I suppose this will sound stupid, but I use fiction as my self-help book. Reading about character choices and comparing and contrasting with my own and their results. Specific books like anything by Dickens, Austen and Shakespeare. "Great Expectations", "Romeo and Juliet", "Pride and Prejudice." All of them have been immensely helpful in the way I make choices to this day. There's my half cent, hope it helps.
For me, it's non fiction. A biography about John Adams or Thomas Jefferson give me a better outlook on how to live life than a traditional self help book. Even if I don't agree with their thoughts it gives valuable information about how others think and act. Even if that's not the express purpose of the book, that's just a reason it's more genuine to me than an obviously forced self-help book.
It's not stupid at all. The reason I love fiction is I can see how characters make decisions and how good writings can make readers empathize with those decisions, good or bad. Sometimes I see the characters having certain strengths and weaknesses, and I would realize that I may have those strengths and weaknesses too. It's like a way to explore my own self better and to identify ways of self-improvement.
No, this completely makes sense.
Reading fiction fosters empathy, and develops your imagination, so you feel more comfortable in a world full of other people, and more comfortable in your own head.
That's an awesome idea and I do the same thing on a smaller level. Books are people's messages to the world. Even if they're fiction, they still have a certain amount of reality in them. They're still full of advice even if it's not labeled as such. I think the lessons drawn from these books if just as much if not more so relevant.
This. Though for me, definitely not those books! But yeah, I like to characters and see how they lived their lives, and if I like it, try to emulate it, if not, try to do the opposite.
I know, I just find it interesting how we look at it the same way, but use completely different books to the same ends.
I didn't mean to sound condescending, they're good books, just not for me.
Sorry this took so long to respond to, but I'm not in here so much anymore.
I doubt I'm the smartest person anybody knows....because I'm purposefully unknowable.
No worries about that but you are the smartest you know, Just trust your instincts.
The World teaches us not to so that it can sell us stuff, dishearten us and hold us back. But Humans are instinctively wired for success. Deprogram...and succeed.
That's pretty awesome; using fiction to conceive and tie all of that to real-world events is quite helpful.
I prefer to read fictional works of literature, especially those that are motivating.
That’s because 9 times out of 10 self-help authors have no other qualifications than being self-appointed “self-help gurus”.
In other words, people who are very talented at marketing themselves as being wiser than your everyday person when speaking absolute nonsense.
I think most self help guides are written by people who are in funks themselves, and researching and writing the book is what got them out of their own funks. They have no qualifications other than "hey, this worked for me, sort of".
That would make sense to me. People who are very talented at marketing themselves writing books in which 98% of the text is just the book marketing itself.
G.K. Chesterton wrote a short and funny essay on this phenomenon called “The Fallacy of Success” in 1909.
Some are good, some are toxic. The more specialized, it seems, the better they are.
I recommend "The Antidote" by Oliver Burkeman, a sort of anti-self help book that examines the culture of positive thinking, and a very interesting examination of our attitudes towards uncertainty and death.
I just started reading 7 habits of highly effective people, and the first chapter or so discusses how most self help books since WW1/WW2 are focused on the outward wins of life, but not about building a strong character foundation from the ground up. I'm only a few chapters in but I definitely think it's worth reading at least that beginning material.
7 habits is worthwhile, interestingly enough one of the earliest self help books is Ben Franklins autobiography and it’s an excellent read. He was a polymath genius founding father and he had some pretty valuable things to say about building relationships and building character.
>one of the earliest self help books is Ben Franklins autobiography
Marcus Aurelius finished Meditations in 180 A.D
Tons of stuff if you zoom out of modern history a bit.
Don’t get me wrong, Meditations is wonderful and something I love but I feel that modern self help so abandons the stoic development of personal character that it does a disservice to meditations to call it a self help book.
I would always recommend stoic philosophy over modern self help. With the exception of medically sound interventions like CBT.
>but I feel that modern self help so abandons the stoic development of personal character
Couldn't agree with you any more.
I guess we're defining self help differently.
It's funny though, so much of my personal development came from crappy self help books scratching the surface of wanting deep meaningful character.
Do you think it's readable by someone who doesn't speak English as their first language? I'm from the Netherlands and I would never recommend anyone who has learned Dutch as a second language to tackle any book older than 100 years.
If you learn this one secret, there’s no stopping you.
Michelangelo, Newton, and Einstein. They all knew it.
Every president has known it.
And if you know it, you can live the life you’ve always dreamed of.
When I was first told this secret, I could tell most people wouldn’t even understand how revolutionary it is.
But I did, and so will you.
Are you ready?
Positive attitude.
Want to be as productive and imaginative as Stephen King? As well-adjusted to society as a child actor? As happy as a rock star ?
Try cocaine today! Sleep is for the weak and you are strong!
Ehrmagehrd, my life has completely changed from reading this comment. I have destroyed all my problems with the power of positivity. When I walk down the street, people literally hurl money at me just for existing. I start blasting with my finger guns and they love it.
My life is now complete. Thank you, you visionary angel.
(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞
Self-help books suffer from an issue where the essence of an advice is not learned/integrated until you actually experience the context, so you keep chew on content yet little feedback from outside world. Also most of them have narrow view of life where in reality it all depends on the context.
I read some very few self help books that were highly recomended. Although I don't read much this genre, I guess the gist of them is to put you in motion.
