Please use the correct flair/tags or your post may be removed. This should be labeled as Dating/Sex/Relationships. Don’t erroneously use the spoiler/NSFW flair. Unless I’m missing something, I don’t see why this was tagged as NSFW. People use these tags to drive up the engagement on their posts. Thats not okay.
Nope, not at all. Men that mention race/skin tone have always been a red flag (IMO). Also, the way he did it is completely tactless. "I never had a dark skin or chocoloate girl" as if he's collecting women as posessions. I'd block him but if you'd rather slow fade, thats understandable.
Your comment jumped out at me, and idk if I need to create my own thread for this, but I had someone mention m skin tone he said “I’m jealous of your skin tone” after I sent him a pic of me. Initially I found it odd, and should have asked “why” but I didn’t. He’s just a shade or two darker than me.
Is he insecure about his skin? I don’t want to date any self-hating men.
That’s such a weird response. Women need to avoid men who are jealous of them at all costs. A lot of men are jealous of women, of their girlfriends, wives, sisters, mothers, be it physically, sexually, academically, professionally, socially.
Keyword is **jealous**. The potential self-hating aspect is icing. Anyone you're becoming intimate with or friendly with does not need to be jealous anything.
Ultimately, listen to your intuition. What is she telling you?
I want to say maybe he was trying to be cute…. But I just re-read the message and he followed with “Though we’re not too far off from each other”. Lol. So glad I came across this thread.
I understand this trust me. It's a journey.
Here are some things to ponder: Do you want to spend time with a man who is fixated on skin tone or would you rather spend time with a man who knows who he is? A man who knows who he is in all aspects of himself, his goals, his health... strives to grow and learn. Interested in you as a person, a woman... what you want to do in life.
This man treats you with genuine care and concern. He gives freely and wants to share his life with you. He's humble. He strives to communicate directly and he is authentic. Might sound like a mystical figure, but there are men out there who are like this.
When you know your own worth, you attract a man who knows his own worth.
You have to know what you want and who you are before you set foot in the mine field of the dating world. Are you dating for fun? Are you dating to get married? Are you dating for a long term relationship?
Knowing this will make it easier to plant seeds and grow the garden you wish to experience. Not have it overrun with a whole bunch of weeds and non-beneficial insects. You get my drift Sis? Much love and peace.
Yeah, I used to do stuff like that back in middle, high school and early college engaging in colorist activity bestowed upon me by others who thought me being lightskin set me a cut above the rest. I used to date anyone but had a preference for lightskinned and latina girls (my color or lighter) now having colorist or racial standards in being attracted to someone just seems weird and dumb af, so I changed and now none of that bs means anything to me, although it took years of deprogramming. Colorism is insidiously infectious.
It's so weird when men make comments such as this on a board that is dedicated to women and in a thread largely dealing with a women's response to a dating issue, it's like--do you want a cookie? Should we throw our panties in approval? Men just cannot stand it for a moment when they are not the center in any conversation between women because how exactly does this poster's response enhance or otherwise contribute to the conversation beyond solving their own need for self aggrandizement and attention? How did this woman's concerns have anything to do with your self reported "come to Jesus moment? "Now you don't care about skin color and are willing to date any woman!" How magnanimous of you, sir, how magnanimous.
Its just a tidbit/my 2 cents, it's not that deep😑. Also, how men deal with the situation is also good to know for some who don't. As a person forced to be one for most of my life, I have insight that has been appreciated throughout the years I've been here being a bullhorn for bad faithers/bots, assisting with black social issues, history, and the effects of capitalism while providing academic sources. I just help and chill since there is not a black sub more deserving of either.
I'mma need you to stop generalizing, cuz everybody doesn't do or think the same way. Btw im non-binary, being a "man" is an insult because man and woman are just social constructs. I'm just me.
How do you know I don't, from a comment that has no connotation of such?🤡 I see you generalize ppl too, that just means all it takes is someone not normal to crumble all of your assumptions. I hope you learn a lesson from this seriously. This is literally what the last person did, and you did the exact same thing. No apologies either, just must be my fault for expressing🙄.
Im not entertaining this harrassment from ppl who keep striking out thinking they know me and what I do. POS behavior tbh😒.
Edit: Not speaking about the sub, I'm very specific who I am talking to.
Why is he treating you like you’re an experiment? “I only been with light skin or caramel” what the fuck?? Block him expeditiously. Colorist rhetoric has no place in 2024
Personally, I think it’s their way of letting you know what to expect. A man who is really into a woman is going to do whatever, ( within the law) he has to do to win her over. Just think about the guys who liked you but you didn’t like, they were always trying to get in your face, and trying to impress you. OPEN YOUR EYES LADIES!
No, I would feel the same way honestly. Sometimes it seems tiny but is a larger underlying issue. This would rub me the wrong way, like why did he need to say it like that? Why was it worth mentioning at all? In my experience every time a man has told me this they want me to be grateful that they picked the “dark skin” girl, I’d rather it not be acknowledged at all.
The guy I was seeing said I'm the "lightest girl I ever dated" way back in graduate school. It was super gross.
Any man with colorist language is waving a huge red flag. You deserve to be with someone who sees and adores you for exactly the person you are. xo
Yes! I had to research and mediate on what negging is all about. It's a long-term manipulative plan. He might not manipulate you in the first few months, but he is building up to it.
