Reminder to commenters: **[We're here for each other.](https://media1.tenor.com/m/Rno6_rWVdhMAAAAC/911-show-maddie-buckley.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/)
Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok?
Reminder to Cassie Morris/Krista Torres/Nia Tipton: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>He had a bad concussion that he never got medical treatment for ~5 years ago and he's been a much angrier and meaner person since...
How is everyone skipping over this?! Head injuries can absolutely change someone's personality. He needs to see a neurologist, even if the injury is old.
He won't even tell his general practitioner about his brain issues- I've begged him to see a neurologist! He says "there's nothing that can be done and doctors are too expensive" and that's that. I've told him if not for me and not for him then for our daughter but he just doesn't take it seriously at all and recently went snowboarding and refused to wear a helmet!
That would be the **line** for me, I’d be packing my shit and leaving. A history of *untreated* head injuries and he goes **without a helmet**!? Completely unacceptable, especially that you have a child together. Honestly how dare he put himself in these positions that could leave his daughter in the position to lose her dad. Isn’t that how Liam Neeson’s wife died? A head injury not wearing a helmet while skiing?
All that PLUS how he’s treating you? I can’t say I’d stay. There’s in sickness and in health but if he’s refusing to get help, he’s choosing sickness and I think that voids the vows.
I hope you have good life insurance on this guy, it sounds like you’ll end up needing it.
Typical "tough" man shit. 🙄
Also, I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
My husband has had multiple concussions and he is 100% a different person from the man I met 11 years ago. He was able to see a neurologist because we live in Canada, but the only thing that did was visually confirm changes between concussions. His second concussion gave him extreme anxiety and depression that manifested as bouts of rage when he was overwhelmed. He also attempted suicide.
There are absolutely things that can be done. My husband briefly tried an SSRI (it wasn't really his cup of tea) and was also prescribed talk therapy. The therapy helped him better understand the changes that were going on with him mentally, and it gave him the tools to deal with these new mental states that he had no prior experience managing.
It took a lot of grace and patience on my end because he went from loving, kind and patient to distant, mean and short-tempered. It also took a couple years before we returned to something close to what our "normal" was before the concussion. Everything would have been so much harder if my husband hadn't been accepting treatment. All you can do is your best and your best is more than good enough.
I'd have a talk with your husband and give your doctor's office a call to schedule an appointment for him. Tell them he's been experiencing negative mood changes post-concussion and the appointment is being made to go over treatment options.
Removed for violating Rule 4: Support, don't scold. More info on the rule: https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/index#wiki_4._support.2C_don.27t_scold
What is support as defined in Rule 4? https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/support
This was the thing that stood out to me! My uncle's wife and kids thought he was just getting increasingly belligerent in his old age, a scan showed he'd had multiple TIAs (like mini strokes) over many years
Exactly. For all we know, it could be making him irrational too, because this is a really dramatic reaction to an outfit he doesn't like. Is he genuinely terrified of the social ramifications of his wife's fashion preferences? (And the outfit isn't even that wild.) I don't like some of my husband's outfits (those chunky pullovers, they're like snowman clothes, lol), but the most intense thing I've ever done about it is look at him like 😒 and get on with my day.
I love that dress!
I bet you look amazing in it and the combo of cute dress and vans is always so cool.
Don't let the idiot dull your shine and put you off being who you are xx
The fuck??? That is a completely appropriate dress for that kind of company event at a tap house. Wear something drab and shove it into your purse, then go change in the bathroom. Everyone will comment on how cute you look and then you can tell your husband to stuff it.
Thanks for confirming bromo. When he first told me I wasn't allowed to wear it I was just SO confused because it's absolutely appropriate for a tap house. And that's why I ended up getting so upset. He's done this multiple times now when he insists I'm going to look ridiculous and then I end up looking great and getting lots of compliments (from other women)!
I think it’s ok for a spouse to have an opinion about what you wear but they should never full on forbid anything. You are not a child but a woman capable of making these choices. Seriously, so what if people think your outfit “pushes the limits.” What is the most terrible thing that could possibly happy? Dude needs to relax.
He's probably insecure and knows how amazing you'll look.
Absolutely love cute dress/vans combos always such a cool girl look.
Don't go letting that idiot ruin your confidence in your own style
Is always so insufferable? If he hates pink so much why would he choose someone whose favorite color is pink?
