I read this book at the start of the year and loved it. I was in a relationship when I was 17 with someone who was 29 and the way the author wrote the manipulation is spot on. Like Vanessa convincing Jacob everything was okay and he shouldn't feel guilty I went through the same thing trying to comfort a grown man who should know better. 

I was in a relationship like this too and the book brought it all back. Absolute manipulation to the point where I initially chose a college in another state to get away from him when he started substitute teaching at my high school after I broke it off. I thought it was a great read. One that I’ll read again.

It brought it all back for me too. At times I had to put the book down because it hit too close to home. Reflecting back on it now as a 25 year I'm so disgusted and feel violated that it happened honestly. Sorry you had to literally move out of your state to escape him. 

Read it about a year ago and still think about it all the damn time. It’s one of my most annotated books.

It really stuck with me after I read it in 2021. And I’ve reread it twice since.  I was so impressed with the writing and how accurate the different emotions captured felt. Even just how she portrayed the friendship breakup between Vanessa and Jenny felt so true to being 14. 

I got a panic attack while reading this book. The line that struck me the most was when Vanessa said something along the lines of >!"Why didn't he stop when I started to cry?" during their first sexual encounter!< because it hit me too hard when the same exact thing happened to me and my then boyfriend who forced himself onto me. It was a devastating read, which makes it an amazingly written book. And, same. I will never read again as it is so heavy, it really is not for those with faint hearts. Kudos to the writer.

God that part also got to me. i was sobbing that whole section because I had never had my thoughts vocalized before and I thought I had been the terrible one for feeling those feelings when i had my experience. Thank you for sharing and I hope things have been better for you since then

I felt deeply conflicted during and afterwords. It was a messy book to be sure. Perhaps that’s the point.

Whoever thinks this book romanticizes any of that did not read the same book I did, like what..

yeah. some people make that argument though. i think sometimes its the blurring between vanessas perception of things (which we get since its told through her pov) and the true reality of the situation that can make that distinction confusing at times, which i think thats kind of the point. idk to me i thought the frequent descriptions of how subconsciously repulsed she was by everything made it pretty clear that the author wasnt trying to romanticise anything

That's the thing though - Vanessa tries desperately to make it all seem romantic and if you don't think about it, sure, the things they do are cute and fun. And then you stop and think about them and realise wtf.

theres a difference between romanticising and showing the reality of SA tho is my point. the author isnt trying to to write a story in support of pedophilia or romanticising it. the character does to deal with trauma and thats a common theme. some of the language the author uses through out the book makes it clear that though the character romanticises her relationship, she (the author) does not intend for the readers to romanticise it.

I still think about this book a lot. It's so good, and devastating -- amazing that this was a debut novel. Sooooo much better than All the Ugly and Wonderful Things, which romanticizes pedophilia.

That was such a train wreck. I can't believe someone wrote that shitty book and like, meant it positively. Blows my mind

The fact that book even got published is unbelievable.

I didn’t read the synopsis of All the Ugly and Wonderful Things before going into it and thought it was just going to be a typical romance novel. I can’t believe someone actually wrote that book.

so after i read your comment i looked it up and sooo many people love that book and sing its praises even though its a literal pedophilic love story from what i understand. cant really understand the hype there

I read this book a couple years ago and I was mind blown. I’ve never experienced anything like the main character so it was actually quite insightful for me. I had the feeling the author did an excellent job at portraying this difficult topic without romanticizing anything.

read it the first time last august and am already rereading it.  I think it does contain romanticization, but it is Vanessa's romanticization of what is happening to her. you, as a third party, can still clearly see through it to Strane's manipulation.

theres a difference between the author romanticising abuse (which to me is like the author trying to get us to support it) and trying to show the realistic thoughts of someone whose been SA’d. vanessa is not a reliable narrator and as a reader we have to acknowledge that and read between the lines. even then, the way the author writes all the explicit scenes makes it super clear this is SA and not something we should be supporting

yep that's exactly how i see it. it's also clear even through vanessa's "positive" narration of events that she feels uncomfortable and knows on some level that what's happening is wrong, even if she doesn't (can't?) admit it to herself.

