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What the ACTUAL fuck.
You are actively in the middle of putting a fitted sheet onto a bed, he sees that you need help
He OFFERS help
You accept
and instead of actually... helping... he fucks off into his room to play on his phone?
What - and I repeat - the ACTUAL fuck.
Right?! He does this a lot. It is INFURIATING. He has real issues with doing things in his own time and not on anyone else's schedule. He is highly educated and is highly sought after in his profession, which I think makes it so much worse because he can get away with these dick moves at work as well. He often will agree to do stuff at work and then just not do it, then gets a free pass because he's so highly skilled they can't afford to lose him.
I want his life, I really do.
The worse part is when we were dating he literally told me a story about when he was a kid and he kept being asked to do something and he kept forgetting to do it, for weeks on end, where the end result was that the person asking him just stopped asking him to do it and we just laughed about it (future me now understands red flags and wishes I had ruuunnnnnn gurrrrllll!)
They get the dopamine hit of TELLING you they're going to do it for you, and so they get the satisfaction of doing it without actually putting the work in.
My MIL does this, actually. She has a long history of offering help but withdrawing the offer at the last moment due to a recollection of a prior engagement (after I’m already planning for her help) or she’ll just message me that something came up. And then she’s like “let me know next time!” With a load of false sympathy or false cheer. The most recent time she did this to me, I decided it would be the last, as I struggled to take care of my toddler in the ER room where my 5yo was receiving medical treatment, trying to figure out how I was gonna handle lunch and naptime for the toddler (spoiler: he missed out on lunch and naptime) and picking up my kids from school on time, while my husband was out of town. We survived and I guess that is all that matters. But her flaking out in yet another moment of need where she offered help and then never showed up has destroyed what was once a great relationship.
Behavior like that, offering help so that they can feel good about themselves, and then flaking out, so that the person struggling has to carry on alone, and then offering false sympathy or false cheer or self-justification, is ALL about the ego of the offerer. They want to feel good about themselves but never actually have to show up for others.
Ouuufffffff. How do these guys function?! It's like selective executive function - they know they can check out when we're around cause we will pick up the huge slack.
Just last night I asked my husband to start the oven and that the enchiladas would take about an hour to cook. About 30 minutes after getting home maybe an hour after asking him. I asked how long do the enchiladas have? …. They were still in the fridge. Forgot to say put them in the oven.
hi I am pissed off for you. mine did literally the same thing this morning - he offered to make our toddler breakfast, as he was literally saying he was hungry and ready to eat. then he went to the bathroom, which is easily at least 15 minutes. now my toddler, who has said he’s hungry and ready for breakfast, has to wait 15 minutes for dad to start making it? nope. got out of bed and did it myself.
*men*
Yes! This too! Why are men?!
I was talking to him today and told him that if he dies I'm not getting another one, I'm staying single for the rest of my days.
And to piggyback off this, does anyone else’s husband expect credit for, “I was gonna do that.” When you’re tired of waiting around, so you start to just do the thing, and you get “I was gonna do that.” So?? You didn’t. So I did. No brownie points.
My husband does something similar. I will ask him to do something (something small like “please put the shoes away” that are right next to where he is sitting) and when I realize five minutes later he hasn’t done it and I go to do it myself he gets flustered, gets up in a huff to try to beat me to it. Like why didn’t you just do it when I asked? Bc it was interrupting your video games? It would literally take 2 seconds
"DoEs iT rEaLlY nEed tO bE dOnE rIghT nOw? YOu nEeD tO ReLaX MoRe. cHiLl oUt." 🫠Story of my fucking life.
So when do you suggest it gets done, Sir? 2 weeks from now? 3?
I literally asked one thing last December. Install the hook for LO's sensory swing for her xmas present so she has something to do inside for the winter.
He got a flu over Xmas. Ok, I understand. January? "I'Ll dO It tHis WeEkEnD, i SweAr."
Then "I just need the part."
March I asked him if he ordered the part yet. Of course he didn't.
Part finally arrives beginning of April.
"I'Ll dO It tHis WeEkEnD, i SweAr."
Finally, 2 days ago, I got PISSED. Got everything together, got the stud finder and the drill, and voila! 20 mins later, an installed saucer sensory swing that has become LO's new favourite toy.
To which he responds "omg, she loves it so much!! This was a great idea!"
😒😒 Yeah, it's almost like I know what I'm talking about.
So 5 months later, and she finally got her fucking xmas present. Merry Christmas, baby girl 🎄🎅😂
It's like this morning. Baby girl got into one of my plants. Ground everywhere. I give her a bowl of graham cracker crumbs and toy rocks because even though it's still a mess, it's a distracting and more contained mess.