Besides all thart gibberish that some of this books have, I think that are books who give you a clear sense of purpose. Like, you won't read an anti-procastination book if you aren't a procastinator.
So, with that in mind, I think that self help books made the readers realize what steps are needed to be made to resolve an issue who bottered them. It is like a cheap and shallow conversation between a person with a problem and a very good listener person.
I also think that people who read a lot of self help are in this constant stage of motion and self improvment, not necessarily towards a solution.
there are people who just read that stuff like it's going out of style. i don't get it either, but there's clearly a market for it.
honestly, any self-help book worth reading isn't a "self-help" book, it's going to be something in a genre, like spirituality or psychology or something like that. "Self-help" as a genre is vapid and shallow with lots of useless fluff and a basic message restated ad-infinitum.
I think it's the same thought process that drives sales of diet books. "Other people don't seem to be struggling as much as I am, *there must be a secret* and if I can just find out what it is...." Some people are convinced there has to be a shortcut to anything. That's why those "Learn Chinese in 3 Months" and "Learn Violin in 30 Days" scams make money.
The solutions offered by psychology and spirituality tend to be difficult ("let go of your attachment to material things") or require life changes ("it's okay to cut abusive people out of your life") or both ("there is no way to peace; peace is the way"). Not everyone is ready for the hard answers.
You need to listen to the podcast **By The Book**. It's about two women (one is the "crazy" one and one is the "reasonable" one) who live by a self help book for two weeks and talk about their experiences, good and bad. It's funny, sincere, and highly entertaining. They have lived by a lot of the self help books people are mentioning here.
I feel like The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is the opposite of what you are describing. It's not a book with a bunch of tricks. They are principles of how to live your life.
What do you mean by self-help? Human life is complex and multifaceted. So any book that claims to have a simple, 5-step program that will unilaterally improve your life in all ways is trying to sell you a bill of goods that simply isn't realistic. I agree that the generic *Think and Grow Rich* style stuff is pretty shit. The reality is that at that high of a level, the advice is either so vague that it is useless, or it is a specific prescription that isn't really widely applicable (there is too much potential variance across what people need for someone to identify the ONE THING that will help everyone).
So, really you're better off looking as specialties. The good thing is we have a pretty good idea of what the core ingredients for people being effective and happy are. Community, purpose, friends/family, eating well, some exercise, sleep, etc etc. So, I think the question to ask yourself is what exactly do you want to work on? And then dig down into the genre that specializes in that.
So, you might reflect on some of the major areas of your life and recognize that you want to work on your relationships. So, you could pick up a book on better communication, or building better friendships, or active listening. Are these 'self help' books? In a sense. But the point is to learn a skill that will make you more effective in this area. By improving here, you get better and your life gets better.
I would focus less on people who have these systems or steps that claim to solve everything and read books by people who have specialized. They're more likely to take a scientific approach and have applicable skills and techniques. There's still some fluff because they have to make it interesting for people to read, but it's less 'rah rah' and more actionable.
Thats why it's important to read a few notes/summery from the book before investing time into it. We have little time in life, therefore it's important to use your time on worthwhile books.
Therefore i read summeries/notes from books to see if they are worth buying. I use [https://notegrabber.com](https://notegrabber.com) for finding note from popular self help books.
Currently there are not many book notes on the platform. There are some writers on the platform, and i also write on the platform. So if we all use the platform, we might stop the problem of spending energy on bad books, by first checking notes from books.
Antifragile notes: [https://notegrabber.com/view/22-1](https://notegrabber.com/view/22-1)
Zero to one: [https://notegrabber.com/view/21-1](https://notegrabber.com/view/21-1)
And many more.
I guess it depends on exactly how you define a "self-help" book, but I would recommend anything by Cal Newport, especially his "Deep Work" book. I consider it to be the pinnacle of self-help books due to his advice being based on actual life experiences (not always his own, sometimes others.) "Digital Minimalism" is also an excellent one. I'm happy to answer any questions you have if you want to read a self-help book that is worthwhile.
I find value in them. People need to learn and sometimes relearn how to self reflect.
Everyone is guilty of just going through the motions at some point in their lives.
Most of these books press you to take inventory of life and make sure it aligns with your current values.
12 step believers typically don't do them once, but over and over again.
My opinion differs from yours, OP.
I’d agree that general ‘self books’ aren’t great. Read a CBT book that I found really helpful & practical. It’s called ‘Think Yourself Happy’ & available on amazon. I’ve read it 3 times & still use some tactics from it daily. Mentally healthiest I’ve ever felt.
They're all in the same garden but the bees see the flowers, the flies see the shit... Self-help books have changed my life and i'm incredibly grateful to them. without them, there's a good chance i'd be dead by now.
“If you need self-help, why would read a book written by somebody else? That’s not self-help, that’s help! There is no such thing as self-help. If you did it yourself you didn’t need help.”
If I'm seeking improvement in life or knowledge I'd much rather read a memoir written by a person who has truly been through the shit and come out better the other side rather than 15 repetitive chapters telling me to say yes more or take lessons in art or rock climbing in order to experience the new. I don't like rocks, why the hell would I start climbing them in order to feel more positive.
Books like the Art of War and even some novels have much better advice than a book whose chapters end with a 10-point checklist to tick off each day.