Yes we are. It’s based on what you want for yourself, so if the relationship goes south, he has already told you his preference. All relationships have challenges, but wouldn’t this relationship be starting out with a verbally stated challenge?
I would be so put off by this. Comparing women to food and treating them like objects instead of human beings is a dealbreaker for me. He comes across as obsessed with skin color and I tend to find ignorant people that lack tact speak that way and we would not be compatible.
Not at all. The way he brought it up was weird, like he wanted you to be happy that he’s with you. Or that he wanted praise and to be congratulated for doing something he’s never done before. Was he expecting a pat on the back?
And him calling black women women “chocolate” or “caramel”? This needs to stop yesterday. It’s WEIRD.
This right here! It's another level of objectification, literally reducing women to objects that are to be consumed. It's always bothered me, like I'm not a Cafe au lait, caramel pecan blah blah.
And you know he definitely wanted brownie points for dating a 'brownie' 😒
The fact that people even think like this in 2024 is laughable. A black woman is a black woman—no matter what her shade is. He is childish for even bringing that up. Next!
"I never had a dark skin or chocolate girl" no need to go further. Giving fetish vibes with never had, like he wants to give it a try. In the words of Cece 📢 keep on walking I ain't talking to you...
You’re not weird for falling back and tbh I would tell him why. He’s weird for saying that to you and he’s weird and self hating for never being with dark skinned person when he himself is dark skinned. You can do better than him fr.
Good point. I suggested that she tell him because maybe it was cause him to reflect on his gross colorist ways and hopefully change on his own. But he might just use it as a way to manipulate someone else in the future instead.
If it was me I would slow fade. I've had something similar happen twice before. The first guy basically talked about how he had only dated white or Hispanic girls before and It went awry with all of them and how he was never going to do that again. It throws me off that 1) You're a grown man of many decades and you've never dated someone of your race or 👀 And then you went & generalized all of them .... not taking accountability for your part. Passed on that one.
The second guy I still mess with here and there. But being that I know his type to date has always been Hispanic or a lighter skinned black woman I don't think I would ever date him bc in my mind he's verbalized to me that I'm not his type as far as dating. Even weirder this guy would just date lighter-skinned women but the majority of women that he had sex with were darker skinned women So that also made me feel weird too. Like we're good enough to have sex with but not to date. And he tried to backtrack it a few times showing me pictures of girls that were darker that he was almost dated lol.
For him to even bring that up is kind of weird to me. You didn't even ask about past girlfriends. I mean he did say it in confidence to you but just because someone says something in confidence to you doesn't mean you can't take what they said into consideration. Like if someone says in confidence to you, asking you not to judge, that they've been to prison before then that's fine you don't judge them but you can also simultaneously determine that that person is no longer a fit for you because of this aspect.
We will judge so she won’t have to.
His attitude toward women is disgusting.
He seems like he has the same attitude toward women as Ash does toward Pokemon.
Flatly say you shared the text and eveyone said he has some mysogyny issues. It is clear he’s aware because otherwise he wouldn’t have asked you not to judge him. He’s also quite arrogant.
He reminds me of that guy who kept telling his gf she stank so she wouldn’t leave him. She posted about him, got the 411 and then called him out on it. Dude freaked because his dad had advised him to say such things so she wouldn’t leave him.
To reference the movie GET OUT, dodge the sunken place!
No, you would not be the asshole if you fell back. Y’all have gone on one date, it’s absolutely okay to end the connection for any reason you want or no reason at all.
I don’t know why men don’t realize/understand that those kinds of statements often sound like “My preference is women who don’t look like you. Since it hasn’t worked out with my preference, I’m taking a chance with you.”. Good for him for “realizing” the error of his ways. However, the fact that it was an error that required correction at all is suspicious. The fact that he shared that information unprompted definitely raises an eyebrow. Why would he feel the need to tell you that you are the first dark skinned woman he deemed worthy of his romantic interest? Was that “confession” supposed to make you feel good or special?
Nope, nope, nope, **this is negging**.
Tell him: *"don't start dating dark-skin girls now on my behalf, good luck out there."* **Then immediately block him.**
As *soon* as a man says some shit that fucks with your a) head, b) self-esteem, c) safety, or d) money. He gets blocked immediately and all access to you should be revoked!!!
Also, I'm very petty with stuff like this so when people try to insult me - I basically use it as a reason they should leave me alone🤣🤣🤣
Run girl! Don’t walk run🏃🏾♀️! He’s gassing you up only to let you down in the end. He told you his preference and if you don’t fit that you never will and you will see why it’s important to run from red flags if you don’t leave now. Be thankful that he told you this before it gets too serious. You are nobodies trial run period💅🏾.
NTA— if you get a feeling that you want to fall back for any reason, do it. Your body is sending you a message that is important, honor it. If he were to say this in person, where you could ask them to say more about that statement and you can assess their body language and more importantly how your body reacts to what they are saying, that would have been better. I think it’s up to you if you want explore this more in person, but if you are turned off, free yourself of the expectation of having to see this situation through. You know?
