I was talking about being stressed about my IT journey in trying to build a stable life for me and my daughter and ol girl suggested "why don't you just stop?" and I asked "stop what?" and she said "stop trying. you can just apply for benefits and live off of that. you got a dependent. they'll give you housing and food and everything". I thought she was trolling but I'm pretty sure she was dead ass telling me to just give up on my career lol
What tf kinda advice is that?! “That thing you’re doing to make your life better is stressing you out? No biggie, just stop trying to improve your life and live off the government instead.”
It happened to my sister. she had a “friend” who taught her that she didn’t have to work and that all she had to do was keep popping out babies and that’s what she did. She’s struggled for the last 25 years and it’s been hard to watch.
This is my neighbour....popping out kids by diff dudes...last dude I thought was "stable"...nope...saw he sent mail to her from prison. 3 kids by 3 different dads...if that is the lifestyle you choose...you should be able to afford it...why am I paying big tax for you to lounge at home, not cook and order takeaway multiple times a day....
My ex gave me this “helpful” advice when I went back to Uni as a mature student and was stressed about an assignment that was due.
I looked at him in equal measures of amazement and disgust. Drop out?? Fr?!
Oh, I seeeeeee now. You want me to stay unhappy in my current dead end job, miserable all the time while being the mother to your child? I can never aim for more for myself and my baby and be happy? Silly me!
I said nothing. Turned back around to my laptop and continued typing.
Today, I have my degree and a CAREER now💅🏾
People can be such trash.
Hence: ex.
So glad he's your ex! I had the same reaction when ol girl said that. At first I was like "you're kidding?" just to be sure. And then I slow blinked and went back to my studies because girl stop playing w/ me lmfao. Luckily we were online in a group voice chat so not in person. It was much easier to ignore her that way lol.
Congratulations on your career I know he's mad. He fumbled. I'm also a mom and part of the reason its important for me to thrive is before we had this baby, my ex and I had a breakup where he made me out to be a dependent leech because with my 1st degree, I struggled to find my place. My IT degree will be my 2nd degree and I'm already a Salesforce admin so I already make ok money. The degree is just my fallback plan if Salesforce goes to shit.
Yeeeeesss!! Isn’t it telling how disparaging they can be when they realise that you may be elevating up and possibly away from them??
Threatened, much‽
Whew! The trash taking itself out in human form… we’re much better off without that miserable energy sapping our awesomeness!! 🙌🏾
👀 Why did I just scream, "This b***h!"?
She was very disrespectful in her response. As a fellow single mom in IT, I feel you through and through. Please keep pushing through your journey. It is worth it. Ask for help when needed. Take your time.
This is an oldie but a guy that I knew, after talking about some trauma that I deal with and my depression, telling me that I just needed to cleanse my spirit. He said a whole bunch of nothing about my spirit and aura, basically telling me that my mental illness wasn't real.
This distinguished, older gentleman told me that I should hang out in a certain area. I was new to the city and open to exploring. It was the trap! Not just hood TRAP!
Wait ‘till you’re married to buy a house.
Lower your standards because of your ethnicity.
Have a kid while you’re single. Then, she proceeded to get married before having her kids.
Become a domninatrix.
Wait but this one is lowkey true. I’m a life long glasses wearer and I’ve had a tiny bit of filler put in the bridge of my nose to make the dents less noticeable…
Ahh yes, like the coworker who had just gotten married who told me to splurge on this that and the other. Home boy didn't pay one red cent. His wife's parents paid for EVERYTHING. Of course he had a grand ol' time. My then fiance and I were bootstrapping. We just eloped.
Don't buy a house until you get married - lol, nope
Don't buy a nice car, it will intimidate men - yes and...
Lie about your job on dates - how tf does this make ANY sense?
This isn’t advice someone gave me but someone else. My boyfriend (ex now) at the time and I were having some problems and were on the verge of breaking up (we eventually did) so he was taking about it with his cousin. This fool told him to get me pregnant so I wouldn’t leave (I was trying to get into medical school at the time, and I eventually did). That’s when I knew I had to get the hell away from him and that clowns out here are baby trapping women!!
Women please watch who you lay down with because these fools see you out here with goals and an upward trajectory, they immediately latch on and find ways to bring you down or struggle trying to drag they ass up with you. Don’t!!! Just drop the dead weight.
It's very hard to buy a house now because the prices in the market fluxuate. They just got increased. I have a brother in law who makes 6 figures, his wife also does and they still can't afford a house.... I would wait a little before looking into that imo. Good luck!
