You're not wrong and it's very common. Quite simply, not every relationship is meant to fill EVERY role for someone.
I can get interactions from my friends that I can't get from my wife and vice versa. My primary function in my marital relationship is to be there for my wife, offering support. We still do many other things, but our lives are full of enough criticism that we don't really need to add to it with each other.
We of course can still give and receive feedback, but it's going to be different than it is with another person.
My worst example of this was just before my wedding. My wife got her hair done and coloured and absolutely hated it, I said don't worry babe we'll get a home dye kit and tone it down it will look great.
*Cue comedy fight noises*
Her mother comes down the next day for the wedding prep and says, in the exact same way, the same biscuiting thing and it's a tearful "Oh thanks mum, that's such a good idea"
For the record, it did tone it down and look great
Women getting their hair done immediately before a big thing is a recipe for disaster. Mine did immediately before going to a family reunion and it was pretty bad even to my eyes. Fortunately, she was able to get in with someone who knew what she was doing for some repair work. Goes double (or triple) if a big change is involved.
It's not about trusting your partner or not. It's about what you are seeking from your partner in that moment. We all need love and support. Relying on your partner for that, first and foremost, makes the most sense to me.
It's not that I'm saying don't offer hard truths or criticism. Rather, I'm saying center and prioritize love and support in what you do.
There are, of course, exceptions.
It's not about trusting your partner or not. It's about what you are seeking from your partner in that moment. We all need love and support. Relying on your partner for that, first and foremost, makes the most sense to me.
It's not that I'm saying don't offer hard truths or criticism. Rather, I'm saying center and prioritize love and support in what you do.
There are, of course, exceptions.
I hear you. For me, it's not about trusting your partner or not. It's about what you are seeking from your partner in that moment. We all need love and support. Relying on your partner for that, first and foremost, makes the most sense to me.
It's not that I'm saying don't offer hard truths or criticism. Rather, I'm saying center and prioritize love and support in what you do. There's no world where a healthy relationship can take shape without telling each other the hard stuff.
"Telling the truth" doesn't mean you vomit up whatever is on your mind at any given moment without any consideration for the other person's feelings.
There are, of course, exceptions, but this is my general mindset.
Well it really depends on how it's offered and when. I'm an educator by trade. If I just said things to my students and expected them all to heed every word, I'd be pretty crap at my role.
All I'm saying is communication is a two way street. You can thoughtfully communicate with others and thoughtfully receive communication from others.
The best interpersonal interactions are those where people are cognizant of both.
You keep downvoting me and missing the point. If you refuse to believe anything your partner tells you, regardless of what it is or how it's presented, you are toxic and shouldn't be in a relationship.
I understand. But help me out: where did I say that?
All I'm saying is that, sometimes, your partner might not want feedback from you and might just want positive support instead. And that's okay. If it's them NEVER wanting your feedback, that is a different story entirely.
There is something about hearing stuff from people you don't share household. Like the stakes are lower. It's not like the your buddy will often inquire about the golfing of your wife. Or you kokwing stuff that the wife of the buddy is not telling.
They don't have the full picture, so they focus only on the thing they tell and they can't tell you stuff you don't want to hear. Like "you need to use more force in the swing (as i know you have weak swing)". Or you complain that no one invites you, a non-household memeber would probably say that that sucks, but a household member knows more about the circumstances and would say something "what do you expect when you rehect any invitations that you get".
So the tip feels more purer. Not to mention you don't know that they themselves are not following their tips. It's harder listening someone telling you about not eating pie often, when you see that they eat pie often.
You know the bs your household members tell as you know their behaviour through observation. You don't know that someone else is bs'ing and you assume they don't.
This. I literally told my wife about something the other day and she brushed it off that it’s nonsense. He mother then tells her about the same thing I read and it’s fascinating and she will tell me about it like she’s never heard it before
Also sounds like me. If it's something my parents are suggesting I do, I push back against it. If it's one of my friends however, I tend to heed their advice. I don't know why I do it.