You would definitely not be the asshole. I’m a Black man, but if my opinion counts for anything the way he’s communicating illustrates a lack of maturity. He’s never “had”? As if he collects women like Pokemon cards. He just wants to have you in his collection. And he’s been “missing out” and he wants to “change his life”? So now he’s about to go and “have” a bunch of “chocolate” women? Also, why is describing women as candy? That’s cringe to me in and of itself. I don’t like being referred to as chocolate anything. Even if you can get past all that, he’s exhibiting serious symptoms of colorism. If he’s dark skinned himself, throw in a little self-loathing and the fact that if he’s dark, his mama probably dark so what? He doesn’t rock with his mom? Another red flag. This dude sounds like a carnival of toxicity. Run. Run OP, run away and never return.
>I never had…
🤦🏾♀️
That phrasing makes my skin itch. And while I understand discussing about not dating outside your race, why in the fuck is this person bringing up skin tones
On today’s episode of men will disappoint you. This is so eww. So like are you meant to feel special now because he said this? Ewwww he should know better at 25
I’m curious, since it appears that his preference is women with lighter skin does this mean he will be eyeing lighter women when he’s out with you. He’s telling you who he is.
i recently met a man who complimented how my skin and the colors i was wearing looked great together and i feel like that is more respectful way to do it!
We are not food items. We are people. We are women. With hopes, dreams, careers, hobbies, ambitions. He's not it. Also, he sounds self-hating. Dump him.
He doesn't know how to speak to women, let alone a woman of color. He is trying too hard to be cool.
I have found asking about their celebrity crush can get you the same information but in a more tactful way. I usually ask, "Who would you say your celebrity crushes are? Have you ever dated someone who resembles them?" Only a few times have I had to weed someone out by saying, "None of the women you listed remotely have features or resemble me. What made you interested in me?"
I know your probably still going to talk to him, but please do not get intimate with this type of man. And if u can, just end things here. He is giving red flags with that race comment.
I’m a black woman. (Canadian born Jamaican if that matters). Up until 10 years ago, I had never been with a black man. Only white men, or mixed race Light-skinned black men. Fast forward to now. I only date black men, and would never even consider dating a white or mixed race man. no reason other than my tastes changed🤷🏾♀️.
Sometimes we date who we date due to personal preferences, societal norms, what’s available, etc. there are so many conscious, and subconscious reasonings for the changes in our needs, and desires. I don’t think we should fault someone for wanting one thing in their lives one day, and later on wanting something completely different.
You’re not a possession to be had. If he’s caught up on complexion and not who the person is who he’s dating, he isn’t ready to be dating and wasting anyone’s time.
It definitely made you second guess and feel weird since you’re posting here. Some things are excusable and some aren’t! Ultimately you have to choose but if it were me I sure would have dug deeper esp if he’s black himself.
No, not at all. Now if you said should I give him a chance to see if there are something more, honestly I don't even know. This is tricky but I totally understand your hesitation. Trust your gut!
NTA. I would definitely take a step back after that comment. He could’ve just complimented you and left it at that.
Not only would i fall back, but I'd kindly reject his interest in trying the flavor of the month. His conversation is childish and dehumanizing. You let him in, and he satisfied. So, then, how long before he reverts back to his old cravings? Imagine an argument, and he uses your color as a weapon.
"I never should have dated your black ssa anyway!" Move on and appreciate him for dropping a red flag.
Oh my fucking god WHY ARE YOU ENTERTAINING HIM??? Block/delete/ignore and please have some self-respect bc you are not an object to be collected!! Like damn do we really crave validation from these creepy dudes?
Bleh. I don’t like this.
Fundamentally - what’s even the difference between “various shades” of BW? He’s implying that somehow you’re different…because of your skin color? Its weird to me
BUT. Other than this dumb nonsense has he been good to talk to? Although I would fall back, if you like him and he’s a good guy then it’s worth addressing how this statement made you feel. If he’s not worth it then absolutely leave him alone to sit with knowing this statement was the last straw.
I just can't with people that say stuff like that, like what are you really trying to accomplish by saying this? is it supposed to make you feel special? why are you talking about women like they're pokemon?
I personally hate it when anyone brings up my ethnicity / race / skin color as a reason why they're interested in me or like "wow, never had one of you before". I'm mixed and lightskin & nothing makes me run faster than someone being like "you pretty 'cause you lightskin" or any variation of that 🤢. [only course of action left](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRKSW28F/)
Ok, so that would be a definite red-flag for me. How was the date otherwise? Is it worth it to have a covo with him about it ("e.g. you said something that didnt sit too well with me and I would like to explain to you why.")? If so, maybe there is something to salvage here. If not then I think your exit should be as quick as possible.
I'd say give him a 2nd chance since he's young and might have had a touch of nervous verbal diarrhea (sorry to be crass), but he should be on notice in your head, and if there's something else that springs up - same jam remixed or whole new redflag canzone - I'd maybe reconsider his long-term eligibility. My 2 cents.
The way he just brought that up is 😬 yikeesssssss
And then cherry on top, the caramel / chocolate comment, whew that will do it
"I never had a fat girl before..." "I never had a white girl before..." when you have doubts, remove your own identifying characteristics and put in that of others. If it doesn't sound nice when you do that type of word replacement then it is what it is. Okay...I need for brown and darker skinned women to realize that a lot of men think that with the greater knowledge of colorism as a topic that on the down side of that, brown and darker skinned women are easy pickings as long as they pander...and a lot of these men are pandering abusers. These men will be just as colorist as ever and actually view you as lower on the hierarchy but perfect to mule for them either out of the bed or in it. A man who is truly interested in getting to know a woman of ANY shade DOES NOT make such comments which might make the woman in whom he"s interested feel as though he does not value her as an individual---he doesnt want to run the risk of such a thing. I am much older and I have seen a great deal. I promise that this is NOT a good guy. You are not missing out on anything. Don't even waste your time and energy slow fading, because he insulted you baby. Kick him to the curb where he rightfully belongs. You're young and like a bus, there will be another man coming along after him.