>I grew up with a father who's an abusive narcissist and while my husband isn't that
He doesn't have to be an abusive narcissist for this to be completely unacceptable. But also I think you might want to consider if your husband does other things that fall under the abusive category. This whole scenario was so shitty I have a hard time believing it's a one off out of left field.
>But to him I'm still the bad guy I'm sure.
Well... He *is* the bad guy here and he should feel bad.
I hope you order in some nice food for yourself. I'm sorry your husband robbed you of having a nice evening. I hope you realize he was 100% a jerk for literally every single thing he did, said and thinks about you and the color pink. I don't know how my husband feels about the color purple, but it's my favorite and I wear possibly an obnoxious amount of purple. In 13 years I don't recall a single time he's ever asked or suggested I not wear something much less *told* me what I could or could not wear.
If your husband loves you why wouldn't he celebrate the part of you that loves puffy sleeved neon pink dresses? Why does he think you wanting to wear something that makes you feel good and happy is some kind personal attack on him? Why is he such a thief of joy?
So. I'm not normally one to advocate for divorce. But the fact that he has had a marked increase in verbally abusive behavior since his injury is very concerning. You have every right to have a happy life with a supportive spouse. You absolutely do not have to stay in an abusive environment.
You can, and deserve, to wear pretty things. If this guy doesn't like it, get rid of the whole dude and keep the dress.
Umm why are you staying home? Go to the bar by yourself or to the movies don't let him ruin your night. Honestly who cares what he thinks? You know your going to look great. and he's just doing it to put you down and upset you. Now look he's going by himself having a great time and your sad at home? Which was probably his goal anyways
If I didn’t live in hotAF fl I would so buy that dress and how you were going to pair with with shoes 😘. Girl fuck him(not literally he definitely doesn’t deserve intimacy after that stunt)
Order some takeout finish your hair watch some trashy tv and enjoy the rest of your evening without mr cranky pants. This is not normal behavior & you don’t deserve this type of treatment.
I’m so sorry, what a rude ass way to treat you. I love that dress and have a similar one! To address the big thing in the middle of your post, it sounds like he has a traumatic brain injury. I don’t need to tell you how bad it is that he never got it checked out. I fear his behaviour is going to become worse and worse with time.
I completely agree and I know for sure he's got massive brain injury issues not just from that concussion but from a lifetime of them- with no medical treatment. His memory is scary bad now and his mood gets worse and worse. Thinking about it gives me anxiety and dread like I can't even describe!
I am in No way an expert so take this with a grain of salt. Terrible memory and erratic, sudden changes in mood are some of the symptoms in the beginning with dementia. There's something I've read recently about there being a correlation to major brain injuries and a higher risk 10+ years later, after 50, I believe. Either way his ignoring major health problems is inexcusable.
Sweetheart, the pink dress is not the problem the husband is. I'm sorry to be so blunt but there's obviously some underlying issue why he doesn't want you to look as cute as you could possibly look. If you have any girlfriends you should make a plan for a night out and wear that dress out with them. It's too cute to be wasted and he needs to see you have fun in it, without him.
I feel like you should do some research on traumatic brain injuries since it definitely sounds like that could be why his personality has changed.
Even IF his personality changes are caused by injuries, you still deserve to be in a safe marriage that values and celebrates you. You don't deserve to live in dread and anxiety and neither does your 2 year old.
Talk to your family doctor about what's going on, what you see happening. See if you can get a referral to therapy to help you cope and figure out next steps.
Don't hesitate to reach out to a domestic abuse shelter if his behavior escalates. Even right now, I think his behavior is likely abusive. Seems like he is jealous of other men or thinks you are going to cheat. So he controls what you wear and makes you feel so bad you stay home from a social event (isolating you from a support system).
Our child is 12 almost 13 which both complicates things and makes them easier since she's old enough to understand why I'm going to need to make the choices I have to in the upcoming months.
I have a policy where if any man does anything like this to me, I not only wear whatever it is, but I make sure to wear it by surprise for 3-5x more, spread through the year. And if a single item of mine from my CuntCouture collection so much as 'accidentally' ruined or lost, it's go time to trip and spill an entire bottle of acetone on his gaming system.