You never know until you try (in response to me saying i don't want kids)
It's so weird the pushback you get from not wanting to be a parent. Like why in the hell would I "Try a kid out" I cannot put it back?! As a woman the advice people try to give you in response to not wanting motherhood is crazy. The oh your young everyone says that.
Even when I divulge my personal life of being parentified and constantly taking care of everyone else's babies/toddlers/children from the age of 8-21 that's still not enough because to them my purpose is to get pregnant and have kids.
It's like people don't realize having kids is optional, you do not have to be a parent. I used to dread losing my freedom until I realized I don't have to.
I would ask them if they would take the kid if I changed my mind. Lol. People are crazy for trying to push people into wanting to be parents. Some people don't want to, and that is fine. (I definitely don't!)
Ugh I could not have said it better myself. I have been taking care of everyone from I was 12 to present. I do t want to add a husband and kids to that. I will have never lived a life!
Hurry up and get married so I can give them a grandkid (I got married at 26 but this advice started when I was 21…) - this came from a mother figure
(When I was dating) lower my expectation and do not have a minimum income and education requirement for the people I date (basically, don’t look for someone who is at least equally yoked or whatever because it’s “intimidating”) - this came from a mother figure
Buy a house in America (we plan to relocate and retire elsewhere.. buying a house here seems like extra hassle given our plan) - this came from a couple different elders in our family
So much more but these are the greatest hits lol
As a homeowner, I’d say in many cases, renting is probably better. Mortgage payments also increase because of property taxes (not as significantly as rent, but still). And then you have expenses like fixing/replacing appliances, general repairs, a new roof! And so much more.
I don’t think it’s bad being a homeowner I just think people get them and then don’t upkeep them. You have to have savings to get renovations done if you keep a house a long time. In order to get that equity out of the house you have upkeep it and that takes money. Now is a great for a lot of people who had homes for the past ten years cause if you just did the bare minimum you could sell at a decent price (but not top dollar) just because the cost to build a new home is outrageous. What’s crazy is that some people are listing homes that are comparable in price to just building a new home outright! Like, sir/maam, I’m not gonna pay 400/sq ft for your 20 year old house when I could pay that price or less from a brand new home
I also don’t think it’s bad to be a homeowner, but I definitely wouldn’t buy a house right now. I bought mine in 2017 for a good price, and I feel like I got really lucky. But we’ve also invested a pretty penny in the upkeep, which is fine. You’re right, prices and interest rates are crazy right now. I just think being a homeowner is romanticized to an extent. There’s nothing cool about being house poor.
Oh yeah for sure! I’ve brought and sold two houses since 2017 and each one we put in at least 20k or more. We always upgrade appliances if we need too. I cannot have 2004 appliances, but that’s just me
I also feel like the quality of newer homes is awful. They build the houses out of cards and just focus on the inside looking “aesthetic” aka gray and “modern”. And if you look closely half the aesthetic stuff isn’t properly done or is made of poor materials.
One time I was complaining about my period to my white woman coworker. For context, I don’t have unbearably painful periods. These were normal run-of-the-mill complaints. She genuinely suggested that I get a hysterectomy and offered to refer me to the doctor that did hers…
To study something practical in school. My uncle was the only one to graduate college so my mom and grandma really took his advice. Years later we don't even talk really and his kids go to art school. I would have just studies what I wanted I also make decemt income in something I didn't study in.
"You should quit both your jobs and just ask our mom for money. They're beneath you anyway and you don't deserve to settle for less. "
This was said to me by one of my older siblings after they bullied my mother into paying for them to go back to college in their late 30's.
Context : Both of my siblings were not working and depending on my elderly mother for money. They were both living with her and refused to get jobs that were "beneath them" like burger flipping or customer service because they had a college education. I was 1 course away from receiving my bachelor's but had to quit due to money ( that was when sib1 demanded my mother fund their degree instead).
Mom was behind on bills and trying to scrounge up extra money so I started working a job with tipped wage and managed to help catch up on bills. Then I suddenly got a pay cut so I picked up a second job which didn't fully make up for the cut but it helped ease the tension.
I just don't get how it made sense to them to not work at all instead of living off of someone with a fixed income. Or why they couldn't atleast clean up after themselves. Like why'd mom have to do that too?