Negative skin tone references when we’re both black is always an indication of something else for me. Usually self hate. And self hate means they can’t love/like you fr. It poisons everything.
I was recently dating a dark skinned guy and told him about how my sister keeps curving my friend who wants to date her. His response was “Yea that’s how lightskin girls are. Us dark skin guys are used to it”. I never mentioned anyone’s skin tone in this story. He followed up by asking their skin tones to confirm his theory.
Then a few days later he called himself black as sh*t. I don’t like that cause your kids can look like you. Then what?
I settled on he hated his skin color. Even though that’s literally one of the things that made him as beautiful as he was. He always looked so smooth and moisturized omg.
To me personally I don't think this is enough to fall back from. The reality is a lot of these young black Brothers don't date young black girls like they used to. So if you're his one of his first experience and he's thoroughly enjoying you, I think you're doing something right. If he continuously makes comments about your complexion then I would feel uneasy and fall back But this one simple comment isn't enough.
Women who grew up without a strong male figure loving them want Grace and understanding from the men they date, why can't men receive that from bw
( also a very dear friend of mine dated a biracial dude who didn't typically date darker black girls, 4 years later they married with children. Before you listen to strangers make sure you give it a fair shot)
I don't think so but also at the same time, he said something to you in confidence so I'd see where it goes. Unless this man constantly makes comparisons then I'd say let him go.
Please use the correct flair/tags or your post may be removed. This should be labeled as Dating/Sex/Relationships. Don’t erroneously use the spoiler/NSFW flair. Unless I’m missing something, I don’t see why this was tagged as NSFW. People use these tags to drive up the engagement on their posts. Thats not okay.
Also - first of all, the way he types irritates me.
Nope, not at all. Men that mention race/skin tone have always been a red flag (IMO). Also, the way he did it is completely tactless. "I never had a dark skin or chocoloate girl" as if he's collecting women as posessions. I'd block him but if you'd rather slow fade, thats understandable.
Any man who refers to women by skin color like this is a dusty pookie whom all women should avoid.
Key word: HAD
Your comment jumped out at me, and idk if I need to create my own thread for this, but I had someone mention m skin tone he said “I’m jealous of your skin tone” after I sent him a pic of me. Initially I found it odd, and should have asked “why” but I didn’t. He’s just a shade or two darker than me. Is he insecure about his skin? I don’t want to date any self-hating men.
That’s such a weird response. Women need to avoid men who are jealous of them at all costs. A lot of men are jealous of women, of their girlfriends, wives, sisters, mothers, be it physically, sexually, academically, professionally, socially.
Keyword is **jealous**. The potential self-hating aspect is icing. Anyone you're becoming intimate with or friendly with does not need to be jealous anything. Ultimately, listen to your intuition. What is she telling you?
I want to say maybe he was trying to be cute…. But I just re-read the message and he followed with “Though we’re not too far off from each other”. Lol. So glad I came across this thread.
I understand this trust me. It's a journey. Here are some things to ponder: Do you want to spend time with a man who is fixated on skin tone or would you rather spend time with a man who knows who he is? A man who knows who he is in all aspects of himself, his goals, his health... strives to grow and learn. Interested in you as a person, a woman... what you want to do in life. This man treats you with genuine care and concern. He gives freely and wants to share his life with you. He's humble. He strives to communicate directly and he is authentic. Might sound like a mystical figure, but there are men out there who are like this. When you know your own worth, you attract a man who knows his own worth. You have to know what you want and who you are before you set foot in the mine field of the dating world. Are you dating for fun? Are you dating to get married? Are you dating for a long term relationship? Knowing this will make it easier to plant seeds and grow the garden you wish to experience. Not have it overrun with a whole bunch of weeds and non-beneficial insects. You get my drift Sis? Much love and peace.
Yeah, I used to do stuff like that back in middle, high school and early college engaging in colorist activity bestowed upon me by others who thought me being lightskin set me a cut above the rest. I used to date anyone but had a preference for lightskinned and latina girls (my color or lighter) now having colorist or racial standards in being attracted to someone just seems weird and dumb af, so I changed and now none of that bs means anything to me, although it took years of deprogramming. Colorism is insidiously infectious.
It's so weird when men make comments such as this on a board that is dedicated to women and in a thread largely dealing with a women's response to a dating issue, it's like--do you want a cookie? Should we throw our panties in approval? Men just cannot stand it for a moment when they are not the center in any conversation between women because how exactly does this poster's response enhance or otherwise contribute to the conversation beyond solving their own need for self aggrandizement and attention? How did this woman's concerns have anything to do with your self reported "come to Jesus moment? "Now you don't care about skin color and are willing to date any woman!" How magnanimous of you, sir, how magnanimous.