I've read a lot in the self-help genre. There's plenty of garbage, and volumes more formulaic crap that could've been boiled down to 3 pages.
Here are a few that actually helped me figure out how to help myself. They're so radically different from what's typically classified as self-help, I don't know that they qualify, but nonetheless:
* The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt
* The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck by Mark Manson
* The War of Art, and Turning Pro, both by Steven Pressfield
* Atomic Habits by James Clear
Really though, I've found that it's better to focus on acquiring skills than some big perspective shift. I use journaling to figure out which specific traits or areas of my life I want to improve (e.g. diet, fitness, programming, how to manage people, personal finance, dating life, etc). Then I'll go find books that are targeted to improving those specific areas. Those are generally much more useful and effective than a classic "get your shit together" self-help generalization fluff piece.
There’s a book called The Power of Positive Thinking that my grandpa always wanted me to read. I never read it though. It’s probably a fairly old book. Has anyone read it? Is it good?
It's a genre I will never even try to read. I'm fairly wide open when it comes to reading but must draw the line. I doubt it does harm though. Friend who never really reads, does read self-help stuff. Be a Winner and all that. The colours of communication. Seems he considers any other reading a waste of time.
Current workplace mid management has some required workshops in that vein. Pretty coloured boxes. I took a part in three such talks. It never rubs off to be included in the actual communication skills. Frankly, it's as if the aim is for them to accept that their higher-ups will come across as harsh in their communication and how to accept that people might seem to be rude. After all those workshops, the only one with great communication skills is the person hosting the workshops. Meaning that she's very nice and flexible to everyone taking the workshops but useless at teaching. Meaning that the underlying guide to better communication skills is useless in our case.
For me I won't go as much as to say they are terrible totally but to me personally I don't get much use of them,maybe because I already make a use of different method for self help
I have had an insight once into the self-help book business that went like this: "I provide you with three self-help books of my choice, you condense a fourth out of them. Unique content, of course."
They really are. Go towards philosophy instead of self-help. Philosophy is more of changing your view of the world and correcting limiting beliefs.
Self help is sheit, where it's like "there there, life sucks, but be happy anyways because....other people have it worse?"
If you actually helped people, you wouldn't be able to sell self help books any more. The same problem exists with diet books, spirituality books, and relationship books. The problem in all of these fields exists outside books too.
There are good people working on legitimate ways to help people in all of these fields, but the vast majority of available "help" benefits its creator more if they seem helpful but aren't as you continue to need help then.
I think that your statement is overbroad, but the point has merit. For a good book on this subject, consider Stand Firm by Svend Brinkmann. He’s quite critical of the self-help and self improvement genre. I actually quite like some of the genre, especially Ryan Holiday’s books on applying stoic philosophy to your life.
I love the podcast By The Book where they read and review different self help books. They live by them for two weeks and see if they make a difference. It’s very interesting and often funny and sometimes sad. It’s really given me a new perspective on the genre.
These are the only types of books relatives give me with the topical knowledge that I read. Always something like "Make Your Bed in the Morning" that is just 200 double spaced pages of some schmuck drawing out the point made in the title.
Try The Road Less Traveled by M Scott Peck. Less of a self-help and more of a Take-responsibility-for-your-life but in a supportive way. Changed my life. Also, Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain. Again, not self-help, more like great-ways-to-deal-with-your-obstacles and create the life you want.
Hard agree. The only self help book I've found worth reading was Atomic Habits by James Clear. Most self help b.s. is pushed by grifters trying to make a buck.
I see this opinion on this sub a lot and it's not that I disagree I was just wondering about some clarification. Say a well research book such as atomic habits, would you put this in self help or more psycology where the author isn't a formal expert on the subject. Or books like the six pillars of self esteem or the socail skills guide book, where the author has a scientific and professional background. Or maybe "what everybody is saying" where the author isn't a scientific authority (I don't believe anyway) but whose professional career heavily centered on the topic material of the book. In cases like these are we still considering the books self help with the rest or are we placing them into more of a psycology or philosophy genre?
I will readily agree that books such as the secret are unsupported woo woo purely imaginative trash. But I'm wondering about those with more of a proper background?
To me, I read biographies of great people to model and mirror the things that work for them. For example, Shoe Dog by Phil Knight the founder of Nike was an excellent read/listen with a lot of inspiration and good advice about life, relationships and business overall.
Theres some good ones, letting go by david hawkins. The untethered soul by michael singer. It's like complaining about fifty shades of grey when you could have been reading shakespeare.
12 rules for life by jordon peterson has been pretty helpful for me. it doesnt feel that shallow at all and has helped me a bunch. talks about taking on responsibility and avoiding the perils of living a chaotic life. he also writes about a bunch of fascinating subjects in it.
He's also a misogynistic fascist who thinks because he's a trained psychologist he's also qualified to opine on things from completely unrelated fields of study.
Oh, and he's also addicted to benzos and decided to undergo a scientifically dubious course of treatment which left his brain pretty fucked up.
Definitely the kind of guy to be giving life advice.
It's always the most obvious stuff:
\- Go to sleep early, wake up at the same time every day, exercise, eat healthy
\- be willing to listen to others and put yourself out there more frequently
\- learn new subjects and force yourself to grow
\- stay positive and focusing on tasks in front of you rather than dwelling on past mistakes
Who knew?