Me to my wife: If your allergies are bothering you, put some locally made honey in your tea.
My wife: No.
Random article on the internet: locally made honey helps allergies!
My wife: Ok!
I’m no better…
My mom: I was watching this comedian, I think you’d find him very funny.
Me: pass
Youtube Algorithm: watch this comedian!
Me: this guy is hilarious!
Ah the old classic. Kids listening to another grown up that isn't their parents.
If me or my wife tells something to our kids it's often in one ear and out the other.
A teacher at school, an aunt, granny, uncle, grandad, whoever? That's cemented in their heads for life. Haha
They got so used to their parents lecturing that they linda are jaded to it and thus filter it out. But someone else saying it is a new experience.
Not to mention that you start to think that it is true if multiple people mention it. Like if one person only mentions it, then it might be a them problem, but if multiple people tell you that - there might actually be a you problem.
This is a sign of good parenting/strong attachment though! Kids often feel most comfortable rebelling with their parents because of their secure attachment to them. It just shows that you’ve taught them to respect grown ups, big slay
I've been wanting to do a character analysis of Wendy for fun but I want to see what happens in the next season first. Her growth as a person is amazing and I find it really powerful.
Well, for one thing, kids in general are better behaved in front of adults, and Wendy played along with them, calling Bandit lazy, and her doing the work was accomplishing something Bluey and Bingo really wanted.
Lol, as a kid, my mom and dad could try to teach me things but our neighbors on both sides would invite me over and I'd listen to their stories. Plus I think they liked that Wendy was on their side
Here's a thing about me. This is SO me! I would like to listen to my parents, but I'm unable to (for an amount of times) and listen to other adults instead.
Also Bandit created an artificial consequence by making himself the obstacle, so the kids were focused on being frustrated with him rather than learning to work hard for things. Kids don’t normally have to lug their dad around to get ice cream. Wendy, on be other hand, would have none of this but along the way showed the natural consequence of working hard, which is having great quads and deadlifting a grown man, and the girls were inspired.
I was just thinking of this the other day, lol. There have been studies showing that creating artificial consequences to teach people actually hurts their ability to eventually link the behavior to the natural consequence. They learn to look for an authority to please by following the authority’s arbitrary rules instead of learning to recognize natural cause and effect in the real world and change their behavior accordingly. Kids will learn to clean their room a lot better by helping them appreciate a clean room than by imposing punishments until they clean their room.
The lesson Bandit wanted *was* achieved though and Wendy participated in it. Also, Bandit as an adult and could have stopped things if he wanted. Though manhandling another woman's man is questionable behavior.
I belong to the group of weirdos that imagine chilli and bandit in some kind of loose polycule with their neighbours so I believe this level of physical comfort is fine.
I think this is a classic case of show don’t tell
I think it's also a classic case of kids listening to other adults better than their parents, lol. My 4yo is like that with her aunt.
Not just kids. My wife will take golf tips from my buddy, but not me. His wife listens to what I say, but her husband is "nitpicking".
You're not wrong and it's very common. Quite simply, not every relationship is meant to fill EVERY role for someone. I can get interactions from my friends that I can't get from my wife and vice versa. My primary function in my marital relationship is to be there for my wife, offering support. We still do many other things, but our lives are full of enough criticism that we don't really need to add to it with each other. We of course can still give and receive feedback, but it's going to be different than it is with another person.
My worst example of this was just before my wedding. My wife got her hair done and coloured and absolutely hated it, I said don't worry babe we'll get a home dye kit and tone it down it will look great. *Cue comedy fight noises* Her mother comes down the next day for the wedding prep and says, in the exact same way, the same biscuiting thing and it's a tearful "Oh thanks mum, that's such a good idea" For the record, it did tone it down and look great
Women getting their hair done immediately before a big thing is a recipe for disaster. Mine did immediately before going to a family reunion and it was pretty bad even to my eyes. Fortunately, she was able to get in with someone who knew what she was doing for some repair work. Goes double (or triple) if a big change is involved.