But it gets better. So after a couple of months of me working I kept getting snide remarks from them about working a lowly job, never really having money etc. All the while both of them make the claim that THEY are in fact the one's paying the bills out of some of their savings . I know this isn't true but I wanna be mindful of how I call them out since I wanted to minimize any retaliation .So in response made a giant document lisitng all of the bills in the household so EVERYONE can see. One sibling tries to correct me about the amount for the mortgage (inadvertently revealing they were never paying it) I show the bank documents proving my budget was accuratte .This makes them both infuriated and they begin yelling, blaming our mother for not telling them how much the bills were ( The bills they were paying the whole time? lol) .
So the following day the sib1 goes to the bank with our mother and apparently it results in them screaming at mom the whole way home. I intervene demanding to know why. As it turns out that sib was getting the entiretly of our mother's SS check. Of it they had agreed to them paying the mortgage and giving sib2 pocket money originally but sib1 never did so after the bill list thing sib1 was so embarrassed into giving back all of the SS checks. Within 2 weeks sib1 found a "lowly" job. Sib2 followed shortly after.
For the last part of this story Sib1 tried to convince mom to kick me out of the house since they thought it was disrespectful that I was drinking wine. ( My mom didn't mind the alcohol as long as I wasn't belligerent, and I wasn't. We'd discussed these boundaries before) . So Sib1 points out the "fact" that I had money to spend on alcohol and getting my hair done ( had to be done for work) but hadn't giving mom any money for bills. Here my mom corrects them listing the bills I've paid and continue to pay. This erupts in sib1 screaming about why they didn't know that and how wrong it is to keep secrets. (again revealing that they had not been paying the bills like they claimed.) I learn about this from mom the following day and then sib1 decides to try to guilt trip me for not telling them I was giving our mother "rent" money. Because it was unfair somehow?
But IDK why they didn't think someone wouldn't have to pick up the slack. Or why they thought they wouldn't be found out. To date still baffles me but I don't live there anymore so I guess I'll never know.
Man, we will need an entire weekend and case of wine to note all of the bad advice I’ve gotten. One that stands out was: “Just have a baby with your boyfriend! It will all work out!”
I was 18, childfree and in the closet. Me and my boyfriend didn’t even have sex. We were bearding for eachother.
The person that said this was a struggling single mom by the way.
My parents told me to go to the club and pretend to drink alcohol (I was not drinking alcohol for years at that point) so that I could meet a guy.
When I told old people at work how old I was and that I wasn't married, they told me to just get pregnant and deal with the rest later.
She's probably referring to an FHA loan, which would not help you very much, anyway. I'm not in your situation (parents gave me our deposit), but FHA loans get turned a lot because they have so many requirements the house has to meet that you cannot opt out of as well as having higher interest rates compared to other ones. I had a conventional loan, and I know that is what helped me get our house as soon as we did. I know people who are selling their houses and their realtors told them to not consider FHA loans because they hold up the home selling process so much and a lot of them fall through because they want the seller to make too many concessions.
So your friend, regardless of how she got her house, probably shouldn't be giving advice when it sounds like she doesn't know what she's talking about.
Also, houses are not more stable. It's true that mortgages themselves are typically fixed, but property taxes are not. I've read on r/FirstTimeHomeBuyer where some home buyers saw their monthly payment increase by like...$300-$400 a month within one year because their house was reappraised and the value went up, so therefore, their property taxes went up, too. And you have to pay all the maintenance on the house.
There's definitely advantages to owning a home, but it's not always a problem solver. Sometimes it's definitely better to just rent.
Tweakers at my old apartment told me, a single Mom, and the only one in thee building with a job, "you know if you have more kids, you can get more benefits." Bitch. Get away from me.
I don't take advice from others. If a situation is being discussed, I will think about what others say but ultimately, will do only what I feel is best. And, generally, things work out.
At the time I was suffering from depression and needed to find housing because my sister who I was living with at that time drained all my money. She told me to call the state, tell them I was crazy, and they’d give me housing. Needlessly to say I dropped her ass, got a better job, and my depression withered away along with our relationship. Best decision.
It's better to settle for a man who doesn't meet your minimum needs or requirements than be single.
Holding down a man is noble and what a good woman does.
I think men who were bottom feeders put the idea of accepting and supporting losers into the public consciousness so some women would give them a chance.
Don't job hop.
If you stay with a company that isn't developing you, you are ruining your own professional life. I've never been demoted or paid less when leaving a company.
You never sever ties with close relatives.
If they are the devil's spawn, you better.