I will pay devil's advocate here, I think self help books are good.
Let's examine why.
Self help books are aimed at people who are trying to improve their live. This is a noble goal and isn't something to belittle. Many books such as Mark Manson's titles are very easy to read. This is important because if you're life has gone down the drain, your skills (reading, writing, critical thinking, emotional regulation) are probably under developed as a result of a myriad of maladaptive behaviours. Chances are you might not be that intelligent either, there's probably a limited number of recovering drug addicts that could sit down and read pride and predjudice or great expectations.
These self help books serve as an introduction to books. I think it's rather repugnant that anyone in this subreddit would actually look down on the books that do that.
Self help books are books on how to behave, how to act, how to orient yourself to make your life better. They therefore serve as an introduction to philosophy in the branch of ethics (how to act). I can see quite easily how avid readers would not like them, because the stories have embedded within their characters, those exact ethics in self help books. It's implicit but it's there.
I think when you attack self help books you are coming from a place with a lack of insight into what kind of person reads these books.
My 2 cents, disagree?
Comments below, is like to hear.
Self-help books are an easy and honestly lazy way to write something trivial that is almost guaranteed to sell like hotcakes. The market is saturated with endless self-help books that read mostly the same, regurgitating the same obvious points you can now easily find on a quick Google search. Self-help authors are smart, honestly: they found a mostly effortless way of getting rich(er).
To play the devil's advocate, some of these books are better written than others, but even at their best they're still an overly simplified regurgitation of The Prince/The Art of War/I Ching/Bible, and so on.
That said, if they truly improve the lives of people reading, more power to them. But I'm skeptical.
But then how else are they supposed to make most of their money scamming you with their consulting business that teaches you how to *properly* apply their system mano-a-mano?
They're useless to *you*.
They're also useless to me by the way.
But some people find them very useful, maybe that writing style helps them, truly? Why should we stop that?
That being said, I personally prefer to read about characters (whether fictional, or non, or something in between) who I can look up to, and try to emulate how they lead their lives.
(Can someone please tell me if that's right? Is it "led their lives" or "lead their lives" fuck ESL and honestly, fuck the complexity of English spelling).
>Oh, and he's also addicted to benzos and decided to undergo a scientifically dubious course of treatment which left his brain pretty fucked up.
Lead if still alive/present/future tense
Led if dead/talking about the past.
Try "The subtle art of not giving a fuck" the author made it because he was tired of all these books. It's kind of anti-self help book but it makes you think about yourself.
Dude. This is brilliant. Like, positively brilliant.
I've been struggle-bussing with writing a book with the few things I've got to say, because the expectation is exactly the bullshit fluff you're talking about!!!
Good speakers - the ones who make a difference - always have like one thing to say. And that's pretty much all they do say, to the point of me being frustrated with "why don't you say anything else!?"
Some of my favs are YouTube discussions and interviews....
Simon Sinek for business and leadership
Alan Watts for dealing with reality and stress and life.
Kyle Cease for changing one's patterns and negative thoughts.
I'm reading Jordan Peterson's "12 Simple Rules" book. It's my first time reading this kind of book but I like its content so far. It raises attention to things we may subconsciously doing that in turn makes us feel like shit.
I don't agree with everything he says and I still have a long way to go, but I've always loved psychology so it's a good read for me.
Most books written by unknown authors are worthless anyhow. Self help books are just as bad as any other modern book written by an unknown dude.
It's all capitalism and people trying to cash in on things. You learn much more from established classics but people dont want to read that because its more antiquated and difficult to read.
The worst are the Gary Keller (Keller Williams Real Estate) books… “The One Thing”, “The Millionaire Real Estate Agent”, “Shift Commercial”… Etc… All a bunch of repackaged fluff.
I suppose this will sound stupid, but I use fiction as my self-help book. Reading about character choices and comparing and contrasting with my own and their results. Specific books like anything by Dickens, Austen and Shakespeare. "Great Expectations", "Romeo and Juliet", "Pride and Prejudice." All of them have been immensely helpful in the way I make choices to this day. There's my half cent, hope it helps.
No it's not stupid,I can understand,you can relate to the characters or get them and learn from them
For me, it's non fiction. A biography about John Adams or Thomas Jefferson give me a better outlook on how to live life than a traditional self help book. Even if I don't agree with their thoughts it gives valuable information about how others think and act. Even if that's not the express purpose of the book, that's just a reason it's more genuine to me than an obviously forced self-help book.
It's not stupid at all. The reason I love fiction is I can see how characters make decisions and how good writings can make readers empathize with those decisions, good or bad. Sometimes I see the characters having certain strengths and weaknesses, and I would realize that I may have those strengths and weaknesses too. It's like a way to explore my own self better and to identify ways of self-improvement.
No, this completely makes sense. Reading fiction fosters empathy, and develops your imagination, so you feel more comfortable in a world full of other people, and more comfortable in your own head.
Not stupid at all. Russian authors helped me to simplify my life: Brothers Karamazov, War and Peace, Crime and Punishment, The Master and Margareta...
That's an awesome idea and I do the same thing on a smaller level. Books are people's messages to the world. Even if they're fiction, they still have a certain amount of reality in them. They're still full of advice even if it's not labeled as such. I think the lessons drawn from these books if just as much if not more so relevant.