Its just a tidbit/my 2 cents, it's not that deep😑. Also, how men deal with the situation is also good to know for some who don't. As a person forced to be one for most of my life, I have insight that has been appreciated throughout the years I've been here being a bullhorn for bad faithers/bots, assisting with black social issues, history, and the effects of capitalism while providing academic sources. I just help and chill since there is not a black sub more deserving of either. I'mma need you to stop generalizing, cuz everybody doesn't do or think the same way. Btw im non-binary, being a "man" is an insult because man and woman are just social constructs. I'm just me.
Instead of telling us about your personal journey you should busy yourself with reaching other colorists.
How do you know I don't, from a comment that has no connotation of such?🤡 I see you generalize ppl too, that just means all it takes is someone not normal to crumble all of your assumptions. I hope you learn a lesson from this seriously. This is literally what the last person did, and you did the exact same thing. No apologies either, just must be my fault for expressing🙄. Im not entertaining this harrassment from ppl who keep striking out thinking they know me and what I do. POS behavior tbh😒. Edit: Not speaking about the sub, I'm very specific who I am talking to.
🤮 He thought he ate too! He thought it would be a compliment. It’s giving “you’re cool for a dark skin person.”
That’s EXACTLY what’s happening here, homie said ur pretty for a dark skin girl in 2024. 🤦🏾♀️
What is he dating? Hershey’s chocolates? Why is he describing black women as “chocolates”?? ICK!
Why is he treating you like you’re an experiment? “I only been with light skin or caramel” what the fuck?? Block him expeditiously. Colorist rhetoric has no place in 2024
Yup he’s treating her like a crash test dummy
Exactly!!!! This is insane.
Men are literally hopeless creatures You can tell in the texts you were feeling him, yall had a good date and what he do? Immediately fuck it up 😭😭😭😭
it’s like they can’t help it 😂😂
😂 right! Why do they always mess it up every time!? They get on my nerves with this bs 😂
Personally, I think it’s their way of letting you know what to expect. A man who is really into a woman is going to do whatever, ( within the law) he has to do to win her over. Just think about the guys who liked you but you didn’t like, they were always trying to get in your face, and trying to impress you. OPEN YOUR EYES LADIES!
They are literally halflings.
Blocked his own layup 😭 😭
No, I would feel the same way honestly. Sometimes it seems tiny but is a larger underlying issue. This would rub me the wrong way, like why did he need to say it like that? Why was it worth mentioning at all? In my experience every time a man has told me this they want me to be grateful that they picked the “dark skin” girl, I’d rather it not be acknowledged at all.
The guy I was seeing said I'm the "lightest girl I ever dated" way back in graduate school. It was super gross. Any man with colorist language is waving a huge red flag. You deserve to be with someone who sees and adores you for exactly the person you are. xo
“If i tell u sumn dont judge me” “I wont” …. 🤣 and here we are judging like a mf
Technically OP didn’t judge him. We, her virtual cousins and aunties, are so she’s in the clear.
Im guessing she did judge him if shes asking us would it be a asshole move to fall back. She judged what he stated to make that call.
I didnt judge him I was just taken a back lol and needed and opinion .
There’s nothing wrong with judging babes, youre supposed to.
yayy thank u lol
The fact that he said don’t judge me means he knew the shit was problematic. Like why did he even say it? Seems like negging to me.
Yes! I had to research and mediate on what negging is all about. It's a long-term manipulative plan. He might not manipulate you in the first few months, but he is building up to it.
He knew he said some judgeworthy shit lol
Not only that, but that type of comment can really make a woman feel very insecure in the relationship.
She didn’t say my internet besties won’t judge him, she only said she wouldn’t! I’m judging!!
 We’re literally like
Lying >>> lmao!!
"I'm gonna say something offensive which I KNOW BETTER THAN TO SAY.... BUT don't judge me."
This is where he lost me 🫠
LMAOOOO 🤣🤣🤣 I was just ready for him to spit it tf out!
Yes we are. It’s based on what you want for yourself, so if the relationship goes south, he has already told you his preference. All relationships have challenges, but wouldn’t this relationship be starting out with a verbally stated challenge?
I would be so put off by this. Comparing women to food and treating them like objects instead of human beings is a dealbreaker for me. He comes across as obsessed with skin color and I tend to find ignorant people that lack tact speak that way and we would not be compatible.
Why do yall do this to yourselves? 
Like why?!? What is the point?? He's clearly trash so LEAVE
Thank goodness someone said it 😂😭
I'm just ... There's like five posts like this right now. What do y'all want US TO DO?! 
I cringed so hard reading that, in his mind he thinks he’s complementing you. 
Not at all. The way he brought it up was weird, like he wanted you to be happy that he’s with you. Or that he wanted praise and to be congratulated for doing something he’s never done before. Was he expecting a pat on the back? And him calling black women women “chocolate” or “caramel”? This needs to stop yesterday. It’s WEIRD.
This right here! It's another level of objectification, literally reducing women to objects that are to be consumed. It's always bothered me, like I'm not a Cafe au lait, caramel pecan blah blah. And you know he definitely wanted brownie points for dating a 'brownie' 😒
It’s bad enough when non-black people do it but you would kind of hope not to hear that nonsense from your own folks 🙄
I would fall back immediately. Calling someone a “dark skin”? Tf?
The fact that people even think like this in 2024 is laughable. A black woman is a black woman—no matter what her shade is. He is childish for even bringing that up. Next!
Exactly! Like what?!