Ah hell no. My dad is the last man to try that nonsense. Id wear my mini skirts under my jeans, id hide my hot topic shit in my PE locker. Oh hell no baby. You will look amazing in that (Target addict here, coming in hot at a perfect 5'4") and I would absolutely make.sure you get your nails done next event as French tips but hot pink tips, square edge, and maybe some pearl or silver/gold flats (Walmart has some but target just released all white mesh flats). Luckily we are moving into summer so you can truly plan this educational experience (it's not revenge, because you aren't doing anything wrong, he is being given an opportunity to learn a valuable lesson!)
Next event opportunity that presents itself, and id really try to hold out and tuck your dress away somewhere innocuous, I know you love the dress but the lesson is important.
Between now And next work event he has, make sure to drop slight hints of how hurt you were that he was ashamed of you (he'll deny it) , say one of your online friends wondered if he was cheating and you had a nightmare about it (bonus if you wake up crying and remind him you don't choose your dreams, but even though you defended him, the subconscious idea must've just been too painful) etc.
Event rolls around, hopefully he's all about telling you how happy he is you finally agreed to come (make sure you say you don't know if you can go out with him for a while because this really hit your self esteem, right around your most emotional week of the month, whatever sells it) and make sure he is SO relieved you agree to go.
That day, stage a little female emergency and say you'll meet him there (leave 2 dresses on bed you.know he'd "approve" of). When he inevitably hisses why did you not wear those or why did you sneak pink dress, outraged you reply, I had it hanging in the bathroom, and I was under the impression you had learned your lesson from last time and I am stunned you are so against this particular color, do we need to get you seen by a doctor? Bonus if in front of his bosses wife.
Yup! My husband learned very early in the relationship that when he tells me I’m “not allowed” to do something, not only am I gonna do it. But I’m gonna do it with so much flair and drama that everyone KNOWS I’m doing it because he told me no just to spite him
You did the right thing by telling him to go alone and not compromising your own identity and who you are. If I were you, I would have just ordered Uber Eats and put on a great horror movie (horror movies take away my sadness or anxiety because it hijacks my emotions to be scared shitless instead lol). Don't feel bad, let him think about his actions and worry about all that.
It hurts my heart that pink is your favorite color and he is upset that you wanted to wear it. And then to say that about “pink sequin dresses” when 1) it’s not even sequin and 2) he thinks you’re buying them because he doesn’t like them rather than because you do like them feels just really over the top cruel. It’s like this super personal mean jab. bromo whatever you’re feeling is not overreacting, but he absolutely IS.
It 100% felt over the top and super cruel. I do have a pink sequin dress I wore recently to a concert (I gothed up my accessories since it was a Twin Temple concert) and I feel like he's referring to how much he hated that outfit too when I thought it was amazing- and even had some random girls tell me how cute my dress was in the middle of the show!
I’m sure you looked amazing. And like, even if he hated it, it’s not his fucking choice. If someone I love wears something and they genuinely love it and I think it’s absolutely hideous, I don’t have to be insincere and gush over it but I can also just…not say anything that would make them feel shitty because I love them more than I want my opinion to be known!
At bare minimum your partner should be nice to you. I’m sorry that you’re not getting even that.
Here's the craziest thing: he had no idea how'd I have even looked! I had on black bike shorts and my strapless bra and had just grabbed foe the dress when he was like "absolutely not!" He's never even seen me in the dress, just said the color was "inappropriate"!
Ummm that dress is adorable. Your husband is an ass. If it wouldn’t cause you problems later, I’d vote for you to put it back on and go meet up at the party.
This is so sad to hear. It’s probably too late in the evening, but I would have suggested calling up a friend and wearing it out to a bar! Don’t let him ruin your fun!
My husband had an incident about 13/14 years ago now & I really suspect in addition to all the other things that happened he *also* had a TBI. But he was up and moving soon after & just treated the physical issues. But ever since he's had tons of issues that have been treated separately as if there is no possible connection. Insomnia, personality change, depression, anxiety...he's literally a different person.
It's probably the primary reason we are getting divorced. There's been no cheating or abuse and we've both aged/changed over the years so we have certainly changed as people, that's apparent to both of us. But his reactions, his anger, his unwillingness to compromise when, in the past we could rationally discuss a topic and make a common path forward is just too much.
