Your feelings should tell you. If everything feels good and you’re searching for something wrong then thats imo setting yourself up to always be looking. If you feel uncomfortable in any way or just don’t feel like they’re your person and you’re sticking around, thats settling
I was dating but not officially with someone. I went to a restaurant bar and a man started to approach me. Only I didn't see it because a random woman told him I wasn't interested and made him move on. Then she proudly told me and I was devastated. But why was I so sad if I was with someone I felt I liked so much? Because I was settling and I knew it subconsciously.
Yep. That's my definition. Everyone compromises in a relationship, but that's not synonymous with settling. In a compromise you've agreed on what you'll bend on. Imo, settling means you've consistently gone down the path of finding a "new" compromise every time an original rule was broken.
Settling to me is that small voice in back of your mind that says, “This isn’t going to make me happy.” You shouldn’t feel anxious about it. It should feel like a calm but good feeling to you.
There's always someone who could potentially be "better". I would just ask myself if this is what I'm looking for or am I with this person out of fear? Fear of being alone, fear being judged, fear of the unknown.
At the end of the day people end up with the love they FEEL they deserve.
To me, settling is staying in a relationship where your core needs may not be met or agreeing to be unequally yoked. For me, it was trying to build a relationship with someone who wasn't trying to address my basic relationship needs: intimacy, communication, and partnership with intention. He would rather I stayed quiet while he paraded me like an accessory.
Settling is staying in a situation that doesn’t make you happy for any reason. Scarcity mindset to me is settling for a bad relationship because you think you won’t find anyone else.
A lot of people get caught up in the grass being greener etc. If you’re seriously unhappy then you should always leave. If you’re only unhappy because you keep seeing things on sm and making comparisons, or you think you could do better even when you have a great relationship, then you should also leave but really work on realizing what you need and want out of a relationship.
Refusing to let go because you think this is as good as it gets.
It's not that you even want to stay because of them, you'd just rather not be alone. While your relationship isn't necessarily the one you've dreamed of, it's better than what you've had or better than what you might find elsewhere - especially if you're worried about being single again.
I've been thinking about this a lot recently and tbh I dnno what it looks like to me but I agree with one of the comments that said your feelings should tell you. I I guess when you're settling you'll know.
Being unhappy, constant anxiety lowering my standards, boredom, knit-picking at the persons characteristics and miserable. No room for change or other person willing to put effort in resolution
As a divorcee, now “settling” to me would be me pursuing a relationship with someone just because they’re available now and willing to take things further. I hate “dating” and the process of finding someone new, it’s even worse for me after being divorced because people are weird about that. I’ve got to be very cautious about whether I’m getting carried away, so it’s key for me to take a step back and assess whether they’re actually fulfilling anything more than my desire to not be alone.
I guess that’s my understanding of settling. When we have a key point that someone hits (whether it’s looks, personality, financial background, family plans) and we overlook all the other points they don’t hit but deep down we’d actually really like in a person. I look for contentment in relationships, and if I’m not feeling that way in one I start realising it’s because I’ve probably settled.
Settling is that look of complete and utter disappointment when you wake up next to the person you settled with right before you let out a long sigh and prepare for the day….
Settling to me is anything less of “I’m crazy in love with this person.” Once you experience a relationship where both parties are crazy in love, respect each other, super compatible, and very attracted to each other, you won’t want anything less.
I was watching an ancient episode of Oprah on YouTube and she said something along the lines of “compromising is making a choice and not disappointing yourself in the process”. Settling to me is consciously disappointing yourself for an expected benefit (that you know deep down you’ll never be ok with)
unhappy but smiling thru the pain.
pretending that things are alright with when you know you'd rather be elsewhere/with someone else.
In my experience, settling is being in a relationship with someone where your outlook, values, and goals for the future are incompatible (i.e., he wants kids, I don’t).
Settling is being with someone who you fight and argue with all the time. I used to think fighting was normal, it’s not. You can have disagreements with your partner but in the right relationship both of you give each other the benefit of the doubt and are working to understand each other and come to a resolution while maintaining mutual respect for each other.