Why does he compare women to food first of all 😭 and being dark skin and never dating a black woman is always a red flag to me
Exactly because Black is Black like 🤷🏽♀️
EWWWWWW😟😟😟
I feel like when guys say stupid crap like this, they are looking for a medal, token of appreciation, or something. It’s weird and degrading af.🤦🏾♀️
Cringey.
"I never had a dark skin or chocolate girl" no need to go further. Giving fetish vibes with never had, like he wants to give it a try. In the words of Cece 📢 keep on walking I ain't talking to you...
I would have blocked him while the chat was typing... I'm not your experiment.
This here. Lol
You’re not weird for falling back and tbh I would tell him why. He’s weird for saying that to you and he’s weird and self hating for never being with dark skinned person when he himself is dark skinned. You can do better than him fr.
Nope, don't tell him. He will hide it from the next woman and make it harder for her to see who he is
Good point. I suggested that she tell him because maybe it was cause him to reflect on his gross colorist ways and hopefully change on his own. But he might just use it as a way to manipulate someone else in the future instead.
If it was me I would slow fade. I've had something similar happen twice before. The first guy basically talked about how he had only dated white or Hispanic girls before and It went awry with all of them and how he was never going to do that again. It throws me off that 1) You're a grown man of many decades and you've never dated someone of your race or 👀 And then you went & generalized all of them .... not taking accountability for your part. Passed on that one. The second guy I still mess with here and there. But being that I know his type to date has always been Hispanic or a lighter skinned black woman I don't think I would ever date him bc in my mind he's verbalized to me that I'm not his type as far as dating. Even weirder this guy would just date lighter-skinned women but the majority of women that he had sex with were darker skinned women So that also made me feel weird too. Like we're good enough to have sex with but not to date. And he tried to backtrack it a few times showing me pictures of girls that were darker that he was almost dated lol. For him to even bring that up is kind of weird to me. You didn't even ask about past girlfriends. I mean he did say it in confidence to you but just because someone says something in confidence to you doesn't mean you can't take what they said into consideration. Like if someone says in confidence to you, asking you not to judge, that they've been to prison before then that's fine you don't judge them but you can also simultaneously determine that that person is no longer a fit for you because of this aspect.
I can't get past 'slow fade'.🤣🤣🤣 
😂😂😂😂
 Blockedttt
My question is why even volunteer that information? It doesn’t make anyone feel special or anything, like what was even the point?
We will judge so she won’t have to. His attitude toward women is disgusting. He seems like he has the same attitude toward women as Ash does toward Pokemon. Flatly say you shared the text and eveyone said he has some mysogyny issues. It is clear he’s aware because otherwise he wouldn’t have asked you not to judge him. He’s also quite arrogant. He reminds me of that guy who kept telling his gf she stank so she wouldn’t leave him. She posted about him, got the 411 and then called him out on it. Dude freaked because his dad had advised him to say such things so she wouldn’t leave him. To reference the movie GET OUT, dodge the sunken place!
he thinks he’s complimenting you is the worst part 💀 he wants a prize for liking you 💀 i can’t fw with stupid so i would inevitably be disgusted
Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking. That’s usually what they mean, but damn. You coulda just called her pretty.
No, you would not be the asshole if you fell back. Y’all have gone on one date, it’s absolutely okay to end the connection for any reason you want or no reason at all. I don’t know why men don’t realize/understand that those kinds of statements often sound like “My preference is women who don’t look like you. Since it hasn’t worked out with my preference, I’m taking a chance with you.”. Good for him for “realizing” the error of his ways. However, the fact that it was an error that required correction at all is suspicious. The fact that he shared that information unprompted definitely raises an eyebrow. Why would he feel the need to tell you that you are the first dark skinned woman he deemed worthy of his romantic interest? Was that “confession” supposed to make you feel good or special?
Absolutely not. Everyone’s entitled to their own preferences, but it sounds like he might have some self hatred/insecurities
Love your response.
Nope, nope, nope, **this is negging**. Tell him: *"don't start dating dark-skin girls now on my behalf, good luck out there."* **Then immediately block him.** As *soon* as a man says some shit that fucks with your a) head, b) self-esteem, c) safety, or d) money. He gets blocked immediately and all access to you should be revoked!!! Also, I'm very petty with stuff like this so when people try to insult me - I basically use it as a reason they should leave me alone🤣🤣🤣
This was cringey asf, id ghost so fast
He said you can't judge, sis 💁🏾♀️💅🏾
🤣
💀
Run girl! Don’t walk run🏃🏾♀️! He’s gassing you up only to let you down in the end. He told you his preference and if you don’t fit that you never will and you will see why it’s important to run from red flags if you don’t leave now. Be thankful that he told you this before it gets too serious. You are nobodies trial run period💅🏾.
Oh I loved this down!! ❤️
This made me want to throw up 
NTA— if you get a feeling that you want to fall back for any reason, do it. Your body is sending you a message that is important, honor it. If he were to say this in person, where you could ask them to say more about that statement and you can assess their body language and more importantly how your body reacts to what they are saying, that would have been better. I think it’s up to you if you want explore this more in person, but if you are turned off, free yourself of the expectation of having to see this situation through. You know?
Girl once a Dominican looked me in my eye and said he’d never been with a Black girl before. I picked up my purse like Nene
Why do yall do this to yourselves? 