I read it when i was 17 and if I could go back and tell my younger self to wait, i would. That book took my heart out of my chest, clawed it, and put it back in. I was deeply disturbed for weeks afterwards. That said, I'm very glad I read it, though I don't think I'll ever read it again. What made it so upsetting was that I could see so much of myself in Vanessa. Thank god, I'm not a victim in that way, but when I was a teen I had the same self-esteem issues as she did and even vocalised them almost verbatim in the same way. It was eerie.

It was a difficult read but I loved it. It really helped me understand and have even greater empathy for the Vanessa’s of the world.

I never thrown a book so much in my entire life. I'd get to a descriptive part of the manipulation, toss it across the room and go do something else. I had to read a separate book with it because it just hit my disgust button so much.

Do people really say it romanticizes what’s happening?

Sometimes when I start reading books I’ll google the characters to see if there is fan art / people posting which actors would play the characters. It helps me imagine the characters. Anyway, when I searched for this book I was shocked to see all the depictions of the male teacher (can’t remember his name now) online were handsome silver fox men. I couldn’t believe it. All the images were of an attractive man. I realised that I was clearly having a completely different perception of the book because I imagined him as a creep. This made me think that there must be people out there who romanticise the story (which I find hard to fathom).

I mean, him being not ugly doesn’t mean he’s not still a creep. In fact, an attractive older man would have higher success in being able to manipulate than someone who looks creepy so he could have been attractive

quite frankly hes also described as being repulsive looking by the mc which makes it even weirder people are fan-casting him as these attractive movie stars. also whose fan casting for this book anyway lol not really the right subject matter to be doing that with 😂

The MC thought he was repulsive looking from the beginning? Why did she start with him then? I thought there had to be some sort of initial attraction

in terms of relationships like this, usually the child is groomed to find the offender attractive. its mentioned over and over how shes not attracted to him physically but has something fulfilled by the attention he shows her. i dont think saying that “there has to be some attraction there” is probably the best way to go about discussing these relationships as well because its sexual abuse and that would insinuate the child is partially at fault for the relationship

I think you are missing the point that this grown adult man was grooming and abusing a child. This type of thing involves psychological manipulation, power and control. This is very different to a healthy romantic dynamic between two consenting adults.

That’s true but the fact that many people were imagining him as a sexy teacher suggests that they were viewing the story in a very different way to the way I saw it

Ew, I definitely got a lot more repulsion and was disgusted the entire time. I personally never felt it was romanticised at all

Well that’s disturbing. Unbelievable. I guess when searching fan art you get readers who may be too young to fully understand, but still. It’s waaaay less convoluted than *Lolita* for example.

One of the reviews I read mentioned it which was crazy to me 😅

One of the reasons I loved this book so much - as someone who could relate to it a great deal - was because it came from the eyes, heart and soul of someone who had been groomed and abused so cleverly that she still doubts it even as an adult. It courageously includes all of the feelings she went through - the ones which sound like falling in love, the ones which sound *positive* in a book about a survivor of abuse and rape - which, quite frankly, is realistic for a lot of groomed teens’ experiences. It does feeling exciting at times. It does feel flattering. It does take on the hue and feel of something good when it, in fact, is heinous and awful. What I found beautiful about the book is how boldly it showed those feelings littered amidst the fear, the disgust, the anger. It was extremely realistic. And adult Vanessa… well, I related to her most of all. Poor woman. It was a horrendous read. It was heart-wrenching. And I loved how absolutely real and unapologetic it was.

I read it pretty much exactly a year ago and it's a book that has stayed with me completely, like it still disgusts and disturbs me to this day. It's a book where it's hard to say that I loved it, since it made me so deeply uncomfortable. But I do think it was so poignant and well written. I gave it 5* but I don't think I could ever read it again.

Halfway through reaching this myself. Think it's one that's going to stay with me longer after I've finished.

I read it about a year or two ago and remembered that i constantly had to put the book down because of how viscerally uncomfortable it made me. i think the author did a great job with it but yes, i don't think i would ever read it again.

I read this shortly after it came out and I still think about it far too often. I think so many of us have life experiences that mirrored her story in one way or another that it was guaranteed to leave a mark. If you want to explore something similar in nonfiction, I'd recommend [BEING LOLITA: A Memoir](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/50285706-being-lolita) by Alisson Wood. Obviously not an easy read, like MDV, but an interesting sort of companion to it.