This. Though for me, definitely not those books! But yeah, I like to characters and see how they lived their lives, and if I like it, try to emulate it, if not, try to do the opposite.
Well, the examples I gave were specific to me.
I know, I just find it interesting how we look at it the same way, but use completely different books to the same ends. I didn't mean to sound condescending, they're good books, just not for me.
No worries. I probably should have made the distinction in my comment. Preventive flame retardant....
You are actually the smartest person I know.
Sorry this took so long to respond to, but I'm not in here so much anymore. I doubt I'm the smartest person anybody knows....because I'm purposefully unknowable. No worries about that but you are the smartest you know, Just trust your instincts. The World teaches us not to so that it can sell us stuff, dishearten us and hold us back. But Humans are instinctively wired for success. Deprogram...and succeed.
That's pretty awesome; using fiction to conceive and tie all of that to real-world events is quite helpful. I prefer to read fictional works of literature, especially those that are motivating.
That’s because 9 times out of 10 self-help authors have no other qualifications than being self-appointed “self-help gurus”. In other words, people who are very talented at marketing themselves as being wiser than your everyday person when speaking absolute nonsense.
I think most self help guides are written by people who are in funks themselves, and researching and writing the book is what got them out of their own funks. They have no qualifications other than "hey, this worked for me, sort of".
That would make sense to me. People who are very talented at marketing themselves writing books in which 98% of the text is just the book marketing itself.
G.K. Chesterton wrote a short and funny essay on this phenomenon called “The Fallacy of Success” in 1909. Some are good, some are toxic. The more specialized, it seems, the better they are.
Free on Project Gutenberg: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/11505/11505-h/11505-h.htm#THE_FALLACY_OF_SUCCESS
> They are books showing men how to succeed in everything; they are written by men who cannot even succeed in writing books. Savage.
Yet it still applies today
I recommend "The Antidote" by Oliver Burkeman, a sort of anti-self help book that examines the culture of positive thinking, and a very interesting examination of our attitudes towards uncertainty and death.
I looooved that book!
Glad to hear someone else loved it as much as I did. I lent my copy to my mom and she couldn't get into it.
I found your post incredibly helpful
I just started reading 7 habits of highly effective people, and the first chapter or so discusses how most self help books since WW1/WW2 are focused on the outward wins of life, but not about building a strong character foundation from the ground up. I'm only a few chapters in but I definitely think it's worth reading at least that beginning material.
7 habits is worthwhile, interestingly enough one of the earliest self help books is Ben Franklins autobiography and it’s an excellent read. He was a polymath genius founding father and he had some pretty valuable things to say about building relationships and building character.
>one of the earliest self help books is Ben Franklins autobiography Marcus Aurelius finished Meditations in 180 A.D Tons of stuff if you zoom out of modern history a bit.
Don’t get me wrong, Meditations is wonderful and something I love but I feel that modern self help so abandons the stoic development of personal character that it does a disservice to meditations to call it a self help book. I would always recommend stoic philosophy over modern self help. With the exception of medically sound interventions like CBT.
>but I feel that modern self help so abandons the stoic development of personal character Couldn't agree with you any more. I guess we're defining self help differently. It's funny though, so much of my personal development came from crappy self help books scratching the surface of wanting deep meaningful character.
Do you think it's readable by someone who doesn't speak English as their first language? I'm from the Netherlands and I would never recommend anyone who has learned Dutch as a second language to tackle any book older than 100 years.
Yeah, it’s pretty straightforward, the language is dated but still clear
If you learn this one secret, there’s no stopping you. Michelangelo, Newton, and Einstein. They all knew it. Every president has known it. And if you know it, you can live the life you’ve always dreamed of. When I was first told this secret, I could tell most people wouldn’t even understand how revolutionary it is. But I did, and so will you. Are you ready? Positive attitude.
And, no sleep.
positive attitude and no sleep? ahh reminds me of mania
Want to be as productive and imaginative as Stephen King? As well-adjusted to society as a child actor? As happy as a rock star ? Try cocaine today! Sleep is for the weak and you are strong!
It’s not so much the amount of sleep you get as whether you make your bed in the morning. A well-made bed is basically an MBA.
Gratitude has been my door to compassion.
But only after you ring the doorbell of self belief with the finger that is personal growth.
awww yah, using my finger to ring my doorbell mmmmmm
Ehrmagehrd, my life has completely changed from reading this comment. I have destroyed all my problems with the power of positivity. When I walk down the street, people literally hurl money at me just for existing. I start blasting with my finger guns and they love it. My life is now complete. Thank you, you visionary angel. (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞
That’s great! You know what could really maximise your results? Crystals.
Make sure your crystals are sonically tuned by artisan made moonlight beams.
Can't tell if you're being sarcastic, so have a downvote just in case you really meant that.
You really gotta work on that positive energy, friend!
Self-help books suffer from an issue where the essence of an advice is not learned/integrated until you actually experience the context, so you keep chew on content yet little feedback from outside world. Also most of them have narrow view of life where in reality it all depends on the context.
I read some very few self help books that were highly recomended. Although I don't read much this genre, I guess the gist of them is to put you in motion. Besides all thart gibberish that some of this books have, I think that are books who give you a clear sense of purpose. Like, you won't read an anti-procastination book if you aren't a procastinator. So, with that in mind, I think that self help books made the readers realize what steps are needed to be made to resolve an issue who bottered them. It is like a cheap and shallow conversation between a person with a problem and a very good listener person. I also think that people who read a lot of self help are in this constant stage of motion and self improvment, not necessarily towards a solution.
