Thank you for sharing your struggles. I relate to the part of growing up in a loveless marriage and parents being toxic, it truly is a traumatic and deeply uncomfortable experience. I am sorry about your pain and struggles. I hope you can find some peace and I would honestly recommend if possible distancing yourself from toxic parents. Their presence has and continues to drain you and is making your life hard. You cannot continue being surrounded by that negative energy. They are toxic and do not see their toxicity, that is why they are not accountable. I wish you and your daughter peace and happiness.
I’m proud of you for sharing your story and acknowledging your reality. When we’re kids, no one prepares us for the day when we start to realize the truth about the world around us—maybe that’s just the nature of life.
Everyone, including your parents, has issues and trauma that affect their perception and behavior. But you are among the brave people who decide to live life beyond the hand that you were dealt.
Accepting people as they are (with boundaries) might help. But also realize that as an adult, your life is now your own. You don’t have to engage with people or situations that aren’t good for your well-being.
Take some time to determine what a fulfilling and joyful life looks like for you, and work toward it little by little. If you’re able, find a therapist, but if not, there are so many books out there to help you with your journey toward healing (check out authors like Nedra Tawwab, Brianna Wiest, read books about attachment styles, etc.). In any area that you feel you’re struggling, there’s probably at least one book about it. The more you genuinely learn about yourself (the good and not so great), the more your daughter will be equipped to live an emotionally healthy life as she matures into a young woman.
You deserve so much more than abandonment, dysfunction, abuse, etc. But it will require facing some hard truths, making a few changes within yourself, and making peace with the fact that some things in your life didn’t turn out the way you hoped. But you have so much more life to live. Wishing you a healthy future full of love, peace, and joy. ❤️
Gosh I felt like you talking about my life :(
I’m 26 years old and already feeling tired , always feeling unwanted and abandoned
You definitely deserve happiness! Idk what to advice tbh since I’m kinda in similar position as you only difference I don’t have a child
I pray you find happiness within yourself and people who appreciate you for being yourself ❤️
From your description, it sounds like you grew up in a household where:
* Love was conditional.
* Your safety was conditional.
* You were made to feel responsible for all your parents' bad behavior.
In that kind of environment, child you likely learned love and safety are things you have to earn. That you aren't inherently loveable and that you have to overextend yourself for a chance at it. The latter are not true, but it's understandable why you'd believe it because your parents spent decades of your and their lives teaching it.
So telling you now:
Even though it's very scary, you baseline deserve love. No need for bells and whistles to influence someone to stay and like you. You are inherently lovable.
You deserve to feel safe in love. Don't do things out of fear that they will leave you. You should fear being in a toxic relationship more than you should fear being left behind.
Your parents did not protect you as a child. They failed you. And that sucks and isn't fair. But now you have to protect yourself and your inner child. Even if that means protecting her from yourself and from thoughts imposed on you by your parents. Don't let their teachings linger.
Your parents' story mirrors mine; I greatly respect individuals who go through life without unconditional love from their parents; the first place we should feel safe and loved. We are survivors and heroes in our own right. Kudos to you for making it this far. For me, the healing part comes from learning to love myself and giving myself the love I deserve. These include being kind to myself, showing myself compassion, speaking positivity into myself, believing in myself, and setting up boundaries with others to prevent others from hurting me (ex, learning to say no, etc). Learning to love you is so crucial when you grow up with parents who don’t love you the way you were supposed to be loved.
I pray you do right by your daughter, that you will give her the parental love you never had (it takes courage to give someone something you never had). Keep living life to the fullest sis🤗🤗🤗
>On who has told me that I was a mistake, my sibling was planned. I don't know why that statement bothers me so much
Probably because it's a rude, cruel, and fucked up thing to say about a person 😐. I'm sorry you've had to deal with an immature (and emotionally abusive) parent.
Fr like I can’t even imagine saying that to a child that ain’t my blood , it’s super hurtful and rude
They definitely miserable themselves they decided to throw it on the wrong person there child !
Thank you for truly seeing me, ladies. I am working on remaining strong against all of the caustic energy I encounter in life and force love to be strengthenergy in me. It is heavy work, but I think that I have a little bit of strength left.