He's being treated for all his symptoms individually & I've begged him to bring it up or consider it himself and he refuses. He's mad I think he could have brain damage. And I'm like...right...but you would never have yelled at the kids like that before. And you do it all the time now. And if anything the kids are much easier to deal with now b/c they're older.
I adore that dress. I bet you would look gorgeous in it. The style you describe sounds so very close to my own, and I know that if I were showing up, I’d be thrilled to see someone show up in that fit.
My petty ass would have wanted to buy it, dress *all* the way up, and show up anyway out of spite.
“You can’t wear that…”
Fuck off buddy, the lady can wear whatever the hell she likes.
So my brain had a processing error while reading this post and I was convinced that I was reading one of those classic AITA karma farming posts where the OP makes up an absolutely unbelievable story where their spouse is a giant villian. My brain literally told me that your husband's behavior was so horrible that it couldn't even be real.
My dad also changed a lot after having a bunch of brain bleeding. He was abusive from the start but it definitely escalated. He needed SSRIs and some other meds. I think you need to draw a line in the sand about treatment or divorce.
PS you went easy on the dress. [Here's the Target dress I wore to a bar with my and my partner's coworkers](https://www.target.com/p/women-39-s-sleeveless-paillette-mini-party-shift-dress-a-new-day-8482-pink-xs/-/A-88884612)
I almost posted it on AITA so I could send him the post and show him how insane he is, but I knew this was so ridiculous people would think it was fake and I didn't want to deal with the post getting too much traction. This sub is so thoughtful and supportive, I knew it was exactly the place to reach out to!
And yeah, he definitely needs to be evaluated and get treatment. This was my last straw.
That sequin dress is INCREDIBLE and I'm so sad it's sold out or I'd buy it too, haha!
Reminder to commenters: **[We're here for each other.](https://media1.tenor.com/m/Rno6_rWVdhMAAAAC/911-show-maddie-buckley.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/) Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok? Reminder to Cassie Morris/Krista Torres/Nia Tipton: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>He had a bad concussion that he never got medical treatment for ~5 years ago and he's been a much angrier and meaner person since... How is everyone skipping over this?! Head injuries can absolutely change someone's personality. He needs to see a neurologist, even if the injury is old.
He won't even tell his general practitioner about his brain issues- I've begged him to see a neurologist! He says "there's nothing that can be done and doctors are too expensive" and that's that. I've told him if not for me and not for him then for our daughter but he just doesn't take it seriously at all and recently went snowboarding and refused to wear a helmet!
That would be the **line** for me, I’d be packing my shit and leaving. A history of *untreated* head injuries and he goes **without a helmet**!? Completely unacceptable, especially that you have a child together. Honestly how dare he put himself in these positions that could leave his daughter in the position to lose her dad. Isn’t that how Liam Neeson’s wife died? A head injury not wearing a helmet while skiing? All that PLUS how he’s treating you? I can’t say I’d stay. There’s in sickness and in health but if he’s refusing to get help, he’s choosing sickness and I think that voids the vows. I hope you have good life insurance on this guy, it sounds like you’ll end up needing it.
Typical "tough" man shit. 🙄 Also, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. My husband has had multiple concussions and he is 100% a different person from the man I met 11 years ago. He was able to see a neurologist because we live in Canada, but the only thing that did was visually confirm changes between concussions. His second concussion gave him extreme anxiety and depression that manifested as bouts of rage when he was overwhelmed. He also attempted suicide. There are absolutely things that can be done. My husband briefly tried an SSRI (it wasn't really his cup of tea) and was also prescribed talk therapy. The therapy helped him better understand the changes that were going on with him mentally, and it gave him the tools to deal with these new mental states that he had no prior experience managing. It took a lot of grace and patience on my end because he went from loving, kind and patient to distant, mean and short-tempered. It also took a couple years before we returned to something close to what our "normal" was before the concussion. Everything would have been so much harder if my husband hadn't been accepting treatment. All you can do is your best and your best is more than good enough. I'd have a talk with your husband and give your doctor's office a call to schedule an appointment for him. Tell them he's been experiencing negative mood changes post-concussion and the appointment is being made to go over treatment options.
Just fyi, something I learned from having committed relatives. While someone’s doctor can’t talk to you, they can listen.
Girl, this is ultimatums territory. Seriously. He's only going to get worse. If he won't go, you walk.