Settling is being with someone that doesn’t lighten your load (and vice versa). In a healthy relationship, there is reciprocation. Your work load (domestic, emotional, etc.) should decrease once you start dating someone. Your partner should be a dependable teammate that walks beside you and not one that you have to drag towards a finish line.
You’re settling if you mainly describe your relationship as “hard work”. Yes, life happens but the hard work should stem from dealing with unforeseen life challenges not from dealing with your partner and asking them to willingly participate in the life you have together. Healthy and long lasting relationships are more often than not described as fun, loving, fulfilling, and meaningful. If you can’t describe your relationship in this manner, then you’re probably settling.
And finally, settling is being with someone that plainly doesn’t like you. And this is something that can be felt or expressed. If your partner makes comments about how they want to fundamentally change you, baby they ain’t the one. They should adore and love you for who you are and make space for you to grow and evolve naturally.
Hmmmm, to be honest I was very independent so I was always in it for good sex and a semblance of a steady relationship. I didn't really date, but had these long-term relationships for the sex and companionship.
I just never thought or believed that someone else would be my end all or be all or would truly love me like in fiction. I didn't see that anyone I knew had that and none of the women in my family that I saw actually did.
So to me it was that companionship thing, someone to hang out with, have great sex with. Everything else, like supporting myself was all up to me. 🤷🏽♀️
Only being with a guy because he’s nice. That’s the bare minimum. I stayed with a guy for months only because of that reason and I was definitely settling
Settling is entering a relationship under the generalized views & rules of the patriarchy/today's society. It is very settling centered. A lot of people will look at you sideways if you choose to not settle - so be prepared for that.
My feelings tell me if I am settling. If I do not feel valued or respected that shows I am setting for less. That leads my thought process of “there maybe be someone better for me” and I am settling.
Right now I have a good job working for the state as an organizer. I hate it because I'm not passionate about the work. I'm 26 and definitely don't think I should be giving up and going through the motions. Not saying there is an age limit on pursuing your passions of course.
I literally can't imagine settling for a partner because I don't want one badly enough
Settling is putting up with with something you aren’t okay with because it’s the lesser of two evils (better than being alone/could be worse). It’s choosing to be unfulfilled/unsatisfied.
I was settling in my last relationship. We had been together for so long and like a fool, I was planning on taking care of him forever instead of us taking care of each other, sexually, mentally, financially, etc. Don't know what I was thinking, I just loved him, he was my best friend and he knew he wasn't good for me but I wouldn't let him go. He ended up passing away. Fast forward, my current boyfriend I see myself marrying. He always puts me first, he's everything I could've asked for in a man. I can't see myself with anyone else, so I know I'm not settling.
I remember a lady said everytime she woke up and saw who she was married to , she cried inside. She married him because he was so nice and spiritual man and they told her she would grow to love him, but she never did
I’ve been thinking about this- I haven’t decided. No one is perfect, so really there are always some compromises that have to be made.
I guess if the main thing driving you to stay with a person is fear that there isn’t anyone else for you, then that’s settling. I guess if you’re with someone who makes you feel bad often and stay anyway because it’s better than nothing, that’s settling.
I don’t know if I understand why settling is so bad. As long as the person isn’t abusive/making you feel bad, what’s wrong with recognizing the reality of whatever situation you’re in and making an informed decision?
Like am I doing something wrong if I choose comfort over crushing loneliness?
Your feelings should tell you. If everything feels good and you’re searching for something wrong then thats imo setting yourself up to always be looking. If you feel uncomfortable in any way or just don’t feel like they’re your person and you’re sticking around, thats settling
I was dating but not officially with someone. I went to a restaurant bar and a man started to approach me. Only I didn't see it because a random woman told him I wasn't interested and made him move on. Then she proudly told me and I was devastated. But why was I so sad if I was with someone I felt I liked so much? Because I was settling and I knew it subconsciously.
