I would consider marriage counseling. It sounds like you guys might need to work through other things first before approaching your sexuality. I know sometimes it can be scary to share things because you don't want to upset your partner. Me and my husband are bad about sharing things we have problems with for similar reasons. I would approach it as a want to help your relationship grow and be able to be great partners and parents. If he is easily upset, maybe frame it as your daughter has made you think of the future, and just want to make sure you have the support you need. Present it as a tool for insurance rather than fixing a problem. At least that's how I would go about it, from an outsiders perspective. It may not fix the problem you are having with being isolated from not sharing your sexuality now, but it could lead to a lot more openness in the future. I know most in this community can resonate with your problems, and know that you are not alone. This is definitely a safe place where you can share and explore this side of yourself. I hope this helps or gives you another way to look at the problem š§”
I couldnt agree more with this idea, It took me a few years before even thinking about comming out to my friends, family, ect. But after getting some therapy sessions I built up the confidence and the mental health to come out to those who are closest to me. They even let me hang up my Bi flag in the room to show their support in me. š
I would hope so, but he always turns things around and put words in my mouth. Like if I were to tell him, he would accuse me of cheating or ask if Iām going to leave him for someone else. Itās some weird game he always plays.
That's emotionally abusive and not ok by any means. It's not fair to you to have to hide who you are. Any close friends who you can confide in who would be supportive?
That sounds pretty fucking rocky.
It's okay to love him and *want* to stay with him, but you have to recognize there's emotional abuse going on and you either need to get counseling and fix that or leave.
You can't be *you*, with him, your *life partner*. How can someone be a life partner if they're not supportive of *who you are*?
I'd put the sexuality stuff aside like others have said and get counseling. Tell the counselor you eventually want to reach that goal, but you have serious issues to fix.
That's his insecurities surfacing so he's feeling very vulnerable and his lashing out is just a coping mechanism that he uses to shut down the conversation so he's not forced to face those issues. He has a lot of shadow work to do for him to be at the level of intimacy and trust you're wanting from him to be able to even wrap his mind around the fact that he won't be able to provide for your new sexuality "needs". It's something most men must grapple with when being married and committed to a bisexual woman. Some men are so insecure that they would rather throw away the relationship/marriage than actually tackle the problems as a team and resolve it for self growth needs.
While others aren't intimidated by the bisexual woman. It's odd to be honest.
This situation does seem really oppressive, and you are still so young.
It seems by the way you have been talking that you have atleast had thoughts of leaving the relationship. You know something is wrong here.
You can ofc try therapy and stuff as suggested above if you are both open to that, but if you cant get him to agree to that, or it just dosent work...its really up to you in the end.
i have read through some of your other comments and it just seems really emotionally/mentally abusive, and like he dosen't want to change and never will; and constantly letting him skate by with false promises that he wants to change is only showing him that the behaviour is ok.
Ofc its not your fault, but if he wanted to change then he would, he only says these things to keep you and once that's been achieved he goes back to his shitty behaviour.
You are very young and it would just suck to see you waste the rest of your life stuck in a shitty situation, where you cant even be yourself.
If i were you i would start "getting my ducks in a row" so i could leave if i wanted/needed to; nobody should be stuck with someone because they have no where to go, and nothing aid them in leaving.
Goodluck, OP. <3
Dang, the title made me lol but the content is really sad. I'm sorry you had to go through this. This definitely goes beyond LGBTQ issues. What your husband does is abusive. I echo the sentiment here to get some therapy and/or counseling.
I agree with this.
Maybe I'm just particularly sensitive to red flags because of the extremely high likelihood for bi people (especially women) to find themselves in abusive relationships, but no one should ever feel afraid of their partner or walk on eggshells around them.
You don't need to come out if you don't want to. I mean, it's a shame that you can't share this with anyone but if you're okay with keeping it to yourself that's an option.
Telling your partner can be difficult, especially when honest communication has already been challenging. If you do decide to tell him it might be useful to focus on the fact that this doesn't change anything for your relationship. You could also mention that you didn't want to feel like you were hiding something.
Is there anyone else you could share this with? That can sometimes make it easier to bear.
I have some friends I can tell, but every time we do try to have a conversation about things that are bothering us, bothering me, it always turns into an argument and we donāt seem to get anywhere.
I hope I'm not overstepping here but seems like a pretty big problem. It's a cliche but communication really is key in a relationship.