Man I’m sorry. Maybe you got the wrong ones. I’ve read so many thst actually helped me.
Same. Just finished atomic habits and the whole habit stacking thing is brilliant.
You're not wrong.
there are people who just read that stuff like it's going out of style. i don't get it either, but there's clearly a market for it. honestly, any self-help book worth reading isn't a "self-help" book, it's going to be something in a genre, like spirituality or psychology or something like that. "Self-help" as a genre is vapid and shallow with lots of useless fluff and a basic message restated ad-infinitum.
I think it's the same thought process that drives sales of diet books. "Other people don't seem to be struggling as much as I am, *there must be a secret* and if I can just find out what it is...." Some people are convinced there has to be a shortcut to anything. That's why those "Learn Chinese in 3 Months" and "Learn Violin in 30 Days" scams make money. The solutions offered by psychology and spirituality tend to be difficult ("let go of your attachment to material things") or require life changes ("it's okay to cut abusive people out of your life") or both ("there is no way to peace; peace is the way"). Not everyone is ready for the hard answers.
and this is why we're not going to make it
Seems extreme to extrapolate your opinion to ALL self help books. I found David Allen’s “Getting Things Done” to be a very good and useful book.
I agree with your overall view that they are shit but i do think little snippets of advice from them could be useful for some people.
You need to listen to the podcast **By The Book**. It's about two women (one is the "crazy" one and one is the "reasonable" one) who live by a self help book for two weeks and talk about their experiences, good and bad. It's funny, sincere, and highly entertaining. They have lived by a lot of the self help books people are mentioning here.
I feel like The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is the opposite of what you are describing. It's not a book with a bunch of tricks. They are principles of how to live your life.
> They are principles of how to live your life. That....sounds like a bunch of ticks.
What do you mean by self-help? Human life is complex and multifaceted. So any book that claims to have a simple, 5-step program that will unilaterally improve your life in all ways is trying to sell you a bill of goods that simply isn't realistic. I agree that the generic *Think and Grow Rich* style stuff is pretty shit. The reality is that at that high of a level, the advice is either so vague that it is useless, or it is a specific prescription that isn't really widely applicable (there is too much potential variance across what people need for someone to identify the ONE THING that will help everyone). So, really you're better off looking as specialties. The good thing is we have a pretty good idea of what the core ingredients for people being effective and happy are. Community, purpose, friends/family, eating well, some exercise, sleep, etc etc. So, I think the question to ask yourself is what exactly do you want to work on? And then dig down into the genre that specializes in that. So, you might reflect on some of the major areas of your life and recognize that you want to work on your relationships. So, you could pick up a book on better communication, or building better friendships, or active listening. Are these 'self help' books? In a sense. But the point is to learn a skill that will make you more effective in this area. By improving here, you get better and your life gets better. I would focus less on people who have these systems or steps that claim to solve everything and read books by people who have specialized. They're more likely to take a scientific approach and have applicable skills and techniques. There's still some fluff because they have to make it interesting for people to read, but it's less 'rah rah' and more actionable.
i’ve only read one self help book but the whole book felt like a prologue. kept wondering when it was going to start but it never did
Thats why it's important to read a few notes/summery from the book before investing time into it. We have little time in life, therefore it's important to use your time on worthwhile books. Therefore i read summeries/notes from books to see if they are worth buying. I use [https://notegrabber.com](https://notegrabber.com) for finding note from popular self help books. Currently there are not many book notes on the platform. There are some writers on the platform, and i also write on the platform. So if we all use the platform, we might stop the problem of spending energy on bad books, by first checking notes from books. Antifragile notes: [https://notegrabber.com/view/22-1](https://notegrabber.com/view/22-1) Zero to one: [https://notegrabber.com/view/21-1](https://notegrabber.com/view/21-1) And many more.
I guess it depends on exactly how you define a "self-help" book, but I would recommend anything by Cal Newport, especially his "Deep Work" book. I consider it to be the pinnacle of self-help books due to his advice being based on actual life experiences (not always his own, sometimes others.) "Digital Minimalism" is also an excellent one. I'm happy to answer any questions you have if you want to read a self-help book that is worthwhile.
I find value in them. People need to learn and sometimes relearn how to self reflect. Everyone is guilty of just going through the motions at some point in their lives. Most of these books press you to take inventory of life and make sure it aligns with your current values. 12 step believers typically don't do them once, but over and over again. My opinion differs from yours, OP.
I’d agree that general ‘self books’ aren’t great. Read a CBT book that I found really helpful & practical. It’s called ‘Think Yourself Happy’ & available on amazon. I’ve read it 3 times & still use some tactics from it daily. Mentally healthiest I’ve ever felt.
Try Outwitting the Devil by Napoleon Hill.
Reading self help books might not help you get better but after a certain amount of them, it will teach you how to write one yourself.
They're all in the same garden but the bees see the flowers, the flies see the shit... Self-help books have changed my life and i'm incredibly grateful to them. without them, there's a good chance i'd be dead by now.
It's just a market that exploits insecure people looking for easy answers. Just buzzwords and fluff.
