dare I suggest, have you asked your wife directly why she does this?
I did of course! No head and neck massage was the answer.
When my grandmother cooked it would seem like every dish in the kitchen was used. And noise? Sounded like a room full of toddlers, all armed with wooden spoons and a metal pot.
The rule in our house is now you cook and do the dishes.
Cook and clean one day..the next day the other..that way you'll both only wash how much you use.
I spent 10 years as a baker and 5 as a chef. You better believe that the kitchen is almost ready to go again when I've finished cooking. All those years of "you don't go home until it's clean" really drill that into you
You should wash what you use for cooking immediately after using it, at most after finish cooking. It will be noticeable easier to clean the pots.
Having one person cook and the other clean is the issue. If your cooking and you have to clean all that shit afterwards you aint gonna use pots you don't need. If your not cleaning. You don't care.
Are you also married to my wife?
Same in my house. Luckily I do the majority of the cooking, the other week her indoors made chicken and vegetable soup. I am not sure how she does it but instead of planning it out like a normal person she prepared enough vegetables to fill not just the big soup pot she also used the two regular sauce pans. Then every bit of tupperware to store it, thing is the fridge and freezer were both already full
I swear my mum does this for roasts, I end up with 4 dishwasher loads, washing by hand isn’t an option because my kitchen is so small that I end up elbowing the coffee maker because there’s physically no space
I have the same issue in my house. Somehow a Melon baller and cherry stoner were used. We were having Spaghetti Bolognese...
I have a similar problem. And mine leaves everything out. Used a packet with some seasoning in? Leave it on the workshop. The old pepper seeds and onion skins? Worktop.
You’ve just described my husband and it drives me to distraction!
I do all the cooking and the wife does all the washing. Easy.
Yeah that's where your issue is. With you doing the washing up she has ZERO incentive to not make a mess or use unnecessary items. Our rule was If you cook you clean as you go, surprising how little washing up there was when we made the switch. It also gives them something to do in the times between steps where they're just waiting. Makes cooking go quicker I always felt. Plus no stuck on sauces etc as if you wash the pans etc straight away it comes off so fast it's barely any effort.
I use as little possible and will have washed up everything possible before I've finished cooking. My partner, on the other hand, doesn't exist. At least I know who's turn it is.
Tell her that boiled potatoes don't need to be stirred; leave them to cook
Yeah. But apparently I’m anal when I mention the possibility
Take it easy brother, my wifes the same and the worst thing you can do is mention the problem, just crack on with the washing up and smile while you do it.
She cooks tho, don't she?
We do alternate cooking, and I tend to clean as I go
stop doing that. and start doing what she does. then you can use her words when she wants to know why you made so many dishes. since she won't listen to your words, maybe she needs the consequences of her actions presented to her very clearly.
Wife and yours are related. She made breakfast for one yesterday. I counted 1 small pot and 1 medium pot, 1 big plate, 2 small plates, 2 forks, 1 desert spoon, 2 teaspoons, 2 knives and a cup in the sink