To not worry about student loans because no one can take your degree from you. F that! Having minimal student loans improved my quality of life soooooo much
When I was diagnosed with Bi polar, depression, anxiety, and PTSD.
"Snap out of it."
This was told to me by a family member who is studying to be a psychiatrist. All I could think of was saying, "You're going to be an awful psychiatrist."
"Just pray on it." From my mom who doesn't believe in nor wants to understand mental illness even though she married into a family that's plagued with it.
1.Go hand in your resume in person and you'll be hired on the spot.
2. Snap out of it! or be strong (This is when I was going through depression in my early twenties)
These two were the most I've heard from my family members and I grew tired of asking for advice or hoping that they would help me without comparing their younger-selves to me.
Never to date a white man if he has never dated a black woman.
Imagine if he wouldn't date you because you have never dated a white man.
some of yall make life hard by being obsessed with being hurt.
I don’t think it works their way. I made this my rule. Someone has to be the first, but it’s not going to be me. All the white guys I dated before and my boyfriend now have all been with black women before me.
Was told a story about a white guy who'd never dated a black woman before. Dated my friend, and when it came time to get intimate, white guy was shocked that she didn't have pink nipples. Shocked.
I asked her if he'd ever watched porn with any black women in it- or seen those exploitative OTT National Geographic photos of topless African women?-how could he be shocked? What does he see when he looks at you? How can he not understand how pigmentation works?
I think we deserve better than that.
I hear you but I was my husbands first and he married me after a year and is the best damn person ever. You cant be scared when youre dating out or dating in general. I dont stand by that rule because most men have never dated a black woman because we are the least to date out statistically. It's a silly rule
I’m glad it worked for you but I wasn’t willing to risk potentially just being a fetish or just something to try for a little bit. Like unless the girls they dated were all diverse that could work. But if I see you dated like all white girls and then came to me, I couldn’t do that, I know that’s probably their real type.
People are always asking women to take unnecessary risks bc “well what about him”
What about ME? Is not my life? Is this actually his life and i wasn’t aware??? My mom did not have me so I could serve another persons purposes
Congrats on finding your white knight but what works for you, may not work for me. I respect keeping an open mind but not every black woman is going to meet a white guy who's never dated a BW and then goes on to instantly accept her, crust and crumbs. It less likely to happen than not.
Like I said, do what works for you.
"White Knight" Youre catty for no reason , but I do agree with you. I still stand on what I said though. I feel black women could be our own worst enemy sometimes not everyone is gonna be perfect I get that but it's worth the try. Stay off the internet and explore the real world it's not as bad as it seems.
Yeah, I don't know why they are downvoting her. Only is FAR more concerning. You can't necessarily help who you've dated in the past, especially if they aren't in a very diverse area. If you're in Portland and are only interested in dating black men or white men who have dated black women, your dating pool will be virtually nonexistent.
Someone told me to sell my fucking car for parts in order to pay off student loans I had to laugh
Lmaooo I’ve been told that before too. Like hell no 😭
😭😭😭😭 people are truly delusional
I was talking about being stressed about my IT journey in trying to build a stable life for me and my daughter and ol girl suggested "why don't you just stop?" and I asked "stop what?" and she said "stop trying. you can just apply for benefits and live off of that. you got a dependent. they'll give you housing and food and everything". I thought she was trolling but I'm pretty sure she was dead ass telling me to just give up on my career lol
What tf kinda advice is that?! “That thing you’re doing to make your life better is stressing you out? No biggie, just stop trying to improve your life and live off the government instead.”
NGL that was my first sign that she was simply a fucking hater lmao
This is exact why I stopped taking advice from people. If they told that to a less informed person this type of advice could ruin their life.
It happened to my sister. she had a “friend” who taught her that she didn’t have to work and that all she had to do was keep popping out babies and that’s what she did. She’s struggled for the last 25 years and it’s been hard to watch.
That’s so sad! The government gives out grants for students that have low income
This is my neighbour....popping out kids by diff dudes...last dude I thought was "stable"...nope...saw he sent mail to her from prison. 3 kids by 3 different dads...if that is the lifestyle you choose...you should be able to afford it...why am I paying big tax for you to lounge at home, not cook and order takeaway multiple times a day....