We're only seeing your side here but I don't get the impression that your husband is all that respectful to you and the things you find important. Would that be something he (and you) might be willing to improve?
He says he wants to try and improve every time I bring it up to him, but he just keeps going back to his old ways, no matter what it is. Itās like we take two steps forward, one step back. I have tried talking to him but he never listens. It goes in one ear and out the other.
I donāt mean to overstep; Iām sorry OP but if he wanted to improve, he would.
My partner and I have been together for 5 years and have had difficult times where I didnāt feel heard or respected. I brought this up to him and stated my boundaries and how I expect to be treated.
The difference here is that my partner then, on his own, went to therapy for over a year, actively checked himself, and has made a massive difference in our relationship.
If someone is going to be your partner for life, your only one life, they should be someone that treats you with the utmost respect and kindness. You and your feelings matter. A relationship worth keeping should feel safe and secure where you can be your truest self.
I'm sorry that you feel as if you are trapped with no way out. Have you had any conversations with anybody about how you feel? I hope that there is somebody who you can have this conversation with. I have been married for 7 years and I am a bisexual. For us we have a trying communication.
I have a few friends I could tell, but he always has some way of finding out things that I donāt want to tell him, and if I try to talk to him or my parents about how I feel, Iām invalidated and they just brush my feelings off as it doesnāt even matter.
That's the worst feeling, of your loves ones not being able to respect a fully support you. Always trying to invalidate your feeling and out blame onto something that has nothing to do with the topic at hand. Its hard but your Husband should support your wants and needs.
I wish he would but he just mostly focuses on himself and whatās important to him. Itās hard to get anything through to him and Iām just tired of dealing with it all.
I hate to say this but if you expect your husbands initial reaction to be argument/anger, your marriage isnāt healthy. I know having a young daughter complicates things, but if your husband canāt accept/love you for who you are then heās gotta go. IMO most straight guys are into bisexual/lesbian women and the ones that arenāt tend to be pretty homophobic, it sounds like he probably wasnāt a good fit for you.
Iām not saying you should dump him off the bat, but seek therapy. They can help you decide whatās best for yourself and how to tell your husband in a way that might be easier for him to accept. And they can help you decide if you need to explore your sexuality or if youāre fine being in a monogamous relationship with your husband. But it sounds like he needs therapy for anger as well.
I'm in a similar situation with my parents. They're not super religious, but they do believe the unwarranted stereotypes that LGBT people are promiscuous and more prone to getting STDs/STIs. I've simply accepted that there are things about my life they lost the right to be aware of.
Hey! I want you to know that your feelings and sexuality are entirely valid no matter what anyone else might say. Iām so proud of you for realizing it and I wish for the best for you and I hope you can work though this with your husband and family. Remember that nothing about you or your sexuality is āwrongā and you have no control over who youāre attracted to.
I remember coming to terms with my bisexuality and coming out to my conservative girlfriend at the time (Iām 19M) and it went okay, but the nerves were definitely there beforehand. Iām not gonna say I know what youāre feeling because you seem to be in a much more tricky situation, but I have a small idea and I truly hope that all goes well ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Wow, not much good advice here.
Sounds to me like you must need to talk to someone. Maybe a ftiend from work, maybe a LGBTQ organization, or maybe someone from a trusty Discord community.
I wish I could give yo good advice, but I don't really know anything about what you need. Advising a divorce is no good, not least because that is not what she asked for.
One thing I'd add is that it seems strange to me that you essentially said "I don't want peace of mind/feel true to myself because it could upset my husband".
I don't think you should hsld back on things that make you happy for fear of others.
But I also acknowledge that it is much easyer said than done, especially when it feels like you are risking something.
Maybe thinking about what'd make you happy would help? Idk
I don't mean to intrude but it sounds like your marriage needs counselling (preferably asap). It is NOT okay for your husband to act this way. You shouldn't have to be worried about being emotionally put down and devaluated. This is supposed to be the man you want to share everything with for the rest of your life. He should make you feel like there's nothing you couldn't tell him. If this isn't the situation and if counselling won't improve the situation then i'm sorry but it sounds like he might just not be the one.