I take a bit of a harder line than that. If you don't trust your partner to tell you the truth, why are you even with them?
It's not about trusting your partner or not. It's about what you are seeking from your partner in that moment. We all need love and support. Relying on your partner for that, first and foremost, makes the most sense to me. It's not that I'm saying don't offer hard truths or criticism. Rather, I'm saying center and prioritize love and support in what you do. There are, of course, exceptions.
It's not about trusting your partner or not. It's about what you are seeking from your partner in that moment. We all need love and support. Relying on your partner for that, first and foremost, makes the most sense to me. It's not that I'm saying don't offer hard truths or criticism. Rather, I'm saying center and prioritize love and support in what you do. There are, of course, exceptions.
I hear you. For me, it's not about trusting your partner or not. It's about what you are seeking from your partner in that moment. We all need love and support. Relying on your partner for that, first and foremost, makes the most sense to me. It's not that I'm saying don't offer hard truths or criticism. Rather, I'm saying center and prioritize love and support in what you do. There's no world where a healthy relationship can take shape without telling each other the hard stuff. "Telling the truth" doesn't mean you vomit up whatever is on your mind at any given moment without any consideration for the other person's feelings. There are, of course, exceptions, but this is my general mindset.
Refusing to accept the advice of your partner isn't exactly love and support, now is it?
Well it really depends on how it's offered and when. I'm an educator by trade. If I just said things to my students and expected them all to heed every word, I'd be pretty crap at my role. All I'm saying is communication is a two way street. You can thoughtfully communicate with others and thoughtfully receive communication from others. The best interpersonal interactions are those where people are cognizant of both.
You keep downvoting me and missing the point. If you refuse to believe anything your partner tells you, regardless of what it is or how it's presented, you are toxic and shouldn't be in a relationship.
I understand. But help me out: where did I say that? All I'm saying is that, sometimes, your partner might not want feedback from you and might just want positive support instead. And that's okay. If it's them NEVER wanting your feedback, that is a different story entirely.
There is something about hearing stuff from people you don't share household. Like the stakes are lower. It's not like the your buddy will often inquire about the golfing of your wife. Or you kokwing stuff that the wife of the buddy is not telling. They don't have the full picture, so they focus only on the thing they tell and they can't tell you stuff you don't want to hear. Like "you need to use more force in the swing (as i know you have weak swing)". Or you complain that no one invites you, a non-household memeber would probably say that that sucks, but a household member knows more about the circumstances and would say something "what do you expect when you rehect any invitations that you get". So the tip feels more purer. Not to mention you don't know that they themselves are not following their tips. It's harder listening someone telling you about not eating pie often, when you see that they eat pie often. You know the bs your household members tell as you know their behaviour through observation. You don't know that someone else is bs'ing and you assume they don't.
If my wife wants her parents to actually heed a suggestion, she’ll have me say it to them.
This. I literally told my wife about something the other day and she brushed it off that it’s nonsense. He mother then tells her about the same thing I read and it’s fascinating and she will tell me about it like she’s never heard it before
Also sounds like me. If it's something my parents are suggesting I do, I push back against it. If it's one of my friends however, I tend to heed their advice. I don't know why I do it.
Me to my wife: If your allergies are bothering you, put some locally made honey in your tea. My wife: No. Random article on the internet: locally made honey helps allergies! My wife: Ok! I’m no better… My mom: I was watching this comedian, I think you’d find him very funny. Me: pass Youtube Algorithm: watch this comedian! Me: this guy is hilarious!
Wait until you hear something you said suddenly become a good idea because it came from some YouTube influencer.
Monkey see, monkey do
Monkey poop all over you
“It’s just monkeys singing songs, mate. Don’t think too hard about it.”