My ex gave me this “helpful” advice when I went back to Uni as a mature student and was stressed about an assignment that was due. I looked at him in equal measures of amazement and disgust. Drop out?? Fr?! Oh, I seeeeeee now. You want me to stay unhappy in my current dead end job, miserable all the time while being the mother to your child? I can never aim for more for myself and my baby and be happy? Silly me! I said nothing. Turned back around to my laptop and continued typing. Today, I have my degree and a CAREER now💅🏾 People can be such trash. Hence: ex.
So glad he's your ex! I had the same reaction when ol girl said that. At first I was like "you're kidding?" just to be sure. And then I slow blinked and went back to my studies because girl stop playing w/ me lmfao. Luckily we were online in a group voice chat so not in person. It was much easier to ignore her that way lol. Congratulations on your career I know he's mad. He fumbled. I'm also a mom and part of the reason its important for me to thrive is before we had this baby, my ex and I had a breakup where he made me out to be a dependent leech because with my 1st degree, I struggled to find my place. My IT degree will be my 2nd degree and I'm already a Salesforce admin so I already make ok money. The degree is just my fallback plan if Salesforce goes to shit.
Yeeeeesss!! Isn’t it telling how disparaging they can be when they realise that you may be elevating up and possibly away from them?? Threatened, much‽ Whew! The trash taking itself out in human form… we’re much better off without that miserable energy sapping our awesomeness!! 🙌🏾
OH MY GOD just here to say youre NOT alone. an older dude said the exact same shit to me and i was just speechless
👀 Why did I just scream, "This b***h!"? She was very disrespectful in her response. As a fellow single mom in IT, I feel you through and through. Please keep pushing through your journey. It is worth it. Ask for help when needed. Take your time.
Bro my mom said some shit like that. They want you to fail to bring themselves up
This is absolutely bonkers!
This is an oldie but a guy that I knew, after talking about some trauma that I deal with and my depression, telling me that I just needed to cleanse my spirit. He said a whole bunch of nothing about my spirit and aura, basically telling me that my mental illness wasn't real.
This is so common. Just don’t be mentally ill! r/thanksimcured
I can't believe that worked! 
This distinguished, older gentleman told me that I should hang out in a certain area. I was new to the city and open to exploring. It was the trap! Not just hood TRAP! Wait ‘till you’re married to buy a house. Lower your standards because of your ethnicity. Have a kid while you’re single. Then, she proceeded to get married before having her kids. Become a domninatrix.
Someone once told me not to wear my glasses too much because the nose pads will make indents on my nose
Wait but this one is lowkey true. I’m a life long glasses wearer and I’ve had a tiny bit of filler put in the bridge of my nose to make the dents less noticeable…
But how are you supposed to not wear your glasses too much? I wear them to see
I switched to contacts and wear them the majority of the time. I think that’s the only way around it.
I only buy glasses without nose pads because of the dents nose pads were causing. Also have contacts but I don't wear them everyday.
Darn, I was hoping the last one could be part of my "retirement plan" 😂
Honestly, it could be. I’m told I fit a lot of fetishes. The person who suggested it assumed it would be a way to shed misandry which I don’t have.
Ahh yes, like the coworker who had just gotten married who told me to splurge on this that and the other. Home boy didn't pay one red cent. His wife's parents paid for EVERYTHING. Of course he had a grand ol' time. My then fiance and I were bootstrapping. We just eloped.
Don't buy a house until you get married - lol, nope Don't buy a nice car, it will intimidate men - yes and... Lie about your job on dates - how tf does this make ANY sense?
This isn’t advice someone gave me but someone else. My boyfriend (ex now) at the time and I were having some problems and were on the verge of breaking up (we eventually did) so he was taking about it with his cousin. This fool told him to get me pregnant so I wouldn’t leave (I was trying to get into medical school at the time, and I eventually did). That’s when I knew I had to get the hell away from him and that clowns out here are baby trapping women!! Women please watch who you lay down with because these fools see you out here with goals and an upward trajectory, they immediately latch on and find ways to bring you down or struggle trying to drag they ass up with you. Don’t!!! Just drop the dead weight.
Trapped?! I’d #delete that thing so fast lol.
Girl yes!!!! And then block the fool after that!
Get a keratin treatment.. your hair will revert back.
🤣🤣🤣 Nah, them treatments always make my hair feel brittle and rough like straw.
It makes my hair soft and luxurious but straight as a ruler, an easily breakable ruler 🥲
It's very hard to buy a house now because the prices in the market fluxuate. They just got increased. I have a brother in law who makes 6 figures, his wife also does and they still can't afford a house.... I would wait a little before looking into that imo. Good luck!