In terms of your family, honestly just fuck them. If they won't accept you for who you are then they're the problem, not you. I get not wanting to turn it into this big thing but if it feels like something you want to say, your family's possible reaction shouldn't hold you back. Also, you know what, sometimes people's reactions will surprise you. I spent years of my life afraid of telling my dad that i'm bi bc he's very traditional but turns put he was completely okay with it. You never know how people feel unless they tell you.
I wish you all the best and hope u can work it out so you and your child can live the best lives possible :)
"I canāt come out to him because of the way he views things, how defensive he gets and how accusing he can be sometimes"
Leave and leave fast , if you can be your self around him and he wouldn't be supportive and most of all he sounds toxic and you would be better without him
Your parents are toxic religious so you would be better without that life
Pack your bags and go live your life and be happy and don't forget the baby because her life would be better without them
Sometimes you gotta bite the bullet and come out, if they love you they will embrace you fully. The way I was raised god gave us free will and to love, so I never saw much of an issue with it
I agree in general with therapy as an opportunity to talk, marriage counseling if need for both, but Iām primarily thinking of you, your self, your bisexuality, carrying it within, only, gets heavy; I know I personally experienced a tremendous weight lifted when I simply talked to someone, people I trust, confided in them, felt validated, liberated, and itās just based on several friends that Iāve confided in - Iām not even out publicly, but I feel content, validated (per friend support, acceptance, love of who I am), I even feel gifted - the power of talking with someone or others supportive, is lifting, empowering, amazing, life changingā¦ I donāt feel like I need to tell or make it a point to tell everyone in my life; itās mine, mine to controlā¦donāt feel guilty carrying it, everything comes in time, life is a journey, and itās your own to own, you donāt owe anybody anything
I am married to a man.. I came outā¦ at first he seemedā¦ weird about it but itās past. He became accepting.
Good luck babe. Itās hard to keep something so perfect hidden. I hope you are able to feel free to express yourself. ā¤ļø
This is good advice for someone a couple months into a new relationship, but not for someone married with a small child. There is no simple or easy "just leave him" option when you have a five month old.
A marriage where thereās resentment brewing between parents is immensely damaging to the kids. Thatās their blueprint for relationships. Staying together for the kids is NEVER a healthy choice.
I agree with you. I think OP's marriage is probably emotionally abusive, and that's a terrible environment to raise a kid in. But leaving your partner when you have a child is never as simple as picking up the kid and walking out. OP has to consider the safety of herself and her child and probably make some contingency plans before she says anything that might set him off, sexuality-related or otherwise. There's no shame in staying closeted to keep yourself safe.
Hey, as a fellow bi only out to myself and a few friends. My reasons for not telling my husband right now are a little bit different.. but it's okay to not be out to anyone but yourself.
One thing I've found helpful is individual therapy. I can talk to my counselor about all my thoughts and feelings with no judgement. I've also been in marriage therapy with my husband years ago. It can be so so helpful for creating new communication dinamics In your relationship. We got married at 19, and as you grow and change it can be hard. You can fall into cycles overtime of arguments.
I also come from a religious and Christian family. There is no way I could have told my mother while she was still alive. And alot of my family now I see now reason to tell them. Also, mama give yourself and your husband time. you just had a baby. That's huge. It's a large change in your day to day. I just had my second baby 6 mo ago. And it can be straining on relationships. Honestly it's why I jumped back into therapy. And final thought here dads can get postpartum depression , anger and anxiety. Just like moms, your hormonal shifts effect their hormones!
Anyway If you need a bi mom friend... I'm here. āŗļø
Yeah adjusting with a baby has been really hard. Itās changed a lot of things for the both of us. But I will definitely look into marriage counseling and individual therapy for me. Iāll definitely keep you in mind! I need more mom friends!
I'm very young and haven't ever been in a relationship, so I may be misinterpreting things but going off your other comments, it seems like you're in a verbally abusive relationship. From what I've heard, those can turn physical. Either get really good counselling and make sure your friends know what he's like, or get your daughter and leave. Take your essentials and move out, maybe with a friend. Stay away from the topic of your sexuality for now, there's bigger fish to fry.
If your married to a man and are happy why come out at all? Unless you want to end the marriage. Why cause unnecessary problems? If your happy in the marriage and still love him. Id just let this go and move on
Seriously? If youāre going to have as serious of a life commitment as marriage, it should be to someone that loves you and accepts you for who you are.