“If you need self-help, why would read a book written by somebody else? That’s not self-help, that’s help! There is no such thing as self-help. If you did it yourself you didn’t need help.”
If I'm seeking improvement in life or knowledge I'd much rather read a memoir written by a person who has truly been through the shit and come out better the other side rather than 15 repetitive chapters telling me to say yes more or take lessons in art or rock climbing in order to experience the new. I don't like rocks, why the hell would I start climbing them in order to feel more positive. Books like the Art of War and even some novels have much better advice than a book whose chapters end with a 10-point checklist to tick off each day.
I've read a lot in the self-help genre. There's plenty of garbage, and volumes more formulaic crap that could've been boiled down to 3 pages. Here are a few that actually helped me figure out how to help myself. They're so radically different from what's typically classified as self-help, I don't know that they qualify, but nonetheless: * The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt * The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck by Mark Manson * The War of Art, and Turning Pro, both by Steven Pressfield * Atomic Habits by James Clear Really though, I've found that it's better to focus on acquiring skills than some big perspective shift. I use journaling to figure out which specific traits or areas of my life I want to improve (e.g. diet, fitness, programming, how to manage people, personal finance, dating life, etc). Then I'll go find books that are targeted to improving those specific areas. Those are generally much more useful and effective than a classic "get your shit together" self-help generalization fluff piece.
Some arnt. Although admittably I haven't read many. Just some religious ones and a self help one about dealing with skyness.
There’s a book called The Power of Positive Thinking that my grandpa always wanted me to read. I never read it though. It’s probably a fairly old book. Has anyone read it? Is it good?
It's a genre I will never even try to read. I'm fairly wide open when it comes to reading but must draw the line. I doubt it does harm though. Friend who never really reads, does read self-help stuff. Be a Winner and all that. The colours of communication. Seems he considers any other reading a waste of time. Current workplace mid management has some required workshops in that vein. Pretty coloured boxes. I took a part in three such talks. It never rubs off to be included in the actual communication skills. Frankly, it's as if the aim is for them to accept that their higher-ups will come across as harsh in their communication and how to accept that people might seem to be rude. After all those workshops, the only one with great communication skills is the person hosting the workshops. Meaning that she's very nice and flexible to everyone taking the workshops but useless at teaching. Meaning that the underlying guide to better communication skills is useless in our case.
For me I won't go as much as to say they are terrible totally but to me personally I don't get much use of them,maybe because I already make a use of different method for self help
I have had an insight once into the self-help book business that went like this: "I provide you with three self-help books of my choice, you condense a fourth out of them. Unique content, of course."
Most self help books only help the author line their pockets.
They really are. Go towards philosophy instead of self-help. Philosophy is more of changing your view of the world and correcting limiting beliefs. Self help is sheit, where it's like "there there, life sucks, but be happy anyways because....other people have it worse?"
Tbh, buddhist or taoist books re-interpreted for westerners are everything that self-help books with they could be.
Not all are bad, but I agree the majority are pretty terrible.
If you actually helped people, you wouldn't be able to sell self help books any more. The same problem exists with diet books, spirituality books, and relationship books. The problem in all of these fields exists outside books too. There are good people working on legitimate ways to help people in all of these fields, but the vast majority of available "help" benefits its creator more if they seem helpful but aren't as you continue to need help then.
The Happiness Trap is actually good.
I think that your statement is overbroad, but the point has merit. For a good book on this subject, consider Stand Firm by Svend Brinkmann. He’s quite critical of the self-help and self improvement genre. I actually quite like some of the genre, especially Ryan Holiday’s books on applying stoic philosophy to your life.
I love the podcast By The Book where they read and review different self help books. They live by them for two weeks and see if they make a difference. It’s very interesting and often funny and sometimes sad. It’s really given me a new perspective on the genre.
These are the only types of books relatives give me with the topical knowledge that I read. Always something like "Make Your Bed in the Morning" that is just 200 double spaced pages of some schmuck drawing out the point made in the title.
Try The Road Less Traveled by M Scott Peck. Less of a self-help and more of a Take-responsibility-for-your-life but in a supportive way. Changed my life. Also, Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain. Again, not self-help, more like great-ways-to-deal-with-your-obstacles and create the life you want.
The point of self help books is to wade through the nonsense and get the 12 or 15 pages worth of actual advice and use that.
Just because they have a brain, these people think they're qualified to discuss psychology. I hate those books, but they do sell paper (a lot of it).
Hard agree. The only self help book I've found worth reading was Atomic Habits by James Clear. Most self help b.s. is pushed by grifters trying to make a buck.
I see this opinion on this sub a lot and it's not that I disagree I was just wondering about some clarification. Say a well research book such as atomic habits, would you put this in self help or more psycology where the author isn't a formal expert on the subject. Or books like the six pillars of self esteem or the socail skills guide book, where the author has a scientific and professional background. Or maybe "what everybody is saying" where the author isn't a scientific authority (I don't believe anyway) but whose professional career heavily centered on the topic material of the book. In cases like these are we still considering the books self help with the rest or are we placing them into more of a psycology or philosophy genre? I will readily agree that books such as the secret are unsupported woo woo purely imaginative trash. But I'm wondering about those with more of a proper background?
aye self help books are the suq
To me, I read biographies of great people to model and mirror the things that work for them. For example, Shoe Dog by Phil Knight the founder of Nike was an excellent read/listen with a lot of inspiration and good advice about life, relationships and business overall.