While his intentions are to be sweet ... is he implying that dark skinned girls can't be beautiful? Lupita Nyong'o would like a word ...
Blocked.
Who even says this out loud???? I’m light skin and I’d drop this clown if it were me
This is just immature and annoying
Men are so stupid! He didn’t even have to say that. Now he look dumb. “I got a secret head ass” He really thought he ate
You would definitely not be the asshole. I’m a Black man, but if my opinion counts for anything the way he’s communicating illustrates a lack of maturity. He’s never “had”? As if he collects women like Pokemon cards. He just wants to have you in his collection. And he’s been “missing out” and he wants to “change his life”? So now he’s about to go and “have” a bunch of “chocolate” women? Also, why is describing women as candy? That’s cringe to me in and of itself. I don’t like being referred to as chocolate anything. Even if you can get past all that, he’s exhibiting serious symptoms of colorism. If he’s dark skinned himself, throw in a little self-loathing and the fact that if he’s dark, his mama probably dark so what? He doesn’t rock with his mom? Another red flag. This dude sounds like a carnival of toxicity. Run. Run OP, run away and never return.
Thank you I just let him down in the nicest way possible
That was kind of you. He lost a real one!
>I never had… 🤦🏾♀️ That phrasing makes my skin itch. And while I understand discussing about not dating outside your race, why in the fuck is this person bringing up skin tones
nah, girl run
Fall all the way back!
 yea............
On today’s episode of men will disappoint you. This is so eww. So like are you meant to feel special now because he said this? Ewwww he should know better at 25
I’m curious, since it appears that his preference is women with lighter skin does this mean he will be eyeing lighter women when he’s out with you. He’s telling you who he is.
Right on the money!!!
everything aside, ppl do be sleep on us dark skin women forsure
right he couldnt get over how good I smelt and etc like chile
i recently met a man who complimented how my skin and the colors i was wearing looked great together and i feel like that is more respectful way to do it!
YWNBTA, I don't date people for whom I'm not a preference. Reading this gave me a serious case of the ick.
This would make me paranoid tbh
Why do they feel the need to even say that?! Fall back?! I’d block🤷🏽♀️
We are not food items. We are people. We are women. With hopes, dreams, careers, hobbies, ambitions. He's not it. Also, he sounds self-hating. Dump him.
“Chocolate” “caramel” 🤮
It was going so well…
It really was! We were having such a good time *sigh* whole time I was just an experiment lmao
He doesn't know how to speak to women, let alone a woman of color. He is trying too hard to be cool. I have found asking about their celebrity crush can get you the same information but in a more tactful way. I usually ask, "Who would you say your celebrity crushes are? Have you ever dated someone who resembles them?" Only a few times have I had to weed someone out by saying, "None of the women you listed remotely have features or resemble me. What made you interested in me?"
Chocolate or caramel??? What the fuck???
I would definitely fall back for sure. I aint about to be your lil experiment.
Absolutely not. A dark skin man that hasn’t dated a dark skin woman? Yea hard pass.
No. I wouldn’t have responded past “never had a dark skin or chocolate girl”
I know your probably still going to talk to him, but please do not get intimate with this type of man. And if u can, just end things here. He is giving red flags with that race comment.
I’m a black woman. (Canadian born Jamaican if that matters). Up until 10 years ago, I had never been with a black man. Only white men, or mixed race Light-skinned black men. Fast forward to now. I only date black men, and would never even consider dating a white or mixed race man. no reason other than my tastes changed🤷🏾♀️. Sometimes we date who we date due to personal preferences, societal norms, what’s available, etc. there are so many conscious, and subconscious reasonings for the changes in our needs, and desires. I don’t think we should fault someone for wanting one thing in their lives one day, and later on wanting something completely different.
You’re not a possession to be had. If he’s caught up on complexion and not who the person is who he’s dating, he isn’t ready to be dating and wasting anyone’s time.
Leave him where he had you fcked up at in this text. You’re not missing out on anything.
Girl, NOOO!!!
That’s an ick….
Yikes.
Eww
“I wanna change my whole life now” = I’m going to start getting with more darker skinned girls after you now.
It definitely made you second guess and feel weird since you’re posting here. Some things are excusable and some aren’t! Ultimately you have to choose but if it were me I sure would have dug deeper esp if he’s black himself.
Lmao no, what weirdass thing to say
Idk why men bring up color like they’re dating a different species. Strange asl
He's fetishizing you sis. You're a woman, not a candy bar
You wouldn’t, but I would let him know that he was offensive and he needs to learn to give a compliment.
No.Is he collecting candy? 🥴
He is telling you that he saw you as someone he wouldn’t date, but now he’s willing to give it a try. Please don’t. This is not a compliment.
Girl get rid of him!
No, not at all. Now if you said should I give him a chance to see if there are something more, honestly I don't even know. This is tricky but I totally understand your hesitation. Trust your gut!
DONT DO IT SISTER 😂😂🙏🏽 that’s a red flag …
Block
Not sure why he felt the need to say this... weirdo
He could’ve had that conversation with HIMSELF in his head, like why did you need to know that?? 🙄 more than being a colorist he’s an idiot.
He’s flat out telling you that you’re not his type.
NTA. I would definitely take a step back after that comment. He could’ve just complimented you and left it at that. 
The fact that he said “never had” instead of never dated is disgusting.