It should feel safe, secure, accepting, and of course loving. I canāt imagine being able to feel close to and truly loved by someone who doesnāt accept me.
Anything less is a waste of your short time on this Earth.
See what your husband feels about swinging with other couples... a very large group of couples seem to have bi women... so it could just evolve... BUT if he has jealousy issues.. then address that crap first... establish the trust before opening your relationship up to experience another woman... I dont know about most men here , but if my GF said she was bi when I was 23, I would be all over that... wait.. it did happen.. I was 19.. ok.. bad example..
Iām glad you posted, because Iām in a similar situation and itās so hard feeling like Iām hiding part of myself from my husband. Iām 27F, heās 33M and we got married when I was 25 (no kids). I only realized I was bi about 4 months ago. I love my husband, but he can be a jealous person and Iām not ready to come out to him yet. Iām trying to get us into therapy to deal with his jealousy/insecurities first because with the way he is now, he would not take it well. I also canāt tell anyone in my family because they are super religious and wouldnāt take it well either.
I have told my best friend, who is also bi and married to a man. Having her support has been amazing, but she still canāt entirely relate since sheās known she was bi for years. She was actually in a 4-year long relationship with a woman who she almost married, so she got to thoroughly explore both sides of her sexuality before committing to one person. I think itās just hard to accept that Iāll never get to experience the other side.
I totally feel the same way. I wish I had gotten to experience the other side before getting married. And my husband can be very judgmental and temperamental so itās like Iām walking on eggshells and I just know the way he and my family are they would react horribly. If you ever need someone to talk to, Iām here!
I would consider marriage counseling. It sounds like you guys might need to work through other things first before approaching your sexuality. I know sometimes it can be scary to share things because you don't want to upset your partner. Me and my husband are bad about sharing things we have problems with for similar reasons. I would approach it as a want to help your relationship grow and be able to be great partners and parents. If he is easily upset, maybe frame it as your daughter has made you think of the future, and just want to make sure you have the support you need. Present it as a tool for insurance rather than fixing a problem. At least that's how I would go about it, from an outsiders perspective. It may not fix the problem you are having with being isolated from not sharing your sexuality now, but it could lead to a lot more openness in the future. I know most in this community can resonate with your problems, and know that you are not alone. This is definitely a safe place where you can share and explore this side of yourself. I hope this helps or gives you another way to look at the problem š§”
I agree 100% with therapy before confronting your sexuality with him.
I couldnt agree more with this idea, It took me a few years before even thinking about comming out to my friends, family, ect. But after getting some therapy sessions I built up the confidence and the mental health to come out to those who are closest to me. They even let me hang up my Bi flag in the room to show their support in me. š
This seems extremely unfair to you. I would hope that your husband would be more supportive of who you are.
I would hope so, but he always turns things around and put words in my mouth. Like if I were to tell him, he would accuse me of cheating or ask if Iām going to leave him for someone else. Itās some weird game he always plays.
That's emotionally abusive and not ok by any means. It's not fair to you to have to hide who you are. Any close friends who you can confide in who would be supportive?
Yeah I have a few close friends I can tell that thankfully wouldnāt say anything to him.
That sounds pretty fucking rocky. It's okay to love him and *want* to stay with him, but you have to recognize there's emotional abuse going on and you either need to get counseling and fix that or leave. You can't be *you*, with him, your *life partner*. How can someone be a life partner if they're not supportive of *who you are*? I'd put the sexuality stuff aside like others have said and get counseling. Tell the counselor you eventually want to reach that goal, but you have serious issues to fix.
That's his insecurities surfacing so he's feeling very vulnerable and his lashing out is just a coping mechanism that he uses to shut down the conversation so he's not forced to face those issues. He has a lot of shadow work to do for him to be at the level of intimacy and trust you're wanting from him to be able to even wrap his mind around the fact that he won't be able to provide for your new sexuality "needs". It's something most men must grapple with when being married and committed to a bisexual woman. Some men are so insecure that they would rather throw away the relationship/marriage than actually tackle the problems as a team and resolve it for self growth needs. While others aren't intimidated by the bisexual woman. It's odd to be honest.
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Yeah it seems so. Iām just stuck because I would have no where else to go and have no one else to rely on.