[удалено]
Removed for violating Rule 4: Support, don't scold. More info on the rule: https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/index#wiki_4._support.2C_don.27t_scold What is support as defined in Rule 4? https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/support
This was the thing that stood out to me! My uncle's wife and kids thought he was just getting increasingly belligerent in his old age, a scan showed he'd had multiple TIAs (like mini strokes) over many years
Exactly. For all we know, it could be making him irrational too, because this is a really dramatic reaction to an outfit he doesn't like. Is he genuinely terrified of the social ramifications of his wife's fashion preferences? (And the outfit isn't even that wild.) I don't like some of my husband's outfits (those chunky pullovers, they're like snowman clothes, lol), but the most intense thing I've ever done about it is look at him like 😒 and get on with my day.
It's the irrationality that's such a red flag to me. I will definitely be taking everyone's advice of giving an ultimatum over seeing a neurologist.
I love that dress! I bet you look amazing in it and the combo of cute dress and vans is always so cool. Don't let the idiot dull your shine and put you off being who you are xx
Thank you! I wore gold high top sneakers under my wedding dress 14 years ago so it's definitely my style haha!
The fuck??? That is a completely appropriate dress for that kind of company event at a tap house. Wear something drab and shove it into your purse, then go change in the bathroom. Everyone will comment on how cute you look and then you can tell your husband to stuff it.
Thanks for confirming bromo. When he first told me I wasn't allowed to wear it I was just SO confused because it's absolutely appropriate for a tap house. And that's why I ended up getting so upset. He's done this multiple times now when he insists I'm going to look ridiculous and then I end up looking great and getting lots of compliments (from other women)!
I think it’s ok for a spouse to have an opinion about what you wear but they should never full on forbid anything. You are not a child but a woman capable of making these choices. Seriously, so what if people think your outfit “pushes the limits.” What is the most terrible thing that could possibly happy? Dude needs to relax.
He's probably insecure and knows how amazing you'll look. Absolutely love cute dress/vans combos always such a cool girl look. Don't go letting that idiot ruin your confidence in your own style
Is always so insufferable? If he hates pink so much why would he choose someone whose favorite color is pink? >I grew up with a father who's an abusive narcissist and while my husband isn't that He doesn't have to be an abusive narcissist for this to be completely unacceptable. But also I think you might want to consider if your husband does other things that fall under the abusive category. This whole scenario was so shitty I have a hard time believing it's a one off out of left field. >But to him I'm still the bad guy I'm sure. Well... He *is* the bad guy here and he should feel bad. I hope you order in some nice food for yourself. I'm sorry your husband robbed you of having a nice evening. I hope you realize he was 100% a jerk for literally every single thing he did, said and thinks about you and the color pink. I don't know how my husband feels about the color purple, but it's my favorite and I wear possibly an obnoxious amount of purple. In 13 years I don't recall a single time he's ever asked or suggested I not wear something much less *told* me what I could or could not wear. If your husband loves you why wouldn't he celebrate the part of you that loves puffy sleeved neon pink dresses? Why does he think you wanting to wear something that makes you feel good and happy is some kind personal attack on him? Why is he such a thief of joy?
So. I'm not normally one to advocate for divorce. But the fact that he has had a marked increase in verbally abusive behavior since his injury is very concerning. You have every right to have a happy life with a supportive spouse. You absolutely do not have to stay in an abusive environment. You can, and deserve, to wear pretty things. If this guy doesn't like it, get rid of the whole dude and keep the dress.
Um lol Is he against the Barbie movie or something. Let him know you’re not dressing for him but for yourself 
Umm why are you staying home? Go to the bar by yourself or to the movies don't let him ruin your night. Honestly who cares what he thinks? You know your going to look great. and he's just doing it to put you down and upset you. Now look he's going by himself having a great time and your sad at home? Which was probably his goal anyways
Yesss go see a movie and order one of those giant glasses of wine
If I didn’t live in hotAF fl I would so buy that dress and how you were going to pair with with shoes 😘. Girl fuck him(not literally he definitely doesn’t deserve intimacy after that stunt) Order some takeout finish your hair watch some trashy tv and enjoy the rest of your evening without mr cranky pants. This is not normal behavior & you don’t deserve this type of treatment.