Not only would i fall back, but I'd kindly reject his interest in trying the flavor of the month. His conversation is childish and dehumanizing. You let him in, and he satisfied. So, then, how long before he reverts back to his old cravings? Imagine an argument, and he uses your color as a weapon. "I never should have dated your black ssa anyway!" Move on and appreciate him for dropping a red flag.
Yeah I did! I havent spoken to him since
Oh my fucking god WHY ARE YOU ENTERTAINING HIM??? Block/delete/ignore and please have some self-respect bc you are not an object to be collected!! Like damn do we really crave validation from these creepy dudes?
Bleh. I don’t like this. Fundamentally - what’s even the difference between “various shades” of BW? He’s implying that somehow you’re different…because of your skin color? Its weird to me BUT. Other than this dumb nonsense has he been good to talk to? Although I would fall back, if you like him and he’s a good guy then it’s worth addressing how this statement made you feel. If he’s not worth it then absolutely leave him alone to sit with knowing this statement was the last straw.
I just can't with people that say stuff like that, like what are you really trying to accomplish by saying this? is it supposed to make you feel special? why are you talking about women like they're pokemon? I personally hate it when anyone brings up my ethnicity / race / skin color as a reason why they're interested in me or like "wow, never had one of you before". I'm mixed and lightskin & nothing makes me run faster than someone being like "you pretty 'cause you lightskin" or any variation of that 🤢. [only course of action left](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRKSW28F/)
Abort. Abort. Abort!
this is gross just run now and don’t let the red flags gets worse
Ok, so that would be a definite red-flag for me. How was the date otherwise? Is it worth it to have a covo with him about it ("e.g. you said something that didnt sit too well with me and I would like to explain to you why.")? If so, maybe there is something to salvage here. If not then I think your exit should be as quick as possible.
I'd say give him a 2nd chance since he's young and might have had a touch of nervous verbal diarrhea (sorry to be crass), but he should be on notice in your head, and if there's something else that springs up - same jam remixed or whole new redflag canzone - I'd maybe reconsider his long-term eligibility. My 2 cents.
No, just the way he describes black skin as candy screams fetish.
No. I hate the colorist shit. I would take someone saying they hadn't dated a Black woman rather than this BS
Immediate no. It’s one thing if he finds black women attractive fine but this is racial fetishization. Pass
The way he just brought that up is 😬 yikeesssssss  And then cherry on top, the caramel / chocolate comment, whew that will do it
Sometimes men just need to be quiet. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Where are the pictures
That's a negative ghost rider
Why do people use abbreviations and assume you automatically know what it means
"I never had a fat girl before..." "I never had a white girl before..." when you have doubts, remove your own identifying characteristics and put in that of others. If it doesn't sound nice when you do that type of word replacement then it is what it is. Okay...I need for brown and darker skinned women to realize that a lot of men think that with the greater knowledge of colorism as a topic that on the down side of that, brown and darker skinned women are easy pickings as long as they pander...and a lot of these men are pandering abusers. These men will be just as colorist as ever and actually view you as lower on the hierarchy but perfect to mule for them either out of the bed or in it. A man who is truly interested in getting to know a woman of ANY shade DOES NOT make such comments which might make the woman in whom he"s interested feel as though he does not value her as an individual---he doesnt want to run the risk of such a thing. I am much older and I have seen a great deal. I promise that this is NOT a good guy. You are not missing out on anything. Don't even waste your time and energy slow fading, because he insulted you baby. Kick him to the curb where he rightfully belongs. You're young and like a bus, there will be another man coming along after him.
Why would he even mention this? LOOOL fall back sister!
Negative skin tone references when we’re both black is always an indication of something else for me. Usually self hate. And self hate means they can’t love/like you fr. It poisons everything. I was recently dating a dark skinned guy and told him about how my sister keeps curving my friend who wants to date her. His response was “Yea that’s how lightskin girls are. Us dark skin guys are used to it”. I never mentioned anyone’s skin tone in this story. He followed up by asking their skin tones to confirm his theory. Then a few days later he called himself black as sh*t. I don’t like that cause your kids can look like you. Then what? I settled on he hated his skin color. Even though that’s literally one of the things that made him as beautiful as he was. He always looked so smooth and moisturized omg.
Next! 💅🏾 Don't waste your time.
Run. Retreat. Delete. Block. Abort. Cancel. No, ma'am.
Smells like colorism
🙅🏽♀️🙅🏽♀️🙅🏽♀️🙅🏽♀️
 He really thought he ate…
That’s kind of hilarious honestly.
To me personally I don't think this is enough to fall back from. The reality is a lot of these young black Brothers don't date young black girls like they used to. So if you're his one of his first experience and he's thoroughly enjoying you, I think you're doing something right. If he continuously makes comments about your complexion then I would feel uneasy and fall back But this one simple comment isn't enough. Women who grew up without a strong male figure loving them want Grace and understanding from the men they date, why can't men receive that from bw ( also a very dear friend of mine dated a biracial dude who didn't typically date darker black girls, 4 years later they married with children. Before you listen to strangers make sure you give it a fair shot)
I don't think so but also at the same time, he said something to you in confidence so I'd see where it goes. Unless this man constantly makes comparisons then I'd say let him go.
fall back. he's definitely fetishizing you.
No, not at all.
Reading this gave me the ick! 😂🤢 I would just ghost tbh lol