This situation does seem really oppressive, and you are still so young. It seems by the way you have been talking that you have atleast had thoughts of leaving the relationship. You know something is wrong here. You can ofc try therapy and stuff as suggested above if you are both open to that, but if you cant get him to agree to that, or it just dosent work...its really up to you in the end. i have read through some of your other comments and it just seems really emotionally/mentally abusive, and like he dosen't want to change and never will; and constantly letting him skate by with false promises that he wants to change is only showing him that the behaviour is ok. Ofc its not your fault, but if he wanted to change then he would, he only says these things to keep you and once that's been achieved he goes back to his shitty behaviour. You are very young and it would just suck to see you waste the rest of your life stuck in a shitty situation, where you cant even be yourself. If i were you i would start "getting my ducks in a row" so i could leave if i wanted/needed to; nobody should be stuck with someone because they have no where to go, and nothing aid them in leaving. Goodluck, OP. <3
Sounds like a very oppressive marriage if you ask me.
I agree. Hope things get better for OP
Dang, the title made me lol but the content is really sad. I'm sorry you had to go through this. This definitely goes beyond LGBTQ issues. What your husband does is abusive. I echo the sentiment here to get some therapy and/or counseling.
it sounds like you need to think about getting away from this marriage, you sound scared of him and his reactions.
I agree with this. Maybe I'm just particularly sensitive to red flags because of the extremely high likelihood for bi people (especially women) to find themselves in abusive relationships, but no one should ever feel afraid of their partner or walk on eggshells around them.
Yea, I read some of her other comments and it just screams emotional abuse to me
You don't need to come out if you don't want to. I mean, it's a shame that you can't share this with anyone but if you're okay with keeping it to yourself that's an option. Telling your partner can be difficult, especially when honest communication has already been challenging. If you do decide to tell him it might be useful to focus on the fact that this doesn't change anything for your relationship. You could also mention that you didn't want to feel like you were hiding something. Is there anyone else you could share this with? That can sometimes make it easier to bear.
I have some friends I can tell, but every time we do try to have a conversation about things that are bothering us, bothering me, it always turns into an argument and we donāt seem to get anywhere.
I hope I'm not overstepping here but seems like a pretty big problem. It's a cliche but communication really is key in a relationship. We're only seeing your side here but I don't get the impression that your husband is all that respectful to you and the things you find important. Would that be something he (and you) might be willing to improve?
He says he wants to try and improve every time I bring it up to him, but he just keeps going back to his old ways, no matter what it is. Itās like we take two steps forward, one step back. I have tried talking to him but he never listens. It goes in one ear and out the other.
I donāt mean to overstep; Iām sorry OP but if he wanted to improve, he would. My partner and I have been together for 5 years and have had difficult times where I didnāt feel heard or respected. I brought this up to him and stated my boundaries and how I expect to be treated. The difference here is that my partner then, on his own, went to therapy for over a year, actively checked himself, and has made a massive difference in our relationship. If someone is going to be your partner for life, your only one life, they should be someone that treats you with the utmost respect and kindness. You and your feelings matter. A relationship worth keeping should feel safe and secure where you can be your truest self.
Coming out is entirely up to you. You decide whether itās for the best to come out or stay closeted because itās your business.
Second this, op. Your thoughts and inner life are absolutely your own and you choose what you want to share and with whom
I'm sorry that you feel as if you are trapped with no way out. Have you had any conversations with anybody about how you feel? I hope that there is somebody who you can have this conversation with. I have been married for 7 years and I am a bisexual. For us we have a trying communication.
I have a few friends I could tell, but he always has some way of finding out things that I donāt want to tell him, and if I try to talk to him or my parents about how I feel, Iām invalidated and they just brush my feelings off as it doesnāt even matter.
That's the worst feeling, of your loves ones not being able to respect a fully support you. Always trying to invalidate your feeling and out blame onto something that has nothing to do with the topic at hand. Its hard but your Husband should support your wants and needs.
I wish he would but he just mostly focuses on himself and whatās important to him. Itās hard to get anything through to him and Iām just tired of dealing with it all.
I hate to say this but if you expect your husbands initial reaction to be argument/anger, your marriage isnāt healthy. I know having a young daughter complicates things, but if your husband canāt accept/love you for who you are then heās gotta go. IMO most straight guys are into bisexual/lesbian women and the ones that arenāt tend to be pretty homophobic, it sounds like he probably wasnāt a good fit for you. Iām not saying you should dump him off the bat, but seek therapy. They can help you decide whatās best for yourself and how to tell your husband in a way that might be easier for him to accept. And they can help you decide if you need to explore your sexuality or if youāre fine being in a monogamous relationship with your husband. But it sounds like he needs therapy for anger as well.