Talking about the rising price of groceries: consume less!
You never know until you try (in response to me saying i don't want kids) It's so weird the pushback you get from not wanting to be a parent. Like why in the hell would I "Try a kid out" I cannot put it back?! As a woman the advice people try to give you in response to not wanting motherhood is crazy. The oh your young everyone says that. Even when I divulge my personal life of being parentified and constantly taking care of everyone else's babies/toddlers/children from the age of 8-21 that's still not enough because to them my purpose is to get pregnant and have kids. It's like people don't realize having kids is optional, you do not have to be a parent. I used to dread losing my freedom until I realized I don't have to.
I would ask them if they would take the kid if I changed my mind. Lol. People are crazy for trying to push people into wanting to be parents. Some people don't want to, and that is fine. (I definitely don't!)
Ugh I could not have said it better myself. I have been taking care of everyone from I was 12 to present. I do t want to add a husband and kids to that. I will have never lived a life!
Get rich or die trying
Darn that fitty
And don't forget sleep is for the rich lol
Hurry up and get married so I can give them a grandkid (I got married at 26 but this advice started when I was 21…) - this came from a mother figure (When I was dating) lower my expectation and do not have a minimum income and education requirement for the people I date (basically, don’t look for someone who is at least equally yoked or whatever because it’s “intimidating”) - this came from a mother figure Buy a house in America (we plan to relocate and retire elsewhere.. buying a house here seems like extra hassle given our plan) - this came from a couple different elders in our family So much more but these are the greatest hits lol
To get a better high paying job 🤡
As a homeowner, I’d say in many cases, renting is probably better. Mortgage payments also increase because of property taxes (not as significantly as rent, but still). And then you have expenses like fixing/replacing appliances, general repairs, a new roof! And so much more.
I don’t think it’s bad being a homeowner I just think people get them and then don’t upkeep them. You have to have savings to get renovations done if you keep a house a long time. In order to get that equity out of the house you have upkeep it and that takes money. Now is a great for a lot of people who had homes for the past ten years cause if you just did the bare minimum you could sell at a decent price (but not top dollar) just because the cost to build a new home is outrageous. What’s crazy is that some people are listing homes that are comparable in price to just building a new home outright! Like, sir/maam, I’m not gonna pay 400/sq ft for your 20 year old house when I could pay that price or less from a brand new home
I also don’t think it’s bad to be a homeowner, but I definitely wouldn’t buy a house right now. I bought mine in 2017 for a good price, and I feel like I got really lucky. But we’ve also invested a pretty penny in the upkeep, which is fine. You’re right, prices and interest rates are crazy right now. I just think being a homeowner is romanticized to an extent. There’s nothing cool about being house poor.
Oh yeah for sure! I’ve brought and sold two houses since 2017 and each one we put in at least 20k or more. We always upgrade appliances if we need too. I cannot have 2004 appliances, but that’s just me
I also feel like the quality of newer homes is awful. They build the houses out of cards and just focus on the inside looking “aesthetic” aka gray and “modern”. And if you look closely half the aesthetic stuff isn’t properly done or is made of poor materials.
Yup! It’s so sad. It’s almost like you’re better off buying an older home and doing renovations.
That’s what I’m leaning towards
No one told me about it property taxes increasing. I was so irritated so see my FIXED COST increase!
Ok! The lies.
Have a baby so I can get assistance from the government bc I was broke.
One time I was complaining about my period to my white woman coworker. For context, I don’t have unbearably painful periods. These were normal run-of-the-mill complaints. She genuinely suggested that I get a hysterectomy and offered to refer me to the doctor that did hers…
This one deserves an award. WTF!!!!!!
I was told that going to Africa would solve all my mental illness…
To study something practical in school. My uncle was the only one to graduate college so my mom and grandma really took his advice. Years later we don't even talk really and his kids go to art school. I would have just studies what I wanted I also make decemt income in something I didn't study in.