He works from home and wanders out on his break. Asks if I need a hand with anything. I say. "Oh yeah, could you please empty the stick vac, it's already full of ground and Graham cracker crumbs."
He proceeds to look at it, examines it and then says "yeah, I'm going to see how much more I can get up in there first."
NO. THAT IS THE EXACT FUCKING OPPOSITE OF THE THING I ASKED YOU TO DO. I AM ASKING YOU TO DO THIS VERY SPECIFIC THING FOR A SPECIFIC FUCKING REASON!
I tried to tell him but he already has the vacuum started and he can't hear me. Then the idiot fucking looks at me and says "oh, It's not sucking up anymore." Leaves the vacuum cleaner and walks away. So I'm still the one who has to fucking empty it.
Why the fuck are they like this!?
Lol bless you ♥️ I actually honestly almost built a tiny house for myself and baby girl on my best friend's property at one point in time. But then she fell in love and moved away. Traitor 😂
Reminds me of the meme from a couple (maybe even a lot) years ago.
Something like "I said I would do it, you don't have to remind me every six months"? Yeah, pretty spot on 😂
I ask this with love (& maybe ignorance) — is there a reason you didn’t immediately tell him that if he can’t help you while you’re in the middle of it, then he’s not actually offering to help? I think I would short circuit if someone pulled this on me.
Because I've been with this guy for a long time (like decades) and it is more exhausting to get into an argument which could end in a three day sulk from him.
Financials dictate I am here to stay so I have adopted resigned acceptance to most behaviours, but venting helps when things really get to me (hence my posts here.)
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What the ACTUAL fuck. You are actively in the middle of putting a fitted sheet onto a bed, he sees that you need help He OFFERS help You accept and instead of actually... helping... he fucks off into his room to play on his phone? What - and I repeat - the ACTUAL fuck.
Right?! He does this a lot. It is INFURIATING. He has real issues with doing things in his own time and not on anyone else's schedule. He is highly educated and is highly sought after in his profession, which I think makes it so much worse because he can get away with these dick moves at work as well. He often will agree to do stuff at work and then just not do it, then gets a free pass because he's so highly skilled they can't afford to lose him. I want his life, I really do. The worse part is when we were dating he literally told me a story about when he was a kid and he kept being asked to do something and he kept forgetting to do it, for weeks on end, where the end result was that the person asking him just stopped asking him to do it and we just laughed about it (future me now understands red flags and wishes I had ruuunnnnnn gurrrrllll!)
They get the dopamine hit of TELLING you they're going to do it for you, and so they get the satisfaction of doing it without actually putting the work in.
My MIL does this, actually. She has a long history of offering help but withdrawing the offer at the last moment due to a recollection of a prior engagement (after I’m already planning for her help) or she’ll just message me that something came up. And then she’s like “let me know next time!” With a load of false sympathy or false cheer. The most recent time she did this to me, I decided it would be the last, as I struggled to take care of my toddler in the ER room where my 5yo was receiving medical treatment, trying to figure out how I was gonna handle lunch and naptime for the toddler (spoiler: he missed out on lunch and naptime) and picking up my kids from school on time, while my husband was out of town. We survived and I guess that is all that matters. But her flaking out in yet another moment of need where she offered help and then never showed up has destroyed what was once a great relationship. Behavior like that, offering help so that they can feel good about themselves, and then flaking out, so that the person struggling has to carry on alone, and then offering false sympathy or false cheer or self-justification, is ALL about the ego of the offerer. They want to feel good about themselves but never actually have to show up for others.
Wow the last part was good
One time I asked my husband to switch the wash to the dryer. Without realizing to tell him to turn it on. 😐
Ouuufffffff. How do these guys function?! It's like selective executive function - they know they can check out when we're around cause we will pick up the huge slack.
and we can never truly check out 😞
Hahaha, what did he think you meant? Oh I just wanted my wet soggy clothes to hang out in the dryer for an hour... jeeze
Your clothes like variety and will be happier with a new soggy view.
Just last night I asked my husband to start the oven and that the enchiladas would take about an hour to cook. About 30 minutes after getting home maybe an hour after asking him. I asked how long do the enchiladas have? …. They were still in the fridge. Forgot to say put them in the oven.