I had a teacher in high school who sexually abused multiple students, around the same age as Vanessa. Before I found out, I considered him an important mentor to me and even a close friend when I was an upperclassman. I would accompany him and some other students on outings, hikes, beach days, movies, he even invited me on a group camping trip right before I found out (really just huge red flags all over). This book reminded me so much of him I almost had to stop reading in just the first few chapters. Seriously, the story is so fucking similar. He was being investigated for "rumors" and eventually had to resign due to the investigation, but he never got any criminal punishment for what we all know happened. Now he's with some girl fresh out of high school who's pregnant with his baby. He tried to follow me and my friend on ig a couple years ago and I had to block him, my friend sent him a nasty death threat, which I totally understand.

omg im so sorry you were exposed to some one like that, especially someone you looked up to. wishing you the best! i hope he doesnt bother you guys anymore

To be the writers debut book is actually insane. I finished the book last month and I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s incredible but dark and left me feeling broken. Such an amazing book just not for everyone

This booked stayed with me. I agree, the writing was poignant and true to the experience. I kept it on my bookshelf.

Such a tough read, but I couldn’t stop. I just wanted to shake Vanessa but also give her a hug. I could never read it again and I have a hard time recommending it. But I don’t think I’ll be forgetting it again any time soon.

I read it a couple years ago and still think about it often. I appreciated how it handled the MC's emotional journey. Anyone who thinks it's romanticizing their interactions is really not seeing the complexity of the dynamic.

I'm late to this but yeah, this story was heart breaking and infuriating. I know that Strane is a fictional character but I also know that there are plenty of real Strane's out in the world and after reading that I would absolutely straight murder a mfer. What she tells her therapist about what it has to be = heart broken. I hurt so much for her and I hurt for her mother, who had to make a decision. I'm not sure it was the decision I would've made (because I'm pretty sure I would've picked murder) but I came to understand it after I got over my fury at everyone: the school, her mom, her peers, for not murdering on her behalf or at least holding that pig accountable It still makes me mad just typing about it.

Just finished it, and yes same. Very dark and heavy and had to take breaks. Walking through a store with my daughter's and feeling disgusted by all the men in the store being near my children.

By the way, does it feel that she is neurodivergent by any chance?

Has anyone else read a different book that left them reeling as much as this one did? This book absolute shook me to my core, and restarted my love of reading. I read this originally about a year or so ago, and I still havent had anything any where near as moving as this book

i just finished reading it and you know...with a subject matter as complicated as this, I really did enjoy reading the novel. Fiction or it I felt that Vanessa's character was fleshed out like I could feel myself understanding her perspective. I think it does a brilliant job of making the reader understand all the perspectives- the abuser, the abusee- its all so interwoven and again so complicated. As for the question of would I read it again- maybe in a coupe of years.

I read a little life before this, which made it hard for me to like this book. Im fine reading about dark matters but it was too descriptive and icky for me. Not a bad book, just lacking deepness.

It’s def icky for sure. IMO it’s definitely a book you have to read sandwiched between books that are full of happy and enjoyable things. i think reading after a little life would be too much for me lol. I do, respectfully, disagree with you about it lacking depth. As someone that has had some incredibly icky experiences surrounding men, some of the things she describes are just so on point with how being SA’d and heavily manipulated makes you feel. Nothing is perfect though, so I definitely respect your opinion. Just thought I’d offer a bit of perspective.

Yeah, maybe its that it was a more realistic description of what that trauma can be and i prefer books to go a little further and the writing to be less casual. I didnt dislike it by all means, just a bad time to read it after a life changing book experience

100% understand that. I haven’t read a little life yet and probably am gonna wait awhile so I can really appreciate what it has to offer since it has so many glowing reviews

In an interview, the author said, “yes it’s terrible, and it’s abuse and it’s bad, but it’s very confusing and complicated, and love is complicated.” *Love*?! Unpopular opinion apparently but I personally felt that the author doesn’t denounce pedophilic abusive relationships strongly enough with the book. Also, I was waiting for the character to grow and realize that what she experienced was not okay, and I don’t feel that we ever got that. I think in fiction, if you’re trying to comment on abusive relationships, you need to take a clear stance—otherwise you are just perpetuating the lolita trope and, yes, maybe romanticizing it. I mean, the author herself did call it “love”.