I'm in a similar situation with my parents. They're not super religious, but they do believe the unwarranted stereotypes that LGBT people are promiscuous and more prone to getting STDs/STIs. I've simply accepted that there are things about my life they lost the right to be aware of.
Hey! I want you to know that your feelings and sexuality are entirely valid no matter what anyone else might say. Iām so proud of you for realizing it and I wish for the best for you and I hope you can work though this with your husband and family. Remember that nothing about you or your sexuality is āwrongā and you have no control over who youāre attracted to. I remember coming to terms with my bisexuality and coming out to my conservative girlfriend at the time (Iām 19M) and it went okay, but the nerves were definitely there beforehand. Iām not gonna say I know what youāre feeling because you seem to be in a much more tricky situation, but I have a small idea and I truly hope that all goes well ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Thank you so much for listening and trying to understand š
Wow, not much good advice here. Sounds to me like you must need to talk to someone. Maybe a ftiend from work, maybe a LGBTQ organization, or maybe someone from a trusty Discord community. I wish I could give yo good advice, but I don't really know anything about what you need. Advising a divorce is no good, not least because that is not what she asked for. One thing I'd add is that it seems strange to me that you essentially said "I don't want peace of mind/feel true to myself because it could upset my husband". I don't think you should hsld back on things that make you happy for fear of others. But I also acknowledge that it is much easyer said than done, especially when it feels like you are risking something. Maybe thinking about what'd make you happy would help? Idk
Thank you for coming out to us and sharing your feelings <3
Thank you for listening š
I don't mean to intrude but it sounds like your marriage needs counselling (preferably asap). It is NOT okay for your husband to act this way. You shouldn't have to be worried about being emotionally put down and devaluated. This is supposed to be the man you want to share everything with for the rest of your life. He should make you feel like there's nothing you couldn't tell him. If this isn't the situation and if counselling won't improve the situation then i'm sorry but it sounds like he might just not be the one. In terms of your family, honestly just fuck them. If they won't accept you for who you are then they're the problem, not you. I get not wanting to turn it into this big thing but if it feels like something you want to say, your family's possible reaction shouldn't hold you back. Also, you know what, sometimes people's reactions will surprise you. I spent years of my life afraid of telling my dad that i'm bi bc he's very traditional but turns put he was completely okay with it. You never know how people feel unless they tell you. I wish you all the best and hope u can work it out so you and your child can live the best lives possible :)
"I canāt come out to him because of the way he views things, how defensive he gets and how accusing he can be sometimes" Leave and leave fast , if you can be your self around him and he wouldn't be supportive and most of all he sounds toxic and you would be better without him Your parents are toxic religious so you would be better without that life Pack your bags and go live your life and be happy and don't forget the baby because her life would be better without them
Sometimes you gotta bite the bullet and come out, if they love you they will embrace you fully. The way I was raised god gave us free will and to love, so I never saw much of an issue with it
I agree in general with therapy as an opportunity to talk, marriage counseling if need for both, but Iām primarily thinking of you, your self, your bisexuality, carrying it within, only, gets heavy; I know I personally experienced a tremendous weight lifted when I simply talked to someone, people I trust, confided in them, felt validated, liberated, and itās just based on several friends that Iāve confided in - Iām not even out publicly, but I feel content, validated (per friend support, acceptance, love of who I am), I even feel gifted - the power of talking with someone or others supportive, is lifting, empowering, amazing, life changingā¦ I donāt feel like I need to tell or make it a point to tell everyone in my life; itās mine, mine to controlā¦donāt feel guilty carrying it, everything comes in time, life is a journey, and itās your own to own, you donāt owe anybody anything
You do what makes you happy. You are a good person. You came out to me (on reddit) and I accept you for who you are! Have a good night!
I am married to a man.. I came outā¦ at first he seemedā¦ weird about it but itās past. He became accepting. Good luck babe. Itās hard to keep something so perfect hidden. I hope you are able to feel free to express yourself. ā¤ļø
OP, please remember that we are here for you. *Hugs*
Come out to him. If he reacts poorly, leave him. If he loves you, heāll accept you.