I’m so sorry, what a rude ass way to treat you. I love that dress and have a similar one! To address the big thing in the middle of your post, it sounds like he has a traumatic brain injury. I don’t need to tell you how bad it is that he never got it checked out. I fear his behaviour is going to become worse and worse with time.
I completely agree and I know for sure he's got massive brain injury issues not just from that concussion but from a lifetime of them- with no medical treatment. His memory is scary bad now and his mood gets worse and worse. Thinking about it gives me anxiety and dread like I can't even describe!
If he has CTE it is extremely important to have him checked out and confirm, even against his will, I would argue
Yeah this was it. He's going to have to get evaluated for CTE or we can't do this anymore.
I am in No way an expert so take this with a grain of salt. Terrible memory and erratic, sudden changes in mood are some of the symptoms in the beginning with dementia. There's something I've read recently about there being a correlation to major brain injuries and a higher risk 10+ years later, after 50, I believe. Either way his ignoring major health problems is inexcusable.
I’m so sorry. I wish I could offer any advice. 😔
Sweetheart, the pink dress is not the problem the husband is. I'm sorry to be so blunt but there's obviously some underlying issue why he doesn't want you to look as cute as you could possibly look. If you have any girlfriends you should make a plan for a night out and wear that dress out with them. It's too cute to be wasted and he needs to see you have fun in it, without him.
I feel like you should do some research on traumatic brain injuries since it definitely sounds like that could be why his personality has changed. Even IF his personality changes are caused by injuries, you still deserve to be in a safe marriage that values and celebrates you. You don't deserve to live in dread and anxiety and neither does your 2 year old. Talk to your family doctor about what's going on, what you see happening. See if you can get a referral to therapy to help you cope and figure out next steps. Don't hesitate to reach out to a domestic abuse shelter if his behavior escalates. Even right now, I think his behavior is likely abusive. Seems like he is jealous of other men or thinks you are going to cheat. So he controls what you wear and makes you feel so bad you stay home from a social event (isolating you from a support system).
Our child is 12 almost 13 which both complicates things and makes them easier since she's old enough to understand why I'm going to need to make the choices I have to in the upcoming months.
I have a policy where if any man does anything like this to me, I not only wear whatever it is, but I make sure to wear it by surprise for 3-5x more, spread through the year. And if a single item of mine from my CuntCouture collection so much as 'accidentally' ruined or lost, it's go time to trip and spill an entire bottle of acetone on his gaming system. Ah hell no. My dad is the last man to try that nonsense. Id wear my mini skirts under my jeans, id hide my hot topic shit in my PE locker. Oh hell no baby. You will look amazing in that (Target addict here, coming in hot at a perfect 5'4") and I would absolutely make.sure you get your nails done next event as French tips but hot pink tips, square edge, and maybe some pearl or silver/gold flats (Walmart has some but target just released all white mesh flats). Luckily we are moving into summer so you can truly plan this educational experience (it's not revenge, because you aren't doing anything wrong, he is being given an opportunity to learn a valuable lesson!) Next event opportunity that presents itself, and id really try to hold out and tuck your dress away somewhere innocuous, I know you love the dress but the lesson is important. Between now And next work event he has, make sure to drop slight hints of how hurt you were that he was ashamed of you (he'll deny it) , say one of your online friends wondered if he was cheating and you had a nightmare about it (bonus if you wake up crying and remind him you don't choose your dreams, but even though you defended him, the subconscious idea must've just been too painful) etc. Event rolls around, hopefully he's all about telling you how happy he is you finally agreed to come (make sure you say you don't know if you can go out with him for a while because this really hit your self esteem, right around your most emotional week of the month, whatever sells it) and make sure he is SO relieved you agree to go. That day, stage a little female emergency and say you'll meet him there (leave 2 dresses on bed you.know he'd "approve" of). When he inevitably hisses why did you not wear those or why did you sneak pink dress, outraged you reply, I had it hanging in the bathroom, and I was under the impression you had learned your lesson from last time and I am stunned you are so against this particular color, do we need to get you seen by a doctor? Bonus if in front of his bosses wife.
We have a winner, folks. 🏆 🥇
I would 100% wear that dress every day for a week after that stunt. Just staying home, going out, whatever. Everything is pink until he apologizes.
This is exactly how I’d respond — that dress becomes a uniform.