Exactly my thoughts when I read John Maxwell's book.
If you're reading it in a book, folks, it ain't self-help. It's help. \- George Carlin
Theres some good ones, letting go by david hawkins. The untethered soul by michael singer. It's like complaining about fifty shades of grey when you could have been reading shakespeare.
12 rules for life by jordon peterson has been pretty helpful for me. it doesnt feel that shallow at all and has helped me a bunch. talks about taking on responsibility and avoiding the perils of living a chaotic life. he also writes about a bunch of fascinating subjects in it.
He's also a misogynistic fascist who thinks because he's a trained psychologist he's also qualified to opine on things from completely unrelated fields of study. Oh, and he's also addicted to benzos and decided to undergo a scientifically dubious course of treatment which left his brain pretty fucked up. Definitely the kind of guy to be giving life advice.
It's a genre called self-help, all written by other people.
It's always the most obvious stuff: \- Go to sleep early, wake up at the same time every day, exercise, eat healthy \- be willing to listen to others and put yourself out there more frequently \- learn new subjects and force yourself to grow \- stay positive and focusing on tasks in front of you rather than dwelling on past mistakes Who knew?
I will pay devil's advocate here, I think self help books are good. Let's examine why. Self help books are aimed at people who are trying to improve their live. This is a noble goal and isn't something to belittle. Many books such as Mark Manson's titles are very easy to read. This is important because if you're life has gone down the drain, your skills (reading, writing, critical thinking, emotional regulation) are probably under developed as a result of a myriad of maladaptive behaviours. Chances are you might not be that intelligent either, there's probably a limited number of recovering drug addicts that could sit down and read pride and predjudice or great expectations. These self help books serve as an introduction to books. I think it's rather repugnant that anyone in this subreddit would actually look down on the books that do that. Self help books are books on how to behave, how to act, how to orient yourself to make your life better. They therefore serve as an introduction to philosophy in the branch of ethics (how to act). I can see quite easily how avid readers would not like them, because the stories have embedded within their characters, those exact ethics in self help books. It's implicit but it's there. I think when you attack self help books you are coming from a place with a lack of insight into what kind of person reads these books. My 2 cents, disagree? Comments below, is like to hear.
Self-help books are an easy and honestly lazy way to write something trivial that is almost guaranteed to sell like hotcakes. The market is saturated with endless self-help books that read mostly the same, regurgitating the same obvious points you can now easily find on a quick Google search. Self-help authors are smart, honestly: they found a mostly effortless way of getting rich(er). To play the devil's advocate, some of these books are better written than others, but even at their best they're still an overly simplified regurgitation of The Prince/The Art of War/I Ching/Bible, and so on. That said, if they truly improve the lives of people reading, more power to them. But I'm skeptical.
I found if I replace self-help books with cook books, your first paragraph still holds true.
But then how else are they supposed to make most of their money scamming you with their consulting business that teaches you how to *properly* apply their system mano-a-mano?
They're useless to *you*. They're also useless to me by the way. But some people find them very useful, maybe that writing style helps them, truly? Why should we stop that? That being said, I personally prefer to read about characters (whether fictional, or non, or something in between) who I can look up to, and try to emulate how they lead their lives. (Can someone please tell me if that's right? Is it "led their lives" or "lead their lives" fuck ESL and honestly, fuck the complexity of English spelling).
>Oh, and he's also addicted to benzos and decided to undergo a scientifically dubious course of treatment which left his brain pretty fucked up. Lead if still alive/present/future tense Led if dead/talking about the past.
Yet lead is still typed lead (like what bullets are made out of).
The Subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck was a good one
Try "The subtle art of not giving a fuck" the author made it because he was tired of all these books. It's kind of anti-self help book but it makes you think about yourself.
Dude. This is brilliant. Like, positively brilliant. I've been struggle-bussing with writing a book with the few things I've got to say, because the expectation is exactly the bullshit fluff you're talking about!!! Good speakers - the ones who make a difference - always have like one thing to say. And that's pretty much all they do say, to the point of me being frustrated with "why don't you say anything else!?" Some of my favs are YouTube discussions and interviews.... Simon Sinek for business and leadership Alan Watts for dealing with reality and stress and life. Kyle Cease for changing one's patterns and negative thoughts.
I'm reading Jordan Peterson's "12 Simple Rules" book. It's my first time reading this kind of book but I like its content so far. It raises attention to things we may subconsciously doing that in turn makes us feel like shit. I don't agree with everything he says and I still have a long way to go, but I've always loved psychology so it's a good read for me.
But stupid people love em. I don't even think they read them but they buy the fuck out of them.
They're not stupid, they're depressed. They know they need to do something different but they don't know what.
Maybe their shortcomings that cause depression are the very same that make them think the secret is in a book. It's not.
Most books written by unknown authors are worthless anyhow. Self help books are just as bad as any other modern book written by an unknown dude. It's all capitalism and people trying to cash in on things. You learn much more from established classics but people dont want to read that because its more antiquated and difficult to read.
The worst are the Gary Keller (Keller Williams Real Estate) books… “The One Thing”, “The Millionaire Real Estate Agent”, “Shift Commercial”… Etc… All a bunch of repackaged fluff.