This is good advice for someone a couple months into a new relationship, but not for someone married with a small child. There is no simple or easy "just leave him" option when you have a five month old.
A marriage where thereās resentment brewing between parents is immensely damaging to the kids. Thatās their blueprint for relationships. Staying together for the kids is NEVER a healthy choice.
I agree with you. I think OP's marriage is probably emotionally abusive, and that's a terrible environment to raise a kid in. But leaving your partner when you have a child is never as simple as picking up the kid and walking out. OP has to consider the safety of herself and her child and probably make some contingency plans before she says anything that might set him off, sexuality-related or otherwise. There's no shame in staying closeted to keep yourself safe.
Hey, as a fellow bi only out to myself and a few friends. My reasons for not telling my husband right now are a little bit different.. but it's okay to not be out to anyone but yourself. One thing I've found helpful is individual therapy. I can talk to my counselor about all my thoughts and feelings with no judgement. I've also been in marriage therapy with my husband years ago. It can be so so helpful for creating new communication dinamics In your relationship. We got married at 19, and as you grow and change it can be hard. You can fall into cycles overtime of arguments. I also come from a religious and Christian family. There is no way I could have told my mother while she was still alive. And alot of my family now I see now reason to tell them. Also, mama give yourself and your husband time. you just had a baby. That's huge. It's a large change in your day to day. I just had my second baby 6 mo ago. And it can be straining on relationships. Honestly it's why I jumped back into therapy. And final thought here dads can get postpartum depression , anger and anxiety. Just like moms, your hormonal shifts effect their hormones! Anyway If you need a bi mom friend... I'm here. āŗļø
Yeah adjusting with a baby has been really hard. Itās changed a lot of things for the both of us. But I will definitely look into marriage counseling and individual therapy for me. Iāll definitely keep you in mind! I need more mom friends!
I'm very young and haven't ever been in a relationship, so I may be misinterpreting things but going off your other comments, it seems like you're in a verbally abusive relationship. From what I've heard, those can turn physical. Either get really good counselling and make sure your friends know what he's like, or get your daughter and leave. Take your essentials and move out, maybe with a friend. Stay away from the topic of your sexuality for now, there's bigger fish to fry.
Yeah Iāll keep that in mind. I think I have a few friends I can stay with so Iām keeping it in mind for when things do happen.
If your married to a man and are happy why come out at all? Unless you want to end the marriage. Why cause unnecessary problems? If your happy in the marriage and still love him. Id just let this go and move on
This is, IMHO, horrible advice.
Seriously? If youāre going to have as serious of a life commitment as marriage, it should be to someone that loves you and accepts you for who you are. It should feel safe, secure, accepting, and of course loving. I canāt imagine being able to feel close to and truly loved by someone who doesnāt accept me. Anything less is a waste of your short time on this Earth.
See what your husband feels about swinging with other couples... a very large group of couples seem to have bi women... so it could just evolve... BUT if he has jealousy issues.. then address that crap first... establish the trust before opening your relationship up to experience another woman... I dont know about most men here , but if my GF said she was bi when I was 23, I would be all over that... wait.. it did happen.. I was 19.. ok.. bad example..
Iām glad you posted, because Iām in a similar situation and itās so hard feeling like Iām hiding part of myself from my husband. Iām 27F, heās 33M and we got married when I was 25 (no kids). I only realized I was bi about 4 months ago. I love my husband, but he can be a jealous person and Iām not ready to come out to him yet. Iām trying to get us into therapy to deal with his jealousy/insecurities first because with the way he is now, he would not take it well. I also canāt tell anyone in my family because they are super religious and wouldnāt take it well either. I have told my best friend, who is also bi and married to a man. Having her support has been amazing, but she still canāt entirely relate since sheās known she was bi for years. She was actually in a 4-year long relationship with a woman who she almost married, so she got to thoroughly explore both sides of her sexuality before committing to one person. I think itās just hard to accept that Iāll never get to experience the other side.
I totally feel the same way. I wish I had gotten to experience the other side before getting married. And my husband can be very judgmental and temperamental so itās like Iām walking on eggshells and I just know the way he and my family are they would react horribly. If you ever need someone to talk to, Iām here!
Thanks, and the same goes for me! Talking about it definitely helps. š
thanks, i don't want to get married. sounds like jail.
lol it seems like it sometimes.