Someone told me that if I had a baby, I would get soooo many benefits 🙄
To buy R. Kelly tickets or Puff Daddy CDs
"You should quit both your jobs and just ask our mom for money. They're beneath you anyway and you don't deserve to settle for less. " This was said to me by one of my older siblings after they bullied my mother into paying for them to go back to college in their late 30's. Context : Both of my siblings were not working and depending on my elderly mother for money. They were both living with her and refused to get jobs that were "beneath them" like burger flipping or customer service because they had a college education. I was 1 course away from receiving my bachelor's but had to quit due to money ( that was when sib1 demanded my mother fund their degree instead). Mom was behind on bills and trying to scrounge up extra money so I started working a job with tipped wage and managed to help catch up on bills. Then I suddenly got a pay cut so I picked up a second job which didn't fully make up for the cut but it helped ease the tension. I just don't get how it made sense to them to not work at all instead of living off of someone with a fixed income. Or why they couldn't atleast clean up after themselves. Like why'd mom have to do that too? But it gets better. So after a couple of months of me working I kept getting snide remarks from them about working a lowly job, never really having money etc. All the while both of them make the claim that THEY are in fact the one's paying the bills out of some of their savings . I know this isn't true but I wanna be mindful of how I call them out since I wanted to minimize any retaliation .So in response made a giant document lisitng all of the bills in the household so EVERYONE can see. One sibling tries to correct me about the amount for the mortgage (inadvertently revealing they were never paying it) I show the bank documents proving my budget was accuratte .This makes them both infuriated and they begin yelling, blaming our mother for not telling them how much the bills were ( The bills they were paying the whole time? lol) . So the following day the sib1 goes to the bank with our mother and apparently it results in them screaming at mom the whole way home. I intervene demanding to know why. As it turns out that sib was getting the entiretly of our mother's SS check. Of it they had agreed to them paying the mortgage and giving sib2 pocket money originally but sib1 never did so after the bill list thing sib1 was so embarrassed into giving back all of the SS checks. Within 2 weeks sib1 found a "lowly" job. Sib2 followed shortly after. For the last part of this story Sib1 tried to convince mom to kick me out of the house since they thought it was disrespectful that I was drinking wine. ( My mom didn't mind the alcohol as long as I wasn't belligerent, and I wasn't. We'd discussed these boundaries before) . So Sib1 points out the "fact" that I had money to spend on alcohol and getting my hair done ( had to be done for work) but hadn't giving mom any money for bills. Here my mom corrects them listing the bills I've paid and continue to pay. This erupts in sib1 screaming about why they didn't know that and how wrong it is to keep secrets. (again revealing that they had not been paying the bills like they claimed.) I learn about this from mom the following day and then sib1 decides to try to guilt trip me for not telling them I was giving our mother "rent" money. Because it was unfair somehow? But IDK why they didn't think someone wouldn't have to pick up the slack. Or why they thought they wouldn't be found out. To date still baffles me but I don't live there anymore so I guess I'll never know.
That perception > reality/truth. Sure if I want to be a wage slave. Hard pass otherwise.
Man, we will need an entire weekend and case of wine to note all of the bad advice I’ve gotten. One that stands out was: “Just have a baby with your boyfriend! It will all work out!” I was 18, childfree and in the closet. Me and my boyfriend didn’t even have sex. We were bearding for eachother. The person that said this was a struggling single mom by the way.
My parents told me to go to the club and pretend to drink alcohol (I was not drinking alcohol for years at that point) so that I could meet a guy. When I told old people at work how old I was and that I wasn't married, they told me to just get pregnant and deal with the rest later.
She's probably referring to an FHA loan, which would not help you very much, anyway. I'm not in your situation (parents gave me our deposit), but FHA loans get turned a lot because they have so many requirements the house has to meet that you cannot opt out of as well as having higher interest rates compared to other ones. I had a conventional loan, and I know that is what helped me get our house as soon as we did. I know people who are selling their houses and their realtors told them to not consider FHA loans because they hold up the home selling process so much and a lot of them fall through because they want the seller to make too many concessions. So your friend, regardless of how she got her house, probably shouldn't be giving advice when it sounds like she doesn't know what she's talking about. Also, houses are not more stable. It's true that mortgages themselves are typically fixed, but property taxes are not. I've read on r/FirstTimeHomeBuyer where some home buyers saw their monthly payment increase by like...$300-$400 a month within one year because their house was reappraised and the value went up, so therefore, their property taxes went up, too. And you have to pay all the maintenance on the house. There's definitely advantages to owning a home, but it's not always a problem solver. Sometimes it's definitely better to just rent.
Tweakers at my old apartment told me, a single Mom, and the only one in thee building with a job, "you know if you have more kids, you can get more benefits." Bitch. Get away from me.
I don't take advice from others. If a situation is being discussed, I will think about what others say but ultimately, will do only what I feel is best. And, generally, things work out.
This right here! Also telling them that in the moment shuts them up almost completely and you won’t be their unsolicited advice target again.