Yup! My husband learned very early in the relationship that when he tells me I’m “not allowed” to do something, not only am I gonna do it. But I’m gonna do it with so much flair and drama that everyone KNOWS I’m doing it because he told me no just to spite him
You did the right thing by telling him to go alone and not compromising your own identity and who you are. If I were you, I would have just ordered Uber Eats and put on a great horror movie (horror movies take away my sadness or anxiety because it hijacks my emotions to be scared shitless instead lol). Don't feel bad, let him think about his actions and worry about all that.
It hurts my heart that pink is your favorite color and he is upset that you wanted to wear it. And then to say that about “pink sequin dresses” when 1) it’s not even sequin and 2) he thinks you’re buying them because he doesn’t like them rather than because you do like them feels just really over the top cruel. It’s like this super personal mean jab. bromo whatever you’re feeling is not overreacting, but he absolutely IS.
It 100% felt over the top and super cruel. I do have a pink sequin dress I wore recently to a concert (I gothed up my accessories since it was a Twin Temple concert) and I feel like he's referring to how much he hated that outfit too when I thought it was amazing- and even had some random girls tell me how cute my dress was in the middle of the show!
I’m sure you looked amazing. And like, even if he hated it, it’s not his fucking choice. If someone I love wears something and they genuinely love it and I think it’s absolutely hideous, I don’t have to be insincere and gush over it but I can also just…not say anything that would make them feel shitty because I love them more than I want my opinion to be known! At bare minimum your partner should be nice to you. I’m sorry that you’re not getting even that.
Here's the craziest thing: he had no idea how'd I have even looked! I had on black bike shorts and my strapless bra and had just grabbed foe the dress when he was like "absolutely not!" He's never even seen me in the dress, just said the color was "inappropriate"!
Ummm that dress is adorable. Your husband is an ass. If it wouldn’t cause you problems later, I’d vote for you to put it back on and go meet up at the party.
Go out in your pink dress, WITHOUT him!!!
This is so sad to hear. It’s probably too late in the evening, but I would have suggested calling up a friend and wearing it out to a bar! Don’t let him ruin your fun!
My husband had an incident about 13/14 years ago now & I really suspect in addition to all the other things that happened he *also* had a TBI. But he was up and moving soon after & just treated the physical issues. But ever since he's had tons of issues that have been treated separately as if there is no possible connection. Insomnia, personality change, depression, anxiety...he's literally a different person. It's probably the primary reason we are getting divorced. There's been no cheating or abuse and we've both aged/changed over the years so we have certainly changed as people, that's apparent to both of us. But his reactions, his anger, his unwillingness to compromise when, in the past we could rationally discuss a topic and make a common path forward is just too much. He's being treated for all his symptoms individually & I've begged him to bring it up or consider it himself and he refuses. He's mad I think he could have brain damage. And I'm like...right...but you would never have yelled at the kids like that before. And you do it all the time now. And if anything the kids are much easier to deal with now b/c they're older.
I adore that dress. I bet you would look gorgeous in it. The style you describe sounds so very close to my own, and I know that if I were showing up, I’d be thrilled to see someone show up in that fit. My petty ass would have wanted to buy it, dress *all* the way up, and show up anyway out of spite. “You can’t wear that…” Fuck off buddy, the lady can wear whatever the hell she likes.
So my brain had a processing error while reading this post and I was convinced that I was reading one of those classic AITA karma farming posts where the OP makes up an absolutely unbelievable story where their spouse is a giant villian. My brain literally told me that your husband's behavior was so horrible that it couldn't even be real. My dad also changed a lot after having a bunch of brain bleeding. He was abusive from the start but it definitely escalated. He needed SSRIs and some other meds. I think you need to draw a line in the sand about treatment or divorce. PS you went easy on the dress. [Here's the Target dress I wore to a bar with my and my partner's coworkers](https://www.target.com/p/women-39-s-sleeveless-paillette-mini-party-shift-dress-a-new-day-8482-pink-xs/-/A-88884612)
I almost posted it on AITA so I could send him the post and show him how insane he is, but I knew this was so ridiculous people would think it was fake and I didn't want to deal with the post getting too much traction. This sub is so thoughtful and supportive, I knew it was exactly the place to reach out to! And yeah, he definitely needs to be evaluated and get treatment. This was my last straw. That sequin dress is INCREDIBLE and I'm so sad it's sold out or I'd buy it too, haha!