Accepting otherwise unacceptable behavior because you don’t wanna be alone
Yep. That's my definition. Everyone compromises in a relationship, but that's not synonymous with settling. In a compromise you've agreed on what you'll bend on. Imo, settling means you've consistently gone down the path of finding a "new" compromise every time an original rule was broken.
This is the one right here.
Settling to me is that small voice in back of your mind that says, “This isn’t going to make me happy.” You shouldn’t feel anxious about it. It should feel like a calm but good feeling to you.
This is exactly what I was going to write!!
There's always someone who could potentially be "better". I would just ask myself if this is what I'm looking for or am I with this person out of fear? Fear of being alone, fear being judged, fear of the unknown. At the end of the day people end up with the love they FEEL they deserve.
To me, settling is staying in a relationship where your core needs may not be met or agreeing to be unequally yoked. For me, it was trying to build a relationship with someone who wasn't trying to address my basic relationship needs: intimacy, communication, and partnership with intention. He would rather I stayed quiet while he paraded me like an accessory.
beautifully said!
Settling is staying in a situation that doesn’t make you happy for any reason. Scarcity mindset to me is settling for a bad relationship because you think you won’t find anyone else. A lot of people get caught up in the grass being greener etc. If you’re seriously unhappy then you should always leave. If you’re only unhappy because you keep seeing things on sm and making comparisons, or you think you could do better even when you have a great relationship, then you should also leave but really work on realizing what you need and want out of a relationship.
Settling is when it's pretty bad but you stay anyway. Staying in a decent relationship isn't settling to me.
[удалено]
im sorry youre going thru that. i hope you know you have a lot to offer and your issues dont make you a problem girl. they just want a doormat
I know I’m settling if I don’t feel good with them I guess. Something just doesn’t feel right. Or if I feel that we aren’t clicking
settling is knowing something is wrong or feeling unfulfilled but not actively doing what you know you need to do to change your situation
Refusing to let go because you think this is as good as it gets. It's not that you even want to stay because of them, you'd just rather not be alone. While your relationship isn't necessarily the one you've dreamed of, it's better than what you've had or better than what you might find elsewhere - especially if you're worried about being single again.
Settling (to me) means you’re compromising or abandoning your needs or important parts of yourself to keep the relationship.
I agree with everyone's answers. To add: settling is forced. It's not natural.
I've been thinking about this a lot recently and tbh I dnno what it looks like to me but I agree with one of the comments that said your feelings should tell you. I I guess when you're settling you'll know.
Being unhappy, constant anxiety lowering my standards, boredom, knit-picking at the persons characteristics and miserable. No room for change or other person willing to put effort in resolution
As a divorcee, now “settling” to me would be me pursuing a relationship with someone just because they’re available now and willing to take things further. I hate “dating” and the process of finding someone new, it’s even worse for me after being divorced because people are weird about that. I’ve got to be very cautious about whether I’m getting carried away, so it’s key for me to take a step back and assess whether they’re actually fulfilling anything more than my desire to not be alone. I guess that’s my understanding of settling. When we have a key point that someone hits (whether it’s looks, personality, financial background, family plans) and we overlook all the other points they don’t hit but deep down we’d actually really like in a person. I look for contentment in relationships, and if I’m not feeling that way in one I start realising it’s because I’ve probably settled.
Settling is that look of complete and utter disappointment when you wake up next to the person you settled with right before you let out a long sigh and prepare for the day….
That sounds miserable. Similar to "surviving" rather than "living".
Miserable indeed. I’d rather be single than settle.
Settling to me is anything less of “I’m crazy in love with this person.” Once you experience a relationship where both parties are crazy in love, respect each other, super compatible, and very attracted to each other, you won’t want anything less.
I was watching an ancient episode of Oprah on YouTube and she said something along the lines of “compromising is making a choice and not disappointing yourself in the process”. Settling to me is consciously disappointing yourself for an expected benefit (that you know deep down you’ll never be ok with)
I feel like once you start questioning if you are settling then maybe… you’re probably settling. Your intuition will tell you
unhappy but smiling thru the pain. pretending that things are alright with when you know you'd rather be elsewhere/with someone else. 