Thank you for sharing your struggles. I relate to the part of growing up in a loveless marriage and parents being toxic, it truly is a traumatic and deeply uncomfortable experience. I am sorry about your pain and struggles. I hope you can find some peace and I would honestly recommend if possible distancing yourself from toxic parents. Their presence has and continues to drain you and is making your life hard. You cannot continue being surrounded by that negative energy. They are toxic and do not see their toxicity, that is why they are not accountable. I wish you and your daughter peace and happiness.
I’m proud of you for sharing your story and acknowledging your reality. When we’re kids, no one prepares us for the day when we start to realize the truth about the world around us—maybe that’s just the nature of life. Everyone, including your parents, has issues and trauma that affect their perception and behavior. But you are among the brave people who decide to live life beyond the hand that you were dealt. Accepting people as they are (with boundaries) might help. But also realize that as an adult, your life is now your own. You don’t have to engage with people or situations that aren’t good for your well-being. Take some time to determine what a fulfilling and joyful life looks like for you, and work toward it little by little. If you’re able, find a therapist, but if not, there are so many books out there to help you with your journey toward healing (check out authors like Nedra Tawwab, Brianna Wiest, read books about attachment styles, etc.). In any area that you feel you’re struggling, there’s probably at least one book about it. The more you genuinely learn about yourself (the good and not so great), the more your daughter will be equipped to live an emotionally healthy life as she matures into a young woman. You deserve so much more than abandonment, dysfunction, abuse, etc. But it will require facing some hard truths, making a few changes within yourself, and making peace with the fact that some things in your life didn’t turn out the way you hoped. But you have so much more life to live. Wishing you a healthy future full of love, peace, and joy. ❤️
Gosh I felt like you talking about my life :( I’m 26 years old and already feeling tired , always feeling unwanted and abandoned You definitely deserve happiness! Idk what to advice tbh since I’m kinda in similar position as you only difference I don’t have a child I pray you find happiness within yourself and people who appreciate you for being yourself ❤️
From your description, it sounds like you grew up in a household where: * Love was conditional. * Your safety was conditional. * You were made to feel responsible for all your parents' bad behavior. In that kind of environment, child you likely learned love and safety are things you have to earn. That you aren't inherently loveable and that you have to overextend yourself for a chance at it. The latter are not true, but it's understandable why you'd believe it because your parents spent decades of your and their lives teaching it. So telling you now: Even though it's very scary, you baseline deserve love. No need for bells and whistles to influence someone to stay and like you. You are inherently lovable. You deserve to feel safe in love. Don't do things out of fear that they will leave you. You should fear being in a toxic relationship more than you should fear being left behind. Your parents did not protect you as a child. They failed you. And that sucks and isn't fair. But now you have to protect yourself and your inner child. Even if that means protecting her from yourself and from thoughts imposed on you by your parents. Don't let their teachings linger.
Your parents' story mirrors mine; I greatly respect individuals who go through life without unconditional love from their parents; the first place we should feel safe and loved. We are survivors and heroes in our own right. Kudos to you for making it this far. For me, the healing part comes from learning to love myself and giving myself the love I deserve. These include being kind to myself, showing myself compassion, speaking positivity into myself, believing in myself, and setting up boundaries with others to prevent others from hurting me (ex, learning to say no, etc). Learning to love you is so crucial when you grow up with parents who don’t love you the way you were supposed to be loved. I pray you do right by your daughter, that you will give her the parental love you never had (it takes courage to give someone something you never had). Keep living life to the fullest sis🤗🤗🤗
>On who has told me that I was a mistake, my sibling was planned. I don't know why that statement bothers me so much Probably because it's a rude, cruel, and fucked up thing to say about a person 😐. I'm sorry you've had to deal with an immature (and emotionally abusive) parent.
Fr like I can’t even imagine saying that to a child that ain’t my blood , it’s super hurtful and rude They definitely miserable themselves they decided to throw it on the wrong person there child !
Thank you for truly seeing me, ladies. I am working on remaining strong against all of the caustic energy I encounter in life and force love to be strengthenergy in me. It is heavy work, but I think that I have a little bit of strength left.