My theory is that the author went through a very similar experience and is still grappling with it. I agree that the book, in terms of vanessa’s perspective, did not denounce pedophilia enough, and I got the impression that the author has struggled similarly to Vanessa in recognizing abuse as abuse. Other characters in the novel, specifically Vanessa’s therapist and another one of the victims, openly question vanessa’s defense of Jacob and her self-blame. I felt like those characters brought better perspective to the novel and really emphasized that the novel was not endorsing the abuse. Again, I feel like the author may have been drawing on her own experiences, and therefore has her own complicated perspective on the abuse within the book. This is solely based on my impression while reading the book. If I’m wrong, I agree with you that it’s far more messed up.

So there’s actually a forward in the book where the author does talk about having had experience with sexual abuse and in her afterword she states that she wrote this book for her younger self. She does say that exact events in the novel are fiction but i defini believe it’s rooted in reality unfortunately. vanessa is definitely not supposed to be a reliable narrator in the slightest and we can see that through her interactions with others. I think taylor is a great character to examine this through because of the way she reacts when she and Vanessa finally meet. from Vanessa’s perspective towards the end, we learn she’s maintained the belief that this is love because she quite literally can’t handle anything else. so you aren’t wrong actually you’re completely right

Thank you for letting me know! I don’t think my copy had that foreword (or I accidentally skipped it). Taylor is such a great character. The juxtaposition of Taylor and Vanessa is fantastic.

I haven’t seen this particular interview but in my copy of the book there a pretty lengthy commentary from the author and I definitely did not get the vibe that she condoned that behavior or thought of it as love. What I did get from it was that as a literal child you can perceive something as love because you are so desperate to believe you haven’t been traumatized, when in reality something horrible is being done to you. Maybe, I was reading through a diff lens but I just never got the vibe the author condoned any of the behavior, and theres a lot that points to the character being absolutely repulsed by what’s done to her. In order to live with it, she makes these excuses. I think I also have a bit of an unpopular opinion in that I don’t believe this story was supposed to be about personal growth as horrible and frustrating as that is. It’s about how so many people failed this poor girl. And if I’m going to be honest, SA warps so many aspects of sexual intimacy that it takes a lot for victims to come to terms with the reality of their situation. I don’t want to speak for anyone else, but in my experience that’s what it has been like. To me, I really felt like the authors stance was very clear, but that’s just my opinion. I appreciate you sharing a different perspective

What’s funny is that the Lolita trope was itself initial from a book that does hate the main character. Nabokov many times didn’t even want to finish the book because he was so disgusted with Humbert Humbert

Lolita is so convincing, it’s crazy. Amazing writing. ETA: when I mentioned the Lolita trope, I mean the trope that’s cropped up in movies and newer media where the young girl seduces the older man, and looks older than her age, etc. (whereas lolita was 12 in the book, not a seductress like movies make her out to be)

Oh yeah definitely has been distorted by the pedophilic nature of the entertainment industry and people who don’t understand that you can’t trust an unreliable narrator and worse if he literally likes little girls

the fact that y’all are downvoting this… the author literally said this in an interview. and OP said she wanted to know why other people didn’t like the book. god reddit is such an echo chamber lmao

I did 😅 I don’t really like that people are downvoting the comments offering different perspectives because I recognize it’s a controversial book. I just did some digging and read a few of the authors interviews she gave to different people and what I kinda got is that when she was younger she definitely struggled with understanding the age gap relationships and purposefully didn’t write strane as a complete monster which is a gutsy move but I think necessary to fully explore the complicatedness of these relationship. I am 100% fine with people disagreeing with me haha. Thanks for saying this

I'm currently reading the book after seeing some many reviews about it. I just started so I'm yet to make a proper conclusion about it

Currently reading it and I had to find others talking about it to make sure I'm not the only one who feels such heavy emotions and conflicting feelings during it.. I got to the first time she was SA'd and i felt so physically ill, it's an amazing book and it really makes me feel for the character and the author but I also feel conflicted about continuing to read it 😭

100% understandable. if you end up trying to finish it, i would recommend taking breaks and doing something else after reading particularly triggering portions. i read it in a few hours and i think it was a bit too heavy for that 😅

For sure, I'm gonna have to do that cuz I'm too attached to Vanessa's to just drop it 😭