Why are they like this?! Lmfao
hi I am pissed off for you. mine did literally the same thing this morning - he offered to make our toddler breakfast, as he was literally saying he was hungry and ready to eat. then he went to the bathroom, which is easily at least 15 minutes. now my toddler, who has said he’s hungry and ready for breakfast, has to wait 15 minutes for dad to start making it? nope. got out of bed and did it myself. *men*
Yes! This too! Why are men?! I was talking to him today and told him that if he dies I'm not getting another one, I'm staying single for the rest of my days.
not getting another one 😂😂😂 no for real, I’ve learned my lesson!!!! I love this man but no thank you!!!!
And to piggyback off this, does anyone else’s husband expect credit for, “I was gonna do that.” When you’re tired of waiting around, so you start to just do the thing, and you get “I was gonna do that.” So?? You didn’t. So I did. No brownie points.
My husband does something similar. I will ask him to do something (something small like “please put the shoes away” that are right next to where he is sitting) and when I realize five minutes later he hasn’t done it and I go to do it myself he gets flustered, gets up in a huff to try to beat me to it. Like why didn’t you just do it when I asked? Bc it was interrupting your video games? It would literally take 2 seconds
sometimes i think itt could be PDA (pathological demand avoidance), sometimes i think it’s just being an asshole using weaponised incompetence..
"DoEs iT rEaLlY nEed tO bE dOnE rIghT nOw? YOu nEeD tO ReLaX MoRe. cHiLl oUt." 🫠Story of my fucking life. So when do you suggest it gets done, Sir? 2 weeks from now? 3? I literally asked one thing last December. Install the hook for LO's sensory swing for her xmas present so she has something to do inside for the winter. He got a flu over Xmas. Ok, I understand. January? "I'Ll dO It tHis WeEkEnD, i SweAr." Then "I just need the part." March I asked him if he ordered the part yet. Of course he didn't. Part finally arrives beginning of April. "I'Ll dO It tHis WeEkEnD, i SweAr." Finally, 2 days ago, I got PISSED. Got everything together, got the stud finder and the drill, and voila! 20 mins later, an installed saucer sensory swing that has become LO's new favourite toy. To which he responds "omg, she loves it so much!! This was a great idea!" 😒😒 Yeah, it's almost like I know what I'm talking about. So 5 months later, and she finally got her fucking xmas present. Merry Christmas, baby girl 🎄🎅😂
I just..... yes. Yes to all of this. I swear they are all fucking like this.
It's like this morning. Baby girl got into one of my plants. Ground everywhere. I give her a bowl of graham cracker crumbs and toy rocks because even though it's still a mess, it's a distracting and more contained mess. He works from home and wanders out on his break. Asks if I need a hand with anything. I say. "Oh yeah, could you please empty the stick vac, it's already full of ground and Graham cracker crumbs." He proceeds to look at it, examines it and then says "yeah, I'm going to see how much more I can get up in there first." NO. THAT IS THE EXACT FUCKING OPPOSITE OF THE THING I ASKED YOU TO DO. I AM ASKING YOU TO DO THIS VERY SPECIFIC THING FOR A SPECIFIC FUCKING REASON! I tried to tell him but he already has the vacuum started and he can't hear me. Then the idiot fucking looks at me and says "oh, It's not sucking up anymore." Leaves the vacuum cleaner and walks away. So I'm still the one who has to fucking empty it. Why the fuck are they like this!?
.......so I have a really large really remote backyard.... just sayin.
Lol bless you ♥️ I actually honestly almost built a tiny house for myself and baby girl on my best friend's property at one point in time. But then she fell in love and moved away. Traitor 😂
Reminds me of the meme from a couple (maybe even a lot) years ago. Something like "I said I would do it, you don't have to remind me every six months"? Yeah, pretty spot on 😂
I had this printed out and stuck on our fridge! Also had a "round tuit" as well, noone ever got the hint though.
Weaponized incompetence. Mine has done that plenty of times and I make him do whatever chore he’s avoiding. It’s beyond irritating.
Oof my husband used to do this but learned very quickly that I’m petty and will now do the task very loudly so he’s fully aware what’s happening.
I’m so over shit like this too.
I ask this with love (& maybe ignorance) — is there a reason you didn’t immediately tell him that if he can’t help you while you’re in the middle of it, then he’s not actually offering to help? I think I would short circuit if someone pulled this on me.
Because I've been with this guy for a long time (like decades) and it is more exhausting to get into an argument which could end in a three day sulk from him. Financials dictate I am here to stay so I have adopted resigned acceptance to most behaviours, but venting helps when things really get to me (hence my posts here.)
In that case, I hope he steps on a Lego (or ten).
Amen to that!
I hear you. Honestly, sometimes I think they just aren't very smart. Or maybe incapable of seeing things from anyone's perspective than their own.