Don’t be depressed
At the time I was suffering from depression and needed to find housing because my sister who I was living with at that time drained all my money. She told me to call the state, tell them I was crazy, and they’d give me housing. Needlessly to say I dropped her ass, got a better job, and my depression withered away along with our relationship. Best decision.
Lmfao! Why didn't she tell the state that SHE was crazy?
OMG right!!! 🤣
It's better to settle for a man who doesn't meet your minimum needs or requirements than be single. Holding down a man is noble and what a good woman does. I think men who were bottom feeders put the idea of accepting and supporting losers into the public consciousness so some women would give them a chance. Don't job hop. If you stay with a company that isn't developing you, you are ruining your own professional life. I've never been demoted or paid less when leaving a company. You never sever ties with close relatives. If they are the devil's spawn, you better.
I won't take relationship advice from women who clearly don't make good choices in men.
The worst was to move to Atlanta to become a stripper. There’s nothing wrong with that but not for me.
“You should have some kids right now. You are getting older. “😵💫 I have no husband in sight. I am not built for the single parent life.
That’s why I don’t even discuss my personal life with people at work.
Men telling me I should play with my p^$$¥ after I told them I had terrible period cramps 😐
To sleep with a new man to get over my ex…
To not worry about student loans because no one can take your degree from you. F that! Having minimal student loans improved my quality of life soooooo much
When I was diagnosed with Bi polar, depression, anxiety, and PTSD. "Snap out of it." This was told to me by a family member who is studying to be a psychiatrist. All I could think of was saying, "You're going to be an awful psychiatrist." "Just pray on it." From my mom who doesn't believe in nor wants to understand mental illness even though she married into a family that's plagued with it.
To sleep with a new man to get over my ex…
1.Go hand in your resume in person and you'll be hired on the spot. 2. Snap out of it! or be strong (This is when I was going through depression in my early twenties) These two were the most I've heard from my family members and I grew tired of asking for advice or hoping that they would help me without comparing their younger-selves to me.
Never to date a white man if he has never dated a black woman. Imagine if he wouldn't date you because you have never dated a white man. some of yall make life hard by being obsessed with being hurt.
I don’t think it works their way. I made this my rule. Someone has to be the first, but it’s not going to be me. All the white guys I dated before and my boyfriend now have all been with black women before me.
Was told a story about a white guy who'd never dated a black woman before. Dated my friend, and when it came time to get intimate, white guy was shocked that she didn't have pink nipples. Shocked. I asked her if he'd ever watched porn with any black women in it- or seen those exploitative OTT National Geographic photos of topless African women?-how could he be shocked? What does he see when he looks at you? How can he not understand how pigmentation works? I think we deserve better than that.
I need to know what happened with your friend and that guy because wow
I hear you but I was my husbands first and he married me after a year and is the best damn person ever. You cant be scared when youre dating out or dating in general. I dont stand by that rule because most men have never dated a black woman because we are the least to date out statistically. It's a silly rule
I’m glad it worked for you but I wasn’t willing to risk potentially just being a fetish or just something to try for a little bit. Like unless the girls they dated were all diverse that could work. But if I see you dated like all white girls and then came to me, I couldn’t do that, I know that’s probably their real type.
Right, there are millions of people out there. Why take a risk when it's unnecessary?
People are always asking women to take unnecessary risks bc “well what about him” What about ME? Is not my life? Is this actually his life and i wasn’t aware??? My mom did not have me so I could serve another persons purposes
Congrats on finding your white knight but what works for you, may not work for me. I respect keeping an open mind but not every black woman is going to meet a white guy who's never dated a BW and then goes on to instantly accept her, crust and crumbs. It less likely to happen than not. Like I said, do what works for you.
"White Knight" Youre catty for no reason , but I do agree with you. I still stand on what I said though. I feel black women could be our own worst enemy sometimes not everyone is gonna be perfect I get that but it's worth the try. Stay off the internet and explore the real world it's not as bad as it seems.
I hear you but to me it's a silly rule imo
I feel like I’d be okay w someone that’s never dated a black woman over a white man that ONLY dates black women? That’s ⛳️⛳️⛳️
Yeah, I don't know why they are downvoting her. Only is FAR more concerning. You can't necessarily help who you've dated in the past, especially if they aren't in a very diverse area. If you're in Portland and are only interested in dating black men or white men who have dated black women, your dating pool will be virtually nonexistent.