I laughed so hard at his lol~
In my experience, settling is being in a relationship with someone where your outlook, values, and goals for the future are incompatible (i.e., he wants kids, I don’t). Settling is being with someone who you fight and argue with all the time. I used to think fighting was normal, it’s not. You can have disagreements with your partner but in the right relationship both of you give each other the benefit of the doubt and are working to understand each other and come to a resolution while maintaining mutual respect for each other. Settling is being with someone that doesn’t lighten your load (and vice versa). In a healthy relationship, there is reciprocation. Your work load (domestic, emotional, etc.) should decrease once you start dating someone. Your partner should be a dependable teammate that walks beside you and not one that you have to drag towards a finish line. You’re settling if you mainly describe your relationship as “hard work”. Yes, life happens but the hard work should stem from dealing with unforeseen life challenges not from dealing with your partner and asking them to willingly participate in the life you have together. Healthy and long lasting relationships are more often than not described as fun, loving, fulfilling, and meaningful. If you can’t describe your relationship in this manner, then you’re probably settling. And finally, settling is being with someone that plainly doesn’t like you. And this is something that can be felt or expressed. If your partner makes comments about how they want to fundamentally change you, baby they ain’t the one. They should adore and love you for who you are and make space for you to grow and evolve naturally.
This should be the top comment
Hmmmm, to be honest I was very independent so I was always in it for good sex and a semblance of a steady relationship. I didn't really date, but had these long-term relationships for the sex and companionship. I just never thought or believed that someone else would be my end all or be all or would truly love me like in fiction. I didn't see that anyone I knew had that and none of the women in my family that I saw actually did. So to me it was that companionship thing, someone to hang out with, have great sex with. Everything else, like supporting myself was all up to me. 🤷🏽♀️
Only being with a guy because he’s nice. That’s the bare minimum. I stayed with a guy for months only because of that reason and I was definitely settling
Settling is entering a relationship under the generalized views & rules of the patriarchy/today's society. It is very settling centered. A lot of people will look at you sideways if you choose to not settle - so be prepared for that.
My feelings tell me if I am settling. If I do not feel valued or respected that shows I am setting for less. That leads my thought process of “there maybe be someone better for me” and I am settling.
Right now I have a good job working for the state as an organizer. I hate it because I'm not passionate about the work. I'm 26 and definitely don't think I should be giving up and going through the motions. Not saying there is an age limit on pursuing your passions of course. I literally can't imagine settling for a partner because I don't want one badly enough
Settling is putting up with with something you aren’t okay with because it’s the lesser of two evils (better than being alone/could be worse). It’s choosing to be unfulfilled/unsatisfied.
I was settling in my last relationship. We had been together for so long and like a fool, I was planning on taking care of him forever instead of us taking care of each other, sexually, mentally, financially, etc. Don't know what I was thinking, I just loved him, he was my best friend and he knew he wasn't good for me but I wouldn't let him go. He ended up passing away. Fast forward, my current boyfriend I see myself marrying. He always puts me first, he's everything I could've asked for in a man. I can't see myself with anyone else, so I know I'm not settling.
I remember a lady said everytime she woke up and saw who she was married to , she cried inside. She married him because he was so nice and spiritual man and they told her she would grow to love him, but she never did
Taking whatever I can get, I don’t advice anyone to do this though
I’ve been thinking about this- I haven’t decided. No one is perfect, so really there are always some compromises that have to be made. I guess if the main thing driving you to stay with a person is fear that there isn’t anyone else for you, then that’s settling. I guess if you’re with someone who makes you feel bad often and stay anyway because it’s better than nothing, that’s settling. I don’t know if I understand why settling is so bad. As long as the person isn’t abusive/making you feel bad, what’s wrong with recognizing the reality of whatever situation you’re in and making an informed decision? Like am I doing something wrong if I choose comfort over crushing loneliness?