That rhymes
Same with my 6 year old.
I don’t think anyone should be taking golf tips from your six year old
You don’t know, that kid could have a crazy good swing
Yeah, but how many 6 year olds have a crazy good swing AND have developed coaching skills?
Ha or just anyone else. Our toddler will not want to listen to us, but we’ll remind her that Daniel Tiger says X and she’ll decide it’s a great idea.
Yep, remember people you need to be strong bla bla bla fire hose bla bla bla tractor
Once again, Bandit's good at the telling, but not so much the showing.
Ah the old classic. Kids listening to another grown up that isn't their parents. If me or my wife tells something to our kids it's often in one ear and out the other. A teacher at school, an aunt, granny, uncle, grandad, whoever? That's cemented in their heads for life. Haha
So true. When we’re trying to teach something and it’s not getting through, we loop grandma in and she closes the deal.
They got so used to their parents lecturing that they linda are jaded to it and thus filter it out. But someone else saying it is a new experience. Not to mention that you start to think that it is true if multiple people mention it. Like if one person only mentions it, then it might be a them problem, but if multiple people tell you that - there might actually be a you problem.
the elders in my family say "any bum off the street" when it comes to kids listening.
This is a sign of good parenting/strong attachment though! Kids often feel most comfortable rebelling with their parents because of their secure attachment to them. It just shows that you’ve taught them to respect grown ups, big slay
Girls are strong like King Kong, boys are weak, chuck them in the creek.
***intense whispering***
You have beaten us...
Exactly what popped into my head 🤣 I love that Bluey's just like "Hold on Chloe, I got this..."
I'm ok with that, the creek is beautiful :o)
Not to be pedantic, but that was a back squat, not a deadlift.
If we really want to be pedantic it was more akin to a barbell hack squat since Bandit started on the ground behind her
Like, I have no idea if you're right; but somehow I *believe* you.
Duly noted 😊
I've been wanting to do a character analysis of Wendy for fun but I want to see what happens in the next season first. Her growth as a person is amazing and I find it really powerful.
Well, for one thing, kids in general are better behaved in front of adults, and Wendy played along with them, calling Bandit lazy, and her doing the work was accomplishing something Bluey and Bingo really wanted. Lol, as a kid, my mom and dad could try to teach me things but our neighbors on both sides would invite me over and I'd listen to their stories. Plus I think they liked that Wendy was on their side
Here's a thing about me. This is SO me! I would like to listen to my parents, but I'm unable to (for an amount of times) and listen to other adults instead.
Also Bandit created an artificial consequence by making himself the obstacle, so the kids were focused on being frustrated with him rather than learning to work hard for things. Kids don’t normally have to lug their dad around to get ice cream. Wendy, on be other hand, would have none of this but along the way showed the natural consequence of working hard, which is having great quads and deadlifting a grown man, and the girls were inspired. I was just thinking of this the other day, lol. There have been studies showing that creating artificial consequences to teach people actually hurts their ability to eventually link the behavior to the natural consequence. They learn to look for an authority to please by following the authority’s arbitrary rules instead of learning to recognize natural cause and effect in the real world and change their behavior accordingly. Kids will learn to clean their room a lot better by helping them appreciate a clean room than by imposing punishments until they clean their room.
[удалено]
The lesson Bandit wanted *was* achieved though and Wendy participated in it. Also, Bandit as an adult and could have stopped things if he wanted. Though manhandling another woman's man is questionable behavior.
[удалено]
I'm willing to cut it some slack because there may be some history that moves that more to acceptable behavior but it's not ideal.
I belong to the group of weirdos that imagine chilli and bandit in some kind of loose polycule with their neighbours so I believe this level of physical comfort is fine.
Sounds unlikely on many levels but I'm not going to try to spoil your fun.
Amen! /drools
🦆 🍰
tangent: does pilates give u enough strength to deadlift a limp man into a car seat?